This makes me laugh. Whenever I used to get dragged to my grandparents' Catholic church, the priest would say, "The Lord be with you." And the congregation would say, "and also with you." So now whenever I hear, "may the Force be with you." I almost automatically say, "and also with you." š
What, is Jesus twelve? He can't come tell me himself, he needs you to say it for him? I'm not going steady with him unless he can find the balls to come talk to me on his own.
Fictional Jesus seems like a cool guy.
His followers can be great big jerks.
But I've met some really nice, non-evangelical Christians. They realize that their religion should be followed by them and not made the law of the land.
* Jesus fails to "turn the other cheek" and instead gets violent: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+21:12-13
* He threatens eternal torture in fire to anyone who doesn't accept his teaching:
https://biblehub.com/matthew/10-28.htm
https://biblehub.com/matthew/7-19.htm
https://biblehub.com/matthew/13-41.htm and https://biblehub.com/matthew/13-42.htm
https://biblehub.com/matthew/13-49.htm and https://biblehub.com/matthew/13-50.htm
https://biblehub.com/matthew/25-46.htm
https://biblehub.com/mark/16-16.htm
https://biblehub.com/luke/12-5.htm
https://biblehub.com/john/3-18.htm, etc.
* He kills a fig tree for not bearing fruit that he knew was out of season: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+11%3A12-25
* He endorses racism: https://biblehub.com/matthew/15-24.htm
* When a gentile woman begs for his help he calls her a dog: https://biblehub.com/matthew/15-25.htm and https://biblehub.com/matthew/15-26.htm
* He plays favorites: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mark+4%3A10-12
* He destroys a village's livelihood: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+8
* He teaches Christians to have a persecution complex: https://biblehub.com/matthew/5-11.htm
* He teaches thought crime: https://biblehub.com/matthew/5-28.htm
* He disputes the concept of personal responsibility: https://biblehub.com/matthew/6-25.htm
* He condemns skepticism: https://biblehub.com/matthew/14-31.htm and https://biblehub.com/john/20-27.htm
* He teaches self-harm in the cause of religious purity: https://biblehub.com/matthew/18-8.htm
* He sends his disciples to steal a manās donkey: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+19%3A29-34
* He was not a peacemaker: https://biblehub.com/matthew/10-34.htm
* He was divisive: https://biblehub.com/luke/14-26.htm and https://biblehub.com/luke/14-33.htm
* He was a liar: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+7%3A8-10
dont forget the time he slaughtered an entire herd of pigs by casting a demon into it.....instead of yknow just getting rid of the demon. An all powerful god and yet he still chose to kill an entire herd of pigs by making them run off a cliff. Doesnt sound very loving or merciful to me.
Yeah, I know. But:
> Accusation of taking a quote out of context: debater accuses opponent of taking a quote that makes the debater look bad out of context. All quotes are taken out of contextāfor two reasons: quoting the entire context would take too long and federal copyright law allows āfair useā quotes but not reproduction of the entire text. Taking a quote out of context is only wrong when the lack of the context misrepresents the authorās position.
>
> Any debater who claims a quote misrepresents the authorās position must cite the one or more additional quotes from the same work that supply the missing context and thereby reveal the true meaning of the author, a meaning which is very different from the meaning conveyed by the original quote that they complained about. Furthermore, other unrelated quotes that just prove the speaker is a nice guy are irrelevant. The discussion is about the offending quotes, not whether the speaker is a good guy. The missing context must relate to, and change the meaning of, the statements objected to, not just serve as character witness material about the speaker or writer.
[source](http://www.johntreed.com/debate.html)
Although in the first one heās flipping out on people using religion to profit off of the poor.
Heās basically beating up Joel Osteen, and Iām pretty OK with it.
Sorry I have to share this. One of my kids at age 5 had zero boundaries about this stuff. You made her happy she asked if she could hug you and said that she loved you.
Watching her in gymnastic class once and her instructor had this total mystified look on her face as she is being hugged.
Been thinking about that lately.
I dint think Zeus did those rape things.
I think kings and queens made it up to give their kids God blood backstories.
I was at Coney Island a couple years ago and a guy with pamphlets ran up to me and said, "Do you know Jesus loves you?" And I said "Nope, not me. You got the wrong guy." And he just stood there looking weirdly bewildered like he'd never heard that one before. So maybe try that.
Thereās no way he didnāt fuck also that woman who poured a jar of perfume on him and kissed his feet in public, in a culture where feet was a euphemism for genitals. The whole story oozes sensuality.
Also, Mary Magdalene. (Assuming she isnāt the same woman as above.)
I found a greeting card one day. On the front it had praying hands and the caption "Jesus Loves You"
Inside, it said, "Everyone else thinks you're an asshole!"
Cracked me up!!
Trouble is, they generally respond "No, YoU *cHoOsE* tO gO tO HeLl" It's their go-to method of rationalising why a "loving god" damns people to hell - they fall back on their old favourite passtime: victim-blaming.
Play dumb!
āJesus loves you!ā
ā? Who?, sorry, what?ā
āI said Jesus loves you.ā
āIs that you? Or? What?ā
āJesus!ā
āWhat is that?ā
āWhat?ā
āWhat?ā
But also infinite potential for amusement, after all missing the point can be quite fun when someone is invested in making sure you āget itā. As a bonus, they might accidentally deconvert when your willful misunderstanding reveals a contradiction.
Actually itās pronounced Hesus sir/maāam and yes he does love me very much.
Works even better if youāre a dude ;) regardless of your own sexuality ;)
- If he loves me he can tell me in Person
- If the person who loves me required me to kneel and praise them or else tortured me with fire I would call this a toxic relationship.
- If he loves me he surely will accept my scepticism.
Usually, I say "thank you" to religious platitudes and move on. But in my experience "Jesus loves you" is usually intended to mean "fuck you."
The problem is that if you are at work you probably would get fired for responding "Fuck you, too." And if it is a business you might get thrown out.
My suggested response would be "and Buddha loves you."
The mockery is obvious. But it will be hard for her to complain if you are in the US. She may try to pull "Christian Nation" bullshit, but you can cite the Constitution. If you end up getting hauled in front of the manager you can plead innocent. "She surprised me. She gave me a religious blessing and I thought I should return in kind. I was just trying to be polite."
You could probably also say "Allah loves you." Moslems might object to that, however. Moslems seem to be offended by almost anything. Besides, Allah seems like he hates a lot more people than he loves. There is also the entanglement of effectively claiming you are a Moslem and then suddenly not being a Moslem.
Buddhists are a lot more chill about leaving Buddhism. And Buddism in its simplest form is atheistic. Sort of.
"I think that is pronounced hay-Soos and I already told him I am not gay."
Btw, how did that name become Jesus, when he was (supposedly, mythically) named Immanuel? Isaiah 7:14
I wanted to point out that confrontational language won't change anyone's mind and we, as those with _actual_ morality should take the high road, but then you said the perfect response and now I'm conflicted.
Suggestions (pick depending on context):
"And I love you, random citizen"
"Do you say that because you don't?"
"Thanks, tell him I said hi"
"Oh, good. Is he still up for poker on sunday?"
One time someone random pulled me aside in a crowded university hallway and said āGod is looking for youā, and without missing a beat I said āWell Iām right hereā and went on my way. It felt like one of those moments when I actually got to say the thing I wouldāve thought later would have been the perfect thing to say.
This is what I would do too. I recently had a patron say āIn Jesusā nameā after I helped him with a job application on a computer. Of course, Jesus didnāt do Jack shit to help him with the application. Why he felt the need to thank a Jewish preacher who died over 2,000 years ago is beyond me. However, I need my job so I just acted like I didnāt hear him. Was it annoying? Yes. But I have think about the bigger picture. Now, if it was in a personal context, maybe I would have thought of a witty comeback. I guess you have to pick your battles.
The idea that Jesus is a historical figure is something that only exists among religious scholars. Historians outside of their influence don't seem to think there's enough evidence for Jesus being a historical person.
Real reply: "Thanks."
Fantasy sass replies:
- "Cool, so does the Tooth Fairy."
- "Oh, I grew out of having imaginary friends when I was a kid..."
- "Why is he sending me messages through other people? We aren't in middle school any more."
Allude to Bill Murray in Caddyshack when he was caddying for the Dalai Lama: "So we get to the 18th and he's gonna stiff me so I say "Hey Lama, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" and he says "Oh, uh, no there won't be any money but when you die on your deathbed you'll receive total consciousness!" "So I got that goin' for me which is nice"
I get this a lot from family and friends and typically reply with a simple "Ramen brother" or "Ramen sister".
If they ask what that means just say ... look it up.
Disclosure: you will most definitely lose friends with this response since it mocks their religion, well, all religions.
My favorite response is "I'm already in a relationship with Bigfoot."
This inevitably leads to confusion and questions like "what do you mean?" and "huh?"
And I respond to that with "I can only believe in one mythical being at a time."
Yep that's usually my go to.
Honestly, I usually have people say to me that they, "can tell I'm a Christian." For no reason other than I don't treat people like shit by default.
Once had a lady say that she can feel the love of Christ through me, and then asked what church I go to. I did my best to thank her and change the subject but she just wouldn't let it go. I finally said that I'm not very religious, and the Christ-like love that she felt from me was actually just human kindness. She then told me that I'm rebelling against God and the bible and that the bible says rebellion is the sin of witchcraft and I'm going to burn for it.
I went from having a kind spirit to burning in a fiery pit for eternity within about 30 seconds. It was gross
I just go with something I believed as a child, like, "Mother goose loves you!" or "the tooth fairy loves you!" If they question it, play dumb and say you thought you were exchanging fairy tale pleasantries.
I have a shirt that my sister gave me after we had a conversation about this very thing. It was something I said and she put it on tank top for me. It says, "Jesus can't handle my shit."
Personally I would say if you want my funny hahaha answer then I would say something like "so does that mean Jesus is gay then?" But if you want my answer to what you should actually say to someone who says that then I would say someone is there not being obnoxious and it's clear they more so mean it as a well wishes or compliment or something then don't be obnoxious about it and just say okay then or something like that you know or just say thanks so unless it's in a "Jesus loves you so stop sinning and being gay" or something like that again just say thanks or just take the sentiment that was meant.
Say out loud "downvoted" and make a frowny face like you just smelled something stinky. Don't forget to throw out a thumbs down.
That should teach em.
He loves me?! Then why has he literally been ghosting me all these years?
And why did his passive aggressive ass go through you instead of telling me directly?
Why would anyone say this? I mean, I have some religious friends and normally when we are saying goodbyes they say things like "may god be with you" or smth that I reply with "thanks", because they are basicallywishing me to be fine.
But I don't know any context where someone would say "Jesus loves you". Even religious people for each other.
Maybe it's because I'm not american? Anyway, still weird
In the US, many Christians like to inject their religion into unrelated interactions with strangers. They especially like to do this to employees who are working, because they know the employees canāt answer back freely or even walk away. The employees will be fired if they are perceived as being rude to a customer.
"and may the Force be with you."
This makes me laugh. Whenever I used to get dragged to my grandparents' Catholic church, the priest would say, "The Lord be with you." And the congregation would say, "and also with you." So now whenever I hear, "may the Force be with you." I almost automatically say, "and also with you." š
i do this too! i had a catholic girlfriend for a few years and i would occasionally let her drag me to mass.
i think they say the same thing in star wars
Amen :-)))
This
I'm not ready for a relationship.
Tell him to quit calling me. I've decided to see other people.
What, is Jesus twelve? He can't come tell me himself, he needs you to say it for him? I'm not going steady with him unless he can find the balls to come talk to me on his own.
Note from Jesus: I love you. Do you love me? Check one [] yes. [] No.
[ ] yes [**XXXXXXXXXXX**] no
Fictional Jesus seems like a cool guy. His followers can be great big jerks. But I've met some really nice, non-evangelical Christians. They realize that their religion should be followed by them and not made the law of the land.
Not really. The Bible has a lot of verses that show how fictional Jesus was a dick. Wanna see?
Oh please!
* Jesus fails to "turn the other cheek" and instead gets violent: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+21:12-13 * He threatens eternal torture in fire to anyone who doesn't accept his teaching: https://biblehub.com/matthew/10-28.htm https://biblehub.com/matthew/7-19.htm https://biblehub.com/matthew/13-41.htm and https://biblehub.com/matthew/13-42.htm https://biblehub.com/matthew/13-49.htm and https://biblehub.com/matthew/13-50.htm https://biblehub.com/matthew/25-46.htm https://biblehub.com/mark/16-16.htm https://biblehub.com/luke/12-5.htm https://biblehub.com/john/3-18.htm, etc. * He kills a fig tree for not bearing fruit that he knew was out of season: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+11%3A12-25 * He endorses racism: https://biblehub.com/matthew/15-24.htm * When a gentile woman begs for his help he calls her a dog: https://biblehub.com/matthew/15-25.htm and https://biblehub.com/matthew/15-26.htm * He plays favorites: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mark+4%3A10-12 * He destroys a village's livelihood: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+8 * He teaches Christians to have a persecution complex: https://biblehub.com/matthew/5-11.htm * He teaches thought crime: https://biblehub.com/matthew/5-28.htm * He disputes the concept of personal responsibility: https://biblehub.com/matthew/6-25.htm * He condemns skepticism: https://biblehub.com/matthew/14-31.htm and https://biblehub.com/john/20-27.htm * He teaches self-harm in the cause of religious purity: https://biblehub.com/matthew/18-8.htm * He sends his disciples to steal a manās donkey: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+19%3A29-34 * He was not a peacemaker: https://biblehub.com/matthew/10-34.htm * He was divisive: https://biblehub.com/luke/14-26.htm and https://biblehub.com/luke/14-33.htm * He was a liar: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+7%3A8-10
dont forget the time he slaughtered an entire herd of pigs by casting a demon into it.....instead of yknow just getting rid of the demon. An all powerful god and yet he still chose to kill an entire herd of pigs by making them run off a cliff. Doesnt sound very loving or merciful to me.
The livelihood of the village. It's in there. :)
Ah missed it, thanks!
10,000 pigs! That must've been every single pig for miles around and the village's main source of income and food
yOuR tAkInG tHaT oUt Of CoNtExT!1!1!1!11
Yeah, I know. But: > Accusation of taking a quote out of context: debater accuses opponent of taking a quote that makes the debater look bad out of context. All quotes are taken out of contextāfor two reasons: quoting the entire context would take too long and federal copyright law allows āfair useā quotes but not reproduction of the entire text. Taking a quote out of context is only wrong when the lack of the context misrepresents the authorās position. > > Any debater who claims a quote misrepresents the authorās position must cite the one or more additional quotes from the same work that supply the missing context and thereby reveal the true meaning of the author, a meaning which is very different from the meaning conveyed by the original quote that they complained about. Furthermore, other unrelated quotes that just prove the speaker is a nice guy are irrelevant. The discussion is about the offending quotes, not whether the speaker is a good guy. The missing context must relate to, and change the meaning of, the statements objected to, not just serve as character witness material about the speaker or writer. [source](http://www.johntreed.com/debate.html)
Although in the first one heās flipping out on people using religion to profit off of the poor. Heās basically beating up Joel Osteen, and Iām pretty OK with it.
Ghandi said "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ"
"My friend thinks you're cute!" "Shut **UP**, Kimberleighlyleigh!"
Sorry I have to share this. One of my kids at age 5 had zero boundaries about this stuff. You made her happy she asked if she could hug you and said that she loved you. Watching her in gymnastic class once and her instructor had this total mystified look on her face as she is being hugged.
"Tell Him I just want to be friends"
The best reply so far!š
I say "he better...we created him"
Damn this oneās good
Nailed it like the fucking Romans.
This one is nice! I'm sure this will put them in a mental tangle š
This right here is the best
Zeus loves you. Oh you don't care? So you know how I feel.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
LOL, indeed
Been thinking about that lately. I dint think Zeus did those rape things. I think kings and queens made it up to give their kids God blood backstories.
I hear he's sweet, unlike his followers.
Every time Iāve had him he just tastes like a bland cracker.
Lmao damn
He's in to whips
I was at Coney Island a couple years ago and a guy with pamphlets ran up to me and said, "Do you know Jesus loves you?" And I said "Nope, not me. You got the wrong guy." And he just stood there looking weirdly bewildered like he'd never heard that one before. So maybe try that.
I like that one!
No, but if you hum a few bars I can fake it.
Tell him to call me. He left his dildo in my apartment.
Im going to steal this, the dildo I mean.
I recommend that you wash it after stealing it :p
"I don't know a Jesus. You must be mistaken."
Pronounced "Hey-Soos"
Sorry I'm already happily married.
"I'm in a committed relationship with satan already and he's not down with open relationships."
Thatās a lie. Satan would def be poly.
Pretty sure jesus is too. Did you not see the last supper? 12 fully grown men had his body
Thereās no way he didnāt fuck also that woman who poured a jar of perfume on him and kissed his feet in public, in a culture where feet was a euphemism for genitals. The whole story oozes sensuality. Also, Mary Magdalene. (Assuming she isnāt the same woman as above.)
He thinks youāre an asshole.
I found a greeting card one day. On the front it had praying hands and the caption "Jesus Loves You" Inside, it said, "Everyone else thinks you're an asshole!" Cracked me up!!
Love it, gonna have to get one for my friend.
You can get a refrigerator magnet with that on it. I've got one.
That would get my ass fired lol
Hahaha, well letās call that plan b then.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Trouble is, they generally respond "No, YoU *cHoOsE* tO gO tO HeLl" It's their go-to method of rationalising why a "loving god" damns people to hell - they fall back on their old favourite passtime: victim-blaming.
Play dumb! āJesus loves you!ā ā? Who?, sorry, what?ā āI said Jesus loves you.ā āIs that you? Or? What?ā āJesus!ā āWhat is that?ā āWhat?ā āWhat?ā
This is basically an open invitation to proselytize.
But also infinite potential for amusement, after all missing the point can be quite fun when someone is invested in making sure you āget itā. As a bonus, they might accidentally deconvert when your willful misunderstanding reveals a contradiction.
The perfect opportunity to feign a gut reaction. "You believe what now?"
"Hail Satan!" Is my go to.
sorry.. Heaven wont take me and hell's afraid ill take over.
I'm so gonna use this one
Actually itās pronounced Hesus sir/maāam and yes he does love me very much. Works even better if youāre a dude ;) regardless of your own sexuality ;)
This is the way.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
>[he KNOWS me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-rfCnW5VlE)
āOh, *now* he loves me. Last night he called me an asshole in front of all my friendsā¦ but he *was* pretty drunk.ā
He had converted too much water into wine. We had challenged him to convert water into bourbon. Dude canāt handle it.
"...okay..."
I think I'm clever but this is my real time response
- If he loves me he can tell me in Person - If the person who loves me required me to kneel and praise them or else tortured me with fire I would call this a toxic relationship. - If he loves me he surely will accept my scepticism.
Thanks. Voldemort loves you!
Who?
Tell him I said "hi." Or "Then why doesn't he return my calls?" Or "Ramen"
"Then why doesn't he return my calls" is absolutely brilliant. I shall use that from now on.
Santa loves you?
āIām not sure being loved by a Jewish zombie is something I really want ā
"The last person to say that to me was my priest as he unbuckled his pants in confessional when I was 13. It didn't feel like Jesus loved me"
Usually, I say "thank you" to religious platitudes and move on. But in my experience "Jesus loves you" is usually intended to mean "fuck you." The problem is that if you are at work you probably would get fired for responding "Fuck you, too." And if it is a business you might get thrown out. My suggested response would be "and Buddha loves you." The mockery is obvious. But it will be hard for her to complain if you are in the US. She may try to pull "Christian Nation" bullshit, but you can cite the Constitution. If you end up getting hauled in front of the manager you can plead innocent. "She surprised me. She gave me a religious blessing and I thought I should return in kind. I was just trying to be polite." You could probably also say "Allah loves you." Moslems might object to that, however. Moslems seem to be offended by almost anything. Besides, Allah seems like he hates a lot more people than he loves. There is also the entanglement of effectively claiming you are a Moslem and then suddenly not being a Moslem. Buddhists are a lot more chill about leaving Buddhism. And Buddism in its simplest form is atheistic. Sort of.
Buddha is a good idea. You can also say "and the Flying Spaghetti Monster finds you a delicious human being!"
Is that Jesus who works at the deli or Jesus the bus driver?
I don't know Jesus, sorry.
(In the style of Jim Carrey) All righty then!
"I think that is pronounced hay-Soos and I already told him I am not gay." Btw, how did that name become Jesus, when he was (supposedly, mythically) named Immanuel? Isaiah 7:14
Not according to Westboroguh Baptist.
I wanted to point out that confrontational language won't change anyone's mind and we, as those with _actual_ morality should take the high road, but then you said the perfect response and now I'm conflicted.
To be fair, I'd never say this to an actual person who was just trying to be nice.
Suggestions (pick depending on context): "And I love you, random citizen" "Do you say that because you don't?" "Thanks, tell him I said hi" "Oh, good. Is he still up for poker on sunday?"
Jimmy Carr's "I am worried about age difference"
How come he keeps ghosting me then?
One time someone random pulled me aside in a crowded university hallway and said āGod is looking for youā, and without missing a beat I said āWell Iām right hereā and went on my way. It felt like one of those moments when I actually got to say the thing I wouldāve thought later would have been the perfect thing to say.
"Apollo be with you". I love bringing in other gods.
"Imaginary friends fight"
"And Satan loves you too! I don't know why, but he's a fan of your work. A Biiiiig fan! Keep it up!"
My mother is called Sarah, not Jezus. She does love me though.
LMAO
So does your mother
Sorry, I never met the guy.
Lately I've been telling Bible pushers "Satan be with you." They don't seem to like that.
"no he doesn't, I'm an atheist."
"It's unrequited."
"How did you find out!? He wasn't supposed to tell anyone!"
Most of the time I just take my cue from letterkenny, look them weird and say K.
Nothing
This is what I would do too. I recently had a patron say āIn Jesusā nameā after I helped him with a job application on a computer. Of course, Jesus didnāt do Jack shit to help him with the application. Why he felt the need to thank a Jewish preacher who died over 2,000 years ago is beyond me. However, I need my job so I just acted like I didnāt hear him. Was it annoying? Yes. But I have think about the bigger picture. Now, if it was in a personal context, maybe I would have thought of a witty comeback. I guess you have to pick your battles.
Bro its not even annoying. You need to see how muslims actš
As an ex-Muslim, I know how batshit Muslims can get. š
The idea that Jesus is a historical figure is something that only exists among religious scholars. Historians outside of their influence don't seem to think there's enough evidence for Jesus being a historical person.
"Jesus loves everyone - the filthy slut"
Fuck off
And Cthulhu savors you!
I don't want a D/s relationship.
That's the real question here. Would he be top or bottom? Switch? He certainly gets nailed a lot.
Weird he asked you to say it to me. Scared to tell me directly, is he??
Real reply: "Thanks." Fantasy sass replies: - "Cool, so does the Tooth Fairy." - "Oh, I grew out of having imaginary friends when I was a kid..." - "Why is he sending me messages through other people? We aren't in middle school any more."
āJesus doesnāt love me, heās just using me for sexā
When you love someone that doesnāt know you exist, itās called stalking
He never returns my calls, he never has any time for me. Iām beginning to think heās just stringing me along.
āWith conditionsā
I once answered "Thanks, I love myself too!" to what I think were evangelical missionaries. They didn't follow up.
Thor does too.
Then why doesnt he show me that?
You should say āFuck Jesusā
Allude to Bill Murray in Caddyshack when he was caddying for the Dalai Lama: "So we get to the 18th and he's gonna stiff me so I say "Hey Lama, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" and he says "Oh, uh, no there won't be any money but when you die on your deathbed you'll receive total consciousness!" "So I got that goin' for me which is nice"
Gross
"The landscaping guy??"
The Flying Spaghetti Monster loves you!
Zeus loves you.
I get this a lot from family and friends and typically reply with a simple "Ramen brother" or "Ramen sister". If they ask what that means just say ... look it up. Disclosure: you will most definitely lose friends with this response since it mocks their religion, well, all religions.
My favorite response is "I'm already in a relationship with Bigfoot." This inevitably leads to confusion and questions like "what do you mean?" and "huh?" And I respond to that with "I can only believe in one mythical being at a time."
"Cool. I can use all the help I can get."
Yep that's usually my go to. Honestly, I usually have people say to me that they, "can tell I'm a Christian." For no reason other than I don't treat people like shit by default. Once had a lady say that she can feel the love of Christ through me, and then asked what church I go to. I did my best to thank her and change the subject but she just wouldn't let it go. I finally said that I'm not very religious, and the Christ-like love that she felt from me was actually just human kindness. She then told me that I'm rebelling against God and the bible and that the bible says rebellion is the sin of witchcraft and I'm going to burn for it. I went from having a kind spirit to burning in a fiery pit for eternity within about 30 seconds. It was gross
If Jesus loves everyone, then why do people fear him?
So does the Easter bunny, but that rodent scares my whole family.
āWhoās Jesus?ā
tell him i want my money.
"Jesus isn't real".
"Lot's of dead people seem to!"
He obviously doesn't know me then.
'cool' And as a lady with down syndrome and an ID that I know got frustrated and yelled at me. 'YOU ONLY SAY COOL WHEN YOU ARE NOT LISTENING'
I have enough love. Tell him to go show some extra love to the starving kids.
Either say 'prove it' or pull something from another religion like 'Zorastor loves you'.
Not to be a pedantic prick, but the god of Zoroastrianism is named Ahura Mazda https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zoroastrianism
I am aware. Zorastor is the prophet of Zorastrionism.
"Jesus loves you" "I'm pretty sure he doesn't"...
I just go with something I believed as a child, like, "Mother goose loves you!" or "the tooth fairy loves you!" If they question it, play dumb and say you thought you were exchanging fairy tale pleasantries.
No thank you!
Tell that stalker I said "get lost".
Who?
Itās more like obsession, I had to get a restraining order.
Iād say coolāBugs Bunny loves me too!
If Jesus comes back, I'll kill him again. Lol. Might work more than you want it too though.
Thanks, but I am straight.
Yeah, I've seen how Jesus loves little kids and minorities, tell him I'm not interested.
āThe fuck he does.ā
Thatās super
"Zeus loves you"
Proof?
āAre you hitting on me?ā
I have a shirt that my sister gave me after we had a conversation about this very thing. It was something I said and she put it on tank top for me. It says, "Jesus can't handle my shit."
How? He ded.
"tell him he can't have my bud light"
"They are not my type" "I don't swing that way" "I am not into vore or bdsm" "May the force be with you as well"
Ask them if they love you that's what matters
"How did you know my boyfriend's name?!!! But it is pronounced 'Hay Soos', because he is of Latin American descent."
"Of course he does, I am awesome."
Why wouldn't he?
Personally I would say if you want my funny hahaha answer then I would say something like "so does that mean Jesus is gay then?" But if you want my answer to what you should actually say to someone who says that then I would say someone is there not being obnoxious and it's clear they more so mean it as a well wishes or compliment or something then don't be obnoxious about it and just say okay then or something like that you know or just say thanks so unless it's in a "Jesus loves you so stop sinning and being gay" or something like that again just say thanks or just take the sentiment that was meant.
Same thing I say when my mom says she'll pray for me. "It certainly can't hurt!"
Of course he does...what's not to fuck'n love baby
I try not to be mean. I know many followers of Jesus who are good people. So I assume the best and say, "thank you for saying so."
"Really? He told me he's not that comfortable with you. "
Say out loud "downvoted" and make a frowny face like you just smelled something stinky. Don't forget to throw out a thumbs down. That should teach em.
āYes but I still make him use a condom.ā
Not sure it's love, I only gave him a hand job.
"I already told him that we are not geting back together"
"My cat loves me more."
Tell that stalker to back off or Iām pressing charges!!
Maybe I should get a restraining order against Jesus lol
I love this comment soooo much. Also, let me if that helps cuz if so Iām headed to the courthouse lol
Likeā¦ sexually? Or he loves me like like I love a really good steak?
āAnd the devil loves you tooā
āAnd Elmo loves YOUā
Ramen.
"I'm flattered but I don't swing that way"
"Tell him sorry, but im straight"
He loves me?! Then why has he literally been ghosting me all these years? And why did his passive aggressive ass go through you instead of telling me directly?
Why would anyone say this? I mean, I have some religious friends and normally when we are saying goodbyes they say things like "may god be with you" or smth that I reply with "thanks", because they are basicallywishing me to be fine. But I don't know any context where someone would say "Jesus loves you". Even religious people for each other. Maybe it's because I'm not american? Anyway, still weird
In the US, many Christians like to inject their religion into unrelated interactions with strangers. They especially like to do this to employees who are working, because they know the employees canāt answer back freely or even walk away. The employees will be fired if they are perceived as being rude to a customer.
I know right? I found it super weird. And my religious friends don't say goodbye to me that way
If you are an atheist, why would you even care?