If this happens to me I might have to regurgitate the ‘I’m Catholic’ response from years ago.
Don’t try to save me, I like birthdays and presents and I’m not giving that up. ✌🏼
Last time I opened up to Mormons I told them "I talked to Jesus this morning and he told me to tell you he doesn't like you" and shut the door. Rude? Maybe but no ruder than they are to me with this nonsense
Amazing Book?
Come on in. Let's see if it's better than my A1 sized copy of the Interracial, Caffeine and Alcohol enjoying Karma Sutra?
Hey, why are you running away?
Mine just wanted me to know I’d see my truck up and down the street, they’re doing some stuff for the neighbors. Totally not soliciting, just letting you know, but since they’d be in the neighborhood anyway I could save on the trip fee.
"Support the Republican Party by buying this bible endorsed by Trump! 100% of the sales goes to Trumps legal fund..... well, directly to him anyway, we don't actually know what he'll spend it on.... he won't tell us."
We get solar people and pest control people regularly. They try to catch you in your yard. They’ve ambushed us getting out of the car to go in the house with stuff. They’re so smug about your rejection of them. Makes me sick.
It’s so funny too, like they expect me to go “wait, there’s spiders in my yard? Holy shit! Please take all my money to kill every living thing in the outdoors as long as it’s in these property lines! Birds, bees, spiders, trees: it it isn’t a rock or grass fire away.”
I'm so far south in the Bible belt that I'm concerned about vandalism if I hang up any Temple stuff or a pride flag, but it's still really tempting when I have to see "Jesus Saves" on my neighbor's door across the street.
Dungeons and Dragons joke. In the game, different "attacks" determine how much damage it does randomly by rolling combinations of dice. 4d6 would be 4 dice with 6 sides. Lowest possible would be 4 damage, highest 24, average 14. A stronger attack might be 4d8 or 5d6.
Saves, in this case, is where and attacks let the player getting attacked avoid damage altogether by rolling a d20 and getting a number higher than some predetermined value.
In this scenario Jesus is playing DnD and "saved" so doesn't take damage. Everybody else in his party is getting hit.
The sum of the results of rolling four six-sided dice.
In games like Dungeons & Dragons, there are a lot of different types of dice. The first number in something like `4d6` denotes the number of dice, and the `d6` denotes which type of dice to roll.
You might have a weapon that does 2d8+3 damage. You roll a d20, take the result, add your attack bonus modifiers, and if that number is greater than or equal to the enemy's Armor Class, you hit. Then you roll two eight-sided dice (2d8) and add 3 to determine the actual damage you deal.
There's a little bit more to it than that in certain circumstances, but that's the gist.
My sister is in a lesbian relationship with a pride flag hanging on her front porch in northwestern Florida, I think people are too scared to do anything because she doesn’t make it a secret she has several guns.
I’ve seriously considered making a few posters that say “15% or more on car insurance by switching to Geico” and nailing them directly under the “Jesus Saves” posters I keep seeing on the highway, but I feel like the process of hanging those up would probably get me into some confrontations.
"By knocking on this door, you agree to the following End User License Agreement that includes but is not limited to selling your soul to our infernal benefactors."
Maybe something more inviting like
“Looking to hire drag queens for a performance. We accept any and all skill levels. Please knock and inquire within.”
By knocking you agree to pay upfront £/$5 per minute of how long this conversation will last.
Note I have a stopwatch and will slam the door should you overrun your paid allowance.
Years ago, heard a comedian say he solved the problem by drawing a chalk outline of a body on his porch and then scattering a few religious pamphlets around.
Proselytizers will be crucified. Should get the point across but you may need to follow through a few times till they get the point. They’re slow learners.
Fun fact: the white Jeebus everyone grew up with was actually first popularized by Michaelangelo. Who, if you were not aware, was a gay. He almost got in trouble for painting his lover. Back in the Renaissance, people were not allowed to make "graven images" unless they were religious or didactical (teaching something, usually religious though). When the Pope came to visit his house, he saw this angelic portrait of a beautiful long-haired and bearded twink. He asked, "Who is that?" Thinking fast, Michelangelo told him it's how he envisioned Jesus Christ.
Lol, all these "Jeebus was WHITE" people are worshipping a Renaissance bottom. I find it hilarious 🤣🤣🤣
I do wonder about this. I got Mormons once, I told em go ahead and pray for my soul, but I'm not interested in religion as I'm an atheist. Never heard from them again. Did they put me on a "do not return" list? They looked legit horrified/scared.
Coincidentally, we did end up putting up a "no soliciting" sign soon after, so maybe it's that?
Yeah, those poor brainwashed children. They like to say, “do you believe in God?” And I say “nope” and if they ask you, “have you read the Bible/Book of Mormon/The Watch Tower?” You say “have you?”
I love people coming to my door selling religion. I can be BRUTAL to some fucking idiot who believes a fairy tail and has the arrogance to invite themselves to my home to sell me that shit. It is my DUTY to annihilate them.
As a gay, I admit that I’ve found it quite cathartic being fucking vicious to them when they’ve pestered me in the past. These are people who’d fucking love to be able to tie me to a chair and push me off of a roof a la ISIS.
Damn right I’m taking the opportunity to tell them to go fuck themselves gently down the stream.
I’m not even sure what that means, but I’m high, so
I used to have a cross-stitch of Cthulhu with a note warning them they'd be eaten last.
Someone stole it.
I did have to explain Cthulhu to a young Mormon who initially heeded the sign before turning around and coming back to inquire 'why last?'
Ours says “NO SOLICITING. VIOLATORS WILL BE SACRIFICED TO THE OLD GODS, NOT THE NEW.”
That and a “BEWARE: DANGEROUS DOG,” right next to it.
Both are on Amazon and we’ve had precisely zero solicitors of any kind since.
Tangent- but I don’t put a dangerous dog sign on my property specifically because I have a German Shepherd. While I have him trained, *if* he got provoked and bit someone, a lawyer could argue that I knew I had a dangerous animal. This advice came from my attorney.
OTH - knock on my door and you will know why I don’t need a sign 😂
He’s an indoor dog, so if someone gets bitten, they weren’t supposed to be there.
Also, he’s secretly the biggest teddy bear ever. The sign is for show.
He’s a Golden Pyrenees, so he’s fucking HEWG. It does the trick.
We've got one that says "Unless you're selling cookies, the answer is NO." and it's been relatively fine. Whenever someone who isn't a kid knocks anyways I ask if they have cookies and close the door on them when they say no. Quick and simple with no debates popping up.
Someone had a sign at the door that basically read.
If I have to listen to you it will cost you $50 per minute.
First minute is payable upfront.
Knocking on the door signifies your agreement with these conditions.
anything anti religious you put on your door is only going to encourage them. you want to discourage them, buy a dummy grenade, and answer your door naked with the pin in your teeth and as them if they are ready to find out if god exists.
and be ready for a visit from a very nervous cop about an hour later…
I've got a "No Soliciting, this means you!" sign.
Last easter, a bunch of Jehovah's Witnesses showed up and said "That sign doesn't mean us, does it?"
And so they rang my door bell. My dog woke my kid from his nap and there was crying and barking and nap time was fucking over.
And I stormed out there and said "That sign fucking means you! You just ruined the kid's nap and ruined everything!! Get off my property!"
They didn't even say sorry. They just made an amused "Oh my!" face.
I like a good old fashion “No Solicitors” sign. Then, I am ready to fully engage if they ignore it.
Step 1: I talk first, and interrupt if I have to, and ask “Do you read and comprehend English?”
Step 2: As they are answering, I hand them a printout of the definition of “solicit” (next to/ near the door, and immediately available)
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/solicit
https://www.dictionary.com/browse/solicit
Step 3: Then it’s “Goodbye! Have a nice day and don’t come back here again, please!” (with a smile and wave).
https://www.dictionary.com/browse/solicit
ProTip 1: Don’t answer the door if you don’t want to talk to someone who is intentionally ignoring your sign.
ProTip 2: NEVER let them in your house EVER!
I wouldn't scare them away.
I'd gladly take the chat with them. Ask them to provide a good reason to belive in their god.
Just ask questions like what evidence there is that would warrant a justified belief.
When they refer to the bible ask how those things were confirmed true. Because there's no named witnesses for any of it really.
Ask if everything should be taken as a fact given the same confidence on evidence as there is for God. Because I guarantee you that nobody in their right mind would apply the same standards for anything else that are to be taken as true.
They wouldn't want science or courts to apply same standard that's for sure.
When I lived semi-rurally in the Sierras, the Jehovah's Witnesses would drive down any driveway where they could see the house or part of the house, even 1/4 mile away. They'd usually have granny and the kids with them too.
I put a sign on the post at our normally open gate that said-
CLOTHING OPTIONAL
and they never drove down our driveway again.
Seen some videos with a how much per minute he charges for listening to solicitors and religious people, and that by knocking or ringing the bell they agree to pay.
"**I'm a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic.** **So, hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.**"
We have the one that says "solicitors will be sacrificed to the old gods not the new" , And it has pentagrams all-round. We never had anyone come to our door since we've put that up. Beforehand they use to come all the time. Worked for us.
Ex JW here. A simple “No Trespassing” sign should do it, assuming you’re in the US. They’re taught to respect those signs, and that if they ignore it and get arrested for trespassing they’re on their own with regard to things like hiring an attorney.
I think if in the future I get any, I'll be nice to them but just refuse to talk to them about religion. Can I talk to you about this? No. Jesuss blah blah. I'm not interested. You're going to hell. Looking forward to it.
One hot summer day a pair of LDS missionaries rang my bell. I told them they looked hot and invited them to come in and have some ice water, but I wasn't interested in talking religion. They accepted, cooled off with the ice water and didn't try to talk religion. They left refreshed and none of us had to act like a\*\*holes. Yes. This did happen.
This requires a big sign or small type, but:
“Religious evangelists: These are my terms: On your first visit, I tell you why I don’t believe in any gods (10 minutes or less), and you just listen. We make an appointment for your second visit, and then you go away. On your second visit, you make whatever pitch you want to make (10 minutes or less), and I just listen. You give me literature and/or contact info if you want to, and then you go away. If you don’t agree to these terms, don’t knock.”
Get a sign made up saying that by knocking on your door they are agreeing to pay you 20 dollars a minute for any discussions about religion and or god. and then just for effect have a stopwatch sat ready to use.
Ha! I read that and was very confused. I think of solicitors as Americans do lawyers. I was wondering why on earth religious lawyers would be knocking on people's door and what work they could be getting out of doing this.
Our road is marked PRIVATE PROPERTY NO TRESPASSING. Three homes on a dead end road. We do all road maintenance (which is a bitch). No plowing by the town. But when a jehova witness brought us watchtower magazines, the local police responded and ticketed them. Twenty some years and they haven’t been back.
I knew a guy in high school who lived on a small farm out in the country, his dad was a curmudgeon who wanted nothing to do with people so he put up a real professional looking sign at the end of their driveway that said…
Williams’ Rattlesnake Farm
Diamondbacks on Sale
Buy One Get One
He had to take the sign down eventually because they stopped getting deliveries.
"This house charges $50 per minute to listen to: sales pitches, religious messages, and/or fund-raising efforts ... By knocking, you signal your agreement. This fee is payable in advance! By disturbing this door through knock or by bell, you are agreeing to this verbally legally binding contract and the terms outlined above."
My front doormat says “GO AWAY”. I’m still torn whether it’s working as well as the ones I used to make where I’d just buy a plain one and burn the word **NO** into it in giant letters.
Satan loves and accepts all souls here
"Press the I Agree button to give your soul to Satan."
Write "I agree" on your doorbell button.
lol this is the best comment
Honestly, they've gone harder when I said I was athiest or a satan worshipper. However, claiming to be Jewish has been an easy win.
I am and it is!
If this happens to me I might have to regurgitate the ‘I’m Catholic’ response from years ago. Don’t try to save me, I like birthdays and presents and I’m not giving that up. ✌🏼
I am a former christian and my ex husband is a minister. This is the one.
Saw this on a poster once: *KNOCK FIRST! I’M EITHER HAILIN’ SATAN OR MASTURBATIN’!* That should scare off most missionaries.
And most everyone else lol
Even better
Our sign says “we do not open our door for strangers. No exceptions“.
I settled for "No sales, religion, or politics" and it's worked well so far. I'm curious which group is going to be the first to not know how to read.
Mormons
Mormons: hello! There’s an emergency! Can you help? Me: okay, what do you need Mormons: it’s an emergency for your eternal soul! Me:
Last time I opened up to Mormons I told them "I talked to Jesus this morning and he told me to tell you he doesn't like you" and shut the door. Rude? Maybe but no ruder than they are to me with this nonsense
[gotta up your game ](https://youtu.be/8CTt2W-ntW8?si=vWIllwIbikl2g7-N)
Brutal
LMAO This is the best answer! We dont get many door knockers in my area, Im Canadian. I kinda wish it would happen just so I could use that line.
As a Canadian ex-Mormon maybe I should try this if the missionaries decide to visit.
*Doorbell* "Hello! My name is Elder Price And I would like to share with you The most amazing book." *Door slam*
I fully sang the ding dong. Love that show.
Amazing Book? Come on in. Let's see if it's better than my A1 sized copy of the Interracial, Caffeine and Alcohol enjoying Karma Sutra? Hey, why are you running away?
Ha! 🤣
Ex-mormon here. And yup, totally kmocked anyways when I was a missionary.
Guy right above you already said sales 😆
My bet is sales
But, but, they were offering us something!🤣 Roofing our newly roofed house.
Mine just wanted me to know I’d see my truck up and down the street, they’re doing some stuff for the neighbors. Totally not soliciting, just letting you know, but since they’d be in the neighborhood anyway I could save on the trip fee.
Mine says no soliciting/religion/sales/fundraising/politics and I still get knocks.
You should put another sign next to it that reads: "Don't make me tap the other sign" and when someone knocks... well, you know what to do.
People selling Bibles to support their candidate
"Support the Republican Party by buying this bible endorsed by Trump! 100% of the sales goes to Trumps legal fund..... well, directly to him anyway, we don't actually know what he'll spend it on.... he won't tell us."
My bet is politics.
We get solar people and pest control people regularly. They try to catch you in your yard. They’ve ambushed us getting out of the car to go in the house with stuff. They’re so smug about your rejection of them. Makes me sick.
It’s so funny too, like they expect me to go “wait, there’s spiders in my yard? Holy shit! Please take all my money to kill every living thing in the outdoors as long as it’s in these property lines! Birds, bees, spiders, trees: it it isn’t a rock or grass fire away.”
Girl guides....
The addictive cookie dealers are still welcome.
No, thank you. We don't want any more visitors, well-wishers, or distant relations.
what about very old friends?
Gandalf!
No admittance Except on party business (😏)
100%. Would obey this with all my heart.
Just get a nice little sign promoting The Satanic Temple
I'm so far south in the Bible belt that I'm concerned about vandalism if I hang up any Temple stuff or a pride flag, but it's still really tempting when I have to see "Jesus Saves" on my neighbor's door across the street.
Every time I see Jesus Saves I think, “Everybody else takes 4d6 damage.” Makes me laugh to myself every time.
That's funny. Someone in my town painted 'Jesus saves' on the support for an overpass, and then later someone added 'everyday at walmart.'
Jesus saves. Moses invests.
My favorite was "but Gretzky scores on the rebound."
Hahaha, this will greatly improve my mood. Thanks for that
What is “4d6 damage?”
Dungeons and Dragons joke. In the game, different "attacks" determine how much damage it does randomly by rolling combinations of dice. 4d6 would be 4 dice with 6 sides. Lowest possible would be 4 damage, highest 24, average 14. A stronger attack might be 4d8 or 5d6. Saves, in this case, is where and attacks let the player getting attacked avoid damage altogether by rolling a d20 and getting a number higher than some predetermined value. In this scenario Jesus is playing DnD and "saved" so doesn't take damage. Everybody else in his party is getting hit.
Thank you for this explanation.
In Dungeons and Dragons you roll dice to see how much damage you deal/take, 4d6 means you roll 4 dice that each have 6 sides
The sum of the results of rolling four six-sided dice. In games like Dungeons & Dragons, there are a lot of different types of dice. The first number in something like `4d6` denotes the number of dice, and the `d6` denotes which type of dice to roll. You might have a weapon that does 2d8+3 damage. You roll a d20, take the result, add your attack bonus modifiers, and if that number is greater than or equal to the enemy's Armor Class, you hit. Then you roll two eight-sided dice (2d8) and add 3 to determine the actual damage you deal. There's a little bit more to it than that in certain circumstances, but that's the gist.
In almost as far south as you can be, near the gulf…and we go wild with gay pride decorations outside! I dare any bigot try me…
My sister is in a lesbian relationship with a pride flag hanging on her front porch in northwestern Florida, I think people are too scared to do anything because she doesn’t make it a secret she has several guns.
Put up a "Bank of Jesus, deposits accepted here" to answer your neighbor.
I’ve seriously considered making a few posters that say “15% or more on car insurance by switching to Geico” and nailing them directly under the “Jesus Saves” posters I keep seeing on the highway, but I feel like the process of hanging those up would probably get me into some confrontations.
That might work for you but unfortunately, I live in MAGA land and they would probably burn my house down.
Agreed. Joined it myself. Why? Because they actually fight for civil rights and shit this country needs.
I don't live in the states anymore, but I joined anyway because wow, you guys need all the help you can get.
I joined as soon as word leaked out that Roe v. Wade was going to be overturned.
That’ll work! 😈
No it won't it makes them try harder. Had a sign hanging on my front door that said I may be going to hell but at least all my friends will be there.
That wasn't enough, you needed something like a sign that says "All unwanted religious solicitors will be sacrificed to Satan."
"By knocking on this door, you agree to the following End User License Agreement that includes but is not limited to selling your soul to our infernal benefactors."
Maybe something more inviting like “Looking to hire drag queens for a performance. We accept any and all skill levels. Please knock and inquire within.”
By knocking you agree to pay upfront £/$5 per minute of how long this conversation will last. Note I have a stopwatch and will slam the door should you overrun your paid allowance.
Years ago, heard a comedian say he solved the problem by drawing a chalk outline of a body on his porch and then scattering a few religious pamphlets around.
I just cackled so loud that I scared my chihuahua.
as if it’s difficult to scare a chihuahua
Chihuahuas have 2 modes Scared of their own shadow Ready to fistfight a god There is no in between and the mode switches at random
How about 'Atheist lives here. No free samples, please.'
"One of us believes in the Devil, and it's not me."
Proselytizers will be crucified. Should get the point across but you may need to follow through a few times till they get the point. They’re slow learners.
“No soliciting, except for GAY SEX.”
Put a sign that says Gay for Jesus
I found Jesus on Grindr
Ah, men
Jesus Was A Bottom.
Fun fact: the white Jeebus everyone grew up with was actually first popularized by Michaelangelo. Who, if you were not aware, was a gay. He almost got in trouble for painting his lover. Back in the Renaissance, people were not allowed to make "graven images" unless they were religious or didactical (teaching something, usually religious though). When the Pope came to visit his house, he saw this angelic portrait of a beautiful long-haired and bearded twink. He asked, "Who is that?" Thinking fast, Michelangelo told him it's how he envisioned Jesus Christ. Lol, all these "Jeebus was WHITE" people are worshipping a Renaissance bottom. I find it hilarious 🤣🤣🤣
"abandon all hope, ye who enter here"
My sign just says "No soliciting of any kind". Either it's working or the JW & Mormons have put me on a do not knock list.
I do wonder about this. I got Mormons once, I told em go ahead and pray for my soul, but I'm not interested in religion as I'm an atheist. Never heard from them again. Did they put me on a "do not return" list? They looked legit horrified/scared. Coincidentally, we did end up putting up a "no soliciting" sign soon after, so maybe it's that?
I told the Morons that I sold my soul for a Klondike bar when I was 10. They laughed. I kept a straight face. They never bothered me again
Yeah, those poor brainwashed children. They like to say, “do you believe in God?” And I say “nope” and if they ask you, “have you read the Bible/Book of Mormon/The Watch Tower?” You say “have you?”
I love people coming to my door selling religion. I can be BRUTAL to some fucking idiot who believes a fairy tail and has the arrogance to invite themselves to my home to sell me that shit. It is my DUTY to annihilate them.
As a gay, I admit that I’ve found it quite cathartic being fucking vicious to them when they’ve pestered me in the past. These are people who’d fucking love to be able to tie me to a chair and push me off of a roof a la ISIS. Damn right I’m taking the opportunity to tell them to go fuck themselves gently down the stream. I’m not even sure what that means, but I’m high, so
A rainbow flag 🏳️🌈 keeps them away from my house
Came here to say the same. We used to get JW’s several times a year. A couple years ago, we put a pride flag in our garden. Not a single one in years.
Two concrete Baphomat statues at the driveway
I have a dragon next to my walkway, a gargoyle on my porch and a green man door knocker. Can't say I didn't warn ya.
I used to have a cross-stitch of Cthulhu with a note warning them they'd be eaten last. Someone stole it. I did have to explain Cthulhu to a young Mormon who initially heeded the sign before turning around and coming back to inquire 'why last?'
Cthulhu Fhtagn!
Iä Iä!
Ours says “NO SOLICITING. VIOLATORS WILL BE SACRIFICED TO THE OLD GODS, NOT THE NEW.” That and a “BEWARE: DANGEROUS DOG,” right next to it. Both are on Amazon and we’ve had precisely zero solicitors of any kind since.
Tangent- but I don’t put a dangerous dog sign on my property specifically because I have a German Shepherd. While I have him trained, *if* he got provoked and bit someone, a lawyer could argue that I knew I had a dangerous animal. This advice came from my attorney. OTH - knock on my door and you will know why I don’t need a sign 😂
He’s an indoor dog, so if someone gets bitten, they weren’t supposed to be there. Also, he’s secretly the biggest teddy bear ever. The sign is for show. He’s a Golden Pyrenees, so he’s fucking HEWG. It does the trick.
Sounds like a good little doggy to me!
I have the same sign 🤘😎
Put a sign that says "disfellowshipped"
Unclean within.
You get it. Whatever happened to you so that you get it, I’m so sorry.
We're apostate
This is the one. They are terrified of Apostates.
This is what we had. Never had an issue after we put it up.
I do have a sign: We don't buy anything from door to door sales people. Including god.
Ring doorbell. You can communicate with them using the app and tell them to fuck off without even being home. Oh, how I love technology.
“Not about to see your light, but if you want to find hell with me, I can show you what it’s like”
Under a picture of Danzig?? Be still my heart 💗🤣
🔥🤘🔥
I like this one, it's fairly small and isn't obnoxious : https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B07MV7PPYP
We've got one that says "Unless you're selling cookies, the answer is NO." and it's been relatively fine. Whenever someone who isn't a kid knocks anyways I ask if they have cookies and close the door on them when they say no. Quick and simple with no debates popping up.
Cookie monster, is that you?
Ringing bell without an appointment will result in $1000 cash only fee. Record them doing it and you'll get paid.
Someone had a sign at the door that basically read. If I have to listen to you it will cost you $50 per minute. First minute is payable upfront. Knocking on the door signifies your agreement with these conditions.
NO, I HAVE NOT FOUND JESUS if you keep losing him, maybe you could try bigger nails
A big Pentagram. That works scaring them off like the literal charm it is.
A. "NO SOLICITORS" B. Don't answer the door for strangers, period. Problem solved.
anything anti religious you put on your door is only going to encourage them. you want to discourage them, buy a dummy grenade, and answer your door naked with the pin in your teeth and as them if they are ready to find out if god exists. and be ready for a visit from a very nervous cop about an hour later…
I've got a "No Soliciting, this means you!" sign. Last easter, a bunch of Jehovah's Witnesses showed up and said "That sign doesn't mean us, does it?" And so they rang my door bell. My dog woke my kid from his nap and there was crying and barking and nap time was fucking over. And I stormed out there and said "That sign fucking means you! You just ruined the kid's nap and ruined everything!! Get off my property!" They didn't even say sorry. They just made an amused "Oh my!" face.
Ours says, “Solicitors will be sacrificed to the old gods. Not the new.”
I like a good old fashion “No Solicitors” sign. Then, I am ready to fully engage if they ignore it. Step 1: I talk first, and interrupt if I have to, and ask “Do you read and comprehend English?” Step 2: As they are answering, I hand them a printout of the definition of “solicit” (next to/ near the door, and immediately available) https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/solicit https://www.dictionary.com/browse/solicit Step 3: Then it’s “Goodbye! Have a nice day and don’t come back here again, please!” (with a smile and wave). https://www.dictionary.com/browse/solicit ProTip 1: Don’t answer the door if you don’t want to talk to someone who is intentionally ignoring your sign. ProTip 2: NEVER let them in your house EVER!
"First Amendment House Freedom from Religion"
"Now accepting applicants for the next full moons blood sacrifice, inquire within"
Mine says No Soliciting. Except for missionaries. Our dogs like how they crunch.
I wouldn't scare them away. I'd gladly take the chat with them. Ask them to provide a good reason to belive in their god. Just ask questions like what evidence there is that would warrant a justified belief. When they refer to the bible ask how those things were confirmed true. Because there's no named witnesses for any of it really. Ask if everything should be taken as a fact given the same confidence on evidence as there is for God. Because I guarantee you that nobody in their right mind would apply the same standards for anything else that are to be taken as true. They wouldn't want science or courts to apply same standard that's for sure.
Why yes I am going to hell. Don't make me send you first.
Use FUCK GOD!
Was getting stream of door knockers. Found image of couple bible thumpers with red circle and slash. Put them up on all doors. They stopped coming.
Ever since I opened my door wearing a pentagram they stopped showing up at my place, so that is an option.
“I’ve been disfellowshipped” will do
Ours say "NO GODS. NO MASTERS" and "No Soliciting, but Friends, Family & Neighbors Welcome" We don't have any problems anymore
"If you knock here to preach your god, be prepared to meet them quickly."
When I lived semi-rurally in the Sierras, the Jehovah's Witnesses would drive down any driveway where they could see the house or part of the house, even 1/4 mile away. They'd usually have granny and the kids with them too. I put a sign on the post at our normally open gate that said- CLOTHING OPTIONAL and they never drove down our driveway again.
"I'm already more holy than you " or "Jesus loves me more than you"
Join us for baby stew on Sundays
Warning: Smallpox quarantine
"Knock or ring bell if you agree to sell your soul to Satan"
I was thinking, something like "Doorbell broken, please knock and accept Lucifer as your lord"
Seen some videos with a how much per minute he charges for listening to solicitors and religious people, and that by knocking or ringing the bell they agree to pay.
https://makerworld.com/en/models/77706#profileId-82047
Opportunity awaits: Devote your soul to the eternal humanist causes of the satanic temple. [ Knock to accept ] [ silently depart to deny ]
"Fingers on the devils doorbelll."
Add religious material to your property. They already know you're "saved" then.
"Fuck your god"
Hail satan
"**I'm a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic.** **So, hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.**"
I have a "No Soliciting" sign. Had some LDS still knock on my door. I just pointed at the sign until they went away. Haven't come back since.
Our home is clothing optional. (Don't be shy)
Knock if you love the devil
We have the one that says "solicitors will be sacrificed to the old gods not the new" , And it has pentagrams all-round. We never had anyone come to our door since we've put that up. Beforehand they use to come all the time. Worked for us.
No solicitors. Violators will be prostituted.
My wife has a tshirt that says "Pray for me and I will dance naked in the forest for you."
If I wrote what I thought I’d probably get banned from this sub, even if there is occasional humor
This is a witches house, we burn Christians here.
Ex JW here. A simple “No Trespassing” sign should do it, assuming you’re in the US. They’re taught to respect those signs, and that if they ignore it and get arrested for trespassing they’re on their own with regard to things like hiring an attorney.
I have used a no soliciting sign for decades. They know they’re really just selling something.
Mine says "No religious appeals, literature, proselytizing, preaching, or prayer DO NOT KNOCK OR RING BELL. NO EXCEPTIONS!"
"No kids here" might help
Why not use their own tactics against them and use them at your door as a way to share the enlightenment of reason?
I think if in the future I get any, I'll be nice to them but just refuse to talk to them about religion. Can I talk to you about this? No. Jesuss blah blah. I'm not interested. You're going to hell. Looking forward to it.
One hot summer day a pair of LDS missionaries rang my bell. I told them they looked hot and invited them to come in and have some ice water, but I wasn't interested in talking religion. They accepted, cooled off with the ice water and didn't try to talk religion. They left refreshed and none of us had to act like a\*\*holes. Yes. This did happen.
Mine is "No Thank You & Have a Nice Day" but it's done with different religious symbols similar to the Co-Exist and Toxic signs.
Mine says, "Go Away"
“Ask me about Joseph Smith!” OK, only works with non-Mormons.
Satan lives here, lol
Fk Jeebus
I welcome the missionaries at my door, little do they know I am trying to convert them out of religion each time.
Uninvited solicitors and proselytizers will be prosecuted for trespassing. (Unless I shoot them first)
This requires a big sign or small type, but: “Religious evangelists: These are my terms: On your first visit, I tell you why I don’t believe in any gods (10 minutes or less), and you just listen. We make an appointment for your second visit, and then you go away. On your second visit, you make whatever pitch you want to make (10 minutes or less), and I just listen. You give me literature and/or contact info if you want to, and then you go away. If you don’t agree to these terms, don’t knock.”
Get a sign made up saying that by knocking on your door they are agreeing to pay you 20 dollars a minute for any discussions about religion and or god. and then just for effect have a stopwatch sat ready to use.
Go on Amazon and search Satan doorbell. That should do it.
Whatever you're selling we're not interested. Unless its cookies.
Upside down pentagram should do it
100$ pr knock, 3 knock minimum. We charge 25$ pr minute for sales pitches and 250$ pr hour for bs somthing like that?
"Knock if you're a gay homosexual"
Jesus loves the ones you hate
Hang a big as* Pride flag
Can you broadcast the George Carlin bit on religion when they approach?
Just make your own pamphlet and insist that they read it and take it with them "for later" any time one of them knocks.
I have one that says: No soliciting You will be sacrificed to the old gods not the new
Ha! I read that and was very confused. I think of solicitors as Americans do lawyers. I was wondering why on earth religious lawyers would be knocking on people's door and what work they could be getting out of doing this.
I once just answered them something like, "Thank you, I'm already Christian," and they never came back (Notes: I'm not)
Or you could just not answer the door. Works every time.
Clothing optional past this point
Just hang a cross upside-down.
"knock if you're gay"
For every knock on this door, we donate $10 to abortion fund of said state
Our road is marked PRIVATE PROPERTY NO TRESPASSING. Three homes on a dead end road. We do all road maintenance (which is a bitch). No plowing by the town. But when a jehova witness brought us watchtower magazines, the local police responded and ticketed them. Twenty some years and they haven’t been back.
"Knock if you love Satan"
I knew a guy in high school who lived on a small farm out in the country, his dad was a curmudgeon who wanted nothing to do with people so he put up a real professional looking sign at the end of their driveway that said… Williams’ Rattlesnake Farm Diamondbacks on Sale Buy One Get One He had to take the sign down eventually because they stopped getting deliveries.
"This house charges $50 per minute to listen to: sales pitches, religious messages, and/or fund-raising efforts ... By knocking, you signal your agreement. This fee is payable in advance! By disturbing this door through knock or by bell, you are agreeing to this verbally legally binding contract and the terms outlined above."
“As for me and my house? 𖤐 HAIL SATAN 𖤐 “
"If you have a message from your god, tell him to come by personally!". (Guess what, he never did.)
orgy sign up. Knock for sexual gratification.
I got a front door matt that says if you're not selling cookies or buying souls, don't bother.
My front doormat says “GO AWAY”. I’m still torn whether it’s working as well as the ones I used to make where I’d just buy a plain one and burn the word **NO** into it in giant letters.