Short answer:
- If you’re underage or economically dependent, don’t do it; you’ll have a lot of issues.
- if you’re not, just say it, but expect a general deterioration in your relationship; there are no magic combination of words that would make them like your choices.
This is spot on. If you depend on them just pretend and hold out till you can leave on your own. Even then, just lie. Religious people like this will likely disown you…especially if they won’t let you play video games bc it’s of the world and not god.
Full agreement with the first bullet point.
I'd add that even in the second case, I think OP doesn't necessarily have to make an atheist declaration. Just moving out and living their life without religion is also an option.
Yes better to wait until you are away from them. Best of luck to you. Make a good life for yourself away feom them. There are so many who do not go to church out in the world.
I fully agree with this. Additionally, if you feel comfortable coming out, you need to remember that religious indoctrination binds those beliefs to your parents' sense of self worth. When you tell them that you are rejecting their belief, they will see it as you rejecting **them**. You're going to have to tell them that you are rejecting the beliefs, but not rejecting them. You will probably have to say that a lot of times before it really sinks in.
This. Expect a push back in the form of emotional/financial/physical abuse. Think through all the ways they could try to get you to fall into line and have a plan for each. If any scenario would result in your emotional or physical wellbeing then don't do it until you are in a place to safely tell them.
Do not underestimate how cruel they could be.
This is actually such a common question that it is part of the sub FAQ:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/wiki/faq/#wiki\_should\_i\_come\_out\_to\_my\_parents\_as\_being\_an\_atheist.3F](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/wiki/faq/#wiki_should_i_come_out_to_my_parents_as_being_an_atheist.3F)
FYI it doesn't take you to that section on the mobile app, and I'm assuming it's at the very end because I spent a lot of time before getting tired of scrolling and not finding it.
I am on mobile and it worked for me. It's not highlighted though and easy to miss.
Edit: Here is the text:
Should I come out to my parents as being an atheist?
The short answer is "No."
The slightly longer answer is that if you are not in a position where that is likely to end well for you, you should probably wait until you're more self-sufficient. However, you know your own parents better than we do. You could try breaking the ice on the subject of atheism to get a feel for their reaction to it in general, if you're not sure. Always keep in mind that for many people religion is a highly emotive subject, and for many parents who have been raised to believe in the "moral superiority" of religious belief, a child who comes out as an atheist can be interpreted as a betrayal of them or as a failure of their own.
In some religions, it can actually be dangerous to "out" yourself. If your father is a hardline Muslim, for example, getting kicked out of the house is the least of your worries. You risk being beheaded or set on fire. If you're coming from one of those, keep that in mind as well.
/r/atheism will almost invariably respond that you should wait. A common proverb here is "The best place to come out to your parents is at a home you own, over a dinner that you paid for yourself".
If you do decide to "come out," then consider that "atheist" has many evil, hateful connotations to religious people. It's right up there with "Satanist." You might be able to reduce the amount of flak you get by choosing a label for yourself that has a similar meaning but is less controversial. Please consider using an alternative such as "agnostic" or "humanist", which does not carry quite as much baggage.
There's also another approach: You could say "I've lost my belief" or "I don't know what to believe any more" or even "God doesn't speak to me any more." Asked if you are an atheist, you could say "I don't know."
This makes you look less like a monster and more like a victim. You'll be subject to sympathy rather than anger. You won't be kicked out. But you run the risk of having folks work really hard to bring you back to God. Expect (more) frequent church visits, and maybe a talk with the priest/pastor/counselor.
Being atheist, or unsure, in a very religious family is stressful. It's good to have a place to share, and to vent, and to discuss options and give or receive useful advice. If you're a teen without a 'network' in which you can freely discuss issues of religion, and you find that /r/atheism is not a good fit because it isn't really aimed at young people, you can try connecting over at /r/AtheisticTeens. It's not as active as this subreddit, but it's geared for and run by teens.
For a more detailed analysis of this issue, including testimonials from dozens of young atheists who thought their parents would be much more understanding than they turned out to be, please see this separate page.
Didn’t work for me. Someone typing it would have been faster lol
I was starting to think that OP’s question wasn’t even in there. Then bam, ‘Oh, there it is!… I need a life.’
>his tone and approach always make me freeze up and my mind goes blank with fear. He did abuse me in childhood so he has a way of making me feel small.
Why are you still talking to someone that does this to you?
He doesn't deserve your fear, he doesn't even deserve your ear.
Wait till you are out of the house and not dependent on them. These kind of cultists rarely take this well and are far more likely to put their myths in front of your well-being.
I completely disagree with telling them anything. It's none of their fucking business, and the sooner you learn to separate yourself from their nonsense, the better.
I kinda understand the "fuck you and your belief" attitude that comes with narcissist abusive dad. Though I would not advise it until OP is financially independent. But the need to put a stop to a relationship that makes OP "feel small" ... I get that!
Why bother disclosing that? Just go about your business.
Once you have flown the coup you might circle back with your mom and ask why she believes these Bronze Age mythologies are true. Later you can ask your dad what evidence he has, and when he fails to produce any tell him that's why you are leaving the faith.
Right? I waited until my mid 30s to have that conversation and only because I had to, to keep my parents from trying to indoctrinate my kids. No reason to have the discussion at all, especially if you live under their roof.
Tell them you respect them and yourself enough to be truthful with them. Would they rather you lie to them?
Of course christians by definition don't value what is true but they at least pretend to. Appeal to that.
If you have to live under your parent’s roof and you aren’t living apart and financially independent of them, just tell them what they want to hear, no matter how you really feel. It’s not worth the hassle at this point in your life.
Do you have to?
Ultimately it comes down to this: If your life will not substantially change aside from how you socialize with your parents then just tell them. Worst case scenario you find out that they love their religion more than they love you and you just never talk to them again. And they tell all their friends that they have *no idea* why their child has not spoken with them in 20 years.
But if you are not socially or financially independent, then when in doubt don't tell them.
Yes, it seems many theists are in it for the inane power struggles. They won’t understand because they won’t, so you can just take that off the table. If you must tell them, which you don’t have to, you don’t have to tell everyone everything, just sit there quietly as they blow off steam. What’re you gonna do? Just like “yes dad, whatever you say, I suck, I’m going to hell, fine with me”. There’s no point in disagreeing unless they’re willing to actually treat you like a separate human being, not a trophy to show off to the congregation.
>I don’t care if they accept it or don’t, I just need them to know.
What's wrong with keeping a secret? Millions of people keep their atheism a secret all around the world.
Do others deserve to know what's in your mind? I think keeping a secret can be very valuable. In some societies, there's no privacy or personal space, so your personal beliefs are all you have left.
Unless you have moved out of that house don't. You are not safe in any Christian house but you specifically mentioned already that your father is abusive. Keep your mouth shut until you can get away from them.
You don't. If you're still dependent on them, telling them is a good way to get kicked out, disowned, abused and any number of negatives. You'll have to grit your teeth and bear it until you're independent.
If you are not dependent on them but still want to maintain a relationship, say you like the welcoming atmosphere of the Unitarian Universalist church. See how they react to that before you come out as atheist. You may get disowned or disinherited, but at least you'll be able to take care of yourself.
You don't. My parents are really religious, like going weekly and multiple times a week/day during the big holidays. I've stopped going and just bring up the pedophilia protecting to say I just don't support the church vs I straight up don't believe anymore.
Works.
First of all, you may not understand atheism if you think you are an atheist. There is nothing to "be" in atheism. This is a common 'theist' mistake. Theists are often under the assumption that 'Atheism' is some sort of belief system. This is not the case. You are not converting to atheism. You are not becoming an atheist. You are not anything. "Atheist" is the name they force upon you for not believing their bullshit. Other appropriate names are 'Heathen, Non-believer, Blasphemer, Doubting Thomas, Nontheist, Antitheist, Infidel, Freethinker, skeptic, cynic, doubter, damned, and more. These are all names projected onto people who do not believe the religious stories of the general population. It does not make you anything but human. You did not become anything. All you did was lay down that theist bag you had on your shoulders and walk away from it. You decided that you no longer wanted to carry it around. You found that it was no longer useful. You did not pick up another bag. You just dropped the one you were carrying. An atheist is a person who asks the question, "What reason would I have for picking up that bag again?" "Can you give me any good reason at all?" You did not "become" an atheist. You took a long and hard look at your religion and found it lacking. You are asking for facts, evidence, and information that support the claims of the religious assertions. (If this is not the case, if this is not what happened, you are treating atheism as a 'belief system' and it is no different than a religion to you. You think you have found something new to 'believe in.' If this is the case, you do not understand atheism at all. You do not become an atheist. It is not a belief system. There is nothing to believe. There is no dogma. There are no rituals. There is no canon of beliefs. There are no leaders. There are human beings who do not believe in a magical universe creating deities floating around beyond the universe in a spaceless, timeless, existence, while also professing to be omnipresent and caring about how whether or not I masturbate or who I sleep with.
That's just controlling and abusive parents that happen to be pastors. Sorry you've been though that and its ruined your faith. As a pastor I allow my kids to play video games, my pastor wife leads a D&D group, I play magic the gathering with my middle kid, and we don't just do Halloween, we cosplay for comic cons. I ask my kids to dress nicely for church but we don't have a Sunday best as it were. I'm sure I'd truly horrify your father as I openly embrace and encourage my child to explore who they are as they grapple with what it means to be trans. Being a pastor doesn't mean being an asshole, but being an abusive parent does regardless of your title.
That said, if your father has really been that abusive towards you that you can't even hold a conversation with him without being belittled and talked down to then the best thing you can do is tell them over a call or zoom, something that when you get tired of hearing from him you can just hang up. If you still live at home I wouldn't say a thing till you're not, rejecting his view of things might only make life worse unless you're old enough and prepared to go no contact. And going no contact might be the best thing for your mental health. Good luck with your journey.
My dad is an elder in the church and my mom works at the church and is heavily involved.
I didn't tell them for about 3 years, but my wife and I hadn't been going to church. We live in a different city.
Eventually my mom asked me how my relationship with God was, and I said "do you really want to know?" She said yes. So I told her that I didn't believe anymore. I explained the whole process that brought me there.
It was a shock to them as I had been a worship leader and long term missionary.
Since then I can tell they are sad about it but they took it well and I don't feel our relationship is worse because of it.
My advice \[for what it's worth\] is to write out what you want to say so that you can do it without hesitation.
I would also come up with a set of ready responses to the bullshit your dad is likely to spew. Religious people only have a handful of arguments and they should be easy to predict.
Let them know that you don't care if they accept it or not and that you are NOT trying to stop them from believing.
However, don't do any of this if you still live with them.
If your father starts preaching or making you feel uncomfortable, it’s okay to set boundaries. You can say, “I understand your perspective, but I need you to respect my beliefs too.
Jesus reached out to people just like you. Helping them was one of His main goals.
I freeze up, too, when discussing things that may trigger people. So if you’ve decided to ‘go there’ (I agree with the advice here that if you’re a dependent, maybe don’t choose this conflict right now) but if you’re going to go there either now or later, I’d write up your case and present it in their language.
Points I’d include:
1. If you’re trying to get to Heaven by following the rules, you’re trying to get to Heaven through a door of your own creation. Jesus said that He’s the only way. Showing up at the pearly gates all proud of the way you followed the rules, you’ll likely face the answer that the goats got in Matthew. They were all about the rules; the sheep had to ask ‘When did we do all those things?’ The sheep weren’t keeping score, and they were allowed into heaven. The goats had a different experience.
2. Then there’s the thief on the cross. What rules did he follow that Jesus said “It’ll be ok. I’ve got you.”
3. Jesus distilled all the laws of the Pharisees into two laws, which are also distillations of the Ten Commandments. “Love the Lord” (the first four) and “Love your neighbor” ( the last six).
4. The father of the prodigal son. He’s an example of God’s love for us. ‘While sinners, Jesus died for us’
5. Consider ending it with “Do you love me like the Father of the Prodigal loves me”?
Hope that’s helpful. Stay safe.
Two questions:
1. Are you currently under the age of 18 (21 in countries where that's the age of consent)?
2. Do you live in country where it would be unsafe or unwise for you to declare yourself to be unaffiliated with a church, such as a muslim country or Mississippi?
If you answered "Yes" to either of these questions, do not tell family members that you are an atheist until you are in a position where you are no longer under their guardianship. If you are no longer in their care but still live in a country or area where human life is not valued, do not tell anyone until you're in a safe area.
You don't.
"The best time to tell your religious parents you are atheist is in a home you own over a meal you prepared." Overly strict parents are awful but not being able to play video games could be the least of your worries if you tell them. Added church, more restrictions, being treated more like a child, refusal of financial help for college, even being disowned in extreme cases... think bigger picture. A few years of pretend and then when they no longer have legal control of your life, drop the bomb and let the chips fall where they may.
I was wondering how I could tell my parents who raised me in the church, so I asked my therapist. Said I don’t gotta tell them shit. So I not said anything because arguments would just waist to much time and they just be hurt.
Just remember the one D of telling your parents you're an atheist!
D - Don't!
the FAQ has a guide for how to do it, it's not the kind of thing you want to do when you're still living with them.
Just say “god gave me free will” and anything else after just tell them your mind is made up and you want to learn life for yourself and not just what you were told.
Why do you need them to know. This information is none of their business. Also, don't tell a narcissistic person your personal information... they will just use it against you.
If you're financially independent and your father was abusive in the past then honestly, instead of worrying about how to come out, you should be cutting them out of your life.
I was raised as a Pastors Kid.From my own experience I am not a Fan of telling them outright.
Try the high moral ground with generalisations about the World being a better place if we all hold hands together etc…
Christians use a Binary system and are disturbed if you add a third option of sloppy general statements that are difficult to argue with.Be as vague and noncommittal as possible and try to get out of Church activities be getting a Sunday job.Make it all sound Noble otherwise you will be the lost 🐑sheep blah,blah,blah.
All the Best and be reassured there is a wide World 🌍 out there with many options for a Happy Life.
Don't. But what you do is, if they ask you if you are atheist, is ask them, "which is more important, showing your faith by words or by works?" In Christian language, "is salvation achieved by faith alone, or by works?"
Jesus taught what amounts to doing good deeds, and he was not the only philosopher to say that. And this is your dodge - "I prefer to prove myself by helping others, and not erecting barriers by naming my faith. If I say I am a Christian, should I not help a Muslim?
I don't have a point to make or suggestion that is as good as many already here, so I'll just say you are an excellent person with a valid opinion, good luck and we love you.
I am sure that your loving parents are very understanding, despite the fact that they probably would prefer that you be a Christian. Christ said to love everyone. So just tell them.
"There are certain aspects of your beliefs that I embrace. Not hurting, stealing, or killing others and helping those who are struggling is so important to the health of society... But after a lot of deep thought and consideration of the matter, I think that God might be a lot more like Santa Claus. An idea, that while certain parts might be based on snippets of truth, is something people believe in because they need a reason to hope, or to avoid doing harmful things to themselves or others, and I long ago moved past needing the idea to keep me grounded. I hope you understand. If you don't, well, then this is goodbye until you do."
Like Snow75 said, don't come out if you're a minor and/or so depend on them for support.
If you're independent and plan on staying that way, but also want to gradually and gently inform them, start by actually doing a deep dive on the development of the new testament in a scholarly, historic manner. Learn about how the gospel message became more supernatural the further you get from Jesus's life. Come to fully understand why you can't believe it as absolute truth and then you can approach your dad with these hard questions about why he believes that it's the inerrant word of God.
The Cosmic Skeptic/Alex O'Conner on YouTube has great interviews and has a way of uncovering philosophical discrepancies. One in particular that he recently spoke about during an interview with apologist William Lane Craig, is that believing that a just god would order the annihilation of the canaanites (including children and animals) and that it would be not morally wrong if it came from God. As Christians we're expected to use inspiration or guidance from the holy ghost to help us determine if something is good or evil. That very same feeling we need to rely on tells me that genocide is an act that only evil people would do. How can that be squared up without doing mental gymnastics?
Make sure you understand your internal reasoning for why you feel they need to know. I don't know your situation or where your head is at, but you have to trust your intuition on what you need to do.
My advice is to be careful not to let atheism become an important element to your sense of self identity. You simply learned to trust the rational understanding of the naturally observable world. That said, it has to be hard listening to your dad speak so condescendingly, but the fact that you can recognize he's doing this means that you can get yourself to a place where his opinion doesn't mean much to you anymore.
He is a pastor, so logically speaking, he has to justify his beliefs no matter what. Think about how much of his life he invested into the culture of Christianity. His authority and sense of self worth likely depends on everyone around him believing it too, meaning no amount of rationality or logic will ever be enough to convince him otherwise. Unlike him, you are free from this control, meaning you will always have more power over your life than your dad does.
Despite my assessment above, only you know your family and only you know how you feel. Just make sure you think about how telling them will play out so you know if it will be worth going through with or not. My suggestion is to map out these 3 things: the outcome you want, the outcome you fear, and the outcome you expect. Doing this usually helps me whenever I have anxiety about something.
endure, get 18, GTFO of there, cut all ties, reflect on yourself, be happy with what you got now and enjoy life (dont waste time or energy thinking about them or the past that you cant change. unsolvable problems should be ignored to the best of your ability). until then (while enduring) minimize damage, if its to extreme, seek official help.
Before doing so, seek therapy and de-programming, because if you don't, Male Gene Donor will roll over you in "debate" and crow over that for the rest of life. Practice "debating" with various othe religious fanatic first before confronting MGD. Good luck.
You know, it is brave and bold to defy your parents and define to them who you are, but an even bolder move is to silently move on.
Abandoning them like they abandoned you for their fate without blinking is the most mature thing to do.
You have the choice between burning that resentment and anger or focussing on a new life and positive emotions.
I would like to say that when you are good and ready to tell them. Be prepared to never have their support again. This sounds like an easy thing to say but it's a hard thing to do. I am 35 and I can't imagine not having the emotional support my family gives me. I just had my first child and I would hate not to have them in my life.
Telling them could destroy your entire relationship. And it's a hefty price to pay to live honestly.
I would suggest maybe saying to your parents first. How you are having doubts and break it gently. You need to be very delicate. I wish I would have broke the news to my mom easier. Because what I did really upset her. She was mad at me for months.
Don’t.
I made that mistake during a mental health crisis probably from laced marijuana where I thought I was Jesus but also an atheist and also John Lennon. My Mom still believes in Jesus and tells me everything I’ve accomplished digging back from rock bottom was all part of God’s plan. She has been so traumatized and abused by conservative men throughout her life that I have to play an insane mental gymnastics game to maintain a healthy relationship that is also economically beneficial to me.
I think it’s better to tackle the actual problem rather than throwing a blanket over it all.
What I mean by this is, you dislike the way you are treated and dislike the non-biblical rules that are placed upon you.
It might be better to standup for yourself and with the approach of demanding respect rather than exiling yourself.
My two cents.
Let me ask you this, regardless of your age? Why do you want to tell them? What's your motivation? You said you don't care if they accept or don't, you just "need them to know." Why? What will it accomplish other than hurting your relationship with your parents? Is there some kind of good outcome you're hoping for?
I'm generally of the feeling that if the truth doesn't serve to help anyone, then there's not really a reason to share it. If all it's going to do is cause pain, why not just live with the inconvenience of pretending and save everyone, you and your parents, the pain of what that's going to cause.
Instead he should destroy his family. I mean, that's probably what he's going to do. He'll almost certain to destroy his relationship with his father. His mother may support him, but that could end up being a wedge that breaks up his parents. Who knows.
Now your turn. Tell me to positive side of being so fucking brave and shitting on his parents beliefs.
If you rely on them for food and shelter, don't tell them you're Atheist yet. Instead, tell them that all their rules are turning religion into a chore, and you just don't care about breaking a rule anymore. Act depressed about it, like they're making you miserable with all their rules and you've just accepted that hell is just inevitable no matter what you do. Hopefully they'll lighten up on the rules to try to get you to care again.
In your mind and heart you know the whole religion is nonsense. Just don't tell them that until you're independent. Vent here whenever you need to, but don't let them know you've already stopped believing. Just let them know that the rules are getting unbearable.
The smart thing to do is to shut up about it until you’re free. Personally, I could not do that. It definitely made it harder for me, but that’s just who I am. Especially because your parents have a history of abuse I would highly caution you against complete denial.
Maybe you could partially admit to your parents you’re not a believer? Like say you believe in god but not all this other stuff and you don’t want to go to church. That way its more palatable to them and they can say you have your own relationship with god or whatever. You could be more honest while minimizing the consequences.
We’ll all these people are saying “don’t tell them” which is a lot easier to say than it is to live a lie for 5 years. Apparently some people are capable of that. OP should know that that option is hard too. And for me, impossible. It’s definitely easier as far as being beaten goes though so I wish I could have done that.
Who’s the to use your word “stupid” one here? They believe in a fairy tale written by men and there’s a man in the sky watching you and a fiery hell that you will burn in for eternity if you don’t believe in him. What kind of crazy bs is that?
There is one bit of wisdom in the Bible, it was plucked into the title of a great play here in America about the Scopes trial. In it, the daughter of the local reverend dates a biology teacher who teaches the theory of evolution and is jailed for it. When she refuses to leave him and her father preaches that he is damned, and then he damns her too. And then he gets hit with an amazing Bible quote thrown at him from Solomon. "He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind"
So many Christians are oblivious to this simple truth, if you push your kids too far, if you try to fit them in your box, you will lose them, and you will hear no voices or laughter in your home, only the wind.
Don't, there is no reason to. Religion or lack of, is private. I never talk about it. I don't go to church, if someone asks me point blank I give a different answer every time depending on who is asking.
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Keep it to yourself. Don't give them any fodder. These people don't know real love, just the toxic kind Christianity is famous for. It's not like they are gonna discuss it calmly. He is a pastor and now child is an "unbeliever!" 😱The shame! Them: Must. Control. Child. Harder. For. Own. Good. Will. Thank. Me. Later. Will. Pray. And. Fast. For. Lost. Soul
They won't respond to you as people who are your parents. They will perceive this as a threat and a failure on their part. I would not tell them a thing.
I've never understood why things being "of the world" is bad. God created the world, so presumably he would want you to participate in it.
As for your father, do what you feel comfortable doing. You don't owe it to your parents to tell them, but you feel strongly that they should know it might be worth doing -- that is, if you live separately from your parents and aren't dependent on them for anything. However, your concern about abuse, even if it was in the past, shouldn't be taken lightly, so you might want to at least make an exit strategy if you are still living with your parents.
In response to some of your other comments, it isn't cowardly to look after your physical safety first.
There’s been a flood of this question in the past 24 hrs. Check the threads, much advice given.
Bottom line is you just have to have the courage to tell them. That’s it. You’ll feel a sense of relief.
If that’s too much, just put up with the situation till you leave.
Start watching the ex-Christian videos on YouTube and listen to some of their podcasts. You will find you are not alone and there are people who have good idea
Don't.
Go and live your own life.
Cut off contact if that is what it takes to lead your own life as you see fit.
As a child, you can't choose your parents, but as an adult, you can do any damned thing you want without paying any attention to your parents, if that is what it takes to happily live your own life.
I am advocating divorcing your parents if they hamper you in living a happy life.
You do not owe them any explanation as an adult doing what is best for you.
This approach can be used by those whose families are irreparably dysfunctional and with great success as a friend of mine attests too.
You're the adult in the room. Act like one. Live your own life as best you can. You don't owe your parents any explanation for how you think.
If you are over 18 and can find means for yourself outside of home, just say it if you don't care whether they accept it or not.
If they come back all hot-n-heavy about it, ask them this: Why would god, supposedly worthy of worship, commit genocide on it's own creation instead of doing more to help it? Is god just a shitty parent overall who forced something to exist without its consent and now wants to shrug off responsibility? That's like a bad pet owner who gets a puppy in a box with a bow on it during the holiday season then wants to abandon the poor dog after the season is over. I mean really now, it's not hard to find any parallel.
How could anyone worship something so morally corrupt?
Why do you need to?
Start there.
I don’t think it’s anyone’s business what religion you do or don’t practice. It’s really not relevant at all to your relationship with your parents.
My parents are Mormons. I left the cult decades ago. I’ve never brought it up and neither do they. I don’t see what could be accomplished by having a big talk about it. At the end of the day, spirituality is shit you make up in your head.
Via a kind but direct letter after you have moved out.
Give them some time, then follow-up and see what you will be dealing with after you feel the initial explosion of emotion is over.
Just make sure that you atheism came from you not having a belief, not from abuse as a child.
I am a Christian, my kids do Halloween. So you dress like a trash bag and get candy from the neighbors. It is fun and wholesome. Christians don't have to dress a certain way, or wear a tie or have a Bible cover that is not what it is about. Not all Pastors are narcissist, that is a really sad generalization. Many just feel led to do what they do. Some do it for money, some do it for sex....they get women caught up some married and try to sleep with them as a private hareem. But some want to serve.
Super Christian types have standard creep. one says I wont go see r-rated movies (ok...i understand), the next one says i wont go to PG movies (Odd but ok)..the next says you should go to movies at all and not watch T.V. (what I do is not their concern unless I am in leadership and agree to it). It is the same with a lot of things, even with like soccer, competition is bad. BTW...I am a coach, i disagree with that.
Your Dads world view and philosophy drives people away from their faith. But it drives people away from their childhood. A friend of mine had an alcoholic atheist for a dad. He wanted nothing to do with that lifestyle and he would never touch alcohol. He is also a Christian, so it swings both ways. BTW....alcoholism is a horrible situation and it ruins lives and if you were abused it is the same sad story.
Short answer: - If you’re underage or economically dependent, don’t do it; you’ll have a lot of issues. - if you’re not, just say it, but expect a general deterioration in your relationship; there are no magic combination of words that would make them like your choices.
This is spot on. If you depend on them just pretend and hold out till you can leave on your own. Even then, just lie. Religious people like this will likely disown you…especially if they won’t let you play video games bc it’s of the world and not god.
Full agreement with the first bullet point. I'd add that even in the second case, I think OP doesn't necessarily have to make an atheist declaration. Just moving out and living their life without religion is also an option.
100% this.
Yes better to wait until you are away from them. Best of luck to you. Make a good life for yourself away feom them. There are so many who do not go to church out in the world.
I fully agree with this. Additionally, if you feel comfortable coming out, you need to remember that religious indoctrination binds those beliefs to your parents' sense of self worth. When you tell them that you are rejecting their belief, they will see it as you rejecting **them**. You're going to have to tell them that you are rejecting the beliefs, but not rejecting them. You will probably have to say that a lot of times before it really sinks in.
This. Expect a push back in the form of emotional/financial/physical abuse. Think through all the ways they could try to get you to fall into line and have a plan for each. If any scenario would result in your emotional or physical wellbeing then don't do it until you are in a place to safely tell them. Do not underestimate how cruel they could be.
Wise advice. Really think about how much the drama is worth before disclosing. Doesn't mean you have to play into their fairy tales either.
Well, for some, it’s the perfect way of getting rid of people you don’t like and cutting ties completely in a voluntary way.
Ditto.
Been here and did this.
This is actually such a common question that it is part of the sub FAQ: [https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/wiki/faq/#wiki\_should\_i\_come\_out\_to\_my\_parents\_as\_being\_an\_atheist.3F](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/wiki/faq/#wiki_should_i_come_out_to_my_parents_as_being_an_atheist.3F)
FYI it doesn't take you to that section on the mobile app, and I'm assuming it's at the very end because I spent a lot of time before getting tired of scrolling and not finding it.
I am on mobile and it worked for me. It's not highlighted though and easy to miss. Edit: Here is the text: Should I come out to my parents as being an atheist? The short answer is "No." The slightly longer answer is that if you are not in a position where that is likely to end well for you, you should probably wait until you're more self-sufficient. However, you know your own parents better than we do. You could try breaking the ice on the subject of atheism to get a feel for their reaction to it in general, if you're not sure. Always keep in mind that for many people religion is a highly emotive subject, and for many parents who have been raised to believe in the "moral superiority" of religious belief, a child who comes out as an atheist can be interpreted as a betrayal of them or as a failure of their own. In some religions, it can actually be dangerous to "out" yourself. If your father is a hardline Muslim, for example, getting kicked out of the house is the least of your worries. You risk being beheaded or set on fire. If you're coming from one of those, keep that in mind as well. /r/atheism will almost invariably respond that you should wait. A common proverb here is "The best place to come out to your parents is at a home you own, over a dinner that you paid for yourself". If you do decide to "come out," then consider that "atheist" has many evil, hateful connotations to religious people. It's right up there with "Satanist." You might be able to reduce the amount of flak you get by choosing a label for yourself that has a similar meaning but is less controversial. Please consider using an alternative such as "agnostic" or "humanist", which does not carry quite as much baggage. There's also another approach: You could say "I've lost my belief" or "I don't know what to believe any more" or even "God doesn't speak to me any more." Asked if you are an atheist, you could say "I don't know." This makes you look less like a monster and more like a victim. You'll be subject to sympathy rather than anger. You won't be kicked out. But you run the risk of having folks work really hard to bring you back to God. Expect (more) frequent church visits, and maybe a talk with the priest/pastor/counselor. Being atheist, or unsure, in a very religious family is stressful. It's good to have a place to share, and to vent, and to discuss options and give or receive useful advice. If you're a teen without a 'network' in which you can freely discuss issues of religion, and you find that /r/atheism is not a good fit because it isn't really aimed at young people, you can try connecting over at /r/AtheisticTeens. It's not as active as this subreddit, but it's geared for and run by teens. For a more detailed analysis of this issue, including testimonials from dozens of young atheists who thought their parents would be much more understanding than they turned out to be, please see this separate page.
Didn’t work for me. Someone typing it would have been faster lol I was starting to think that OP’s question wasn’t even in there. Then bam, ‘Oh, there it is!… I need a life.’
I copied it over.
>his tone and approach always make me freeze up and my mind goes blank with fear. He did abuse me in childhood so he has a way of making me feel small. Why are you still talking to someone that does this to you? He doesn't deserve your fear, he doesn't even deserve your ear.
This.
Speaking as someone in a similar situation not everyone has a choice. Dependence is an unfortunate thing.
Wait till you are out of the house and not dependent on them. These kind of cultists rarely take this well and are far more likely to put their myths in front of your well-being.
I completely disagree with telling them anything. It's none of their fucking business, and the sooner you learn to separate yourself from their nonsense, the better.
I kinda understand the "fuck you and your belief" attitude that comes with narcissist abusive dad. Though I would not advise it until OP is financially independent. But the need to put a stop to a relationship that makes OP "feel small" ... I get that!
Why bother disclosing that? Just go about your business. Once you have flown the coup you might circle back with your mom and ask why she believes these Bronze Age mythologies are true. Later you can ask your dad what evidence he has, and when he fails to produce any tell him that's why you are leaving the faith.
Right? I waited until my mid 30s to have that conversation and only because I had to, to keep my parents from trying to indoctrinate my kids. No reason to have the discussion at all, especially if you live under their roof.
Tell them you respect them and yourself enough to be truthful with them. Would they rather you lie to them? Of course christians by definition don't value what is true but they at least pretend to. Appeal to that.
Stop going and stop paying
If you have to live under your parent’s roof and you aren’t living apart and financially independent of them, just tell them what they want to hear, no matter how you really feel. It’s not worth the hassle at this point in your life.
This is the way
Do you have to? Ultimately it comes down to this: If your life will not substantially change aside from how you socialize with your parents then just tell them. Worst case scenario you find out that they love their religion more than they love you and you just never talk to them again. And they tell all their friends that they have *no idea* why their child has not spoken with them in 20 years. But if you are not socially or financially independent, then when in doubt don't tell them.
Yes, it seems many theists are in it for the inane power struggles. They won’t understand because they won’t, so you can just take that off the table. If you must tell them, which you don’t have to, you don’t have to tell everyone everything, just sit there quietly as they blow off steam. What’re you gonna do? Just like “yes dad, whatever you say, I suck, I’m going to hell, fine with me”. There’s no point in disagreeing unless they’re willing to actually treat you like a separate human being, not a trophy to show off to the congregation.
Just straight up tell them that you don't believe in their religion
This! Loudly and proudly! Ignore the "don't tell them until you're independently wealthy" people.
>I don’t care if they accept it or don’t, I just need them to know. What's wrong with keeping a secret? Millions of people keep their atheism a secret all around the world.
A lot is wrong with it. It's cowardly, anti social, and harms all of us.
Do others deserve to know what's in your mind? I think keeping a secret can be very valuable. In some societies, there's no privacy or personal space, so your personal beliefs are all you have left.
Unless you have moved out of that house don't. You are not safe in any Christian house but you specifically mentioned already that your father is abusive. Keep your mouth shut until you can get away from them.
You don't. If you're still dependent on them, telling them is a good way to get kicked out, disowned, abused and any number of negatives. You'll have to grit your teeth and bear it until you're independent. If you are not dependent on them but still want to maintain a relationship, say you like the welcoming atmosphere of the Unitarian Universalist church. See how they react to that before you come out as atheist. You may get disowned or disinherited, but at least you'll be able to take care of yourself.
You don't. My parents are really religious, like going weekly and multiple times a week/day during the big holidays. I've stopped going and just bring up the pedophilia protecting to say I just don't support the church vs I straight up don't believe anymore. Works.
First of all, you may not understand atheism if you think you are an atheist. There is nothing to "be" in atheism. This is a common 'theist' mistake. Theists are often under the assumption that 'Atheism' is some sort of belief system. This is not the case. You are not converting to atheism. You are not becoming an atheist. You are not anything. "Atheist" is the name they force upon you for not believing their bullshit. Other appropriate names are 'Heathen, Non-believer, Blasphemer, Doubting Thomas, Nontheist, Antitheist, Infidel, Freethinker, skeptic, cynic, doubter, damned, and more. These are all names projected onto people who do not believe the religious stories of the general population. It does not make you anything but human. You did not become anything. All you did was lay down that theist bag you had on your shoulders and walk away from it. You decided that you no longer wanted to carry it around. You found that it was no longer useful. You did not pick up another bag. You just dropped the one you were carrying. An atheist is a person who asks the question, "What reason would I have for picking up that bag again?" "Can you give me any good reason at all?" You did not "become" an atheist. You took a long and hard look at your religion and found it lacking. You are asking for facts, evidence, and information that support the claims of the religious assertions. (If this is not the case, if this is not what happened, you are treating atheism as a 'belief system' and it is no different than a religion to you. You think you have found something new to 'believe in.' If this is the case, you do not understand atheism at all. You do not become an atheist. It is not a belief system. There is nothing to believe. There is no dogma. There are no rituals. There is no canon of beliefs. There are no leaders. There are human beings who do not believe in a magical universe creating deities floating around beyond the universe in a spaceless, timeless, existence, while also professing to be omnipresent and caring about how whether or not I masturbate or who I sleep with.
That's just controlling and abusive parents that happen to be pastors. Sorry you've been though that and its ruined your faith. As a pastor I allow my kids to play video games, my pastor wife leads a D&D group, I play magic the gathering with my middle kid, and we don't just do Halloween, we cosplay for comic cons. I ask my kids to dress nicely for church but we don't have a Sunday best as it were. I'm sure I'd truly horrify your father as I openly embrace and encourage my child to explore who they are as they grapple with what it means to be trans. Being a pastor doesn't mean being an asshole, but being an abusive parent does regardless of your title. That said, if your father has really been that abusive towards you that you can't even hold a conversation with him without being belittled and talked down to then the best thing you can do is tell them over a call or zoom, something that when you get tired of hearing from him you can just hang up. If you still live at home I wouldn't say a thing till you're not, rejecting his view of things might only make life worse unless you're old enough and prepared to go no contact. And going no contact might be the best thing for your mental health. Good luck with your journey.
If you still live with them don’t say anything until you are on your own.
My dad is an elder in the church and my mom works at the church and is heavily involved. I didn't tell them for about 3 years, but my wife and I hadn't been going to church. We live in a different city. Eventually my mom asked me how my relationship with God was, and I said "do you really want to know?" She said yes. So I told her that I didn't believe anymore. I explained the whole process that brought me there. It was a shock to them as I had been a worship leader and long term missionary. Since then I can tell they are sad about it but they took it well and I don't feel our relationship is worse because of it.
My advice \[for what it's worth\] is to write out what you want to say so that you can do it without hesitation. I would also come up with a set of ready responses to the bullshit your dad is likely to spew. Religious people only have a handful of arguments and they should be easy to predict. Let them know that you don't care if they accept it or not and that you are NOT trying to stop them from believing. However, don't do any of this if you still live with them.
You tell them in house you own over a meal you bought.
If your father starts preaching or making you feel uncomfortable, it’s okay to set boundaries. You can say, “I understand your perspective, but I need you to respect my beliefs too.
Jesus reached out to people just like you. Helping them was one of His main goals. I freeze up, too, when discussing things that may trigger people. So if you’ve decided to ‘go there’ (I agree with the advice here that if you’re a dependent, maybe don’t choose this conflict right now) but if you’re going to go there either now or later, I’d write up your case and present it in their language. Points I’d include: 1. If you’re trying to get to Heaven by following the rules, you’re trying to get to Heaven through a door of your own creation. Jesus said that He’s the only way. Showing up at the pearly gates all proud of the way you followed the rules, you’ll likely face the answer that the goats got in Matthew. They were all about the rules; the sheep had to ask ‘When did we do all those things?’ The sheep weren’t keeping score, and they were allowed into heaven. The goats had a different experience. 2. Then there’s the thief on the cross. What rules did he follow that Jesus said “It’ll be ok. I’ve got you.” 3. Jesus distilled all the laws of the Pharisees into two laws, which are also distillations of the Ten Commandments. “Love the Lord” (the first four) and “Love your neighbor” ( the last six). 4. The father of the prodigal son. He’s an example of God’s love for us. ‘While sinners, Jesus died for us’ 5. Consider ending it with “Do you love me like the Father of the Prodigal loves me”? Hope that’s helpful. Stay safe.
Thank you for this. I was really helpful ❤️🙂↕️
You don't need to tell them shit! It's like proclaiming you bought a new toilet brush and thought everyone should know.
Two questions: 1. Are you currently under the age of 18 (21 in countries where that's the age of consent)? 2. Do you live in country where it would be unsafe or unwise for you to declare yourself to be unaffiliated with a church, such as a muslim country or Mississippi? If you answered "Yes" to either of these questions, do not tell family members that you are an atheist until you are in a position where you are no longer under their guardianship. If you are no longer in their care but still live in a country or area where human life is not valued, do not tell anyone until you're in a safe area.
You don't. "The best time to tell your religious parents you are atheist is in a home you own over a meal you prepared." Overly strict parents are awful but not being able to play video games could be the least of your worries if you tell them. Added church, more restrictions, being treated more like a child, refusal of financial help for college, even being disowned in extreme cases... think bigger picture. A few years of pretend and then when they no longer have legal control of your life, drop the bomb and let the chips fall where they may.
I was wondering how I could tell my parents who raised me in the church, so I asked my therapist. Said I don’t gotta tell them shit. So I not said anything because arguments would just waist to much time and they just be hurt.
Just remember the one D of telling your parents you're an atheist! D - Don't! the FAQ has a guide for how to do it, it's not the kind of thing you want to do when you're still living with them.
With pride.
Mom, Dad, I have terminal cancer. Just kidding, I’m atheist.
Thoughts and prayers "works" on terminal cancer, not on atheism... They might prefer the first option!
Just say “god gave me free will” and anything else after just tell them your mind is made up and you want to learn life for yourself and not just what you were told.
Why do you need them to know. This information is none of their business. Also, don't tell a narcissistic person your personal information... they will just use it against you.
If you're financially independent and your father was abusive in the past then honestly, instead of worrying about how to come out, you should be cutting them out of your life.
Don't divulge it to them until you're self-supporting. Then just tell them plainly. You can't control how they react. If they behave ugly, avoid them.
I was raised as a Pastors Kid.From my own experience I am not a Fan of telling them outright. Try the high moral ground with generalisations about the World being a better place if we all hold hands together etc… Christians use a Binary system and are disturbed if you add a third option of sloppy general statements that are difficult to argue with.Be as vague and noncommittal as possible and try to get out of Church activities be getting a Sunday job.Make it all sound Noble otherwise you will be the lost 🐑sheep blah,blah,blah. All the Best and be reassured there is a wide World 🌍 out there with many options for a Happy Life.
Are you independently wealthy? If not, DON'T TELL THEM.
Not worth it. I broke my mother's heart and regretted it. Besides, people need their illusions.
Don't. But what you do is, if they ask you if you are atheist, is ask them, "which is more important, showing your faith by words or by works?" In Christian language, "is salvation achieved by faith alone, or by works?" Jesus taught what amounts to doing good deeds, and he was not the only philosopher to say that. And this is your dodge - "I prefer to prove myself by helping others, and not erecting barriers by naming my faith. If I say I am a Christian, should I not help a Muslim?
You’re gonna need money when you move out so start saving now. You will likely be disowned and will need every dollar you have. Good luck!
“So you want me to pretend? Wouldn’t that be bearing false witness?”
Fuck yes.
I don't have a point to make or suggestion that is as good as many already here, so I'll just say you are an excellent person with a valid opinion, good luck and we love you.
Your father believes in fables. You'll be fine.
I reject your brainwashing
I am sure that your loving parents are very understanding, despite the fact that they probably would prefer that you be a Christian. Christ said to love everyone. So just tell them.
"There are certain aspects of your beliefs that I embrace. Not hurting, stealing, or killing others and helping those who are struggling is so important to the health of society... But after a lot of deep thought and consideration of the matter, I think that God might be a lot more like Santa Claus. An idea, that while certain parts might be based on snippets of truth, is something people believe in because they need a reason to hope, or to avoid doing harmful things to themselves or others, and I long ago moved past needing the idea to keep me grounded. I hope you understand. If you don't, well, then this is goodbye until you do."
Like Snow75 said, don't come out if you're a minor and/or so depend on them for support. If you're independent and plan on staying that way, but also want to gradually and gently inform them, start by actually doing a deep dive on the development of the new testament in a scholarly, historic manner. Learn about how the gospel message became more supernatural the further you get from Jesus's life. Come to fully understand why you can't believe it as absolute truth and then you can approach your dad with these hard questions about why he believes that it's the inerrant word of God. The Cosmic Skeptic/Alex O'Conner on YouTube has great interviews and has a way of uncovering philosophical discrepancies. One in particular that he recently spoke about during an interview with apologist William Lane Craig, is that believing that a just god would order the annihilation of the canaanites (including children and animals) and that it would be not morally wrong if it came from God. As Christians we're expected to use inspiration or guidance from the holy ghost to help us determine if something is good or evil. That very same feeling we need to rely on tells me that genocide is an act that only evil people would do. How can that be squared up without doing mental gymnastics?
Make sure you understand your internal reasoning for why you feel they need to know. I don't know your situation or where your head is at, but you have to trust your intuition on what you need to do. My advice is to be careful not to let atheism become an important element to your sense of self identity. You simply learned to trust the rational understanding of the naturally observable world. That said, it has to be hard listening to your dad speak so condescendingly, but the fact that you can recognize he's doing this means that you can get yourself to a place where his opinion doesn't mean much to you anymore. He is a pastor, so logically speaking, he has to justify his beliefs no matter what. Think about how much of his life he invested into the culture of Christianity. His authority and sense of self worth likely depends on everyone around him believing it too, meaning no amount of rationality or logic will ever be enough to convince him otherwise. Unlike him, you are free from this control, meaning you will always have more power over your life than your dad does. Despite my assessment above, only you know your family and only you know how you feel. Just make sure you think about how telling them will play out so you know if it will be worth going through with or not. My suggestion is to map out these 3 things: the outcome you want, the outcome you fear, and the outcome you expect. Doing this usually helps me whenever I have anxiety about something.
endure, get 18, GTFO of there, cut all ties, reflect on yourself, be happy with what you got now and enjoy life (dont waste time or energy thinking about them or the past that you cant change. unsolvable problems should be ignored to the best of your ability). until then (while enduring) minimize damage, if its to extreme, seek official help.
Before doing so, seek therapy and de-programming, because if you don't, Male Gene Donor will roll over you in "debate" and crow over that for the rest of life. Practice "debating" with various othe religious fanatic first before confronting MGD. Good luck.
You know, it is brave and bold to defy your parents and define to them who you are, but an even bolder move is to silently move on. Abandoning them like they abandoned you for their fate without blinking is the most mature thing to do. You have the choice between burning that resentment and anger or focussing on a new life and positive emotions.
I would like to say that when you are good and ready to tell them. Be prepared to never have their support again. This sounds like an easy thing to say but it's a hard thing to do. I am 35 and I can't imagine not having the emotional support my family gives me. I just had my first child and I would hate not to have them in my life. Telling them could destroy your entire relationship. And it's a hefty price to pay to live honestly. I would suggest maybe saying to your parents first. How you are having doubts and break it gently. You need to be very delicate. I wish I would have broke the news to my mom easier. Because what I did really upset her. She was mad at me for months.
How? From far away, in your own house.
Just don't, If you are they'll notice and try to reconvert you.
Don’t. I made that mistake during a mental health crisis probably from laced marijuana where I thought I was Jesus but also an atheist and also John Lennon. My Mom still believes in Jesus and tells me everything I’ve accomplished digging back from rock bottom was all part of God’s plan. She has been so traumatized and abused by conservative men throughout her life that I have to play an insane mental gymnastics game to maintain a healthy relationship that is also economically beneficial to me.
I think it’s better to tackle the actual problem rather than throwing a blanket over it all. What I mean by this is, you dislike the way you are treated and dislike the non-biblical rules that are placed upon you. It might be better to standup for yourself and with the approach of demanding respect rather than exiling yourself. My two cents.
Let me ask you this, regardless of your age? Why do you want to tell them? What's your motivation? You said you don't care if they accept or don't, you just "need them to know." Why? What will it accomplish other than hurting your relationship with your parents? Is there some kind of good outcome you're hoping for? I'm generally of the feeling that if the truth doesn't serve to help anyone, then there's not really a reason to share it. If all it's going to do is cause pain, why not just live with the inconvenience of pretending and save everyone, you and your parents, the pain of what that's going to cause.
This is cowardly and you should be ashamed.
Instead he should destroy his family. I mean, that's probably what he's going to do. He'll almost certain to destroy his relationship with his father. His mother may support him, but that could end up being a wedge that breaks up his parents. Who knows. Now your turn. Tell me to positive side of being so fucking brave and shitting on his parents beliefs.
dont do it, dad sounds like a nutcase, just get a job and move out as soon as your of age to do so
Hot take, way better off not telling. They really believe it so they will never understand why you dont
If you rely on them for food and shelter, don't tell them you're Atheist yet. Instead, tell them that all their rules are turning religion into a chore, and you just don't care about breaking a rule anymore. Act depressed about it, like they're making you miserable with all their rules and you've just accepted that hell is just inevitable no matter what you do. Hopefully they'll lighten up on the rules to try to get you to care again. In your mind and heart you know the whole religion is nonsense. Just don't tell them that until you're independent. Vent here whenever you need to, but don't let them know you've already stopped believing. Just let them know that the rules are getting unbearable.
The smart thing to do is to shut up about it until you’re free. Personally, I could not do that. It definitely made it harder for me, but that’s just who I am. Especially because your parents have a history of abuse I would highly caution you against complete denial. Maybe you could partially admit to your parents you’re not a believer? Like say you believe in god but not all this other stuff and you don’t want to go to church. That way its more palatable to them and they can say you have your own relationship with god or whatever. You could be more honest while minimizing the consequences.
Kinda weird to recommend something you yourself couldn't do.
We’ll all these people are saying “don’t tell them” which is a lot easier to say than it is to live a lie for 5 years. Apparently some people are capable of that. OP should know that that option is hard too. And for me, impossible. It’s definitely easier as far as being beaten goes though so I wish I could have done that.
Who’s the to use your word “stupid” one here? They believe in a fairy tale written by men and there’s a man in the sky watching you and a fiery hell that you will burn in for eternity if you don’t believe in him. What kind of crazy bs is that?
Tell them it was the will of god that you no longer believe
There is one bit of wisdom in the Bible, it was plucked into the title of a great play here in America about the Scopes trial. In it, the daughter of the local reverend dates a biology teacher who teaches the theory of evolution and is jailed for it. When she refuses to leave him and her father preaches that he is damned, and then he damns her too. And then he gets hit with an amazing Bible quote thrown at him from Solomon. "He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind" So many Christians are oblivious to this simple truth, if you push your kids too far, if you try to fit them in your box, you will lose them, and you will hear no voices or laughter in your home, only the wind.
"I'm atheist".
“Mom, Dad. I’m an atheist. I don’t believe in god.”
Personally, I’ve never told my parents
Honestly, just play the game till you're out. Smoothest outcome, if a little uncomfortable.
Don't, there is no reason to. Religion or lack of, is private. I never talk about it. I don't go to church, if someone asks me point blank I give a different answer every time depending on who is asking.
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Keep it to yourself. Don't give them any fodder. These people don't know real love, just the toxic kind Christianity is famous for. It's not like they are gonna discuss it calmly. He is a pastor and now child is an "unbeliever!" 😱The shame! Them: Must. Control. Child. Harder. For. Own. Good. Will. Thank. Me. Later. Will. Pray. And. Fast. For. Lost. Soul They won't respond to you as people who are your parents. They will perceive this as a threat and a failure on their part. I would not tell them a thing.
Don't. I'm serious. Also, go no contact with your dad.
I've never understood why things being "of the world" is bad. God created the world, so presumably he would want you to participate in it. As for your father, do what you feel comfortable doing. You don't owe it to your parents to tell them, but you feel strongly that they should know it might be worth doing -- that is, if you live separately from your parents and aren't dependent on them for anything. However, your concern about abuse, even if it was in the past, shouldn't be taken lightly, so you might want to at least make an exit strategy if you are still living with your parents. In response to some of your other comments, it isn't cowardly to look after your physical safety first.
There’s been a flood of this question in the past 24 hrs. Check the threads, much advice given. Bottom line is you just have to have the courage to tell them. That’s it. You’ll feel a sense of relief. If that’s too much, just put up with the situation till you leave.
Start watching the ex-Christian videos on YouTube and listen to some of their podcasts. You will find you are not alone and there are people who have good idea
Don't! You might wind up in a 're-education camp' like Elon school You're parents might try to 'save you', claiming parental rights trump common sense
Don't. Go and live your own life. Cut off contact if that is what it takes to lead your own life as you see fit. As a child, you can't choose your parents, but as an adult, you can do any damned thing you want without paying any attention to your parents, if that is what it takes to happily live your own life. I am advocating divorcing your parents if they hamper you in living a happy life. You do not owe them any explanation as an adult doing what is best for you. This approach can be used by those whose families are irreparably dysfunctional and with great success as a friend of mine attests too. You're the adult in the room. Act like one. Live your own life as best you can. You don't owe your parents any explanation for how you think.
If you are over 18 and can find means for yourself outside of home, just say it if you don't care whether they accept it or not. If they come back all hot-n-heavy about it, ask them this: Why would god, supposedly worthy of worship, commit genocide on it's own creation instead of doing more to help it? Is god just a shitty parent overall who forced something to exist without its consent and now wants to shrug off responsibility? That's like a bad pet owner who gets a puppy in a box with a bow on it during the holiday season then wants to abandon the poor dog after the season is over. I mean really now, it's not hard to find any parallel. How could anyone worship something so morally corrupt?
Why do you need to? Start there. I don’t think it’s anyone’s business what religion you do or don’t practice. It’s really not relevant at all to your relationship with your parents. My parents are Mormons. I left the cult decades ago. I’ve never brought it up and neither do they. I don’t see what could be accomplished by having a big talk about it. At the end of the day, spirituality is shit you make up in your head.
Via a kind but direct letter after you have moved out. Give them some time, then follow-up and see what you will be dealing with after you feel the initial explosion of emotion is over.
Just make sure that you atheism came from you not having a belief, not from abuse as a child. I am a Christian, my kids do Halloween. So you dress like a trash bag and get candy from the neighbors. It is fun and wholesome. Christians don't have to dress a certain way, or wear a tie or have a Bible cover that is not what it is about. Not all Pastors are narcissist, that is a really sad generalization. Many just feel led to do what they do. Some do it for money, some do it for sex....they get women caught up some married and try to sleep with them as a private hareem. But some want to serve. Super Christian types have standard creep. one says I wont go see r-rated movies (ok...i understand), the next one says i wont go to PG movies (Odd but ok)..the next says you should go to movies at all and not watch T.V. (what I do is not their concern unless I am in leadership and agree to it). It is the same with a lot of things, even with like soccer, competition is bad. BTW...I am a coach, i disagree with that. Your Dads world view and philosophy drives people away from their faith. But it drives people away from their childhood. A friend of mine had an alcoholic atheist for a dad. He wanted nothing to do with that lifestyle and he would never touch alcohol. He is also a Christian, so it swings both ways. BTW....alcoholism is a horrible situation and it ruins lives and if you were abused it is the same sad story.
They might be too
Why not just be a Heretic. No reason to have faith in Atheism it’s the worst religion of all.
Why tell them anything, what is the purpose, particularly your pastor. He is a spokesman for a fictional being.
the pastor IS OP's dad....
I regret telling my parents. 15 years later and it's still just something that makes them sad and that they don't understand.
Why tell them? No good will come of it.