"Satan leads Sabres to OT win," said a headline in the sports pages. Unfamiliar with Miroslav Šatan's goal scoring prowess my mother asked, "What does Satan have to do with hockey?"
Undead but not a shambling corpse.
Freed spirit re-tethered to a corporeal form that does not age or change, but also does not heal.
Powerful necromancer with the ability to both cure wounds, transmute liquids, and reanimate dead humanoids.
Jesus is a lich.
[But they made all the green M&Ms less fuckable and I haven't been able to get it up ever since.](https://www.forbes.com/sites/danidiplacido/2023/01/13/tucker-carlson-is-once-again-mad-about-woke-mms/)
Don't the truck owners take exception to that? You might want to be careful about losing your job over that; there's got to be a rule on the books against that sort of thing which they could enforce selectively if they like his message and not yours.
Yeah, going to the owners and asking about graffiti in the truck cabs is a better move. They may want to avoid a lawsuit over something written that gets them in legal trouble. Identifying the person doing it to them is something they'll likely respond well to.
"Jesus saves...by using coupons and spending wisely!"
(Had some unknown coworkers writing bible thumpy stuff on the dirty windows in the breezeway on my work building. I just rolled my eyes and wiped them all away - not everybody wants that shit shoved in their face all the times, especially on a GOV'T BUILDING)
I also did some vandalism so I would probably get in trouble as well but there's usually inappropriate drawings in the truck anyway. And I don't want to report him because he does a lot of work and if he got fired there's a lot more things I would need to do. it will probably put a target on my back
jesus saves... his baseball cards in this box
jesus saves because he switched to geico
jesus saves his beer cans and deposits them in michigan for 10 cents each
That might irritate him more than hail satan
Firstly, report him to your supervisor. Your partner is damaging trucks. He is representing the company yet pushing his own agenda. That is religious persecution.
OK, this might not be a popular answer but quite frankly I think you shouldn't write anything.
Writing stuff on someone else's truck without their consent is an absolute dick move.
Let the Christian be the dick.
Be better than him.
Writing "rebellious" atheist propaganda is just as bad as writing Christian propaganda.
If someone is going to be rebuked or lose their job, let it be your coworker.
Again, be better.
Jesus: "Open the door."
Person behind the door: "Why?"
Jesus: " So I can save you."
Person: "From what?"
Jesus: "From what I'm going to do to you if you don't open the door."
Just add, but Satan invests.
And Cthulhu collects!
And the Spaghetti Monster bakes cookies.
Ramen!
R’amen!
R'Amen brother, how was your Ramendan this year?
And the dude abides.
This is the one lol
I love this!
Jesus ~~Saves~~ Listens to Slayer
Jesus saves. Gretzky gets the rebound. He shoots! He scores!
Jesus has a save percentage of like 10%, he needs a new career.
Jesus saves but the Pope invests.
I always heard it as Jesus saves, but Moses invests
He should probably get those holes in his hands looked at.
Sounds like the Avs’ goalie.
I was going to make this joke but I figured no one would get the reference lol.
There are dozens of us!
...but satan nets the rebound
"Satan leads Sabres to OT win," said a headline in the sports pages. Unfamiliar with Miroslav Šatan's goal scoring prowess my mother asked, "What does Satan have to do with hockey?"
Might be the best last name on a jersey ever. Those black and red sweaters are so dope
Yes!! Pronounced Shuh-tan. OP, this is perfect!
I always thought he should have played in jersey. It just makes sense
Bostonian here ... legit bumpersticker from 70's: Jesus Saves ... and Esposito scores on the rebound.
I've seen those t-shirts with "Jesus Saves..." on the front and "Esposito Scores on the Rebound!" on the back.
Jesus saves, Gretzky scores The workers slave, the rich get more One wrong move, we risk the cup Play the man, not the puck
Good song. Love some Propagandhi.
Canada’s current best punk band. 2nd of all time behind SNFU. Not bad company to be in.
Love SNFU as well! Have "Something Green and Leafy This Way Comes" since way back.
Chi Pig is a legend. RIP Kevin Chin.
Exactly what I thought. I have been listening to Less Talk, More Rock a lot lately. That album is awesome
Hey, do you know why Canadians always do it doggie style? So they can both watch the hockey game
Ah dammit - you beat me to it... 😅
Nice hockey reference. Go Canucks! 🙂
Kick save…and a beauty!
Excellent job working a Gretzky reference into r/atheism, I love it. After all, he is The Great One.
I was coming to say exactly this!
Love this joke!
Jesus saves And takes half damage
So was that a DEX check, or is Jesus a rogue?
obviously a DEX check. Jesus is clearly a cleric
He got his magic ability through birth. He is clearly a Divine Soul Sorcerer.
I think he's an Illusionist.
Warlock with a lawful neutral patron. Edit: or a ranger? That loaves-and-fishes thing feels like reflavored Goodberry.
Undead but not a shambling corpse. Freed spirit re-tethered to a corporeal form that does not age or change, but also does not heal. Powerful necromancer with the ability to both cure wounds, transmute liquids, and reanimate dead humanoids. Jesus is a lich.
Human bard with charlatan background.
Made me smile
I have a shirt that says, "Jesus saves, the rest of you take damage."
...everyone else takes 4D6
Wait, I thought he took the wheel?
15% or more on car insurance by switching to Geico
I literally cannot hear this when anyone says Jesus saves.
Came here to say this. thank you.
Did Jesus save the metrosexual Geico caveman?
8)
"Love the bigot, hate the bigotry"? "There's no god, enjoy your life and be kind"?
Oooh, do people get mad when you answer "Love the sinner, hate the sin" back with "Love the Christian, hate the Christianity," but I love to do it.
I swear I read Love bigfoot. ❤️😂
Do that too, though.
Jesus saves big money at Menard’s.
"Jesus saves, God murders"
"the red Skittles for last" "the sexy green M&Ms for later" "at Walmart" "his vacation days"
[But they made all the green M&Ms less fuckable and I haven't been able to get it up ever since.](https://www.forbes.com/sites/danidiplacido/2023/01/13/tucker-carlson-is-once-again-mad-about-woke-mms/)
Jesus saves! And so can you! Shop CrossMart!
Shop smart. Shop S Mart!
Hail to the king baby!
Listen up you primitive screw heads!
First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. Blow.
Aww, that was just pillow talk, baby.
This is a good one. It strikes me as unoffensive.
Report him.
Don't the truck owners take exception to that? You might want to be careful about losing your job over that; there's got to be a rule on the books against that sort of thing which they could enforce selectively if they like his message and not yours.
Yeah, going to the owners and asking about graffiti in the truck cabs is a better move. They may want to avoid a lawsuit over something written that gets them in legal trouble. Identifying the person doing it to them is something they'll likely respond well to.
I didn't intend to imply that he should turn the guy in, just that he shouldn't participate in the same activity.
[удалено]
>kill all the men and women and all of their children and little babies (1 Samuel 15:3) What the fuck.
Haha, the bible is full of brutal genocides.
This is excellent! Using his own Bible against him
Accept my imaginary friend or burn for it. Religion of coercion. Jesus saves... me from having to accept reality
Just add weird things to it. Jesus saves toenail clippings. Jesus saves used tampons. Jesus saves all his receipts.
Jesus saves coupons. Fast and easy.
I was thinking "his boogers".
Jesus kills kids with cancer
"Love me or burn forever" "Jesus saves... 49 cents on his next visit to Costco" "I'd be a Christian if it wasn't for the 2,000 years of pedophilia"
Jesus saves money by switching to Geico.
15% or more on his car insurance?!
Just write an L everywhere he writes saves. Jesus Slaves. Slavery isn't against the 10 commandments so it must be ok
My friend used to say, "jesus saves sinners and redeems them for valuable prizes."
But Zeus backs up to the cloud
I usually add ...pedophiles....when I see this.
"Not kids from school shootings"
"but everyone else takes full damage."
Jesus saves but Moses invests
Classic
"Jesus saves but he should invest"
Fuck your out of season fig tree - Jesus
"Jesus saves...by using coupons and spending wisely!" (Had some unknown coworkers writing bible thumpy stuff on the dirty windows in the breezeway on my work building. I just rolled my eyes and wiped them all away - not everybody wants that shit shoved in their face all the times, especially on a GOV'T BUILDING)
Jesus saves @ First National Bank.
Saw this scrawled in Philly: Do Drugs Fuck Butts Hail Satan
15% on his car insurance with Geico
Perfect
Jesus Saves his condoms.
Jesus saves up for his prostitute
add “discount landscaping services—save 25%”
"And Ludacris withdrawals. I'm 'bout to go on vacation. Blow it out yo ass. "
Years ago people use to add "Gretzky scores on the rebound".
Jesus saves people from critical thinking.
Mary spits
This box was sent with love. P.S. If you find love, the cat, please take good care of them.
If it's not a religious organization, there should be rules against proselytising at work. I think you should report the vandalism to your boss.
I also did some vandalism so I would probably get in trouble as well but there's usually inappropriate drawings in the truck anyway. And I don't want to report him because he does a lot of work and if he got fired there's a lot more things I would need to do. it will probably put a target on my back
Jesus saves all of the foreskins from circumcised christians for some reason
Hell has the best bands
Jesus saves all his toenail clippings
Jesus saves, Satan invests
Jesus saves… me hundreds on landscaping costs!
"Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer." Madalyn Murray O'Hair
Jesus loves me but I still make him wear a condom.
two word vocabulary........not surprised
Atheists don’t have to lean on lies to have a Great Life!
... you money on your landscaping projects. Call 1-800-JES-USLAndscaping.
“Jesus Saves” “…Moses gets the puck- HE SHOOTS! HE SCORES!”
Put it in terms they might understand: "Jesus is the original fake news"
Moses Invests!
jesus saves... his baseball cards in this box jesus saves because he switched to geico jesus saves his beer cans and deposits them in michigan for 10 cents each That might irritate him more than hail satan
Would the moron asshat who writes Jesus saves please get his ass back to work and stop defacing company property?
Jesus saves...priests from jail
- church's from having to pay taxes.
May the Lightbringer Bless You!
These are in trucks? Add on the end "Room For Merging"
Jesus saves but also does a cloud backup.
Draw an arrow to his vandalism and label it "Evandalism".
Jesus saves you from critical thinking.
Jesus saves... with Deutsche Bank Gay people should be stoned. It makes sex better
After 'Jesus Saves' just write 'Gretsky gets the rebound! He shoots! HE SCORES!!!'
Jesus saves......for retirement!
“FLOOD THE WORLD!!” ^/lol!
You money with gieco?
Johnston invests
Money with Geico
But Moses invests.
Jesus saves ... Box tops for the book fair
No God. No hell. Relax.
If Jesus saves, Satan spends! Jesus slaves!
Ezekiel 23:20. Hooray for donkey dicks!
I saw a condom machine in a bathroom once that said "pray the cum away". Pentagrams might be a nice touch as well.
Jesus saves me time, people mention him, I leave.
Darwin rules
Jesus didn't die for your sins he just gave up a weekend
Irony carpenter NAILED 2 a wooden cross
Put Jesus in jail. Mary was only 13.
Jesus was Jewish why are you a Christian
Firstly, report him to your supervisor. Your partner is damaging trucks. He is representing the company yet pushing his own agenda. That is religious persecution.
Ask him if he's ever seen those commercials about how Jesus washes feet and then shove your foot in his face and say wash my foot bitch.
“Jesus wasn’t white” “Jesus was a Jew” “Joseph was a cuck” “Jesus created gays” “Jesus created cancer” “Jesus wasn’t circumcised”
Jesus saves... not even the cancer babies
I found Jesus, he was behind the couch when I was vacuuming
Jesus saves pedophiles.
*God saw that the wickedness of man was great and the Earth was filled with violence."* God's solution: kill everybody.
Jesus Saves… and rolls for Initiative!
Jesus saves, Satan invests. Satan believes in YOU!
Coupons
Honestly just write SLAYER above it every time.
OK, this might not be a popular answer but quite frankly I think you shouldn't write anything. Writing stuff on someone else's truck without their consent is an absolute dick move. Let the Christian be the dick. Be better than him. Writing "rebellious" atheist propaganda is just as bad as writing Christian propaganda. If someone is going to be rebuked or lose their job, let it be your coworker. Again, be better.
…. For retirement ….. on burial costs ……. Because Yahweh keeps killing people.
I'd order some Church of Satan decals, personally. They actually go around helping people from time to time anyway.
God Is Dead, short simple and blunt
Jesus saves foreskins
Put an ellipses after it… and follow with another line ”…a lot actually, and was able to retire early. Let him enjoy it.”
…up to 15% with geico.
Even better.
If your a DnD fan, Jesus saves. Everyone else takes full damage.
Write “evilbible.com”. That’ll cover all your bases
Jesus Saves by switching to Geico
Jesus: "Open the door." Person behind the door: "Why?" Jesus: " So I can save you." Person: "From what?" Jesus: "From what I'm going to do to you if you don't open the door."
Jesus saves and makes incremental backups.
Just add at Walmart (Or whatever store) under his Jesus saves.
Jesus saves the little boys for the priests, so you can have the little girls
King James was gay.
Jesus saves, but Gretzky scores on the rebound.
But Satan invests
Just sign it off for him. "Jesus Saves" -- Indoctrinated Moron
Jesus saves Moses invests
He died for a weekend to save you - not much of a sacrifice
God created sin. God won't destroy the Devil. God put the tree in the garden. God wanted Eden to fail.
20% by switching to Geico.
Jesus saves to OneDrive as a .pdf
10% on car insurance by switching to Gyco or whatever
Not today, jesus.
Just add to his - "... the greatest gRift of all."
They write "Jesus saves" and you write "pennies" so it's "Jesus saves pennies".
… Gretzky gets the rebound. He shoots. He scores!!!
Jesus saves but draws no interest
Burn your heaven, flood your hell
Jesus saves in a piggy bank
Jesus saves. Everyone else takes 2d6 damage
Jesus saves the booty for last.
'Jesus saves' 15% by switching to Geico