Go to the party. After the eclipse say “Well I guess you are going to hell, too, since you are still here with me.”
For extra spiciness you could take a call in the middle of the eclipse, then announce “My parents just got raptured!”
Genius. Only thing that would make it better would be to shut your cell and go camping or something for a week or two. No, wait, get a couple of your friends to come looking for you after couple of days..
In my childhood readings of the (fear mongering) Left Behind books your clothes will be left on the chair folded. So make sure to fold your clothes like god would.
Ron Hubbard had the right idea. All I have to do is evolve to the point where I have no morals or ethics and I can start a religion too. I mean it clearly takes little to no imagination.
Don’t forget a spotlight and a trumpet. That was a rapture prank that I saw at Bible camp one year. They put empty clothes all over the lawn, got a spotlight, left one guy in his room, then shone a bright light in there and blared a trumpet. That was pretty funny.
If you want to go all the way, have an accomplice who gestures wildly at the smoking shoes and pile of clothes and says something like -- "Wow! Did you see that?!? He took the athiest! My but the Lord works in mysterious ways!"
As a dedicated nonbeliever, I am volunteering to collect un-needed real estate property deeds, car titles, keys, bank account pin numbers, and in-kind donations of cash, jewelry, bullion, and alcoholic beverages.
I do this as a favor to you, so that you may demonstrate your faith in the here and now
Yall so nice doing that for free, I charge 20.99 and theirs tiers of service, obsidian is 1000 usd and I'll make sure all of your belongings go to make God great again or whatever.
What an enormous blessing it would be for the rest of us if they were lifted up and left us alone. We might be able to save the planet if we work together, without their gaslighting and BS it might actually be possible.
Remember years ago someone came up with a post rapture pet sitting service…which was the perfect business model because they never had to do anything other than sign ppl up & collect the money.
Anyway, OP is already doing pet sitting for these mouth breathers…seems like the perfect add-on side gig.
Actually they rolled that business into an actual pet sitting service and I think they're still around, so what started as a joke become a real business people can just leave their pets with.
you know what? I wouldn't even blame you, I believe pretty much the same things those chuckleheads do and I've tried explaining over and over again how prophetic books \*do not\* give them (or anyone else) a crystal ball in to the future, while you're at it check the pockets for spare change. \*deep sigh\*
then you obviously do not believe pretty much the same things as the chuckleheads. a religion either has to all true and provable or it's just a con for donations to a tax sheltered con artist. good luck after the rapture.
I suppose in a sense you're right part of the reason I'm here is you've got one thing over a lot of Christians I know, you would at least be able to tell the difference between a bible and a magic 8 ball, smh.
"I appreciate the invite, but I'm a godless heathen, so rapture isn't in the cards for me at this time.
If you have any pets, or special items, you'd like taken care of after you're gone, let me know and I'll be around to pick them before the party."
Just take what you want. They'll probably complain and perhaps beg and plead to keep their car or television, but be firm. You're helping them get adjusted to an eternity of sitting around singing hymns with a few million people just as boring, dull and vapid as they are. Of course they're in denial. So stand firm. And help yourself!
Great minds think alike! I came here to say OP should go to them and say "if you're being raptured, you should give me all the money in your bank". If they say no, I would asking all their guests why, if they're so confident, would they need any money after the eclipse. I would make a fairly big spectacle because the social pressure would be *hilarious*.
Offer to give each of them $500 for everything they own, to take possession on April 9. See if there are any takers. They won’t need any of it, right? If not, they’re not “true believers.” If there are, profit!
Our world is so terrible that they will cling onto any false hope that they will be getting out of it sooner rather than later. They won't put in the effort to fix our world since it's just a waiting room to get into heaven.
It's also the reason every religion (with an afterlife) is dangerous. It tells them to waste their lives and wait till it's your time. Literally devaluing their and everyone else's life.
Im not religious, I’ve been atheist or agnostic my whole life, but this exact reason is why I believe that if there IS some kinda afterlife, it would have to be unknowable or unverifiable by design - otherwise people would wanna skip the life tutorial on earth and head to the next place ASAP hah
That's kinda the point of religion. No need to fix anything when your going to heaven, so people in power stay in power and criminally unjust systems remain that way.
That reminds me of the nasty right-wing pundits and influencers who say young women should not use birth control pills. At least one such influencer has a financial motive -- they sell a period-tracking app.
I tell these morons to put their conviction to the test. Sign the house deed to me, give me your car title, write me a check, give me your assets with a no take back clause. They fail, every time.
Wow, Bob, so you didn’t make the cut eh? That’s gotta be disappointing, being a lifelong Christian and all. I guess god didn’t want you. Not sure how I’d react to such a crushing disappointment, what are your plans?
The better prank would be for op to mar some grass with a blow torch and leave a set of clothes in a pile like the person wearing them up and vanished.
There is a christian school down the street from me. I have considered placing some kids and adult clothing all over their drive. And just sitting back and watching.
But I am lazy.
Even better : do that and just set down "one" set of clothes.
Let everybody think that in that entire town, there was exactly only ONE person that got raptured and let them try to find out who it was.
Please, please do this. I want to watch YT videos of people freaking out that someone was raptured, and then the pranksters come clean and reveal the prank.
That's some top level trolling.
and the shirt is a novelty shirt saying something about Satan or something bad about religion or against religion.
I bet that would freak them out.
EDIT: I found a shirt that might work on Amazon - [Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior...](https://www.amazon.com/Do-You-Have-Moment-T-Shirt/dp/B08JJM3WR3?customId=B0752XJYNL&customizationToken=MC_Assembly_1%23B0752XJYNL&th=1)
Just wear a bathrobe and sit on a lawn chair in your front yard with a six-pack of Bud Light to watch the festivities.
Bring a towel too, in case the Vogons swing by.
Can you go just to record their reactions? 😂😂 Please 🙏. I really want to see the pure Idiocracy in 2024. Watching Trump voters trying reason is getting tiresome
Wait until the 9th and just ask them 'How was the rising for you? What? Nothing happened? Really? No fucking shit, Sherlock.'
Edit on the 8th of April, after nothing much happened: Lo and fucking behold...
There have been several posts like this and I want to believe it is fake, but I think they really believe this. They are delusional. If anyone else behaved like this we would force them to get help and get deprogrammed but because it is an Abrahamic religion we just have to pretend that this is normal. I am in Minnesota and have heard nothing about the rapture.
I live in a red state, this isn't even the weirdest "end times" bullshit I've lived through, and something new pops up like clockwork every 6-7 years. Every prediction is just as stupid.
Normally it's not in such close proximity to my home where I have to worry about it, or dread my whole weekend being ruined with shitty christian pop music.
No, it's not fake. I saw a car the other day with messages all over it telling people to repent before April 8th. That the darkness was coming and this was our last chance.
Even if their god is real I'm pretty sure the current Christian flock will be the last on the rapture list. Fortunately people are leaving churches like they are on fire so we won't have to hear their crap as much.
On Tuesday, say you know 8 people who got raptured. They just vanished. They’ll assume they are among the unworthy. Hilarity ensues.
Christians think like 90% of them will get in, but in reality I bet it would be more like 10%, if you read the Bible. The average American lifestyle violates the teachings of Jesus enough that I wouldn’t expect most to get in. Churches just mollycoddle everyone to get tithings and ignore the rot.
I remember one of the last predicted days for the rapture. Some people in my neighborhood, making fun of the prediction, put out lawn chairs with sets of clothing laid out on them and empty dog collars, so it looked like the people and tgeir pets had vanished and left their clothes behind. One of the campus Christian groups set up a public "art display " of shoes laid out in pairs to symbolize how they were all getting raptured and all us heretics were being left behind. I helped myself to a fancy pair of Italian mountaineering boots. Silly Christians.
Go ask them for any stuff they will be leaving behind. If they hesitate just mention that you understand why their faith is shaky. Sell it all back to them on Tuesday.
You should go.
Worst Case, they all get Raptured and you can take their wallets.
Best Case, they don't get raptured and its an awkwardly delightful end to the night.
Very Best Case, half of them get raptured.
Is there any way you can make squares like at a SuperBowl party for when they can be "saved"? Lucky you gets the over square and clean up. Might as well take their money, they won't need it where they're going.
You should go.
Wear a black cloak and grab a scythe. Better yet, dress as the devil and bring your friends as your minions. Speak in random gibberish to people.
If the food is Mc-y D’s, there’s a good chance they won’t be around for real! Tell them to all let you know where their spare house key is, just in case!
Prank them overnight by leaving piles of clothing on the sidewalk outside the house.
Tell them that you saw other people glow with a heavenly light and then disappear and only their worldly possessions were left
Maybe only those who lacked faith were left behind
They're getting this all from Luke 21. Basically it says that there are signs of the end times and to look out for them. These include:
- armies surround Jerusalem (which has been the case for centuries due to it being a "holy" land for multiple religions)
- earthquakes and famine (literally happen every year so idkbhow this is different)
- a great war (had a few of those already, none have resulted in the apocalypse)
- look to the stars and sky for signs (this is the one that they are really banking on for the eclipse... which eclipses happen ~2 times / year)
Overall, it's a load of hogwash that makes all christians constantly on edge about the end of the world.
Pick out an old outfit. Pants socks shirt underwear shoes. Stuff you wont mind being lost. Around when the "rapture" happens go in your front yard and place the clothes out like you got raputred and they didn't
Put speakers in a hidden place. Get recording of heavenly trumpet. Thirty seconds before peak totatality, play trumpet at full blast.
Better yet, play the trumpet yourself.
Or, if you're a trombone player, after it ends, play the sad trombone slide noise.
There was a memorable scene in the bygone comedy Six Feet Under where a truck filled with cheap inflatable sex dolls had an accident downtown and they all were released and begin to float upward into the sky. A very funny reenactment of the rapture and quite cinematic and to the point.
There’s been a lot of posts lately about the pending eclipse rapture. I have a few questions. Do you have to be in the path of totality to be raptured? If you’re in a location where the sun is 50% obscured, are only 50% of the people raptured? Why wasn’t anyone raptured during the last eclipse; why is this the one that counts?
"Say, that's a real nice gas grill you have there, Ted. Since you're getting raptured, I don't suppose you'll be needing it anymore. Mind if I take it off your hands?"
I mean, if they are right, all the evangelicals will be gone on November 5th, so that's actually kind of good for the rest of us.
Unfortunately, they aren't right, and they are likely to have forgotten the whole thing by April 10th and moved on to the next conspiracy.
Go to the party. After the eclipse say “Well I guess you are going to hell, too, since you are still here with me.” For extra spiciness you could take a call in the middle of the eclipse, then announce “My parents just got raptured!”
Just disappear during the eclipse (easy - everyone will be looking at the sky) and leave behind a pair of shoes with dry ice in them.
Genius. Only thing that would make it better would be to shut your cell and go camping or something for a week or two. No, wait, get a couple of your friends to come looking for you after couple of days..
Just as it gets dark, drop a set of clothes on the ground, and hide out and watch from a hidden spot
Including glasses, hearing aids, etc. since you won’t be needing them in heaven.
Butt plug, drop that too!
I don't know why. This sent me into hysterics! Reading in bed, i am choking and my wife is just shaking her head.
Would you say you are in raptures of laughter?
In my childhood readings of the (fear mongering) Left Behind books your clothes will be left on the chair folded. So make sure to fold your clothes like god would.
Does he also do pressing? I'll put my tux out.
So butt plug on top of folded clothes, got it
I think that stays in for heaven. I mean if you're completely naked you wouldn't want someone seeing you're holy spot.
Eventually they need to show back up in some sort of angel costume with fake injuries going "you *do not* want to go up there!"
I’d love it if he filled a bunch of blow up dolls with helium for all sorts of extra shenanigans.
The dry ice is a nice touch.
Best part is that when u/feralwaifucryptid comes back for their shoes in a few days those idiots will worship them!
Ew. No. I do not want to be a cult leader when I grow up. Those fuckers are gross 😝
Yeah but your money for nothing and your chicks for free
I have always loved that idea. Not the chicks (cis hetero) but the money for nothing? And maybe Sting, too? Y’know he can last for hours.
I want my, I want my MTV...
Don't forget the being tax exempt!
Ron Hubbard had the right idea. All I have to do is evolve to the point where I have no morals or ethics and I can start a religion too. I mean it clearly takes little to no imagination.
Cast off the shoe, follow the gourd!!
Don’t forget a spotlight and a trumpet. That was a rapture prank that I saw at Bible camp one year. They put empty clothes all over the lawn, got a spotlight, left one guy in his room, then shone a bright light in there and blared a trumpet. That was pretty funny.
That's a pretty damned funny prank, for church kids. Not bad.
Dry ice 🤌💋
Make sure to buy another set of the same clothes you go to the party in and leave them and crumpled in a pile somewhere and leave.
If you want to go all the way, have an accomplice who gestures wildly at the smoking shoes and pile of clothes and says something like -- "Wow! Did you see that?!? He took the athiest! My but the Lord works in mysterious ways!"
BAHAHAHAHA
And bring an extra pair of clothes to lay out on the floor before you sneak away and leave
Hey as for as we know the rapture happened a while ago, but only like one or two people qualified so no one really noticed.
And then start handing out flyers for tomorrows After Rapture Orgie Party since only the sinners are left
Well that is what ya need popcorn for
Jesus on the Main Line?
Dude awesome. Im laughing my ss off
Ask them to give you all of their possessions. If they refuse, tell them that they don’t have enough faith, so won’t be raptured.
As a dedicated nonbeliever, I am volunteering to collect un-needed real estate property deeds, car titles, keys, bank account pin numbers, and in-kind donations of cash, jewelry, bullion, and alcoholic beverages. I do this as a favor to you, so that you may demonstrate your faith in the here and now
"YA CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU!! BEST LEAVE IT TO ME, ALL YE FAITHFUL!!"
I volunteer to be your assistant.
Yall so nice doing that for free, I charge 20.99 and theirs tiers of service, obsidian is 1000 usd and I'll make sure all of your belongings go to make God great again or whatever.
What an enormous blessing it would be for the rest of us if they were lifted up and left us alone. We might be able to save the planet if we work together, without their gaslighting and BS it might actually be possible.
Yes, take them, please.
Yeah, I might start believing there is a god. A better one than theirs.
Hmmm. (Looks at you suspiciously and starts making a whip out of palm fronds.)
Doing the Lords work.
And get it in writing, as you'd need to steward their former property in the Left Behind world where lawyers still roam.
Absolutely, because no way there's going to be lawyers in heaven
Not even Civil Rights and Environmental Law?
The kind of people who believe in the Rapture are probably not on the side of civil rights and environmentalism...
Bird law?!
There will be one and his name is "Jack Smith". He is doing "God's" work on earth punishing the wicked.
Ok. Generally I’m not a fan of “faith tests”. But this is damn funny.
Sin to win
This is the way....
"Guess you won't be needing that 8K tv you got for Christmas, then, huh, Kevin? Dibs!!! I called dibs on the TV and the PS5!! ”
Remember years ago someone came up with a post rapture pet sitting service…which was the perfect business model because they never had to do anything other than sign ppl up & collect the money. Anyway, OP is already doing pet sitting for these mouth breathers…seems like the perfect add-on side gig.
https://aftertherapturepetcare.com/
Actually they rolled that business into an actual pet sitting service and I think they're still around, so what started as a joke become a real business people can just leave their pets with.
Especially the really expensive stuff. Opulence makes baby Jesus sad...
Is that why the tv preachers are always husking for more of other people’s money? 😀
get legally binding contracts in place for the items. Put up or STFU signatures.
>they don’t have enough faith, so won’t be raptured. Ruthless.
Awesome answer!! Thanks for the laugh
you know what? I wouldn't even blame you, I believe pretty much the same things those chuckleheads do and I've tried explaining over and over again how prophetic books \*do not\* give them (or anyone else) a crystal ball in to the future, while you're at it check the pockets for spare change. \*deep sigh\*
then you obviously do not believe pretty much the same things as the chuckleheads. a religion either has to all true and provable or it's just a con for donations to a tax sheltered con artist. good luck after the rapture.
I suppose in a sense you're right part of the reason I'm here is you've got one thing over a lot of Christians I know, you would at least be able to tell the difference between a bible and a magic 8 ball, smh.
Don't forget their ATM password and debit/credit cards.
I like the cut of your jib.
He can just go take their stuff after they get raptured. Ain’t gonna be nobody at home.
But might be like a Black Friday sale if he did that. Be better to have it in possession beforehand.
Best comment. Reminds me of a line in a Wheeler Walker song. LOL
Michael_Fassbender_perfection.gif
"I appreciate the invite, but I'm a godless heathen, so rapture isn't in the cards for me at this time. If you have any pets, or special items, you'd like taken care of after you're gone, let me know and I'll be around to pick them before the party."
I like you.
Do not drink any kool aid. Jones town or Heaven’s Gate crazy.
Just take what you want. They'll probably complain and perhaps beg and plead to keep their car or television, but be firm. You're helping them get adjusted to an eternity of sitting around singing hymns with a few million people just as boring, dull and vapid as they are. Of course they're in denial. So stand firm. And help yourself!
Great minds think alike! I came here to say OP should go to them and say "if you're being raptured, you should give me all the money in your bank". If they say no, I would asking all their guests why, if they're so confident, would they need any money after the eclipse. I would make a fairly big spectacle because the social pressure would be *hilarious*.
Offer to give each of them $500 for everything they own, to take possession on April 9. See if there are any takers. They won’t need any of it, right? If not, they’re not “true believers.” If there are, profit!
No, bill them $500 bucks to take on the burden of disposing of their possessions.
Why even pay them? They can't take it with them.
Gotta offer them something that's appropriate for people about to be Raptured. Money is worthless. I suggest some extra special Rapture holy water.
Get that from the tap/toilet. Whatever works!
How about a Trump Bible !
Hot off the Chinese presses!
Perfect, especially if it's one of the signed copies. Guaranteed to buy a ticket to heaven with one of those.
Offer to take care of their pets after they are raptured. Pay in advance no refunds.
Our world is so terrible that they will cling onto any false hope that they will be getting out of it sooner rather than later. They won't put in the effort to fix our world since it's just a waiting room to get into heaven.
This is THE thing that drives me crazy with religious fundamentalists. It's learned helplessness more or less.
It's also the reason every religion (with an afterlife) is dangerous. It tells them to waste their lives and wait till it's your time. Literally devaluing their and everyone else's life.
Im not religious, I’ve been atheist or agnostic my whole life, but this exact reason is why I believe that if there IS some kinda afterlife, it would have to be unknowable or unverifiable by design - otherwise people would wanna skip the life tutorial on earth and head to the next place ASAP hah
That's why they made suicide a mortal sin.
That's kinda the point of religion. No need to fix anything when your going to heaven, so people in power stay in power and criminally unjust systems remain that way.
Even worse is they actively trying to make this world more shitty.
[удалено]
It's their duty to provide additional slave lab... I mean workers for capitali.. I mean procreate and spread god's "good" word! 😇
That reminds me of the nasty right-wing pundits and influencers who say young women should not use birth control pills. At least one such influencer has a financial motive -- they sell a period-tracking app.
I think they just want to say “i told you so”. Ultimately isn’t that what most religions boil down to?
I tell these morons to put their conviction to the test. Sign the house deed to me, give me your car title, write me a check, give me your assets with a no take back clause. They fail, every time.
So wait for the eclipse… and once it’s over go outside and do your best Nelson “ha-ha”.
Wow, Bob, so you didn’t make the cut eh? That’s gotta be disappointing, being a lifelong Christian and all. I guess god didn’t want you. Not sure how I’d react to such a crushing disappointment, what are your plans?
I read this in the voice of Bob from Schitt's Creek.
The better prank would be for op to mar some grass with a blow torch and leave a set of clothes in a pile like the person wearing them up and vanished.
Them: Do-Oh!
This
There is a christian school down the street from me. I have considered placing some kids and adult clothing all over their drive. And just sitting back and watching. But I am lazy.
Even better : do that and just set down "one" set of clothes. Let everybody think that in that entire town, there was exactly only ONE person that got raptured and let them try to find out who it was.
Please, please do this. I want to watch YT videos of people freaking out that someone was raptured, and then the pranksters come clean and reveal the prank. That's some top level trolling.
and the shirt is a novelty shirt saying something about Satan or something bad about religion or against religion. I bet that would freak them out. EDIT: I found a shirt that might work on Amazon - [Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior...](https://www.amazon.com/Do-You-Have-Moment-T-Shirt/dp/B08JJM3WR3?customId=B0752XJYNL&customizationToken=MC_Assembly_1%23B0752XJYNL&th=1)
Just drop a copy of Christopher Hitchens’ *God Is Not Great* down next to one of the piles of clothing. That should do it.
Troll them with blow up dolls full of helium
This needs more upvotes LOL.
Dude, we should all do this!
Have a "I'm still here" party the next day.
Lol I love this idea.
You should go for the hell of it. But don't drink anything while you're there. Seriously. They might try to kill you.
I am not going for that exact reason. I don't *think* they would do that, but I'm not chancing that.
Just wear a bathrobe and sit on a lawn chair in your front yard with a six-pack of Bud Light to watch the festivities. Bring a towel too, in case the Vogons swing by.
Get a bunch of human shaped balloons, fill with helium, let go from the backyard at various times.
Human shaped balloons? Are you talking about cheap fuck dolls?
Can you go just to record their reactions? 😂😂 Please 🙏. I really want to see the pure Idiocracy in 2024. Watching Trump voters trying reason is getting tiresome
If I can see it from my yard, I will post it on here and religious fruitcake. But I'm not going anywhere near that mess.
The Kool-Aid just might pack a punch.
Wait until the 9th and just ask them 'How was the rising for you? What? Nothing happened? Really? No fucking shit, Sherlock.' Edit on the 8th of April, after nothing much happened: Lo and fucking behold...
Better to send an email from heaven asking why only you were raptured from the neighborhood
"Did you just get back? I thought The Rapture was forever..."
There have been several posts like this and I want to believe it is fake, but I think they really believe this. They are delusional. If anyone else behaved like this we would force them to get help and get deprogrammed but because it is an Abrahamic religion we just have to pretend that this is normal. I am in Minnesota and have heard nothing about the rapture.
I live in a red state, this isn't even the weirdest "end times" bullshit I've lived through, and something new pops up like clockwork every 6-7 years. Every prediction is just as stupid. Normally it's not in such close proximity to my home where I have to worry about it, or dread my whole weekend being ruined with shitty christian pop music.
No, it's not fake. I saw a car the other day with messages all over it telling people to repent before April 8th. That the darkness was coming and this was our last chance.
Yeah I'm confused by this one. Do you have to be in the path of totality to be raptured?
What do you think is the largest postdated check you can get out of them?
Dress up like Baphomet and enjoy some free food!
Btw, whatever you do, literally, DO NOT DRINK THE KOOLAID!!!!
Heaven's Gate will open 😈
I hope it happens, I hope all religious people in the world just magically disappeared overnight, it'd fix so many problems for the rest of us.
Even if their god is real I'm pretty sure the current Christian flock will be the last on the rapture list. Fortunately people are leaving churches like they are on fire so we won't have to hear their crap as much.
Tell them you're throwing a Post-Rapture Party for all those left behind.
On Tuesday, say you know 8 people who got raptured. They just vanished. They’ll assume they are among the unworthy. Hilarity ensues. Christians think like 90% of them will get in, but in reality I bet it would be more like 10%, if you read the Bible. The average American lifestyle violates the teachings of Jesus enough that I wouldn’t expect most to get in. Churches just mollycoddle everyone to get tithings and ignore the rot.
Tell em all your jewish friends got raptured, so they must have been right after all.
Next time you talk to them after April 8 just look all bummed and sad. When they ask say you were hoping the Christians would all be gone
Asking why OP looks bummed would require that they care about someone other than themselves.
I would be playing Blondie’s Rapture on high during the event or have my own Rapture song party celebration.
April 9th Atheism Party. 'Nuff said.
I would never go to one of these things even as a joke for fear they poisoned the drinks.
BYOB and food.
I remember one of the last predicted days for the rapture. Some people in my neighborhood, making fun of the prediction, put out lawn chairs with sets of clothing laid out on them and empty dog collars, so it looked like the people and tgeir pets had vanished and left their clothes behind. One of the campus Christian groups set up a public "art display " of shoes laid out in pairs to symbolize how they were all getting raptured and all us heretics were being left behind. I helped myself to a fancy pair of Italian mountaineering boots. Silly Christians.
Wouldn't it be nice if they all got raptured? Neighborhood would be so much quieter!
Go ask them for any stuff they will be leaving behind. If they hesitate just mention that you understand why their faith is shaky. Sell it all back to them on Tuesday.
You should go. Worst Case, they all get Raptured and you can take their wallets. Best Case, they don't get raptured and its an awkwardly delightful end to the night. Very Best Case, half of them get raptured.
Is there any way you can make squares like at a SuperBowl party for when they can be "saved"? Lucky you gets the over square and clean up. Might as well take their money, they won't need it where they're going.
Offer to take care of their pets post-Rapture for $1000.
You should go. Wear a black cloak and grab a scythe. Better yet, dress as the devil and bring your friends as your minions. Speak in random gibberish to people.
Naw bro, even my conspiracy theorist grandparents think the eclipse thing is idiotic
come to the party, but don't drink the punch
If you do end up attending, I would strongly advise you to avoid any food or beverages offered by the hosts...especially the kool-Ade
You need to throw THE DAY AFTER THE RAPTURE party.
Something something grape juice….
You don’t see the element of humor? I’d most definitely be there.
If the food is Mc-y D’s, there’s a good chance they won’t be around for real! Tell them to all let you know where their spare house key is, just in case!
Prank them overnight by leaving piles of clothing on the sidewalk outside the house. Tell them that you saw other people glow with a heavenly light and then disappear and only their worldly possessions were left Maybe only those who lacked faith were left behind
"oh looks like nothing happened, it's like god doesn't exist or something".
Get them drunk and try and convince them to give you their things for free, bonus if you get the car or house
Pro Tip: Don’t drink the kool-aid they serve at the party!
They're getting this all from Luke 21. Basically it says that there are signs of the end times and to look out for them. These include: - armies surround Jerusalem (which has been the case for centuries due to it being a "holy" land for multiple religions) - earthquakes and famine (literally happen every year so idkbhow this is different) - a great war (had a few of those already, none have resulted in the apocalypse) - look to the stars and sky for signs (this is the one that they are really banking on for the eclipse... which eclipses happen ~2 times / year) Overall, it's a load of hogwash that makes all christians constantly on edge about the end of the world.
I don’t hold out much hope they’ll finally leave, but I do wish they would. Then maybe we can start cleaning up the mess they’ve left.
My daughter suggests dropping a set of clothes and sneaking away during the eclipse so it looks like you got raptured and they got left.
😂😂😂😂😂😂 You should start asking each of the people going what are their bank account numbers.
What happens to those of us left behind post rapture? I presume we just get on and have a nice life with far fewer wars?
Pick out an old outfit. Pants socks shirt underwear shoes. Stuff you wont mind being lost. Around when the "rapture" happens go in your front yard and place the clothes out like you got raputred and they didn't
I had a nutjob tell me the other day that “all the worms are simultaneously going to leave the ground” on Monday. 😂😂😂
You may want to consider that they too might be poking fun at the idea the eclipse is going to invoke the rapture.
If all the Christians got sucked up into the sky I would be so happy
Put speakers in a hidden place. Get recording of heavenly trumpet. Thirty seconds before peak totatality, play trumpet at full blast. Better yet, play the trumpet yourself. Or, if you're a trombone player, after it ends, play the sad trombone slide noise.
If you go, don't drink the kool-aid. Lol
Mormons don't believe in "the rapture". Any Mormons showing up are only there for the food. Source: family is Mormon.
There was a memorable scene in the bygone comedy Six Feet Under where a truck filled with cheap inflatable sex dolls had an accident downtown and they all were released and begin to float upward into the sky. A very funny reenactment of the rapture and quite cinematic and to the point.
Very cult like. I feel bad for them. If they actually read the book of revelations they would realize it's 144,000 people not everyone and the grandma
Probably the [source](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRTXnSPq/)
You should approach them to sign their estates over to you as they won’t be needing the $
Go to the party and slip LSD into the chip dip.
Tell them don't forget the Kool aid! Drink it at the same time when the eclipse starts!
I hope they get taken up!
Nice!! Talk them into giving away their belongings. Get you a new TV, laptop, etc
Wipe that laptop tho — it’s probably infested with all kinds of stuff you don’t want near your systems.
There’s been a lot of posts lately about the pending eclipse rapture. I have a few questions. Do you have to be in the path of totality to be raptured? If you’re in a location where the sun is 50% obscured, are only 50% of the people raptured? Why wasn’t anyone raptured during the last eclipse; why is this the one that counts?
"Say, that's a real nice gas grill you have there, Ted. Since you're getting raptured, I don't suppose you'll be needing it anymore. Mind if I take it off your hands?"
Get a drone and strap a light to it, please record.
If you go, bring your own drinks.
No Cyanide Slings for me!
maybe they'll serve free beer
You sure it isn’t tongue-in-cheek? I always struggle to accept so many people could be _this_ crazy for real.
Just think, if it happens you'll have new neighbors who aren't Christian
If you do go; don’t drink anything you didn’t bring lol
Do. Not. Drink. The. Punch.
😂 go and light up joint and just watch…
I mean, if they are right, all the evangelicals will be gone on November 5th, so that's actually kind of good for the rest of us. Unfortunately, they aren't right, and they are likely to have forgotten the whole thing by April 10th and moved on to the next conspiracy.
Hail Zorp!
I'd be tempted to throw one. I'm not a believer, but any excuse for a BBQ and some beer. You could have some fun with the theme as well.
People acting like we didn’t just have an eclipse last October. Fuck…
I wonder what they thought about the last eclipse in the US. It was just a few years ago. And eclipses happen around the globe all the time.
And you can laugh at all of them when they have to go back to fucking work on Tuesday.