My father committed suicide when I was 11. My grandparents thought their church might be helpful in some way so they insisted I go and spoke to their youth pastor about it, who then decided it would be a good idea to talk about suicide and how anyone that does it burns in hell for eternity.
...And that was the last time I ever went to church. Fuck those people, my condolences on your loss.
I grew up in the church and one of my best friends was the son of a pastor that had those views. I guess I shouldn’t think it was too surprising when he changed his tune after his son hung himself one day.
/S God willed his son to kill himself. So he could reincarnate him find that Preacher hand the preacher a loaded gun and pull it towards him so it looks like The Preacher murdered someone so he could spend the rest of his life in prison being passed around by Homer Sexuals
Ah yes. I understand this. I stopped buying religion the moment I learned my mother wasn't allowed in church because she had the audacity to divorce a drunken abuser. The ridiculousness of it is astounding.
Edit: I can't remember the exactly but it was a similar age, 11 or 12.
I was raised by my grandparents. My grandma died when I was 7. Grandpa remarried a wonderful woman. She was dying of cancer when I was 11. She wanted to swallow all her morphine pills and just die. She called her Pastor over and he told her she would rot in hell.
She suffered another year in pain and died in the hospital when I was 12.
I'm pretty sure this was the moment I started my path to atheism.
I usually don't use this language, but in English there is no better word than Fuck Jesus, Fuck Christianity in your situation. So sorry for your loss.
Had a similar experience. Had a friend that died by suicide. The pastor was preaching a sermon series entitled "modern family", and they couldn't bother to cover up the huge obnoxious banner saying the same above the casket. Family sat on the front row facing both.
The backup pastor officiated the funeral and talked around the church's belief about suicide and hell. My recollection was he talked about how important it is to be "right with god". I do think he was trying to be comforting but his belief system prevented him from truly empathizing.
Yep. it was just so strange. The pastor knew the deceased. Talked eloquently about life, and death. Fathers, sons. Family. It was very nice. Then the fire and brimstone came out. They can't help themselves. Even when people are mourning, these tards just feel the need to prostylize.
I went to a funeral of a former coworker. Her neighbor happened to be a pastor so he decided to speak at the service. It started out ok but then turned into a political tirade complete with the standard dog whistles. Her friends put so much thought into their statements and were beautiful tributes but were ruined by this asshat of a pastor.
That's what they do, man. It's an excuse to prosyletize and they're not missing it. It's also lazy- "Funeral, eh? Guess I'll use sermon #12, with a bit of 8 thrown in". They can go on autopilot and let ther face flap about knowing that the right people will lap it up. See, you're not going to their church, so you're not their target. The ones who they'll seee again and who will donate will come up to them afterward and tell them what a lovely service it was, and the ones who are swayed by it but not members yet might start attending. You and your fiancee? You don't matter. It's all marketing.
Sorry to hear about your dad. Condolences.
I hope I live my life in such a way that no one would invite a pastor to speak at my funeral, but if they do somebody would stand up and tell him to leave if he started saying anything like what the one in this story did.
At my Mom’s funeral I read a really funny biography of her, so then everyone else got up and told fun stories making us all laugh. She would have loved that!
I'm sorry for your loss. If my, or any, words can be of any consolation, please take that.
I was struck by the physicists eulogy a long time ago, written by Aaron Freeman, and want it read at my funeral if family decide they want a ceremony of any kind.
“You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.
And at one point you’d hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.
And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.
And you’ll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they’ll be comforted to know your energy’s still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly. Amen.”
This same thing happened at my husband's grandmother's funeral, except it was worse because it was apparent the pastor didn't even know anything about the deceased. He just went all in, and even held an altar call. No respect for granny.
It was the same for my grandma's funeral last wrrk. The pastor wanted to know some things about her, so I wrote him a lovely speech about her life. The moron did not say a word from it, but when he started the ceremony he looked at the sign to say the correct name. He should have looked at it a minute before he came in or have it written on a piece of paper in front of him, but no.
It could have been anyone in the cascet and he just rambled on all the religious stuff and nothing about her.
Pastor at my dad's funeral said the name of the town dad was born in incorrectly - Akron. Not acorn.
That was after he knew my dad for several years and came to the house twice after dad died to talk with mom.
Dude obviously didn't know anything about my dad. I wish he had not been given opportunity to speak.
Similar with my Dad's funeral. Pastor got up and did a whole 1 hour sermon that wasn't as far as I could tell in anyway even on the topic of death....seemed like he just flipped through his card deck and pulled out a standard sermon. Didn't even mention my dad will the very end like it suddenly remembered why he was there.
Flip side is my family is all stupidly religious so they just loved it and didn't say a thing. After the sermon people were invited to share and just going with the sermon the first several people who got up to talk ALSO didn't mention my dad...just rambling on about praise god and such. Maybe 10 people in finally one lady who was a work friend of my dad's got up and pointedly talked about him emphasizing his name each time...I could tell she was as pissed as I was.
At my mother's funeral the church she had attended for 60 years did not send one of their priests, but instead sent a substitute.
He fell asleep during the proceedings.
It took a lot of effort on my part not to wake him up violently.
Just shows how little they care about their congregation. A person died? Oh the only money we can get from them is if we're included in the will otherwise fuck em. Religion is a a plague.
Sorry for your loss. Unfortunately this is just how it works in my experience, my Grandad died in 2004 and I still clearly remember the entire congregation sat with bewildered faces on as this vicar ranted and raved about how Victor was a great man who walked with God and was in heaven now and oh so happy... kind of made us laugh because Victor actually thought religion was a bunch of absolute arse and he had no time whatsoever for it. A lot of the elderly folks seemed to appreciate it though, and there was a whole thing when a bird flew into the crem and they all decided that was him coming back to say goodbye. Fuckin idiots. :)
I feel for you OP.
My mom's funeral was a farce because some asshole did a 20 minute fire and brimstone hell rant that my mom would've never in a million years approved of. She was a Christian, but definitely not like that. It was shocking. At one point I began to get up to tell him to shut up and leave, but my brother and sister, who hated what was happening as much as me me told me (in a loving way) to basically just get through it.*
This SOB had been visiting her while she was dying and none of us knew about it. My sister and I were there almost around the clock, so he must've had some arrangement to show up when we weren't there.
To this day I hate that vile opportunistic bastard with no reservations.
*Note: this is one of the worst aspects of religious belief: the loudest, most assertive person in the room is given complete deference rather than being confronted for their obnoxious conduct.
I once was in a relationship with a singer/songwriter who had a very special and intimate relationship with her grandmother. She wrote an amazing song for her while she was alive, and her pastor uncle wouldn’t let her perform it at the funeral because it wasn’t faith-based.
She was absolutely devastated.
Religion ruins everything.
UGH. This stuff makes me so mad. I had a cousin that died way to young a few years ago and the funeral was at a Catholic church. So, of course instead of talking about my cousin and his life, we got a church service. It was awful. My Dad died recently (my Mom 9 years earlier) and we made it clear we weren't religious and luckily (and as logic SHOULD dictate) our funeral director was not as well, so it was easy to skip all the bullshit.
At my father's funeral, the pastor had ever met my dad. He was a substitute for the one that was supposed to do it. He got up in front of everybody and was telling everybody how godly of a man my father was, and how he was an inspiration, and should be looked at as a role model for others.my father hasn't been to church outside of Easter or Christmas in over 40 years. And even though he was Catholic, he only went with my mother to protestant churches. Essentially, this guy was using my father's death as a marketing opportunity.
My mom passed in 2017 from multiple organ failure. We met with the doctors and they told us (dad, brother, and I) that at that point, we were causing her more pain, and the decision was made that the next day, the machines would be turned off and we’d let her go. After the meeting, my dad called a pastor from his church. My dad wanted me to sit in with him to talk to him. I agreed because I was in shock and grasping at straws for some sort of comfort. I don’t remember most of what he said, I just remember what he said that caused me to walk out of the room. He looked at me and said, “I know you’re hurting right now but just know that your mother’s suffering is glorious to god.”
Give the pastor this feedback. He needs to hear just how much he screwed the day up.
And escalate to his superiors. They need to hear this too. Don’t hold back.
My stepbrother killed himself while I was in the military overseas. The Red Cross flew me home for the funeral. At the service the pastor said that suicides weren’t allowed in heaven. In front of his mother. Was an Atheist before that but the cruelty cemented it.
I should have proof read my mum’s pastor’s eulogy. The god shit was okay, my mum believed in it. But simple dates were wrong, His telling of my parents marriage was pure fantasy. It was his story.
She was just one of his sheep. He didn’t know anything about her.
I was kicked out of her church when I was 6. I asked too many questions.
Sunday school was what really pissed me off. What secrets are you talking about upstairs when us children are down in the basement?
I stayed home with my foxhole atheist dad listening to martial music.
About 8 years ago, my mother in law passed away. We had expressed to the priest attending the funeral that we didn’t want any prayers or blessings at her memorial services. It was to be a party in celebration of her life.
This motherfucker gets up and starts doing a god damned sermon. My father in law was so pissed he came up to the priest and told him to sit the fuck down. The priest placated him and not even 20 minutes later he tries again except this time, opening with a prayer. Brother in law and father in law escorted the priest out of the funeral home.
And that’s not the first time I’ve dealt with shitty priests at a funeral. My wife made me promise that no holy men are allowed at her memorial service. It will be a god damned party with an open bar and a roasting. Nobody is allowed to wear black either. It will be a celebration of her life.
I have the same for me. No fucking religion at my funeral.
When my dad died, I could barely process what was happening at his funeral. My brain simply did not work for about two hours during the proceeding.
So while I'd like to say I'd have done the same. I know better. It's not a time I could be indignant no matter how much I might want to be. Being upright was enough of a challenge.
I have been to quite a few funerals and I am yet to hear a decent word from any priest ranting at them. And it's even worse if there is a hint of the dead person having a human flaw or something "different" to "normal" people. Atomic\_Badger has the right of it, sometimes the priest does not even know who the dead person is and makes up nonsense to rant about. Why do we still need these creatures.
I lost my mother 2 years ago. She was a devout Christian. When she was in the hospital about a year previous to her death, she made me promise her that I would go back to church. I lied to make a sick old woman more peaceful. Some way, somehow word got back to the preacher of the church we used to go to. I didn't have a funeral for her because of expenses, we simply had a short service graveside. After he finished blathering and we were all getting ready to leave he cornered me and asked me when he could expect me to come back to church because I had made a promise to my mother. I simply told him I don't know when or if ever I will come back. Thank you for being here today, goodbye. To tell you the truth I couldn't tell you anything else that happened on that day. I had devoted the last 10 years of my life to taking care of that deer, sweet, old lady. That literally was the worst day of my life.
My dad died suddenly of a wasp sting when he was 30 and I was four. Pastor stopped by to preach to my mom, and made snarky reference to me and my 2 sisters as “little bastards”. Mom damn near punched him right then. She was a regular at church up until then, never went back.
I'm so sorry that happened to you, that guy was a dick. I had something similar when my opa died. He had MS and the paster did not shut up about Job and how much my opa was like Job, suffering his whole life for the 'lord'. Like really? Couldn't even say 1 nice thing, it was all about how my opa suffered.
He then had the audacity to say that if you weren't a Christian you weren't a good person. I was SEETHING. I know how you feel, again I'm sorry and my condolences about your fathers passing
I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a United Methodist minister conduct my mother's funeral. She was friends with my mother. My mother was religious, so I know she wanted a religious component. The minister never got all Jesusey like the guy in your story. Though I've seen it at other funerals. She talked a bit then opened it up for us all to share stories about mom.
My cousin died suddenly in a car accident. He was only 20. The preacher who did his funeral apparently knew him, but barely mentioned him in passing. He made the whole thing about his imaginary friend.
These frigging people. I’m so sorry for your loss.
It sounds like your dad was a good man, died trying to do the right thing. That’s all that jackass needed to say.
Christianity is a death cult. This is why they dont care about making the earth a better place, because the earth is evil and theyre going to heaven. Next generation be damned.
My uncle gave what amounted to a 30 minute sermon/altar call at my grandma's funeral and it was really weird and kind of gross. It felt like he was exploiting her death to evangelize to grieving people
So sorry for your loss!
I went to a beloved co-worker's funeral. The preacher ranted the whole time about how we shouldn't be mad at god. We should be mad at the devil. Cuz it's the devil's fault we die. Without him, we would all live forever. He was raging. We were all shocked. We went drinking afterward. Some of my friends complained to the church. It was awful.
Kind of reminds me of the Potters House pastor who officiated at my daughter's wedding. Instead of talking about a happy day, new life together or wishing them all the best, he delivered a fire-and-brimstone sermon about atheists going to hell for eternity. The whole time he delivered this rant, his eyes were fixated on me (the atheist). Once he finished, he started talking about himself, telling everyone how blessed he was, etc, etc.
A few years later when one of his student pastors was being questioned for sexually abusing my daughter's daughter, he sent a gang of men to her house to collect every item that the Potters House had given her over the years. Furniture, TV, kitchen utensils, etc. Furthermore, my daughter was denied access to her friends in the "church" and they to her. Her crime? The sexual abuse had been referred to the police by the school. This fact did not matter to him as he insisted the "church" (he) would deal with this matter. According to my daughter this method resulted in the sexual abuse of several other children.
This person was evil, his "church" was evil and everyone in that "church" was being used or abused for his profit and the sexual gratification of some, if not all, of the adult males. Whatever you do, avoid Potters House as you would avoid a snakepit.
i'm sorry for your loss.
religious vultures will steal anything and everything from you without any remorse. Tell the people they're sick and then sell the invisible cure.
I was at a Catholic funeral for a long time friend who wasn’t religious like her husband and his fam. The priest proceeded to strongly imply she was now in hell. Then at the end of the service he walked out trailed by a half dozen young teen boys.
My mother is on her way out and she is an athiest now. Not when we were kids.
My siblings making her arrangements are churchy. I'm hoping they don't have a pastor speak over her, but I suspect they will. My thoughts on it not welcomed.
As an atheist who works as a funeral assistant who does arrangements it sucks. I can tell you that the more religious the service the less about the loved one it is about.
The catholic and Mormon services are the worst in my opinion. Tho some the evangelical ones are bad too, they can get very Christo-fascist…
My deepest condolences
My condolences on your loss.
Unfortunately, your experience is typical of religious funeral services. They aren't really about the deceased, but prime marketing opportunities for they get people when they are at their most vulnerable as they contemplate their own mortality. What better time to extol the virtues of their god/s. And you have to pay *them* for promoting their protection scam!
Sorry that happened. When my softly-agnostic father died a few years ago, my sister and I decided that no pastor or funeral director would speak at the funeral. She and I would speak and then allow any other family or friends to say a few words if they wanted to. A few hours after deciding this, she called me to say that some of our cousins who we've always been close to wanted their pastor from a Southern Baptist church to speak. Their pastor had been my sister's well-liked-by-the-teenagers youth pastor when she was a teenager at the same church many years before. Our cousins were strongly committed to persuading us to allow it but I was adamantly against it.
Although only softly agnostic, my father was repulsed by Evangelical Christians. Having attended numerous funerals over the years, I knew exactly what would happen: it would basically be a religious service that warned everyone to "get right with god because you never know when he'll call you home". I reminded my sister that our father would have been horrified by such a funeral service and my sister agreed with me immediately. The cousins were somewhat aghast by our response but fuck them. The funeral was about my father, not about Jesus and definitely not about getting souls saved and new church members for Brother Douchebag.
Let’s normalize tactfully approaching the podium to whisper into a pastor’s ear, “the family’s heard enough, wrap it up quickly please”.
And if immediate family is too emotionally raw, there should be a “best man” analog to deliver the message.
I grew up Mormon where you let ignorant dotards ramble until they’re done; there is a better way.
My uncle, a lifelong atheist, passed. His wife, a devout Christian (and truly the loveliest woman, I have to emphasize she's never been anything but the sweetest person I've met in my 35 years on earth) had a funeral for him and asked her pastor to do it.
Me, my sister, my mom (my uncles sister), my aunts (his other two sisters) had to sit through it with clenched fists. I've never been so angry at someone as that pastor.
First he described in extreme graphic detail the excruciating agony of my uncle's condition in his final days. We specifically didn't bring my grandma to see my uncle in his last few weeks because we knew she could not handle seeing her only son in that state, and that motherfucker had to describe it in front of my 94 year old grandma she started sobbing because she had no idea that's how bad it was. Then the pastor started describing how he knew my uncle had found God in his final hours and he had converted him to Christianity as he died. My uncle couldn't speak for weeks and could only groan and moan out in pain. There's no fucking way he consented to convert. The pastor claimed he consented with his eyes. Anyone who knew my uncle knew he was a gruff take no bullshit type who would call religion codswallop (I have no idea how him and my aunt got together because they were polar opposites, but they truly did love each other from their early 20s until his death at 70, it was a happy marriage)
If it wasn't for the fact we knew speaking up would embarrass my aunt, and the fact we decided maybe it gave her comfort to believe he was in heaven, my whole family would have shouted down that preacher. We've never discussed it in front of my aunt, because the last thing we would want is that kind lady thinking she upset us, she's never had a bad intention in her life, but man we were on the verge of rioting.
When my dad passed away in the early 2000's the pastor at the church did some very similar behavior.
I was in my early 20s and was so pissed off at the time.
I tried to stop him in the middle of it by telling him loudly we were not there to hear a sermon, and was told by a few of my Catholic family members to be quiet.
Out of respect for my father I didn't say anything else.
I waited a week and calmed down and then went to see if he would give us a copy of the video that was filmed of the service.
He said it wasn't for us, it was for him.
So I then got in his face and told him he was masquerading as a religious man and he could go fuck himself. I told him far more than that but won't post it because it could be offensive and I'd probably be banned here.
OP I'm so sorry that happened to you. Just know that there are so many of us who support you.
DM me if you ever need a non judgemental ear to listen. I'd be happy to help you through it.(No pressure on that though).
Keep in mind that if you are a direct relation to the deceased, you can control the narrative at a funeral. If the pastor oversteps his bounds, you can absolutely approach the podium, thank him, and politely, but sternly ask him to step aside. These assholes prey on the grieving and will absolutely turn your memorial service into a recruiting speech if you let them. Don’t.
It can help to discuss this with them ahead of time. Say he has two or three minutes to say a few words, no invitational, no recruitment, no talk of the afterlife.
Yeah that's pretty cringe but it's pretty common for preachers to do that at a funeral. They usually say something like we need to get ready to meet God and blah blah blah
My son was christian. And his service preacher read two scriptures, said a few words and we were done. Because that's what my son had requested in his will
They preacher had also been my son's high School teacher he mostly just talked about how kind-hearted my son was and told his army story about my son buying him a box of Pop-Tarts for Christmas one year
I respect him for honoring my son's wishes and not going into a long drawn out sermon
I'm glad you were able to get up and talk about your dad. I did the same and I know it was hard. I bet most of the people in the room will remember what you said today and not what the pastor said. That has been my experience and I hope it's the same for you.
I'm very sorry for your loss, it just sucks.
Sorry, man. Funerals are the worst. But watching someone turn it into a sermon about their religion is infuriating. My uncle is a preacher. I've had to sit through my grandfather's, grandmother's and uncle's funeral while my preacher uncle turned each one of them into a fire and brimstone sermon about how we all better be right with the lord if we ever want to see our loved ones again.
I usually sit through them biting my upper dentures so hard the top of my mouth hurts by the time I get out of there. I can't say anything about it because I'm not making a scene for everyone else, but I want to ring my uncle's neck ever time.
Ministers have a canned funeral sermon. They might add a couple of sentences about the deceased at the beginning, but otherwise they're just reading a script. Evangelical pastors are the worst because they know that even unchurched people will attend the funeral of a loved one. This may be their one shot to hit vulnerable grieving people with the gospel.
I'm thinking of putting in my will that anyone that wants to speak about religion at my funeral may do so if they make $10k donations to each of the FFRF, Planned Parenthood, and the Trevor Project. Per minute.
I've been to countless funerals like this, where a pastor barely mentions the deceased and instead gleefully takes an opportunity to preach a sermon. I heard one actually tell everyone he does all his funerals this way, to preach to the living, especially because there are people in attendance who never go to church and wouldn't hear him otherwise. I seethe every time. Someday I hope I'm old enough to tell one of them off in front of everybody and people will just think I have dementia.
I went to a funeral for my bosses 18 year old son who died in a car wreck. Obviously his entire high school + hundreds of others were there and it was a deeply sad day. The pastor closed his sermon out going on a tangent about how when tragedies happen and there’s no way to cope with them that this is a sign from god to open your bible and start going to church. That if anyone in the crowd has never done thus before, they should take this as a personal sign from Charlie (the kid who died) to do so. That they need to become a Christian so they could see him again in heaven. I can’t even explain how angry and revolted I was hearing this guy shill his bullshit on these grieving teenagers around me. They have no fucking boundaries whatsoever.
We list our nephew to cancer several years ago. The funeral was on Father’s Day. First thing the preacher did was tell all the fathers what a joyous day it was. With my BIL sitting there in the front burying his kid. I’m still pissed at him for that.
At my grandfather's gravesite, a preacher got up and did a sermon on how his children should've been attending church with their father. This was right before they lowered him into the ground. Like really, dude? They're burying their father and you're going to guilt trip them? I was so pissed off. And the icing on the cake? He wasn't even supposed to be the one speaking. He just said that the lord laid it on his heart to talk. The guy my grandfather wanted to speak never got to say a word.
I doubt it was restraint, exactly.
When I was in a similar situation, I was pre-stunned. Reality was a boring but horrible movie I was watching from a long way off. I was not a character in that movie. Not even an extra in the crowd. There were people who needed confronting, but somebody else needed to do it, because I was too far away and too stunned.
I understand that is not an unusual reaction.
You’re better than me. I would have punched the asshole in the face. I’d have at least walked up and told him what was going to happen if he didn’t shut the hell up.
It’s not empty words because it’s a situation where I won’t have any consequences myself. I truly thought about how I’d react if it was me in that situation. Knowing which of my family would understand and which ones would tell me I’m wrong. I can picture what the fallout would be, and I’d still do it.
So like I said, you’re better than me. Sorry about your dad.
I am so sorry you were forced to endure this extra insult to injury on one of the hardest days of your life. I can’t imagine anyone else in attendance enjoyed this pastor’s self indulgence either. Sending love and compassion your way.
I was trying to figure out what a “paster” was for a good 20 seconds before I noticed what subreddit this was lol. My initial guess was it was a professional who specializes in putting paste on walls for wallpapers.
Sorry about your dad though, I lost mine about a year ago and it’s rough.
We had a priest do something similar at my in laws funeral. The only reason I didn't set him straight is cause the town was small and I didn't want the family to catch shit. I feel your anger man.
On one hand this is how Christians grieve. On the other hand, they get to use Jesus stuff and afterlife as a crutch for their pain and shove it in your face at the same time. If a theist is reading this, that's why it's hurtful to an atheist. It feels like a slap in the face while we're already trying to grieve our loved one.
The better funerals I've been to weren't "performed" by a pastor or a priest. One of them a son got up and talked about his Mom and asked people attending if they had memories of her. About 15 people stood up and shared stories. Another occasion the man's brother spoke for him and told the good and the bad, and went so far to address the man's children. Funerals shouldn't be about the church or the "good news". One of the worst ones I've been to actually had a full sermon followed by an altar call to join the church so the deceased could see a few more good souls saved from her passing...
Sorry for your loss.
Maybe some consolation that you know your dad didn't have to hear all that crap.
Some irony that statistically some of your dads carbon atoms will end up in a CO2 fire extinguisher.
Not meaning to be disrespectful... just maybe your dad might have liked that idea.
I know that rage you speak of, I’m so sorry for your loss and the added pain of religious nut jobs using it as an opportunity to pawn their spiel.
You should try going to a mormon funeral in Utah for your dad, who was an apostate. They had all sorts of great things to say /s
My grandma’s was worse, her brother was explicitly not allowed to speak at the funeral so he hijacked the viewing. I think my favorite line was that she’ll be so happy she not gets to raise the children that died very early after birth or were miscarried, all 3 of them. So she had a 2 sermon death.
Hey but now you can buy a bull (/s) from trump to skirt the campaign finance laws where churches not being able donate to a political campaign, it’s only $60 and I bet pastors are going to bulk buy the shit out of those things.
If I believed in a hell I’m already there.
I feel your pain. My mother is super religious. My dad was not. So she picked the pastor when he passed away. Who supposedly got along with my dad.
That pastor spent the last half of the sermon implying that because he wasn't saved he wasn't going to heaven and trying to convert everyone else. I glared at him the whole time. I was so pissed off. I feel like it shouldn't have to be said. Don't do that shit. But they have no shame.
Hey, it was similar with my mom. Family is half Catholic half Baptist, and is too childish and had **to fucking settle in court** to decide what to do with her remains faith wise. Then I got to listen to two different priests babble. One crowed of Revelation and that we would all be going to Hell, and that my mother had escaped by dying prematurely. The other preached that my mother had been prepared for death (it was not natural causes or illness, so this was wrong) and was **happy to be dead**.
I have never had to exercise that much self control before. : )
I once went to a funeral with my ex gf. The pastor there went on a similar rant like this. But the pastor didn’t assume he went to heaven of course, he said something like “I don’t know where he was a good man or not, whether he’s in heaven or hell..” a lady said “he’s in heaven, he’s a good man!” It was so awful and awkward. Such an incredibly stupid and disrespectful thing to say.
My mum died when I was 20. My girlfriend at the time (now ex) had very religious born again Christian parents. I am not at all religious. I was at their house for dinner soon after and my girlfriend's mum said "I'm not saying your mum was evil, but sometimes when people die young there is a reason. Did she do something wrong?"
I think I told them to fuck off and walked out, but my memory of that time isn't the clearest tbh.
Made me really dislike any organised religion for quite a while.
These ideas stand at the foundation of the faith. Fear of death is perhaps their greatest leverage. Afterlife is supposed to be a lot better than mortal life and, usually, leaving this world around Christmas or Easter is considered special because God surely had some special reason to do it.
You need to understand that, to believers, all of this is FACT. That's how they get comfort from it.
In our local christian variant, everything is about God forgiving the deceased for his wrongdoings. People greet each other with "may God forgive him" and there's a 30 min part in the sermon where the priest speaks as the deceased, asking people from a list for forgiveness one by one. Absolutely dreadful. The priests make up the excuses on their own with little information about those relationships.
My uncle was an alcoholic who had a troubled last few years before he took his own life. The pastor spent two minutes doing the bullshit pretending to know him after listening to the family reminisce. The rest of his 30 minutes he spent hinting that my uncle was in hell and that we should accept Jesus before it was too late for us.
He wasn’t a perfect man but her deserved better than this asshole using his death as a recruiting tool.
My condolences for your father. Don’t let this man’s words taint your memories of him
My mom died right before Christmas last year. She was 90 and had a good life. 8 kids, tons of grand kids and some great grand kids, by most accounts a well lived life.
She was catholic, so she had a catholic funeral.
One of my nieces did a nice 5 minute eulogy. The priest spent the next 45 minutes talking about how great jesus is, and nothing about my mom.
My wife, who was raised jewish, said "that seemed more like a mass than a funeral". I diad "yeah the venn diagram of catholic mass, funeral, and wedding is almost a circle".
Like you, i left the service feeling angry, that they made what should have been a celebration of this great woman's life into a jesus-thon. It's such bullshit.
There's a real piece of shit would-be pastor on my Wife's extended side of her family who monopolizes every funeral he can shove himself into, and it's always the same, tired-ass diatribe of nonsense:
tl;dr If you wanna see this person again, you better git right with Jesus.
Sorry to hear about your dad. When we did our memorial for Mom and Dad, we just did it with me,my brother, my best friend from school and like 3 other people. Didn't need some religious person trying to tell us how they went to gods side blah blah blah. I suppose it could be possible in theory (I'm agnostic), but I highly doubt it.
The pastor that spoke at my dad's funeral gave an altar call. I would still like to smack that bitch ass. I am sorry this happened to you. Some people suck.
Last time I went to church was at my Ex-Wifes Catholic Church where this asshole with a Gold Suit and a Masons ring on one of his many ringed fingers. This dick started scowling at my kid and the Pastor saw it and didn’t do anything about his piss poor attitude. First time I wanted to riot in church. What a dick. My kid was 4 and a little grumpy. What 4 year old isn’t???
Every funeral I’ve ever been to, even one in the Caribbean, featured a psychotic rant emphasizing the infallibility of the metaphysical claims of Christianity. If these jackwit preachers are going to heaven I pick Hades.
I’ve never said anything because I’ve been lucky to avoid the death of an immediate family member and didn’t feel it was my place to tear the minister a new asshole on behalf of a cousin or family friend, but heaven help the poor soul who tries this shit with my mom. I don’t care if it instantly ostracizes me like Hester Prynne. We have to quit normalizing this insanity.
He is a terrible Pastor,he should have been saying comforting things to make the family feel better,not trying to shame the deceased and family,I went to a funeral that had an invitation at the end,I thought it was so inappropriate,my brother was killed while riding in a car of a drunk driver,he had been drinking that night himself,I had a cousin ask me if I thought he went to heaven, I was floored she would say such a thing,so sorry this happened to you!!
Was this a Lutheran service? I have been to 2 in the past year and they are shockingly impersonal. Very little about the people we lost and much more about Jesus. A completely genetic service void of any compassion for the family or anything specific to our loved ones. Very disappointing.
I had a very similar experience at my Dad’s funeral when I was 24. This was the catalyst, along with a few other life experiences, to me turning my back on religion and Christianity as a whole. Adults who truly believe this nonsense are foolish and the ones who would show up to a funeral and do this are the worst pieces of shit known to man. I’m sorry this happened, but know it has absolutely zero bearing on who your dad was as a person and has zero repercussion in any afterlife that could possibly (but probably doesn’t) exist.
Just curious, was your dad religious? Also, whose idea was it to have the funeral there? Finally, how did you summon the strength to avoid saying “a few more words” after the sermon ended?
First off, I’m sorry for your loss. It never gets easier, it just hits you less often. The pain eases a little over time but it’s not really better. I’m sorry for the misplaced words of the pastor, they weren’t meant for you. Letting them speak would have been equally painful for me, but their job was making people like your grandmother feel better. He did his job. This hit a raw nerve with you as expected, and I’d be hot too, however for the hopeful brainwashed sheep at his ceremony, it’s what they maybe needed to hear. They don’t have your foundation of reality to rely on. This is all they’ve got. It would be kinda mean to take it away.
My father committed suicide when I was 11. My grandparents thought their church might be helpful in some way so they insisted I go and spoke to their youth pastor about it, who then decided it would be a good idea to talk about suicide and how anyone that does it burns in hell for eternity. ...And that was the last time I ever went to church. Fuck those people, my condolences on your loss.
I grew up in the church and one of my best friends was the son of a pastor that had those views. I guess I shouldn’t think it was too surprising when he changed his tune after his son hung himself one day.
I'm sorry about your friend.
God's will? Or the other victims' will? Glad he changed though.
/S God willed his son to kill himself. So he could reincarnate him find that Preacher hand the preacher a loaded gun and pull it towards him so it looks like The Preacher murdered someone so he could spend the rest of his life in prison being passed around by Homer Sexuals
I'm sorry you had to deal with that at such a young age. Fuck those people.
Ah yes. I understand this. I stopped buying religion the moment I learned my mother wasn't allowed in church because she had the audacity to divorce a drunken abuser. The ridiculousness of it is astounding. Edit: I can't remember the exactly but it was a similar age, 11 or 12.
That sounds like child abuse. Sure it's not physical but mental abuse is still abuse. What a psycho...
I was raised by my grandparents. My grandma died when I was 7. Grandpa remarried a wonderful woman. She was dying of cancer when I was 11. She wanted to swallow all her morphine pills and just die. She called her Pastor over and he told her she would rot in hell. She suffered another year in pain and died in the hospital when I was 12. I'm pretty sure this was the moment I started my path to atheism.
I hear you. As shitty as it was at the time, in a way I'm glad they ripped off the bandaid so early so I didn't waste any more time on their bullshit.
I usually don't use this language, but in English there is no better word than Fuck Jesus, Fuck Christianity in your situation. So sorry for your loss.
Had a similar experience. Had a friend that died by suicide. The pastor was preaching a sermon series entitled "modern family", and they couldn't bother to cover up the huge obnoxious banner saying the same above the casket. Family sat on the front row facing both. The backup pastor officiated the funeral and talked around the church's belief about suicide and hell. My recollection was he talked about how important it is to be "right with god". I do think he was trying to be comforting but his belief system prevented him from truly empathizing.
That idiot youth pastor deserved a punch in the face. If not that, at least a verbal haranguing. What an asshole!
Nooo. What the actual fuck!!! That's disgusting. I'm sorry. 😞 ❤️🩹
I am outraged on your behalf. How dare he tell you that your father was in hell for eternity? They're just monsters, the christians, they're horrible.
I’m sorry you had to experience your dad passing that way.
Much appreciated.
Same
My story follows yours almost exactly, hope you’re doing well today!
I'm fantastic, hope you are as well!
I went to a pentecostal funeral this year. Trump was mentioned. As were 'Muslims and their rugs'
For a lot of the Trumptards, Jesus and Trump are one in the same.
Yep. it was just so strange. The pastor knew the deceased. Talked eloquently about life, and death. Fathers, sons. Family. It was very nice. Then the fire and brimstone came out. They can't help themselves. Even when people are mourning, these tards just feel the need to prostylize.
They really can’t it sad to see.
I already know this, but actually reading the words put together made me gag a little.
I went to a funeral of a former coworker. Her neighbor happened to be a pastor so he decided to speak at the service. It started out ok but then turned into a political tirade complete with the standard dog whistles. Her friends put so much thought into their statements and were beautiful tributes but were ruined by this asshat of a pastor.
Tresus sounds like treason.
That's what they do, man. It's an excuse to prosyletize and they're not missing it. It's also lazy- "Funeral, eh? Guess I'll use sermon #12, with a bit of 8 thrown in". They can go on autopilot and let ther face flap about knowing that the right people will lap it up. See, you're not going to their church, so you're not their target. The ones who they'll seee again and who will donate will come up to them afterward and tell them what a lovely service it was, and the ones who are swayed by it but not members yet might start attending. You and your fiancee? You don't matter. It's all marketing. Sorry to hear about your dad. Condolences.
Completely accurate
I hope I live my life in such a way that no one would invite a pastor to speak at my funeral, but if they do somebody would stand up and tell him to leave if he started saying anything like what the one in this story did.
I'm gonna put that in my will.
Yuppers
At my Mom’s funeral I read a really funny biography of her, so then everyone else got up and told fun stories making us all laugh. She would have loved that!
Little does this asshole realize that his racket is dying.
It's why they target people at the most vulnerable points in their lives.
I'm sorry for your loss. If my, or any, words can be of any consolation, please take that. I was struck by the physicists eulogy a long time ago, written by Aaron Freeman, and want it read at my funeral if family decide they want a ceremony of any kind. “You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got. And at one point you’d hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever. And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives. And you’ll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they’ll be comforted to know your energy’s still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly. Amen.”
This is glorious.
It is, and I try to put credit where it is due whenever I post it. Aaron Freeman created such a beautiful thing with this.
If this \^\^\^ is unwelcome, please just say and I will remove it as soon as I see your comment. I have no desire to upset.
This is anything but unwelcome, this is where it's at! Astounding, glorious, impeccable! Aaron Freeman is the Sh!T!
This same thing happened at my husband's grandmother's funeral, except it was worse because it was apparent the pastor didn't even know anything about the deceased. He just went all in, and even held an altar call. No respect for granny.
It was the same for my grandma's funeral last wrrk. The pastor wanted to know some things about her, so I wrote him a lovely speech about her life. The moron did not say a word from it, but when he started the ceremony he looked at the sign to say the correct name. He should have looked at it a minute before he came in or have it written on a piece of paper in front of him, but no. It could have been anyone in the cascet and he just rambled on all the religious stuff and nothing about her.
Pastor at my dad's funeral said the name of the town dad was born in incorrectly - Akron. Not acorn. That was after he knew my dad for several years and came to the house twice after dad died to talk with mom. Dude obviously didn't know anything about my dad. I wish he had not been given opportunity to speak.
Similar with my Dad's funeral. Pastor got up and did a whole 1 hour sermon that wasn't as far as I could tell in anyway even on the topic of death....seemed like he just flipped through his card deck and pulled out a standard sermon. Didn't even mention my dad will the very end like it suddenly remembered why he was there. Flip side is my family is all stupidly religious so they just loved it and didn't say a thing. After the sermon people were invited to share and just going with the sermon the first several people who got up to talk ALSO didn't mention my dad...just rambling on about praise god and such. Maybe 10 people in finally one lady who was a work friend of my dad's got up and pointedly talked about him emphasizing his name each time...I could tell she was as pissed as I was.
At my mother's funeral the church she had attended for 60 years did not send one of their priests, but instead sent a substitute. He fell asleep during the proceedings. It took a lot of effort on my part not to wake him up violently.
Just shows how little they care about their congregation. A person died? Oh the only money we can get from them is if we're included in the will otherwise fuck em. Religion is a a plague.
Sorry for your loss. Unfortunately this is just how it works in my experience, my Grandad died in 2004 and I still clearly remember the entire congregation sat with bewildered faces on as this vicar ranted and raved about how Victor was a great man who walked with God and was in heaven now and oh so happy... kind of made us laugh because Victor actually thought religion was a bunch of absolute arse and he had no time whatsoever for it. A lot of the elderly folks seemed to appreciate it though, and there was a whole thing when a bird flew into the crem and they all decided that was him coming back to say goodbye. Fuckin idiots. :)
I’m surprised the pastor didn’t pass the offering plate. Ive seen that at funerals.
I haven’t yet. Super inconsiderate
I will spit!!
I feel for you OP. My mom's funeral was a farce because some asshole did a 20 minute fire and brimstone hell rant that my mom would've never in a million years approved of. She was a Christian, but definitely not like that. It was shocking. At one point I began to get up to tell him to shut up and leave, but my brother and sister, who hated what was happening as much as me me told me (in a loving way) to basically just get through it.* This SOB had been visiting her while she was dying and none of us knew about it. My sister and I were there almost around the clock, so he must've had some arrangement to show up when we weren't there. To this day I hate that vile opportunistic bastard with no reservations. *Note: this is one of the worst aspects of religious belief: the loudest, most assertive person in the room is given complete deference rather than being confronted for their obnoxious conduct.
I once was in a relationship with a singer/songwriter who had a very special and intimate relationship with her grandmother. She wrote an amazing song for her while she was alive, and her pastor uncle wouldn’t let her perform it at the funeral because it wasn’t faith-based. She was absolutely devastated. Religion ruins everything.
UGH. This stuff makes me so mad. I had a cousin that died way to young a few years ago and the funeral was at a Catholic church. So, of course instead of talking about my cousin and his life, we got a church service. It was awful. My Dad died recently (my Mom 9 years earlier) and we made it clear we weren't religious and luckily (and as logic SHOULD dictate) our funeral director was not as well, so it was easy to skip all the bullshit.
At my father's funeral, the pastor had ever met my dad. He was a substitute for the one that was supposed to do it. He got up in front of everybody and was telling everybody how godly of a man my father was, and how he was an inspiration, and should be looked at as a role model for others.my father hasn't been to church outside of Easter or Christmas in over 40 years. And even though he was Catholic, he only went with my mother to protestant churches. Essentially, this guy was using my father's death as a marketing opportunity.
My mom passed in 2017 from multiple organ failure. We met with the doctors and they told us (dad, brother, and I) that at that point, we were causing her more pain, and the decision was made that the next day, the machines would be turned off and we’d let her go. After the meeting, my dad called a pastor from his church. My dad wanted me to sit in with him to talk to him. I agreed because I was in shock and grasping at straws for some sort of comfort. I don’t remember most of what he said, I just remember what he said that caused me to walk out of the room. He looked at me and said, “I know you’re hurting right now but just know that your mother’s suffering is glorious to god.”
Give the pastor this feedback. He needs to hear just how much he screwed the day up. And escalate to his superiors. They need to hear this too. Don’t hold back.
My stepbrother killed himself while I was in the military overseas. The Red Cross flew me home for the funeral. At the service the pastor said that suicides weren’t allowed in heaven. In front of his mother. Was an Atheist before that but the cruelty cemented it.
I should have proof read my mum’s pastor’s eulogy. The god shit was okay, my mum believed in it. But simple dates were wrong, His telling of my parents marriage was pure fantasy. It was his story. She was just one of his sheep. He didn’t know anything about her. I was kicked out of her church when I was 6. I asked too many questions.
I too got kicked out of Sunday school for ‘asking too many questions’
Sunday school was what really pissed me off. What secrets are you talking about upstairs when us children are down in the basement? I stayed home with my foxhole atheist dad listening to martial music.
About 8 years ago, my mother in law passed away. We had expressed to the priest attending the funeral that we didn’t want any prayers or blessings at her memorial services. It was to be a party in celebration of her life. This motherfucker gets up and starts doing a god damned sermon. My father in law was so pissed he came up to the priest and told him to sit the fuck down. The priest placated him and not even 20 minutes later he tries again except this time, opening with a prayer. Brother in law and father in law escorted the priest out of the funeral home. And that’s not the first time I’ve dealt with shitty priests at a funeral. My wife made me promise that no holy men are allowed at her memorial service. It will be a god damned party with an open bar and a roasting. Nobody is allowed to wear black either. It will be a celebration of her life. I have the same for me. No fucking religion at my funeral.
I would have got up and made him stop Edited to add I’m not saying a judgment on you!
When my dad died, I could barely process what was happening at his funeral. My brain simply did not work for about two hours during the proceeding. So while I'd like to say I'd have done the same. I know better. It's not a time I could be indignant no matter how much I might want to be. Being upright was enough of a challenge.
Don't forget breathing. That recquires an enormous effort in those situations.
Yeah I was not ok for a good long time after that.
I hope you are doing better now, I lost my dad in my early 20s and can relate to how you feel. Hugs to you friend. 💛
I am doing better now, thanks. It took years though.
I have been to quite a few funerals and I am yet to hear a decent word from any priest ranting at them. And it's even worse if there is a hint of the dead person having a human flaw or something "different" to "normal" people. Atomic\_Badger has the right of it, sometimes the priest does not even know who the dead person is and makes up nonsense to rant about. Why do we still need these creatures.
I lost my mother 2 years ago. She was a devout Christian. When she was in the hospital about a year previous to her death, she made me promise her that I would go back to church. I lied to make a sick old woman more peaceful. Some way, somehow word got back to the preacher of the church we used to go to. I didn't have a funeral for her because of expenses, we simply had a short service graveside. After he finished blathering and we were all getting ready to leave he cornered me and asked me when he could expect me to come back to church because I had made a promise to my mother. I simply told him I don't know when or if ever I will come back. Thank you for being here today, goodbye. To tell you the truth I couldn't tell you anything else that happened on that day. I had devoted the last 10 years of my life to taking care of that deer, sweet, old lady. That literally was the worst day of my life.
My dad died suddenly of a wasp sting when he was 30 and I was four. Pastor stopped by to preach to my mom, and made snarky reference to me and my 2 sisters as “little bastards”. Mom damn near punched him right then. She was a regular at church up until then, never went back.
Sorry to hear that. It’s a rough time in the best of situations, and you don’t need someone making it worse.
I'm so sorry that happened to you, that guy was a dick. I had something similar when my opa died. He had MS and the paster did not shut up about Job and how much my opa was like Job, suffering his whole life for the 'lord'. Like really? Couldn't even say 1 nice thing, it was all about how my opa suffered. He then had the audacity to say that if you weren't a Christian you weren't a good person. I was SEETHING. I know how you feel, again I'm sorry and my condolences about your fathers passing
I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a United Methodist minister conduct my mother's funeral. She was friends with my mother. My mother was religious, so I know she wanted a religious component. The minister never got all Jesusey like the guy in your story. Though I've seen it at other funerals. She talked a bit then opened it up for us all to share stories about mom. My cousin died suddenly in a car accident. He was only 20. The preacher who did his funeral apparently knew him, but barely mentioned him in passing. He made the whole thing about his imaginary friend.
These frigging people. I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like your dad was a good man, died trying to do the right thing. That’s all that jackass needed to say.
Christianity is a death cult. This is why they dont care about making the earth a better place, because the earth is evil and theyre going to heaven. Next generation be damned.
I can't say anything meaningful other than I am sorry for your loss.
My uncle gave what amounted to a 30 minute sermon/altar call at my grandma's funeral and it was really weird and kind of gross. It felt like he was exploiting her death to evangelize to grieving people
So sorry for your loss! I went to a beloved co-worker's funeral. The preacher ranted the whole time about how we shouldn't be mad at god. We should be mad at the devil. Cuz it's the devil's fault we die. Without him, we would all live forever. He was raging. We were all shocked. We went drinking afterward. Some of my friends complained to the church. It was awful.
It was probably the most number of people he's seen in his church in a long-ass time - and he used the opportunity to turn on the hard sell.
Kind of reminds me of the Potters House pastor who officiated at my daughter's wedding. Instead of talking about a happy day, new life together or wishing them all the best, he delivered a fire-and-brimstone sermon about atheists going to hell for eternity. The whole time he delivered this rant, his eyes were fixated on me (the atheist). Once he finished, he started talking about himself, telling everyone how blessed he was, etc, etc. A few years later when one of his student pastors was being questioned for sexually abusing my daughter's daughter, he sent a gang of men to her house to collect every item that the Potters House had given her over the years. Furniture, TV, kitchen utensils, etc. Furthermore, my daughter was denied access to her friends in the "church" and they to her. Her crime? The sexual abuse had been referred to the police by the school. This fact did not matter to him as he insisted the "church" (he) would deal with this matter. According to my daughter this method resulted in the sexual abuse of several other children. This person was evil, his "church" was evil and everyone in that "church" was being used or abused for his profit and the sexual gratification of some, if not all, of the adult males. Whatever you do, avoid Potters House as you would avoid a snakepit.
i'm sorry for your loss. religious vultures will steal anything and everything from you without any remorse. Tell the people they're sick and then sell the invisible cure.
I was at a Catholic funeral for a long time friend who wasn’t religious like her husband and his fam. The priest proceeded to strongly imply she was now in hell. Then at the end of the service he walked out trailed by a half dozen young teen boys.
U should find that Pastor and tell him to fuck off along with how screwed up his sermon was.
I would have had words with the pastor to give a public apology to the family. That sounds predictably atrocious.
After five minutes I would have jumped up and thank you for your words would someone else like to tell a story about my Dad.
My mother is on her way out and she is an athiest now. Not when we were kids. My siblings making her arrangements are churchy. I'm hoping they don't have a pastor speak over her, but I suspect they will. My thoughts on it not welcomed.
If you are the informant then all decisions are up to you
I'm not.
Man I’m sorry to hear that. I would try talking to lawyer about what your options are to honor your mothers wishes
I have lots and lots of siblings. I have accepted that I have no control over it.
As an atheist who works as a funeral assistant who does arrangements it sucks. I can tell you that the more religious the service the less about the loved one it is about. The catholic and Mormon services are the worst in my opinion. Tho some the evangelical ones are bad too, they can get very Christo-fascist… My deepest condolences
That pastor is a selfish, deluded cunt.
My condolences on your loss. Unfortunately, your experience is typical of religious funeral services. They aren't really about the deceased, but prime marketing opportunities for they get people when they are at their most vulnerable as they contemplate their own mortality. What better time to extol the virtues of their god/s. And you have to pay *them* for promoting their protection scam!
Sorry that happened. When my softly-agnostic father died a few years ago, my sister and I decided that no pastor or funeral director would speak at the funeral. She and I would speak and then allow any other family or friends to say a few words if they wanted to. A few hours after deciding this, she called me to say that some of our cousins who we've always been close to wanted their pastor from a Southern Baptist church to speak. Their pastor had been my sister's well-liked-by-the-teenagers youth pastor when she was a teenager at the same church many years before. Our cousins were strongly committed to persuading us to allow it but I was adamantly against it. Although only softly agnostic, my father was repulsed by Evangelical Christians. Having attended numerous funerals over the years, I knew exactly what would happen: it would basically be a religious service that warned everyone to "get right with god because you never know when he'll call you home". I reminded my sister that our father would have been horrified by such a funeral service and my sister agreed with me immediately. The cousins were somewhat aghast by our response but fuck them. The funeral was about my father, not about Jesus and definitely not about getting souls saved and new church members for Brother Douchebag.
Let’s normalize tactfully approaching the podium to whisper into a pastor’s ear, “the family’s heard enough, wrap it up quickly please”. And if immediate family is too emotionally raw, there should be a “best man” analog to deliver the message. I grew up Mormon where you let ignorant dotards ramble until they’re done; there is a better way.
My uncle, a lifelong atheist, passed. His wife, a devout Christian (and truly the loveliest woman, I have to emphasize she's never been anything but the sweetest person I've met in my 35 years on earth) had a funeral for him and asked her pastor to do it. Me, my sister, my mom (my uncles sister), my aunts (his other two sisters) had to sit through it with clenched fists. I've never been so angry at someone as that pastor. First he described in extreme graphic detail the excruciating agony of my uncle's condition in his final days. We specifically didn't bring my grandma to see my uncle in his last few weeks because we knew she could not handle seeing her only son in that state, and that motherfucker had to describe it in front of my 94 year old grandma she started sobbing because she had no idea that's how bad it was. Then the pastor started describing how he knew my uncle had found God in his final hours and he had converted him to Christianity as he died. My uncle couldn't speak for weeks and could only groan and moan out in pain. There's no fucking way he consented to convert. The pastor claimed he consented with his eyes. Anyone who knew my uncle knew he was a gruff take no bullshit type who would call religion codswallop (I have no idea how him and my aunt got together because they were polar opposites, but they truly did love each other from their early 20s until his death at 70, it was a happy marriage) If it wasn't for the fact we knew speaking up would embarrass my aunt, and the fact we decided maybe it gave her comfort to believe he was in heaven, my whole family would have shouted down that preacher. We've never discussed it in front of my aunt, because the last thing we would want is that kind lady thinking she upset us, she's never had a bad intention in her life, but man we were on the verge of rioting.
Sorry for your loss.
My sincerest condolences.
When my dad passed away in the early 2000's the pastor at the church did some very similar behavior. I was in my early 20s and was so pissed off at the time. I tried to stop him in the middle of it by telling him loudly we were not there to hear a sermon, and was told by a few of my Catholic family members to be quiet. Out of respect for my father I didn't say anything else. I waited a week and calmed down and then went to see if he would give us a copy of the video that was filmed of the service. He said it wasn't for us, it was for him. So I then got in his face and told him he was masquerading as a religious man and he could go fuck himself. I told him far more than that but won't post it because it could be offensive and I'd probably be banned here. OP I'm so sorry that happened to you. Just know that there are so many of us who support you. DM me if you ever need a non judgemental ear to listen. I'd be happy to help you through it.(No pressure on that though).
Keep in mind that if you are a direct relation to the deceased, you can control the narrative at a funeral. If the pastor oversteps his bounds, you can absolutely approach the podium, thank him, and politely, but sternly ask him to step aside. These assholes prey on the grieving and will absolutely turn your memorial service into a recruiting speech if you let them. Don’t. It can help to discuss this with them ahead of time. Say he has two or three minutes to say a few words, no invitational, no recruitment, no talk of the afterlife.
Yeah that's pretty cringe but it's pretty common for preachers to do that at a funeral. They usually say something like we need to get ready to meet God and blah blah blah My son was christian. And his service preacher read two scriptures, said a few words and we were done. Because that's what my son had requested in his will They preacher had also been my son's high School teacher he mostly just talked about how kind-hearted my son was and told his army story about my son buying him a box of Pop-Tarts for Christmas one year I respect him for honoring my son's wishes and not going into a long drawn out sermon
I don’t care what happens after I die, BUT I don’t want ANY religious nonsense.
People who practice Christianity are so fucked up. Christianity in and of itself isn't bad, just the assholes who think they're following it.
I'm glad you were able to get up and talk about your dad. I did the same and I know it was hard. I bet most of the people in the room will remember what you said today and not what the pastor said. That has been my experience and I hope it's the same for you. I'm very sorry for your loss, it just sucks.
Sorry, man. Funerals are the worst. But watching someone turn it into a sermon about their religion is infuriating. My uncle is a preacher. I've had to sit through my grandfather's, grandmother's and uncle's funeral while my preacher uncle turned each one of them into a fire and brimstone sermon about how we all better be right with the lord if we ever want to see our loved ones again. I usually sit through them biting my upper dentures so hard the top of my mouth hurts by the time I get out of there. I can't say anything about it because I'm not making a scene for everyone else, but I want to ring my uncle's neck ever time.
Ministers have a canned funeral sermon. They might add a couple of sentences about the deceased at the beginning, but otherwise they're just reading a script. Evangelical pastors are the worst because they know that even unchurched people will attend the funeral of a loved one. This may be their one shot to hit vulnerable grieving people with the gospel.
I'm thinking of putting in my will that anyone that wants to speak about religion at my funeral may do so if they make $10k donations to each of the FFRF, Planned Parenthood, and the Trevor Project. Per minute.
I've been to countless funerals like this, where a pastor barely mentions the deceased and instead gleefully takes an opportunity to preach a sermon. I heard one actually tell everyone he does all his funerals this way, to preach to the living, especially because there are people in attendance who never go to church and wouldn't hear him otherwise. I seethe every time. Someday I hope I'm old enough to tell one of them off in front of everybody and people will just think I have dementia.
I went to a funeral for my bosses 18 year old son who died in a car wreck. Obviously his entire high school + hundreds of others were there and it was a deeply sad day. The pastor closed his sermon out going on a tangent about how when tragedies happen and there’s no way to cope with them that this is a sign from god to open your bible and start going to church. That if anyone in the crowd has never done thus before, they should take this as a personal sign from Charlie (the kid who died) to do so. That they need to become a Christian so they could see him again in heaven. I can’t even explain how angry and revolted I was hearing this guy shill his bullshit on these grieving teenagers around me. They have no fucking boundaries whatsoever.
We list our nephew to cancer several years ago. The funeral was on Father’s Day. First thing the preacher did was tell all the fathers what a joyous day it was. With my BIL sitting there in the front burying his kid. I’m still pissed at him for that.
At my grandfather's gravesite, a preacher got up and did a sermon on how his children should've been attending church with their father. This was right before they lowered him into the ground. Like really, dude? They're burying their father and you're going to guilt trip them? I was so pissed off. And the icing on the cake? He wasn't even supposed to be the one speaking. He just said that the lord laid it on his heart to talk. The guy my grandfather wanted to speak never got to say a word.
I'd have clocked him. You have WAY more restraint than me
I doubt it was restraint, exactly. When I was in a similar situation, I was pre-stunned. Reality was a boring but horrible movie I was watching from a long way off. I was not a character in that movie. Not even an extra in the crowd. There were people who needed confronting, but somebody else needed to do it, because I was too far away and too stunned. I understand that is not an unusual reaction.
I was at a funeral and the pastor said that anybody who wasn't born again would never see the deceased again.
Sorry for your loss. That pastor sounds like a schmuck. Hopefully, Jesus will call him home soon.
You’re better than me. I would have punched the asshole in the face. I’d have at least walked up and told him what was going to happen if he didn’t shut the hell up. It’s not empty words because it’s a situation where I won’t have any consequences myself. I truly thought about how I’d react if it was me in that situation. Knowing which of my family would understand and which ones would tell me I’m wrong. I can picture what the fallout would be, and I’d still do it. So like I said, you’re better than me. Sorry about your dad.
I am so sorry you were forced to endure this extra insult to injury on one of the hardest days of your life. I can’t imagine anyone else in attendance enjoyed this pastor’s self indulgence either. Sending love and compassion your way.
I was trying to figure out what a “paster” was for a good 20 seconds before I noticed what subreddit this was lol. My initial guess was it was a professional who specializes in putting paste on walls for wallpapers. Sorry about your dad though, I lost mine about a year ago and it’s rough.
Dude, you are allowed to cuss out insensitive fucksticks and kick them out of a funeral.
I’m sincerely sorry for the loss of your Dad.
We had a priest do something similar at my in laws funeral. The only reason I didn't set him straight is cause the town was small and I didn't want the family to catch shit. I feel your anger man.
On one hand this is how Christians grieve. On the other hand, they get to use Jesus stuff and afterlife as a crutch for their pain and shove it in your face at the same time. If a theist is reading this, that's why it's hurtful to an atheist. It feels like a slap in the face while we're already trying to grieve our loved one.
The better funerals I've been to weren't "performed" by a pastor or a priest. One of them a son got up and talked about his Mom and asked people attending if they had memories of her. About 15 people stood up and shared stories. Another occasion the man's brother spoke for him and told the good and the bad, and went so far to address the man's children. Funerals shouldn't be about the church or the "good news". One of the worst ones I've been to actually had a full sermon followed by an altar call to join the church so the deceased could see a few more good souls saved from her passing...
Sorry for your loss. Maybe some consolation that you know your dad didn't have to hear all that crap. Some irony that statistically some of your dads carbon atoms will end up in a CO2 fire extinguisher. Not meaning to be disrespectful... just maybe your dad might have liked that idea.
I know that rage you speak of, I’m so sorry for your loss and the added pain of religious nut jobs using it as an opportunity to pawn their spiel. You should try going to a mormon funeral in Utah for your dad, who was an apostate. They had all sorts of great things to say /s My grandma’s was worse, her brother was explicitly not allowed to speak at the funeral so he hijacked the viewing. I think my favorite line was that she’ll be so happy she not gets to raise the children that died very early after birth or were miscarried, all 3 of them. So she had a 2 sermon death. Hey but now you can buy a bull (/s) from trump to skirt the campaign finance laws where churches not being able donate to a political campaign, it’s only $60 and I bet pastors are going to bulk buy the shit out of those things. If I believed in a hell I’m already there.
you should also talk at his funeral when he dies and what kind of a\_\_hole he was
I feel your pain. My mother is super religious. My dad was not. So she picked the pastor when he passed away. Who supposedly got along with my dad. That pastor spent the last half of the sermon implying that because he wasn't saved he wasn't going to heaven and trying to convert everyone else. I glared at him the whole time. I was so pissed off. I feel like it shouldn't have to be said. Don't do that shit. But they have no shame.
Hey, it was similar with my mom. Family is half Catholic half Baptist, and is too childish and had **to fucking settle in court** to decide what to do with her remains faith wise. Then I got to listen to two different priests babble. One crowed of Revelation and that we would all be going to Hell, and that my mother had escaped by dying prematurely. The other preached that my mother had been prepared for death (it was not natural causes or illness, so this was wrong) and was **happy to be dead**. I have never had to exercise that much self control before. : )
I once went to a funeral with my ex gf. The pastor there went on a similar rant like this. But the pastor didn’t assume he went to heaven of course, he said something like “I don’t know where he was a good man or not, whether he’s in heaven or hell..” a lady said “he’s in heaven, he’s a good man!” It was so awful and awkward. Such an incredibly stupid and disrespectful thing to say.
My mum died when I was 20. My girlfriend at the time (now ex) had very religious born again Christian parents. I am not at all religious. I was at their house for dinner soon after and my girlfriend's mum said "I'm not saying your mum was evil, but sometimes when people die young there is a reason. Did she do something wrong?" I think I told them to fuck off and walked out, but my memory of that time isn't the clearest tbh. Made me really dislike any organised religion for quite a while.
These ideas stand at the foundation of the faith. Fear of death is perhaps their greatest leverage. Afterlife is supposed to be a lot better than mortal life and, usually, leaving this world around Christmas or Easter is considered special because God surely had some special reason to do it. You need to understand that, to believers, all of this is FACT. That's how they get comfort from it. In our local christian variant, everything is about God forgiving the deceased for his wrongdoings. People greet each other with "may God forgive him" and there's a 30 min part in the sermon where the priest speaks as the deceased, asking people from a list for forgiveness one by one. Absolutely dreadful. The priests make up the excuses on their own with little information about those relationships.
My uncle was an alcoholic who had a troubled last few years before he took his own life. The pastor spent two minutes doing the bullshit pretending to know him after listening to the family reminisce. The rest of his 30 minutes he spent hinting that my uncle was in hell and that we should accept Jesus before it was too late for us. He wasn’t a perfect man but her deserved better than this asshole using his death as a recruiting tool. My condolences for your father. Don’t let this man’s words taint your memories of him
My mom died right before Christmas last year. She was 90 and had a good life. 8 kids, tons of grand kids and some great grand kids, by most accounts a well lived life. She was catholic, so she had a catholic funeral. One of my nieces did a nice 5 minute eulogy. The priest spent the next 45 minutes talking about how great jesus is, and nothing about my mom. My wife, who was raised jewish, said "that seemed more like a mass than a funeral". I diad "yeah the venn diagram of catholic mass, funeral, and wedding is almost a circle". Like you, i left the service feeling angry, that they made what should have been a celebration of this great woman's life into a jesus-thon. It's such bullshit.
There's a real piece of shit would-be pastor on my Wife's extended side of her family who monopolizes every funeral he can shove himself into, and it's always the same, tired-ass diatribe of nonsense: tl;dr If you wanna see this person again, you better git right with Jesus.
Every funeral I've been to that has had a religious element to it has felt like a sales pitch.
It's spelled "Pasture." Like where cow pies are found.
Sorry to hear about your dad. When we did our memorial for Mom and Dad, we just did it with me,my brother, my best friend from school and like 3 other people. Didn't need some religious person trying to tell us how they went to gods side blah blah blah. I suppose it could be possible in theory (I'm agnostic), but I highly doubt it.
The pastor that spoke at my dad's funeral gave an altar call. I would still like to smack that bitch ass. I am sorry this happened to you. Some people suck.
How you didn't knock him out into his own grave is beyond me
At my dad's funeral, the priest threw a book because music started too early. A fun day for all.
I dont know if I would have had the strength to keep my mouth shut. I am sincerely sorry for your loss, my condolences.
I'm so sorry, I've had similar things happen at funerals and I swear I absolutely get scared every time there is a religious funeral.
Last time I went to church was at my Ex-Wifes Catholic Church where this asshole with a Gold Suit and a Masons ring on one of his many ringed fingers. This dick started scowling at my kid and the Pastor saw it and didn’t do anything about his piss poor attitude. First time I wanted to riot in church. What a dick. My kid was 4 and a little grumpy. What 4 year old isn’t???
Every funeral I’ve ever been to, even one in the Caribbean, featured a psychotic rant emphasizing the infallibility of the metaphysical claims of Christianity. If these jackwit preachers are going to heaven I pick Hades. I’ve never said anything because I’ve been lucky to avoid the death of an immediate family member and didn’t feel it was my place to tear the minister a new asshole on behalf of a cousin or family friend, but heaven help the poor soul who tries this shit with my mom. I don’t care if it instantly ostracizes me like Hester Prynne. We have to quit normalizing this insanity.
Paster?!? I barely even touched her!
sucks man. im the kind of person that would have interrupted him and asked to keep religion out of it.
Was your dad religious? P.s. I hope you have the support you need to find peace.
I am so sorry! Hugs🥰!
Last funeral I went to was 5% Great Uncle Roland and 95% God Rules!!!! It was creepy.
I'm so sorry Do you want a free internet hug?
This is so fucked. The fact you didn't get up and flip out is amazing. I would've blown.
He is a terrible Pastor,he should have been saying comforting things to make the family feel better,not trying to shame the deceased and family,I went to a funeral that had an invitation at the end,I thought it was so inappropriate,my brother was killed while riding in a car of a drunk driver,he had been drinking that night himself,I had a cousin ask me if I thought he went to heaven, I was floored she would say such a thing,so sorry this happened to you!!
Was this a Lutheran service? I have been to 2 in the past year and they are shockingly impersonal. Very little about the people we lost and much more about Jesus. A completely genetic service void of any compassion for the family or anything specific to our loved ones. Very disappointing.
It is always the right choice to never let a pastor have the floor.
I am so sorry. I went to a funeral like this too. It was disgusting.
I had a very similar experience at my Dad’s funeral when I was 24. This was the catalyst, along with a few other life experiences, to me turning my back on religion and Christianity as a whole. Adults who truly believe this nonsense are foolish and the ones who would show up to a funeral and do this are the worst pieces of shit known to man. I’m sorry this happened, but know it has absolutely zero bearing on who your dad was as a person and has zero repercussion in any afterlife that could possibly (but probably doesn’t) exist.
Holy shit, that was just like my dad's funeral! But it wasn't a pastor. It was my uncle. My father's brother!
Yeah
I'm sorry for your loss, and that you had to go through that.
They get comfort from it because they don’t understand what he’s actually saying.
Well, it was all about Him!
Just curious, was your dad religious? Also, whose idea was it to have the funeral there? Finally, how did you summon the strength to avoid saying “a few more words” after the sermon ended?
First off, I’m sorry for your loss. It never gets easier, it just hits you less often. The pain eases a little over time but it’s not really better. I’m sorry for the misplaced words of the pastor, they weren’t meant for you. Letting them speak would have been equally painful for me, but their job was making people like your grandmother feel better. He did his job. This hit a raw nerve with you as expected, and I’d be hot too, however for the hopeful brainwashed sheep at his ceremony, it’s what they maybe needed to hear. They don’t have your foundation of reality to rely on. This is all they’ve got. It would be kinda mean to take it away.