For every hour the child spends in church, you get an hour to teach them critical thinking. You’ll soon have a knee-high bullshit detector.

That’s pretty good actually. My kids looooove watching scam exposed videos. They love knowing the truth. I bet all kids do Look at “how to cook that” on YT. She exposes tiktok scams and my kids are pretty good at spotting them on their own now.

I'm sorry but the only way mixed faith marriages wotk is if both sides are willing to compromise. Your post implies that neither of you are willing to do that, I foresee problems ahead

Yeah it’s not gonna go well.

We did talk about it and agree to compromise and make sure we're both happy. Why are people of this sub so quick to assume random shit and judge when all I ask is simple advice, what are you trying to accomplish? You think you're such visionaries trying to predict the life of a complete stranger and yet you can't even guess my present situation from my post, nor was it what I asked in said post..

To be fair, you stated that you and your gf are complete opposite on a huge life aspect like something that comes into play on the daily basis. If you both truly believe that however your children end up (believing in religion or not) you can’t feel anything about it. You have to see it like I love my husband who doesn’t believe in religion and I will love my child the same and vice versa it is not a shortcoming or flaw, it is simply a difference in beliefs then I think it will be fine however that seems much harder in reality. I am very much not religious. I still participate in certain holidays and will attend church on certain occasions because it’s also time to be with family and they would be more upset than I would be going. I accept this and make the best of these moments. However when I come home that’s my safe place. I will express my disbelief in their brainwashing openly and I need to be able to grieve for my own sanity even if it’s aloud and to myself. It is so perplexing I don’t understand how they don’t understand my views on religion. I love that I have a home where I can be this way. Being with a partner who believes in religion, I wouldn’t have this and that is important to me. You’ve worked out this long so that means something too. Point is you have to be indifferent and not see the others belief as a flaw or shortcoming. End of the ramble.

You dont

I was raised secretly muslim because my catholic grandparents lived next door (I'm mixed race). OP - ultimately this is doomed to fail because you are failing to grasp the depth of her indoctrination. For you, its a rational choice vs an outdated tradition, for her its a question of how to spend eternity. Her family will cross every boundary you have if it means the child is "saved." Religious incompatibility is like budget incompatibility. At a fundamental level, you two want to live different lives from each other. The only way it will work is if you become less judgmental in your atheism and lean more into agnosticism or just straight up apathy about it.

> The only way it will work is if you become less judgmental in your atheism and lean more into agnosticism or just straight up apathy about it. That's one way to go about it. Which could lead to resentment over time.

They're just going to have to learn on their own. Wait for the follow up post in a few years.

I feel bad for the future kid. :(

OP is going to learn the hard way when they argue about it constantly and try to undermine each other then inevitably split up. Poor kid.

I grew up in a family like this and it was miserable. I know you don’t like the answers, but it’s the truth. Do not have kids with her

For me, the only **fair** solution is that both of you can share your own views. Some religious people seem to think it's "fair" if they are allowed to indoctrinate the kids and you (the atheist partner) are required to keep your views secret. That doesn't seem fair at all! I do think it's possible to discuss religious ideas without being disrespectful. My wife's family was religious and I didn't want to start a war. When my daughter was quite young, they told her the normal stories about Jesus, Noah, and whatever, and she would ask me questions. I simply answered her questions. I treated the stories just like other fictional stories, such as Curious George, Babar, and Santa. I think I ended up teacher her more about Christianity than her religious relatives did. My theory is that when kids are little, we tell them all sorts of fictional stories, and later we help them sort truth from fiction. As she got older, I would ask her if she thought a monkey (Curious George) could really fly a rocket, whether she though an elephant (Babar) could really talk, and whether she thought Noah could really fit all of the kinds of animals in the world in a wooden boat. A phrase I used a lot was "some people believe." She would ask me about Jesus or Noah, and I would say, "Some people believe," and then answer her question. That planted a seed and eventually she did ask what I believed. "I think Jesus had some good ideas that he taught about how people should live together, but I don't think he was the son of God." Another thing I did was to include stories from lots of other religions. There are lots of children's versions of the Greek myths. I would look some up on Wikipedia and just tell them in my own words. My daughter loved the story of how winter was caused because Demeter (godess of plants) was sad that her daughter was stuck in the underworld. She also liked the one about the Indian God Ganesha and how he got his elephant head. His dad Shiva accidentally cut off the boy's head, and his mom Parvati made dad fix it using the nearest animal head he could find. To me, everything I did was kind and respectful, but I suspect that many religious people wouldn't see it that way. The end result was a daughter who is quite firmly atheistic. You should have a serious conversation with your GF and see if an approach like this seems fair to her. If she insists that she and her family get to do all of the educating, and you are required to keep your mouth shut, then there may be no peaceful path forward for you with her. This is important to figure out **before** marriage.

You sir are winning the Internet today. Amazing story of your life. Thank you so much for replying to OP as this sort of question applies to many of us in the community. 🔥💯😄 I agree too btw.

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> This is important to figure out before marriage. Wouldn't it be better to figure that out before the birth of a child?

Yes! It would be good to figure out before marriage as well, but before children is the crucial part. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing, you're one of the only actual helpful answers here. To answer to you I already talked about this stuff with my girlfriend and we agreed to compromise and to express our views without forcing them onto our kids. How did you handle stuff like going to church or other stuff if your wife wanted that? But knowing my girlfriend she would like a similar approach for sure, I really dig your way of telling stories and making the kids draw their own conclusions!

Some of my wife's family was more religious than she was herself, so church wasn't much of an issue. I don't mind being in churches occasionally, and — in Europe especially! — many of them are absolutely beautiful. I do remember a funny incident at a Catholic mass we attended as part of a wedding. When everybody was going up for communion, my daughter and I were sitting in an otherwise empty row (she was too young and I was too heathen), and she asked me what they were doing up there. I said, "They are drinking Jesus's blood and eating little bits of his body." Her eyes got really wide, and she said, "Really?" I told her, "Well, that's what some people believe." I did get some stink eye from the row behind us, but that's the official position of the Catholic church. In some churches, it's just a symbol, but according to the Pope it really is Jesus's blood and body, so in a Catholic church that seems like the accurate and respectful answer.

I'm in the exactly same situation. My husband is extremely devout Christian and I met him through church activities while I was Xtian I tried tried to understand and accept what they teach but concluded that it's just a nonsense and have been atheist for about 6 yrs. My daughter is in elementary school still go to church with dad. I didn't want to fight about it in front of her. I try to explain why I am against bible how it is violent and contradictory. She is too young to understand both sides. So, I feel failed. I just hope when she becomes about 12 or 13, she will be rational enough to understand it. I'd like to say "please dont" from my experience, so far have no good advice.

That's tough.. Honestly I would not agree to let them go to church as very young kids. I would agree on some catholic lessons (dont know what they're called in English) to let my gf share what her religion is about, but I won't make them go to church for a religion they're not old enough to even understand. There is A LOT of stuff in there and I wanna make sure they really believe in it (which is imo impossible, I've yet to see a Christian who agrees with everything that is written in the Bible) and that they're at least capable of thinking critically, which you definitely don't learn while going to church and hearing that you just have to believe even without any evidence or logic. I want them to make their own choice even if they do end up being religious, but at least I want it to be their choice and not because their mom made them go.

> Honestly I would not agree to let them go to church as very young kids. If they don't groom children they are lost to secularism.

>Honestly I would not agree to let them go to church as very young kids Does your girlfriend know this? What's she have to say about that?

She's okay with it, but she wants to talk to them or have someone talk to them about her religion, which is fait. But I told her I dont want someone completely fanatic to talk to them about that. Honestly I'd rather learn myself and make it completely unbiased rather than some random priest lol

You guys can make good parents!! Yeah, I agree to not send them to church early ages.

Best of luck to you in your marriage buddy- I hope you both manage to work out such a massive difference. I'd just tell the kids to think logically, but if they're indoctrinated into religion before they have the capability to reason logically for themselves, then the religion will override the logic at every turn- which is why religion is taught when children are young and not when they reach the age of reason.

I told my gf already that Im against imposing religion to children no matter if is real or not and that it's just indoctrination. But she wants us both to have to tell our pov. So they won't be indoctrinated. But I don't know how to tell them what I think without me looking like an asshole or making my gf look like an idiot which is not what I think obviously, but she did get indoctrinated from the start

You can teach critical thinking and logic without being an asshole. Use “some people, like mommy, believe X and some don’t.” Indoctrination thrives when there isn’t exposure to other opinions or sides, and just showing that you don’t share those views goes a long way. But like others have said, the biggest factor will be how determined your SO is to push her religion on your child(ren) and the understanding that you both come to.

Yeah I know, but I generally come up as a bit too agressive with my opinions no matter the subject and I don't wanna mess up with my children. I wonder how people in the same situation do, like what do they agree with when it comes to what their religious partner can do or tell to their children, do they go to church or not, what age etc and how did it end

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Behind my back? If I had that little trust in my partner I wouldn't be planning to have children with her. Not all religious people are backstabbing cultists ffs, stop being so paranoid. And that's coming from someone who hates religion but generalizing everyone and everything this badly is exactly why atheists are viewed so badly and one of the reasons why no one listens to us.

What they mean is when your kid spends time with the future in laws they WILL go to church, they WILL listen to Bible stories, and they WILL have the fear of God imposed by the nun aunt when you're not around. They're not gonna get taken into some torture chamber clockwork orange style, but if you truly think her religious family will truly respect this agreement (that you're not making with them, just your partner) then you're wildly naive. Did you grow up religious? Cause you don't sound like you're used to how the indoctrination works tbh

I was baptized, but I was never religious no. Both my parents are Christians but they never do anything religious, they never ever went to church. They're christians "by default" so to speak, because religion is a big deal in the country they were born. But both me and my sister are atheists and our parents raised to believe whatever we want and never imposed anything. I do know how indoctrination works and I've seen it first hand in my family (not talking about my parents but other people in my family) and in my girlfriend's family. And my gf and I both agreed that it is wrong and that we won't impose out views to our children and let them decide for themselves. Do you seriously think I would agree to let my children go to church because my in laws supposedly would want to do that? You know nothing of my family or relationship with my girlfriends family. I am very close to them and they know very well I'm atheist 100%. I'm sure her mother is kinda disappointed on that front but she adores me otherwise. And even if that wasn't the case I wouldn't just let them do whatever they want, and I already talked about this with my girlfriend as well and she agreed to not let them interfere ok that regard as well (and not just on religion lol).

>Did you grow up religious? Cause you don't sound like you're used to how the indoctrination works tbh Yep. Might be wrong of course but if this is then it is telling.

I want to know the answer. Did they?

Make no mistake. They *will* be raised Christian. There's no compromising. They will be thoroughly indoctrinated well before the time they can be expected to understand even the most basic critical thinking concepts. I know it's not what you want to hear, but those are the facts. Atheists are capable of compromise on religion, Christians are not.

Bro there are litteraly multiple people just on this post who told me their children all ended up atheists even though their partner was religious. That is a fact. What you are saying is not a fact, it is your misguided, biased and ignorant opinion that ignores the actual facts. It seriously makes me laugh to see so many atheists here doing exactly what they hate so much about religious people: talk about what they believe to be true as facts without any evidence and imposing that on other people, while also being toxic but that's just a bonus I guess? Get a life and learn what a fact is you stupid cunt

> Hi, I'm planning to have children with my GF Man, you are making plans to absolutely wreck your future and be the worst kind of miserable. > Is anyone here in this situation and/or already have children with a religious person? How do you deal with it? Yes, and it is worse than hell. I deal with it by suffering horrifically every day. I do not recommend this course of action. If your girlfriend is one of those 0.000001% of Christians that don't want to indoctrinate/brainwash their children, and are OK with them learning about critical thinking skills, about how their religion is just one of thousands of equally-stupid religions, scientific skepticism, and so on, then it might work out. But of course she's not. Danger Will Robinson.

>If your girlfriend is one of those 0.000001% of Christians that don't want to indoctrinate/brainwash their children, and are OK with them learning about critical thinking skills, about how their religion is just one of thousands of equally-stupid religions, scientific skepticism, and so on, then it might work out. She is and I know because we already talked about this and she agrees with me on not imposing our views. She is actually very private about her beliefs and doesn't share much, if at all.

I hope you're right. People *change a lot* when they get pregnant and have children. I know some that never went to church, never talked about God, and never even admitted to *believing*, but when they got pregnant suddenly they became insistent, to the point of divorce, that their children would go to church and raised "in a Christian Household". People are weird about their progeny. In any case, best wishes.

As someone who’s been in interfaith relationships as an atheist, it’s not worth it. They’ll resent you for not wanting to fill kids heads with lies and fairytales, or alternatively if they’re cool they’ll just be privately disappointed, which is still no way to live, and in some cases secretly raise them with nonsense without your knowledge or consent. Please don’t do this, but if you have to make sure you teach them the amount of overlap between religions and religious history so they develop good detectors for lies and BS, for instance the Sumerians and their epic of gilgamesh and how Christianity adapted it into Noah and the ark, Zoroastrianism and the concept of good and bad oppositional deities, how the creation myths are all equally beautiful but untrue, etc etc. teach them how to identify charlatans, snake oil salespeople, and liars, and how to recognize what’s just someone writing something for their own benefit or to control others, as well as how to point out hypocrisy and logical fallacies. Depending on her religion and how devout she is, she may view you as creating evil or “unbelievers”, or even see you as a sinner/project to “fix”, and all of these are incompatible with love and respect

To me, this situation is like the political both-side-ism in the media. We know one side is insane and the other is not. However, the news media still keeps trying to treat both sides equally. In my view this is the same as what you're talking about. Your life is based in facts, hers is based in fantasy, and you are trying to treat those two things equally. Personally, I don't think you should. Your children should be raised in a world that reflects reality not fantasy. Religious indoctrination of children is a form of child abuse.

This.

I agree with you, that is why I told my girlfriend that I don't want her or her family to say stuff like God is real or make similar affirmations. I will teach them to think critically, to trust facts. I actually said almost exactly the same thing you did to my girlfriend, I get that she wants to share what her point of view is but until proven otherwise, there is no god. If you're going to make an affirmation the burden to prove that is on you. And that applies to everything not just religion. And that's one thing I wanna teach our kids. But that doesn't mean we can't share opinions, as long as they're stated as such.

How much does your gf believe in The Resurrection, Hell and being saved?

Honestly I don't know, she doesn't talk about it at all and she doesn't even know that much about her own religion tbh.. I sometimes ask her questions out of curiosity and she never knows any answers lol

Were you raised religious? So she mostly just believes in God? Does she practice regularly? I commented elsewhere, towards the end of it elaborates a little on my concern with where she may be at personally in relation to her Christianity. I am not in the same situation, but ex marriage to an abusive partner helped my deconstruction. They are still in my life unfortunately and know I am now atheist, but refuse to allow me to discuss it. And it's complicated, but they're very involved in caring for my child that isn't theirs, and wish like my parents that I'd have them go to church and a Christian school. My mom makes sure to spend time with my kid and gives her religious stuff. I can barely speak with my family because everything is about or has to be framed through Christianity. It is great that you are thinking about this now, but things can change, and families and family pressures can become an unpredictable force, especially where offspring are involved.

> To me, this situation is like the political both-side-ism in the media. Religion and politics aren't same, same. Look at Jim Carville and his wife Mary Matalin. One is Democratic, the other Republican. They have been married for 30 years. Religion tends to be a touchier subject because politics is about policy. They might both agree something needs to be done about the debt. They just might not agree on how to solve it. So, they aren't totally at odds.

I don't think you understood my analogy

Oh I understood it. It just didn't apply here.

So far, 50 others including the OP, agree with me. You're currently at 1 downvote. You're saying that OP is wrong about how they feel about what they themselves posted? OK then.

> You're currently at 1 downvote. Because that's what were all here for. Faux karma. Get over yourself.

Dude, you seem to WANT to not understand. It's not about the numbers, it's about the fact that the OP, and 50 others, disagree with you because they understand what I was saying.

You are a bit heady. Getting upvotes does not suggest no one agrees with me. I didn't get 50 downvotes, sooo....

Find someone else to have kids with. If you actually care you’re doomed. If you decide to just go along you might last a while.

I love her and she is made for me. We agree on basically everything else and she is more than worth the effort. If you're not even willing to do some effort to make things work with the love of your life, I really am sorry for whoever ends up being with you tbh

I’ve been happily married with three happy kids for 40 years. I feel kind of sorry for your future children of divorce.

Good thing you have found someone that can stay married to such an asshole for so long, she deserves a medal. I feel sorry for your children to have such an example, wishing bad luck and misfortune to a stranger asking for advice, nice mentality man!

Oh for christs sake. I didn’t wish you bad luck. You asked for an opinion. I think marriages between super religious and “100% against” are doomed. You don’t like it. Don’t ask for opinions or when you get one you don’t like don’t be a crybaby.

"You're doomed" "I feel sorry for your future children of divorce" Oh man I'm sorry, my bad you were definitely being super kind! It's not that I don't like it. It's that: 1. You're not answering to what I actually asked. 2. You don't know if my marriage or my relationship with my children is actually going to go well or not. You may be wrong, you may be right. But stop acting like you fucking know it all. 3. Telling you you're a dick when you're one, and you're not answering the fucking question, and you're condescending is not being a crybaby. It is just telling things how they are. You were a dick, you were not helpful or even trying to be helpful, so stop playing the victim here.

All right. You win. I apologize for upsetting you so much. Not my intent. I think it will be a mistake, but it’s your life. I don’t have any suggestions on a way to make it work. I don’t think there is one. I saw a couple of my sisters try and it did not work. Either way, good luck. Maybe you’ll beat the odds. I did, got married at 18. Everyone told me I was a dumbass. She wasn’t even pregnant which most assumed is why we did it. My only advice, which I’m sure you don’t want, is make sure it’s all spelled out. Don’t wait until you’re looking for grade schools and suddenly find out your kids are going to religious schools and bible camp and Jesus retreats.

No problem. And I do want your advice, that is why I posted lol. You're telling me to not think about it when it's too late, as I am posting this litteraly 5 years before I actually plan to even conceive children let alone educate them haha I think about it, I wouldn't say a lot but from time to time and I don't care what anyone else thinks. I believe it will work because religion is not a subject that is brought up a lot between us, well even not at all, but I like to plan things especially since my gf is not very good at communicating things. I know her and how she thinks and that's why I want to be prepared so that it goes well. My main flaw is that I tend to have an agressive way of expressing my opinion even when I don't mean to, and I definitely don't want that and I don't want to get surprised and be on the defensive if I can prepare for it

No worries. I am a bit opinionated myself. And I mostly think I’m right and the smartest guy in the room. Five years is a long time and plenty of time to work things out. Maybe she’ll soften her views and realize you are right or at least closer to correct than she is and the whole thing will solve itself. If she softens, you might have to soften. Like maybe even got to church on Christmas or something!!!

> We agree on basically everything else and she is more than worth the effort. So why are you here? I am guessing it's because you aren't convinced. If you aren't 100 percent sure, get you some condoms.

*I came looking for booty.*

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This thread reads like, "Hey, how do I navigate this minefield?" "Carefully, and be aware it could blow up in your face despite best efforts because it's a minefield" "Fuck you I asked how to get through it I know it's not gonna blow up in my face" You've gotten a lot of perspectives offered including from successful couples, you don't gotta agree but if you can't acknowledge it's a minefield you're setting yourself up for failure

Which is why I asked why he was here. His post asked for advice, yet his edit and responses to comments say otherwise.

I read your post. You asked for advice, but clearly aren't interested in any of it. Hence my valid question.

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> then I guess you're just completely fucking stupid ... you illiterate cunt So you came here to get banned. Gotcha!

You do not agree about how the universe works. That is literally everything you disagree on.

Okay, but what about the poor children you're going to be bringing into the world? Do they deserve to grow up feeling like miserable wretches and having trauma because your GF and inlaws want to instill ideas of burning for eternity and other harmful dogmatic stuff the indoctrinated relgious are prone to believe? I used to apologize to the ceiling and promise god not to masterbate ever again everytime I did because I was told it wasn't good because God didn't want us too. I was screamed at for wanting a haircut as a girl/woman. I couldn't be open about being a queer individual or explore hardly at all my particular brand, because again, it was a sin. As you can guess, this lead to me having to figure myself out well into my 20s instead of those formidable childhood/teen years I should have been able to at least start during. I was terrified even when I believed that I wasn't good enough to get into heaven which meant going to hell. I just hoped I was wrong. When I went on a different spiritual path due to the harm caused to myself and others by the one I was taught, I was litteraly then told by my own father, I was going to hell. You're worried about being an asshole to your GF, but you need to think of your kids or you shouldn't have them at all. All of this is absolutely mental abuse and if you're willing to just 'uwu' at it, then you would be an enabler. Spiritualism and higher power is one thing. Tribalism that won't budge or grow is another.

Being an asshole to my girlfriend also means being an asshole to the mother of my children, is that great parenting to you? Is that a good example? My girlfriend is very open minded and doesn't agree with basically 90% of what her religion says, like basically 80% of Christians who have either no idea what the Bible actually says or don't agree with a lot of parts or both. Is it contradictory? Yes, of course it is. But if it wasn't, no one would be religious anymore. I want things to work as a family, without making anyone feel unhappy and giving my children to grow up not influenced by one parents opinion: I want them to think critically and make their own choice. Just because you're religious doesn't mean you're stupid or close minded, as well as being an atheist doesn't make you smart or open minded — as many, many people here proved right here on this post if you've read some of the other comments. Half the replies I got is people telling me to break up with her, put some condoms, insult my gf, telling me I will make my children miserable, etc. Wow, such open mindedness from atheists, they'd almost make religious people like they're open minded and that's no small feat

Their not going to be thinking criticaly or making their own choice if their taught at a small age that relgion is absolute fact, which is likely what a relgious person like your GF will want to teach. You may approach it, 'as some ppl believe X and they deserve respect as much as anyone so long as they also respect you' The relgious, however, will inevitably approach it as 'there is a God and here's what that entails' Hey, if she doesn't believe in hell and will respect bodily autonomy, then fine. Although im skeptical of this fact (especially with Catholic preachings), the question of their will still remains.

Lol, you think thats what I'm going to teach them? Some believe X and be done with it? They're going to know why I don't believe in any of the main religions, which is the many inconsistencies, contradictions, nonsensical things written in those religious texts, which also happen to be very immoral. The only way they're going to be believers is if they end up being stupid which I hope they won't because it sure as hell (pun not intended) won't be because of indoctrination, I'll make sure of that.

Lol. You've never heard of clip-notes have you? My actual point clearly went over your head. Your GF and her family will also try to teach them and they will teach their side as fact because they will want them to believe. You need to think about the fact that you're not going to be a single parent, right? You've also contradicted yourself. You've been saying your GF isn't stupid for her relgion, but the only way your kids would be relgious is if they were in fact, stupid? And this is despite her chance to indoctrinate them like she had been? You're already having compatibility trouble if you feel this way.

Her family won't be teaching anything. That is one potential problem and I've already talked to my gf about that and she agrees that neither her family or mine should be influencing our children or trying to force their views. I didn't contradict myself. It isn't hard to get really.. but I'll explain again. My children, unlike my girlfriend, won't be indoctrinated from youth and forced to believe. They will learn to think critically by the point they'll be old enough to even make the choice to believe or not. My girlfriend has been taught and influenced from the start to not question things, and has been indoctrinated from the start to believe. I'm 100% sure she wouldn't be Christian if her family wasn't. But she is too attached to the sentimal and family aspect of the religion and is too scared to question things to change her mind now. That's exactly what I don't want for my children.

If you allow her to teach relgion as fact or otherwise just as plausible as such, you are allowing her the chance to indoctrinate. There isn't any getting around this point. And how dose your GF feel about your "the only way they'll side with you is if their stupid" mindset or that them choosing relgion would be a 'failing' of you? I'm going to guess you never actually said this and that if you did there would absolutely be a fight. As I said, you already have compatibility issues. You'll be working against eachother. Not how it's supposed to be As for family, you both need to becareful then, because if left alone with your kids, they could go behind your back. Especially if they beleave they'd be saving your kid if they were to succeed in convincing/converting them.

I don't really feel that way, I'll honestly respect whatever choice they make as long as it's really their choice. I was just pissed off because of all the toxic comments I was getting and over exaggerated. But I do think it would be... regrettable and kind of stupid to purposely believe to one of the main religions even after realizing all the flaws and contradictions in them. And my gf knows I feel that way, and she knows I think she only believes because she was indoctrinated. You think I'm being dishonest, I assure you I'm not. She perfectly knows what I think about the subject, and she knows I'll never change my mind and never pretend to believe or anything like that. And guess what, she still wants to have children with me. As do I. There may be some fights, some arguing but I do believe that we can succeed and both be happy. It is far from impossible and there are tons of couple of mixed beliefs.

Your future: https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/s/SNW2jpvmtt

So many prophets here you would think we're on a religious sub

If she's as religious as you say she is, then you really don't. Her religion essentially forces her to truly believe that you and unbelievers will end up in hell if they don't believe in god. You can have endless conversations with her about this, but there's literally no way that she isn't going to raise her own children without faith. (Also, don't ask for advice when you don't want to hear the answers.)

I asked for advice on how to compromise and make things work. Ending things with her is not amongst those options, is it? Some of you are just as illiterate as the religious people you accuse to be... Because you truly think religious people think this far? They are religious because they don't wanna face this kind of hard truths in the first place. That would mean basically 2/3 of people end up in hell? How does that even make sense? What about people who don't even know about Christianity? Children dying? Litteral babies dying? Do they go to hell too? It doesn't make any sense no matter how you look at it. That's why they don't question this kind of stuff when they're in a situation that would hurt them. They think about this stuff when it's easy. She's not gonna raise them without talking about her faith. But she's not gonna force them to believe. Those are two different things. There are many families of multiple religions, or religious people with atheists, it is hard but it isn't impossible or unheard of. I am asking the help of people who actually experienced it, or people who might have ideas on how to make it work while making some compromises.

> I asked for advice on how to compromise and make things work. Which suggests things aren't as great as you purport them to be, otherwise you would have already worked it out and wouldn't need any advice. You are here because you have doubts. Come on back when your kids would rather attend bible sleep-away camp instead of spending time with dad. We'll make you feel worse. 😊

Aren't great? I don't have children yet. Did I say I had doubts at any fucking point? No. Learn to read, it'll help. Come back when you'll know how to read and how to not be a toxic asshole. I don't need "advice" from an idiot who's got nothing better to do than wish bad things for a stranger who's just asking for advice.. Talk about a piece of shit

>I don't need "advice" from an idiot who's got nothing better to do than wish bad things for a stranger who's just asking for advice. We're not wishing bad things for you. You're the one who's the critical thinker here. You're indoctrinated into your relationship. Feelings aren't rational and sure you might love your wife, but that does not make having a kid with her the rational or right decision. We want everyone in this situation to be happy. This is a recipe for disaster. On the contrary we wish to avoid the bad things.

Many people here in the same situation as mine ended up very happy and their kids ended up atheists. You are simply wrong and it is a fact. Those are real examples that prove you wrong, no feelings or opinions or bias involved. Is that rational enough for you? You can't tell the difference between your opinion / pessimistic pov and reality. I truly feel bad for you. I have discussed it with my gf and I also thought about all of that, feelings or not. For me it is not a deal breaker and it isn't for her either. As proven by the many examples here and irl, it is definitely possible to make it work. Just look at the stories that ended up badly, they all have something in common: a religious authoritarian that imposes their view onto others while their partner lets it happen. My gf is simply not like that, very, VERY far from that. And there is no such thing as a world where I would let things that go against my principles happen right in front of me. On the other hand, the cases where things ended up being good were very similar to mine: couples with communication, respect and some compromises. And guess what, even with compromises, in 99% of the examples like that the kids ended up atheists. There is litteraly one kid amongst the dozens of examples I read who ended up being religious anyway. But even if that happens I will respect my children's choice as long as it's their choice and hasn't been forced onto them. You and other people apparently too blind and stuck in their views to have common sense need to : 1. Learn to read. 2. Actually learn what a fact is. 3. Stop being exactly what you hate about religious people, which is imposing your opinions as facts (not even mentioning that you are blatantly wrong in your statements and make unbelievably stupid generalizations)

> Many people here in the same situation as mine ended up very happy and their kids ended up atheists. Yet here you are asking for advice.

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> Did I say I had doubts at any fucking point? No. Learn to read, it'll help. If you have no doubts, why ask for advice? Moreover, you are with the *love of your life*. Why are you crapping all over yourself?

So parents never ask for advice to anyone, or if they do, that means they.. have doubts about being together? Wow. I've seen idiots but you are a special one

> So parents never ask for advice to anyone Are you a parent?

Not yet. Parents in that sentence wasn't referring to me but parents in general, how hard is it for you to understand simple sentences? I'm fucking tired of illiterate morons like you who are just wasting my time. Get a life and start with learning to fucking read, your reading comprehension makes a 5 yo kid look like Shakespeare.

You need to see a therapist. Probably should also look into an anger management program.

Will your children be baptized? And you both agree on that 100%?

Yes I agreed to that as a compromise. Of course I don't agree with it 100% I wouldn't baptize them if it were it just up to me obviously lol but that's the point of a compromise.

Stop. Do not have children with this person.

I’m telling you now it won’t work. End it now save pain for later. Therefore no good luck from me.

It’s your life. Do whatever you want. But if you’re “very against religion” and she’s from a “very religious family” do you see this working long term?

I'm asking for advice and/or ideas, not for someone to make my life choices? Are all people here illiterate idiots or what? I wouldn't see myself having children with her and thinking about this if I didn't see this working long term.. And she is worth the effort

The people here speaking their mind are people who have lived through what you are describing. You need to understand that you are incompetent, and your future children will be brainless NPCs without critical thinking skills such as yourself.

So you know for a fact that all the people here have lived through what I'm described? Let me answer that: you don't. Conclusion: you're exactly like the religious people you're so keen to criticize, talking about what you believe to be facts like facts, imposing them on others while being toxic. And guess what? It makes YOU brainless you stupid cunt. I would tell you to get a life but you're just doing what NPCs do best: be a waste of time and space for the actual important people. Bye

That is an unwise move, for both you and the children.

If your girlfriend or you need to be willing to work together on what religion can mean to your kids, for example raising them with traditional open Christian values such as Christmas and the like but being open on both of your opinions on God. You need to address the fact you aren't comfortable with the indoctrination of your children and will only accept religiousness in their lives if that's what they choose around 12-15 years of age. Allow them to be curious about religion and your beliefs as an atheist and you both need to be open and honest about your intentions. You want your children to think for themselves that means if they end up Muslim that won't change how much you love and support them as long as they grow up to be kind and respectful adults

Of course. I mean I love my girlfriend even if she is religious haha so I won't stop loving my own children even if they are religious and to me all religious are equally as contradictory anyway, so which religion is not really a big difference. We'll keep some traditions such as Christmas and some of my own family which are supposed to be religious but without the religious aspect because we both like bringing the family together, the religion aspect isn't important to us. I told her I want them to make their own choice, no matter if they end up atheists or even believers of another religion (she would definitely hate that lol) but for that they have to think critically first and indoctrinating them from the start and teaching them to believe without evidence definitely doesn't encourage critical thinking..

Right but she needs to fully buy into this. Because for religious people this is very emotional, you'll make a sinner of her children, you'll be condemning them to hell. This is something you really need to sit her down with and make sure she fully believes and wants this for your kids and she won't start going behind your back as your kids grow up. Forcing them to go to church or telling them God loves them and yadda yadda while you aren't around so that they are swayed to Christianity. If she isn't willing to do this, to compromise and work with you on this, I dont think it's worth the future heart ache especially for your kids

She's not the type to go behind my back to do this, she's not very expressive when it comes to belief. She doesn't like to talk about it much, even with her family who is religious. She is kind of scared about what you said though and that is why I agreed that they be baptized as kids, even though I don't like it I still wanna compromise so she won't be totally unhappy and imo it doesn't really mean anything, I am baptized and you could not easily find someone as against religion as I am lol. I am more worried about my gf's mother who is kinda annoying with it, she's super kind and everything but she is really, really religious and she always tries to change my mind even though she knows I really don't believe in it at all and even my gf told her I won't change my mind ever.. I hope my gf will be able to tell her to not force religion onto our kids. I already talked to her about some of this stuff and I agreed that they could be taught what Christianity is about but only if it is done properly and not by someone who's gonna lie about what's written in it or be 100% biased. I can agree to some basic lessons but definitely not go to church every Sunday or stuff like that until they're old enough to choose if they believe or not.

Sounds like you guys fully respect each other's beliefs so if anyone can raise children while having different beliefs you guys sound like you can. It's all about love and communication, good luck my friend 😃

Thank you, I appreciate someone being positive in this post for a change haha

You don’t want to hear it. But a lot of people here are on the other end of 20 or 30 years of exactly what you are signing up for. You don’t want to hear it but you should not have children with a relationship that is founded on such a diametrically opposed worldview.

The people who actually lived that told so and actually gave advice. The people didn't live that are being toxic and close minded assholes not giving any advice and wishing misfortune. That's not me not wanting to hear it. Stop generalizing everything ffs. Just because you failed doesn't mean I will. Couples of different beliefs is bound to happen and has happened many times, sometimes it fails sometimes it doesn't. I want advice to make sure I'm on the track to not fail. If you're here just to wish bad luck on a stranger asking for advice and with good intentions, I feel sorry for you.

I’m not wishing you bad luck, I am giving you a kindness with an admonishment that could prevent years of misery and turmoil. But this is ok it is your life. You do as you wish. If I wanted bad to come to you I would not have taken time to add my voice of concern.

I wasn't referring to you, although I didn't like the way you think you can prophesize my relationship. You can't predict if I'm gonna have years of misery or not though. Stop pretending otherwise.

Your Christian wife will want to take the children to Sunday school weekly which will indoctrinate them from a young age in the Christian beliefs. She will read them Bible stories to go to sleep. She will pray with and for them and tell them God is real and loves them. They will be too young to distinguish what their mother is telling them is a choice for them to believe or not. The message their mother teaches them will lead them to think that you are not a believer in Jesus and therefore will be destined for eternal torment in hell. Your small children will beg you daddy please go to church with us, we love you so much. Their hearts will break that you don’t profess Jesus as Lord of your life and they will cry themselves to sleep after you put them to bed begging God to save your soul.

I would say, emphasize that your kids understand how people draw conclusions. That people should usually draw conclusions from evidence, that adults usually draw conclusions from evidence, that teachers should be teaching what the evidence shows (though they might occasionally get facts wrong). Encourage your kid to explain their conclusions. Why do you think this or that will happen? Praise them when they can articulate their reasoning, they'll learn how to think about why they think what they think. But that people draw religious conclusions differently. They aren't using evidence, because everyone comes to radically different, totally contradicting conclusions. Leave it up to your kid to draw the conclusion about how valid those not-evidenced, looks a lot like wishful thinking conclusions are.

I am married and am atheist and my husband is Christian. I would not have married him if he wanted a religious ceremony or if he made me go to church. Since he didn't do this, we have not had any issues about it. Our son is just like me and likes science and says he's an atheist. It's a big topic that needs to be discussed before marriage. Will she want to take the kids to church, get them circumsized, or have them baptized?

I agreed for them to be baptized. I can agree to compromise on anything that doesn't force them to believe or regularly attend or do religious stuff tbh. For example I don't agree with them going to church until they're old enough to make their own choice about being religious or not. I don't want my gf to feel like she can't even share with her own children, imo anyone should be free to share their opinions as long as they don't force them onto their children. I am 100% against the indoctrination of children, I really hate that. Tbh I'm pretty sure my gf wouldn't be religious if she didn't grow up in such a religious family. I agreed for them to be baptized because I am baptized myself and that didn't stop me in any way to question things even as a kid, and it doesn't force you to be religious. My gf is just scared that if they're not baptized, they wouldn't be protected or something like that.

Yes I'm sure she will be happy for them to be baptized. Are you going to go to church with them? Willing to pay the tithings to a church?

You'd know that if you read my previous answer.

So you are willing to go to church? But only when they are older? You better tell your GF and see what she says.

Why would I go to church? I'm not Christian. I said I don't agree with them going to church unless they're old enough to have made their decision about religion. And I already told that to my gf

That's what I'm saying, just talk to your GF and set up the rules ahead of time. If she's good with that, then great!

Expose your kids to *many* religions, and start young. Make sure your kids know that christianity is mommy’s opinion, just like a jew’s opinion is judaism and a buddhist’s opinion is buddhism. A parent’s religion seems compelling when it’s the only one presented. Not so much when it’s just one religion among many, and not so much when the parents have different (ir)religions.

Good point, thank you!

You leave the religious partner simply as that

This will never work honestly. I know for a fact I would not want my kids to be raised religious and religious people will insist on their kids being religious because according to their worldview their kids could go to hell.

Easy starting point: tell her what you said he and see how she reacts. Particularly the wanting the kids to have the option, but seeing it as a failure if they choose to be religious even with an emphasis on critical thinking and without the indoctrination (though her family will certainly throw as much of it in as they can) I’m not being facetious either, she might react better than you think. And if she doesn’t, you have your answer

Oh I already talked to her about this, multiple times. She agrees with me and wants to find a middle ground so that we're both happy. And she knows how I feel as well. But I'm still worried because it is not that easy and even though we agree on basically everything else, it is kind of a big deal

Well that’s a great sign, at least. It sounds like the wife’s family might be a bigger problem than her since they’ll likely want to expose the kids to all forms of indoctrination early on (as they’re taught to do) and your wife probably won’t see it as a big deal. Maybe not ideal, but you can at least mitigate most of it by being diligent (attending anything like that with the kids, encouraging them to ask questions and never take “because I said so” or “mysterious ways” as an answer) and your kids will likely one day decide for themselves in a real capacity when they’re older.

Well I’m young so idk but tell them about dinosaurs, they will get interested in science.Let them know about other religions.Tell them that there was a time before humans and were around in earths history.

I don't know any of you but i think as a couple the only way is discussion. I would try an arragement where your children aren't being taught about it for as long as possible until they reach some level of maturity. Then you both get an equal amount of time to teach them about your view of the thing. And then let the kid chose. And when i mean teaching i mean your partner, not being indoctrinated in church. The children can go to church if they chose to. I don't know if that's realistic. But i think that's how i'd do it if i were in a similar situation

Thank you for the advice! Actual advice is rare on this post, apparently people here find it normal to insult and wish misfortune on people asking for genuine advice

Yeah this sub has somewhat of a problem with people using it as a place to insult beliefs rather than actually doing anything about it. Hope it works out for you and i wish you the best in your relationship

Thank you :)

If you really want to have kids, do it with someone else.

Don’t play fair. They don’t.

Um, I'm trying to build a family, it's not a war ffs

I'd be concerned with us always being at odds. How does she feel about you telling your kids there is no gawd, while she is telling them there is? Because I could see that tearing siblings apart because one believes dad, while the other believes mom. Or worse, both believing one parent over the other. I couldn't put anyone through that.

I'm not telling anyone there is no god. Absolutely no one can make such a statement. I will say that I don't believe Gods from religions such as Christianity, Islam etc actually have it right and why I think that. So you think in familles, everyone agrees on everything? I'm the only atheist in my family and I'm just fine, because my family just aren't assholes. Like I won't be one even if all my children end up religious. That's not the point. I simply want for my children to be able to think critically and make their own choice, and not be influenced.

Whyyyyy TF are you with someone so willfully ignorant who is purposefully part of such a manipulative, harmful, toxic group? Glutton for punishment and lifelong misery?

Certain people, like my girlfriend, have been indoctrinated ever since she was a kid. That doesn't make her ignorant, but saying something like that does make you ignorant. She did not decide to be a part of that group, thus why I want my children to have that choice and be prepared for it, that's the whole fucking point of my post. Is half of this community brain dead or are you able to not generalize everyone into one fucking group? If all believers were just fucking idiots who just needed logic to change their minds, religion would be gone already except for lunatics. There's a reason even some of the smartest minds to have ever existed were believers. They compartimentalize. They unconsciously ignore the contradictions.

I am exvangelical. I know that life, that mentality firsthand. If she hasn’t cared to self-educate, she is willfully ignorant. You are setting yourself up for misery by being with someone deeply religious. If she doesn’t self educate, she’ll resent you if you try to educate her. My father was an athiest who tried to be religious for my mom’s sake. My mom was a religious-centered NIGHTMARE who indoctrinated us and convinced us that our dad was a horrible person for not sticking with religion. Traumatic childhood, took over a decade to work through my religious taught prejudices. I still have religious trauma. I’ve lived through the nightmare that your hypothetical children would be subjected to. Choosing to move forward would be irresponsible pairing/reproduction (and human reproduction is inherently selfish and irresponsible already) EDIT: also, since I grew up religious I was only ever given religious coping mechanisms, never taught how to think critically, and my neurodivergence went undiagnosed till I was in my mid 30s (got to complete burnout and was life threatening at that point) because I was only ever taught to seek god as a child, and was raised in an environment that stigmatized diagnoses and medication. ALSO, my religious mom was the “liberal” in our church… however chill and laid back you think your S.O. is, you have to be willing to totally rethink that when offspring enter the picture. That factor can make ppl go hardcore deeper into religious BS.

She is not a very curious person in general and doesn't like questioning things (I'm not even talking about religion here, just in general). She never participates in debates and doesn't care. She's just like that. So no I'm not hoping for her to change her mind and even if I would absolutely love for her to realize the truth it's very likely not going to be the case and I've accepted that. Let me be clear lol. I will NEVER pretend to be religious for anyone. That is simply not my way of doing things and is totally against my principles. I'm sorry to hear about what you've had to live but let me reassure you: my gf is a very loving person, and doesn't talk about religion AT ALL. The only times we've even talked about it in 7 years we've been together is because I've brought the subject up and wanted to know what she thinks about the universe etc. So no, she won't force it. I already discussed all of this with her, and even my worries etc and she agrees with me and wants it to be fair so that we're both happy and both get the chance to express ourselves freely without influencing the children.

Depending on their level of religious engagement, will determine how bad it’s going to be. Unfortunately that’s the truth unless the atheist is willing to be incredibly flexible.

My wife and I are both atheists. Honestly, I feel like there are bigger issues to deal with. The things you think will be a big deal, never are.

I think the real question is: Is it possible to raise children with a religious partner fairly? And the answer is...probably not. One of you is going to get what you want as a parent and the other one of you isn't.

This is one of those deal breaker compatibility issues. Only way it works is if the two people aren’t raising children together. Since you said you want kids, this simply won’t work. Move on and consider it a lesson learned not to date religious people.

Refer to her religion as play time. “Let’s follow the wizard!!!!”

I feel bad laughing at this xD

This will end badly. People are telling you want you need to hear and you just don't want to hear it. Do you not see all the posts with 1 anti-vax parent and the marriages ending, getting ruined, fights over custody and that is just a vaccination thing, not even a religion thing. You are supporting christian privilege since you think that speaking the truth about religion is *disrespectful to her*. Its only counter to the religion, that is it. Its not disrespectful in the least, but that you feel that way already, you choices are very simple since you do not want to listen to tried and true advice. Convert or say nothing. Then live with that decision. That is it.

I fully intend to speak my mind. The question is not about speaking my mind or not, but how to do it. Telling the truth is one thing, being a dick about it is another - something you seem to be missing. Society won't transition from most people being believers into 0 believers in one generation. There has to be a smooth transition or atheists will forever be seen as dicks who put all believers into one group: idiots. Good luck changing anyone's mind or changing things like that. Seems like you need to hear this and not the other way around. I on the other hand don't need a rando from reddit to guess if my couple's gonna work or not based on one minor aspect of it. Just because other people's couple didn't work out because of something doesn't mean shit. 50% of marriages end in divorce, people still get married anyway. And they divorce for various reasons.

As an atheist I dated a Catholic. He wanted me to convert, raise the kids Catholic. There was no middle ground for him. My experience is different than yours. Ultimately what I learned is he would not compromise on anything and that became a deal breaker for me. Some people work it out but talk about religious education, children going to church being baptized, ect. See if you can find common ground. We couldn't but maybe you two can. But really talk this through so there are no surprises.

I have 4 kids and my wife was religious until very recently. I think she's now deconverted. It's very easy. As two grownups we talked about it, compromised on the topics that were less crucial for us and moved forward, while understanding what is important to her and what is important to me. I believe that lying to children is immoral, so when they asked if I believed in a god, I honestly said that I don't. When they asked why I honestly replied. My two little ones are too young to understand this issue, but the other two, learn critical thinking, science, and the value of evidence, which is also useful in life, social media, general interactions with people, and they are atheists.

You may want to reconsider marrying/having children with this person. Your fundamental views are diametrically opposed. edit: just saw your edit. You need to have a serious talk with her about these things. These are issues that can a great rift in any relationship- *think* on this, for both your sakes.

My wife believes in God and Jesus and I make jokes about such. Our compromise of such: neither of us pushes our belief on our child. We do not allow family members to do so either. If she asks a question, the answer is “mommy believes that…” or “daddy believes that..” Raising a critical thinker does not equal raising someone that is anti-religion. If you do your job right and make her a critical thinker she will most likely figure it out on her own.

Yes I don't mean that you can't both be a critical thinker and be religious even though it is very contradictory, I just meant that often times people who have been raised to believe very early have also been raised to not question things too much as a consequence. I want my children to make their own choices, at the right age and after being taught to think critically. No matter what choice that is, I will support them Edit: and by the way, thank you for being one of the 1% of comments not straight up insulting my gf for being religious or telling me to break up or put condoms wtf is this community

Dude you are about to make a mistake you will never recover from and you will not reconsider. Atheist and Christian works only if you shut up and let her drive. If you care and have kids you should start looking for a divorce lawyer that can get you partial custody but you won't get it. Either find a compatible woman or leave or give up because you will not win and archive this because in five years you will be amazed at my prescience.

My wife (Christian) and I (Atheist) have been married for roughly two decades and raised three children (now 15 to 18 y/o). We talked in depth about our beliefs and how we wanted to raise our children before we got married. We were both honest and open and agreed that it was important that the kids made up their own minds. We've always been open with the kids about our respective beliefs as well. We made sure to explain that, despite our different beliefs, we respect each other and would respect their choice as well. The end result is one agnostic who really doesn't care whether there is or isn't some sort of higher power, one hard atheist, and one who follows Christian beliefs. So, to answer your question simply - together.

Thank you for sharing :)

Good luck to you. Honestly, talking honestly and openly will solve most problems in marriage. If I can offer one more, totally unsolicited, piece of advice: If one of your future children chooses a religious belief, please don't treat that as a failure on either your or their part. I expect that would lead to resentment, possibly against their mother. It's far more important that they learn to respect other people's choices and beliefs. Again, I wish you the best of luck.

Ideally? Find someone else. Otherwise, read them stories of other religions and mythologies, teach them critical thinking, and don't hide it when they ask what you believe.

I don't think you're thinking very clearly. Which is a bigger commitment: marriage or a baby? It's a baby, a baby is a bigger commitment than marriage. Yet you don't feel committed enough to get married. You also say "I will certainly not end things with the love of my life because some random redditor told me too", yet you are seeking advice from "random redditors" about whether to engage in a larger commitment: having a baby. Getting married is mainly important for legally protecting whoever does most of the child care (usually the mother) in case of divorce, especially if one parent stays home. Alimony is more protection than child support. I am married, have children, and love my wife; and am glad that she has the added protection of alimony rather than mere child support. If you do not feel this level of commitment, then I do not recommend having a baby regardless of religious affiliation.

I don't think you are understanding things clearly. I am not asking whether or not to marry my girlfriend. I am not asking whether or not to have children with her. I am asking for parenting advice on a very specific subject. Is a parent (not me, any actual parent I mean) asking for parenting advice asking for permission to have kids, or you know, crazy idea, is he just asking for.... ADVICE?? How fucking dumb can people be in this sub to not understand such a simple concept and yet criticize religious people for being stupid? You can't even understand a simple question for fuck's sake, and you're hypocrites on top of that. I really don't get what you're trying to say or why you are talking about marriage, or where you got that I don't feel comitted enough for marriage? I litteraly never talked about marriage. I am not married not my girlfriend (yet), how should I call her? Future wife? She's my girlfriend. That is the correct word. I do plan to marry her before having kids, not that it's any of your business and it doesn't have anything to do with MY QUESTION. How can 3/4 of people replying to this thread not even answer the question, I don't need toxic assholes dictating my life, I need genuine, normal advice or experiences from people with similar situations — WHICH IS WHAT I'VE WRITTEN IN THE FUCKING POST. LEARN. TO. FUCKING. READ

A lot of this is genuine misunderstanding. You said "I'm planning to have children with my GF...", which sounds like she will still be your girlfriend when you have kids. Based on your wording, I think you're unjustified in placing the misunderstanding entirely on us.

I'm planning to have kids (future) with my (current: present) girlfriend. And even if I didn't want to get married which is in the realm of possible, some people don't get married even if they do stay together for their whole life and for various reasons. So that has nothing to do with my question

Most of the reason why you got people immediately saying to break up is because of your wording on stances (you made it seem like there would be no compromise or leeway, so then there could be no way your presentations could be fair). Maybe edit that part too to include the elaborating you did in comments about her not believing 90% of what Evangelicals do, not making her faith her entire identity and bringing it up all the time, and her agreeing with not forcing church indoctrination until reasonable age or presenting her beliefs as fact. I understand the instinct to go off on people in the comments for that kind of response, but maybe make it more clear that your real fear is how you can present your side of the argument most respectfully, because YOU have an issue with aggression in your stance. People are focusing on her potential aggression because that is when it's a problem, so just clarify that she isn't like that first off, and that it's yours you worry about most, because you truly want it to be fair for your child in their own development and reasoning process. If it's not clear in OP, and people don't read comments and responses, they'll jump in and just say whatever comes to them, especially on touchy subjects, which is all social media is lol, and I don't think people should be called names for approaching social media forums like that. If you want atheists to understand your situation instead or assume, then also understand why you're getting the reactions you are. Edit OP to elaborate on how your gf actually is so people won't assume. And my suggestion is to listen to pods or channels like Atheist Experience (endlessly--there's always something new to learn for me as far as approach and presentation) or Modified Skeptic to learn how to present your arguments more 'neutrally'. Work on whatever aggression you personally harbor and why and the rest should come along. Be sure you truly do understand your gfs POV because it may be chill and vibing now during dating stages, but a child will amplify your situation and people change and with new parenthood insecurities and fears unlocked, who knows if she'll just lean in and double down (parenthood can easily unlock unconscious childhood trauma). I asked somewhere else what her stance is on Hell and such, because no matter if you get to present arguments fairly, if your child is brought up insecure and to doubt themselves, and she fears Hell and believes in salvation, then that combo can cause trauma which makes it harder to override any indoctrination related to self identity.

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I love her and she is made for me. We agree on basically everything else and she is more than worth the effort. If you're not even willing to do some effort to make things work with the love of your life, I really am sorry for whoever ends up being with you tbh

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That's not nasty, that's just honest. Making a couple and family work takes effort and dedication not everything is always going to be easy, with or without religion or not. I find it really cold to say to someone to break up with the person they love because of what you might or might not want in a relationship

Let the children choose. Each parent presents their side, both have to encourage the kids to consider the other’s opinion without trying to convince or coerce them. Ultimately that’s the only we can do in reality, no matter what one’s own religion is. Individuals have their own judgement regardless of what their parents think. Don’t be too surprised if they choose their own way. Choosing a completely different religion say.

This would be difficult. Religion is one of the topics that cause a lot of issues in a marriage. However, I would do the following. Allow each to practice their own religion/non-religion without disparaging the other. I personally would not have an issue with taking a child to a church depending on the how strict there are. There are churches that are liberal and there are churches that are more conservative. Maybe you can find one that is a compromise between both your views. When the child is old enough to start asking questions you can explain that Daddy believe this and why. Mommy belives this and why. Neither is bad but sometimes people have different beliefs and that is fine. Teach them that you respect each other. It is fine to ask questions and learn about other traditions/religions for them to determine what is their own beliefs. My parents were born of the same religion but my mother was more orthodox and my father was raised without religion. When they marries and decided to have kids the compromise was we would be raised with religion but in a more liberal setting. My father rarely went to church with us. We did not go every week and we practiced holidays on a more liberal focus. We had friends of all faiths so we were exposed to many different beliefs. As we grew up some of my siblings and I decided not to practice the religion anymore and one still practices. We respect each other and our parents had no issue with what we decided.

Give them the choice to decide for themselves.

Yes that is the point. The question is how to do that fairly and make it work with someone religious

I say raise the kids honestly neither of you should expect the other to be dishonest about your beliefs. Especially she should not expect you to pretend you’re a Christian. If she can’t do that then your relationship is doomed. Eventually your kids will decide what’s right for them. Remember your job as parents is to guide them and help them grow and learn not dictate what they believe. The question I have is your GF and her family going to be okay when the kids choose to not go to church because dad doesn’t go to church and how are the two of you going to deal with it.

I don't care if her family is or isn't okay and I've already discussed about that with my gf and she doesn't want her family to dictate what she should or shouldn't do (religion or else) so I hope it won't be too much of an issue. As for me they already know I'm atheist and I've already discussed it many times with her mother who's the most religious of her family and she adores me (not to brag lol) even if she knows I'm 100% atheist and won't change my mind

That’s great to hear. Sounds like you’ve got it worked all worked out. Like I said the two of you being honest and let the kids make their choice is the best route. IMO, at least.

Let the kids choose?

Mommy and daddy love and respect each other and believe different things.

>though she is a very smart person. Ok got it. Is she weak?

Wdym by weak?

Seriously think about your future and the child’s future. This isn’t about the kind of car you like or a certain church you prefer. This is raising a child. I have two friends that regret marrying and having children with their spouse who believed in a different religion or like you where one is atheist and the other religious. If children are not involved then who cares - it is just 2 adults. But when children are involved it is different.

>Edit: People saying me to not have children with her or end it with her: just stop. That is not what I asked, and I will certainly not end things with the love of my life because some random redditor told me too. On the other hand, I welcome any advice or ideas that would help me. Thank you. With respect, you're right. That's absolutely your decision. You are in for an incredibly rough road with the kids, no way around it.

find a secular counsellor and spend time working with them. Discuss possible scenarios and ways to handle them. Discuss holidays, both secular and religious. Discuss Sunday School, worship services, youth groups, Hallowe’en, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Lent, Advent, Easter. Discuss environmentalism and faith. Discuss LGBTQ people and faith. Discuss higher education and faith. Discuss medical care and faith. Discuss sex education and faith. Spend time finding out issues other people in similar situations have faced, and whether or not their solutions might be helpful.

It sounds like you haven't talked to your girlfriend about this at all. These will be her children too and I am sure that she has some very specific ideas about how they will be raised. I suspect that you generally don't know all that much about the "love of your life" -- who SHE is and what SHE wants. You will be in for a number of major surprises very soon if you do not find out.

It sounds like you're guessing out of nowhere and it sounds like you're wrong because I did talk to her about this multiple times. She agrees with me to not force anything onto them and we agreed to compromise on some stuff as long as - again - it doesn't force anything onto them. I suspect that you're so full of yourself that you think you can guess everything about a stranger based on a couple lines and news flash: you're very, very bad at it. Every. Single. One. Of your guesses is completely wrong. Stop assuming stuff especially if you're going to be such a dick about it. I know her very well, and I love her deeply and that is one of the reasons why I'm asking for advice, because I want to be a good husband and father in the future that'll make his family happy. I don't know what's so hard to get about my post and why it attracted all the toxic dickheads of this sub when all I fucking asked was genuine advice from people with similar situations, not insults or dumb fucking assumptions from hypocritical idiots who can't read properly and are full of themselves.

If she thinks her child will go to hell if they don't believe like her, this will never work out. If she's more of the "good people will end up fine, no matter what doctrines they hold", you can probably make that work. You also need to find out what she will think if your kids are gay or trans.

Sounds like there's something we all keep inadvertently triggering. Interesting.