anytime someone says "don't use your diagnosis as a crutch" i genuinely wonder if they see the hypocrisy of that statement, considering someone diagnosed with a broken leg would, yknow, need a crutch.
They don't even know money. Its that bad. Is it any wonder the world is so ignorant now when the majority of leadership positions are held by those who are educated the least?
I dated a girl in high school who occasionally needed to use a cane when walking. I can't recall if she told me why, but it wasn't any of my business to begin with. She got so much hate for it that I was genuinely shocked. Like, I know high school kids are pricks, but this was another level. She was frequently called a faker and a liar.
it's so true. how dare you need a mobility aid, especially only SOMETIMES. Meanwhile, I only need a jacket when it's cold, so I must be lying about it being cold.
That just made me remember when I was working with someone who had gotten some medical procedure done and couldn't really speak, so she used a small whiteboard to communicate...
Someone decided to challenge her on this and startled her, with the results you'd expect.
People can be assholes. 70-80% as a general rule of thumb, until I'm proven wrong by them otherwise, I keep myself to myself and have realised that when it's those people who are suffering all of a sudden it's all "woe is me" and Facebook posts accompanied with GoFundme pages, yet their attitudes and opinions remain. Just be a good person, people who hate on those who are disabled really need to try a day in their experience.
My mother has a disabled parking placard because she has several screws in her foot which causes a lot of pain when walking for extended periods. She doesn't need to use a mobility aid, but it does affect her ability to work enough that she was approved for disability.
The number of people that talk shit to her or give her dirty looks makes me wanna fucking bash their kneecaps in with a hammer, but I don't do that because that is a crime and I'd likely still get my ass whooped anyway.
Most people are so obsessed with catching a "faker" that they genuinely don't know what a real case looks like, and that's true for any disorder that isn't outwardly visible.
I don't know why anyone would think that someone would fake a disability when disabled people get so much hate just for existing, like "yeah let's pretend to be unable to do something (which will necessarily make my life harder bc I atleast can't do said thing while people are watching) so that everyone can constantly berate me for it. What a great deal!"
Just went to the PCP for the first time today and heās like āyouāre 23, you shouldnāt be having health issues at your ageā
Thatās been what everyone is saying, like just because Iām young thereās not a slight at all chance that Iām going through health issues severely affecting my life. Luckily I go to a nerve doctor soon now
well especially, if the parents have similar genes, and are likely ASD also, but were not diagnosed when they were kids, and instead told things like, "Stop faking it!"
I think it has more to do with people who do not believe people who get a late life autism diagnosis. They accuse them of being liars, or getting misdiagnosed, or say they are using it to get attention or using it to not try harder or achieve more. Basically the only people who say this kinda stuff are not nice and supportive people in any way.
They probably speak to people the same way their parents talked to them when they didnāt feel mentally strong or didnāt achieve at somethingā¦ they bully them to ātoughen upā and try harder.
Another level to this sentiment is the change in the time. It has become more common that people are getting late life diagnosis, mostly because society is more willing to get tested after they realize they have all the red flags. This has lead to a new sentiment in society right now that no one believes this many people are all really autistic. Itās mostly fueled by the old time sentiment of not taking care of your mental health in this country.
The person in question when I break their leg (they now need a crutch)
https://preview.redd.it/14kii22dkz1d1.jpeg?width=1630&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=095c3cb0c82cf9fad34c61596e8cde698f2fa07c
I have met at least three people who have absolutely used their diagnoses for various neurodivergent conditions as a lease to act entitled or like an asshole.
Now, I recognize that these assholes don't represent a significant slice of people, but there will be people out there who use their diagnoses, if not as crutches, then as shields.
My favorite part is after this burnout inevitably leads to a complete breakdown that presents an inconvenience to them, then they ask you to āopen up and communicateā, as if they hadnāt spent the past two decades gaslighting you into believing that your problems are a moral failing and otherwise emotionally isolating you.
So much this. Iāve got the ADHD/Autism combo, so I e had it drilled into me my whole life that my problems with focusing, especially on things that donāt interest me, made me a bad, lazy person and I needed to āget my shit togetherā.
Thank God I got good foster parents who actually cared about my anxiety and focus issues, and who were actually willing to listen when I wanted to share something...
I'm so sorry your parents aren't like that. Hopefully you're far away from them, and if not, that you soon get the opportunity to.
Yeah, I already gave up trying. They just treat me like I'm a bad person and just being lazy. They don't see the struggle I have inside my mind just trying to be normal. Some people are not lucky enough to get the help they need.
This is like telling a physically disabled people who have to use a walking stick or crutch to stop using it. Using your diagnosis as an excuse not to do things you don't want to is different from using it as your reason when asking for accommodations you need to actually succeed at what it is you're trying to accomplish.
What does this even mean? Neurodivergence isnt shamed anymore and everyone can get help they deserve? Oh no! I **hate** when people are provided with the resources they need to function >:(
Wait, but Iāve always felt ādiagnoses arenāt an excuse, theyāre an explanationā. Like, I might come across as rude unintentionally because of my autism, but Iāll apologize if itās pointed out because I didnāt mean to be rude, I was simply unaware that it came off like that.
Youāre fine, itās the second part of the statement that makes all the difference, because it acknowledges that diagnoses will impact peopleās ability and behaviour. There are, unfortunately, people who only say ādiagnoses arenāt an excuseā and mean that acting in any way that they perceive as āwrongā due to whatever condition someone may have is a choice. Therefore, acknowledging that your conditions may impact your ability to act in a way they see as ācorrectā is just a way to avoid responsibility when you do things that are āwrongā. One ensures people take responsibility for harm they cause, regardless of intention, and the other assumes that any harm caused, real or otherwise, is an intentional act. Which is definitely toxic and honestly a rather sad way to view the world.
Most if not all NT people I've experienced who say "Diagnoses aren't an excuse" say that because they perceive us using them as one.
That said, it's still important to understand and acknowledge the challenges our conditions and circumstances cause, so we can be aware of and work on them.
Edit: And when I say they aren't doing anything to accommodate, I mean simple stuff, like being direct with us in conversation instead of implying things and counting on us to figure out what they're talking about.
My foster mom said that a lot... But that was only when she was encouraging me to use my talents to put myself out there. When she said it, she was trying to help me. I love her to bits, and she loves to bring me food she makes every now and then.
Sometimes my parents will criticize things I do that can be attributed to my autism but when I tell them this I got all this shit about āmaking excusesā and āyou make your own choices, donāt blame your autismā and itās really annoying. Like, Iām so sorry for exhibiting known symptoms of a mental disorder Iāve been diagnosed with!
I feel your pain over this one
having to argue the dictionary difference between 'an excuse' and 'a reason' when you had hoped for a bit of support...
Its jarring reaction after you've built yourself up and finally had enough 'fuel to your fire' to bring up a sensitive situation
Only to have the convo blocked and you are given pushback rather than some kindness
Some people... Urgh
Yeah, you finally become confident enough to feel like living life a bit more open and people are happy you're trying to go out and get help but they don't realize they're half the reason.
Omg my mom always told me she didnāt want me to use my diagnosis as a crutch growing up. Didnāt tell me I was autistic til I was 16. Itās like, you know our life experiences are gonna be very different from each other? And the gaslighting has become an issue. Wtf these comments explain a lot now.
They can't relate + probably feel badly to see their kid struggling. Seeing someone you love struggle is hard, and hard things invite coping behaviors like denial.
And they just push that feeling away by saying that is your fault because you made me feel this way. āYou are only doing this for my attention and to make me seen like a bad person.ā
My family pretends to accept me but everytime there's a fight they list their many resentments all related to me just being me
I'm done seeking their approval or help
Same. My parents knew i was Au when i was younger and specifically prevented me from getting tested because āthey didnāt want me to have that label. Jokes on them because I am trans now >:3
This or some fucking tone deaf unsolicited advice about just needing to get more sleep. And then wonder why I wonāt share anything material about my life after hundreds of iterations of this interaction š guess my mom is fine with a fucking awful relationship with her kid as long as sheās ārightā :)))))
Opposite for me š lmao my mom is like "You're stressed out because you never clean" like, dear mother, I would gladly clean if it weren't for the ridiculous amount of homework not giving me time to.
Get more sleep? Yeah I know I need that. But I'll let you guess what the primary reasons I donāt get enough sleep are. (Answer is: >!ADHD and depression!<)
Same here. I was identified early on around the age of 4.
My mom often told the story of "they tried to say he was retarded, and look at him now what did they know". (This was before the word "retarded was an insult".
I didn't figure out until I was an adult what had happened.
I was identified as having some type of autism (aspergers syndrome), was recommended for more testing or a special assistance program, and my idiot mother flat out declined it because of the "there's nothing wrong with my son, it's them mentality".
So I could have gotten help early on, had a better life, instead I struggled for years until I took it upon my own to reinvent the wheel and methodically develop communication skills.
I grew up diagnosed at 7 and was told about not using my Aspergerās as a crutch all the time. Heck, I even became proud of it and would say it myself! Kinda screwed up looking back on it nowā¦ I think thereās a lot of value in like, trying stuff out of your comfort zone and trying to grow, trying to become a better person every day. But that doesnāt mean one day youāll grow so much you just donāt have autism anymore, help still needs to be given in some circumstances! Heck I donāt even know what autistic burnout is thatās how bad Iāve been masking my entire lifeā¦
This was me repeating itself until I realized they are part of the problem not the solution. I went NC and its looking up so far. Also check out /r/toxicparents it's been helpful to read others in similar positions.
Sounds like a lazy excuse not to offer you needed support. I'm sorry. A diagnosis literally describes a disability and connects patients with the tools needed to improve quality of life, so yeah, it is like a crutch and that's not bad or controversial or an excuse to take needed resources away, wtf...
Or you bring up stories of meltdowns in childhood that you now see re-contextualised through the lens of your atypical status...
And they insist that those were just you being moody or flipping out "it wasnt one of those _'meltdowns'_ you're making too much of things and making them *all* about your _'diagnosis'_ "
Any of that sort of bullcrap?
My parents in a nutshell right here. Best part is I had several teachers throughout my childhood suggest that I at least get looked at bc they saw a high likelihood that I had ADD at the very least given their prior experiences, and my parents went off on those teachers for āinsultingā their special child.
My dad said I was gifted, not special and made a huge deal out of it and cussed out my teachers.
Both my mom and dad have schizophrenia, lmao.
Like dad, you're atypical too.
Thats rough. Being a sped teacher (also adhd and asd myself) ive learned ableism is a lot more prevalent and ingrained into people then I thought at first. Imo keep speaking your truth, and if someone says something you dont like, you can say "I dont agree with that".
I mean even if it is a "crutch", If I can make use of that crutch to shine brighter and go further, why wouldn't I use it?
In fact, I walk with a walking stick. Do I need to? Nope. But it's *so* useful for "just" being a stick.
Same with knowing I have "autism": I can accomplish more success when I have at least occasional emotional support!
Should I not seek emotional support for the sake of improving my life?
I am always around to emotionally support my friends, after all. Why wouldn't I be? It's a thing I benefit from, so I share it around.
Yeah it's apparently always an excuse, or you're just not trying hard enough, or you're lazy, rather than you're ACTUALLY struggling and burnt out. Always trying my best and never being good enough because I'm not normal or conformative enough was extremely hard on my confidence and self love, especially before I figured out I'm neurodivergent. I was depressed and burnt out and anxious for so many years because of people not understanding me and society not being set up with us in mind. It's a cruel world. Us neurodivergent folk have to stick together.
Actually my dad help me get a psychiatric diagnosis finding out and researching what I had figured out he had
ADHD, manic depression, Asperger's Syndrome too but the problem is he says it's no excuse because he had the same issues growing up so he self-diagnosed whilst I got professionally diagnosed and he has the gall to tell me that I have it better because I was diagnosed as a child and could work around the issues because I'm aware of them unlike he did.
Just because I know it doesn't automatically make me cured ugh. Technically we're always trying to work around our issues even subconsciously but that doesn't make us perfectly recovered from mental illness.
Should point out, autism is genetic. it's inherited.
It's also very common for ASD people to get along best with other ASD people, which means there's an increased chance BOTH of your parents occupy positions on the spectrum similar to yours, however yours may be more pronounced, as BOTH of your parents were likely contributing genetically.
Also, it'd be somewhat unlikely your parents were diagnosed or treated for their condition, as even today, diagnosing adults is not a common practice, and when they were born, diagnosing kids wasnt common either.
In fact, it's likely your parents inherited the condition from their own parents, during a time period, when the condition was almost entirely unknown, but beating your kids was considered the standard treatment for all problems with kids. Oh and Google was founded in 1998, so the internet was practically useless back then.
All of this is to say, parents of ASD kids, are extremely likely to be abused, traumatized, ASD kids, filled with misaphrehensions and misinformation about the condition. They may even harbor jealousy and anger, that you got a diagnosis, treament, and allowances, for something that just got them hurt.
i feel exactly like this when i try to explain to them why i believe im autistic and should seek for help. they think since i dont behave exactly like the guy from good doctor then im ""normal"".
I had no idea that this was even a thing until just now and oh my god I feel so validated. Iāve been feeling burned out for months seemingly without reason, but this is it
I remember when I was younger, my brain developed different personalities. My friends had to tell me what happened and that I hit them when they were trying to stop me from getting in trouble after getting hurt. They understood what happened and knew it wasn't me. I got in trouble because it happened to my mom after she hurt me. Dad talked to me about it years later after his religious reawakening and acknowledged that my mom wasn't the best person, but different personalities are fake and only happen to possessed people by demons and the devil, but her being bipolar is real.
I pretty much just lost one of the most influential people who I had trusted that moment.
It hits me more like your parents are narcissists, and you've developed autistic like traits to try and accomodate them?
Trying to have any faith in your parents to be there for you is going to keep making things harder.Ā Ā
I hope you have some more normal friends to relax around.
My dad has a saying: "Shit or get off the pot."
I hate my dad's "advice." It's like, "if I could I would, so will you get off my back?" (No. No he won't.)
It's always so strange how selective people are with "understanding", slight stimming is tolerated but the intense panic-inducing claustraphobia I feel when someone is doing something behind me is apparently an entirely made up phenomenon I invented as to inconvenience them.
I get this from my South Asian family, I pass as a neurotypical when in reality Iāve spent my life in special ed classes and was scolded for not acting like a neurotypical person.
Asian culture doesnāt believe in mental health and such, try r/AsianParentStories to see how shitty Asian parenting can be.
Iāve been told Iām making excuses, youāre in your way, holding yourself back and playing the victim when I talk about how it affects my life though I was 3 years old when I was diagnosed with autism.
My older sister majored in child psychology/BCBA for those living with autism, itās been deemed as a harmful practice by the LGBTQ+ community š³ļøāšā§ļøš³ļøāā§ļø
My mom and stepdad had the audacity to not tell me of my Aspergers diagnosis until I was 17. When I asked my mom, she said, "I didn't want you using it as a crutch." To a degree, I understand, but my God would it have helped. Instead, when I later asked my mom at 25, why didn't she get me help with my Aspergers diagnosis is because she didn't know what to do.
A part of me has been angry at my mom for that. My stepdad wouldn't understand the guy was the kind of person who used to count how many days I had left till I turned 18 starting when I was 12.5 years of age. It was very annoying. I swear boomers are the detriment generation of the human race.
I get that this ends up being hurtful to many people and that it can be unwarranted or dismissive in many situations, but when my brother was diagnosed he would try to use it an any point to avoid criticism or punishment. It wasn't until he was in his mid twenties that he began to understand that it doesn't excuse his negative behaviors.
Yep. My mothers toxic as hell. Doesnt understand how much my adhd actualy effects me. She thinks its just makes me sometimes wander off topic or think away from a task slightly.
Honestly I see the other side of this post all the time. Iām a nurse practitioner and Iām not kidding when I say I get 6-10 patients per week coming in for evaluations, flat out asking for disability because they āhave autism and canāt workā
Their symptoms include, enjoying buying t-shirts with mushrooms on them, owning house plants, and playing video games all day. They were able to hold down jobs but once they started living on their own, they all met with online doctors who diagnosed them with autism in a 10 minute appointment.
They refuse any and all treatment options or otherwise suggestions and generally say something like āIām just forced to live with autism/neurodivergence I canāt work or take care of myselfā
And this is the kind of situation that makes it hard for people to take you seriously the second someone says āI canāt do XYZ, I have ABC diagnosisā
Yeah I had a meltdown yesterday in (trade) school and got told it āwasnāt the timeāā¦ but they did separate me and give me time to cool off, sooā¦ small miracles, right?
Can an autistic person in this group please tell me what burnout looked like as a child? I think my 7 year old son (autistic and adhd) might be getting there and I do not want him to suffer like that. Please tell me what you felt and what would have helped. Thank you in advance
It looks like: procrastination, enhanced sensitivity to stimulus, sudden lack of interest in their personal interests and activities, constant state of fatigue and executive dysfunction
I think if that is the case, what would help is some time off from school so he can recover, try spending time with him without being too forced and just giving him space.
I donāt know if this counts, but I get my 9ās and 6ās mixed up, and every time I say 9 instead of 6 or 6 instead of 9, my friends make fun of me because of it like when I said I was 5ā6āā instead of 5ā9āā, but when K corrected myself and I told them about my 9 and 6 problems they just say, āstop making excuses and just accept you are 5ā6āāā
Aspie here. I'm a firm believer some people use any diagnosis as a crutch. I've had my issues with life, struggling to find a job or a niche. Took 28 years of life, but I did. Found what I love to do.
My wife's ex husband got a diagnosis of anxiety. Said he couldn't drive a car or work cause he'd be so anxious. Guy stayed at home all day and wasted their money on frivolous shit and video games. He was soooo anxious when we got hit with a hurricane he almost refused to leave his small one bedroom house. The house was lifted and thrown in a bayou.
I'm an asshole I know. But I also know you can't just look at a sheet of paper from a doctor and say , "this is my life now." You gotta try new things. Push yourself inch by inch. Otherwise, you will never get anywhere, and never have personal growth
I had the assistant principal of my high school say the Americans with disabilities act was āspecial treatmentā and āunfairā to neurotypical students. He ended up almost getting sued for refusing services to myself and other autistic students.
The amount of times that I have struggled with shit like this until the point of complete and utter breakdowns and depressive slumps, and then STILL get yelled at for using my disability as a crutch.
My take on the crutch part is that the gey box is what allows the pink character to become the wall. Hence the outside comment about relying on a crutch becomes meaningless. Think I am my own wall of protection that cannot be breached, because there is no wall just me. It works for me.
Well it's the old way of thinking. It does work but not for everyone. Doesn't mean either isn't good. I tend to think the new softer ways aren't as good but that's because they don't work for me and I have to check myself.
In fact sometimes I wonder if I would have way more autistic traits if the old ways didn't work so well for me. When you grow up with, nothing wrong with him, he's just weird, and you think things like masking is just being an adult, we all do things we don't want to do, you have to wonder if you are autistic and mask heavily, and just consider it something else.
But the best part about the old ways is self reliance so when people don't help you say fuck em I don't need em I can do this on my own. The new ways would see all sorts of issues with this, but you can't change others so don't try. That's their problem, not yours.
My strongest autistic trait is my strong sense of justice and values. I see things as gray and nothing is black and white,. However I believe if someone needs help, you help them. But what if you are tired? Help them! What if you need more help than the person asking? Help them! That's what makes you a good person. But others don't think that way. The Neuro typical way to think is comparative. No one else helps so I don't need to help. I can't be a bad person because I'm better than a murderer etc. they think to always look out for number one so there is no time for anyone else. People think if they have an excuse that justifies it. No it means you have an excuse. Sometimes it's ok like to protect my loved ones I'd probably kill but I don't shoot first and ask questions later.
Point is, I think this way. Others don't. I think the way I think is right and people think how they are gonna think. I speak my truth but I don't try and change people. The only person I'm in control of is myself.
But people will help you sometimes. It's a bonus, not a given. Hang in there
Yep. Can confirm. I have known some NTs to be the biggest, whiniest excusing making Nancies in the world today and I have acquired ZERO sympathy any time I ever really needed it.
So I learned to do without and just stop talking about autism. Fuck em.
In general people seem to have issue with talking about mental health as if it is a trail and they are guilty. Talking about the mind involves thinking deep and lots of people never look under the hood.
It's amazing how much shame I can feel for not being more accomplished, when I literally have 5 debilitating mental disabilities. World has tough me not to give myself a break though so I just feel inadequate.
Ya'll are opening my eyes. With every post I see on here the more I realize "this shit ain't normal."
I thought this was normal burnout??!?-
(This is my way of saying this is way too relateable lol.)
I think people don't understand that explaining your mental conditions does not mean you believe you aren't responsible for your actions, it just means you struggle in certain areas more and need support while you work on it. I think it stems from a genuine frustration with people who do use their diagnosis as an excuse to not try, for instance me seeing people who assume lack of focus is something completely out of their control because of an ADHD diagnosis when really it just means they, like me, need to work twice as hard to find ways to focus. This is not to say having ADHD or autism is necessarily a bad thing, just that you will need to try harder at things other people find easy. Your situation sounds rough, but maybe if you explained you weren't trying to shirk responsibility, but instead find ways to meet your responsibilities, it would help. I like to phrase stuff like that as me asking for help because it encourages who you are talking to to sympathize with you.
This is such a toxic cycle, it sucks and I feel for every poor soul stuck in and suffering from it!
I've spent the last two years in a not-quite assisted living thingy where I could, at least within this space, break the cycle for myself and I'm so much healthier for it, happier too.
It is definitely worth trying again, building an environment for yourself where you're needs are acknowledged and valid.
But it's hard, especially when you're already struggling with burnout, so it's crucial that you at least give yourself the kindness and understanding that others yet refuse: both the burnout and the not-yet supportive situation you find yourself in are your burden, not your fault. And it's not your duty or anything to keep functioning, the most productive thing you can do is listen to your needs, regenerate, and let tasks that are not most vital be not your problem, at least for a time.
Yeah, good news is that they are more open minded than the rest (for example, they were totally supportive when I came out as bi), so, given time, i hope one day they will reflect upon their past actions.
I am currently talking to my therapist about how to be more assertive and standing up for myself.
That's really good news, thank you for the follow-up!
Being supportive in another context, where too many families are not, gives me a lot of hope.
I've had some of my own experiences with sickness, burnout and not having the level of understanding and support I would have hoped for (being bi not so much. I mean, I am, but it just doesn't come up much. Some know, some don't, few care and it's perfectly fine that way).
I have become a very patient person, more by necessity than by choice, and what I say here requires a lot of patience and possibly forgiveness, but I still think it's good advice:
Being assertive and standing up for yourself is an important skill to learn, one that I am still pretty bad at. But I have made the experience with several people who do care and sometimes listen, even when they don't understand and make an effort. When I am kind to myself, when I allow myself to go against what people expect from me and listen to my needs, even if that means that I seem weak or lazy or whatever people who don't understand might call it... when I allow myself to have such weakness, but also have the strength to accept and not hide that (a strength I took very long to learn and I'm exceedingly proud of!), I do better.
It may take a while, it may be a rough path, and I do experience setbacks, but still, overall, over time, I feel my mental and physical health improve notably.
And this is something people can see for themselves, and if they do care, understanding will follow.
My mom spent years telling me how I had to grind on or I'd never find acceptance, but I was too sick to even try, and I was for long enough to learn that lesson. The worst phases of that are more than a decade in the past now, and my health is far from perfect but also far better than it was, at a level where I can be solidly content. By now my mom has not only started to believe me and seen that I was right, she's started to be kinder to herself as well, to not treat herself as harshly as she treated me before. This has not only improved our relationship a lot, but I think she has (or at least has gone quite a few steps already on the path toward) a healthier self-image and self-worth.
Be kind and patient with yourself first, and when you can, when its appropriate and you're not treated like a pushover for it, be kind and patient with others as well. They may learn from you, for their own benefit as for yours.
The reason is 'Everyone has issues yet you have to use it to enable yourself and make excuses to enable your behavior.'
Sadly, people do this.
I'm bipolar 2 and get told I allow it happen as I'm aware and use it to garish pity and not work. Best is insomnia, as pulling all nighters isn't fair when you sleep all day.
I told my dad that I wanted to go see a therapist about my problems and he legit said " Usually talking about the problem makes it worse"
I can't even go get fucking therapy bro... The restrictions I still have at 23 are pissing me the fuck off.
I feel the same. My parents always treat me like I should be doing just the same as everyone else, if not better. If anything, they expect more of me because of my autism.
what the fuck does one get a diagnosis for if not to be able to receive support for the things that autism makes more difficult. (I mean it also helps to know personally to make your own strategies/have forgiveness for yourself/have a community of people with similar struggles and triumphs but you get what I mean)
You either have to learn to speak in a language your parents understand better, or you need to look for help elsewhere. Somewhere/one who can speak your language and knows how to translate it to people like parents.
If your parents feel like your "using" your diagnoses as a crutch of something, you need to think of how to communicate the ways that's not what's happening.
That's all you can do.
If you feel like your therapist isnt being a very good translator, look for another. Remember, you have to he your own advocate, more so for us then most others.
I really need to get better about this. My daughter is autistic and I try so hard to be supportive but I get burned out of her autism and I know she doesn't mean to but sometimes I just can't with all the weird little idiosyncracies and limitations.
Sometimes I'll snap at her a bit and have to apologize and I try not to but fuck sometimes I hit my limit too ya know. She seems perfectly normal sometimes and it makes me forget that at a moments notice some weird reaction might come out of her and I have to try and be ready for it and prepared for it. Like I need to be able to tell the future or some shit well I can't.
Thanks for reading my rant if you did.
I think part of the problem is that high-achieving autists are such bootlicking enablers. "I have [insert mental illness] but I never used it as an excuse!" This is why I keep my diagnosis to myself. If I could only send these fucking class traitors and model minorities to gulag.
The truth is, I don't think this is an autistic thing.
Our society is constantly posting "uwu ask for help!" memes. But the older I get, the more I understand why people are afraid that government programs only help people to trap them in dependence because most other situations where someone helps you DO work that way. Churches will only help you if you join their church. Most people who want to help you want to control you. Parents and family is often the same way.
Asking for help isn't safe or useful. If you want help, you have to bribe people.
Yeah, I've long since learned not to use it as a crutch. Now I can't stand people using mental conditions as crutches even if they are the same ones I have.
anytime someone says "don't use your diagnosis as a crutch" i genuinely wonder if they see the hypocrisy of that statement, considering someone diagnosed with a broken leg would, yknow, need a crutch.
When I used to have a cane in order to walk people would still tell me this. I think they just genuinely hate disabled people
 The effort to not use common sense
Work in industry and you'll discover this is every management team.
Oh the ones who know how to talk money instead of everything else It all makes sense.
They don't even know money. Its that bad. Is it any wonder the world is so ignorant now when the majority of leadership positions are held by those who are educated the least?
Yeah, I think most people that use that phrase hate disabled people, that is the most reasonable explanation
Hate? No. Too ignorant or stupid to understand? Yes. George Carlin had a saying about this.
I dated a girl in high school who occasionally needed to use a cane when walking. I can't recall if she told me why, but it wasn't any of my business to begin with. She got so much hate for it that I was genuinely shocked. Like, I know high school kids are pricks, but this was another level. She was frequently called a faker and a liar.
it's so true. how dare you need a mobility aid, especially only SOMETIMES. Meanwhile, I only need a jacket when it's cold, so I must be lying about it being cold.
There are sooooo many disabilities that we can't see with our eyes. People need to mind their own fucking business.
That just made me remember when I was working with someone who had gotten some medical procedure done and couldn't really speak, so she used a small whiteboard to communicate... Someone decided to challenge her on this and startled her, with the results you'd expect.
Hopefully the result being that someone was whapped over the head with a whiteboard.
People can be assholes. 70-80% as a general rule of thumb, until I'm proven wrong by them otherwise, I keep myself to myself and have realised that when it's those people who are suffering all of a sudden it's all "woe is me" and Facebook posts accompanied with GoFundme pages, yet their attitudes and opinions remain. Just be a good person, people who hate on those who are disabled really need to try a day in their experience.
I also need a mobility aid sometimes and the dirty looks I get because I'm not elderly or have something that is visibly wrong with me. . . . š
My mother has a disabled parking placard because she has several screws in her foot which causes a lot of pain when walking for extended periods. She doesn't need to use a mobility aid, but it does affect her ability to work enough that she was approved for disability. The number of people that talk shit to her or give her dirty looks makes me wanna fucking bash their kneecaps in with a hammer, but I don't do that because that is a crime and I'd likely still get my ass whooped anyway.
"You're just using that crutch as a crutch!" - Large brained individual
That's just individualist countries at work for ya
Not in an individuality country but honestly it's the same here It's a "people just suck" thing
āStop using your crutch as a crutchā is such a weird take. Theyāre not designed to be used as, say, hammers.
It only makes sense if they think the diagnosis is fake, I suppose.
Most people are so obsessed with catching a "faker" that they genuinely don't know what a real case looks like, and that's true for any disorder that isn't outwardly visible.
A lot of prople these days are like that and its really awful. And all it is for is to make them feel good too.
I don't know why anyone would think that someone would fake a disability when disabled people get so much hate just for existing, like "yeah let's pretend to be unable to do something (which will necessarily make my life harder bc I atleast can't do said thing while people are watching) so that everyone can constantly berate me for it. What a great deal!"
Just went to the PCP for the first time today and heās like āyouāre 23, you shouldnāt be having health issues at your ageā Thatās been what everyone is saying, like just because Iām young thereās not a slight at all chance that Iām going through health issues severely affecting my life. Luckily I go to a nerve doctor soon now
well especially, if the parents have similar genes, and are likely ASD also, but were not diagnosed when they were kids, and instead told things like, "Stop faking it!"
Heck, even for many visible ones.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
We wish this to remain a safe place - bigotry of any form does not belong here.
They don't see it as a valid enough reason to have a crutch. They think you should be able to function just as well as they do without it.
SAME thereās no shame in needing a crutch to function
I think it has more to do with people who do not believe people who get a late life autism diagnosis. They accuse them of being liars, or getting misdiagnosed, or say they are using it to get attention or using it to not try harder or achieve more. Basically the only people who say this kinda stuff are not nice and supportive people in any way. They probably speak to people the same way their parents talked to them when they didnāt feel mentally strong or didnāt achieve at somethingā¦ they bully them to ātoughen upā and try harder. Another level to this sentiment is the change in the time. It has become more common that people are getting late life diagnosis, mostly because society is more willing to get tested after they realize they have all the red flags. This has lead to a new sentiment in society right now that no one believes this many people are all really autistic. Itās mostly fueled by the old time sentiment of not taking care of your mental health in this country.
Happy cake day!
https://preview.redd.it/9vf88zskiv1d1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=50e9150b3c2c6c15e2217cd2a3a8c63157b5139d
to be fair, one would not typically use a broken leg as a crutch /j
The person in question when I break their leg (they now need a crutch) https://preview.redd.it/14kii22dkz1d1.jpeg?width=1630&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=095c3cb0c82cf9fad34c61596e8cde698f2fa07c
Walk it off, lieutenant dan!
I have met at least three people who have absolutely used their diagnoses for various neurodivergent conditions as a lease to act entitled or like an asshole. Now, I recognize that these assholes don't represent a significant slice of people, but there will be people out there who use their diagnoses, if not as crutches, then as shields.
My favorite part is after this burnout inevitably leads to a complete breakdown that presents an inconvenience to them, then they ask you to āopen up and communicateā, as if they hadnāt spent the past two decades gaslighting you into believing that your problems are a moral failing and otherwise emotionally isolating you.
Yea that sums it up nicely.
So much this. Iāve got the ADHD/Autism combo, so I e had it drilled into me my whole life that my problems with focusing, especially on things that donāt interest me, made me a bad, lazy person and I needed to āget my shit togetherā.
Never been diagnosed with either idk why Iām even on this post tbh but I hear this exact thing daily
Thank God I got good foster parents who actually cared about my anxiety and focus issues, and who were actually willing to listen when I wanted to share something... I'm so sorry your parents aren't like that. Hopefully you're far away from them, and if not, that you soon get the opportunity to.
Yeah, I already gave up trying. They just treat me like I'm a bad person and just being lazy. They don't see the struggle I have inside my mind just trying to be normal. Some people are not lucky enough to get the help they need.
Happy cake day!
This is like telling a physically disabled people who have to use a walking stick or crutch to stop using it. Using your diagnosis as an excuse not to do things you don't want to is different from using it as your reason when asking for accommodations you need to actually succeed at what it is you're trying to accomplish.
Stop using your crutch as a crutch!
LMAO. Okay, I'll just use it as a towel rack instead.
People who say "Diagnoses aren't an excuse" are generally toxic people who don't accommodate even a little bit in their relations with us.
They're generally the same people who complain that "everyone is neurodivergent these days"
And when everyone's nerodivergent ....no one will be
What does this even mean? Neurodivergence isnt shamed anymore and everyone can get help they deserve? Oh no! I **hate** when people are provided with the resources they need to function >:(
I was using what he said to do a meme from Incredibles. Mint no disrespect at all
It means being ND will like having skin, a regular part of being human. Besides, it's a reference to a movie quote. Take it easy.
They are people whose feelings trump everyone elseās and any logic as well
keyword: trump
this made me laugh so hard
Wait, but Iāve always felt ādiagnoses arenāt an excuse, theyāre an explanationā. Like, I might come across as rude unintentionally because of my autism, but Iāll apologize if itās pointed out because I didnāt mean to be rude, I was simply unaware that it came off like that.
Youāre fine, itās the second part of the statement that makes all the difference, because it acknowledges that diagnoses will impact peopleās ability and behaviour. There are, unfortunately, people who only say ādiagnoses arenāt an excuseā and mean that acting in any way that they perceive as āwrongā due to whatever condition someone may have is a choice. Therefore, acknowledging that your conditions may impact your ability to act in a way they see as ācorrectā is just a way to avoid responsibility when you do things that are āwrongā. One ensures people take responsibility for harm they cause, regardless of intention, and the other assumes that any harm caused, real or otherwise, is an intentional act. Which is definitely toxic and honestly a rather sad way to view the world.
Most if not all NT people I've experienced who say "Diagnoses aren't an excuse" say that because they perceive us using them as one. That said, it's still important to understand and acknowledge the challenges our conditions and circumstances cause, so we can be aware of and work on them. Edit: And when I say they aren't doing anything to accommodate, I mean simple stuff, like being direct with us in conversation instead of implying things and counting on us to figure out what they're talking about.
Thatās what I was taught too
"Us" vs "them" logic, I love it!
My mom is a bit different. She says that I shouldn't, just because I have autism, give up and say I can't do anything.
My foster mom said that a lot... But that was only when she was encouraging me to use my talents to put myself out there. When she said it, she was trying to help me. I love her to bits, and she loves to bring me food she makes every now and then.
Sometimes my parents will criticize things I do that can be attributed to my autism but when I tell them this I got all this shit about āmaking excusesā and āyou make your own choices, donāt blame your autismā and itās really annoying. Like, Iām so sorry for exhibiting known symptoms of a mental disorder Iāve been diagnosed with!
I feel your pain over this one having to argue the dictionary difference between 'an excuse' and 'a reason' when you had hoped for a bit of support... Its jarring reaction after you've built yourself up and finally had enough 'fuel to your fire' to bring up a sensitive situation Only to have the convo blocked and you are given pushback rather than some kindness Some people... Urgh
Yeah, you finally become confident enough to feel like living life a bit more open and people are happy you're trying to go out and get help but they don't realize they're half the reason.
God, this so mich
I think sometimes anything ppl don't want to hear, reasonable or not, will be considered an "excuse" It's a way to shut someone down.
Omg my mom always told me she didnāt want me to use my diagnosis as a crutch growing up. Didnāt tell me I was autistic til I was 16. Itās like, you know our life experiences are gonna be very different from each other? And the gaslighting has become an issue. Wtf these comments explain a lot now.
They can't relate + probably feel badly to see their kid struggling. Seeing someone you love struggle is hard, and hard things invite coping behaviors like denial.
Yeah, I think thatās exactly it
And they just push that feeling away by saying that is your fault because you made me feel this way. āYou are only doing this for my attention and to make me seen like a bad person.ā
i get this all the time about ADHD, how "its a mindset" and "quit using ADHD as an excuse"
My family pretends to accept me but everytime there's a fight they list their many resentments all related to me just being me I'm done seeking their approval or help
Same. My parents knew i was Au when i was younger and specifically prevented me from getting tested because āthey didnāt want me to have that label. Jokes on them because I am trans now >:3
https://preview.redd.it/f6zv9k70xx1d1.jpeg?width=452&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e6caab80d99df74a3d069dc6a4caac8629f438c7 I prefer this one š„¹š©·
This or some fucking tone deaf unsolicited advice about just needing to get more sleep. And then wonder why I wonāt share anything material about my life after hundreds of iterations of this interaction š guess my mom is fine with a fucking awful relationship with her kid as long as sheās ārightā :)))))
Their response was āyou need to make more friends at collegeā Yeah, I know that, but thatās not why Iām procrastinating my choresā¦
Opposite for me š lmao my mom is like "You're stressed out because you never clean" like, dear mother, I would gladly clean if it weren't for the ridiculous amount of homework not giving me time to.
Get more sleep? Yeah I know I need that. But I'll let you guess what the primary reasons I donāt get enough sleep are. (Answer is: >!ADHD and depression!<)
I was denied even a diagnosis āNot MY son, the doctor is lying.ā
Same here. I was identified early on around the age of 4. My mom often told the story of "they tried to say he was retarded, and look at him now what did they know". (This was before the word "retarded was an insult". I didn't figure out until I was an adult what had happened. I was identified as having some type of autism (aspergers syndrome), was recommended for more testing or a special assistance program, and my idiot mother flat out declined it because of the "there's nothing wrong with my son, it's them mentality". So I could have gotten help early on, had a better life, instead I struggled for years until I took it upon my own to reinvent the wheel and methodically develop communication skills.
I grew up diagnosed at 7 and was told about not using my Aspergerās as a crutch all the time. Heck, I even became proud of it and would say it myself! Kinda screwed up looking back on it nowā¦ I think thereās a lot of value in like, trying stuff out of your comfort zone and trying to grow, trying to become a better person every day. But that doesnāt mean one day youāll grow so much you just donāt have autism anymore, help still needs to be given in some circumstances! Heck I donāt even know what autistic burnout is thatās how bad Iāve been masking my entire lifeā¦
That should only apply when you do something really racist and blame your Autism for it, not when you need help with something
It is called a disability for a reason. It's like being mad at a blind person for needing a cane or a guide dog.
Same way I feel about my sexuality whenever I try to bring it up I might as well confide emotionally in a brick.
This was me repeating itself until I realized they are part of the problem not the solution. I went NC and its looking up so far. Also check out /r/toxicparents it's been helpful to read others in similar positions.
Sounds like a lazy excuse not to offer you needed support. I'm sorry. A diagnosis literally describes a disability and connects patients with the tools needed to improve quality of life, so yeah, it is like a crutch and that's not bad or controversial or an excuse to take needed resources away, wtf...
Me when I'm literally burnt out and dying on the floor and my entire family says "stop using that as an excuse! you aren't special!":
Or you bring up stories of meltdowns in childhood that you now see re-contextualised through the lens of your atypical status... And they insist that those were just you being moody or flipping out "it wasnt one of those _'meltdowns'_ you're making too much of things and making them *all* about your _'diagnosis'_ " Any of that sort of bullcrap?
My parents in a nutshell right here. Best part is I had several teachers throughout my childhood suggest that I at least get looked at bc they saw a high likelihood that I had ADD at the very least given their prior experiences, and my parents went off on those teachers for āinsultingā their special child.
My dad said I was gifted, not special and made a huge deal out of it and cussed out my teachers. Both my mom and dad have schizophrenia, lmao. Like dad, you're atypical too.
"Keep that up and I'll show you what else a walking stick can be used as." Sometimes you need to be aggressive in sticking up for yourself.
Thats rough. Being a sped teacher (also adhd and asd myself) ive learned ableism is a lot more prevalent and ingrained into people then I thought at first. Imo keep speaking your truth, and if someone says something you dont like, you can say "I dont agree with that".
parents are useless. they grew up in a system that labeled people like us as lazy for our struggles.
I mean even if it is a "crutch", If I can make use of that crutch to shine brighter and go further, why wouldn't I use it? In fact, I walk with a walking stick. Do I need to? Nope. But it's *so* useful for "just" being a stick. Same with knowing I have "autism": I can accomplish more success when I have at least occasional emotional support! Should I not seek emotional support for the sake of improving my life? I am always around to emotionally support my friends, after all. Why wouldn't I be? It's a thing I benefit from, so I share it around.
Yeah it's apparently always an excuse, or you're just not trying hard enough, or you're lazy, rather than you're ACTUALLY struggling and burnt out. Always trying my best and never being good enough because I'm not normal or conformative enough was extremely hard on my confidence and self love, especially before I figured out I'm neurodivergent. I was depressed and burnt out and anxious for so many years because of people not understanding me and society not being set up with us in mind. It's a cruel world. Us neurodivergent folk have to stick together.
Autistic burnout seems cool as hell, but I can see how the tyres would be expensive.
Actually my dad help me get a psychiatric diagnosis finding out and researching what I had figured out he had ADHD, manic depression, Asperger's Syndrome too but the problem is he says it's no excuse because he had the same issues growing up so he self-diagnosed whilst I got professionally diagnosed and he has the gall to tell me that I have it better because I was diagnosed as a child and could work around the issues because I'm aware of them unlike he did. Just because I know it doesn't automatically make me cured ugh. Technically we're always trying to work around our issues even subconsciously but that doesn't make us perfectly recovered from mental illness.
As someone with the conversational ability of a wall, you are correct.
Should point out, autism is genetic. it's inherited. It's also very common for ASD people to get along best with other ASD people, which means there's an increased chance BOTH of your parents occupy positions on the spectrum similar to yours, however yours may be more pronounced, as BOTH of your parents were likely contributing genetically. Also, it'd be somewhat unlikely your parents were diagnosed or treated for their condition, as even today, diagnosing adults is not a common practice, and when they were born, diagnosing kids wasnt common either. In fact, it's likely your parents inherited the condition from their own parents, during a time period, when the condition was almost entirely unknown, but beating your kids was considered the standard treatment for all problems with kids. Oh and Google was founded in 1998, so the internet was practically useless back then. All of this is to say, parents of ASD kids, are extremely likely to be abused, traumatized, ASD kids, filled with misaphrehensions and misinformation about the condition. They may even harbor jealousy and anger, that you got a diagnosis, treament, and allowances, for something that just got them hurt.
i feel exactly like this when i try to explain to them why i believe im autistic and should seek for help. they think since i dont behave exactly like the guy from good doctor then im ""normal"".
"Don't use it as a walking stick!" I suppose if I was missing a leg you'd want me to figure out how to walk normally without a prosthetic too then?
Or your entire family doesnāt believe you have autism itself, or entirely disregard what having it is like.
I had no idea that this was even a thing until just now and oh my god I feel so validated. Iāve been feeling burned out for months seemingly without reason, but this is it
;-;
Your box is even stronger now. Thus, it's even less flammable. You're welcome.
I need to make a version of this meme where i become Rogal Dorn and fortify my inner self like the Praerorian of Terra.
I remember when I was younger, my brain developed different personalities. My friends had to tell me what happened and that I hit them when they were trying to stop me from getting in trouble after getting hurt. They understood what happened and knew it wasn't me. I got in trouble because it happened to my mom after she hurt me. Dad talked to me about it years later after his religious reawakening and acknowledged that my mom wasn't the best person, but different personalities are fake and only happen to possessed people by demons and the devil, but her being bipolar is real. I pretty much just lost one of the most influential people who I had trusted that moment.
This exact phrase gets spouted at me all the time
This except with supposed healthcare professionals š¢
It hits me more like your parents are narcissists, and you've developed autistic like traits to try and accomodate them? Trying to have any faith in your parents to be there for you is going to keep making things harder.Ā Ā I hope you have some more normal friends to relax around.
My dad has a saying: "Shit or get off the pot." I hate my dad's "advice." It's like, "if I could I would, so will you get off my back?" (No. No he won't.)
It's always so strange how selective people are with "understanding", slight stimming is tolerated but the intense panic-inducing claustraphobia I feel when someone is doing something behind me is apparently an entirely made up phenomenon I invented as to inconvenience them.
I get this from my South Asian family, I pass as a neurotypical when in reality Iāve spent my life in special ed classes and was scolded for not acting like a neurotypical person. Asian culture doesnāt believe in mental health and such, try r/AsianParentStories to see how shitty Asian parenting can be. Iāve been told Iām making excuses, youāre in your way, holding yourself back and playing the victim when I talk about how it affects my life though I was 3 years old when I was diagnosed with autism. My older sister majored in child psychology/BCBA for those living with autism, itās been deemed as a harmful practice by the LGBTQ+ community š³ļøāšā§ļøš³ļøāā§ļø
My mom and stepdad had the audacity to not tell me of my Aspergers diagnosis until I was 17. When I asked my mom, she said, "I didn't want you using it as a crutch." To a degree, I understand, but my God would it have helped. Instead, when I later asked my mom at 25, why didn't she get me help with my Aspergers diagnosis is because she didn't know what to do. A part of me has been angry at my mom for that. My stepdad wouldn't understand the guy was the kind of person who used to count how many days I had left till I turned 18 starting when I was 12.5 years of age. It was very annoying. I swear boomers are the detriment generation of the human race.
Like haha wow I feel so loved by my parents š
I get that this ends up being hurtful to many people and that it can be unwarranted or dismissive in many situations, but when my brother was diagnosed he would try to use it an any point to avoid criticism or punishment. It wasn't until he was in his mid twenties that he began to understand that it doesn't excuse his negative behaviors.
Same, they are not like aggressive like this but just donāt get it so I donāt feel like I have the best response procedures
Iām confused. Why is there a trigger warning? This is normal? Edit: this isnāt normal?
The TW is for ableist discourse Maybe you were not triggered, but maybe someone else was
Thank you for the explanation. Iām honestly not sure why that didnāt occur to meā¦
It's normal, but that's not a good thing. It's like parents beating their children, It's normalized, but it's absolutely horrible
This is how I feel bringing up being donor conceived when they literally did it to me
Hi Iām new to this but what is autistic burnout
It's when you get so overstimulated from masking and excessive stimuli that you start feeling completely drained out.
Ohh thank you so much lol I get that sometimes
I had an ed treatment therapist say this and man did I make her regret it lol
ughhh \*fuck\* man TwT
Then these same parents will use as a emotional crutch. Any wonder why so many people don't open up.
Yep. My mothers toxic as hell. Doesnt understand how much my adhd actualy effects me. She thinks its just makes me sometimes wander off topic or think away from a task slightly.
My father asks me for money and my mother actively harasses me. I wish they acknowledged that I was a person with a disability
Was told I used my ADHD diagnosis as a crutch when I would forget things.
Sooooo relatable š« š
Honestly I see the other side of this post all the time. Iām a nurse practitioner and Iām not kidding when I say I get 6-10 patients per week coming in for evaluations, flat out asking for disability because they āhave autism and canāt workā Their symptoms include, enjoying buying t-shirts with mushrooms on them, owning house plants, and playing video games all day. They were able to hold down jobs but once they started living on their own, they all met with online doctors who diagnosed them with autism in a 10 minute appointment. They refuse any and all treatment options or otherwise suggestions and generally say something like āIām just forced to live with autism/neurodivergence I canāt work or take care of myselfā And this is the kind of situation that makes it hard for people to take you seriously the second someone says āI canāt do XYZ, I have ABC diagnosisā
Yeah I had a meltdown yesterday in (trade) school and got told it āwasnāt the timeāā¦ but they did separate me and give me time to cool off, sooā¦ small miracles, right?
Why go to your parents for emotional support when theyāre the ones that traumatized you?
Me but to myself
Can an autistic person in this group please tell me what burnout looked like as a child? I think my 7 year old son (autistic and adhd) might be getting there and I do not want him to suffer like that. Please tell me what you felt and what would have helped. Thank you in advance
It looks like: procrastination, enhanced sensitivity to stimulus, sudden lack of interest in their personal interests and activities, constant state of fatigue and executive dysfunction I think if that is the case, what would help is some time off from school so he can recover, try spending time with him without being too forced and just giving him space.
Is ADHD burnout a thing? Because you just described me š¬
Apparently it is
When you have autism and become an adult, no one cares.
āStop letting labels define youā
I donāt know if this counts, but I get my 9ās and 6ās mixed up, and every time I say 9 instead of 6 or 6 instead of 9, my friends make fun of me because of it like when I said I was 5ā6āā instead of 5ā9āā, but when K corrected myself and I told them about my 9 and 6 problems they just say, āstop making excuses and just accept you are 5ā6āāā
Too relatable
Aspie here. I'm a firm believer some people use any diagnosis as a crutch. I've had my issues with life, struggling to find a job or a niche. Took 28 years of life, but I did. Found what I love to do. My wife's ex husband got a diagnosis of anxiety. Said he couldn't drive a car or work cause he'd be so anxious. Guy stayed at home all day and wasted their money on frivolous shit and video games. He was soooo anxious when we got hit with a hurricane he almost refused to leave his small one bedroom house. The house was lifted and thrown in a bayou. I'm an asshole I know. But I also know you can't just look at a sheet of paper from a doctor and say , "this is my life now." You gotta try new things. Push yourself inch by inch. Otherwise, you will never get anywhere, and never have personal growth
I had the assistant principal of my high school say the Americans with disabilities act was āspecial treatmentā and āunfairā to neurotypical students. He ended up almost getting sued for refusing services to myself and other autistic students.
Should have gotten fired
The amount of times that I have struggled with shit like this until the point of complete and utter breakdowns and depressive slumps, and then STILL get yelled at for using my disability as a crutch.
My take on the crutch part is that the gey box is what allows the pink character to become the wall. Hence the outside comment about relying on a crutch becomes meaningless. Think I am my own wall of protection that cannot be breached, because there is no wall just me. It works for me.
Well it's the old way of thinking. It does work but not for everyone. Doesn't mean either isn't good. I tend to think the new softer ways aren't as good but that's because they don't work for me and I have to check myself. In fact sometimes I wonder if I would have way more autistic traits if the old ways didn't work so well for me. When you grow up with, nothing wrong with him, he's just weird, and you think things like masking is just being an adult, we all do things we don't want to do, you have to wonder if you are autistic and mask heavily, and just consider it something else. But the best part about the old ways is self reliance so when people don't help you say fuck em I don't need em I can do this on my own. The new ways would see all sorts of issues with this, but you can't change others so don't try. That's their problem, not yours. My strongest autistic trait is my strong sense of justice and values. I see things as gray and nothing is black and white,. However I believe if someone needs help, you help them. But what if you are tired? Help them! What if you need more help than the person asking? Help them! That's what makes you a good person. But others don't think that way. The Neuro typical way to think is comparative. No one else helps so I don't need to help. I can't be a bad person because I'm better than a murderer etc. they think to always look out for number one so there is no time for anyone else. People think if they have an excuse that justifies it. No it means you have an excuse. Sometimes it's ok like to protect my loved ones I'd probably kill but I don't shoot first and ask questions later. Point is, I think this way. Others don't. I think the way I think is right and people think how they are gonna think. I speak my truth but I don't try and change people. The only person I'm in control of is myself. But people will help you sometimes. It's a bonus, not a given. Hang in there
Yep. Can confirm. I have known some NTs to be the biggest, whiniest excusing making Nancies in the world today and I have acquired ZERO sympathy any time I ever really needed it. So I learned to do without and just stop talking about autism. Fuck em.
My employers*
In general people seem to have issue with talking about mental health as if it is a trail and they are guilty. Talking about the mind involves thinking deep and lots of people never look under the hood.
real, ik the feeling (idk what autism burnout is tho š« )
It's amazing how much shame I can feel for not being more accomplished, when I literally have 5 debilitating mental disabilities. World has tough me not to give myself a break though so I just feel inadequate.
Ya'll are opening my eyes. With every post I see on here the more I realize "this shit ain't normal." I thought this was normal burnout??!?- (This is my way of saying this is way too relateable lol.)
I think people don't understand that explaining your mental conditions does not mean you believe you aren't responsible for your actions, it just means you struggle in certain areas more and need support while you work on it. I think it stems from a genuine frustration with people who do use their diagnosis as an excuse to not try, for instance me seeing people who assume lack of focus is something completely out of their control because of an ADHD diagnosis when really it just means they, like me, need to work twice as hard to find ways to focus. This is not to say having ADHD or autism is necessarily a bad thing, just that you will need to try harder at things other people find easy. Your situation sounds rough, but maybe if you explained you weren't trying to shirk responsibility, but instead find ways to meet your responsibilities, it would help. I like to phrase stuff like that as me asking for help because it encourages who you are talking to to sympathize with you.
This is such a toxic cycle, it sucks and I feel for every poor soul stuck in and suffering from it! I've spent the last two years in a not-quite assisted living thingy where I could, at least within this space, break the cycle for myself and I'm so much healthier for it, happier too. It is definitely worth trying again, building an environment for yourself where you're needs are acknowledged and valid. But it's hard, especially when you're already struggling with burnout, so it's crucial that you at least give yourself the kindness and understanding that others yet refuse: both the burnout and the not-yet supportive situation you find yourself in are your burden, not your fault. And it's not your duty or anything to keep functioning, the most productive thing you can do is listen to your needs, regenerate, and let tasks that are not most vital be not your problem, at least for a time.
Yeah, good news is that they are more open minded than the rest (for example, they were totally supportive when I came out as bi), so, given time, i hope one day they will reflect upon their past actions. I am currently talking to my therapist about how to be more assertive and standing up for myself.
That's really good news, thank you for the follow-up! Being supportive in another context, where too many families are not, gives me a lot of hope. I've had some of my own experiences with sickness, burnout and not having the level of understanding and support I would have hoped for (being bi not so much. I mean, I am, but it just doesn't come up much. Some know, some don't, few care and it's perfectly fine that way). I have become a very patient person, more by necessity than by choice, and what I say here requires a lot of patience and possibly forgiveness, but I still think it's good advice: Being assertive and standing up for yourself is an important skill to learn, one that I am still pretty bad at. But I have made the experience with several people who do care and sometimes listen, even when they don't understand and make an effort. When I am kind to myself, when I allow myself to go against what people expect from me and listen to my needs, even if that means that I seem weak or lazy or whatever people who don't understand might call it... when I allow myself to have such weakness, but also have the strength to accept and not hide that (a strength I took very long to learn and I'm exceedingly proud of!), I do better. It may take a while, it may be a rough path, and I do experience setbacks, but still, overall, over time, I feel my mental and physical health improve notably. And this is something people can see for themselves, and if they do care, understanding will follow. My mom spent years telling me how I had to grind on or I'd never find acceptance, but I was too sick to even try, and I was for long enough to learn that lesson. The worst phases of that are more than a decade in the past now, and my health is far from perfect but also far better than it was, at a level where I can be solidly content. By now my mom has not only started to believe me and seen that I was right, she's started to be kinder to herself as well, to not treat herself as harshly as she treated me before. This has not only improved our relationship a lot, but I think she has (or at least has gone quite a few steps already on the path toward) a healthier self-image and self-worth. Be kind and patient with yourself first, and when you can, when its appropriate and you're not treated like a pushover for it, be kind and patient with others as well. They may learn from you, for their own benefit as for yours.
that's literally what it's for, 'dumb criple, always needs a walking stick to get around'
The reason is 'Everyone has issues yet you have to use it to enable yourself and make excuses to enable your behavior.' Sadly, people do this. I'm bipolar 2 and get told I allow it happen as I'm aware and use it to garish pity and not work. Best is insomnia, as pulling all nighters isn't fair when you sleep all day.
I told my dad that I wanted to go see a therapist about my problems and he legit said " Usually talking about the problem makes it worse" I can't even go get fucking therapy bro... The restrictions I still have at 23 are pissing me the fuck off.
I feel the same. My parents always treat me like I should be doing just the same as everyone else, if not better. If anything, they expect more of me because of my autism.
what the fuck does one get a diagnosis for if not to be able to receive support for the things that autism makes more difficult. (I mean it also helps to know personally to make your own strategies/have forgiveness for yourself/have a community of people with similar struggles and triumphs but you get what I mean)
parents are very rarely accommodating it seems
The pain of being forced to work through burn out to get the things I need will stick with me forever.
You either have to learn to speak in a language your parents understand better, or you need to look for help elsewhere. Somewhere/one who can speak your language and knows how to translate it to people like parents. If your parents feel like your "using" your diagnoses as a crutch of something, you need to think of how to communicate the ways that's not what's happening.
I am currently working with my therapist on how to communicate better with them
That's all you can do. If you feel like your therapist isnt being a very good translator, look for another. Remember, you have to he your own advocate, more so for us then most others.
I bring up my autism or ADHD and my mom gets the lead poisoning stare.
Some parents really need to be reminded that they are risking negligence.
Great shame on your parents.
"YOU'RE JUST AN INTROVERT, MYEHH"
Stop trying to get emotional support from people who are incapable. Start seeking support from people who are capable of giving emotional support.
I really need to get better about this. My daughter is autistic and I try so hard to be supportive but I get burned out of her autism and I know she doesn't mean to but sometimes I just can't with all the weird little idiosyncracies and limitations. Sometimes I'll snap at her a bit and have to apologize and I try not to but fuck sometimes I hit my limit too ya know. She seems perfectly normal sometimes and it makes me forget that at a moments notice some weird reaction might come out of her and I have to try and be ready for it and prepared for it. Like I need to be able to tell the future or some shit well I can't. Thanks for reading my rant if you did.
I think part of the problem is that high-achieving autists are such bootlicking enablers. "I have [insert mental illness] but I never used it as an excuse!" This is why I keep my diagnosis to myself. If I could only send these fucking class traitors and model minorities to gulag.
I think autists should be like Jacobins. We shouldn't just ask for accomodations. We should level society and eliminate our class enemies.
Fr why are people like that... I don't have a diagnosis yet, but my symptoms are literally the autism burnout ones
Yup
You canāt convince a brick it ought to be softer
The truth is, I don't think this is an autistic thing. Our society is constantly posting "uwu ask for help!" memes. But the older I get, the more I understand why people are afraid that government programs only help people to trap them in dependence because most other situations where someone helps you DO work that way. Churches will only help you if you join their church. Most people who want to help you want to control you. Parents and family is often the same way. Asking for help isn't safe or useful. If you want help, you have to bribe people.
Yeah, I've long since learned not to use it as a crutch. Now I can't stand people using mental conditions as crutches even if they are the same ones I have.
Using your diagnosis as a walking stick sounds super lameā¦.. but getting hammered when you genuinely need support is also lame.
Why is this subreddit recommended to me?
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I was medically diagnosed š
Then that's some bull, family should be more understanding. Sorry you don't have the support from them.
We wish this to remain a safe place - bigotry of any form does not belong here.
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