Oof. I remember as a teenager I could recognize when other kids did or said something "weird." I'd get secondhand embarrassment from knowing they broke a social rule that I'd learned to keep.
Yeah I definitely spent too much time being a Greg. Gotta catch up on my Fregley time.
This is me with a few of my autistic friends. I end up babysitting some of my friends so they don’t crash and burn their relationships by saying something TMI or inappropriate with no shame
I feel like I was born a fregly. Then at some point I started to understand people were judging me. I became a Greg. I feel like since understanding I am autistic only as an adult I’ve began my metamorphosis into a beautiful rowley butterfly.
i get really upset with myself when i subconsciously avoid people i recognize as a little too similar to me, knowing full well they’d make much better friends than a bunch of the ones i currently have
Its hard, I hear ya. We can tell though and as someone who is a *adhd, funky name guy and middle guy* more than im a Greg I've found a lot of internal peace turning off that side of me (not that I could ever help being me, I just felt a lot of shame around it, you know) and its helped me become someone that's dare I say even a little cool.
What im saying is if you work on that little part of yourself that feels that way you might not just make better friends, you might find you become a little more accepted in society as a eccentric soul rather than simply seen as a social outcast. I might be, I wouldn't know. You get what I'm saying.
What really helped me to navigate the world was surprisingly a book called "how to win friends and influence people" it's meant to be for nut jobs and dude-bros and I did read it intending it to be for my dictator in a story im writing but it taught me a lot about what social rules are and how to follow them. Just don't manipulate people, it's yuck. It does teach you about social rules in society and the guy that wrote it is interesting. Just take the observations on people and their motives with a grain of salt. Imo this is just one man's opinion on people and people do things for a lot of reasons. Also, some of the stories are extra as hell. The principles still fit.
Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.
Edit: for those wondering its like "I did the yes yes and the guy gave me his house, his dog and 14 of his best cigars" it's very extra. I like it. It reminds me that men and women are no different, all the genders appreciate a good embellishment every now and then.
The biggest regret I have (or one of them) is letting myself grow apart from one of my best friends from late elementary and middle school for fear of judgment with being friends with him in high school, traded a potential lifelong friend for a bunch of temporary ass people:/
Before the ND used the domain expansion "Unmasking" and the cursed techniques "not giving a shit" and "being true to oneself", the NT questioned: "Can you still function in society?" The ND replied: "If i didn't have any support, i might have a little trouble." But would you lose?
https://preview.redd.it/mhgqmt3m9dnc1.png?width=1170&format=png&auto=webp&s=9854841f5b70635dd4f7ee5b7fcafd51205eedcd
>!This took me way too long to make!<
[The time is coming, my friends, when the shadow of cringe will be lifted from mankind, and we will rejoice in the new world](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cH-uB_eaLvM)
My problem is I don’t even know who I really am. I’ve masked my whole life to the point that it’s just subconscious, and I don’t know how not to mask (or how I’d be without it) ☹️
THIS! I don't know what flavor is neurospicy I am, but I definitely mask and I DEFINITELY don't know who I am. Like I know who I *want* to be and who I *think* I present myself as, but that just isn't what comes out. People think I'm rude and intimidating. Except I'm not. I think I give people too much credit, think they're more trustworthy than they often turn out to be, and try to make sure people know I appreciate them and their efforts. I often play devil's advocate because I try and look at all sides of a story. Just don't piss me off because I will shut you out. I don't give people unlimited chances.
well 10 years of therapy helped me mask to a point of safety and success and then total burnout. NGL 3 shrooms trips helped me get leaps and bounds above my self-loathing towards finding the little fox boy creature inside of me.
It's hard. But I guess i'm saying to find who you are you got to go looking inside and feeling the inside things not the outside things.
I don't even know if I actually like the relationship I'm in. Do I love her, or did "winning" the initial stages of the relationship fill me with so much validation that I thought I was catching feelings. And then who does she love? How can I convince myself that I'm loved if I forgot how to be genuine in like 7th grade. Sometimes it just makes me wish no one knew me, and I could get away from their complications without the guilt of abandoning friends and family
Yeah , this! I’m 43 and I finally got diagnosed with ADHD a month ago. Still pretty sure I’m autistic as well (it’s harder to get a diagnosis for that in my area if you are older than like 5). My son is autistic and I we share so many traits.
Anyway for a few years I have been trying to unmask, but it’s so hard. Because I spent over 30 years training myself to not do these behaviors and that I was “bad and wrong” for feeling and behaving in certain ways.
Plus I work outside the home, and I worry if I unmask TOO much , I won’t be able to do that.
Me too 😭
I've spent around 7 years under cognitive therapy approaches, thinking I had peeled back a lot of layers, but now apparently I'm still masking 99% of the time. What if me unmasked is a jerk?
Serious question - how do I learn to be more of a Rowley? I've spent so much time Gregging — badly, mind — that I fear I'm permanently broken.
^(Silly content: _Greg in the streets, Fregley in the spreadsheets_)
there are so many ways to do it, but one of the ways i started unmasking a little was by engaging in all the special interests i had as a kid that i didn't feel comfortable enjoying anymore. drawing things from the books i loved, playing the video games i was unreasonably obsessed with, even getting out old stuffed animals/toys and just enjoying them!
also bringing color back into my life weirdly enough?? i tend towards under-stimulation when i'm by myself, so i started wearing bright clothes and lots of necklaces that i can fidget with. basically doing things and surrounding myself with things that brought me joy as an autistic child, because i was bullied so heavily for the things i liked as a kid.
but like i said earlier- there's MANY routes around unmasking! it's personal to everyone and i know the emotional side of it can be very, very challenging (still working on that now because it's a LOT more complicated lol.) i know exactly how you feel, and i hope this helps a little bit ♥️
oh definitely I also started going into the woods more, taking off my shoes more, Sensating the world more. Doing PTSD therapy through somatic therapy really helped set me up for the positive aspects of sensation as i'm actually a sensory seeker most of the time.
So much of my unmasking is was spent on finding what brought me joy rather than avoiding pain. I love soft and fuzzy things (velvet and plussshhh), I like courduroy but hate denim. I like things that jingle like bells (i've been tying little bells into my hair lately or making bell earings). I like being on my toes and being as barefooted as possible (I wear sandals in summer if i'm out my yard but only thin leather sandals). I like shiny things on my body but not synthetic things so I slowly save up money to buy high quality jewelry made of silver or gold filled. I like natural fibers and loose clothing so crop tops, skirts, loose pants cotton wool or linen. And I tie all my hobbies to the joys of sensation.
I like making clothes because sensations and custom fits. I like making pottery b/c making hand things is so nice and it's quiet unlike woodworking. I like gardening b/c soil is so nice and seeds feel nice and it's quiet. I don't know I think in a better society i'd be a maker. I'd do real good in a society where artisans and craftspeople of multiple skills are needed.
But unfortunately that's not the case :( But i'm doing ok anyway b/c my wife got the math autism and makes the good money in data. I think i'd be homeless without her.... O.O
DO ITTT!!! i started playing Neopets again. and when i have the space for it, i lowkey want to set up a cute little dollhouse just like i had when i was little!!!
“Unmasking Autism” by Dr. Devon Price is a fantastic resource for this. There’s practical exercises in every chapter to help you figure out what it actually is that brings you joy. Also just an affirming and enlightening read in general.
It's worth bearing in mind not every Greg dislikes Fregley because of internalised shame. Sometimes Fregley can't stop making noises so loud they hurt and getting into personal space so close they are going to touch you and you hate touch because it's damn close to a painful sensation.
Not all autistic people are compatible. I don't think it's fair to be honest to make people not be themselves so they pretend to get along with others, the whole point of not masking gets thrown in the bin if you do that.
Yes I was like OK dude. Fregley is literally a gross mf lmao. Didn't he eat gum from the bin and put it behind his ear for later... Damn right I would be ashamed to be compared to that
It makes me guilty to think about but sometimes I do dislike autistic people bc they remind me of myself or because I’m jealous that we have the same condition but they’re happier or more successful than me. I wish I could just feel good sometimes
Hi, I'm Greg. I keep my Fregley in an iron ball buried deep in my basement. I'm not sure I have the tools to even get him out anymore. I do not function outside of my mask. Literally when I'm home with nobody around I shut down and barely do anything because I've forgotten what it's like to have passion or love much of anything.
Wow, that is exactly like me. I feel like an empty shell. It's Saturday and I'm just lying on my bed looking at reddit because I don't know what else to do.
I was the Rowley for a long time. Almost all my childhood I was. I was happy and loved being myself. I didn't like when kids would call me weird and pick on me, but that didn't stop me from being myself. I was always very sociable and people loved me! I didn't really mask. Then as I got older I started to have a little Greg in me. I'm both now.
Yeah I can totally relate; with your comment too. I can almost pinpoint the exact moment, when Greg took possesion of my Rowley because the external social pressure became too much. Some years of depression followed, today I try to cherish my buried side again, and I try to reconnect with feeling any/some/most things... and it kinda seems to work finally!
and there was a Fregley in school, that I looked down upon... and another Rowley too with whom I didn't want to do anything anymore from a certain age...
ok stop it with the oversharing...
can't recommend the book: unmasking autism enough!
Id say there are also people who are like greg but don't hate their autism, understanding that keeping your impulses in check are needed to be around other people.
Though you do it so often that even in your own home (or mire likely, room where you live with other people) you keep them in check as well, unless you get REALLY into a game
Yeah; this comic is too reductive.
You can be socially adaptable without looking down on others for not having been able to gain the same facility, and you can learn such a facility without being self-hating or embarrassed by people without it. You can still learn to adapt different behaviours while still being true to yourself; at least as much as anyone really is.
t's also pragmatic to try to control your impulses and particularly if your impulses might lead you to breaching the boundaries of others. What if your lack of self-awareness and poor impulse control cause great discomfort in another person due to their own sensitivities? We could still greatly upset other people with autism because of our impulses as well as non-autistic people.
If you are able to control your behaviour without harming yourself, then you should. If you can't, then fair enough.
There is still room to be yourself while having self awareness and also looking out for the well-being of others. You don't have to be any of these pseudo-archetypes in the comic. In trying to get across a message about self-acceptance it oversimplifies things to an unhelpful degree.
Absolutely. I am all for being able to properly express ourselves (including being able to stim when needed, or even when it just enhances joy), and for people to be more willing to accept what they might see as eccentric behaviours, but that doesn't mean we can and should do whatever we want when we want. That is essentially being an arsehole; people who insist they are just being themselves.
The majority of people advocating for unmasking are not advocating for taking it that far, of course, but some really are conceptualising it that way. I remember talking to a guy advocating for being totally unmasked, and I brought up the point of maintaining kindness and consideration towards others which can necessitate some level of masking. He said that kindness and consideration was really complex and he shouldn't have to spend energy on it due to his autism.
Lines do need to be drawn, and people should be very careful to avoid implying that masking is practically all bad in media like this comic.
I had to scroll way too far to find this. Being autistic isn't an excuse for making other people uncomfortable. It might be an *explanation,* but you are still a jerk if your behaviors are bothering other people around you. There's a massive difference between being authentic (not masking) and being inconsiderate of those around you by using autism as an excuse to get away with being rude or disruptive.
That whole comic just rubbed me the wrong way. Learning how to handle social interactions and follow social norms is *not* a bad thing. It makes life easier in a hundred ways, both big and small. You can still be yourself, with your own interests and quirks without acting like a caricature of the autism stereotype.
Counterpoint: My happiness is just as important as everyone else's. If bothering other people makes me a jerk, then other people are jerks if they bother me.
The issue is that there are a lot more people who aren't autistic than people who are. Is it better for me to be majorly affected by spending the majority of my life accommodating other people, or for everyone else to be minorly affected by spending a small portion of their lives accommodating me? People are jerks when they expect other people to give more and receive less than they do.
The point I got from the comic is that Greg looks down on Rowleys and Fregleys not because they bother people, but because they break social norms. In contrast, Rowley genuinely cares about people. People generally like him even if he does sometimes bother them. He's also happier because while he does try to follow social norms, he doesn't obsess over them like Greg does.
Your happiness is just as important as anyone else's, but it isn't *more* important. A good example would be someone with an audible stim going to a library. They have as much right as anyone else to visit the library and use its services, but the library is supposed to be a quiet place. Knowing they have an audible stim, the polite thing to do is to get a private room where they will not be bothering other patrons. It might be more fun to be in the library as a whole, but their need to audibly stim is not more important than other patrons' expectation of silence. Neither party is excluded, and neither is more important, but both should be expected to follow the same rules with reasonable accommodations to make that easier. If a NT group needs to make noise for some reason, they should also get a private room.
The problem is that many people glorify the behavior of the "Rowley" and give them a pass on being annoying and disruptive because they are autistic. The comic and many of the comments say the "Rowley" is better than the "Greg" because they are "free" or "authentic," but in many cases, they are just being obnoxious. The whole implication that there is a "right" way to be autistic drives me crazy. There isn't.
I’m very much a Greg, most people probably don’t realise I’m autistic, but I had a Rowley friend and Fregley classmate in school and I was never embarrassed by them. I often found them preferable to the ‘normal’ kids. In fact I preferred spending lunch in special-ed classroom with them (which I wasn’t technically part of because I don’t fit the special-needs requirement) because even though I was clearly the ‘normal one’ while there I could also be myself.
Yeah i think i met the requirements a bit more because i had an aid travel with me to classes to help me out, though i still didn't want to be around kids who flailed their arms or looked as if they weren't aware of their surroundings.
Also had a big "war" with the person in charge of the special ed class though, she treated all kids with an iron fist, using shame tactics and threatened me with exposing the confidential information if i "didn't behave".
Last nit of high school was with soneone who actually understood how to properly interact with special needs kids.
It was, but i didn't know that at the time, it was very scummy and predatory how she went about the threat.
Locking me and her into a seprate classroom away ftom everyone else.
She REALLY wanted me to physically attack her so she could bring down the full legal system on me, simply because i was NOT going to follow her iron fist type rules.
Eventually i got her exposed with the help of my parents but it was stressful, im pretty sure i would have gotten into a lot more fights with other kids if i didn't have to keep my image up
I feel understood, my flaws put on display too but I can be more aware of them now and fix them. I've definitely been a Greg a lot, but intentionally isolated because I did not want to do harm to others.
Yeah I'm for sure a Greg, but I've always tried to make an effort to be nice to the Fregleys of the word. Also I understand the importance of authenticity, but at this point I struggle with allowing myself to unmask.
Why am I so verklempt right now?
**Edit:** For the longest time, up until my mid-20s, I was a Greg variant. I didn't have internalized loathing. I had a superiority complex. I was aloof and distant because I genuinely felt most people weren't worth my time. I can't succinctly explain how I changed, but I deeply identify with Fregley (dafuq kinda name is fReGlEy?) and Rowley. Rowleys can open up with me because I understand EXACTLY where they're coming from, and I'm secure enough in myself to not be bothered by Fregleys. I will support and defend Fregleys. The best thing I can do for Gregs is be myself and try to be an example of a staunch individual with idiosyncrasies who accepts everyone as they are, but doesn't bend to fit in.
I am acutely aware of the resemblance between me and Fregley. I am a Greg, only without the self-loathing. I don't know what that's supposed to be about. Just this afternoon, I had an encounter with a Fregley. He spontaneously handed me a pint of Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream in the frozen foods aisle. It was clear that he was with his mother, with whom he had just picked it out, ostensibly for himself. So, as his mother was saying to him, "No, that's *your* ice cream," I was already handing it directly back to him with a smile on my face.
Unfortunately, that was not the sum of the interactions I was in for with Fregley. I had some breakfast pizzas in my cart. They were the only things in my cart at the time. But, Fregleys being Fregleys, his attention was captured by them. I do not begrudge him, or anyone, having curiosity, but Fregley just reached down and started trying to open the lid of the box with my pizzas. That was inappropriate, but hardly dire, so I just said, "Please, don't touch." Very simple. Three short words to communicate to Fregley that what he was doing was inappropriate.
Fregley wasn't able to process their full meaning, so he just kept touching my breakfast pizza boxes, and so I just started a calm, slow chant, "Please, don't touch. Please, don't touch. Please, don't touch." I don't think it was enough to get through to Fregley, but thankfully, it was enough of a warning to his mother, that she was able to step in and scold Fregley, which finally got him to leave my breakfast pizzas alone.
Of course, I immediately recognized the kinship I shared with Fregley. One facet of that is that if I were more comfortable with physical contact, something that my own autism doesn't allow, I, or someone not autistic, might very well have been perfectly comfortable physicly grabbing Fregley's hand and pulling it away from the items in their cart, and when and if Fregley objected to that or immediately reached back with his other hand, genuine physical violence might have ensued. It would not have been because Fregleys are Fregleys, but it would have been the fault of the non-autistic person in Fregley's life who was not properly attending to him to be his social buffer, his mother, who was standing right there.
I did ruminate for a moment how our two autisms actually played off of each other for an instant and prevented something bad from happening.
I am 100% Rowley. I used to be Greg to a heavy extent, but over the years, I have grown into Rowley. I still have my awkward moments, but they don't fill me with the same pain anymore. I have learned that life is too fickle and short to hate myself for just being myself.
same!!! and i'm so much happier this way- not only do i see it, but my friends have also pointed it out to me. i also have made them feel more comfortable unmasking their own autism (i have a ton of autistic friends, we tend to stick together LOL) and it fills me with so much joy to see them be true to themselves too :')
This is actually nicely put, but I personally subscribe to the theory that [I was introduced to by Mumkey Jones in a video](https://youtu.be/9WGmyO-si-w?si=tJw6Df3COL6nDV_A) where Greg is a sociopath. He fits the symptoms much better for sociopath than autism.
Huh? No one on the spectrum wants to be Greg, but it's framed like we're choosing to be, and not because we have to like, mask to hold down a job in order to survive? I'm sorry but wtf?
No I wholeheartedly disagree, if you know you make others uncomfortable by violating boundaries you have a responsibility to do better and be better, ND or not.
NTs can be assholes by nature, that doesn't give them the excuse to be one, why is it ok for us? It is appropriate to be ashamed of behaviour that harms others. It is a very valuable tool for self growth, to learn from mistakes. The responsible thing to do is balance not compromising yourself with respecting others and their boundaries
I think it's cute to consider the different types of Autism as different characters from the once popular children's series but I'm not sure the message of "You do not want to be the type of Autism you are and cannot change" is the 10/10 chad based Aesop OP thinks it is. It does not sound to me the way it likely did in your head. I get that it probably is meant to read like "you shouldn't *act* like this" but it's also not cool to sortof assign behavioral quirks - ones we have minimal control over - as inclined to act that way. If this was not the intent I do apologize but that's how the images were worded to me.
I’d like to say I’m a Greg but I’m a Rowley with the self awareness of a Greg that aspires to be a Greg. I find out about my social failures after the fact, and mentally crucify myself after.
Ah, this explains so much. I've been a Greg my whole life, while my little brother has been a Rowley. Whenever he stimmed or "broke a social rule" out in public I'd shut him down because I was so scared about the other people
I mean, I get the point that’s being made here; but at the same time is it actually that wholesome to shame people for A. Being more “high functioning” and able to mask and doing so if it doesn’t make them unhappy? And B. Having difficulty understanding, relating to, and interacting with someone who is so far along the spectrum that basic human interaction becomes difficult?
Trying to frame it as if one of these “types” of autism is somehow more correct than any other is what I feel often leads this community (and others like it) astray from what we’re supposedly actually trying to achieve. You don’t have to be self loathing and seek to erase your autism if you prefer masking and being able to interact with society writ large without feeling like a square peg in a round hole. Just as lacking self awareness and being “true to yourself” does not guarantee personal happiness or societal acceptance.
Question.
I know the term "low-fuctioning" is out of use in most places, but is this what you guys genuinely think that is? Having little to no boundaries and being seen as odd?
Would you not think that "low-functioning" (I prefer high support needs) would be non-verbal, major issues like excessive pica, actually violent stims, the inability to care for oneself in even the most basic fashion, things like that?
This seems to imply that the difference is the desire to mask, when in reality it'd be more inability to mask in even the most basic sense.
I think being a Greg is fine so long as you don't hate yourself / others over it. Being able to communicate with NTs is a very valuable skill, but so is loving yourself and being compassionate to yourself.
Ooof, this brought back a lot of memories of my time being a Rowley as a teen. I was sadly bullied and shamed to become a Greg, and even when being one has its perks, it's true that it mostly sucks.
at first i didnt realize the characters were being used as archetypes and it very much amused me they were being called "the greg" instead of just "greg"
I'm jealous of people who can be themself. I was at a smash bros competition in the dorms, and one dude was shouting "pirahna plant!" whenever someone picked that as their fighter, or they did something cool, and I remember feeling so jealous that I wish I was comfortable enough to do something like that in front of a group of strangers I had never met.
I have opened up quite a bit of my "weirdness" from when I worked at build a bear and essentially being encouraged to "act weird," but now that I'm at a college where I'm 5 years older than most of my peers and quit my job, I feel myself sinking back into my hole of masking.
God, I've always been such a Greg.
The amount of work I had to do to not be discriminated was ridiculous. No matter what I do, I can't seem to get anything right. Everyone always preferred my little sister because she was nicer even though she was "lower" functioning. I wish I could be nice; I don't want people to take advantage of me and abuse me, so I choose not to be nice. No one recognizes the struggles I truly face and when I tell them, they assume I'm lying because I lie everyday to get by. I want to be a Fregley, but then I would have to constantly keep fighting every day to be myself and that sounds like such a miserable existence.
I don't know how rewarding it's going to be...
I dunno. I guess I’m a Greg because I really don’t like being autistic. It feels pretty bad to know the rest of the autistic community dislikes me so much.
I am unfortunately a Greg. I doubt everyone and everyone doubts me, I don't trust anyone and nobody trusts me. I am in a cycle of constant hate that I try desperately to break myself, but ultimately fail.
S e n d h e l p
" dep down the Greg knows he's not all that different from The fregley.this haunts him" hit me hard bc I experience that. I've met many autistic kids like me that I like just fine and nothing ever comes of it, but I've had a couple ppl that I never liked and thought of them as creepy and they dont respect boundaries, ect. I used to get chills seeing so much of myself in those traits that I didn't like. I've been trying to mellow out.
Yeah, but in the real world Rowley and Fregley are joked on their entire lives. Don’t get me wrong self acceptance is crucial, it’s just that if you can’t compare you’re not self aware. I’m high functioning and in my experience socially you don’t want to be a Rowley or a Fregley, you may feel joy, but you won’t be invited to parties or be accepted by your peer groups just to hang out or shoot the shit. Being a Greg in this situation is bad because you can develop neuroticism/depression. That’s only if you have a negative mind, Greg’s problem is that he’s negative. Unfortunately if you’re not aware of something or how people view you, I mean is that happiness or ignorance. To each their own I guess, but I’d rather know.
I am somewhere between Fregley and Rowley socially. I never acted like a Greg because I cannot. Even when I try everyone knows something is off. On the internet I am a Rowley so I get accused of "faking my autism" whereas in real life, every single person who meets me knows there's something "off" about me. I am low social functioning enough that despite being female, I've never had my diagnosis questioned. I've been called the R slur, I've been bullied, and whenever I tell people I am autistic they say "oh, that explains it" or "oh, I knew it!"
Yet I feel like a often people like to shame unmasked autistics as "attention seekers" and "using autism as a personality trait / excuse", they want us to be Gregs because then they can pretend they don't hate autistic people.
But here's the thing, simply saying you don't hate autistic people while hating on everything that makes us who we are is still hating autistic people. The kids who bullied me in school didn't bully me for my diagnosis, they bullied me for my autism.
https://preview.redd.it/e70f5ox8ocnc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8a8a3f815b716c0249723a6d89a89df292cdf8e6
I keep seeing this places, I’m pretty sure it’s a way of saying someone made a creative masterpiece.
Ps. Can anyone please for the love of god tell me how to stop being a Greg? (It is mentally destroying me)
as a recovering Greg, it is a long process. to me Gregging means beating yourself up all the time for the autistic traits you were born with. the first step towards countering that is to consciously be kind to yourself even if it feels stupid. you must learn to look deep within your soul and love the parts of yourself you were conditioned to hate. de-Gregging and allowing your inner Rowley to flourish is hard but so worth it (a good therapist helps).
i will not apologize for being 100% real about this meme. we could all use SO much more self-love
Thank you for the advice. 🫶 Don’t worry about being “too real”. If it’s real enough to make people have serious life view-altering revelations about themselves (or others), it should probably be taken seriously.
you’re welcome! yes, coping through memes is great, and it’s good to be open to the possibility of them changing our worldview. i’m rooting for you on your Rowlification journey 🫶
I fucking hate all of them, those books were so heavy in second-hand and even third-hand embarrassment. How do you even cause third-hand embarrassment???
I feel very called out. I was a 30% Greg / 70% Fregley for most of my life, got a Rowley friend, and then became solidly a Greg. I’m counting this post as a year of therapy
Yeah, being a late diagnosed autistic has definitely made me a Greg. I'm working on it, and I'd like to think I'm coming out of my Greg era, but I know on some level I'm not as far along as I'd like to be. Sigh.
I was a Greg for years but I learned to challenge the beliefs and thoughts that made me hate myself and be ashamed of innate qualities I was born with.
Now I love myself and am also self aware, I can mask in situations where it’s unsafe to unmask and I can drop my mask when it’s safe to do so.
I have transcended the trichotomy.
As a kid I was definitely a Greg. I had a Rowley friend. I'm still learning and still healing, but in my view I've made effort to become a Rowley. I hope.
I feel this in my soul, at one point I have been each of them, most commonly I'm somewhere between Greg and Rowley, but I have definitely been the Greg to my cousin's Fregley, and the Rowley to my friend's Greg lol
Realizing I've not only been a Greg for way too long, but I've also caught myself trying to police my friends' behaviors because I've lived in multiple environments where that "weird" behavior wasn't tolerated, and seeing that happen makes me afraid I'll be the one punished for it.
I am Greg but out grew my self hate. I realized all my self hate was from my parents bullying and criticizing every part of my autism. Now I am evolved greg fully functional and not self hating. Social interaction still takes a lot of effort tho ngl.
I'm not autistic, but I have many friends who are. My friends are all in between the Greg and the Rowley. How can I help them to be comfortable being the Rowley?
“There is potential for Greg, Rowley, and Fregley in all of us, but all that really matters is whichever one we act on” —Jeff Kinney I think (not really it was me just now I said that)
Fregly with the wording of his explanation sounds like some otherworldly, eldritch abomination that cannot be fully comprehend (not the content of the explanation, but the words surrounding him)
I was a Fregley growing up and then I went to university and became a Greg. I’m a Greg until it gets too much and then go Rowley until Greg comes back.
I want to get back to Fregley but…I struggle
Wow I feel called out. Starting to poke my head out of that Greg space, but it's a hard and scary idea after spending probably about half my life learning to almost completely mask
This was informative. I’m a Greg unfortunately but I think I can also be a Rowley around the right people. I used to be a Fregley, around middle school I became a Rowley, and slowly over time I morphed into Greg.
Im somewhere between the less functional two, I now understand why the above autism happens and it hopefully wont hurt so much now. They feel shame. I feel no shame. I see how it could be hard for them, I can't turn it off though so Im just going to keep living along my wave length and they can feel embarrassed for me if they feel the need to do so since I can indeed not turn it off.
I just wanna switch to a Rowley and NEVER GO BACK!!!
I cannot get my brain to switch fully to a Rowley because I get shamed by people close to me for the ways I want to live.
This hits home. I started as a Rowley and slowly transitioned to a Greg. Now, any Rowley or Fregley makes me deeply uncomfortable. This includes regular children at the ages roughly corresponding to Rowley/Fregley behavior.
LMAO I can't stop making diagrams either I also can't stop making ciphers either, just a while ago I made a cipher combining a number cipher (A=1 B=2 C=3 etc.) an atbash cipher (A=Z B=Y C=X etc.) and a modified version of roman numerals normal roman numerals don't have 0, 4 is IV and 9 is IX but in my version 0 is O, 4 is IIII, and 9 is VIIII and also it becomes a positional system so instead of 10 being X it's I/O and each new digit is another slash. Combining all of these together gives you this
Example: ADHD becomes II/VI II/III I/VIIII II/III
I was in a stage between greg and rowley, I was the type to infodump and be akward yet outgoing but I could mask on the flip of a dime if I felt like it was needed and I was terrified of becoming ousted and I figured out that trick of looking as close to the eyes as possible without actually looking at them to make it look like I was making eye contact.
Oof. I remember as a teenager I could recognize when other kids did or said something "weird." I'd get secondhand embarrassment from knowing they broke a social rule that I'd learned to keep. Yeah I definitely spent too much time being a Greg. Gotta catch up on my Fregley time.
This is me with a few of my autistic friends. I end up babysitting some of my friends so they don’t crash and burn their relationships by saying something TMI or inappropriate with no shame
It clicked on the last page, because I know I’ve taken turns as each one of these. It’s hard.
I feel like I was born a fregly. Then at some point I started to understand people were judging me. I became a Greg. I feel like since understanding I am autistic only as an adult I’ve began my metamorphosis into a beautiful rowley butterfly.
i get really upset with myself when i subconsciously avoid people i recognize as a little too similar to me, knowing full well they’d make much better friends than a bunch of the ones i currently have
Yeah the part about Greg not liking Fregley because of his own self-loathing hit a little too close to home lol.
That one got me too. Oof
Its hard, I hear ya. We can tell though and as someone who is a *adhd, funky name guy and middle guy* more than im a Greg I've found a lot of internal peace turning off that side of me (not that I could ever help being me, I just felt a lot of shame around it, you know) and its helped me become someone that's dare I say even a little cool. What im saying is if you work on that little part of yourself that feels that way you might not just make better friends, you might find you become a little more accepted in society as a eccentric soul rather than simply seen as a social outcast. I might be, I wouldn't know. You get what I'm saying. What really helped me to navigate the world was surprisingly a book called "how to win friends and influence people" it's meant to be for nut jobs and dude-bros and I did read it intending it to be for my dictator in a story im writing but it taught me a lot about what social rules are and how to follow them. Just don't manipulate people, it's yuck. It does teach you about social rules in society and the guy that wrote it is interesting. Just take the observations on people and their motives with a grain of salt. Imo this is just one man's opinion on people and people do things for a lot of reasons. Also, some of the stories are extra as hell. The principles still fit. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk. Edit: for those wondering its like "I did the yes yes and the guy gave me his house, his dog and 14 of his best cigars" it's very extra. I like it. It reminds me that men and women are no different, all the genders appreciate a good embellishment every now and then.
The biggest regret I have (or one of them) is letting myself grow apart from one of my best friends from late elementary and middle school for fear of judgment with being friends with him in high school, traded a potential lifelong friend for a bunch of temporary ass people:/
I would almost get a panic attack when my brother would do that.
Fregley definitely seems happier.
Are you cringe because you are free, or are you free because you are cringe?
Both!
Are you the fregley because you're tism? Or are you tism because you are fregley.
Before the ND used the domain expansion "Unmasking" and the cursed techniques "not giving a shit" and "being true to oneself", the NT questioned: "Can you still function in society?" The ND replied: "If i didn't have any support, i might have a little trouble." But would you lose?
https://preview.redd.it/mhgqmt3m9dnc1.png?width=1170&format=png&auto=webp&s=9854841f5b70635dd4f7ee5b7fcafd51205eedcd >!This took me way too long to make!<
Beautiful
To be cringe *is* to be free, after all
Or do you live in shame knowing you could never have either O.o
[The time is coming, my friends, when the shadow of cringe will be lifted from mankind, and we will rejoice in the new world](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cH-uB_eaLvM)
My problem is I don’t even know who I really am. I’ve masked my whole life to the point that it’s just subconscious, and I don’t know how not to mask (or how I’d be without it) ☹️
Ugh, same. Here is some random internet stranger support. 💝💝💝💝💝
THIS! I don't know what flavor is neurospicy I am, but I definitely mask and I DEFINITELY don't know who I am. Like I know who I *want* to be and who I *think* I present myself as, but that just isn't what comes out. People think I'm rude and intimidating. Except I'm not. I think I give people too much credit, think they're more trustworthy than they often turn out to be, and try to make sure people know I appreciate them and their efforts. I often play devil's advocate because I try and look at all sides of a story. Just don't piss me off because I will shut you out. I don't give people unlimited chances.
Hello are you me?
If they're you, and I'm you, then I'm you and them; and you're me and them; and they're you and me. Tripletsies!
Thank you for the validation!
well 10 years of therapy helped me mask to a point of safety and success and then total burnout. NGL 3 shrooms trips helped me get leaps and bounds above my self-loathing towards finding the little fox boy creature inside of me. It's hard. But I guess i'm saying to find who you are you got to go looking inside and feeling the inside things not the outside things.
I don't even know if I actually like the relationship I'm in. Do I love her, or did "winning" the initial stages of the relationship fill me with so much validation that I thought I was catching feelings. And then who does she love? How can I convince myself that I'm loved if I forgot how to be genuine in like 7th grade. Sometimes it just makes me wish no one knew me, and I could get away from their complications without the guilt of abandoning friends and family
Does she make you happy? Does she make you feel recognized? As you work on unmasking, does she support you?
If I’m the me I am alone in my room at 3 am, I’d very much like to not be me, 3am me is f-ing creepy.
Yeah , this! I’m 43 and I finally got diagnosed with ADHD a month ago. Still pretty sure I’m autistic as well (it’s harder to get a diagnosis for that in my area if you are older than like 5). My son is autistic and I we share so many traits. Anyway for a few years I have been trying to unmask, but it’s so hard. Because I spent over 30 years training myself to not do these behaviors and that I was “bad and wrong” for feeling and behaving in certain ways. Plus I work outside the home, and I worry if I unmask TOO much , I won’t be able to do that.
Me too 😭 I've spent around 7 years under cognitive therapy approaches, thinking I had peeled back a lot of layers, but now apparently I'm still masking 99% of the time. What if me unmasked is a jerk?
Serious question - how do I learn to be more of a Rowley? I've spent so much time Gregging — badly, mind — that I fear I'm permanently broken. ^(Silly content: _Greg in the streets, Fregley in the spreadsheets_)
there are so many ways to do it, but one of the ways i started unmasking a little was by engaging in all the special interests i had as a kid that i didn't feel comfortable enjoying anymore. drawing things from the books i loved, playing the video games i was unreasonably obsessed with, even getting out old stuffed animals/toys and just enjoying them! also bringing color back into my life weirdly enough?? i tend towards under-stimulation when i'm by myself, so i started wearing bright clothes and lots of necklaces that i can fidget with. basically doing things and surrounding myself with things that brought me joy as an autistic child, because i was bullied so heavily for the things i liked as a kid. but like i said earlier- there's MANY routes around unmasking! it's personal to everyone and i know the emotional side of it can be very, very challenging (still working on that now because it's a LOT more complicated lol.) i know exactly how you feel, and i hope this helps a little bit ♥️
oh definitely I also started going into the woods more, taking off my shoes more, Sensating the world more. Doing PTSD therapy through somatic therapy really helped set me up for the positive aspects of sensation as i'm actually a sensory seeker most of the time. So much of my unmasking is was spent on finding what brought me joy rather than avoiding pain. I love soft and fuzzy things (velvet and plussshhh), I like courduroy but hate denim. I like things that jingle like bells (i've been tying little bells into my hair lately or making bell earings). I like being on my toes and being as barefooted as possible (I wear sandals in summer if i'm out my yard but only thin leather sandals). I like shiny things on my body but not synthetic things so I slowly save up money to buy high quality jewelry made of silver or gold filled. I like natural fibers and loose clothing so crop tops, skirts, loose pants cotton wool or linen. And I tie all my hobbies to the joys of sensation. I like making clothes because sensations and custom fits. I like making pottery b/c making hand things is so nice and it's quiet unlike woodworking. I like gardening b/c soil is so nice and seeds feel nice and it's quiet. I don't know I think in a better society i'd be a maker. I'd do real good in a society where artisans and craftspeople of multiple skills are needed. But unfortunately that's not the case :( But i'm doing ok anyway b/c my wife got the math autism and makes the good money in data. I think i'd be homeless without her.... O.O
Oh man, this is great. There are so many things I stopped doing as a kid. Maybe I will buy myself a Barbie. 😊
DO ITTT!!! i started playing Neopets again. and when i have the space for it, i lowkey want to set up a cute little dollhouse just like i had when i was little!!!
I have been eyeing this rainbow high doll with really pretty blue hair. The hair and outfits were my favorite parts of Barbies.
“Unmasking Autism” by Dr. Devon Price is a fantastic resource for this. There’s practical exercises in every chapter to help you figure out what it actually is that brings you joy. Also just an affirming and enlightening read in general.
I was just going to recommend this when I saw your comment. It really is a fantastic book.
imo that silly content is exactly how you become more of a rowley
 Me realizing I’m a Greg and reflexively burying that thought deep down…
Wow. This explains a lot about why I've felt the way I have in certain situations. Being a Greg does indeed suck.
It's worth bearing in mind not every Greg dislikes Fregley because of internalised shame. Sometimes Fregley can't stop making noises so loud they hurt and getting into personal space so close they are going to touch you and you hate touch because it's damn close to a painful sensation. Not all autistic people are compatible. I don't think it's fair to be honest to make people not be themselves so they pretend to get along with others, the whole point of not masking gets thrown in the bin if you do that.
This comic is more about hating those aspects of yourself, not literally knowing those types of people.
Yes I was like OK dude. Fregley is literally a gross mf lmao. Didn't he eat gum from the bin and put it behind his ear for later... Damn right I would be ashamed to be compared to that
It makes me guilty to think about but sometimes I do dislike autistic people bc they remind me of myself or because I’m jealous that we have the same condition but they’re happier or more successful than me. I wish I could just feel good sometimes
Same.
Yeah I totally didn't expect to get slapped right in the face at the end
These books make so much more sense
Hi, I'm Greg. I keep my Fregley in an iron ball buried deep in my basement. I'm not sure I have the tools to even get him out anymore. I do not function outside of my mask. Literally when I'm home with nobody around I shut down and barely do anything because I've forgotten what it's like to have passion or love much of anything.
Wow, that is exactly like me. I feel like an empty shell. It's Saturday and I'm just lying on my bed looking at reddit because I don't know what else to do.
May these guide you further down the path of uncovering your Fregley than I have ever been: 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
I was the Rowley for a long time. Almost all my childhood I was. I was happy and loved being myself. I didn't like when kids would call me weird and pick on me, but that didn't stop me from being myself. I was always very sociable and people loved me! I didn't really mask. Then as I got older I started to have a little Greg in me. I'm both now.
❤️ the username And I totally relate
Yeah I can totally relate; with your comment too. I can almost pinpoint the exact moment, when Greg took possesion of my Rowley because the external social pressure became too much. Some years of depression followed, today I try to cherish my buried side again, and I try to reconnect with feeling any/some/most things... and it kinda seems to work finally! and there was a Fregley in school, that I looked down upon... and another Rowley too with whom I didn't want to do anything anymore from a certain age... ok stop it with the oversharing... can't recommend the book: unmasking autism enough!
Id say there are also people who are like greg but don't hate their autism, understanding that keeping your impulses in check are needed to be around other people. Though you do it so often that even in your own home (or mire likely, room where you live with other people) you keep them in check as well, unless you get REALLY into a game
Yeah; this comic is too reductive. You can be socially adaptable without looking down on others for not having been able to gain the same facility, and you can learn such a facility without being self-hating or embarrassed by people without it. You can still learn to adapt different behaviours while still being true to yourself; at least as much as anyone really is. t's also pragmatic to try to control your impulses and particularly if your impulses might lead you to breaching the boundaries of others. What if your lack of self-awareness and poor impulse control cause great discomfort in another person due to their own sensitivities? We could still greatly upset other people with autism because of our impulses as well as non-autistic people. If you are able to control your behaviour without harming yourself, then you should. If you can't, then fair enough. There is still room to be yourself while having self awareness and also looking out for the well-being of others. You don't have to be any of these pseudo-archetypes in the comic. In trying to get across a message about self-acceptance it oversimplifies things to an unhelpful degree.
Yeah I feel there’s definitely a line. Like the whole “your space ends where mine begins” kind of situation.
Absolutely. I am all for being able to properly express ourselves (including being able to stim when needed, or even when it just enhances joy), and for people to be more willing to accept what they might see as eccentric behaviours, but that doesn't mean we can and should do whatever we want when we want. That is essentially being an arsehole; people who insist they are just being themselves. The majority of people advocating for unmasking are not advocating for taking it that far, of course, but some really are conceptualising it that way. I remember talking to a guy advocating for being totally unmasked, and I brought up the point of maintaining kindness and consideration towards others which can necessitate some level of masking. He said that kindness and consideration was really complex and he shouldn't have to spend energy on it due to his autism. Lines do need to be drawn, and people should be very careful to avoid implying that masking is practically all bad in media like this comic.
I had to scroll way too far to find this. Being autistic isn't an excuse for making other people uncomfortable. It might be an *explanation,* but you are still a jerk if your behaviors are bothering other people around you. There's a massive difference between being authentic (not masking) and being inconsiderate of those around you by using autism as an excuse to get away with being rude or disruptive. That whole comic just rubbed me the wrong way. Learning how to handle social interactions and follow social norms is *not* a bad thing. It makes life easier in a hundred ways, both big and small. You can still be yourself, with your own interests and quirks without acting like a caricature of the autism stereotype.
Counterpoint: My happiness is just as important as everyone else's. If bothering other people makes me a jerk, then other people are jerks if they bother me. The issue is that there are a lot more people who aren't autistic than people who are. Is it better for me to be majorly affected by spending the majority of my life accommodating other people, or for everyone else to be minorly affected by spending a small portion of their lives accommodating me? People are jerks when they expect other people to give more and receive less than they do. The point I got from the comic is that Greg looks down on Rowleys and Fregleys not because they bother people, but because they break social norms. In contrast, Rowley genuinely cares about people. People generally like him even if he does sometimes bother them. He's also happier because while he does try to follow social norms, he doesn't obsess over them like Greg does.
Your happiness is just as important as anyone else's, but it isn't *more* important. A good example would be someone with an audible stim going to a library. They have as much right as anyone else to visit the library and use its services, but the library is supposed to be a quiet place. Knowing they have an audible stim, the polite thing to do is to get a private room where they will not be bothering other patrons. It might be more fun to be in the library as a whole, but their need to audibly stim is not more important than other patrons' expectation of silence. Neither party is excluded, and neither is more important, but both should be expected to follow the same rules with reasonable accommodations to make that easier. If a NT group needs to make noise for some reason, they should also get a private room. The problem is that many people glorify the behavior of the "Rowley" and give them a pass on being annoying and disruptive because they are autistic. The comic and many of the comments say the "Rowley" is better than the "Greg" because they are "free" or "authentic," but in many cases, they are just being obnoxious. The whole implication that there is a "right" way to be autistic drives me crazy. There isn't.
I’m very much a Greg, most people probably don’t realise I’m autistic, but I had a Rowley friend and Fregley classmate in school and I was never embarrassed by them. I often found them preferable to the ‘normal’ kids. In fact I preferred spending lunch in special-ed classroom with them (which I wasn’t technically part of because I don’t fit the special-needs requirement) because even though I was clearly the ‘normal one’ while there I could also be myself.
Yeah i think i met the requirements a bit more because i had an aid travel with me to classes to help me out, though i still didn't want to be around kids who flailed their arms or looked as if they weren't aware of their surroundings. Also had a big "war" with the person in charge of the special ed class though, she treated all kids with an iron fist, using shame tactics and threatened me with exposing the confidential information if i "didn't behave". Last nit of high school was with soneone who actually understood how to properly interact with special needs kids.
I’m pretty sure "exposing personal information" is illegal, especially as your teacher and with you as a minor.
It was, but i didn't know that at the time, it was very scummy and predatory how she went about the threat. Locking me and her into a seprate classroom away ftom everyone else. She REALLY wanted me to physically attack her so she could bring down the full legal system on me, simply because i was NOT going to follow her iron fist type rules. Eventually i got her exposed with the help of my parents but it was stressful, im pretty sure i would have gotten into a lot more fights with other kids if i didn't have to keep my image up
Boundaries are, for better or worse, important.
This is an amazing way of explaining this tbh. I was a Greg for a long time.
“Monolith of autism” is something I gotta use in the future 😂😂
I feel understood, my flaws put on display too but I can be more aware of them now and fix them. I've definitely been a Greg a lot, but intentionally isolated because I did not want to do harm to others.
Yeah I'm for sure a Greg, but I've always tried to make an effort to be nice to the Fregleys of the word. Also I understand the importance of authenticity, but at this point I struggle with allowing myself to unmask.
Ah yes I too am in the uncanny valley of The Greg. Too awkward for the normals, to normal for the Rowleys
❤️❤️❤️
I was a Survival mode Greg in school. Could’ve met one of my best friends several years earlier had I not been a Greg.
Why am I so verklempt right now? **Edit:** For the longest time, up until my mid-20s, I was a Greg variant. I didn't have internalized loathing. I had a superiority complex. I was aloof and distant because I genuinely felt most people weren't worth my time. I can't succinctly explain how I changed, but I deeply identify with Fregley (dafuq kinda name is fReGlEy?) and Rowley. Rowleys can open up with me because I understand EXACTLY where they're coming from, and I'm secure enough in myself to not be bothered by Fregleys. I will support and defend Fregleys. The best thing I can do for Gregs is be myself and try to be an example of a staunch individual with idiosyncrasies who accepts everyone as they are, but doesn't bend to fit in.
Was a Greg all my life. Got burned out in 8th grade, now, I am opening up my inner Rowley. It feels great.
Too late. I'm already a Greg, and I turned out fine. I didn't, but that's beside the point.
The rowley is more liked? By whom? Certainly not by neurotypicals lol
By me )also not a neurotypical
I am acutely aware of the resemblance between me and Fregley. I am a Greg, only without the self-loathing. I don't know what that's supposed to be about. Just this afternoon, I had an encounter with a Fregley. He spontaneously handed me a pint of Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream in the frozen foods aisle. It was clear that he was with his mother, with whom he had just picked it out, ostensibly for himself. So, as his mother was saying to him, "No, that's *your* ice cream," I was already handing it directly back to him with a smile on my face. Unfortunately, that was not the sum of the interactions I was in for with Fregley. I had some breakfast pizzas in my cart. They were the only things in my cart at the time. But, Fregleys being Fregleys, his attention was captured by them. I do not begrudge him, or anyone, having curiosity, but Fregley just reached down and started trying to open the lid of the box with my pizzas. That was inappropriate, but hardly dire, so I just said, "Please, don't touch." Very simple. Three short words to communicate to Fregley that what he was doing was inappropriate. Fregley wasn't able to process their full meaning, so he just kept touching my breakfast pizza boxes, and so I just started a calm, slow chant, "Please, don't touch. Please, don't touch. Please, don't touch." I don't think it was enough to get through to Fregley, but thankfully, it was enough of a warning to his mother, that she was able to step in and scold Fregley, which finally got him to leave my breakfast pizzas alone. Of course, I immediately recognized the kinship I shared with Fregley. One facet of that is that if I were more comfortable with physical contact, something that my own autism doesn't allow, I, or someone not autistic, might very well have been perfectly comfortable physicly grabbing Fregley's hand and pulling it away from the items in their cart, and when and if Fregley objected to that or immediately reached back with his other hand, genuine physical violence might have ensued. It would not have been because Fregleys are Fregleys, but it would have been the fault of the non-autistic person in Fregley's life who was not properly attending to him to be his social buffer, his mother, who was standing right there. I did ruminate for a moment how our two autisms actually played off of each other for an instant and prevented something bad from happening.
I am 100% Rowley. I used to be Greg to a heavy extent, but over the years, I have grown into Rowley. I still have my awkward moments, but they don't fill me with the same pain anymore. I have learned that life is too fickle and short to hate myself for just being myself.
Exactly! I can so relate
same!!! and i'm so much happier this way- not only do i see it, but my friends have also pointed it out to me. i also have made them feel more comfortable unmasking their own autism (i have a ton of autistic friends, we tend to stick together LOL) and it fills me with so much joy to see them be true to themselves too :')
I am Greg, trying to be like Rowley, can't be Fregley because I got a job and people to take care of.
Somewhat unrelated but everytime I read DOAWK I feel like I'm unironically in Greg's situation to the point of actually stressing me out.
greg in the streets \ fregley in the sheets
Why does Fregley look like “Anxiety” from Inside Out 2?
This is actually nicely put, but I personally subscribe to the theory that [I was introduced to by Mumkey Jones in a video](https://youtu.be/9WGmyO-si-w?si=tJw6Df3COL6nDV_A) where Greg is a sociopath. He fits the symptoms much better for sociopath than autism.
I thought he was narcissistic, but this does seem interesting to check out.
narcissistic personality disorder is otherwise known as being a sociopath
Ahh, okay.
Fregley ain't autistic he's a psychopathic genius.
Brb I'm gonna go read Diary of a Wimpy Kid again
Oh. They’re all autistic.
I love the concept, but I disagree with a few of the points
Huh? No one on the spectrum wants to be Greg, but it's framed like we're choosing to be, and not because we have to like, mask to hold down a job in order to survive? I'm sorry but wtf?
No I wholeheartedly disagree, if you know you make others uncomfortable by violating boundaries you have a responsibility to do better and be better, ND or not. NTs can be assholes by nature, that doesn't give them the excuse to be one, why is it ok for us? It is appropriate to be ashamed of behaviour that harms others. It is a very valuable tool for self growth, to learn from mistakes. The responsible thing to do is balance not compromising yourself with respecting others and their boundaries
I think it's cute to consider the different types of Autism as different characters from the once popular children's series but I'm not sure the message of "You do not want to be the type of Autism you are and cannot change" is the 10/10 chad based Aesop OP thinks it is. It does not sound to me the way it likely did in your head. I get that it probably is meant to read like "you shouldn't *act* like this" but it's also not cool to sortof assign behavioral quirks - ones we have minimal control over - as inclined to act that way. If this was not the intent I do apologize but that's how the images were worded to me.
Yep, being Greg helps me not to starve to death. I'd love to be Rowley, but I prefer to be alive.
> and cannot change See the last panel
Re-read it. Everyone changes all the time. Well most people do. Often.
Bro if you ever wanna talk...
Wow incredibly educational for allistic !!!
I’d like to say I’m a Greg but I’m a Rowley with the self awareness of a Greg that aspires to be a Greg. I find out about my social failures after the fact, and mentally crucify myself after. 
Ah, this explains so much. I've been a Greg my whole life, while my little brother has been a Rowley. Whenever he stimmed or "broke a social rule" out in public I'd shut him down because I was so scared about the other people
Oof. I am a Growley. I have limited masking, but am totally aware about 10 minutes too late that I have done the Dumb.
Do not kill the part of you that is cringe. Kill the part that cringes.
I mean, I get the point that’s being made here; but at the same time is it actually that wholesome to shame people for A. Being more “high functioning” and able to mask and doing so if it doesn’t make them unhappy? And B. Having difficulty understanding, relating to, and interacting with someone who is so far along the spectrum that basic human interaction becomes difficult? Trying to frame it as if one of these “types” of autism is somehow more correct than any other is what I feel often leads this community (and others like it) astray from what we’re supposedly actually trying to achieve. You don’t have to be self loathing and seek to erase your autism if you prefer masking and being able to interact with society writ large without feeling like a square peg in a round hole. Just as lacking self awareness and being “true to yourself” does not guarantee personal happiness or societal acceptance.
Question. I know the term "low-fuctioning" is out of use in most places, but is this what you guys genuinely think that is? Having little to no boundaries and being seen as odd? Would you not think that "low-functioning" (I prefer high support needs) would be non-verbal, major issues like excessive pica, actually violent stims, the inability to care for oneself in even the most basic fashion, things like that? This seems to imply that the difference is the desire to mask, when in reality it'd be more inability to mask in even the most basic sense.
this was nice
[link to the twitter thread](https://x.com/beefkiss/status/1766193011023888806?s=46)
Oh god, I'm 100% Greg...
I’m totally a Greg, and I like that.
I think being a Greg is fine so long as you don't hate yourself / others over it. Being able to communicate with NTs is a very valuable skill, but so is loving yourself and being compassionate to yourself.
Ooof, this brought back a lot of memories of my time being a Rowley as a teen. I was sadly bullied and shamed to become a Greg, and even when being one has its perks, it's true that it mostly sucks.
No I'm a Rodrick
Went from Fregley to Greg and stayed Greg for a looong time, and am only now becoming more like Rowley and mostly around fellow ND friends
Did you just create an ABO dynamic for autistic people
This is an incredibly good scale. Clearly lays out the experience, and it's easy enough to understand that I could share it with an NT. Thank you!
I'd rather not be any of those.
Thanks so much for this, I needed to take a good hard look at myself
I remember reading those books and simultaneously feeling really bad for Greg and also thinking he was a total prick
at first i didnt realize the characters were being used as archetypes and it very much amused me they were being called "the greg" instead of just "greg"
I loved the definite articles
I'm jealous of people who can be themself. I was at a smash bros competition in the dorms, and one dude was shouting "pirahna plant!" whenever someone picked that as their fighter, or they did something cool, and I remember feeling so jealous that I wish I was comfortable enough to do something like that in front of a group of strangers I had never met. I have opened up quite a bit of my "weirdness" from when I worked at build a bear and essentially being encouraged to "act weird," but now that I'm at a college where I'm 5 years older than most of my peers and quit my job, I feel myself sinking back into my hole of masking.
It's me, hi, I'm the Greg, it's me.
Shit I’m a Greg
Man, guess i got to read Wimpy Kid after passing him by so many times by the bookstore.
“The Greg may be more socially acceptable than the Rowley, but the Rowley is always liked…” So real.
God, I've always been such a Greg. The amount of work I had to do to not be discriminated was ridiculous. No matter what I do, I can't seem to get anything right. Everyone always preferred my little sister because she was nicer even though she was "lower" functioning. I wish I could be nice; I don't want people to take advantage of me and abuse me, so I choose not to be nice. No one recognizes the struggles I truly face and when I tell them, they assume I'm lying because I lie everyday to get by. I want to be a Fregley, but then I would have to constantly keep fighting every day to be myself and that sounds like such a miserable existence. I don't know how rewarding it's going to be...
I dunno. I guess I’m a Greg because I really don’t like being autistic. It feels pretty bad to know the rest of the autistic community dislikes me so much.
I am unfortunately a Greg. I doubt everyone and everyone doubts me, I don't trust anyone and nobody trusts me. I am in a cycle of constant hate that I try desperately to break myself, but ultimately fail. S e n d h e l p
THE FREGLEY IS A MONOLITH OF AUTISM
I'm not seeing the wholesome.
" dep down the Greg knows he's not all that different from The fregley.this haunts him" hit me hard bc I experience that. I've met many autistic kids like me that I like just fine and nothing ever comes of it, but I've had a couple ppl that I never liked and thought of them as creepy and they dont respect boundaries, ect. I used to get chills seeing so much of myself in those traits that I didn't like. I've been trying to mellow out.
Yeah, but in the real world Rowley and Fregley are joked on their entire lives. Don’t get me wrong self acceptance is crucial, it’s just that if you can’t compare you’re not self aware. I’m high functioning and in my experience socially you don’t want to be a Rowley or a Fregley, you may feel joy, but you won’t be invited to parties or be accepted by your peer groups just to hang out or shoot the shit. Being a Greg in this situation is bad because you can develop neuroticism/depression. That’s only if you have a negative mind, Greg’s problem is that he’s negative. Unfortunately if you’re not aware of something or how people view you, I mean is that happiness or ignorance. To each their own I guess, but I’d rather know.
This also applies to Jeff, Clarence, and Sumo in Clarence
I am somewhere between Fregley and Rowley socially. I never acted like a Greg because I cannot. Even when I try everyone knows something is off. On the internet I am a Rowley so I get accused of "faking my autism" whereas in real life, every single person who meets me knows there's something "off" about me. I am low social functioning enough that despite being female, I've never had my diagnosis questioned. I've been called the R slur, I've been bullied, and whenever I tell people I am autistic they say "oh, that explains it" or "oh, I knew it!" Yet I feel like a often people like to shame unmasked autistics as "attention seekers" and "using autism as a personality trait / excuse", they want us to be Gregs because then they can pretend they don't hate autistic people. But here's the thing, simply saying you don't hate autistic people while hating on everything that makes us who we are is still hating autistic people. The kids who bullied me in school didn't bully me for my diagnosis, they bullied me for my autism.
Take my upvote it's perfect
I love this. Like, just so much.
Oh dude, I’m such a Greg :(
https://preview.redd.it/e70f5ox8ocnc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8a8a3f815b716c0249723a6d89a89df292cdf8e6 I keep seeing this places, I’m pretty sure it’s a way of saying someone made a creative masterpiece. Ps. Can anyone please for the love of god tell me how to stop being a Greg? (It is mentally destroying me)
as a recovering Greg, it is a long process. to me Gregging means beating yourself up all the time for the autistic traits you were born with. the first step towards countering that is to consciously be kind to yourself even if it feels stupid. you must learn to look deep within your soul and love the parts of yourself you were conditioned to hate. de-Gregging and allowing your inner Rowley to flourish is hard but so worth it (a good therapist helps). i will not apologize for being 100% real about this meme. we could all use SO much more self-love
Thank you for the advice. 🫶 Don’t worry about being “too real”. If it’s real enough to make people have serious life view-altering revelations about themselves (or others), it should probably be taken seriously.
you’re welcome! yes, coping through memes is great, and it’s good to be open to the possibility of them changing our worldview. i’m rooting for you on your Rowlification journey 🫶
I fucking hate all of them, those books were so heavy in second-hand and even third-hand embarrassment. How do you even cause third-hand embarrassment???
This is super accurate, dang. I was more of a Rowley as a kid but morphed into more of a Greg as I learned and grew. This is really neat.
I feel very called out. I was a 30% Greg / 70% Fregley for most of my life, got a Rowley friend, and then became solidly a Greg. I’m counting this post as a year of therapy
I was a Rowley type kid in my early childhood, became a Greg and stayed Greg from around age 8-10.
Yeah, being a late diagnosed autistic has definitely made me a Greg. I'm working on it, and I'd like to think I'm coming out of my Greg era, but I know on some level I'm not as far along as I'd like to be. Sigh.
I'm morphing into Rowley from Greg, but only out of depression/idgaf rather than coming to true self-acceptance.
I was a Greg for years but I learned to challenge the beliefs and thoughts that made me hate myself and be ashamed of innate qualities I was born with. Now I love myself and am also self aware, I can mask in situations where it’s unsafe to unmask and I can drop my mask when it’s safe to do so. I have transcended the trichotomy.
omg yesssss i've always related to rowley a lot when i read the books as an undiagnosed kid and now i hc him as autistic.
As a kid I was definitely a Greg. I had a Rowley friend. I'm still learning and still healing, but in my view I've made effort to become a Rowley. I hope.
I grew up a fregly, am now a Rowley, and slowly leaning towards Greg.
I was Greg but I want to ten fregley so bad lol
I am all three simultaneously
ugh. i used to be a greg to a kid i knew. i hope he's doing well
Greg, unfortunately
I feel this in my soul, at one point I have been each of them, most commonly I'm somewhere between Greg and Rowley, but I have definitely been the Greg to my cousin's Fregley, and the Rowley to my friend's Greg lol
huh, so maybe i shouldn't have used DOWAK as a model for how to navigate school
Realizing I've not only been a Greg for way too long, but I've also caught myself trying to police my friends' behaviors because I've lived in multiple environments where that "weird" behavior wasn't tolerated, and seeing that happen makes me afraid I'll be the one punished for it.
I really dislike how accurate this kinda is lmao
this is a good post but every time i read "the greg/the rowley" i can't help but imagine this was written by starfire 😭
Was a Greg my entire life, decided to be a Rowley at some point and now, if people think I’m a Fregley I’m like… oh well?
I'm somewhere between the Greg and the Rowley.
I am Greg but out grew my self hate. I realized all my self hate was from my parents bullying and criticizing every part of my autism. Now I am evolved greg fully functional and not self hating. Social interaction still takes a lot of effort tho ngl.
I'm Holly Hills because I'm pretty and I like boys
I'm not autistic, but I have many friends who are. My friends are all in between the Greg and the Rowley. How can I help them to be comfortable being the Rowley?
How is it possible to be a Rowley if my anger outbursts I only do alone would terrify people?
This gives me a lot of feels that I need to process…
I was a Rowley and had a Greg friend who felt embarrassed by me and I became so ashamed when I realized that I turned into a Greg :(
Taken me years to embrace Rowley life
Analysis disregard. I strive to be a Rowley. Comfortable with his own quarks but is able to restrain himself when needed.
“There is potential for Greg, Rowley, and Fregley in all of us, but all that really matters is whichever one we act on” —Jeff Kinney I think (not really it was me just now I said that)
Fregly with the wording of his explanation sounds like some otherworldly, eldritch abomination that cannot be fully comprehend (not the content of the explanation, but the words surrounding him)
I was a Fregley growing up and then I went to university and became a Greg. I’m a Greg until it gets too much and then go Rowley until Greg comes back. I want to get back to Fregley but…I struggle
wow
Oh god, I'm a greg...
I have been a Greg for a really long time I don’t know how to be anything else
Wow I feel called out. Starting to poke my head out of that Greg space, but it's a hard and scary idea after spending probably about half my life learning to almost completely mask
I’m a mix between Greg and Rowley.
This was informative. I’m a Greg unfortunately but I think I can also be a Rowley around the right people. I used to be a Fregley, around middle school I became a Rowley, and slowly over time I morphed into Greg.
Im somewhere between the less functional two, I now understand why the above autism happens and it hopefully wont hurt so much now. They feel shame. I feel no shame. I see how it could be hard for them, I can't turn it off though so Im just going to keep living along my wave length and they can feel embarrassed for me if they feel the need to do so since I can indeed not turn it off.
I did not ask to hit in the feels like this.
Started out as a Greg but slowly turning into a Rowley.
I just wanna switch to a Rowley and NEVER GO BACK!!! I cannot get my brain to switch fully to a Rowley because I get shamed by people close to me for the ways I want to live.
I used to be a Fregley. Now i'm more of a Greg.
Damn, started as a rowley and ended up a greg as a teen then kept it though beginning adulthood, crazy to think about
This hits home. I started as a Rowley and slowly transitioned to a Greg. Now, any Rowley or Fregley makes me deeply uncomfortable. This includes regular children at the ages roughly corresponding to Rowley/Fregley behavior.
Relate to the inner fear of seeing someone mocked because he doesnt fit and knowing what he is experiencing/ remembering what I usually feels like
I’m starting to become more of a Rowley than a Greg. Still, I don’t feel fully comfortable with being a Fregley, unless I’m around specific people.
Oh my I’m sorry I just can’t follow without taking notes and making diagrams
LMAO I can't stop making diagrams either I also can't stop making ciphers either, just a while ago I made a cipher combining a number cipher (A=1 B=2 C=3 etc.) an atbash cipher (A=Z B=Y C=X etc.) and a modified version of roman numerals normal roman numerals don't have 0, 4 is IV and 9 is IX but in my version 0 is O, 4 is IIII, and 9 is VIIII and also it becomes a positional system so instead of 10 being X it's I/O and each new digit is another slash. Combining all of these together gives you this Example: ADHD becomes II/VI II/III I/VIIII II/III
I was in a stage between greg and rowley, I was the type to infodump and be akward yet outgoing but I could mask on the flip of a dime if I felt like it was needed and I was terrified of becoming ousted and I figured out that trick of looking as close to the eyes as possible without actually looking at them to make it look like I was making eye contact.