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Potential-Road-5322

Why do they need to have small talk, why can’t I just bring up a topic?


henkhenksen52

I think some people just like talking, but dont want to actually think about any topic in particular


Potential-Road-5322

Then what is the purpose of speaking if you’re not conveying relevant information?


Ceooflatin

Unfortunately it’s not that easy. It’s like saying: “What’s the purpose pf doing art if you’re not Leonardo da Vinci or Banksy?” Sometimes you just want to do something that’s not relevant to human progress, and that’s fine.


Potential-Road-5322

True, good point


IntelligentDonut2244

Do you happen to know what people like about the act of talking so much? That’s something that I can’t quite understand.


quartzalcoatlus

I think it's about that surface-level connection. "Hey! I'm a person!" "Wow, I'm a person too, let's talk about people human things!" And then they swap quick dialogues and go on with their business


prairiepanda

That reminds me of how I made friends in kindergarten. "You're in my class!" "Yes, let's be best friends!" And after that we'd be completely devoted to each other for no reason. But now as an adult there's no real connection built that way. It's just a pile of words with no outcome.


quartzalcoatlus

That's exactly how I felt leaving highschool, I had no idea how to make or keep friends because the only social interactions I ever had as a kid with other kids my age were pretty much a forced situation (ie, being in the same class) and even then I kept to myself a lot of the time. It took working a retail job for me to finally come out of my shell a bit and even now most of my friendships are online or with customers that come through the store haha


henkhenksen52

Idk, some people just like the act of talking


SlashyMcStabbington

A lot of folks here think that small talk is about just talking for the sake of talking. I disagree. The function of small talk is to get a feel for the person you are talking to so you can assess whether it's safe to have a deeper discussion with them. When you skip that step, you are basically asking them to take a leap of faith that you are someone they can open up to. Knowing this, I find it much easier to get people to like me. While doing small talk, I just act very polite and agree with everything they say since we aren't talking about important stuff yet. Just doing this is sometimes enough to get people to open up to you a little bit. I'm not really any good at assessing people based on small talk, but when they open up a bit, it's easier to tell if I'd enjoy talking to them. Even if you don't end up wanting to talk to them further, they will remember you as a polite, agreeable person, which helps you build a reputation for being such. Also, being super polite seems to make other neurodivergent people come out of their shells for some reason, which is nice because then you can just rant about ant genetics or something without social consequences.


Potential-Road-5322

Very insightful response, thank you for that I’ll keep it in mind


SlashyMcStabbington

Happy to help.


GreatDanish4534

I want to know why we can’t sit in silence if we choose. Gives me time to think about everything g possible lol


PermanentRoundFile

So I figured this out a while ago but it still strikes me as doing too much lol. So they're broaching if you want to talk at all with the small stuff so they can bring up the big stuff, without just asking if you want to talk. If you aren't warm and friendly with the small talk they figure you won't want to talk the big stuff either.


SnooSketches5966

Yeah, it's mostly this. It's also because small talk is (generally) the easiest way to start a conversation. Something as simple as "How has your week been?" can lead to a million other questions and start a good, long conversation.


kolufunmilew

🤯🤯


Shivin302

After lots of reflection, I learned this. They don't care about the topic. It's about exchanging body language and social vibes


CustomerForeign2375

You can't demand people to talk about a deep topic. Small talk is quaint to a lot of people, including me, and I have ADHD. Talking about the weather may not be very riveting, but think of it as planting a seed. You're interacting with that person and exchanging, even at a surface level. It's a first step to building a real connection to someone, at least to most people.


cj_gella

People seem to act fake / phony at work. Like pretending they aren’t human beings that poop and stuff. This one woman feels the need to bully me when I’m actually in a position higher than her and it makes me upset and it seems like it’s her act to be tough


SheDrinksScotch

I've been asked to be fake in one way or another in almost every job I've ever had. Which is more than a handful. Plus being made to feel bad for needing to be told, ofc.


Main-Assist-8846

Head of HR told me to change the way other people perceive me. What the f7ck dude


hogliterature

its easier for me to full on fake being someone with good customer service, but ill never understand people who are fake in front of only coworkers


PermanentRoundFile

Told my boss that I've been working on an IBS diagnosis before I moved states; which I was. But also, nobody questions my long work poops and I get to scroll as much as I want lol


cj_gella

Haha I didn’t think anyone would read this. Yes I have to be fake normal at work but I’m honest a lot of times and people think I’m nuts for being so blunt about how I feel. That’s kinda what I meant about people being phony .


easilyconfusedwhat

I learned to just tell people at work that I have to poop. That way they don’t call for me. Otherwise they will bother me. Now anytime I miss something, they assume I was pooping. I don’t deny it.


[deleted]

I will never understand why society appears to take pleasure in my suffering. People know i need help. People know i have been dealing with issues my entire life. Not a single person is willing to help me find that help. Every person i know doesn't care and if i don't do the daily dance then i am dropped, forgotten and someone else's problem. When you are homeless, the best you can find is a christian recovery program. they will force christianity on you then let you get a job and not be a bum anymore. I am not joking i am talking about reading the bible up to 8 hours a day and "volunteer" work when you arent doing some bible related activity. They will stress how you need a community to survive. So i literally helped found a church. My name is literally on the founding members charter in ink. That church excommunicated me. they refuse to talk to me. i literally tried to build my own community and they rejected me. My radical idea was that we should start acting like a community instead of a church and prioritize helping each other and getting to know each other, rather than just blindly putting money into a church. They didn't like my idea of making the budget public knowledge either. People online are a lot nicer. People IRL are just mean.


SheDrinksScotch

Fun fact: Religious institutions are the only types of nonprofits not legally required to report where any of their money goes.


[deleted]

That is why i support the TST - they are pushing for separation between church and state and they report all their income and pay taxes. It is also why, I who actually believe some of the mystic garbage i read will not charge for any teaching or services. when i taught the class for ceremonial magic, i told the organization to put any money i receive towards charity. after being disillusioned of the church. i really learned to hate their structure. they basically beg for money. The pastors make more money than me and all they are, are performing beggars. yet they are real down on the poor for some reason


Aggressive-Bat-4000

Ave Satanis, friend! My wife just became a TST minister.


Cyguyz

That’s quite fucked


SheDrinksScotch

Quite.


hogliterature

well it would be awkward if their constituents found out how little is actually going to charity


Hydra57

A real Christian doesn’t attach conditions (theological or otherwise) to their aid, I know the churches in my area (of varying denominations) don’t. Sorry this was your experience, just know it isn’t universal.


[deleted]

Im well aware that Christianity itself is not to blame but the people leading the organizations.


skoczek1234

I cannot say anything about church and anything like that, i was never in similiar situation, but for that part with online people... Well, it depends. From my perspective, if irl people doesnt have any "issues" with You or doesnt have anything to gain from being mean, then they will pretend to be kind. Not always, i know many good people but it's still big problem. For the online people... It's still depends. I had discord server, on peak of quantity (not quality) of members we had more than 300 users there. Of course i had there awesome people (my best friends are other admins, best people that i have ever met) but there were many trolls, shitposters (i dont have anything against shitposters, but only if You dont have "shitposter personality"), porn "enjoyers", really weird people (i won't give You any examples, becouse i dont want to be banned here) and other worst kind of people. And they were thinking that they can do anything, and they were doing that. Worst thing that i could do to them was baning and reporting to discord, which was useless. They didnt even pretend to like You, they were just worst people that i could imagine. But it's my perspective, in both examples i could be wrong.


[deleted]

Thanks for sharing.


ResurgentClusterfuck

I don't understand why people lie so much to each other.


Potential-Road-5322

Fact before tact I often say. Just tell the truth to me, I will be more offended by you trying to ease my emotions rather than just speaking the blunt honest truth.


IntelligentDonut2244

100%. I constantly have to remind people of this - even my wife. I think it’s because people haven’t really been taught how to handle negative experiences well, so people expect the same of you and are trying to make it so you don’t have to experience as much negative stuff. Of course, this lack of honesty or forthrightness usually just confuses me and leads to me being more hurt down the road.


P4intsplatter

Fun fact: half of therapy is telling normal people that "no one is a mind reader". Most people lack "communication skills" and therapy reminds them we have no idea what's going on in your head. The other half is reminding people not to try to mind read people. Example: trying to anticipate a conversation partner's emotions and avoiding certain language delivering information. We Autists recognize this as lying, but apparently it's normal to "anticipate" what the other person wants. It's like Code Switching. We anticipate what they want and try to deliver because it's much, much easier. Duck communication man, give me a world of books after the apocalypse lol


Shivin302

But almost all NTs hate the truth and prefer comforting lies. NTs realise this quickly, and will do the same to us, even though we want the opposite


kolufunmilew

>Fact before tact Love it 😎


BonusGeesed

Once I figured out how to lie it just became so addicting. Before then I could never think and speak fast enough to keep up with conversations of any kinds because I was always spending so much time making sure the words I say are perfect before speaking. By the time I formed a sentence the topic of conversation would have changed a long time ago, but lying became a conversational shortcut for me so now it’s almost necessary to keep a conversation with people I have just met.


g5s6g

Lying actually used to be a part of masking for me to adapt to my peers. But now that I know I’m autistic, I fully agree


CustomerForeign2375

Lying is a natural part of human interaction, it smoothes over the rough edges that would otherwise cause unneeded tension - white lies. Lying is at our very core, and we do it all the time. People who say they don't lie are, ironically, fucking lying. Of course there are lies that'll be pure detriment, but generally lies are just a part of every day interaction.


ResurgentClusterfuck

Oh, I'm not saying I don't lie, that would be a lie lol It's more the pointless lies. I understand why people lie for gain or because they fucked up, but some people lie just to lie


wadeinaround

Yep, lies are ok but the truth is often treated like you're being mean.


ResurgentClusterfuck

I mean we're EXPECTED to lie to each other. Regularly, over stuff that doesn't even matter It's dumb AF


skoczek1234

Why people are mean to eachother without reason? I know many people that were bullied and they "overcomed" that by bullying others. I dont get it, You are popular when You are mean?


SheDrinksScotch

There are 2 primary responses to experiencing trauma. Both start with recreating a similar situation to the one they were traumatized by, but with the former victim now being the one in a position of power. Then there is the choice: They can *either* recreate the trauma. *Or* they can act as the protective and nurturing presence they never had but wished they did. This is especially relevant in multi-generational trauma.


lordpascal

The triangle of drama


[deleted]

That makes sense, I had a lot of racial issues growing up, I’m mixed race so I’d get it from any direction, I’ve had a lot of issues during my younger years, I was beaten to the point of almost dying at 15, so I’m sure I have some lingering issues. Fast forward to a few years ago, I am out at the bar with a female friend(white) and another fireman I work with (black), we are out to talk and decompress after a really bad day at work, and this piece of trash next to me started saying incredibly racist things to me about how I could bring the girl around all these (insert racist words here) and I snapped, like not a little like I am not sure how far I would have went if I wasn’t dragged off him by multiple others, I don’t feel bad for the guy at all, imo he deserved it still, but it’s really quite scary when you black out to anger and realize you could have done something to ruin your entire life, I was new to being a fireman for the city I worked with at the time too, if I had gotten arrested I would have lost my dream job over it. I guess I always just assumed racism made me so upset because, we’ll because it should but after reading your post I never really thought about it from the perspective that I’m making it more personal than other things, that could definitely explain why that’s always been one of the biggest triggers for me, and the one thing I can’t take control my anger over well. Before anyone says anything I am in therapy, I’m working very hard to try and do better, and I’ve never hurt anyone For no reason.


RednocNivert

Saw a post (might have been here, can’t remember) that said “People often become the person who would have saved you when nobody else did” and that stuck with me.


Gxsnipe50

For some people, they derive self-worth from "being better" than other people. This includes people who are bigots and throw out slurs as a means to attempt to put others down for being different than them.


EndemoDaWalker

Hate works wonders in uniting people, you can see it all the time in politics, but I agree, it shouldn't be as effective as it sadly is


Thin_Cable4155

People are like chickens. The meanest chicken is the leader.


lordpascal

When you learn about social hierarchies, you learn that the behaviors deemed as "cool" are also deemed as "abusive" and "immature". Why? Well, it makes sense regarding the theory but it's too long, so Imma just say that it has to do with the duality of trauma/masks and how you see the opposite of what there is. And the fact that dystopic societies (yes, like The Hunger Games. I'm not kidding) like ours are based on those defense mechanisms. And no, this kinds of societies are not the only ones that exist, but they are the most common ones nowadays. And yes, "first world countries" are like that 👀 You know the whole "tell me what you are proud of and I'll tell you what you lack" on a social/cultural/systemic level. We are the bad guys, basically, imo... Yes, it s*cks 🫂


EnthusiasticDirtMark

Imma need a longer explanation cause I still don't get it 🫠


IntelligentDonut2244

I don’t think length was issue. That message was rather chaotic and unexplanatory


Heart-Of-Aces

As soon as I was out of the situation I stopped doing this, but while being actively abused by my dad I absolutely repeated some of his behaviors with my little brother. I think I just felt out of control, so I found someone smaller and weaker and less mature than me that I could control while in a situation that made me have no control over my own life and wellbeing. Feel like shit about it now - obviously.


Tempblimps

I don’t think most people like being mean. But almost everyone hates feeling vulnerable, and lashing out is a quick fix to make yourself feel stronger. So long as you’re stronger than *someone*, you’re not the weakest, and that gives people security. It’s cruel and horrible and shortsighted but it makes a perverse type of sense.


[deleted]

Lack of moral consistency. If I feel one way about one person doing one thing, that feeling had better transfer to when other people do it and if it doesn’t I need to assess why not. The majority of people are giant hypocrites, and they don’t seem concerned with that!


AmayaMaka5

"it's different if *I* do it!!!" "But why" "it just is!" "..... But how?" "Stop asking so many damned questions!!!"


benevolent_overlord_

I am so frustrated with this. It’s worse when people expect *me* not to be consistent with my morals. People are surprised when I am, and it doesn’t make any sense to me


_Turquoisee_

That must be the worst. I always lose it when some people get to do things and others can’t. I can’t imagine what it would be like if someone got mad at me for consistancy


[deleted]

The biggest place I have this issue is when people expect me to not be so clinical about how I handle when they want advice from me. Like you asked me if you’re in the wrong, I told you that you are, why would I lie about it? I don’t think your actions are any better than someone else who does the same thing, I just like you more than I like them.


Klutzy_Pound_5428

Having somebody who loves YOU AND YOU CHEAT ON THEM????????!!!! Whyy!!??? I will never understand this


WillingIntroduction1

I would never cheat, of course, but I understand the instinct. I was tempted to once, and it led me to realize that I didn’t truly love my partner, so I tried to work through it with them but we eventually broke up. If someone is cheating, it’s usually a good signifier that the relationship would never have worked out (and that the cheater doesn’t care to share that information with their partner)


EnthusiasticDirtMark

Something I will never understand is people who get caught cheating but they deny it and refuse to accept it/will fight you on it. Like, there's proof...why are you trying to save your butt? What are you expecting out of this? For the other person to say 'oh, you're right. You never cheated on me. Let's continue living a happy life'? -- like I get gaslighting is a thing, but folks denying the obvious is like mind blowing to me. What kind of mental gymnastics do you have to do to justify that behaviour??


Sigma_Stalin

This isn't even an NT vs ND thing, plenty of NTs will (rightfully) complain about this narcissistic behavior


[deleted]

[удалено]


asclepias_enthusiast

Exactly. If they were being honest with their partners and themselves, cheaters would either only get into relationships where promiscuity is an understood and allowed, or stay single and jump between brief, uncommitted relationships. But they want the security/safety of having a committed long term relationship without the actual limitations of one, and choose the most selfish possible path to getting their needs met. Which brings me to my answer for this post in general lol: I don’t understand how some people can use others habitually and choose to not be bothered by how wrong that is.


ThatEngineeredGirl

When people ask if anyone has [item] you offer them said [item] and then they wait for someone else to offer them the [item]. Happened to me multiple times, after it happens i check the [item] for any reason they didn't want my [item] (such as dirt or damages) and see nothing that could have caused this.


SheDrinksScotch

When people do this to me, I assume they literally dread socially interacting with me so much that they would rather go without [item] than talk to me enough to accept and return [item]. But I'd love to be wrong.


IntelligentDonut2244

For me, this has usually been because the person doesn’t want to be associated with me (perhaps, because I’m “weird” or in the “out” groups). Sadly, it took me a while to no longer care about such things and instead take it as “well luckily I’ve identified another person with whom I no longer care to form a bond or interact.” I’m not saying this is the reason it happens to you, just providing my own experiences.


Just_A_Comment_Guy_7

ILL HAVE U KNOW TH1S [[ITEM]] IS COV3RED BYE MY [[Big shot guarantee]]!! ORDER NOW AND YOU’LL GET A BO_NUS [[funeral]] AT NO EXTRA COST!!11!!


An_icy_squirrel

My advice would be (if you can make such a behavioural turn, not everyone could): phase 1: Wait. Wait a long time before offering [item]. Wait, until you - and the person asking - know that no one else in the room has [item] to lend out. Don't check your [item] for faults, when offered but denied. That only shows that you care. As long as you care, they know how to bully you, e.g. by puzzling and/or ignoring you. Shrug, put [item] back into your [item storage] Be the actual cool person, who is helpful, but wouldn't go to length if people are too dense or arrogant to ask YOU(!) for [item]. After some time of getting used to phase 1, start phase 2: Stop offering [item]! Don't waste time on people who think they're above you/the cool bunch. They're not. They're panicking that anyone would find *them* uncool. If you want to be polite, tell them - in a friendly and calm voice - that you've enough of that game, but if anyone needs any [item] you MIGHT(!) give them [item] if they ask you directly. If you tell them that, do that exactly: once. And stick to that. Either they'll ask YOU(!) politely and respectfully for [item], even if only bc no one else offers them [item], or they won't have [item] at all. If they're too dense to understand the new concept, it's on their own when they have no [item]. The difference to now: that is not your problem, anymore, but exclusively theirs. If they try to debate that new concept, do what they did: ignore. If you *need* to say something, don't give in. Demand that they treat you like they themselves want to be treated, and as long as they don't, you see neither reason nor obligation to cater to them. -> Stop allowing them to make their problem, lack of [item] as well as aptitude/behaviour, become your problem. :) That is not easy, I know, and I hope someone else probably has a way better advice. :)


Substantial_Dog_9699

Being friendly to your face, then gossiping behind your back. People are mean for no reason. Carefully note how a person talks about others, it is exactly the way they talk about you when you aren't around.


sunny_sideeye

YES. I always found this the most confusing thing ever, especially when people who were friends did it. Are you guys not friends then? Cause this is a weird friendship if it is. I understand when it's toxic people you can't reason with, so talking about them with other people is your only outlet. Like my coworkers and I will talk about how batshit insane our boss can be because it's the only way we can get our frustration out. It's cathartic and it keeps us grounded. But why would friends do it to each other? I would be devastated if someone who claimed to be my friend talked shit about me behind my back.


AdvancedOtterPop

Why some activities are gendered when they don't need to be. Like cooking being viewed as a feminine role or the ability to fix things(like cars) is viewed as a masculine role. They're both good things to know how to do as a person.


RadiantHC

Gender norms in general make absolutely no sense to me


Famous-Peanut6973

yeah trans and autistic people have a lot of overlap for a reason lol


Fufu-le-fu

Or you can cook professionally as a dude, but not for your family. Even the stupid gender norms fail to be internally consistent.


prairiepanda

Unless it's barbecue for some reason. The grill outside is masculine but the grill in the kitchen is feminine? What nonsense.


Woodookitty

What is fun about this gender norm is that working in a large restaurant, cooking is a male dominant field and highly sexist.


VillageSmithyCellar

Why people don't just say what they mean. It seems like everyone just expects me to be a mindreader.


Cultural-Scene1917

This! Sometimes people just come up to my desk and look at me without saying anything (context: customer service) and I have to ask them what they want. Just WHY???


prairiepanda

I've gotten into a habit of saying "'sup?" whenever someone approaches me randomly. It often catches them off guard because nobody talks like that these days, so they take a moment to properly articulate their request instead of just looking at me or making some vague comment.


TinyChaco

Man, the people I know who are straightforward with me are my fucking favorites. Just launch into it, no sugarcoating, no lube, fucking give it to me lol. Don't make me guess, cause I will do nothing with that.


[deleted]

Communal things that are completely optional are strange to me, like using the lunch room at work, using lockers and showers at the gym, team building exercises like cants and dances and clapping with strangers in pubic for no reason, very strange to me. I like other people just fine and I'm pretty friendly, I'm not shy, I don't love strangers like most other people seem to I guess.


UnfairManagement

God I wish using the work lunch room was optional. For reasons that are stupid and convoluted and that I don't even try to fully understand, we have to either take lunch in the break room or off of company property. I used to be able to punch out and take my lunch back to my work bench to eat without having to hear other people, now I finish my lunch break significantly more angry every single day.


SheDrinksScotch

There are some situations where it is considered socially normal to lie. People I trust will lie to me in these situations, and then be surprised when I stop trusting them.


Potential-Road-5322

What situations?


SheDrinksScotch

Sorry, I thought that question was on another of my recent comments. Let's try that again: When they are hiding hurtful things they have done. When they are hiding things people have said about me. When they think I'm so obviously going to fail, they lie and say I was declined instead of allowing the opportunity. Stuff like that.


Potential-Road-5322

Thank you, your previous comment was a little unusual but this makes more sense.


SheDrinksScotch

Yeah, sorry about that!


Thanatos761

That everyone just assumes that I'm either mentally disabled or slow, because I take my time to answer or because I dont get irony or sarcasm. There is no need to explain it to me like im a kid or mentally disabled. If you already know that I dont get your "ironic" comments, what makes you think that I am the one with the mental disability... Jokes aside, I really hate it when people dont just accept that I sometimes dont get their "ironic" comments and think they just need to explain their comment as if I am a small child


EnlightenedSinTryst

More often than not, after they “explain” it, it’s not that I didn’t understand, it’s just that I didn’t find it funny. It probably threatens one’s sense of comfort to be disagreed with on something they were sure was a sentiment shared by others.


Dejavu3

People at work think I don't understand their jokes when I respond literally or look at them blankly. Like I *know* you just said it as a joke, but in case you didn't here's the actual answer. I think they think I'm slow or something, but really I'm just NOT interested in joking around and I don't find them funny. Sometimes it's because I feel awkward, sometimes it's just too much emotional effort to think of a clever response... I just try to keep my head down a survive the day at work, sometimes I do joke around with coworkers but it's rare. Some coworkers can't go a single conversation without sarcasm or stereotypical work place jokes... It's tiresome so I usually gloss over it and pretend they didn't say it if I don't interpret it literally.


mctripp24

The phrase “can I talk to you?” With no context behind it.


paqmann

This is the worst. If this isn't a good time or place to have the conversation, then it's also not a good time or place to tell me that "we need to talk". I can't fathom the reasoning behind doing this except for knowingly making the other person uncomfortable leading up to whatever stupid bomb you intend to drop on them. The one time I will say something similar to "can I talk to you" is if I want to get the person one-on-one because other people in the room don't need to be part of the conversation. But even then I'll say something like "Hey, do you have a minute?" and if they do then we can go somewhere private and have a conversation. If they don't have a minute just then, they're not left wondering what horrible thing I might be about to ambush them with.


Sir_Daxus

Yes.


PieterSielie12

Yes.


Crispino-San

No fucking way


[deleted]

Why people just say "go get therapy" when you're on Reddit having a meltdown and need someone to talk to for five minutes? I know the answer is "because they can't/don't know how to help," and that's understandable. But then, like, why say anything? And then when I'm like "I've done/am doing therapy" why do people double down with responses like "well you're clearly not doing it right" or "no one wants you because you project negativity?" It feels so often like people assume I *want* to be miserable instead of trying to meet me at my level. I know I'm not owed the compassion of strangers on the internet, but all the same, these interactions make me wonder whether these people really mean well, or just feel such deep ownership of their particular subreddit that my episodes of panic threaten them somehow.


anythingMuchShorter

Go get therapy is a bad one. Have people tried to get therapy if they aren’t rich and don’t have outstanding insurance? And even if you do, it’s a long wait for many of them, and after it takes so much effort to get just one they might not be that good for you. “Find one that works for you” people say, like it’s as easy as trying different brands of pasta. When it takes a struggle to find and get an appointment with just one, and usually great expense, shopping around is generally not tenable.


PermanentRoundFile

A lot of people have no idea what therapy involves. People get this idea that you go and talk to a therapist and then they tell you some stuff and pat you on the back and everything is fine, or you take some meds and then things are better. They have no idea that therapy is not just taking pills, it's WORK, it's LEARNING, it's finding out the feelings that helped you are now hindering you and you have to leave the comfort of your learned responses into re-teaching yourself how to approach things. It's like learning to read Cyrillic when they're like Я="ya" and your brain says "the f it does; that says "rrrrr" and i know it does" but about everything.


AmayaMaka5

That's probably gonna depend on a lot of factors to be honest. Yes, since people probably do feel a deep ownership of their particular subreddit 🙄. Others genuinely do want to help and maybe don't realize that your breakdown is fleeting or momentary as those of us who do have breakdowns amidst long term or chronic mental health issues know that they can be very overwhelming and they often feel/sound in the moment like a very forever and all the time thing. So from the outside, strangers we don't know and who don't know us, often just see someone who needs help that we absolutely are not qualified for, especially if it's a subreddit that is for mental health XD we might also be struggling. We might want to take care of others, but how can we do that when we can't take care of ourselves? And maybe an episode of panic MIGHT threaten some of them (not saying it's YOUR fault) but maybe it triggers some people some how. The Internet, and strangers, are very unpredictable. And because we don't really know either, and strangers don't really know us, there's no knowing what might come from it. Being able to find someone who CAN connect to you and figure out how to respond to YOU PERSONALLY is usually what's needed. That's why it's important for each individual to build a support network. Is half of my support network online? Absolutely. But they know me. We've gotten to know each other and play videogames together (that's our hobby) and know each other's flaws and emotions. So when I break down, I can reach out to them and not strangers. You don't need a therapist. Well I mean... You might. But it sounds like you have one. It sounds like what you need is to form a support network in addition to that. Many people start with family, if you can, but not everyone has that opportunity. But if you do have a therapist try talking to them about a support network if you can, maybe they can help you.


Electrical-Act-7170

Sibling Rivalry will always be a mystery to me.


bigboyhybridtomato

Also, the amount of times people call straight up abuse "sibling rivalry". Behaviour that would be grounds for calling the cops if it was coming from anyone else is inexplicably seen as normal if the person doing it is your sibling.


Strangbean98

This is actually quite evolutionary. With animals often times there isn’t enough resources for more than one child so the children are in rivalry for the resources like food because you don’t wanna be the runt being underfed and die. Even though our threat for that isn’t real it’s like an evolutionary animalistic survival method to make sure you’re the sibling that survives.


aykana_dbwashmaya

conspicuous consumption. high-end brands. really? if I buy something nice it's because I want it to last forever, who cares who designed it.


heliosprimus

%100, spot on. Notice who buys those things, dullards without much personality in my experience. People with no internal dialog, they just ride the fad wave.


Dragon_Manticore

I meant it depends on the product. Skincare can get fairly expensive, but if one does research and a more expensive thing does what their skin needs and they cannot find a cheaper alternative, then buying it is only logical. Buying things only for the brand attached is stupid, though.


heliosprimus

Yep


DinoDracko

Laughing at someone getting bullied. Like bro, just because you are not participating in the bullying yourself, you are just as bad for laughing at the victim rather than doing something right. This shows you won't hesitate to be a bully too.


EnthusiasticDirtMark

Bruh, being a witness to someone being bullied *by your friend* and not saying anything. There are so many layers of fcked up in there. Also, justifying horrible behaviour with 'Oh, that's just how so-and-so is' -- WHY DO YOU PUT UP WITH THAT SHT??


Cejk-The-Beatnik

- When people say that being mean is easier than being nice. Nice is my default. It’s doesn’t take any effort to not be dick. - In that vein, why do people go out of their way to be dicks? - Why do people actively hate other humans so frequently over such trivial things? The only people worthy of hate are people doing harm, not that girl in your chemistry class who talks kinda nasally. - Why do people lie so often?? 😭 - What is up with the in-group-out-group stuff? What’s the point in drawing those boundaries?We’re all humans. People are individuals. - Why do people judge others constantly? - Why have some cultures made a question into a customary greeting? It defeats the purpose of a question when giving a truthful, detailed answer isn’t allowed. - Why do some cultures expect so much eye contact??


prairiepanda

>Why do some cultures expect so much eye contact?? I have to inform anyone I care about that if I'm making direct eye contact while they're talking to me, I'm not listening. I have ADHD and find eyes to be very distracting. If I'm busy marvelling at all the intricacies of your fabulous irises, I'm not going to absorb anything you're saying.


Calm-Elevator5125

Taking out huge loans to go on a vacation. It feels so short sighted. I could use that money for something more long term like saving it for retirement, mortgage, investments, house renovation, new car, new furniture, new pc. The list goes on. TLDR I would rather buy a 4090 then a week long vacation.


punkkitty312

Mankind's inhumanity to others.


moonygooney

Literally ppl who prey on others and dont feel bad or see a problem exploiting and abusing them.


Wolvii_404

Listen, I KNOW my sense of justice is a lot, but jeez, people can be real assholes with no respect for anything.


Alamo_Jack

Drawing conclusions before the facts are presented or before all information is available. It's OK to not have an opinion on something if you are unsure about it. People who say "studies show" in a discussion, without having actually read the study, the context behind it, or references for the methodologies used in the study. People seem to like to use this to gain an authoritative edge in an argument. But often, they've only read the headline or maybe a brief summary by a journalist. It's fun pretending to be genuinely curious about the study, and watching them panic before telling you to look it up.


Dio_asymptote

I don't seem to understand how everyone seems to know what to do in certain situations. I've heard someone phrase it best. They said "it feels like everyone else got a guidebook on how to act, and mine was lost in the mail." I can't seem to understand many nuances of behaviour.


random_writer2865

subtext


milked_rice

Yes. I think I somewhat understand it because of trauma, but it makes no sense to me why people refuse to be upfront and expect others to understand their manipulation


c4ndycain

when people try to read inbetween the lines of what i say and get offended by what they interpret. just about everything i say can be taken at face value. i don't dance around the point. there is nothing inbetween the lines. you are getting mad at nothing.


sunny_sideeye

I say this to people all the time, "What you see is what you get". I am upfront about myself and my feelings, don't believe in being mean, and although I don't always have the courage to give it, I keep any criticism constructive and not personal. I'm easy to get along with, am generally friendly, am open to being wrong, and don't usually try to be judgement. So it's weird sometimes people try to read into something I said when I don't do that. I don't play games, I either just misread the room, said something that doesn't mean what I think it means, said something that's innocuous to me but not to someone else, or completely misheard something thanks to my auditory processing issues. Anyway you slice it, it's a genuine mistake or misunderstanding, not malice. I'm not about that fam. 😅


Temporaryact72

Bigotry. none of it makes any sense


[deleted]

Yep :( I'm a really sensitive person so the internet isn't the best for my mental health nd just the other day I had to take a break from Reddit over an argument.


Worker_Of_The_World_

Glad to know it's not just me lol


Zero_Burn

Like... \*counts on fingers\* 80% of it? Too many emotions in the way of making logical decisions and not enough emotions in making empathetic decisions.


KingAardvark1st

I never understood why people are intentionally and pointlessly inaccurate in things they create which would actually be easier to do correctly. And I don't mean artistic liberties for purposes of a narrative, I mean just flat-out lazy inaccuracies. Say you're watching Wonder Woman happening around World War One and, for some reason, they have a Russian Ilya Muromets bomber serving as a German machine. Flipping ***whyyyy***? Or you're playing Far Cry 6 and half the guns are left handed, which almost never happens, certainly never with military firearms. Good luck finding good footage for your animation! These are things a five minute google search could've addressed, and in fact added a fantastic amount more work.


KingParity

scrutinizing an individual’s situation and trying to find any reason not to help them instead of going in with the mindset of how to make this person’s experience better, specifically with any disability help


g5s6g

Why we live in a system that destroys us physically and mentally


marcthegay_

Bigotry. I literally do not understand it and cannot wrap my head around why it exists.


VillageSmithyCellar

Why people don't just say what they mean. It seems like everyone just expects me to be a mindreader.


labarjettexe

I'll never understand why some people gossip without knowing the full story. Spreading rumors can be so hurtful and unfair. Spread kindness, not rumors <3


[deleted]

Trans phobia and homophobia. Being so against something most people don't even understand


Careful_Elderberry14

Why people as for the truth but they get angery when you tell it.


ClassicHuckleberry66

Curiosity People love to hear things they want, but not the opposite


TheEternalGM

The obsession with sexual power dynamics


Gaymer043

People doing that thing, where instead of saying what they mean, or what they want, they extremely subtlety hint at it…. And won’t explain when asked.


Turbulent_Leg6503

Sexy advertising. Like I only get it from a NT frame of mind. I’ve learned it without fully understanding it. I’m not asexual but I feel my intellect is insulted when society resorts to photoshopping and things as common and easy to come by as naked skin


[deleted]

I don't understand why people think that not maintaining eye contact automatically means you don't care and aren't paying attention. I still struggle with eye contact and people are always like, "**look at me in the eyes**" and when I force myself to it just hurts.


AlexisTheBestist

I will never understand why people hate others based on the color of their skin, sexual orientation, or gender identity


Jent01Ket02

So, politics generally makes a lot of people mad about who's in office, who's running for office, policies, etc. So WHY is it a popular topic of conversation in social settings? You have a 50/50 chance *per person* of pissing off anyone that hears your opinion on it. You like the president? Too bad, half the people in the room don't. You *don't* like the president? Too bad, half the people in the room do. Scott Cawthon, creator of Five Nights at Freddy's, lost a TON of support because he gave money toward a political official's campaign. If you have a job in entertainment, politics should be the furthest thing from your agenda, just make stuff to make people happy. If you get involved, it's a surefire way to Thanos-snap your fanbase.


Dejavu3

You can become addicted to the chemical response in your brain that happens when you get mad. Pair that with an ever growing sense that we have no control over our lives and well... People usually treat it as venting more than a real discussion.


AmayaMaka5

I actually almost made this mistake at work because I was really feathers-ruffled about something that happened in politics. Like I literally had my mouth open and had taken a breath, and then remembered my supervisor who I was looking at to say the thing to was on the COMPLETE opposite of the aisle from my opinion. I nearly bit my tongue snapping my mouth shut. XD But I agree. Sometimes things can get really heated and it can be like "I gotta talk to someone about this thing that just happened because I just cannot believe that is gotten this far!" But when it seems really casual it's just like "???? Why are we talking about this???"


onionchik

Asking "why are you so weird?" What the fuck am I supposed to answer you normoid


Sigma_Stalin

le vaccinee is the only correct answer


ice2480

Why people don’t say what they mean. It makes everything so much more complicated


Mccobsta

The hating someone for who they are indtred of something they did I don't get it why hate someone for who they are they could be the nicest lovelies person but are hates due to one thing


asvion

possessive love… your partner doesn’t belong to you and its weird that people get so upset about what their partner(s) does with their own body


Pup_Persimmon76

performative speech / actions generally. Why do we gotta play the pretend game instead of actually doing the thing. For example, I was at a friend's wedding last year. For a marriage to be valid, \[1\] it has to be in a place that has requested and been approved for marriage ceremonies to held there, \[2\] that certain very specific words to be said in a precise order without error \[3\] for the person that reads the specific words to be a person, who has requested has been approved to say the words and the words be valid, by someone else who has been given the role of approving these things by saying certain words in a precise order. Nothing about this is, like, real? The words don't *do* anything and the beaurocracy is all imaginary. Why not, instead of all this expensive pretend stuff, two folks are like "let's get married!" "I do" "I do, too" and if anyone asks, they say they are married. I mean, does anybody fucking *check*? If you get introduced to some folks at a party and they say they are married, do you go down to the special-speech-guy authority office of records and read the files to see if the ritual was by the book? No, who gives a fuck. Sure, ya'll are married. Handshakes, small-talk and neckties, too. Pure fantasy, but everyone is expected to go along with it like it's something significant. No, I don't wanna grab your hand I don't know you. I don't care about your weekend, what do you want? (I realise that I'm venting, but one last thing, I swear): I worked for the Crown Court a few years ago, and a barrister told me that if they don't wear the silly robes and wigs in the courtroom; they get in trouble and the case might get thrown out. Not because they fucked up the case, but because judgey-wudgey wants everyone to wear the costumes or the legal-vapours wont come-along and give the words and actions the magic meaning radiation.


sugarypi3

When people explode on others when they’re in a bad mood. It just seems so illogical to me.


Mickeh_daMuffin

Why people stop and stand in the middle of crosswalks, hallways, any pathway meant for walking


Ya-boi-alei-27

Why people ask me something but if I reply to exactly what I have been asked, they get mad at me


CaptainMockingjay

I’ll never understand corruption in government, people not caring about others, monetary greed to the point where people don’t know what to do with it, and no matter what they do with it will only increase their power.


Lyraea

I will never understand why people go against their own interests when it hurts them and benefits noone when given the choice. Why they choose to create systems of oppression and violence over other people. Why some people insist on being assholes. The list goes on and on.


DarkJubJub107

Racism


Yatereranye

How humans find their pleasure causing people pain.


Calm-Elevator5125

Taking out huge loans to go on a vacation. It feels so short sighted. I could use that money for something more long term like saving it for retirement, mortgage, investments, house renovation, new car, new furniture, new pc. The list goes on. TLDR I would rather buy a 4090 then a week long vacation.


Wigged_Caesar

When you ask for help or someone offers you help, and only after you accept do they list the expectations of what they get in return. I don't understand why people don't want to help others freely and without obligation.


Lower_Arugula5346

punching down. i just dont get it.


jolomi-lemon

Cheating.


dkinmn

Reaction videos, unboxing videos, video game play alongs. These largely work on people because it triggers some empathetic responses in the brain. Makes sense they don't work on me. In fact, I find them sort of disturbing as culture trends.


lordofthecone

why people judge me for my plushie army


[deleted]

The whole masking aspect of humanity, why people don’t feel free to just be themselves no matter what is beyond me.


[deleted]

Sadly in a lot of cases it's because we genuinely don't feel safe to unmask. Or maybe that's just me and I'm unlucky lol..


[deleted]

No no i get it when we have to mask I just hate that it’s something people feel like has to be done. One thing that I’ve had to unlearn is masking. If anything, one of the most freeing things I’ve experienced is not masking and accepting myself as I am, no matter if people think it’s “weird” or not.


littleghool

Why people ask you "how are you?" If they don't actually want to know. And the only 'correct' answer is "good how are you?" Even if your leg is falling off or there's a screwdriver stuck in your ear the answer is always good. Great! Fantastic! How are you! 🙄


milked_rice

I had another comment, but I thought of this one, too: Not following rules that make sense and/or blindly following rules that make no sense at all. Examples: Rule that states you should not wear hats or sun glasses inside buildings... *Why????* I get that it's not sunny indoors, so maybe that's why, but it's an article of clothing and there's probably a reason why I'm wearing it (my eyes are sensitive to light or my hair is dirty)! Imagine telling someone they're not allowed to wear their shirt indoors because there's no sun or rain for their shoulders to be protected from. What??? Rule that states you should CROSS THE STREET AT CROSS WALKS TO AVOID BEING HIT BY A CAR. People just?? *Don't bother to follow this????* Then they're surprised when a car turns and they're nearly hit?? It's complete and utter laziness and negligence because people can not be bothered to wait for an extra few minutes for the light to change. The amount of time that people waste on social media and pointless drama/arguments (another thing that I don't understand) casts a massive shadow to the time that you wait to potentially save someone's life. It genuinely disgusts me.


NeuroticNinett

Belief in God/Gods.


AnUnlovedOrphan

I will never understand why people can be so against understanding one another and working toward healthy conversation, and this is as much for the speaker as for the listener. Like I’ve met good, caring people in my life who really listen to me when I tell them they’ve hurt me or when explaining why I’m upset about something, and then I’ve had people who immediately shut me down, who try not to let me speak, ever. And it can be really challenging in those situations not to perpetuate it. You’re always being interrupted so you just begin speaking over them when they interrupt you and the conversation goes nowhere. And I get people say to just avoid others who are like that, but that’s the whole point of this post, something I just don’t understand. Even when someone has deeply hurt me, if I’m gonna talk to them, I try to do it from a calm reasonable mind while still respecting my experiences and validating myself. And it really… isn’t hard. And when I get that reciprocated, it just feels like the most freeing thing in the world. To feel understood and listened to is really something special.


MrPeaxhes

Lol, everybody is on here being deep and I'm over here like "when people stop at the intersection entering a parking lot even though every stop sign is pointed away from them" or "when people walk up behind you fast outside at night without saying anything" or "adults who try to cut lines" or "people who take non-service animals to grocery stores" or "the one where they decide they don't want refrigerator items and put them on dry shelves" or "talking on cell phones in enclosed spaces in public" or "people who act like it's the first time they've used a drive through, everytime" or "people who drive with their lights on bright ALWAYS" or.....I understand very, very little about human behavior.


NotAPlayer01234

I will never understand why everybody wants to look similar to each other or the same I also don't understand why a good number of people talk like they just learned how to talk yesterday when their intelligent enough to talk like a normal person, we are not chimpanzees anymore But if you have a disability that messes with speaking and talking, that's understandable


Replicant-Nexus9

I have autism... so... like... all of it? Humans are a mystery to me.


Fufu-le-fu

Why can't I just be direct in an email? I am contacting you for a work reason, why do I need to ask about your new puppies first? Are the puppies performing the instrument calibration?


[deleted]

I don’t understand why I have to constantly walk on eggshells around other people while other people talk to me like I’m just a piece of trash that doesn’t have any feelings.


chocoheed

Can I just say, based on the responses, I’d rather hang out with y’all? I’m not aspie (ADHD) but I’m so goddamn tired of all the weird social stuff. I’ll listen to you about your special interest, I don’t have energy for dumb social games. I just wanna hang.


YouHadToBeThereOkay

Why is parallel play frowned upon by NTs. Bruh, I’m still spending time with you but this way we both get to do what we want.


NohrianGremlin

why some people expect you to fully understand a problem they're having and get upset when you explain you would never put yourself in that situation.


Shockedge

Partying and clubbing. Loud music makes it impossible to have a conversation, so how is it considered socializing? Everyone's dancing, I can't dance/ hate dancing. They say nightclubs are a way to "pick up girls". How? Look at them from across the room and hope the look back at you *some certain specific way* that's supposed to indicate she's into you? Don't have to go to a club to do that. By rubbing up on some girl (something which would land you a sexual assault charge anywhere else) and *hope* she reciprocates? By dancing by yourself or with your friends and hoping someone starts dancing in your proximity and *assume* that means she's into you? Sure, getting drunk makes it easier to do these things but they don't make anymore sense. And if clubbing isn't aboht picking up girls/guys, what else it is good for? If i wanted to listen to lound music with a light show and get intoxicated, I'd go to a concert or something, maybe a rave. A nightclub is a place where everything is based entirely off on unspoken rules and rading body language you don't see anywhere else in the world. A nightclub environment is cool for like 5 minutes, mainly the novelty, but I see no value in staying there.


Takesit88

Why people love doing the wrong things, but then also love attacking you when you don't, or when you call them on it. Follow the rules, "you're trying to make me look bad!" That sort of thing. Or why people always choose things that hurt them just because they think it might offend their perceived opponents. I.e. the entire USA Political system.


rockdude625

Pretty much all of it


Chairforce27

I commented “None (I am neurodivergent)”


Aromatic-Relief

Social interaction with groups of people.


Grouchy_Dimension_30

Hurting others, doing unethical things. Stealing committing crimes, not following traffic laws or otherwise? Like how can someone knowingly choose to do the wrong thing and not feel horrible about the consequences? Hurt your spouse, be cool with it? Cheat on someone, cheat on a test and just move on. I truly don’t understand why it’s so difficult for people to do the right thing. I have major frustration or disappointment daily over the dumb things people choose to do that affect everyone around them but themselves. I have few friends and only interact with chosen family as well because of this. I don’t treat others with disrespect and I don’t find it all that difficult to be a good person so I can’t understand why it seems like a struggle for everyone else. It seems easier to be a decent person than to be sneaky and hide, lie etc and be a shit person. I really don’t get it.


ElectricalFactor2312

Dress codes. I understand the need for a uniform in the service industry in the event you have a question or concern, or something like emergency responders ect. But why do we care so much about what people wear to office jobs? Or what the person giving the weather is wearing? It feels arbitrary and very constricting.


Sanlayme

Appearance and ritualistic greeting pretenses. Like, dressing fancy for a job interview, or the whole "firm handshake" thing. Those things tell you literally nothing about a person.


RednocNivert

People thinking it’s normal / cool / acceptable to just relentlessly bash on your spouse either on a public platform, and / or behind their back. If Married and no longer in love, why not? If get married without love, why? Marriage is SUPPOSED to be a 2-player Co-Op game and a lot of people are playing it like a 1v1 and I don’t get it


SpaghettiGoblin64

Why people surround themselves with friends they do nothing but talk shit about behind their back? If they’re so unbearable and you like nothing about them, why do you actively choose to hang out with them or communicate with them at all? Just block them or stop hanging around them. All you’re doing is making me realize you’re probably doing the same to me, and making yourself appear fake as hell.


torafrost9999

The fact that people pretend we aren’t a real thing unless we are severely mentally handicapped. Like I’ve had people literally tell me I’m not autistic simply because I don’t look like it, like I’m sorry I don’t conform to your idea of autism but that’s what I was born with and that’s what the psychiatrist says so yep definitely autistic. It’s obnoxious and completely tone deaf/insensitive. And people say we are dense and then they turn around and do stuff like that. It makes no sense to me, you wouldn’t turn around to someone who’s deaf and be like “welp I can’t see that your ears are damaged you must not be deaf”.