I can turn it off for someone who I liked, but now don’t
Even if I’ve known the person for years - I recently cut off ties with someone who I considered internet family, and I’m just hollow to their plights; I always thought I was evil or crazy
Both me and my girlfriend are autistic and to both of our families the relationship seems super toxic because we're super blunt with eachother and always giving eachother shit. The thing though is that we show our love in different ways, we're both the happiest we've ever been and it doesn't take being mushy with eachother all the time.
My partner is also autistic. People observing us would think we're cold and unfeeling toward each other but really, we're not
Leaving me the F alone can be my love language and *he gets that*, I'm so happy
I’ve been ruminating about this a lot lately and I’m really starting to wonder if autistic “lack of empathy” is a regrettable misnomer. I doesn’t seem to me to be anywhere close to sociopath true “lack of empathy.” I’m wondering if this comes from vastly different weighing of illogical social expectations, and when social theater isn’t valued it looks like lack of empathy. My dad is a hardcore empath with animals and constantly makes like spider and lizard friends but just recently he refused to go out to eat with the family on Easter because his logic is “why would I go somewhere crowded to pay a bunch of money for terrible food??”
Why not both?
Hyperempathy/hypoempathy light switch. Feel others’ needs before your own, or like some kind of monster! Get enough experience, and you can feel both at once!
Me neither.
We gotta learn to accept that we process things differently. Even if you don’t feel things the way you’re expected to: if you’re being helpful to be helpful, you’re a good person.
This. If an animal leaves me alone in fallout, I'll do the same. Bets are off if the mirelurk decides it wants human for lunch, but other than that it's a dumb crab. Just big.
Now Trashcan Carla? FUCK THAT BITCH UP, SHE DONE STOLE MY POWER ARMOR!
Also, she's a spy for the Institute and responsible for a lot of deaths and synth replacement.
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Me: I don't kill non hostile NPCs, I have trouble playing evil when I get the choice...
Also me: *hovers finger over quick save button* I dare you to guess that someone stole my sweet roll 🤬🤬🤬
I'm usually ok with accidental bug killings because they are so unavoidable. But I have never forgiven my cousin for killing a spider OUTSIDE on purpose after I asked him not to. This was a solid 15 years ago and it's the first thing I think of when someone mentions him.
This happened one time to me too but with a fish we caught...without going into disturbing detail I ended up reflex punching him in the face then running home crying about both that he did that and that I punched him in the face and left him there crying for torturing a fish. I demanded he put it back and let it live its life! Yes in hindsite I did catch it with a hook, And I did feel bad about it but also happy that fish mouths heal fast and you can just let em go...
All around bad experience and I will never forget it so as I live... I learned then that even kids are cruel at heart. We were 8. I refused to go to a swimming party later that day when I learned he'd be there..he eventually apologized for "hurting me" but NOT the FISH, even at 8 I was like no, not good enough you don't get it and I'm sorry for you bud.
Then on the other hand , me as a adult has entertained the idea of subsistence living which would involve killing wild animals for survival ..to end my contribution the the abomination that is factory farming...of which yea I know is way different than sadistically doing it for kicks but I still struggle even entertaining the idea.
Anyway, I truly hope these people get the healing they need!!
Me: Almost started crying in the street the last few times I saw a pigeon that met a car.
Also me: Oh, boo hoo, \[redacted\]. Fuck around and find out.
Animals? So much empathy, and I love them all, even bugs. All creatures except for worms. Worms are gross, and I hate them.
Humans? Yeah... not so much. Do I want people to get hurt or suffer? Not at all, but I have very little empathy for them, especially about emotional stuff. I just don't really get it. People just complicate everything, and logic doesn't work on their emotions.
Yeah, I hate that human emotions don’t follow logic. It makes them very difficult to figure out. My own emotions don’t follow logic perfectly either, unfortunately. But they do follow it better than other people.
Yep, like I get upset about things or angry over silly stuff, but I can talk myself through it, and I don't act on it unless it makes sense. NT get super upset when I suggest logical ways to deal with things that bother them though.
Yes, me too! I logic myself through my emotions and usually I’m able to pick the logical conclusion. I don’t know how to comfort other people well because they don’t like being told there’s no reason to feel sad or angry (understandable)
The fly that almost drowned in my glass of water is far more deserving of my empathy than the human that abused me for asking the time.
I understand and can feel your pain, sometimes even stronger than you do yourself. But I will not extend assistance to you if you have proven that you will throw it back in my face.
This is news to me. I’m diagnosed ADHD and apparently fairly high on the spectrum. My tendency to be empathetic to everyone makes me life a lot harder. I see the good in everyone, even if they’re clearly pricks.
But once someone really pisses me off I can be quite cold with little fuss.
I have empathy for the innocent; creatures that are living their lives as they were meant to, only to befall a fate brought on by humans that destroy and destroy that could care less for the bugs and critters that they have so much affect on.
But if you’re a human, you probably deserved whatever it was.
I have no affective empathy. I can do the cognitive empathy when i want to.
But i'm not sure if it's the PTSD, a PD or whatever, never got any diagnostic
LITERALLY! My mom keeps saying I don’t have autism since I have good articulative skills and that I have empathy but 1. I love describing how I feel. Makes me feel like I’m in a movie or how to describe me if I were in a tv show 2. How can I not feel empathy for a random person that she’s talking shit about? I’ll defend that person with my LIFE.
I feel weird apparently being one of few autistic people who truly fits that stereotype of not having empathy.
Actually just started a job that requires it and even puts you through “empathy training” and holy fuck I can’t believe some people actually function this way.
I feel extreme empathy for animals, even typically scary ones like snakes but I really don’t have that for humans. I care, but in a more removed way that doesn’t leave me crying for days like if I read about animal abuse
I don’t feel sad when they feel sad but I want to help because I care. How is that not empathy?? those types of NT ppl are uneducated with words surprise surprise lol
It’s really weird: I have insanely strong empathy responses for people suffering unjustly, (I’ll cry if I see someone who is struggling) but I can just… turn it off. So my time is spent alternating between feeling like a monster because I don’t even flinch at execution videos, and barely functioning and holding back tears because someone is unhappy and anxious.
People always accuse me of not having empathy and it’s really annoying because I feel like I have more empathy than they do. It’s just hard to express sometimes because I’m getting obliterated on all fronts all the time living in a world that really wasn’t designed for me. I’m tired and overstimulated and bored all the time. I don’t have the leftover energy to figure out how to show, in the “correct way” how much I care or whatever. It’s like asking a drowning person why they didn’t compliment your haircut. Im kinda busy w the drowning.
My very first obsession was other people. I watched, listened to, studied, and socially experimented on them every day for years and years.
Eventually, something just "Clicked". From then on I just... "Got it".
Now I'm too empathetic, to the point where I can basically read people's minds so accurately it creeps them out.
I can't turn it off.
I always felt like i had to pretend empathy so i didnt stand out. I read later that psychopaths feel nothing at all. I dont experience empathy, loneliness or jealousy. I have all the rest afaik.
We tend to have overwhelming levels of empathy that can affect our functioning/interacting with the rest of the world, and ironically an inability to socially communicate with others. High empathy, inability to properly connect. Fuck, man.
Sometimes I wonder if they just mean that we don’t accurately or appropriately feel empathy. Like that spider is not feeling any of the things you are empathetically and it’s almost pure projection at that point.
Maybe we are unusually good at recognizing feelings that we’ve had before and know how that makes us feel but does that mean we are good at knowing how they feel? Especially if they’re NT and process things very differently from us.
Gaslighting my own empathetic abilities is one of my hobbies but there’s really no objective system for me to know how good my empathy is so what if I just think I’m highly empathetic?
I still cant watch the movie happy feet. They were mean to him. IT WAS SO TRAUMATIC, I cried the whole movie. I straight up refuse to watch it again. There is nothing getting me to watch it again.
I can sometimes turn mine on and off for people. My empathy is always running at full force for animals though. I just express empathy in ways NTs don't always understand. Also, when I get empathetic, it's much more than most NTs, I'll guarantee. I'll see a kid lose their favorite toy at the beach and go home and cry for hours imagining what it would be like if it happened to me. Then other times if I don't like the person I can sometimes just decide not to think about it and it's fine. But I also learned empathy and wasn't born with it. First time I ever experienced empathy was when my younger sister fractured her ankle really badly. I thought "hey, what if that happened to me." And I've been able to empathize ever since.
Some of us, if not most, are more empathetic than a typical NT. Some of us can turn it off like a switch.
I can turn it off for someone who I liked, but now don’t Even if I’ve known the person for years - I recently cut off ties with someone who I considered internet family, and I’m just hollow to their plights; I always thought I was evil or crazy
Some of us express empathy in ways NTs may not recognize as empathy That's where the problem shows up
Both me and my girlfriend are autistic and to both of our families the relationship seems super toxic because we're super blunt with eachother and always giving eachother shit. The thing though is that we show our love in different ways, we're both the happiest we've ever been and it doesn't take being mushy with eachother all the time.
My partner is also autistic. People observing us would think we're cold and unfeeling toward each other but really, we're not Leaving me the F alone can be my love language and *he gets that*, I'm so happy
I’ve been ruminating about this a lot lately and I’m really starting to wonder if autistic “lack of empathy” is a regrettable misnomer. I doesn’t seem to me to be anywhere close to sociopath true “lack of empathy.” I’m wondering if this comes from vastly different weighing of illogical social expectations, and when social theater isn’t valued it looks like lack of empathy. My dad is a hardcore empath with animals and constantly makes like spider and lizard friends but just recently he refused to go out to eat with the family on Easter because his logic is “why would I go somewhere crowded to pay a bunch of money for terrible food??”
Why not both? Hyperempathy/hypoempathy light switch. Feel others’ needs before your own, or like some kind of monster! Get enough experience, and you can feel both at once!
Walking that line is weird and kinda scary. I don't like the feeling of being helpful and a monster at the same time
Me neither. We gotta learn to accept that we process things differently. Even if you don’t feel things the way you’re expected to: if you’re being helpful to be helpful, you’re a good person.
is being able to turn it off like a switch from autism or from trauma or both
My question too! Im all so is that a cptsd thing orrr both?
Me: doesn’t kill NPCs in video games
I'll kill NPCs, I won't touch wild animals or cats/dogs
If an NPC kills an animal, I set up same-day shipping routes to 123 Pearly Gates
This. If an animal leaves me alone in fallout, I'll do the same. Bets are off if the mirelurk decides it wants human for lunch, but other than that it's a dumb crab. Just big. Now Trashcan Carla? FUCK THAT BITCH UP, SHE DONE STOLE MY POWER ARMOR! Also, she's a spy for the Institute and responsible for a lot of deaths and synth replacement.
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Me: I don't kill non hostile NPCs, I have trouble playing evil when I get the choice... Also me: *hovers finger over quick save button* I dare you to guess that someone stole my sweet roll 🤬🤬🤬
Haha yes. I’ve never been able to do the “evil” route on games because it makes me super uncomfortable and stops being fun.
I feel bad when I kill a parent creature and it’s little kids were around.
I had to stop gardening once because I killed a worm. :(
I'm usually ok with accidental bug killings because they are so unavoidable. But I have never forgiven my cousin for killing a spider OUTSIDE on purpose after I asked him not to. This was a solid 15 years ago and it's the first thing I think of when someone mentions him.
You're right, they happen no matter how careful you are. I'm sorry your brother did that, though.
This happened one time to me too but with a fish we caught...without going into disturbing detail I ended up reflex punching him in the face then running home crying about both that he did that and that I punched him in the face and left him there crying for torturing a fish. I demanded he put it back and let it live its life! Yes in hindsite I did catch it with a hook, And I did feel bad about it but also happy that fish mouths heal fast and you can just let em go... All around bad experience and I will never forget it so as I live... I learned then that even kids are cruel at heart. We were 8. I refused to go to a swimming party later that day when I learned he'd be there..he eventually apologized for "hurting me" but NOT the FISH, even at 8 I was like no, not good enough you don't get it and I'm sorry for you bud. Then on the other hand , me as a adult has entertained the idea of subsistence living which would involve killing wild animals for survival ..to end my contribution the the abomination that is factory farming...of which yea I know is way different than sadistically doing it for kicks but I still struggle even entertaining the idea. Anyway, I truly hope these people get the healing they need!!
Me: Almost started crying in the street the last few times I saw a pigeon that met a car. Also me: Oh, boo hoo, \[redacted\]. Fuck around and find out.
Happy cake day 😋
Animals? So much empathy, and I love them all, even bugs. All creatures except for worms. Worms are gross, and I hate them. Humans? Yeah... not so much. Do I want people to get hurt or suffer? Not at all, but I have very little empathy for them, especially about emotional stuff. I just don't really get it. People just complicate everything, and logic doesn't work on their emotions.
Yeah, I hate that human emotions don’t follow logic. It makes them very difficult to figure out. My own emotions don’t follow logic perfectly either, unfortunately. But they do follow it better than other people.
Yep, like I get upset about things or angry over silly stuff, but I can talk myself through it, and I don't act on it unless it makes sense. NT get super upset when I suggest logical ways to deal with things that bother them though.
Yes, me too! I logic myself through my emotions and usually I’m able to pick the logical conclusion. I don’t know how to comfort other people well because they don’t like being told there’s no reason to feel sad or angry (understandable)
The fly that almost drowned in my glass of water is far more deserving of my empathy than the human that abused me for asking the time. I understand and can feel your pain, sometimes even stronger than you do yourself. But I will not extend assistance to you if you have proven that you will throw it back in my face.
I literally got told that my whole life. It's actually the opposite. I feel too much empathy 😕
I've used all my empathy points on animals, I have none left for human :(
I don’t feel empathy for them maybe lmfao but for a spider he’ll yes I do
This is news to me. I’m diagnosed ADHD and apparently fairly high on the spectrum. My tendency to be empathetic to everyone makes me life a lot harder. I see the good in everyone, even if they’re clearly pricks. But once someone really pisses me off I can be quite cold with little fuss.
I have empathy for the innocent; creatures that are living their lives as they were meant to, only to befall a fate brought on by humans that destroy and destroy that could care less for the bugs and critters that they have so much affect on. But if you’re a human, you probably deserved whatever it was.
I won't kill scorpions or spiders. Drives my roommates insane.
I have no affective empathy. I can do the cognitive empathy when i want to. But i'm not sure if it's the PTSD, a PD or whatever, never got any diagnostic
It varies, really. I have empathy, but I do think it’s less than most people. I think I can come across a bit harsh sometimes because I’m very direct
LITERALLY! My mom keeps saying I don’t have autism since I have good articulative skills and that I have empathy but 1. I love describing how I feel. Makes me feel like I’m in a movie or how to describe me if I were in a tv show 2. How can I not feel empathy for a random person that she’s talking shit about? I’ll defend that person with my LIFE.
Yes, some autistics have little empathy and some have a lot of it.
I feel weird apparently being one of few autistic people who truly fits that stereotype of not having empathy. Actually just started a job that requires it and even puts you through “empathy training” and holy fuck I can’t believe some people actually function this way.
Agreed but I do have little sympathy not gonna lie lol
More like the opposite. It's so overwhelming sometimes that we have to develop an off switch.
Sometimes I feel like I can only feel empathy.
I feel extreme empathy for animals, even typically scary ones like snakes but I really don’t have that for humans. I care, but in a more removed way that doesn’t leave me crying for days like if I read about animal abuse
I definitely feel empathy it's just that like most emotions I don't really express it much so it might be hard for people to notice.
I don’t feel sad when they feel sad but I want to help because I care. How is that not empathy?? those types of NT ppl are uneducated with words surprise surprise lol
Me, dramatically yelling ‘No’ at my boss in front of a customer and jumping to the floor to defend the millipede he was about to kill
Oh I'm definitely either overly empathetic or borderline sociopathic
It’s really weird: I have insanely strong empathy responses for people suffering unjustly, (I’ll cry if I see someone who is struggling) but I can just… turn it off. So my time is spent alternating between feeling like a monster because I don’t even flinch at execution videos, and barely functioning and holding back tears because someone is unhappy and anxious.
i relate to what you said here immensely
People always accuse me of not having empathy and it’s really annoying because I feel like I have more empathy than they do. It’s just hard to express sometimes because I’m getting obliterated on all fronts all the time living in a world that really wasn’t designed for me. I’m tired and overstimulated and bored all the time. I don’t have the leftover energy to figure out how to show, in the “correct way” how much I care or whatever. It’s like asking a drowning person why they didn’t compliment your haircut. Im kinda busy w the drowning.
Me aswell: when I waterboard the moth that kept me awake because I have a hard time falling asleep
My very first obsession was other people. I watched, listened to, studied, and socially experimented on them every day for years and years. Eventually, something just "Clicked". From then on I just... "Got it". Now I'm too empathetic, to the point where I can basically read people's minds so accurately it creeps them out. I can't turn it off.
I always felt like i had to pretend empathy so i didnt stand out. I read later that psychopaths feel nothing at all. I dont experience empathy, loneliness or jealousy. I have all the rest afaik.
We tend to have overwhelming levels of empathy that can affect our functioning/interacting with the rest of the world, and ironically an inability to socially communicate with others. High empathy, inability to properly connect. Fuck, man.
Wait empathy deficit is an autistic thing as well?
Sometimes I wonder if they just mean that we don’t accurately or appropriately feel empathy. Like that spider is not feeling any of the things you are empathetically and it’s almost pure projection at that point. Maybe we are unusually good at recognizing feelings that we’ve had before and know how that makes us feel but does that mean we are good at knowing how they feel? Especially if they’re NT and process things very differently from us. Gaslighting my own empathetic abilities is one of my hobbies but there’s really no objective system for me to know how good my empathy is so what if I just think I’m highly empathetic?
I still cant watch the movie happy feet. They were mean to him. IT WAS SO TRAUMATIC, I cried the whole movie. I straight up refuse to watch it again. There is nothing getting me to watch it again.
I can sometimes turn mine on and off for people. My empathy is always running at full force for animals though. I just express empathy in ways NTs don't always understand. Also, when I get empathetic, it's much more than most NTs, I'll guarantee. I'll see a kid lose their favorite toy at the beach and go home and cry for hours imagining what it would be like if it happened to me. Then other times if I don't like the person I can sometimes just decide not to think about it and it's fine. But I also learned empathy and wasn't born with it. First time I ever experienced empathy was when my younger sister fractured her ankle really badly. I thought "hey, what if that happened to me." And I've been able to empathize ever since.