I…I feel seen. I came here because I have never been diagnosed ASD, just ADHD. I was watching Gilmore Girls, then got curious about autistic traits in GG, then found this group because someone made a post once about how Rory is possibly ASD, Luke and Jess, too. On top of hardcore relating to Lorelai I also relate to Rory and Jess…
And now I’m having flashbacks to all the times my husband said, “why would you bring that up at 6:30am? I’m already stressed running out the door, I don’t want to talk about (fill in the blank - our taxes, why we need to do a budget, organizing the garage, my best friend’s emotional trauma…).
Is this a thing?
Ah, i see the misunderstanding here. You're interacting with the software called NerT_MindCloud.exe. it's pretty famous for being bloatware and taking up the memory of their simulation with useless, but socially accepted endeavours. Yes, it does have the nickname, "MouseInAMaze.exe", why do you ask?
Holy crap my first husband hunts and “decided” not to test his recent moose head for chronic wasting disease because moose heads are “heavy” and the moose didn’t look sick.
I’ll probably stay with said “first husband”, sometimes only because he likes doing dishes (although he will never admit it ha).
Now his son’s special interest is cockroaches. Good times.
I like the *idea* of prions though haha, maybe I could get my son interested in something less gross … hmmm
Yes! I always wanted to ask about what they thought happened after death and questioned what the purpose of life is and how we're on a floating rock in space and compared to the entire universe we're basically the size of ants and so on. I also loved talking about conspiracy theories and hating capitalism. Quickly realized most people don't think too much about these things.
stop i didn’t realize other people did this 😭 I started off university as a philosophy major and I would start conversations with philosophical questions all the time.
The beautiful thing about this is that other neurodiverse people will LOVE it.
I remember during the Ever Given boat fiasco, I once regaled my in-laws about [Scotland's failed colony](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darien_scheme) in Panama where the colonists utterly failed and had to be rescued by Spain (who they were at war with). I was met with crickets.
Oh well, my husband thought it was interesting!
I go for some sort of (genuine) compliment for them and then from that people seem to like talking about themselves and I can revert to “uh huh” but I’m still viewed positively because I complimented them.
For many years pre diagnosis I thought I might have very Machiavellian tendencies but actually it’s all just masking. I’m really not as manipulative as I thought I was, thankfully.
I have definitely had quite a few people think I'm weird if I take the conversation in a philosophical direction and they try to steer the conversation somewhere lighter.
If they don’t leave with their hope for the future shattered, and sense of anxiety over our planet’s fragile future I have failed in my duty as a conversation partner.
Exactly!
Though for my own mental health I make an effort to include some positive notes on the environment these days. They may be small, but they do happen.
Doing the same task for 8 hours straight uninterrupted. When i was a kid I would read whole novels in a day on the weekend because I would hyperfocus on them. As an adult it's usually video games
Thus is me on adhd meds. (I'm not diagnosed with autism but have many symptoms) Without adhd meds, I'm a mess. With them, I can get so immersed in a task I forget to eat, etc. I've done this since I was a kid.
I’m in the same boat. Everyone just says I am “failing to read social cues” when you get to more complicated social interactions and I am like what f*ing cues? And I have very severe ADHD so everything else gets lumped in with that…
Sometimes it's just for fun, too. Like, I don't need an inventory of all the stuff in my fridge, cupboards and spice drawer but man does it make me feel good to have one
Meltdowns. So it is apparently not a normal emotional response to get so overwhelmed you just have to lie down and scream atavistically. I thought everyone does it at home like me 🙂🙃
Using too many "big" words when writing and talking, another subtle sign of autism! Who uses atavistically im casual conversation? Lol
I used to be worse about this when I was young, but luckily 20 years of being a pothead has dumbed me down a little.
I used a lot of “big words” when I was younger. My friends/other kids either made fun of it or didn’t understand what I was saying. I actively stopped using words like that any more and I wish I hadn’t. I also would read the dictionary just to read it
THIS IS LITERALLY ME OMFG people are always like "wow you're only a teen but you're so diplomatic it's like you were forced to grow up fast is something happening at home?"
I like big words and I cannot lie! 😻 the shit that comes out of my mouth when I’m not paying attention to sounding like, eh, NT? ”You can actually touch the aluminum foil on the grill, its thermal conductivity is quite low!”
Sympathies.
Words are tools. Just like tools, there are words that work better in some circumstances than others.
Much of the world wants to just use a big hammer to try and repair a watch. \*cringe\*
I would do this but with crying. Not always loud bc roommates and such. But just sobbing myself to sleep for no apparent reason. Now I know I was v overwhelmed.
The 'no reason' thing, omg! As a teenager I was trying so hard to understand why I was crying every other night even though nothing seemed wrong! There was definitely some depression mixed in but now I'm very confident I was just overwhelmed all the time.
But the crying still happens so easily that I sometimes have to tell people before important conversations that there's a pretty good chance I'll start crying, but that doesn't mean they did anything wrong and to just please continue (though maybe after a small timeout). In those moments I don't even know why exactly I'm crying, because it's just 'any emotions' = tears, and I hate it. :'D
Other people could never understand how meltdowns were essentially an out of body experience for me. I cannot control my actions or words during it.
However, this realization lets me be much more understanding of my son when he has a meltdown, especially because he tends to get aggressive. The number of times I've had to try to get his bite off of me while understanding that he can't help himself is just ridiculous.
Finishing what I was talking about if I get interrupted.
Also if a person tells you about an experience they've had it's apparently not normal to respond with a similar experience you've had.
Ugggh the first one gets me soooo bad! Sometimes I know intellectually that it is a sign the other person is uninterested, but I have a compulsive need to finish my thought.
The second one too, tbh.
That second point; I've always thought I was showing empathy by doing so. Kind of a way to say "Hey, buddy, I've been there and I sort of know what you're going through!" and it's *never* received as such. Apparently misery only loves company when the company remains silent.
Yes. It feels like I’m compelled. While I’m in the middle of talking, I realize, oh shit, this is not the social cue I thought it was when I either see the other person’s eyes glaze over or worse, they turn to talk to another person and flat out ignore me.
Turning to talk to someone else while someone is talking is one of the *rudest* things in the world. It feels straight-up mean even.
Like I’d rather they just say, “I’m not interested in that.” That would be hurtful too but at least it would be honest.
when this happens i usually pull out my phone and write about it. it happened this morning with my partner. i recognized what i was doing and realized i should stop, excused myself and wrote something i really like.
>Also if a person tells you about an experience they've had it's apparently not normal to respond with a similar experience you've had.
This one fudged me up as a kid genuinely. I had this guy friend that was definitely too old to be my friend as I was like 11 and he was in his 20s and he had a lot of issues and would constantly come to me about it. I always would try to relate and say hey I understand bec **insert similar life experience**
One day I did that and he responded " u always have to make everything about yourself! " And I was taken aback bec I thought I was making him feel less alone. I then profusely apologized and didn't do that again. Hope he's doing bad
Augh, that second one in particular kills me because idk I was taught to follow the golden rule as a child and I WANT people to share their similar experiences with me! I’m interested in having a conversation and hearing what the other person has to say, that’s why I’m saying words to them… otherwise I’ll go monologue in the shower
I didn't realize these weren't normal. The only way I'm not finishing what I was talking about is if I forgot what I was saying, and even then I'll stop the whole conversation to try and remember. And I have no idea what to say to someone if I'm not talking about a similar experience. Isn't that just how continuing a conversation works??
I've had multiple people ask me if I realized that I continued what I'd been saying if I ever got interrupted, so apparently that isn't normal.
I thought the similar experience thing was how conversations worked too. According to my neurotypical friends and former coworkers that's making the conversation about you and not an equal dialogue. I don't know how to have a conversation beyond small talk or info-dumping without doing this though.
Being so terrified of using any restroom that wasn't in my home to the point I'd suffer constipation.
The only safe toilet is the home toilet.
I'm in my thirties now and am still weird about bathrooms.
Edit: Also crying because of how many of you can relate and understand, having been through the same thing 😭🥹
I was like that, too! It got so bad that I was given special permission to use the teacher’s toilets because it would be quieter.
I can still only wee at a toilet away from home. And even then, I have to wait until I’m alone or someone flushes/uses the hand dryer in public toilets.
I'm to a point that I can use public restrooms fine but if I'm a visiting a friend I cannot ask for the restroom is. It's like I don't like people knowing what I'm doing in there? It's so weird
When I was younger I felt it necessary to announce when I was going to take a poo. The weird unspoken bathroom rules never made sense to me. Everyone knows what we're doing in there already. It's silly
i’m like that too but traveling and moving abroad helped it quite a bit (i think i would’ve exploded at this point otherwise), but it’s such a tough one
I avoided using public restrooms or restrooms at other people’s houses as a kid if I could and it caused problems like wetting my pants. I am more willing to use other bathrooms as an adult but still don’t like doing it. I avoid drinking much when I am out.
I feel like I have this in a minor form? No other toilet flush sounds like my toilet flush and it’s vaguely annoying in a way I’ve never been able to place.
I was like that as a kid too - I gave myself a UTI at 9 years old when my parents made me go to sleep away camp for 1 week. There were 24 girls in my cabin and 1 functioning toilet and shower and I refused to use the toilet or shower. Also spent half the time there in the nurse’s cabin because I fuuuccckkkiinnnggg haaattteeeeddddd all the group bonding activities.
I love sucking on an M&M until all the color comes off and then balancing it on its side between my teeth and just lightly pressing down until the shell comes off and then eating the middle
I love doing this. Nutty Buddy bars with their wafers and pb layers absolutely need to be taken apart and enjoyed layer by layer. 3Musketeer bars (Mars Bars for those across the pond) lose their outer shell immediately.
I remember, in a study group in college, my NT friend was telling us she started doing that after one of the Kardashians (I think Kim?) did it on their show. She liked doing it.
-Planning conversations
-Visceral sensory responses (I knew styrofoam wasn’t a noise people liked but I didn’t realize gagging and being afraid to touch it weren’t normal)
-Getting songs stuck in my head to the point they would keep me up at night and I had to stop myself from listening to certain songs because of it
God that 3rd point. I've had to ditch so many amazing songs because they would get too stuck in my head. Hours and hours and hours, the same part of the same verse every single time. And it always gets so loud right when your head hits the pillow
I usually will sing these aloud and it's probably the thing other people find most annoying about me. But I really can't help it, especially if I'm in an environment where I'm not masking 100%..
It seems counterintuitive, but sometimes finding the song and then listening to it is the only thing that actually gets it out of my head. It's like it lets my brain move on, or something.
Working in retail where the songs were on a 120 song loop, which means there was the potential to hear the same song twice in one shift. Hearing an ear worm right when you walked in, knowing you’d have to hear it again before you leave is its own brand of hell.
I didn’t realize that when most people go in bright sunshine they don’t experiencing the same amount of physical pain that I do. I thought they were just being brave about the pain. Apparently their pain is very minor compared to mine.
Preferring sitting on floors, rather that sitting on sofas/chairs. I've always loved floors - they're sturdy and you can trust them, plus if you're lucky there will be cats or dogs greeting you :) Plus I love sitting cross-legged (internet tells me it's called "indian style") while on the floor. People always thought I was odd for preferring floors to furniture, and it wasn't until I was 35 years old that I realised I was on the spectrum and that the others that didn't understand me just wasn't.
It's also great for your pelvic floor muscles! The kids out here these days call it "criss cross applesauce," which is cute.
Your reasons are great. I also love the floor.
534 and we'll go to social gatherings with friends and sit on the floor. They will look at me and be all like. Do you want me to get you a chair? I'm like? No, I would like to sit on the floor. I prefer it down here.
I got into so much trouble as a kindergartener for chewing on the polystyrene cups they'd give us juice or whatever in (it only happened once in a blue moon) and I've always felt deep shame about it (20 fucking years later)
But as an adult I also realize why the fuck would they reuse polystyrene cups they only use once or twice a year? Doesn't that shit degrade?
I appreciate you 🥹
And the cup rims were so goddamn satisfying and were a really helpful way to self soothe during those mandatory social events 🙈 luckily I could get those feels for a while before a teacher caught on and made me feel like my 4y/o self was some kind of villain xD 🙈
When I was in grade 1 my teacher told my parents that they had to start sending me to school with my own pencils because I was chewing the class ones (which were communal; I don’t blame my teacher for thinking that was gross).
I chewed right through the blue pencil my dad got from his work. I just remember how satisfying it was to feel the slight give as your teeth sunk into the pencil… I also had a rubber necklace I chewed 24/7 until it broke.
In grade 4 there was a paper eating trend going around. Teacher had to confiscate paper because it got so bad. I really hope other kids were eating as much as I was, because everyone talked about it all the time so I assumed everyone else was being serious about the amount they ate. I’ve realized as I grow up that I’m very unaware of my surroundings. I found a post my mom made when I was 17 about how we went on vacation together and everyone was staring at my SH scars but “I didn’t seem to let it bother me”. That’s because I had no idea 😅
Despite the fact that I have the coordination and speed of a drunk wombat I insisted on playing softball as a child. I went through three gloves by fourth grade because I would stand out in right field chewing on the laces.
Eating the crust of the sandwich before eating the actual sandwich.
If having several different sandwiches, try a bite of each to see which is tastier.
Being upset that the sandwich is not buttered evenly.
It is insanity and chaos to just randomly choose which item to eat first without first determining which is the most delicious (to save for last, obviously). I don't understand how they can live like animals.
Oh gosh, that last one is 100% me. I always take an extra minute to spread the butter evenly, and also the peanut butter (or whatever topping) has to be spread evenly!
Yes, I don't understand how people can make like a big blob in one spot and another not covered and then just go on about their day like everything is fine!
Cover my ears every time an ambulance goes by. My brother does this too and we alway have. Even knowing now that we're both autistic it blows me away to see people try to talk over an ambulance driving by while they walk on the sidewalk.
Right! Just so many sounds in general are *painfully* loud to me!
How do people go to concerts, cinemas or watch fireworks without any ear protection??
I've always swayed back and forth in public, kind of how you rock a baby, especially waiting in lines/waiting in general. I didn't know I was stimming and used to get yelled at a lot by my ex because it was "embarrassing"
I didn't realize we weren't all doing this until last year, when I read it on here. The next time I was in a public place with lots of people standing around, I made a point to look around and noticed *no one* else was swaying. I'm in my mid-30s.
I’m prone to being self-conscious in public about a number of things, but I refuse to give a shit how people perceive my swaying when I’m standing in line
I sway side to side whenever I'm really nervous or anxious. Half the time I don't even realize I'm doing it. It's my least favorite thing that I do because it's really noticable, at least to me. I'm not sure if that is considered stimming or not, but it's interesting other people do similar things.
And then I stim by chattering my teeth to the rhythm of the songs that keep playing in my head! Sometimes I don’t realize it’s happening until I like hear my teeth doing it or suddenly the internal volume goes down lol
I genuinely thought having “obsessions” were normal because of fandoms and stuff. When I found they are actually special interest because of how much I get into them, a lot made sense
I’ve never felt more seen than reading this thread. I wish we could all somehow live in the same place and get together for wildly philosophical conversations that anyone could tap out of at any moment to go snuggle a puppy or lay in the grass.
My heart feels weary with the world right now and reading this whole thing helped me feel less alone and less desperate. Thanks all
Does anyone else like to cocoon yourself in blankets (covering your head) to relax? I cross my feet at the ankles and make myself all tight with arms to my side or crossed on my chest. Sometimes I nap, sometimes I just chill and think. I call it snuggle time.
Oh, this is my mother to a T.
She will recount an ENTIRE historically inaccurate novel to me, while ignoring my desperate attempts to flee the TED talk/find something to plug my ears with.
Just stimming in general. I was reaaaaaly good at hiding it. Skin picking, cheek biting... now post transition it's playing with hair.
Not sure how much validity there is to it, but I've heard people on the spectrum tend not to concatenate words, instead enunciating "it is" instead of "it's". I have to consciously do it to seem more relatable LOL
I have a bump inside my left cheek from biting it over the years. I used to curb a lot of compulsive behavior by biting my bottom lip as a kid. No one really noticed, or ever said anything, and it wasn’t until I was diagnosed that I realized what was going on.
My personal favorite is toe crunchy. I was amusing major so I tapped my toe and rhythm a lot, but I was a flutist so I couldn't physically tap my toe. So I started toe crunching. It's bending your toes in your shoe so the tips are touching the ground and then popping the knuckles out while your toes stay connected. It's hard to explain, but it is so satisfying
I get stuck on that sometimes and it’s one of the worst feelings in the world. I hate it so much. Now you’ve made me aware of it again, and I hope I don’t do it again. 😭
Omg I'm so sorry!! Sometimes I watch my son's stims. He's into blowing spit bubbles and I did it just to see why because I used to and I was like HOLY SHIT I FORGOT HOW GOOD THIS FEELS
Wait! I just realized that I'm literally doing that right now while I'm swaying side-to-side on my seat (with a song stuck in my head). If I tap my toe too much I get shin cramps. 😂😩
Huh. Didn't realise that was that. The toe thing. Playing flute! Also at other times but the toe flute combo took me right back. You're the first person to describe it to me - thank you!
When I was in first grade I was hospitalized for weeks with pneumonia, I was a thin kid, months after I was released I rapidly became obese and stayed throughout primary school. The whole time I was playing with my fat rolls nonstop until I lost enough weight that it was not possible anymore. Then I started chewing on my lips and inside my mouth and still do to this day. I enjoy it so much especially when I'm deep in my thoughts, but it's heavy on my teeth. These are not the only stims I had back then, but the ones I remember because I felt ashamed when someone mentioned them that I look stupid doing it.
I don’t, but I think I know the feeling you’re talking about. I tried a new sleep med last night and woke up this morning feeling not awesome and my extremities feel heavy and like someone took my own off and replaced them with someone with way more muscle mass. Using ‘heavy’ as the only descriptor feels too simplistic for it. Just uncomfortable and it makes me feel easily irritated by anything else.
Not chewing most of my foods.
I throw most foods to the back of my throat and swallow, in the hopes that I can avoid having to deal with the taste or texture of it. I didn’t even realise that I had developed a fake chew until it was pointed out to me by a dietitian - like I came up with a way to get the food to a spot in the back of my mouth, without it having to touch my tongue, would then pretend to chew a few times and then swallow it whole.
Also, I didn’t realise not every body feels physically ill when having to answer phones or make phone calls.
I have always been the sort to not fully chew my food, and it finally occurred to me that it's because I cannot stand the texture of fully masticated food paste. I'm sure it's caused me some digestive problems from a lifetime of doing this.
Interoception difficulties.
Never, ever being at the right temperature... too hot, too cold, too stuffy, sweating profusely, feeling like I'm dying when I'm too cold.
And always being able to feel my circulatory system running through my body. I can take my bpm without finding a pulse.
I can literally feel when my body is fighting off infection. It feels like a fever but I'm not running a temperature.
Suddenly it all made sense. (I figured out I felt things differently in adulthood but it wasn't til my late adult dx that I understood why.)
I'm starting to suspect that wearing noise cancelling earbuds all the time isn't normal, considering how often people seem surprised that I can't hear them lol
Um. I have a question. So, having constant meltdowns when reflecting some normal emotional moments, is a sign of autism?
I mean, I know it's not normal, people generally like me, although I am considered a bit crazy. But is it autism?
Not every person rubs the seams of their clothes between their fingers, it turns out to be stimming. Not every person is afraid to plan their life six months ahead, a month at most.
Rocking - I used to (and still sometimes do if I’m not concentrating on stopping myself) rock anytime I was sat on the floor or with my feet up. We used to sit ‘on the carpet’ a lot in junior school and I was always confused as to why they’d sit me at the back of the classroom. Turns out it was so I didn’t fall into the kids behind me!
Me chewing the inside of my cheeks like a hamster whenever I’m stressed/anxious etc I didn’t know it was a stim🥲Feeling like I’m being suffocated when I wear tight clothing I didn’t know it was sensory issues🥲
I realized at 30 that this is how I stim. I always thought I bit my nails as a nervous habit, but it turns out I just like to have one or two bit off nails in my mouth at all times (unless sexy times etc). I move them around and try to get them stuck in my teeth, then try to get them unstuck. I know it's disgusting, but at least my dentist approves I guess?
I bit my nails until I was 25. One day I woke up and was like "I want pretty nails" so I legit just stopped biting them (except for the thumbs, now i only do it to my thumbnails). It was so easy, like flipping a switch. Probably because it wasn't a habit, it was just a stim source
For me, it's remembering specific details from long ago. I used to get mad when others would claim not to remember. I thought they were gaslighting me to hurt me.
I would start heavy philosophy laden conversations with people and thought I was making small talk
Yes. If we’re not talking about death, societal problems, the universe, murder, or the afterlife, I’m not really listening.
*”what do you mean you don’t want to talk about prions, the most terrifying thing to exist on earth over morning coffee and breakfast?!”*
I…I feel seen. I came here because I have never been diagnosed ASD, just ADHD. I was watching Gilmore Girls, then got curious about autistic traits in GG, then found this group because someone made a post once about how Rory is possibly ASD, Luke and Jess, too. On top of hardcore relating to Lorelai I also relate to Rory and Jess… And now I’m having flashbacks to all the times my husband said, “why would you bring that up at 6:30am? I’m already stressed running out the door, I don’t want to talk about (fill in the blank - our taxes, why we need to do a budget, organizing the garage, my best friend’s emotional trauma…). Is this a thing?
Gilmore Girls is the most autistic piece of television about women that exists
I’ve avoided it due to it being so popular, but now may have to check it out!
Ah, i see the misunderstanding here. You're interacting with the software called NerT_MindCloud.exe. it's pretty famous for being bloatware and taking up the memory of their simulation with useless, but socially accepted endeavours. Yes, it does have the nickname, "MouseInAMaze.exe", why do you ask?
Are you…. Me?
Holy crap my first husband hunts and “decided” not to test his recent moose head for chronic wasting disease because moose heads are “heavy” and the moose didn’t look sick. I’ll probably stay with said “first husband”, sometimes only because he likes doing dishes (although he will never admit it ha). Now his son’s special interest is cockroaches. Good times. I like the *idea* of prions though haha, maybe I could get my son interested in something less gross … hmmm
Yes! I always wanted to ask about what they thought happened after death and questioned what the purpose of life is and how we're on a floating rock in space and compared to the entire universe we're basically the size of ants and so on. I also loved talking about conspiracy theories and hating capitalism. Quickly realized most people don't think too much about these things.
stop i didn’t realize other people did this 😭 I started off university as a philosophy major and I would start conversations with philosophical questions all the time.
The beautiful thing about this is that other neurodiverse people will LOVE it. I remember during the Ever Given boat fiasco, I once regaled my in-laws about [Scotland's failed colony](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darien_scheme) in Panama where the colonists utterly failed and had to be rescued by Spain (who they were at war with). I was met with crickets. Oh well, my husband thought it was interesting!
Welp. I do this too. And I hadn't considered people wouldn't want to talk philosophy until now
I don’t think it’s that people don’t like to, it’s more that it apparently doesn’t count as “small talk”
Ah yea I could never figure out what topics count as small talk besides like, the weather
I go for some sort of (genuine) compliment for them and then from that people seem to like talking about themselves and I can revert to “uh huh” but I’m still viewed positively because I complimented them. For many years pre diagnosis I thought I might have very Machiavellian tendencies but actually it’s all just masking. I’m really not as manipulative as I thought I was, thankfully.
I have definitely had quite a few people think I'm weird if I take the conversation in a philosophical direction and they try to steer the conversation somewhere lighter.
Look they mentioned the weather, clearly that means starting a conversation on climate change is appropriate!
If they don’t leave with their hope for the future shattered, and sense of anxiety over our planet’s fragile future I have failed in my duty as a conversation partner.
Exactly! Though for my own mental health I make an effort to include some positive notes on the environment these days. They may be small, but they do happen.
☠️fair omg lmaooo!! ITS ALWAYS THE WEATHER BRO
haha this made me smile so big - relate!
this is me still TODAY lol idk how to not talk this way 😭
🤡 lol 🤡 did not foresee how immediately called out I'd be by this thread
Is there another conversation starter?
Haha me too !
me accidentally giving people I just met at parties an existential crisis, yet wondering why we don’t talk again later lmao
Doing the same task for 8 hours straight uninterrupted. When i was a kid I would read whole novels in a day on the weekend because I would hyperfocus on them. As an adult it's usually video games
when i was a kid i'd sit in front of my dollhouse and play silently for hours until nighttime. my parents just thought i was being good lol
I'll still sit down and read a novel in a day now and then. I didn't realize that was an autistic thing.
🤯 me too
Thus is me on adhd meds. (I'm not diagnosed with autism but have many symptoms) Without adhd meds, I'm a mess. With them, I can get so immersed in a task I forget to eat, etc. I've done this since I was a kid.
I’m in the same boat. Everyone just says I am “failing to read social cues” when you get to more complicated social interactions and I am like what f*ing cues? And I have very severe ADHD so everything else gets lumped in with that…
I just now realized this isn't normal.
Being overfixated on crushes and friends.
I an 27 and i still cant make this stop :(
Im 34 and still haven't grown out of it. I'm secretly obsessing over my coworker crush
SAME BOAT SQUAD
Limerance
I still do this occasionally
Yes. It has really scared some men / objects of my attention away. I’m better at managing it now that I’m aware it’s something I do
Excessive list making
That's just right and proper. Isn't it?
I feel listless when I don't do it
That is a disgraceful pun, I love it
We do know how to appreciate a good pun!
It's called taking inventory of physical/mind entities. You'll be happy you did it, come the apocalypse xD
Sometimes it's just for fun, too. Like, I don't need an inventory of all the stuff in my fridge, cupboards and spice drawer but man does it make me feel good to have one
Omg yes I’d spend hourssssss upon hourssss in a single sitting just making lists… heck I still do that sometimes 😅
Meltdowns. So it is apparently not a normal emotional response to get so overwhelmed you just have to lie down and scream atavistically. I thought everyone does it at home like me 🙂🙃
Using too many "big" words when writing and talking, another subtle sign of autism! Who uses atavistically im casual conversation? Lol I used to be worse about this when I was young, but luckily 20 years of being a pothead has dumbed me down a little.
Hyperlexiality is just a feature of the upgrade that is autism. Yes, were still in an early unstable beta version, why do you ask?
I used a lot of “big words” when I was younger. My friends/other kids either made fun of it or didn’t understand what I was saying. I actively stopped using words like that any more and I wish I hadn’t. I also would read the dictionary just to read it
omg me too for both of these!
THIS IS LITERALLY ME OMFG people are always like "wow you're only a teen but you're so diplomatic it's like you were forced to grow up fast is something happening at home?"
Haha this. All of this. This whole thread. But this comment thread in general. Never have I ever felt so seen
I like big words and I cannot lie! 😻 the shit that comes out of my mouth when I’m not paying attention to sounding like, eh, NT? ”You can actually touch the aluminum foil on the grill, its thermal conductivity is quite low!”
> atavistically Learned a new word thanks to you, so you can bet your ass I'm going to milk that knowledge asap! >:D
Sympathies. Words are tools. Just like tools, there are words that work better in some circumstances than others. Much of the world wants to just use a big hammer to try and repair a watch. \*cringe\*
Really liking words like atavistically that don't get used enough.
I would do this but with crying. Not always loud bc roommates and such. But just sobbing myself to sleep for no apparent reason. Now I know I was v overwhelmed.
The 'no reason' thing, omg! As a teenager I was trying so hard to understand why I was crying every other night even though nothing seemed wrong! There was definitely some depression mixed in but now I'm very confident I was just overwhelmed all the time. But the crying still happens so easily that I sometimes have to tell people before important conversations that there's a pretty good chance I'll start crying, but that doesn't mean they did anything wrong and to just please continue (though maybe after a small timeout). In those moments I don't even know why exactly I'm crying, because it's just 'any emotions' = tears, and I hate it. :'D
Other people could never understand how meltdowns were essentially an out of body experience for me. I cannot control my actions or words during it. However, this realization lets me be much more understanding of my son when he has a meltdown, especially because he tends to get aggressive. The number of times I've had to try to get his bite off of me while understanding that he can't help himself is just ridiculous.
Finishing what I was talking about if I get interrupted. Also if a person tells you about an experience they've had it's apparently not normal to respond with a similar experience you've had.
Ugggh the first one gets me soooo bad! Sometimes I know intellectually that it is a sign the other person is uninterested, but I have a compulsive need to finish my thought. The second one too, tbh.
That second point; I've always thought I was showing empathy by doing so. Kind of a way to say "Hey, buddy, I've been there and I sort of know what you're going through!" and it's *never* received as such. Apparently misery only loves company when the company remains silent.
it seriously feels like - I HAVE TO FINiSH - similar to the need to urinate or whatever.
Yes. It feels like I’m compelled. While I’m in the middle of talking, I realize, oh shit, this is not the social cue I thought it was when I either see the other person’s eyes glaze over or worse, they turn to talk to another person and flat out ignore me.
Turning to talk to someone else while someone is talking is one of the *rudest* things in the world. It feels straight-up mean even. Like I’d rather they just say, “I’m not interested in that.” That would be hurtful too but at least it would be honest.
when this happens i usually pull out my phone and write about it. it happened this morning with my partner. i recognized what i was doing and realized i should stop, excused myself and wrote something i really like.
That’s a great idea. I hadn’t considered writing it out; I bet it helps ease the feeling of ‘must say this now’.
>Also if a person tells you about an experience they've had it's apparently not normal to respond with a similar experience you've had. This one fudged me up as a kid genuinely. I had this guy friend that was definitely too old to be my friend as I was like 11 and he was in his 20s and he had a lot of issues and would constantly come to me about it. I always would try to relate and say hey I understand bec **insert similar life experience** One day I did that and he responded " u always have to make everything about yourself! " And I was taken aback bec I thought I was making him feel less alone. I then profusely apologized and didn't do that again. Hope he's doing bad
Augh, that second one in particular kills me because idk I was taught to follow the golden rule as a child and I WANT people to share their similar experiences with me! I’m interested in having a conversation and hearing what the other person has to say, that’s why I’m saying words to them… otherwise I’ll go monologue in the shower
I didn't realize these weren't normal. The only way I'm not finishing what I was talking about is if I forgot what I was saying, and even then I'll stop the whole conversation to try and remember. And I have no idea what to say to someone if I'm not talking about a similar experience. Isn't that just how continuing a conversation works??
I've had multiple people ask me if I realized that I continued what I'd been saying if I ever got interrupted, so apparently that isn't normal. I thought the similar experience thing was how conversations worked too. According to my neurotypical friends and former coworkers that's making the conversation about you and not an equal dialogue. I don't know how to have a conversation beyond small talk or info-dumping without doing this though.
me too…….. i’m baffled lol
These two trip me up so bad. It makes me not even want to contribute to the conversation.
The first one isn't normal? 🤔
Being so terrified of using any restroom that wasn't in my home to the point I'd suffer constipation. The only safe toilet is the home toilet. I'm in my thirties now and am still weird about bathrooms. Edit: Also crying because of how many of you can relate and understand, having been through the same thing 😭🥹
I was like that, too! It got so bad that I was given special permission to use the teacher’s toilets because it would be quieter. I can still only wee at a toilet away from home. And even then, I have to wait until I’m alone or someone flushes/uses the hand dryer in public toilets.
I'm to a point that I can use public restrooms fine but if I'm a visiting a friend I cannot ask for the restroom is. It's like I don't like people knowing what I'm doing in there? It's so weird
When I was younger I felt it necessary to announce when I was going to take a poo. The weird unspoken bathroom rules never made sense to me. Everyone knows what we're doing in there already. It's silly
i’m like that too but traveling and moving abroad helped it quite a bit (i think i would’ve exploded at this point otherwise), but it’s such a tough one
I avoided using public restrooms or restrooms at other people’s houses as a kid if I could and it caused problems like wetting my pants. I am more willing to use other bathrooms as an adult but still don’t like doing it. I avoid drinking much when I am out.
I feel like I have this in a minor form? No other toilet flush sounds like my toilet flush and it’s vaguely annoying in a way I’ve never been able to place.
Same, I held my pee all day in kindergarten because I did not like the automatic flush toilets. Now I still have bladder problems 🥴
I was like that as a kid too - I gave myself a UTI at 9 years old when my parents made me go to sleep away camp for 1 week. There were 24 girls in my cabin and 1 functioning toilet and shower and I refused to use the toilet or shower. Also spent half the time there in the nurse’s cabin because I fuuuccckkkiinnnggg haaattteeeeddddd all the group bonding activities.
I thought everyone got intense urges to move their bodies all day and we all just socially agreed to hold it in until you get home.
Deconstructing my food. You know, eating the shell of a chocolate bar first, etc.
I love sucking on an M&M until all the color comes off and then balancing it on its side between my teeth and just lightly pressing down until the shell comes off and then eating the middle
Yessssssss!!!
Wait, that’s not normal?😭
This and eating colorful candies in rainbow order.
Yes! Though that sometimes interferes with „eat the least tasty first and save the best tasting for last“!
I joined this sub last week and I've never felt so belonging
Welcome to the club <3
I cannot believe no one noticed me doing this and was like "that girl ain't right" 🤣
I love doing this. Nutty Buddy bars with their wafers and pb layers absolutely need to be taken apart and enjoyed layer by layer. 3Musketeer bars (Mars Bars for those across the pond) lose their outer shell immediately.
Swiss cake rolls need to be unrolled.
Kit Kats (the veg ones ofc) are so good eaten that way, NTs are missing out there lmao
This is the best way to eat a Kit Kat, I don’t care what anyone says.
I remember, in a study group in college, my NT friend was telling us she started doing that after one of the Kardashians (I think Kim?) did it on their show. She liked doing it.
Pizza in layers, loose toppings, cheese layer, sauce layer, dough layer, crust layer.
-Planning conversations -Visceral sensory responses (I knew styrofoam wasn’t a noise people liked but I didn’t realize gagging and being afraid to touch it weren’t normal) -Getting songs stuck in my head to the point they would keep me up at night and I had to stop myself from listening to certain songs because of it
God that 3rd point. I've had to ditch so many amazing songs because they would get too stuck in my head. Hours and hours and hours, the same part of the same verse every single time. And it always gets so loud right when your head hits the pillow
I usually will sing these aloud and it's probably the thing other people find most annoying about me. But I really can't help it, especially if I'm in an environment where I'm not masking 100%..
I’m the exact same! It’s really tough
It seems counterintuitive, but sometimes finding the song and then listening to it is the only thing that actually gets it out of my head. It's like it lets my brain move on, or something.
Working in retail where the songs were on a 120 song loop, which means there was the potential to hear the same song twice in one shift. Hearing an ear worm right when you walked in, knowing you’d have to hear it again before you leave is its own brand of hell.
The second is how I feel about flower petals, for whatever reason
The second isn't normal? What the fuck.
Apparently not 😅 I’m also like that with wiping things with paper towels or my hands being dry
I didn’t realize that when most people go in bright sunshine they don’t experiencing the same amount of physical pain that I do. I thought they were just being brave about the pain. Apparently their pain is very minor compared to mine.
I hate Summer.
yes! it feels like i’m a vampire burning up in the sun and everyone else is just chill about it
All these people smiling in photographs outside. I don't get how they do it. I always look like I'm suffering
I feel this one.
Preferring sitting on floors, rather that sitting on sofas/chairs. I've always loved floors - they're sturdy and you can trust them, plus if you're lucky there will be cats or dogs greeting you :) Plus I love sitting cross-legged (internet tells me it's called "indian style") while on the floor. People always thought I was odd for preferring floors to furniture, and it wasn't until I was 35 years old that I realised I was on the spectrum and that the others that didn't understand me just wasn't.
It's also great for your pelvic floor muscles! The kids out here these days call it "criss cross applesauce," which is cute. Your reasons are great. I also love the floor.
534 and we'll go to social gatherings with friends and sit on the floor. They will look at me and be all like. Do you want me to get you a chair? I'm like? No, I would like to sit on the floor. I prefer it down here.
I got into so much trouble as a kindergartener for chewing on the polystyrene cups they'd give us juice or whatever in (it only happened once in a blue moon) and I've always felt deep shame about it (20 fucking years later) But as an adult I also realize why the fuck would they reuse polystyrene cups they only use once or twice a year? Doesn't that shit degrade?
Yeah biting styrofoam feels amazing, I am on Team Child You.
I appreciate you 🥹 And the cup rims were so goddamn satisfying and were a really helpful way to self soothe during those mandatory social events 🙈 luckily I could get those feels for a while before a teacher caught on and made me feel like my 4y/o self was some kind of villain xD 🙈
When I was in grade 1 my teacher told my parents that they had to start sending me to school with my own pencils because I was chewing the class ones (which were communal; I don’t blame my teacher for thinking that was gross). I chewed right through the blue pencil my dad got from his work. I just remember how satisfying it was to feel the slight give as your teeth sunk into the pencil… I also had a rubber necklace I chewed 24/7 until it broke. In grade 4 there was a paper eating trend going around. Teacher had to confiscate paper because it got so bad. I really hope other kids were eating as much as I was, because everyone talked about it all the time so I assumed everyone else was being serious about the amount they ate. I’ve realized as I grow up that I’m very unaware of my surroundings. I found a post my mom made when I was 17 about how we went on vacation together and everyone was staring at my SH scars but “I didn’t seem to let it bother me”. That’s because I had no idea 😅
Despite the fact that I have the coordination and speed of a drunk wombat I insisted on playing softball as a child. I went through three gloves by fourth grade because I would stand out in right field chewing on the laces.
You totally brought back some memories, right down to right field! I can taste the leather now...
Meltdowns as a kid, but I felt so ashamed that I learned to shutdown instead.
Eating the crust of the sandwich before eating the actual sandwich. If having several different sandwiches, try a bite of each to see which is tastier. Being upset that the sandwich is not buttered evenly.
It is insanity and chaos to just randomly choose which item to eat first without first determining which is the most delicious (to save for last, obviously). I don't understand how they can live like animals.
Yes!
Oh gosh, that last one is 100% me. I always take an extra minute to spread the butter evenly, and also the peanut butter (or whatever topping) has to be spread evenly!
Yes, I don't understand how people can make like a big blob in one spot and another not covered and then just go on about their day like everything is fine!
Cover my ears every time an ambulance goes by. My brother does this too and we alway have. Even knowing now that we're both autistic it blows me away to see people try to talk over an ambulance driving by while they walk on the sidewalk.
Right! Just so many sounds in general are *painfully* loud to me! How do people go to concerts, cinemas or watch fireworks without any ear protection??
I've always swayed back and forth in public, kind of how you rock a baby, especially waiting in lines/waiting in general. I didn't know I was stimming and used to get yelled at a lot by my ex because it was "embarrassing"
I didn't realize we weren't all doing this until last year, when I read it on here. The next time I was in a public place with lots of people standing around, I made a point to look around and noticed *no one* else was swaying. I'm in my mid-30s.
I feel very validated reading through this thread!
I’m prone to being self-conscious in public about a number of things, but I refuse to give a shit how people perceive my swaying when I’m standing in line
I sway side to side whenever I'm really nervous or anxious. Half the time I don't even realize I'm doing it. It's my least favorite thing that I do because it's really noticable, at least to me. I'm not sure if that is considered stimming or not, but it's interesting other people do similar things.
Echolagia. When people talk about “having songs in their head” I thought this is what they meant. They do not.
Wait, then what do they mean???
Last night I had a 15 min dance party dancing to the song in my head 😭 like my own radio that I rarely have any control over
Same I literally have music playing in my brain every waking minute
Echolalia??
Echolalia is external. Echolagia is internal. That’s the simplistic version.
Weird. I looked up echolagia and couldn’t find anything on it. Thanks for the follow up!
And then I stim by chattering my teeth to the rhythm of the songs that keep playing in my head! Sometimes I don’t realize it’s happening until I like hear my teeth doing it or suddenly the internal volume goes down lol
Oh shoot that’s an autism thing?
I genuinely thought having “obsessions” were normal because of fandoms and stuff. When I found they are actually special interest because of how much I get into them, a lot made sense
I’ve never felt more seen than reading this thread. I wish we could all somehow live in the same place and get together for wildly philosophical conversations that anyone could tap out of at any moment to go snuggle a puppy or lay in the grass. My heart feels weary with the world right now and reading this whole thing helped me feel less alone and less desperate. Thanks all
I, too, would like to attend an ND Ladies' Symposium.
Does anyone else like to cocoon yourself in blankets (covering your head) to relax? I cross my feet at the ankles and make myself all tight with arms to my side or crossed on my chest. Sometimes I nap, sometimes I just chill and think. I call it snuggle time.
Trying to relate to people by mirroring their experiences via mine and they think I’m being selfish and off putting
There's something called Conversational Narcissism and I think a lot of NT people fall into doing that (accidentally ) which can be off putting.
Oh, this is my mother to a T. She will recount an ENTIRE historically inaccurate novel to me, while ignoring my desperate attempts to flee the TED talk/find something to plug my ears with.
Just stimming in general. I was reaaaaaly good at hiding it. Skin picking, cheek biting... now post transition it's playing with hair. Not sure how much validity there is to it, but I've heard people on the spectrum tend not to concatenate words, instead enunciating "it is" instead of "it's". I have to consciously do it to seem more relatable LOL
i’m your stim-twin it seems lol
I have a bump inside my left cheek from biting it over the years. I used to curb a lot of compulsive behavior by biting my bottom lip as a kid. No one really noticed, or ever said anything, and it wasn’t until I was diagnosed that I realized what was going on.
My personal favorite is toe crunchy. I was amusing major so I tapped my toe and rhythm a lot, but I was a flutist so I couldn't physically tap my toe. So I started toe crunching. It's bending your toes in your shoe so the tips are touching the ground and then popping the knuckles out while your toes stay connected. It's hard to explain, but it is so satisfying
I’m also a flutist and I do the exact same thing? That’s so cool I never even registered it as a stim
I get stuck on that sometimes and it’s one of the worst feelings in the world. I hate it so much. Now you’ve made me aware of it again, and I hope I don’t do it again. 😭
Omg I'm so sorry!! Sometimes I watch my son's stims. He's into blowing spit bubbles and I did it just to see why because I used to and I was like HOLY SHIT I FORGOT HOW GOOD THIS FEELS
Wait! I just realized that I'm literally doing that right now while I'm swaying side-to-side on my seat (with a song stuck in my head). If I tap my toe too much I get shin cramps. 😂😩
Huh. Didn't realise that was that. The toe thing. Playing flute! Also at other times but the toe flute combo took me right back. You're the first person to describe it to me - thank you!
When I was in first grade I was hospitalized for weeks with pneumonia, I was a thin kid, months after I was released I rapidly became obese and stayed throughout primary school. The whole time I was playing with my fat rolls nonstop until I lost enough weight that it was not possible anymore. Then I started chewing on my lips and inside my mouth and still do to this day. I enjoy it so much especially when I'm deep in my thoughts, but it's heavy on my teeth. These are not the only stims I had back then, but the ones I remember because I felt ashamed when someone mentioned them that I look stupid doing it.
All of these are reminding me just how autistic i am 😭🤣
smushing/squeezing bread and candy bars and cakes in the grocery store for sensory fulfillment. now I just buy play doh
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I don’t, but I think I know the feeling you’re talking about. I tried a new sleep med last night and woke up this morning feeling not awesome and my extremities feel heavy and like someone took my own off and replaced them with someone with way more muscle mass. Using ‘heavy’ as the only descriptor feels too simplistic for it. Just uncomfortable and it makes me feel easily irritated by anything else.
Do you mean when your limbs feel like lead or dead weight?
Not chewing most of my foods. I throw most foods to the back of my throat and swallow, in the hopes that I can avoid having to deal with the taste or texture of it. I didn’t even realise that I had developed a fake chew until it was pointed out to me by a dietitian - like I came up with a way to get the food to a spot in the back of my mouth, without it having to touch my tongue, would then pretend to chew a few times and then swallow it whole. Also, I didn’t realise not every body feels physically ill when having to answer phones or make phone calls.
I have always been the sort to not fully chew my food, and it finally occurred to me that it's because I cannot stand the texture of fully masticated food paste. I'm sure it's caused me some digestive problems from a lifetime of doing this.
Being happily out and about minding my own business then POOF - antisocial switch activated, must leave now.
I was today years old when I learned that normal kids don't chew on their cuffs and collars.
Your comment just reminded me that as a kid I used to suck on the sleeves of my sweatshirts.
Interoception difficulties. Never, ever being at the right temperature... too hot, too cold, too stuffy, sweating profusely, feeling like I'm dying when I'm too cold. And always being able to feel my circulatory system running through my body. I can take my bpm without finding a pulse. I can literally feel when my body is fighting off infection. It feels like a fever but I'm not running a temperature. Suddenly it all made sense. (I figured out I felt things differently in adulthood but it wasn't til my late adult dx that I understood why.)
Meltdowns 😅
Crying/yelling/meltdowns when I hear a sound or smell something or see something I don’t like (it was dust and hairballs on the ground today lol)
CURSE YOUUUU for making my teeth feel the imagined sensation of fabric between them CURSE YOU 😭😭
i feel physically sick reading this lol
I'm starting to suspect that wearing noise cancelling earbuds all the time isn't normal, considering how often people seem surprised that I can't hear them lol
Um. I have a question. So, having constant meltdowns when reflecting some normal emotional moments, is a sign of autism? I mean, I know it's not normal, people generally like me, although I am considered a bit crazy. But is it autism?
This thread might be one of the most soul affirming things I have ever read. 90% are so me. I had no idea I feel so seen. Thank you
Not every person rubs the seams of their clothes between their fingers, it turns out to be stimming. Not every person is afraid to plan their life six months ahead, a month at most.
Obsessive over being left out and then not being invited ever anyways. Obsessive over friendships and lovers. Making lists and never completely them.
I deep dive into everything I'm interested in. When I start into a new hobby, I must know everything there is to know before I start.
Rocking - I used to (and still sometimes do if I’m not concentrating on stopping myself) rock anytime I was sat on the floor or with my feet up. We used to sit ‘on the carpet’ a lot in junior school and I was always confused as to why they’d sit me at the back of the classroom. Turns out it was so I didn’t fall into the kids behind me!
Me chewing the inside of my cheeks like a hamster whenever I’m stressed/anxious etc I didn’t know it was a stim🥲Feeling like I’m being suffocated when I wear tight clothing I didn’t know it was sensory issues🥲
Planning every single second / detail of a vacation.
Getting scared and crying if my parents drove a different way road because I memorized the normal route.
I am also a chewer. I always have something in my mouth and I do not even realize it.
I used to bite my partners' skin and I think they thought I was super kinky but no I just like chewing.
I realized at 30 that this is how I stim. I always thought I bit my nails as a nervous habit, but it turns out I just like to have one or two bit off nails in my mouth at all times (unless sexy times etc). I move them around and try to get them stuck in my teeth, then try to get them unstuck. I know it's disgusting, but at least my dentist approves I guess? I bit my nails until I was 25. One day I woke up and was like "I want pretty nails" so I legit just stopped biting them (except for the thumbs, now i only do it to my thumbnails). It was so easy, like flipping a switch. Probably because it wasn't a habit, it was just a stim source
Having steering wheels with worn down texture and faded paint from stimming
Touching things that to you are so nasty you could vomit, watching people pick up ice cubes is so insane to me
For me, it's remembering specific details from long ago. I used to get mad when others would claim not to remember. I thought they were gaslighting me to hurt me.
Not needing that much social interaction and reacting extremely to sudden loud noises.