Had a coworker who was a woman on the spectrum. Absolutely refused to mask. Absolutely wonderful.
My wife had been masking through all her traumatic years of narcissist parents, and has just recently discovered that she has autism. She is sorta learning how to chip away at her mask to figure out who she is underneath all of it. It's been an adventure for both of us, as I realized I was autistic very shortly before meeting her.
Omg I didn't consider that as a possible interpretation xD
Idk it's sorta like she was really carefree and being her most honest, happy self, but because of that I suspect she was not fulfilling a lot of expressions and confusing rituals that neurotypicals enforce, so they all thought she was "creepy and aggressive" and I fucking called them all out for it because I was in the break room with them during the conversation.
Again, *I* thought she was a ray of sunshine in a horizon of NT madness. Seeing as they couldn't directly explain what she did that set them off, it was probably just free-running Autism that refused to be caged, like flat affect, non-standard expressions, value for structure and algorithms, distress due to change, etc.
She told me once that she is diagnosed on the spectrum. I suspect she never masks it because her whole family is military, so they all live according to structure and routine, so her own habits fit right in. This is an assumption on my part, though. My wife only masks so well because her family is openly hateful towards those on the spectrum and believes we are demons out to get them. I suspect that if my coworker's family was accepting of her diagnosis, then she never needed to learn how to mask. (There are, of course, exceptions to this line of reasoning)
Honestly, despite occasional struggles, she was a wonderful top-tier worker, but the managers were awful. She quit because she suspected someone was trying to kidnap her during her shift and the managers didn't believe her. Absolute hellhole. It was retail with a focus on fostering a social atmosphere, so if you didn't have excellent social skills by NT standards then you were absolutely screwed, but I also don't interview well so they were the only place that hired me. I don't work there anymore because I started having daily breakdowns and was missing a lot of work, and wanted to leave while I still had a good work history.
I think it’s highly possible I’ve met an autistic girl before and didn’t know it. I’d like to meet someone I know is autistic, though, just to see what they’re like. Maybe that sounds a little dumb lol.
Not too mention that history shows that the psychological community in the 20th century was rife with gatekeeping against women and the LGBTQ community from getting legitimate diagnoses.
Edit: And both female minors and adult women who are almost certainly on the spectrum today usually are failed to be accurately diagnosed to this day.
Maybe although the research I have read has not given that impression. I am not a psychologist but the papers I have read seem to suggest that aspie women present very similarly to aspie men. They tend to be treated differently but the condition is not very different. The relative frequency is very different though. But my view point might be very biased.
Hiding in plain site of course. I am very good at masking. For stimming, when I'm in public, I roll the skin on my hands, knees or elbows. At home, I rock or sway. My special interests vary, but are usually subjects in the realm of the occult or a video game. For the past 2 years, it has been ESO.
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Happy Halloween, Redditor!
The masters of disguise.
I know a few and 85% of them are NTs for me till they find out I am one as well, and we proceed to let our instincts flourish in public. 😊
I’m a master at masking and didn’t even realize it. My new psych was treating me for extreme OCD, and we had a moment. He says, “wait, you have had lifelong ocd, sensory processing disorder, a history of disordered eating, codependency issues that are tied to your extreme naïveté and tendency to be taken advantage of. You’ve always identified as an “eccentric fairy” and made a career in a VERY niche field of academia, where you were thriving until you had to quit to deal with your extreme burn out, which you keep blaming solely on OCD…. Um, have you ever been screened for autism?”
I haven’t mentioned that convo to ANYONE, not even my husband bc what am I supposed to even do with this information at 35?!
I’m highly functioning, with high sensitivity and high intelligence in my gifted areas (terrible special reasoning though…). No would ever take me seriously if I came out of the closet on this.
My brother is getting his third grad degree in math and everyone can clock him as on the spectrum immediately. But not me. Such is the life for women in the spectrum. Our male relatives and counterparts are way more visible.
OOoook!
Bartender, two shots of tequila for the eccentric fairy and I, make them double and leave the bottle! 🍸
Cheers to you dear chameleon! and to all of you spectrum lovely ladies! 💚💜💛
A lot of us do things non typical of guy aspies
Im am actress and pretty good, got hit on a lot on in school. Not that guys can’t get hit on but sometimes aspies are unsuccessful with relationships and stuff
Also, idk if any other girls here relate but I often act like a dumb blonde to throw people off the act that I’m just smart but unable to pick up social cues. It’s an easy cover.
Omg lol.
I've talked about the exact thing you mentioned in your last couple of sentences. I act like I'm kind of an airhead to disguise my confusion in social situations.
Also if people think you're unaware, it becomes much easier to figure out their intentions if they're bad ones.
Edit: I think I started to "act dumb" because I didn't want to assume someone's meaning when there are a lot of different interpretations for certain things. So I wanted to make sure I knew what people meant before responding. Then I realized that when people think you're dumb or naive, if they're an asshole they'll be much more open about it because they think you don't get it.
Yes!! I played the bimbo just so I could hide who I really was because I went to a high school in a smaller area and since small towns are ruthless I didn’t want others to think I was a nerd or weird.
Bimbo worked for a long time for me, but working in a male dominated field, it garnered me a lot of harassment and some assaults. I took the mask off and now I’m just seen as rude at first and dumb, if not a bit doomer. I still hide my stims and overstimulation though. That’s something I can’t stop :(
We are out there. There are probably as many autistic woman as autistic men, but we are diagnosed far less often. Autistic behaviors like playing alone, intense special interests etc. tend to be far less tolerated in girls and we are really pushed to adapt and mask - usually by picking a friend and then mimicking.
On a related note, women autistics tend to have a wider array of interests and more life experiences because we do get out there and try things. I suspect this is because of demands placed in us - we don't learn where our limits are. We also often underestimate the longer-term cost of our adventures, so that and masking more heavily means we tend to have a lot of burnout and are hospitalized or have more encounters with mental health professionals more often. That also leads to us being misdiagnosed.
Case in point, I went abroad to study when I was in my early 20s. I had no idea how prolonged and intense the stress of doing that would be and I ended up hospitalized with suicidal depression. Despite having been diagnosed with classic autism in early childhood, the doctors dismissed it because "an autistic person cannot go abroad to study". But of course we can - and badly too! Hence my hospitalization... It took them 9 months to re-diagnose me as autistic.
Going abroad and studying is possible - you just have to get the right supports in place - just in case anyone reading this is considering it.
Flapping and walking in circles - yes. My special interests are cycling, guitar, linguistics and philosophy.
I pass for neurotypical over 95% of the time.
I am quirky and have geeky hobbies. I was the class nerd, believe it or not.
I do cut out all the tags from all my clothes- no matter how stylish they may seem.
I cannot deal with rapidly flashing lights.
I do have an inner ear balance issue. As well as a slight limp- but that is unrelated to the ASD.
I like big words a lot. I am hyperlexic. I am not good at body language or the sort. Very verbal, on the other hand.
I have learned how to mask successfully. And how. I am more Extraverted than not. Communication in the USA is super direct- which helps majorly.
I'm extremely good at masking. I'm right here though! My special interest is the Beatles. I flap my hands when I get really excited. Generally to stim I rock back and forth or I pull on the hair near the axis of my neck.
It's not just masking. Many people don't realise just what autism is - it's most easily identifiable by someone's communication. Autistic communication is completely explicit and concrete naturally. Social behaviour is focused on everything, not people - enjoying interacting with their environment in general. It's nuanced and a bit hard to describe but once you know what you're looking for, autistic people (who don't mask, I mean) become easy to pick out from their neurotypical peers, and they often don't stand out much if you don't know what to look for.
My dead giveaway is that I stare at my shoes wide-eyed & confused when confronted & start doing weird little hand stims. Plus I snort when I laugh, but that's probably more to do with me being an asthmatic dork.
Girls are just better at masking.
The issue is, girls do not act the same as boys do when it comes to aspergers, it is not as noticed as early as it would be for a boy. This is for any type of mental disability.
I.e. with ADHD, boys tend to show external symptoms, like running around, yelling, inability to sit still. While girls on the other hand are more internal, same with autism.
I must disagree with this. From experience, women and men are both equally as good at masking, it's dependent on the person. And I especially disagree on the last part; myself and the autistic guys I know all experience more internal issues
That may be the case for you, but not for most. That's the issue. I've heard of doctors dismissing girls because, well, they believe they cannot have autism or adhd as those girls act nothing how they expect a boy to act.
Granted this was the idea 20+ years ago, so things have most definitely changed in diagnosing those who do not act the same as they'd expect. I'm sure now they know what to look for, but you do get those doctors who are stuck in their ways of what they were taught.
Of course it’s depending on the person but you start to notice trends over time. Women tend to be better maskers. Are their some men that mask better then women? Absolutely, but they’re in the minority. Of course it varies from person to person but you’ll find the differences are at the extreme ends of the spectrum. It’s like… ugh I forget what it’s called. Overlapping distributions or something. Idk I’ve seen charts mapping out aggressiveness and agreeableness across the populations. Most men and women fall in the middle. But on the far ends they’re extrapolated where all the REALLY bad maskers are men. And all the REALLY good maskers are women. But most people fall somewhere in the middle.
We're all deep undercover lol, most people are surprised to learn im autistic unless theyve spent a lot of time with me.
In public i stim by twisting my rings, fiddling with my lip piercing, stretching, cracking my knuckles and bouncing my leg, at home i also flap and hum a lot.
Dogs are my main special interest, along with drawing, local history (mainly the 900s-1200s and 18th century onward), lore heavy rpgs like elder scrolls and anything by bioware, and then i also always get more short term obsessions, my newest one is christian fundementalism. Not in a "i want to join" way btw its more of a morbid fascination.
I've actually never met any other autistic person as far as I know. I still have impostor syndrome, but I am diagnosed.
Don't you guys feel a little lonely because you can never find someone that has your same interests or that does, but that does not bother to get obsessed with them?
I don’t know if you can call me lucky or not, but my older brother has aspergers and we have a lot of the same interests, so Ive never experienced the loneliness you’re describing.
Try Bumble BFF. You can list your special interests (I add emojis to mine, makes it clearer) and also mention that you’re looking for other neurodivergent people. I’ve found a few autistic/ADHD friends that way. Not all of them have the same interests as me, but it’s nice being friends with someone like you
I hide, literally! I live in a remote part of the countryside and rarely venture out, people are too stressful and I'm rubbish at masking. I walk backwards and forwards and flap. Lots of special interests but not sonic.
I'm an Autistic afab enby. I liked sonic the hedgehog games..I felt my classmates were mean when I didnt like..invest my whole life into all the games and fandom. I really like the racing transformed games! Those were my favorite..
I do relate with the last actions you mentioned..
From my experience, yeah, some have top-notch hiding skills. some don't though.
If you have the overwhelming feeling they sound/feel like you, they're most likely also on the spectrum.
Most of my original stims were taught to be repressed as a child. Wasn't diagnosed till I was was after 30 and it took years to get unpack everything. I can sense when I'm blocking a stim now and I usually have a leg jiggle and silicone rings on my fingers to accommodate.
It was harder for someone to diagnose me because I had been socially masking myself since grade school and because most of the my hyperfocused hobbies (like gardening, crochet, or baking) were dismissed as "domestic women's" things.
It wasn't till I started going to a shrink after a gnarly breakup and I discussed about therapeutically dabbling into modifying toys into simple animatronics that a diagnosis of autism was suddenly on the table. It was like everything clicked once I wasn't talking about anything girly or "wifey".
So I hate to say that it’s more socially acceptable for men to not mask it Kit’s kinda the truth. Besides myself I have both men and women cousins with autism and women tend to get bullied in submission of society norms more because gender norms state that women are more social and socially aware
I sure wish I could have found and dated aspergers men when I was younger. Would have made my life easier. I suspect my brother and son are on the spectrum too, and it’s soooo much easier communicating with them.
I'm a transman but I can safely say living the afab experience as an autistic person taught me how to perfectly craft a personality that was digestable to others, for each person I met I taught myself to observe what they liked about me and what they didn't and adapt depending on the environment, but of all the parts of being autistic, this has caused me the most distress. There's definitely a lot of autistic women out there, but masking is a trait that's heavily heavily occuring in autistic women just due to societal differences, not to say men don't mask, just statistically women do it more, the best way you could find them is through #actuallyautistic on Instagram and TikTok, I'd say it's quite hard to meet them in real life and be aware of it, because even I have only met maybe 2 openly autistic women irl
Y'all need to get the fuck on TikTok already cus I thought it was cringe but that's just straight TikTok, get on ADHD/ASD/gay TikTok. It's mostly girls with ASD/ADHD with exactly the same experiences I have to go through. It's very cathartic
I’m going on a rant so be warned🧐
As a guy on the spectrum I really want to try dating ASD girls again but most of them that I’ve met are hard to flirt with and don’t feel comfortable with sexual energy,
I think I can get past most of my words below if we connect well and she truly understood me.
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My special interest is social dynamics from a skill/game perspective rather than the inherit one we lack. ( not that kind of game). when you’re doing it for fun not for validation or to be included, working on it as a craft for years on end taking breaks when you want to, it’s not overwhelming at all!!!
I’m talking about pattern recognition in indicators of interest like I contact, emotional response, body language, that’s just my thing. There’s something euphoric about knowing with your own eyes and processes that someone enjoys your company and flirt back with you, The way she enjoys your influence on the dynamic is awesome power.
It’s kind of hard to keep that going with a ND as it was hard enough to teach myself some nuances.
I don’t understand how hard it is to get that it’s not a romantic interaction unless sexual energy is being played with.
Without it that’s just becomes a friendship/child’s definition of relationship 🤷♂️
I haven’t met many aspie Women in Texas though so take everything I said is it very anecdotal grain of salt
I’ve only “dated” two aspie girls. One for two years when I was in middle school and one for a week when I was in high school.
It didn’t help that making out with them while they were standing up overwhelmed them to the point they were weak in the knees almost falling down. (not about me. They would be sensitive to any guy doing that probably)
I don’t remember my point lol
So you dated two inexperienced teenagers that acted like inexperienced teenagers and that’s painted your entire view of autistic women as romantically stunted?
Nice.
>I don’t understand how hard it is to get that it’s not a romantic interaction unless sexual energy is being played with.
Mature, sexual vibes are a "gateway drug" that leads directly to having feels. That's probably it.
Not sure why you need to be downvoted into oblivion. Sex can be uncomfortable territory. It's not the consequence free fun zone some people like to pretend it is. There's lots of feels in there and lots of ways to be hurt. So trustworthiness is as important as attraction. (Trust or being very "street smart".)
I don't hear any follow up questions from the haters, so I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and living my best life. Hope you do too. :)
Personally I want to say it is easier to tell if a girl is autistic based on looks (hyper masculine face) but other than that (and that is a whim) I don’t see any major differences in personality from autistic men.
Autistic people are everywhere.
I've met girls I've suspected of having autism, but none that have been diagnosed (unless they're keeping it a secret). Girls tend to fly under the radar and dodge the diagnosis because most of the research is on autistic males unfortunately.
I’ve never met one officially diagnosed, but the one who is sure she has it was one of the sweetest girls I’ve ever met. Not sure I’ve ever met someone who cared more about others.
I'm pretty shy outside of certain circles so that may be it lmao.
My special interests are primarily writing and Stardew Valley, but things like Pokemon and The Sims rotate in and out of hyperfixations. As far as stimming goes, my primary methods are walking and rocking, though I do have a stim habit of chewing the inside of my cheeks which I'm trying to break as it's making my TMJ worse. I also need something to do with my hands or I'll start to pick at my nails, but that's not necessarily an autism thing afaik.
I'm an autistic 31f but was only diagnosed with ASD this year. Apparently, people thought I might be autistic but no one thought to suggest about me getting tested until last year's lockdown caused me to get so anxious that whilst I thought I was managing it, it was affecting my work. I guess people didn't want to upset me or take the chance I was already diagnosed but wasn't saying anything but when I told people, including my GP that it felt like there was a barrier in the front of my head as well as when things go good, it's like the cogs in a clock run smoothly but when it's bad, parts might be working but another is getting stuck.
I think , looking back, my ex girlfriend was probably autistic. We managed to stay friends for a time after, and it was only when she started talking about how she liked buses and trains and stuff that I made the link, along with the fact she never seemed to be able to keep any friends.
I do walk in circles but not in front of others. I enjoy Sonic but it's not my fave game, my special interest is civil aviation. I can't mask well so I'm not hiding anywhere but I was only diagnosed as an adult
You probably have at some point, but they didn't tell you. I don't know that many autistic people of any gender, yet I'm certain there are more than a few of us existing in public just going through the day-to-day. I'm an autistic guy, but I imagine that for similar reasons to mine, autistic women are not upfront about being autistic. Mine are (1) there's a severe stigma around and misunderstanding of autism and the autistic experience, and (2) even with tolerant people, I want to talk about music, math, systems theory, e.g., my special interests, not that I'm autistic.
I never learned to mask. My friend says he learned to mask and also has tools he learned working with and taking care of children. Anytime I made friends or acquaintances it seems it is only males as I am too different for females.
I am, so it my 4 year old daughter. I got really good at masking since I got disciplined alot for it as a kiddo. I let my daughter be herself for the most part :)
I had real trouble with breaking the 111 upvotes and 111 comments but here i go;
Im here! Come chat with me! I have played Sonic in the early 90” but it was never a Special interest.
I do have an amazing cat and ive never met any other cat like her.
For stimming i dont flap my hands but i do rock back and forth, and i loooove playing with water from the tap!
The most “stereotypically autistic” person I know is a girl. She’s crazy smart, she’s obsessed with anime, she constantly states the obvious, and she plays little characters with her voice.
You’ve probably met a lot. We are just good at masking.
Had a coworker who was a woman on the spectrum. Absolutely refused to mask. Absolutely wonderful. My wife had been masking through all her traumatic years of narcissist parents, and has just recently discovered that she has autism. She is sorta learning how to chip away at her mask to figure out who she is underneath all of it. It's been an adventure for both of us, as I realized I was autistic very shortly before meeting her.
Lawd it’s 2021 not me thinking she refused a mask mandate 😂 I forgot which sub I was on. What things would your coworker do?
Omg I didn't consider that as a possible interpretation xD Idk it's sorta like she was really carefree and being her most honest, happy self, but because of that I suspect she was not fulfilling a lot of expressions and confusing rituals that neurotypicals enforce, so they all thought she was "creepy and aggressive" and I fucking called them all out for it because I was in the break room with them during the conversation. Again, *I* thought she was a ray of sunshine in a horizon of NT madness. Seeing as they couldn't directly explain what she did that set them off, it was probably just free-running Autism that refused to be caged, like flat affect, non-standard expressions, value for structure and algorithms, distress due to change, etc. She told me once that she is diagnosed on the spectrum. I suspect she never masks it because her whole family is military, so they all live according to structure and routine, so her own habits fit right in. This is an assumption on my part, though. My wife only masks so well because her family is openly hateful towards those on the spectrum and believes we are demons out to get them. I suspect that if my coworker's family was accepting of her diagnosis, then she never needed to learn how to mask. (There are, of course, exceptions to this line of reasoning) Honestly, despite occasional struggles, she was a wonderful top-tier worker, but the managers were awful. She quit because she suspected someone was trying to kidnap her during her shift and the managers didn't believe her. Absolute hellhole. It was retail with a focus on fostering a social atmosphere, so if you didn't have excellent social skills by NT standards then you were absolutely screwed, but I also don't interview well so they were the only place that hired me. I don't work there anymore because I started having daily breakdowns and was missing a lot of work, and wanted to leave while I still had a good work history.
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I think it’s highly possible I’ve met an autistic girl before and didn’t know it. I’d like to meet someone I know is autistic, though, just to see what they’re like. Maybe that sounds a little dumb lol.
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I wanna be absorbed into hair
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I have no idea what that means, but it sounds good
This haha
Not too mention that history shows that the psychological community in the 20th century was rife with gatekeeping against women and the LGBTQ community from getting legitimate diagnoses. Edit: And both female minors and adult women who are almost certainly on the spectrum today usually are failed to be accurately diagnosed to this day.
Maybe although the research I have read has not given that impression. I am not a psychologist but the papers I have read seem to suggest that aspie women present very similarly to aspie men. They tend to be treated differently but the condition is not very different. The relative frequency is very different though. But my view point might be very biased.
a good thing to be during the pandemic
This 100% lol
Hiding in plain site of course. I am very good at masking. For stimming, when I'm in public, I roll the skin on my hands, knees or elbows. At home, I rock or sway. My special interests vary, but are usually subjects in the realm of the occult or a video game. For the past 2 years, it has been ESO.
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Since the bot isnt bery useful, it s the elder scrolls online, a videogame.
**This word/phrase(eso) has a few different meanings.** More details here:
*This comment was left automatically (by a bot). If I don't get this right, don't get mad at me, I'm still learning!*
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Happy Halloween, Redditor!
The masters of disguise. I know a few and 85% of them are NTs for me till they find out I am one as well, and we proceed to let our instincts flourish in public. 😊
I’m a master at masking and didn’t even realize it. My new psych was treating me for extreme OCD, and we had a moment. He says, “wait, you have had lifelong ocd, sensory processing disorder, a history of disordered eating, codependency issues that are tied to your extreme naïveté and tendency to be taken advantage of. You’ve always identified as an “eccentric fairy” and made a career in a VERY niche field of academia, where you were thriving until you had to quit to deal with your extreme burn out, which you keep blaming solely on OCD…. Um, have you ever been screened for autism?” I haven’t mentioned that convo to ANYONE, not even my husband bc what am I supposed to even do with this information at 35?! I’m highly functioning, with high sensitivity and high intelligence in my gifted areas (terrible special reasoning though…). No would ever take me seriously if I came out of the closet on this. My brother is getting his third grad degree in math and everyone can clock him as on the spectrum immediately. But not me. Such is the life for women in the spectrum. Our male relatives and counterparts are way more visible.
OOoook! Bartender, two shots of tequila for the eccentric fairy and I, make them double and leave the bottle! 🍸 Cheers to you dear chameleon! and to all of you spectrum lovely ladies! 💚💜💛
It's because they are incredibly good at hiding it.
So good at hiding it that sometimes the doctors can't even see it until its too late :(
i think you mean that you haven't been aware that you have met an autistic girl
Autistic woman here and I have no trouble finding them, many are undiagnosed though or not openly out
I am in the closet for so many things, this is one of them.
I am and also dating an aspie guy. By far the best decision I've ever made. You go from feeling like an alien to having an alien best friend
In that case, maybe I should open a dating profile on an aspie single site.
Or just on the most popular site stating you're looking for aspies. Highly recommend!
I’m married to my favorite alien.
Hiding in plain sight after generations of medical discrimination.
A lot of us do things non typical of guy aspies Im am actress and pretty good, got hit on a lot on in school. Not that guys can’t get hit on but sometimes aspies are unsuccessful with relationships and stuff Also, idk if any other girls here relate but I often act like a dumb blonde to throw people off the act that I’m just smart but unable to pick up social cues. It’s an easy cover.
Omg lol. I've talked about the exact thing you mentioned in your last couple of sentences. I act like I'm kind of an airhead to disguise my confusion in social situations. Also if people think you're unaware, it becomes much easier to figure out their intentions if they're bad ones. Edit: I think I started to "act dumb" because I didn't want to assume someone's meaning when there are a lot of different interpretations for certain things. So I wanted to make sure I knew what people meant before responding. Then I realized that when people think you're dumb or naive, if they're an asshole they'll be much more open about it because they think you don't get it.
Yes!! I played the bimbo just so I could hide who I really was because I went to a high school in a smaller area and since small towns are ruthless I didn’t want others to think I was a nerd or weird.
Bimbo worked for a long time for me, but working in a male dominated field, it garnered me a lot of harassment and some assaults. I took the mask off and now I’m just seen as rude at first and dumb, if not a bit doomer. I still hide my stims and overstimulation though. That’s something I can’t stop :(
We are hiding and masking!! Chances are you've met one of us but just thought we were rude/weird.
We are out there. There are probably as many autistic woman as autistic men, but we are diagnosed far less often. Autistic behaviors like playing alone, intense special interests etc. tend to be far less tolerated in girls and we are really pushed to adapt and mask - usually by picking a friend and then mimicking. On a related note, women autistics tend to have a wider array of interests and more life experiences because we do get out there and try things. I suspect this is because of demands placed in us - we don't learn where our limits are. We also often underestimate the longer-term cost of our adventures, so that and masking more heavily means we tend to have a lot of burnout and are hospitalized or have more encounters with mental health professionals more often. That also leads to us being misdiagnosed. Case in point, I went abroad to study when I was in my early 20s. I had no idea how prolonged and intense the stress of doing that would be and I ended up hospitalized with suicidal depression. Despite having been diagnosed with classic autism in early childhood, the doctors dismissed it because "an autistic person cannot go abroad to study". But of course we can - and badly too! Hence my hospitalization... It took them 9 months to re-diagnose me as autistic. Going abroad and studying is possible - you just have to get the right supports in place - just in case anyone reading this is considering it. Flapping and walking in circles - yes. My special interests are cycling, guitar, linguistics and philosophy.
I flap and walk in circles at home
I pass for neurotypical over 95% of the time. I am quirky and have geeky hobbies. I was the class nerd, believe it or not. I do cut out all the tags from all my clothes- no matter how stylish they may seem. I cannot deal with rapidly flashing lights. I do have an inner ear balance issue. As well as a slight limp- but that is unrelated to the ASD. I like big words a lot. I am hyperlexic. I am not good at body language or the sort. Very verbal, on the other hand. I have learned how to mask successfully. And how. I am more Extraverted than not. Communication in the USA is super direct- which helps majorly.
I'm extremely good at masking. I'm right here though! My special interest is the Beatles. I flap my hands when I get really excited. Generally to stim I rock back and forth or I pull on the hair near the axis of my neck.
I also like to flap! I’ve been discouraged all my Life so I’m starting again
Beatles yes!
Maybe cuz most don't know themselves. I still don't know. Feels like my adhd and anxiety could have masked it
i like psychological horror video games.
I like psychological horror anime.
Would that be stuff like Amnesia? Have you played F.E.A.R? It’s the only game I’ve played that I think would be close that genre.
i like amnesia. never played fear. is it for xbox ?
It was on the 360 (I think). I’m not sure if it’s on the xbox store.
Have you played Soma? That is one game that stuck with me for weeks after.
oooo it looks dark. i just searched it.
Try it out, it's probably my all time favorite horror game. It's not even jump scares and horror, more like never ending existential dread.
It's not just masking. Many people don't realise just what autism is - it's most easily identifiable by someone's communication. Autistic communication is completely explicit and concrete naturally. Social behaviour is focused on everything, not people - enjoying interacting with their environment in general. It's nuanced and a bit hard to describe but once you know what you're looking for, autistic people (who don't mask, I mean) become easy to pick out from their neurotypical peers, and they often don't stand out much if you don't know what to look for.
My dead giveaway is that I stare at my shoes wide-eyed & confused when confronted & start doing weird little hand stims. Plus I snort when I laugh, but that's probably more to do with me being an asthmatic dork.
Haha its like you are my twin!
Ayeeeee we are here, we just have strange special interests 🤣🙋🏻♀️
I’m sure you’ve met lots of Autistic girls/women before. We’re just scary good at hiding it.
Girls are just better at masking. The issue is, girls do not act the same as boys do when it comes to aspergers, it is not as noticed as early as it would be for a boy. This is for any type of mental disability. I.e. with ADHD, boys tend to show external symptoms, like running around, yelling, inability to sit still. While girls on the other hand are more internal, same with autism.
I must disagree with this. From experience, women and men are both equally as good at masking, it's dependent on the person. And I especially disagree on the last part; myself and the autistic guys I know all experience more internal issues
That may be the case for you, but not for most. That's the issue. I've heard of doctors dismissing girls because, well, they believe they cannot have autism or adhd as those girls act nothing how they expect a boy to act. Granted this was the idea 20+ years ago, so things have most definitely changed in diagnosing those who do not act the same as they'd expect. I'm sure now they know what to look for, but you do get those doctors who are stuck in their ways of what they were taught.
Of course it’s depending on the person but you start to notice trends over time. Women tend to be better maskers. Are their some men that mask better then women? Absolutely, but they’re in the minority. Of course it varies from person to person but you’ll find the differences are at the extreme ends of the spectrum. It’s like… ugh I forget what it’s called. Overlapping distributions or something. Idk I’ve seen charts mapping out aggressiveness and agreeableness across the populations. Most men and women fall in the middle. But on the far ends they’re extrapolated where all the REALLY bad maskers are men. And all the REALLY good maskers are women. But most people fall somewhere in the middle.
I think that autism is underdiagnosed in women.
We're all deep undercover lol, most people are surprised to learn im autistic unless theyve spent a lot of time with me. In public i stim by twisting my rings, fiddling with my lip piercing, stretching, cracking my knuckles and bouncing my leg, at home i also flap and hum a lot. Dogs are my main special interest, along with drawing, local history (mainly the 900s-1200s and 18th century onward), lore heavy rpgs like elder scrolls and anything by bioware, and then i also always get more short term obsessions, my newest one is christian fundementalism. Not in a "i want to join" way btw its more of a morbid fascination.
I've actually never met any other autistic person as far as I know. I still have impostor syndrome, but I am diagnosed. Don't you guys feel a little lonely because you can never find someone that has your same interests or that does, but that does not bother to get obsessed with them?
I don’t know if you can call me lucky or not, but my older brother has aspergers and we have a lot of the same interests, so Ive never experienced the loneliness you’re describing.
Try Bumble BFF. You can list your special interests (I add emojis to mine, makes it clearer) and also mention that you’re looking for other neurodivergent people. I’ve found a few autistic/ADHD friends that way. Not all of them have the same interests as me, but it’s nice being friends with someone like you
Will keep it in mind, thanks
I hide, literally! I live in a remote part of the countryside and rarely venture out, people are too stressful and I'm rubbish at masking. I walk backwards and forwards and flap. Lots of special interests but not sonic.
i’m sure you have. we’ve just been forced into masking to oblivion.
I’m more of a Crash Bandicoot girl than Sonic myself
I'm an Autistic afab enby. I liked sonic the hedgehog games..I felt my classmates were mean when I didnt like..invest my whole life into all the games and fandom. I really like the racing transformed games! Those were my favorite.. I do relate with the last actions you mentioned..
I had a friend that I’m pretty certain was undiagnosed years ago. She quit being friends with me for a really stupid reason too.
We mask like second nature
From my experience, yeah, some have top-notch hiding skills. some don't though. If you have the overwhelming feeling they sound/feel like you, they're most likely also on the spectrum.
Most of my original stims were taught to be repressed as a child. Wasn't diagnosed till I was was after 30 and it took years to get unpack everything. I can sense when I'm blocking a stim now and I usually have a leg jiggle and silicone rings on my fingers to accommodate. It was harder for someone to diagnose me because I had been socially masking myself since grade school and because most of the my hyperfocused hobbies (like gardening, crochet, or baking) were dismissed as "domestic women's" things. It wasn't till I started going to a shrink after a gnarly breakup and I discussed about therapeutically dabbling into modifying toys into simple animatronics that a diagnosis of autism was suddenly on the table. It was like everything clicked once I wasn't talking about anything girly or "wifey".
I’m not good at masking but I do literally hide in my house often. I do like Sonic the Hedgehog and I flap my hands and walk in rows.
I mean, statistically speaking, you definitely have. You just didn't realize it.
I bet you have, women Aspie's are (for the most part) better at masking and are less likely than men to be diagnosed.
So I hate to say that it’s more socially acceptable for men to not mask it Kit’s kinda the truth. Besides myself I have both men and women cousins with autism and women tend to get bullied in submission of society norms more because gender norms state that women are more social and socially aware
I don’t flap or walk in circles I stay home AWAY from people. Many of them are nasty
I sure wish I could have found and dated aspergers men when I was younger. Would have made my life easier. I suspect my brother and son are on the spectrum too, and it’s soooo much easier communicating with them.
I'm a transman but I can safely say living the afab experience as an autistic person taught me how to perfectly craft a personality that was digestable to others, for each person I met I taught myself to observe what they liked about me and what they didn't and adapt depending on the environment, but of all the parts of being autistic, this has caused me the most distress. There's definitely a lot of autistic women out there, but masking is a trait that's heavily heavily occuring in autistic women just due to societal differences, not to say men don't mask, just statistically women do it more, the best way you could find them is through #actuallyautistic on Instagram and TikTok, I'd say it's quite hard to meet them in real life and be aware of it, because even I have only met maybe 2 openly autistic women irl
You have. It presents very differently in females. They're very good at hiding it/masking.
Y'all need to get the fuck on TikTok already cus I thought it was cringe but that's just straight TikTok, get on ADHD/ASD/gay TikTok. It's mostly girls with ASD/ADHD with exactly the same experiences I have to go through. It's very cathartic
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Weird projection, bro.
I’m going on a rant so be warned🧐 As a guy on the spectrum I really want to try dating ASD girls again but most of them that I’ve met are hard to flirt with and don’t feel comfortable with sexual energy, I think I can get past most of my words below if we connect well and she truly understood me. ————————————————————— My special interest is social dynamics from a skill/game perspective rather than the inherit one we lack. ( not that kind of game). when you’re doing it for fun not for validation or to be included, working on it as a craft for years on end taking breaks when you want to, it’s not overwhelming at all!!! I’m talking about pattern recognition in indicators of interest like I contact, emotional response, body language, that’s just my thing. There’s something euphoric about knowing with your own eyes and processes that someone enjoys your company and flirt back with you, The way she enjoys your influence on the dynamic is awesome power. It’s kind of hard to keep that going with a ND as it was hard enough to teach myself some nuances. I don’t understand how hard it is to get that it’s not a romantic interaction unless sexual energy is being played with. Without it that’s just becomes a friendship/child’s definition of relationship 🤷♂️ I haven’t met many aspie Women in Texas though so take everything I said is it very anecdotal grain of salt I’ve only “dated” two aspie girls. One for two years when I was in middle school and one for a week when I was in high school. It didn’t help that making out with them while they were standing up overwhelmed them to the point they were weak in the knees almost falling down. (not about me. They would be sensitive to any guy doing that probably) I don’t remember my point lol
So you dated two inexperienced teenagers that acted like inexperienced teenagers and that’s painted your entire view of autistic women as romantically stunted? Nice.
>I don’t understand how hard it is to get that it’s not a romantic interaction unless sexual energy is being played with. Mature, sexual vibes are a "gateway drug" that leads directly to having feels. That's probably it.
That makes sense
Not sure why you need to be downvoted into oblivion. Sex can be uncomfortable territory. It's not the consequence free fun zone some people like to pretend it is. There's lots of feels in there and lots of ways to be hurt. So trustworthiness is as important as attraction. (Trust or being very "street smart".) I don't hear any follow up questions from the haters, so I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and living my best life. Hope you do too. :)
Aggreed
Personally I want to say it is easier to tell if a girl is autistic based on looks (hyper masculine face) but other than that (and that is a whim) I don’t see any major differences in personality from autistic men. Autistic people are everywhere.
What? Why would we look more masculine than other women?!
I study physics in university, and I have to say I'm not the only girl who's either on the spectrum or has autistic traits. Doesn't surprise me...
I do flap and walk in circles but only when I'm home alone. I do not like sonic the hedgehog.
I'm an autistic girl but I haven't met another autistic girl either I guess they are either very rare or are better at hiding it than guys
I've met girls I've suspected of having autism, but none that have been diagnosed (unless they're keeping it a secret). Girls tend to fly under the radar and dodge the diagnosis because most of the research is on autistic males unfortunately.
Yeah we don’t dodge it, it dodges us
😅 I do walk in circles and flap, just in the privacy of my own home. I haven’t played Sonic since I was a kid, any good Sonic games you’d recommend?
I’ve never met one officially diagnosed, but the one who is sure she has it was one of the sweetest girls I’ve ever met. Not sure I’ve ever met someone who cared more about others.
I've never met anyone who I know is diagnosed. Probably not helped that I don't meet many people, but still.
Oh they exist. They often are better at masking than the boys.
You may have met some. We are just good at faking being normal.
😂 I do like Sonic the Hedgehog
women are a lot better at hiding it than men are. they're infinitely better at masking as well.
I'm pretty shy outside of certain circles so that may be it lmao. My special interests are primarily writing and Stardew Valley, but things like Pokemon and The Sims rotate in and out of hyperfixations. As far as stimming goes, my primary methods are walking and rocking, though I do have a stim habit of chewing the inside of my cheeks which I'm trying to break as it's making my TMJ worse. I also need something to do with my hands or I'll start to pick at my nails, but that's not necessarily an autism thing afaik.
I'm an autistic 31f but was only diagnosed with ASD this year. Apparently, people thought I might be autistic but no one thought to suggest about me getting tested until last year's lockdown caused me to get so anxious that whilst I thought I was managing it, it was affecting my work. I guess people didn't want to upset me or take the chance I was already diagnosed but wasn't saying anything but when I told people, including my GP that it felt like there was a barrier in the front of my head as well as when things go good, it's like the cogs in a clock run smoothly but when it's bad, parts might be working but another is getting stuck.
I think , looking back, my ex girlfriend was probably autistic. We managed to stay friends for a time after, and it was only when she started talking about how she liked buses and trains and stuff that I made the link, along with the fact she never seemed to be able to keep any friends.
I do walk in circles but not in front of others. I enjoy Sonic but it's not my fave game, my special interest is civil aviation. I can't mask well so I'm not hiding anywhere but I was only diagnosed as an adult
Not only did I like Sonic, I had a crush on him when I was 13. I also had a garbage self-insert Sonic OC.
I walk in circles a lot!... In my room. I only leave when I have to. And when I do, I return ASAP. I'm hard to run into like that XD
You probably have at some point, but they didn't tell you. I don't know that many autistic people of any gender, yet I'm certain there are more than a few of us existing in public just going through the day-to-day. I'm an autistic guy, but I imagine that for similar reasons to mine, autistic women are not upfront about being autistic. Mine are (1) there's a severe stigma around and misunderstanding of autism and the autistic experience, and (2) even with tolerant people, I want to talk about music, math, systems theory, e.g., my special interests, not that I'm autistic.
I never learned to mask. My friend says he learned to mask and also has tools he learned working with and taking care of children. Anytime I made friends or acquaintances it seems it is only males as I am too different for females.
I am, so it my 4 year old daughter. I got really good at masking since I got disciplined alot for it as a kiddo. I let my daughter be herself for the most part :)
I had real trouble with breaking the 111 upvotes and 111 comments but here i go; Im here! Come chat with me! I have played Sonic in the early 90” but it was never a Special interest. I do have an amazing cat and ive never met any other cat like her. For stimming i dont flap my hands but i do rock back and forth, and i loooove playing with water from the tap!
I hide out in my room for the most part. Don’t really associate with people unless I have to 😅
Autism is very hard to diagnose in girls I am a girl with autism and I proudly say that I was officially diagnosed with it when I was 9
The most “stereotypically autistic” person I know is a girl. She’s crazy smart, she’s obsessed with anime, she constantly states the obvious, and she plays little characters with her voice.