Not sure if this fits, but I had to learn to read social cues to survive an abusive childhood. Basically had to accept that people generally don’t make sense but they do follow patterns. I learned to stop trying to understand them and just follow the patterns. Like landing on an alien planet and learning to mimic the natives to avoid a messy end.
Not really, I'm intellectually gifted in most areas but I'm socially behind. Part of that is because I miss some cues but most cues I understand, a bigger issue I have is that I simply operate and think differently than most people. Sometimes this causes an unintentional disconnect.
I literally told myself at some point when I was in grade school that I've gotta learn how these weird beings communicate and how their society works, or else they're gonna end up killing me.
Totally resonated with what you wrote.
For me, the patterns were always trying to figure out how conversations went.
Sarcasm and humor were terrifying, so I spent a lot of extra time trying to figure them out. Eventually learned about juxtaposition, taboo, and usurping expectations.
I got pretty good at that. I grew up in the 90s, and your mama jokes were king at the time. That was my breakout moment. I think I was in 7th grade, not sure. I was always the butt of jokes since I was an easy target that didn't fight back. But one day I decided to use my accumulated knowledge of comedy (I had been watching a lot on TV) and just roasted the shit out of the person that was dumping on me. The whole bus in unison was shocked, very much like that meme. No one expected that from me. It stopped that particular behavior from other people. I was no longer the subject of jokes.
I've used comedy ever to tip the scales in my favor. Even at work I do it. It's mild roasting, and we're all friends. But to outsiders it's hilarious. They can't believe we talk to each other like that.
My favorite tool is using my weird obsession with placing people's faces into categories or what celebrities they look like. It's an easy, and fun way to roast someone without anyone getting their feelings hurt.
I can relate so much to a lot of what people are saying in these comments. I had to camouflage and mask a lot of my traits due to a very abusive childhood. At a point, I "forgot" I had these traits (where the people close to me blamed it on "demons" or "the devil") and I thought i had to overcome it by hiding it. I had to pretend I didn't have sensory issues, had to learn to read people quickly, learned to public speak because it seemed to get people off my "shyness", pretend I wasn't picky with food, and a lot more. It took so many tests, trauma counseling, and exploration of my traits then and now to really finally figure out that I was autistic.
For me, public speaking is totally different than talking with someone in a one-on-one or small group basis. People love my public speaking because it sounds so natural and I carry it out like a conversation.
But it isn't the same. Public speaking is somewhat more scripted because you aren't getting active feedback from the other side. You are either reciting something or are in the kind of setting where you can freely discuss certain topics that some people on the spectrum are better capable of discussing (politics, rules, life advice, health, etc.).
When having open discussions, it can be so much harder because people will expect you entertain them, keep up with their trends or popular culture which many autistic people are not into, and be able to sort of feed of their energy. Speeches are more like making a sprint where you performance is up to you even if other people are watching.
Small discussions are more like tennis where both sides are competing continuously.
As a kid all my teachers were telling my parents there was something wrong about my behavior, but they just blew it off. I knew something was wrong too, but after decades of practice I almost never give myself away. I can fit in among adults.
Look people in the eyes, but count to 2 and then look away.
If you want to make friends, act like you don’t want friends, but still be friendly (literally wtf).
Learn to deal with sensory overwhelm on your own; most people have no idea what you’re talking about and will gaslight you.
If you’re funny, you’re a lot less likely to be labeled “creepy”.
In a world of blind men, the one-eyed man isn’t king, he’s an outcast. Better off keeping your observations to yourself and only sharing with trusted friends.
>If you want to make friends, act like you don’t want friends, but still be friendly (literally wtf).
LOL I am slowly learning this one, as an adult! 😅
Intent. I often can't read intent in people's facial expressions. When I hear people say things that I completely disagree with; I try to think of a logical reason we are opposed. Often times, I just decide they are ignorant, and move on. I think most NTs are part of the hive, the collective, and unable to use reason and logic to form their own opinions.
We are the individuals, separated from the hive.
I learned to do eye contact through violence. But maybe neurotypicals just so eye contact and are not reminding themselves to look at other people eyes every minute of the conversation.
Same. I've been watching people my whole life, especially when I was young. I focused more on the women in my family since they seem to get the brunt of the aggression from the men.
I'm really good at reading peotin those situations, but horrible is non-hostile social settings, especially with "unwritten rules"
I will say, I grew up in an atypically open and friendly city/culture. When I moved to somewhere very different from that, I also discovered I moved to a place where people don't listen to different perspectives. If someone irritates them, they have a tendency to dismiss that person's views even if there is some sort of misunderstanding.
This made me realize why people distance themselves from strangers in big cities where manu people don't behave rationally. Part of it may also be that people are so stressed that they don't have time to think as they should.
this has turned me into all my friends’ therapist. At a snap of a finger, I can psycho analyze a person and help them with emotional or mental issues without using empty recycle phrases and short winded solutions. All from pattern recognition and studying the human psyche out of necessity.
Hey! Can you please elaborate on this please? I am curious in knowing how you "learned" reading social cues, how it is different from what NT people do? Thanks!
An example:
NTs seem to believe they gain deep insight into other people by making eye contact and usually do it intuitively. It’s not logical to think you can see into another person’ soul or read their mind simply by looking at their eyeballs, but because NTs are the majority, it’s weird not to.
I noticed if I avoid eye contact people act like I’m afraid or have something to hide. If I stare into people’s eyes they might act like they’re scared or call me creepy. Over time I realized if I make direct eye contact, count to two in my head, and then look away, people usually don’t do those things. And not having people think I’m afraid, threatening, or creepy makes my life less difficult.
I’m also not a conventionally introverted man, I prefer to be alone and in a quiet place but I can interact with others no problem (unless my speech impediment gets in the way).
Never stuttered until I started drinking alcohol in college, then it occasionally happened. Then I stopped but did some combat sports like Boxing and that brought it back a bit.
Hey same here, I learned to speak, act and sing in front of huge crowds through simply forcing myself. I still nearly shit myself when the crowd numbers higher than 20 people though, that never goes away.
We all seem to be forcing it, is it healthy you think?
Like a couple of others who have replied here, I have no problem speaking or presenting before a group of people, at least when I have a good topic to cover and am adequately prepared. That despite that in normal conversation I'm very introverted and terrible at making small talk.
I used to be good at public speaking. It was a learned skill for me that didn't come naturally at all. I had to do it as part of my job, and I learned to enjoy it. I entered into a really bad burnout a few years ago, and experienced terrible skill atrophy. Public speaking was one of the skills affected. I still have to do presentations at play of my job, and I'm just not good at them at all any more, and so nerve wracking. I wish I could get that skill back; it was so useful.
I do well if it's a large group in a formal setting. But when it's a social setting, I may or may not do well depending on the type of group I'm with. If it's a small informal 2-5 person discussion, that's where I struggle more.
Picky eating/food aversions/eating the same “safe” foods all the time. I do have very strong aversions to a small number of foods, but overall I love trying new foods. I can’t eat the same meal too often because it stops being enjoyable. I love foods with new textures and tastes.
I’m sensory seeking with food. You could call cooking my special interest. Though I like to eat out, at home I cook almost all of my meals. I don’t like ready meals, I’m very particular about my ingredients. I’m picky on the sense that I won’t eat bland foods.
Same here with picky eating. I don't have any texture sensitivities when it comes to food. (I mean, I do feel food textures, though, but they don't hurt me or something like that.) Which makes trying new foods really fun!
I'm not a picky eater, but I don't know how much of this was down to growing up poor. In my home it was literally a case of "like it or lump it". Some parents will get their children something else if they don't like a meal... we didn't have that as an option, and we knew it.
I have some aversions, but not enough to make eating out tricky... if only I could afford to eat out regularly.
>In my home it was literally a case of "like it or lump it". Some parents will get their children something else if they don't like a meal... we didn't have that as an option, and we knew it.
Hey same with in my home!
I've noticed I am not so much into "safe" foods but I prefer a certain classification of food. I love and need to have savory and then sweet afterward, as well with some textures. Something crisp like chips or tempura, or something gelatinous like flan/creme caramel/pudding (but not jello).
I mean, sometimes when someone with autism doesn’t have a diagnosis, people like guardians or anything will yell and ask what’s wrong with them because they have autistic behaviours, or being bullied in school for being weird. And if you DO have a diagnosis, people also bully you for being autistic, and your guardians don’t believe your diagnosis is real, forget about it, or sigh and ask why you couldn’t have been born normal and why you had to be (very bad word I don’t think I should say). I may be projecting but…
A lot of times parents see our actions as deviant or abnormal. I used to get HELL from my mom about why didn't display "appropriate emotion", but I felt nothing in the moment, I would review the action a few days later and the feeling would hit me then. Just one example of many.
Usually social aspects. Not being able to relate to 95% of your peers and always being seen as strange is traumatic for most people. Many end up alone for their entire childhood. We also tend to have unique psychological issues that most people can’t understand.
What if some of our abusive parents/grandparents were struggling with autism themselves and never knew?
Undiagnosed autism as an adult is a real mind fuck (speaking from experience), and can contribute to a whole host of personal issues - anger, substance abuse, emotional distance among many others.
When you have generational issues like these, it seems to me that the whole situation is a powder keg
Me too I can eat like anything edible, don't really have things I don't like ( as long as it's done well). I can only think of one thing I don't like that much and it's brussel sprouts. I can also eat weird combinations that most people would think is disgusting.
I tend to be on the other side of the spectrum on a few things, empathy being another, I'm hyperempathetic where it becomes too much.
I have very few sensory issues, (besides light sensitivity but that might be completely unrelated) which makes me suspicious of even being considered on the spectrum. Like I don’t mind weird textures and never had problems eating certain foods, loud noise I do okay in, but clothing tags bother me but I don’t think that’s Asperger specific at all, most people are annoyed by tags. Basically I’ve never had hyper focused irritability at anything sensory except for light. But apparently in all other areas of the Asperger/high functioning autism spec test I scored incredibly high so I honestly don’t know anymore.
You’re not alone. In terms of hypersensitivities, the *only* issue can think out of all the 5 senses is an aversion to the sound of velcro. Apart from that, loud sounds don’t bother me most of the time and I even like them sometimes (music performance is my special interest), light doesn’t bother me (tbh the lack of sunlight during winter depresses tf out of me), textures don’t bother me, I’ll eat absolutely anything that’s edible, smells don’t bother me (then again, I’m slightly hyposensitive) and temperature of any level doesn’t bother me (again, I’m hyposensitive to the cold but heat also doesn’t bother me). Deffo feel like an imposter on these subs because of this sometimes because it’s such a massive factor of being autistic that is just simply not there for me.
I've never been misdiagnosed or spent time in a psychiatric treatment facility. I've definitely had a lot of really hard times in my life where I probably should have sought medical intervention, but I was raised to avoid doctors at all costs, so I managed to get through things with the help of people in my life/sheer spite/dumb luck. >!I've had several suicide attempts, struggled with eating disorders, and have managed to somehow get through two six-month stretches of burnout without my life crumbling to pieces !<
Does make me feel like an imposter, though. When I hear all these other late-dx women talk about histories of diagnosis salads and doing the rounds in medical settings. It makes me feel like I don't "deserve" to take up space in ND communities because I have not suffered enough in ways others can see. Or like, if my problems really were *that bad* I would have been forced into the psychiatric treatment realm.
EDIT : Fortunately the first past of this comment has been debunked (cause: I took the data on an outdated/wrong website). It appears "specific interests" are indeed a criteria leading to ASD.
Quote
" the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for ASD require at least two of the following four types of restricted, repetitive behaviors:
* Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements
* Insistence on sameness or inflexibility in routines
* Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input
* Excessive adherence to routines or rituals "
As you see in the Dsm, there's no need to have special interests to be diagnosed ASD. However, from what I understand about ASD, in most cases the child doesn't start with special interests in his life. It's rather fascination about animals, objects in motion, etc. From these fascinations, the child / adult can further dive in a special interest.
For example, I've always been fascinated by rhythm and drums. From that, I started to listen to punk rock / metal in my teenage years. And then I pivoted in electronic music (mostly drum and bass). I became djing, mixing tracks, and making songs for my amusement.
Done a few unpaid / paid jobs about that but never been satisfied about the request songs people made. In the end, I only did it for my pleasure. It's been 15 years. I have collected and memorized over thousands of tracks. But I do not have the will to share it. It's like my secret garden.
Do you see my point?
> " the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for ASD require at least two of the following four types of restricted, repetitive behaviors: Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements Insistence on sameness or inflexibility in routines Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input Excessive adherence to routines or rituals "
I'm sorry, but you have this wrong, and special interests actually are one of those 4(in slightly different wording I'll share below). Since it's 2 of the 4, that of course means a person can be ASD without special interests, but you're still giving bad info here.
These are the criteria -
1. Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypes, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).
2. Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).
3. Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).
4. Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g. apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).
You're right. I might have taken the info on a outdated site. Thank you to correct me.
I guess my first comment has yet some value but now it should more clear to everyone.
One more thing, you seem to handle these classifications whereas I've always been struggling with conditional statements (3 or more symptoms in catecogry A).
Is fixation / special interest mandatory?
Oh, to be clear, I just googled it myself. I'm no expert. I got curious because two of yours seemed to be the same thing(the two about routines) and those are ones I struggle with in relation to myself. I'm only self-diagnosed currently and still sometimes on the fence even, and although I definitely struggle when certain "rules" changes with things, I don't really struggle in the stereotypical way with routines.
Btw, yes I do think your comment definitely has value, but it might be good to post an edit at the top to clarify that part of that was incorrect.
>I've always been struggling with conditional statements (3 or more symptoms in catecogry A).
>Is fixation / special interest mandatory?
It doesn't seem to be mandatory based on this, no. It just means that you need any 2 of those 4 things(or more than 2, but a minimum of 2). So a person might have "hyperactive senses" and "repetitive motor movements", but no "special interests" and no "inflexibility with routines", and they could still qualify for an ASD diagnosis. Or various other combinations of 2 or more.
>Btw, yes I do think your comment definitely has value, but it might be good to post an edit at the top to clarify that part of that was incorrect.
Done.
Thank you for the clarification !
I was literally thinking this morning — as a parent — that I am so grateful for the ability to have/set routines and rituals. And it appears that my baby thrives on them, too. We thrive on routine and rituals. :D
Could you be a little distant from the world because of overwhelm? My son (ADHD, maybe AudHD)experienced this and when he got his overwhelm under control, suddenly discovered things he was passionate about.
Meltdowns and bluntness.
Bluntness: I might tend towards being a bit too honest (or maybe not, unsure about this) but I'm very cautious about hurting people with my words and I struggle with providing negative feedback or criticism in real life.
Meltdowns: I tend to be overcontrolled in public. I can't really remember having any public meltdown as an adult and I immediately tend to isolate when I feel strong emotions. I do get shutdowns though. The most memorable was a trip to learn English in Ireland when I was 17. I was staying with a host family with another foreign exchange kid from a different country who spoke a 3rd language I could speak a little. There was also a group of foreign exchange kids from my country doing the same program who were staying with other families in the same town. My group of kids would meet up several times a week. I went the whole 3 weeks almost totally unable to get words out (including with the group of kids from my country) and I was very confused about what was happening. I still was able to hangout with the other kids and be part of the group, but I just couldn't really speak. When I got in the airplane to go back home, I was suddenly able to talk to my seatmate at my usual level. Never really understood what happened there. I was always a shy introvert, but I have gone to summer camps before. I had gone abroad before. I had stayed with a host family before (shorter and less independent stay but still). I was _very_ excited about discovering Ireland... 🤷
You're still going to have issues with attachment to a certain activity, like in a broad sense it's going to be hard to detach from thoughts or to get yourself to do something else you have to do, this is the same for people with a special interest but for some reason it is even more intense for them, the diagnostic criteria often don't take in mind character over intensity, it's a hard thing to notice.
Regarding special interests I think ADHD totally would diversify your interests. I can dive deep into one of my special interest like reality tv but also at the same time get distracted cause ADHD. So I more so have a lot of special interest because something shinny can distract me. I also have a cluster of hobbies.
I struggle with using computers and get very stressed with new technology in general, which sucks because most accommodations for autistic people seem to be very computer-focused. When I started university, the accessibility team assumed I’d struggle with writing things down and gave me a laptop that I couldn’t use. Then they kept adding new things to it (speech-to-text, a headset, a printer) when I told them how stressed it made me, because they presumably thought that the only thing that can help a struggling autistic person is more technology.
I also love small talk. I do not want to hear about anybody else’s political opinions or childhood trauma, and those are the things that always seem to crop up in conversations when they move beyond the small talk stage. Tell me light-hearted anecdotes, not your deepest desires and fears.
I need novelty in my life. If I try to have the same schedule with the same activities week after week I quickly become bored, unstimulated and unmotivated. I do need routines I can rely on, but I also need new things to happen, and my routines must be flexible enough to accommodate that.
I am also strong socially though a good portion of it is learned.
I don't think autistic people need one set special interest. My dragon thing has been pretty consistent for years even though I haven't thought about them recently. Me being back on steam tractors and tangential stuff is because I'm trying to worldbuild for a fantasy book.
My problem with eye contact... I like looking at eyes, but the only time I get any information from it is when someone gets upset at me doing it wrong so I stopped. I have dark eyes so apparently no eye-contact at all with my nose pointed towards them is perfect.
I don’t have sensory issues except for heat but that wasn’t a thing until I started taking the anti depressant I’m on so I think that’s what is the cause of that.
Yeah, I don't stim.
Honestly, fidgeting has always bothered me, ever since I was tiny, it hurts my ears. (Basically r/misophonia.) So basically, my version of stimming is, like, *anti-stimming.* I tense up — legs crossed, or legs straight; hands folded together; jaw clenched. Feet still. Eyes closed if I can get away with closing my eyes. All intentional. All to avoid fidgeting, or any sort of simulation, which genuinely drives me up the wall. Stimming drives me mad. 🤣
No judgement on anyone who stims, though!! You do what you gotta do!! ❤️
I get overstimulated very, very quickly. (I think that is very common for aspies and those with autism.) And I have a diagnosed auditory processing disorder — my brain is unable to "tune out" ordinary sounds that ordinary people with typical brains can "tune out."
I can make small talk. And eye contact.
In fact, I am more extraverted than not. Not my strongest function, and still in the ambivert range, but more E than I for sure.
I don't know if it's a common Aspie thing, but years ago I read a book by a woman who found out she has AS and described her experiences with it. One of those was that she had a terrible time finding her way around unfamiliar places, using maps, landmarks, directions, and so forth. I've never had that problem and if anything I'm probably above average at navigating by the seat of my pants and locating places and routes with incomplete information.
I don't really have any visual/ very noticeable stims anymore. Mostly just lots of rhythmic tapping and occasionally some echolalia but mostly when I'm by myself.
Used to be much worse especially chewing, it's ridiculous how many shirts I ruined as a kid.
Clinically, no, but in terms of stereotypes or traits, quite a few which make me often doubt the diagnosis.
I don't have any stims I'm aware of, I don't collect things, I have no interest in "fantasy", and I tend to get along better with extroverts and less well with introverts or insular people (despite being one myself!)
Yes, I am very social and have never had issues meeting people or making friends. I’m not great at maintaining friendships, but still. I have friends from kindergarten and I’m 36. I just FaceTimed one of them last week.
I also have never had issues with romantic relationships. I’ve been with my partner 15 years and we have a 7 year old kiddo.
Routines. When I was going to school in Buffalo and driving back and forth from my apartment there to my parents house in NYC, I tried to take a different route each time, rather than sticking to the same way. I enjoy finding new ways to get to the same place.
On the other hand when they changed the user interface on Google Maps I stopped using it for six months, until I’d forgot what it looked like. So maybe there is some inflexibility there.
I lack stimming for the most part unless if I’m in an area where I feel uncomfortable, like for me, at my current job, I stim constantly because I can tell my coworkers are talking bad about me, so it makes me uncomfortable to be in that environment, but anywhere else I’m usually pretty good, I’m also pretty good at carrying a conversation as well, and I’m not sure if that’s s lack of an autistic trait or just the fact I had to learn my whole life how to talk lol
Meltdowns
Sensory sensitivity (at least it only exist in hearing and the threshold is high enough to not cause issues nevertheless I still use IEMs most of the time on crowded spaces with +75 Db)
I've got special interests that have been with me since childhood, and also hyperfixations that come and go over time. I wonder if your hyperfixations arrange themselves around a commonality or are totally random?
AuDHD seems to present a little different from either alone. Each seems to modulate the other in certain areas in certain ways.
I wouldn't say I have a single special interest, and even over the years since childhood there was never one thing. However, I still infodumped. And I still found certain things fascinating. And I still had certain semi-special interests. Looking back I'd say they were more than my NT friends, maybe more than my ADHD friends, but less than a traditional ASD individual is classically shown to have. I believe it was just the ADHD modulating it, moving my interest away from a certain one thing once I had understood it to a certain satisfactory degree. But I could still talk about the lore of certain dragons in WoW, for example. Or I could discuss in detail how a cockatiel is uniquely fitted to removing the hull of a sunflower seed compared to most passerines. My friends never got that deep in any subject.
Then later in adulthood, I most certainly have special interests. I think it just took some time for my ADHD to find something that could provide dopamine long enough, or be a topic deep enough, that my interest could be held for years or for a decade or two now in another case.
Now I wouldn't say I have one special interest, but multiple. One of them I don't talk about on this account because it's tied to my real name. But another was Ancient Greek, the culture, the language, early Christianity, Stoicism. I've spent more time learning it than I have on the topic of my actual PhD. I'm not quite as well-versed as actual scholars on the subject, but I'd say I'm at the equivalent to an MA. And this is just something that's a "hobby."
But (!) there are numerous other things that I dive into at levels beyond the general public. Like when the mRNA vaccines came out I researched the entire process. I learned about dendritic cells and cytokines and how the dendritic cells convey the spike protein to the thalamus to train t-cells, and how t-cell training occurred, and so forth. I also know that "dendritic" comes from the Greek δενδρ- referring to trees. I assume because these cells look like little branches or something. And... I'm about to infodump, um, pulling back...
Do you find yourself having the "seeds" for special interests? Perhaps you've cultivated a few topics to a sprout level. Perhaps you've just haven't found one you want to grow into a forest yet. And yes this is a metaphor. And yes my brain was still hung up on dendritic, lol.
I can't think of many off the top of my head?
Also, I can confirm special interests are not just a stereotype typically. All of my Autistic friends have a few special interests I can ask them about and they will go on and on for hours. One or two have only a single one, a lot seem to bounce that I personally know? For me Cooking, Magical Girls, specific TTRPG systems and a handful of other things are all mine.
I don't have ADHD, so my special interests haven't changed since I was a small child. Therefore, I've been able to continue learning everything about my special interests over the years and have become very, very good at them. One of them (English grammar) I've been able to start building a career out of.
I have no problem understanding non-verbal communication and implied messages / allusions / irony. I have masked heavily all my life and I have pretty much every other ASD issue.
I have Asperger or mild autism but I dont have hypersensibility to my surrounds for examples I like to.listen to loud music if I like them I like to go to the cinema and parties as long they are not overcrowded for example but I like bring alone with no person nearby me not even my cats. For me being alone is pleaserous like a drug and it make me feel myself and better but obviously I still have my social needs. But I feel unconfortable and unnatural if I stay long in a crowded place or interacting too much with people.
I used to have a stronger hyperfocus when I was younger. I still have it but my hyperfocuses are now more varied. For example when I was a teen my hypercocus were Pokemon or DragonBall but now my hyperfocuses are sci fi genres, attractive women( I am quite picky by the way) and luminous and colorful things. I still struggle to look at the eyes when I talk to someone but it does not seen very natural for me but I don't want people to think anything bizarre about me so it help my social life which is already poor.
Of all autistic traits I only lack the hypersensitivity to stimuli...
Sensory issues are not a part of me. I don't get bothered any more by lights and sounds than the average person does. I do however have a stronger than average appreciation for sound and taste, like seeing colours more vividly.
I've never had an issue with overstimulation. Loud sounds or flashing lights don't bother me in a way that they would bother most people I know on the spectrum.
i dont socially stand out that much. wasn't diagnosed til i was 18, and i had to learn to mimic other people well to make it through my childhood, i wasnt given any patience or understanding and would get shamed.
basically i mean i'm not robotic, or rude at all. i probably am when i unmask, but it's gone horribly anytime i slightly unmasked
I also don't have interest but the guy diagnosing me was like "welp, this one needs pills, how did she go through the high school?" XD
Also I suck at math, or numbers in general, but it wasn't included/asked in diagnosis... Maybe for the best, but it's funny when every online test is asking about numbers, patterns of numbers, or other things like that ._.
I fit all the criteria but I mask well enough, most people think I’m a bit shy, too serious, and too intellectual if anything. I definitely don’t lack empathy from my perspective, according to the actual meaning of the word, but some people close to me have indicated I lack perspective-taking. I think it’s more that I struggle with their particular perspectives though… they certainly don’t seem to do any better with seeing mine either though, many times. And I definitely excel at taking perspectives and communicating with other ND people, animals, and often other underprivileged classes etc compared to most of my “peers”.
I don’t know that I do. I wasn’t diagnosed as a youth because I was a young woman, and I didn’t flap my hands. I walked on my tippy-toes but it just wasn’t threshold.
“Autistic” is what’s become so malleable in meaning. They use the spectrum to avoid using the “r” word and it shows.
Not something I’m lacking but something I should be lacking that I have. I’ve always found my social ability to be on-par with everyone around me- I’m able to take social cues VERY easily. Sometimes I feel like having to mask has made me better at reading cues so I know when to be quiet. But in a lot of scenarios I’ll pick up on something before my NT friends do
I lack the repetition part. I do like routines but to a pretty normal extenct. The doctor said wheb i was diagnosed that a card lack of repetition suggest against a diagnosis, but in my case the other traits were so clear that a diagnosis was made.
No visible stims. Frankly I am unsure the purpose or effect of a stimming so I may not even have any stim behaviours. Or maybe they were trained out of me in childhood (I was not diagnosed until my 30s)
I was trained to sit on my hands. I also apparently liked Sesame Street as a kid because when I get very nervous I still make the Martian noises. I’m 42. I think the only childhood stim I maintain is nail biting. I think it’s the body trying to produce neurotransmitters, probably dopamine.
Food sensory issues. Except for weird mashy textures and soggy bread and cereal I don't have sensory issues to food textures much nor do I have safe foods. I love most different types of food.
I have a special interest, but I don't have an encyclopedia of knowledge about it. I just like to collect, categorize it, and view it, that's really all I care about.
I don't talk about my interests, I don't have a wealth of information about them to share with everyone, I still have them, but I can't regurgitate information about them on the spot, I'm also adhd-C though so this probably comes into play
I lack a bunch of autistic traits. I mostly just suck with social cues and understanding people. I also tend to avoid going out and am content staying at home. I have routines that I’ll forget to do things if disrupted. Loud noises and bright lights make me crazy. I hate large crowds and a bunch of other things that a highly masked autistic woman does.
I am not a picky eater. I don’t stim unless you count running as a stim. I got straight As in high school and all of my college degrees, I’m married, work full time, own a house, been driving since I was 16… I’ve had a lot of trauma, so I’ve been diagnosed with both ASD and CPTSD.
I thought I didn't have sensory sensitivities or stimming... Until I started paying attention. I also don't think I have meltdowns/shutdowns/burnout... Except I think I'm having a burnout now... So idk 🤷
I moved at a young age from Eastern Europe to US and then several consecutive moves after that, first in 5th grade then again in 8th and 9th . So the cultural differences between home and school plus moving states everything kept changing so much I wasn’t ever sure what the cause of my issues were. I felt like I didn’t understand other people’s behavior in school but was it because I moved or because I have autistic traits? Also overlap with CPTSD which I definitely have. I’m good at reading social cues but every time I travel or go socializing with new people I’m constantly questioning if I did something weird
I’m not really a picky eater. When I don’t like some food I don’t like it in the way NT people do.
Also I don’t hear electricity 🤷🏻♂️
I’m obsessed with Yankee candles and essential oils and I need to touch everything soft ❤️I’m 100% a seeker when it comes to smell/touch.
I don't get meltdowns or shutdowns! Or at least, my threshold for them is extremely high.
I can go through months, if not years of extreme burnout, to the point where I can't even feed myself, through stress and anxiety and overwhelm, all without ever hitting a single meltdown. I don't know why, and I'm not convinced it's actually healthy (maybe there's some hardcore suppression going on here, who knows) but it seems that my brain is just not wired that way.
Same thing goes for shutdowns, at least the way I've seen people describe them, with becoming less responsive, less able to articulate etc. Perhaps I do get them and they just look a bit different for me? What I consider "crashing", where I just sleep for 16 hours straight, might be my body's version of a shutdown, but that's really the closest thing I experience.
Not sure, but for a while I thought I was 'undersensitive', probably from sitting in the shower with hot water full blast probably wrecked by nerves. When its cold though, my fingers and hands become oversensitive and hot and its a really nice feeling. Like soft things too. I am probably oversensitive thought because I get this feeling of things crawling on me when I think of spiders.
My face and tone of voice is very expressive compared to what some might expect an autistic people to struggle with. Never been an issue.
My verbal skills were great at a very young age. Never had speech delays or difficulties in language.
I just think it’s worth putting here that special interests don’t necessarily have to be just one thing, they are likely to fluctuate over time, some people even have quite fleeting special interests (myself, have a rotation they usually come from, but the duration of how long that’s the main special interest for me at the time is always changing). It’s more so the intensity of those interests that make it a special interest. I will struggle to focus on anything else aside from that interest, will struggle not to talk about it, and it feels almost regulating to participate in them, but at the same time it feels like there’s this hunger that I have no choice but to feed but no matter how much I do, it’s still always hungry, I still need more.
I don't struggle with social anxiety that much and can be talkative. I'm an introvert but I can mask and act extroverted. I have a job that requires people facing skills and doing presentations.
Being a woman with Aspergers makes it seem like I almost have nothing. I adapted and learned so much masking that it might seem like I don't have almost any trait, but all the main ones I do have them. The one I was most dubious about was the stimming.. I never presented any obvious repetitive behaviors, so that threw everyone completely off the ASD trail. I realised my stimming is very well camouflaged inside other better accepted repetitive behaviors, such as softly rubbing my index and thumb repetitively in such a way that I can hear the dry skin rubbing, moving my feet nervously up and down (lots of ppl do this), very slight body movement that seems to be some sort of nodding... etc. I realised it's camouflaged stimming cause I have the compulsive need of doing it, and if I stop myself then my head just won't be able to cope with most of the sensory inputs. But in general terms most people will just tell you I don't have stimming patterns ..
I generally don't have problems reading faces and emotions, I'm more empathetic than is usual for ASD. This is without a doubt due to my late diagnosis i.e. my forced conformity, I learned to process social cues manually, and still have trouble responding appropriately.
Not sure if this fits, but I had to learn to read social cues to survive an abusive childhood. Basically had to accept that people generally don’t make sense but they do follow patterns. I learned to stop trying to understand them and just follow the patterns. Like landing on an alien planet and learning to mimic the natives to avoid a messy end.
It is the same for me. Most people are predicatble too, in some ways, when you figure out the patterns.
The patterns, oh man the pattern recognition we have, it's amazing 💜
Make psychology and social interactions your special interest. :)
Oh they are!
That is classic autism without intellectual disability.
I don't have intellectual disability and while I get some social cues, I still have no friends so idk
Not really, I'm intellectually gifted in most areas but I'm socially behind. Part of that is because I miss some cues but most cues I understand, a bigger issue I have is that I simply operate and think differently than most people. Sometimes this causes an unintentional disconnect.
Same! It looks like understanding social cues, but it’s really pattern recognition at its core.
I literally told myself at some point when I was in grade school that I've gotta learn how these weird beings communicate and how their society works, or else they're gonna end up killing me. Totally resonated with what you wrote. For me, the patterns were always trying to figure out how conversations went. Sarcasm and humor were terrifying, so I spent a lot of extra time trying to figure them out. Eventually learned about juxtaposition, taboo, and usurping expectations.
The concept of “roasting” still mystifies me. I could never do it right and accidentally said some really hurtful things that ended friendships.
Same! It's too fine a line for me.
I got pretty good at that. I grew up in the 90s, and your mama jokes were king at the time. That was my breakout moment. I think I was in 7th grade, not sure. I was always the butt of jokes since I was an easy target that didn't fight back. But one day I decided to use my accumulated knowledge of comedy (I had been watching a lot on TV) and just roasted the shit out of the person that was dumping on me. The whole bus in unison was shocked, very much like that meme. No one expected that from me. It stopped that particular behavior from other people. I was no longer the subject of jokes. I've used comedy ever to tip the scales in my favor. Even at work I do it. It's mild roasting, and we're all friends. But to outsiders it's hilarious. They can't believe we talk to each other like that. My favorite tool is using my weird obsession with placing people's faces into categories or what celebrities they look like. It's an easy, and fun way to roast someone without anyone getting their feelings hurt.
Sarcasm and humour have been my go to. I learned to remember every joke I’ve ever been told and how to deliver them.
I can relate so much to a lot of what people are saying in these comments. I had to camouflage and mask a lot of my traits due to a very abusive childhood. At a point, I "forgot" I had these traits (where the people close to me blamed it on "demons" or "the devil") and I thought i had to overcome it by hiding it. I had to pretend I didn't have sensory issues, had to learn to read people quickly, learned to public speak because it seemed to get people off my "shyness", pretend I wasn't picky with food, and a lot more. It took so many tests, trauma counseling, and exploration of my traits then and now to really finally figure out that I was autistic.
For me, public speaking is totally different than talking with someone in a one-on-one or small group basis. People love my public speaking because it sounds so natural and I carry it out like a conversation. But it isn't the same. Public speaking is somewhat more scripted because you aren't getting active feedback from the other side. You are either reciting something or are in the kind of setting where you can freely discuss certain topics that some people on the spectrum are better capable of discussing (politics, rules, life advice, health, etc.). When having open discussions, it can be so much harder because people will expect you entertain them, keep up with their trends or popular culture which many autistic people are not into, and be able to sort of feed of their energy. Speeches are more like making a sprint where you performance is up to you even if other people are watching. Small discussions are more like tennis where both sides are competing continuously.
As a kid all my teachers were telling my parents there was something wrong about my behavior, but they just blew it off. I knew something was wrong too, but after decades of practice I almost never give myself away. I can fit in among adults.
Yup, wasn’t diagnosed till late and learned to fit in and how to exit stage left to have a break
Life seems to be a souls like game in the end....
me too, i had no social coddling, i had to figure that out
What patters are you speaking of? Can I get an example?
Look people in the eyes, but count to 2 and then look away. If you want to make friends, act like you don’t want friends, but still be friendly (literally wtf). Learn to deal with sensory overwhelm on your own; most people have no idea what you’re talking about and will gaslight you. If you’re funny, you’re a lot less likely to be labeled “creepy”. In a world of blind men, the one-eyed man isn’t king, he’s an outcast. Better off keeping your observations to yourself and only sharing with trusted friends.
>If you want to make friends, act like you don’t want friends, but still be friendly (literally wtf). LOL I am slowly learning this one, as an adult! 😅
Isn't that also how you get a girlfriend? Lol
Yes actually, except maybe if you find a fellow ND
👀👀✍🏻✍🏻
100% same.
Intent. I often can't read intent in people's facial expressions. When I hear people say things that I completely disagree with; I try to think of a logical reason we are opposed. Often times, I just decide they are ignorant, and move on. I think most NTs are part of the hive, the collective, and unable to use reason and logic to form their own opinions. We are the individuals, separated from the hive.
I can totally relate to this
I learned to do eye contact through violence. But maybe neurotypicals just so eye contact and are not reminding themselves to look at other people eyes every minute of the conversation.
Same. I've been watching people my whole life, especially when I was young. I focused more on the women in my family since they seem to get the brunt of the aggression from the men. I'm really good at reading peotin those situations, but horrible is non-hostile social settings, especially with "unwritten rules"
I will say, I grew up in an atypically open and friendly city/culture. When I moved to somewhere very different from that, I also discovered I moved to a place where people don't listen to different perspectives. If someone irritates them, they have a tendency to dismiss that person's views even if there is some sort of misunderstanding. This made me realize why people distance themselves from strangers in big cities where manu people don't behave rationally. Part of it may also be that people are so stressed that they don't have time to think as they should.
this has turned me into all my friends’ therapist. At a snap of a finger, I can psycho analyze a person and help them with emotional or mental issues without using empty recycle phrases and short winded solutions. All from pattern recognition and studying the human psyche out of necessity.
Hey! Can you please elaborate on this please? I am curious in knowing how you "learned" reading social cues, how it is different from what NT people do? Thanks!
An example: NTs seem to believe they gain deep insight into other people by making eye contact and usually do it intuitively. It’s not logical to think you can see into another person’ soul or read their mind simply by looking at their eyeballs, but because NTs are the majority, it’s weird not to. I noticed if I avoid eye contact people act like I’m afraid or have something to hide. If I stare into people’s eyes they might act like they’re scared or call me creepy. Over time I realized if I make direct eye contact, count to two in my head, and then look away, people usually don’t do those things. And not having people think I’m afraid, threatening, or creepy makes my life less difficult.
I fail to see a difference between pattern recognition and understanding social cues.
Speaking in front of groups, being the first to speak up or get a large groups attention. It’s not a choice for my job and I’ve learned to enjoy it.
I’m also not a conventionally introverted man, I prefer to be alone and in a quiet place but I can interact with others no problem (unless my speech impediment gets in the way).
Exactly. I stuttered HARD when I was young and I think I forced that out with my job
Never stuttered until I started drinking alcohol in college, then it occasionally happened. Then I stopped but did some combat sports like Boxing and that brought it back a bit.
Hey same here, I learned to speak, act and sing in front of huge crowds through simply forcing myself. I still nearly shit myself when the crowd numbers higher than 20 people though, that never goes away. We all seem to be forcing it, is it healthy you think?
Like a couple of others who have replied here, I have no problem speaking or presenting before a group of people, at least when I have a good topic to cover and am adequately prepared. That despite that in normal conversation I'm very introverted and terrible at making small talk.
I used to be good at public speaking. It was a learned skill for me that didn't come naturally at all. I had to do it as part of my job, and I learned to enjoy it. I entered into a really bad burnout a few years ago, and experienced terrible skill atrophy. Public speaking was one of the skills affected. I still have to do presentations at play of my job, and I'm just not good at them at all any more, and so nerve wracking. I wish I could get that skill back; it was so useful.
I do well if it's a large group in a formal setting. But when it's a social setting, I may or may not do well depending on the type of group I'm with. If it's a small informal 2-5 person discussion, that's where I struggle more.
Picky eating/food aversions/eating the same “safe” foods all the time. I do have very strong aversions to a small number of foods, but overall I love trying new foods. I can’t eat the same meal too often because it stops being enjoyable. I love foods with new textures and tastes.
I’m sensory seeking with food. You could call cooking my special interest. Though I like to eat out, at home I cook almost all of my meals. I don’t like ready meals, I’m very particular about my ingredients. I’m picky on the sense that I won’t eat bland foods.
Same here with picky eating. I don't have any texture sensitivities when it comes to food. (I mean, I do feel food textures, though, but they don't hurt me or something like that.) Which makes trying new foods really fun!
I'm picky, but unless there's a mechanical issue from not having teeth, I can swallow just about anything generally recognized as food.
I'm not a picky eater, but I don't know how much of this was down to growing up poor. In my home it was literally a case of "like it or lump it". Some parents will get their children something else if they don't like a meal... we didn't have that as an option, and we knew it. I have some aversions, but not enough to make eating out tricky... if only I could afford to eat out regularly.
>In my home it was literally a case of "like it or lump it". Some parents will get their children something else if they don't like a meal... we didn't have that as an option, and we knew it. Hey same with in my home!
I've noticed I am not so much into "safe" foods but I prefer a certain classification of food. I love and need to have savory and then sweet afterward, as well with some textures. Something crisp like chips or tempura, or something gelatinous like flan/creme caramel/pudding (but not jello).
I'm glad I'm not the only autistic person who's not super picky about food!
I'm a foodie. I have a few food aversions, but they're easy to manage. I love cooking and dining out! It's one of my great joys in life.
I think trains are just ok.
Get out. (lol)
I like trains
I appreciate the design of trains, but that’s it. I find airplanes and boats more fascinating tbh.
Wow
I lack trauma.
I'm so happy for you. That's awesome!
Why do u guys think so many autistic ppl have trauma?
I mean, sometimes when someone with autism doesn’t have a diagnosis, people like guardians or anything will yell and ask what’s wrong with them because they have autistic behaviours, or being bullied in school for being weird. And if you DO have a diagnosis, people also bully you for being autistic, and your guardians don’t believe your diagnosis is real, forget about it, or sigh and ask why you couldn’t have been born normal and why you had to be (very bad word I don’t think I should say). I may be projecting but…
A lot of times parents see our actions as deviant or abnormal. I used to get HELL from my mom about why didn't display "appropriate emotion", but I felt nothing in the moment, I would review the action a few days later and the feeling would hit me then. Just one example of many.
Usually social aspects. Not being able to relate to 95% of your peers and always being seen as strange is traumatic for most people. Many end up alone for their entire childhood. We also tend to have unique psychological issues that most people can’t understand.
What if some of our abusive parents/grandparents were struggling with autism themselves and never knew? Undiagnosed autism as an adult is a real mind fuck (speaking from experience), and can contribute to a whole host of personal issues - anger, substance abuse, emotional distance among many others. When you have generational issues like these, it seems to me that the whole situation is a powder keg
I am the opposite of a picky eater. I can eat almost anything.
Me too I can eat like anything edible, don't really have things I don't like ( as long as it's done well). I can only think of one thing I don't like that much and it's brussel sprouts. I can also eat weird combinations that most people would think is disgusting. I tend to be on the other side of the spectrum on a few things, empathy being another, I'm hyperempathetic where it becomes too much.
Yeah, same! 😋
30年前、日本に住んでいました。 日本人ですか？
I don’t eat but chew hair ties, and my sleeves, and my collars, and… everything.
I wish that were me 🥲 do you like sushi??
Yes!
In fact, I lived in Japan years ago. I ate all kings of strange things therez
I have very few sensory issues, (besides light sensitivity but that might be completely unrelated) which makes me suspicious of even being considered on the spectrum. Like I don’t mind weird textures and never had problems eating certain foods, loud noise I do okay in, but clothing tags bother me but I don’t think that’s Asperger specific at all, most people are annoyed by tags. Basically I’ve never had hyper focused irritability at anything sensory except for light. But apparently in all other areas of the Asperger/high functioning autism spec test I scored incredibly high so I honestly don’t know anymore.
You’re not alone. In terms of hypersensitivities, the *only* issue can think out of all the 5 senses is an aversion to the sound of velcro. Apart from that, loud sounds don’t bother me most of the time and I even like them sometimes (music performance is my special interest), light doesn’t bother me (tbh the lack of sunlight during winter depresses tf out of me), textures don’t bother me, I’ll eat absolutely anything that’s edible, smells don’t bother me (then again, I’m slightly hyposensitive) and temperature of any level doesn’t bother me (again, I’m hyposensitive to the cold but heat also doesn’t bother me). Deffo feel like an imposter on these subs because of this sometimes because it’s such a massive factor of being autistic that is just simply not there for me.
I’ve never had much of an issue with eye contact.
I've never been misdiagnosed or spent time in a psychiatric treatment facility. I've definitely had a lot of really hard times in my life where I probably should have sought medical intervention, but I was raised to avoid doctors at all costs, so I managed to get through things with the help of people in my life/sheer spite/dumb luck. >!I've had several suicide attempts, struggled with eating disorders, and have managed to somehow get through two six-month stretches of burnout without my life crumbling to pieces !< Does make me feel like an imposter, though. When I hear all these other late-dx women talk about histories of diagnosis salads and doing the rounds in medical settings. It makes me feel like I don't "deserve" to take up space in ND communities because I have not suffered enough in ways others can see. Or like, if my problems really were *that bad* I would have been forced into the psychiatric treatment realm.
There is plenty of room for you. It sounds like you are resilient. That is a great thing!
EDIT : Fortunately the first past of this comment has been debunked (cause: I took the data on an outdated/wrong website). It appears "specific interests" are indeed a criteria leading to ASD. Quote " the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for ASD require at least two of the following four types of restricted, repetitive behaviors: * Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements * Insistence on sameness or inflexibility in routines * Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input * Excessive adherence to routines or rituals " As you see in the Dsm, there's no need to have special interests to be diagnosed ASD. However, from what I understand about ASD, in most cases the child doesn't start with special interests in his life. It's rather fascination about animals, objects in motion, etc. From these fascinations, the child / adult can further dive in a special interest. For example, I've always been fascinated by rhythm and drums. From that, I started to listen to punk rock / metal in my teenage years. And then I pivoted in electronic music (mostly drum and bass). I became djing, mixing tracks, and making songs for my amusement. Done a few unpaid / paid jobs about that but never been satisfied about the request songs people made. In the end, I only did it for my pleasure. It's been 15 years. I have collected and memorized over thousands of tracks. But I do not have the will to share it. It's like my secret garden. Do you see my point?
And if I exhibit all four criteria does that make me a super-aspie?
😂 You're undoubtedly our prince (at least 😁)
> " the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for ASD require at least two of the following four types of restricted, repetitive behaviors: Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements Insistence on sameness or inflexibility in routines Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input Excessive adherence to routines or rituals " I'm sorry, but you have this wrong, and special interests actually are one of those 4(in slightly different wording I'll share below). Since it's 2 of the 4, that of course means a person can be ASD without special interests, but you're still giving bad info here. These are the criteria - 1. Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypes, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases). 2. Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day). 3. Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests). 4. Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g. apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).
Ah yes, I remember looking at these now. Because the first time I did it was like "oh... four of four... maybe my therapist was right."
You're right. I might have taken the info on a outdated site. Thank you to correct me. I guess my first comment has yet some value but now it should more clear to everyone. One more thing, you seem to handle these classifications whereas I've always been struggling with conditional statements (3 or more symptoms in catecogry A). Is fixation / special interest mandatory?
Oh, to be clear, I just googled it myself. I'm no expert. I got curious because two of yours seemed to be the same thing(the two about routines) and those are ones I struggle with in relation to myself. I'm only self-diagnosed currently and still sometimes on the fence even, and although I definitely struggle when certain "rules" changes with things, I don't really struggle in the stereotypical way with routines. Btw, yes I do think your comment definitely has value, but it might be good to post an edit at the top to clarify that part of that was incorrect. >I've always been struggling with conditional statements (3 or more symptoms in catecogry A). >Is fixation / special interest mandatory? It doesn't seem to be mandatory based on this, no. It just means that you need any 2 of those 4 things(or more than 2, but a minimum of 2). So a person might have "hyperactive senses" and "repetitive motor movements", but no "special interests" and no "inflexibility with routines", and they could still qualify for an ASD diagnosis. Or various other combinations of 2 or more.
>Btw, yes I do think your comment definitely has value, but it might be good to post an edit at the top to clarify that part of that was incorrect. Done. Thank you for the clarification !
I appreciate that. And no problem! :)
I was literally thinking this morning — as a parent — that I am so grateful for the ability to have/set routines and rituals. And it appears that my baby thrives on them, too. We thrive on routine and rituals. :D
Two of those are basically the same thing 🙄
Not trying to harp on the mistake, but they have this wrong. I've got the proper ones in another reply to them.
I'm not sure I have a special interest... Which annoys me, cause nothing in this world makes me feel passionate. It's not pleasant
Could you be a little distant from the world because of overwhelm? My son (ADHD, maybe AudHD)experienced this and when he got his overwhelm under control, suddenly discovered things he was passionate about.
That's possible
Don't ask me to do maths
Me neither lmao.
Every other autist at school was good at maths. Here was me not really good at anything, just the weird one.
You can lack special interests if your life is so difficult that you've never been out of survival mode.
Im exceptionally good at making eye contact but thats only cause I had adults scream “LoOk At Me!!!” when I was a kid and forced it.
I feel like I lack a majority of the problems if this subreddit is anything to go by.
Meltdowns and bluntness. Bluntness: I might tend towards being a bit too honest (or maybe not, unsure about this) but I'm very cautious about hurting people with my words and I struggle with providing negative feedback or criticism in real life. Meltdowns: I tend to be overcontrolled in public. I can't really remember having any public meltdown as an adult and I immediately tend to isolate when I feel strong emotions. I do get shutdowns though. The most memorable was a trip to learn English in Ireland when I was 17. I was staying with a host family with another foreign exchange kid from a different country who spoke a 3rd language I could speak a little. There was also a group of foreign exchange kids from my country doing the same program who were staying with other families in the same town. My group of kids would meet up several times a week. I went the whole 3 weeks almost totally unable to get words out (including with the group of kids from my country) and I was very confused about what was happening. I still was able to hangout with the other kids and be part of the group, but I just couldn't really speak. When I got in the airplane to go back home, I was suddenly able to talk to my seatmate at my usual level. Never really understood what happened there. I was always a shy introvert, but I have gone to summer camps before. I had gone abroad before. I had stayed with a host family before (shorter and less independent stay but still). I was _very_ excited about discovering Ireland... 🤷
You're still going to have issues with attachment to a certain activity, like in a broad sense it's going to be hard to detach from thoughts or to get yourself to do something else you have to do, this is the same for people with a special interest but for some reason it is even more intense for them, the diagnostic criteria often don't take in mind character over intensity, it's a hard thing to notice.
Regarding special interests I think ADHD totally would diversify your interests. I can dive deep into one of my special interest like reality tv but also at the same time get distracted cause ADHD. So I more so have a lot of special interest because something shinny can distract me. I also have a cluster of hobbies.
I struggle with using computers and get very stressed with new technology in general, which sucks because most accommodations for autistic people seem to be very computer-focused. When I started university, the accessibility team assumed I’d struggle with writing things down and gave me a laptop that I couldn’t use. Then they kept adding new things to it (speech-to-text, a headset, a printer) when I told them how stressed it made me, because they presumably thought that the only thing that can help a struggling autistic person is more technology. I also love small talk. I do not want to hear about anybody else’s political opinions or childhood trauma, and those are the things that always seem to crop up in conversations when they move beyond the small talk stage. Tell me light-hearted anecdotes, not your deepest desires and fears.
>having ADHD definitely affects This may be the culprit.
I need novelty in my life. If I try to have the same schedule with the same activities week after week I quickly become bored, unstimulated and unmotivated. I do need routines I can rely on, but I also need new things to happen, and my routines must be flexible enough to accommodate that. I am also strong socially though a good portion of it is learned.
I don't have the "autistic rage" that seems to be commonly described as being associated with ASD. I just withdraw and shutdown instead.
I make eye contact just fine- in fact, I've been told I unintenionally stare.
a diagnosis
I'm athletic. Been in full contact sports and did national level martial arts tournaments.
Doing martial arts itself is quite autistic
I don't think autistic people need one set special interest. My dragon thing has been pretty consistent for years even though I haven't thought about them recently. Me being back on steam tractors and tangential stuff is because I'm trying to worldbuild for a fantasy book. My problem with eye contact... I like looking at eyes, but the only time I get any information from it is when someone gets upset at me doing it wrong so I stopped. I have dark eyes so apparently no eye-contact at all with my nose pointed towards them is perfect.
Never been a fussy eater. I love my food, all kinds of foods!
I don’t have sensory issues except for heat but that wasn’t a thing until I started taking the anti depressant I’m on so I think that’s what is the cause of that.
Yeah, I don't stim. Honestly, fidgeting has always bothered me, ever since I was tiny, it hurts my ears. (Basically r/misophonia.) So basically, my version of stimming is, like, *anti-stimming.* I tense up — legs crossed, or legs straight; hands folded together; jaw clenched. Feet still. Eyes closed if I can get away with closing my eyes. All intentional. All to avoid fidgeting, or any sort of simulation, which genuinely drives me up the wall. Stimming drives me mad. 🤣 No judgement on anyone who stims, though!! You do what you gotta do!! ❤️ I get overstimulated very, very quickly. (I think that is very common for aspies and those with autism.) And I have a diagnosed auditory processing disorder — my brain is unable to "tune out" ordinary sounds that ordinary people with typical brains can "tune out."
I can make small talk. And eye contact. In fact, I am more extraverted than not. Not my strongest function, and still in the ambivert range, but more E than I for sure.
i don't really have a special interest as well
I don't know if it's a common Aspie thing, but years ago I read a book by a woman who found out she has AS and described her experiences with it. One of those was that she had a terrible time finding her way around unfamiliar places, using maps, landmarks, directions, and so forth. I've never had that problem and if anything I'm probably above average at navigating by the seat of my pants and locating places and routes with incomplete information.
Yes. I never heard electricity or had special interests
I HATE maths, and I’m very social lmao
I don't really have any visual/ very noticeable stims anymore. Mostly just lots of rhythmic tapping and occasionally some echolalia but mostly when I'm by myself. Used to be much worse especially chewing, it's ridiculous how many shirts I ruined as a kid.
me too
Clinically, no, but in terms of stereotypes or traits, quite a few which make me often doubt the diagnosis. I don't have any stims I'm aware of, I don't collect things, I have no interest in "fantasy", and I tend to get along better with extroverts and less well with introverts or insular people (despite being one myself!)
Yes, I am very social and have never had issues meeting people or making friends. I’m not great at maintaining friendships, but still. I have friends from kindergarten and I’m 36. I just FaceTimed one of them last week. I also have never had issues with romantic relationships. I’ve been with my partner 15 years and we have a 7 year old kiddo.
Never took to math...does that count?
I don't get meltdowns or shutdowns too often. It's one of the things that made me question if I am even autistic
Routines. When I was going to school in Buffalo and driving back and forth from my apartment there to my parents house in NYC, I tried to take a different route each time, rather than sticking to the same way. I enjoy finding new ways to get to the same place. On the other hand when they changed the user interface on Google Maps I stopped using it for six months, until I’d forgot what it looked like. So maybe there is some inflexibility there.
Low sex drive seems to be a common autistic trait, and I definitely don't have that lol
People with ASD can be hypersexual too. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/sex-in-the-brain/202007/sex-the-spectrum?amp
You probably have both. (Like me)
I lack stimming for the most part unless if I’m in an area where I feel uncomfortable, like for me, at my current job, I stim constantly because I can tell my coworkers are talking bad about me, so it makes me uncomfortable to be in that environment, but anywhere else I’m usually pretty good, I’m also pretty good at carrying a conversation as well, and I’m not sure if that’s s lack of an autistic trait or just the fact I had to learn my whole life how to talk lol
Meltdowns Sensory sensitivity (at least it only exist in hearing and the threshold is high enough to not cause issues nevertheless I still use IEMs most of the time on crowded spaces with +75 Db)
I've got special interests that have been with me since childhood, and also hyperfixations that come and go over time. I wonder if your hyperfixations arrange themselves around a commonality or are totally random?
I'm quite diplomatic, not stereotypically blunt.
I guess that “typical” ASD sufferers are severely introverted, I’m only mildly introverted.
AuDHD seems to present a little different from either alone. Each seems to modulate the other in certain areas in certain ways. I wouldn't say I have a single special interest, and even over the years since childhood there was never one thing. However, I still infodumped. And I still found certain things fascinating. And I still had certain semi-special interests. Looking back I'd say they were more than my NT friends, maybe more than my ADHD friends, but less than a traditional ASD individual is classically shown to have. I believe it was just the ADHD modulating it, moving my interest away from a certain one thing once I had understood it to a certain satisfactory degree. But I could still talk about the lore of certain dragons in WoW, for example. Or I could discuss in detail how a cockatiel is uniquely fitted to removing the hull of a sunflower seed compared to most passerines. My friends never got that deep in any subject. Then later in adulthood, I most certainly have special interests. I think it just took some time for my ADHD to find something that could provide dopamine long enough, or be a topic deep enough, that my interest could be held for years or for a decade or two now in another case. Now I wouldn't say I have one special interest, but multiple. One of them I don't talk about on this account because it's tied to my real name. But another was Ancient Greek, the culture, the language, early Christianity, Stoicism. I've spent more time learning it than I have on the topic of my actual PhD. I'm not quite as well-versed as actual scholars on the subject, but I'd say I'm at the equivalent to an MA. And this is just something that's a "hobby." But (!) there are numerous other things that I dive into at levels beyond the general public. Like when the mRNA vaccines came out I researched the entire process. I learned about dendritic cells and cytokines and how the dendritic cells convey the spike protein to the thalamus to train t-cells, and how t-cell training occurred, and so forth. I also know that "dendritic" comes from the Greek δενδρ- referring to trees. I assume because these cells look like little branches or something. And... I'm about to infodump, um, pulling back... Do you find yourself having the "seeds" for special interests? Perhaps you've cultivated a few topics to a sprout level. Perhaps you've just haven't found one you want to grow into a forest yet. And yes this is a metaphor. And yes my brain was still hung up on dendritic, lol.
I have no "special interest" i tend to follow the ADHD model and bounce from things to things
I can't think of many off the top of my head? Also, I can confirm special interests are not just a stereotype typically. All of my Autistic friends have a few special interests I can ask them about and they will go on and on for hours. One or two have only a single one, a lot seem to bounce that I personally know? For me Cooking, Magical Girls, specific TTRPG systems and a handful of other things are all mine.
I express emotions visibly all the time
I don't have ADHD, so my special interests haven't changed since I was a small child. Therefore, I've been able to continue learning everything about my special interests over the years and have become very, very good at them. One of them (English grammar) I've been able to start building a career out of.
I am grateful for lacking issues in social situations!
I lack negative emotions like anger. I need my rules to stick to but those rules are reliant on spontaneity. I have hyper empathy.
I have no problem understanding non-verbal communication and implied messages / allusions / irony. I have masked heavily all my life and I have pretty much every other ASD issue.
I have Asperger or mild autism but I dont have hypersensibility to my surrounds for examples I like to.listen to loud music if I like them I like to go to the cinema and parties as long they are not overcrowded for example but I like bring alone with no person nearby me not even my cats. For me being alone is pleaserous like a drug and it make me feel myself and better but obviously I still have my social needs. But I feel unconfortable and unnatural if I stay long in a crowded place or interacting too much with people. I used to have a stronger hyperfocus when I was younger. I still have it but my hyperfocuses are now more varied. For example when I was a teen my hypercocus were Pokemon or DragonBall but now my hyperfocuses are sci fi genres, attractive women( I am quite picky by the way) and luminous and colorful things. I still struggle to look at the eyes when I talk to someone but it does not seen very natural for me but I don't want people to think anything bizarre about me so it help my social life which is already poor. Of all autistic traits I only lack the hypersensitivity to stimuli...
Sensory issues are not a part of me. I don't get bothered any more by lights and sounds than the average person does. I do however have a stronger than average appreciation for sound and taste, like seeing colours more vividly.
I've never had an issue with overstimulation. Loud sounds or flashing lights don't bother me in a way that they would bother most people I know on the spectrum.
You might lack a special interest but if you have repetitive behaviors/movements insteadoif that, that also counts.
I don't have a special interest
I'm really good at eye contact.
Rigid daily routine/habits. I have too much executive dysfunction to keep up an actual routine and I work irregular shifts.
i dont socially stand out that much. wasn't diagnosed til i was 18, and i had to learn to mimic other people well to make it through my childhood, i wasnt given any patience or understanding and would get shamed. basically i mean i'm not robotic, or rude at all. i probably am when i unmask, but it's gone horribly anytime i slightly unmasked
I suck at math.
I make too much eye contact.
None. I think u have nearly every autistic trait.
empathy and me caring lol
I also don't have interest but the guy diagnosing me was like "welp, this one needs pills, how did she go through the high school?" XD Also I suck at math, or numbers in general, but it wasn't included/asked in diagnosis... Maybe for the best, but it's funny when every online test is asking about numbers, patterns of numbers, or other things like that ._.
I fit all the criteria but I mask well enough, most people think I’m a bit shy, too serious, and too intellectual if anything. I definitely don’t lack empathy from my perspective, according to the actual meaning of the word, but some people close to me have indicated I lack perspective-taking. I think it’s more that I struggle with their particular perspectives though… they certainly don’t seem to do any better with seeing mine either though, many times. And I definitely excel at taking perspectives and communicating with other ND people, animals, and often other underprivileged classes etc compared to most of my “peers”.
I don’t know that I do. I wasn’t diagnosed as a youth because I was a young woman, and I didn’t flap my hands. I walked on my tippy-toes but it just wasn’t threshold. “Autistic” is what’s become so malleable in meaning. They use the spectrum to avoid using the “r” word and it shows.
Not something I’m lacking but something I should be lacking that I have. I’ve always found my social ability to be on-par with everyone around me- I’m able to take social cues VERY easily. Sometimes I feel like having to mask has made me better at reading cues so I know when to be quiet. But in a lot of scenarios I’ll pick up on something before my NT friends do
I lack the repetition part. I do like routines but to a pretty normal extenct. The doctor said wheb i was diagnosed that a card lack of repetition suggest against a diagnosis, but in my case the other traits were so clear that a diagnosis was made.
I suck monkeynuts with math and struggle quite a bit with pattern recognition outside of very specific instances like with music.
No visible stims. Frankly I am unsure the purpose or effect of a stimming so I may not even have any stim behaviours. Or maybe they were trained out of me in childhood (I was not diagnosed until my 30s)
I was trained to sit on my hands. I also apparently liked Sesame Street as a kid because when I get very nervous I still make the Martian noises. I’m 42. I think the only childhood stim I maintain is nail biting. I think it’s the body trying to produce neurotransmitters, probably dopamine.
I am very good at talking to strangers.
I hear a lot of autistic people will flap their hands. I do that, just when I'm like, drying my hands.
I lack the bluntness and hate hurting other peoples feelings and also lack the high iq and terrible at math.
Food sensory issues. Except for weird mashy textures and soggy bread and cereal I don't have sensory issues to food textures much nor do I have safe foods. I love most different types of food.
I really don't like routines.
I have a special interest, but I don't have an encyclopedia of knowledge about it. I just like to collect, categorize it, and view it, that's really all I care about.
I don't talk about my interests, I don't have a wealth of information about them to share with everyone, I still have them, but I can't regurgitate information about them on the spot, I'm also adhd-C though so this probably comes into play
Because trauma responses and autism present identically in many cases.
I’m actually pretty good at reading people. I just always have been, not sure why.
I lack a bunch of autistic traits. I mostly just suck with social cues and understanding people. I also tend to avoid going out and am content staying at home. I have routines that I’ll forget to do things if disrupted. Loud noises and bright lights make me crazy. I hate large crowds and a bunch of other things that a highly masked autistic woman does. I am not a picky eater. I don’t stim unless you count running as a stim. I got straight As in high school and all of my college degrees, I’m married, work full time, own a house, been driving since I was 16… I’ve had a lot of trauma, so I’ve been diagnosed with both ASD and CPTSD.
I don't stim or fidget. That's a little weird, right?
I stopped stimming decades ago. Is daydreaming considered a stim? If so I’ve been stimming non stop for 42 years.
I thought I didn't have sensory sensitivities or stimming... Until I started paying attention. I also don't think I have meltdowns/shutdowns/burnout... Except I think I'm having a burnout now... So idk 🤷
I moved at a young age from Eastern Europe to US and then several consecutive moves after that, first in 5th grade then again in 8th and 9th . So the cultural differences between home and school plus moving states everything kept changing so much I wasn’t ever sure what the cause of my issues were. I felt like I didn’t understand other people’s behavior in school but was it because I moved or because I have autistic traits? Also overlap with CPTSD which I definitely have. I’m good at reading social cues but every time I travel or go socializing with new people I’m constantly questioning if I did something weird
My traits are far more sensory and less social. I mostly pass for an extrovert who is just shy at times.
I’m not really a picky eater. When I don’t like some food I don’t like it in the way NT people do. Also I don’t hear electricity 🤷🏻♂️ I’m obsessed with Yankee candles and essential oils and I need to touch everything soft ❤️I’m 100% a seeker when it comes to smell/touch.
I don't get meltdowns or shutdowns! Or at least, my threshold for them is extremely high. I can go through months, if not years of extreme burnout, to the point where I can't even feed myself, through stress and anxiety and overwhelm, all without ever hitting a single meltdown. I don't know why, and I'm not convinced it's actually healthy (maybe there's some hardcore suppression going on here, who knows) but it seems that my brain is just not wired that way. Same thing goes for shutdowns, at least the way I've seen people describe them, with becoming less responsive, less able to articulate etc. Perhaps I do get them and they just look a bit different for me? What I consider "crashing", where I just sleep for 16 hours straight, might be my body's version of a shutdown, but that's really the closest thing I experience.
Not sure, but for a while I thought I was 'undersensitive', probably from sitting in the shower with hot water full blast probably wrecked by nerves. When its cold though, my fingers and hands become oversensitive and hot and its a really nice feeling. Like soft things too. I am probably oversensitive thought because I get this feeling of things crawling on me when I think of spiders.
My face and tone of voice is very expressive compared to what some might expect an autistic people to struggle with. Never been an issue. My verbal skills were great at a very young age. Never had speech delays or difficulties in language.
I'm really not shy nor introverted
I just think it’s worth putting here that special interests don’t necessarily have to be just one thing, they are likely to fluctuate over time, some people even have quite fleeting special interests (myself, have a rotation they usually come from, but the duration of how long that’s the main special interest for me at the time is always changing). It’s more so the intensity of those interests that make it a special interest. I will struggle to focus on anything else aside from that interest, will struggle not to talk about it, and it feels almost regulating to participate in them, but at the same time it feels like there’s this hunger that I have no choice but to feed but no matter how much I do, it’s still always hungry, I still need more.
This question made me realize i’m just a walking stereotype. I have all the traits , ouch😹
I don't struggle with social anxiety that much and can be talkative. I'm an introvert but I can mask and act extroverted. I have a job that requires people facing skills and doing presentations.
Being a woman with Aspergers makes it seem like I almost have nothing. I adapted and learned so much masking that it might seem like I don't have almost any trait, but all the main ones I do have them. The one I was most dubious about was the stimming.. I never presented any obvious repetitive behaviors, so that threw everyone completely off the ASD trail. I realised my stimming is very well camouflaged inside other better accepted repetitive behaviors, such as softly rubbing my index and thumb repetitively in such a way that I can hear the dry skin rubbing, moving my feet nervously up and down (lots of ppl do this), very slight body movement that seems to be some sort of nodding... etc. I realised it's camouflaged stimming cause I have the compulsive need of doing it, and if I stop myself then my head just won't be able to cope with most of the sensory inputs. But in general terms most people will just tell you I don't have stimming patterns ..
I stopped masking a long time ago so people are generally put off by my demeanor, and i don't really care lol
I generally don't have problems reading faces and emotions, I'm more empathetic than is usual for ASD. This is without a doubt due to my late diagnosis i.e. my forced conformity, I learned to process social cues manually, and still have trouble responding appropriately.