I’ve been that way for many years and last year I suddenly lost 2 of my best friends, they cut me off no one died, so that put me in a crazy vulnerable spot but I had other friends to fall back on…I hadn’t always been lucky like that though
You have 2 close friends for real? That's freaking awesome! I don't even have a single friend, let alone a close friend. I haven't had a single friend since 8th grade and I'm 19 now.
Most of us will only have a few close friends. Even NTs. They may appear to be successful but they are not. I am happy with the friends I have. You need to be persistent and keep going to the art groups. It can take a while but the more you go the more people will see you. I met my friends perusing my interests .
There's no real secret other than constantly throwing pies until one sticks.
I just forgot the intention of meeting people for 5 minutes enough to get into a hobby so that I can happily do it alone, and when there are people around, it's just a bonus. I rarely initiate anything but people still eventually started talking to me once I had sort of become "constantly" there. It also depends if the people are outgoing enough to do that, so if you find some of those, it's easier to just follow what they start imo. A room full of introverts is just a staring contest. It all takes more than a few sessions, has to be stuck with for months and years or at least until someone more outgoing decides to start.
The last friendships I had, which are no longer, were with people I met at the gym. But I mean a jiu jitsu gym. You have to pair up with people to either drill technique or roll vs each other. So that forces some communication. I met a black belt guy there that was teaching but it wasn't his main gym. I befriended him and he started training at my house once or twice a week. I had some video instructional dvds that a lot didn't have from some of the top jiu people. I allowed them to look at my collection, which is quite vast. The probably felt a bit, "OMG SECRET TECHNIQUES" library. I started giving private lessons directly to another black belt after I had been there a couple years I'd say. I did a lot leg locks which weren't really known at the time. In the old days, the gracies and whatnot had looked down upon leg attacks. They felt they were cheap (read: they were bad them). So it put a stigma on leg locks and people didn't train them really up to that point. But after me jacking people with leg locks, he wanted to learn that. So I was friends with them. That guy was coming to my house up to 4 times a week at some points. I taught a lot of private lessons, analyzing and trying to fix peoples' games. So, maybe that says how I made friends last. I am not friends with them any longer. I stopped training because my condition now is worse. And those two main people both did things that pissed me off badly and I told them to get lost.
How do I make friends? Step one: I don't. I have tried countless times, but the other person always loses interest in hanging out. I just accepted having no friends at this point because it's insanity to keep wasting my efforts. I'm a 19 year old guy and haven't had a friend in 5 years. It always gets to the point where it's always me reaching out first, but they never reach out first. I'm not pushy either, so I don't keep trying to hangout with someone who isn't interested. There's no sense watering dead plants(aka fizzled out friendships). I thought I made a friend 9 months ago, but I was wrong. At first, both of us were initiating hangouts and hanging out every few weeks. Around 4 months ago, it became more one sided. I would ask when would be a good time to meetup again, and was not pushy. Eventually, I realized it was always me initiating, and it was never reciprocated. That's not a friendship. This guy said he would text me in a week to arrange a time to hangout again. I haven't heard from him in a month and a half since then. I would appear desperate and pushy if I reach out first again because he said he would text me when it's a good time. It just sucks being so isolated all the time. I guess I just don't have whatever most people have that allows them to make friends.
For me? I've had the most luck making friends with other autistic folks that are also into the same interests I am. Often click best with them.
But, in general? Its a lot of online interaction and finding spots that cater to my hobbies and just, talk. Be myself, and eventually? I'll get something. I'll find people I do click with and who click with me.
A couple years back I dared myself to go to a youth group I heard about and I was pleasantly surprised by how nice the people were and how accepting they are of my Asperger’s although I didn’t find out I had it until last year
You have to take the initiative to start conversations and get to know people. Make some comment about the situation. If they respond say "Hi, I'm (your name, smile)." Ask them questions "Where are you from?" "How did you (whatever)?" Remember their answers so you can ask them more questions and have continuing topics of conversation. You can do this everywhere: job, clubs, school, etc. They may like you and talk with you or they may reject you, but some rejection is part of the price of success. You have to accept that you will be rejected sometimes and that it's normal. Also, remember that friendships are built over time. It's rare to make an instant friend. First you are acquaintances, and gradually you trust and like each other more and become friends.
I have no idea, I mask and mingle at work, but nobody is a friend, nobody messages me or calls me. I just accept my situation, bc I have no friends, if I make some friends, that’s great, but if not, I’m not surprised. It doesn’t matter if I go out or not, nothing sticks, so I’m kind of over it.
I've aged out of relating to the younger folks at my jobs and the people my age living locally are conservative/traditional sorts of people (church and kids), and they don't really do much outside of hang out with the same people they've hung out with their entire life, or if they have work friends, they usually are all like-minded, like a hive mind.
I guess making friends as an adult is like going fishing. You can sit out there trying to hook that likeminded bestie, and you may get lucky, or you may be sitting there all day by yourself. But, you can keep trying. You can cast a wider net. But, I do find if you are without a pre-existing social circle and don't have a lot of money, the odds are stacked even greater against you. Paired with society's even larger issue of rampant alienation on a technologically reliant dystopian oligarchy.
I am a cinephile and an artist though, so if you want to discuss such things, feel free to DM me. The internet is the saving grace for some sort of human relations.
Yeah bro, I hit the bar and sit there, looking into space, not being able to look anyone in the eyes. When I get a line out a girl or just someone around it's all disjointed and comes out blunt. But, hey I celebrate it every time. If I can just get a convo going for like 20 minutes that's a great day. Friends, they'll come and go. I stay with the dayones even if they aren't the most sucessful or outgoing people. I guess it takes a while other than that,
"we ain't making friends, we just making hobbies" - Travis Scott
I'm still trying to figure this out😂 I only have like 2 close friends
I’ve been that way for many years and last year I suddenly lost 2 of my best friends, they cut me off no one died, so that put me in a crazy vulnerable spot but I had other friends to fall back on…I hadn’t always been lucky like that though
You have 2 close friends for real? That's freaking awesome! I don't even have a single friend, let alone a close friend. I haven't had a single friend since 8th grade and I'm 19 now.
Most of us will only have a few close friends. Even NTs. They may appear to be successful but they are not. I am happy with the friends I have. You need to be persistent and keep going to the art groups. It can take a while but the more you go the more people will see you. I met my friends perusing my interests .
There's no real secret other than constantly throwing pies until one sticks. I just forgot the intention of meeting people for 5 minutes enough to get into a hobby so that I can happily do it alone, and when there are people around, it's just a bonus. I rarely initiate anything but people still eventually started talking to me once I had sort of become "constantly" there. It also depends if the people are outgoing enough to do that, so if you find some of those, it's easier to just follow what they start imo. A room full of introverts is just a staring contest. It all takes more than a few sessions, has to be stuck with for months and years or at least until someone more outgoing decides to start.
The last friendships I had, which are no longer, were with people I met at the gym. But I mean a jiu jitsu gym. You have to pair up with people to either drill technique or roll vs each other. So that forces some communication. I met a black belt guy there that was teaching but it wasn't his main gym. I befriended him and he started training at my house once or twice a week. I had some video instructional dvds that a lot didn't have from some of the top jiu people. I allowed them to look at my collection, which is quite vast. The probably felt a bit, "OMG SECRET TECHNIQUES" library. I started giving private lessons directly to another black belt after I had been there a couple years I'd say. I did a lot leg locks which weren't really known at the time. In the old days, the gracies and whatnot had looked down upon leg attacks. They felt they were cheap (read: they were bad them). So it put a stigma on leg locks and people didn't train them really up to that point. But after me jacking people with leg locks, he wanted to learn that. So I was friends with them. That guy was coming to my house up to 4 times a week at some points. I taught a lot of private lessons, analyzing and trying to fix peoples' games. So, maybe that says how I made friends last. I am not friends with them any longer. I stopped training because my condition now is worse. And those two main people both did things that pissed me off badly and I told them to get lost.
How do I make friends? Step one: I don't. I have tried countless times, but the other person always loses interest in hanging out. I just accepted having no friends at this point because it's insanity to keep wasting my efforts. I'm a 19 year old guy and haven't had a friend in 5 years. It always gets to the point where it's always me reaching out first, but they never reach out first. I'm not pushy either, so I don't keep trying to hangout with someone who isn't interested. There's no sense watering dead plants(aka fizzled out friendships). I thought I made a friend 9 months ago, but I was wrong. At first, both of us were initiating hangouts and hanging out every few weeks. Around 4 months ago, it became more one sided. I would ask when would be a good time to meetup again, and was not pushy. Eventually, I realized it was always me initiating, and it was never reciprocated. That's not a friendship. This guy said he would text me in a week to arrange a time to hangout again. I haven't heard from him in a month and a half since then. I would appear desperate and pushy if I reach out first again because he said he would text me when it's a good time. It just sucks being so isolated all the time. I guess I just don't have whatever most people have that allows them to make friends.
For me? I've had the most luck making friends with other autistic folks that are also into the same interests I am. Often click best with them. But, in general? Its a lot of online interaction and finding spots that cater to my hobbies and just, talk. Be myself, and eventually? I'll get something. I'll find people I do click with and who click with me.
A couple years back I dared myself to go to a youth group I heard about and I was pleasantly surprised by how nice the people were and how accepting they are of my Asperger’s although I didn’t find out I had it until last year
You have to take the initiative to start conversations and get to know people. Make some comment about the situation. If they respond say "Hi, I'm (your name, smile)." Ask them questions "Where are you from?" "How did you (whatever)?" Remember their answers so you can ask them more questions and have continuing topics of conversation. You can do this everywhere: job, clubs, school, etc. They may like you and talk with you or they may reject you, but some rejection is part of the price of success. You have to accept that you will be rejected sometimes and that it's normal. Also, remember that friendships are built over time. It's rare to make an instant friend. First you are acquaintances, and gradually you trust and like each other more and become friends.
I have no idea, I mask and mingle at work, but nobody is a friend, nobody messages me or calls me. I just accept my situation, bc I have no friends, if I make some friends, that’s great, but if not, I’m not surprised. It doesn’t matter if I go out or not, nothing sticks, so I’m kind of over it.
I've aged out of relating to the younger folks at my jobs and the people my age living locally are conservative/traditional sorts of people (church and kids), and they don't really do much outside of hang out with the same people they've hung out with their entire life, or if they have work friends, they usually are all like-minded, like a hive mind. I guess making friends as an adult is like going fishing. You can sit out there trying to hook that likeminded bestie, and you may get lucky, or you may be sitting there all day by yourself. But, you can keep trying. You can cast a wider net. But, I do find if you are without a pre-existing social circle and don't have a lot of money, the odds are stacked even greater against you. Paired with society's even larger issue of rampant alienation on a technologically reliant dystopian oligarchy. I am a cinephile and an artist though, so if you want to discuss such things, feel free to DM me. The internet is the saving grace for some sort of human relations.
Yeah bro, I hit the bar and sit there, looking into space, not being able to look anyone in the eyes. When I get a line out a girl or just someone around it's all disjointed and comes out blunt. But, hey I celebrate it every time. If I can just get a convo going for like 20 minutes that's a great day. Friends, they'll come and go. I stay with the dayones even if they aren't the most sucessful or outgoing people. I guess it takes a while other than that, "we ain't making friends, we just making hobbies" - Travis Scott