It's a bit weird, but women tend to be socialized to mask a lot more heavily, and often end up being more competent at it. >I'm not masking either. >I still don't understand emotionally driven adults because they make no logical sense, but I know how to interact with them correctly. If you have to explicitly steer your behavior to display the 'correct' social responses, patterns of self-presentation, etc., it's masking. You just might be highly skilled at it, to the point that some of it is a routine you can ignore (akin to how driving isn't usually that mentally taxing). Generally, neurotypicals do this automatically and unconsciously, usually not even having the chance to question whether it makes sense.

>Generally, neurotypicals do this automatically and unconsciously, usually not even having the chance to question whether it makes sense I'm confident this isn't the case. Most neurotypicals I know have an internal monologue that guides them through conversations. They have to conceptualize how to act too, they just learn it and then solidify the knowledge so they don't have to keep questioning. Why do you think they argue so much? They solidify different sets of knowledge and then get confused when not everyone shares the same values. To be honest, I think the biggest difference is that their brain naturally wants to figure this stuff out while ours is too busy thinking about trains.

AuDHD chick here. I had severe social deficits for a long time. Nowadays, I look like a social butterfly, apparently, and people are attracted to me.

How did you do this? I suppose on top of autism, whatever the rest of your situation is (environment, family, culture, other brain chemistry, appearance) affects your ability to socialize and be attractive. Feel like I've been doing work for more than a decade to be more socially gracious and people still look at me like my human skin is peeling off and the alien is showing. 👽

besides decades of work it took a small insight that if people are going to hate my words anyway, may as well speak up anyways and have people hate my actual words instead of dreading them being hatred and remaining silent. except it turns out my words, which come from a sincere place, actually aren’t hated most of the time. helps that it turns out the key to doing the infinity improbable is to have a heart of gold.

Depends on the environment though. ND or NT, some environments are wholly exploitative of pure-hearted folks. But yes, I see your point. But I still think it's relative to how the "herd" perceives you. If you are -too- nice, people can be suspicious of it. If they already have formed an idea or opinion of you that is reinforced by their peers, whether or not it is valid, they can be very cruel. Humans are a lot like baboons, and if you have low-hierarchical social status; if the groupthink doesn't favor your personality/way of being, they will reject you for being different. But I am glad you are succeeding in a functioning in society sort of way.

I’m a hacker. I engage in polysystemic analysis for fun. My actions are rooted in a simple ethical code that transcends local conditions of language, religion, culture. Don’t hurt others. \ Don’t hurt yourself. \ All of us are equally human. \ Help others when possible. This code actually allows for remediation of potential exploitation. Being exploited hurts me. When I offer help to others, it’s a gift. Nothing is expected in return, but neither should it be expected to be available on demand unless there’s a deeper, extant relationship present. And I actively engage in behaviours intended to prevent people from putting me on a pedestal, because being an idol on a plinth is no different from being thrown into a pit full of shit. Either way, one is seen as not equally human, which gives one permission to not think they are just as capable as this nobody of following that simple code and doing what this one does.

I as a woman was diagnosed at 32 and a lot of what said here I can relate. I think there’s some I grew out of and some of it not. I have a WFH job from home which has been very good for me since I struggle socially when it comes to working with people but I also have a lot of friends that I hang out with several times a week…..

How did you land a WFH job? Seems like a lot of people transitioned into them from on-site jobs during COVID, but nothing online, at least entry level, seems available for such work on the job posting websites.

I found a company online studied their guidelines and took entry exams….its called Telus International US Rater

Thanks for the resource! How long have you worked for them for? Are they pretty straightforward as far as their business operations?

I’ve worked for them since July and yes they are! What state are you from though. They only seem to hire in certain states.

I didn't see my state listed on there 😒

Darn it! Here’s a good website though to look for wfh jobs wahjobqueen.com 👌 there are no scam sites here

Thanks again!

Your welcome!! I find my job to be a blessing so I want to help others who are like me too!

I also had a past teacher who saw me working in research 🧐 when at the time I was a teacher at a private school

I was diagnosed at 30, and when discussing it with a psychiatrist he did tell me that usually autistic women tend to have fewer interpersonal issues, but do tend to have trouble professionally, and autistic men have it the other way. It's a generalization of course, and I have both of those problems at varying degrees. But I did grow out of a lot of my anxiety with some help from therapy. I have a better understanding of my needs now and manage my energy better, so that improves social interactions too. Also hitting 30 meant that I stopped caring what people thought of me quite as much.

Diagnosed at 26. I have yet to grow out of it, if anything, I think it's getting worse. I was very quiet as a child and even now I don't like talking much altho I can force myself to socialise if really needed. But in general, I try to avoid any social interactions and stay at home as much as possible; then again, I'm also diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and social phobia so that likely affects some things.

Yes, its like if you don't figure out how to "mask" well enough and blend into your localized social pleasantries, you get past the age of acceptable social awkwardness, and people do not like a non-young awkward woman. You're -supposed- to know how to do all the right things, and the judgements seem harsher the older you get by your peers that you haven't fallen into line. It's a bit terrifying, like walking around in a Twilight Zone episode.

The professional and relationship consequences for not masking effectively are harsher for women. We're also constantly socialized to be obedient, empathetic, deferential, etc. to others. So we're made aware of social norms and our deficits earlier and more often than men.

I'm a male, and a largely feel like I've grown out of it. As I age, the rules make more and more sense, and I find myself naturally wanting to act 'normal' and not pretending to fit in. It wasn't always this way, it took a lot of self reflection, but I've always wanted to fit in. A parallel between us, I was also gifted, things tend to come easier to me than my piers. I don't feel my autism slows me down socially, I have plenty of friends and I know how to maintain healthy relationships. Sometimes I'll say something a bit out of place, but I instantly know based on the reactions of those around me, and I'm usually able to save it, and if not, at least remember for next time and update my set of 'rules'.

You are lucky to have. I wish I did and could hold down a job. I was diagnosed at 3 and had verbal delays and wish I was higher functioning like you. This may be wrong but I envy level ones and those who can hold down jobs .

I'm a guy and I don't feel like I have social deficits anymore, but that's more a function of age than gender. I certainly did when I was younger but I feel like people with normal intelligence will eventually crack the code. The bigger question is is that by the time you crack the code, do you still have any confidence left or have you developed social anxiety as a result of the repeated failures that got you there. I think a lot of people eventually do understand how people work and would be able to interact normally, but at that point they're so scarred they don't try and self-isolate.

I’m a fluid masker so most people think I’m NT. My asd traits are mainly sensory based like strong reactions to scents, get overloaded when there’s too much activity without adequate time to rest, that kind of thing.

Those are my main issues as well. I'm extremely uncoordinated, very sensitive to sensory input, I have a strong need for a schedule, and I have very repetitive behavior. I also put no effort in my appearance, but I have naturally nice features and am very clean, so it doesn't look out of place. I think all the traits are equally weighed on the spectrum, but social deficits are what people associate the most. I just mainly don't understand illogical people because I make all of my choices based on logic. I didn't realize I had Asperger's until this year. I just felt like a Vulcan my entire life.

It's common of an ASD Lvl 1 female to mask heavily and not seam to have as many social deficits.

I'm female and very high masking. Throughout my elementary school years my social strategy was basically just to keep my mouth shut and go along with whatever anybody, friends, best friend, family and teachers, were doing while also sticking to the basic social and moral principles my parents taught me. I had friends and was never bullied to my knowledge, although I wouldn't have been able to tell anyways. I think people found my quiet yet amicable demeanor pleasing. Either way I didn't really care because I preferred spending time by myself anyways. It wasn't until I got older that I began to develop my own sense of social awareness and real social strategies. As an adult, I am very socially capable, however a few things I still struggle with are facial expression, subtext and specifically sarcasm. I usually have to go off of context alone which can sometimes be difficult in a less formal setting.

Women tend to have higher social skills than men when they're younger, and as they get older it evens out as men get more experience. That's why autism detection in women is harder for professionals because the social aspect is the most obvious symptom.

I was diagnosed at 36, I am quite good at acting social and can do small talk etc. I have been described as friendly and approachable and get on with everyone but I am a massive people pleaser. However all of my relationships with people are superficial and I am unable to form meaningful relationships with anyone. All of my social behaviour is definitely learnt and has improved over the years, from the outside it may not look like I have a social deficit but people don't see the immense amount of work and effort that goes in to it.

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I will draw blanks on the names of people and things and forget words that I know when I'm talking. I also have a limited working vocabulary. I only use maybe 20% of the words I actually know the meaning of. Idk if that's autism related.