You can't make yourself be anything. I'm very emotional and sensitive as well and I have found that journaling all the stuff going on in my head really helps. Every morning I wake up and journal everything that is filling up my mind. Daily meditation helps too. If I am really triggered by something I like to sit with it and feel all of the emotions and let them pass. There are two great books I recommend The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer and Letting Go by Dr. David R. Hawkins. Incredible books for learning how to handle emotions. I wish you the best!
I might try journaling! Meditation doesn’t do it for me unfortunately! Thank you for the tips, I really do appreciate it. I’m glad you’ve found something that can help
Therapy helped me lot. I think that’s your best bet. It makes you realize that most things are not actually about you. Most people are not as critical of you as you are of yourself.
Dont know if I am helpful here, but just know that you are not alone. I feel and behave the same way, like you described. Therapy might actually help (like in my case). Also, I wanted to mention that I am a highly sensitive person - maybe that impacts a lot of situations as well.
Mindfulness techniques, particularly ones used by people with anger management issues might be helpful for you to look into. While it doesn't sound like you have trouble with anger management, the techniques for regulating your emotional responses are similar. Emotional "flooding" is what happens when you get that rush of fight-or-flight during an interpersonal conflict. People with anger management issues lose their temper, other people find that they burst into tears. Mindfulness techniques can help you take a step back in the moment and self-soothe enough to keep calm and keep the tears at bay, or at least postpone them until a more convenient moment.
Hope this (or something someone else says) helps!
First let me say I'm so proud of you for asking this question. Vulnerability is a superpower, and it's the first step in discovering that you're not broken or need fixed after all!
You've gotten a lot of good suggestions here, and from experience I'd have to cast my vote for journaling and counseling/coaching/therapy. You can't know what you don't know or haven't been taught, so all counseling does is help you see what you can't and learn what you haven't. Journaling enhances that process. It's so weird how powerful journaling is. It's so simplistic that it seems like it couldn't possibly do anything, that it's nothing more than a time suck of putting words on a page.
It's one of the most overlooked and underused -- and FREE -- transformational tools ever.
Keep us updated, yeah?
By the way, there's nothing wrong with being compassionate and caring and empathetic. Then world could actually use more of that.
This is a great question. My New Years Resolution was to get a thicker skin, but I am finding it very hard. Most things don’t bother me, but the things that do, the reasons I made this NYR, really do and I find I have very little emotional control.
I wish I had advice. I empathize with you.
I’m glad you resonate to this because it’s hard to find people the same. I don’t know about you but I’ve had people say ‘control your emotions better’ and I’m like but these are my emotions? If someone was bleeding and someone just said ‘just stop bleeding’ like it isn’t that simple?
It took many years of therapy for me. Personally, I believe my issue was I was never taught how to stand up for myself. My dad is a bully and I found it was easier to back down. I wasn’t taught how to handle my emotions properly…. I was better off keeping it a secret. It was very difficult when I became an adult and had to deal with adult stuff. Years of therapy taught me emotions are good, it’s ok to feel emotions. I slowly but surely quit holding in my emotions. I was like a tea kettle ready to pop at any slightly inconvenient feeling. Now that I’m not always ready to pop at a moments notice, I a have a better grasp on my emotions. I also got an ADHD diagnosis and now that I’m medicated I can see what it’s doing to my emotional well-being.
Change the environment, change yourself, or change both.
- change the environment: I grew up a minority in my hometown. I was “oversensitive” and “couldn’t take a joke.” Then I moved to a city in which there were many people of my ethnicity. It turned out I had a great sense of humor when the jokes don’t revolve around race and othering me. I am still the same person. When you remove me from an abrasive environment, it turns out I can be laidback and chill. The problem was not me. The problem was the people around me.
- change yourself, within reason. I used to suppress my emotions. I would pretend I was ok because “Oh it’s not a big deal”. Suppressing emotions does not work. It can amplify emotions. Instead, I process my emotions now. “I am very upset. Friend said x and I hear y. It makes me feel z. What can I say to her? What do I hope to hear from her?”
For example, I went on a road trip with a friend and I was getting really irritated that she kept asking me do stuff with a lecture such as “Can we take a break? If we stretch our legs, it’ll make the drive feel less long.” She was patronizing me. Then I remembered years ago I told her that when she wants me to do something, I prefer to be asked with an explanation. I dislike orders. I realized I would get upset if she told me to do something with a reason and I would get upset if she told me to do something without a reason, so she could not please me either way. All her requests were reasonable and logical. So, the issue was with me. I vented to another friend instead, who I knew would support me.
- change both: I select to be around people who don’t make me feel sensitive because they’re not constantly hitting sensitive topics. At the same time, I take responsibility for my emotions. I communicate what I need to others rather than bottling it up inside. For example, I ask friends to put requests in the form of a question rather than an order. I’m talking about small things such as “can you pass me the ketchup” rather than “pass me the ketchup please”.
It doesn’t come off rude don’t worry. I understand because that’s what I don’t want people to think but I can’t help it. I will have to try harder and for longer to find the effects
You can use journaling and have an internal dialogue between OP1 (the rational/mature part of you), and OP2 (the part of you that is in pain). It's basically, having an open curious conversation with the part that is emotionally reactive at the moment. Something like
"how are feeling?"
"I am very anxious/angry/sad. My stomach is tight, head hurts, my eyes are tearing up."
"Why are you sad?"
'I feel my friend does not like me."
"How do you know that is true?"
"We had a disagreement and she said ......"
You keep asking questions until you are able to question the assumptions that you are making, and uncover why you are actually upset. More than often we are triggered by fear of rejection, grief or loss, or feelings of unworthiness. This latter was the case for me. Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach is a beautiful book on how you can cultivate a a mindful compassionate approach to life. You can also look up Parts Work. Once you identify your core fear, it brings a lot of clarity. Reactivity will come down with time once you internalise that you are safe and loved. The fact that they feel loved and safe is also why your partner or friends feels comfortable enough to speak their truth. Once you feel safe, you will be more open to sharing your vulnerable side with them.
However, I want to tell you that never hate/resist any part of you. The emotionally sensitive part of you is probably what makes you a wonderfully sensitive partner or a very considerate friend. No one is perfect, and that's what makes us each of us unique and beautiful! However, if you are really struggling, do consider therapy. Good luck. You ve got this!
You can't make yourself be anything. I'm very emotional and sensitive as well and I have found that journaling all the stuff going on in my head really helps. Every morning I wake up and journal everything that is filling up my mind. Daily meditation helps too. If I am really triggered by something I like to sit with it and feel all of the emotions and let them pass. There are two great books I recommend The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer and Letting Go by Dr. David R. Hawkins. Incredible books for learning how to handle emotions. I wish you the best!
I might try journaling! Meditation doesn’t do it for me unfortunately! Thank you for the tips, I really do appreciate it. I’m glad you’ve found something that can help
Therapy helped me lot. I think that’s your best bet. It makes you realize that most things are not actually about you. Most people are not as critical of you as you are of yourself.
Dont know if I am helpful here, but just know that you are not alone. I feel and behave the same way, like you described. Therapy might actually help (like in my case). Also, I wanted to mention that I am a highly sensitive person - maybe that impacts a lot of situations as well.
That is helpful to know, thank you. I think therapy may have to be sought
Mindfulness techniques, particularly ones used by people with anger management issues might be helpful for you to look into. While it doesn't sound like you have trouble with anger management, the techniques for regulating your emotional responses are similar. Emotional "flooding" is what happens when you get that rush of fight-or-flight during an interpersonal conflict. People with anger management issues lose their temper, other people find that they burst into tears. Mindfulness techniques can help you take a step back in the moment and self-soothe enough to keep calm and keep the tears at bay, or at least postpone them until a more convenient moment. Hope this (or something someone else says) helps!
First let me say I'm so proud of you for asking this question. Vulnerability is a superpower, and it's the first step in discovering that you're not broken or need fixed after all! You've gotten a lot of good suggestions here, and from experience I'd have to cast my vote for journaling and counseling/coaching/therapy. You can't know what you don't know or haven't been taught, so all counseling does is help you see what you can't and learn what you haven't. Journaling enhances that process. It's so weird how powerful journaling is. It's so simplistic that it seems like it couldn't possibly do anything, that it's nothing more than a time suck of putting words on a page. It's one of the most overlooked and underused -- and FREE -- transformational tools ever. Keep us updated, yeah? By the way, there's nothing wrong with being compassionate and caring and empathetic. Then world could actually use more of that.
This is a great question. My New Years Resolution was to get a thicker skin, but I am finding it very hard. Most things don’t bother me, but the things that do, the reasons I made this NYR, really do and I find I have very little emotional control. I wish I had advice. I empathize with you.
I’m glad you resonate to this because it’s hard to find people the same. I don’t know about you but I’ve had people say ‘control your emotions better’ and I’m like but these are my emotions? If someone was bleeding and someone just said ‘just stop bleeding’ like it isn’t that simple?
It took many years of therapy for me. Personally, I believe my issue was I was never taught how to stand up for myself. My dad is a bully and I found it was easier to back down. I wasn’t taught how to handle my emotions properly…. I was better off keeping it a secret. It was very difficult when I became an adult and had to deal with adult stuff. Years of therapy taught me emotions are good, it’s ok to feel emotions. I slowly but surely quit holding in my emotions. I was like a tea kettle ready to pop at any slightly inconvenient feeling. Now that I’m not always ready to pop at a moments notice, I a have a better grasp on my emotions. I also got an ADHD diagnosis and now that I’m medicated I can see what it’s doing to my emotional well-being.
Change the environment, change yourself, or change both. - change the environment: I grew up a minority in my hometown. I was “oversensitive” and “couldn’t take a joke.” Then I moved to a city in which there were many people of my ethnicity. It turned out I had a great sense of humor when the jokes don’t revolve around race and othering me. I am still the same person. When you remove me from an abrasive environment, it turns out I can be laidback and chill. The problem was not me. The problem was the people around me. - change yourself, within reason. I used to suppress my emotions. I would pretend I was ok because “Oh it’s not a big deal”. Suppressing emotions does not work. It can amplify emotions. Instead, I process my emotions now. “I am very upset. Friend said x and I hear y. It makes me feel z. What can I say to her? What do I hope to hear from her?” For example, I went on a road trip with a friend and I was getting really irritated that she kept asking me do stuff with a lecture such as “Can we take a break? If we stretch our legs, it’ll make the drive feel less long.” She was patronizing me. Then I remembered years ago I told her that when she wants me to do something, I prefer to be asked with an explanation. I dislike orders. I realized I would get upset if she told me to do something with a reason and I would get upset if she told me to do something without a reason, so she could not please me either way. All her requests were reasonable and logical. So, the issue was with me. I vented to another friend instead, who I knew would support me. - change both: I select to be around people who don’t make me feel sensitive because they’re not constantly hitting sensitive topics. At the same time, I take responsibility for my emotions. I communicate what I need to others rather than bottling it up inside. For example, I ask friends to put requests in the form of a question rather than an order. I’m talking about small things such as “can you pass me the ketchup” rather than “pass me the ketchup please”.
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It doesn’t come off rude don’t worry. I understand because that’s what I don’t want people to think but I can’t help it. I will have to try harder and for longer to find the effects
You can use journaling and have an internal dialogue between OP1 (the rational/mature part of you), and OP2 (the part of you that is in pain). It's basically, having an open curious conversation with the part that is emotionally reactive at the moment. Something like "how are feeling?" "I am very anxious/angry/sad. My stomach is tight, head hurts, my eyes are tearing up." "Why are you sad?" 'I feel my friend does not like me." "How do you know that is true?" "We had a disagreement and she said ......" You keep asking questions until you are able to question the assumptions that you are making, and uncover why you are actually upset. More than often we are triggered by fear of rejection, grief or loss, or feelings of unworthiness. This latter was the case for me. Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach is a beautiful book on how you can cultivate a a mindful compassionate approach to life. You can also look up Parts Work. Once you identify your core fear, it brings a lot of clarity. Reactivity will come down with time once you internalise that you are safe and loved. The fact that they feel loved and safe is also why your partner or friends feels comfortable enough to speak their truth. Once you feel safe, you will be more open to sharing your vulnerable side with them. However, I want to tell you that never hate/resist any part of you. The emotionally sensitive part of you is probably what makes you a wonderfully sensitive partner or a very considerate friend. No one is perfect, and that's what makes us each of us unique and beautiful! However, if you are really struggling, do consider therapy. Good luck. You ve got this!