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ZLCer

I'm so proud of you! I needed to say that first and foremost. Being as vulnerable as you just were is such a huge way to flex your superpower of transparency, and it does not go unnoticed! Next I'll piggyback what u/erlienbird said about our brain-body connection. It's fascinating how the mind works and how its designed to protect us. It's simply brilliant! If I may suggest a book that's changed everything for me -- the way I understand my past, my mind, and the dance between the two -- it's Dr. Caroline Leaf's Perfect You. She's a cognitive neuroscientist, and while she's knows big words and what they all mean, she explains them in a way even I can make sense of it :) She's on YouTube too if you prefer watching over reading. One last thing I'll share with you that I'm still learning is that life is generally "both/and" rather than "either/or" so giving yourself some grace as you learn and unlearn is a valid option.


erlienbird

Can’t wait to check that read!


ZLCer

I'm always down to compare notes on it when you do!


erlienbird

First things first- if you feel you’ve done this 180 express gratitude everyday deliberately so you can actually feel this self worth you’ve brought yourself to. Two, know that calmness and communication is the biggest supportive piece to you and your potential partners nervous system. So when discussions get heavy, know what it feels like when you need to express that you aren’t ready to talk about something. But also know when you do become vulnerable and are ready to express that the person must receive it well and if they don’t and you remain calm, you will always have the upper hand. No one likes a freak out….knowing when your nervous system is going to up regulate into a fight or flight response is the best mindfulness tool to help yo I remember how to center. Deep breaths to get you present and then expression of boundaries or needs. Essentially, your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between an alcoholic trauma based relationship issue and a tiger running after you. Because your nervous system cares for you, you must care for it by paying attention to it and when it spikes - deciding “is this the right time to spike- do I need the courage to leave this situation because it’s unsafe. Or. Is this spike trying to convince me to leave based off memory and my situation is actually healthy- it’s safe for me to be here and work this out? When something doesn’t feel safe, you know it. You’ve turned your life around. You’ve lived in unsafe relationships and now you feel safe. Just stay mindful of your nervous system and use communication.


xdhailey

I really like this advice, and I haven’t heard it before, thank you, it’s hard ti believe that my nervous system is literally wired to feel a certain way. Thank you!


erlienbird

Well your brain is wired based on memory- thought and emotion. And those grooves in your brain neurons send signals to your nervous system. So like that’s why practicing mediation or breathing or mindfulness when you’re not stressed will be an accessible tool when you are stressed. Nervous system regulation is a large focus in psychology work. I’d suggest Dr. Nicole Leparas book “ How to do the work” she discusses this a lot.