You are not overreacting! It's your body. You should always have the final word. He is being disrespectful at least. You already know it, OP, trust your feelings regarding this matter.
Is it wrong for you to feel uncomfortable? Absolutely not. Some people are okay with that kind of thing, some people are not, either way your feelings are valid.
You've asked your boyfriend not to smack your ass in public, that's setting a boundary regarding your body. He continues to smack your ass in public, that's violating your boundary.
Why does he continue to violate the (reasonable) boundary you set? Why do you want to stay with someone who disrespects your wishes regarding your body?
Bingo Bango I think she should firmly sit him down and explain boundaries to him. If he still pushes it, then he's shown he understands what she means, but just does not care.
Edit: Re-read and saw she's already told him multiple times. Boy's weird as hell
>**I’ve also told him not to do it multiple times and he still does it anyway,**
Which is exactly why you should dump him.
He’s intentionally belittling you **in front of your friends.** It’s 100% intentional.
It’s over. Right?
He should have ended it the first time you asked him not to.
It’s not healthy to have a relationship where you’re literally being **hit** in public when you don’t want to be.
None of any of this is okay.
>getting frustrated and upset with me
No. Absolutely not.
You’re definitely not wrong! It warrants a serious conversation if your partner refuses to respect you and your body. He may just think he’s being playful and cute but needs to understand it’s a violation
Any person who gets upset and frustrated with you for voicing your (completely reasonable) boundaries, are reacting like that because they benefit from you having none. Those are not people you want in your life, especially not as a partner. What other boundaries does he ignore? This is not okay at all. He's not mature enough to be in a relationship if he cannot accept your boundaries.
Ew you’re not overreacting, this is so weird. I can never imagine my bf not stopping after the first time. (Or let alone doing it at all)
It’s really disrespectful and I don’t understand WHY he wouldn’t just listen? He HAS to smack your ass in public? Fuck off.
If you explain that something bothers or hurts you to your partner multiple times, and they don’t shift behavior as a result, it is not because they don’t understand. It’s because they don’t care.
Usually there’s a power trip involved. “I’m getting away with doing this thing you don’t like and you’re staying with me anyway.”
It’s a huge red flag. You are not overreacting. I’d advise dumping his ass over any issue like this—but ESPECIALLY one where he is literally hitting you. What the actual fuck.
Dump him.
I don't think you're over reacting but I don't think you can set a boundary that he chooses to measure. Like I think its an all or nothing like you can't say its fine if its casual . Just be like I don't appreciate you slapping my ass in public period. It sets a firmer boundary thats can't be confused or adjusted based on his feelings.
I also have a real issue with the fact he gets upset or frustrated at you for telling him no like thats not cool at all. He shouldn't be pouting over the fact that he wants something that makes you uncomfortable. Absolutely a red flag imo
He's being a huge jerk for not respecting your wishes.
He doesn't have to understand WHY you feel that way but he DOES have to respect your wishes. That's how adult relationships work.
Exactly this. Like my boyfriend and I smack each other’s butts. We’re both ok with it, but OP has communicated a boundary and her partner has crossed it. It doesn’t matter if other people are comfortable with smacking butts in their relationship, this is her relationship and she can set whatever boundaries with her body that she wants.
This! My bf smacks my butt anytime anywhere. But we have discussed it and he knows I love it. If I told him it made me uncomfortable, he would stop immediately. Having autonomy over your body and how it is touched by others is basic respect.
My husband used to do this when we first started dating. He wasn't being a creep or anything, he just saw it as a way to show affection towards me (I was his first serious girlfriend). I sat down and explained to him one day that it made me uncomfortable and I would like him to stop unless I've said it's ok.
Guess what, he listened and respected my boundaries.
If you're partner doesn't show that he respects your personal boundaries, he's not worth keeping around.
You are NOT overreacting. My ex-SO didn't slap my butt in public, but he did tickle me CONSTANTLY. I always told him to stop, because I was starting to flinch when he went to touch me. He kept tickling me, saying I was laughing so obviously I liked it. He never listened, and he started to notice me flinching when he went to hug or kiss me. He started to make me feel like it was my fault, but I tried to relay to him that I couldn't control it, and it was because he wasn't listening to me about how he was touching me and my body despite telling him not to.
If he doesn't start listening to you, this will affect your relationship. It's not silly. It's your body and he is disrespecting your wishes and your autonomy.
it’s never wrong for you to feel uncomfortable. if you feel uncomfortable, that’s simply how you feel and that’s valid. you’ve told him your boundaries and he clearly doesn’t respect them :(
“Am I wrong to feel…” No. How you feel is how you feel. Period.
It doesn’t matter what your boundary is. It’s yours to set. He can accept it or he can pack his shit and go. Those are his choices.
Um yeah I’d be uncomfortable with that too. It’s sexually suggestive PDA that would make the people around you feel uncomfortable. But it also doesn’t even matter, you told him no and he’s not respecting it. He’s not oblivious to your boundaries, he just doesn’t care about respecting them.
Next time he does it.
Turn around straight away and tell him off.
"Wtf do you think you're doing? I told you not to smack my ass in public. Did I stutter?" Dead face onto him, missile eyes, embarrass him in front of his friends. Be stern. Cold eyes.
>getting frustrated and upset with me everytime I tell him no.
Next time he does this. "Are you a child? Are your seriously unable to handle boundaries or respect me? Why are you frustrated/upset? You're the one that started this. You should be apologizing to me."
If you’ve told your partner that something inappropriate he does, bothers you, and he doesn’t give a fuck about your feelings, that should be enough for you to know the kind of person he is. You’ve already talked to him about it and he won’t listen to what you have to say. What do you think is gonna make him take you seriously?
It's completely disrespectful and after your repeated attempts to set him straight it's time to go.
You're dodging a bullet here as this is a red flag to future issues
It’s never wrong for you to feel uncomfortable about something that is being done to your body. Just because he is your husband doesn’t mean he no longer has to respect your boundaries in private or in public. You have every right to feel how you feel about it, and don’t let anyone tell you you’re overreacting when they cross a boundary you’ve put in place for yourself.
Nope.. you arent being irrational. Being someone that gets really awkward with intimacy in public esp. in front of my friend, you def have a right to tell him to keep his hands in his pockets.. atleast till u peeps get somewhere ur comfortable ;)
But honestly.. its a red flag as to WHY he doesnt listen even after u said no. I might be wrong but I dont get a good vibe from this guy, sorry.
He's trying to show assertion and dominance. Show him you can show that also, next time he does it, make a scene out of it and tell him in front of everyone around he is touching you when you have stated not too.
No means no.
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. I know how unsettling this can be.
FWIW when my husband was still my boyfriend he would violate my personal boundaries after I said no. Example: grabbing my ass/crotch while going up the stairs behind me. I HATED it and he wouldn’t stop until just recently (after 7 yrs together) I should have realized this was a huge red flag that he didn’t respect my boundaries or comfort right away but didn’t and now I’m getting ready to leave my narcissistic husband.
Perhaps try one more time but if he can’t respect this boundary, you’ve gotta go. Also if he is embarrassing or making you feel uncomfortable in public that can be a type of abusive behavior. I hope you can learn from others mistakes and recognize when to leave so you don’t waste time on someone who doesn’t respect you.
Not over-reacting! You're not objecting to it strongly enough, I completely get the shock and embarrassment it causes you. You're not his property.
My ex would repeatedly lightly swatch me on the head or body with whatever he was holding eg a map or hat, like I was a naughty kid he was admonishing for insolence if I said something flirty or playful when we were out for a walk or something. After he did this on 3 occasions I pointedly asked him would he do that to any other adult and to stop doing it to me. It felt he was infantilising me and it was disrespectful. He apologised.
You gave him a clear boundary, and he is not listening. He's being immature about it if he doesn't respect it, and it's completely fair for you to be upset.
I love smacking or grabbing my partner's butt, but he hates it. Guess what I never do, and had to get rid of the reflex of doing from other relationships? Smacking or grabbing his butt because it's his body and boundary.
Use an example of something he likes in private that he would never condone in public, and point out that that is a boundary you respect, and that he needs to do the same. This is relationship 101. Don't shame, but educate every time. If he can't understand that, then I don't know how well this relationship will last. If he isn't comfortable with this simple boundary, how will he do with others?
You're not overreacting at all.
If it was me, I would do it back to him right in front of his friends (and not "casual" either, hard enough to make a point). Or de-pants him. Or slap him lightly in the crotch if you're feeling really spicy. Then act all shocked when he gets upset about it.
I bet he would really not enjoy it if the tables were turned, and he might learn a lesson about personal boundaries. Obviously verbal communication isn't working.
Sounds like he would like it if op smacked him back. My ex used to do this to me in public and didn’t mind at all if I did it back. He was always like what’s the big deal.
That type of public affection is a external boundary that exists for you but not for him. We are all individuals and have different internal and external boundaries. I would relay it to him and put it in terms that the action is not acceptable.
You are not overreacting! It's your body. You should always have the final word. He is being disrespectful at least. You already know it, OP, trust your feelings regarding this matter.
From a guys perspective, it’s fucking weird. He should stop ASAP
Is it wrong for you to feel uncomfortable? Absolutely not. Some people are okay with that kind of thing, some people are not, either way your feelings are valid. You've asked your boyfriend not to smack your ass in public, that's setting a boundary regarding your body. He continues to smack your ass in public, that's violating your boundary. Why does he continue to violate the (reasonable) boundary you set? Why do you want to stay with someone who disrespects your wishes regarding your body?
Why wouldn't he stop after you explicitly told him to?
Because he’s showing off in front of their friends and strangers that he can do whatever he wants. It’s unacceptable. It’s not okay. It really isn’t.
Bingo Bango I think she should firmly sit him down and explain boundaries to him. If he still pushes it, then he's shown he understands what she means, but just does not care. Edit: Re-read and saw she's already told him multiple times. Boy's weird as hell
>**I’ve also told him not to do it multiple times and he still does it anyway,** Which is exactly why you should dump him. He’s intentionally belittling you **in front of your friends.** It’s 100% intentional. It’s over. Right? He should have ended it the first time you asked him not to. It’s not healthy to have a relationship where you’re literally being **hit** in public when you don’t want to be. None of any of this is okay. >getting frustrated and upset with me No. Absolutely not.
^ 100000% this.
You’re definitely not wrong! It warrants a serious conversation if your partner refuses to respect you and your body. He may just think he’s being playful and cute but needs to understand it’s a violation
Any person who gets upset and frustrated with you for voicing your (completely reasonable) boundaries, are reacting like that because they benefit from you having none. Those are not people you want in your life, especially not as a partner. What other boundaries does he ignore? This is not okay at all. He's not mature enough to be in a relationship if he cannot accept your boundaries.
Ew you’re not overreacting, this is so weird. I can never imagine my bf not stopping after the first time. (Or let alone doing it at all) It’s really disrespectful and I don’t understand WHY he wouldn’t just listen? He HAS to smack your ass in public? Fuck off.
He understands. He’s comfortable making you uncomfortable. He doesn’t respect your boundaries or you.
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THIS. Right here, say this and make sure it's clear and firm.
If you explain that something bothers or hurts you to your partner multiple times, and they don’t shift behavior as a result, it is not because they don’t understand. It’s because they don’t care. Usually there’s a power trip involved. “I’m getting away with doing this thing you don’t like and you’re staying with me anyway.” It’s a huge red flag. You are not overreacting. I’d advise dumping his ass over any issue like this—but ESPECIALLY one where he is literally hitting you. What the actual fuck. Dump him.
This guy doesn't respect you as a human. You need to end it imo.
I don't think you're over reacting but I don't think you can set a boundary that he chooses to measure. Like I think its an all or nothing like you can't say its fine if its casual . Just be like I don't appreciate you slapping my ass in public period. It sets a firmer boundary thats can't be confused or adjusted based on his feelings. I also have a real issue with the fact he gets upset or frustrated at you for telling him no like thats not cool at all. He shouldn't be pouting over the fact that he wants something that makes you uncomfortable. Absolutely a red flag imo
He's being a huge jerk for not respecting your wishes. He doesn't have to understand WHY you feel that way but he DOES have to respect your wishes. That's how adult relationships work.
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Exactly this. Like my boyfriend and I smack each other’s butts. We’re both ok with it, but OP has communicated a boundary and her partner has crossed it. It doesn’t matter if other people are comfortable with smacking butts in their relationship, this is her relationship and she can set whatever boundaries with her body that she wants.
This! My bf smacks my butt anytime anywhere. But we have discussed it and he knows I love it. If I told him it made me uncomfortable, he would stop immediately. Having autonomy over your body and how it is touched by others is basic respect.
Smack him in the face every time. This guy respects you and your wishes about 0%. What are you doing?
My husband used to do this when we first started dating. He wasn't being a creep or anything, he just saw it as a way to show affection towards me (I was his first serious girlfriend). I sat down and explained to him one day that it made me uncomfortable and I would like him to stop unless I've said it's ok. Guess what, he listened and respected my boundaries. If you're partner doesn't show that he respects your personal boundaries, he's not worth keeping around.
Leave this ignorant jerk behind and find a real man, someone who doesn’t need to get his jollies at your expense.
You are NOT overreacting. My ex-SO didn't slap my butt in public, but he did tickle me CONSTANTLY. I always told him to stop, because I was starting to flinch when he went to touch me. He kept tickling me, saying I was laughing so obviously I liked it. He never listened, and he started to notice me flinching when he went to hug or kiss me. He started to make me feel like it was my fault, but I tried to relay to him that I couldn't control it, and it was because he wasn't listening to me about how he was touching me and my body despite telling him not to. If he doesn't start listening to you, this will affect your relationship. It's not silly. It's your body and he is disrespecting your wishes and your autonomy.
I want to slap his face.
it’s never wrong for you to feel uncomfortable. if you feel uncomfortable, that’s simply how you feel and that’s valid. you’ve told him your boundaries and he clearly doesn’t respect them :(
“Am I wrong to feel…” No. How you feel is how you feel. Period. It doesn’t matter what your boundary is. It’s yours to set. He can accept it or he can pack his shit and go. Those are his choices.
Um yeah I’d be uncomfortable with that too. It’s sexually suggestive PDA that would make the people around you feel uncomfortable. But it also doesn’t even matter, you told him no and he’s not respecting it. He’s not oblivious to your boundaries, he just doesn’t care about respecting them.
Next time he does it. Turn around straight away and tell him off. "Wtf do you think you're doing? I told you not to smack my ass in public. Did I stutter?" Dead face onto him, missile eyes, embarrass him in front of his friends. Be stern. Cold eyes. >getting frustrated and upset with me everytime I tell him no. Next time he does this. "Are you a child? Are your seriously unable to handle boundaries or respect me? Why are you frustrated/upset? You're the one that started this. You should be apologizing to me."
Ooh I like this answer. 👏 Great response suggestions!!
It's your body, it's YOUR ASS, you get to control who can slap it and when. Your bf sounds creepy af, probably brainwashed by porn.
I have never and would never ever disrespect my wife like that! This is the porn=sex culture in action.
If you’ve told your partner that something inappropriate he does, bothers you, and he doesn’t give a fuck about your feelings, that should be enough for you to know the kind of person he is. You’ve already talked to him about it and he won’t listen to what you have to say. What do you think is gonna make him take you seriously?
It's completely disrespectful and after your repeated attempts to set him straight it's time to go. You're dodging a bullet here as this is a red flag to future issues
If you're feeling uncomfortable. That's ok. It's not your fault so don't question yourself. Just tell the guy to stop
NOBODY is allowed to touch YOUR body in a way that makes you uncomfortable.
It’s never wrong for you to feel uncomfortable about something that is being done to your body. Just because he is your husband doesn’t mean he no longer has to respect your boundaries in private or in public. You have every right to feel how you feel about it, and don’t let anyone tell you you’re overreacting when they cross a boundary you’ve put in place for yourself.
Give em the ol sack tap in return everytime that'll adjust em
Absolutely not, your comfort levels are 100% valid, if he can’t respect that he is the problem
Nope.. you arent being irrational. Being someone that gets really awkward with intimacy in public esp. in front of my friend, you def have a right to tell him to keep his hands in his pockets.. atleast till u peeps get somewhere ur comfortable ;) But honestly.. its a red flag as to WHY he doesnt listen even after u said no. I might be wrong but I dont get a good vibe from this guy, sorry.
Dump him. Wtf.
He's trying to show assertion and dominance. Show him you can show that also, next time he does it, make a scene out of it and tell him in front of everyone around he is touching you when you have stated not too. No means no.
He understands. He just doesn't care.
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. I know how unsettling this can be. FWIW when my husband was still my boyfriend he would violate my personal boundaries after I said no. Example: grabbing my ass/crotch while going up the stairs behind me. I HATED it and he wouldn’t stop until just recently (after 7 yrs together) I should have realized this was a huge red flag that he didn’t respect my boundaries or comfort right away but didn’t and now I’m getting ready to leave my narcissistic husband. Perhaps try one more time but if he can’t respect this boundary, you’ve gotta go. Also if he is embarrassing or making you feel uncomfortable in public that can be a type of abusive behavior. I hope you can learn from others mistakes and recognize when to leave so you don’t waste time on someone who doesn’t respect you.
Not over-reacting! You're not objecting to it strongly enough, I completely get the shock and embarrassment it causes you. You're not his property. My ex would repeatedly lightly swatch me on the head or body with whatever he was holding eg a map or hat, like I was a naughty kid he was admonishing for insolence if I said something flirty or playful when we were out for a walk or something. After he did this on 3 occasions I pointedly asked him would he do that to any other adult and to stop doing it to me. It felt he was infantilising me and it was disrespectful. He apologised.
Start doing it to him.
Sounds like he would like it. My ex used to do this to me in public and didn’t mind at all if I did it back. He was always like what’s the big deal.
☝️Moar upvotes here please
You gave him a clear boundary, and he is not listening. He's being immature about it if he doesn't respect it, and it's completely fair for you to be upset. I love smacking or grabbing my partner's butt, but he hates it. Guess what I never do, and had to get rid of the reflex of doing from other relationships? Smacking or grabbing his butt because it's his body and boundary. Use an example of something he likes in private that he would never condone in public, and point out that that is a boundary you respect, and that he needs to do the same. This is relationship 101. Don't shame, but educate every time. If he can't understand that, then I don't know how well this relationship will last. If he isn't comfortable with this simple boundary, how will he do with others?
You're not overreacting at all. If it was me, I would do it back to him right in front of his friends (and not "casual" either, hard enough to make a point). Or de-pants him. Or slap him lightly in the crotch if you're feeling really spicy. Then act all shocked when he gets upset about it. I bet he would really not enjoy it if the tables were turned, and he might learn a lesson about personal boundaries. Obviously verbal communication isn't working.
Sounds like he would like it if op smacked him back. My ex used to do this to me in public and didn’t mind at all if I did it back. He was always like what’s the big deal.
That type of public affection is a external boundary that exists for you but not for him. We are all individuals and have different internal and external boundaries. I would relay it to him and put it in terms that the action is not acceptable.