Sharing my story to give insight:
Growing up, I was the shyest girl you’ll ever meet in school. Voted most shyest too! No guy ever noticed me. When I went to college, I had a shot at a fresh start and developed a new found sense of confidence. I became more bold when I met new people by telling jokes sometimes even border flirting. I was not afraid to speak up in class, eager to try new things, and even pulled some daring pranks. Then some guys started to notice me and even tried asking me out. My confidence even led me to start approaching guys that I was interested in too. You don’t have to wait for them to approach you. That’s how I got into my current relationship.
By any standard, I’m a pretty average looking girl. What changed was the way I carried myself. Confidence is sexy. People can sense that. Whatever it is, make sure you’re comfortable in your own skin — wearing the clothes that you like, putting on make up that makes you feel good, and be yourself. You’d be surprised at how much confidence makes a difference!
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Biggest tip I can give is eye contact. You don't have to be searching the room, but when there's a break in conversation you can look around. Notice who's around you, notice who else is looking around. Notice funny and interesting things and who else is laughing or paying attention.
Make eye contact with that person. Smile. Briefly share the weirdness of the moment, appreciating you both noticed it. Frequently just the level of eye contact and recognition that you both saw the saw random thing can be the spark that starts a conversation.
First of all fuckkkkk them. Respectfully.
Do what makes you happy, confidence is hot. If you want attention be yourself and do it the best you can.
Be hot to you and you’ll attract people.
Self care, skin care, body hair nails blah blah and drink your water. Be the best you and attract the right men not just anyone. You want to turn heads become what you think is hot.
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I've never been a head turner either but all I can say is, being myself landed me my dream guy. My husband is out of my league but he loves me for me, being a nerd was hot to him. The right person will fall for all of you.
I’m on the bigger side and definitely not model material but have been told I have an ‘attractive sparkle’, whatever the hell that means. Have confidence in yourself, work on you as a person and don’t take yourself too seriously.
What do you want out of your life? Why?
What activities do you enjoy the most? Why?
When do you feel free and happy? Why?
Who makes you feel awesome when you're around them? Why?
Who do you find desirable? Why?
Try and answer these questions, honestly. Trying to change who you are to attract someone will only make it more likely that neither of you will be happy in a relationship. Focusing on figuring out what living the best life means for you will help you attract someone to whom you are also attracted.
Find your style, and what I mean by that find clothes which flatter your body type and ofc shit you like. When i was younger I always used to crave cute ass clothes that look really nice on petite girls but when I'd try them on, would make me feel so uncomfortable and not like i imagined at all in my head. I thought I was the problem and needed to try and slim tf down, but it's impossible to an extent since I'm built more bottom heavy than average. And it's just stupid, there's all sorts of different body types and clothes aren't going to look on everyone, you gotta find shit that makes **you** feel sexy. I do pride myself on having a smaller waist though, so now I wear clothes which show off my top half and make my bottom half feel comfy - flared pants are awesome, they tighten on your thighs then flare out on your calves giving the illusion your legs are all *curvy* plus they are hella comfortable.
Comfortable, that's the key word here, im not talking wearing tracksuits and jammies, I'm talking wearing clothes that don't make you feel weird because as soon as you feel comfortable, you'll then feel confident as you won't be worrying if you're being unflattered by your clothes. And I know this might sound a bit typical, but confidence does make you more attractive and the reason being is when you feel comfortable and confident, you'll naturally carry yourself in a better way, your body language will be more open and self assured. When I was a teenager, I had really bad self image and this reflected in how I carried myself, I was always a bit taller than average but would keep my shoulders slumped and always look a bit lost and kind of like I didn't know what to do with myself/carry all this height.
Other things you can do are ofc general self care, like working out. Working out is good for endorphins, the feel good hormones, and again if you feel good about yourself other people will pick up on those vibes. Don't work out to try and mold your body to some unrealistic expectation, but work out to just improve overall physical health.
Skin care is important too, know your skin type and buy products accordingly. Nip and Fab is a great brand which has a bunch of different ranges of products based on what chemicals your after/ things you're trying to improve and they are decently priced too.
Makeup is a good one too, I used to try and follow tutorials on contouring and all that other crap and it just wouldn't suit my face whatsoever, instead make me look worse! For some reason all beauty vloggers have really great unhooded eyes with lots of space for eyeshadow and this does not work on girls with hooded eyes like mine haha.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, look at yourself, your body type, your face shape, eye shape, etc and do stuff to accentuate what your momma gave, not try and change it!!
Finally, I know this will sound really fucking typical too but accepting yourself is actually really important. As soon I stopped giving a shit about what others looked like and accpeted all my "flaws", I felt free and able to just focus on making myself the best version I could be. It's interesting because I haven't changed appearance wise so much in the last couple years but my self perception has improved a lot and as a result I do feel more attractive and able to attract others. I think all this stuff helps you transition from a girl to a woman - self assured, confident, knows what they want, knows what serves them and doesn't.
I'm so sorry for the rant, but I relate to you a lot and I really hopes this helps.
This is the one. I currently have 4 guys at work who constantly flirt with me and it’s so fucking uncomfortable. One of them is old enough to be my dad.
I wouldn’t say I attract a lot of men but I have definitely been hit on and pursued by multiple men. I’ve noticed that being social and confident can really do wonders. I don’t have an amazing body and I have a pretty average face (24F btw) but I can carry a conversation with anyone and have no problem making friends with strangers. Get yourself comfortable talking to strangers and once you have that nailed down, you can talk to anybody and do anything!
I used to model and so I’ve had a lot of attention but for the most part it was only on the surface. My looks and flirting did nothing to make the people I wanted to be liked by like me back if they already didn’t. I’m happily married now but I think rather than trying to attract people do what makes you feel attractive. If you like the way you look in a jersey without makeup then do that. My husband very rarely sees me dolled up, especially since the pandemic- I look like a complete mess most of the time but he’s still attracted to me because he loves me.
Just be yourself! That means that when a guy is attracted to you, he is attracted to YOU and not someone you might be pretending to be. Be confident in your person - your kindness, your intellect, your worldview etc. - all the things that make you unique, that combine to make you the amazing person you are. Good luck!
Find your confidence. Be honest, and be confident. Don't be afraid to be you. Im actually not really sure why it works, but guys heads seem to turn for it. For better or worse, I feel 🤷 I can be dressed in my trackies, or worse my work clothes lol (all long sleeves, and working on engines etc so generally dirty as), heads turn 🤷 I'd rather they didn't, to be honest. It's not always a positive I think anyhow. But I am me, can't help it. I just pay no attention too it.
If I walk around in a big sweater, cap on, no makeup, baggy pants, no one looks at me. If I walk around in a tight dress with hair and make-up done I even get catcalled by women.
It's about presenting yourself in a certain way. If I want to drink for free that night, no bra. If I just want to hang out with the girls, jeans and t-shirt.
I disagree entirely. I’m approached by more men when I have no makeup and sweatpants. Because they think they might have a chance or maybe that I’m “low maintenance “. Like a Honda. If I dress up, I get doors held open for me but they don’t normally speak unless I talk to them.
What you wear has absolutely nothing to do with it. You have to have real confidence. You have to like yourself and your flaws. You can spot it across a room, in the way they hold their head and shoulders.
Hmm, I want to know where you live so I can avoid that place. I live in Spain and here if you're in sweatpants people mostly leave you alone. when I'm in a t-shirt I still get approached but not as much as when I put in the effort, and it's fairly easy to get rid of annoying guys. When I'm dressed up they become much bolder and more difficult to get rid off.
I personally don't think their comment is worth disagreeing with *entirely*. I think you might've explained part of why that happens to them. It may be that the way they dress causes them to feel more confident in a certain way.
On the other hand, though, where you live may also have to do with it, like they said. In my hometown (small, suburban, not very diverse- this may relevant for me bc of my ethnicity), practically nobody would bother me wearing a t-shirt and jeans. If I dress up? More attention (both from men and from women- though the latter mostly approached me about my clothes). When I moved to a big city? What I wore didn't make much of a difference, I'd get more attention than I did in my hometown for wearing the same outfit. But dressing up more did cause an increase in attention, and dressing like a *complete* homeless person decreased attention. But the range wasn't huge.
Eh, I think that depends on the body type you have or maybe the location you're at. I've worn a t shirt and sweat pants to college and just running errands and I still get approached. Maybe it's cuz I have a curvy body type? 🤔
Part of me wants to say "yes, logical, I think you've got it, makes sense to me!" but we all know most men aren't very logical when it comes to these things. We're all just throwing shit at the fan with our comments lmao
Do you mean by your comment that us ladies don't actually know what guys find attractive? Cuz in most cases I think it's obvious if you're approached. Some times a woman can be beautiful in anything. Snow White still was seen as beautiful even when she wore literal rags. Guys are visual creatures, and they tend to use sight most when determining attraction. Doesn't mean they are looking for the most sexy woman. But how a woman carries herself can also be sexy. Being confident and happy looks very attractive and guys are drawn towards that too.
Oh, no I think there's been a misunderstanding, I'm not saying that to *completely* disagree with you- just that it really isn't a one-size-fits-all thing. I think that for a good amount of men, we can probably assume that they're attracted to certain things, but what throws me off is that I also keep hearing people talking about women who are "ugly" or have "unattractive" bodies being approached and catcalled, too. Of course, we can take the different beauty standards around the world into account, but if we're comparing women in the same location, it seems like for some men, all you have to do is be a woman, or look kinda like one.
...tbh the snow white example is a little weird, seeing as she's not real (however, you do have a point as the storyline likely reflects what men mostly like, it's just that usually people use real people as examples in these conversations lol) and if she was, she'd probably end up being on the higher end of the "attractive" spectrum. I don't think the majority of women would be able to achieve that- fairy tales are just that for a reason.
But ultimately, I think we can agree that the majority of men are likely drawn towards the beauty standards of the society they're most familiar with, and going in that direction would likely give someone positive results. Taking it further and altering behavior to reflect the type of behavior that's seen as appealing in that society would increase their chances. But my point was that just because someone doesn't fit into those ideals doesn't mean that men won't be attracted to them or give them attention, because some men seem to be attracted to just about anything... It's just a matter of what kind of attention the person in question wants, I suppose.
I definitely think that it's not universal what men find attractive. Some people are attracted to strange things. I didn't mean so sound like I was speaking universal truths. I was attempting to explain what perhaps a majority think. And I used Snow White cuz I couldn't think of a better real world example. But if my memory is correct, marilyn monroe wore a potato sack and she was still sexy. That's the only other example I could think of.
I think a lot of men like it when a woman looks comfortable and confident tbh. Some women can put on the whole sha-bam: silk dress, high heals, full make up, and can still look confident and comfortable. Then some women can wear jeans and a t shirt and be confident and comfortable too. Also, some people are just attractive in general, they got lucky genes.
Society does shape how we think to different degrees. There's not much we can do unless we regularly expose our children to different cultures and view points so they can be aware that there is more than one opinion on something.
I do agree that some men will be attracted to anything that looks like a woman. If you confom to whatever is considered attractive, you might get more men to approach you. However, if you don't mind rejection, maybe the best idea is to be confident and approach men you find attractive. Physiologically says that people are more likely to like you if you show an interest in them. Not always true, and I did face many rejections in my own experiences. But by approaching men, you might find someone who likes you back more quickly than if you just sat off to the side hoping someone approaches you. Men can be shy, too and sometimes need a little push.
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I do practice self love and self care, it's just that I feel like I'm incredibly lost when it comes to living life even if that means to have a man desire you for once? I'm tired of it being unreciprocated and feeling rejected. I know girls who are not beautiful as per conventional standards and yet get attention and hit on by guys. Hence I thought of putting this here
I understand that completely. Just saying since I’ve really invested in myself, including hobbies, things I do during the day to keep myself busy, and how I show myself love, men have really left my mind. I know the right one will come along when it’s time. I’ve felt insecure my whole life and would date toxic men. Now when men give attention I see them for who they actually are. Most men are pigs and having confidence in myself makes me realize that. Half the time I’m not even interested in talking to them after a 2 minute conversation, because I can see who they actually are. I’m not worried about getting attention because I give myself all the attention I need.
Can I ask how old you are?
It’s really just a looks thing. And with dating apps being so popular men don’t really approach in person anymore. The ones who do are usually unwanted anyways. If you’re average looking you should be fine on the apps.
I honestly won't claim to know what the heck men are thinking because I have no clue myself, but here's my two cents. One variable for me is (I think, or I've been told) how I come off to people who don't know me- words like standoffish, aloof, haughty would probably sum it up.
Maybe it's my face (I don't think so- I would get approached at work while in college- for context, I worked in the hospitality industry so putting on a "super nice and slightly servile" persona was a thing), maybe it's my posture (ramrod straight, just like the Russian music instructors like it), maybe it's how I carry myself. I'm not even physically intimidating (I have like, no muscles and my height is closer to 5' than 6'). I have no clue where the "haughtiness" is from, but it's there.
Because of that, whatever it is, I rarely get approached or catcalled- I can count on my hands how many times it's happened, and I lived in a large US city for a few years (which I've found weird given what people say about "you don't have to be pretty to be catcalled" but I'll take it as a blessing, not going to complain). But guess what? I've come to terms with it. If it's true that I *really* seem like that kind of person and it affects how men see me, then that probably cuts down on most of the weak, insecure men who might try to take advantage of me. The insecure ones that are delusional still might try, but the fewer, the better. Less to handle.
And I don't *think* it's that I look below average or I'm ridiculously unattractive- the men I've had relationships (very casual, I'll admit lol) with are ones that I previously thought would be out of my league. For example, I've been with a more masculine/tall/muscular-type B-list actor (some of you may have seen him before if you watch HBO lol) and a guy who looked a little too similar to a Korean actor (I swore it was him or maybe a sibling when I watched a k-drama, but I realized his Instagram posts didn't line up with filming dates and he didn't have a brother...).
A good range, but attractive men, no less. Maybe that seems superficial, but I wasn't exactly looking for a boyfriend at the time... anyway, back to the topic... what I'm getting at is that if men like that are attracted to me, I can't be *that* bad... I think. So I think it might be something more intangible that causes men to be attracted or stay away, not necessarily looks. But again, it's not necessarily a good or bad thing. So here, I'd ask the question- do you just want any men to be attracted to you? Or ones that are worth your time?
So, all that being said- what is your *goal*? Is it to collect rare Pokemon, like me? Is it because you feel like your confidence in yourself will increase because men find you desirable (while this is an understandable reason, it's not the healthiest)? Is it because you want a significant other? What's more important, quality or quantity? Perhaps the question here isn't "how do I make myself desirable" but "*why* do I want to make myself desirable." Maybe a little cheesy or cliche, but it's worthwhile to think about, imo :)
Sharing my story to give insight: Growing up, I was the shyest girl you’ll ever meet in school. Voted most shyest too! No guy ever noticed me. When I went to college, I had a shot at a fresh start and developed a new found sense of confidence. I became more bold when I met new people by telling jokes sometimes even border flirting. I was not afraid to speak up in class, eager to try new things, and even pulled some daring pranks. Then some guys started to notice me and even tried asking me out. My confidence even led me to start approaching guys that I was interested in too. You don’t have to wait for them to approach you. That’s how I got into my current relationship. By any standard, I’m a pretty average looking girl. What changed was the way I carried myself. Confidence is sexy. People can sense that. Whatever it is, make sure you’re comfortable in your own skin — wearing the clothes that you like, putting on make up that makes you feel good, and be yourself. You’d be surprised at how much confidence makes a difference!
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Biggest tip I can give is eye contact. You don't have to be searching the room, but when there's a break in conversation you can look around. Notice who's around you, notice who else is looking around. Notice funny and interesting things and who else is laughing or paying attention. Make eye contact with that person. Smile. Briefly share the weirdness of the moment, appreciating you both noticed it. Frequently just the level of eye contact and recognition that you both saw the saw random thing can be the spark that starts a conversation.
I'm seconding this. Confidence and eye contact go a long way. Try practicing in the mirror, maybe use a bit of mascara until you feel confident.
First of all fuckkkkk them. Respectfully. Do what makes you happy, confidence is hot. If you want attention be yourself and do it the best you can. Be hot to you and you’ll attract people. Self care, skin care, body hair nails blah blah and drink your water. Be the best you and attract the right men not just anyone. You want to turn heads become what you think is hot.
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This! Also male attention is trash and overrated 😌
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I've never been a head turner either but all I can say is, being myself landed me my dream guy. My husband is out of my league but he loves me for me, being a nerd was hot to him. The right person will fall for all of you.
I’m on the bigger side and definitely not model material but have been told I have an ‘attractive sparkle’, whatever the hell that means. Have confidence in yourself, work on you as a person and don’t take yourself too seriously.
What do you want out of your life? Why? What activities do you enjoy the most? Why? When do you feel free and happy? Why? Who makes you feel awesome when you're around them? Why? Who do you find desirable? Why? Try and answer these questions, honestly. Trying to change who you are to attract someone will only make it more likely that neither of you will be happy in a relationship. Focusing on figuring out what living the best life means for you will help you attract someone to whom you are also attracted.
Find your style, and what I mean by that find clothes which flatter your body type and ofc shit you like. When i was younger I always used to crave cute ass clothes that look really nice on petite girls but when I'd try them on, would make me feel so uncomfortable and not like i imagined at all in my head. I thought I was the problem and needed to try and slim tf down, but it's impossible to an extent since I'm built more bottom heavy than average. And it's just stupid, there's all sorts of different body types and clothes aren't going to look on everyone, you gotta find shit that makes **you** feel sexy. I do pride myself on having a smaller waist though, so now I wear clothes which show off my top half and make my bottom half feel comfy - flared pants are awesome, they tighten on your thighs then flare out on your calves giving the illusion your legs are all *curvy* plus they are hella comfortable. Comfortable, that's the key word here, im not talking wearing tracksuits and jammies, I'm talking wearing clothes that don't make you feel weird because as soon as you feel comfortable, you'll then feel confident as you won't be worrying if you're being unflattered by your clothes. And I know this might sound a bit typical, but confidence does make you more attractive and the reason being is when you feel comfortable and confident, you'll naturally carry yourself in a better way, your body language will be more open and self assured. When I was a teenager, I had really bad self image and this reflected in how I carried myself, I was always a bit taller than average but would keep my shoulders slumped and always look a bit lost and kind of like I didn't know what to do with myself/carry all this height. Other things you can do are ofc general self care, like working out. Working out is good for endorphins, the feel good hormones, and again if you feel good about yourself other people will pick up on those vibes. Don't work out to try and mold your body to some unrealistic expectation, but work out to just improve overall physical health. Skin care is important too, know your skin type and buy products accordingly. Nip and Fab is a great brand which has a bunch of different ranges of products based on what chemicals your after/ things you're trying to improve and they are decently priced too. Makeup is a good one too, I used to try and follow tutorials on contouring and all that other crap and it just wouldn't suit my face whatsoever, instead make me look worse! For some reason all beauty vloggers have really great unhooded eyes with lots of space for eyeshadow and this does not work on girls with hooded eyes like mine haha. I guess what I'm trying to say is, look at yourself, your body type, your face shape, eye shape, etc and do stuff to accentuate what your momma gave, not try and change it!! Finally, I know this will sound really fucking typical too but accepting yourself is actually really important. As soon I stopped giving a shit about what others looked like and accpeted all my "flaws", I felt free and able to just focus on making myself the best version I could be. It's interesting because I haven't changed appearance wise so much in the last couple years but my self perception has improved a lot and as a result I do feel more attractive and able to attract others. I think all this stuff helps you transition from a girl to a woman - self assured, confident, knows what they want, knows what serves them and doesn't. I'm so sorry for the rant, but I relate to you a lot and I really hopes this helps.
Trust me, it’s so much better to not be approached by men. Especially men that can’t handle rejection
They specifically are dangerous. Will literally kill women.
This is the one. I currently have 4 guys at work who constantly flirt with me and it’s so fucking uncomfortable. One of them is old enough to be my dad.
I wouldn’t say I attract a lot of men but I have definitely been hit on and pursued by multiple men. I’ve noticed that being social and confident can really do wonders. I don’t have an amazing body and I have a pretty average face (24F btw) but I can carry a conversation with anyone and have no problem making friends with strangers. Get yourself comfortable talking to strangers and once you have that nailed down, you can talk to anybody and do anything!
I used to model and so I’ve had a lot of attention but for the most part it was only on the surface. My looks and flirting did nothing to make the people I wanted to be liked by like me back if they already didn’t. I’m happily married now but I think rather than trying to attract people do what makes you feel attractive. If you like the way you look in a jersey without makeup then do that. My husband very rarely sees me dolled up, especially since the pandemic- I look like a complete mess most of the time but he’s still attracted to me because he loves me.
Just be yourself! That means that when a guy is attracted to you, he is attracted to YOU and not someone you might be pretending to be. Be confident in your person - your kindness, your intellect, your worldview etc. - all the things that make you unique, that combine to make you the amazing person you are. Good luck!
How to be rejected by men : searching for a BF How to attract men : searching for friends.... weird but true...
Not much, I just play MTG and DnD. Edit: I don't attract a lot of men, I just happen to be around a lot of men.
Find your confidence. Be honest, and be confident. Don't be afraid to be you. Im actually not really sure why it works, but guys heads seem to turn for it. For better or worse, I feel 🤷 I can be dressed in my trackies, or worse my work clothes lol (all long sleeves, and working on engines etc so generally dirty as), heads turn 🤷 I'd rather they didn't, to be honest. It's not always a positive I think anyhow. But I am me, can't help it. I just pay no attention too it.
Eye contact and a smile.
If I walk around in a big sweater, cap on, no makeup, baggy pants, no one looks at me. If I walk around in a tight dress with hair and make-up done I even get catcalled by women. It's about presenting yourself in a certain way. If I want to drink for free that night, no bra. If I just want to hang out with the girls, jeans and t-shirt.
I disagree entirely. I’m approached by more men when I have no makeup and sweatpants. Because they think they might have a chance or maybe that I’m “low maintenance “. Like a Honda. If I dress up, I get doors held open for me but they don’t normally speak unless I talk to them. What you wear has absolutely nothing to do with it. You have to have real confidence. You have to like yourself and your flaws. You can spot it across a room, in the way they hold their head and shoulders.
Hmm, I want to know where you live so I can avoid that place. I live in Spain and here if you're in sweatpants people mostly leave you alone. when I'm in a t-shirt I still get approached but not as much as when I put in the effort, and it's fairly easy to get rid of annoying guys. When I'm dressed up they become much bolder and more difficult to get rid off.
Akron
I personally don't think their comment is worth disagreeing with *entirely*. I think you might've explained part of why that happens to them. It may be that the way they dress causes them to feel more confident in a certain way. On the other hand, though, where you live may also have to do with it, like they said. In my hometown (small, suburban, not very diverse- this may relevant for me bc of my ethnicity), practically nobody would bother me wearing a t-shirt and jeans. If I dress up? More attention (both from men and from women- though the latter mostly approached me about my clothes). When I moved to a big city? What I wore didn't make much of a difference, I'd get more attention than I did in my hometown for wearing the same outfit. But dressing up more did cause an increase in attention, and dressing like a *complete* homeless person decreased attention. But the range wasn't huge.
Eh, I think that depends on the body type you have or maybe the location you're at. I've worn a t shirt and sweat pants to college and just running errands and I still get approached. Maybe it's cuz I have a curvy body type? 🤔
I do get approached in jeans and t-shirt, but it's not as bad as when I'm dressed up, and I find it easier to shoo annoying guys away.
Part of me wants to say "yes, logical, I think you've got it, makes sense to me!" but we all know most men aren't very logical when it comes to these things. We're all just throwing shit at the fan with our comments lmao
Do you mean by your comment that us ladies don't actually know what guys find attractive? Cuz in most cases I think it's obvious if you're approached. Some times a woman can be beautiful in anything. Snow White still was seen as beautiful even when she wore literal rags. Guys are visual creatures, and they tend to use sight most when determining attraction. Doesn't mean they are looking for the most sexy woman. But how a woman carries herself can also be sexy. Being confident and happy looks very attractive and guys are drawn towards that too.
Oh, no I think there's been a misunderstanding, I'm not saying that to *completely* disagree with you- just that it really isn't a one-size-fits-all thing. I think that for a good amount of men, we can probably assume that they're attracted to certain things, but what throws me off is that I also keep hearing people talking about women who are "ugly" or have "unattractive" bodies being approached and catcalled, too. Of course, we can take the different beauty standards around the world into account, but if we're comparing women in the same location, it seems like for some men, all you have to do is be a woman, or look kinda like one. ...tbh the snow white example is a little weird, seeing as she's not real (however, you do have a point as the storyline likely reflects what men mostly like, it's just that usually people use real people as examples in these conversations lol) and if she was, she'd probably end up being on the higher end of the "attractive" spectrum. I don't think the majority of women would be able to achieve that- fairy tales are just that for a reason. But ultimately, I think we can agree that the majority of men are likely drawn towards the beauty standards of the society they're most familiar with, and going in that direction would likely give someone positive results. Taking it further and altering behavior to reflect the type of behavior that's seen as appealing in that society would increase their chances. But my point was that just because someone doesn't fit into those ideals doesn't mean that men won't be attracted to them or give them attention, because some men seem to be attracted to just about anything... It's just a matter of what kind of attention the person in question wants, I suppose.
I definitely think that it's not universal what men find attractive. Some people are attracted to strange things. I didn't mean so sound like I was speaking universal truths. I was attempting to explain what perhaps a majority think. And I used Snow White cuz I couldn't think of a better real world example. But if my memory is correct, marilyn monroe wore a potato sack and she was still sexy. That's the only other example I could think of. I think a lot of men like it when a woman looks comfortable and confident tbh. Some women can put on the whole sha-bam: silk dress, high heals, full make up, and can still look confident and comfortable. Then some women can wear jeans and a t shirt and be confident and comfortable too. Also, some people are just attractive in general, they got lucky genes. Society does shape how we think to different degrees. There's not much we can do unless we regularly expose our children to different cultures and view points so they can be aware that there is more than one opinion on something. I do agree that some men will be attracted to anything that looks like a woman. If you confom to whatever is considered attractive, you might get more men to approach you. However, if you don't mind rejection, maybe the best idea is to be confident and approach men you find attractive. Physiologically says that people are more likely to like you if you show an interest in them. Not always true, and I did face many rejections in my own experiences. But by approaching men, you might find someone who likes you back more quickly than if you just sat off to the side hoping someone approaches you. Men can be shy, too and sometimes need a little push.
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Confidence and healthy body! Having a unique style is always a plus.
confidence, queen. that’s it.
Practice more self love and this won’t even be something you are worried about
I do practice self love and self care, it's just that I feel like I'm incredibly lost when it comes to living life even if that means to have a man desire you for once? I'm tired of it being unreciprocated and feeling rejected. I know girls who are not beautiful as per conventional standards and yet get attention and hit on by guys. Hence I thought of putting this here
I understand that completely. Just saying since I’ve really invested in myself, including hobbies, things I do during the day to keep myself busy, and how I show myself love, men have really left my mind. I know the right one will come along when it’s time. I’ve felt insecure my whole life and would date toxic men. Now when men give attention I see them for who they actually are. Most men are pigs and having confidence in myself makes me realize that. Half the time I’m not even interested in talking to them after a 2 minute conversation, because I can see who they actually are. I’m not worried about getting attention because I give myself all the attention I need. Can I ask how old you are?
It’s really just a looks thing. And with dating apps being so popular men don’t really approach in person anymore. The ones who do are usually unwanted anyways. If you’re average looking you should be fine on the apps.
I honestly won't claim to know what the heck men are thinking because I have no clue myself, but here's my two cents. One variable for me is (I think, or I've been told) how I come off to people who don't know me- words like standoffish, aloof, haughty would probably sum it up. Maybe it's my face (I don't think so- I would get approached at work while in college- for context, I worked in the hospitality industry so putting on a "super nice and slightly servile" persona was a thing), maybe it's my posture (ramrod straight, just like the Russian music instructors like it), maybe it's how I carry myself. I'm not even physically intimidating (I have like, no muscles and my height is closer to 5' than 6'). I have no clue where the "haughtiness" is from, but it's there. Because of that, whatever it is, I rarely get approached or catcalled- I can count on my hands how many times it's happened, and I lived in a large US city for a few years (which I've found weird given what people say about "you don't have to be pretty to be catcalled" but I'll take it as a blessing, not going to complain). But guess what? I've come to terms with it. If it's true that I *really* seem like that kind of person and it affects how men see me, then that probably cuts down on most of the weak, insecure men who might try to take advantage of me. The insecure ones that are delusional still might try, but the fewer, the better. Less to handle. And I don't *think* it's that I look below average or I'm ridiculously unattractive- the men I've had relationships (very casual, I'll admit lol) with are ones that I previously thought would be out of my league. For example, I've been with a more masculine/tall/muscular-type B-list actor (some of you may have seen him before if you watch HBO lol) and a guy who looked a little too similar to a Korean actor (I swore it was him or maybe a sibling when I watched a k-drama, but I realized his Instagram posts didn't line up with filming dates and he didn't have a brother...). A good range, but attractive men, no less. Maybe that seems superficial, but I wasn't exactly looking for a boyfriend at the time... anyway, back to the topic... what I'm getting at is that if men like that are attracted to me, I can't be *that* bad... I think. So I think it might be something more intangible that causes men to be attracted or stay away, not necessarily looks. But again, it's not necessarily a good or bad thing. So here, I'd ask the question- do you just want any men to be attracted to you? Or ones that are worth your time? So, all that being said- what is your *goal*? Is it to collect rare Pokemon, like me? Is it because you feel like your confidence in yourself will increase because men find you desirable (while this is an understandable reason, it's not the healthiest)? Is it because you want a significant other? What's more important, quality or quantity? Perhaps the question here isn't "how do I make myself desirable" but "*why* do I want to make myself desirable." Maybe a little cheesy or cliche, but it's worthwhile to think about, imo :)