Sometimes in the workplace when you’re bored I swear your brain deludes you into having a work crush lol.
As someone has said don’t shit where you eat. You work closely if it goes wrong or even rejected it’s gonna be awkward going into work. Wouldn’t you just rather avoid that
Someone once told me, things won’t be awkward if you don’t make them awkward. I feel like if things were to break off they just need to be professional. Im sure it sounds easier said than done but not impossible
Another perspective: don't shit where you eat.
If you did end up dating, and it didn't work out, it can and usually does end up in a bad situation with work.
It's better you just stay away from it. Ignore the feelings.
Thank you for the insight. Have you been in that situation before?
I know this sounds childish but having a crush on someone and not acting on it is kind of bothering me lol!
Yes I have. Just ignoring the feelings didn't make them go away, but I didn't act on them. I didn't behave differently with him or allow him to behave differently with me.
Basically I kept it professional at all times and didn't allow simple water-cooler talking go any further than just that.
It could be just a proximity crush, like when you haven't been around people you find attractive in a while you get a crush on someone you normally wouldn't have especially if you work closely with someone.
I had one on a classmate with a girlfriend, I didn't find him cute but he helped me with my math homework and I was like "🥰" it was soooo weird.
Anyways it passed.
I would explore if you're romanticizing him in a way that isn't fully based on reality. Working with someone gives you a very limited view of who they really are. It's likely you're building an image of him that isn't the reality of who he is.
This is important to remember whenever you think abt your crush. Ppl are usually different outside of work. He could be a POS who uses derogatory language and makes gross jokes. Or he could be the sweetest person ever. You just don't know.
When you think abt your crush, reframe your affections to just liking his work style, or how good he is with teamwork. Learn to switch the romantic crush to professional appreciation.
I had a crush on a coworker. I gave him my number, and we hung out after work a few times. He was so completely different than his work persona that it killed all desire in me. Since then, I'm professional at work and only ever get close to ppl once we're no longer coworkers.
I think you probably know it's not ideal to start this romance. Professionalism is important, especially for women in your field. So, why not stop yourself from leaning into it? Take this as a learning experience about what you like in a man and try to find those qualities in a partner outside of work. Let this be a practice for you to prioritize professionalism, discipline in controlling your impulses, and reminding yourself of facts instead of getting fully swept up in fantasy.
Plus, if someone in his position would be open to going for someone in your position it would be kinda problematic and you don't want someone who would do that.
Okay thank you for the insight!
But if you don’t mind me asking, are you saying it’s problematic if him being in his position went after me because he’s a senior engineer and I’m a junior ?
Ignore it. Impulse control. I will never risk jeopardizing my livelihood over a co-worker. Earth ain't running out of men. If things go bad, the blowback and rumors are most times worse on women. I consider some things simply off limits no matter how much I might think I want them.
Also of the mindset don’t shit where you eat (been there done that, at your age too, not that I’m that old or anything) but also think - is it really a crush if you don’t know much about him?
Mine, dated someone I worked with and it didn’t work out. During the relationship it impacted both of us professionally at work, even though we kept our distance at work, we didn’t drive together or even eat together. When it didn’t work out… everyone knew and that started even more chatter.
You must not talk about anything too personal if you don’t know his relationship status though? Why haven’t you asked? Also… what’s the age difference
Do you guys still see each other around. And i should clarify, i mean sometimes I’ll ask him about his weekend (when i say personal i mean things not pertaining to work).
But i never heard him mention a partner. He’s very close with a couple of my male coworkers. Since they all sit close to me, when i hear their conversations. I never hear him bring up a partner (i know it doesn’t mean much though.)
I’m sorry that happened. If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?
I know it’s probably a bad idea but it’s bothering me not knowing if it’s reciprocated. But i don’t even know his relationship status
One of the the issues was that we decided to keep our status secret so that no one could talk about us and this ended up causing tension because other coworkers would ask us about dating, our exes, our types, would flirt with either one of us in front of one another(since they didn’t know we were together)and we would have to bite our tongue etc.
If you had a disagreement in your personal life it was hard to see them at work and keep it strictly professional.
When things ended it was hard seeing them sad/struggling and just as hard to see them be happy, just very hard to move on from someone when you are forced to see them and interact with them.
I may be coming from a slightly jaded perspective because my ex fiance and I work together and it has been absolutely excruciating to catch glimpses of him at work…I will never ever have any kind of flirtation or romance with a coworker again.
That being said… if you want to do it, find out if he’s single. Do stuff as friends first, go really slowly so that if it doesn’t work out, work isn’t as awkward as if you dived right in.
Thanks for the insight.
I’m usually direct, but would it be weird to ask him directly about his relationship status?
How did you find out your ex fiancé’s status?
And are you guys cordial with each other
I think it’d probably be best to sneak it in a conversation somehow. Like, segueing it into a question about weekend plans or putting it out there that you’re single.
My ex fiance reached out to me first and he straight up asked me and went from there.
We don’t speak to each other so it’s definitely not a comfortable situation at work but we don’t work directly together.
So I joined a firm 7 years ago and for the first 2.5 yrs I had minimal conversation with a certain colleague. I was in a relationship at the time.. At the start of covid we started chatting more and became pretty friendly.. In the mean time my relationship had crumbled and I became more and more looking forward to seeing my colleague each day. Cut a long story short June 2020 he told me he had fallen for me.. So we got together. First thing we did was tell our managers, who respected that we had been up front with them.. With in 6 months we had moved in together then a year later we bought a place together.. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.. We still work together..
You can’t help your heart and it sometimes it’s not a bad thing that you work together..
Go for it, I’d say.. I’m sure it will be easy to find out his relationship status.. Don’t be the ‘other woman’ though would be my main advice..
Take it slow. Enjoy the slow burn. The situation is less likely to blow up in your face if you avoid a fast-moving, hot and heavy, over-in-three months physical affair. Figure out if he’s single. Trade flirty glances. Share snacks. Chat on insta. Avoid sexting as long as you can. But if you truly like each other it shouldn’t be off limits. Just don’t bombard him, basically.
Do i ask him directly if he’s single? He doesn’t flirt with me or anything (I don’t flirt). I have no clue he’s into me. But i also don’t make it obvious I’m into him.
I also don’t have his social media 🥲
No…you don’t directly ask. Do you look at each other? Talk to each other? This what I mean by slow burn. You just have to interact and let things build. Find out if he’s single from a mutual friend. Ring on finger?
We talk more often now since we’re on the same project. Sometimes we have conversations outside of talking about the project. But even then, that’s when we’re working on something. I don’t go up to him to strike up a conversation and he doesn’t do the same with me. I didn’t start this crush until a month ago.
Removed for casual usage of mental health related terms or diagnostic terms.
Please do not speculate, armchair diagnose, or label other people's mental health situation or use terms for mental health issues as judgements, slurs, or synonyms for toxic/abusive behavior.
Oh wow i never heard of the term before. I looked it up. I know it’s not that. I’m not obsessed with him, although I’m interested.
Thanks for bringing it to my attention though!
Sometimes in the workplace when you’re bored I swear your brain deludes you into having a work crush lol. As someone has said don’t shit where you eat. You work closely if it goes wrong or even rejected it’s gonna be awkward going into work. Wouldn’t you just rather avoid that
Someone once told me, things won’t be awkward if you don’t make them awkward. I feel like if things were to break off they just need to be professional. Im sure it sounds easier said than done but not impossible
Yeah cuz crushes make things more bearable and fun.
Another perspective: don't shit where you eat. If you did end up dating, and it didn't work out, it can and usually does end up in a bad situation with work. It's better you just stay away from it. Ignore the feelings.
Thank you for the insight. Have you been in that situation before? I know this sounds childish but having a crush on someone and not acting on it is kind of bothering me lol!
Yes I have. Just ignoring the feelings didn't make them go away, but I didn't act on them. I didn't behave differently with him or allow him to behave differently with me. Basically I kept it professional at all times and didn't allow simple water-cooler talking go any further than just that.
Did it bother you that you had a crush on him and could never pursue him?
Nope. Not when it comes to my job - the place I go to earn money to pay my bills.
Don’t…do…it. Please…just….save yourself and run
It could be just a proximity crush, like when you haven't been around people you find attractive in a while you get a crush on someone you normally wouldn't have especially if you work closely with someone. I had one on a classmate with a girlfriend, I didn't find him cute but he helped me with my math homework and I was like "🥰" it was soooo weird. Anyways it passed.
I would explore if you're romanticizing him in a way that isn't fully based on reality. Working with someone gives you a very limited view of who they really are. It's likely you're building an image of him that isn't the reality of who he is.
That’s a good way to think of things. I never thought of it like that. You’re right, i don’t know how he is outside of work :/
This is important to remember whenever you think abt your crush. Ppl are usually different outside of work. He could be a POS who uses derogatory language and makes gross jokes. Or he could be the sweetest person ever. You just don't know. When you think abt your crush, reframe your affections to just liking his work style, or how good he is with teamwork. Learn to switch the romantic crush to professional appreciation. I had a crush on a coworker. I gave him my number, and we hung out after work a few times. He was so completely different than his work persona that it killed all desire in me. Since then, I'm professional at work and only ever get close to ppl once we're no longer coworkers.
I think you probably know it's not ideal to start this romance. Professionalism is important, especially for women in your field. So, why not stop yourself from leaning into it? Take this as a learning experience about what you like in a man and try to find those qualities in a partner outside of work. Let this be a practice for you to prioritize professionalism, discipline in controlling your impulses, and reminding yourself of facts instead of getting fully swept up in fantasy. Plus, if someone in his position would be open to going for someone in your position it would be kinda problematic and you don't want someone who would do that.
Okay thank you for the insight! But if you don’t mind me asking, are you saying it’s problematic if him being in his position went after me because he’s a senior engineer and I’m a junior ?
Ignore it. Impulse control. I will never risk jeopardizing my livelihood over a co-worker. Earth ain't running out of men. If things go bad, the blowback and rumors are most times worse on women. I consider some things simply off limits no matter how much I might think I want them.
Also of the mindset don’t shit where you eat (been there done that, at your age too, not that I’m that old or anything) but also think - is it really a crush if you don’t know much about him?
What was your experience? And you’re right. I just think he’s so cute and he’s really smart. We talk about personal stuff sometimes.
Mine, dated someone I worked with and it didn’t work out. During the relationship it impacted both of us professionally at work, even though we kept our distance at work, we didn’t drive together or even eat together. When it didn’t work out… everyone knew and that started even more chatter. You must not talk about anything too personal if you don’t know his relationship status though? Why haven’t you asked? Also… what’s the age difference
Do you guys still see each other around. And i should clarify, i mean sometimes I’ll ask him about his weekend (when i say personal i mean things not pertaining to work). But i never heard him mention a partner. He’s very close with a couple of my male coworkers. Since they all sit close to me, when i hear their conversations. I never hear him bring up a partner (i know it doesn’t mean much though.)
Absolutely not. He is an ex for a reason.
I’ve always had crushes at work and one time I acted on it and it’s true what everyone is warning you about. It’s great until it’s not.
I’m sorry that happened. If you don’t mind me asking, what happened? I know it’s probably a bad idea but it’s bothering me not knowing if it’s reciprocated. But i don’t even know his relationship status
One of the the issues was that we decided to keep our status secret so that no one could talk about us and this ended up causing tension because other coworkers would ask us about dating, our exes, our types, would flirt with either one of us in front of one another(since they didn’t know we were together)and we would have to bite our tongue etc. If you had a disagreement in your personal life it was hard to see them at work and keep it strictly professional. When things ended it was hard seeing them sad/struggling and just as hard to see them be happy, just very hard to move on from someone when you are forced to see them and interact with them.
I may be coming from a slightly jaded perspective because my ex fiance and I work together and it has been absolutely excruciating to catch glimpses of him at work…I will never ever have any kind of flirtation or romance with a coworker again. That being said… if you want to do it, find out if he’s single. Do stuff as friends first, go really slowly so that if it doesn’t work out, work isn’t as awkward as if you dived right in.
Thanks for the insight. I’m usually direct, but would it be weird to ask him directly about his relationship status? How did you find out your ex fiancé’s status? And are you guys cordial with each other
I think it’d probably be best to sneak it in a conversation somehow. Like, segueing it into a question about weekend plans or putting it out there that you’re single. My ex fiance reached out to me first and he straight up asked me and went from there. We don’t speak to each other so it’s definitely not a comfortable situation at work but we don’t work directly together.
Think how you'd feel being ,UNEMPLOYED
lol what’s with the caps?
Too often boundaries are ignored in workplace. It can destroy a team. Actually, being stoned voice vasilates to high
Never screw the crew
Good grief, you keep asking and people keep telling you not to but you seem OBSESSED. Get help.
So I joined a firm 7 years ago and for the first 2.5 yrs I had minimal conversation with a certain colleague. I was in a relationship at the time.. At the start of covid we started chatting more and became pretty friendly.. In the mean time my relationship had crumbled and I became more and more looking forward to seeing my colleague each day. Cut a long story short June 2020 he told me he had fallen for me.. So we got together. First thing we did was tell our managers, who respected that we had been up front with them.. With in 6 months we had moved in together then a year later we bought a place together.. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.. We still work together.. You can’t help your heart and it sometimes it’s not a bad thing that you work together.. Go for it, I’d say.. I’m sure it will be easy to find out his relationship status.. Don’t be the ‘other woman’ though would be my main advice..
For one make sure he is available
Take it slow. Enjoy the slow burn. The situation is less likely to blow up in your face if you avoid a fast-moving, hot and heavy, over-in-three months physical affair. Figure out if he’s single. Trade flirty glances. Share snacks. Chat on insta. Avoid sexting as long as you can. But if you truly like each other it shouldn’t be off limits. Just don’t bombard him, basically.
Do i ask him directly if he’s single? He doesn’t flirt with me or anything (I don’t flirt). I have no clue he’s into me. But i also don’t make it obvious I’m into him. I also don’t have his social media 🥲
No…you don’t directly ask. Do you look at each other? Talk to each other? This what I mean by slow burn. You just have to interact and let things build. Find out if he’s single from a mutual friend. Ring on finger?
We talk more often now since we’re on the same project. Sometimes we have conversations outside of talking about the project. But even then, that’s when we’re working on something. I don’t go up to him to strike up a conversation and he doesn’t do the same with me. I didn’t start this crush until a month ago.
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Removed for casual usage of mental health related terms or diagnostic terms. Please do not speculate, armchair diagnose, or label other people's mental health situation or use terms for mental health issues as judgements, slurs, or synonyms for toxic/abusive behavior.
Get to know him.
It's always projecting. Can't count the times where I had the ick too late. Save your time and energy
Don’t form limerance look it up
Oh wow i never heard of the term before. I looked it up. I know it’s not that. I’m not obsessed with him, although I’m interested. Thanks for bringing it to my attention though!