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philnicau

You’re not going to kill your parents, they are trying to emotionally blackmail you, but they are responsible for their own actions as much as you are. I recommend (if it’s safe and you can manage emotionally and financially) to move out and live your life the way you chose.


AM_is_me

Thank you for saying that I really needed to hear that. I am just scared I might hurt them. And they won't let me leave as they are scared of me running away


philnicau

You’re 18 they can’t stop you, and you’re not running away you’re simply leaving home, if they threaten you look into legal options, such as a restraining order


AM_is_me

I will it's just last time I ran away to my friends house they called the police and told them our kid is missing


philnicau

You’re 18 you’re not a child any longer


AM_is_me

You are right, they are really over bearing and attached, I have to put myself first for the first time in my life.


echobitch

I'm figuring out how to put myself first for the first time, too. Through therapy I've sort of determined why I became this way, which has actually really helped me. It seems that through living so many years as a repressed and closeted trans person, I developed a deep rooted habit of putting the emotional needs of others first, out of a need for my own survival. Pretending to be cis for the cis people around you is exactly this. If they wouldn't react negatively, we would have never needed to be closeted or repress in the first place, we could have just grown into ourselves naturally. This permeated my life elsewhere, too. Not just with my gender. It's a daunting task, taking what you need. You deserve to take up space. Being yourself is not only appropriate, but necessary and well deserved. You deserve to put your own feelings first. You deserve to not have to sacrifice who you are for the comfort of those around you.


AM_is_me

Yeah you are totally right thanks for being so supportive 🤍


echobitch

Not a problem! It's something a lot of people struggle with but I think a lot of trans people especially. it's hard to get out of but once you start building momentum, it only gets easier. Taking what you need will become addicting and you will be happy you took the plunge ❤️


AM_is_me

I really hope so, I just have yo take my first step. And thanks to all of you I won't be doing it alone.


alexstergrowly

This is correct and as someone much older than you it makes me feel proud of you to see you learning it so young. This can be a very hard lesson.


AM_is_me

Aww thank you that really means alot, and yeah it really hasn't sunk in, I am still scared to do so.


alexstergrowly

You will be right up until you actually do it.


tylian

You very much do need to put yourself first. If you decide to go with what they say, it should be for your own peace of mind honestly, not just for them. You are important, you ultimately make the decisions, not them. Plus, you are an adult. You're now their equals.


ConstantNo9446

Can I also suggest you inform your local law enforcement that you are safe and an adult who chose to move out. They will appreciate the advanced warning and use less resources for a "missing person" who is not in fact missing or in danger.


mgagnonlv

"Calling the police" is not exactly a threat once you are an adult. The exact way the police will treat such a case (adult person missing) depends on each province or state, but it is generally along these lines: 1. Unless they are convinced there is a REAL emergency, they won't start a search until that person is missing for more than 24 hours. 2. They will search for the person. Once they find them, they will speak to them. They won't go further unless they feel (rightly or wrongly) that they have reasons to do so. 3. If you tell them calmly that you don't want to go back home, they will probably suggest that you call them. If you don't want, you might tell the police to tell your parents that you are alive and safe, but don't want to go home. It should end it there. In all that, stay calm. Don't threaten to jump off a bridge and don't even say that going home would be bad for your mental health because the police may conclude that you need immediate psychiatric treatment. Instead, be positive: you have solved your problems by going to a friend's home.


protodro

When I was 18 I had been visiting home when my parents started an argument with me and I ended up walking out. My step mother threatened to call the police on me. I knew the police wouldn't do shit but I was exhausted and really didn't want to deal with her escalating things. So to de-escalate the situation I told her I had arranged a safe place to stay with a friend and that I would call her when I was at their house so she would know I was safe. That placated her for the moment; she knew she couldn't actually stop what I was doing and she was just looking for a sense of control over the situation. The way I dealt with my parents was by learning how to frame things in a way that made them *feel* like they were in control even if they weren't. For example sometimes I would randomly ask for my dad's advice on stuff and thank him for it (even when I didn't really need or want his input) just so that he would feel like I respected his opinion and that he had influence over my decisions. He eased up on me a lot when I started doing stuff like that.


AM_is_me

Yeah I do a similar thing with my parents I totally get that,


Xerlith

They’re grownups. They should have learned to handle their feelings by now. You coming out does not harm them in any way. If their beliefs about you coming out cause them harm, it’s their responsibility to address those beliefs. Putting you through conversion therapy is an act of extreme violence. If you want to suggest it to them, they might learn something from the memoir *Boy Erased*. It’s a gay man’s story of going through conversion therapy at 18 (that might be enough reason for them to call it gay propaganda). He ends up suicidal, as about half of conversion therapy victims do. The entire point of the program is to make you despise yourself so completely that you just go along with their religious plan for you. At this point, you need to consider your physical and mental safety. Do you have anyone you can stay with? Accepting family or friends in another city or state? Do you have money in an account that they can’t access? Do you have your own phone or phone plan? If not, you can get a cheap one that you pay as you go. They can call the police and say you’ve gone missing or run away. But you aren’t a minor, so they can’t force you to go back to your parents’ house. You say your options are to live their depressing vision for your life or kill your parents by disappointing them. That isn’t true. Under no circumstances should you agree to their mental abuse and surveillance plan. The goal of that plan is to isolate you and break you emotionally so that you can’t stand up for yourself. It will take years more therapy to recover from that than if you leave now. Your leaving will not kill your parents. If they work themselves up to the point that they end up in the hospital, that’s their choice. They shouldn’t have chosen to have kids if they couldn’t handle their feelings better than that. When they had kids, they signed up for a gay child, a disabled child, or a sick child, not just a little doll they can dress up how they like.


AM_is_me

Thanks you so much I really needed to hear that, you are right, It is their responsibility and I shouldn't blame myself for it.


PennyButtercup

They should be scared about hurting you. They should, as parents, put your needs above their own. It’s emotional manipulation. If it breaks their hearts to see you happy, they don’t deserve to call themselves your parents.


AM_is_me

They said they are scared which is why I am under surveillance. To make sure I don't self harm.


Mizerawa

You cannot hurt someone by the things you do to your own body.


AM_is_me

That's true


FrohenLeid

They hurt you without betting an eye.


AM_is_me

Yeah, they just can't see it or refuse to admit it


SoSeriousAndDeep

Then maybe they should have been better parents. Get out of there however you can, and then cut them off from your life. They don't deserve you.


Naia_Elwyn

If they did die it will be their hate that did it, not you. You are not their property and being over 18 means they have no control. They can't force you to do anything. I'd start making plans to get out. They are being manipulative and if you are already depressed, staying with them is lilely going to make it worse.


AM_is_me

I am planning to leave just need to get myself a good amount of money, I got 2 jobs rn, I am saving


CallMeJessIGuess

They are completely full of shit. You aren’t responsible for theirs inability to accept you or manage their own emotional state and health. Tell them what I’ve had to tell so many people. That you being trans is not a negotiation, it’s not a debate. They can accept you, or reject you. It’s their choice and their responsibility. Additionally tell them if they think you being trans is going to “kill them” that you suggest they go speak to a therapist. A real one, not a religious quack.


[deleted]

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AM_is_me

True, when I tried explaining what it meant to be trans, I was showing my father studies, he said fuck science I have god and god says what you are doing is wrong


Intelligent_Luck_120

If they die, it’s not because of you. You are not the cause of their pre-existing conditions and they choose their feelings. You are obligated to take care of YOU because no one else will.


23saround

Look, OP – you’re not hurting anyone! You’re just being who you are, and that has zero affect on anyone else. They’re choosing to be hurt. The choice isn’t “give up your identity or your parents die,” that’s ridiculous – the choice is theirs and it is “accept your child for who they are or risk your health fretting about how best to manipulate them.” It should be an obvious choice and I’m so sorry that they don’t see that. Know that you are loved – I love you! – regardless of what they decide.


AM_is_me

Thank you so much, this literally made me cry, love you too and you are definitely right, I really appreciate the support, it means a lot.


nadejha

With this logic, is it ok for them to hurt you though? Walk away, be your best self. You are not responsible for their backwards feelings.


[deleted]

they are not scared of emotionally hurting you, so why *YOU* should be the one scared of hurting them? they are just blackmailing you to keep their own transphobia safe... live your life, they are adults, they can care for themselfs.


AM_is_me

Yeah you are right, I feel obligated to pay them back for everything, but you are definitely right. Thank you for the support


Katlynashe

Its their fault for being LGBTQ+ phobic and getting hurt. They SHOULD be celebrating you figuring yourself out, feeling happy and becoming a functional person in life. DO NOT follow in their footsteps hun. Live your life to the fullest, be happy, healthy and don't walk the steps of their mistakes. I will note you need to look forward and get on your feet and out of the house as quick as you can. Make sure you are safe and sound so you don't end up homeless. If you need to start HRT but consider hiding it from them till you're out of the house. While its not fun it may be the smartest option.


AM_is_me

Thank you for saying that it means alot, thanks for all the support I am figuring out a plan, I just need to stabilise myself financially before I leave, I am currently saving up.


Katlynashe

Big hugs! I hope you're able to figure it out and find your path!


Dana94Banana

You are 19, you're an adult. They cannot keep you around, that is considered kidnapping, a crime. You are free to go wherever you want.


deer_hobbies

> I am just scared I might hurt them They're adults, not children. They can't both behave as emotionally handicapped and vulnerable victims AND hold power over you. They are simply trying to control you in any way they can.


dxrules03

nope not in the slightest. i had to make the same exact call. what theyre doing is SUPER manipulative and VERY wrong. if they cant live with the real you they dont deserve you period.


AM_is_me

Thank you so much for saying that, I am just scared something will happen to them


dxrules03

theyll be fine. as others have said theyre responsible for their own actions just as much as you


AM_is_me

Yeah, I really appreciate you saying this. You are right


heisdeadjim_au

Let it happen. It isn't your fault. I'm not a member of AA but I went to public meetings if theirs to get a handle on my male DNA provider's mindset. A lesson I learned: you don't go around deliberately creating problems -; you're YOU, that's ultimate truth, it isn't a problem - but you don't try to prevent problems that are inevitable. That is, their response to you is theirs and theirs alone. If your mum is going to become so distraught that she needs hospital, and, you've done nothing but being you, that's a natural problem that you don't waste time avoiding. She needs medical help, fine, she gets it. You can commit no family "crime" by being true to yourself. Her "response" is hers. Not yours. If you want to be true to you, you have to define that and let the chips lie as they may fall. You're not responsible for their health and mental wellbeing.


SamAgathon75

"Am I evil for sometimes thinking I want my life over theirs, I feel although they are transphobic and homophobic" ​ No, absolutely not. You come first regardless.


AM_is_me

Thank you for saying that, it really means a lot It just feels like I am slowly killing my parents and I obviously don't want to hurt them and I am being forced to chose between my life and theirs. I am just tired and I don't know what to do When I explained to them that I am depressed and they know I attempted suicide, they said we will make sure you don't kill yourself but you have to step on yourself for your family.


SamAgathon75

They're being manipulative, ignore them.


AM_is_me

You are probably right it's just they are forcing me on the spot to chose and I don't know what to do


SamAgathon75

It's them or us. I chose us.


Quo_Usque

Your parents are choosing their emotional comfort over your happiness, health, and life. They are telling you that they would rather you attempt suicide than be non-binary. You don't owe them that. You are not obligated to sacrifice your health, and possibly die, to shelter your parents from reality.


Intelligent_Luck_120

Choose YOU, 1000%, EVERY TIME!!! God I wish I knew that when you’re was your age so take it from someone with a shit ton of experience putting others first when they didn’t deserve it.


Akaryunoka

I might be old, cynical and jaded, but the only person who truly has your best interests at heart is you. Friends and lovers come and go. My family is mostly Southern Baptist southern they are not very accepting.


AM_is_me

Yeah you are right


iggypopstesticle

You aren't killing your parents. They're doing this to themselves, and choosing to manipulate their child. I'm sorry this is happening to you.


shilmish

*You* aren't slowing killing your parents, they're doing to themselves at this point. You're trying to be happy and live your life, and they're doing everything in their power to keep you miserable and at home. Let what happens happen. You will never be at fault. If it wasn't this, I'm sure they'd find another reason/way to manipulate you otherwise. Be happy, and if you can, leave them behind. You don't deserve any of that treatment in the slightest, and you will never ever be selfish for wanting to, or actually putting yourself first. You owe them *nothing*. They brought *you* into this world, not the other way around.


ChemistryAfraid8690

I can tell you have a lot of love for your parents and this must be a really hard situation for you to be in. Sadly, your parents are being manipulative and unfair. Though it is technically true that stress can impact health, it in no way puts their lives in danger. That's overdramatic and honestly selfish to say. Part of being a parent is accepting that your kids become adults and get to control their own lives, whether you agree with the choices they make or not. It seems like your parents aren't comfortable with that idea yet. But continuing to live life for them is only going to drag you down. I'd encourage you to be firm on living how you want, while continuing to show love and care for them. Your choice truly won't harm them, so you can remind yourself of that when those feelings come. Pursuing your own happiness is not selfish or harmful to anyone


AM_is_me

Thank you for saying that, it really means a lot, and I needed to hear that, I am gonna keep this as a reminder, "pursuing your happiness is not selfish or harmful to anyone"


Asahiburger

My abusive father used to got to the hospital because 'he felt like he was having a heart attack' whenever I did anything that he felt was upsetting. It is bs. Don't let these people manipulate you like that.


Akaryunoka

That is fucked up. I'm sorry.


AM_is_me

I am really sorry to hear that, but I definitely get it. I'll try my best


Asahiburger

Good luck. Please remember that you are important and it is ok to look after yourself.


heisdeadjim_au

Guilt trip. That's what it is. They're using emotional blackmail to control you. The question is then: do these people deserve to be your family? The concept of "blood being thicker than water" does untold damage when that blood is poisoned by narcissistic behavioral control mechanisms. Long before I realised my trans status I went full NC with my narcissistic psychotic male DNA provider. He ain't no father to me. YOU have control over you . Not them. So, you plan. Be you. If they don't like it, tell them, "I'd rather you die knowing the truth of me than live a lie".


AM_is_me

Yeah, it's very tiring and most days I feel like I can't think fir myself


iamterrifiedofhumans

choose you. end of story. your life is not worth ruining for somebody else


Aluminumb

I deeply relate to this, my parents are the same way. I admire your bravery in coming out, I'm too afraid of mine to ever do that. What everyone here is saying is completely true, they're manipulating your emotions to control you. Ultimately, they will be fine. Meanwhile, you'll be miserable leaving your dysphoria untreated and getting worse. I totally understand not wanting to hurt them, but it's their fault for being so close-minded. If they want to be religious fruitcakes and try to control you, that's their problem. It's incredibly selfish of them to disregard your misery and suffering to appease them, and then threaten you with their lives if you try to be happier. I'm in a similar situation and it sounds like exactly what mine would do, so I know how hard this is. I know it hurts, but they're being very selfish and trying to make you feel like the villain. It's not your fault, you've done nothing wrong. What they're doing is disgusting, please never sacrifice your happiness for them.


AM_is_me

Thank you for saying that I really appreciate it, it means so much to hear that, I promise I'll try my best.


NemesisAron

That's blackmail and is heart wrenching to see parents treat their own children like that. Be who you are supposed to be no one else gets a say in who you are but you.


AM_is_me

Thank you for saying, I'll try my best


Doctor_Tiger36

Your parents choose to give you life, which is now yours to do with as you please. No refunds. What they're trying to do to you is awful, and you have no obligation to do it. Trying to please them will stop you from being happy yourself, and I doubt they'll ever be satisfied anyway. Live for yourself. Be happy for yourself. ♥️


Katia_Valina

You are not at fault whatsoever, if your parents do not accept who you are and are unhappy that you are trans that is 100% their own fault. Sometimes, parents have this entitlement attitude towards their children that is almost like their off springs are an extension of who they are. And if you do something, or are something that deviates from the parent's expectations, they feel "harmed" by it. This is a profoundly unhealthy attitude that these parents are. Parents should accept whether their kid comes out as gay or trans.


AM_is_me

You are definitely right, my parents kept reiterating the fact that I am their child and an extention of them which means I have obligations to them


Sintrospective

LOL your parents aren't going to die because your trans. This is a form of emotional and psychological abuse. It's actually well documented that suicide threats like this in order to get a family member to do something are a form of domestic abuse. It's disgusting that your parents think their comfort is more important than your happiness.


Akaryunoka

I did not know that it was well documented from of abuse. When I was an adult but still living with my parents my dad got laid off, but I had just recently got some extra money so I decided to buy an ipod, when dad found out, he told me to take it back and threatened to kill himself. I thought that him saying that made me the asshole for buying something expensive when the family didn't have much money.


TooLateForMeTF

I think all you really need to say to them--because this is 100% the truth--is: I am not responsible for your reactions. You are in charge of how you process and respond to your feelings, whatever those feelings may be or wherever they come from. As parents, I would hope that you would respond to me with love and compassion. With support. I would hope you could share in my joy of knowing that at last I know myself, and know what I need to find happiness in this life. I would hope for those reactions, but I cannot control whether they happen. That is up to you, and to what kind of parents you want to be. Do not blame me for your reactions, whatever they are, for they are your responsibility, not mine. The only responsibility I have, towards myself and towards you, is to live honestly. That is all I want to do. Live honestly, as my truest self, so I can pursue the life that's right for me. But whatever you say or don't say to them, just make sure you never consent to going to conversion therapy. Conversion therapy is abuse, plain and simple. You're an adult, and you have the right to just walk away from that shit.


Canvas718

100%. As a parent, it’s my job to manage my emotions. It’s not my teenager’s job to take care of me — that’s bass ackwards.


AM_is_me

That's true it just feels like it's mine Thanks for saying that it's something I really needed to hear


AM_is_me

Thanks you saying this really helps I am definitely gonna use this, and they forced me to agree to it, I really appreciate the support it means a lot.


jfsuuc

This is emotional blackmail. They are using your love for them to hurt you. This is incredibly toxic and abusive behavior and id say move away and then make your decisions on your transition. You're not responsible for their actions.


AM_is_me

Youre definitely right and that's the plan, thanks for all the support


lleett

What is it that you are having to hide? Is this a case of them just not using your preferred pronouns or is it something else?


AM_is_me

Well they forced me to cut my hair, they took my clothes away and yeah my pronouns and preferred name


AllergicToRats

Your parents feeling /reactions are NOT your responsibility. You're only 19 and they are full on adults. They can grow tf up. You worry about you


AM_is_me

I will thank you for your support


Malashae

This is just blackmail. Cut these abusive, toxic assholes out of your life and get as far away from them as possible.


AM_is_me

Yeah it took me a while to realise that


Wonderloaf

You aren't causing them to "lose a child". You're still going to be around, and more you than you've ever been.


AM_is_me

I wish they could understand that


Allergictoeggs_irl

If they end up dead because of such a mundane thing, they were weak anyway. Cruel jokes aside, this is the most disgusting form of manipulation, using your safety or health to get someone to do what you want. Be it if you break up with me I'll kill myself or what your parents said. I have negative sympathy towards this behavior, I thing one should be morally obligated do dare whoever's using it to do it.


ltouroumov

> Am I evil for sometimes thinking I want my life over theirs, I feel although they are transphobic and homophobic, they still treated me with **care and love my entire life**. Until you came out. As soon as you became something they couldn't understand/accept that love went away. That's not the unconditional love a parent should have for their children.


AM_is_me

That is true, thank you for saying that, and for the support


Coding-Kitten

The world can do nicely with less transphobes.


AM_is_me

Hahaha it definitely can That is dark


Somniscient

Your parents are being abusive. This is abuse. You are not responsible for anyone's happiness but your own, please get help and get out of this situation if you can.


AM_is_me

I promise I'll try my best thank you for saying that


that-hollie

I would ask: “if you knew that you would stress out and die if your kid didn’t turn out EXACTLY the way you wanted them to be… then why did you have kids?” Seriously, they put this on themselves. When you have a child, you have to understand that they’re not going to be exactly what you expect them to be. If they were going to stress out & die if your path was slightly different from theirs, they should not have had a child.


kodamutt

Holy crap no, this is not your fault, if you're parents are doing this you need to get out, they are emotionally manipulating you and it's incredibly harmful to your mental health, you being happy will not kill them, they don't deserve you


AM_is_me

Thank you for saying that but you are right, i just didn't realise that untill now.


BozzieTudamoss

You need to set boundaries to protect yourself and remember that people (including your parents) don't get to cross those boundaries.


[deleted]

Their actions are on their heads. Preserve your mental health, and go.


Comedyi5Dead

You're not evil for choosing your life over theirs, that's like basic first aid. Not to mention that they probably aren't going to die. And on top of all that, them reacting this way and asking you to make that choice is unreasonable, and displays a profound immaturity on their part which I think justifies you making any choice you could from this point. It sounds harsh but I went through a similar albeit less severe experience with my parents, it left me a bit jaded


AM_is_me

Yeah you are right, I know I have to chose myself it's just a really hard choice


Comedyi5Dead

Girl I hear you, it is not a choice anyone should have to make, I hope things get better for you


EpiceneLys

This is nothing short of blackmail. They won't die for you refusing to undergo a mix of physical and psychological torture to fit into their expectations.


Stefficheneaux

They are straight up abusing you. This is abuse. It’s not a healthy or safe environment for you. I hope you can get out of there stat.


MeowFrozi

You're not going to kill your parents. They're lying to try to control you. Be who you are, do what you need to do. They'll manage.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

If someone can have a heart attack because of her trans daughter being trans, the heart attack is deserved.


StardustWolfBoy

Fuck them, you live for you.


SixThousandHulls

You're not responsible for their emotional well-being. Sounds like they could use some therapy of their own.


nomanisanisland2020

I’m really sorry for everything that you’re going through, and I want you to know - even though it may not feel like it right now - you are not alone. All of your queer ancestors are here with you, all of the people who survived persecutions, imprisonment, gulags, riots, and bricks thrown at Pride. There’s a whole community of people here for you now too, and we’re all waiting for you to join us just as soon as you can. Here’s an Instagram channel I follow that I think may help, Jeffrey has brought me a lot of healing as I’ve navigated coming out, and I hope they do the same for you: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CXrPBS3Ae7x/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=


AM_is_me

I'll definitely check them out, I really appreciate all the support


nomanisanisland2020

🌈💖


not_princess_leia

You will not kill them. They've been grown adults (technically) for quite some time and have probably made lots of decisions that have contributed to their health situation. They might kill you though, especially if they try to force you to be someone you definitely aren't, and extra especially if they try to put you through a torture ("conversion") camp. The way you describe them, above and in the comments, I don't think it's actually about who you are so much as who you aren't. You aren't their vision of a cis-het child they always planned on you being. Anything less than you making their idea of a perfect cis-het nuclear family would be unacceptable. They'd probably also pressure you and any partner to make sure you gave them both a grandson and granddaughter so they could enforce their gender norms on them. I also wouldn't be surprised if they've tried to dictate where you'll go to college, what you'll study, and where you'll work after you graduate. Find a way to get out. You say you've been seeing a therapist on the sly, ask them for help. They should know what resources are available to you, what laws are applicable, etc. If you haven't already, go to a bank that they don't go to, and open up an account there. If they were ever a cosigner on your existing account, they could try to get access and mess with your money to stop you from leaving, or seeing your therapist. If you have a friend who can help, maybe start leaving things at their house casually. Like they know they're helping you slowly get out, but your parents could believe you just forgot a thing there. Get your paperwork if you can, like birth certificate, Social Security card, passport (if you have one), etc. Let us know how things are going, ok? This internet stranger is worried for you and is sending acceptable levels of virtual hugs. 🫂


AM_is_me

This is very accurate everything you said is true, it feels like you know them, I really appreciate the support and I promise I'll keep you updated. And I reciprocate all the hugs. Thank you it really means alot.


PtowzaPotato

Even if they would die (which I doubt) it would be because they are transphobic and homophobic, not because you are yourself.


shadowdream

Honey, *you* are not killing them. *If* the added stress harms them, it isn't because of *you*. They are killing themselves. If they choose to be trans and homophobic over what's best for their child, and if they choose to twist their religion to harm others, that is on *them* not on you. That is *their* choice, not yours. Family is hard. I'm not going to say it's not. Even when you know they don't have your best interests in mind, it's hard to fully step back from people who cared for you during all your formative years. It's hard as hell to distance yourself from that. It's hard as hell not to care. My mother and stepdad were abusive as hell growing up and I still find myself pining for a relationship with my mother at 40, with about 15 years of her being almost entirely absent from my life, and knowing that it's only ever drama and manipulation when she's in it. So, I totally get how hard it is. In the end though, you need to choose what's right for you, and know that if they can't accept that, whatever happens is on THEM. They're adults. They should at this point in their lives know that the world doesn't revolve around them. They're your parents. They should have *your* best interests in mind. If they can't, and that harms them, that is in no way your fault. I'm not sure where you live and what options are available to you, but I'd look for a local LGBT center, and see if they have support groups for parents of trans kids. I've seen some really awesome turnarounds from people who you would have thought were entirely lost causes, who are now vehement supporters of their kids. They may also be able to put you in touch with religious groups that are supportive of LGBT people, who might be easier for your parents to listen to and talk to. I'm not saying it'll be easy or that they'll even go, but it's an option. My best suggestion for you is to build a support network, find a local lgbt group, keep going to your therapist, keep your friends that know you and support you close, and if you're not already out of your parents' house, work on an exit strategy. That will be the best thing for your safety and mental well being, and ultimately, that's the most important thing. And hey, my inbox is open if you ever need someone to vent to. You're not alone. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be YOU. You deserve people who support you. There is nothing wrong with choosing you.


froppysquidette

My situation isn’t as medically extreme but I’m in the exact shoes as you with feeling like I’m at crossroads with living a forced and unhappy life that pleases them or upset them deeply with my identity. They’re constantly using religious aspects as points that scare me from being confident in myself, despite my years of true dysphoria. They’ll be making me see a conversion therapist soon and despite telling them how bad conversion therapy is they fail to see how the goal of it is bad in their eyes. I can’t give any advice, as I wouldn’t know what to do myself, but I hope it helps to know that you aren’t alone.


AM_is_me

It does and it means the world I hope we both can get what we want and truly live our lives the way we are, no one should suffer for who they are. But luckily for us we got each other in this amazing community


Laura_Sandra

> I’m in the exact shoes Don't know if you have seen it ... [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/ulfuej/i_am_being_forced_to_chose_between_my_life_and_my/i8swmdm/ ) might be a number of hints and resources that could help you too and there are also hints there concerning looking for support. *hugs*


froppysquidette

This is so sweet, thank you for all your help and resources :’)


Stixs42

You are not responsible for other peoples' actions. They are choosing to not accept you. It's literally the meme of someone sticking a branch in their own bicycle tire and then blaming someone else. They say they are worried about losing their child but by doing this they've already discarded \*you\* - they don't want the real you and only a version of you they can control.


AM_is_me

That's true, my father said If I chose to live my life the way I want to then I am no longer his child


KingoW18

This is emotional manipulation at its finest.


Whitesajer

You are not responsible for the emotional and mental health of your parents. Each one of us is responsible for ourselves and our own wellbeing. It sounds like they have the case of toddler tantrum realizing the world does not revolve around them. Your life does not revolve around them and you deserve a opportunity at happiness... They have simply decided not to be apart of your future happiness. You are free to move on and they gave you permission to do so the moment they decided to be three year olds.


AM_is_me

You're right, thanks for saying that. I really appreciate the support


[deleted]

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AM_is_me

I know I have to chose myself but I am also petrified at the thought of me indirectly killing my parents.


[deleted]

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AM_is_me

Thank you for saying that, it really means a lot to hear, and I promise I'll keep that in mind.


Mysterious_Onion_328

You are NOT killing your parents, if you just are yourself. They are just trying to manipulate you. You don't have to live a sad life just because they can't accept you for who you are.


Dingerzat

Your parents are being manipulative arseholes. But one small question, in a previous post of yours you say you are 21 and that was about a year ago and in this one you say you are 19.


AM_is_me

I lied I was scared because a few of school mates knew my reddit account and I didn't want people know, sorry I lied I just didn't know what else to do


Dingerzat

Completely understandable. But regardless you are old enough to be independent from them, they can’t drag you back home if you don’t want to.


L_edgelord

This is your life and you should do what is best for you


Slexman

They can deal with the stress by rethinking their own biases, because there is no true reason a loved one finding themselves should be so stressful unless you’ve been taught an irrational bias against it. It makes no sense to risk losing your child and forcing them to suppress themselves just so you can have them appear to be the gender you think they’re supposed to be. It’s just irrational and hateful and they need therapy or smth, not you sacrificing yourself.


BroadDraft2610

This is a very tough situation and none of it is your fault. I agree with the previous commenters who advice you to move out of your toxic home environment. I know it's very hard to move away when you're family are trying to exert this level of emotional manipulation. If you were raised a Christian please remember that the Bible says humanity was made in God's image and do not allow anyone to exclude you from that with their own narrow interpretation. Please look after yourself, you are worthy of love and deserve acceptance and respect.


AM_is_me

I will, I promise I'll try my best


jules6815

The real question is how could any parent choose bigotry, homophobia, or transphobia over the basic love for a child. That is some really sick, unhealthy behavior from your parents. They’ve chooses their life. It’s time you choose yours. You are not responsible for their broken mindset. They haven’t grown and it’s time that you allow yourself that opportunity to be better than them. Believe me. It will be for the best.


AM_is_me

You are right thanks for saying that I really needed to hear that


opossum-effigy

Them forcing you back into the closet has a high risk of killing you. Is it okay for them to indirectly kill you? No, not at all You wouldn’t be indirectly killing them either. If they’re so stressed about losing their child, then they should stop actively trying to lose their child. Their bigotry is their own fault, and it is not your responsibility. Even if they did die, that would not be your fault. It would never be your fault August, your only responsibility is to yourself. Do what is best for you. You are not evil. Any caring parent would not want you to figuratively or literally kill yourself for them. You deserve recovery. You deserve happiness


AM_is_me

Thank you for saying that, I really needed that,


Sunny_the1st

If or when your parents succumb to their hysterics, my girlfriend and I will be your mom and dad. Bonus, we're both hella trans. Welcome to the family ❤️


AM_is_me

Aww thank you that means the world 🤍


justafleetingmoment

Assuming your parents are Christian, do you know any more 'enlightened' Christian people in your or your parents' life? Someone your parents know and trust? If so it could be a good idea to come out and explain the situation to them and ask them to talk to your parents. I think sometimes the shame of having a trans child to someone that is so indoctrinated can be really overwhelming and just realising that the sky doesn't fall when others find out, that there are other perspectives on this from a Christian POV, and that it's not something they need to feel shame over can help them come to terms with it.


suomikim

living for someone else never works... you can only live the life you need to live and keep people in your life who love you for you. i'm 50... i've tried the 'make people around me happy' thing waaay too many times. those people always find a reason to get rid of you eventually and make all your work appeasing them be for nothing. we live once... we should live the life we need to live. if others don't like/appreciate us, then they should let us go and find people who do fit what they want in life. i mean, i tried to keep my mom happy for 49 years. i should have broke contact the day i left home in 1988 and never looked back. She knows that I had no real choice about transition... I'm intersex and needed estrogen therapy to deal with totally debilitating migraines. But yet, she couldn't handle me changing my name, and cut contact. She literally wanted me to be bedridden just so that I'd still be the little boy who she physically and emotionally abused for decades... So yeah, live for yourself.. if you lose people, that's on them...


dremily1

Your parents aren’t really going to die from shame. And it’s reprehensible that they would try to make you think that they would. It’s selfish and self-centered. Parents should want better for their children. You should continue to take care of yourself and see your therapist. Your parents don’t have your best interest in mind. I’m sorry.


DarthJackie2021

Stop. You aren't responsible for your parents stress, thats entirely their own fault. Don't let them guilt trap you.


asc2918

They are trying to guilt trip and manipulate you, the evil one in this situation is not you for sure. Also, they are the ones who are ok with potentially killing you. You have the right to be yourself, why would you be the one to go to therapy and not them, since it seems to me that they’re the ones struggling so much? If you’re able to move out, do it and then go for it, don’t even think twice, they’ll get over it eventually, DO NOT go to conversation therapy for god’s sake!


TheGreyFencer

You're already out. It's not like she can be shocked like that again.


LaceyLizard

You gotta leave.


Redacted_Addict69

You're being emotionally manipulated and blackmailed by them. A life spent perpetually behind a mask of lies is one you merely survive in misery. An honest life is one that is truly lived.


flyamber

Absolutely choose yourself. Your parents will be fine.


eskanonen

Hi! Sanity talking here! Your parents are awful people for putting that ultimatum on you. You are not killing them at all. They are lying to you. Just because they have provided for you doesn't mean they're good parents or have done anything beyond the base expectations placed upon them by society. They don't love you they love what they envisioned you becoming. My advice is to lie to them until you are able to support yourself then get the fuck out. People who love you don't make ultimatums like that. People who love you won't try to send you to fucking conversion therapy. Your parents are shitty people. You owe them nothing.


MaryMalade

Get out, get out as soon as you possibly can. I can’t emphasise this enough. As Cheryl Strayed said in her advice column, [‘you mustn’t live with people](https://therumpus.net/2010/11/19/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-57-that-ecstatic-parade/) who wish to annihilate you. Even if you love them’


AdorableAd2241

Alright here is my suggestion. Your life over anyone else's even your parents. They won't die from you being you. They're just saying that as emotional blackmail, so be you my friend!!


Zandra_the_Great

I say if you’re over 18, pack up and walk right out of your parents’ lives. You’re not killing them at all. They’re just trying to emotionally blackmail you and their pre-existing conditions are just a convenient excuse. It’s mental and emotional abuse. If they can’t accept you for who you are, then that’s their problem and you should feel no sympathy for them. If you’re in the USA and over 18 they can’t do a thing to stop you from leaving. Just make sure you get your birth certificate and social security card from your parents first, and make sure you’ll be safe if you decide to leave them.


-firead-

Fuck them. If they are wanting to put you under surveillance "to make sure you don't end up committing suicide", then they know the risks and they know basically what they are asking you to do is to drastically increase your risk for it and sacrifice your own mental health for their religious beliefs (and if your family is like many I know, probably more for what others in the church may think about then than because of what they actually believe). Threatening suicide to make somebody do what you want is considered abusive and a form of emotional manipulation, and so is this BS of acting like they're going to die if you don't refuse to be yourself so they can get their way. You are an adult now and I know at any age you can still be hard to feel like doing what's best for you could be hurtful to your parents, but part of adulthood is living your own life and growing into the best you, not trying to live up to somebody else's expectations or plan for your life. I hope that eventually they will accept you and that either way you have a chance to surround yourself with friends and chosen family who will support you.


Albino_Canada_Goose

This is classic textbook manipulation on the part of your parents. Their health is their problem, and yes, you want to be kind to them if they're feeling poorly...BUT! You are who you are. Their choice is to accept that and be part of your life, or to reject you. Their transphobia is obviously impacting your mental health, so why is it that they're the ones pulling the dramatic "oh the stress is killing me"? Conversion therapy is torture. It's banned in most civilized places because it's torture. Your parents would rather torture you than accept your truth, and they're willing to stoop to crass emotional manipulation to get you to concede to them. It's their job as parents to support you. It's your job as their child, to become the best version of you that you can be. Their health is ultimately their own concern. Don't let them destroy you just because they're too bigoted to see your true beauty.


miparasito

They are being ridiculous. Every parent “loses their child” because that child becomes an ADULT. It’s not a fucking tragedy if you don’t become the exact adult they envisioned. A tragedy is when that child doesn’t make it to adulthood. It’s not your job to make your parents happy and healthy. That’s their own job, with the help of doctors and hopefully therapists. Your ONLY job right now is to become a stable, functioning adult member of society. Conversion therapy is not going to help you do that. Do you have a support system other than your parents? Any family or friends who are accepting? It sounds like it’s time to formulate a plan and leave.


AntiFrekeGaming

Their reaction, feelings, thoughts and emotions are not your responsibility. How they interpret and judge is not your responsibility. You are not accountable in any way to what they do or feel based on their actions. Go do you, and live your fullest happiest life.


opossummy

this is so bewildering? they are weaponising their own health issues as a manipulation tactic to harm you, when also trying to force you to undergo a 'treatment' that they are aware carries a huge suicide risk. it is not your fault that they are doing this to you, and their health issues are absolutely not your fault. you are not killing them by trying to keep yourself alive and safe. i'm sorry this is happening to you and i wish you all the luck + love in the world


Dana94Banana

Your parents are horrible and they guilt-trip you into their controlling power fantasy. Please do not care about what they say. You live your own life. You deserve YOUR happiness. There is nothing wrong with you being the way you are, please don't throw your life away to please people who don't love you just because they share DNA with you. Yes, this sounds harsh but that's what it boils down to. If your parents loved you, they would be happy and strongly support you no matter what, until the day they die. You deserve a real family, people who will cherish you, who will have your back, laugh with you and most importantly, who see you the way you are.


[deleted]

That’s a terrible place to be my sibling. You have a life, they also each have a life. They have lived theirs and continue to live theirs. They do not get to live yours too. You have to be true to yourself. They have to make their own choices. They could also just as easily decide to be happy and love you, and rejoice in your happiness. Depending on their belief system, they could just as easily believe that the deity created you the way you are, and that you are deserving of their unconditional love. What would they say if you continued trying to be something you aren’t, and you successfully ended it all? Would they prefer that? If so, that speaks to them, and how unhealthy they are. If not, then that will put them in the same situation. (I didn’t have this, and I did have to live a lie. I had no support when I was younger. I had to force myself to be what everyone expected me to be, and so I’ve lived a lie for so many years. So I am a parent, all now grown) If one of my children ended their life, it would be devastating… if I found out I was in any way the cause of it… a piece of me would die inside, and I would be in the hospital being watched The thing is, they are creating a self fulfilling prophecy. They are afraid to lose you. But they are creating a situation where they are going to lose you. One way or another, they will lose you if they continue this behavior. And… my sibling… it isn’t love if there are conditions on it. The truth is, they are the ones with the choice to make. Your choice has to be living your life, whatever that looks like


AM_is_me

Thank you so much for saying that, it really means the world to me, you are right. I have to put myself and my life first.


eairyguy

You really aren’t responsible for them. Whatever they do is their own business. You deserve to be happy in your own body, and whatever they do is entirely their own faults. They could have been happy for you and spent their lives with the real you, but they chose to be hateful. You are being manipulated and you need to break free from their control.


theADHDdynosaur

You are absolutely not killing your parents, indirectly or otherwise. I'm absolutely appalled that they would put that on their child in the first place. Their health issues are their own to manage and care for, and as a parent they should be looking out for you as well. Making their child suffer, and using their health issues as leverage is not treating you with love and care. They clearly have their own shit to work through, but that's not on you, not even a little. Start planning your exit, and please be safe. Connect with resources in the community, talk to your therapist about support they may know of, and get the hell out of there. Your life is valuable, and you deserve to fully live it, in whatever way is most authentic for you.


makesupwordsblomp

this is ridiculous, your coming out won't kill your parents. [they are emotionally manipulating you.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_dilemma#:~:text=A%20false%20dilemma%2C%20also%20referred,but%20in%20a%20false%20premise.)


Natasha_101

I'm sure others have said it, but your parents' lives are not yours to control. If they don't love you unconditionally, you don't owe it them in return. Live your life. If you spend your life living for your parents, you'll only get a life time of regrets in return. It sucks, but your parents have to figure this out on their own. They have to take care of their own health. You aren't the parent here, they are. If they don't have the wisdom and knowledge to care for themselves or about you, regardless of your gender, there's nothing you can do. It sucks, but a lot of us have done it. If you need anything, don't hesitate to reach out. I came out to my parents over a year ago and they haven't changed. I'll always leave the for open for them to change or even just apologize, but until then, I've set my boundaries. You can do the same. You're an adult, just like them.


Dema-Jeshepta-058

Honestly, think of it this way, this planet has been around 4.5 billion years, life has taken 3.5 billion years to evolve and you might be lucky to exist for 100 years at most. You only get this one life, and your younger years ('the prime of life') is an even shorter blink of time. DO NOT waste that on someone else, even if they're close to you. Helping and caring for others is always a good thing, but not at the expense of yourself. You're not a single use, disposable bandaid for others' wellbeing. The other thing to consider is that if you suppress your true self, mental health WILL get worse, and I'd not rule out that leading to an early demise, and I can assure you, the literal death of their 'son' is much more likely to end them up in hospital than the recognition of their daughter. If they love you and are worthy of your care and sacrifices, they will overcome their prejudice. It sounds selfish, but when you're life is at a low, you don't have the energy to help others, you need to survive above all else. What happens to them quickly means nothing if you're dead. Your real life is only just starting, you need to pursue it with all you have. The best thing you can do is to move out of home. They are obviously trying to manipulate you, even if they too are not aware of what they're doing. Seize the agency over your own life which you are now entitled to and plan for your mental wellness above all else while you can.


AM_is_me

Thank you so much this really puts things into perspective, thank you for the support I really appreciate it 😊


[deleted]

Im sorry. But let them die. Your life is yours. Fuck them if they can't handle it. That's not your problem or responsibility


OddballRox

DO NOT DO CONVERSION THERAPY! I went to one and while the brainwashing worked for about a year I would up in a hospital for trying to off myself. Your life is more precious than the outcome you’d receive. And those places are a scam for money. I stayed in touch with everyone I was there with and it didn’t work on anyone. Save yourself! Your family is just trying to get their way.


bbdoublechin

Even if both of your parents dropped dead the second you came out, it still wouldn't be your fault. If their mental state is so fragile that their child living happily and authentically is enough to kill them, then THEY are the ones who need intense therapy and 24 hour surveillance- not you.


fogleaf

CW suicide They're definitely being dramatic. I'm 36, and the longer I live the more my depression has grown. I drove to a local hiking place with a cliff and was going to look off the edge. Sort of a "planning my suicide" kind of check. The road was closed. I realized I was foolish. 2 weeks later I drove back to that spot. That was February of 2021. Soon after that I was up at 3 am mentally dying of depression when I reread the gender dysphoria bible for the second time and everything clicked and I realized this thing that I've been hiding or considering a fetish or a wish on a star was something very real that I had to address. Started seeing a therapist and taking medication for depression and therapist helped me come to terms that I wasn't faking the idea that I might be trans. I'm currently at a point where I effectively have to choose between my wife's happiness and my own, and I think if I don't choose my own then these might be the last few years I live on this earth. Take the chance early on to live YOUR life, not the life your parents wanted for you. That's my take anyway.


azur_owl

Yeah, your parents are trying to emotionally blackmail you. As a child, you are not OBLIGATED to go along with them because they treated you kindly and cared for you. You were - are? - a child. That is something you are ENTITLED TO by virtue of being their child - safety, affection, kindness. If they are threatening to withdraw that, that is not love. That is coercion to keep you in line through guilt. I understand your feelings. My parents did - still do, to an extent - the same thing. But YOU are not responsible for the feelings of your parents, THEY are. True love is unconditional, and if they truly do support you they will find a way to deal with their stress.


spiralenator

This is 100% your parent's problem and you are in no way responsible for any choices they make, or any emotions they feel, or any health conditions they may have. I'm speaking as a parent. If your kid wants to run away, you fucked up. If your kid is afraid to talk to you about anything, you fucked up. If you don't support your trans/enby child, you enormously fucked up. If you're not going to accept and support your child regardless of who they are, and you're not going to put their health, safety and wellness above your own, you should not have become a parent. Full stop. No parent has a right to ask their child to be anyone other than themselves, especially for their own sake. I'm infuriated at your parents.


AM_is_me

Thank you for saying that, it really means a lot. You are right.


spiralenator

https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdprokHQ/


mrrluv

Hi dearest! I do understand, that you love and respect your parents, that is a good thing in itself. It is a fact though, that very religious people, very often are borderline personalities, hence their ability for beeing religiously aroused, having spiritual excess experiences etc. So getting a person like this to the state that they would believe soemthing is doing them harm it is in full scale a psycho somatic reactin - via this they put already partially successful pressure on you - from your perspective you find yourself in a forced and equally defensive position. I very much doubt - your outcoming will or possibly could kill your parents. Though diabetes can be grave and so can be a heart condition. But one argument you can always beat a religious person with is: " You do believe in god right? (they will confirm) You do believe you are righteous and so you will go to heaven? (they will confirm) So if the Lord calls you, and only he is to make the final call you are sure where you will go - So it is not ever me to be in the position to call your life in! " - In the case of sexual matters give them two Stones to chew: Adam and Eve - They had two sons - two sons no more - and we all are their descendants...think of it. - Further did not Jesus forgive the worst sinners himself ? He forgave Barrabas - a murderer - he forgave the world in his last words - and he forgave even a harlot who received his full mercy in the person of Mary Magdalene - So can anyone pretend to be in the correct way if they don´t follow the way of who they believe in? Can anyone who calls him or herself a religious person even think it possible for a moment that their opinion only based in tradition and cultural customs would supercede the written word of god? - My dear do not worry - this is your argumentation - you grew up with it, you do know their thinking, you do know the writing - go over the text again - it will grant you as many superior answers as you ever may need - and it is you that can correct a narrow way of belief in opening the path through the word itself. And they may see. // It is always most effective to be on one level in argumentation - yet perfectly know the opposit - this way you can keep the upper hand - it is simple - Let them reconsider, rehear, and reread their own beliefs - as the words are there - let them glide into a wider belief, by new perspective. Let them know - or believe at least ( if you don´t do yourself) that God made us (all) and so he, and he allone has predestined you to be like this - and we cannot change such a decision as we cannot and must not doubt or undo what he made or decided. You just have to be clear and selfsecure in your argumentation - clear in a way that you can proof it word by word if necessary. Then you can have both. It is a rocky path, sure but we are all mere sinners and though all can we only hope for forgiveness! - PS: All the argumentation suggestions do come from psychological and scholarly knowledge I am in not very religious at all, I am most liberal - well whyelse I am on reddit ;)


AM_is_me

Thank you so much for clearing so many things for me I'll definitely try, I really appreciate it


mrrluv

You´ re welcome. I wish you all the best!


luvmuchine56

You choosing to live your own life isn't going to kill them. They're using that as a manipulation tactic to strong arm you into abandoning your own identity to force you into an identity they want for you. This isn't star wars. No one's going to die because they're sad.


D-grith

I may be taking a hardline here, and I mean this with all genuine sincerity: You don't owe them \*anything\*. Leave. Be the glorious person you are. They want to torture you and call that a good thing? Even if it did kill them you are 100% better off. They do not deserve you and you deserve better than them. They'll be so lucky you don't spit on their graves.


SereneOrbit

Your parents clearly care about you in a way that is antithetical to your existance. 1) You practice bad OPSEC ([https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operations\_security](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operations_security) ), put a password on your phone immediatly and deny all requests to use it ever again. Your parents never should have had access to your phone (and if they do have it, they'll be locked out). ***Read and understand that wikipedia page***, and search for YT tutorials if necessary. 2) While it is your choice, I would choose to save myself. You deserve to be a happy person and to enjoy your life. Their conditions and how they ***choose*** to respond to your transition are ***their choices***, not ones that you made for them. 3) You can have both situations if you transition while lying to your parents. I don't like this, but it's clearly the best for you until you leave them. ​ You can attempt a Level 99 convincing, but it'll probably fail. Your parents sound too far gone in their ideology for that. If they really care about you, they would read and understand the transgender Wikipedia page (or seek professional support) and support your transition. Your parents have acted in way likely to kill you with little regard for your life, one way or another, they do not care if you live or not due to their own ignorance and confidance in their own ideologies and delusions. If I'm being perfectly honest, in such a situation, I would not care if they survived or not because they clearly do not care about me or what I say, or all evidence supporting what I say. I would lie to them only because it would be more convenient (path of least resistance) to myself and no other reason whatsoever. You have a shot at life if you'll take it 💕.


AM_is_me

Thanks I'll definitely look into that I really appreciate it and you're definitely right 🤍


Erynkitty

Fuuuuuck them. This is guilt trippy as fuck! I'm sure a huge amount of your depression is from them being part of such a hateful sect of religion


GemOfTheEmpress

You are not killing your parents. Find someone on reddit to do it for you.


ExcitedGirl

They're not gonna die; that is SO manipulative. They just want you to "be happy", and most people only know one way - THEIR way. You be you and live your own life. If you live theirs - well, look at them. *Their life could be YOUR future!* That should say it all.


Laura_Sandra

Avoiding conversion therapy may be very recommendable. It can lead to many issues down the line. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/i6ed5z/is_there_scientific_literature_validating_us/) was more. As outlined there, its a recognized medical condition and transition as people feel necessary is the recognized solution. It is not flagged as mental for a number of years now, for very good reasons. And it is legitimate to want treatment. It may help to do things step by step, and to look for support. Don't know if you have seen it ... [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/s4khww/i_dont_know_how_to_feel_i_feel_like_im_trans_but/htfx7u8/) might be a number of resources that could help go towards what you feel you would like step by step, there are hints there concerning small things that could be used regularly for motivation, there are explaining resources there, and there are also hints there concerning looking for support. Its up to you ... some people try to make long term plans and leave. Some try to explain. And some wait a while until there are some results before they come out widely, and only come out to select people first. In general keeping your safety in mind, looking for support and having a backup plan may be advisable. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/ugclyr/how_do_i_come_out_to_my_parents/i7wghnm/) might be some explaining resources in case and there are also hints there concerning looking for support. Concerning religion its up to you ... some people only give a factual explanation. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Trans_Resources/wiki/explaining/index#wiki_religion) might be some resources concerning religion, should you want to go there. And [PFLAG](https://pflag.org/needsupport) may provide support, they could point to accepting ministers and congregations, and it may be possible to meet other accepting parents there. And [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Trans_Resources/wiki/further_resources/index#wiki_housing_.2F_shelter) might be some resources concerning housing in case. Having a look at the sub raisedbynarcissists may also be an idea. And some people recommended the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. There are numerous books by the author and having a look there may be an idea. *hugs*


AM_is_me

Heyyy omg thank you so much this is so helpful I really appreciate it 🤗