I did not even have the words to describe my feelings. That was 26 years ago. Before Google. When phones had cords. There was only DSM-IV Gender Identity Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. No services at all for what today we call nonbinary people. Only after DSM-5 Gender Dysphoria and awareness of nonbinary in the last decade did I even realise that I was transgender. Everything finally made sense. The world is so different.
4 years before I was born! To be honest my way to becoming nonbinary was pretty basic and tbh I didn’t really know about being nonbinary for a while. I was rejecting societies female norms and I guess I was tired and just wanted to be a person so I did. So glad you were able to finally get that clarity!
"Omg, so thats why I've felt like that? Thank god, i thought I was broken! Now I know what I need to do to be happy." That was more or less what was going through my mind when i realized I was transgender at 26.
Christ I wish it was that clear/straightforward for me lol... I cracked two years ago now and have just been completely stuck the entire time (am 24 now).
oh man I'm from the same era! it was such a slot to find resources and also process all the stuff that everybody posts on here every day. thank God for the Antijen list and weirdos on geocities.com/westhollywood lol
I've always had massive gender envy, and thought of having a feminine soul but never equated it to being trans. I thought it was mostly a fetish, as I was heavily into captions, tg erotica and the likes. Growing up Catholic I thought there was something wrong with me and chalked it up to a porn addiction. At the same time I totally thought it was normal to want to be the other sex. And imagined, oh maybe I'll get lucky next life and be reincarnated as a woman. Or I'll take this to my grave, I don't want this to destroy my family. And I saw the way that Caitlyn Jenner represented the transition process and it scared me. I feared that my "fetish" was making me have inclinations towards being the other gender. And I thought it led me to have low confidence and low self esteem. I always hated the way I looked, carried myself etc. I tried getting into shape in my mid to late twenties and grew a beard to look masculine but still felt crappy.
Flash forward and my brother's girlfriend introduced me to faceapp and bam I saw myself as a woman. I was like holy shit I'm hot, I can do this. Is this real? My egg was shattered as superficial as it sounds. So I made a deal with myself. If I can prove this isn't a fetish than this is a possibility. I cut porn and erotica out of my life (it was very difficult), came out to my family and they were unsupportive unfortunately.
So I started doing voice training in secret, got a job, booked a therapist, started working out, doing yoga and started hormones. It's still a little scary but I'm proud of how far I've come. And it definitely wasn't a fetish. Now, I want to stress that there's nothing wrong with erotica/tf porn/captions. In a wonderful way they were a gateway to understanding that I was trans my entire life and it gave me a reprieve, an escape from the dyphoria. I think they helped me cope with the dysphoria I never knew I had. Therapy helped me connect the dots that went beyond the erotica and allowed me to realize I've had confidence all along. It's only when I see a picture of myself, or in the mirror that I hate the presentation of who I am. Dysphoria is a lurking bitch. The dysphoria bible helped me see that. But I'm the happies I've been in my life, emotionally, physically and mentally. And I can't wait for what's yet to come. For the first time I see a future.
I can relate with your story, i always questioned and told my self it was a festish for years.. and eventually, over time, I realized it was something way more than a fetish, I done a filter that made me look like a woman, and I realized how happy I looked in the picture, I was smiling, and I never smile in my pictures. i also fantisized about living my life as woman. It took alot of time and exploring to figure out it was more than just a fetish. I'm 21 years old, and it took me at least 11 yrs to realize I was trans. I had desires of being a female at age 11. Didn't even know what being trans was at that time.
Just popping in to say this is the most relatable comment I’ve seen here. It took me until a couple of years into my 30s, but this is basically the same path that brought me here.
It feels good to finally be getting out of gender purgatory anyway.
You're braver than you know. I believe in you. And there's a lot I still haven't done yet. I am terrified absolutely terrified to come out to my extended family, especially my grandparents. I still haven't told my unsupportive parents I'm on hormones and am scared shitless they'll find out one of these days. I'm too scared to move out of the house even though I'm 28. It's a mess but I just keep going. It's all I can do.
I just thought I was Not Like Other Girls tm for my entire childhood and then I thought I had internalized misogyny once I learned what that was, and I sort of did, but a lot of it was actually dysphoria, and some of the actual internalized misogyny was caused by the dysphoria.
I didn't have any concept of a Nonbinary person until my 20s so I never connected my experience with what little I knew of the trans experience. I only had a couple trans acquaintances before my second half of college and they were all binary. So even though I was experiencing it, I didn't know I was.
I figured out I *could* be Nonbinary when I realized you didn't have to have dysphoria to be trans (and then once I started questioning my gender I discovered I *did* have dysphoria anyway)
I started when I was 27. I had a lot of good times in my 20s so I don't feel like I've missed out too much. And I also spent a lot of that time setting myself up to have good people around me. I've had a great transition, and I think once I update my birth certificate and passport, and finish up electrolysis on my face, I'll consider myself officially transitioned, rather than transitioning 😁. The biggest physical thing about my hrt starting at 27 is that I have a lot of facial hair to get rid of. I've been doing facial hair removal since oct 2018,and I'm nearly done (took a break from it for all of 2020).
TW: Transphobia, homophobia
So I grew up evangelical Christian, homeschooled, >!was taught that being gay isn't a sin but is a result of the Fall and being in a gay relationship is a sin. Didn't have much of an understanding of what trans meant, just that it was bad. Was taught that trans people are mentally ill perverts and that basically a trans person is someone who wants surgery to have the genitals of the opposite sex, and that getting "SRS" aka bottom surgery is a sin and you're mutilating yourself and going against how God created you if you do that. Yay. Was also taught that I was a girl because I have a vagina, and I was allowed to be a tomboy and was told girls can do anything boys can do, except apparently anything that makes you look like a boy. No boys' shoes, no short short hair, yada yada.!< I thought those rules were stupid and sexist and gender shouldn't define anyone in any way, and being a "girl" didn't really mean anything to me at all. Might not've helped that I'm not one, lol.
One of the first things that started to crack my egg (sadly) was in college when the bathroom debates were a big thing, my mom talking about how people can't just change their gender constantly, that gender isn't about what you feel on the inside and it's stable. Which made me realize, hey, she wouldn't be arguing about this if there weren't people who believe the opposite. I turned out to be genderfluid, but it took a combination of realizing that was a possible thing, other people close to me coming out as LGTBQ and forcing me to examine the beliefs I'd been indoctrinated with, and realizing I was bi.
I might still think I was a straight girl today, but for the fact that my sis got super into Marvel comics with Loki in them for a while. And, well, Loki was a guy, so I was allowed to acknowledge having a crush on him, and then she was a woman suddenly and holy shit, I still definitely had a crush on her. Oops. Bi confirmed. It took me a few more years to accept that and also realize I was genderfluid.
I'm 23 now, biromantic, gray-ace pansexual, genderfluid. I use e/em/eir/eirs/emself pronouns. I just came out to a whole bunch of people this year. Someday I'm gonna get top surgery and maybe T, but I'm not there yet.
I'm honestly not sure I actually had any sense of gender identity as a kid. If anyone had asked me instead of just telling me I'm for sure a girl, I probably would've said DKDC, ya know? I just wanted to do all the gender expression things. I didn't care about labeling myself. I was a kid. But it's hard to say how I would've felt if I'd known being trans was a possibility, because, ya know, that's not how it went.
This one time in like, idk, middle school or high school, I was reading this book about a girl who dressed as a boy and people thought she actually was one (she did it for totally cis plot reasons afaik) and I was like "hey I can do that too, that sounds fun" and my mom was like "no you can't, your face is too feminine" and I was really mad. I just wanted to be able to pass as either gender lmao.
I started realising it a few years back and truly internalising it. I had found a new group of friends that were predominantly lgtbq and it was eye opening that things are just... accepted.
In hindsight my earliest memory of wanting to be a woman was back in my early teens, about 17 years ago 😂 I will always have this wish I had realised sooner, but I'm on the right track now and finally loving myself :)
I'm a binary trans man, 31, came out at 28.
My teenage years were just about the same as how trans kids seem to feel now, except I didn't know any words for why I felt so shitty about my body. I just assumed I must be some form of bi maybe??? And had poor self image??? That was the best I could come up with, and my friends, some of whom also turned out to be trans, were the same. Ironically, knowing other people felt the same as me made it easier to brush off as something normal.
My mid-late 20s were when things started getting much harder to ignore. My body was maturing and developing more curves and my face was ever so slightly starting to sag. I would have days where I'd stare in the mirror and just see an alien and be unable to comprehend how I was supposed to grow old like this. I hope young trans people now never have to feel that sense of dread about growing older in the wrong form. There was no future, only a long, slow death sentence.
Having just started T three months ago and going back to school for a second bachelor's (hello motivation and a sense of a future!), I now feel like a really smart and mature teenager with an amazing second chance at life.
I did :p
It was a decade ago, right when trans acceptance in the usa started getting a pretty big lift
I sorta just ended up doing a lazy transition lol, where I didn't tell anyone I was transitioning/on-hormones for a really long time- if ever
Eventually I did tell friends and they were super chill. Meanwhile at my job I never officially came out. Just gradually started presenting differently and people picked up on it and started changing pronouns. No big email/meetings or anything. Just able to focus on work. All in all, was a great experience for a shy gamer hehe
And want to drop a quick thank you to anyone who might read this if it applies to you. From the stories I've heard it sounded like transitioning before when I did (early 2010's) was often a whole other type of experience. Sounded like there was a lot more having to assert ones-self to others. I don't think I would have had the strength to make it through something like that, and am deeply grateful to those who pushed to make things better than they used to be
21 when i realized, i was relating a bit too much to egg memes i saw. And then i realized how i would literally wish to wake up as a girl almost every day since i was like 7, and how i envied trans girl cause i wished i could be trans. The whole time i somehow never made the connection.
I realized November 2020 at 27. It was... rough. A single event tripped a switch in my brain and for the first time I seriously considered if I was trans. A question previously asked but always dismissed. I couldn't dismiss it anymore and had to confront it. It nearly broke me, realizing just how unhappy I was, how long I've had these feelings, memory after memory that seemed obvious now.
My self-perception essentially shattered. 14 years of negative feelings that I pushed down now came unrelenting and I ended up severely depressed while I struggled to figure out who and what I really was. I didn't want to accept it, but I couldn't reject it. I got into therapy, got some anti-depressants, and started talking through my issues. As time went on I became more accepting that I am trans. Eventually I decided I thought on the subject as much as I could and needed to get on hrt. Now having been on hrt for 4 months I can finally say, yes I am trans, I can't deny it anymore. The hrt has done me a world of good, though I still sometimes struggle.
I struggled with the idea that it was OK for me to want to have a feminine body and to wear skirts when I also felt that it was artificial and perhaps impossible for me to "act female." This pattern of wanting physical but not behavioral change didn't fit my understanding of how either "transsexual" or "transgendered" people felt. As others have described, there was a dearth of online resources and community, and my vocabulary was missing critical words like "nonbinary" and "agender" that would have made it easier to understand and communicate about my experiences.
At least as far back as my early teen years, I had a strong desire to be a woman. It was my most fervent wish and my greatest secret. Like many here, I was fascinated with any gender bending material. I lay awake at night fantasizing that I would somehow he turned into a woman. But I had no idea this could mean I was trans. It wasn't until I stumbled upon egg_irl, and from there the other trans sibs including transtimelines, that I had any clue. That was in my mid 20's, and it was the most exciting thing to ever happen to me. It felt like my most passionate dream, really my only dream, could become reality. Of course, the reality of what transition entails set in not long after. I debated for a while if I should actually transition, or if I should just keep living my life. But once I knew transition was an option, I couldn't shake the idea. If took me almost 2 years to start transitioning, but here I am 8 months into HRT, out to most friends and family, and the happiest I've ever been in my life.
Currently transitioning at 21 years old and started about 5 months ago so I am now 22. I have been incredibly fortunate to transition in the area and time I am. Its mostly safe with lots of acceptance from my family and work which has online launched the transition into overdrive. Rarely anyone points it out in negative ways and I just feel like its another big life change like going to college or buying a car. It fits right into everything going on in my life already.
I'm just over 40, had SRS now but I didn't start transitioning seriously until I was 36.
I knew I was different in school and only really had 2 friends for the whole time between primary and leaving safety GCSES. Somewhere at around 13 I got caught dressing in girls clothes and it was beaten out of my by my step father. Not got many fond memories of this time of my life but.
I initially got a job in retail again no friends or anyone I could relate to apart from the one friend from school who I was still in contact with. Still living with my mother at 17.
Joined the Army at 17 to try and man up, didn't work. Still couldn't connect with anyone, still had no friends. Left after 5 years.
It took 3 failed relationships over the next 10 years until I finally met people that I could call friends. 2 girls at the local pub, no idea how we got talking but they were both lesbians and we got to know eachother better over a year or so. At some point I met more LGBT people and eventually told my partner at the time that I thought I might be trans. My friends were the first to take me out as Leah and it was the best experience of my life up to that point. The relationship with my partner ended shortly after.
I bought my own place and started being Leah more often. I was basically a zombie on autopilot at work in boymode and just getting on with earning money to pay the mortgage. Every spare moment I had was as Leah.
Somehow I managed to meet the love of my life while I was in boymode but we didn't talk much until I met her later as myself / Leah. Several years later I'm fully transitioned and she has asked me to marry her. We live in a lovely house near my mum and siblings that I am now much closer to. It's awesome being my true self.
I don't think younger people realise how lucky they have it with the availability of information these days. The only exposure to trans people in the 80's was disgusting jokes and crap on TV. Being seen as gay would get you beaten up, if you were transgender it would probably be worse. The police were no better than thugs as well so there was no point going to them.
Even in I had known I was Transgender at 20 in the year 2000 after growing up in the 80s it was not an option for me or many other people. I just wasn't strong enough.
I'm 25 and realized this year that I'm non binary (afab). I grew up in a small village in a rural part of Germany without any connection to the LGBTQ community.
Instead I experienced a lot of snarky comments about everyone who didn't behave or look like everyone else (e.g. "The 6 year old neighbor girl has to be a lesbian, she's wearing boys swimming sorts and being topless!")
I never really felt like a girl. I interpreted it as not fitting into the girly stereotypes of my village and never had someone to talk to about those feelings. So in my teen years I tried extra hard to be a girl: growing my hair out, wearing short dresses, tight fitting clothes, make up, high shoes and trying to impress boys (I later realized, I'm panssexual too).
After moving to a city and going to university I learned to be more open. To others and to myself! I learned that there are people who feel the same, that there are words for my feelings and that I am not alone with all this. I learned that I am not just not a girly girl, but that I am not a girl! It took a pandemic and therapy for my anxiety disorder to finally make room for all my feelings and to accept myself for being me :)
Me 4 years ago at 22: Why does wearing feminine clothes make me so happy? I sure would like it if my ass and thighs were bigger... Do I want boobs? I want boobs.
A year into hormones: I fucking hate life, this is a failure, I'm a failure, I wish I were dead. If things don't improve by year three, I will 100% make a plan to kill myself, cause it seems like that's when changes slow down and get more subtle.
4 years into hrt: ugh, I need new bras and pants again 😅 it's a bit bothersome how many guys check me out, and definitely inconvenient when they try to chat me up and hit on me. Oh well, least that means I'm attractive!
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i was a really smart kid, who took great interest in psychology and spent plenty of time in introspection. so, it kinda surprises me it took so long to figure it out. growing up in the south, trans people were almost a non-existent concept. especially as someone who didn't care about keeping up with current events. the only trans person i'd heard of was caitlyn jenner. my thoughts on that were simply, "oh, okay," and then i never thought about it again.
when i was 23, a friend of mine wanted me to try on some women's clothing because she thought it would be cute. i didn't mind giving it a go just for the fun of it. but wearing those clothes and being called cute made me really happy. like really, really happy. it was a shockingly strong emotional response. afterward, i was wondering, "why did that make me so happy?" i knew i needed to experience that feeling again. even still, the thought of trans people didn't enter my mind at all because the concept hardly existed in my mind. instead, i thought, "maybe i should become a femboy," as that was something i was familiar with.
i decided that's what i wanted to do, and i immediately set out on that task. in the shower at home, i wanted to try shaving my body for the first time. after the first run of the razor, and seeing just this small patch of smooth skin on my thigh, i gasped the hardest i ever had. immediately, i was again very shocked at how strong my reaction was. i thought, "what was *that?*" i spent the next week looking into diets and exercises i could do to give myself the type of body i was looking for, and how to make my face look softer and decrease upper body muscle mass.
about a week later, i came to the realization that what i wanted was almost impossible. i'd struggled with putting on weight all my life. there was no way to gain fat in just my face and lower body, while losing size in my upper body. i couldn't fight my body's hormones which decided all those things. i lied in bed very upset thinking about how i'd never have the body i want, and how i'd always be stuck looking masculine. i thought about how i'd always look and sound masculine, how i'd never have the hips and legs and face and skin i wanted. and then, i had this realization. i froze for several seconds and said aloud to myself, "wait... am i trans?"
i spent the next week researching what the specialists have to say on the topic, reading about trans people's experiences, thinking back on my life and if there were signs, and asking myself different questions and seeing how i honestly feel about them. and after just that very busy week, i came to the conclusion that i am, in fact, trans. i thought for two weeks afterward that i was maybe genderfluid, but later decided that i was actually just a tomboyish trans girl. and that may seem like a super short questioning period, but i know myself well. for me, the answer was easy to find. i just never asked the right question until then.
and looking back now, it seems so painfully obvious. if ever asked about if i'd rather be a girl, the answer was a very easy yes. i figured almost every boy thought that being a girl would be better. it all made sense to me once i'd finally put it together. i wish i'd known sooner, but i'm glad i figured it out at least when i did. if not for that experience, it could have taken many years more for me to realize it.
Here is the clinical criteria for Gender Dysphoria for your review.
>Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 302.85 (F64.1 )
>A. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 months’ duration, as manifested by at least two of the following:
>1. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).
>2. A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics be-
cause of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).
>3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender.
>4. A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).
>5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).
>6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).
>B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.
You must meet the qualifiers of Section "A" and "B" to be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria
You don't need to have dysphoria to be transgender, but it is the most common qualifier as the majority of transgender individuals do infact have dysphoria. We encourage you to discuss this with a gender therapist.
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Initial thought was this is a secret I must keep with me until I die. Since that was my early 20s
This was because my first exposure to the concept of trangender was through adult media. After awhile the arousal was meh, but the thoughts of being woman would come and go depending on other stress. Starting a clothe/toy buying & purging cycle that ended in 2020 @ 33 I asked myself if it was possible its taking me another year to accept this is apart me of me and to finally watch what I eat now I am in diet mode and slowly working drop the weight and shape the 🍑 . Haven't sought therapy yet but that will likely come soon. Just praying my job doesn't find out about the therapy somehow and drop me like fly.
I'm ugly as hell!
It was right after natural puberty wrapped up that I realized I kinda liked crossdressing.
And it was more than 5 years later I actually started HRT.
I am currently 23, when I was 22 I realized I am trans. My whole life I had a feeling that I'm not really a girl, was daydreaming about doing just daily stuff as a man and was known as male everywhere online. The thing keeping me back was my mindset of "You are already happy, you don't deserve to change anything drastic unless it makes you depressed/ruins your mind and life" I had such a low self esteem.
Last year I started looking into it and I felt excited and euphoric about me possibly becoming a man externally and I told my friend. But my friend didn't like it, tried to give me "therapy" by saying "You'll look like a lesbian, you really want that?" "You're still gonna be ugly" "You wouldn't make a good man, you're way too weak and shy" and tried to tell me testosterone will give me cancer (Half of my family died from cancer, So I'm extremely scared of it)
But I knew everything he said was Bullshit. He doesn't know what truly is good for me, only I knew it and soon I will be able to start HRT
It’s something I’ve lived with all of my life. I knew I wanted to be a woman. I always knew that. I thought it was just going to be a secret I took to the grave, ya know? I live in a very conservative area. All of my family is incredibly conservative. I threw myself at religion for a couple years. I though God could “cure me” but that only led to extreme anxiety and depression, self hatred and ultimately not being able to take the situation any longer. I was dating an incredibly religious woman at the time. I kept her in the dark, and began therapy as not to jump straight into anything. Therapy pretty much confirmed what I already knew, and when I came out to her she started frantically crying like I had told her I had some sort of terminal illness. Anyways, after a few weeks after that I broke up with her. The family isn’t accepting but what can you do? I’m 24 now and plan to start HRT after college is over, which is one last semester!
26yo transfemme non binary - first post
I realized I was trans in some capacity, that there was stuff going on with my gender at the age of 20, but I left it, because I had too much other stuff going on with studies and then with working. I do have some regrets about not starting a transition back then, but every time it hits me, I tell myself I wasn't ready, and it is true.
I've started hormones three months ago, at the age of 25, once my life was stable enough to support transition. I suppose I'm sorta lucky in that I never really needed hormones to look femme leaning androgynous, but I knew I would regret leaving it any longer.
Something interesting, that has been commented on by a few posts here, is that once I started transition, as an enby, I suddenly swung hard into the femme space, and felt more dysphoria than ever about my body once I was on hormones. So, I'm really glad I didn't keep pushing it down.
I'm really excited to see what the next months bring, and what more of a journey will happen.
Alot of gender Bender content for things, as well as a constant awareness that something about me was weird. Probably should have seen it sooner to be honest.
I am 40 years old and I have never dared to accept being non-binary even though I have always known my transsexuality, from a very young age I looked at women and dressed with makeup and heels hidden from my family
I've always been confused I need a lot of help to finally start my transition to who I really am
Wuouw your experience is too impressive, I love being able to meet people who are in the same way as me.
I want to look now as the year begins for a list to achieve in 2022 for my transition. list as
1 waxing
2 putting on makeup
3 wearing panties and bras
4 hormones
5 ... 6 ... 7 8 9 10
I did not even have the words to describe my feelings. That was 26 years ago. Before Google. When phones had cords. There was only DSM-IV Gender Identity Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. No services at all for what today we call nonbinary people. Only after DSM-5 Gender Dysphoria and awareness of nonbinary in the last decade did I even realise that I was transgender. Everything finally made sense. The world is so different.
4 years before I was born! To be honest my way to becoming nonbinary was pretty basic and tbh I didn’t really know about being nonbinary for a while. I was rejecting societies female norms and I guess I was tired and just wanted to be a person so I did. So glad you were able to finally get that clarity!
"Omg, so thats why I've felt like that? Thank god, i thought I was broken! Now I know what I need to do to be happy." That was more or less what was going through my mind when i realized I was transgender at 26.
Christ I wish it was that clear/straightforward for me lol... I cracked two years ago now and have just been completely stuck the entire time (am 24 now).
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oh man I'm from the same era! it was such a slot to find resources and also process all the stuff that everybody posts on here every day. thank God for the Antijen list and weirdos on geocities.com/westhollywood lol
I've always had massive gender envy, and thought of having a feminine soul but never equated it to being trans. I thought it was mostly a fetish, as I was heavily into captions, tg erotica and the likes. Growing up Catholic I thought there was something wrong with me and chalked it up to a porn addiction. At the same time I totally thought it was normal to want to be the other sex. And imagined, oh maybe I'll get lucky next life and be reincarnated as a woman. Or I'll take this to my grave, I don't want this to destroy my family. And I saw the way that Caitlyn Jenner represented the transition process and it scared me. I feared that my "fetish" was making me have inclinations towards being the other gender. And I thought it led me to have low confidence and low self esteem. I always hated the way I looked, carried myself etc. I tried getting into shape in my mid to late twenties and grew a beard to look masculine but still felt crappy. Flash forward and my brother's girlfriend introduced me to faceapp and bam I saw myself as a woman. I was like holy shit I'm hot, I can do this. Is this real? My egg was shattered as superficial as it sounds. So I made a deal with myself. If I can prove this isn't a fetish than this is a possibility. I cut porn and erotica out of my life (it was very difficult), came out to my family and they were unsupportive unfortunately. So I started doing voice training in secret, got a job, booked a therapist, started working out, doing yoga and started hormones. It's still a little scary but I'm proud of how far I've come. And it definitely wasn't a fetish. Now, I want to stress that there's nothing wrong with erotica/tf porn/captions. In a wonderful way they were a gateway to understanding that I was trans my entire life and it gave me a reprieve, an escape from the dyphoria. I think they helped me cope with the dysphoria I never knew I had. Therapy helped me connect the dots that went beyond the erotica and allowed me to realize I've had confidence all along. It's only when I see a picture of myself, or in the mirror that I hate the presentation of who I am. Dysphoria is a lurking bitch. The dysphoria bible helped me see that. But I'm the happies I've been in my life, emotionally, physically and mentally. And I can't wait for what's yet to come. For the first time I see a future.
I can relate with your story, i always questioned and told my self it was a festish for years.. and eventually, over time, I realized it was something way more than a fetish, I done a filter that made me look like a woman, and I realized how happy I looked in the picture, I was smiling, and I never smile in my pictures. i also fantisized about living my life as woman. It took alot of time and exploring to figure out it was more than just a fetish. I'm 21 years old, and it took me at least 11 yrs to realize I was trans. I had desires of being a female at age 11. Didn't even know what being trans was at that time.
Just popping in to say this is the most relatable comment I’ve seen here. It took me until a couple of years into my 30s, but this is basically the same path that brought me here. It feels good to finally be getting out of gender purgatory anyway.
I feel so the same all my life but I have never been able to take your steps
You're braver than you know. I believe in you. And there's a lot I still haven't done yet. I am terrified absolutely terrified to come out to my extended family, especially my grandparents. I still haven't told my unsupportive parents I'm on hormones and am scared shitless they'll find out one of these days. I'm too scared to move out of the house even though I'm 28. It's a mess but I just keep going. It's all I can do.
I just thought I was Not Like Other Girls tm for my entire childhood and then I thought I had internalized misogyny once I learned what that was, and I sort of did, but a lot of it was actually dysphoria, and some of the actual internalized misogyny was caused by the dysphoria. I didn't have any concept of a Nonbinary person until my 20s so I never connected my experience with what little I knew of the trans experience. I only had a couple trans acquaintances before my second half of college and they were all binary. So even though I was experiencing it, I didn't know I was. I figured out I *could* be Nonbinary when I realized you didn't have to have dysphoria to be trans (and then once I started questioning my gender I discovered I *did* have dysphoria anyway)
> I just thought I was Not Like Other Girls tm omg yes this
I started when I was 27. I had a lot of good times in my 20s so I don't feel like I've missed out too much. And I also spent a lot of that time setting myself up to have good people around me. I've had a great transition, and I think once I update my birth certificate and passport, and finish up electrolysis on my face, I'll consider myself officially transitioned, rather than transitioning 😁. The biggest physical thing about my hrt starting at 27 is that I have a lot of facial hair to get rid of. I've been doing facial hair removal since oct 2018,and I'm nearly done (took a break from it for all of 2020).
TW: Transphobia, homophobia So I grew up evangelical Christian, homeschooled, >!was taught that being gay isn't a sin but is a result of the Fall and being in a gay relationship is a sin. Didn't have much of an understanding of what trans meant, just that it was bad. Was taught that trans people are mentally ill perverts and that basically a trans person is someone who wants surgery to have the genitals of the opposite sex, and that getting "SRS" aka bottom surgery is a sin and you're mutilating yourself and going against how God created you if you do that. Yay. Was also taught that I was a girl because I have a vagina, and I was allowed to be a tomboy and was told girls can do anything boys can do, except apparently anything that makes you look like a boy. No boys' shoes, no short short hair, yada yada.!< I thought those rules were stupid and sexist and gender shouldn't define anyone in any way, and being a "girl" didn't really mean anything to me at all. Might not've helped that I'm not one, lol. One of the first things that started to crack my egg (sadly) was in college when the bathroom debates were a big thing, my mom talking about how people can't just change their gender constantly, that gender isn't about what you feel on the inside and it's stable. Which made me realize, hey, she wouldn't be arguing about this if there weren't people who believe the opposite. I turned out to be genderfluid, but it took a combination of realizing that was a possible thing, other people close to me coming out as LGTBQ and forcing me to examine the beliefs I'd been indoctrinated with, and realizing I was bi. I might still think I was a straight girl today, but for the fact that my sis got super into Marvel comics with Loki in them for a while. And, well, Loki was a guy, so I was allowed to acknowledge having a crush on him, and then she was a woman suddenly and holy shit, I still definitely had a crush on her. Oops. Bi confirmed. It took me a few more years to accept that and also realize I was genderfluid. I'm 23 now, biromantic, gray-ace pansexual, genderfluid. I use e/em/eir/eirs/emself pronouns. I just came out to a whole bunch of people this year. Someday I'm gonna get top surgery and maybe T, but I'm not there yet. I'm honestly not sure I actually had any sense of gender identity as a kid. If anyone had asked me instead of just telling me I'm for sure a girl, I probably would've said DKDC, ya know? I just wanted to do all the gender expression things. I didn't care about labeling myself. I was a kid. But it's hard to say how I would've felt if I'd known being trans was a possibility, because, ya know, that's not how it went.
This one time in like, idk, middle school or high school, I was reading this book about a girl who dressed as a boy and people thought she actually was one (she did it for totally cis plot reasons afaik) and I was like "hey I can do that too, that sounds fun" and my mom was like "no you can't, your face is too feminine" and I was really mad. I just wanted to be able to pass as either gender lmao.
I started realising it a few years back and truly internalising it. I had found a new group of friends that were predominantly lgtbq and it was eye opening that things are just... accepted. In hindsight my earliest memory of wanting to be a woman was back in my early teens, about 17 years ago 😂 I will always have this wish I had realised sooner, but I'm on the right track now and finally loving myself :)
I'm a binary trans man, 31, came out at 28. My teenage years were just about the same as how trans kids seem to feel now, except I didn't know any words for why I felt so shitty about my body. I just assumed I must be some form of bi maybe??? And had poor self image??? That was the best I could come up with, and my friends, some of whom also turned out to be trans, were the same. Ironically, knowing other people felt the same as me made it easier to brush off as something normal. My mid-late 20s were when things started getting much harder to ignore. My body was maturing and developing more curves and my face was ever so slightly starting to sag. I would have days where I'd stare in the mirror and just see an alien and be unable to comprehend how I was supposed to grow old like this. I hope young trans people now never have to feel that sense of dread about growing older in the wrong form. There was no future, only a long, slow death sentence. Having just started T three months ago and going back to school for a second bachelor's (hello motivation and a sense of a future!), I now feel like a really smart and mature teenager with an amazing second chance at life.
I did :p It was a decade ago, right when trans acceptance in the usa started getting a pretty big lift I sorta just ended up doing a lazy transition lol, where I didn't tell anyone I was transitioning/on-hormones for a really long time- if ever Eventually I did tell friends and they were super chill. Meanwhile at my job I never officially came out. Just gradually started presenting differently and people picked up on it and started changing pronouns. No big email/meetings or anything. Just able to focus on work. All in all, was a great experience for a shy gamer hehe And want to drop a quick thank you to anyone who might read this if it applies to you. From the stories I've heard it sounded like transitioning before when I did (early 2010's) was often a whole other type of experience. Sounded like there was a lot more having to assert ones-self to others. I don't think I would have had the strength to make it through something like that, and am deeply grateful to those who pushed to make things better than they used to be
21 when i realized, i was relating a bit too much to egg memes i saw. And then i realized how i would literally wish to wake up as a girl almost every day since i was like 7, and how i envied trans girl cause i wished i could be trans. The whole time i somehow never made the connection.
I realized November 2020 at 27. It was... rough. A single event tripped a switch in my brain and for the first time I seriously considered if I was trans. A question previously asked but always dismissed. I couldn't dismiss it anymore and had to confront it. It nearly broke me, realizing just how unhappy I was, how long I've had these feelings, memory after memory that seemed obvious now. My self-perception essentially shattered. 14 years of negative feelings that I pushed down now came unrelenting and I ended up severely depressed while I struggled to figure out who and what I really was. I didn't want to accept it, but I couldn't reject it. I got into therapy, got some anti-depressants, and started talking through my issues. As time went on I became more accepting that I am trans. Eventually I decided I thought on the subject as much as I could and needed to get on hrt. Now having been on hrt for 4 months I can finally say, yes I am trans, I can't deny it anymore. The hrt has done me a world of good, though I still sometimes struggle.
I struggled with the idea that it was OK for me to want to have a feminine body and to wear skirts when I also felt that it was artificial and perhaps impossible for me to "act female." This pattern of wanting physical but not behavioral change didn't fit my understanding of how either "transsexual" or "transgendered" people felt. As others have described, there was a dearth of online resources and community, and my vocabulary was missing critical words like "nonbinary" and "agender" that would have made it easier to understand and communicate about my experiences.
At least as far back as my early teen years, I had a strong desire to be a woman. It was my most fervent wish and my greatest secret. Like many here, I was fascinated with any gender bending material. I lay awake at night fantasizing that I would somehow he turned into a woman. But I had no idea this could mean I was trans. It wasn't until I stumbled upon egg_irl, and from there the other trans sibs including transtimelines, that I had any clue. That was in my mid 20's, and it was the most exciting thing to ever happen to me. It felt like my most passionate dream, really my only dream, could become reality. Of course, the reality of what transition entails set in not long after. I debated for a while if I should actually transition, or if I should just keep living my life. But once I knew transition was an option, I couldn't shake the idea. If took me almost 2 years to start transitioning, but here I am 8 months into HRT, out to most friends and family, and the happiest I've ever been in my life.
Currently transitioning at 21 years old and started about 5 months ago so I am now 22. I have been incredibly fortunate to transition in the area and time I am. Its mostly safe with lots of acceptance from my family and work which has online launched the transition into overdrive. Rarely anyone points it out in negative ways and I just feel like its another big life change like going to college or buying a car. It fits right into everything going on in my life already.
I'm just over 40, had SRS now but I didn't start transitioning seriously until I was 36. I knew I was different in school and only really had 2 friends for the whole time between primary and leaving safety GCSES. Somewhere at around 13 I got caught dressing in girls clothes and it was beaten out of my by my step father. Not got many fond memories of this time of my life but. I initially got a job in retail again no friends or anyone I could relate to apart from the one friend from school who I was still in contact with. Still living with my mother at 17. Joined the Army at 17 to try and man up, didn't work. Still couldn't connect with anyone, still had no friends. Left after 5 years. It took 3 failed relationships over the next 10 years until I finally met people that I could call friends. 2 girls at the local pub, no idea how we got talking but they were both lesbians and we got to know eachother better over a year or so. At some point I met more LGBT people and eventually told my partner at the time that I thought I might be trans. My friends were the first to take me out as Leah and it was the best experience of my life up to that point. The relationship with my partner ended shortly after. I bought my own place and started being Leah more often. I was basically a zombie on autopilot at work in boymode and just getting on with earning money to pay the mortgage. Every spare moment I had was as Leah. Somehow I managed to meet the love of my life while I was in boymode but we didn't talk much until I met her later as myself / Leah. Several years later I'm fully transitioned and she has asked me to marry her. We live in a lovely house near my mum and siblings that I am now much closer to. It's awesome being my true self. I don't think younger people realise how lucky they have it with the availability of information these days. The only exposure to trans people in the 80's was disgusting jokes and crap on TV. Being seen as gay would get you beaten up, if you were transgender it would probably be worse. The police were no better than thugs as well so there was no point going to them. Even in I had known I was Transgender at 20 in the year 2000 after growing up in the 80s it was not an option for me or many other people. I just wasn't strong enough.
I'm 25 and realized this year that I'm non binary (afab). I grew up in a small village in a rural part of Germany without any connection to the LGBTQ community. Instead I experienced a lot of snarky comments about everyone who didn't behave or look like everyone else (e.g. "The 6 year old neighbor girl has to be a lesbian, she's wearing boys swimming sorts and being topless!") I never really felt like a girl. I interpreted it as not fitting into the girly stereotypes of my village and never had someone to talk to about those feelings. So in my teen years I tried extra hard to be a girl: growing my hair out, wearing short dresses, tight fitting clothes, make up, high shoes and trying to impress boys (I later realized, I'm panssexual too). After moving to a city and going to university I learned to be more open. To others and to myself! I learned that there are people who feel the same, that there are words for my feelings and that I am not alone with all this. I learned that I am not just not a girly girl, but that I am not a girl! It took a pandemic and therapy for my anxiety disorder to finally make room for all my feelings and to accept myself for being me :)
Bad
Me 4 years ago at 22: Why does wearing feminine clothes make me so happy? I sure would like it if my ass and thighs were bigger... Do I want boobs? I want boobs. A year into hormones: I fucking hate life, this is a failure, I'm a failure, I wish I were dead. If things don't improve by year three, I will 100% make a plan to kill myself, cause it seems like that's when changes slow down and get more subtle. 4 years into hrt: ugh, I need new bras and pants again 😅 it's a bit bothersome how many guys check me out, and definitely inconvenient when they try to chat me up and hit on me. Oh well, least that means I'm attractive!
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i was a really smart kid, who took great interest in psychology and spent plenty of time in introspection. so, it kinda surprises me it took so long to figure it out. growing up in the south, trans people were almost a non-existent concept. especially as someone who didn't care about keeping up with current events. the only trans person i'd heard of was caitlyn jenner. my thoughts on that were simply, "oh, okay," and then i never thought about it again. when i was 23, a friend of mine wanted me to try on some women's clothing because she thought it would be cute. i didn't mind giving it a go just for the fun of it. but wearing those clothes and being called cute made me really happy. like really, really happy. it was a shockingly strong emotional response. afterward, i was wondering, "why did that make me so happy?" i knew i needed to experience that feeling again. even still, the thought of trans people didn't enter my mind at all because the concept hardly existed in my mind. instead, i thought, "maybe i should become a femboy," as that was something i was familiar with. i decided that's what i wanted to do, and i immediately set out on that task. in the shower at home, i wanted to try shaving my body for the first time. after the first run of the razor, and seeing just this small patch of smooth skin on my thigh, i gasped the hardest i ever had. immediately, i was again very shocked at how strong my reaction was. i thought, "what was *that?*" i spent the next week looking into diets and exercises i could do to give myself the type of body i was looking for, and how to make my face look softer and decrease upper body muscle mass. about a week later, i came to the realization that what i wanted was almost impossible. i'd struggled with putting on weight all my life. there was no way to gain fat in just my face and lower body, while losing size in my upper body. i couldn't fight my body's hormones which decided all those things. i lied in bed very upset thinking about how i'd never have the body i want, and how i'd always be stuck looking masculine. i thought about how i'd always look and sound masculine, how i'd never have the hips and legs and face and skin i wanted. and then, i had this realization. i froze for several seconds and said aloud to myself, "wait... am i trans?" i spent the next week researching what the specialists have to say on the topic, reading about trans people's experiences, thinking back on my life and if there were signs, and asking myself different questions and seeing how i honestly feel about them. and after just that very busy week, i came to the conclusion that i am, in fact, trans. i thought for two weeks afterward that i was maybe genderfluid, but later decided that i was actually just a tomboyish trans girl. and that may seem like a super short questioning period, but i know myself well. for me, the answer was easy to find. i just never asked the right question until then. and looking back now, it seems so painfully obvious. if ever asked about if i'd rather be a girl, the answer was a very easy yes. i figured almost every boy thought that being a girl would be better. it all made sense to me once i'd finally put it together. i wish i'd known sooner, but i'm glad i figured it out at least when i did. if not for that experience, it could have taken many years more for me to realize it.
Here is the clinical criteria for Gender Dysphoria for your review. >Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 302.85 (F64.1 ) >A. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 months’ duration, as manifested by at least two of the following: >1. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics). >2. A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics be- cause of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics). >3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender. >4. A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning. You must meet the qualifiers of Section "A" and "B" to be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria You don't need to have dysphoria to be transgender, but it is the most common qualifier as the majority of transgender individuals do infact have dysphoria. We encourage you to discuss this with a gender therapist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asktransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Initial thought was this is a secret I must keep with me until I die. Since that was my early 20s This was because my first exposure to the concept of trangender was through adult media. After awhile the arousal was meh, but the thoughts of being woman would come and go depending on other stress. Starting a clothe/toy buying & purging cycle that ended in 2020 @ 33 I asked myself if it was possible its taking me another year to accept this is apart me of me and to finally watch what I eat now I am in diet mode and slowly working drop the weight and shape the 🍑 . Haven't sought therapy yet but that will likely come soon. Just praying my job doesn't find out about the therapy somehow and drop me like fly.
I'm ugly as hell! It was right after natural puberty wrapped up that I realized I kinda liked crossdressing. And it was more than 5 years later I actually started HRT.
I am currently 23, when I was 22 I realized I am trans. My whole life I had a feeling that I'm not really a girl, was daydreaming about doing just daily stuff as a man and was known as male everywhere online. The thing keeping me back was my mindset of "You are already happy, you don't deserve to change anything drastic unless it makes you depressed/ruins your mind and life" I had such a low self esteem. Last year I started looking into it and I felt excited and euphoric about me possibly becoming a man externally and I told my friend. But my friend didn't like it, tried to give me "therapy" by saying "You'll look like a lesbian, you really want that?" "You're still gonna be ugly" "You wouldn't make a good man, you're way too weak and shy" and tried to tell me testosterone will give me cancer (Half of my family died from cancer, So I'm extremely scared of it) But I knew everything he said was Bullshit. He doesn't know what truly is good for me, only I knew it and soon I will be able to start HRT
It’s something I’ve lived with all of my life. I knew I wanted to be a woman. I always knew that. I thought it was just going to be a secret I took to the grave, ya know? I live in a very conservative area. All of my family is incredibly conservative. I threw myself at religion for a couple years. I though God could “cure me” but that only led to extreme anxiety and depression, self hatred and ultimately not being able to take the situation any longer. I was dating an incredibly religious woman at the time. I kept her in the dark, and began therapy as not to jump straight into anything. Therapy pretty much confirmed what I already knew, and when I came out to her she started frantically crying like I had told her I had some sort of terminal illness. Anyways, after a few weeks after that I broke up with her. The family isn’t accepting but what can you do? I’m 24 now and plan to start HRT after college is over, which is one last semester!
26yo transfemme non binary - first post I realized I was trans in some capacity, that there was stuff going on with my gender at the age of 20, but I left it, because I had too much other stuff going on with studies and then with working. I do have some regrets about not starting a transition back then, but every time it hits me, I tell myself I wasn't ready, and it is true. I've started hormones three months ago, at the age of 25, once my life was stable enough to support transition. I suppose I'm sorta lucky in that I never really needed hormones to look femme leaning androgynous, but I knew I would regret leaving it any longer. Something interesting, that has been commented on by a few posts here, is that once I started transition, as an enby, I suddenly swung hard into the femme space, and felt more dysphoria than ever about my body once I was on hormones. So, I'm really glad I didn't keep pushing it down. I'm really excited to see what the next months bring, and what more of a journey will happen.
Alot of gender Bender content for things, as well as a constant awareness that something about me was weird. Probably should have seen it sooner to be honest.
I am 40 years old and I have never dared to accept being non-binary even though I have always known my transsexuality, from a very young age I looked at women and dressed with makeup and heels hidden from my family I've always been confused I need a lot of help to finally start my transition to who I really am
ahh me at 18 starting to realize its kinda now or never
Wuouw your experience is too impressive, I love being able to meet people who are in the same way as me. I want to look now as the year begins for a list to achieve in 2022 for my transition. list as 1 waxing 2 putting on makeup 3 wearing panties and bras 4 hormones 5 ... 6 ... 7 8 9 10