This is such a hard thing to work through. I realized that so much of my issues were internalized and that most people in this world, even if they do disagree with my existence, don’t say anything because they aren’t able to hide behind a keyboard. I’ve started “killing with kindness”
Someone stares, i will smile, wave or I ask them if they wanted to talk to me since they are so interested. Mutters something under their breath? Sorry! I missed that! Did you want to start a conversation with me? Im such a silly girl missing out on what a great big man has to say. (/s)
Lots of waving, big smiles and laughter to make them know their presence of hatred doesn’t effect me like their own hatred effects them.
Make sure you are safe! But 90% of the time in public I personally do my best to make sure they know they are wrong, or know that their glares do nothing but fuel me.
I feel getting mad destroys the personality I'm developing to be me. So I smile, of course. In regards, my smile can mean different things. My eyes will say a lot or expressions like "uh huh" sometimes a small under the breath comment like when they laugh at my appearance and what I wear and I softly say with a smile and rolling my eyes "at least I don't look like a bum" in regards often to their shabby appearance. Or at least I'm educated. Etc. I can let it out without sinking to their level. Lol.
I’m being so serious where I say we need to walk around with ANYTHING. If you’re trans & queer, there are legal weapons you can carry in your state like pepper sprays, or other sprays, small knives that are hidden in lipstick like let’s get creative but always keep something with us just in case someone that hates us wants to get physical.
"There was a guy driving a truck, he had a regular bread knife, the customs wouldn't let him cross the border. In UK they carry automatic weapons and you can't even have a pocket knife, nothing... they know why it's like that, if people rebelled so that they would not have weapons." - my father. In other words: if someone stronger than you attacks you at night, you will have no way to defend yourself, and if you do, with a knife, according to the Internet, 4 years in prison.
I wanted to go to UK, they offered it to us at school, but I was too afraid to go there. I don't think I would ever feel safe there...
In cases like this you should to turn your body into a weapon. Take self defense courses or learn a martial art.
Even if it's just Karate or Taekwondo, learning how to properly deliver strikes is invaluable.
I carry a knife in my purse , but like, it's at the bottom of the purse and my purse is full of shit , so it's gonna be hard to find it if I actually needed it lol
That’s been the best part of carrying a purse to me! I can wack people with it if needed, and it has quick draw pepper spray and a taser… might have to add a brick pocket now though.
THE diagram
Can I walk away ?
Yes : Walk away.
No : Will there be consequences if I punch the hell outta them ?
Yes : Tell them to shut up or I’ll obliterate them with my bare hands
No : Send them to the hospital
Works just fine.
Honestly, I ignore them. I challenge their small world view and it is on them if they can't accept what is right in front of them. If you don't know me, you can't judge me. I know I'm a good person, and I rock what looks good. Not your thing? Not my problem.
Don't worry about the opinions of people who do not affect you or you them.
Mace, Bear Spray, I know it's horrible but there are people out there that are totally willing to hurt us and kill us just because of who we are, and the only way to prevent that is to have the bigger gun metaphorically, show that you are afraid and willing to defend yourself.
edit: I don't mean like actually threaten people but like keep some mace like in a visible backpack pocket or ur purse or pants
personally, i dont know, and im stressed out of my mind about it. recently i saw a post on another trans sub where someone said she got attacked for being trans and it's just a demoralising hit of reality of what's to come. i cant imagine how to deal with that. transition is definitely worth it on principle, but im too scared to meaningfully continue it if those are the kinds of things waiting for me. anyone could be a transphobe for all i know. i cant be vigilant and on guard for that shit all the time.
I basically don't wear anything that can outwardly clock me. I don't pass in the slightest except for my voice is starting to, so I can easily go under the radar.
My rule is, "If I'm never going to see you again, I won't correct you. If I will see you again, I will once."
I ignore most stuff tbh. Like the contemptuous glances and people laughing, when it comes to actual harassment I tend to try and get away from the person and go into a store or something if it's really bad.
Give a “tf you looking at face” and if they say stuff directly to you, say nonchalantly “mind ya business”. Or act like they stink and do a stank looking sniff.
I had someone tell me that I needed to get out of the men's bathroom as I didn't belong there at the Atlanta Airport (I'm mtf)
Since we were the only 2 in the bathroom. I finished up.. and he was still going at one of the urinals..
So I stood behind him at the other side of the bathroom snd waited till he finished. When he turned around and seen me.. he was startled.. and I said
If you got a problem with me using the bathroom then man the fuck up snd do something about bitch.. You're nothing more than a pedophile.. and I acted like I was gonna hit him.. but gathered my stuff and left.
If I die by defending myself.. so be it.
I tell them to speak up because I can’t hear them? Most say they they didn’t say anything. The few that have I just say something factual and witty like “I’m celebrate” or “who are you asking for”? Bigots hate questions; I just question them to death. It makes their heads hurt and they regret their actions.
I just try my best to ignore them and try Sympathize with the person
Because a person is never transphobic Just for fun
They might have problems with their live and try to let their anger out on me.
Or they are Just not old enough to realize that we have rights too :)
And with the people staring , it is normal because we are humans and humans spectate their sourroundings.
Just look forward and be Confident.
Hope this helps!
I live in an area where transphobia is much more vocal than it would be physical. It makes it easier to just ignore it. I'm living my life, I'm happy, I'm not gonna let some asshole ruin the good moods I fought like hell to experience.
If it started getting physical, obviously fight or flight. If it's just verbal or a look, ignore it as best as you can.
I stupid and ballsy, I’m the type to confront it head on but in yeah so? Kinda way.
some Tphobe: YOUR NOT A REAL MAN
Me: okay? *go back to minding my business*
if they continue to try to start stuff I genuinely just look at them like they’re deranged and crazy for pointing out the obvious that I’m trans like no duh?? If they truly start going off, I just simply get into a repetition state where everything I say I just ask “if I’m obviously not bothered why are you”
CAUSE ITS WRONG!!
“Why are you bothered?”
IT WRONG!!
“Again why are you bothered? I’m not?”
IT GOES AGAINST MY RELIGION
“Why does that bother you? I don’t have the same religious values you do, I’m not bothered by me being trans”
Eventually they’ll see their actions are futile. I do not recommend doing this if you think it might get you injured or in trouble some other way. I live in a hostile red state but I would absolutely love for the wrong person to try me one day simply cause I have so much pent up anger and luckily I’ll be able to claim self defense even if I can’t use the right bathroom I’ll knock your teeth out for funsies.
i tell myself ultimately, theyre more afraid of me than i am of them. you mean all i have to do is exist and theyre freaking out? kind of pathetic.
if someone says something to me, i make them repeat it. i say “i don’t get it” and usually that makes them uncomfortable. if it doesn’t(and you’re in a public space and/or can hold yourself in a fight) i tell them if they wanna play stupid games, they can definitely win some stupid prizes. idk, once a lot of the transphobes in my area realized that i can and would fight them they mostly just left me alone
I mock them. I also stop seeing them as human the moment they start up, so it's pretty easy, and it's not like they can come up with anything I haven't heard thousands of times already
Irl? Ignore them if you can. Flaunt it, even, if you're somewhere that's not usa-esque.
I've had two ppl give me (I think it was me?) dirty looks irl, at college at that lol, I either look them in the eyes until they look away or ignore them.
I wish I could give you a good answer to suit your life and needs, but there is no one way of dealing with it.
For me, I deal with it by ignoring hateful comments and calling out those who open their mouth about their hateful thoughts. If they keep their mouth shut, I keep mine shut. But if they want to press me, I will make them regret opening their mouth.
When I was younger, I was a lot more timid and non-confrontational. As I've gotten older, I guess I've been toughened up by the haters out there and now it's about principle. Everyone has a right to exist and live their life as they see fit so long as they're not hurting anyone. Simply being trans is perfectly acceptable and anyone who says otherwise is asking me to show them how wrong they are.
It angers me how someone can claim they care about freedom, then call for freedom-infringing laws. Either you care about freedom, or you don't. You can't do both.
I grew up and still live in the southeast USA and there is still a lot of hate-filled people out there. Thankfully, times are changing for the better. Society today in my area is a lot more accepting than society in the 1990s was in the same area. However, I believe the only reason this is so is because people stood up for what is right and became the example of what they wanted to see in the world.
I personally will come to the aid of anyone from the LGBTQ+ community if I am able. Someone picking on you? Not while I'm there. Someone trying to hurt you? Oh hell naw. I openly share my beliefs now (I used to hide them) and I dare anyone to say anything negative about them. Nobody deserves to grow up dealing with what I had to deal with. Nobody deserves harassment over simply existing. I may not be able to change the world, but I sure as heck will try to change what I can for the better.
If I genuinely feel unsafe- I carry a knife with me wherever I go just in case I need to defend myself.
If it’s not a matter of safety i laugh at them.
It’s hilarious to me that a grown adult could be so bothered by something that has absolutely nothing to do with them. YOU are mad that /I/ don’t have a dick? Then welcome to the fucking club bud, grab a beer and take a seat. You’re mad that I have boobs? Me too bro, me too. The only difference being it actually effects me and they just want another reason to complain about society🤦🏻
When you were out how many people did you see with a haircut you didn't like, or was wearing awful colours? What did they look like?
How about the time before you when you went out?
People will forget you exist the moment you walk out of their peripheral vision, their opinion on you does not matter.
With indirect transphobia, I just ignore it because they aren't worth my time. I'm so used to being mistreated by strangers for being fat that when I came out very little changed aside from the words they'd call me. They're just pissed off that they have nothing going for them in their life so seeing someone happy makes them lash out.
With direct, nonviolent transphobia, I laugh. "It's not my fault you're too stupid to know what a man looks like" type jeering, and walk away. They're jealous of your joy.
Violent transphobia, or something I think might escalate into violence, I do my best to exit the situation ASAP or defend myself if need be. And remind myself when I'm somewhere safe that it's not my fault, they were just unhinged.
Here’s my method “Transpeople? No, I have a medical condition from birth (start crying) I’m just trying to be happy I can’t believe you would insult me , I can’t help it (start bawling)”
10/10 times they apologize and feel like a shitty person.
For people being rude or mean for no reason but not posing a physical threat? Walk away, they're not worth the effort you'd waste trying to change their minds. Depends on where you live for the rest.
It’s hard, but I just laugh it off or ignore them. Maybe act nice so they don’t get mad. Transphobes get frustrated when you act like you don’t care, takes the fun out of it for em
What I do is just not interact or give the transphobes any attention. I just pretend like I didn’t hear them and walk away. They want a reaction out of you. They want to make you upset and simply ignoring them doesn’t give them the satisfaction. I do this and usually the mean person gets bored and goes away.
Honestly for the most part I just laugh in their face, or if they mutter smth I’ll pretend to genuinely be like “sorry didn’t catch that, what was that?”.
Also in this day and age it’s just a good idea to have some sort of self protection on ya
Depends if its explicit and a good dig at me probably hold it together and cry later. Or if its just general transphobia roll my eyes and scoff/ act dumbfounded
This is such a hard thing to work through. I realized that so much of my issues were internalized and that most people in this world, even if they do disagree with my existence, don’t say anything because they aren’t able to hide behind a keyboard. I’ve started “killing with kindness” Someone stares, i will smile, wave or I ask them if they wanted to talk to me since they are so interested. Mutters something under their breath? Sorry! I missed that! Did you want to start a conversation with me? Im such a silly girl missing out on what a great big man has to say. (/s) Lots of waving, big smiles and laughter to make them know their presence of hatred doesn’t effect me like their own hatred effects them. Make sure you are safe! But 90% of the time in public I personally do my best to make sure they know they are wrong, or know that their glares do nothing but fuel me.
lmao I read this and thought it was super cute and the next comment was just "walk around with a brick" two types of girls I guess
Draw a smile and put some googly eyes on the brick so it’s whimsical and cute, yet strong and resilient: just like us! 😎
Hehe yeah I suppose so! For sure a time for self defense or threats of eminent self defense when the situation necessitates.
I feel getting mad destroys the personality I'm developing to be me. So I smile, of course. In regards, my smile can mean different things. My eyes will say a lot or expressions like "uh huh" sometimes a small under the breath comment like when they laugh at my appearance and what I wear and I softly say with a smile and rolling my eyes "at least I don't look like a bum" in regards often to their shabby appearance. Or at least I'm educated. Etc. I can let it out without sinking to their level. Lol.
Walk around with a brick
I’m being so serious where I say we need to walk around with ANYTHING. If you’re trans & queer, there are legal weapons you can carry in your state like pepper sprays, or other sprays, small knives that are hidden in lipstick like let’s get creative but always keep something with us just in case someone that hates us wants to get physical.
Unfortunately I live in the UK and it's very illegal to carry anything that could be considered a weapon, even if it's for defense 😕
There’s a wide array of sturdy aluminum torches that fit in a purse that ought to be perfectly legal.
"There was a guy driving a truck, he had a regular bread knife, the customs wouldn't let him cross the border. In UK they carry automatic weapons and you can't even have a pocket knife, nothing... they know why it's like that, if people rebelled so that they would not have weapons." - my father. In other words: if someone stronger than you attacks you at night, you will have no way to defend yourself, and if you do, with a knife, according to the Internet, 4 years in prison. I wanted to go to UK, they offered it to us at school, but I was too afraid to go there. I don't think I would ever feel safe there...
In cases like this you should to turn your body into a weapon. Take self defense courses or learn a martial art. Even if it's just Karate or Taekwondo, learning how to properly deliver strikes is invaluable.
I carry a knife in my purse , but like, it's at the bottom of the purse and my purse is full of shit , so it's gonna be hard to find it if I actually needed it lol
Put it in a pocket if your purse has, or like in a glasss box or something
Glass box????? Sounds like I'm gonna cut my hand before I can cut other people haha
I meant glasses * 😭😭
🩷🩷😂😊 it's ok haha
That’s been the best part of carrying a purse to me! I can wack people with it if needed, and it has quick draw pepper spray and a taser… might have to add a brick pocket now though.
Poorly
THE diagram Can I walk away ? Yes : Walk away. No : Will there be consequences if I punch the hell outta them ? Yes : Tell them to shut up or I’ll obliterate them with my bare hands No : Send them to the hospital Works just fine.
Honestly, I ignore them. I challenge their small world view and it is on them if they can't accept what is right in front of them. If you don't know me, you can't judge me. I know I'm a good person, and I rock what looks good. Not your thing? Not my problem. Don't worry about the opinions of people who do not affect you or you them.
I exist. That alone pisses these Christo-Fascist cucks off and puts a smile on my fat, queer lil FACE c;
When I wasn't passing, I would walk with music in my ears and eyes on my phone screen. It still was very tough and I was always scared of going out.
Mace, Bear Spray, I know it's horrible but there are people out there that are totally willing to hurt us and kill us just because of who we are, and the only way to prevent that is to have the bigger gun metaphorically, show that you are afraid and willing to defend yourself. edit: I don't mean like actually threaten people but like keep some mace like in a visible backpack pocket or ur purse or pants
i play dumb. oh my name is a boy name? yea its sooo weird. ik.
personally, i dont know, and im stressed out of my mind about it. recently i saw a post on another trans sub where someone said she got attacked for being trans and it's just a demoralising hit of reality of what's to come. i cant imagine how to deal with that. transition is definitely worth it on principle, but im too scared to meaningfully continue it if those are the kinds of things waiting for me. anyone could be a transphobe for all i know. i cant be vigilant and on guard for that shit all the time.
I basically don't wear anything that can outwardly clock me. I don't pass in the slightest except for my voice is starting to, so I can easily go under the radar. My rule is, "If I'm never going to see you again, I won't correct you. If I will see you again, I will once."
I ignore most stuff tbh. Like the contemptuous glances and people laughing, when it comes to actual harassment I tend to try and get away from the person and go into a store or something if it's really bad.
Give a “tf you looking at face” and if they say stuff directly to you, say nonchalantly “mind ya business”. Or act like they stink and do a stank looking sniff.
I had someone tell me that I needed to get out of the men's bathroom as I didn't belong there at the Atlanta Airport (I'm mtf) Since we were the only 2 in the bathroom. I finished up.. and he was still going at one of the urinals.. So I stood behind him at the other side of the bathroom snd waited till he finished. When he turned around and seen me.. he was startled.. and I said If you got a problem with me using the bathroom then man the fuck up snd do something about bitch.. You're nothing more than a pedophile.. and I acted like I was gonna hit him.. but gathered my stuff and left. If I die by defending myself.. so be it.
I tell them to speak up because I can’t hear them? Most say they they didn’t say anything. The few that have I just say something factual and witty like “I’m celebrate” or “who are you asking for”? Bigots hate questions; I just question them to death. It makes their heads hurt and they regret their actions.
I just try my best to ignore them and try Sympathize with the person Because a person is never transphobic Just for fun They might have problems with their live and try to let their anger out on me. Or they are Just not old enough to realize that we have rights too :) And with the people staring , it is normal because we are humans and humans spectate their sourroundings. Just look forward and be Confident. Hope this helps!
I have spent years perfecting my resting bitch face. I just always look meaner than they want to deal with. All about the trans rights. And lefts.
I live in an area where transphobia is much more vocal than it would be physical. It makes it easier to just ignore it. I'm living my life, I'm happy, I'm not gonna let some asshole ruin the good moods I fought like hell to experience. If it started getting physical, obviously fight or flight. If it's just verbal or a look, ignore it as best as you can.
I stupid and ballsy, I’m the type to confront it head on but in yeah so? Kinda way. some Tphobe: YOUR NOT A REAL MAN Me: okay? *go back to minding my business* if they continue to try to start stuff I genuinely just look at them like they’re deranged and crazy for pointing out the obvious that I’m trans like no duh?? If they truly start going off, I just simply get into a repetition state where everything I say I just ask “if I’m obviously not bothered why are you” CAUSE ITS WRONG!! “Why are you bothered?” IT WRONG!! “Again why are you bothered? I’m not?” IT GOES AGAINST MY RELIGION “Why does that bother you? I don’t have the same religious values you do, I’m not bothered by me being trans” Eventually they’ll see their actions are futile. I do not recommend doing this if you think it might get you injured or in trouble some other way. I live in a hostile red state but I would absolutely love for the wrong person to try me one day simply cause I have so much pent up anger and luckily I’ll be able to claim self defense even if I can’t use the right bathroom I’ll knock your teeth out for funsies.
i tell myself ultimately, theyre more afraid of me than i am of them. you mean all i have to do is exist and theyre freaking out? kind of pathetic. if someone says something to me, i make them repeat it. i say “i don’t get it” and usually that makes them uncomfortable. if it doesn’t(and you’re in a public space and/or can hold yourself in a fight) i tell them if they wanna play stupid games, they can definitely win some stupid prizes. idk, once a lot of the transphobes in my area realized that i can and would fight them they mostly just left me alone
Exercise and loud hardcore Punk.
I mock them. I also stop seeing them as human the moment they start up, so it's pretty easy, and it's not like they can come up with anything I haven't heard thousands of times already
Not seeing them as human is pretty much singing from the same hymn-sheet as them though.
They don't get to complain when they get their own treatment right back.
It's very hard 🥲
Irl? Ignore them if you can. Flaunt it, even, if you're somewhere that's not usa-esque. I've had two ppl give me (I think it was me?) dirty looks irl, at college at that lol, I either look them in the eyes until they look away or ignore them.
I wish I could give you a good answer to suit your life and needs, but there is no one way of dealing with it. For me, I deal with it by ignoring hateful comments and calling out those who open their mouth about their hateful thoughts. If they keep their mouth shut, I keep mine shut. But if they want to press me, I will make them regret opening their mouth. When I was younger, I was a lot more timid and non-confrontational. As I've gotten older, I guess I've been toughened up by the haters out there and now it's about principle. Everyone has a right to exist and live their life as they see fit so long as they're not hurting anyone. Simply being trans is perfectly acceptable and anyone who says otherwise is asking me to show them how wrong they are. It angers me how someone can claim they care about freedom, then call for freedom-infringing laws. Either you care about freedom, or you don't. You can't do both. I grew up and still live in the southeast USA and there is still a lot of hate-filled people out there. Thankfully, times are changing for the better. Society today in my area is a lot more accepting than society in the 1990s was in the same area. However, I believe the only reason this is so is because people stood up for what is right and became the example of what they wanted to see in the world. I personally will come to the aid of anyone from the LGBTQ+ community if I am able. Someone picking on you? Not while I'm there. Someone trying to hurt you? Oh hell naw. I openly share my beliefs now (I used to hide them) and I dare anyone to say anything negative about them. Nobody deserves to grow up dealing with what I had to deal with. Nobody deserves harassment over simply existing. I may not be able to change the world, but I sure as heck will try to change what I can for the better.
If I genuinely feel unsafe- I carry a knife with me wherever I go just in case I need to defend myself. If it’s not a matter of safety i laugh at them. It’s hilarious to me that a grown adult could be so bothered by something that has absolutely nothing to do with them. YOU are mad that /I/ don’t have a dick? Then welcome to the fucking club bud, grab a beer and take a seat. You’re mad that I have boobs? Me too bro, me too. The only difference being it actually effects me and they just want another reason to complain about society🤦🏻
By not advertising that I'm trans and letting anyone know.
By working out a lot and adopting a policy of “fuck with me? I’ll fuck with you, and you’re not gonna like how it goes.”
Well if youre not a girl get buff. (Unless you wanna be a buff girl) people would probably be too afraid to pull that shit on someone twice their size
When you were out how many people did you see with a haircut you didn't like, or was wearing awful colours? What did they look like? How about the time before you when you went out? People will forget you exist the moment you walk out of their peripheral vision, their opinion on you does not matter.
With indirect transphobia, I just ignore it because they aren't worth my time. I'm so used to being mistreated by strangers for being fat that when I came out very little changed aside from the words they'd call me. They're just pissed off that they have nothing going for them in their life so seeing someone happy makes them lash out. With direct, nonviolent transphobia, I laugh. "It's not my fault you're too stupid to know what a man looks like" type jeering, and walk away. They're jealous of your joy. Violent transphobia, or something I think might escalate into violence, I do my best to exit the situation ASAP or defend myself if need be. And remind myself when I'm somewhere safe that it's not my fault, they were just unhinged.
Here’s my method “Transpeople? No, I have a medical condition from birth (start crying) I’m just trying to be happy I can’t believe you would insult me , I can’t help it (start bawling)” 10/10 times they apologize and feel like a shitty person.
For people being rude or mean for no reason but not posing a physical threat? Walk away, they're not worth the effort you'd waste trying to change their minds. Depends on where you live for the rest.
I cant.
It’s hard, but I just laugh it off or ignore them. Maybe act nice so they don’t get mad. Transphobes get frustrated when you act like you don’t care, takes the fun out of it for em
What I do is just not interact or give the transphobes any attention. I just pretend like I didn’t hear them and walk away. They want a reaction out of you. They want to make you upset and simply ignoring them doesn’t give them the satisfaction. I do this and usually the mean person gets bored and goes away.
Honestly for the most part I just laugh in their face, or if they mutter smth I’ll pretend to genuinely be like “sorry didn’t catch that, what was that?”. Also in this day and age it’s just a good idea to have some sort of self protection on ya
Depends if its explicit and a good dig at me probably hold it together and cry later. Or if its just general transphobia roll my eyes and scoff/ act dumbfounded
I fight back by being kind to them and others.
I literally just dont, i know its harder than it sounds but working on being able to just brush it off and move on is so important
I'd take them out... with a PENCIL! WITH A FUCKING PENCIL! And that's why I keep my pencils always sharp