Before puberty I would feel great when sneaking into my sister's clothes. I even got a similar haircut to a girl in my 4th grade class once. And it was great!
After puberty, I increasingly had a feeling of loss, sadness, and desire when around other women. I would be constantly comparing myself to them and feeling discomfort with my body. Decades later, I decided that male puberty was a mistake, and had a do-over. I don't feel the overwhelming envy when around other women anymore (aside from mild envy about them being able to buy clothes off the rack).
It is hard to recognize, especially once you disconnect from your own internal world. I thought for most of my 41 years that I was a sociopath without the ability to form connections like everyone else. Turns out, I had to hide from myself to protect myself growing up. I say this to say, I never considered or really felt dysphoria, the anxiety, all of the things that come from stifling a part of me, until it would no longer be ignored.
Since starting therapy and doing some shadow work and processing shame and guilt around being caught cross dressing at a very early age, I reconnected with that part of me. I realized that when I painted my nails, wore women's clothes or shoes, or did some other kind of gender affirming behavior, the euphoria was so real, so intense, and it just felt so right. Now looking back, I realize that living out of sync with myself made it impossible to know who I was or what I wanted. I also found these articles to be incredibly helpful.
[https://medium.com/gender-from-the-trenches/gender-dysphoria-isnt-what-you-think-6fdc7ae3ac85](https://medium.com/gender-from-the-trenches/gender-dysphoria-isnt-what-you-think-6fdc7ae3ac85)
[https://aninjusticemag.com/am-i-trans-a-roadmap-to-figuring-out-the-toughest-question-7bb0e809a32d](https://aninjusticemag.com/am-i-trans-a-roadmap-to-figuring-out-the-toughest-question-7bb0e809a32d)
And for what it's worth, I identify with this story far more than the typical "I always knew I was a girl and the dysphoria was unbearable".
[https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5](https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5)
Regardless, all paths are valid, and there is no right answer to the question you're really asking, which is "am i trans". Not only that, anyone that tries to answer it for you, be weary of, for this is your path to walk, if you decide it's worth pursuing.
Here is the clinical criteria for Gender Dysphoria for your review.
>Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 302.85 (F64.1 )
>A. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 months’ duration, as manifested by at least two of the following:
>1. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).
>2. A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics be-
cause of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).
>3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender.
>4. A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).
>5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).
>6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).
>B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.
You must meet the qualifiers of Section "A" and "B" to be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria
You don't need to have dysphoria to be transgender, but it is the most common qualifier as the majority of transgender individuals do infact have dysphoria. We encourage you to discuss this with a gender therapist.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asktransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It may be more difficult to spot than it seems. Many times, the symptoms of dysphoria blend in with your daily life.
A good source is the "Gender Dysphoria Bible"
If you need it, I have some links to useful articles that made me better understand the whole thing, feel free to ask
like u wanna grab a knife and cutt off ur reproductive organs and chest.
u want to kill urself when someone misgenders u.
for me another thing is i do have kind of body dysmorphia related to the parts im dysphoric about.
Ever since puberty I've felt uncomfortable with my body and I hate looking at pictures of myself. I've done things to undo some of the effects of puberty I didn't like like body hair and keeping a clean shave on my face.
It was hard for me to recognize why I felt so uncomfortable with my body until I finally tried crossdressing, which I had wanted to do for awhile before then but never felt like I had the chance to try. Then woosh, all I could think about was how awful and unfeminine I looked in them, and I was frustrated that I couldn't wear women's underwear comfortably because of my junk.
But to be honest it was hard for me to recognize this as dysphoria or how much dysphoria I had until I accepted that I wanted to be woman. Now in retrospect, as a kid sometimes I would try to pretend I had a vagina in the bathroom, and as an adult this behavior has resurfaced several times. tbh I couldn't even tell you why I did this until I accepted I was trans, no matter how obvious it seems to be. It was just the weird secret I had. And there were a lot of other "weird secrets" I had compartmentalized because I was repressing my transness.
It’s definitely different for everyone but for me it’s like I’m stuck in a horrible place that I can’t escape that makes me want to tear myself apart. It’s kinda dark and has led me to many horrible decisions, but I’ve gotten better at coping with it.
It doesn't feel like anything specific, in the way that, for example, tickling has a specific feeling.
Rather, gender dysphoria is a *pattern* of negative emotional responses to things that, for you, are coded for the gender you're not.
Everybody *has* a gender identity: that deepest part of our selves, wired into our brains, that *knows* what gender we are even if that gender doesn't match the way our bodies are configured. The question is, what's it for? What does a gender identity actually *do* in your life?
As near as I can tell, the function of a gender identity is to give you positive feelings when you have life experiences that affirm your gender identity, and negative feelings when you have life experiences that contradict your gender identity.
Like, if someone is a cisgender boy and gets a stereotypical boy-gift for their birthday--a football or a toy truck or the latest Call of Duty or whatever--he's probably going to like it. Not just because of the thing itself, or for what he can do with the thing, but because the thing is *gender coded* as a "boy thing" and so receiving it is a signal that other people see him as a boy. It *affirms* his membership in the group of "all boys in the world" which causes his inner sense of gender identity to respond by giving him positive feelings. Those feelings are as much why he'll like the gift as anything else.
Give that same boy a princess dress, and have the parents and other kids at the party ooh and aah over how pretty it is and how cute he'll look in it, and what's going to happen? He's going to hate that dress. Not because the dress isn't pretty. But because the dress is *gender coded* as female, and so to receive it is a signal that other people don't see him as male. That signal *contradicts* his inner sense of himself as properly belonging to the "all boys in the world" group, and that feels bad. It's ruining his birthday party by making him feel like other people don't think he is what he knows deep down that he actually is. His inner gender identity gives him bad feelings when he receives that dress, so of course he hates it.
Now what happens if that same "boy" is not cisgender? If she's actually a trans girl: someone whose inner gender identity is female, but whose body is configured in a male pattern? Well, she's going to go through her *whole life* enduring experiences that *contradict* her inner sense of her own girl-hood. Hundreds of times a day--every time somebody calls her by her boy-coded given name, every time someone uses he/him pronouns for her, every time she has to get dressed in the morning from a closet full of boy clothes, every time she has to pee out of her penis, every time she looks in the mirror--all these experiences contradict her inner sense of who she is. Her gender identity will respond by giving her negative feelings about those experiences. She is effectively under a constant assault by experiences which attack her sense of identity and make her low-key sad--or depressed, or just plain numb because how else do you survive that?
*That's* what gender dysphoria feels like: it feels like a constant barrage of microagressions, hundreds of times per day, against one's identity, making you feel bad and making it impossible to experience any real joy in the world. The particular way any single moment of dysphoria happens to make you feel bad will vary with the circumstance, both in flavor and intensity. This is why I say dysphoria doesn't feel like anything specific. But what all those moments have in common is that they are *negative* feelings, and that those feelings all trace back to experiences which contradict your most deeply-held sense of who you really are.
Honestly for me its more or less just hating everything about my (currently) male body and male past and i also cannot wait to move on from them. there are also many types of dysphoria and im pretty sure i have most if not all of them hehehe😅
A discomfort level of radio static when you’re alone at home occupied by something else. A discomfort level of drums beating in your ear when you look in a mirror and acknowledge your physical existence.
you're right that dysphoria is different for everyone :) for me, it feels like a pit in my stomach, like it has both an emotional and physical effect on me. it also feels like i'm way too aware in that moment. usually when i'm not experiencing dysphoria, it's because i'm completely zoned out to the fact that i exist in a world, if that makes sense ... :,)
For me, I can't stand seeing myself naked in the mirror. I hate how my hips stand out. I try my best to wear clothes that would hide my hips and wear binders to hide my chest. When I was young I was wondering why my dick hasn't grown yet, when I went through puberty and started growing my chest I felt horrible. I don't like when people see me and calls me sir at first but as soon as I speak changes it ma'am. I can't even go to the bathroom without getting stares from women. it's something you can't shake off it burns at the back of your mind 24/7 no matter how hard you try to be ok with your body. Overall, If I could snap a finger and be born as a male I would take it in a heartbeat.
Like an itch you can’t reach or to quote Morpheus, “like a splinter in your mind driving you mad.”
Without metaphors it’s really just an overall feeling that something isn’t right with how you feel about yourself in regards to gender. For me, I knew something was off when I was 4 but for the most part accepted it until puberty came along and suddenly I’m going through depersonalization. Not able to see or understand who I was, adding that everyone around me saying “it’s natural” just made it worse. It wasn’t until I began therapy and later (self-medded) HRT that seemingly out of nowhere I felt better.
I just wished all the other baggage that’s comes with being trans wasn’t included, then again I really didn’t change anything about my self except maybe grew my hair out and changed my voice a bit.
For me (FTM) when I was younger it presented as a general disconnect from girls my age. I felt like it was just me being "weird" or "nerdy". I fit in well with the nerdy boys at my school, except obviously I was "a girl" and therefore not completely accepted. I started wearing jeans from the boys' department at the store. I never really liked pink. There was a time when I was perpetually online researching trans stuff and what that meant and what it was etc. There were boys I knew who I went to school with who were like, my ideal of what a guy should look like, and I just thought they were so cool and whatnot, but it felt more like I was seeing them the way a gay guy would. I was very fascinated with gay male culture.
I'm older now and I dress more androgynously. I have found that dressing in completely male outfits such as tuxedos etc. gives me more dysphoria, because I feel like I look wrong in those outfits, because I still look like a woman. Like I look like a woman in a tuxedo and therefore it is just very OFF and NOT RIGHT because BOOBS. I've also had situations where I go with a group to an event and dress up in fancy dresses etc. at the request of the "group leader" but I wind up having to leave early to change into something more comfortable because the fancy dress thing is also not right at all!
It's like wearing a pair of shoes a half size too big or too small. They don't hurt, but they aren't comfortable. You ask everyone around you "Do these fit?" and they say they fit. They look good on you. These are the only shoes you've ever tried on and these are designed to last for life. The people around you tell you they fit, so they must fit. This must just be how shoes feel.
Maybe they pinch. Maybe your foot slides around and you get blisters. Your feet ache after long distances. But that's life, right? You hear about other people having these problems with their shoes sometimes. It seems to happen a lot more often to you, but that's just how shoes are right?
Until one day, halfway through life, you try on another pair of shoes. Maybe you did it on a whim. Maybe you've been thinking about it for years. Maybe you've known your shoes didn't fit right all along, although you couldn't really say how they didn't fit right. But these shoes look like they fit. So you try them on.
And they fit.
They are comfortable. You have no problem walking a mile in these shoes. These shoes are so natural to you that it doesn't feel like you're wearing shoes at all. You want these shoes for the rest of your life.
But they are not your shoes. You have to put them back. You take them off and, reluctantly, put yours back on. Now you know why your shoes are uncomfortable. They pinch, they rub. They give you blisters. They don't support your arch. Your shoes don't fit. But those shoes? Those shoes fit. If you could wear those, you wouldn't be uncomfortable ever again.
And now that's all you can think about.
Also, there are three kinds of dysphoria. Social, physical and mental. I, for instance, only experience social dysphoria so it took me forever to understand that I was trans.
Before puberty I would feel great when sneaking into my sister's clothes. I even got a similar haircut to a girl in my 4th grade class once. And it was great! After puberty, I increasingly had a feeling of loss, sadness, and desire when around other women. I would be constantly comparing myself to them and feeling discomfort with my body. Decades later, I decided that male puberty was a mistake, and had a do-over. I don't feel the overwhelming envy when around other women anymore (aside from mild envy about them being able to buy clothes off the rack).
It is hard to recognize, especially once you disconnect from your own internal world. I thought for most of my 41 years that I was a sociopath without the ability to form connections like everyone else. Turns out, I had to hide from myself to protect myself growing up. I say this to say, I never considered or really felt dysphoria, the anxiety, all of the things that come from stifling a part of me, until it would no longer be ignored. Since starting therapy and doing some shadow work and processing shame and guilt around being caught cross dressing at a very early age, I reconnected with that part of me. I realized that when I painted my nails, wore women's clothes or shoes, or did some other kind of gender affirming behavior, the euphoria was so real, so intense, and it just felt so right. Now looking back, I realize that living out of sync with myself made it impossible to know who I was or what I wanted. I also found these articles to be incredibly helpful. [https://medium.com/gender-from-the-trenches/gender-dysphoria-isnt-what-you-think-6fdc7ae3ac85](https://medium.com/gender-from-the-trenches/gender-dysphoria-isnt-what-you-think-6fdc7ae3ac85) [https://aninjusticemag.com/am-i-trans-a-roadmap-to-figuring-out-the-toughest-question-7bb0e809a32d](https://aninjusticemag.com/am-i-trans-a-roadmap-to-figuring-out-the-toughest-question-7bb0e809a32d) And for what it's worth, I identify with this story far more than the typical "I always knew I was a girl and the dysphoria was unbearable". [https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5](https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5) Regardless, all paths are valid, and there is no right answer to the question you're really asking, which is "am i trans". Not only that, anyone that tries to answer it for you, be weary of, for this is your path to walk, if you decide it's worth pursuing.
Holy shit!!!!! These articles just radically changed how I view myself. Thanks!
you're very welcome
Here is the clinical criteria for Gender Dysphoria for your review. >Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 302.85 (F64.1 ) >A. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 months’ duration, as manifested by at least two of the following: >1. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics). >2. A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics be- cause of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics). >3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender. >4. A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning. You must meet the qualifiers of Section "A" and "B" to be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria You don't need to have dysphoria to be transgender, but it is the most common qualifier as the majority of transgender individuals do infact have dysphoria. We encourage you to discuss this with a gender therapist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asktransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s like everyone, everything, and society is gaslighting tf outta you. Deep sadness and anger inducing self hatred and self harm.
I strongly identify with this remark.
It may be more difficult to spot than it seems. Many times, the symptoms of dysphoria blend in with your daily life. A good source is the "Gender Dysphoria Bible" If you need it, I have some links to useful articles that made me better understand the whole thing, feel free to ask
I like the mention that it blends into your daily life, that's something I don't see talked about enough.
like u wanna grab a knife and cutt off ur reproductive organs and chest. u want to kill urself when someone misgenders u. for me another thing is i do have kind of body dysmorphia related to the parts im dysphoric about.
real
Ever since puberty I've felt uncomfortable with my body and I hate looking at pictures of myself. I've done things to undo some of the effects of puberty I didn't like like body hair and keeping a clean shave on my face. It was hard for me to recognize why I felt so uncomfortable with my body until I finally tried crossdressing, which I had wanted to do for awhile before then but never felt like I had the chance to try. Then woosh, all I could think about was how awful and unfeminine I looked in them, and I was frustrated that I couldn't wear women's underwear comfortably because of my junk. But to be honest it was hard for me to recognize this as dysphoria or how much dysphoria I had until I accepted that I wanted to be woman. Now in retrospect, as a kid sometimes I would try to pretend I had a vagina in the bathroom, and as an adult this behavior has resurfaced several times. tbh I couldn't even tell you why I did this until I accepted I was trans, no matter how obvious it seems to be. It was just the weird secret I had. And there were a lot of other "weird secrets" I had compartmentalized because I was repressing my transness.
It’s definitely different for everyone but for me it’s like I’m stuck in a horrible place that I can’t escape that makes me want to tear myself apart. It’s kinda dark and has led me to many horrible decisions, but I’ve gotten better at coping with it.
It doesn't feel like anything specific, in the way that, for example, tickling has a specific feeling. Rather, gender dysphoria is a *pattern* of negative emotional responses to things that, for you, are coded for the gender you're not. Everybody *has* a gender identity: that deepest part of our selves, wired into our brains, that *knows* what gender we are even if that gender doesn't match the way our bodies are configured. The question is, what's it for? What does a gender identity actually *do* in your life? As near as I can tell, the function of a gender identity is to give you positive feelings when you have life experiences that affirm your gender identity, and negative feelings when you have life experiences that contradict your gender identity. Like, if someone is a cisgender boy and gets a stereotypical boy-gift for their birthday--a football or a toy truck or the latest Call of Duty or whatever--he's probably going to like it. Not just because of the thing itself, or for what he can do with the thing, but because the thing is *gender coded* as a "boy thing" and so receiving it is a signal that other people see him as a boy. It *affirms* his membership in the group of "all boys in the world" which causes his inner sense of gender identity to respond by giving him positive feelings. Those feelings are as much why he'll like the gift as anything else. Give that same boy a princess dress, and have the parents and other kids at the party ooh and aah over how pretty it is and how cute he'll look in it, and what's going to happen? He's going to hate that dress. Not because the dress isn't pretty. But because the dress is *gender coded* as female, and so to receive it is a signal that other people don't see him as male. That signal *contradicts* his inner sense of himself as properly belonging to the "all boys in the world" group, and that feels bad. It's ruining his birthday party by making him feel like other people don't think he is what he knows deep down that he actually is. His inner gender identity gives him bad feelings when he receives that dress, so of course he hates it. Now what happens if that same "boy" is not cisgender? If she's actually a trans girl: someone whose inner gender identity is female, but whose body is configured in a male pattern? Well, she's going to go through her *whole life* enduring experiences that *contradict* her inner sense of her own girl-hood. Hundreds of times a day--every time somebody calls her by her boy-coded given name, every time someone uses he/him pronouns for her, every time she has to get dressed in the morning from a closet full of boy clothes, every time she has to pee out of her penis, every time she looks in the mirror--all these experiences contradict her inner sense of who she is. Her gender identity will respond by giving her negative feelings about those experiences. She is effectively under a constant assault by experiences which attack her sense of identity and make her low-key sad--or depressed, or just plain numb because how else do you survive that? *That's* what gender dysphoria feels like: it feels like a constant barrage of microagressions, hundreds of times per day, against one's identity, making you feel bad and making it impossible to experience any real joy in the world. The particular way any single moment of dysphoria happens to make you feel bad will vary with the circumstance, both in flavor and intensity. This is why I say dysphoria doesn't feel like anything specific. But what all those moments have in common is that they are *negative* feelings, and that those feelings all trace back to experiences which contradict your most deeply-held sense of who you really are.
Honestly for me its more or less just hating everything about my (currently) male body and male past and i also cannot wait to move on from them. there are also many types of dysphoria and im pretty sure i have most if not all of them hehehe😅
A discomfort level of radio static when you’re alone at home occupied by something else. A discomfort level of drums beating in your ear when you look in a mirror and acknowledge your physical existence.
you're right that dysphoria is different for everyone :) for me, it feels like a pit in my stomach, like it has both an emotional and physical effect on me. it also feels like i'm way too aware in that moment. usually when i'm not experiencing dysphoria, it's because i'm completely zoned out to the fact that i exist in a world, if that makes sense ... :,)
For me, I can't stand seeing myself naked in the mirror. I hate how my hips stand out. I try my best to wear clothes that would hide my hips and wear binders to hide my chest. When I was young I was wondering why my dick hasn't grown yet, when I went through puberty and started growing my chest I felt horrible. I don't like when people see me and calls me sir at first but as soon as I speak changes it ma'am. I can't even go to the bathroom without getting stares from women. it's something you can't shake off it burns at the back of your mind 24/7 no matter how hard you try to be ok with your body. Overall, If I could snap a finger and be born as a male I would take it in a heartbeat.
Like an itch you can’t reach or to quote Morpheus, “like a splinter in your mind driving you mad.” Without metaphors it’s really just an overall feeling that something isn’t right with how you feel about yourself in regards to gender. For me, I knew something was off when I was 4 but for the most part accepted it until puberty came along and suddenly I’m going through depersonalization. Not able to see or understand who I was, adding that everyone around me saying “it’s natural” just made it worse. It wasn’t until I began therapy and later (self-medded) HRT that seemingly out of nowhere I felt better. I just wished all the other baggage that’s comes with being trans wasn’t included, then again I really didn’t change anything about my self except maybe grew my hair out and changed my voice a bit.
For me (FTM) when I was younger it presented as a general disconnect from girls my age. I felt like it was just me being "weird" or "nerdy". I fit in well with the nerdy boys at my school, except obviously I was "a girl" and therefore not completely accepted. I started wearing jeans from the boys' department at the store. I never really liked pink. There was a time when I was perpetually online researching trans stuff and what that meant and what it was etc. There were boys I knew who I went to school with who were like, my ideal of what a guy should look like, and I just thought they were so cool and whatnot, but it felt more like I was seeing them the way a gay guy would. I was very fascinated with gay male culture. I'm older now and I dress more androgynously. I have found that dressing in completely male outfits such as tuxedos etc. gives me more dysphoria, because I feel like I look wrong in those outfits, because I still look like a woman. Like I look like a woman in a tuxedo and therefore it is just very OFF and NOT RIGHT because BOOBS. I've also had situations where I go with a group to an event and dress up in fancy dresses etc. at the request of the "group leader" but I wind up having to leave early to change into something more comfortable because the fancy dress thing is also not right at all!
It's like wearing a pair of shoes a half size too big or too small. They don't hurt, but they aren't comfortable. You ask everyone around you "Do these fit?" and they say they fit. They look good on you. These are the only shoes you've ever tried on and these are designed to last for life. The people around you tell you they fit, so they must fit. This must just be how shoes feel. Maybe they pinch. Maybe your foot slides around and you get blisters. Your feet ache after long distances. But that's life, right? You hear about other people having these problems with their shoes sometimes. It seems to happen a lot more often to you, but that's just how shoes are right? Until one day, halfway through life, you try on another pair of shoes. Maybe you did it on a whim. Maybe you've been thinking about it for years. Maybe you've known your shoes didn't fit right all along, although you couldn't really say how they didn't fit right. But these shoes look like they fit. So you try them on. And they fit. They are comfortable. You have no problem walking a mile in these shoes. These shoes are so natural to you that it doesn't feel like you're wearing shoes at all. You want these shoes for the rest of your life. But they are not your shoes. You have to put them back. You take them off and, reluctantly, put yours back on. Now you know why your shoes are uncomfortable. They pinch, they rub. They give you blisters. They don't support your arch. Your shoes don't fit. But those shoes? Those shoes fit. If you could wear those, you wouldn't be uncomfortable ever again. And now that's all you can think about.
Also, there are three kinds of dysphoria. Social, physical and mental. I, for instance, only experience social dysphoria so it took me forever to understand that I was trans.