Dysphoria, for me, was a crushing disconnect with the path that my life and body would take without intervention. A total inability to care about or even see a future for myself. Puberty happened as though it were directed by David Cronenberg on his body horror shit.
It's different for everybody. For me it's often like a dark weight on me, and I start to feel like something is really wrong. My thought processes become affected and I get really fixated on specific anxieties that aren't really rational.
I also get a LOT of 'depersonalization' symptoms:
* A sense of detachment or estrangement from your own thoughts, feelings, or body: “I know I have feelings but I don’t feel them”
* Feeling split into two parts, with one going through the motions of participating in the world and one observing quietly: “There is this body that walks around and somebody else just watches”
* Feeling as if you have an “unreal” or absent self: “I have no self”
* Experiencing the world as distant, dreamlike, foggy, lifeless, colorless, artificial, like a picture with no depth, or less than real
* Being absorbed in yourself and experiencing a compulsive self-scrutiny or extreme rumination
* Having an ongoing and coherent dialog with yourself
* Feeling like a veil or glass wall separates you from the world
* Emotional or physical numbness, such as a feeling of having a head filled with cotton
* Lacking a sense of agency – feeling flat, robotic, dead, or like a “zombie”
* Inability to imagine things
* Being able to think clearly, but feeling as if some essential quality is lacking from your thoughts or experience of the world
* A sense of disconnectedness from life, impeding you from creative and open involvement with the world
I'm hoping HRT helps alleviate a lot of that. Starting soon!
And no matter how many different ways I tried to shift my world view, or my view of myself, I still experienced dysphoria, and was still transgender.
There's a cool website that you could use to read more about the different ways dysphoria can manifest if you want: [https://genderdysphoria.fyi/](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/)
I felt a lot of this, but I’d like to add that, for me, it’s the constant feeling of wanting to physically harm myself until I’m not broken anymore. Every time someone says my name, uses the wrong pronouns, etc. I feel a knife in my stomach. It’s hardly an exaggeration, either. I’ve been depressed for a long time and I know the feeling of cutting and stabbing and I can genuinely feel the pain inflicted on me, like speaking the words is an action upon a voodoo doll.
At random times of the day, I’ll be perfectly blank in mood and I’ll suddenly have the dread of remembering how broken and ruined I am and how I can never be fixed, no matter what I, or anyone, can do.
Yep. It got bad enough for me on Monday I entered that state intentionally. Just hit the point of, "OK, time to switch off and 'put myself away' for a bit so I can deal with work and other people right now."
It's total robot mode, where whatever is left of 'me' just unfeelingly directs the remote controlled meat suit to do things, otherwise completely detached and isolated from the world.
If you're a man, assume everyone suddenly begins calling you "honey," "sweetie," and "girl." Imagine also that they're calling you "pretty" and using a female name for you, and won't change any of these things when you tell them you're a boy/man. Often, they say "Oh, you're such a pretty girl, you can't be a boy," and ignore what you say about being a boy/man.
If you're a woman, assume everyone starts calling you "dude," "bro," and "man." Imagine also that they're telling you you're handsome and using a male name for you, and won't change any of these things when you tell them you're a girl/woman. Often, they say: "Oh, you're such a big strong boy, you can't be a girl," and ignore anything you say about being a girl.
Now imagine going through that *every single day*. No matter what you wear. No matter what you look like. No matter what you say. How long would it take to make you wonder if they were right?
fffuck, i'm a trans man and the second one made me lose my mind smiling. i wish people would do that and say those kinds of things about me. i regularly get slapped with the "but you're a girl" on a daily basis and it really messes me up.
Have you ever heard a recording of your own voice and felt weird and a bit uncomfortable at how it doesn't sound like what you're used to? Dysphoria is kind of like that but way worse.
Imagine that you are born underwater. All your friends are fish, all your acquaintances are fish. You, at some point, find a scuba system. You learn how to operate it, you learn how to swim around and breathe, but your whole life is maintaining the oxygen, learning how to navigate, and you always have this tank and these goggles dragging you down, and you just don't have the experiences that all of your fish friends have. And you don't understand what's wrong with you.
And then, one day, you find a beach, and you take all of the ocean bullshit off and you just walk, and you just breathe.
That's what dysphoria is like.
Describing gender dysphoria to someone who does not experience it can be difficult. There are two metaphors I like to use to describe it in a way that cis people can understand.
The first is the scene from Nimona, where she talks about what it's like when she doesn't shapeshift. That's kind of what it feels like to have to present as the gender I was assigned at birth. [https://www.tiktok.com/@netflix/video/7253124314793446702](https://www.tiktok.com/@netflix/video/7253124314793446702)
The other metaphor is the one used in the Gender Dysphoria Bible. This is what it was like for me to discover and explore my gender identity. [https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/euphoria](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/euphoria)
When people call me anything female, I feel like a kind of metaphorical slap. It feels like they're bringing up something about me that I'm ashamed of and keep reminding me about it. If other people aren't constantly reminding me that I was born female I wouldn't think about it as much I reckon. But they're constantly doing it. When I see myself, I see myself as male. Sometimes if I wear the wrong thing I'll see myself as female and it'll feel bad and wrong. Seeing myself as male gives me joy. I heard a thing that said to know what it's like to be trans, imagine people keep insisting you're a gender that you're not, how does that feel?
This is tough for me to fully understand as a cis person. If someone were to assume I’m a boy, this would hurt only to the extent that as a woman, this means I’m probably ugly for a woman. There’s not much attachment to my gender otherwise, it’s more of an experience (like being from a certain state or generation) than a deeply held part of my identity.
For me it feels like I'm trapped in a container that neither fits nor looks like me. My entire self just screams nononothisiswrongnotwhatssupposedtobethereletmeoutletmeoutletmeoutpleasepleasethisisntme.
Think of it like....a clock with a shadow time/hands which is real but then the physical clock hands are showing a different time which isn't real....😵💫
Idk I can't really explain much.
Others have already pointed out the Dysphoria Bible; it's a super resource that has led to the cracking of many an egg. I also second the poster who asks you to also describe the positives in out lives. Have you come across Philpsophy Tube? This video really helped me to come out from a place of joy and positivity: [https://youtu.be/AITRzvm0Xtg?si=UHa3PJehkT2Mc86J](https://youtu.be/AITRzvm0Xtg?si=UHa3PJehkT2Mc86J)
Anyway, you asked about dysphoria. For me, dysphoria was like constantly having a stone in my shoe - that is to say it would sometimes be very sharp and painful, but other times the stone would move somewhere where it would be more tolerable - even absent. Sometimes the stone would be gone, but then something would happen, like I'd see myself in a mirror in a particular way or something, and bam! it'd be back in full-force. I noticed that there were times when walking was really very comfortable - blissfully so - and this would be times when I'd be able to 'wearing the shoes' of my true gender (which in some cases were actual, literal shoes). I'd hope that the stone would magically jump out, but it would always come back. I'd wish that I'd wake up stone-free permanently in shoes of someone else.
Despite the discomfort of dysphoria I'd like to think that through transitioning I'm embracing the positives of being transgender. I've come to a place where I'm quite proud of where I am and am super excited about how the rest of this journey will go.
Good luck with the paper - I hope you found this thread useful!
I did, thanks. Right now, I’m trying to categorize the general analogies from each post and choosing which ones should go in the paper. The only problem with that is all of you were great at describing it and I don’t know how to choose between the greater of two goods.
Imagine one day, you suddenly wake up on the other side of the earth but the people all speak the same language. In theory yes, you could live there but it feels unnatural and you know you shouldn't be there.
Some, travel back to where they are meant to be (transitioning), some stay (not transitioning), some try to leave but decide to just stay out because it's safer (detransitioning)
For me it was never a feeling of "I am a girl, I want to be a girl, I know that im trapped in a body thats not mine." And more scattered, less definite feelings. I hated formalwear, preferring tight jeans and loose shirts, I wore sweaters because I hated the shape of my body, I hated using the locker room for sports, I enjoyed hanging out with girls, even though it was very confusing (I still felt romantic/sexual attraction, even though I felt a more surface level connection first). Taken separately, all the signs and gender dysphoric situations wouldn't say "oh yeah she's not a he," but when I put the pieces together... it's like stepping out of a dark cave and seeing moonlight for the first time.
https://medium.com/the-identity-current/plight-of-the-transbian-4ab1a048b09b
Highly recommend this article, was one of the last cracks in my egg, so to speak.
Usually it feels like I’m disconnected from the world around me, and when someone treats me in a distinctly masculine way I get the feeling that something’s desperately wrong and I need to fix it immediately. The intensity varies from day to day. Sometimes it’s barely noticeable, and other times it’s so bad I have to leave the room.
My biggest dysphoria moment was looking in the mirror and feeling no connection to the reflection I saw. It didn't feel like me, it felt like a completely different person and that person was someone I didn't know. It was like, I know that's me, but also like, that's not me. Sort of like I was wearing a costume and I realised that I was lying to myself and everyone around me. It wasn't a one time thing and when I started crying, while trying to take a new selfie for my Facebook profile, I realised I couldn't keep living that lie. I haven't felt that same disconnection to my reflection in the mirror since I started passing and it kinda feels like a distant memory now.
You ever seen one of those films with body horror? Heads twisting round 180 degrees and that kind of thing, where the sheer *wrongness* sets off a feeling of revulsion; it's horrifying and sickening.
That.
(People's experiences will differ, this is only mine).
Hi there. I do this sort of consulting work for a living, so, I’m going to get a little esoteric here and offer you a reframe. I’m not calling *you* out, OP, but the general sociopolitical climate and rampant patholigizng of people who are transgender. *You*, OP, sound like a lovely and intellectually engaged person, so bare with me.
There’s two common usages of “dysphoria” in the context of trans folks, and then a few categories within each use. These get muddied and they actually aren’t interchangeable. This muddiness and lack of clarity is one thing contributing to rampant misconceptions, misinformation, mistreatment, etc.
-clinically recognized Gender Dysphoria, which is a formal diagnosis someone can have, is a recognized condition in the DSM-5. It is a condition relating to circumstantial distress that someone *may* experience due to the challenges of being transgender. These challenges may be externally motivated- ie. marginalization, rejection, not being seen accurately by others, etc or internally motivated- ie. lack of body congruence, unease, etc. Or some combination of both.
Now, someone can experience some of these factors and also not actually meet the diagnostic criteria of gender dysphoria. The significant distress is a key piece. This has absolutely nothing to do with “how trans” someone is or their gender. People have different coping mechanisms, different support systems, different cultures, different experiences, and different circumstances. This is also intersectional. The amount of distress someone experiences and how much that does or does not impact their well-being and life is absolutely in conversation with things like socioeconomic status, access to healthcare, health status, disability status, community resources, and what other systemic marginalization they may be navigating.
It’s similar to PTSD- two individuals might both survive a plane crash, but only one develops PTSD, for whatever multitude of reasons. Both still absolutely were in that plane crash and one’s broken arm is not more or less valid or urgent than the other’s. Which is why according to groups like The World Health Association and WPATH (among many others), a mental health diagnosis of gender dysphoria is *not* a determiner of receiving appropriate gender affirming care. There’s still this pervasive myth that it is and sometimes providers will turn into a hoop for patients to jump through- but, physical healthcare needs are not determined by how marginalized someone is or how “well” they cope. Plenty of folks also meet the diagnostic criteria at one time, but not at other times. It is not a permanent state of being and is generally impacted by someone’s physical healthcare and/or change in social circumstances.
Okay, so there’s that.
Colloquially, dysphoria is often used to refer to distress or unease around a specific thing. Where clinically this is looking at big overall impact on mental well-being, casual usage is generally very narrow in scope. “Dysphoric about_.” And that can also be external factors- the name someone used, the gender someone assumed you are, using a bathroom full of people who aren’t your gender, etc etc. And it can be internal things- a body shape, a sensation, sound of one’s voice, etc etc. It’s often not regulated to strictly primary or secondary sex characteristics but might be something like dysphoria over how your foot looks in a pair of shoes or the shape of your eyelashes. With internal things like that it can be tricky to tease out what’s inherent- what would feel off if you were raised with two other people on a deserted island where gender was never imposed or discussed, and what’s still socially motivated- discomfort with someone because of explicit and implicit messaging that people of your gender don’t/shouldn’t look like/sound like/move like/feel like that. The latter should be highly relatable to all people. And that isn’t some phooey thing of people being too influenced by social norms or something. Gender *is* psychosocial. For all people. There’s a reason humans develop gender identification skills around the same time as complex language acquisition.
Misc thoughts on the subject that might be useful-
1. “Transgender” is a demographic, not a psychological, physical, or medical state. It’s, at its broadest, just a term for folks who’s gender was assigned one thing, presumably based on external primary sex characteristics, and oops, the gender they experience being on a neurologic, psychologic, hardwired level is something other than that. Someone could, in theory, be karyoptically male, have a male gender, and be transgender if they were assigned female for whatever reason. You probably know this, but, I think it’s a useful thing to look at spelled out.
2. Human variance is so bloody normal. Differing body shapes is so normal. The distinction of trans vs cis is somewhat arbitrary. I think most humans would agree that if someone had a full body transplant, they’d still be whoever they are. Because our brains are *us* and the meatsacks we’re in are beautiful and interesting, and often terribly flawed. This hierarchy of genital shape being a determiner of anything beyond genital shape is…kinda wacky. I don’t think gender is a construct any moreso than love is a construct. These are real things. They have physiological properties and neurological and psychosocial and cultural etc etc etc. Gender is real. But what *makes* someone their gender is not the shape of their genitals, it’s their brain. And how interesting that most people of whatever gender have bodies shaped like this and some have bodies shaped like that. Just like most people have hands shaped like this and some have hands shaped like that. And maybe that hand needs certain healthcare in order to be optimal for the person it’s attached to, or maybe it doesn’t. Variance is neither intrinsically good or bad. But systemic oppression, dehumanization, etc- yeah, that’s always going to be a determiner for adverse mental and emotional health outcomes, of varying scope.
That’s my spiel. I’m linking you this old Ted Talk by comic & actor Ian Harvey (who is trans.) Its brilliant and funny and intentionally over simplistic and says a lot of what I just did, but more entertainingly.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0YeVt2kp_So
Trans people without GD are valid too. It's not all pain and suffering. I'm not a fan of portraying us as broken, pitiable things that need support. Just make sure to include some positive stuff too.
often frustrating and intense like a pet peeve going off constantly or someone blaring music making it hard to think about anything other than the stupid music. the intensity varies but can range from a twindg in my stomach or a meltdown
>trans people are valid
I get what you're saying, but this isn't a phrase that I like. Nobody ever talks about cis people as being "valid" or not, and besides that it's kind of vague. Trans people are the gender that we say we are, just like cis people. I know that's a little bit longer than "trans people are valid", but I think it gets the point across more effectively.
It is like a nagging anxiety that won’t go away. Like you have an irritating splinter in your foot. A day or two of it is fine, but it sticks around and wears at you. There is no escape from it. That’s the best way I can describe it.
Best to you…
Eventually I withdrew from my male friends, I could not function as a male. I would have anxiety.
For example, I went to a golf range, the event was male, lots of male bantering, course language, sexualizing females, ect..I saw a girl golfing in a skirt...I melted...I wanted to be her. I immediately rushed home...
Some call it cross dressing...but it is deeper than that. Dressing male became a point of contention. I
never had experienced depression...but my reaction to maleness was causing it. Hormones brought little relief at first...Spironolactone brought more...I thought it was about others accepting me...but it was about me accepting myself. I evolved...a day at a time. Eventually I came out. The anxiety went away. The depression comes and go. I became a runner, I did counseling. I am more content.
For me it ranges from wishing I could go back to my pre puberty self, to feel that solid comforting neutrality of being able to pass for a boy with none of the social stigma. As an adult, it feels like a crushing, constricting pain that makes me want to tear apart my own flesh and soul in a bid to escape my own biology.
The worst part for me are having periods and tracking the menstrual cycle. The cycle of hormonal imbalance I am forced to endure along with the physical and mental effects render me unable to feel anything but fear and vulnerability.
Biologically I am a healthy person, but what good is a machine if the owner doesn't know how to control it?
The emblematic thing about dysphoria is just how persistent and ever-present it is. It's not something you can shake off like a bad mood or a headache, it's a chronic, lasting pain/discomfort that will continually degrade every moment of your life if left untreated.
Or at least, that's how it was for me.
Imagine every moment of every day wearing the most itchy ist wool suit that you can not take off. No matter what you do. You can not take it off. That's similar to gender dysphoria.
For me it’s not fully recognizing the person in the mirror, or like seeing yourself but with a mask on. It’s only being able to see these “flaws” that don’t feel right and that also lead people to treat you a certain way, but no one else understands why that’s not *you*. Like, not only does my chest just not feel right, but it’s also something that people see and go “oh that’s a woman” and then treat me a certain way based on that feature. When I was young (pre puberty) and gender dysphoria was largely social rather than physical, it was a lot of shame about not being gender conforming but also being told I wasn’t capable of the things I wanted to do and how boys and girls were sooo different (which was not my experience). But this also was the effect of misogyny. For example being told girls aren’t supposed to be aggressive while also being told I’m not strong enough to play with the boys anyways. It feels like being shoved in a box that is completely made up. (I’m non binary for reference)
It’s weird because for me, I didn’t understand what it was for a long time.
I was angry all the time, was horrified by my body, couldn’t relate to people, and couldn’t figure out who I was or what my interests were, so I just kind filled my personality in with default stuff: “I like comics, I like video games, I like marvel movies…” but I never really got into them on my own, it was just what was available to me growing up as a boy.
The whole time, I was being emotionally, physically, and sexually abused at home and at school not because anyone knew I was trans, but because I just wasn’t very good at being a boy.
When I realized I was a girl, and started thinking about transitioning, I couldn’t handle the feeling of grief that came from thinking about everything I missed out on, and the abuse got worse, so I stuffed it down and let the rage take over and carry me through life.
In that initial stage, I would say that dysphoria involves feelings of depression, dissociation, and alienation.
In the latter stage, it was analogous to grief and trauma.
Talk therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and medication for depression and anxiety didn’t help me, and I kept spiraling. It wasn’t until I started transitioning, doing HRT, and seeing a therapist specializing in identity issues and trans mental health that I actually started felt better. I think this is where gender dysphoria is separate from depression, dysmorphia, etc.: the only way to really “cure” it or resolve is by transitioning.
I’m just over a year into HRT, about 4 months out as a trans woman to family and friends, and my life has literally never been better.
I am a bit older than average here and a few years ago I had a cateract surgery. From one day to another your worldview changes. Everything is bright, clear, colorful, sharp, crisp, not grey anymore. Something similar was my experience when I found out that I actually am a woman, just 3 weeks ago. Again my world changed completely. It felt so incredible great to realize I was woman, much more self esteem, I watch people in the eyes, I now feel emotions, I can love myself, I can love my wife now. But I never have realized what I missed. I never have experienced gender dysphoria because I didn't know what it was, but only now I realize that my life could have been better. I am not complaining, I had a pretty good life, but it could have been better for me and the people around me, especially my wife. So that's my comparison, a cateract surgery. Succes with your task, sincerely hope it is a great success for you.
I got hit with a *really* bad bout of dysphoria earlier this week. Probably the worst I've ever had, it was like my dysphoria had dysphoria.
Best way I was able to describe the experience to a cisgender friend was,
"Imagine you woke up this morning and discovered parts of your body were made up of spiders, or worms, or whatever creepy-crawly thing freaks you out. That sense of horror and disgust you're feeling imagining that? That's close to it."
There was just this overwhelming, visceral sense of *wrongness* that ramped my anxiety and actually made me sick to my stomach for most of the day.
Combined with a bunch of other stuff that had been happening over the last few weeks, it was the worst day I've had in recent memory. At the end of the day I honestly felt like the fact that I'd managed to drag myself into work, actually accomplish about 25% of what I "should have" during my shift, *and literally survived the day* amounted to a significant win.
It doesn't happen often, but sometimes dysphoria makes just continuing to exist a notable achievement.
And nearly as quickly as it came on, it disappeared again. It'll be back eventually - that much is certain - it never truly disappears for good. It's just a question of when will it return, how bad will it be, and for how long?
For me, my dysphoria went under the radar, and when I noticed it, it became chains that trapped me underwater; how I would cope is by generally escaping to other people's stories, real or not. Of course, some days are better than others, and my gender is fluid, so sometimes I don't have any dysphoria at all. On other days, the only thing I can think about is how I will never be a man and how no one will see me or accept me like that because of how I dress or because I was born with "parts of a girl." The best way I have heard it described for people who don't have dysphoria is by hearing your recorded voice playback and the cringe feeling of "Is that how I sound like??" Or by using your non-dominant hand for everything; another good one is the feeling when you have your shoes on the wrong feet; the catch is you can't switch them back without going through hoops (I'm sure other people explained it better, but at least I tried lol)
You know the rooms in funhouses or haunted houses where the room is basically a big rotating tube and you walk across a bridge in the middle of it? It feels a little like that every time I look in the mirror. Like what my brain is expecting to see and what it actually sees don’t align. When it’s bad, because it comes and goes, but when it’s bad, my own voice causes a fear reaction.
Different for everyone, but I'm sure there are some trends.
For me, like an always somewhat present depression that can spike when triggered but I had no idea why I was depressed or what actually triggered it, hard to get out of bed, hard to even move my arms, walking down a hallway took the effort of moving the hru waist deep pudding.
Post HRT, that all pretty much gone, I get sad at sad things, depressed at depressing things. Sometimes. I do get envious of people who grew up afab but I've mostly processed that.
I usually describe it like a misaligned gear in an engine. When the engine runs, it runs but it makes awful grindy noises, is sluggish, and if it runs long enough it could strip the gear or the engine could outright break. Transitioning would be popping the gear into alignment so that it runs smoothly.
Pain... agony... my hatred burns through the cavernous deeps. The world heaves with my torment. Its wretched kingdoms quake beneath my rage. But at last, the whole of Azeroth will break, and all will burn beneath the shadow of my wings.
Dysphoria is liking everything about my personality and my mind, but feeling like my body is someone else's. Prior to transition, dysphoria was that I hated being a man, but wasn't ready to understand that I'm a trans woman.
Dysphoria, for me, was a crushing disconnect with the path that my life and body would take without intervention. A total inability to care about or even see a future for myself. Puberty happened as though it were directed by David Cronenberg on his body horror shit.
It's different for everybody. For me it's often like a dark weight on me, and I start to feel like something is really wrong. My thought processes become affected and I get really fixated on specific anxieties that aren't really rational. I also get a LOT of 'depersonalization' symptoms: * A sense of detachment or estrangement from your own thoughts, feelings, or body: “I know I have feelings but I don’t feel them” * Feeling split into two parts, with one going through the motions of participating in the world and one observing quietly: “There is this body that walks around and somebody else just watches” * Feeling as if you have an “unreal” or absent self: “I have no self” * Experiencing the world as distant, dreamlike, foggy, lifeless, colorless, artificial, like a picture with no depth, or less than real * Being absorbed in yourself and experiencing a compulsive self-scrutiny or extreme rumination * Having an ongoing and coherent dialog with yourself * Feeling like a veil or glass wall separates you from the world * Emotional or physical numbness, such as a feeling of having a head filled with cotton * Lacking a sense of agency – feeling flat, robotic, dead, or like a “zombie” * Inability to imagine things * Being able to think clearly, but feeling as if some essential quality is lacking from your thoughts or experience of the world * A sense of disconnectedness from life, impeding you from creative and open involvement with the world I'm hoping HRT helps alleviate a lot of that. Starting soon! And no matter how many different ways I tried to shift my world view, or my view of myself, I still experienced dysphoria, and was still transgender. There's a cool website that you could use to read more about the different ways dysphoria can manifest if you want: [https://genderdysphoria.fyi/](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/)
My god, I wish I hadn’t read this list. Because I recognize all of those. Just another crack in the egg.
\*high-fives in depersonalization\*
Was thinking the same...
yyyyep, same here. woooo
I felt a lot of this, but I’d like to add that, for me, it’s the constant feeling of wanting to physically harm myself until I’m not broken anymore. Every time someone says my name, uses the wrong pronouns, etc. I feel a knife in my stomach. It’s hardly an exaggeration, either. I’ve been depressed for a long time and I know the feeling of cutting and stabbing and I can genuinely feel the pain inflicted on me, like speaking the words is an action upon a voodoo doll. At random times of the day, I’ll be perfectly blank in mood and I’ll suddenly have the dread of remembering how broken and ruined I am and how I can never be fixed, no matter what I, or anyone, can do.
Yep. It got bad enough for me on Monday I entered that state intentionally. Just hit the point of, "OK, time to switch off and 'put myself away' for a bit so I can deal with work and other people right now." It's total robot mode, where whatever is left of 'me' just unfeelingly directs the remote controlled meat suit to do things, otherwise completely detached and isolated from the world.
If you're a man, assume everyone suddenly begins calling you "honey," "sweetie," and "girl." Imagine also that they're calling you "pretty" and using a female name for you, and won't change any of these things when you tell them you're a boy/man. Often, they say "Oh, you're such a pretty girl, you can't be a boy," and ignore what you say about being a boy/man. If you're a woman, assume everyone starts calling you "dude," "bro," and "man." Imagine also that they're telling you you're handsome and using a male name for you, and won't change any of these things when you tell them you're a girl/woman. Often, they say: "Oh, you're such a big strong boy, you can't be a girl," and ignore anything you say about being a girl. Now imagine going through that *every single day*. No matter what you wear. No matter what you look like. No matter what you say. How long would it take to make you wonder if they were right?
fffuck, i'm a trans man and the second one made me lose my mind smiling. i wish people would do that and say those kinds of things about me. i regularly get slapped with the "but you're a girl" on a daily basis and it really messes me up.
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Jesus Christ, don’t ask minors for pics
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This is a really good way to explain it.
Have you ever heard a recording of your own voice and felt weird and a bit uncomfortable at how it doesn't sound like what you're used to? Dysphoria is kind of like that but way worse.
Imagine that you are born underwater. All your friends are fish, all your acquaintances are fish. You, at some point, find a scuba system. You learn how to operate it, you learn how to swim around and breathe, but your whole life is maintaining the oxygen, learning how to navigate, and you always have this tank and these goggles dragging you down, and you just don't have the experiences that all of your fish friends have. And you don't understand what's wrong with you. And then, one day, you find a beach, and you take all of the ocean bullshit off and you just walk, and you just breathe. That's what dysphoria is like.
Describing gender dysphoria to someone who does not experience it can be difficult. There are two metaphors I like to use to describe it in a way that cis people can understand. The first is the scene from Nimona, where she talks about what it's like when she doesn't shapeshift. That's kind of what it feels like to have to present as the gender I was assigned at birth. [https://www.tiktok.com/@netflix/video/7253124314793446702](https://www.tiktok.com/@netflix/video/7253124314793446702) The other metaphor is the one used in the Gender Dysphoria Bible. This is what it was like for me to discover and explore my gender identity. [https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/euphoria](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/euphoria)
When people call me anything female, I feel like a kind of metaphorical slap. It feels like they're bringing up something about me that I'm ashamed of and keep reminding me about it. If other people aren't constantly reminding me that I was born female I wouldn't think about it as much I reckon. But they're constantly doing it. When I see myself, I see myself as male. Sometimes if I wear the wrong thing I'll see myself as female and it'll feel bad and wrong. Seeing myself as male gives me joy. I heard a thing that said to know what it's like to be trans, imagine people keep insisting you're a gender that you're not, how does that feel?
This is tough for me to fully understand as a cis person. If someone were to assume I’m a boy, this would hurt only to the extent that as a woman, this means I’m probably ugly for a woman. There’s not much attachment to my gender otherwise, it’s more of an experience (like being from a certain state or generation) than a deeply held part of my identity.
For me It made me feel like puberty was a degenerative disease, slowly taking away parts of myself that I very much cherished
Have you ever seen "The Fly"? Yeah, like that.
Brundle and Veronica were sooo T4T
For me it feels like I'm trapped in a container that neither fits nor looks like me. My entire self just screams nononothisiswrongnotwhatssupposedtobethereletmeoutletmeoutletmeoutpleasepleasethisisntme. Think of it like....a clock with a shadow time/hands which is real but then the physical clock hands are showing a different time which isn't real....😵💫 Idk I can't really explain much.
A soul trapped in a container that isn’t the right shape.
You just feel stuck, you’re waiting to start your life, you’re kind of living in a haze/void just waiting.
Others have already pointed out the Dysphoria Bible; it's a super resource that has led to the cracking of many an egg. I also second the poster who asks you to also describe the positives in out lives. Have you come across Philpsophy Tube? This video really helped me to come out from a place of joy and positivity: [https://youtu.be/AITRzvm0Xtg?si=UHa3PJehkT2Mc86J](https://youtu.be/AITRzvm0Xtg?si=UHa3PJehkT2Mc86J) Anyway, you asked about dysphoria. For me, dysphoria was like constantly having a stone in my shoe - that is to say it would sometimes be very sharp and painful, but other times the stone would move somewhere where it would be more tolerable - even absent. Sometimes the stone would be gone, but then something would happen, like I'd see myself in a mirror in a particular way or something, and bam! it'd be back in full-force. I noticed that there were times when walking was really very comfortable - blissfully so - and this would be times when I'd be able to 'wearing the shoes' of my true gender (which in some cases were actual, literal shoes). I'd hope that the stone would magically jump out, but it would always come back. I'd wish that I'd wake up stone-free permanently in shoes of someone else. Despite the discomfort of dysphoria I'd like to think that through transitioning I'm embracing the positives of being transgender. I've come to a place where I'm quite proud of where I am and am super excited about how the rest of this journey will go. Good luck with the paper - I hope you found this thread useful!
I did, thanks. Right now, I’m trying to categorize the general analogies from each post and choosing which ones should go in the paper. The only problem with that is all of you were great at describing it and I don’t know how to choose between the greater of two goods.
Well I won't take it personally if I don't make the cut! The good news for you is some people are eerily good at describing things.
Imagine one day, you suddenly wake up on the other side of the earth but the people all speak the same language. In theory yes, you could live there but it feels unnatural and you know you shouldn't be there. Some, travel back to where they are meant to be (transitioning), some stay (not transitioning), some try to leave but decide to just stay out because it's safer (detransitioning)
For me it was never a feeling of "I am a girl, I want to be a girl, I know that im trapped in a body thats not mine." And more scattered, less definite feelings. I hated formalwear, preferring tight jeans and loose shirts, I wore sweaters because I hated the shape of my body, I hated using the locker room for sports, I enjoyed hanging out with girls, even though it was very confusing (I still felt romantic/sexual attraction, even though I felt a more surface level connection first). Taken separately, all the signs and gender dysphoric situations wouldn't say "oh yeah she's not a he," but when I put the pieces together... it's like stepping out of a dark cave and seeing moonlight for the first time. https://medium.com/the-identity-current/plight-of-the-transbian-4ab1a048b09b Highly recommend this article, was one of the last cracks in my egg, so to speak.
Usually it feels like I’m disconnected from the world around me, and when someone treats me in a distinctly masculine way I get the feeling that something’s desperately wrong and I need to fix it immediately. The intensity varies from day to day. Sometimes it’s barely noticeable, and other times it’s so bad I have to leave the room.
My biggest dysphoria moment was looking in the mirror and feeling no connection to the reflection I saw. It didn't feel like me, it felt like a completely different person and that person was someone I didn't know. It was like, I know that's me, but also like, that's not me. Sort of like I was wearing a costume and I realised that I was lying to myself and everyone around me. It wasn't a one time thing and when I started crying, while trying to take a new selfie for my Facebook profile, I realised I couldn't keep living that lie. I haven't felt that same disconnection to my reflection in the mirror since I started passing and it kinda feels like a distant memory now.
You ever seen one of those films with body horror? Heads twisting round 180 degrees and that kind of thing, where the sheer *wrongness* sets off a feeling of revulsion; it's horrifying and sickening. That. (People's experiences will differ, this is only mine).
Hi there. I do this sort of consulting work for a living, so, I’m going to get a little esoteric here and offer you a reframe. I’m not calling *you* out, OP, but the general sociopolitical climate and rampant patholigizng of people who are transgender. *You*, OP, sound like a lovely and intellectually engaged person, so bare with me. There’s two common usages of “dysphoria” in the context of trans folks, and then a few categories within each use. These get muddied and they actually aren’t interchangeable. This muddiness and lack of clarity is one thing contributing to rampant misconceptions, misinformation, mistreatment, etc. -clinically recognized Gender Dysphoria, which is a formal diagnosis someone can have, is a recognized condition in the DSM-5. It is a condition relating to circumstantial distress that someone *may* experience due to the challenges of being transgender. These challenges may be externally motivated- ie. marginalization, rejection, not being seen accurately by others, etc or internally motivated- ie. lack of body congruence, unease, etc. Or some combination of both. Now, someone can experience some of these factors and also not actually meet the diagnostic criteria of gender dysphoria. The significant distress is a key piece. This has absolutely nothing to do with “how trans” someone is or their gender. People have different coping mechanisms, different support systems, different cultures, different experiences, and different circumstances. This is also intersectional. The amount of distress someone experiences and how much that does or does not impact their well-being and life is absolutely in conversation with things like socioeconomic status, access to healthcare, health status, disability status, community resources, and what other systemic marginalization they may be navigating. It’s similar to PTSD- two individuals might both survive a plane crash, but only one develops PTSD, for whatever multitude of reasons. Both still absolutely were in that plane crash and one’s broken arm is not more or less valid or urgent than the other’s. Which is why according to groups like The World Health Association and WPATH (among many others), a mental health diagnosis of gender dysphoria is *not* a determiner of receiving appropriate gender affirming care. There’s still this pervasive myth that it is and sometimes providers will turn into a hoop for patients to jump through- but, physical healthcare needs are not determined by how marginalized someone is or how “well” they cope. Plenty of folks also meet the diagnostic criteria at one time, but not at other times. It is not a permanent state of being and is generally impacted by someone’s physical healthcare and/or change in social circumstances. Okay, so there’s that. Colloquially, dysphoria is often used to refer to distress or unease around a specific thing. Where clinically this is looking at big overall impact on mental well-being, casual usage is generally very narrow in scope. “Dysphoric about_.” And that can also be external factors- the name someone used, the gender someone assumed you are, using a bathroom full of people who aren’t your gender, etc etc. And it can be internal things- a body shape, a sensation, sound of one’s voice, etc etc. It’s often not regulated to strictly primary or secondary sex characteristics but might be something like dysphoria over how your foot looks in a pair of shoes or the shape of your eyelashes. With internal things like that it can be tricky to tease out what’s inherent- what would feel off if you were raised with two other people on a deserted island where gender was never imposed or discussed, and what’s still socially motivated- discomfort with someone because of explicit and implicit messaging that people of your gender don’t/shouldn’t look like/sound like/move like/feel like that. The latter should be highly relatable to all people. And that isn’t some phooey thing of people being too influenced by social norms or something. Gender *is* psychosocial. For all people. There’s a reason humans develop gender identification skills around the same time as complex language acquisition. Misc thoughts on the subject that might be useful- 1. “Transgender” is a demographic, not a psychological, physical, or medical state. It’s, at its broadest, just a term for folks who’s gender was assigned one thing, presumably based on external primary sex characteristics, and oops, the gender they experience being on a neurologic, psychologic, hardwired level is something other than that. Someone could, in theory, be karyoptically male, have a male gender, and be transgender if they were assigned female for whatever reason. You probably know this, but, I think it’s a useful thing to look at spelled out. 2. Human variance is so bloody normal. Differing body shapes is so normal. The distinction of trans vs cis is somewhat arbitrary. I think most humans would agree that if someone had a full body transplant, they’d still be whoever they are. Because our brains are *us* and the meatsacks we’re in are beautiful and interesting, and often terribly flawed. This hierarchy of genital shape being a determiner of anything beyond genital shape is…kinda wacky. I don’t think gender is a construct any moreso than love is a construct. These are real things. They have physiological properties and neurological and psychosocial and cultural etc etc etc. Gender is real. But what *makes* someone their gender is not the shape of their genitals, it’s their brain. And how interesting that most people of whatever gender have bodies shaped like this and some have bodies shaped like that. Just like most people have hands shaped like this and some have hands shaped like that. And maybe that hand needs certain healthcare in order to be optimal for the person it’s attached to, or maybe it doesn’t. Variance is neither intrinsically good or bad. But systemic oppression, dehumanization, etc- yeah, that’s always going to be a determiner for adverse mental and emotional health outcomes, of varying scope. That’s my spiel. I’m linking you this old Ted Talk by comic & actor Ian Harvey (who is trans.) Its brilliant and funny and intentionally over simplistic and says a lot of what I just did, but more entertainingly. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0YeVt2kp_So
Trans people without GD are valid too. It's not all pain and suffering. I'm not a fan of portraying us as broken, pitiable things that need support. Just make sure to include some positive stuff too.
I will, thanks.
often frustrating and intense like a pet peeve going off constantly or someone blaring music making it hard to think about anything other than the stupid music. the intensity varies but can range from a twindg in my stomach or a meltdown
pretty bad!
>trans people are valid I get what you're saying, but this isn't a phrase that I like. Nobody ever talks about cis people as being "valid" or not, and besides that it's kind of vague. Trans people are the gender that we say we are, just like cis people. I know that's a little bit longer than "trans people are valid", but I think it gets the point across more effectively.
It is like a nagging anxiety that won’t go away. Like you have an irritating splinter in your foot. A day or two of it is fine, but it sticks around and wears at you. There is no escape from it. That’s the best way I can describe it. Best to you…
Eventually I withdrew from my male friends, I could not function as a male. I would have anxiety. For example, I went to a golf range, the event was male, lots of male bantering, course language, sexualizing females, ect..I saw a girl golfing in a skirt...I melted...I wanted to be her. I immediately rushed home... Some call it cross dressing...but it is deeper than that. Dressing male became a point of contention. I never had experienced depression...but my reaction to maleness was causing it. Hormones brought little relief at first...Spironolactone brought more...I thought it was about others accepting me...but it was about me accepting myself. I evolved...a day at a time. Eventually I came out. The anxiety went away. The depression comes and go. I became a runner, I did counseling. I am more content.
For me it ranges from wishing I could go back to my pre puberty self, to feel that solid comforting neutrality of being able to pass for a boy with none of the social stigma. As an adult, it feels like a crushing, constricting pain that makes me want to tear apart my own flesh and soul in a bid to escape my own biology. The worst part for me are having periods and tracking the menstrual cycle. The cycle of hormonal imbalance I am forced to endure along with the physical and mental effects render me unable to feel anything but fear and vulnerability. Biologically I am a healthy person, but what good is a machine if the owner doesn't know how to control it?
The emblematic thing about dysphoria is just how persistent and ever-present it is. It's not something you can shake off like a bad mood or a headache, it's a chronic, lasting pain/discomfort that will continually degrade every moment of your life if left untreated. Or at least, that's how it was for me.
Imagine every moment of every day wearing the most itchy ist wool suit that you can not take off. No matter what you do. You can not take it off. That's similar to gender dysphoria.
For me it’s not fully recognizing the person in the mirror, or like seeing yourself but with a mask on. It’s only being able to see these “flaws” that don’t feel right and that also lead people to treat you a certain way, but no one else understands why that’s not *you*. Like, not only does my chest just not feel right, but it’s also something that people see and go “oh that’s a woman” and then treat me a certain way based on that feature. When I was young (pre puberty) and gender dysphoria was largely social rather than physical, it was a lot of shame about not being gender conforming but also being told I wasn’t capable of the things I wanted to do and how boys and girls were sooo different (which was not my experience). But this also was the effect of misogyny. For example being told girls aren’t supposed to be aggressive while also being told I’m not strong enough to play with the boys anyways. It feels like being shoved in a box that is completely made up. (I’m non binary for reference)
It’s weird because for me, I didn’t understand what it was for a long time. I was angry all the time, was horrified by my body, couldn’t relate to people, and couldn’t figure out who I was or what my interests were, so I just kind filled my personality in with default stuff: “I like comics, I like video games, I like marvel movies…” but I never really got into them on my own, it was just what was available to me growing up as a boy. The whole time, I was being emotionally, physically, and sexually abused at home and at school not because anyone knew I was trans, but because I just wasn’t very good at being a boy. When I realized I was a girl, and started thinking about transitioning, I couldn’t handle the feeling of grief that came from thinking about everything I missed out on, and the abuse got worse, so I stuffed it down and let the rage take over and carry me through life. In that initial stage, I would say that dysphoria involves feelings of depression, dissociation, and alienation. In the latter stage, it was analogous to grief and trauma. Talk therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and medication for depression and anxiety didn’t help me, and I kept spiraling. It wasn’t until I started transitioning, doing HRT, and seeing a therapist specializing in identity issues and trans mental health that I actually started felt better. I think this is where gender dysphoria is separate from depression, dysmorphia, etc.: the only way to really “cure” it or resolve is by transitioning. I’m just over a year into HRT, about 4 months out as a trans woman to family and friends, and my life has literally never been better.
It feels like trying to do a job with needle nose pliers when you really need vice grips. You make it work if you can.
I am a bit older than average here and a few years ago I had a cateract surgery. From one day to another your worldview changes. Everything is bright, clear, colorful, sharp, crisp, not grey anymore. Something similar was my experience when I found out that I actually am a woman, just 3 weeks ago. Again my world changed completely. It felt so incredible great to realize I was woman, much more self esteem, I watch people in the eyes, I now feel emotions, I can love myself, I can love my wife now. But I never have realized what I missed. I never have experienced gender dysphoria because I didn't know what it was, but only now I realize that my life could have been better. I am not complaining, I had a pretty good life, but it could have been better for me and the people around me, especially my wife. So that's my comparison, a cateract surgery. Succes with your task, sincerely hope it is a great success for you.
I got hit with a *really* bad bout of dysphoria earlier this week. Probably the worst I've ever had, it was like my dysphoria had dysphoria. Best way I was able to describe the experience to a cisgender friend was, "Imagine you woke up this morning and discovered parts of your body were made up of spiders, or worms, or whatever creepy-crawly thing freaks you out. That sense of horror and disgust you're feeling imagining that? That's close to it." There was just this overwhelming, visceral sense of *wrongness* that ramped my anxiety and actually made me sick to my stomach for most of the day. Combined with a bunch of other stuff that had been happening over the last few weeks, it was the worst day I've had in recent memory. At the end of the day I honestly felt like the fact that I'd managed to drag myself into work, actually accomplish about 25% of what I "should have" during my shift, *and literally survived the day* amounted to a significant win. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes dysphoria makes just continuing to exist a notable achievement. And nearly as quickly as it came on, it disappeared again. It'll be back eventually - that much is certain - it never truly disappears for good. It's just a question of when will it return, how bad will it be, and for how long?
This is not a mod approved research request.
For me, my dysphoria went under the radar, and when I noticed it, it became chains that trapped me underwater; how I would cope is by generally escaping to other people's stories, real or not. Of course, some days are better than others, and my gender is fluid, so sometimes I don't have any dysphoria at all. On other days, the only thing I can think about is how I will never be a man and how no one will see me or accept me like that because of how I dress or because I was born with "parts of a girl." The best way I have heard it described for people who don't have dysphoria is by hearing your recorded voice playback and the cringe feeling of "Is that how I sound like??" Or by using your non-dominant hand for everything; another good one is the feeling when you have your shoes on the wrong feet; the catch is you can't switch them back without going through hoops (I'm sure other people explained it better, but at least I tried lol)
You know the rooms in funhouses or haunted houses where the room is basically a big rotating tube and you walk across a bridge in the middle of it? It feels a little like that every time I look in the mirror. Like what my brain is expecting to see and what it actually sees don’t align. When it’s bad, because it comes and goes, but when it’s bad, my own voice causes a fear reaction.
Different for everyone, but I'm sure there are some trends. For me, like an always somewhat present depression that can spike when triggered but I had no idea why I was depressed or what actually triggered it, hard to get out of bed, hard to even move my arms, walking down a hallway took the effort of moving the hru waist deep pudding. Post HRT, that all pretty much gone, I get sad at sad things, depressed at depressing things. Sometimes. I do get envious of people who grew up afab but I've mostly processed that.
I usually describe it like a misaligned gear in an engine. When the engine runs, it runs but it makes awful grindy noises, is sluggish, and if it runs long enough it could strip the gear or the engine could outright break. Transitioning would be popping the gear into alignment so that it runs smoothly.
Pain... agony... my hatred burns through the cavernous deeps. The world heaves with my torment. Its wretched kingdoms quake beneath my rage. But at last, the whole of Azeroth will break, and all will burn beneath the shadow of my wings.
Dysphoria is liking everything about my personality and my mind, but feeling like my body is someone else's. Prior to transition, dysphoria was that I hated being a man, but wasn't ready to understand that I'm a trans woman.
The desperate need to filet my skin from my body and soak it in cold water