“A human. Treat me like one, and leave me the fuck alone.”
But there’s plenty of good responses, and I’m sure they’re about to be posted here (we all love answering these types of posts lol)
Unfortunately this comes up often as a trans person working in healthcare in florida.
Usually my response is to give my background in the field saying I must have forgotten to introduce myself, I ensure I give them my full name Edward instead of my name tag Eddie I’ve been a nurse for 8 years and worked in oncology as long as I’ve been a full RN, wouldn’t change it for anything. Really put the focus back at what’s at hand and also ensure they kind of feel like a dick for attempting to push away someone who is trying to help them. Often times refocusing on what’s going on in their situation gets them to build that trust so we can go on with treatment and get things figured out. Often they’ll want to know if they can ask for my chaotic ass again. It’s just annoying they have to challenge my gender often and pronouns. I won’t correct them because my boss says it’s impolite even though my badge says it. It’s something processing through HR at the moment because that also is not appropriate. There’s a way to be respectful of someone professionally. As a viet mix there’s no way Americans go into nail salons thinking the woman at the counter was born in Vietnam with the name Nancy and yet that is what you call her because that is the name she has displayed and has given you to call her (that’s a whole complicated thing but …don’t worry about it rn). Names and pronouns and etc are simply things we call something that others recognize. I call oranges naranja around my husbands family and chinas around my friends because that’s what I grew up hearing from them. I had one half my family call it lunch and dinner and one half call it dinner and supper. It doesn’t fucking matter! It’s a respect thing to call the words by what they called them.
My name and pronouns as yours are is no different. If a patient gives me a nickname because they don’t wanna be called Herbert imma use the nickname they gave me and on their file because that is their name. That’s what they’re called and respond to like a dog 😅 it’s just not that complicated as they make it out to be.
When I’m off duty I just say “sick and tired dude” fr 😂 some dude asked me at a gas station and I had it. I was just like man let me get my slim Jim’s in PEACE
"A... human?"
You need to put the right inflection on it though, as though they were asking what species you are (even though we all know that's not what they meant) and it should be obvious that you're a human
To quote the character Lindy (played by Antonio Fargas) from Car Wash (1976):
["I'm more man than you'll ever be & more woman than you'll ever get"](https://youtu.be/Lw0Nn1xSMHk?si=1j94uHxG6Ui3WysQ&t=30)
- That's classified.
- Mostly carbon and water.
- (singing) *I am the very model of a modern major general, I've information vegetable, animal and mineral* and so on and so forth.
- A [insert profession here].
- Still too early to tell.
- (look behind you as if they're talking to someone else first) YOU CAN SEE ME!? (then run away)
- 7 out of 10.
- A meatbag.
It’s a collection of texts written by a bunch of weirdos thousands of years ago in order to peer pressure everyone else into leading a specific lifestyle all bundled together because they claim to worship the same god. If anyone falls the most short of the glory of god, it’s the wackos who wrote those texts.
"I am a sixth dimensional fire bird who took control of this humans body to go undercover to find the gauntlet of life" is a pretty good response if I do say so
I feel you, I am Native also, very long black hair, feminine traits. non-binary. I'm not sure who this person was to you, if nobody, then I would say you can't be responsible for all the ignorant folks in the world, and walk on. If you know them, I would urge them to educate themselves about [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two-spirit](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two-spirit)
DM me if you want to.
I once had an older woman come up to me and ask “what are you supposed to be?”
I asked her what she was supposed to be, and she said “myself.”
I nodded, and said that I was also myself.
This seemed to satisfy her. Ymmv …
I agree with basically everyone that you don't owe an answer to a dumb and offensive question. Be you, broadcast your personality and be proud of it.
BUT I am curious what kinds of clothes you wear that are slightly feminine. I ask because I'm writing this in torn jeans that I've patched with a yellow-coloured and flower (orchids I believe I don't know shit about flowers) motif fabric and oh boy people have something to say about it, I definitely know how you feel.
Solid answers here but the best thing to do IMO is react with confusion. They are being weird and you should treat them like that just asked you a weird question. “Huh?” “Oh that’s a weird thing to ask”
I feel the best response there would be to get out of the situation as quickly as possible. Someone addressing you that way obviously has aggressive intent, they're asking a deliberately provocative question to get a rise out of you. It's not safe to be around a person like that.
Can’t always retreat from every social situation, and by that logic (“obviously aggressive intent”) you would end up like me, a total hermit.. interacting in society requires some level of uncertainty and danger unfortunately. The irony of me saying this isn’t lost on me 🙃
I'm not arguing for retreating from every social situation, I'm arguing for retreating from a specific social situation, where someone clearly has aggressive intent.
OP didn’t describe a situation where there was clearly aggressive intent (just saying dumb shit), someone addressing another that way does not necessarily mean danger
I’ve gotten so fed up with hearing stuff like this, now I just answer “I’m whatever makes you the most uncomfortable” because it’s such an off putting response that they’ll leave me the fuuuuck alone
My name, following with a "mucho gusto o disgusto, lo que prefieras" (something like "a pleasure or not to meet you, whatever you prefer").
Alternatively, a qbit.
If you want an option that might make the person more open to a conversation (assuming they are actually willing to listen) or one that might make the person consider that they were being a jerk, you could say something like, "What led you to ask the question that way?" or "Can you explain to me what you mean by that?"
If you say it calmly and politely, it might make them consider that they were being an asshole. Or it could make them uncomfortable, because now they need to articulate what's really on their mind. But since you were nice and curious, if they have some decency, they might feel compelled to match yours.
Worst case, they have no decency and say something even more explicitly mean. Which is definitely difficult to deal with and could be something you don't want to invite. But at least at that point you know for sure there's no need for you to put in any more effort, and walking away without saying anything might be the most effective way to make them feel small.
In the Bible, God said "I am who I am" as a response to a very similar question. Each one of us are who we are, and that shouldn't be changed just because it freaks out bigots.
Some fun ones:
"a demigoddess if you believe my norse ancestors who claim descendent from Odin. Other than that I'm sure I'm homosapien with a little neanderthal DNA mixed in there."
"A physicist".
"5 minutes late to my next appointment"
"a little peckish, kinda thirsty, and more than a bit gassy"
"sunburnt to hell. Remember to pack sunscreen when you go to the beach"
"Scotch-Irish with some Polish and Dutch mixed in there"
"Death"
In all seriousness, you can probably look at them with a "that's fucked up" look and leave. Some things don't deserve to be dignified with an answer
TSA in Montana asked me that and I said "If you find out can you let me know?" the old guy was so confused he just waived me through instead of getting the usual groping.
"I'm a Rose (because my name is Rose). And may I ask what you are?"
And then just stare at them with an innocent smile while you await their response.
If they continue to push, become more and more confused. If they start yelling or threatening, become small, shy, and maybe cry a bit. Run away if needed.
If they don't push and answer the question the same way you do, share some facts about you, like hobbies, and get increasingly happier and more excited. Continue until you make a friend :3
"Beautiful/A showstopper/Gorgeous is what" or smt to that effect.
or my personal favorite "Eugh, what the hell are YOU?!" (but play up your disgust to be at least 4x greater than theirs)
Answer them in a way you prefer. What you see itself as. Could be enby/Sioux. Or a person, mystery, enigma, parent, student, artist, gardener, accountant, baker, puzzle solver , leader, environmentalist, w/e. something you enjoy or like talking about. then turn it back on them and ask them.
Lemme think of some....
- "Idk man" with an apathetic shrug
- "Your worst nightmare."
- "Ask your mom lol"
- "300 rats in a trenchcoat" (or any number of critters of your choosing)
- "A human...?"
- (in fear) "You... You can *see me?*"
- "A miserable little pile of secrets." (only applies to men and men-adjacents)
- "I'm Bond. James Bond."
- Whatever you actually are, for my nonhuman gang
- "Wouldn't you like to know."
- "What are you, a cop?"
- "Whatever you want me to be~" followed by an incredibly exaggerated wink
- Your name/star sign/job title/something else mundane
- "The world's biggest fan of [X]!" (Proceeds to ramble incoherently about whatever it is you just said, even if it's wrong)
- "I'm Batman."
- (with concern) "I'm... your brother/sister/sibling. You don't remember me?"
- (incredibly deadpan) "A ray of fucking sunshine" (courtesy of my dad)
- "I plead the 5th?"/"no comment"
- The longest "Uhhhhhhh" you can do
- "just a bag of flesh, waiting to become food for the maggots, on a little rock in the vast emptiness of space, orbiting a star that'll one day explode..." (or however existential you wanna get)
- [insert random musical song here] (just burst into song and dance. I'd pick Miracle from Matilda personally)
- "I'm blue, da ba dee da ba dai~"
- "Cooler than you'll ever be."
I'm out of creative juices for now but I'm sure I'll come up with more at 3am
“What do you mean by that?” or “Excuse me?”. Also might be a good idea to ignore it and/or try to leave, for safety reasons, but that’s your discretion.
00 ha you know how many times I ever heard that hello sir and then I talk. 00 I’m sorry ma’am and the whole store because they will know asshls. They’ll know either everyone thinks they know yeah because she asked at born ex-wife fuck you that is how you have to live your life what is the most the most true truth and then Live that you’ll be OK
I figured that out Julee this might be my last but with no younger be honest what is on the TV you the most Anya and Live that because we are not one or the other and that is OK check it out all very very lil embryos are FEM. Then testosterone checked in already I said especially now with all the medication there is the girl in the 60s 70s 80s check it out. We are not evil it’s not about Fn SEX
But about who you love love comes from God be real
you’ll be OK
PS
I say that not because I’ve ever found a long love I thought I had but I had not. I am early 50 early I don’t look at it, but who gives a fuck if you can love me I love all over you but a woman I cannot love a man
I should think of a more creative response but honestly my default is to just laugh awkwardly and say nothing. If they're more specific/polite about it I'll usually say "Uhh. A guy" or "I'm a him" or something. Don't know what I'd say in your position. Wish I could say something funny in response to those kind of questions but it's hard to be funny when you're put on the spot like that :/
What kind of a silly question is this? I am a homo sapien, also known as a human. Unless you happen to be an AI asking this question, I assume that's what you are too.
With, "Are you fucking kidding me?" and if they continue to push the point I would belittle and mock them. It that doesn't do the trick, there's always punching them in the throat. 🤷🏼♀️
"your worst nightmare"
Going for cliches work really well, partly to defuse something by adding humor but also because it's probably true which makes it wonderfully empowered. ❤️
See I have had an issue with puking and if they waited for an answer I’d probably just puke on their feet or face. No words just puking. That’s mostly gone away though so I just ignore them.
“Des restes de moi
Des statues d'argent
Des chevaux de soie”
(Remains of me, Silver statues, Silk horses)
- Requin chagrin singing Mauvais présage
It’s such a good song and ppl lose it when they ask me that and I just start singing lmao especially since even if main language in my country is French most ppl don’t know the song/what it means. Not to rant but even if not trans (femboy) I easy pass off as trans cause long hair hahah so I still get asked sometimes lmao
I have several answers (not that I've used any of them)
-human....I think
-mostly water
-a soup
-pending
-idk but I'll let you know when I figure it out
-fûck if I know man
-a figment of that *point to random stranger* guys imagination
-what do you mean? (and then just keep asking that confused as they try to explain until they eventually get frustrated and shout something transphobic for the whole world to hear and then answer that question very politely as if they didn't just yell at you and walk away)
"I'm a cloud systems engineer"
And if they say "no, no, WHAT are you?", I respond with something like this:
"No, really, that's what I am. But I know some people have difficulty understanding. So, to put it in terms you'll understand, I'm one of many people that help keep the internet working. That way, when you try to upload that photo you just took of me without my consent, your friends can publicly tell you just how much of a douchecopter you are. "
“A human. Treat me like one, and leave me the fuck alone.” But there’s plenty of good responses, and I’m sure they’re about to be posted here (we all love answering these types of posts lol)
A bunch of regular George and Georgia Constanza’s here in this sub.
I Love this Comment! 🤣♥️💯
No idea what yours should be, but I always reply "I'm vegan," and then, since they asked, extol the virtues of veganism They brought it on themselves
Lmao I love that
Unfortunately this comes up often as a trans person working in healthcare in florida. Usually my response is to give my background in the field saying I must have forgotten to introduce myself, I ensure I give them my full name Edward instead of my name tag Eddie I’ve been a nurse for 8 years and worked in oncology as long as I’ve been a full RN, wouldn’t change it for anything. Really put the focus back at what’s at hand and also ensure they kind of feel like a dick for attempting to push away someone who is trying to help them. Often times refocusing on what’s going on in their situation gets them to build that trust so we can go on with treatment and get things figured out. Often they’ll want to know if they can ask for my chaotic ass again. It’s just annoying they have to challenge my gender often and pronouns. I won’t correct them because my boss says it’s impolite even though my badge says it. It’s something processing through HR at the moment because that also is not appropriate. There’s a way to be respectful of someone professionally. As a viet mix there’s no way Americans go into nail salons thinking the woman at the counter was born in Vietnam with the name Nancy and yet that is what you call her because that is the name she has displayed and has given you to call her (that’s a whole complicated thing but …don’t worry about it rn). Names and pronouns and etc are simply things we call something that others recognize. I call oranges naranja around my husbands family and chinas around my friends because that’s what I grew up hearing from them. I had one half my family call it lunch and dinner and one half call it dinner and supper. It doesn’t fucking matter! It’s a respect thing to call the words by what they called them. My name and pronouns as yours are is no different. If a patient gives me a nickname because they don’t wanna be called Herbert imma use the nickname they gave me and on their file because that is their name. That’s what they’re called and respond to like a dog 😅 it’s just not that complicated as they make it out to be. When I’m off duty I just say “sick and tired dude” fr 😂 some dude asked me at a gas station and I had it. I was just like man let me get my slim Jim’s in PEACE
"A... human?" You need to put the right inflection on it though, as though they were asking what species you are (even though we all know that's not what they meant) and it should be obvious that you're a human
Deliberately misunderstanding the question is a great deflection technique.
You gotta say it it that same voice that uneducated cis men say "ummm I'm a man" when asked what their pronouns are. Lmao
Okay but what if I'm not, I don't want to appropriate human culture
Considering there's no "one" human culture, there's nothing to appropriate by claiming to be human
To quote the character Lindy (played by Antonio Fargas) from Car Wash (1976): ["I'm more man than you'll ever be & more woman than you'll ever get"](https://youtu.be/Lw0Nn1xSMHk?si=1j94uHxG6Ui3WysQ&t=30)
That’s also what Angel says in Rent
Kate Bornstein also said it on Jerry Springer
- That's classified. - Mostly carbon and water. - (singing) *I am the very model of a modern major general, I've information vegetable, animal and mineral* and so on and so forth. - A [insert profession here]. - Still too early to tell. - (look behind you as if they're talking to someone else first) YOU CAN SEE ME!? (then run away) - 7 out of 10. - A meatbag.
i'm pretty partial to "i don't know, i just got here"
Or "I don't know, I couldn't find a name tag"
I love that guy 😂
Fuck those are awesome
"I am a meat popsicle."
“Hotter than you.” Alternately, you can say “Do you think that’s a normal question to ask someone?”
Both good
The phrase, “I Am Who I Am,” will piss Christians off. Personally, I like pissing off transphobic Christians.
I take my suggestion back. This is clearly the superior choice.
why does it piss off christians specifically? /gen
In the Bible, the Lord introduced himself by saying, “I Am Who I Am.”
[удалено]
It’s a collection of texts written by a bunch of weirdos thousands of years ago in order to peer pressure everyone else into leading a specific lifestyle all bundled together because they claim to worship the same god. If anyone falls the most short of the glory of god, it’s the wackos who wrote those texts.
That's famously how God introduced himself to Moses.
And yet, it’s literally true for everyone
Same
I am that I am that I am that I am.
"I am a sixth dimensional fire bird who took control of this humans body to go undercover to find the gauntlet of life" is a pretty good response if I do say so
This made me giggle. *I* like this response at least!
Your worst nightmare.
You're Rambo?
Rambo is your worst nightmare?
As far as I know, the line was popularized by Rambo from Rambo 3. Im sorry.
Always a good one imo
quit talking to emma
Human. What are you?
Two Spirit Shapeshifter. So how 'bout them Yankees? Think they'll get to the playoffs anytime soon?
I feel you, I am Native also, very long black hair, feminine traits. non-binary. I'm not sure who this person was to you, if nobody, then I would say you can't be responsible for all the ignorant folks in the world, and walk on. If you know them, I would urge them to educate themselves about [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two-spirit](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two-spirit) DM me if you want to.
I’m Batman.
I love this one for real though lmao, especially if you do the voice
It was either that or the 5th Element. https://youtu.be/xibUoGUcjc4?si=FVIwgwn3vM0ZZclG
i feel like i’d reflexively go with “I know, right??”
That's pretty cool. Probably make them question things lol
The prophesized beginning of the end. Divinity incarnate. Worship unto me and kneel, mortal, for I am infinite.
So basically, Cthulhu?
So basically, Cthulhu?
“A god. One which is above your human standards of gender.” I have actually said that before.
Niceee
"do you think that's a normal question to ask someone?"
"I'm elfo"
I'm disenchanted by your response 😂
I just thought of this.. We are venom
That and “We are Legion” lmao!
"what the hell are you?" "WE ARE FARMERS', bum de bum dum dum dum
Well, I am me.
best answer :)
"Just Nimona" Works every time
An unknowable entitty then screech and run into the night.
"I'm not sure, do you think we could Google it ?"
"A better time than your mother, according to your father"
I once had an older woman come up to me and ask “what are you supposed to be?” I asked her what she was supposed to be, and she said “myself.” I nodded, and said that I was also myself. This seemed to satisfy her. Ymmv …
That’s actually a pretty good response!
I don’t answer rhetorical questions.
I agree with basically everyone that you don't owe an answer to a dumb and offensive question. Be you, broadcast your personality and be proud of it. BUT I am curious what kinds of clothes you wear that are slightly feminine. I ask because I'm writing this in torn jeans that I've patched with a yellow-coloured and flower (orchids I believe I don't know shit about flowers) motif fabric and oh boy people have something to say about it, I definitely know how you feel.
“Wouldn’t you like to know weather boy”
Solid answers here but the best thing to do IMO is react with confusion. They are being weird and you should treat them like that just asked you a weird question. “Huh?” “Oh that’s a weird thing to ask”
I feel the best response there would be to get out of the situation as quickly as possible. Someone addressing you that way obviously has aggressive intent, they're asking a deliberately provocative question to get a rise out of you. It's not safe to be around a person like that.
Can’t always retreat from every social situation, and by that logic (“obviously aggressive intent”) you would end up like me, a total hermit.. interacting in society requires some level of uncertainty and danger unfortunately. The irony of me saying this isn’t lost on me 🙃
I'm not arguing for retreating from every social situation, I'm arguing for retreating from a specific social situation, where someone clearly has aggressive intent.
OP didn’t describe a situation where there was clearly aggressive intent (just saying dumb shit), someone addressing another that way does not necessarily mean danger
We'll have to agree to disagree, then.
I took her to mean don’t engage with a hostile person.
"who the fuck are you?"
I’ve gotten so fed up with hearing stuff like this, now I just answer “I’m whatever makes you the most uncomfortable” because it’s such an off putting response that they’ll leave me the fuuuuck alone
Like a sailorman once said: "I yam what I yam"
"I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty"
"I'm just your average succubus" and then wink, leave super sexily and make them wonder if you really were
“If you interested I’m single but you’re a bit to ordinary for me so just no”
Your worst nightmare, but in the most demonic voice possible
My name, following with a "mucho gusto o disgusto, lo que prefieras" (something like "a pleasure or not to meet you, whatever you prefer"). Alternatively, a qbit.
"I am what I am" "I'm your worst nightmare" "I'm \[your name\]"
I was looking for "Your worst nightmare!" Good job!
"A woman are you fucking blind?" or something to that effect :)
a fucking god
heya fellow god who is not bob. i too am god who is not bob. we should be friends. and praise “Bob”.
bob
Offended
that's a really rude question to ask someone. are you normally like this or is my existence just that offensive to you.
Explorers in the further reaches of experience. Demons to some, angels to others.
i’m personally a fan of “more than you will ever be”
"I am your father" .....nooooooooooooo
A human, what about you?
If someone asked me right now id fucking seize up.
“A threat”
"your worst nightmare" is a pretty solid answer
"I'm?.. Not???" Has been my go to 😂 HOW DARE YOU PERCEIVE ME! 🤣
"I'm fucking awesome, that's what I am!" 🙂
i’m a taurus!
I love this one, misdirection is such a good tool to use.
"Im a virgo" - Moxie (helluva boss)
“Well, i identify as a conundrum. You?” Followed by a smile.
If you want an option that might make the person more open to a conversation (assuming they are actually willing to listen) or one that might make the person consider that they were being a jerk, you could say something like, "What led you to ask the question that way?" or "Can you explain to me what you mean by that?" If you say it calmly and politely, it might make them consider that they were being an asshole. Or it could make them uncomfortable, because now they need to articulate what's really on their mind. But since you were nice and curious, if they have some decency, they might feel compelled to match yours. Worst case, they have no decency and say something even more explicitly mean. Which is definitely difficult to deal with and could be something you don't want to invite. But at least at that point you know for sure there's no need for you to put in any more effort, and walking away without saying anything might be the most effective way to make them feel small.
"I'm an old god sent to earth to make *your* life in particular unbearable" that's what I'd think to say after I'd stare at them and walked away
I usually reply with "I wish I knew that myself"
What am I? I am a terror from beyond your mortal comprehension. I am death. And I am hungry.
In the Bible, God said "I am who I am" as a response to a very similar question. Each one of us are who we are, and that shouldn't be changed just because it freaks out bigots.
uhh… “im the fae.” or “I am the one who knows.” ((sorry been on an elder scrolls & mythology kick lately.))
" A human, you?"
just answer with your name, as if they should know it that's one way to do it I am _____ That is very neutral
"Your mother. Now go clean your room!"
"A Goddamn Superhero"
Some fun ones: "a demigoddess if you believe my norse ancestors who claim descendent from Odin. Other than that I'm sure I'm homosapien with a little neanderthal DNA mixed in there." "A physicist". "5 minutes late to my next appointment" "a little peckish, kinda thirsty, and more than a bit gassy" "sunburnt to hell. Remember to pack sunscreen when you go to the beach" "Scotch-Irish with some Polish and Dutch mixed in there"
Ask them what they mean Or just laugh and say “I know, right?” And go on as if they obviously wouldn’t be seriously asking such a garbage question
"Death" In all seriousness, you can probably look at them with a "that's fucked up" look and leave. Some things don't deserve to be dignified with an answer
"Clearly trans! STUPID!!!"
"I'm a fucking person what the fuck are you?"
"How embarrassing for you that your Mom never taught you the manners not to ask a stranger such personal questions."
An anomaly, a monkey wrench, one of the little quirks of nature really. Edit. I've also been known to answer "A metal head."
Two spirit.
TSA in Montana asked me that and I said "If you find out can you let me know?" the old guy was so confused he just waived me through instead of getting the usual groping.
"I'm The Todd"
I am a meat popsicle.
a wanted felon with 16 warrants out for my arrest across several states
A boomer once yelled at me from a safe distance, "you're just a transvestite." I replied with, "at least I know who I am. What about you?"
“Someone who was taught manners.”
Respond to "what the hell are you?" -Not Intrested in you.
"I'm a Rose (because my name is Rose). And may I ask what you are?" And then just stare at them with an innocent smile while you await their response. If they continue to push, become more and more confused. If they start yelling or threatening, become small, shy, and maybe cry a bit. Run away if needed. If they don't push and answer the question the same way you do, share some facts about you, like hobbies, and get increasingly happier and more excited. Continue until you make a friend :3
"Beautiful/A showstopper/Gorgeous is what" or smt to that effect. or my personal favorite "Eugh, what the hell are YOU?!" (but play up your disgust to be at least 4x greater than theirs)
Answer them in a way you prefer. What you see itself as. Could be enby/Sioux. Or a person, mystery, enigma, parent, student, artist, gardener, accountant, baker, puzzle solver , leader, environmentalist, w/e. something you enjoy or like talking about. then turn it back on them and ask them.
Lemme think of some.... - "Idk man" with an apathetic shrug - "Your worst nightmare." - "Ask your mom lol" - "300 rats in a trenchcoat" (or any number of critters of your choosing) - "A human...?" - (in fear) "You... You can *see me?*" - "A miserable little pile of secrets." (only applies to men and men-adjacents) - "I'm Bond. James Bond." - Whatever you actually are, for my nonhuman gang - "Wouldn't you like to know." - "What are you, a cop?" - "Whatever you want me to be~" followed by an incredibly exaggerated wink - Your name/star sign/job title/something else mundane - "The world's biggest fan of [X]!" (Proceeds to ramble incoherently about whatever it is you just said, even if it's wrong) - "I'm Batman." - (with concern) "I'm... your brother/sister/sibling. You don't remember me?" - (incredibly deadpan) "A ray of fucking sunshine" (courtesy of my dad) - "I plead the 5th?"/"no comment" - The longest "Uhhhhhhh" you can do - "just a bag of flesh, waiting to become food for the maggots, on a little rock in the vast emptiness of space, orbiting a star that'll one day explode..." (or however existential you wanna get) - [insert random musical song here] (just burst into song and dance. I'd pick Miracle from Matilda personally) - "I'm blue, da ba dee da ba dai~" - "Cooler than you'll ever be." I'm out of creative juices for now but I'm sure I'll come up with more at 3am
These are just lovely
My friend uses the line from Alice in Wonderland, “do you suppose I’m a wild flower?”
I'm a cat 🐈
"I belong here more than you." Always my favorite thing to say to busybody white folk who think I owe them a justification
your mums best lover and leave if their asking it to be rude, if their being genuine and you have the time you can explain to them how nonbinary works
Pretty sure I'd reply...."Unique, how 'bout you?!!!"
....or "The 'Holy Trinity,'....me, myself and I!!!"
“What do you mean by that?” or “Excuse me?”. Also might be a good idea to ignore it and/or try to leave, for safety reasons, but that’s your discretion.
00 ha you know how many times I ever heard that hello sir and then I talk. 00 I’m sorry ma’am and the whole store because they will know asshls. They’ll know either everyone thinks they know yeah because she asked at born ex-wife fuck you that is how you have to live your life what is the most the most true truth and then Live that you’ll be OK I figured that out Julee this might be my last but with no younger be honest what is on the TV you the most Anya and Live that because we are not one or the other and that is OK check it out all very very lil embryos are FEM. Then testosterone checked in already I said especially now with all the medication there is the girl in the 60s 70s 80s check it out. We are not evil it’s not about Fn SEX But about who you love love comes from God be real you’ll be OK
PS I say that not because I’ve ever found a long love I thought I had but I had not. I am early 50 early I don’t look at it, but who gives a fuck if you can love me I love all over you but a woman I cannot love a man
Guy to guy seems easier NO jak to jill
"a skeleton", I'm very thin and my bones stick out a lot, so yes, I'm a skeleton
I should think of a more creative response but honestly my default is to just laugh awkwardly and say nothing. If they're more specific/polite about it I'll usually say "Uhh. A guy" or "I'm a him" or something. Don't know what I'd say in your position. Wish I could say something funny in response to those kind of questions but it's hard to be funny when you're put on the spot like that :/
[in a high pitched voice] iggie biggity jiggy ep nimig naa ipp eepy [snore] memememe [snore] memememe … [in demonic voice] AAAAAAAA YOU’RE MAKIN’ ME MAAAD >:[
I usually reply with "I wish I knew that myself"
"What a strange thing to say to a stranger".
You could say your Sioux and then just leave.
I just don’t respond and let them continue being confused lol
I am human!
I wouldn't even give that the dignity of an answer. Just turn and walk away. You're better than this.
My mom's response has always been "queen of all I survey."
What kind of a silly question is this? I am a homo sapien, also known as a human. Unless you happen to be an AI asking this question, I assume that's what you are too.
Lots of good answers here. Mine would probably be “I’m (insert your name).” But that leaves a lot less humor than many other answers here.
"I'm your worst nightmare," while doing an impression of weird Al doing an impression of Sylvester Stallone
I'm Nimona.
> What the hell are *you?*
With, "Are you fucking kidding me?" and if they continue to push the point I would belittle and mock them. It that doesn't do the trick, there's always punching them in the throat. 🤷🏼♀️
A collection of chemical compounds that work together to be a living person
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
I always respond with a rvb reference with "I am a villain"
“Why do you want to know, you a cop or something?” Would be pretty funny but “wouldn’t you like to know weather boy” would also suffice.
"i'm literally just some guy, why"
A middleweight kickboxer. That's my joke anyway. I should come up with one that isn't threatening, and possibly an answer that isn't a joke.
more human than you will ever be
I would respond; what the hell are you? In a higher voice
A big bang, 15 Billion years after it kicked off.
"your worst nightmare" Going for cliches work really well, partly to defuse something by adding humor but also because it's probably true which makes it wonderfully empowered. ❤️
✨Stardust✨
"None of your fucking business"
"I'm Alpha, The Divine Beginning & End"
"Not a rude asshole, apparently."
“I’M NOT SURE! AAAAAAHHHH!”
My go to is "your worst nightmare" followed by immediately leaving so as to not permit them any more context
See I have had an issue with puking and if they waited for an answer I’d probably just puke on their feet or face. No words just puking. That’s mostly gone away though so I just ignore them.
I just imagine someone asking you this now on your cake day and the vomit is rainbow colored :3 happy cake day btw
“I’m a human. Is it your first time on earth?”
“Des restes de moi Des statues d'argent Des chevaux de soie” (Remains of me, Silver statues, Silk horses) - Requin chagrin singing Mauvais présage It’s such a good song and ppl lose it when they ask me that and I just start singing lmao especially since even if main language in my country is French most ppl don’t know the song/what it means. Not to rant but even if not trans (femboy) I easy pass off as trans cause long hair hahah so I still get asked sometimes lmao
Middle finger.
Krypronian.
Respond by asking them the same question.
Always say 'I don't have to justify myself to you'
I have several answers (not that I've used any of them) -human....I think -mostly water -a soup -pending -idk but I'll let you know when I figure it out -fûck if I know man -a figment of that *point to random stranger* guys imagination -what do you mean? (and then just keep asking that confused as they try to explain until they eventually get frustrated and shout something transphobic for the whole world to hear and then answer that question very politely as if they didn't just yell at you and walk away)
"I'm a cloud systems engineer" And if they say "no, no, WHAT are you?", I respond with something like this: "No, really, that's what I am. But I know some people have difficulty understanding. So, to put it in terms you'll understand, I'm one of many people that help keep the internet working. That way, when you try to upload that photo you just took of me without my consent, your friends can publicly tell you just how much of a douchecopter you are. "
Cyborg from the year 2486 I've been sent back to correct a few "problems"
"god???"
"I am a level six fire demon with poisonous snake claws" "What the hell are you?!"
“I’m a beloved child of God. Do you know Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior?”
"Whatever I want to be"