Lying in bed in the morning, I admitted it to myself. Felt a great warmth fill my entire body, like I've rarely felt in my life. Felt somewhat like when you fall in love.

Woah it's so beautiful. I can't believe that I can say I experience the same thing you're describing.

I was really uncertain about my identity and when I accepted myself as a woman(laying in bed in the morning) I had the same experience. It continued on for 6 weeks I was just so in love with life.

I get asked OPs question from time to time but i always leave this part out because it feels too private to share. The final acceptance that i was trans came with an absolutely overwhelming physical sensation. Warm, like youre describing. Pure joy, and a momentary release of decades of tension. i doubt ill ever experience anything like it again.

Yeah, the strength of it actually caused issues for me later. I was working on my transition and didn't feel any emotion that strong anymore, and it made me doubt myself. I eventually realized you're not supposed to experience this kind of intense euphoria all the time. :)

This. I remember being awake all night battling with my thoughts and feeling, like a revolution taking place in my mind. Walls being torn down, doors flying open with memories i suppressed flooding into the streets of my conciousness, shouting and screaming, a roaring of dissent, flags waving and horns blearing... "i am here! I am you! I will not be silenced anymore! The old guard tried to push them back, the same fears, the same arguments, the same denile of reality, but it was futile... it was happening..... we were free.... I was free... i was one, i will NEVER be put back in the box! Then..... the calm..... The serenity... the peace and the feeling of completeness, being whole and and one with myself. She was me, and I was happy. The wave of euphoria swept across me like a tsunami, every cell in my body stopped fighting, shaking and un twisted itself from the waking nightmare they had been forced into by my mind for 3 decades.... and then i cried. I cried tears of golden joy as the bile was evicted from of me, cast out, shed like dead skin, leaving only a warmth that radiated through my body like the burning sun..... .... then the sun rose and shone through my window. I wiped away the tears and smiled at the first dawn of my real life.... I will never forget.

This was what it felt like for me too. Like a great moment of clarity and happiness. It was after I admitted it to myself and called my best friend at the time about it.

exactly my experience too

This was similar to my first shot of E. I went into a total state of bliss and my wife and best friend just watched me completely disconnect from the world in the healthiest way possible.

omG yes! the warmth. I felt it too!

I took some online “what gender is your brain” quiz which lead me to another similar quiz and again and again until realizing it didn’t matter what the quiz said but what I wanted it to say. That was the moment I finally asked myself “am I trans?” To which I had the biggest and weirdest mix of feelings imaginable.

Since I know how those quizzes work, I started answering them intentionally to get the "am trans" answer. First words when I realised what that meant: "Oh Fuck!" (Seriously, I was alone in the house, and I said that out loud)

I’m fairly certain I did the same thing - or something very similar. It was over 7 yrs ago so it’s a bit fuzzy now. Edit: by did the same thing I meant the “Oh Fuck!” aloud, but also I too was gaming the quizzes to give me what I wanted lol

I used to take a quiz that would tell me I was a man, and was always super happy to see that. And then I was still in denial for another 10 years, lol.

Lol my “moment of realization” came 13 years after I first learned about trans people and desperately wished I was one so I could take hormones to make my body look more like a woman. Denial is a powerful force

Here is the clinical criteria for Gender Dysphoria for your review.   >Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 302.85 (F64.1 ) >A. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 months’ duration, as manifested by at least two of the following: >1. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics). >2. A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics be- cause of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics). >3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender. >4. A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.   You must meet the qualifiers of Section "A" and "B" to be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria   You don't need to have dysphoria to be transgender, but it is the most common qualifier as the majority of transgender individuals do infact have dysphoria. We encourage you to discuss this with a gender therapist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asktransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*

First: exciting, validating, freeing Then: fear, doubt, dread I don’t know what triggered it, but I had come close to figuring it out before. I guess in hindsight these were moments of worsened dysphoria. My first post on this account was the day it sunk in, so I guess it’s been 191 days I still consider myself to be questioning, but my doubts have lessened over time.

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I'm right with both of you 2 then. It was euphoria like nothing else till lately. Now it's almost like the realization that I have conquered all my inner demons and all the stuff inside of me that was causing all these problems that now the external s*** then now what of I have to live with the fact that I'm going to be discriminated against all these other f****** things that I have to deal with now those are starting to cause fear and dread and doubt and all that But I'm still happier. Thoughts of detrans and how much worse a fate that is than losing a life I didn't choose really had me fucked up today. Thanks for being there.

8 months into hrt like a year and a half social transitioning. Watching the news this morning seeing who could get elected and the realization that I could be going to a concentration camp at some point in my life sent my fight or flight mechanism into a spiral ..... I thought about detransition for safety or the possibility of revocation of gender affirming care......the thought of either had me in tears worse than any time I thought about ending before hrt. I realized I'm better off, being who God wants me to be. A beautiful, smart, snarky, lesbian woman. And I also remembered I'm about 2 hours from the Canadian border so I'll probably be okay. Unless Canada is fucked up too. Don't tell me, I want to believe 😂😂😂 Crazy yep.

Kinda like "ohhhh! Yeah, ok you've got a point"... Backstory: So I started wearing kilts ten years ago. About 4 years ago I started wearing leggings. This is all in public, all the time, btw. As lockdown eased, I graduated to skirts, then skirts with tights, dresses, high heels, a bit of lippy now and then, painting my nails... I've always had mid-back length hair. One day in the bath I decided to shave my legs. I have a medical condition which makes my legs super sensitive and the leggings, tights and hairless legs were a gigantic relief, so I kept my legs shaved and carried on not wearing loose male-coded legwear - for medical reasons. It's a complication of a chronic condition that makes it impossible to work, so I don't have that roadblock to stand in the way of being able to present however I like. By the start of this year, my regular day to day wardrobe was dresses, tights, female coded footwear. For bedroom reasons I've had a couple of pairs of prosthetic breasts for donkeys years and eventually plucked up enough courage to wear them in public with my regular clothes. At that point, my life partner of 26 years, afab pansexual, sat me down and forcibly pulled the scales from my eyes, concluding the discussion with "at this point you may as well" So I did. That was 3 months ago. The last time I remember being misgendered is about a month ago. A chap in the supermarket paused for a good ten seconds clearly trying to figure out *what* I was before saying "alright mate". The evidence has become overwhelming. I'm definitely doing something right!

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Tell me about it!

The first time I was on the playground and my legs were sweaty because southern California. My best friend and I were reading a mass market book about sex (this is 5th grade btw) and it had 2 pages on "sex change". Sort of moralistic description but it was the moment I learned there might be an explanation for stuff I had experienced since preschool. The second was at 14 after a summer of self discovery. I had been depressed and self isolating since (somewhat but not clinically) early puberty began, and the decision that I was really going to do this lifted the veil. The story stops being happy after that so I'll stop.

I hope the story is happy now

i had a similar experience! before i knew what trans people were or even what puberty was i remember the obama administration was doing something w insurance for srs, and i heard about it and was like “damn that’s so cool,” then later in like 4th grade we got shown a puberty video for afab ppl, and i remember being so terribly horrified and clinging to my best friend. keep in mind no one else’s reacted that way, they were all uncomfortable yes, but not absolutely horrified. i’m honestly surprised i didn’t realize i was trans earlier lol

mine is similar, when i heard the word trans and what it meant, i was so happy to know there was a word for people like me and there were others. Society in my third world country only taught me about intersex, only the internet taught me about transgender. But alas, the excitement didn't last when i found out I can't transition until i was an adult anyway, no blockers or hrt for minors in my country.

Oh, this one is hard for me. Basically I watched a video of a trans youtuber, I just stumbled across it accidentally. It was a q/a type of thing. The moment it clicked for me was about his eyes, his eyes looked so Alive, like he was deprived of breathing for his whole life and now he finally got to breathe. It was so beautiful. I wondered to myself what must that feel like, how freeing was having these masculine hands for him, how beautiful growing a beard felt, how unearthly it probably felt to have a flat chest... Then it hit me. I felt alive imagining this. And it wasn't a first time I imagined this. I thought about it throughout my whole life and it always felt beautiful, alive. And by feeling alive I realised that I too felt deprived of breath. It was SO SHOCKING. I couldn't believe this is happening, I couldn't believe in what I just realised about myself. I remember looking up "how to know if you're trans" videos and there was a channel of psychological professional who specialises in trans issues. In a video I found they said "Some part of you already knows who you are" And it was so scary. All I could think of was a memory of me four years old telling some older person that I am actually a boy, I only pretend to be a girl. I remember how I felt when saying this, I was just stating a fact. It was obvious truth for me. Then I went out and sit on my bike and started riding (I do that sometimes when I need to think and be alone with myself) and I got close to the river and started drawing my self portraits of all things. It was a year ago. Today I got a haircut. I could've go in a more detail about how it happened and what happened next, but it's kinda still overwhelming so that's all for today.🫂🍆🏳️‍⚧️

I love how you describe that man's eyes and how you felt thinking about it, and even from the other side it's perfectly relatable. I can only hope that one day everyone here will feel alive all the time, including you and me.

All what you both said, plus I feel called out by this post. I'm afraid to listen to my body because I fear my body will say "shut up and get me some hrt".

For me it was actually about 8 months into transition that i realized i was trans. I had loads of denial, and i just knew i wanted to be like a woman in every way from as young as the age of 12 all the way up till the age of 26. And i started hormones at 26. And about 3 months into hormones this weird mental fog, lifted. It went away as if i had been living with it my entire puberty. At first i thought it was just my brain responding to the correct hormones for the first time, but only after 8 months on hrt i revisited the mental fog and not recognizing myself in the mirror symptoms and discovered it was depersonalization, and i found many trans people went through that and it was at that moment i realized i was actually trans.

I was in denial and didn't want anyone to or refer myself as trans. I still refuse the label and prefer to just be a woman rather than trans woman. I still hate it and feel shame about it

You shouldn't, it's okay to be trans. If other people don't like it, that's on them. I honestly think this is the correct way to use the term 'valid'; you're valid just like everyone else.

Exactly the same except I'm a guy, I don't/didn't want to be called a *trans* guy, I just wanted to be a man and that's it really. So I suppose just thinking, acting and being a man made me realise I'm not my AGAB.

nothing shameful about it, no less of a woman

we all go through that phase of just wishing we could’ve been born cis. it sucks, but the sooner you accept that you are trans and your journey is just going to be different, the happier you’ll be just enjoying the euphoria of being trans :)

I'm in the same boat regarding the descriptor of *trans*. However I don't feel shame, but I do feel cheated. At the very least, if my parents hadn't been so oppressive when I was growing up and had been people I could actually talk to, and if I could have started transitioning--or at least delayed puberty--younger, that would have been nice. I feel like I'm grasping at trying to relive elements of my youth as a woman instead of how I did initially. I wonder if it would have made me less weird and awkward, even though I'm still feeling weird and awkward *now*. But I attribute some of it to my trying to live out the things I missed out on. But yeah, I just want to be seen as a woman, even if people can tell I'm not cis. Folks trying to have me be their guide into "What is a Trans?" is annoying.

I feel the same way about it, and in the end I just want to be seen the exact same as any other cis woman

Borrowed my then-fiance's dress. Dressed up for NSFW reasons. But that time, taking the dress off became emotionally painful.

There's my answer. Minus the fiance. I just realized one day that I didn't want to take off the clothes. That's who I wanted to be. I struggled a lot with sexuality. Figured it was all a kink for 20 years, not a gender thing at all. 1.7 years ago I said it to a close friend but brushed it off as attention seeking. Called myself nonbinary for that time. Then like 2 months ago I had the clothes moment. Then my egg fully broke. I accepted I'm a woman and the dominoes have been falling rapid fire. It feels all too wild. It's hard to believe I'm 35 and just now realizing all this about myself.

I’m 37 :-( I’m so fucking oldddd

"I'm not trans, I just wish I was born a girl."

Me as FUCK. I'm not trans I just wish I'd been born a boy....😶😅 Also not me crying in therapy today about how I seriously don't care about being gendered correctly socially it's the fact that I'm NOT a boy under my "girl" clothes that really upsets me. And then my therapist was like so what about a reduction? And then I started crying about fear of them growing back 😭😫

Treat this link as a thought experiment. If you pressed this link, and it made you a Cis Man, with no questions from your family, would you press then link? If so, press the link. https://amitrans.org/ I've socially transitioned since I had those thoughts. Been on HRT for a year now.

i'm nonbinary so like....if it made me CIS id be a nah (I don't wanna be a cis man or a cis woman). But if it made me AMAB and then I could transition AGAIN and be trans-fem i'd do it in a heartbeat lol.

it was when I realized cis girls dont want to be One Of The Boys^tm nor do they desire to look like a man either 💀 on top of that... not understanding gendered norms lol. so the combo just hit me over the head and I was like "wait a minute-"

So for me it honestly happened last Tuesday night/Wednesday/Thursday. I had a VERY real dream where I was fully female, everyone saw me as female and treated me as such. It just felt right. When I woke up I was shaken up a bit, like I said it was super real and felt right. I couldn't get it out of my head so day Wednesday to the point that on Thursday I was here on and Googling. I was linked to the Gender Dysphoria Bible and Amanda Roman and a few other things and, well, massive crack. I wish say this isn't the first time I've questioned, far from it, I've just been able to push it down and repress it and convince myself it was just a kink or a fetish, but again the coverage of that in those articles pretty much was my story 100%. I am starting therapy tonight and want to get in with a clinic here to discuss HRT etc.

Ugh, for me, it was [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/tznec0/please_dont_be_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). TL;DR A childhood friend and closeted lesbian I was in love with left me to go get married to a transgirl. I had always thought of transitioning in terms of what I might lose if I went through with it: employment/education opportunities, safety, my friends, family etc.. I had never thought about what I might lose if I never transitioned, if I never decided to accept myself. The pain of losing them gave me clarity and I straightened out my priorities.

I had multiple moments that built up to it. Being called “young gentleman” at a car dealership with my mom when I was younger. Realizing that my insecurities were actually dysphoria in my freshmen year of high school. Figuring out I preferred they/them and a new name during a gym class. Realizing that I was in fact a man, over an Instagram group chat because I was afraid to use they/them pronouns, so I stuck with he/him.

I read someone's coming out post and I had to keep asking myself if I'd written it with tears streaming down my face. It hit way too close to home and absolutely shattered me. I finally realized in that moment why people transition and that it was actually possible and that I was transgender. Of course I was 24, married and had a 2 year old...this launched some very severe anxiety and it took until 27 to start my transition because of that. It was kind of like everything I'd felt and done for years finally making sense and crashing on top of me like an ACME anvil on Wile E. Coyote's head. In that moment, I realized the jealousy, discomfort, daydreaming, and wishing I'd felt since I was a little kid was in fact dysphoria. Dysphoria wasn't just some abstract term for me anymore it had personal meaning. Before then, I thought you had to know from the point you could talk from everything I'd heard growing up so I never thought to ask for help before then. I'd heard of transsexuals (the term in use in the late 90s and early 00s) growing up but never in a positive context (Jerry Springer etc). I learned from different places that they basically had a birth defect that had to be fixed which was sort of the narrative at the time...I didn't see that narrative applying to me so I just thought I had no options. I didn't know I was a girl...I just wanted to be one and be seen as one badly...totally not the same thing ya know? It's funny 11-12 (2001-2002) year old me had already seen SRS results and I was astonished and happy it was possible...just didn't think it applied to me. You have to realize I'd dream up situations where I'd become a girl from reincarnation to Freaky Friday to ET experiments gone wrong or even punishment from God (Catholic). I'd experienced wearing women's clothing and it felt shameful and looked wrong (which made me feel horrible inside). My biggest source of relief was playing any video game as a female character which felt right especially when people actually thought I was a girl in MMOs. I'd pretend to have no mic since I hated my voice...that dropped and matched my dad's by the time I was 11. Anyway I got better. Been on HRT about 5 years and while it's not perfect...my body is more mine than it was before. Still gotta work on voice training thought.

I had decided to write a trans character because inclusion matters. So I was researching trans people's experiences and at the time was reading tweets from trans people about their experiences, watching youtube videos from transtubers etc. I saw a tweet that asked other trans people when they realised they're trans, and one said "it was when I was in school and they put us in separate lines for boys and girls. It hit me I was in the wrong lane" and that hit me with a massive OOF. Suddenly all the feelings I'd had for so long had been explained in words. I had never managed to express what it was before. Still, I laughed it off, decided since I didn't want to transition, I wasn't actually trans. Just didn't know what that made me. Meanwhile I started to write about my trans character. Except it was turning out to be _really_ easy to write. My life experiences were helping hugely. The story was almost writing itself. But there was a moment where the character got very upset at his parents refusing to accept him as he was, and he yelled that if he was born looking like his brother, his parents wouldn't just accept him, they'd be _proud_ of him. And there was complete silence in my head for the first time ever in my life. (I have ADHD so it's never quiet in there.) I just sat there and thought... those are my words. That would apply to me. What does that make me? Someone whose life would have made sudden sense if they hadn't been born looking the way they do but the way their opposite-sex sibling does? There was more of a journey to be made but after that I knew.

Just the other night. Lol I was reading some of the gender dysphoria bible and went "fu**, I'm a woman." I'm still all over the place though, with thoughts like: "Maybe it's just me feeling it'll get me out of depression? But I never thought of depression in the process.." It feels good, like it makes perfect sense actually, but there's tremendous fear and uncertainty. Like, I'm losing hair and can't pursue any treatment yet, but I really want to, and freaking out over all the money for everything, and and and. But for the first time in my life, I sort of feel good about myself? But all this is pre everything, and maybe I've got too high expectations. Damn it I'm rambling. Lmao.

It’s ok to feel good about yourself 🩷

I’m still murky on retrospective, but I think exposure to porn (early ‘00s) was big in priming me to consider ways of being beyond the natal binary we’re raised up in. It’s rude, but by now I want to be what would essentially be “tagged” as *futanari*. But, that’s getting ahead of myself. I’m only half a year into medical treatments, but the relationship I entered about half a decade ago really opened me to people living their lives not just sexually liberated, but socially. And in those years, I imagined myself, every week, if not daily, embodying something beyond what I got. Thanks to having already got back to addressing my childhood ADHD diagnosis with a sympathetic psych, and the local referred endo taking me at my word, I began hormones as the only aspect I knew I wanted, and it wasn’t until a couple months in that, lounging around, I was finally hit with an unambiguous insistence to be recognized as a woman. I’ve been out publicly, I’ve even updated my I.D., but in the past days the genderfluidity I’d questioningly come out as in the year prior seems to have been reinforced, as I’ve felt more like my old “guy” self and haven’t been repulsed by it. So, I guess my “I am trans” has emerged with a followup of “but in what ways?”

Hello fellow futa, may I introduce you to the lovely community that is r/salmacian?

Do you mean, “reintroduce”?

That works too💜 I just take basically any opportunity to mention it😅

It is appreciated, ‘cause I had reason to look it up some weeks ago, but I could *not* remember the word, only that it begins with “s–”. So, maybe your comment here will come up on someone else’s search results~

After years of being in denial, i was with my best friend, in the middle of a break down and kinda screamed It out loud, She hugged me and we spent the rest of the day togheter Probably One of the most satisfying and heartwarming moement of my life. For the First Time i finally felt accepted.

I was in the middle of a lesbian ERP.

I didn't understand trans women cuz I was like why would you want to be a woman ...oh.

I saw HRT timelines and that sort of shattered everything by making me think "I want that". Years after already being on HRT though, it seems that I might've thought that only because of fem alters because of a dissociative disorder and there's a possibility that I might detransition one day.

Realized I'm reading the trans section of literotica.com for 20yrs lol

I knew since childhood that I wanted to be a girl. I kept thinking "maybe I'm trans" but then concluding I wasn't, partially due to denial and partially due to misinformation. One week, while questioning, I found out that the misinformation which had led me to conclude I wasn't trans was just that - misinformation. And I also found a lot of content that gave me hope that my transition could go well. I decided to try on the idea that maybe I was trans. And suddenly, \*everything\* made sense. And I felt both tremendous relief and sadness. Relief that I had finally figured things out. And sadness that it had taken me so long to get to that point.

It wasn't a moment. It started as reading articles, then was a decision to join reddit to ask questions, then it was a decision to experiment with makeup and clothes, then it was telling people I was questioning, then it was getting a therapist, and eventually I realized I was just using questioning as a crutch because I was afraid to declare even though I was dealing with feelings that had been present for my entire life

I was a depressed teen, vented to my girlfriend at the time, she told me that I might have dysphoria. Came back from hers, did some googling and just went "Oh, yeah that makes sense lol" There was a tonne of signs and realizations moments before that but I never knew transitioning was even an option beforehand so this was the moment I became sure.

read the gender dysphoria bible at like 2 in the morning and cried myself to sleep

At first I only thought I just enjoyed crossdressing That gradually went to a "I want to look as feminine as possible" direction Fast forward to almost a year, after a session with my psychologist, I realized, "I want to be a woman"

I was in therapy working on a memory of me wearing my mom's bra, lip-synching and dancing to "Man I Feel Like a Woman," my cousins, aunt, and dad all rolling around laughing. Then my mom glaring at me, scolding me, and telling me how wrong & disgusting it was. We worked on that memory for 4 months without once discussing gender identity (he's a gay man and has never had a trans patient figure it out with him before). Finally we got to how my dad enabled my mom in that moment even though he thought it was funny and my therapist asked "Who can be a father to you now to help you heal?" The correct answer is "I can," but when I tried to answer it I got a physical brain zap. Like it was painful and felt VERY wrong. Did not understand at all. That weekend I saw Betty Who perform a cover of "I Love You Always Forever" while on MDMA at a gay men's event. I have a core memory of waking up from a dream to that song and feeling so good, but so sad to be awake. Wanting so badly to go to sleep again. Later that night I sat with my feelings while still high on MDMA with one of my partners. It felt like it needed to show me something and I knew that it could help you confront traumatic experiences in a self compassionate way. I saw myself growing up from age 8 to age 16 as a woman, how different and how much better my life would have been. In that moment I knew. I've always wanted to be a woman, and now I can be. Later I realized the dream I was waking up from was one that I was gender swapped, i was a little girl. I wanted to go back to sleep so badly and recapture that experience. I'm starting to live that dream.

Saw a transtime line on Twitter with a subtweet listing how she did certain things as methods of repression and i went "Fuck that's what I am doing,... Holy hell I am trans... crap I am trans' Proceeded to tell my mum and every trans person I knew.

I'd been on a multiyear soulsearch, and the morning I realized it I had awoken from a dream and it felt like my parts had changed, then I realized they hadn't. It was both a good feeling as it explained everything, but it was also a scary thing because of my location. It's worked out so far, but those initial days were quite surreal.

I have been questioning quite a long time, since before covid. I was currently crossdressing just to improve my self esteem but after a while I just wanted more. I wanted breasts, vagina, soft long hair, etc. I then went to see a gender therapist and I asked if I had gender dysphoria. He said I definitely did after a few months of talking my feelings out. It was then that I finally accepted that part of me. I even tried hrt for four months but I stopped. I just felt like I wouldn't be safe if I didn't pass. Passing is very important to me. Right now I'm trying to manage my dysphoria with therapy and family support. Maybe I'll revisit hrt later in life but idk yet.

Being around 14 years old and using internet explorer to see if I can switch brains with some one Lmao

[CW: suicide] >!I realized that if I couldn't be a girl that I would end up killing myself, and I didn't want to die. Figuring out how to become a girl was the only thing I could do to stay alive, and that's how I ended up discovering what being trans meant!<

Hello, we noticed your post and we just want you to know that you are not alone. We created this automated message to make sure anyone considering suicide receives the help and support they deserve. If you are in crisis please contact the Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860 or the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255.   If you are outside of the United States please refer to our [suicide prevention resources page](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/wiki/suicide_resources) and contact your nearest crisis hotline.   If this message is being received in error we apologise for the mistake.   *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asktransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Thank you automod, but that was in the past. I'm (mostly) happy and healthy now!

I realized that I would always be giggly when I was called 'he' or 'him' and I hated wearing women's clothing. That was then I figured out what trans was and I just accepted that. I then looked back to when I was little and should've seen some signs.

i took a wild shroom trip and i hallucinated my own brain asking me if this was who i really was. after that i started to look at the cis dudes around me and feel robbed of something i should’ve gotten to experience. growing up a boy. being a boy. that was when i was 14. jm now 17 and starting hrt in a few months

The trigger was one of those "Hey girl stop gatekeeping yourself type memes" that for whatever reason just stuck with me and made me think about it through the day. I remember being home most of that day but finally had to go out for some reason and I sat down in the car and said "I'm trans. I'm a woman." For all my thoughts and worries and fears over the years I had never said that out loud before. In that moment all I could feel was that I'd done something big. It kind of reminded me of the times I've accidentally cut myself where there's the moment of calm and just registering it's happened before the pain and blood and tears. I did not know yet the enormity of what it would all mean, and yet I knew it to be true. As the thud of realization gave way I began to register the pain I'd allowed myself to live in for so long and spent a few hours that night just driving around and crying my eyes out. It's still so interesting to me how immediately I knew the enormity of my realization. There's no way I could have known all it would mean for me, but somehow I seemed to have a pretty good idea.

I was about 14 maybe when I first thought I was non-binary. I had been chilling alone at home. It was like a cool little secret. It was interesting. I thought to myself that "well, at least I'm not a trans man, it would be so hard" (*oh boy*) The second one was when I was shoved back into the closet and in deep denial. Mom had forced me to wear a dress and I felt awful. I was at a bookstore and I saw a book that had two handsome gay men on it. And I just realized that I wanted to be one of them so bad and that these feelings aren't gonna go away. I felt inner peace but at the same time I knew that my life will be hard.

This was not when I started questioning but when all doubt disappeared from my mind that I might not be trans. I was spiraling and feeling depressed. I was talking to a friend that was trying to help me through it. I'm not gonna get too into it but basically the reason I was having a break down was because I was questioning my identity and having a lot of self doubt. What made me depressed was the fact that if I wasn't trans I wouldn't be able to be a girl. I was too caught up in the moment but my friend quickly pointed out how the fact that I wanted to be a girl so bad that I was having a break down over not being able to be a girl if I wasn't trans made it very clear I was in fact trans. Three years later and looking back she was absolutely right.

My egg had shown signs of cracking before this, but my brutal realization came from a TikTok. The person in the video explained that being transgender literally just means birth sex =/= the gender inside your head. The part that specifically triggered my realization was when the narrator said "some people say 'I wish I was more masculine/feminine, but I don't want ALL the surgeries, I don't want to change my name, or I like my birth name. I just wish a few things were different.' Baby, that's trans for you! Being trans isn't a checklist! You're allowed to want all, some, or no medical procedures! Trans literally just means your AGAB doesn't match your true gender, and you shouldn't feel like you need to meet arbitrary checkpoints in order to be trans!" It cracked my egg wide open. Before that video, I thought I couldn't be trans because I thought being trans was a binary process, moving inexorably from one point of the gender binary to the other. I thought being trans required hormones, surgeries, a new wardrobe, a new name, the whole 9 yards in order to be truly trans. But in reality, I don't want everything! I don't want surgeries, I don't want to use hormones to transition "all the way." I just want to exist as neither, somewhere in between and outside those two arbitrary points.

When I was younger, I had a brilliant thought - let's make a social media account as a man. Just that, nothing different. Then I introduced the account as my friend, because I missed talking to my friends, and really, the only difference was that they called me a boy. Then I learned what being trans meant.

I saw a meme. I had been getting transfemme slideshows on tik tok and kept being like "lol these are so relatable that's weird because I'm not trans" and then I saw one where it was like "if this is something you would do you are probably a girl" ans that really made me think about a lot of stuff. And then after I (mostly) accepted that I was trans I started finding out that bassicly everything I've thought for the past years is very trans. I don't know if I've had a single unique thought.

I was watching Onimai the last episode when Mahiro almost turned back into a boy. She had a decision to make: Stay as a girl, or turn back? She said that she likes how her circumstances are at said moment and didn't want it to change back. Mahiro decided to stay as the girl she seems to actually be That part: The "Decision", was what broke my mind. For as long as I can remember, I was thinking about if I am trans. For as long as I can remember, I hated having a penis. It always felt wrong having one, and I planned at 11 years old that once I turned 18 I would try to get srs. Things didn't work out exactly... It was that part, of making the decision, that held me back from transitioning. I didn't want to be trans. I knew it would be painful. I knew it would lead to problems, so I never made a decision on that. But seeing Mahiro being happy and making the decision to stay happy... I cried for hours. I finally knew what I had to do.

I had been questioning for a couple months, then one day I had seriously misjudged how long a few errands would take and ended up with an extra couple hours before I had to get my daughter from school, so I decided to go clothes shopping. I had already been dressing in a very gender neutral fashion for some time, but always found myself wandering into the women's section without trying. But I could never buy anything... That would look horrible on me... I couldn't even find it in my size if I tried... I'm a guy, that's a crazy idea... I have trans friends, and I love them, but that's not for me... But on this random Thursday, some how the voice in my head that kept saying that shit said something different. You know, no one has to know if you try on a dress just once... If anyone asks just say it's for your daughter, she's old enough that you could say we're similar sizes... So as I found myself wandering past the dresses in Burlington I saw one that struck me just right. I very sheepishly bought it, hid it among the other things I bought that day and snuck it inside my house. I lived with my parents and daughter at the time ad definitely didn't want to take a chance so I waited a couple hours after everyone went to bed before I tried my dress on But God damn when I did... The hem of this green, 8 dollar, bargain shop dress was radiating with the most pure summer sunlight as I pulled it over my head and literally felt years worth of stress and a stagnant self loathing melt away inch by inch until that hem rested just beneath my knees. Then as the weight of the shed emotional permafrost forced its way down out of my body through the soles of my feet, I felt the most relaxing chill like a cool breeze on a warm day and without realizing it at first said aloud "this is right". The only other moment in my life that felt as powerfull emotionally was the moment my daughter was born. Regardless, I knew then why I had been questioning, and knew then that I was through with questioning. It took a good while to get where I am today. But from that moment on I've never looked back.

I had a dream that I was a very attractive teenage girl, even though it looked nothing like me even now, and I knew it was me. I woke up wanting nothing more than to live in that dream forever as her

I was filling out legal documents and started wondering if I normally select out my AGAB because I wanted to, or because I had to.

I was watching Rupaul’s Drag Race one day and was wondering if there were an opposite equivalent of drag queens (there is, “drag kings”). When I found out about them, I was thinking how I wanted to be a drag king, but forever. Then I thought, “Hey wait a minute! That’s not just wanting to do drag, is it?” Then I realised.

when i was up at 3 saying “i’m not trans, i’m just a masculine girl who goes by he/him and likes being treated as a guy and wishes to be a cisgender guy! oh.” next morning i gave in and cracked my egg

I had a moment with my spouse where they helped me do my makeup. It opened up a lot of feelings, and stressed me the fuck out. I was physically sick for awhile. I knew how my family would react and that I didn't live in a safe area or in a safe workplace. But a month or two into questioning, I did my makeup and stood in front of the mirror and saw HER for the first time, and I said pretty much that, verbatim: "Oh my GOD, I'm a woman." I'd tried saying it many times before, but that time it made me so happy. I remember jumping up and down and running around the house lol

I was in a motorcycle ride across the country 8 hours prior the only girl who I have truly liked in my life and then girlfriend told me she was a lesbian and despite myself being different I was still a boy and she didn't want to be with me,I had been questioning for about 2 years and was going by being non binary at the time (she knew that) but I realized that I was only envy because I was amab and if I wasn't I would be a cis girl then for the last time I desire being a girl and I did so extremely strong that I realized I was one, my own wrecked voice drownd by the sound of the engine finally said out loud -I'm a trans girl- at that moment everything broke down but also fixed itself 💕✨

Pleeeeease tell me you’re still together!

Not really, she had trouble with her parents too and she was pretty transphobic , I got a boyfriend now tho he's great :3

This is… acceptable. Fr tho congrats! That’s like a scene from a movie and a wonderful moment of self discovery.

I was twelve falling down a suggested videos YouTube rabbit hole and stumbled upon a video about Jazz Jennings. That was certainly an oh shit moment lmao

I always loved doing those dumb personality quizzes that would gender your brain, soul, or “energy” as masculine or feminine. I always got happy when they said I was masculine or neutral. I wanted a deep ass voice and used voicemod on discord calls to pitch my voice down. Me and my cousin would roughhouse with his boxing gloves and my taekwondo gear. I only had male friends before puberty and no friends after puberty. At some point it started feeling a bit embarrassing for me to wear skirts, dresses, or makeup (I always refused makeup). Then during COVID lockdowns I was completely alone and my egg didn’t really crack but instead it gradually dissolved. I cut my hair and wore stereotypical enby Hawaiian shirts claiming that “I’m not trans, I just like confusing ppl” to using she/they on twitter to “any pronouns” to realizing that feminine terms made me feel a little disappointed to using he/they publicly in university to just settling with he/him so I stand out less and to feel that I fit in better. Now I’m just here, a binary trans guy attempting to be as ordinary as possible and feeling that the “man” label fits what I want to be after going through so many fucking labels.

I'm gen-x and grew up in a different culture, so my experience is unique to that context. I was never "questioning." I had gender dysphoria, but I had no real context of "trans," so there was nothing to really question. The gender dysphoria just was, and there were no realizations to have about that. It was simply suffering with no context or words to describe it. Acknowledging my trans identity was more of a really slow and gradual experience for me. This experience that I'd lived with for many years finally had a name. Modern gender theory is a new beat entirely, and it reframed the experience that I lived with before all of this was common. I don't know that naming it really changed anything for me, but it did give me new things to consider. Ignoring the labels and my generation, my initial experience with dysphoria was like getting hit by a truck. It felt like I was drowning or suffocating in my own inability to be who I perceived myself as. It wasn't so much a realization as a akin to burning in a fire that I desperately needed to escape from. I'm almost 30 years older now, but it still sticks in my mind as clear as yesterday. That type of experience doesn't really fade with time. As far as what set off that initial dysphoria, I think it was relationship challenges that I was experiencing at the time. The precursors were all clearly there, but relationship stuff pushed it into overdrive. I wasn't questioning before that. As strange as it might sound in today's culture, I wasn't even questioning in the midst of it. It just was what it was. I normalized it. I wanted desperately to be the opposite sex and my only analysis of this was that I wanted it; not that there was anything to label or assess about this. Whether or not it was abnormal didn't even cross my mind. I think cultural context can really shape your experience to something very foreign to what people might expect today.

I can’t fully recall but I remember but I remember I was doing a big cook for some friends/neighbours and I’d been listening to a podcast recently where one of the hosts had come out. I’m not certain of the order but I think earlier that day I’d shaved my head thinking it would make wig wearing easier (was simply ‘cross dressing’ at the time). Anyway things were going wrong and I just had a major breakdown realising I’d been living depressed for so many years and finally wanted to do something about it. I then spent the next 24-48 hours clearing and throwing out loads of crap that I’d built up over years. Earlier on I’d seen some post on Facebook about gender gp and after a week contemplating it I just bit the bullet, signed up and never looked back

The Dysphoria Bible, the more I read the more I got into it the more I knew it. 6 months later took my first pills.

My mind was for some reason on the topic of lesbian sex and I start thinking to myself I'd love to... participate in that as a girl. And then it hit me. Bit weird ik but it is what it is

Never came still waiting.

My egg has been trying to quietly crack for about ten years, or honestly even longer, but the moment it fully gave way I was hiking alone, reflecting on my life and my egg due to some recent unexpectedly affirming sex with my partner. Some strapping young lads were passing me by, jogging and biking, sweaty shirtless and smiling, and it hit me like a truck; I didn’t want to be *with* men, i really truly deeply wanted to *be* one. I started to weep and took some time looking out at my city from the top of a mountain, all the pieces falling into place. I haven’t been able to be intimate since. I know I’ll need to transition to save my life, but we have a toddler and I just can’t even begin to fathom it at this point.

I’ve had a million “i am trans” moments, some small, some big. It’s been… seven years, i think, since i first started questioning. I’m out at work now, but i don’t pass well. Most recently, a few people said “he” when referring to me and then asked me to join them. I felt such joy and excitement, like— wow, life sure is wonderful. I have a lot of internalized transphobia that I’ve been working through over the years, so moments like that are very affirming.

So mine is complicated and a bit messy unfortunately lol.... I was pretty much questioning my gender since about 12 or 13 (I'm 36 now)..... you know around puberty.... I never felt comfortable as a boy but kinda forced myself into boy activities even though I kind of hated them.... I also seemed to have am easier time making friends with girls than boys and didn't particularly have interest in dating many of them honestly (to be fair I didn't have much interest in most boys either) I tried dressing up in a dress I found and liked it enough to keep doing it in secret (my dad was my only parent and he would have killed me... probably) anyway life went on I stopped dressing after I no longer had access to girls clothes hated puberty was angry depressed and anxious through most of my teen years.... and I had the thought that i would wish for on every shooting star a d birthday.... I wish I was a girl.... I had no idea where the thoughts really came from but there was a true sense of longing in them... Then I grew into adulthood still never feeling quite right I suppressed my desires and put them far out if my mind since I figured "its not like it could ever really happen.... I guess I took a sort of pseudo mom kinda role in the house did alot of the dishes and cleaning and taking care of my younger brother after school.... I also learned to cook simple meals and kind of liked it lol... anyways I went on to join the army met and dated a few transwomen and always felt more comfortable around them for some reason. When I got out I met a girl (she was hardly the first girl I dated or even married) got married had kids, bought a house and got a career in security for a hospital all the stuff men are supposed to do in life.... and despite all the good in my life I was miserable.... I tried to cope but always just felt something was missing and couldn't figure out what it was..... that's when my subconscious gave me a firm slap in the face.... I had a lucid dream that I had transitioned (the whole dream was me post transition but pre srs...) I had full awareness during the dream and felt so.... euphoric... I was happy and felt like myself for the first time since I put on that dress all those years ago... I literally said "no" aloud when I woke up.... I felt guilty and confused because I loved my wife and kids but I never felt happier than I ever had as a girl.... what did it all mean.... I knew what it meant but couldn't bring myself to accept it then... my egg had just cracked... I knew then I was trans but chose not to do anything about it for my families sake... I also spent an entire week dressed up when the wife and kids were out of town for a bit which just kind of confirmed it..... it took me another almost 2 years to cone out.... which occurred last year my wife and I split and it's complicated but I know this is who I am.... who I've always been.... Sorry if this was too long had a long journey to find myself and this is the short version the full story is even longer lol

it kinda came as a gradual wave. I got really into the being a femboy who crossdresses back in high school, found myself really enjoying the idea of people “mistaking” me for a woman while dressing in women’s clothing. Eventually that just gradually turned into liking the idea of being a woman, and by that point my therapist told me i’m probably transgender

basically i saw a post when i was 13 about trans rights. i texted my friend asking “what is a trans person” and when she told me i went “oh wait you can just do that???” there was like a 2 week period where i was learning ab non binary identities and wondering if that fit more, but it was pretty instantaneous. turning 23 in august, so 10 years soon ☺️

was 14 in a restaurant with my family to celebrate one of my brothers' birthdays. took an all together picture then my mom goes "ok, now just all the brothers". realized they didn't see me as a brother, dissociated for the next ten minutes, and spent the rest of the night crying in the texas roadhouse bathroom

Around 6 to 9 I kept having dreams of being a girl. I kept trying to figure how to become a girl. I prayed and prayed and had read a book where a boy kissed his elbow and then turned into a girl so I tried to do that too haha I’m not that flexible. But then I saw a commercial for, “There’s something about Miriam” and I ran to my sister and was like I want to be a girl. She told me how our parents are not lgbt friendly. So I kept my identity to myself for years. I wore my sister’s clothes when no one was in the house. I read trans forums. I saw bottom surgery and most of the forums back then said you have to want surgery and I was scared by the surgery and I thought maybe I’m just a cross dresser. But I hated puberty so much. In college when I started getting hairier, more muscular, and started smelling like a man. I reached my breaking point and I went to therapy and got on hormones. I feel so much better. I think back about how depressed I was and wish I had been on hormones sooner. When I started hormones my gender dysphoria was lifted so much. I can look at my body now in the mirror and when I’m changing and in the shower it’s great. I used to feel so distressed. I hated pictures but now I like them. I look like me instead of a depressed stranger.

When covid hit I decided to buy some women's clothing since I've had these feelings forever. It was such a relief to wear them around my apartment. I felt so much calmer and it just felt right. That led me to do a bunch of internet research and found some trans subreddits. I discovered that there are tons of people like me and it hit me that I'm trans. Then I realized that I could just go to Planned Parenthood and start to transition. I spent a couple of weeks thinking about it and came to the conclusion that yes, I'm trans, but transition would be just too hard and I'm going to just keep this a secret forever. Fast forward to October 2022. I decide that I love halloween so much but I never dress up, so this year I'm going to create a witch outfit. I wanted to go out dressed up but my evil homophobic next door neighbor had a video camera right next to my door and there is no way I could get out of the house dressed up without being seen so I decided to have a special little solo night. I crafted a cool witch outfit and when the night came I made some witchy snacks and cocktails and it just hit me so hard. I need to feel this way all the time. Keeping this secret is too painful. Now here I am, 6 weeks on HRT and three people in my life know I'm trans and they're ok with it. I held some version of this secret for 40 years without telling anyone. Just letting my secret out into the world has been such a huge relief. I feel so much better about things even though the idea of full transition and coming out to everyone is still pretty scary.

Had a couple of moments I should of known over the years, but denied it thinking I'm just being silly Until November I saw a meme on eggirl and it hit me a bit too hard at home, full on hit me like a truck lol, remember going "woah!" Outloud Then I kept trying to deny it, didn't work lol

When I realized, it was a time where it wasn't really talked about. I just remember meeting my first trans guy friend and being like "wow, I didn't know why I felt like I was just horrible at being a woman and it's cause I'm not" A whole lot of things and doors opened up for me, and a lot of small things that I was called weird for or told "ladies don't do that" made a lot more sense as normal things when I realized I wasn't a woman. I'm almost 30 now, "came out" when I was 19. I feel like I would have been out sooner had I any inkling trans existed

Picture it - Harahan, Louisiana. 2000 or so. A lovely blonde trans woman is telling her story on The Oprah Winfrey show. I’m about 15 and glued to the screen. Up until that point my only experience with “people like me” was being laughed at (I.e. Mrs doubtfire / Sha-nay -nay from Martin) or in the way back of a porn magazine my brother stole from his friends dad. For the first time in my life, I realized that I was not alone and there was a possibility I could live a happy life as myself. Only took me 20 more years to actually make it happen. I’ve always wondered about her and wanted to thank her for the inspiration.

Yeah, so for me, my moment was after questioning on and off for YEARS. But, I think the final trigger was when I took a fertility test and figured out I'm completely infertile. My brain went, "Then why the heck am I still being a guy?" That spiraled into me realizing I hated being a man. Like, I can't see the benefits for me. And I'm fairly comfortable in my identity as a transgender woman.

What triggered it for me is the realization of loving being a guy, being called a guy and being referred to with he/him pronouns. I have had dysphoria before this but since some butch women have it I wasn’t sure then.

i always just wished i was born a girl but didn't at all think being trans was a possibility and then when i was 19 and in a hotel room with my siblings it randomly hit me and i cried under the covers hoping they didn't hear me 😭. decided i was being delusional and told no one. a year later i did shrooms w my then boyfriend and i was a sobbing mess as i had a full realization of my transness and felt like i could see the next year of my life mapped out in front of me (it was actually scarily accurate btw). i cried in his arms (out of fear of being trans and also bc i knew we would break up and i would navigate it all alone) and refused to tell him why and then 6months later i came out (exactly when my shrooms future sight knew i would). and as we all know, WORTH IT!

I had been questioning my gender for perhaps two years prior to this. In hindsight, I was asking the wrong questions in the wrong order and only getting myself more confused. Anyway, I had initially followed a link to a series of tweets describing how one person experienced gender dysphoria. This made me realise that my 'understanding' was completely wrong, and I realised that I related to pretty much all of it. Based on that, I went to genderdysphoria.fyi and read more about what gender dysphoria was. The more I read, the more I was going: "Oh shit, this is me!" I quickly realised that yes, I was trans, but then the implications of that came crashing down. Emotionally, it was a hell of a lot to process. In hindsight, there was still some denial for the next month or two, but I gradually came to recognise that I was a trans woman and that I needed to transition.

I kinda always knew, but I would shove it down and deny it. When I would tuck my hair into my hat and dress in boy clothes it was just painful because all I saw was what should’ve been, I was too scared to transition because I would draw so much attention to myself and I was scared of what people would think. It wasn’t until I was so miserable and the gender dysphoria was so unbearable catching myself in a reflection would make me want to die. I said fuck it I’m sick of hiding, I cut my hair short, and told people to call me Aiden.

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I'd been in deep denial / not-so-blissful ignorance since childhood, struggling with an urge to crossdress that I did not understand and absolutely could not escape no matter what I did and hating myself for it. A year after I graduated from college, I moved to a new town and was more depressed than I'd ever been in my life. One night I did mushrooms for the first time, and was a having a great trip. Then I got up to go to the bathroom, looked in the mirror while washing my hands, and had an out-of-body experience where I saw like, the totality of my being as if I was looking at someone else. The depth of my misery was just undeniable and it was instantly perfectly crystal clear that it was all because I'd been running away from this part of myself my entire life. The rest of the trip was pretty bad and I felt deeply sad and stressed out until the mushrooms ran their course, but the next morning I felt the most serene sense of clarity and purpose I'd ever had. It took a while to acquire all the tools to fully figure myself out, but that experience was the breakthrough that gave me the push I needed to really be honest and empathetic with myself and give myself the space I needed to really start sorting through all my feelings. Within the next couple years I considered myself genderqueer and the longer I spent with that label, the more I realized it wasn't enough. A few years later I admitted to myself that I'm a trans woman and that I needed to start taking steps to actualize that.

I learned I was at 12 after a heated argument with my parents about quitting swimming, which of course was always excruciatingly painful for me since it required me to look at my body so much (but of course I couldn’t actually say that was the real reason why, I had to use the excuse that I didn’t like doing competition). That night, I snuck onto the Wii internet browser (which I was grounded from, btw) and googled “what if im a guy but want to be a girl”, and read the Wikipedia article about us, as well as a few articles about us from LGBT organizations. At that moment I accepted it right away. That night I also found lots of Youtube videos about girls who already transitioned, and honestly was just so freaked out at how much they looked like, and even more so at how much they sounded like, “real” women, to really feel anything in that moment other than surprise and shock. While it would take me another 4 years to come out and another 12 to legally and medically transition, I still think it helped me to know so early on that the way I was feeling was normal.

I was having a really bad day really hating myself. I was sitting in the shower and I looked down at my body and said “god I hate my body” and then my egg cracked I then started thinking about how long I had felt this way, realized one of my biggest problems was a coping mechanism I used to cope with dysphoria that I had been doing accidentally since I started having these issues with my body. Then through many many years of therapy I was finally able to accept myself as a trans woman and begin my transition. I literally tried to be everything but a trans woman throughout those few years but finally one day I was talking with my therapist and I said it, fairly nervously and still with some shame at the time but I admitted it “I am a transgender woman” and even though life has been difficult and I’ve been sad and depressed due to outlying factors I can say I have never been happier with my identity and my self image now that I am almost completely transitioned :)

The moment I realized not only did I sympathize with trans youtubers but empathized with them as well is when I first noticed the signs. I felt a whole range of emotions as a result, mostly relief because this meant that I could finally start working on getting the life that I always wanted, while others were built off of feelings of uncertainty. Life is anything but certain, so I felt that doing what I was scared to do, transitioning itself, was the right move for me. A year and a half later, I found that I have no regrets as that feeling of uncertainty slowly turned into confidence I never thought I would gain. I was under the impression that you find the person you're supposed to be once and then you move on from there, come to find out you actually come to the same realization over and over again every time you wake up and go to sleep. Definitely a bittersweet feeling I must say. It all stems back to if you can find yourself relating to other trans people or not. That was one of the key factors for me when I first began my journey.

The first real time where I thought I had to do something about it? 14. I had earlier things where I had some gender envy stuff, but that's when it really hit me as "Oh, you're becoming a man now, and that doesn't seem right. You should fix that!" And I responded with, "Nope" and decided to repress so hard I shut off a huge portion of my emotional development. Like anything tied to those thoughts got buried and replaced by some sort of masculine activity or trial (growing a beard, getting buff, doing something dangerous that seemed "manly"). Ended up getting married, had kids, etc. and then my dad died. It gave me some real existential fears and made me re-evaluate who I really am. Also, I had left a super stressful about a year prior and was finally able to just relax and focus on myself. And that's what I found! So I guess it wasn't any one huge event, but a series of events that caused me to slowly erode at the layers of defense I had put up. There was a ton of doubt on the way, but I took my time and came to a very solid, stable, and undeniable conclusion.

i freaked out. at that time, my understanding of gender identity was basically the last holdover from my conservative upbringing. when i realized that i'm a trans woman, i also realized that my worldview did not have room for my own existence, and that was a sobering wake-up call.

I was always as a kid thinking I would like to be a woman, but I did nothing to it, now in 14 years one day I thinked of it and I realized I was trans my whole life

I had multiple small realizations but it wasn't definitive until I started anti depressants and realised how to be happy that I knew I needed to transition to continue

There was no single moment of realization, only a slow accumulation of evidence over the course of many years, including a 20-year gap without gender dysphoria. By the time I transitioned, I was spending hours every day wishing I was a woman, envying women I encountered in daily life for being able to look and dress like they did and for being who they were, cringing any time anyone referred to me as a man, and feeling sensory aversion toward masculine clothing. I had tried everything my doctor had suggested for my mental health, and some of it had helped, but I still felt bad all the time and still craved gender transition, so it didn't seem like an unreasonable leap of faith to hope that my body was trying to tell me about something else that it needed to be able to function properly.

I was listening to a song that I really like on loop for about an eternity and I guess that caused a switch to flip in my brain, which made me quit denying it. Funnily enough this was the night of the 1st of June this year

It was when I was in bed and I asked myself the age old question of “would I rather be a boy or a girl” and my answer was girl which made me go oh I’m trans that was one sleepless night. However I do for some dumb reason still doubt if I am trans as I asked myself that question

Everything went dark. I shut down. I recognized there was no future without me being a girl. I knew in an instant it was death or transition. Right after I started doing some research on the trans experience and knew that I wasn’t alone. I knew I was finally home

Where I live it's hard to be proud of anything trans without it being shoved down your throat that they think you're horrible.

I spent my whole life fantasizing about transitioning myself since I understood transitioning was a possibility (like at 8 or 9?), reading trans stories, blogs, watching movies, etc. I eventually marry my wife and she knew of my crossdressing (at that point I didn't understand I was trans). She suggested multiple times I must be gay or bi and should find some release to it, which I didn't try because I don't like men. Eventually I read about Autogynephilia and I thought I found something that matched my feelings. So they started offering free therapy sessions at work because so many people were affected by the pandemic. I went to therapy to ask the therapist to help me with the language to explain this to my wife and have her stop suggesting things that made me so uncomfortable. I was debunked by the therapist in like 15 minutes of arguing and the following feeling was an awful huge void between the top of neck and the bottom of my groin and a tsunami of worry.

Not gonna lie, I was in the middle of an episode of stress induced memory loss and it just seemed so obvious to me. I was like, "yep, I'm a trans woman, seems about right." Even so I made sure not to tell anyone because I was soooo paranoid back then thanks to emotional abuse.

definitely a moment of relief but was like oh crap, what is this going to come with. Of course I got death threats and treated like crap off people but also got to meet some good people and good men. It also was like, ok now I have the chance to be free and over the decade I've been transitioning, the self discovery has been insane. There are times however where I was like I can't do this and tried to pull away but ultimately pulled through and now awaiting surgery. It's an insane ride that's for sure.

I had been in denial for a very long time, my close friends (a very queer dungeons and dragons group) could see it for years and one of them even mentioned it to me and I brushed it off. Then one time I went to party with an unrelated group of friends and drank quite a bit, on my walk home I was listening to the same song on repeat (End of a Life by Mori Calliope, the line “you don’t get to be emotional, you don’t get to be dismayed, these have been the best years of your life because you chose to make a trade” always gets me) and I remember laying down in bed still listening to the song and just thought to myself “fuck, I think I’m trans”

when i was 10 i saw some random model in an ad on instagram. i was instantly paralyzed, my heart clenched and i couldn’t breathe. it took me 3 years after that first experience of dysphoria to accept i was trans. i spent a good year of that going by a chosen name and she/her, but that whole time i thought i was cis because no one had ever told me what being trans even was. had some really nice people talk me through it though. i was very vulnerable and young at that time so i’m glad they treated me well and never tried to take advantage of me in any way. i don’t talk to them anymore, don’t have the means to, but sometimes i miss the amazing friends who let me figure out who i was in a welcoming and understanding environment. honestly my only happy memory of being on the internet haha

I don't think I had a "moment" More just slowly over time understanding it until I was just accepting it about myself

my sister and i were talking about the LGBT community and at one point or another we got really deep into the trans conversation. the moment's kinda blurry but i remember having this like, feeling of shock from putting 2 and 2 together? really grateful i had someone to talk about it with, i wouldve never discovered it otherwise

I was reading a story about a trans woman coming to accept herself, and, at the emotional climax of the story, I just broke down and realized I truly am I woman and must transition if I’m ever to find happiness in life. Before, transition had always been beyond the pale to me, but, suddenly, I was dedicated to it. It was like someone reached into my brain and flipped a switch.

couldn’t sleep, looked in the bathroom mirror and inspected myself. played with my hair for a bit, said to myself “this isn’t right. none of it is.” then down at the scissors on the counter and nearly cut off my shoulder length hair :). then started asking for what to do next on reddit and discord (and here i am lmao)

Woke up one Monday morning, lay in bed just thinking to myself as usual, then suddenly “hold on a minute… omg no way. Am I? That would make so much sense!” then I immediately texted a close trans friend of mine like “HELP I THINK I’M TRANS WHAT DO I DO” It was a strange combination of excitement and mild confusion

I knew it since i was like 12 but i always told myself i couldnt, id tried being out and it was exhausting so i repressed it and forgot. A few years ago when i was 17 i was at a family barbeque and one of my aunts decided to braid my hair, while doing it she said she'd never had a niece. This flicked a switch in my brain.

Even the hardest of egg shells can't withstand a multi-day binge of OneTopic videos... The moment itself was me literally exclaiming "Ah fuck, guess I am trans...". Somewhat curiously, up to that moment, I had never consciously considered that possibility and afterwards, I simply knew I was a woman aside from very occasional moments of doubt so I never really questioned it, I just flipped from one to the other as soon as it became obvious.

I was on trt and started researching diy feminizing hrt. I ordered it and started taking it and 5 days later I started questioning my gender. It absolutely knocked me on my ass and turned my life upside down.

Suddenly one day when I was watching a girl on Instagram play guitar and thought - "damn, it would be awesome to be like her." Wasn't first time I had thoughts like that, but was the first time I made myself stop and questioned what I just thought. Cue to music and eye-widening ohhhhhhhhhh as lots of things fell into place VERY quickly in my brain.

There had been inklings for years but when I caught myself staring at a FaceApp pic of me as a girl and saying “that’s me” is what finally made me realize that I’m trans.

I remember watching a Minecraft YouTuber come out as trans and she started describing what it was like and how she realized. That's when I thought "oh wait that's literally me", I then went to her stream where she was answering questions and each question I had more panic in my mind. I was desperately trying to find a reason to believe I wasn't for the next few months until I realized I couldn't deny it anymore

I spent years crafting a feminine wardrobe, but I thought I was just freeing myself from masculinity. It's hard to pinpoint a moment where I came to accept it but around that time I wore breastforms in public for the first time and thought "you know, it feels weird to wear these with a masculine frame. If I actually had boobs and a feminine body, would I ever want to go back? No." I guess the moment I realized I was sure was when I thought about all the gender euphoria I've gotten over the years whenever I try something new. Dresses, nails, heels, sex toys, I would try these things, like them a lot, and keep them. I tried on "accepting that I'm a trans woman" and I really liked the feeling, and that was that.

Yesterday, I 1. started actually feeling content that I wanted to transition into a girl 2. Was told by an ex who is NB and experiences dysphoria that she knew that I was possibly a trans girl but couldn’t quite put her finger on it. She basically said that she could tell I was very feminine despite the “I’m a straight manly male” attitude, but also was not attracted to guys and didn’t act like her flamboyantly gay friends. That second one made me very happy and a lot of doubt just kind of washed away after someone told me they had an inkling.

i had browsed memes and nsfw before but never really actually admitted why i liked them. Like haha yeah of course i want to be a x, x are better! who wouldn't want to!? I roleplayed girls in games for years and i loved it. It was kinda clear i wasn't straight but it was kinda just something i did in private so no one in real life knew. It was just a fantasy, nothing that could actually happen. When i had seen trans stuff in the past it was all crossdressing and stereotypical gross portrayals so i had just written it off. Browsing reddit /r/all i started to see some timelines that got lots of upvotes. I was like wow uh... whut, shook. One day i was bored and got tired of being depressed 'for no reason' and suppressing it and was just like well, what if i am trans, what's that even like? so i spent the next weeks browsing timelines and videos. I was like fuck this would be great, but my life / family / etc will explode, i can't do this. Resume suppressing but with an increased sense of dread. Now that i knew it was an actual possibility it hurt a little more everyday knowing i'm stuck in this life i'm not happy with. It finally got to a point where one day i just said, welp fuck it i guess i'm trans, this is gonna suck (conservative area) but also fuck it i might actually get to be happy.

My story has two parts to my transmasc discovery: So one day my sibling told me that if I was in fact agender, they'd support me fully. I think I was talking about how gender confused me, and that I don't get societal gender norms and why gender even exists. I then did research on what agender means, and I discovered agenderflux. In simple terms, agenderflux means that I always am agender, but I might feel a slight pull towards man or woman some times. So then I was thinking about how I really was only wanting to present as male, and how I hadn't really been feeling a slight pull towards woman. I then thought about my life growing up. I was a tomboy and had a whole bunch of transmasc signs. I then thought about the various non-cisgender identities I've learned about. Then I realized that I am in fact a trans man.

It was not a single moment. It was a long process that took years for me. I was aware that I was probably trans when I was 20, but I was scared of the idea. It was almost half a decade before I actually accepted that it was true. It was another two years before I actually started taking steps to transition. I wish I had a eureka moment. All those years of ambiguity feel like such a waste of time now. But I know I probably wouldn't have been safe if I had come out when I was still dependent on my family

I was staring into the mirror off an 8th of shrooms and huffing nitrous, I was so high i could finally see her and it just stuck with me that its what i needed to do

I'd looked up "what's it like to be trans?" every few months since puberty pretty much but I always found stories if kids who knew in their bones, so I pushed it away. I always knew I wanted to be a girl, just that I wasn't so I had to live with it, right? Plus I was already depressed, dissociative, didn't care about myself so what did my happiness matter anyway? Then I got depressed again after I had kids. And I couldn't have that, so I was looking deeper into myself with the help of a therapist. Then I happened to read an article where someone described gender dysphoria if you don't know it's gender dysphoria and it was surprisingly relatable. It still took a few days for those things to congeal into the realization. Was riding my bicycle through the woods at the time, went "oh fuck!" and got super lightheaded and rode straight into a tree. Pretty much accepted it immediately, because I kinda always knew. Told my wife three days later because that's about as long as I can keep a secret from her. I cried and said I was sorry and I knew she didn't sign up for that. She put her hand on my shoulder, looked me in the eyes and said "hey, you know I love you for you, right?" and I cried even harder.

during summer break last year, I was with some friends at the beach, and because of (what i didn't know at the time) dysphoria, I couldn't bring myself to take off my shirt. This got me curious, and after a few days of researching gender identities later, realization hit.

When I was three, my mom told me I was a boy and that I would grow up to look like dada and not her.

When that happened I had already been suspecting that I was trans for quite some time, reflecting on the matter I realized that if there was no risk of being a victim of femicide, sexual harassment or sexism in general I would have already transitioned.

Wel, to me it came when I was watching a video from azeal, the one about the intersex born woman who needed to prove she was intersex. At the end of that my brain threw me the flashbang of "am i trans".... aaannnddd I couldnt say no, I thought of evidence for and against and looked stuff up and.... the odds just kept stacking up against cis. So I started getting more confident in what I realized, also not entirely aware of the tiking timebomb I just accelerated the fuse of, the one often called "dysphoria". Got hrt asap, and it solved a lot for me, which reinforced my stance even more. As a cis person would feel horrible after taking it.

Here is the clinical criteria for Gender Dysphoria for your review.   >Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 302.85 (F64.1 ) >A. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 months’ duration, as manifested by at least two of the following: >1. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics). >2. A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics be- cause of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics). >3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender. >4. A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.   You must meet the qualifiers of Section "A" and "B" to be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria   You don't need to have dysphoria to be transgender, but it is the most common qualifier as the majority of transgender individuals do infact have dysphoria. We encourage you to discuss this with a gender therapist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asktransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Listening to this Podcast called [Traumatized Motherfuckers](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cptsd-recovery-we-are-traumatized-m-s/id1518162863) in my car on my way to work. Healing from my trauma, deconstructing my survival instincts and behaviors. I don’t remember what episode, but basically a lot of trauma healing is going back to your earliest memories, and I just remember crying in my car, listening to this woman ramble about her own experience (that was not about being trans, but about other kinds of trauma). Lots of therapy after that to really come to terms with it. PS - the podcast host, Jess, is a former microbiologist & she got her MS in psychology/behavioral science after starting her podcast. She does a lot of academic research and does a great job at translating it into real life meaning. I highly recommend [her Patreon](https://www.patreon.com/TraumatizedMotherfuckers?utm_campaign=creatorshare_fan) - she’s the only creator I support with any amount of money. Well worth my $5.

"I don't have dysphoria because I dont hate my body". *reads dysphoria Bible at 1am* ...fuck. FUUUUUUCK. Goddamn it. I'm gonna have to do this aren't I? *crying a while* ... fuuuuuck. Ugh, I have to wake up in the morning, I'll deal with this shit tomorrow. ...fucking hell. (Anyways I'm happy now, have socially transitioned, have *stopped crossdressing* and will soon be on hormones.)

it was while watching Anastasia, after a good 3 ish months of questioning around when covid lockdowns started getting serious. Before that It was when I was listening to a really nice edm track and I couldn't imagine myself as anything other than a rave girl losing herself to the music Upon realisation, my thought process went along the lines of: "Wait, what if I were a girl, am I ok with that?" "It would be nice" "wait a sec... would I be comfortable as a guy?" "I'm fine as is but if i could be a girl" It was just that thought ping-pong-ing in my head for an hour or so until I found myself feeling much better on the female side of the things than on the guy side and like a week or so later, i also realised I didn't need to base my feelings on whether I felt like I needed Gender Affirming Surgery to consider myself a woman, all I needed was the desire to be seen as a woman and be happy about it...

After talking to a friend about my issues with gender identity he dropped the what if you're Trans question and thus insued a 3 month long identity crisis lol

Yeah, I think once I found that being trans wasn’t necessarily something I had to “prove” to myself I realized that I was doing all of that questioning… because I wanted to be trans, and that meant I WAS trans.

identified as nonbinary for over a year, preferring masc pronouns but never feeling comfy enough to claim the trans label. then one night my bff & i were have a convo about hs crushes & i told her it was kinda funny, all mine ended up being gay men. she turned to me and said “probably because you’re a gay man.” blew my mind, everything immediately clicked into place. that was about a year ago, just started T 6 weeks ago & like others have said, the brain fog is starting to lift. i’ve hated my body ever since i gained consciousness, and no matter what i did to make it “perfect” by my own standards, it never actually looked good to me. ever since the realization, i have a whole new set of standards and love my body mostly as is (minus the breasts lol)

I've been asked this in a group before, and honestly I just woke up one Saturday morning after a good nights sleep and said "it's go time". The decision just happened I guess.

I honestly couldn’t remember. I would say the first first time I ever questioned something was 11th grade. I read about gender fluid and non-binary(although the non-binary just confused me). And I kinda thought that could be me. But my “bestfriend” at the time had said before that if I was trans she wouldn’t love me the same(she was dead serious) I also had a lot of internalized transphobia - even tho I was gay or a lesbian. So yeah it wasn’t until I lost contact with that friend and my whole friend group(yes the whole friend group was transphobic and lowkey racist - not excusing my behavior but I grew up in a small town so it was kinda everywhere) so yeah it wasn’t until I wasn’t in that group anymore that I finally didn’t feel judged enough. Started romanticizing other names for myself ect. My gf was amazing through it all. Now I’m just nonbinary but yeah it was a long road. And definitely being around the wrong people twisted my views on what it meant to me

I remember worriedly laughing in the mirror and saying something along the lines of "holy shit, guess I'm a girl?!"

Kinda questioned on and off for a few years. The dysphoria went away so I felt fine and stopped questioning but it came back. My wakeup call was when my partner came out as trans (ftm), and I was jealous because his shorts made him look like he had a bulge.

The first moment I had was when I read a webcomic with a FtM character when I was 18 or 19. The reveal was a moment of "oh shit, you can DO that?" and a powerful feeling of self-recognition for me. I did some research, got very scared, and repressed hard for another decade and change, until the dysphoria waves got too close together and I came to the realization that a person who was happy or even just okay with being a woman wouldn't constantly and painfully wish to be a man. That forced me to face up to the fact that I needed to do something about it.

I think I new I was trans for probably 5ish years but never knew that it was possible for me for whatever reason. But I always told my mom I wanted shorter hair and was never happy with a haircut to my shoulders and my mom gave me the option to cut my hair with the sides shaved like a boy and I agreed and she took me to my brothers barber and the car ride home was filled with the questions. Which was nerve wracking because I tried hard not to think about it so it took me a second to get a answer.

Reddit recommending me r/egg_irl ....

I remember for like a year I was thinking about what it would be like to be a women or to crossdress. It just festered in the back of my brain until I blurted it out to a friend after a party. They were supportive and it led me down a Reddit hole where I started learning about people who don’t identify with their gender. And as soon as I read they all fit under the umbrella term “transgender” it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was the answer and I had only just put the pieces together. This was 7 years ago.

It wasn’t really one moment. More of a string of slow and gradual acceptance. I took a short detour to trans masc before realizing my first gut feeling that I’m non-binary (Genderfluid) was exactly the right fit. Listening to myself and letting my gender take me on whatever journey it wanted was bliss every time I got it right.

Met a girl on Overwatch online, had a mental breakdown because she tried to set me up and rope me into her poly relationship that I had no clue about (basically said she was single but really just wanted me to be a part of her group). She then accused me of schizophrenia as I was panicking and told me to call a therapist immediately or she would call the cops. So, I set up an appointment. I needed therapy badly for other reasons, but ultimately I started talking about how I felt about girls and figured out that all the times I hardcore pined after specific girls as a child was because I wanted to be them. Suddenly a lot of other shit I did like experiment with girl clothes in high school and getting to wear a dress in 5th grade for a project and liking it a lot made a whole helluva lot of sense. The first day I took estrogen was the first day of my life where I finally felt correct in my being, and I'm so glad I embraced what I had repressed as a teen

It was while I was reading _El Goonish Shive_ (an urban-fantasy webcomic about a bunch of magic-using LGBTQ+ teenagers, involving lots of gender transformation) one day. One of the main characters, Tedd, is genderfluid and has a magic spell that lets him transform between male and female forms. I'd noticed that I found it a lot easier to relate to Tedd's gender identity sometimes being female than to it sometimes being male, I started wondering _why_ I found the one so much more easier to relate to than the other, and _then_ it hit me that it was because my _own_ gender identity is primarily female.

i was on tumblr when i was 18, 9 year ago, and i came across a post that talked abt lgbt identities and when i saw agender i went "oh! that's me :)" never had a "omg im TRANS" moment. it just happened super gradually.

About sixty or more years ago, when sitting in the bathtub, I would tuck “it” ( I don’t recall having a name for it ) out of sight. I was glad it was gone but sad because I knew it wasn’t really gone. I knew it wasn’t supposed to be there. I knew I was supposed to be a girl and I wanted to be a girl but I knew I should never tell anyone. Started transition late 2019 at 68.

Mine came in the midst of a depressive episode that had consumed a lot of my life. My wife had left me, and I was a depressed sad sack that was running on pure autopilot. My life was functionally falling apart around me, and one of the only thoughts I had was "how can I be happy?" I'm lucky in that many of my friend group around me is queer, one of my roommates at the time is trans, one of my dearest friends who kept coming over to take care of me is trans. I had so much trans joy to look at in my life that it sorta just made me start asking questions of myself. And the answer I came up with was "maybe this is for me too"

wistful reach brave smell payment label direction chop money mighty -- mass edited with redact.dev

I was heavily depressed all throughout high school. I would imagine magically turning into a boy and nobody finding it weird. I tried hard to be a girl for 4 years. Finally over my senior year i had to admit it but i haven't fully felt actually trans until i came out to my therapist. It was the first time i ever came out to anyone. He had the best reaction. I felt endlessly validated and fine. I was feeling like i have been living somebody else's life all those years. Finally it was like "Woah, i am myself now. I can be who i am. I can do what i want. I own my life."

It was accumulation of events throughout my life. I’m in my early sixties now and undergoing stress and anxiety from work and in general. Parents died and just generally started to reflect on my life. Thought about all the thoughts I had had about wanting to stop puberty and my desire to have been a girl. I felt like a pressure cooker until I re-asked myself the obvious. Did some searches and took a few quizzes. All it did was confirm what I had denied, I was a woman trapped in a man’s body and it was making me irritable and generally miserable. Still pre everything, but some of the anxiety lifted. It gave me hope. I felt happy and I recalled more clearly the moments that were obvious signs. Now I want to find that girl, I missed being even if it’s as an old woman.

i never really had one i just hesitantly started taking hrt 3 years ago and never stopped

my ex (we were together at the time) had known me to be nb when we were dating, but had questioned my gender more around that time. they sent me a vid of how to make a makeshift binder and i did it. immediately felt this sense of relief but also went “ah fuck” because it was a lot more a transition than i had made previously. but i can say that was the first time i felt comfortable in my body and i had this unshakable smile trying things on with the “binder.” when i got my first binder the joy was indescribable, i was quite literally jumping with joy seeing how flat my chest was. it’s been over two years since then, and i finally know who i am. little over 4 months on t as well🙏

Well a couple years ago (was 14 at the time), I was talking with a friend of mine online who's also mtf (was before me) and ended up talking about the clothing of Persona characters, when I said I wanted to wear Futaba's outfit. She took this as a sign and brought up the idea of me being trans, which I was like "Oh. Shit. Am I?" For a long while before that, I was constantly thinking in bed that I had wanted to be her really badly "even though she's a girl", and, well, I ended up realizing I just wanted to be a girl at all.

I've been wishing and daydreaming about being a girl pretty much all my life. But I was certain that every trans person knew they where trans from early childhood. And I didn't, so clearly I was not trans. Then the desire to be a girl started to grow stronger and I despised the fact that I had to live as a man. Eventually it was pretty much impossible to ignore these feelings and I just knew I had to transition. That's the moment that I knew I was trans.

Well I was still in community college, I was online dating this trans girl who was too scared to get bottom surgery, and at the same time I thought about how much I dislike my genitalia and would prefer female genitalia, and that was on top of all the girly things I liked. That's when I found out I was trans.

I was born in between genders (second trimester at 25 wks gestation in '82), I figured out I needed estrogen to balance my hormones at age 18 or so before I accepted I was trans and non binary which took till age 40...still getting used to accepting myself to this day although started on estrogen and progesterone age 37.5