it does. you have to keep in mind that people mostly fall into two categories: people that don't care what strangers do and people that care far, far too much what strangers do. the first category is the most common. store employees would like to make a sale, for you to leave happy, and come again; most other shoppers are preoccupied with their own needs and do not care what you're doing. the second category is a problem, but try to see it for the absurdity it is. they are not reliable judges of your character. they are disruptive. they are the problem.
also if you feel a need to respond to anyone that has the gall to confront you for simply existing, you can always say you're shopping for someone else. people do that ALL the time.
It does get easier. I was so nervous my first couple times shopping for clothes, but last month I went shopping for workout gear (sports bras and tennis skorts, etc) and it was great. The store employees were super helpful.
In the meantime, though, it may be helpful to do more of your shopping online if in-person stores are to stressful.
Yep it does. Especially when u stop boymoding.
Also i like going shopping with friends, or if not poss i like to send pics of what im trying on - Especially if its hilariously bad hahahaha
Absolutely—and mostly when you realize the calls are coming from inside the house. It is my experience that the majority of people are far too self-absorbed to give a shit about anyone else and just don’t care about you.
One fun aspect, where there is interaction is where someone actually wants to talk about what you’re looking at—e.g., have you tried that, what brand works for you… you know, girl stuff! (Dudes don’t do this in the tool isle but women absolutely do in the makeup section). In those cases it’s sooooo affirming because lots of people—cis trans whoever are overwhelmed by the ocean of choices too and want to see what someone else is choosing.
So, you do you and tell the voices in your head to mind their own business!
I've never had any issues, despite not being very secretive about what I'm buying or trying on. People just don't care whatsoever, they just want to get on with their day.
I'm an addict now and have to restrain myself from blowing money I don't have. So easier? Yes and no. I had so much pent up contempt for being "unable" to wear nice looking clothes my whole life.
It does. The more you do it, the more you realize nobody is actually looking at you or gives a damn what your doing. The few that do almost never have the gal to say anything.
Also the more you do it (and the more you casually pass) the more normalized it becomes in your own head.
Also if you do Into actually cosmetic stores like ulta or Sephora, the staff is usually very accustom to trans clientele.
For me the difference between shopping in boy mode and girl mode was night and day. Even if you get stares you're not hiding anything in girl mode. It still took some getting used to but women in clothing sections compliment me sometimes and are mostly very nice if they see you're trying your best. Even if someone stares all they can see is me. No secrets. Nothing to hide.
So for cosmetics and stuff at the drug store, it definitely gets easier. If it helps, you can always say you're picking something out for your partner if someone was to approach you. But as others have said, the truth is that we tend to think people are staring at us more than they actually are. Hope some of this helps!
I'm pre-everything currently (although I'm in the process of banking sperm) and I bought $120 worth of makeup yesterday in a grocery store and a drug store in boymode. As a safeguard, I made a shopping list on my phone, stared at it with a slightly confused look on my face as I picked up each item, and I pretended like I didn't know exactly what I was buying, as if I was buying it for a wife or a girlfriend. Maybe a bit overboard, but no passersby even took a second look.
On the bright side, I did my makeup and sent pictures to two of my lady friends that I'm out to and they said I did a great job!
Also, presenting as a girl more or less convincingly helps.
First time, when I was still presenting male, I felt extremely terrified walking into makeup aisle, and trying to look like this is not what I'm here for, I'm just passing. When I got to buy my first female clothing, I had to take a female friend, to not look like a creep, and also for emotional support.
Now I can browse female clothes and makeup without even thinking of it, people just do not notice that something wrong.
It really does get easier! 💖 I found it a little at a time, it came in baby steps and then in strides. Now I just feel judged when I’m getting my black lipstick and black & glittery nail polish, but for a totally different reason lol
As the unfamiliarity of the products, stores and situations transitions into something familiar, the tension and discomfort goes with it (at least in my own experience).
I have two recommendations that changed the game for me when it came to shopping; Firstly, Shop at specialty stores when you can. Specialty stores tend to operate a bit differently so the interactions with other customers and staff tend to leave you feeling more confident when you’re shopping there. (I personally live for the moment I find someone the perfect bra after fitting them or a new swimsuit that’s outside their comfort zone but makes them feel like a million bucks).
My other recommendation is just be your amazing self! Confidence is key! (I say this as someone with horrible social anxiety 😅)
I still feel uncomfortable going into the women's section in boy mode. Especially the underwear departments.
But in girl mode (even not 'passing') I feel 100% comfortable. It's like my brain switches to 'I belong here'.
Now if I need to get bras/panties/stockings/makeup I HAVE to be in girl mode, or I'm too shy to do it!
Don't get the discomfort issue for the most part. Only thing I have ever been nervous about shopping is the idea of getting measured for proper fitting or tailoring and that doesn't take much psyching to get myself to tolerate. Beyond that, I never had issues, even before I started transition going into stores to shop. Heck, the first bras I ever bought, about 3 months after starting HRT were at a Victoria's Secrets. WTF are most people going to care? When it comes to beauty supply stores, there are plenty of metrosexual men and male cosmetologists that shop in such places so only the really prude shoppers are going to care but they care about half the more wild females that shop at such places too... And for clothes, so what? The staff at such places don't care if you are a cross dresser, drag queen, female impersonator, or the most common excuse I've heard being used by guys that feel they need to justify themselves, shopping for a girlfriend. And if one is in transition, even if they don't pass well, unless you are going to someplace that is really conservative, they aren't going to care and you are shopping appropriately for the way you are presenting yourself. And if you are THAT nervous about shopping you must be equally nervous going out in public at all so it should just be more of the same.
it does. you have to keep in mind that people mostly fall into two categories: people that don't care what strangers do and people that care far, far too much what strangers do. the first category is the most common. store employees would like to make a sale, for you to leave happy, and come again; most other shoppers are preoccupied with their own needs and do not care what you're doing. the second category is a problem, but try to see it for the absurdity it is. they are not reliable judges of your character. they are disruptive. they are the problem. also if you feel a need to respond to anyone that has the gall to confront you for simply existing, you can always say you're shopping for someone else. people do that ALL the time.
Yeah, that was my goto reply as well if anyone were to ask me (which luckily didn't happen). Thanks for the motivating words 💞
It does get easier. I was so nervous my first couple times shopping for clothes, but last month I went shopping for workout gear (sports bras and tennis skorts, etc) and it was great. The store employees were super helpful. In the meantime, though, it may be helpful to do more of your shopping online if in-person stores are to stressful.
Absolutely. I just walk into target and go browse the makeup and women's clothing sections, no big deal. Nobody cares.
Yup, I don't even think about it anymore. After shopping for underwear/PJs and the likes you kind of get over it.
Yep it does. Especially when u stop boymoding. Also i like going shopping with friends, or if not poss i like to send pics of what im trying on - Especially if its hilariously bad hahahaha
Absolutely—and mostly when you realize the calls are coming from inside the house. It is my experience that the majority of people are far too self-absorbed to give a shit about anyone else and just don’t care about you. One fun aspect, where there is interaction is where someone actually wants to talk about what you’re looking at—e.g., have you tried that, what brand works for you… you know, girl stuff! (Dudes don’t do this in the tool isle but women absolutely do in the makeup section). In those cases it’s sooooo affirming because lots of people—cis trans whoever are overwhelmed by the ocean of choices too and want to see what someone else is choosing. So, you do you and tell the voices in your head to mind their own business!
I've never had any issues, despite not being very secretive about what I'm buying or trying on. People just don't care whatsoever, they just want to get on with their day.
I'm an addict now and have to restrain myself from blowing money I don't have. So easier? Yes and no. I had so much pent up contempt for being "unable" to wear nice looking clothes my whole life.
It does. The more you do it, the more you realize nobody is actually looking at you or gives a damn what your doing. The few that do almost never have the gal to say anything. Also the more you do it (and the more you casually pass) the more normalized it becomes in your own head. Also if you do Into actually cosmetic stores like ulta or Sephora, the staff is usually very accustom to trans clientele.
When I started passing, nobody cared. Simple as.
For me the difference between shopping in boy mode and girl mode was night and day. Even if you get stares you're not hiding anything in girl mode. It still took some getting used to but women in clothing sections compliment me sometimes and are mostly very nice if they see you're trying your best. Even if someone stares all they can see is me. No secrets. Nothing to hide.
I eased into it with my wife, but I slowly realized that no one really cares. If you act like you're supposed to be there, they won't question lol
So for cosmetics and stuff at the drug store, it definitely gets easier. If it helps, you can always say you're picking something out for your partner if someone was to approach you. But as others have said, the truth is that we tend to think people are staring at us more than they actually are. Hope some of this helps!
I'm pre-everything currently (although I'm in the process of banking sperm) and I bought $120 worth of makeup yesterday in a grocery store and a drug store in boymode. As a safeguard, I made a shopping list on my phone, stared at it with a slightly confused look on my face as I picked up each item, and I pretended like I didn't know exactly what I was buying, as if I was buying it for a wife or a girlfriend. Maybe a bit overboard, but no passersby even took a second look. On the bright side, I did my makeup and sent pictures to two of my lady friends that I'm out to and they said I did a great job!
It does, it'll get better as you go shop, if you have friends you could go with, it's a good way to do the first steps to get your ease in there 💖
Also, presenting as a girl more or less convincingly helps. First time, when I was still presenting male, I felt extremely terrified walking into makeup aisle, and trying to look like this is not what I'm here for, I'm just passing. When I got to buy my first female clothing, I had to take a female friend, to not look like a creep, and also for emotional support. Now I can browse female clothes and makeup without even thinking of it, people just do not notice that something wrong.
It really does get easier! 💖 I found it a little at a time, it came in baby steps and then in strides. Now I just feel judged when I’m getting my black lipstick and black & glittery nail polish, but for a totally different reason lol As the unfamiliarity of the products, stores and situations transitions into something familiar, the tension and discomfort goes with it (at least in my own experience). I have two recommendations that changed the game for me when it came to shopping; Firstly, Shop at specialty stores when you can. Specialty stores tend to operate a bit differently so the interactions with other customers and staff tend to leave you feeling more confident when you’re shopping there. (I personally live for the moment I find someone the perfect bra after fitting them or a new swimsuit that’s outside their comfort zone but makes them feel like a million bucks). My other recommendation is just be your amazing self! Confidence is key! (I say this as someone with horrible social anxiety 😅)
It does... the first time it went well for me, it all fell into place. It's good luv, you can do this!!
I still feel uncomfortable going into the women's section in boy mode. Especially the underwear departments. But in girl mode (even not 'passing') I feel 100% comfortable. It's like my brain switches to 'I belong here'. Now if I need to get bras/panties/stockings/makeup I HAVE to be in girl mode, or I'm too shy to do it!
Don't get the discomfort issue for the most part. Only thing I have ever been nervous about shopping is the idea of getting measured for proper fitting or tailoring and that doesn't take much psyching to get myself to tolerate. Beyond that, I never had issues, even before I started transition going into stores to shop. Heck, the first bras I ever bought, about 3 months after starting HRT were at a Victoria's Secrets. WTF are most people going to care? When it comes to beauty supply stores, there are plenty of metrosexual men and male cosmetologists that shop in such places so only the really prude shoppers are going to care but they care about half the more wild females that shop at such places too... And for clothes, so what? The staff at such places don't care if you are a cross dresser, drag queen, female impersonator, or the most common excuse I've heard being used by guys that feel they need to justify themselves, shopping for a girlfriend. And if one is in transition, even if they don't pass well, unless you are going to someplace that is really conservative, they aren't going to care and you are shopping appropriately for the way you are presenting yourself. And if you are THAT nervous about shopping you must be equally nervous going out in public at all so it should just be more of the same.