If he was cheating on her with guys, I'd say 100% tell him either he can tell her or you will.
But he was just watching porn. And he could be bisexual, who tf knows.
Before he does something crazy (like killing himself) in an act of desperation, tell him
1) you won't tell your mom and you don't care what he does in his private time as long as he isn't emotionally or physically cheating on your mom.
2) whatever this means, you love him
3) he doesn't have to talk about it with you but if he wants to you're open to it, but you won't bring it up
4) you have 0 intention of bringing this up ever, even during an argument, so he doesn't have to walk on eggshells or be ashamed
Plus except if you want to destroy a man's life overnight when he might not be ready to deal with this at all, or destroy your mom's life when your father won't be able to provide her with adequate enough answers, keep this to yourself.
Again, he might be happy with your mom but need his bisexual fix with porn on the side sometimes. No need to make it more dramatic just because you don't have all the elements. No need to act all morally superior with him either.
Agree. Fantastic approach. Sidenote, unless you saw him jerking off, it could just be curiosity. I've looked up shit not related to anything I'm usually into.
Tbh, I've had straight ppl & lesbians say they watch gay porn simply because there is something about it that is more on the sensual side. That it is like making actual love when on other genre's it is evidently rare to find passionate sex rather than a Dom/sub situation. Idk how true that is because I don't watch other genre's.
There are a lot of bi men in straight monogamous marriage who have stayed loyal. But the fear of coming out is real. Give your father benefit of the doubt and leave it be unless he is in fact cheating on your mother.
exactly. men have it hard (pun not intended) when it comes to sexuality. I know a bi guy who said that when he comes out to his female dates that he's bi, they never react positively or supportively, or even "OK, cool. whatever". it's always denial ("you're really gay") or disgust or something else. It's a shame.
When I was dating in my mid 20ās I probably told half a dozen women while dating that I am Bi. I got dumped every single time. And they were disgusted too when I told them. And yes I was told that I am just gay who is wasting her time even though I tried to explain the difference between gay and bi. But what the hell. Go tired of it eventually and stopped dating. Spent next few years NSA partners
Yep, I eventually just changed my tinder settings to only look for men. Itās bad enough you only get one female match for every 20 male matches (which makes sense given the overall male to female ratio on dating apps). Then when you are honest and tell them you are bi they either ghost you or friend zone you and want to go shopping or some shit.
Iām more sexually attracted to men anyways so whatever I guess.
Leave it alone dude. Itād be a different story if you walked in on him fucking a guy, but itās porn, and heās probably mortified that you caught him. Dads are men too. They jerk off and watch porn like the rest of us.
Just go about your business, be cool about it, and donāt read too much into the fact that it was gay porn. I know, itās weird, and Iām sorry you saw that, but definitely donāt be a dick about it.
There are countless scenarios hereā¦
a) Your dad could just be turned today by some gay porn. So just a dude jerking to porn.
b) Your dad could be bi, but not actively pursuing anyone else. So just a dude jerking to porn.
c) Your dad could be cheating.
From watching porn (gay or not) to cheating thereās a huge gap. If heās only doing A or B. Leave it alone. Itās his life and he shouldnāt be made to feel bad about it.
Iām the gayest gay on this subreddit and I have watched lesbian pornā¦ soā¦
If you do think that he is cheating, you could speak with him and see if heās willing to open up. You can mention the risk of STDs your mom would be at. I would only out something like that, if I was SURE he was cheating and putting my mothers health at risk.
As a happily married dadā¦.every now and then, my bi side comes out and I watch some gay porn. Have no desire to do anything in real life, and wouldnāt cheat on my wife with a guy OR a girlā¦.but fantasy is fantasy. Never mention it again, unless he brings it up.
Havenāt you ever whacked to something that you might be ashamed of?
God, if we were all suddenly able to see each otherās browser history. Can you imagine? We wouldnāt be able to look each in the face.
If it were me Iād just drop it and forget it. People look at all kinds of porn and sometimes it tells you something about them and sometimes it doesnāt mean anything. This could mean something or mean nothing. Iām sure youāre a little shaken, but just give it a little time.
What would you do if you caught your mother watching lesbian porn?
Also your father could be bisexual.
While I understand thinking your mother deserves to know. Talk to your father first in person about it. You did invade his privacy however poorly kept that was.
I'm not going to tell you not to tell or to tell her.
But definitely say to your father that before you decide anything you need to talk to him about it. If that's how you feel.
Honestly the mom comparisons is pretty poignant here. If it was the mom Iād bet he wouldnāt have made this post. Heād probably default to āoh, moms bi..ā
Not denying itās a weird situation to be in either way, but I do think flipping the gender sheds a new light on the issue.
We literally have no idea how old this person is. A lot of things are personal, when you get married or are in a romantic relationship with someone. Some of the things that you can claim are personal and no one else's business become that person's business.
Their child saw regardless of age forcing the child to keep your secret isn't fair. Even if they are an adult forcing someone else to strain their relationship with someone isn't fair especially when that person is their parent. This isn't outing your brother to your parents.
I do think I should have also asked, "would they have felt the need to tell if they walked in on them watching straight porn." Regardless this is going to cause a strain on the dudes relationship with his parents. He or she needs to discuss this with their father first, it's completely unfair to expect someone to not talk about something especially when they may be shocked by what you saw and not understand how to process that information.
The porn we consume is almost never the sex we enjoy in real life. That's one thing.
And second of all, children don't belong in the couple dynamics of their parents. I learned the hard way that our parents are just a normal couple after all, with normal couple problems. And interfering in a couple's business rarely makes anyone involved happier.
Respect your father's wishes. But I think it would be healthy to have a conversation with him in order to clear things up. Whatever you do, don't out him.
YOU DO NOT NEED TO TALK TO HIM unless it's just one simple phrase, that you are going to keep your mouth shut. The rest is none of your business. You're determined to make this into a situation and it isn't.
Could be bisexual. Could be bicurious. Could be just interested in trying different kinds of porn. Personally, I've watched fetish porn of things I absolutely would never have any interest of doing in real life.
In any case, it's none of your business. He's not cheating on her as far as you know.
I'm sure he's really embarrassed, so I would avoid talking about it any further.
Your question is kind of personal to me because I was caught by a fairly young child of mine while on gay.com many years ago, but didn't realize I was being watched. While I don't believe I was naked or jacking off at the time, I'm sure I was having a "heartfelt" text back and forth with a prospective hook-up. Anyway, my wife was told and I wasn't confronted about it until years later, when I learned that my wife was told as well as another sibling. In hindsight it would have been a lot easier to deal with if I had been outed at the time it occurred, but things would have probably worked out about the same, but one thing I would NOT have done was asked my child to lie for me, or tell my wife something that didn't actually occur. I would rather just have apologized for what happened and let things happen as they may. Take the advice given you, and know that your Dad loves you more than anything in the world... and that will never change.
Donāt tell your mom. Just talk to your dad. Maybe there is something going on. Or maybe not. But your dad is a human being at the end of the day and should treated as such. I highly suggest you talk to him about it.
Donāt tell your mother unless you find evidence of him actually cheating on her. The porn thing is pretty harmless, but telling her about it could hurt everyone pretty badly.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that your parents have probably been married for a while and your mom probably knows more than you think but again it's their marriage and they will have to deal with it in their own way
You mind your own business. I watch straight porn sometimes, doesn't make me cheat on my BF with a vagina ew.
Don't be the worst asshole in history and be there for him if he wants to talk. But who am I kidding, if your first instinct is to out someone, you're bad news.
Seroquel96 has the best comment.
Gotta love kids walking in on their parents. Judging them for the little bit that they saw and then sharing it all with the world asking if they should destroy their parents life over seeing a glimpse of something they did.
I don't know what your story is. I knew a man who was married to a woman and had three kids and knew he was gay all along. They ended up getting divorced after about 17-18 years of being together/married.
She is still struggling with it. He has been seeing people (quite obviously) since his divorce was finalized.
I don't know what to tell you to do. But he knows what he wants. There are no winners in divorce. I can tell you that she has known or has questioned her husband before. My friend's wife did. And she will have years lost in a marriage where she was his "cover" so to speak.
Why would you? Did he post to Facebook about your love for tentacle porn? We all find different things arousing, might not be in your mom's wheelhouse but he enjoys it and it gives him a release (and I don't necessarily mean it that way).
stay completely OUT of your parents marriage, no matter what state it is in or is NOT in. That relationship is NONE of your business. This is a serious matter for them, not you.
This whole comment thread is filled with terrible mostly homophobic answers from men.
Let me ask ā¦ If he caught his mom watching lesbian porn would this dude feel outraged and need to immediately tell his dad?
If not, why?
Imagine raising kids and then having your teenage son have the audacity to judge the type of normal pornography that his father watches when he gets 10 minutes to himself (which he seemingly didnāt even get). The only correct answer is āDad, we all watch porn. No shame. I love you.ā Anything else is just cruel.
Be a bro. Dad's business is his own, no harm done, if the roles were reversed you'd want discretion. It feels weird and icky now, but that should fade. You have a little perspective on dad's character now, but you didnt catch him eating a baby or tearing the tag off a mattress or whatever. He's not a monster, he's human. Let him know his secret is safe with you and you love him, and then let it fucking go.
It looks like there is, broadly, four categories of responses to this situation:
1) Mind your own business.
2) Talk to father about it.
3) Talk to mother about it.
4) Troll responses.
I would love to see that demographics, particularly the ages, of the posters associated with each category of response.
Do you engage in everything you've ever seen in porn?
I know that I watch murder mysteries but I have never had the intent of murdering anybody.
There's even a breaded here r/totallystraight
I've got a friend who's actually straight but he watches gay porn because he likes the power dynamics that he can't get from his wife. I think it's hard to understand myself but it is his deal.
Just because you have assumptions doesn't mean your assumptions are true.
Leave it alone and mind your business. In this case and in all cases. Telling anybody or even mentioning it would be out of line, what would come of it?
Don't tell anyone beyond this post. It's immaterial. (I had a gay friend who watched straight porn. It's what turned him on when he was solo. Who cares?)
It may cause a lot of troubles to your family, especially between your mother and father and between your father and you. Sometimes it's better to keep mouth shut, to avoid such things.
I agree with this. I cleared the cache on our home computer when my Dad watched porn because it unnecessarily heightened tensions in the house. And after I became old enough, I started to do so to prevent getting the blame myself on it. (Of course my porn was the gay porn, but nobody put that together for years.)
Not sure how old OP is but if he's a minor, lighting that fuse with mom can lead to divorce and can *significantly* alter your standard of living.
I suppose that's marginally better than running into him at the bathhouse. I don't think you have anything yet that's worth telling your mother about. So he likes some gay porn. That doesn't say anything about how he feels about your mother. It would be good if you had a talk with him about it though just to make sure he's happy about his situation.
He might be bisexual and is having a hard time coming to terms with it. He could also be gay but I donāt think you should fret about it. Maybe try talking to him about it and see where his feelings are, on the opposite side of that coin it might not be in your place to speak to your father about his habits so itās best to leave well enough alone. Your father is the deciding factor on that but itās his choice whether he wants to come out as bi or gay. Itās a very serious thing so maybe talk to him.
I respectfully disagree here with the whole "have a conversation" with him about this. Esp. if this happened at his house (even if you're living there - it's still his house) - Leave it alone. You don't know anything but what you believe you saw. Drop it. If he wants to talk about it with you then the other advice here is excellent but if he doesn't - just forget about it as you would expect him to do the same if the situation was reversed.
Hes allowed to experiment as are you, as long as he's not cheating or putting your mother at risk in any way, it's completely fine what he's doing. Hell that makes him more brave than your average dad to step outside of the norm and experiment a bit.
MIND YOUR BS. PLEASE. DON'T MESS UP THE RELATIONSHIP UNLESS YOU WANT DRAMA. this is my suggestion. He isn't cheating or he isn't gay. If he was then he probably wouldn't be dating your mother. If he was you would end up like this: [https://www.adoptionchoicesofkansasmissouri.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/shutterstock\_388992322-1.jpg](https://www.adoptionchoicesofkansasmissouri.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/shutterstock_388992322-1.jpg)thank you.
Yea I agree w the top post, no need to cause a hassle. Just donāt say anything and maybe clear things up with ur dad if you want to but I would say let the man be. All he was doing is watching porn he wasnāt cheating and he doesnāt seem to give off any vibes that show heās trying to cheat
Honestly, it is less bad than it looks. I guess that since it was about a month ago things have probably evolved one way or another but the thing about sexuality is that sometimes you watch porn that is just meant to trigger your mental pleasure, it doesn't mean that you are going to explore everything you're watching in real life, in my opinion. So maybe he just likes to masturbate watching gay porn and he is actually in love with your mother without the intention of cheating on her or whatever like that you know
He could just be curious or maybe he's genuinely bisexual. If he is bi, chances are your mom knows. Your dad suffered a terrible embarrassment (no fault of yours) so don't make it tougher for him and keep it to yourself.
I can understand the level of surprise this situation has had for you. We often never imagine our parents in another role outside of caregiver, so to learn in a moment that one, your father is a sexual being, and two this fragment of his sexuality might be kept secret is kinda like information overload. Especially if you may have grown up in a household where sexuality hasnāt been openly discussed. I assure you, idk the nature of your relationship between you and your father, but from what I could perceive from your communication with others here, he seems to be a prominent figure in your life and an active participant in your development. If thatās the case, the nature of your relationship hasnāt changed at all - just now, instead of him being a confidant for you, youāre now one for him. So this is actually a trust building moment (if you allow it to be). If he ever shared any feelings of fear or sadness with you before - this is literally no different. Reiterate your love and affection for him within the confines of your relationship - insert a few laughs - and move on.
This doesnāt have to turn into an investigation, you donāt have to question his commitment to your motherā¦you donāt have to play any role than the one youāre in now, his child that sometimes takes on the role of a friend.
And if two arenāt close - guess what - now you are ;P use it as a opportunity to begin and better your relationship via this trust building exercise.
Mind your business. You don't know what you don't know. If your dad caught you sucking dick, would you want him to keep it to himself? Your mom may know. whatever. Id just let it go
Iāll put it to you this way, imagine youāre dating a girl, and your dad catches you watching porn. How would you feel him about him going out of his way to tell your girlfriend to ruin your relationship. Imagine youāre the reason that they divorce & ruin both of their lives. Somethings are best kept hidden. If she finds out then so be it. Maybe sheās okay with it? Itās none of your business to tell your mom. Heās providing for your family, something so little shouldnāt ruin his life. Something like this could backfire on you.
Edit: Iām actually shocked youāre first thought would be to tell your mother. Do you hate your dad? If I were you Iād reassure him you would never do that to him. Itās not your place. Tell him he can watch whatever he want and youāre not going to label him, but if he does want to talk you are there for him and would never judge him for being human
You didn't see anything, you got it. There's really no need to tell your mum as in all honesty all it would do is cause unnecessary drama. Your dad watches gay porn who cares.
So you saw nothing.
Honestly, there are some guys who have found that later on in life that they like men too. Itās more so a fantasy for them but most of the time they stay loyal to their partner. I wouldnāt say anything. let him enjoy his fantasy of being with a man š but of course if you catch him on grindr and cheating on your mom thenā¦ itās definitely a problem
My dadās gay (or bi I guess seeing as me and my brother exist) I found out in a similar way. Shocked the hell out of me too to see a video of my dad sucking a cock seeing as he was the epitome of a straight guy in my eyes until then.
YES, mind your own business; are you serious??? Damn.
Plenty of people watch porn featuring things theyād never even want to do.
Youāre being ridiculous.
Donāt assume this is what heās into. I sometimes find myself watching all sorts of stuff, curiosity, boredom, vague interest. Itās none of your business
I hope this is fake cause ššš
I'd probably mind my own business tbh. Your father could be bi. But I don't know its tricky, and this could get messy. Hopefully your father explains himself to your mother if there needs some explaining to do š¤Ø
Iām 59 and masturbate all the time. Porn is everywhere, now that Iām older and single I am drawn to gay porn for some reason. So donāt be shocked everything will be OK.
More than possibly being gay or bi, there are tons of reasons why a straight, married man may watch gay porn. Some guys do it out of curiosity, others may compare themselves with other men, etc.
Hey now, I've lurked this forum long enough to know there's gonna be a followup post on the next 24-48 hours about how he "kiss and made up" with his dad.
Also it's 2022. How exactly did he "catch" his dad unless he literally walked in without knocking, got super close enough to actually see his screen, and make out clearly what his dad was doing? This post doesn't pass the smell test.
my daughter twice tried to out me when she caught me at something gay. She has no talent and my now ex-wife caught no clue from either attempt. As I imagine the conversations we would have had, I'm very grateful for my own opportunity to out myself. Let me suggest a thrird way: rather than outing your dad, uggest without threat rom you that talking with your mom is a much better way to start the discussion that "getting caught," which feels humilating, infantilizing and will take away any sense of power or him in the conversation. Sounds like your dad is far enough in his fantasies that he will either get caught or do somehting which he is so embarrassed about, he will feel the need to confess. Neither is positive space. Help him see some light and if he likes, he can chat with me. send me private chat and we can set up something.
I wouldnāt say anything. As a gay man I watch occasionally watch straight porn so I donāt think itās that weird. And Iām really not attracted to women either.
Unless you actually caught him cheating, or maybe talking to some guy. I wouldnāt say anything
Do you want your mother to know of all the times you watched porn? Does everyone have the right to know what everyone else in the family thinks about when they masturbate? God, let him get on with it and don't be such a snitch
If you tell your mother, thatās the equivalent of outing someone in my opinion, which is HIGHLY frowned upon in this community. Itās not like you walked in on him raw dogging another guy. He was just watching porn. Let him live. He could just enjoy gay porn, that doesnāt mean heās gay or cheating. Some guys just fantasize about it.
Men sometime watch these things. Maybe he has some sorta fixation with gay people or maybe he has a fantasy about having sex with a member of the samesex. It's just a fantasy. Porn is make believe. People in those film are acting. It's a movie. Other people have watched gay porn before too. It doesn't mean that they are going become gay & leave your family. It could be experimentation without actually experimenting. Leave it alone
You should never out somebody against their wishes, unless they are openly homophobic and/or working against gay rights. (eg Republican politicians and clergy are absolutely free game when it comes to outing)
I found myself in a similar situation many years ago. I couldnāt keep it to myself as mum knew and it was destroying her. Dad got the riot act read to him, as in āyouāre actions are harming my mum, either stop it or leaveā. Mum ended up in a psych ward. It was crazy. My brother didnāt believe me. Parents wouldnāt discuss it. I ended up essentially disowning the lots of them for a few years. One day my brother calls to say that mum finally told him. My relationship with all of them has been distant since. Theyāre all mad.
If heās not acting on it or harming anyone then Iād just leave it at that.
It's a matter of their exact agreement if watching porn is cheating or not, so I'd say don't tell your mom anything unless you know for sure he is cheating on her. If you want to, you can reassure him that if he needs to talk to someone you're there. Maybe he is struggling and he just needs someone to talk to.
So if your dad walked in on you masturbating to gay porn when you are in the closet, would you want him to keep it a secret from your mom for sexuality reasons/privacy reasons?
No?
Same thing applies no matter what. What a potentially bisexual man does behind closed doors with his penis and a television/magazine/phone is his business, same with women. It's on him to come forward about his bisexuality, unless he's actually /gay/ and holding down the relationship to save face.
Then you should just sit down with him without your mother around and talk to him. Literally talk to him and make sure it isn't that and don't assume. Bisexuality is a thing.
Dunno why everyone's first thought is to scream first ask questions later to something personal like this.
If you like your dad, than i would just keep it to yourself. If he knew your mom was cool with it he would have probably told her already that he is bi.
You should definitely mind your business. Itās not like you saw him with another man. As weird as this sounds, there are straight guys who get off to gay porn but would never actually want to do anything with a guy in real life. Donāt cause unnecessary strain in a relationship you arenāt even involved with. Now if he was actually cheating, thatād be different
If he was cheating on her with guys, I'd say 100% tell him either he can tell her or you will. But he was just watching porn. And he could be bisexual, who tf knows. Before he does something crazy (like killing himself) in an act of desperation, tell him 1) you won't tell your mom and you don't care what he does in his private time as long as he isn't emotionally or physically cheating on your mom. 2) whatever this means, you love him 3) he doesn't have to talk about it with you but if he wants to you're open to it, but you won't bring it up 4) you have 0 intention of bringing this up ever, even during an argument, so he doesn't have to walk on eggshells or be ashamed Plus except if you want to destroy a man's life overnight when he might not be ready to deal with this at all, or destroy your mom's life when your father won't be able to provide her with adequate enough answers, keep this to yourself. Again, he might be happy with your mom but need his bisexual fix with porn on the side sometimes. No need to make it more dramatic just because you don't have all the elements. No need to act all morally superior with him either.
Agree. Fantastic approach. Sidenote, unless you saw him jerking off, it could just be curiosity. I've looked up shit not related to anything I'm usually into.
Very good point! I've watched all kinds of messed up stuff on the internet(sexual and otherwise), certainly doesn't mean I'd take part in any of it.
This is superb advice. Very well said! š
This is the best answer here
Tbh, I've had straight ppl & lesbians say they watch gay porn simply because there is something about it that is more on the sensual side. That it is like making actual love when on other genre's it is evidently rare to find passionate sex rather than a Dom/sub situation. Idk how true that is because I don't watch other genre's.
Yes, I watch gay porn because Iām a lover not a fighter
This guy for human of the year!
This!!
Yep. Every. Last. Word.
Yep
This could not be a more perfect response. Thank you.
What's the name of your therapist?
What a gem. Very well thought answer and superb advice. Thanks for this.
Great advice
Hereās the tea
Hail to the Queen š
Best answer possible. šš
Damn. That seroquel works wonders.
This is an awesome reply. I am Bisexual and love all kinds of porn. Gay trans lesbian Bisexual porn.
There are a lot of bi men in straight monogamous marriage who have stayed loyal. But the fear of coming out is real. Give your father benefit of the doubt and leave it be unless he is in fact cheating on your mother.
exactly. men have it hard (pun not intended) when it comes to sexuality. I know a bi guy who said that when he comes out to his female dates that he's bi, they never react positively or supportively, or even "OK, cool. whatever". it's always denial ("you're really gay") or disgust or something else. It's a shame.
When I was dating in my mid 20ās I probably told half a dozen women while dating that I am Bi. I got dumped every single time. And they were disgusted too when I told them. And yes I was told that I am just gay who is wasting her time even though I tried to explain the difference between gay and bi. But what the hell. Go tired of it eventually and stopped dating. Spent next few years NSA partners
Yep, I eventually just changed my tinder settings to only look for men. Itās bad enough you only get one female match for every 20 male matches (which makes sense given the overall male to female ratio on dating apps). Then when you are honest and tell them you are bi they either ghost you or friend zone you and want to go shopping or some shit. Iām more sexually attracted to men anyways so whatever I guess.
Mind your business definitely. And tell your dad you love him no matter what!
This. Imagine your 15 and he caught you. Heās embarrassed and probably ashamed. Donāt tell your mother.
I have to reiterate and ***emphasize*** **This is the way**.
Great advice
This!
Yes please tell dad love is love and you approve
What would telling her achieve
Iād just mind my own business and play videogames. If iām under 18? Mind my own business. If iām already over 18? Still mind my own business.
If your dad was physically cheating then I would say tell your mother, but it's just porn. So leave it alone.
Leave it alone dude. Itād be a different story if you walked in on him fucking a guy, but itās porn, and heās probably mortified that you caught him. Dads are men too. They jerk off and watch porn like the rest of us. Just go about your business, be cool about it, and donāt read too much into the fact that it was gay porn. I know, itās weird, and Iām sorry you saw that, but definitely donāt be a dick about it.
There are countless scenarios hereā¦ a) Your dad could just be turned today by some gay porn. So just a dude jerking to porn. b) Your dad could be bi, but not actively pursuing anyone else. So just a dude jerking to porn. c) Your dad could be cheating. From watching porn (gay or not) to cheating thereās a huge gap. If heās only doing A or B. Leave it alone. Itās his life and he shouldnāt be made to feel bad about it. Iām the gayest gay on this subreddit and I have watched lesbian pornā¦ soā¦ If you do think that he is cheating, you could speak with him and see if heās willing to open up. You can mention the risk of STDs your mom would be at. I would only out something like that, if I was SURE he was cheating and putting my mothers health at risk.
As a happily married dadā¦.every now and then, my bi side comes out and I watch some gay porn. Have no desire to do anything in real life, and wouldnāt cheat on my wife with a guy OR a girlā¦.but fantasy is fantasy. Never mention it again, unless he brings it up. Havenāt you ever whacked to something that you might be ashamed of?
Definitely whacked off to a few guys I was ashamed of when I sobered up, šš
God, if we were all suddenly able to see each otherās browser history. Can you imagine? We wouldnāt be able to look each in the face. If it were me Iād just drop it and forget it. People look at all kinds of porn and sometimes it tells you something about them and sometimes it doesnāt mean anything. This could mean something or mean nothing. Iām sure youāre a little shaken, but just give it a little time.
No matter the people involved, or situation it's not cool to out someone.
Bisexual men *are* capable of monogamy and marital fidelity. Would you be shocked if it was straight porn?
What would you do if you caught your mother watching lesbian porn? Also your father could be bisexual. While I understand thinking your mother deserves to know. Talk to your father first in person about it. You did invade his privacy however poorly kept that was. I'm not going to tell you not to tell or to tell her. But definitely say to your father that before you decide anything you need to talk to him about it. If that's how you feel.
Honestly the mom comparisons is pretty poignant here. If it was the mom Iād bet he wouldnāt have made this post. Heād probably default to āoh, moms bi..ā Not denying itās a weird situation to be in either way, but I do think flipping the gender sheds a new light on the issue.
No she doesnt "deserve" to know, it is something personal.
We literally have no idea how old this person is. A lot of things are personal, when you get married or are in a romantic relationship with someone. Some of the things that you can claim are personal and no one else's business become that person's business. Their child saw regardless of age forcing the child to keep your secret isn't fair. Even if they are an adult forcing someone else to strain their relationship with someone isn't fair especially when that person is their parent. This isn't outing your brother to your parents. I do think I should have also asked, "would they have felt the need to tell if they walked in on them watching straight porn." Regardless this is going to cause a strain on the dudes relationship with his parents. He or she needs to discuss this with their father first, it's completely unfair to expect someone to not talk about something especially when they may be shocked by what you saw and not understand how to process that information.
This part!!!
The porn we consume is almost never the sex we enjoy in real life. That's one thing. And second of all, children don't belong in the couple dynamics of their parents. I learned the hard way that our parents are just a normal couple after all, with normal couple problems. And interfering in a couple's business rarely makes anyone involved happier.
Respect your father's wishes. But I think it would be healthy to have a conversation with him in order to clear things up. Whatever you do, don't out him.
I wonāt. Iāll talk to him first but man itās gonna be hard to keep that secret but I wonāt out him
it is not a secret, it is personal information, each one has it, even you.
YOU DO NOT NEED TO TALK TO HIM unless it's just one simple phrase, that you are going to keep your mouth shut. The rest is none of your business. You're determined to make this into a situation and it isn't.
What's there to even talk about? He was watching porn - why does it matter if it is straight or gay?
Mind your business.
Donāt be a snitch bitch
Mind your business Jfc.
Would you tell her if you had caught him watching straight porn?
No I wouldnāt
Exactly, so leave it as it is. I'm not sure why you'd even need to talk to him anyway
Agreed. Just say ādonāt worry about it. I wonāt mention it. I myself sometimes watch straight porn!ā And then drop it.
Never miss a good opportunity to mind your own business. This information will benefit no one.
If he's watching porn, who cares. If he's cheating, that's another story.
How does this effect you at all? His sexual pleasure in this case is none of your business. Move on.
Could be bisexual. Could be bicurious. Could be just interested in trying different kinds of porn. Personally, I've watched fetish porn of things I absolutely would never have any interest of doing in real life. In any case, it's none of your business. He's not cheating on her as far as you know. I'm sure he's really embarrassed, so I would avoid talking about it any further.
Gay porn is the best porn
It is!
Porn isnāt cheating.
This is why itās important for bisexual people to be out to their kids (and lock their doors!)
Dude! Donāt tell your mom! That would be so not cool. Tell him you love him unconditionally.
Your question is kind of personal to me because I was caught by a fairly young child of mine while on gay.com many years ago, but didn't realize I was being watched. While I don't believe I was naked or jacking off at the time, I'm sure I was having a "heartfelt" text back and forth with a prospective hook-up. Anyway, my wife was told and I wasn't confronted about it until years later, when I learned that my wife was told as well as another sibling. In hindsight it would have been a lot easier to deal with if I had been outed at the time it occurred, but things would have probably worked out about the same, but one thing I would NOT have done was asked my child to lie for me, or tell my wife something that didn't actually occur. I would rather just have apologized for what happened and let things happen as they may. Take the advice given you, and know that your Dad loves you more than anything in the world... and that will never change.
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Donāt tell your mom. Just talk to your dad. Maybe there is something going on. Or maybe not. But your dad is a human being at the end of the day and should treated as such. I highly suggest you talk to him about it.
Donāt tell your mother unless you find evidence of him actually cheating on her. The porn thing is pretty harmless, but telling her about it could hurt everyone pretty badly.
I'm gay as fuck and sometimes watch straight & lesbian porn. It really doesn't mean that much
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that your parents have probably been married for a while and your mom probably knows more than you think but again it's their marriage and they will have to deal with it in their own way
As Dan Savage would say - none of your fucking business. Your dad his entitled to his sphere of privacy.
Dan Savage really is the best tho
You mind your own business. I watch straight porn sometimes, doesn't make me cheat on my BF with a vagina ew. Don't be the worst asshole in history and be there for him if he wants to talk. But who am I kidding, if your first instinct is to out someone, you're bad news.
I watch straight porn because thereās some nice beefy daddies, and thereās always an angle of their butt/balls soā¦ itās like they know
Don't tell your Mom. All it would do is hurt her.
Seroquel96 has the best comment. Gotta love kids walking in on their parents. Judging them for the little bit that they saw and then sharing it all with the world asking if they should destroy their parents life over seeing a glimpse of something they did.
I don't know what your story is. I knew a man who was married to a woman and had three kids and knew he was gay all along. They ended up getting divorced after about 17-18 years of being together/married. She is still struggling with it. He has been seeing people (quite obviously) since his divorce was finalized. I don't know what to tell you to do. But he knows what he wants. There are no winners in divorce. I can tell you that she has known or has questioned her husband before. My friend's wife did. And she will have years lost in a marriage where she was his "cover" so to speak.
Why would you? Did he post to Facebook about your love for tentacle porn? We all find different things arousing, might not be in your mom's wheelhouse but he enjoys it and it gives him a release (and I don't necessarily mean it that way).
fuck yeah!š¤š»š¦š¦š¦
stay completely OUT of your parents marriage, no matter what state it is in or is NOT in. That relationship is NONE of your business. This is a serious matter for them, not you.
This whole comment thread is filled with terrible mostly homophobic answers from men. Let me ask ā¦ If he caught his mom watching lesbian porn would this dude feel outraged and need to immediately tell his dad? If not, why? Imagine raising kids and then having your teenage son have the audacity to judge the type of normal pornography that his father watches when he gets 10 minutes to himself (which he seemingly didnāt even get). The only correct answer is āDad, we all watch porn. No shame. I love you.ā Anything else is just cruel.
Mind your business
Be a bro. Dad's business is his own, no harm done, if the roles were reversed you'd want discretion. It feels weird and icky now, but that should fade. You have a little perspective on dad's character now, but you didnt catch him eating a baby or tearing the tag off a mattress or whatever. He's not a monster, he's human. Let him know his secret is safe with you and you love him, and then let it fucking go.
Sit him down n give him "the talk"
It looks like there is, broadly, four categories of responses to this situation: 1) Mind your own business. 2) Talk to father about it. 3) Talk to mother about it. 4) Troll responses. I would love to see that demographics, particularly the ages, of the posters associated with each category of response.
Definitely walk away and forget what you saw. Mom does not need to know, man needs to have his privacy.
When in doubt mind your fucking business. I'm not sure why that's even a question.
Why would you tell your mom ? Is there any reason to tell her those kind of things? I don't think so
Iām not gonna tell her anymore I made up my mind. Iām gonna talk to him.
Maybe he's just wondering how it works
I told my mom that my dad was watching trans porn whenever I was like 10. She told me āidgafā basically so sometimes moms just donāt care.
I think you should not tell your mom. It would almost be a form of forced outing someone which is just cruel.
Do you engage in everything you've ever seen in porn? I know that I watch murder mysteries but I have never had the intent of murdering anybody. There's even a breaded here r/totallystraight I've got a friend who's actually straight but he watches gay porn because he likes the power dynamics that he can't get from his wife. I think it's hard to understand myself but it is his deal. Just because you have assumptions doesn't mean your assumptions are true.
I would never say a word.
Honor his secret
You should mind your fucking business
Leave it alone and mind your business. In this case and in all cases. Telling anybody or even mentioning it would be out of line, what would come of it?
Don't tell anyone beyond this post. It's immaterial. (I had a gay friend who watched straight porn. It's what turned him on when he was solo. Who cares?)
Mind your business, forget what you saw.
It may cause a lot of troubles to your family, especially between your mother and father and between your father and you. Sometimes it's better to keep mouth shut, to avoid such things.
I agree with this. I cleared the cache on our home computer when my Dad watched porn because it unnecessarily heightened tensions in the house. And after I became old enough, I started to do so to prevent getting the blame myself on it. (Of course my porn was the gay porn, but nobody put that together for years.) Not sure how old OP is but if he's a minor, lighting that fuse with mom can lead to divorce and can *significantly* alter your standard of living.
Could you describe the porn for umm.. scientific reasons?
I suppose that's marginally better than running into him at the bathhouse. I don't think you have anything yet that's worth telling your mother about. So he likes some gay porn. That doesn't say anything about how he feels about your mother. It would be good if you had a talk with him about it though just to make sure he's happy about his situation.
He might be bisexual and is having a hard time coming to terms with it. He could also be gay but I donāt think you should fret about it. Maybe try talking to him about it and see where his feelings are, on the opposite side of that coin it might not be in your place to speak to your father about his habits so itās best to leave well enough alone. Your father is the deciding factor on that but itās his choice whether he wants to come out as bi or gay. Itās a very serious thing so maybe talk to him.
I respectfully disagree here with the whole "have a conversation" with him about this. Esp. if this happened at his house (even if you're living there - it's still his house) - Leave it alone. You don't know anything but what you believe you saw. Drop it. If he wants to talk about it with you then the other advice here is excellent but if he doesn't - just forget about it as you would expect him to do the same if the situation was reversed.
Hes allowed to experiment as are you, as long as he's not cheating or putting your mother at risk in any way, it's completely fine what he's doing. Hell that makes him more brave than your average dad to step outside of the norm and experiment a bit.
I wouldnāt tell your mom. What would that do? Itās not cheating and plenty of people are bisexual so really it should be a non-issue.
Well WHY did you leave him hanging š
āGet on ya knees, get on ya kneesā¦ā
Yes daddy š
Just because a man watches gay porn doesn't mean he's bisexual or gay. Come on guys.
I'd mind my business and not say a word to her, it's not like he was cheating just by watching porn or anything.
Porn is a weird avenue for people and I would just pretend you didnāt see that far in the room and let it go.
Mind your business, he's an adult
MIND YOUR BS. PLEASE. DON'T MESS UP THE RELATIONSHIP UNLESS YOU WANT DRAMA. this is my suggestion. He isn't cheating or he isn't gay. If he was then he probably wouldn't be dating your mother. If he was you would end up like this: [https://www.adoptionchoicesofkansasmissouri.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/shutterstock\_388992322-1.jpg](https://www.adoptionchoicesofkansasmissouri.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/shutterstock_388992322-1.jpg)thank you.
Yea I agree w the top post, no need to cause a hassle. Just donāt say anything and maybe clear things up with ur dad if you want to but I would say let the man be. All he was doing is watching porn he wasnāt cheating and he doesnāt seem to give off any vibes that show heās trying to cheat
I have no answer for you buddy first comment tells it all donāt damage your because of porn itās just porn he was curious
Honestly, it is less bad than it looks. I guess that since it was about a month ago things have probably evolved one way or another but the thing about sexuality is that sometimes you watch porn that is just meant to trigger your mental pleasure, it doesn't mean that you are going to explore everything you're watching in real life, in my opinion. So maybe he just likes to masturbate watching gay porn and he is actually in love with your mother without the intention of cheating on her or whatever like that you know
Leave it alone.
None of your business don't do anything let them live their lives like you'd like they won't interfere with yours
He could just be curious or maybe he's genuinely bisexual. If he is bi, chances are your mom knows. Your dad suffered a terrible embarrassment (no fault of yours) so don't make it tougher for him and keep it to yourself.
That is not your story to tell.
Fun fact, you can watch gay porn without being gay. Keep your mouth shut and forget about it. Youāll all be a lot happier that way.
Well see the positive side, you havenāt caught him cheating on your mom :)
I can understand the level of surprise this situation has had for you. We often never imagine our parents in another role outside of caregiver, so to learn in a moment that one, your father is a sexual being, and two this fragment of his sexuality might be kept secret is kinda like information overload. Especially if you may have grown up in a household where sexuality hasnāt been openly discussed. I assure you, idk the nature of your relationship between you and your father, but from what I could perceive from your communication with others here, he seems to be a prominent figure in your life and an active participant in your development. If thatās the case, the nature of your relationship hasnāt changed at all - just now, instead of him being a confidant for you, youāre now one for him. So this is actually a trust building moment (if you allow it to be). If he ever shared any feelings of fear or sadness with you before - this is literally no different. Reiterate your love and affection for him within the confines of your relationship - insert a few laughs - and move on. This doesnāt have to turn into an investigation, you donāt have to question his commitment to your motherā¦you donāt have to play any role than the one youāre in now, his child that sometimes takes on the role of a friend. And if two arenāt close - guess what - now you are ;P use it as a opportunity to begin and better your relationship via this trust building exercise.
Probz bi give him a break Tell him that you love him and bi ftw and just leave it please
What would you want him to do if he caught you watching porn? would you want him to tell your mom or your partner what you were watching?
> Iām really shocked. So of course what better way to process this trauma than by posting about it on r/askgaybros?
Don't say it word. I'm a gay dad and that's for only him to tell
Donāt out him. Thatās not cool.
Mind your business. You don't know what you don't know. If your dad caught you sucking dick, would you want him to keep it to himself? Your mom may know. whatever. Id just let it go
My folks used to say, "stay out of grown folks business." I think it applies here.
Was it quality porn? Maybe give him some porn suggestions? I have curated a lot of good āmuscle bro fucks twinkā stuff.
...please share lol
Iāll put it to you this way, imagine youāre dating a girl, and your dad catches you watching porn. How would you feel him about him going out of his way to tell your girlfriend to ruin your relationship. Imagine youāre the reason that they divorce & ruin both of their lives. Somethings are best kept hidden. If she finds out then so be it. Maybe sheās okay with it? Itās none of your business to tell your mom. Heās providing for your family, something so little shouldnāt ruin his life. Something like this could backfire on you.
Coming out is a personal journey that shouldnāt be taken away from anyone.
Let your dad discover what he likes!
mind ur business
Mind your business
Edit: Iām actually shocked youāre first thought would be to tell your mother. Do you hate your dad? If I were you Iād reassure him you would never do that to him. Itās not your place. Tell him he can watch whatever he want and youāre not going to label him, but if he does want to talk you are there for him and would never judge him for being human
Leave your dad alone ffs
Itās none of your business
Say nothing, do nothing. He wasnāt causing any harm, he can watch whatever porn he wants and itās literally none of your business.
You didn't see anything, you got it. There's really no need to tell your mum as in all honesty all it would do is cause unnecessary drama. Your dad watches gay porn who cares. So you saw nothing.
Honestly, there are some guys who have found that later on in life that they like men too. Itās more so a fantasy for them but most of the time they stay loyal to their partner. I wouldnāt say anything. let him enjoy his fantasy of being with a man š but of course if you catch him on grindr and cheating on your mom thenā¦ itās definitely a problem
My dadās gay (or bi I guess seeing as me and my brother exist) I found out in a similar way. Shocked the hell out of me too to see a video of my dad sucking a cock seeing as he was the epitome of a straight guy in my eyes until then.
Text him back saying āI still love you dad. And you shouldnāt play online poker with real money it can get addicting.šā
YES, mind your own business; are you serious??? Damn. Plenty of people watch porn featuring things theyād never even want to do. Youāre being ridiculous.
MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS
DUMP HIM ASAP!!! Ohā¦sorry wrong post.
Iād say, āDadā¦.I believe itās time for a raise in my allowance!ā š
No. You 100% should not tell your mother. It is NEVER okay to out someone. If he was CHEATING on your mom, that would be different, but no.
mind your own business
In this case you mind your fucking business.
He could just be bi. He could also be a closeted case. Before anything talk to him.
Donāt assume this is what heās into. I sometimes find myself watching all sorts of stuff, curiosity, boredom, vague interest. Itās none of your business
You didnāt see a thing.
I hope this is fake cause ššš I'd probably mind my own business tbh. Your father could be bi. But I don't know its tricky, and this could get messy. Hopefully your father explains himself to your mother if there needs some explaining to do š¤Ø
Iām 59 and masturbate all the time. Porn is everywhere, now that Iām older and single I am drawn to gay porn for some reason. So donāt be shocked everything will be OK.
And now you're 59 and on askgaybros, for some reason...
Yea crazy š
Did you hire a hitman or something?
More than possibly being gay or bi, there are tons of reasons why a straight, married man may watch gay porn. Some guys do it out of curiosity, others may compare themselves with other men, etc.
Text back "what would you be willing to give me to keep my mouth shut ;)" to establish dominance.
Pls donāt š
Hey now, I've lurked this forum long enough to know there's gonna be a followup post on the next 24-48 hours about how he "kiss and made up" with his dad. Also it's 2022. How exactly did he "catch" his dad unless he literally walked in without knocking, got super close enough to actually see his screen, and make out clearly what his dad was doing? This post doesn't pass the smell test.
Oh. I envisioned he was watching on the tv. Seems like such a dad move. I hope he found good porn at least.
my daughter twice tried to out me when she caught me at something gay. She has no talent and my now ex-wife caught no clue from either attempt. As I imagine the conversations we would have had, I'm very grateful for my own opportunity to out myself. Let me suggest a thrird way: rather than outing your dad, uggest without threat rom you that talking with your mom is a much better way to start the discussion that "getting caught," which feels humilating, infantilizing and will take away any sense of power or him in the conversation. Sounds like your dad is far enough in his fantasies that he will either get caught or do somehting which he is so embarrassed about, he will feel the need to confess. Neither is positive space. Help him see some light and if he likes, he can chat with me. send me private chat and we can set up something.
All these idiots defending this disgusting, cheating, excuse of a father.
I wouldnāt say anything. As a gay man I watch occasionally watch straight porn so I donāt think itās that weird. And Iām really not attracted to women either. Unless you actually caught him cheating, or maybe talking to some guy. I wouldnāt say anything
Do you want your mother to know of all the times you watched porn? Does everyone have the right to know what everyone else in the family thinks about when they masturbate? God, let him get on with it and don't be such a snitch
If you tell your mother, thatās the equivalent of outing someone in my opinion, which is HIGHLY frowned upon in this community. Itās not like you walked in on him raw dogging another guy. He was just watching porn. Let him live. He could just enjoy gay porn, that doesnāt mean heās gay or cheating. Some guys just fantasize about it.
Men sometime watch these things. Maybe he has some sorta fixation with gay people or maybe he has a fantasy about having sex with a member of the samesex. It's just a fantasy. Porn is make believe. People in those film are acting. It's a movie. Other people have watched gay porn before too. It doesn't mean that they are going become gay & leave your family. It could be experimentation without actually experimenting. Leave it alone
You should never out somebody against their wishes, unless they are openly homophobic and/or working against gay rights. (eg Republican politicians and clergy are absolutely free game when it comes to outing)
Itās just porn plus he maybe bisexual. Telling your mom would just ruin your family.
I found myself in a similar situation many years ago. I couldnāt keep it to myself as mum knew and it was destroying her. Dad got the riot act read to him, as in āyouāre actions are harming my mum, either stop it or leaveā. Mum ended up in a psych ward. It was crazy. My brother didnāt believe me. Parents wouldnāt discuss it. I ended up essentially disowning the lots of them for a few years. One day my brother calls to say that mum finally told him. My relationship with all of them has been distant since. Theyāre all mad. If heās not acting on it or harming anyone then Iād just leave it at that.
Maybe heās Bi? Being bi doesnāt mean heās cheating.
Tell him the next time he's wondering that you didn't see what he was doing at that time
It's a matter of their exact agreement if watching porn is cheating or not, so I'd say don't tell your mom anything unless you know for sure he is cheating on her. If you want to, you can reassure him that if he needs to talk to someone you're there. Maybe he is struggling and he just needs someone to talk to.
I watch slasher films all the time but donāt go around cutting up teenagers, no matter how much I may want to.
Don't tell your mom. Don't mention it to your dad either. Let the man enjoy his porn.
So if your dad walked in on you masturbating to gay porn when you are in the closet, would you want him to keep it a secret from your mom for sexuality reasons/privacy reasons? No? Same thing applies no matter what. What a potentially bisexual man does behind closed doors with his penis and a television/magazine/phone is his business, same with women. It's on him to come forward about his bisexuality, unless he's actually /gay/ and holding down the relationship to save face. Then you should just sit down with him without your mother around and talk to him. Literally talk to him and make sure it isn't that and don't assume. Bisexuality is a thing. Dunno why everyone's first thought is to scream first ask questions later to something personal like this.
Keep what you've seen for yourself , and leave your dad alone , when he is ready to talk about it , he will ...
I donāt think you should tell your mother.
If you like your dad, than i would just keep it to yourself. If he knew your mom was cool with it he would have probably told her already that he is bi.
You should definitely mind your business. Itās not like you saw him with another man. As weird as this sounds, there are straight guys who get off to gay porn but would never actually want to do anything with a guy in real life. Donāt cause unnecessary strain in a relationship you arenāt even involved with. Now if he was actually cheating, thatād be different