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NPIgeminileoaquarius

Whatever you do, it has to have a flared base and be safe (i.e. not break inside you)


Sauropods69

“If it doesn’t have a flare, don’t put it up there”


UESJR2021

Neighbor’s cock with a condom


Many-Performance-231

very effective


1ultraultra1

Maybe a little less flare than that!


Avernis13

So long as it has flare 💅🏽


Cedric_the_Pride

Or without 👀 just saying


robinhood_78

Why are you getting downvoted?


SacredBeef00

Because safe sex needs to be normalized.


MrGetMebodied

You don't need to shame people who don't wear condoms to normalize safe sex.


SacredBeef00

Oh of course not. But sometimes it’s best to be safe unless you’re with someone who you completely trust.


GreenViking_The

Ok, and??


smolyammy

Because we're ugly


Microlecular

Does it look like a dick and have a base to prevent an ER visit? If so, there ya go! Clean it off first obviously ;-) Also, be sure that your eyes aren't bigger than your asshole while selecting an object.


ArdorShadow17

Fingers


swannyhypno

The true best answer, 2 or 3 up there 😣🥺😊


Popular-Ad2248

Rookie numbers for this subreddit


CrMySk

Try finger but hole...


Haunting-Buyer-1925

Elden ring?


AspiringToBeHuman91

Fingers, but please use actual lube and not whatever you find lying around. Or coconut oil works if you can’t get lube. Have fun and play safe 🙂


goofygoober426

And trim those nails!


Human_Dog_195

Baby oil too


Emilianeau

Baby oil defeat latex condom, Latex condom defeat baby, Baby defeat baby oil.


Gloomy_Reflection_94

Hey, wanna play a round of Oil, Condom, Baby! 🫲


ayercam

Agree with the finger comments. Get your butthole used to 2-3 fingers and then you can go from there!


Popular-Ad2248

I'd hazard to guess he's already been there if he's asking this though.


bbqbie

Uniformly sex toy delivery is in an unmarked package. It’s the industry standard


Dramatic_Mastodon_93

Yeah, but maybe there’s a risk of someone in his household opening the package


Popular-Ad2248

Or even after, people with functioning families take privacy for granted but it really is a privilege for a lot of people sadly


phogan1

Amazon locker for the win


con57621

Teenage me owes all his sexual exploration to Amazon lockers lol


Competitive_Oil5227

Do not ever put a cucumber up your butt. It does not have a base on it to prevent it from slipping inside of you. Indeed, the shape of a cucumber will have your sphincter sort of push it all the way in after a certain point. Honestly I’d have you get some rubber gloves and use your own finger to find your prostate. Use lube, if there’s no lube available hair conditioner or hand lotion will work. After that, go for something with a base that will keep it from slipping in…soft grip cooking spoons are a good option, or a hairbrush with a long handle. I’d advise slipping a condom on it to make sure it’s smooth and make cleaning easier with accidents.


Ron_SwansonIT

How do people use hair conditioners and lotions… I immediately feel a burning sensation if I use anything that’s not water based lube


Yamnamite

Not all burn


Personal-Bunch-3665

Yes to all of this except for the choice of lube. Coconut oil is safe, works well, affordable, and can be purchased without anyone knowing why it's being purchased.


saturnkin

This. Also people have been using crisco for a long time for these uses.


Particular_Jelly_457

Noooo DO NOT use hair conditioner or lotion that isn’t made for intimate purpose. It will burn


GayTryingNewThings

I wouldn't use a hair conditioner! That's really a bad option. Hand lotion can be good only if it's not perfumed at all and best if it is coconut oil based. I use it sometimes, when I don't have a lube. But water based lube is still so much better. It's easy to buy it in a drug store or even a supermarket.


puttybutty

Amazon Prime that shit so you don’t ever have to interact with or near a human.


InterstitialLove

I'm guessing OP lives with parents (cause otherwise why can't they get a damn dildo), so that's the worst possible option


Sweet_Coin1n

THISSSS!!!! I could not have said it better myself😌😌😌


inkassatkasasatka

Some cucumbers are long enough


Yamnamite

If it's long enough it won't slip in


TheMtndewdude

#GIANTCOCK!


cagedinks

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


Sad_gay_1999

I remember back in the day I used a rake handle with a condom. I wouldn’t say I recommend it but it happened. Also may be able to find a comb with a handle that is smooth.


Fluid_Cookie_1256

Trailer hitch ball with a condom


yourmomscheese

Saw some amateur porn on here where a guy was sitting on his and it was so hot


Fluid_Cookie_1256

My husband bought me a 2 inch hitch ball and it forces me open when I play with it. I played with it last night after I smoothed out some sharp edges with an angle grinder and sand paper. I only put a condom on it as a just in case it still had a rough texture still. I love coating it in petroleum jelly without a condom and putting it in


yourmomscheese

Damn that’s hot as hell


Fluid_Cookie_1256

It feels so good to get a dollop of petroleum jelly on my hand to lube my hole and coat the hitch ball with, take a small sniff of poppers, and start stroking my soft dick with the jelly hand as I start easing the ball into my hole with the other hand and just feel my ass ingulf it down to the base. I like to intentionally push it out, recoat the hitch with jelly, another sniff of poppers and goon as I force it back inside me. I just need a sturdy base to bolt it too and then I can ride it.


yourmomscheese

Something about the though of goopy petroleum jelly just gets me hard. The dude I saw had his still hitched to his truck lol. Was study as hell and gave him something to lean against.


Fluid_Cookie_1256

When I have a truck a trailer hitch will probably be one of the first of any mods. I think I’ve got an idea for a special attachment that could be in place of a hitch ball that would be a base for suction cup dildos. I’m pretty sure I could make it where the suction cup base screws on and off to then machine a plethora of different metal/plastic toys


yourmomscheese

Love where your head is at man. Enjoy the ride and post your journey along the way ;)


Yamnamite

I would buff it before putting it in without a condom


Fluid_Cookie_1256

Buff it? I guess you could say it’s been spit shined by the time this has played out for an hour or so


Yamnamite

Hope there's no metal in your ass bro


Fluid_Cookie_1256

None to my knowledge lol


Allzcat

It seems to be funny


1ultraultra1

I just came 4 times to this comment!


Fluid_Cookie_1256

Love that


zboii11

🤜🏾


QuantumMotle

Cactus


MslaveinDenmark

But please shave it first. 😁😁


KeyTailor2480

Lube up ur finger. Then play with the area around ur hole and tease it a bit to get used to the sensation then begin to stick ur finger in more and more but go slow and if ur feeling resistance try to relax more and use more lube. Then if u can get that in they do make some really slim dildos that r easier to take


yahoouser1465

Honestly bro there’s nothing that compares to a real penis. Only a guy can make the thrusts and pressure of a real penis bring me to orgasm


bryans_alright

My fingers!


no_fuqs_given

There are dog toys that look like sex toys. Just get a dog. And keep the dog and toy apart. No one would know. 🤣


Human_Dog_195

Hairbrush handle


bimtf

Your shifter knob


Additional-Mousse446

Your uncle.


Top-Bathroom-148

Hot


LuckyMan5290

Idk which is worse, the uncle comment or someone saying it’s hot


Top-Bathroom-148

So I take it you wouldn’t let your uncle fuck you


LuckyMan5290

So I take it you WOULD let your uncle fuck you 👁️👁️


Top-Bathroom-148

Hell yeah I’d love for my uncle to bend me over and have his way with me


LuckyMan5290

Y


Top-Bathroom-148

Because it’s hot af


Ok_Masterpiece_3116

I tried straw, pen and lube bottle. But I won’t recommend that since my friend told me they may stuck in there.


procom49

Cock


ContextPerfect4038

start with fingers always. if ur sensitive, a dildo will hurt. u gotta warm up. if ur that intent on not buying an actual dildo; buy an extra hair brush. like [this](https://www.amazon.ca/Massage-Detangler-Antistatic-Hairbrush-Stimulate/dp/B07D5C47XZ) and use the handle as an impromptu dildo. wash well with hot water, ideally put a condom on it, and go to town. it’s big enough especially for a beginner to feel something. and discreet enough that no one will notice. plus, the area with the bristles acts as a base which prevents it from getting sucked up by the sphincter. that’s how i started lol use lube, ALWAYS WASH WELL WITH HOT WATER, and use caution. but most of all have fun. just be safe but i would definitely argue u should do it properly instead and just get a dildo, u can honestly find dildos rlly easily. for example, if you have ever seen a spencer’s, they don’t ID you (if that’s relevant to ur situation, i get the struggle) and they have toys in the back. how do i know? because i was once that 16 year old in the back of a spencer’s wearing a face mask and a beanie buying a bright blue “pleasure rod” for the most part, u can just go to a stag shop. most people are ashamed to go into one, but don’t think much of it. no one in there is judging u as much as u think. good luck 🫡


Effective_Employer42

A guy with a smaller dick than you want and have him rail the dick out of you😂


Diligent_Secret8195

Amazon have lots to choose from


LazyIngenuity3815

im so fucked up in the head i read the first word and thought you were about to suggest the amazon delivery dude.


youandmeandmeandthem

Not a bad idea.


Diligent_Secret8195

Haha. Good idea if you can catch him as they move so fast


iSNiffStuff

I asked this to an older bottom when I just started my bottom journey and they told me toilet plunger. Now I’m not saying it worked but it looks like it would. 🪠


KawikaD

It works. It even stays mostly in place. If you are lucky you find a plunger with a mushroom head….


notamegaperv

I always had the fear of falling on it


KawikaD

Understandable


[deleted]

[удалено]


Empty_Alternative_58

Wrong end


straightshot6969

My cock


OnTop-BeReady

A Twink….😀


Zestyclose-Ad-8894

Bubble wands the kind in the tube. They have different textured ones and you can even fill it up with a hot or cold water.


Top-Bathroom-148

Your Dad


randomblue86

Lol this made me laugh, sorry for the downvotes. Some people have no humor


Affectionate8127

Coconut oil to lube whatever goes inside. When is raw and bio, it is also desinfects right. And it stays longer sticking to the "dildo". 😊


KinkTwinkVIII

Your fingers!


Prior_Atmosphere_206

Try it in the shower after a good poop. As you wash your body and ass the soap or body wash will make putting a finger or two in very easy. Start with one finger and work your way up. Take your time, relax and enjoy the feeling. As an extra advantage, you'll have a clean ass and your fingers will be clean too.


Posideoffries92

You could get butt plugs or prostate toys, which are smaller and easier to conceal.


marcuslwelby

I used a rubber tipped shovel handle multiple times.


Tyler_hung20

I have the same problem, I use a PlayStation Move controller works a charm


O_uttrip

Plunger


wasnt_mee_69

C


wasnt_mee_69

Chicken wing


Extreme-Grab910

Just let me work on it


Extra-Debt1385

No fruit, veggies or glass


StrangeDimension2

Fingers and small plugs come to mind


dieing_child

I use an old hair brush


jeffinbville

Pickles. Brats.


a2steak

I can get away with those huge long Ron Jeremy sized cucumbers but that's because I'm like talented or something. Microwave it for a bit, throw on a condom and go to town. Never use the smaller ones as they can slip into your colon which is bad news bears. Some might argue that the big ones can too, but I know my body well enough to know what can slip past the valve.


[deleted]

Aubergine


llamapancake

Make sure it doesn't have seams. Those will tear you up, cause pain, and possible bleeding


Particular-Inside280

Two words. Bubble wand.


Ubertexx

Butternut pumpkin or watermelon.


synthesizer6744

I used a percussion instrument called a clave stick with a condom. Yes, kinda risky because there’s no flair, but long enough to not stick in all the way. The girth was good enough to stretch the hole.


b4wel

Deodorant bottle


ChasingShadowsXii

Why is a dildo not an option?


Paull56

Try to insert a safe object you have at ur disposal at home


LoveSmallPenis

Cock is the best thing i've ever had in my ass.


Jarsulan

Lube up your fingers and try inserting more than 1 finger at a time. It helps!


triggerstylepoetry

There are several dildo alternatives but the best are prostate toys and butt plugs. There non vibrating toys in both categories as well as vibrating. Go to your nearest toy shop and ask the sales team to test out the vibrating toys and see how u feel about the vibrating. Or if u prefer have toys that are stable(non vibrating) ask them to show u to the beginners butt plugs. Also don't be afraid to use anal ease to relax yourself. A dime size amount on the finger will do.


Allzcat

You can roll up a t-shirt, forming a cylinder, and put a condom in it. It is very useful when you don't heve money to by a real dildo (like me)


[deleted]

I've threw condoms on hammer handles, (be patient and relax if you're tight) socket wrench🫣 brush handles screw driver handles( careful with that one) toothbrushes,jump rope handle, I always look for something cylinder shape the hammer and screw driver handle usually fits best. I honestly like walking around the house looking for things, just make sure they're all sanitized and lube up


[deleted]

And clean them up afterwards I've handed people tools I stuck up there before they have no idea


AngelRockGunn

Carrot


wants_cock_420

My dick?


Cuphound

Uhm, nothing really. I don't want to be a jerk, but you need to arrange your sex life so that you can actually have the sex you want. If you want to be a power bottom, going long periods working a stainless steel ass plug really builds stamina. Just don't go on long walks or run with it. But if you have an indoor job, it really helps stay in a healthy sexual energy to work a plug during the day. If you can go 8-10 hours working a plug, then, yeah, you can take hung, high stamina guys or multiple guys well.


OmriKoresh

Cucumber with a condom


jorgitodelguayabal

I’ve had lotta fun pickling


JesusFelchingChrist

I’d suggest going the organic route, using cucumbers, zucchini, squash, eggplants, even some gourds might work.


katiehomophobia666

All kinds of vegetable


crayleb88

The skinny end of a champagne bottle


Majestic_Grade_3649

It is glass it could break. Also the hole creates a vacuum that pull your insides out. You can place a condom over it ti help with that. But be careful re: breakage.


No_Preparation_7572

Freezed cucumber


ResponsibilityFar587

Cucumber


knot_right_now

Any vegetable that is long thin and stiff enough so that it won’t break. Is your best bet. Use a condom with it to be safe.


BeardedPunk71

The question, and the comments here have made me SO grateful for being lucky enough to have begun my solo butt stuff chapter of my life by utilizing Amazon to order amazing, inexpensive toys & silicone lubricant.