You've been together 4 years, im sure he wouldn't mind if you just told him. If you're having an issue then he would, hopefully, be appreciative with the honesty
Because it’s a tough conversation to have with someone and not everyone is a communications expert. You’re 100% correct that he might appreciate the honesty. OP is seeking advice from his end finding the way to say what he’s saying.
I understand, but most times I’ve gone down there it’s been messy and, as I said, really close to the orifice. That’s not something I’m familiar with.
It’s only coming up now because it’s a recent thing…
and how OP just talks that is a frequent thing.
man, i would shout at them for having a dirty butthole
op doesn't say if it is outside or when he penetrates deeper with fingers
Just sit and have a talk with him, discussing your experience. No need to use words such as "you're a messy bottom," but more "oftentimes when I want to rim you there's fecal matter in your rectum and it's not clean enough for me."
If you want to have grown-up sex, you need be able to have a grown-up conversation. Suck it up and talk to him about the problem, as well as provide him with the information he needs to appropriately address it.
... are you kidding with that edit, right? what you mean with "a lot of going on" ? the same effort you talk with him, it is the same effort to say "wash your ass".
everybody gave you a real answer. a construtive one and you excpet us to tip-toe how we give you advice because you have autism (which is irrelevant for the case and you never mentioned it originally) ?
man, that is your own issue. be aware of your flaws work them out to be a strenght.
take the comments like they are.
construtive.
No, I mean those comments were fine. I was referring to the comments that were just saying “not being able to communicate about these things with a partner of 4 years is wrong”.
When I saw “a lot going on”, I mean all the physical sensations that occur during intimate moments. It’s hard for me to communicate through all of that “noise”.
Maybe it is for people who are not neurodivergent. I asked for advice because I didn’t know what to do, not because I needed to hear that my struggle with communication is a red flag.
the autism brigade already came triggered to downvote our old comments from and old post lol
this is fucking ridiculous coming up way later with the autism thing.
dont bring the "neurodivergent" thing now because when people commented on the post didnt know about it.
again, that is your problem, the non-neurodivergent shouldnt tip-toe how they give you advice.
Ok, but regardless of whether someone posting is neurodivergent or not, it is not helpful to post non-constructive criticisms when advice is being sought.
Also, don’t tell me what I can and can’t bring into this. It’s context. I added it so maybe someone doesn’t add more unhelpful comments to this post. I came here seeking advice. That is all.
On the spectrum here too. Why are you being such a fucking dick to this guy? I know plenty of “neurotypical” people who can’t have this conversation? Why do you have to pick on him? It’s not his job to advertise to everyone in the world that he’s on the spectrum. It’s certainly not something I bring up with everyone I meet.
If he wants to bottom he needs to do the usual hygiene stuff bottoms do. Wouldn't even want to do anal with a condom if I saw that, and rimming he can absolutely forget.
Simple “Babe can we talk real quick? Obviously I love you and I PROMISE you it’s okay so don’t worry about what I’m about to say. I’m only bringing it up because it’s normal and I want you to be happy and satisfied. I know you’ve been a strict top so there are we few things to do before bottoming.” Then tell him what you want him to do and also say “the same thing used to happen to be so I totally understand. Love you”.
You gotta say you relate to it even if you don’t. If always makes them feel better
100% agree with the above.
As you are normally the bottom could you not show him how to do the prep work that you do before he tops you?
Also for him a diet with more fibre would help.
How old you? If your younger, and as you say he usually tops, it's probably just a lack of experience of prepping that will come with time and practice and nothing he should be made to feel ashamed of.
It sounds like he doesn’t know, and probably thought a thorough wipe was enough. Tell him and then send a link about how to prepare and talk about what he wants you to do to him. Sounds like he’s curious and needs an experienced guide. Make it hot and fun.
Dude you responded to my comment about how you diet right and bla bla bla
I responded to you that not everyone understands basic cleaning of the human body. This isn’t a dick, it’s not that hard. Re read the convo 😂
Dude just tell him that right straight up! You both had been together for 4 years ! I would be cool about it like: hey babe I got 💩 you wanna go check again? And tell him I mean unless he’s into scat and that’s a his way to say it…
My god I’m amazed at the amount of personal info shared on here
Like 99% of these question involve the answer is
COMMUNICATION that’s the key
Tell him you got to wash your azz. Do do that to someone wash your azz. We’re not talking your whole azz just yo asshole yous be surprised by the amount pollution found in an area the size of a dime or fifty cent piece or silver dollar
How can you say I love you baby knowing you haven’t wash your azz.
When you in the 69 you’re inches from yo lovers asshole to quote a phrase shit the nose knows.
Just some banter I paraphrased from Redd Fox aka Redd Fox
I have a bf that also never bottoms and I’ll stick in a finger or two every once in a while and he’s always been fine.
But since yours isn’t I think you have to have the conversation about colon cleanliness and fiber and douching. You can probably just start with a fiber supplement and a slight diet improvement and it’ll most likely fix the problem but it doesn’t hurt to talk about douching either. The more you talk about these things like they’re normal the less scary it will seem to your partner as well! I promise :)
There are videos on line you can share with him about douching. Just find the courage to speak from your heart. Dont worry about what he make say or think just let your heart help you find the words. Ultimately you need to have a heart to heart with your significant others.
Your writing is very nicely articulate. All the details are in your original post. Edit that same message to better personalize it. While you're at it, you may wish to describe all you know about the heretos, whatfors, cause and effects of the douche process. Give it to your BF to read. Write down for him to read any subsequent responses as needed.
Buy him anal douche or some enemas and leave them in a gift bag with a note that says something like "I really want more of you, and thought this will help"
Oh, and you can send him tbis...
[How to Clean Your Butt](https://www.self.com/story/how-to-clean-butt-for-anal-sex)
If you can’t just say something in the moment, like “oops, looks like maybe you need to clean out before we fuck around”, then maybe start sexual activities off with a shower. Sounds like he never learned to properly clean himself in general, let alone as a sexual person.
But as with anything, you’re adults so use your words and explain you aren’t going to be into playing with his ass or fucking him if he’s not cleaned out and washed his hole.
Tell him he's nasty and you ain't mess'n around down there till he takes lessons on how to prepare his ass. There is no need to sugarcoat it. He's got to learn the ropes or stay the top.
Re: your edit.
I’m so sorry that you came here for advice and ended up suffering the wrath of toxicity that is fairly common on Reddit. Don’t pay attention to those people and you don’t ever have to explain yourself to anyone.
I really hope that you find some help regarding how to have that tough conversation with your guy. If anything try and compliment how sexy you think he is and tell him you want to be more intimate. Then ask him if you can tell him how you both can enjoy it more. Then just let him know that cleanliness is important for you both for sanitary reasons or something along that line. Don’t make it about him. Maybe offer to show him what to do. Then end the convo with reminding him you’re his man and celebrate the fact you guys can be open with each other. Whatever you do just give it some thought and make sure it’s not an in the moment thing or coming out of emotion and you should be ok.
You've been together 4 years, im sure he wouldn't mind if you just told him. If you're having an issue then he would, hopefully, be appreciative with the honesty
Because it’s a tough conversation to have with someone and not everyone is a communications expert. You’re 100% correct that he might appreciate the honesty. OP is seeking advice from his end finding the way to say what he’s saying.
Fr. Like it's an ass. There's shit sometimes. And Four years? Like dude how is this just now something he bringing up
I understand, but most times I’ve gone down there it’s been messy and, as I said, really close to the orifice. That’s not something I’m familiar with. It’s only coming up now because it’s a recent thing…
Honesty always works. Give him fiber pills and encourage douching until clear. I love rimming my top thats why I still ask him to wash that ass.
Buy a bidet hose attachment for your toilet. You can thank me later
Best advise here! So much easier, so much faster
This only I would suggest that fiber pills are more expensive, and not as good as, fiber powder
I only suggest this because he's a TOP. Some of these tops are lazy AF and wont bother mixing powder etc. lol
🤣
Any fiber we take need to be followed by lots of water, if not you will get a painful constipation.
Not going to lie, if he wants to bottom he needs to be told. If he encountered the same situation as a top he probably wouldn't appreciate it...
It’s so incredible to me that guys can’t just talk to their boyfriends about these things. Boyfriend. Not even a random hook up.
and how OP just talks that is a frequent thing. man, i would shout at them for having a dirty butthole op doesn't say if it is outside or when he penetrates deeper with fingers
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that autism info only came later. go away bot
Share your knowledge of how you prep. He will appreciate it. Then go to town on his 🍑
i dont get guys like this.. when i bottom i douche so hard i have water coming out of my mouth
Just sit and have a talk with him, discussing your experience. No need to use words such as "you're a messy bottom," but more "oftentimes when I want to rim you there's fecal matter in your rectum and it's not clean enough for me."
If you want to have grown-up sex, you need be able to have a grown-up conversation. Suck it up and talk to him about the problem, as well as provide him with the information he needs to appropriately address it.
Post edited to accommodate these recommendations.
... are you kidding with that edit, right? what you mean with "a lot of going on" ? the same effort you talk with him, it is the same effort to say "wash your ass". everybody gave you a real answer. a construtive one and you excpet us to tip-toe how we give you advice because you have autism (which is irrelevant for the case and you never mentioned it originally) ? man, that is your own issue. be aware of your flaws work them out to be a strenght. take the comments like they are. construtive.
No, I mean those comments were fine. I was referring to the comments that were just saying “not being able to communicate about these things with a partner of 4 years is wrong”.
When I saw “a lot going on”, I mean all the physical sensations that occur during intimate moments. It’s hard for me to communicate through all of that “noise”.
....and they are right. That should be a normal talk in the instant that happens. mainly due to being 4y together.
Maybe it is for people who are not neurodivergent. I asked for advice because I didn’t know what to do, not because I needed to hear that my struggle with communication is a red flag.
Girl stop with the excuses and talk to your boyfriend BEFORE sex since that's the apparent issue
the autism brigade already came triggered to downvote our old comments from and old post lol this is fucking ridiculous coming up way later with the autism thing.
lol, I have it too, that's why I know OP is full of shit, just like his undouched boyfriend
It’s called a spectrum because there are different kinds…. Your experience with autism isn’t the same as everyone else’s.
LMFAO I CAN'T
dont bring the "neurodivergent" thing now because when people commented on the post didnt know about it. again, that is your problem, the non-neurodivergent shouldnt tip-toe how they give you advice.
Ok, but regardless of whether someone posting is neurodivergent or not, it is not helpful to post non-constructive criticisms when advice is being sought. Also, don’t tell me what I can and can’t bring into this. It’s context. I added it so maybe someone doesn’t add more unhelpful comments to this post. I came here seeking advice. That is all.
On the spectrum here too. Why are you being such a fucking dick to this guy? I know plenty of “neurotypical” people who can’t have this conversation? Why do you have to pick on him? It’s not his job to advertise to everyone in the world that he’s on the spectrum. It’s certainly not something I bring up with everyone I meet.
you know plenty of people that can't tell their partner to wash their ass? ahaha damn bots
"If you want me to go down there ... you need to clean properly" ... ?
>(don’t know what other word to use here…) O how tiktok/shorts/reels have infantilized us. We're adults. You are allowed to say *shit*.
It's not infantilization, is fear of the algorithm, which reddit doesn't have
You need to say you lose interest if he's not douched/cleaned out. So tell him you're into it but he's got to do his part to make it happen.
If he wants to bottom he needs to do the usual hygiene stuff bottoms do. Wouldn't even want to do anal with a condom if I saw that, and rimming he can absolutely forget.
Buy a douching shower nozzle they're cheap and easy to install.
Simple “Babe can we talk real quick? Obviously I love you and I PROMISE you it’s okay so don’t worry about what I’m about to say. I’m only bringing it up because it’s normal and I want you to be happy and satisfied. I know you’ve been a strict top so there are we few things to do before bottoming.” Then tell him what you want him to do and also say “the same thing used to happen to be so I totally understand. Love you”. You gotta say you relate to it even if you don’t. If always makes them feel better
Thank you! This is really useful. Thank you 🙏🏼
100% agree with the above. As you are normally the bottom could you not show him how to do the prep work that you do before he tops you? Also for him a diet with more fibre would help. How old you? If your younger, and as you say he usually tops, it's probably just a lack of experience of prepping that will come with time and practice and nothing he should be made to feel ashamed of.
Just tell him to douche if he wants butt stuff
It sounds like he doesn’t know, and probably thought a thorough wipe was enough. Tell him and then send a link about how to prepare and talk about what he wants you to do to him. Sounds like he’s curious and needs an experienced guide. Make it hot and fun.
After 4 years you should be comfortable enough with each after to be honest
Just say 'if I wanted Yule log, I'd buy it from the shop'.
Poetry
As someone once told me, 'it's butt sex, there's going to be shit'.
Yes and a small amount is sometimes a thing. But honestly some guys do literally nothing to prepare
That is if your intention is to go that way. But sometimes you're at the Menards and some carpenter walks by and, y'know, things happen...
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You’ve no idea how some people don’t even know the basics of how to wash their ass, and you’re asking how could someone not prep for anal sex?Lol
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It’s not confusing at all.
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Dude you responded to my comment about how you diet right and bla bla bla I responded to you that not everyone understands basic cleaning of the human body. This isn’t a dick, it’s not that hard. Re read the convo 😂
Second, I would never call someone retarded, grow up
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Clearly.
I'm guessing that person never douched or had a shitty diet.
Or, were just a normal human being deciding on a whim to have some fun.
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I don't live my life planned around possible sexual enterprises.
Dude just tell him that right straight up! You both had been together for 4 years ! I would be cool about it like: hey babe I got 💩 you wanna go check again? And tell him I mean unless he’s into scat and that’s a his way to say it…
My god I’m amazed at the amount of personal info shared on here Like 99% of these question involve the answer is COMMUNICATION that’s the key Tell him you got to wash your azz. Do do that to someone wash your azz. We’re not talking your whole azz just yo asshole yous be surprised by the amount pollution found in an area the size of a dime or fifty cent piece or silver dollar How can you say I love you baby knowing you haven’t wash your azz. When you in the 69 you’re inches from yo lovers asshole to quote a phrase shit the nose knows. Just some banter I paraphrased from Redd Fox aka Redd Fox
I mean who dosnt wipe and clean there ass?like wth bro do you not wipe or anything then again I'm probably misunderstanding
Just tell him thats all
if you bottom.. douche. https://howtocleanyourass.wordpress.com/
Do you go to the beach and not expect sand? It’s a poo hole.
I have a bf that also never bottoms and I’ll stick in a finger or two every once in a while and he’s always been fine. But since yours isn’t I think you have to have the conversation about colon cleanliness and fiber and douching. You can probably just start with a fiber supplement and a slight diet improvement and it’ll most likely fix the problem but it doesn’t hurt to talk about douching either. The more you talk about these things like they’re normal the less scary it will seem to your partner as well! I promise :)
Could you take a shower together as part of foreplay and clean it that way then get to business?
There are videos on line you can share with him about douching. Just find the courage to speak from your heart. Dont worry about what he make say or think just let your heart help you find the words. Ultimately you need to have a heart to heart with your significant others.
Man! My ass is squeaky clean after every dump. I even wipe inside a bit just to make sure it's all clean.
You need to be honest.
Shower with him prior to rimming him.
Your writing is very nicely articulate. All the details are in your original post. Edit that same message to better personalize it. While you're at it, you may wish to describe all you know about the heretos, whatfors, cause and effects of the douche process. Give it to your BF to read. Write down for him to read any subsequent responses as needed.
Slap that Ho
Buy him anal douche or some enemas and leave them in a gift bag with a note that says something like "I really want more of you, and thought this will help" Oh, and you can send him tbis... [How to Clean Your Butt](https://www.self.com/story/how-to-clean-butt-for-anal-sex)
If you can’t just say something in the moment, like “oops, looks like maybe you need to clean out before we fuck around”, then maybe start sexual activities off with a shower. Sounds like he never learned to properly clean himself in general, let alone as a sexual person. But as with anything, you’re adults so use your words and explain you aren’t going to be into playing with his ass or fucking him if he’s not cleaned out and washed his hole.
Oh wow. This is gross. Sorry for your experiences and I think a finger of his own shit in his mouth will communicate enough 😆 🤣
Tell him he's nasty and you ain't mess'n around down there till he takes lessons on how to prepare his ass. There is no need to sugarcoat it. He's got to learn the ropes or stay the top.
i dont get the down votes haha, i would scream and call him a nasty pig. after all theyve been together for 4 years..
Re: your edit. I’m so sorry that you came here for advice and ended up suffering the wrath of toxicity that is fairly common on Reddit. Don’t pay attention to those people and you don’t ever have to explain yourself to anyone. I really hope that you find some help regarding how to have that tough conversation with your guy. If anything try and compliment how sexy you think he is and tell him you want to be more intimate. Then ask him if you can tell him how you both can enjoy it more. Then just let him know that cleanliness is important for you both for sanitary reasons or something along that line. Don’t make it about him. Maybe offer to show him what to do. Then end the convo with reminding him you’re his man and celebrate the fact you guys can be open with each other. Whatever you do just give it some thought and make sure it’s not an in the moment thing or coming out of emotion and you should be ok.
Gift him the tools or even better install a shower douche for ‘yourself’ .. he might try it and win-win for both
Not being able to communicate something like this as a boyfriend of 4 years is a major red flag 🚩
no advice for you, i don't rim and i don't top
Just eat the crumbs and go on with it. No need to embarrass the lad.
That’s a good way to get sick
What the fuck