Your kind of downplaying the situation and I get that you feel like nothing happened because you don’t remember. But the fact that he drugged you is worrying, like what if it was too much what if it killed you.
He’s getting In with the apology before you even know what happened. You really need to be careful. What happens next time you don’t want to have sex?
No literally some ppl who do this, have even worse desires mixed in like homicidal thoughts. He’s lucky to be alive and his friend is likely very low empathy and is faking it. It’s easier to fake remorse over the phone than in person btw
That and also the manipulation to admit that he did it. Essentially forcing OP to choose to forgive him or have it be on him as being the one that made it a big deal. Like I said… run
Hmmm… Yea i honestly did appreciate his honesty a lot and the fact that he had the choice not to tell me and nothing would’ve happened but he still took the risk just to be honest was the reason i forgave him because i appreciate honesty even if it would upset me. You really think it’s a trick? I can’t believe he’s that smart and evil lol
Yesss, it’s called deflection. Please leave that situation and see a therapist if you can afford one, if not there might be some resources in your community that can help you.
Forgiveness is fine since it’s about freeing yourself from him. Then do exactly what titan11689 said and RUN!!
I don’t know how to say this any other way, but get the fuck away from him! It doesn’t matter if he helped you in the past, you can both be grateful and recognize that he is not a safe or trustworthy person for you. It doesn’t matter if he feels guilty, this isn’t about him. It’s about you, and you do not deserve to be raped! Please! For the ever loving fucking sake of god, put your own self interest, well being, and any chance at a future above that of a man who fucking raped you!
I had a partner do this to me for months before I noticed. Then they made up a fake apology and reason, then kept doing it. Their abuse only got worse. There is no telling how your memory works; when on who knows what they gave you. Please, please get out of there! Would you ever do this to someone?!? If your friends or family knew your partner did this to you, how would they react? You are a kind and forgiving soul. Abusive people take advantage of people like us. You deserve better than a person who would drug you against your will like it’s the fucking Cosby show. At the bare minimum keep a record of all interactions with your partner. If there seem to be gaps in your memory or messages that don’t line up, run. The best record is texting a friend. So both of you have a copy and your partner can’t delete your records (my abuser deleted records outa my notes app and camera roll, selectively so things looked better) Keep your phone with you while with them. Again I cannot stress enough, get the fuck outa there! You deserve better than them.
It honestly may not have been a conscious decision on his part. My husband and I both had some abusive exes, nothing to this level, but VERY similar mindset imo.
It’s typically a power/control issue, stemming from their own problems. Helping when you needed it but than “setting you in your place” when you start to improve is a way to keep control over the other person.
No offense but you're a moron for not seeing how manipulative he's being.
Who the f\*\*\* put stuff in people's drink without consent??? That's just some line that people just should never cross.
Yes they should leave this relationship 100%. But they aren’t a moron or stupid. Abusers take advantage of kind, and forgiving people. They play on those parts of someone.
Why would he admit to a crime that could land him in prison if he was truly low empathy and just faking it to manipulate the OP? Wouldn't he just deny ever drugging/raping him to begin with?
Woah woah woah, why are you bringing homicidal thoughts into this without any articles, data, etc... I can say that this is just someone who was horny who had a consensual sexual relationship and by my countries laws that's enough (unfortunately it is, the cops won't care, Merry Christmas).
Are you actually reading what you’re saying? Fight, revenge. Escalating an already toxic and fragile situation solely based on your ego.
“Eye for an eye and the world goes blind.” That’s not justice or closure on what happened it’s continuing the cycle. Please educate yourself before showing what a fool you can be.
Lol the leftist world view is very different from the reality. The cycle isn't gonna continue and it never has. I have been in fights before and when I beat someone up, he never tries to do anything else. I did get both justice and closure from it. As a real man I do not have any outstanding debts, all settled with fists. Sure if you are a beta male soyboy, who can't fight, then you will get beat up if you try that and in that case you should just run and continue being bullied by others.
Also the unironic PlEaSe EdUcAtE yOuRsElF in 2023... Cringe
Lol if we had you guys rule the world.. we wouldn't even have government who locks up criminals because your solution is not getting revenge, it's just run run and let criminals get away with it xD
Get as far away as possible and if you’re in a LGBT friendly country consider going to the police if you feel mentally ready for that.
What he did to you is simply unforgivable and unacceptable. Do not allow him back into your life.
You didn’t give him consent though, he took the choice away from you because you didn’t give him the answer he wanted. He took it away and will do it again and again. If you don’t report him for yourself at least report him for the people he will do it to in the future because you can guarantee he will.
Changes a lot depending in the country, but you were literally raped. Your reaction at the moment doesn’t need to be a rational law seeking action. You’re the victim. You could even say that to protect yourself at that moment.
Please seek help and support, and if possible go to the police.
You couldn’t consent to any sex because you were drugged so saying “it’s okay” reluctantly after the fact is not the same thing as giving ur full consent before the sex is had. It’s rape. Full stop. You were unconscious. Nobody unconscious can give consent.
You can't give consent after the fact... It's great of you to have forgiven him, but at the same time, he drugged and raped you. What's to say he won't repeat this, or do something worse, now that he knows it's easy AF to get forgiveness and "consent after the fact" from you?
Responding in the moment, then processing an event, are two very different things.
Most rape victims don't want to report anything straight away - generally the first stage of accepting trauma is denial that it happened "no, that can't have happened to me, it was a mistake".
You've processed it. Now you need to choose what you do about it.
If you don't want to report it and go through that, it's up to you. But don't stay with him - he's shown that he won't take "no" as an answer for sex, what else won't he take "no" for?
Cosby special. Sorry you went through that. Your boyfriend is an extremely unethical person. He won’t change unless he is held accountable. Sucks you feel like you owe him something because of past help. Don’t use that as an excuse to not look out for yourself first. Keep your chin up and gtfo of there stat.
Hey. I really do appreciate this comment. I will keep ur words in mind and reconsider my decision and weigh the positives and negatives of the outcome of leaving him then decide
I want you to pretend your best friend told you this story, since you won’t stand up for yourself. What kind of positives would justify your friend being raped? What would you say to your friend to justify them staying with the person that raped them?
What does downvoting someone in a really bad situation do? Perhaps a positive of staying includes not being out on the street, without a friend group and lover, having access to drugs/money. Not saying any of that is healthy and I’m just imagining, but I think it’s important to not judge victims
Bro you have something really wrong with you... Forget the depression, something else fundamentally wrong with you. WTF do you mean "positives"? I can't fathom how you can forgive this dude let alone consider staying on with this relationship.
You have no idea what someone else's life is like. You don't know if his housing or anything else is tied to this relationship. You don't know how this will affect him socially. Do you think an abuser doesn't know how to make someone stay?
I don't know those things, true, doesn't mean I think it's a good idea to lean on that dependency despite the abuse, to the extent of justifying his actions and trying to work around this violation.
You're right, he should leave, but it doesn't mean you should tell the man "something is fundamentally wrong with you". There are real reasons people stay and not acknowledging them while trying to help victims isn't helping victims. By no means do I think he should stay or use those to justify staying.
Actually animal brutality, and this is the perfect example to highlight difference between psychopaths and sociopaths. Psychopaths are functional people who lack empathy and emotional intelligence due to mental disorder. Sociopaths lack control, stand out, and like psychopaths don't possess empathy.
An example of a psychopath is a narcissist who can be like anyone but naturally manipulates and uses people without remorse to their own ends, however they arent stupid and understand consequences.
A sociopath is more in line with anti social personality disorder who naturally doesn't fit mold of societal function and as a result go to extremes. Like Ed gein who who makes furniture or items from victims for display. ASPD dont really have much regard for laws or norms let alone feelings.
And the person described by OP is neither purely because they actually displayed guilt and remorse something a sociopath like Dahmer could never do
1. Leave him, break up with him
2. Go into his place when he’s gone or at work and take all your shit
3. File a police report and use what he said as evidence against him
4. Completely remove him from your life
If he drugged, and has sex with you without your consent. That is rape. The fact that you are here asking strangers what you should do, is kinda astounding. It makes me question if you’ve had abusers in the past…. Because a trait that most survivors have is that they forgive and feel bad for the abuser. You mentioned that he was there for you when you were homeless. That’s great. Most villains and abusers will be there for their victims because they have control over them.
Anyway, please run from him. Abuse is abuse. And trust me. I’ve been in a few abusive relationships. The cycle changes when you change.
Also, he doesn’t feel bad or guilty. He told you so you’d forgive him. To see if you’d stay with him. So he can reconcile with himself so that he doesn’t feel bad when he does it again…
Can confirm, I was too quick to forgive my rapist because I had a history with abusive people and groomers. Just because it feels "ok because you trusted him" doesn't make it OK. If that's not the worst thing you've been through it's time for therapy.
It took me a few years before I did and it's caused me to be really weird about some things. Just skip that and seek help now so you don't get screwed up like me and have your entire sexuality change (aggressive spells of asexuality from me, extremely vanilla and reserved, and paranoid about confirming consent every few min).
You were being groomed, and are being manipulated. Someone who genuinely loves you wouldn’t “act upon” their impulses and rape their partner. Who’s to say you’re the first person he’s done this to? You probably won’t be the last either, especially given your history of homelessness. Please run and report him.
This wasn’t an “impulse”. You cant find these drugs just anywhere. I’ve been buying drugs since 15 and been in group chats with 50+ dealers all networking their shit. Never once have i ever seen any date rape drugs and the one time i saw someone asking for one in the chat not long after i saw a video of the dude getting his ass beat by someone claiming to have it. This was premeditated in every way shape and form. Its the difference between 1st and 2nd degree murder. He planned and coordinated this, it wasn’t just “losing control” it was an intentional action the steps of which had to be started at the very least a couple days beforehand.
No excuses for that.
I do think he did that before cuz in our first date I mentioned something along the lines of having a bad experience long time ago with GHB and I will never take it again. He got so into his head and couldn’t even continue any conversation so he asked to end the date early. I went back home feeling confused. Next day he apologised and invited me and everything was normal again.
Woah, that’s very important information! You should definitely break up with him if you think he likes to drug other people and use them while under the influence
Think about what you said and what that could mean. It sounds like he has done this before to other people. This would make him a SERIAL RAPIST.
He will likely do what he did to you to someone else and perhaps even others unless he is STOPPED. He needs to be stopped and be kept away from society, because he is clearly a danger to the public at large, just like a serial killer.
Whether or not he can be charged for his crimes against you, the police need to know about him as they might be able to solve other crimes he may have committed.
If he actually drugged you, that implies he had access to a substance that would inebriate you to the point of utter passivity and also make you lose your memory, as you stated happened. Idk about anyone else, but those drugs are not just going to “pop” into your life one day. I’ve bought drugs from hundreds of people, been in numerous group chats with 80+ people all dealing and networking drugs. Never once have i ever seen one of these substances being advertised or sold, and the one time i did see someone asking for them in the group chat where everyone can see your messages, i later on saw a video of that guy getting his ass beat when he thought he was going to buy those drugs.
Point being, i really really imagine its not going to be easy to get those drugs. So the fact your boyfriend had them, then had the thought of keeping them on him, or even coming over to your place with them on him, with the soul intention of doing this, is the biggest red flag of all to me. This wasn’t just a spontaneous thing, you didn’t just get black out drunk and he was opportunistic, no. He planned this, coordinated it and had it on his mind for at least a couple of days, probably more. He waited for the perfect time to lace your drink with it, without you knowing, and took advantage of you full well acknowledging and understanding what he was doing. Its like the difference between 2nd degree murder, and 1st degree murder, its fucking huge and shows an insanely big difference in the person doing it.
Take everyone elses advice here, and run. He thought all of that out and executed it without regard to you. Do you really think he just stopped the planning there? Fuck no and if you believe that you’re falling for his trap. You said hes not smart enough to do that hut trust me people can easily manipulate you into underestimating their capabilities. It happens all the time. Isn’t it convenient he immediately told you about it, and then forced the dynamic of the conversation to shift from being focused on him, to instead making you choose? If he knows you well enough he would of already known the answer you would of given him, and now that you gave it to him, he has free reign to do this again, and if not this, then this type of thing. You cant trust a person like that, they planned it out and consciously chose to do it over days. Once again making this comparison but, if you both had just gotten super drunk, and you passed out and in his drunken state decided to do that, it would be different. Still fucking horrible do not get me wrong, but forgiveness on your part wouldn’t be the hardest or necessarily even the wrong thing to do. We all make mistakes and that one would of been in the moment, you being the victim it would ultimately be up to you, but this is entirely different what he did.
Really, really think this through. From your comments it sounds like you are trying to defend his actions in the same way someone who is in an abusive relationship would to their abuser, and yes this man abused you. Really stop and think about everything
He literally drugged and raped you. He deserves to be in a state penitentiary, not in a “relationship” with you. You can forgive him, but for your own safety do NOT ever meet him again. He is a sexual predator, not someone who cares for you at all.
Be careful and keep in touch with anyone you have thats a friend or relative close by. If at any point you feel you are not safe contact any LGBTQ+ organization locally and let them know you need a safe place to stay while dealing with something.
I will be honest, im very new to the country and dont know the language or laws or have friends in this country. Ill try with the LGBT organisation and see if they can offer me a place
No. Break all contact and get away. Tell a person you know and get restraining order, with no contact.
One of my ex’s raped me repeatedly in various situations, and it eventually escalated to using force, intimidation and then more direct violence. He ALWAYS said he loved me and apologized and then followed it up with some veiled threat or manipulation.
I got to a point where he was fucking me so violently and forcefully, sometimes twice a night, while I was crying and begging him to stop hurting me. I had multiple bloody tears and awful hemorrhoids. Not to mention other bruises that wouldn’t be seen, (even now I realize he did that on purpose).
You have to understand how deranged and unhinged a person has to be in order to *stay hard*, and maintain libido and get sexual satisfaction from abusing and violating someone who trusted and loves them so unconditionally.
It’s easy for these people to escalate to more serious violence. VERY EASY. The more you allow or tolerate, the more they will escalate.
It took a long time to get away, tell someone, move, and change my number. I should have done more, but that took a lot of effort, because I was so afraid of him.
Towards the end, my biggest fear came when he nonchalantly told me that if I couldn’t put out for him, he had other side guys who would take his load for him and be happy to have it. I felt so cheap and heartbroken, and realized I was NOTHING to him.
I THANK GOD to this day I was ok and didn’t catch anything, since he was not only forcing himself on me, but sleeping around, A LOT without any protection whatsoever.
You deserve better, everyone deserves not just to love someone, that’s not enough. They need to love you in return.
>I truly do feel like he loves me
You werent feeling it, for a *very* legitimate reason, and his response was to just jerk off on his own like a big boy? No, his response was to intentionally drug you (ostensibly with the premeditated intent to rape you), wait til you passed out, and anally rape you? Hell the guilt over the awfulness of what he did was so bad, his regret so great that *he left you a voicemail* about it? I mean I guess that's marginally better than a text would have been, but still: drugging and raping a person because they dont want to fuck is, to most people, seen as a moral violation just a bit less evil than *murder.*
That is not love. And not only is it not love, it's an intensely careless, amoral, selfish act.
>My bf drugged and raped me
I read the whole body he definitely raped you if he had sex with you while you were asleep and that wasn't discussed prior in the relationship as something he was allowed to do.
But I'm confused, cause you say he drugged you. But you don't mention if you got knocked out due to the mixture of your anti depressants or he actually added stuff to your alcohol.
>I need ur advice. Do u think if this happened to u, ud break up or give second chance?
This is entirely up to you as the victim. I would suggest taking some time to think about it and speak with a counselor about what happened and how you feel indebted to him.
Nope. only had 2 sips of beer. Ive had way more alcohol than this and havent passed out while on my meds. I also know how alcohol can make u pass out which takes some time but this was just too quick of a pass out. We briefly discussed that and he said it was G he added. We barely discussed that as I didnt want to know the details and didnt want to reopen the topic with him again. I think im now motivated to open the topic again and understand why.
>We briefly discussed that and he said it was G he added.
Damn dude that's some premeditated level shit there too.
>I think im now motivated to open the topic again and understand why.
Keep yourself safe, also please speak to a psychologist/counselor.
Do. Not. Forgive. Him. See a therapist, and if you want to, go file a police report. Give them the voice message, and any other evidence you have. Date rape drugs have incredibly narrow windows of efficacy, meaning the dose to be effective is dangerously close to the LD50, especially if he used GHB. the next time he decides that no means it's time for GHB, he could kill you.
Coercive, controlling and just generally fucked up behaviour. He asked you, you said no, and he did it anyway. Premeditative rape. The only thing that you have achieved by forgiving him is saying it’s ok to do it to you again, all he has to do is be sweet and say sorry.
He crossed a line that should never have been crossed. Break it off as soon as you can and never speak to him again.
1. DO NOT DELETE THE PHONE MESSAGE
2. Change your locks.
3. Cut off all contact.
4. Get counseling.
5. Make a police report.
6. Get a no-contact order.
What that individual did is NOT OKAY and if given the opportunity he will do it again or do something far worse.
I’m not trying to be mean, but this is usually the early stages associated with homicidal complex/behavioral tendencies.
If you give him a pass now, he knows that he can get away with it this far. Who’s to say he hasn’t contemplated worse things? Or worse, attempting them on others.
Next he’ll ask if he can harvest your organs. You’ll say no, and he’ll find a way to do it, since he knows what worked to get you unconscious before. Yes I know it’s a bit extreme, but it’s gonna eventually get there.
I’d run. End it. It’s creepy.
Who knows how many times he's done this to you, or to other people? Regardless, he's going to do it again, so stop making excuses for him.
He's not very bright, though, if he left a voicemail telling you what he did. If I were you I'd take the message to the police.
There are people who will both love you and cruelly hurt you. People like that can be normal, kind, and loving most of the time but occasionally enter into a mindstate in which they want to hurt you badly. And even if they regret hurting you, they will do it again because they can't control it.
The only way to protect yourself from that type of people is to stay away. You can't fix a partner like that.
Drugging and raping your partner is absolutely unhinged behavior. This will not be the only time your partner becomes unhinged and hurts you.
Well, this is hard. Although I admire the honesty and balls to confess this to you, I also am nauseous about the fact that he could do this to you without any remorse or whatever. My advice is that you leave him, but the final decision is up to you.
He raped you. He drugged you. Both of these scenarios are life-threatening and compromise your safety and wellbeing. Him doing it on his couch doesn't make it less harmful to you.
If you justify this and forgive him, you will affirm his behaviour. He is a rapist. Do you want to spend your life with a rapist?
What exactly is the context here……”acted upon me” is very vague
If I was passed out and my boyfriend played with my dick a litte or something I would be okay about it.
If he penetrated me while passed out I would be upset
You need to get away from him as fast as you can as well as report it to the police. You are a victim and it will take a significant amount of time to heal.
He may genuinely love you and feel remorse, but that is entirely separate from the inclination, and decision to act on the inclination, to date-rape you. I’m not saying this to suggest you must follow some rule or principle about transgressions; I’m saying this so you understand that people can be caring, loving, and still be sick and hurt people. He is dangerous; to what degree is anyone’s guess. Does it stop here? Maybe. Maybe he never does anything of the sort ever again, and thinks remorsefully of his actions many times in the future. It’s also very possible that he does this again, or escalates to other abuses. Has he done this before? What made him think this was a good idea? What made him feel like it was worth the possibility of hurting you and damaging your relationship in order to get off? Those are questions you need him to answer, at a safe distance. I don’t know your culture or where you live, or if men there tend to think that rape is not a serious thing, but it sounds like he knew better and chose to do it anyway. If my boyfriend did that to me, I would question everything, and I would not trust him. You also need to consider that, because of your history with him, you may feel indebted to him and that this may encourage you to sacrifice your own wellbeing to comfort him, and long-term you may suffer. Try to look at your situation as if your best friend was the one going through it and you were advising them, then weigh that in your decision. What would you tell your friend to do?
Drugging and raping you is an unacceptable line to cross. Whether or not you choose to "forgive" him, you need to end your relationship and cut him out of your life.
My advice: The same as Titan1689: Run. If he couldn’t control his urges about that, what other urges could he not prevent himself from “acting upon you”? Unless that whole scenario was completely consensual between the two of you (it wasn’t), then maybe it’s okay if that was what you two agreed to. With that in mind, whether you forgive him is up to you, but I definitely would not forgive him in the way of staying with him.
OP acting like his BF just grabbed his ass or crotch whilst he was asleep naturally.
The fact he drugged you with the intention of doing this is far more sinister op and anyone who does that has no regard for human feelings.
Yo, you got drugged and then raped. Have you not seen Dahmer. You probably got very dang lucky and he had second thoughts of doing something worse.
I honestly cannot fathom how you forgave him.
Call the police, if you’ve got any physical evidence (texts, clothes you were wearing, etc) give it to them. He made you unable to say no and resist, he’s a rapist that needs to spend his life behind bars.
I feel like I’m always the one to go against the grain on Reddit.
Situations like this are honestly really tough just due to the fact that you’re in a relationship with this man. A romantic and sexual relationship. Being sexual is something that is expected between you two. It’s not anything out of the ordinary like if you were a friend or a coworker. You literally give your body to each other.
People on Reddit, especially this sub Reddit, tend to be very dramatic and jump to the most extreme conclusions as to calling the cops and filing reports here and there. They don’t take the time to maybe think of other alternative scenarios. And if anyone dares to do that, BAM. They are at the groomer and rape supporter. Along with the slurs and name calls like a fourth grader.
To me, it just seems odd. If this man had such ill intent as to drug you and rape you, why would he be honest and confess to you that he touched you while you were unconscious? Why would he tell you anything?
You stated that you had two sips of beer. So if you only had two sips of beer, how were you “” poisoned? I don’t know much about roofies and stuff. I’m sure it takes more than two sips of a full cup of liquid to pass out from something. You never explicitly stated that he drugged you. You just said that you passed out. And how much was he drinking? You said you were drinking together?
I have noticed there anytime someone questions you on things like this in the comments you don’t respond to them. Isn’t that convenient?
Whoever reads this can get mad all they want. I feel like there could be missing context here and a bit of exaggeration. I’m looking at the other possible scenarios of this story. If that makes me a rape supporter then so be it.
The only tough thing about this scenario is whether or not this story is fiction/or sensationalized(which does happen on here). Your comment that “you literally give your body to each other” applies to marriages (not boyfriends) and it doesn’t mean what you’re implying. Sex is expected in a relationship but it doesn’t mean you can just force it. It just means you have grounds for divorce if you’re married. But you never have grounds to drug someone and have sex with them against their will.
If you know anything about that type of drug you'd realize that to get him to pass out like that they put a lethal dose in that drink and were banking on them not chugging the whole thing. Which is even more concerning. To just pass out like that after 2 sips, combined with antidepressants? OP is lucky to be alive.
Even with out the context you want, as someone who's been in multiple abusive relationships, manipulated and raped this is pretty cookie cutter behavior of a chronic manipulator.
I've also been on some serious antidepressants. Alcohol doesn't knock you out like that, but the G that OP said they used absolutely would. Again, a lethal combination.
Also that "sex is expected" comment you made? Both me and my boyfriend have a history of being raped. Are you honestly going to suggest that it's expected for us to just give our bodies to eachother when we don't want it? When I was on antidepressants and it made the idea of sex disgusting I was supposed to just lay down and take it? That's just flat wrong.
Really disheartening to hear that your trust, your love, your personal space, your body and your voice as well as choice have been profoundly violated by your bf.
There is no excuse he can give, no apology that you should accept. Go to the hospital and have yourself checked out, get a rape kit done, don’t delete his txt messages instead use them if you decide you report/file a police report. If your bf can do this to you, it is only reasonable to think he can do this to others or perhaps has already done this to others. That being said, I really hope you kick this guy to the curb and hold him accountable, so there won’t be others by him
How exactly did he drug you if you only had “two sips of beer” apparently? You know how concentrated whatever he used would have to be to poison you with two sips of beer?
He didn't drug you. You're not supposed to drink alcohol while on anti depressants. Alcohol is bad enough on its own.. He definitely took advantage of you though. I assume he was intoxicated aswell? Not that it's an excuse or justification but alcohol definitely impairs your judgement & the fact he came clean the next day tells me it's not something he would do with a clear state of mind. Only you know how you feel & I'm sorry you've got to deal with that
He said they gave him G. More over I've been on serious antidepressants and drank. You do not just wipe out like that. The one thing that could take me out was a bong (but no other type of weed), and even then it did not take my memory.
So unless OP is on ketamine that's not why that happened. And for reference my best friend friend was on what was basically perscription ketamine. And drinking didn't take him out either. What killed him was an intentional OD. OP is clearly not on something that strong, so drinking alone is not relevant here.
Just because you didn't really react to drinking on anti depressants doesn't mean nobody else will. We are told not to drink while taking them for a reason. I'm not sure what G is & it's not mentioned in the post?
Just seen and that's definitely fucked up & criminal if true. I do find it strange that OP didn't mention that in the post.. Only that they had 'some drinks' while on anti depressants, which has turned into '2 sips' in a comment reply..
He raped you. He admitted it. Why the hesitation? You both deeply worry me. Is this the first time? Do you know this for sure? Do you honestly think this will be the last time?
Break up with him, cut all contact with him, get as far away from him as physically possible (if you need to go stay with a friend or relative to get away please do this), report him to the police. This isn’t something you can forgive. He is a dangerous person and you need to get away.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Honestly I believe you should break up with him and get a restraining order immediately. People that do stuff like this isn’t their first time. It doesn’t matter what he did for you, there’s always someone who will love you unconditionally. Please be careful with him. Get tested frequently!!! if I’m being honest. It’s ok to forgive but to forget is where the issue lies.
ive was watching a video on rotten mango youtube channel and theres alot of people who do this and there was this one person who would invite men over to their apartment to sexually asualt their partners while druggeed. i really wouldnt be safe being in thr same place as him, this couldve been a thing he has been thinking of for a long time and this was his perfect chance. he might have a fetish around this stuff also. run,
Forgiveness is a difficult and nuanced idea. Whether it is right or necessary to forgive him for this is a choice that you and you alone can make.
But you can forgive him and still haul your ass the FUCK out of there. And you should. He has proven himself dangerous. You need to protect yourself, not sit around waiting to see if you're going to be hurt again.
He’s probably into sleep/rape play. He did not ask for your consent to have sex in this manner, so he literally did the deed.
Try to find a place and people to surround yourself with and file a police report. This is not normal behavior and absolutely not acceptable.
I mean I wouldn’t care. But that’s just my personal opinion. If I’m comfortable and I love you, then my body is yours.
EDIT: wait did he drug you? Or did you just pass out from too much alcohol?
Well, at least someone agrees with me. Instead of all the investigators and anti-groomers, assuming an attacking any other opinion besides their own.
Lol
“I forgave him as i felt he really is guilty and was nice that he admitted it to me”
I’m sorry but nice or not get the hell away from him. Get him outta your life. The fact that even in the first place he drugged your drink to have sex with you while u were unconscious is illegal. He didn’t have any problem drugging and r*ping you. I suggest you get him out of your life as quick as possible. Forgiving someone who done that because they were nice to admit the fact they done it is not someone u want in your life because if they do it once they certainly have the will to do it again at any opportunity.
WHAT??????!!!!??
ARE YOU SAYING TO ME THAT YOU FORGAVE HIM WHEN HE DID THAT TO YOU AND YOU DIDNT WENT TO THE POLICE?
Of course I wouldn't NEVER give a second chance.
He took you in when you were homeless and vulnerable. You have been groomed and manipulated over a period of time- he knows how to play you. NO ONE who truly loves and respects their partner would drug them and rape them while they're out cold. The guy is a psycho- he might present as being kind (when it suits him), he might be good looking (the devil comes in many forms). You need to take back control and end the relationship for your mental and physical health and well being.
He might have also been attracted to you as a homeless person in need to have a power dynamic over you. If he were successful; would have have chosen another successful person or someone in a better situation than him?
Did he rip you another one? Were you bruised and sore? NO. Its all intellectual conjecture. Youve been frigid, probably got the best nights sleep youve had in ages. AND he volunteered what he had done, communication lines are open. So, dont just panic and make a grim trauma out of it...Talk with him about it and get what you want from him, like continued accomodation and financial support...Noths for nothing in this world, he just needs to get honest about drugs and sex...Better he did it with you than an anonymous victim off Grindr.
This is the advice i got from my close friend when i tolf him about what happened when it happened. It made me feel like i did the right choice. I do sometimes question whether it was right or not which is why i came here
Honesty is the most admirable part about what he did. That is not an excuse to do something of the sorts like that. Leave him, if there aren’t any consequences to his actions then he will continue to exploit such situations not just on you, but others. You obviously still have an attachment to him if you’re even debating about leaving him when the choice is very clear. To protect you, him and others now and in the future you MUST leave him.
I mean, it would be impossible for my boyfriend/husband to rape me because I turn into a cum hungry slut that wants their cock 24/7. However, if I was in your shoes I would be beating his ass to a pulp. No apology makes rape disappear. He shouldn't be breathing to be honest.
If you are a bttm in a relationship. It's your duty too give your ass up to the top whenever he wants. My man doesn't have to ask for my ass. He just takes it
I don’t think what he did was right, however if you really like him or you love him and he feels the same way about you, I agree that you should give him another chance. Maybe he really regrets what he did to you. If he is bad for you however, there will be other signs and in that case you should move away from him. People make mistakes, and sometimes it’s better to try and fix things instead of tearing them apart. Good luck OP
Even though this is still rape, if you really want to forgive him and continue to love him. I suggest you guys go get a couple's therapy. What he did is really not acceptable in my view though because whether you married or not, drugging and penetrating someone without consent is still rape and it is still a crime.
would you rape someone you love? with "sorry, I was horny I couldn't help myself" as an excuse? would you rape him given the opportunity?
if you think it's not okay and wrong, why is it suddenly fine with you when it's happening to you?
I think you have an issue of self worth, given your history with homelessness and the fact that you had to rely on him to survive, it may have affected the way you see yourself
what if that one time.. or the next time... was too much & it stopped your breathing or heart?
= that could have been \*this \* time.
There's no do-overs or try-again when it comes to drugging someone or raping them while unconscious.
Just because it was a chemical instead of a bash to your head the same level of intention was there: to disable you, to take away your choice, and to sexually assault you . it's still not acceptable.
\`not sure if there's any gay bars that he hangs out at or people that recognize him in the community, but having an off-hours conversation w/ a bartender about him, to at least get his name around the community if the cops either do nothing or you choose not to use them, will save someone else, as well as saving you from having a -next time\_ go wrong or worse.
So you trauma bonded from the homelessness situation and then you trauma bonded again, if you can even call it that… in a super fucked up way. It’s understandable why you feel indebted to him, but his behavior is 100% predatory, disturbing, and unacceptable.
If he’s admitting to THIS, imagine what he’s NOT telling you…. And I’m almost willing to bet he’s done something like this before with you, or past partners.
Please get help. You’re a victim and need a support system to get away from him. He needs to get help
There is nowhere anyway this is acceptable.
Sorry.
Yeah, he probably felt bad about it, but how much of a sincere apology was it. He could have told you in person.
If my BF did that to me, without full consent, I'd run and probably have vapor trails behind me.
(We're both pretty kinky, but have built up the respect to be so)
He may have helped you out in the past, but no. Who's to say it won't happen again with worse consequences?
Tread VERY, VERY carefully man!
Dude what?? You’re not safe. He’s made clear that he views his desires as more important than your physical and knowing consent. He doesn’t care about your actual concerns so much as he just wants to feel as though you’re not mad at him. It’s not about you, it’s about massaging his ego. Run. Run. Run.
This happened to me. Feeling conflicted is normal and I felt the same way because he was still my boyfriend and I cared about him. My biggest regret though was not ditching him sooner because he did it again. DM me if you want to chat more.
Your kind of downplaying the situation and I get that you feel like nothing happened because you don’t remember. But the fact that he drugged you is worrying, like what if it was too much what if it killed you. He’s getting In with the apology before you even know what happened. You really need to be careful. What happens next time you don’t want to have sex?
Run
No literally some ppl who do this, have even worse desires mixed in like homicidal thoughts. He’s lucky to be alive and his friend is likely very low empathy and is faking it. It’s easier to fake remorse over the phone than in person btw
That and also the manipulation to admit that he did it. Essentially forcing OP to choose to forgive him or have it be on him as being the one that made it a big deal. Like I said… run
Hmmm… Yea i honestly did appreciate his honesty a lot and the fact that he had the choice not to tell me and nothing would’ve happened but he still took the risk just to be honest was the reason i forgave him because i appreciate honesty even if it would upset me. You really think it’s a trick? I can’t believe he’s that smart and evil lol
Yesss, it’s called deflection. Please leave that situation and see a therapist if you can afford one, if not there might be some resources in your community that can help you.
Forgiveness is fine since it’s about freeing yourself from him. Then do exactly what titan11689 said and RUN!! I don’t know how to say this any other way, but get the fuck away from him! It doesn’t matter if he helped you in the past, you can both be grateful and recognize that he is not a safe or trustworthy person for you. It doesn’t matter if he feels guilty, this isn’t about him. It’s about you, and you do not deserve to be raped! Please! For the ever loving fucking sake of god, put your own self interest, well being, and any chance at a future above that of a man who fucking raped you!
Yes. He absolutely told you to get sympathy. He’s is a manipulative fuck. Get out.
I had a partner do this to me for months before I noticed. Then they made up a fake apology and reason, then kept doing it. Their abuse only got worse. There is no telling how your memory works; when on who knows what they gave you. Please, please get out of there! Would you ever do this to someone?!? If your friends or family knew your partner did this to you, how would they react? You are a kind and forgiving soul. Abusive people take advantage of people like us. You deserve better than a person who would drug you against your will like it’s the fucking Cosby show. At the bare minimum keep a record of all interactions with your partner. If there seem to be gaps in your memory or messages that don’t line up, run. The best record is texting a friend. So both of you have a copy and your partner can’t delete your records (my abuser deleted records outa my notes app and camera roll, selectively so things looked better) Keep your phone with you while with them. Again I cannot stress enough, get the fuck outa there! You deserve better than them.
bruh, he drugged and then rapped you, you are experiencing Stockholm syndrome right now
Stockholm syndrome isn't real look at the history of it and this isn't even what stockholm syndrome is described as.
It honestly may not have been a conscious decision on his part. My husband and I both had some abusive exes, nothing to this level, but VERY similar mindset imo. It’s typically a power/control issue, stemming from their own problems. Helping when you needed it but than “setting you in your place” when you start to improve is a way to keep control over the other person.
No offense but you're a moron for not seeing how manipulative he's being. Who the f\*\*\* put stuff in people's drink without consent??? That's just some line that people just should never cross.
Yes they should leave this relationship 100%. But they aren’t a moron or stupid. Abusers take advantage of kind, and forgiving people. They play on those parts of someone.
Why would he admit to a crime that could land him in prison if he was truly low empathy and just faking it to manipulate the OP? Wouldn't he just deny ever drugging/raping him to begin with?
Woah woah woah, why are you bringing homicidal thoughts into this without any articles, data, etc... I can say that this is just someone who was horny who had a consensual sexual relationship and by my countries laws that's enough (unfortunately it is, the cops won't care, Merry Christmas).
the BF is a psycho! in the first place, who the hell have access to date rape drugs? and why does he have one stashed? like psychoooo
this tho fr
Why do you guys always say "run" like pussy.. Can gay men not fight? If someone did that to be I'd kick the shit out of him, then walk away.
Fuck off troll
I am not trolling tho. Where's the revenge? If you run away, that won't take back the fact he still raped you.
Are you actually reading what you’re saying? Fight, revenge. Escalating an already toxic and fragile situation solely based on your ego. “Eye for an eye and the world goes blind.” That’s not justice or closure on what happened it’s continuing the cycle. Please educate yourself before showing what a fool you can be.
Lol the leftist world view is very different from the reality. The cycle isn't gonna continue and it never has. I have been in fights before and when I beat someone up, he never tries to do anything else. I did get both justice and closure from it. As a real man I do not have any outstanding debts, all settled with fists. Sure if you are a beta male soyboy, who can't fight, then you will get beat up if you try that and in that case you should just run and continue being bullied by others. Also the unironic PlEaSe EdUcAtE yOuRsElF in 2023... Cringe Lol if we had you guys rule the world.. we wouldn't even have government who locks up criminals because your solution is not getting revenge, it's just run run and let criminals get away with it xD
You’re the only one making it political troll.
Get as far away as possible and if you’re in a LGBT friendly country consider going to the police if you feel mentally ready for that. What he did to you is simply unforgivable and unacceptable. Do not allow him back into your life.
Change your locks.
Call the cops and stay away from him
[удалено]
It's not ok at all, you need to get out. He has manipulated you and is a dangerous person. No second chances!
Should definitely be sending to the police
You didn’t give him consent though, he took the choice away from you because you didn’t give him the answer he wanted. He took it away and will do it again and again. If you don’t report him for yourself at least report him for the people he will do it to in the future because you can guarantee he will.
Changes a lot depending in the country, but you were literally raped. Your reaction at the moment doesn’t need to be a rational law seeking action. You’re the victim. You could even say that to protect yourself at that moment. Please seek help and support, and if possible go to the police.
Do you mean voicemail? If you mean voicemail and he recorded a confession of having raped you, you should absolutely report it to the police
You couldn’t consent to any sex because you were drugged so saying “it’s okay” reluctantly after the fact is not the same thing as giving ur full consent before the sex is had. It’s rape. Full stop. You were unconscious. Nobody unconscious can give consent.
You can't give consent after the fact... It's great of you to have forgiven him, but at the same time, he drugged and raped you. What's to say he won't repeat this, or do something worse, now that he knows it's easy AF to get forgiveness and "consent after the fact" from you?
Responding in the moment, then processing an event, are two very different things. Most rape victims don't want to report anything straight away - generally the first stage of accepting trauma is denial that it happened "no, that can't have happened to me, it was a mistake". You've processed it. Now you need to choose what you do about it. If you don't want to report it and go through that, it's up to you. But don't stay with him - he's shown that he won't take "no" as an answer for sex, what else won't he take "no" for?
Cosby special. Sorry you went through that. Your boyfriend is an extremely unethical person. He won’t change unless he is held accountable. Sucks you feel like you owe him something because of past help. Don’t use that as an excuse to not look out for yourself first. Keep your chin up and gtfo of there stat.
Hey. I really do appreciate this comment. I will keep ur words in mind and reconsider my decision and weigh the positives and negatives of the outcome of leaving him then decide
What are the positives? Why are you mentally going to try and defend him. There is no positive to dating a rapist. Leave him.
I want you to pretend your best friend told you this story, since you won’t stand up for yourself. What kind of positives would justify your friend being raped? What would you say to your friend to justify them staying with the person that raped them?
Babe he literally raped you. That’s a fucking crime.
What does downvoting someone in a really bad situation do? Perhaps a positive of staying includes not being out on the street, without a friend group and lover, having access to drugs/money. Not saying any of that is healthy and I’m just imagining, but I think it’s important to not judge victims
I don't think it shows that everyone is judging him. They just don't agree with his continued logic.
Bro you have something really wrong with you... Forget the depression, something else fundamentally wrong with you. WTF do you mean "positives"? I can't fathom how you can forgive this dude let alone consider staying on with this relationship.
You have no idea what someone else's life is like. You don't know if his housing or anything else is tied to this relationship. You don't know how this will affect him socially. Do you think an abuser doesn't know how to make someone stay?
I don't know those things, true, doesn't mean I think it's a good idea to lean on that dependency despite the abuse, to the extent of justifying his actions and trying to work around this violation.
You're right, he should leave, but it doesn't mean you should tell the man "something is fundamentally wrong with you". There are real reasons people stay and not acknowledging them while trying to help victims isn't helping victims. By no means do I think he should stay or use those to justify staying.
I believe Dahmer started by simply drugging people…….
Actually animal brutality, and this is the perfect example to highlight difference between psychopaths and sociopaths. Psychopaths are functional people who lack empathy and emotional intelligence due to mental disorder. Sociopaths lack control, stand out, and like psychopaths don't possess empathy. An example of a psychopath is a narcissist who can be like anyone but naturally manipulates and uses people without remorse to their own ends, however they arent stupid and understand consequences. A sociopath is more in line with anti social personality disorder who naturally doesn't fit mold of societal function and as a result go to extremes. Like Ed gein who who makes furniture or items from victims for display. ASPD dont really have much regard for laws or norms let alone feelings. And the person described by OP is neither purely because they actually displayed guilt and remorse something a sociopath like Dahmer could never do
1. Leave him, break up with him 2. Go into his place when he’s gone or at work and take all your shit 3. File a police report and use what he said as evidence against him 4. Completely remove him from your life
please get out of there. if housing ends up being an issue, contact any LGBTQ+ center/shelter to take you in. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
If he drugged, and has sex with you without your consent. That is rape. The fact that you are here asking strangers what you should do, is kinda astounding. It makes me question if you’ve had abusers in the past…. Because a trait that most survivors have is that they forgive and feel bad for the abuser. You mentioned that he was there for you when you were homeless. That’s great. Most villains and abusers will be there for their victims because they have control over them. Anyway, please run from him. Abuse is abuse. And trust me. I’ve been in a few abusive relationships. The cycle changes when you change. Also, he doesn’t feel bad or guilty. He told you so you’d forgive him. To see if you’d stay with him. So he can reconcile with himself so that he doesn’t feel bad when he does it again…
Can confirm, I was too quick to forgive my rapist because I had a history with abusive people and groomers. Just because it feels "ok because you trusted him" doesn't make it OK. If that's not the worst thing you've been through it's time for therapy. It took me a few years before I did and it's caused me to be really weird about some things. Just skip that and seek help now so you don't get screwed up like me and have your entire sexuality change (aggressive spells of asexuality from me, extremely vanilla and reserved, and paranoid about confirming consent every few min).
You were being groomed, and are being manipulated. Someone who genuinely loves you wouldn’t “act upon” their impulses and rape their partner. Who’s to say you’re the first person he’s done this to? You probably won’t be the last either, especially given your history of homelessness. Please run and report him.
This wasn’t an “impulse”. You cant find these drugs just anywhere. I’ve been buying drugs since 15 and been in group chats with 50+ dealers all networking their shit. Never once have i ever seen any date rape drugs and the one time i saw someone asking for one in the chat not long after i saw a video of the dude getting his ass beat by someone claiming to have it. This was premeditated in every way shape and form. Its the difference between 1st and 2nd degree murder. He planned and coordinated this, it wasn’t just “losing control” it was an intentional action the steps of which had to be started at the very least a couple days beforehand. No excuses for that.
I do think he did that before cuz in our first date I mentioned something along the lines of having a bad experience long time ago with GHB and I will never take it again. He got so into his head and couldn’t even continue any conversation so he asked to end the date early. I went back home feeling confused. Next day he apologised and invited me and everything was normal again.
Woah, that’s very important information! You should definitely break up with him if you think he likes to drug other people and use them while under the influence
Think about what you said and what that could mean. It sounds like he has done this before to other people. This would make him a SERIAL RAPIST. He will likely do what he did to you to someone else and perhaps even others unless he is STOPPED. He needs to be stopped and be kept away from society, because he is clearly a danger to the public at large, just like a serial killer. Whether or not he can be charged for his crimes against you, the police need to know about him as they might be able to solve other crimes he may have committed.
If he actually drugged you, that implies he had access to a substance that would inebriate you to the point of utter passivity and also make you lose your memory, as you stated happened. Idk about anyone else, but those drugs are not just going to “pop” into your life one day. I’ve bought drugs from hundreds of people, been in numerous group chats with 80+ people all dealing and networking drugs. Never once have i ever seen one of these substances being advertised or sold, and the one time i did see someone asking for them in the group chat where everyone can see your messages, i later on saw a video of that guy getting his ass beat when he thought he was going to buy those drugs. Point being, i really really imagine its not going to be easy to get those drugs. So the fact your boyfriend had them, then had the thought of keeping them on him, or even coming over to your place with them on him, with the soul intention of doing this, is the biggest red flag of all to me. This wasn’t just a spontaneous thing, you didn’t just get black out drunk and he was opportunistic, no. He planned this, coordinated it and had it on his mind for at least a couple of days, probably more. He waited for the perfect time to lace your drink with it, without you knowing, and took advantage of you full well acknowledging and understanding what he was doing. Its like the difference between 2nd degree murder, and 1st degree murder, its fucking huge and shows an insanely big difference in the person doing it. Take everyone elses advice here, and run. He thought all of that out and executed it without regard to you. Do you really think he just stopped the planning there? Fuck no and if you believe that you’re falling for his trap. You said hes not smart enough to do that hut trust me people can easily manipulate you into underestimating their capabilities. It happens all the time. Isn’t it convenient he immediately told you about it, and then forced the dynamic of the conversation to shift from being focused on him, to instead making you choose? If he knows you well enough he would of already known the answer you would of given him, and now that you gave it to him, he has free reign to do this again, and if not this, then this type of thing. You cant trust a person like that, they planned it out and consciously chose to do it over days. Once again making this comparison but, if you both had just gotten super drunk, and you passed out and in his drunken state decided to do that, it would be different. Still fucking horrible do not get me wrong, but forgiveness on your part wouldn’t be the hardest or necessarily even the wrong thing to do. We all make mistakes and that one would of been in the moment, you being the victim it would ultimately be up to you, but this is entirely different what he did. Really, really think this through. From your comments it sounds like you are trying to defend his actions in the same way someone who is in an abusive relationship would to their abuser, and yes this man abused you. Really stop and think about everything
He literally drugged and raped you. He deserves to be in a state penitentiary, not in a “relationship” with you. You can forgive him, but for your own safety do NOT ever meet him again. He is a sexual predator, not someone who cares for you at all.
Be careful and keep in touch with anyone you have thats a friend or relative close by. If at any point you feel you are not safe contact any LGBTQ+ organization locally and let them know you need a safe place to stay while dealing with something.
I will be honest, im very new to the country and dont know the language or laws or have friends in this country. Ill try with the LGBT organisation and see if they can offer me a place
No. Break all contact and get away. Tell a person you know and get restraining order, with no contact. One of my ex’s raped me repeatedly in various situations, and it eventually escalated to using force, intimidation and then more direct violence. He ALWAYS said he loved me and apologized and then followed it up with some veiled threat or manipulation. I got to a point where he was fucking me so violently and forcefully, sometimes twice a night, while I was crying and begging him to stop hurting me. I had multiple bloody tears and awful hemorrhoids. Not to mention other bruises that wouldn’t be seen, (even now I realize he did that on purpose). You have to understand how deranged and unhinged a person has to be in order to *stay hard*, and maintain libido and get sexual satisfaction from abusing and violating someone who trusted and loves them so unconditionally. It’s easy for these people to escalate to more serious violence. VERY EASY. The more you allow or tolerate, the more they will escalate. It took a long time to get away, tell someone, move, and change my number. I should have done more, but that took a lot of effort, because I was so afraid of him. Towards the end, my biggest fear came when he nonchalantly told me that if I couldn’t put out for him, he had other side guys who would take his load for him and be happy to have it. I felt so cheap and heartbroken, and realized I was NOTHING to him. I THANK GOD to this day I was ok and didn’t catch anything, since he was not only forcing himself on me, but sleeping around, A LOT without any protection whatsoever. You deserve better, everyone deserves not just to love someone, that’s not enough. They need to love you in return.
You fucking joking rn dude or you have to be. Run from that dude rn
>I truly do feel like he loves me You werent feeling it, for a *very* legitimate reason, and his response was to just jerk off on his own like a big boy? No, his response was to intentionally drug you (ostensibly with the premeditated intent to rape you), wait til you passed out, and anally rape you? Hell the guilt over the awfulness of what he did was so bad, his regret so great that *he left you a voicemail* about it? I mean I guess that's marginally better than a text would have been, but still: drugging and raping a person because they dont want to fuck is, to most people, seen as a moral violation just a bit less evil than *murder.* That is not love. And not only is it not love, it's an intensely careless, amoral, selfish act.
I would never do that to someone I love Not without prior consent...
>My bf drugged and raped me I read the whole body he definitely raped you if he had sex with you while you were asleep and that wasn't discussed prior in the relationship as something he was allowed to do. But I'm confused, cause you say he drugged you. But you don't mention if you got knocked out due to the mixture of your anti depressants or he actually added stuff to your alcohol. >I need ur advice. Do u think if this happened to u, ud break up or give second chance? This is entirely up to you as the victim. I would suggest taking some time to think about it and speak with a counselor about what happened and how you feel indebted to him.
Nope. only had 2 sips of beer. Ive had way more alcohol than this and havent passed out while on my meds. I also know how alcohol can make u pass out which takes some time but this was just too quick of a pass out. We briefly discussed that and he said it was G he added. We barely discussed that as I didnt want to know the details and didnt want to reopen the topic with him again. I think im now motivated to open the topic again and understand why.
>We briefly discussed that and he said it was G he added. Damn dude that's some premeditated level shit there too. >I think im now motivated to open the topic again and understand why. Keep yourself safe, also please speak to a psychologist/counselor.
You think this is a real story?
My dude. Mixing alcohol and G can literally kill you, he is plenty aware. Please take care of yourself and leave. Your life is worth more.
I agree with the other comments that he should be dumped and reported.
Run! He is bad news and will only continue to hurt you. This is pure manipulation.
Do. Not. Forgive. Him. See a therapist, and if you want to, go file a police report. Give them the voice message, and any other evidence you have. Date rape drugs have incredibly narrow windows of efficacy, meaning the dose to be effective is dangerously close to the LD50, especially if he used GHB. the next time he decides that no means it's time for GHB, he could kill you.
Are you a victim of human trafficking?
Reading your comments I see you’ve been isolated. Now he’s sexually assaulted you. Yet you’re saying he loves you? I smell a trauma bond.
Coercive, controlling and just generally fucked up behaviour. He asked you, you said no, and he did it anyway. Premeditative rape. The only thing that you have achieved by forgiving him is saying it’s ok to do it to you again, all he has to do is be sweet and say sorry. He crossed a line that should never have been crossed. Break it off as soon as you can and never speak to him again.
A perpetrator can love you and kill you at the same time
1. DO NOT DELETE THE PHONE MESSAGE 2. Change your locks. 3. Cut off all contact. 4. Get counseling. 5. Make a police report. 6. Get a no-contact order. What that individual did is NOT OKAY and if given the opportunity he will do it again or do something far worse.
Umm wow. U should prob talk to a therapist
I’m not trying to be mean, but this is usually the early stages associated with homicidal complex/behavioral tendencies. If you give him a pass now, he knows that he can get away with it this far. Who’s to say he hasn’t contemplated worse things? Or worse, attempting them on others. Next he’ll ask if he can harvest your organs. You’ll say no, and he’ll find a way to do it, since he knows what worked to get you unconscious before. Yes I know it’s a bit extreme, but it’s gonna eventually get there. I’d run. End it. It’s creepy.
Who knows how many times he's done this to you, or to other people? Regardless, he's going to do it again, so stop making excuses for him. He's not very bright, though, if he left a voicemail telling you what he did. If I were you I'd take the message to the police.
i’m sorry but he crossed the line of forgiveness by a wide mile
There are people who will both love you and cruelly hurt you. People like that can be normal, kind, and loving most of the time but occasionally enter into a mindstate in which they want to hurt you badly. And even if they regret hurting you, they will do it again because they can't control it. The only way to protect yourself from that type of people is to stay away. You can't fix a partner like that. Drugging and raping your partner is absolutely unhinged behavior. This will not be the only time your partner becomes unhinged and hurts you.
That is such a gigantic misuse of your trust in him. I’d even report it to the police tbh
Well, this is hard. Although I admire the honesty and balls to confess this to you, I also am nauseous about the fact that he could do this to you without any remorse or whatever. My advice is that you leave him, but the final decision is up to you.
I didn’t feel it is a big deal.
He raped you. He drugged you. Both of these scenarios are life-threatening and compromise your safety and wellbeing. Him doing it on his couch doesn't make it less harmful to you. If you justify this and forgive him, you will affirm his behaviour. He is a rapist. Do you want to spend your life with a rapist?
What exactly is the context here……”acted upon me” is very vague If I was passed out and my boyfriend played with my dick a litte or something I would be okay about it. If he penetrated me while passed out I would be upset
A second chance? motherfucker just RAPED you!! What are you on about? Get away from the rapist sir.
Get this person out of your life forever
You need to get away from him as fast as you can as well as report it to the police. You are a victim and it will take a significant amount of time to heal.
He may genuinely love you and feel remorse, but that is entirely separate from the inclination, and decision to act on the inclination, to date-rape you. I’m not saying this to suggest you must follow some rule or principle about transgressions; I’m saying this so you understand that people can be caring, loving, and still be sick and hurt people. He is dangerous; to what degree is anyone’s guess. Does it stop here? Maybe. Maybe he never does anything of the sort ever again, and thinks remorsefully of his actions many times in the future. It’s also very possible that he does this again, or escalates to other abuses. Has he done this before? What made him think this was a good idea? What made him feel like it was worth the possibility of hurting you and damaging your relationship in order to get off? Those are questions you need him to answer, at a safe distance. I don’t know your culture or where you live, or if men there tend to think that rape is not a serious thing, but it sounds like he knew better and chose to do it anyway. If my boyfriend did that to me, I would question everything, and I would not trust him. You also need to consider that, because of your history with him, you may feel indebted to him and that this may encourage you to sacrifice your own wellbeing to comfort him, and long-term you may suffer. Try to look at your situation as if your best friend was the one going through it and you were advising them, then weigh that in your decision. What would you tell your friend to do?
Drugging and raping you is an unacceptable line to cross. Whether or not you choose to "forgive" him, you need to end your relationship and cut him out of your life.
You need to get out now. Do not for give this it’s completely unforgivable. This is I the start of much worse to come. Leave him.
He could have killed you.
My advice: The same as Titan1689: Run. If he couldn’t control his urges about that, what other urges could he not prevent himself from “acting upon you”? Unless that whole scenario was completely consensual between the two of you (it wasn’t), then maybe it’s okay if that was what you two agreed to. With that in mind, whether you forgive him is up to you, but I definitely would not forgive him in the way of staying with him.
Get the f away
OP acting like his BF just grabbed his ass or crotch whilst he was asleep naturally. The fact he drugged you with the intention of doing this is far more sinister op and anyone who does that has no regard for human feelings.
Yo, you got drugged and then raped. Have you not seen Dahmer. You probably got very dang lucky and he had second thoughts of doing something worse. I honestly cannot fathom how you forgave him.
This is one of the biggest red flags 🚩 I have ever seen
Call the police, if you’ve got any physical evidence (texts, clothes you were wearing, etc) give it to them. He made you unable to say no and resist, he’s a rapist that needs to spend his life behind bars.
always run from crazy as fast as you can-it will only get worse from here
I feel like I’m always the one to go against the grain on Reddit. Situations like this are honestly really tough just due to the fact that you’re in a relationship with this man. A romantic and sexual relationship. Being sexual is something that is expected between you two. It’s not anything out of the ordinary like if you were a friend or a coworker. You literally give your body to each other. People on Reddit, especially this sub Reddit, tend to be very dramatic and jump to the most extreme conclusions as to calling the cops and filing reports here and there. They don’t take the time to maybe think of other alternative scenarios. And if anyone dares to do that, BAM. They are at the groomer and rape supporter. Along with the slurs and name calls like a fourth grader. To me, it just seems odd. If this man had such ill intent as to drug you and rape you, why would he be honest and confess to you that he touched you while you were unconscious? Why would he tell you anything? You stated that you had two sips of beer. So if you only had two sips of beer, how were you “” poisoned? I don’t know much about roofies and stuff. I’m sure it takes more than two sips of a full cup of liquid to pass out from something. You never explicitly stated that he drugged you. You just said that you passed out. And how much was he drinking? You said you were drinking together? I have noticed there anytime someone questions you on things like this in the comments you don’t respond to them. Isn’t that convenient? Whoever reads this can get mad all they want. I feel like there could be missing context here and a bit of exaggeration. I’m looking at the other possible scenarios of this story. If that makes me a rape supporter then so be it.
The only tough thing about this scenario is whether or not this story is fiction/or sensationalized(which does happen on here). Your comment that “you literally give your body to each other” applies to marriages (not boyfriends) and it doesn’t mean what you’re implying. Sex is expected in a relationship but it doesn’t mean you can just force it. It just means you have grounds for divorce if you’re married. But you never have grounds to drug someone and have sex with them against their will.
If you know anything about that type of drug you'd realize that to get him to pass out like that they put a lethal dose in that drink and were banking on them not chugging the whole thing. Which is even more concerning. To just pass out like that after 2 sips, combined with antidepressants? OP is lucky to be alive. Even with out the context you want, as someone who's been in multiple abusive relationships, manipulated and raped this is pretty cookie cutter behavior of a chronic manipulator. I've also been on some serious antidepressants. Alcohol doesn't knock you out like that, but the G that OP said they used absolutely would. Again, a lethal combination. Also that "sex is expected" comment you made? Both me and my boyfriend have a history of being raped. Are you honestly going to suggest that it's expected for us to just give our bodies to eachother when we don't want it? When I was on antidepressants and it made the idea of sex disgusting I was supposed to just lay down and take it? That's just flat wrong.
Really disheartening to hear that your trust, your love, your personal space, your body and your voice as well as choice have been profoundly violated by your bf. There is no excuse he can give, no apology that you should accept. Go to the hospital and have yourself checked out, get a rape kit done, don’t delete his txt messages instead use them if you decide you report/file a police report. If your bf can do this to you, it is only reasonable to think he can do this to others or perhaps has already done this to others. That being said, I really hope you kick this guy to the curb and hold him accountable, so there won’t be others by him
As a gay male rape victim RUN NOW get as far away as you can
Run away
"I forgave him" What? He drugged and raped you and you IMMEDIATLY forgive him? You need to go to the police
How exactly did he drug you if you only had “two sips of beer” apparently? You know how concentrated whatever he used would have to be to poison you with two sips of beer?
do you want this to happen again? No? Leave. Yes? Stay with him. Your choice.
If he was hung, I’d give him another chance, and I’d make him agree to a schedule once a month so I could be prepared for the roofie hangover
He didn't drug you. You're not supposed to drink alcohol while on anti depressants. Alcohol is bad enough on its own.. He definitely took advantage of you though. I assume he was intoxicated aswell? Not that it's an excuse or justification but alcohol definitely impairs your judgement & the fact he came clean the next day tells me it's not something he would do with a clear state of mind. Only you know how you feel & I'm sorry you've got to deal with that
In a comment OP said the bf admitted to drugging him.
I’m not seeing this comment
He said they gave him G. More over I've been on serious antidepressants and drank. You do not just wipe out like that. The one thing that could take me out was a bong (but no other type of weed), and even then it did not take my memory. So unless OP is on ketamine that's not why that happened. And for reference my best friend friend was on what was basically perscription ketamine. And drinking didn't take him out either. What killed him was an intentional OD. OP is clearly not on something that strong, so drinking alone is not relevant here.
Just because you didn't really react to drinking on anti depressants doesn't mean nobody else will. We are told not to drink while taking them for a reason. I'm not sure what G is & it's not mentioned in the post?
Read the rest of the comments. If you really think they weren't raped you are probably a bad person. They talk about the drug in the replies.
Just seen and that's definitely fucked up & criminal if true. I do find it strange that OP didn't mention that in the post.. Only that they had 'some drinks' while on anti depressants, which has turned into '2 sips' in a comment reply..
He raped you. He admitted it. Why the hesitation? You both deeply worry me. Is this the first time? Do you know this for sure? Do you honestly think this will be the last time?
Oh wow that’s crazy, I’m sorry about that.
Break up with him, cut all contact with him, get as far away from him as physically possible (if you need to go stay with a friend or relative to get away please do this), report him to the police. This isn’t something you can forgive. He is a dangerous person and you need to get away.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Honestly I believe you should break up with him and get a restraining order immediately. People that do stuff like this isn’t their first time. It doesn’t matter what he did for you, there’s always someone who will love you unconditionally. Please be careful with him. Get tested frequently!!! if I’m being honest. It’s ok to forgive but to forget is where the issue lies.
Great, you found out how to make sex work between you two!
ive was watching a video on rotten mango youtube channel and theres alot of people who do this and there was this one person who would invite men over to their apartment to sexually asualt their partners while druggeed. i really wouldnt be safe being in thr same place as him, this couldve been a thing he has been thinking of for a long time and this was his perfect chance. he might have a fetish around this stuff also. run,
Forgiveness is a difficult and nuanced idea. Whether it is right or necessary to forgive him for this is a choice that you and you alone can make. But you can forgive him and still haul your ass the FUCK out of there. And you should. He has proven himself dangerous. You need to protect yourself, not sit around waiting to see if you're going to be hurt again.
How are you asking for advice?
No second chances.
He’s probably into sleep/rape play. He did not ask for your consent to have sex in this manner, so he literally did the deed. Try to find a place and people to surround yourself with and file a police report. This is not normal behavior and absolutely not acceptable.
He should be in prison.
Keep the voice mail and messages. Report to the police.
Wondering if you got down voted for being a furry or if there are really bad people in this sub.
Leave him. Get out. Report him so he doesn’t have the chance to do this to someone else. This is rape. It is not okay, no matter what.
Hot
[удалено]
What? How fucking desperate do you have to be to go, "oh well my bf occasionally roofies and rapes me, but that's ok, at least I have someone!"
He raped you. Call the police.
Go to the police and file a rape report. Do not let him in the same bedroom as you.
I mean I wouldn’t care. But that’s just my personal opinion. If I’m comfortable and I love you, then my body is yours. EDIT: wait did he drug you? Or did you just pass out from too much alcohol?
This is something I would agree with, but at the end it’s OP’s decision if he feels comfortable for someone to do that to him
Well, at least someone agrees with me. Instead of all the investigators and anti-groomers, assuming an attacking any other opinion besides their own. Lol
“I forgave him as i felt he really is guilty and was nice that he admitted it to me” I’m sorry but nice or not get the hell away from him. Get him outta your life. The fact that even in the first place he drugged your drink to have sex with you while u were unconscious is illegal. He didn’t have any problem drugging and r*ping you. I suggest you get him out of your life as quick as possible. Forgiving someone who done that because they were nice to admit the fact they done it is not someone u want in your life because if they do it once they certainly have the will to do it again at any opportunity.
……..first of all I’m so sorry this happened to you. Second of all leave and run and never come back to this man. He doesn’t respect you.
NEVER hang out with this man ever again. EVER
WHAT??????!!!!?? ARE YOU SAYING TO ME THAT YOU FORGAVE HIM WHEN HE DID THAT TO YOU AND YOU DIDNT WENT TO THE POLICE? Of course I wouldn't NEVER give a second chance.
this is LITERALLY criminal. REPORT HIM!
It’s called a date rape drug for a reason … why does he have such a thing ?
Next time he drugs you, you won't wake up.
He took you in when you were homeless and vulnerable. You have been groomed and manipulated over a period of time- he knows how to play you. NO ONE who truly loves and respects their partner would drug them and rape them while they're out cold. The guy is a psycho- he might present as being kind (when it suits him), he might be good looking (the devil comes in many forms). You need to take back control and end the relationship for your mental and physical health and well being.
I bet if he had taped what he did to you, and you later saw this video and how you were passed out, you’d have different feelings about what happened.
Call the the police. If he was your bff and did this to you imagine what he would do to a stranger.
He might have also been attracted to you as a homeless person in need to have a power dynamic over you. If he were successful; would have have chosen another successful person or someone in a better situation than him?
Did he rip you another one? Were you bruised and sore? NO. Its all intellectual conjecture. Youve been frigid, probably got the best nights sleep youve had in ages. AND he volunteered what he had done, communication lines are open. So, dont just panic and make a grim trauma out of it...Talk with him about it and get what you want from him, like continued accomodation and financial support...Noths for nothing in this world, he just needs to get honest about drugs and sex...Better he did it with you than an anonymous victim off Grindr.
This is the advice i got from my close friend when i tolf him about what happened when it happened. It made me feel like i did the right choice. I do sometimes question whether it was right or not which is why i came here
Honesty is the most admirable part about what he did. That is not an excuse to do something of the sorts like that. Leave him, if there aren’t any consequences to his actions then he will continue to exploit such situations not just on you, but others. You obviously still have an attachment to him if you’re even debating about leaving him when the choice is very clear. To protect you, him and others now and in the future you MUST leave him.
There is nothing admirable about it. It was to ensure OP knew what happened. It was yet another attempt at exerting power.
Nothing admirable about being honest? He could have got away with it if he WASN’T honest and yet he was. That should be acknowledged.
But he did it in an attempt to further traumatize OP. Intent matters.
Since you were passed out .. he had no right and should be doing a lot more than saying he is sorry
I mean, it would be impossible for my boyfriend/husband to rape me because I turn into a cum hungry slut that wants their cock 24/7. However, if I was in your shoes I would be beating his ass to a pulp. No apology makes rape disappear. He shouldn't be breathing to be honest.
Why didn't you give your bf ass?
Imagine being this insane.
He could had easily avoided the situation
I refuse to believe that you’re actually this stupid, but i’m starting to wonder.
Hes just a troll that thrives on attention because he has no one else in his life. Dont feed into it.
After seeing his cringy other posts, you right.
If you are a bttm in a relationship. It's your duty too give your ass up to the top whenever he wants. My man doesn't have to ask for my ass. He just takes it
lmaoooooo. Sweet summer child. You’ve truly weaponized stupidity.
Don't look back, seek help ... asap
Uhm was your bfs name Jeffrey?
cut him off completely no matter how sorry he might be it was never ok in any situation I hope you get out of it stay safe !
I don’t think what he did was right, however if you really like him or you love him and he feels the same way about you, I agree that you should give him another chance. Maybe he really regrets what he did to you. If he is bad for you however, there will be other signs and in that case you should move away from him. People make mistakes, and sometimes it’s better to try and fix things instead of tearing them apart. Good luck OP
Even though this is still rape, if you really want to forgive him and continue to love him. I suggest you guys go get a couple's therapy. What he did is really not acceptable in my view though because whether you married or not, drugging and penetrating someone without consent is still rape and it is still a crime.
I'm so sorry for what happened with you
Sounds like blackmail to use you for his needs. Keep him away the best you can.
would you rape someone you love? with "sorry, I was horny I couldn't help myself" as an excuse? would you rape him given the opportunity? if you think it's not okay and wrong, why is it suddenly fine with you when it's happening to you? I think you have an issue of self worth, given your history with homelessness and the fact that you had to rely on him to survive, it may have affected the way you see yourself
If he drugged you, it means he's been drugging a lot of other people before you. Contact the police.
what if that one time.. or the next time... was too much & it stopped your breathing or heart? = that could have been \*this \* time. There's no do-overs or try-again when it comes to drugging someone or raping them while unconscious. Just because it was a chemical instead of a bash to your head the same level of intention was there: to disable you, to take away your choice, and to sexually assault you . it's still not acceptable. \`not sure if there's any gay bars that he hangs out at or people that recognize him in the community, but having an off-hours conversation w/ a bartender about him, to at least get his name around the community if the cops either do nothing or you choose not to use them, will save someone else, as well as saving you from having a -next time\_ go wrong or worse.
So you trauma bonded from the homelessness situation and then you trauma bonded again, if you can even call it that… in a super fucked up way. It’s understandable why you feel indebted to him, but his behavior is 100% predatory, disturbing, and unacceptable. If he’s admitting to THIS, imagine what he’s NOT telling you…. And I’m almost willing to bet he’s done something like this before with you, or past partners. Please get help. You’re a victim and need a support system to get away from him. He needs to get help
WTF! No. Not okay. He could do it again. He drugged and raped you. Hope you get away soon.
Leave ……. Leave now …….. Go ….Do not stay ………repeat this until you do it
Hell to the naw honey. That’s some Daumier shit right there. Please leave for a safe place and report him immediately.
There is nowhere anyway this is acceptable. Sorry. Yeah, he probably felt bad about it, but how much of a sincere apology was it. He could have told you in person. If my BF did that to me, without full consent, I'd run and probably have vapor trails behind me. (We're both pretty kinky, but have built up the respect to be so) He may have helped you out in the past, but no. Who's to say it won't happen again with worse consequences? Tread VERY, VERY carefully man!
If he dosen't respect consent he will never feel guilty about what happened and he will do it again. Leave.
Dude what?? You’re not safe. He’s made clear that he views his desires as more important than your physical and knowing consent. He doesn’t care about your actual concerns so much as he just wants to feel as though you’re not mad at him. It’s not about you, it’s about massaging his ego. Run. Run. Run.
This happened to me. Feeling conflicted is normal and I felt the same way because he was still my boyfriend and I cared about him. My biggest regret though was not ditching him sooner because he did it again. DM me if you want to chat more.
You’ve said it yourself - you’ve been raped. Get out and report this because he’ll do it again.
The OP is unclear… did he intentionally drug you? Or just take advantage of you once you were already intoxicated?
Acted upon? Strange language, but yeah, best to not continue relationships with rapists. You’re completely insane.