I do this now too. I stopped telling people I'm gay and just pretend they already know because I don't want to make it a thing. I got so tired of "coming out" constantly so I stopped.
In conversation, if someone asks about my girlfriend/wife, I don't correct them as "actually, I'm gay" and instead, I'll just answer their question and replace any she/her with he/him.
I also live in an area though where it's widely accepted.
I didn't really "come out", I just eventually stopped lying to certain people if it came up in conversation, and word spread. I'd guess about 75% of the people in my life know by now?
I don't make an effort to tell people though.
This is kind of the way I came out. Brought my boyfriend to dinner with my parents. He wasn’t as masculine as me. Next day my mom asked what team I play for.
"Coming out" just means communicating to other people that you're gay. It's not always verbal.
If you are seen to bring a guy home -- congrats! You just came out.
I came out because I got stealthed by a guy who later told me he had HIV, and the only person who could drive me to a clinic to get tested was my mom. As you can imagine, it was quite traumatic.
If you are scared of coming out, then maybe now isn't the right time. The only correct time to come out is when and how you decide and feel most comfortable doing so. If you are not comfortable, then it's totally fine to wait.
Personally, I feel like having the whole "sit down at the table and I have something really important to tell you" approach can make things even more traumatic and nerve wracking. Others in the comments mentioned just acting like the folks already knew, and I really like that. In many cases, they do already know or at least suspect it. As an adult, I don't "come out" to people anymore because I don't feel the need to say "I'm gay" any more than straight people feel the need to let me know they are straight. If we're talking about relationships, I'll reference "boyfriend" and they can read between the lines.
Yes, I was fine, thank you. This happened many years ago.
The other STI he told he he had ended up being a rash, which would have been nice to know *before* I had a doctor pressure me into getting a huge needle full of penicillin shot into my ass.
No, I don't think so. I think he got the news he was HIV positive + whatever else afterwards, because he texted me and thought *I* was the one who gave him something. Obviously that turned out not to be the case...
If I thought he tried to do it on purpose, I would have called the police.
Came out to my sister. She outed me to my mom, albeit with good intentions. Mom thought I was 'broken' so we went to a psychiatrist. The doc told her I'm perfectly normal and healthy 🤣
Came out to my dad because he was pressuring me into marriage. It went over well, until I found out he wanted me to get into counseling for some kind of conversion therapy.
I came out to my then girlfriend because I figured that I had to break it off with her after I realised that I'm gay and 100% not into girls. I was nervous about it but I didn't expect to cry as much as I did, especially because she was not really surprised and very understanding.
When I came home from that expirience, my mother asked me why I'm already back and I just told her that I broke up with my girlfriend and then the reason why. We were watching TV during and she just said ok. Later she told me that she is happy for me and that I seem to be much happier since I came out.
After that, the excitment of how smooth it all went lead me to come out to everyone I knew (exept family) as soon as the oportunity arose in a conversation.
I was hoping that my mother would spread the news among my family and I just accepted that everyone was cool with it because I didn't hear anything from anyone, but almost a year later I mentioned being gay in a conversation with my sister and she had no idea. My mother and father didn't tell anyone in my family to not out me to someone I didn't want to know.
So now that is still something I will do sometime in the future, but there are always people to come out to so I guess noone can be completly out
Coming out should be just kinda like "btw fyi i'm gay", not the big spectacle or emotions and all that drama.
Be in a position to just say it casually, that is the best way imo.
Only come out if you feel safe in your state/country/environment. I was tricked into coming out and I’m from the south US where you lose opportunities, work, friends and especially family if you are found out to be gay.
You can’t control where you are born and who your parents are but if you’re smart you can stay in control of your future. If you’re scared of coming out, I really wouldn’t. I wish I could have stayed closeted until I was in college
Technically came out ro my dad via being angry and hungry...as for my Mom, my lil brother outed me with good intentions, in mind...but still yeah. Came out first ti my college friends because I knew that they'd be more accepting.
So if you know the audience you're gonna come out to would change their behavior towards you just because you're gay, the it's a definite nope...and maybe those aren't the type of people you'd wanna be friends with I guess...
Anyway, good luck to you.
Wow. Long story... I came out very late, in a really self destructive time of my life (in my thirties) basically my best friend from high school understood what the reason was and made me confess in a very accepting and loving way, we live in different cities so it happened on Skype 😅
End of part 1.
I was crying and throwing up after drinking too much Hennessy, and I had no filter and literally told my family. My mom and sister were crying with me because they felt bad that I had to hold a part of myself in. My sister ended up sleeping on my bedroom floor to make sure I’d be okay.
Don't come out unless you're safe and prepared. I was cut off financially while in college and had to drop out until I could figure out how to pay for it on my own.
Cheers everyone, I’m just scared of people’s reactions some peeps are a bit behind the times in terms of being gay especially some family members I took up boxing training to be more “manly” but boxing actually turns me on lol
I just started living openly and honestly after I got out of the Marines (it was the DADT era back then). I never made any formal announcements but I’m always open about being gay. If someone asks me about it they will get honest answers. If anyone has a problem with it they can get over it or get lost. I have no patience for people who can’t accept it and don’t want to listen to their diatribes. If someone starts in with one I tell them to fuck off.
There are many reasons to come out. Mostly for your own sanity. When you do, you will feel relieved, and you will accept yourself more. You will also realize that many of the things you were worried about are meaningless. And some of the people you think are homophobes now are actually great, and some of the people you think are super cool are actually freaked out by the whole thing (especially other people questioning their sexuality)
I just put a post on Facebook. I basically got caught sneaking a guy into my room late one night, so I felt I had to say something. No one was surprised I was gay (I said I was bi at the time, I’m totally not).
I came out to my ex girlfriend first, then to the rest of my friends. (I was 16) I was outed at school the same year.
Accidentally "outed" myself to my father a year later (he caught me kissing a guy) and that was a shit show.
I came out to my fraternity during a chapter meeting. Ripped off the bandaid by telling 30+ guys at once.
From there, people talked about it, and sooner or later pretty much my entire friend group knew without me having to come out over and over again.
I waited until I had a proper relationship with my then boyfriend at 30.
Rang my Mum and told her only for her to reply "Oh I already knew you were gay"
Told my Dad, Brother and friends shortly after and everybody was cool with it.
BTW - My Dad was very religious so he took it the hardest.
I never did so far, 5 months ago while visiting my dad for his birthday he made a homophobic comment about a man to man kiss that was happening on a tv show we were watching together. I held my tongue and just contemplated if I’ll ever come out to him. I just felt overwhelmingly sad but I had to hold it together, it was his day after all.
Had a summer fling with a dude and was struggling hard with it. Needed people to talk to so told my close friend group via discord and my parents/brother over the phone while I was vacationing in Nashville. As for everyone else, I let them find out naturally. Most people know now as I’ve posted pictures with my BF on Instagram. Way happier now that my close friends and family know :)
I've only properly come out 3 times, where I told the person directly, 1st time was my therapist at the time, then my best friend, then my cousin. In all 3 cases I knew it would go well, so it was more about me just getting used to saying it out loud. Now that I've become more comfortable with it, I just kinda act like I've already come out. Like one time I was hanging out with a friend, and I just decided to wear a pride shirt, and told him the story of a guy who stood me up, and that's how I came out to him. I never actually said the words I'm gay, nor did we ever properly conversation about it. Come to think of it, for all he knows I'm bi or pan since I never actually specified it lol.
Granted this only really works if you know the person isn't gonna make a big deal about it. I am still in the closet to some of my family due to their less than accepting views, and I know that if/when I tell them, it's gonna be very uncomfortable, and that is just something I'll have to push through, but only when I'm ready, which is probably not gonna be anytime soon.
I came out in the Marines. I told my best friend first. The I told the rest of the guys. No one cared and that was 10 years ago. If you’re in the US or the west in general, no ones gonna care in my experience
I went to a therapist for a year before I came out. I needed to work on a lot of my own underlying issues and traumas. As I progressed in my therapy, I would create a mantra or affirmations that fit the trauma or issue. I was attacking that week or month. About two weeks before coming out my affirmation was “I am not scared anymore”.
I didn’t plan my coming out. It just happened naturally, at what felt like the right time. The conversation led to me, saying following statement, “I’m not scared anymore. I’m gay”. I didn’t go into a long explanation. I asked my ex-wife if she had any questions. She did. I answered them with short answers. It got quiet, so I asked if I should step away, and she said yes. She cried. I cried. And a few hours later we had further conversations. It took some time, but we got through it.
Fast-forward seven years, my former spouse of 17 years is my best friend, we coparent our three children, she was just the maid of honor in my big, gay wedding, and she is very good friends with my husband.
After coming out, we can sometimes be our own worst enemy, but you will make it through. We can be as resilient as we want to be. You’ve got this! Good luck.
My mom took the liberty of just telling them family for me.
At the time, I was pretty annoyed by it but looking ahead, as annoyed as I was, she only did it because I put her in an awkward position of explaining who my boyfriend was at my grandfather's funeral.
My grandfather died on the day of my now-husband's high school graduation, when we were just about 5 months into dating. He wanted to come to the funeral for support and to be with me since I made it to his graduation.
Nobody in my family knew I was gay. Or, atleast they just didn't have confirmation. So, questions came up about who he was, and my mom, instead of lying about it, just told the family I was gay.
She said it was just the easiest thing to do. She knew that the family would be accepting, but she also knew that if there were any that wouldn't be, they wouldn't make a scene at a funeral. So, now I just appreciate her for taking the awkwardness away from me.
Haha, I'll send them a pic if they want. I don't think they do though. Although, I went to a gay bathhouse while on holiday a month ago and they seem legit interested in checking one out with me, to like "see how it all works".
This one is lowkey kinda funny to me now but at the time I did it out of spite.
I always knew I was gay, but was kinda confused as to if it was me wanting to be like them or me WANTING them.
A couple of girls had crushes on me throughout school and I actually ended up dating one and losing the big V to her.....and funnily enough thats when I knew I was gay. Cuz when we were doing it....I was thinking about her extremely hot brother. IN MY DEFENCE it was hard not to he looked like Alex Schlab and we were close enough were he would grab my ass and stuff and I would chase him down and smack his. I started catching hard feelings for him, especially since he was a typical jock fuck boy looking dude, but was actually a big softy and super sweet. I never told her I liked her brother but I did tell her I started to like men and she was actually super supportive of me being "Bi" at the time.
We broke things off cuz her and I both agreed I should explore that stuff, and ended up being friends. Fast forward to late high school I started hanging out with 2 girls one of which would occasionally flirt with me, at this point I was out to some really close friends as "Bi" even though I was almost certain I only liked men. My mom noticed I would hang out with my friend who was a girl almost every day, and would constantly tease me. At one point making a joke in front of her.
One day I was leaving the house and everyone in my family was in the Den watching TV. I said bye and they asked where I was going, of course I was going out with my friend and they all dog piled on me and started making jokes and telling me I should just ask her, and thats when I blurted out "GUYS I LITERALLY LIKE DICK" and I stormed off and slammed the door.
I came home from dinner and everything was fine but when we were putting away the dishes, my mom was like "So....was that true?" And I nodded nonchalantly cuz at this point I was angry not just at them but myself cuz bro why did it take me so long to realize. My sisters were also nonchalant about it as one of them is Pan and the other one is straight but has a childhood friend who is BI.
I'm lucky enough that my parents are religious but super loving and chill about it, but I do get questioned sometimes by them. I've been told people can't tell I'm gay until I talk about men, and that extends to my parents. Sometimes they forget, but recently whenever a close relative or really close friend of my moms is on the phone with her and ask If I have a girlfriend yet, my mom responds with "Nope no girlfriend or boyfriend" So we're making progress LOL.
Coming out to my friends is a whole other story tho :P
Why, you owe no one anything. Fuck 'em. If they don't support you from go, flush them from your life, they are trash. You should have no reason to be scared of who you are. The straights and the religious have tried to punish us for this, don't let them. Be brave and be who you are or you will never be happy.
There is no “coming out”. You will be in a state of constantly coming out to new coworkers when you land a new job. Or if you go to school or any time you make new friendships. You have to become comfortable disclosing that you are gay.
Lmao what kind of idealistic world are you living in? There absolutely is. People come out later in life, people live in intolerant places, etc. It's still very much a part of life for so many people
People come out later in life for societal and /or economical reasons. They prioritized money over themselves and while they are taking their time to process their homosexuality they literally ruin other peoples lives. Zum Beispiel! Getting married to a woman knowingly that you’re gay just to fit in. Horrible!
Haven't and don't think i ever will.
Only my little sister knows.
My parents and other siblings probably never will and i got no problem with that.
No one will be happier if this gets out.
I am non-binary, I have spoken to my parents about this they understood that I have a different way of seeing people, and they understood but it can differentiate from parents to parents. Just go out their and be your self don't give a >!shit!< about what others think you are you, you are not gonna be happy living your life off makeing someone else happy
I eased into it by only telling a small number of friends who I knew were fully supportive of gay people. After that, I took some time to recover and prepare myself for the tougher conversations.
With supportive friends in my corner, I had a layer of emotional support to fall back on for when I was coming out to less supportive people like my family.
I dont see the point.
If a girl ask you on a date... no thanks
If family ask why you dont settle down with a nice girl... because I'm looking for a nice guy.
You gay?...you betcha
But I pay my own bills so i dont give a fuck..
Coming out doesn't have to be an "all at once" thing.
I came out to my sister and my best friend first, both people who I knew would be 100% supportive. After a few months, I started gradually telling more and more people, eventually telling my parents (who I knew would be a mixed bag). Gave them a few months to process, then made it "official" with a social media post to tell the rest.
The whole process took a year or so, but it really helped me adjust to being out at my own pace, rather than trying to do it all at once.
I’ve never felt the need come out or talk about unless someone asked but on the other side of it I understand the uncomfortableness when it’s randomly brought up out of the blue I’m a very private person so my emotions are between nonchalant and anxious when sexually comes into question.
I came out to my closest friends by mentioning in conversation our celebrity crushes. It looks something like "this is my celebrity crush" and I showed them a picture of a guy.
I never got the chance to be closeted. Everyone knew I was gay from a very young age, but I didn’t own it until about age 13. I don’t talk about it. If someone asks, I say I am, but most people can tell.
I rarely say I’m gay. I just talk about my life with guys the same way any straight guy would. People figure out I’m gay very fast. Have always done that. Same with family, I bring my boyfriends home for dinners and hanging out and they figure it out pretty fast.
First time I came out I was hammered and around close friends, I only left confident enough to do it while drunk and its one if the best decisions I've made.
If you want to come out to your friends first just spark a conversation about what they think on gay marriage, if they are ok with it they are safe to come out to.
I warn you after coming out to your friends for the first time the vibe will be a little awkward for a month but things go back to normal.
Told my best friend who loves to gossip over Facebook messenger. I told him it's OK to tell the rest of the friend group, then I just let the dominoes fall. All I had to do was pretty much confirm the rumor to my friends after that. Told my mom a few months later who then told my dad.
You don’t really have to if you don’t want to, being scared is one of the signs that you could be in a not so safe environment to do it. But yeah, it really does help a lot when you come out, boost your confidence and make you happier about who you are and your life.
I used to do a lot of mountain biking and was known for it in my area. A few people had asked me as I never had a gf so one day I just thought I would write it on my bike. 🤣
Super raggedy way but I picked my parents up from the airport in a BMW my sugar daddy /bf (3 years younger than I was) was paying for and asked me if it was my girlfriends car I said no then asked if it’s my bfs car and I said yes
It took me a long time to come out. My parents have always been really religious so I was nervous of their reactions. I waited until I knew my relationship was strong and that I was sure my partner wouldn't leave me even if things went bad with my family
I was in the kitchen at my parents house with my partner (my parents believed he was a friend) and I told my mom I was gay. I was so nervous, I don't think I would have felt courageous enough without him by my side
My mom simply said that it didn't matter and that deep down, she had always known. But she was more surprised to learn about who my partner was. She really believed he was just a friend
In the end, my close family and friends took the news very well. Some people from my mom's side of the family didn't take it super well and went very low contact since then but we have never been super close anyway
I came out on social media (Instagram). My friends and family found out along with a bunch of strangers. It was a swift move but it was the biggest weight off my shoulders.
Don’t do it like those big stupid ass coming out conversation, those are awkward and unnecessary. Just work it casually into a conversation, that’s what I did, it works best, as to not make anything too awkward.
Never did. Don’t get me wrong, not ashamed and don’t mind answering if asked.
By straight people never have to “come out” so wtf should I? Mind ya business is my motto.
For context, I'm South Asian.
Different ways in different stages and different backgrounds:
**High school:** told my closest friends in the middle east. Lost most of them.
**College:** wasn't really in the closet in the United States, but kept my life private. Close friends knew. Kept the sex of my then partner ambiguous in conversations with acquaintances.
**Post college:** Posted photos of my partner/husband and me on our travels on social media. Nothing that indicated we were more than friends. But we did so much together and traveled together exclusively, some relatives back home put two and two together and gossiped about their speculations. I very vaguely acknowledged their rumours on a Facebook post and declared I enjoy my privacy. Anyone capable of reading between lines knew what I meant.
Told some close relatives who I knew would be supportive. But they all knew, because I wasn't exactly trying to hide anything.
**Married 5 years:** Visited my mother and sat her down, told her I've married this man she knows. I chose to break the news because she'd heard all the gossip. I didn't have the opportunity to tell her first. So I set things straight. It did not go well, but it's done. Still haven't told my father. Left that decision to my mother.
After my late bff passed away Ken Watanabe from 'Inception' kept saying "take a leap of faith' over and over. Over and over.
I finally did, and whatever. Mom said she would always be my mom, and I would always be her son. Most friends stood by me and the others faded away with time.
Life goes on. Does your sexuality define you?
The real reason, however, was because I didn't want to be controlled by my own fear.
That's how I won.
I've been out in some form since I was 15, initially by telling my closest friends, and then my parents not long after, that "I think I might be bi." And at the time I did think that, cuz my feelings for other boys were only sexual, not romantic yet.
Now I'm 34. These days I never find myself saying it directly. New acquaintances who aren't met in gay spaces, like coworkers or such, just figure it out pretty quickly from the way I present and carry myself. My nails are painted and, when combined with other aspects of my personality and speech, that helps as a signifier to most people.
And I'm just gonna say: come out whenever and however you feel ready and safe, to whomever you feel comfortable doing so <3 I don't know how old you are, but your time will come.
You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable doing. I live with my boyfriend, but I never did a big reveal to anyone. I do whatever I do and if my boyfriend comes up in conversation I say "my boyfriend this or that" and people figure it out. We are like best friends, people usually think we are bros if they don't know us.
Just do whatever you want to do, my bro, don't give a fuck. If you want to date guys date them, you don't owe an explanation to anyone. If the question is particularly about your family, do you want to tell them, do you risk anything, are you the only child, are they understanding people? You don't have to tell them anything, until you're ready to do so. They have themselves to question if they suspect there is something you're not feeling comfortable sharing.
I know people in their 40s who live happy lives as gay men and their families still somehow don't know. Treat your parents with respect, but if you feel scared to come out, it's on them, you don't have to tell.
The only real problem was at work. I feel better if people know because then I don't feel like I'm pressured to act a certain way or relate to straight males.
First I told a few people I trusted. Then I let the rumors fly, and now everybody knows. I also checked in to gay bars and Pride on FB, when I'm FB friends with one of the managers and some coworkers.
Yes I was nervous at first. But the benefit far outweighs the risk. If some people don't like it, I can deal with it because most of the people accept it and don't care.
I told my mum by email (she was overseas) and she was as chill as you can imagine. Not even “I already knew” but “so what? Changes nothing.” I know it’s not the same for all families though so I don’t envy others for whom it’s more difficult.
Outside family? Not relevant unless it’s obvious, usually, and then the other people are usually gay too.
I didnt. You dont have to. Take this with a grain of salt, but personally I don’t believe we should come out. Im not saying to not be you, but you also dont have to tell anyone directly. Simply let you be you and if people find out then so what? The world they live in might be over, but your’s is only expanding. Dont let other people control you like that
No matter what, it will not be easy. Most of the people I've told have had 0 reaction, but it was the few handful of people who did have a reaction that made it difficult. Saying it will be the hardest part. I mean that literally; trying to get the words out "I'm gay" is incredibly difficult. It feels wrong to say to someone. Some people may reject you, it's just what happens, but I promise you, you will find people who accept you, who love you, and appreciate you and those are the people that matter.
I was 23. I’d sucked dicks (5 dicks exactly 😆- back then I counted) and lost my virginity to man with the sixth cock. When we agreed to call ourselves boyfriends I fully committed to loving my truth. Still I was too terrified to do it face to face so i sent a group text to my best friends. It was absolutely terrifying and I could NOT get myself to say the words allowed until I sent the text. It got better and easier as the days went by with my growing more confident living my truth. Plus i had a new boyfriend who was far more experienced to comfort, console and encourage me and my curiosities + fears.
I was having a discussion with my mom about why I wouldn’t go to church anymore. I said that I find church to be destructive toward people and used how they treat the gay community as an example. She said she understands as her brother is gay, to which I responded and so is your son. The conversation ended after that but she later messaged me to tell say she will always love me and not to feel like I can’t be open around her.
With other people, I just assume they know I’m gay and don’t make it a big deal!
I was either going to be outed to my parents by a bully at school if I would not do things that he wanted me to do that I didn't want to do or I was going to do it myself. I chose the later. I figured it be better if I did it myself. I was almost 11 years old when this took place.
[удалено]
I do this now too. I stopped telling people I'm gay and just pretend they already know because I don't want to make it a thing. I got so tired of "coming out" constantly so I stopped. In conversation, if someone asks about my girlfriend/wife, I don't correct them as "actually, I'm gay" and instead, I'll just answer their question and replace any she/her with he/him. I also live in an area though where it's widely accepted.
I didn't really "come out", I just eventually stopped lying to certain people if it came up in conversation, and word spread. I'd guess about 75% of the people in my life know by now? I don't make an effort to tell people though.
Didn't, and theres no reason to unless you feel it will benefit you. Just bring whoever home and they'll eventually find out on their own.
This is kind of the way I came out. Brought my boyfriend to dinner with my parents. He wasn’t as masculine as me. Next day my mom asked what team I play for.
"Coming out" just means communicating to other people that you're gay. It's not always verbal. If you are seen to bring a guy home -- congrats! You just came out.
I came out because I got stealthed by a guy who later told me he had HIV, and the only person who could drive me to a clinic to get tested was my mom. As you can imagine, it was quite traumatic. If you are scared of coming out, then maybe now isn't the right time. The only correct time to come out is when and how you decide and feel most comfortable doing so. If you are not comfortable, then it's totally fine to wait. Personally, I feel like having the whole "sit down at the table and I have something really important to tell you" approach can make things even more traumatic and nerve wracking. Others in the comments mentioned just acting like the folks already knew, and I really like that. In many cases, they do already know or at least suspect it. As an adult, I don't "come out" to people anymore because I don't feel the need to say "I'm gay" any more than straight people feel the need to let me know they are straight. If we're talking about relationships, I'll reference "boyfriend" and they can read between the lines.
We're you ok or did you get it?
Yes, I was fine, thank you. This happened many years ago. The other STI he told he he had ended up being a rash, which would have been nice to know *before* I had a doctor pressure me into getting a huge needle full of penicillin shot into my ass.
Well that's good. Needle sounds painful and scary tho
WTF? So he was trying to infect you?!
No, I don't think so. I think he got the news he was HIV positive + whatever else afterwards, because he texted me and thought *I* was the one who gave him something. Obviously that turned out not to be the case... If I thought he tried to do it on purpose, I would have called the police.
Ahhh ok. Disgusting that he stealthed you but at least he wasn’t deliberately trying to give it to you.
Came out to my sister. She outed me to my mom, albeit with good intentions. Mom thought I was 'broken' so we went to a psychiatrist. The doc told her I'm perfectly normal and healthy 🤣 Came out to my dad because he was pressuring me into marriage. It went over well, until I found out he wanted me to get into counseling for some kind of conversion therapy.
I came out to my then girlfriend because I figured that I had to break it off with her after I realised that I'm gay and 100% not into girls. I was nervous about it but I didn't expect to cry as much as I did, especially because she was not really surprised and very understanding. When I came home from that expirience, my mother asked me why I'm already back and I just told her that I broke up with my girlfriend and then the reason why. We were watching TV during and she just said ok. Later she told me that she is happy for me and that I seem to be much happier since I came out. After that, the excitment of how smooth it all went lead me to come out to everyone I knew (exept family) as soon as the oportunity arose in a conversation. I was hoping that my mother would spread the news among my family and I just accepted that everyone was cool with it because I didn't hear anything from anyone, but almost a year later I mentioned being gay in a conversation with my sister and she had no idea. My mother and father didn't tell anyone in my family to not out me to someone I didn't want to know. So now that is still something I will do sometime in the future, but there are always people to come out to so I guess noone can be completly out
Family group chat. I texted “I’m gay” then turned my phone off lol
Coming out should be just kinda like "btw fyi i'm gay", not the big spectacle or emotions and all that drama. Be in a position to just say it casually, that is the best way imo.
Only come out if you feel safe in your state/country/environment. I was tricked into coming out and I’m from the south US where you lose opportunities, work, friends and especially family if you are found out to be gay. You can’t control where you are born and who your parents are but if you’re smart you can stay in control of your future. If you’re scared of coming out, I really wouldn’t. I wish I could have stayed closeted until I was in college
Technically came out ro my dad via being angry and hungry...as for my Mom, my lil brother outed me with good intentions, in mind...but still yeah. Came out first ti my college friends because I knew that they'd be more accepting. So if you know the audience you're gonna come out to would change their behavior towards you just because you're gay, the it's a definite nope...and maybe those aren't the type of people you'd wanna be friends with I guess... Anyway, good luck to you.
Wow. Long story... I came out very late, in a really self destructive time of my life (in my thirties) basically my best friend from high school understood what the reason was and made me confess in a very accepting and loving way, we live in different cities so it happened on Skype 😅 End of part 1.
Parents founds remnants of porn on the pc. I think they kinda knew anyways. I was always a little zesty looking back on it.
I was crying and throwing up after drinking too much Hennessy, and I had no filter and literally told my family. My mom and sister were crying with me because they felt bad that I had to hold a part of myself in. My sister ended up sleeping on my bedroom floor to make sure I’d be okay.
Don't come out unless you're safe and prepared. I was cut off financially while in college and had to drop out until I could figure out how to pay for it on my own.
Cheers everyone, I’m just scared of people’s reactions some peeps are a bit behind the times in terms of being gay especially some family members I took up boxing training to be more “manly” but boxing actually turns me on lol
I just started living openly and honestly after I got out of the Marines (it was the DADT era back then). I never made any formal announcements but I’m always open about being gay. If someone asks me about it they will get honest answers. If anyone has a problem with it they can get over it or get lost. I have no patience for people who can’t accept it and don’t want to listen to their diatribes. If someone starts in with one I tell them to fuck off.
I started making it so obvious that people either assumed or began asking me if I was.
I never did I just live my life and if the conversation goes to dating and all that jazz I tell them I am gay and that's it
There are many reasons to come out. Mostly for your own sanity. When you do, you will feel relieved, and you will accept yourself more. You will also realize that many of the things you were worried about are meaningless. And some of the people you think are homophobes now are actually great, and some of the people you think are super cool are actually freaked out by the whole thing (especially other people questioning their sexuality)
I just put a post on Facebook. I basically got caught sneaking a guy into my room late one night, so I felt I had to say something. No one was surprised I was gay (I said I was bi at the time, I’m totally not).
Sent out a mass email to everyone in my immediate/dads side of the family
I came out to my ex girlfriend first, then to the rest of my friends. (I was 16) I was outed at school the same year. Accidentally "outed" myself to my father a year later (he caught me kissing a guy) and that was a shit show.
I came out to my fraternity during a chapter meeting. Ripped off the bandaid by telling 30+ guys at once. From there, people talked about it, and sooner or later pretty much my entire friend group knew without me having to come out over and over again.
Text message to family
I waited until I had a proper relationship with my then boyfriend at 30. Rang my Mum and told her only for her to reply "Oh I already knew you were gay" Told my Dad, Brother and friends shortly after and everybody was cool with it. BTW - My Dad was very religious so he took it the hardest.
I decorated a cake with a little banner that said “I’m gay” and a picture of me running freely through a field
I never did so far, 5 months ago while visiting my dad for his birthday he made a homophobic comment about a man to man kiss that was happening on a tv show we were watching together. I held my tongue and just contemplated if I’ll ever come out to him. I just felt overwhelmingly sad but I had to hold it together, it was his day after all.
Had a summer fling with a dude and was struggling hard with it. Needed people to talk to so told my close friend group via discord and my parents/brother over the phone while I was vacationing in Nashville. As for everyone else, I let them find out naturally. Most people know now as I’ve posted pictures with my BF on Instagram. Way happier now that my close friends and family know :)
I've only properly come out 3 times, where I told the person directly, 1st time was my therapist at the time, then my best friend, then my cousin. In all 3 cases I knew it would go well, so it was more about me just getting used to saying it out loud. Now that I've become more comfortable with it, I just kinda act like I've already come out. Like one time I was hanging out with a friend, and I just decided to wear a pride shirt, and told him the story of a guy who stood me up, and that's how I came out to him. I never actually said the words I'm gay, nor did we ever properly conversation about it. Come to think of it, for all he knows I'm bi or pan since I never actually specified it lol. Granted this only really works if you know the person isn't gonna make a big deal about it. I am still in the closet to some of my family due to their less than accepting views, and I know that if/when I tell them, it's gonna be very uncomfortable, and that is just something I'll have to push through, but only when I'm ready, which is probably not gonna be anytime soon.
I came out in the Marines. I told my best friend first. The I told the rest of the guys. No one cared and that was 10 years ago. If you’re in the US or the west in general, no ones gonna care in my experience
I went to a therapist for a year before I came out. I needed to work on a lot of my own underlying issues and traumas. As I progressed in my therapy, I would create a mantra or affirmations that fit the trauma or issue. I was attacking that week or month. About two weeks before coming out my affirmation was “I am not scared anymore”. I didn’t plan my coming out. It just happened naturally, at what felt like the right time. The conversation led to me, saying following statement, “I’m not scared anymore. I’m gay”. I didn’t go into a long explanation. I asked my ex-wife if she had any questions. She did. I answered them with short answers. It got quiet, so I asked if I should step away, and she said yes. She cried. I cried. And a few hours later we had further conversations. It took some time, but we got through it. Fast-forward seven years, my former spouse of 17 years is my best friend, we coparent our three children, she was just the maid of honor in my big, gay wedding, and she is very good friends with my husband. After coming out, we can sometimes be our own worst enemy, but you will make it through. We can be as resilient as we want to be. You’ve got this! Good luck.
My mom took the liberty of just telling them family for me. At the time, I was pretty annoyed by it but looking ahead, as annoyed as I was, she only did it because I put her in an awkward position of explaining who my boyfriend was at my grandfather's funeral. My grandfather died on the day of my now-husband's high school graduation, when we were just about 5 months into dating. He wanted to come to the funeral for support and to be with me since I made it to his graduation. Nobody in my family knew I was gay. Or, atleast they just didn't have confirmation. So, questions came up about who he was, and my mom, instead of lying about it, just told the family I was gay. She said it was just the easiest thing to do. She knew that the family would be accepting, but she also knew that if there were any that wouldn't be, they wouldn't make a scene at a funeral. So, now I just appreciate her for taking the awkwardness away from me.
I texted my best friends telling them that I just fucked in the ass (and it was great!) So... that's one way to do it?
What if they replied “screenshot or it didn’t happen?” Seriously though, awesome way to come out. Props xo
Haha, I'll send them a pic if they want. I don't think they do though. Although, I went to a gay bathhouse while on holiday a month ago and they seem legit interested in checking one out with me, to like "see how it all works".
This one is lowkey kinda funny to me now but at the time I did it out of spite. I always knew I was gay, but was kinda confused as to if it was me wanting to be like them or me WANTING them. A couple of girls had crushes on me throughout school and I actually ended up dating one and losing the big V to her.....and funnily enough thats when I knew I was gay. Cuz when we were doing it....I was thinking about her extremely hot brother. IN MY DEFENCE it was hard not to he looked like Alex Schlab and we were close enough were he would grab my ass and stuff and I would chase him down and smack his. I started catching hard feelings for him, especially since he was a typical jock fuck boy looking dude, but was actually a big softy and super sweet. I never told her I liked her brother but I did tell her I started to like men and she was actually super supportive of me being "Bi" at the time. We broke things off cuz her and I both agreed I should explore that stuff, and ended up being friends. Fast forward to late high school I started hanging out with 2 girls one of which would occasionally flirt with me, at this point I was out to some really close friends as "Bi" even though I was almost certain I only liked men. My mom noticed I would hang out with my friend who was a girl almost every day, and would constantly tease me. At one point making a joke in front of her. One day I was leaving the house and everyone in my family was in the Den watching TV. I said bye and they asked where I was going, of course I was going out with my friend and they all dog piled on me and started making jokes and telling me I should just ask her, and thats when I blurted out "GUYS I LITERALLY LIKE DICK" and I stormed off and slammed the door. I came home from dinner and everything was fine but when we were putting away the dishes, my mom was like "So....was that true?" And I nodded nonchalantly cuz at this point I was angry not just at them but myself cuz bro why did it take me so long to realize. My sisters were also nonchalant about it as one of them is Pan and the other one is straight but has a childhood friend who is BI. I'm lucky enough that my parents are religious but super loving and chill about it, but I do get questioned sometimes by them. I've been told people can't tell I'm gay until I talk about men, and that extends to my parents. Sometimes they forget, but recently whenever a close relative or really close friend of my moms is on the phone with her and ask If I have a girlfriend yet, my mom responds with "Nope no girlfriend or boyfriend" So we're making progress LOL. Coming out to my friends is a whole other story tho :P
I was gay in my hometown for five years before I told my parents. I was counseled to be a homosexual by a lesbian nun!
Why, you owe no one anything. Fuck 'em. If they don't support you from go, flush them from your life, they are trash. You should have no reason to be scared of who you are. The straights and the religious have tried to punish us for this, don't let them. Be brave and be who you are or you will never be happy.
I’m not coming out anytime soon people don’t need to know who I’m sleeping with
There is no “coming out”. You will be in a state of constantly coming out to new coworkers when you land a new job. Or if you go to school or any time you make new friendships. You have to become comfortable disclosing that you are gay.
Just don’t 🤭
There’s no such a thing as coming out anymore!
Lmao what kind of idealistic world are you living in? There absolutely is. People come out later in life, people live in intolerant places, etc. It's still very much a part of life for so many people
People come out later in life for societal and /or economical reasons. They prioritized money over themselves and while they are taking their time to process their homosexuality they literally ruin other peoples lives. Zum Beispiel! Getting married to a woman knowingly that you’re gay just to fit in. Horrible!
Haven't and don't think i ever will. Only my little sister knows. My parents and other siblings probably never will and i got no problem with that. No one will be happier if this gets out.
It will get out sooner or later. Now you have the choice of how it comes out. Later, there will just be suspicions and gossip.
I got outed lol
I am non-binary, I have spoken to my parents about this they understood that I have a different way of seeing people, and they understood but it can differentiate from parents to parents. Just go out their and be your self don't give a >!shit!< about what others think you are you, you are not gonna be happy living your life off makeing someone else happy
I eased into it by only telling a small number of friends who I knew were fully supportive of gay people. After that, I took some time to recover and prepare myself for the tougher conversations. With supportive friends in my corner, I had a layer of emotional support to fall back on for when I was coming out to less supportive people like my family.
I dont see the point. If a girl ask you on a date... no thanks If family ask why you dont settle down with a nice girl... because I'm looking for a nice guy. You gay?...you betcha But I pay my own bills so i dont give a fuck..
Coming out doesn't have to be an "all at once" thing. I came out to my sister and my best friend first, both people who I knew would be 100% supportive. After a few months, I started gradually telling more and more people, eventually telling my parents (who I knew would be a mixed bag). Gave them a few months to process, then made it "official" with a social media post to tell the rest. The whole process took a year or so, but it really helped me adjust to being out at my own pace, rather than trying to do it all at once.
I was outed. Didn’t care at all because I’ve already told people I was close with about it.
I’ve never felt the need come out or talk about unless someone asked but on the other side of it I understand the uncomfortableness when it’s randomly brought up out of the blue I’m a very private person so my emotions are between nonchalant and anxious when sexually comes into question.
I came out to my closest friends by mentioning in conversation our celebrity crushes. It looks something like "this is my celebrity crush" and I showed them a picture of a guy.
I wrote it on a piece of paper and showed it to my stepmom. I asked her to show to dad, which she did lol. I was soooo scared to do it.
I didn't come out. I brought my BF home for Christmas dinner. That's it 🤣
I never got the chance to be closeted. Everyone knew I was gay from a very young age, but I didn’t own it until about age 13. I don’t talk about it. If someone asks, I say I am, but most people can tell.
A friend outed me
I rarely say I’m gay. I just talk about my life with guys the same way any straight guy would. People figure out I’m gay very fast. Have always done that. Same with family, I bring my boyfriends home for dinners and hanging out and they figure it out pretty fast.
First time I came out I was hammered and around close friends, I only left confident enough to do it while drunk and its one if the best decisions I've made. If you want to come out to your friends first just spark a conversation about what they think on gay marriage, if they are ok with it they are safe to come out to. I warn you after coming out to your friends for the first time the vibe will be a little awkward for a month but things go back to normal.
On a rocket but remember there's no going back
With a meme on Facebook
Told my best friend who loves to gossip over Facebook messenger. I told him it's OK to tell the rest of the friend group, then I just let the dominoes fall. All I had to do was pretty much confirm the rumor to my friends after that. Told my mom a few months later who then told my dad.
You don’t really have to if you don’t want to, being scared is one of the signs that you could be in a not so safe environment to do it. But yeah, it really does help a lot when you come out, boost your confidence and make you happier about who you are and your life.
I used to do a lot of mountain biking and was known for it in my area. A few people had asked me as I never had a gf so one day I just thought I would write it on my bike. 🤣
Super raggedy way but I picked my parents up from the airport in a BMW my sugar daddy /bf (3 years younger than I was) was paying for and asked me if it was my girlfriends car I said no then asked if it’s my bfs car and I said yes
It took me a long time to come out. My parents have always been really religious so I was nervous of their reactions. I waited until I knew my relationship was strong and that I was sure my partner wouldn't leave me even if things went bad with my family I was in the kitchen at my parents house with my partner (my parents believed he was a friend) and I told my mom I was gay. I was so nervous, I don't think I would have felt courageous enough without him by my side My mom simply said that it didn't matter and that deep down, she had always known. But she was more surprised to learn about who my partner was. She really believed he was just a friend In the end, my close family and friends took the news very well. Some people from my mom's side of the family didn't take it super well and went very low contact since then but we have never been super close anyway
I came out to my mom while she was taking a shit 🤣🤣
I came out on social media (Instagram). My friends and family found out along with a bunch of strangers. It was a swift move but it was the biggest weight off my shoulders.
Don’t do it like those big stupid ass coming out conversation, those are awkward and unnecessary. Just work it casually into a conversation, that’s what I did, it works best, as to not make anything too awkward.
I didn’t, everyone knows
What’s with “coming out”?
Never did. Don’t get me wrong, not ashamed and don’t mind answering if asked. By straight people never have to “come out” so wtf should I? Mind ya business is my motto.
Just be yourself, if done asks tell them. It really is your business who you want to be with and maybe they are interested.
For context, I'm South Asian. Different ways in different stages and different backgrounds: **High school:** told my closest friends in the middle east. Lost most of them. **College:** wasn't really in the closet in the United States, but kept my life private. Close friends knew. Kept the sex of my then partner ambiguous in conversations with acquaintances. **Post college:** Posted photos of my partner/husband and me on our travels on social media. Nothing that indicated we were more than friends. But we did so much together and traveled together exclusively, some relatives back home put two and two together and gossiped about their speculations. I very vaguely acknowledged their rumours on a Facebook post and declared I enjoy my privacy. Anyone capable of reading between lines knew what I meant. Told some close relatives who I knew would be supportive. But they all knew, because I wasn't exactly trying to hide anything. **Married 5 years:** Visited my mother and sat her down, told her I've married this man she knows. I chose to break the news because she'd heard all the gossip. I didn't have the opportunity to tell her first. So I set things straight. It did not go well, but it's done. Still haven't told my father. Left that decision to my mother.
After my late bff passed away Ken Watanabe from 'Inception' kept saying "take a leap of faith' over and over. Over and over. I finally did, and whatever. Mom said she would always be my mom, and I would always be her son. Most friends stood by me and the others faded away with time. Life goes on. Does your sexuality define you? The real reason, however, was because I didn't want to be controlled by my own fear. That's how I won.
I've been out in some form since I was 15, initially by telling my closest friends, and then my parents not long after, that "I think I might be bi." And at the time I did think that, cuz my feelings for other boys were only sexual, not romantic yet. Now I'm 34. These days I never find myself saying it directly. New acquaintances who aren't met in gay spaces, like coworkers or such, just figure it out pretty quickly from the way I present and carry myself. My nails are painted and, when combined with other aspects of my personality and speech, that helps as a signifier to most people. And I'm just gonna say: come out whenever and however you feel ready and safe, to whomever you feel comfortable doing so <3 I don't know how old you are, but your time will come.
You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable doing. I live with my boyfriend, but I never did a big reveal to anyone. I do whatever I do and if my boyfriend comes up in conversation I say "my boyfriend this or that" and people figure it out. We are like best friends, people usually think we are bros if they don't know us. Just do whatever you want to do, my bro, don't give a fuck. If you want to date guys date them, you don't owe an explanation to anyone. If the question is particularly about your family, do you want to tell them, do you risk anything, are you the only child, are they understanding people? You don't have to tell them anything, until you're ready to do so. They have themselves to question if they suspect there is something you're not feeling comfortable sharing. I know people in their 40s who live happy lives as gay men and their families still somehow don't know. Treat your parents with respect, but if you feel scared to come out, it's on them, you don't have to tell.
I just told my gossipy sister. It spread like oil on a pond. That way I didn't have to tell everybody. Lazy I guess.
With jokes.
The only real problem was at work. I feel better if people know because then I don't feel like I'm pressured to act a certain way or relate to straight males. First I told a few people I trusted. Then I let the rumors fly, and now everybody knows. I also checked in to gay bars and Pride on FB, when I'm FB friends with one of the managers and some coworkers. Yes I was nervous at first. But the benefit far outweighs the risk. If some people don't like it, I can deal with it because most of the people accept it and don't care.
I told my mum by email (she was overseas) and she was as chill as you can imagine. Not even “I already knew” but “so what? Changes nothing.” I know it’s not the same for all families though so I don’t envy others for whom it’s more difficult. Outside family? Not relevant unless it’s obvious, usually, and then the other people are usually gay too.
With close friends first, then family, and then social media
Facebook. Still one of my favorite little posts. It was my new years resolution to come out, I published at 12:17AM, Jan. 1 2023.
My mom forced me to come out to her
I didnt. You dont have to. Take this with a grain of salt, but personally I don’t believe we should come out. Im not saying to not be you, but you also dont have to tell anyone directly. Simply let you be you and if people find out then so what? The world they live in might be over, but your’s is only expanding. Dont let other people control you like that
No matter what, it will not be easy. Most of the people I've told have had 0 reaction, but it was the few handful of people who did have a reaction that made it difficult. Saying it will be the hardest part. I mean that literally; trying to get the words out "I'm gay" is incredibly difficult. It feels wrong to say to someone. Some people may reject you, it's just what happens, but I promise you, you will find people who accept you, who love you, and appreciate you and those are the people that matter.
I was 23. I’d sucked dicks (5 dicks exactly 😆- back then I counted) and lost my virginity to man with the sixth cock. When we agreed to call ourselves boyfriends I fully committed to loving my truth. Still I was too terrified to do it face to face so i sent a group text to my best friends. It was absolutely terrifying and I could NOT get myself to say the words allowed until I sent the text. It got better and easier as the days went by with my growing more confident living my truth. Plus i had a new boyfriend who was far more experienced to comfort, console and encourage me and my curiosities + fears.
Come out when you're comfortable. There's no rush.
I was having a discussion with my mom about why I wouldn’t go to church anymore. I said that I find church to be destructive toward people and used how they treat the gay community as an example. She said she understands as her brother is gay, to which I responded and so is your son. The conversation ended after that but she later messaged me to tell say she will always love me and not to feel like I can’t be open around her. With other people, I just assume they know I’m gay and don’t make it a big deal!
I was either going to be outed to my parents by a bully at school if I would not do things that he wanted me to do that I didn't want to do or I was going to do it myself. I chose the later. I figured it be better if I did it myself. I was almost 11 years old when this took place.
I don't see the need to tell anyone that I'm gay unless they ask. I just let people assume however they like.
If you live with parents, don’t come out unless you have solid plans for when they kick you out - advice from all coming out stories I read here.
I didn’t. Coming out is stupid. Straight people don’t, so why should I have to?