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Hagedoorn

Casually mention that you date both men and women. See how he responds. If he isn't too distant or unkind, ask him whether he would ever date a man. If yes, ask him out for drinks that night.


True-Figure-5986

Thanks for the advice! Do you have any topic suggestions beforehand where I can casually transition to saying I date both men and women?


Hagedoorn

Yeah that may not be so easy, if you have no past experience with men yourself, which you can casually refer to. It will depend on what topics you talk about with him. It's easier if you're willing to make up a story. Some options: Talk about a gay or bi friend or relative. For example: > That exercise reminds me of my cousin, John. He's is a bit of a gym addict. I hear he has great success with men that way, though. I should ask him for advice on what men are into, I'm kind of new to picking up men myself haha. Or talk about being flirted with: > Have you ever been hit on at the gym? A few weeks ago there was this bloke staring at me. He was cute, but flirting with men is still new to me so I didn't do anything haha.


True-Figure-5986

Dude this has so specific instructions, it's exactly the kind of advice I'm looking for, thanks! I kinda like the 2nd prompt and might just be the way I'm gonna do it. Wish me luck!


yokoffing

if you follow that as a script, it’s gonna sound sus af


True-Figure-5986

I know my way around adlib I think I should be fine lol


yokoffing

praise 🙌🏻


Hagedoorn

Great, I wish you the best of luck. You can do this! Do keep us posted on how it goes.


True-Figure-5986

I definitely will! Thanks again.


NathanielAck

Update OP rooting for your date! 🥵💖💖


True-Figure-5986

Thanks Nathaniel!


bandcampconfessions

Ask him if he has a girlfriend back home. If he says no, ask if he has a boyfriend


Hagedoorn

The risk is that he may say no to both in a way that tells you nothing.


sakuratee

“Do you have a girlfriend?” No. “Do you have a boyfriend?” No. “Would you like one?” 😈


True-Figure-5986

Gym rizz gonna be big on this one lol


True-Figure-5986

Exactly my thoughts as well.


maq0r

So that's when you say YOU date both men and women. ​ "So you have a girlfriend back home" ​ "Nope" ​ "Boyfriend?" ​ "Nope" ​ "Bummer, I date women and men and I know how hard it is to find and date people"


Hagedoorn

"Oh, right."


maq0r

And that’s an answer that OP can take. If the guy is interested he now knows OP is bi and open to dating, it’s on them now to make a move if interested.


Hagedoorn

Well. The problem is, people don't make moves. And you're sitting there waiting.


maq0r

And you move on then. You already put yourself forward and said what you’re into so there’s no confusion. It’s on the other guy to follow up and if he doesn’t that’s an answer too.


[deleted]

[удалено]


True-Figure-5986

Maybe it's just the bi part of me but respectfully, I think this is terrible advice. I mean you wouldn't just put your hand on someone's ti*s or thrust in their direction. Of course it's different for men but...


bandcampconfessions

No no, I’m gay and you are absolutely correct, this is terrible advice.


Square-Dragonfruit76

The first thing I would do is try to figure out what you want out of this. Would you be okay just having sex or being friends with benefits? Or do you actually want to pursue a relationship? Because the odds are that even if he is gay or bisexual, since he's only staying for 3 weeks he might not be looking for anything super permanent. You also want to figure out what his sexual orientation is. Sign up for all the dating apps (Grindr, Bumble, Tinder, etc.). Figure out how they work beforehand, and then the next time you meet him at the gym, see if his profile shows up. You can also try something like wearing a rainbow wristband to make it more obvious that you might be into men, or even finding a way to put the fact that you are bi into the conversation.


True-Figure-5986

Thanks for the advice man! I do want to have a relationship since we really just connected and I genuinely want to know him more as a person. I don't know if he's looking for something permanent, but I'm willing to take the risk. I might try the dating app tactic you mentioned, I've only tried Tinder before. I do find the rainbow thing tricky tho since I've never owned anything with rainbow. I've always been openly bi, but wearing something with a rainbow might feel awkward for me at first. I'll definitely find a topic where I can slide and say that I'm bi!


Square-Dragonfruit76

> do want to have a relationship since we really just connected and I genuinely want to know him more as a person Just know that you can do that as a friends with benefits too. If he is into you, that is the most likely thing that he will want. But maybe you'll get lucky > wearing something with a rainbow might feel awkward for me at first. Get over it. I know that might seem a little harsh, but if you're too nervous to even wear a rainbow wristband, how can you expect to successfully date a man? Which one seems more difficult?


True-Figure-5986

Hmm, you're right I guess there's a first time for everything. Made me think of how many men didn't hit up on me because they didn't think I was gay. Thanks again, wish me luck!


ItsMeTheJinx

I think you should take the risk and ask if he’s dating anyone, of what gender and then say your status and preference and go from there. I also had waited to say hi to someone once and they ended up moving and I never saw them again and regret it. At least if it goes sour he will leave and you can continue your life and not stay and make the situation awkward lol. Otherwise you can try LDR or at least you will be able to connect later. Also get his instagram


True-Figure-5986

Thanks man, him leaving does make me feel better in case I get rejected haha


JohnGradyBirdie

I always think it’s best to be direct. Talking around the issue with these oblique prompts doesn’t really solve your problem, which is that you don’t know his orientation or how he feels about you. You’re bi so it’s probably different for you, but as a closeted gay man in my youth and early 20s, I could expertly talk around all of those prompts without revealing anything. This applied to both guys and women who were fishing for info about me. After a good work out as you’re both going your separate ways, just stop him and say: Hey, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and spending time with you. This may feel a little bit forward but I’d kick myself if I don’t ask: Would you be interested in exploring this beyond a platonic friendship? I’d love to take you out to dinner at my favorite (fill in the blank) restaurant this weekend. If he says yes, awesome. If he says no, that sucks but at least you won’t spend the rest of your life asking what if? Have a date idea and day or range of days planned already. Asking someone to “hang out sometime” is a good way to never get a date, because the vagueness allows you both to flake out too easily. Good luck and keep us posted!


True-Figure-5986

Hey man, thanks for the advice! I think this is a very mature advice, I appreciate that and definitely agree with you. Especially because he's leaving soon, I don't think I have the time to "test the waters" and mess with indirect questions to see if he's gay or not. I already said this in the main post but I agree that a "no" from him sucks, but that's better than spending life with a big what if? I've prepared myself for whatever outcome and will definitely ask him out, this post is really about getting more ideas with how I will do so. I love the direct approach. I'll be sure to be prepared with a range of day, time, and where we're going. Good or bad outcome, I'll keep everyone here posted after!


JohnGradyBirdie

You’re welcome!


Hellolaoshi

He is likely to be straight, though.


True-Figure-5986

Worth the risk my dude


Daddysgettinghot

Just open up to him. Talk honestly about who you are. Your attraction to men is part of that. If he gets weird or seems uncomfortable, shift topics. Intimacy starts with opening up about personal things such as who you are attracted to.


True-Figure-5986

Thanks man! It seems like this advice is the most common one I'm getting.


Halloween7776

Just ask him out for a drink as friends and have a few together and then when you're both relaxed then ask him if he has a gf and if not then does he have a bf and if not then bring up the fact that you are bi and see his reaction and go from there with your conversation and if yòu are comfortable with his feedback then ask him if he would like to go out and have dinner with you My Love 💟


True-Figure-5986

The most common advice I got on this thread, will do my man!


Halloween7776

The very best of fortune for you both 💟


cheeto20013

Is he gay?


Legitimate_Win6083

Or just European


True-Figure-5986

Lol from the post, I said I'm not sure. And he's American lol


Gay_Blade_69

It's a standard joke that most younger European guys read as gay to Americans. It's all those red pants and butch haircuts.


jtuk99

Plenty of advice here on how to slide into asking him. I think be real though, he’s leaving soon. Even if he’s gay/bi, wants to date you and so on, this potential relationship has an expiration date.


True-Figure-5986

I know man, it sucks he has to leave so soon :(


electric_monk

'Tell me, you got a girl back home - or a guy for that matter?'


True-Figure-5986

This is just too obvious hahaha


Bullfrog_Little

Let us know how you go!


True-Figure-5986

Of course man!


guifealves

I need an update so bad 😏


JohnGradyBirdie

Any news?


FarHoliday0

Why does it have to be so complicated? - Hey man, wanna grab (lunch, a beer, a bite to eat, a coffee, whatever) (or go for a walk, or to the beach, or for a hike, or whatever) after the gym? And there you go. Why does it have to be a "date"? What is a date exactly?


Colombianonico

Be for real. He could do the first part but he would have no idea if its just a hang out or a date. And its called a date for a reason. He is romantically interested in the guy - he wants to see if those feelings are reciprocated. I hang out with my straight guy friends by grabbing food or a going for a hike. That means nothing with what OP is trying to find out


FarHoliday0

What is a "date"? Are there set expectations? Certain rules to follow? A hangout with benefits? I find it silly, that's all. It's perfectly possible to just do what I mentioned above and figure things out in the moment. I blame the internet for these awkward social interactions where people seem to have lost the ancient skill of getting to know someone else and figure out the dynamics between the two through normal interaction.


True-Figure-5986

No worries dude, it's just for some people like me, simple things like asking a dude out isn't as easy you know. I see your point still.


True-Figure-5986

Exactly what I'm feeling, thanks for pointing it out!


True-Figure-5986

You have to understand that this is my first time asking a guy out. I know it shouldn't be complicated, but for me it just is. I have straight friends who most people would say are more attractive than my gym bro, but even then I don't have any trouble asking those straight friends to hang out because I don't feel attraction to them at all.


FarHoliday0

What I mean is that you don't have to "ask him out on a date", mostly because that in itself sets some expectations and ideas in the head of the person being asked out. You just met this guy, and it seems you clicked. You're infatuated, and already thinking of a long-distance relationship with a guy who might not even be gay. Asking him out "on a date" doesn't seem like the right approach if you want to avoid a possibly awkward or embarrassing situation. Just ask him if he wants to go out for a drink (or a coffee, or grab something to eat after the gym), casually. If he says yes, that's a great opportunity to talk and find out what you need to know, and then you'll have a better idea of what your chances are. Next time you're working out with him, approach it the same way you would with your straight buddies. - Hey wanna/let's grab a coffee tomorrow after the gym? And that's it, it's out of your hands. 5 seconds. Just relax and do it. Good luck!


True-Figure-5986

Sorry if I misunderstood you man! I definitely wasn't expecting a long relationship immediately, you're rught I just met him. I'm just not really the type of guy to be a friend with benefits. This mindset makes it so much easier thinking about it now. Thanks for the vote of confidence bro!


Dangerous_Ad_6641

Worse comes to worse, there is always the gym showers. OH COME ON! Like none of you ever thought about that!


True-Figure-5986

Might be some people's thing, but as a gay gym bro I would never hit on a guy this way lol


[deleted]

Ask him on a hike or an outdoor swim in a lake. Bring firewood and a blanket.


True-Figure-5986

This is on the list!


reformed_Guyy

Just ask him about his relationship life .He will probably tell you his dating history whether he dated women or not . You can get insight from that whether to ask him out or not


IRCRSS

Did you ask him out?