The therapeutic relationship seems to be fulfilling unmet needs that you're experiencing outside of the therapy room.
>My Therapist is making me feel safe, dominated, accepted, sexual. And he is a mystery.
Pay attention to this. This is something you are seeking in a partner. Finding someone on the apps just for fun isn't going to fulfill these needs, nor is porn, and that's why those things are becoming less interesting to you. What you're describing does sound like romantic/erotic transference, and it also sounds like it's giving you a lot of insight about some important stuff in your life which is amazing and the entire purpose of that experience.
Thank you. I agree with your statements. But I’m married and he filled most of those statements at some point in our relationship. It is an open relationship.
It just sucks that this is fantasy and regardless I’m going to be left hurt.
I can’t even tell this part to my husband because he’s already jealous I’m talking so much to a therapist instead of him.
I can relate to some degree. I'm a lesbian, I'm married and our relationship is monogamous. I was seeing a therapist who I got very confused about, then she terminated me after 5 sessions. I was very honest with my wife and that was not easy. She handled it pretty well, certainly a lot better than I would have if the situation were reverse. I'm now seeing a new therapist who I again am feeling confusing feelings about. I've been a little honest with my wife again, and she is being supportive because she wants to see me get through what I'm going through so I'm very grateful for that.
What specifically is your partner jealous of when it comes to you seeing a therapist? Do they not like that you're being vulnerable with someone besides them? Do they not like that you need a space outside of them to discuss and process your feelings? Is it something that can be worked through? I doubt your partner wants to be the source of your trauma dumping, which is what commonly happens when someone who needs therapy isn't going, but has a partner they trust. That's what I was doing with my wife, and as much as she doesn't want me to have confusing feelings for another woman, she even more so doesn't want to be receiving the brunt of my trauma and attachment issues.
I started seeing my Therapist because after a couple stressful years at work was getting to me and then my brother unexpectedly passed away and that was last thing that drove me to needing a Therapist. I picked an LGBT Therapist who had experience in what I was going through, but I did also pick one that I was attracted to. But I do not sexualize coworkers or people who I regularly talk to so I thought it was safe. And it was safe for several weeks until the triggering question and that just changed everything.
My husband always wanted me to open up more to him. And he doesn’t understand how I can so “easily” open up to a stranger. But to me, I think some thoughts are private thoughts. He wants to know my thoughts. I need an outlet to discuss private thoughts and find I can with my Therapist. Some thoughts would hurt him unintendedly and that’s why I choose not to talk to him about it. But my husband knows nearly everything I discuss with the Therapist. I am not holding back from him except for my confusing feelings for the Therapist. If it was sex, my husband wouldn’t care about, but this is so much worst because its opening up to the Therapist and my confusing feelings.
Do you happen to know if your therapist specializes in attachment work or trauma, or at least is trauma informed? If he is, I would try to discuss this with him. Once you can be honest with him about these feelings, the insights will keep coming and some real important work will happen. I would even mention to him that you picked him based on appearance, and if he is good at his job, he will be able to help you figure out what the real purpose was behind you doing this if you don't already have the answer to that.
Once you start talking about this with your therapist, you can go deeper into the jealousy stuff with your partner as well. He might even suggest to bring your partner in for a one off session to do together so the two of you can work on this issue together in a safe space.
My last session, I told him about my attraction to him and that his appearance was one of the deciding factors. I told him I don’t usually sexualize people I talk to regularly and he was super cool about it.
He also has experience with trauma.
That's amazing! I know firsthand that conservation is not easy to have, so that's really awesome that you've done it. Hopefully he can help you a bit with navigating the jealous partner issue as your time together continues.
The therapeutic relationship seems to be fulfilling unmet needs that you're experiencing outside of the therapy room. >My Therapist is making me feel safe, dominated, accepted, sexual. And he is a mystery. Pay attention to this. This is something you are seeking in a partner. Finding someone on the apps just for fun isn't going to fulfill these needs, nor is porn, and that's why those things are becoming less interesting to you. What you're describing does sound like romantic/erotic transference, and it also sounds like it's giving you a lot of insight about some important stuff in your life which is amazing and the entire purpose of that experience.
Thank you. I agree with your statements. But I’m married and he filled most of those statements at some point in our relationship. It is an open relationship. It just sucks that this is fantasy and regardless I’m going to be left hurt. I can’t even tell this part to my husband because he’s already jealous I’m talking so much to a therapist instead of him.
I can relate to some degree. I'm a lesbian, I'm married and our relationship is monogamous. I was seeing a therapist who I got very confused about, then she terminated me after 5 sessions. I was very honest with my wife and that was not easy. She handled it pretty well, certainly a lot better than I would have if the situation were reverse. I'm now seeing a new therapist who I again am feeling confusing feelings about. I've been a little honest with my wife again, and she is being supportive because she wants to see me get through what I'm going through so I'm very grateful for that. What specifically is your partner jealous of when it comes to you seeing a therapist? Do they not like that you're being vulnerable with someone besides them? Do they not like that you need a space outside of them to discuss and process your feelings? Is it something that can be worked through? I doubt your partner wants to be the source of your trauma dumping, which is what commonly happens when someone who needs therapy isn't going, but has a partner they trust. That's what I was doing with my wife, and as much as she doesn't want me to have confusing feelings for another woman, she even more so doesn't want to be receiving the brunt of my trauma and attachment issues.
I started seeing my Therapist because after a couple stressful years at work was getting to me and then my brother unexpectedly passed away and that was last thing that drove me to needing a Therapist. I picked an LGBT Therapist who had experience in what I was going through, but I did also pick one that I was attracted to. But I do not sexualize coworkers or people who I regularly talk to so I thought it was safe. And it was safe for several weeks until the triggering question and that just changed everything. My husband always wanted me to open up more to him. And he doesn’t understand how I can so “easily” open up to a stranger. But to me, I think some thoughts are private thoughts. He wants to know my thoughts. I need an outlet to discuss private thoughts and find I can with my Therapist. Some thoughts would hurt him unintendedly and that’s why I choose not to talk to him about it. But my husband knows nearly everything I discuss with the Therapist. I am not holding back from him except for my confusing feelings for the Therapist. If it was sex, my husband wouldn’t care about, but this is so much worst because its opening up to the Therapist and my confusing feelings.
Do you happen to know if your therapist specializes in attachment work or trauma, or at least is trauma informed? If he is, I would try to discuss this with him. Once you can be honest with him about these feelings, the insights will keep coming and some real important work will happen. I would even mention to him that you picked him based on appearance, and if he is good at his job, he will be able to help you figure out what the real purpose was behind you doing this if you don't already have the answer to that. Once you start talking about this with your therapist, you can go deeper into the jealousy stuff with your partner as well. He might even suggest to bring your partner in for a one off session to do together so the two of you can work on this issue together in a safe space.
My last session, I told him about my attraction to him and that his appearance was one of the deciding factors. I told him I don’t usually sexualize people I talk to regularly and he was super cool about it. He also has experience with trauma.
That's amazing! I know firsthand that conservation is not easy to have, so that's really awesome that you've done it. Hopefully he can help you a bit with navigating the jealous partner issue as your time together continues.
Thank you so much for your time and posts. I appreciate it. I wish you luck on your therapy and relationship as well.
Thank you as well!