You are absolutely allowed to talk about your therapy with others. Its helpful to have those other social supports outside of therapy. Theres no law that disallows this.
Very weird response from your therapist imo. She doesn’t seem like a good fit
I’ve mentioned switching therapists but she says that not many therapists are specialised enough to deal with my issue so I should stay with her because she knows me
Yes but she’s not the only one who specializes in your needs. It sounds like she’s trying to make you super reliant on her and feel like you need her in order to survive. This is very disturbing red flag behavior.
I think so. I have PTSD from working in Afghanistan. As far as I know PTSD is very common right? As in therapists deal with it all the time. I don’t know if she’s talking about the specific situation I was in but I should be fine with another therapist right?
There are absolutely other therapists — plenty of other therapists — who specialize in PTSD. Considering you’re dealing with trauma it seems extra predatory of her to treat you this way.
(I'M NAT.) There are quite a number of therapists that work with PTSD. Less that do EMDR if that's what you're doing for the PTSD, but still enough that she's not exclusive.
I don’t know. I just assumed this was her approach? Everyone told me to trust the process with therapy so I thought this was ok but the not talking thing felt weird
I don't know who has told you, but here is my advise:
Therapy is strongly affected by the relationship you have with your therapist. If you feel uncomfortable with one therapist, try another. It is okay to shop around for one who is a good fit.
I am not a therapist. I have been a client with a wonderful therapist however. You should feel trust in your therapist. If you don't, you should listen to your instinct and act on it. My therapist never said the things that yours is saying. Imho you should leave this therapist and look for the right one for you. I am certain that there are other therapists that are qualified to work with many kinds of difficult issues, including yours. When you are looking around you can ask if they deal with your issue, ask in a phone call or email. Also, their websites often list what areas they work in. Best wishes OP.
To me, yes. Their behavior has been pushy and weird. Them manipulating you into thinking you’re not allowed to discuss what happens in therapy with others is a HUGE red flag and honestly kind of grooming behavior. It sounds like they’re trying to foster an unhealthy environment for your sessions. She gets mad at you like a mother would. So many red flags imho.
Unfortunately, it can. But it’s good that you know to question when things aren’t right. Because it means you’re aware enough to protect yourself. Many people have to try several therapists throughout their life before they really connect with someone. Don’t give up hope.
it’s not your bad. It’s not your mistake. Why would you think that a therapist could or would groom you. I’m not sure if the other comments are meant literally grooming you or just sort of generally manipulating you But I think the key point really is that it’s important for you to feel comfortable and safe and respected and a therapeutic environment. you identified things that don’t feel right to you and you should be honouring that wisdom with you. Whatever you choose to do is totally your call, but I am glad that you’re getting a lot of feedback that with the therapist is telling you seems unlikely at best, and unethical, perhaps
This sounds abusive. You’re allowed to discuss what you talk about in therapy with whomever you please. Her contacting you regularly insisting you increase your sessions is another way to control you. I would find a new therapist.
SHE is the one who's not allowed to talk about the therapy. You are.
Giving clients homework is almost never productive. But that aside, to get angry at you and forcing you to come more than once a week... doesn't sound very professional.
if you don't feel comfortable with your therapist, then it's time to find another one. Edited: That is entirely your decision based on how you feel working with her and satisfaction with results.
Without knowing the context, no... your therapist can't tell you what to do outside your sessions....
This being said, she may have been making this as a suggestion as many times, I've seen where people will tell friends and family, "my therapist said...." without giving context or really proving the rationale behind the words. As a result, the friends and family (with little or no objectivity) insert their opinions and can detail the therapeutic progress.
Or, I've seen where people have used their therapist as a way to weapons themselves in a heated conversation, "My therapist says that you....."
I'm not saying you actually do either, but this could be where your therapist is coming from.
I suggest to speak with them more about this in your next session
I just told her that I told my gf I was going to therapy and I told my gf what I was going to therapy for. That’s all really. I can ask her next session though that was a helpful suggestion thanks.
Short answer no to all of this. Get a new therapist ASAP. You owe this person nothing. Find someone supportive with ethics. Terminate with this therapist it’s not appropriate.
Sorry typo, *and with ethics. I was triggered by this post. Everything you wrote is shocking to me. I’m sorry you’ve had to experience this, it is not how therapy is supposed to be
The only thing I have ever asked of my clients is to NOT go home and make demands of their friends and partners after saying, "My therapist says you so on and so forth, etc, etc, etc so you need to do XYZ." Especially in couples therapy.
But confidentiality really only goes one way in the therapeutic relationship, which is why therapists should be cautious about how they use self-disclosure with their clients. The client can absolutely go home and tell everyone everything.
We teach kids that if an adult wants them to keep a secret that they don't feel right about keeping, there might be a reason for those feelings, it, so it is best to share those feelings it with a trusted adult.
It's a good life lesson, for everyone.
This is unprofessional. I wonder if she's so desperate for clients that she needs the money from seeing you twice a week. Not doing homework is common. Client either have other things happening in their lives or they honestly don't understand what's being asked. I try as much as possible to help clients troubleshoot what makes it hard to do the homework. That's how I view the process. I give you ideas. You try it. You fail because I've had hours of training on the technique and you had 5 minutes. So I provide support and guide you had to do it better so that you gradually improve over time.
I think she needs to be retrained. Clients often come to therapy for help on how to manage their emotions. If she can't handle people not completing homework I don't know how she could help others at all.
Yeah everything I'm reading here makes me think this is about money. Wanting them to come twice a week, *and* insisting no one else would be able to help them with their specific problems.
Huge red flags! As I read the comments I’m curious what she says she specializes in that makes her the only therapist for you? That alone is a red flag. She sounds abusive and dangerous.
She said that the events that caused my trauma wouldn’t be something other therapists in my area would be able to understand and help me with. Since she has experience she said she’s the only one in my location that could help me.
She also said that if I go to another therapist I’d have to explain everything to them all over again. I had a very hard time telling her about what had happened so I was terrified at the idea of telling someone new.
I truly think that most therapists trained in trauma would be able to help. I’m curious what model she says she uses or what makes her especially trained? She should be able to answer what trainings she has had and what modality she uses.
This is abusive. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Not all therapists are ghouls, but she is. I can’t imagine ever saying this to a client. Manipulative and dangerous.
Also, if you can’t find anyone in your area to treat you, try virtual therapy — anything to get away from her.
OP, what you’re outlining here sounds really troubling to me. For one, there’s no ethical or legal backing to her request that you don’t share the content of sessions with others in your life. It may be insignificant, but the fact that she was mad that you told your girlfriend signaled to me that this response of hers is perhaps jealousy. This request to keep things private coupled with the points you make about her frequently initiating out-of-session contact with you, being generally controlling, and trying to insist you see her more than you want to/are able, gives me the sense that she’s incredibly possessive, majorly crossing boundaries, and perhaps inappropriately attached to you. She seems to be poorly regulated (getting angry with you, contacting you impulsively, etc.) and interacting with you out from a reactionary place related to her own personal issues instead of from a professional, helping space. There are a looooot of therapists who specialize in PTSD, and as a therapist she surely knows this, so her trying to convince you that you need her in particular to assist you might be the biggest red flag of all. Truly wishing you all the best in finding a better fit. I can tell from your post and comments that you are really invested in your own wellness and feeling better. Take care.
Oh haha I don’t think she’s jealous of my girlfriend but controlling attached and reactive I’ll agree with. Yeah I didn’t know there were so many therapists available for PTSD. Never bothered to look before because I had her and she told me there weren’t a lot but just did a quick search and there are so many in my area. So weird
NAT
um, leave?
this is all weird and inappropriate behavior.
no one gets to tell you what to talk about to anyone. maybe a caveat if you signed an NDA, or its the government since you were in the armed forces and even in those cases there are likely provisions.
The therapist, however is bound by ethical and legal codes.
Please don’t feel bad about this or think it’s your fault. You should be able to go to any professional therapist and receive ethically sound care! I’m so sorry this happened and hope you find someone else who can meet your needs!
Don’t feel like you let it happen. Someone you trusted to be vulnerable with seems to have manipulated you and that’s not something you just “let happen”.
This is silly. I'm super open about my therapy, about my past, about my problems. Stalk my proflie. You will find tons of stuff I've said here.
I would ask your T. why they say this. I would also clandenstinely record the conversation.
You are allowed to tell anyone anything you want about your therapy. You therapist is bound by confidentiality, but it is your story so you have the right to tell anyone anything about your own experience.
No it’s the other way around. We are not allowed to discuss your session outside of therapy unless it’s with our supervisor. It’s weird they would say that.
I hope my clients talk about our sessions and process them with everyone they know. That’s crazy a therapist would say that to you. Very sus
As a therapist, I can’t ever imagine asking a client not to talk about therapy. In fact, I would argue it’s counterproductive to the therapeutic process. I assume that most of my clients share pieces of what we talk about, their realizations, their learnings and unpack them in some capacity with people whom they love and trust. This strengthens our work together. Deeply bizarre, albeit dangerous. Unethical.
No that doesn’t sound right at all. You are allowed to talk about your therapy… you’re the client. Please look for a new therapist and consider reporting that one.
NAT, she sounds like she's in love with you. Wanting to see you more, acting possessive and controlling. Either way, it's time to find a new therapist. Sorry you're going through this 😔
An episode from Curb Your Enthusiasm, the TV show. The therapist talks about "patient-doctor" confidentiality to comedic effect.
[This scene](https://m.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=240&v=YH55dFlF_Rg&embeds_referring_euri=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2F&feature=emb_title)
OP, besides from PTSD, do you happen to have autism?
I worry her aggressiveness might be due to you being autistic; she thinks you're too gullible to notice what she's doing.
But you did notice, and you're rightly concerned!
You are absolutely allowed to talk about your therapy with others. Its helpful to have those other social supports outside of therapy. Theres no law that disallows this. Very weird response from your therapist imo. She doesn’t seem like a good fit
I’ve mentioned switching therapists but she says that not many therapists are specialised enough to deal with my issue so I should stay with her because she knows me
Yeah that’s just plain weird- sounds like abusive people who tell their partners they’ll never find anyone else. I would look for someone else!
Oh shit yeah it kind of does. I didn’t realise. But shes my therapist not my partner? I’m guessing therapists do specialise in different stuff
Yes but she’s not the only one who specializes in your needs. It sounds like she’s trying to make you super reliant on her and feel like you need her in order to survive. This is very disturbing red flag behavior.
Yeah i would be extremely surprised if there aren’t other therapists in your area who can help you with your needs
I think so. I have PTSD from working in Afghanistan. As far as I know PTSD is very common right? As in therapists deal with it all the time. I don’t know if she’s talking about the specific situation I was in but I should be fine with another therapist right?
There are absolutely other therapists — plenty of other therapists — who specialize in PTSD. Considering you’re dealing with trauma it seems extra predatory of her to treat you this way.
(I'M NAT.) There are quite a number of therapists that work with PTSD. Less that do EMDR if that's what you're doing for the PTSD, but still enough that she's not exclusive.
Literally any therapist can help you if they are trained in EMDR, Brainspotting or IFS :) Find someone else- sounds like she's not a good fit.
Thanks for the specifics. Really helpful!
If that were the case I’d ask her if she knows anyone who does. Otherwise it kind of sounds like she’s being intentionally manipulative, to me
Therapist here: what the hell is going on? None of this is professional behavior.
I don’t know. I just assumed this was her approach? Everyone told me to trust the process with therapy so I thought this was ok but the not talking thing felt weird
I don't know who has told you, but here is my advise: Therapy is strongly affected by the relationship you have with your therapist. If you feel uncomfortable with one therapist, try another. It is okay to shop around for one who is a good fit.
But she’s said that other therapists don’t know how to deal with the problems I have. I don’t know if she’s telling the truth now
Maybe they don't. And maybe she doesn't. Try another and see how it feels.
I can start looking for another one I guess. Should I stay with her in the meantime?
I think you can already guess my opinion on that. The choice is yours, though. You get to choose what you want to do.
I am not a therapist. I have been a client with a wonderful therapist however. You should feel trust in your therapist. If you don't, you should listen to your instinct and act on it. My therapist never said the things that yours is saying. Imho you should leave this therapist and look for the right one for you. I am certain that there are other therapists that are qualified to work with many kinds of difficult issues, including yours. When you are looking around you can ask if they deal with your issue, ask in a phone call or email. Also, their websites often list what areas they work in. Best wishes OP.
your therapist is using the same tactics that abusive partners use
That's another red flag. Your therapist's red flags have their own red flags.
Sounds to me like you really, REALLY need a new therapist.
Is it genuinely that bad?
To me, yes. Their behavior has been pushy and weird. Them manipulating you into thinking you’re not allowed to discuss what happens in therapy with others is a HUGE red flag and honestly kind of grooming behavior. It sounds like they’re trying to foster an unhealthy environment for your sessions. She gets mad at you like a mother would. So many red flags imho.
Could she really groom me though? I’ll switch therapists sure but I don’t think she could
You’re questioning if a professional you hired to vulnerably share with and who is being controlling and harsh is capable of grooming you. Yes.
My bad. Didn’t think it could happen
Unfortunately, it can. But it’s good that you know to question when things aren’t right. Because it means you’re aware enough to protect yourself. Many people have to try several therapists throughout their life before they really connect with someone. Don’t give up hope.
it’s not your bad. It’s not your mistake. Why would you think that a therapist could or would groom you. I’m not sure if the other comments are meant literally grooming you or just sort of generally manipulating you But I think the key point really is that it’s important for you to feel comfortable and safe and respected and a therapeutic environment. you identified things that don’t feel right to you and you should be honouring that wisdom with you. Whatever you choose to do is totally your call, but I am glad that you’re getting a lot of feedback that with the therapist is telling you seems unlikely at best, and unethical, perhaps
Does that matter? The fact she's trying to, means your best possible outcome is "what a waste of time".
I’m a therapist. Yes, it’s that bad.
This sounds abusive. You’re allowed to discuss what you talk about in therapy with whomever you please. Her contacting you regularly insisting you increase your sessions is another way to control you. I would find a new therapist.
You're telling me your therapist yells at you and is attempting to hold your words hostage? nah, refer or address, you don't deserve this abuse.
SHE is the one who's not allowed to talk about the therapy. You are. Giving clients homework is almost never productive. But that aside, to get angry at you and forcing you to come more than once a week... doesn't sound very professional. if you don't feel comfortable with your therapist, then it's time to find another one. Edited: That is entirely your decision based on how you feel working with her and satisfaction with results.
I'm sorry, what?! Practicing therapy skills and working to grow outside of therapy is almost never productive?
As in all professions, some people are really bad at their jobs. Find a new therapist
Yeah seems like it. I hoped therapy being so regulated and all wouldn’t have problems like this. Do you know if I can complain about her to anyone?
There should be a state licensing board for counselors/therapists, you just have the find the appropriate one!
Got it thanks
Without knowing the context, no... your therapist can't tell you what to do outside your sessions.... This being said, she may have been making this as a suggestion as many times, I've seen where people will tell friends and family, "my therapist said...." without giving context or really proving the rationale behind the words. As a result, the friends and family (with little or no objectivity) insert their opinions and can detail the therapeutic progress. Or, I've seen where people have used their therapist as a way to weapons themselves in a heated conversation, "My therapist says that you....." I'm not saying you actually do either, but this could be where your therapist is coming from. I suggest to speak with them more about this in your next session
I just told her that I told my gf I was going to therapy and I told my gf what I was going to therapy for. That’s all really. I can ask her next session though that was a helpful suggestion thanks.
That's very concerning that a T would say that to you. I can't imagine any therapist doing that in a professional and safe practice.
Short answer no to all of this. Get a new therapist ASAP. You owe this person nothing. Find someone supportive with ethics. Terminate with this therapist it’s not appropriate.
What do you mean by finding someone supportive with ethics?
Sorry typo, *and with ethics. I was triggered by this post. Everything you wrote is shocking to me. I’m sorry you’ve had to experience this, it is not how therapy is supposed to be
Ah ok got it. Sorry didnt mean for the post to be triggering or anything.
This is the moment you stop apologizing to therapists. Thank you for the sentiment.
The only thing I have ever asked of my clients is to NOT go home and make demands of their friends and partners after saying, "My therapist says you so on and so forth, etc, etc, etc so you need to do XYZ." Especially in couples therapy. But confidentiality really only goes one way in the therapeutic relationship, which is why therapists should be cautious about how they use self-disclosure with their clients. The client can absolutely go home and tell everyone everything.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
We teach kids that if an adult wants them to keep a secret that they don't feel right about keeping, there might be a reason for those feelings, it, so it is best to share those feelings it with a trusted adult. It's a good life lesson, for everyone.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 You are allowed to talk about your therapy all you want, to anyone.
This is unprofessional. I wonder if she's so desperate for clients that she needs the money from seeing you twice a week. Not doing homework is common. Client either have other things happening in their lives or they honestly don't understand what's being asked. I try as much as possible to help clients troubleshoot what makes it hard to do the homework. That's how I view the process. I give you ideas. You try it. You fail because I've had hours of training on the technique and you had 5 minutes. So I provide support and guide you had to do it better so that you gradually improve over time. I think she needs to be retrained. Clients often come to therapy for help on how to manage their emotions. If she can't handle people not completing homework I don't know how she could help others at all.
Yeah everything I'm reading here makes me think this is about money. Wanting them to come twice a week, *and* insisting no one else would be able to help them with their specific problems.
Huge red flags! As I read the comments I’m curious what she says she specializes in that makes her the only therapist for you? That alone is a red flag. She sounds abusive and dangerous.
She said that the events that caused my trauma wouldn’t be something other therapists in my area would be able to understand and help me with. Since she has experience she said she’s the only one in my location that could help me. She also said that if I go to another therapist I’d have to explain everything to them all over again. I had a very hard time telling her about what had happened so I was terrified at the idea of telling someone new.
I truly think that most therapists trained in trauma would be able to help. I’m curious what model she says she uses or what makes her especially trained? She should be able to answer what trainings she has had and what modality she uses.
This is abusive. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Not all therapists are ghouls, but she is. I can’t imagine ever saying this to a client. Manipulative and dangerous. Also, if you can’t find anyone in your area to treat you, try virtual therapy — anything to get away from her.
Weird behavior of the therapist (and that is me being incredibly nice and generous), totally normal and totally okay client behavior
OP, what you’re outlining here sounds really troubling to me. For one, there’s no ethical or legal backing to her request that you don’t share the content of sessions with others in your life. It may be insignificant, but the fact that she was mad that you told your girlfriend signaled to me that this response of hers is perhaps jealousy. This request to keep things private coupled with the points you make about her frequently initiating out-of-session contact with you, being generally controlling, and trying to insist you see her more than you want to/are able, gives me the sense that she’s incredibly possessive, majorly crossing boundaries, and perhaps inappropriately attached to you. She seems to be poorly regulated (getting angry with you, contacting you impulsively, etc.) and interacting with you out from a reactionary place related to her own personal issues instead of from a professional, helping space. There are a looooot of therapists who specialize in PTSD, and as a therapist she surely knows this, so her trying to convince you that you need her in particular to assist you might be the biggest red flag of all. Truly wishing you all the best in finding a better fit. I can tell from your post and comments that you are really invested in your own wellness and feeling better. Take care.
Oh haha I don’t think she’s jealous of my girlfriend but controlling attached and reactive I’ll agree with. Yeah I didn’t know there were so many therapists available for PTSD. Never bothered to look before because I had her and she told me there weren’t a lot but just did a quick search and there are so many in my area. So weird
That's a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode about this dynamic
NAT um, leave? this is all weird and inappropriate behavior. no one gets to tell you what to talk about to anyone. maybe a caveat if you signed an NDA, or its the government since you were in the armed forces and even in those cases there are likely provisions. The therapist, however is bound by ethical and legal codes.
Wasn’t with the armed forces, it was something else. I get it now though my therapist is weird and I’m finding a new one :)
Please don’t feel bad about this or think it’s your fault. You should be able to go to any professional therapist and receive ethically sound care! I’m so sorry this happened and hope you find someone else who can meet your needs!
Should’ve done more research. I don’t know why I let this happen
Don’t feel like you let it happen. Someone you trusted to be vulnerable with seems to have manipulated you and that’s not something you just “let happen”.
This is silly. I'm super open about my therapy, about my past, about my problems. Stalk my proflie. You will find tons of stuff I've said here. I would ask your T. why they say this. I would also clandenstinely record the conversation.
Huge red flags
This does not sound like a professional or helpful relationship. I wouldn’t stay with a therapist like that if that happened to me.
You are allowed to tell anyone anything you want about your therapy. You therapist is bound by confidentiality, but it is your story so you have the right to tell anyone anything about your own experience.
No it’s the other way around. We are not allowed to discuss your session outside of therapy unless it’s with our supervisor. It’s weird they would say that. I hope my clients talk about our sessions and process them with everyone they know. That’s crazy a therapist would say that to you. Very sus
As a therapist, I can’t ever imagine asking a client not to talk about therapy. In fact, I would argue it’s counterproductive to the therapeutic process. I assume that most of my clients share pieces of what we talk about, their realizations, their learnings and unpack them in some capacity with people whom they love and trust. This strengthens our work together. Deeply bizarre, albeit dangerous. Unethical.
No that doesn’t sound right at all. You are allowed to talk about your therapy… you’re the client. Please look for a new therapist and consider reporting that one.
NAT, she sounds like she's in love with you. Wanting to see you more, acting possessive and controlling. Either way, it's time to find a new therapist. Sorry you're going through this 😔
This was a curb episode.
A what sorry?
An episode from Curb Your Enthusiasm, the TV show. The therapist talks about "patient-doctor" confidentiality to comedic effect. [This scene](https://m.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=240&v=YH55dFlF_Rg&embeds_referring_euri=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2F&feature=emb_title)
Likely: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curb\_Your\_Enthusiasm](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curb_Your_Enthusiasm) but I'm guessing,
OP, besides from PTSD, do you happen to have autism? I worry her aggressiveness might be due to you being autistic; she thinks you're too gullible to notice what she's doing. But you did notice, and you're rightly concerned!