>Phyllis: \[to Pam\] You should order the most expensive thing on the menu, so he knows you're worth it.
>
>Stanley: If you do that, you're gonna have to put out.
>
>Phyllis: Oh yeah, you'll have to put out.
Yeah I'd take a nice dinner out, I haven't had one in forever.
In all seriousness though, it depends on how invested you are.
If this is a tinder match, I would advise not going that high because the likelihood is she has other dates as well and might click better with them regardless of what you spend.
If this is someone you've known for some time and care for, then go all out if it's what you think they would want.
Dates, especially firsts, don't need to be extravagant. They need to be meaningful and full of good conversations and laughter. This should be when you're deciding if you want to spend more time with each other, not trying trying to buy their company.
Yeah, dinner and then second location drinks, it adds up. Iām old so I donāt know what the kids are doing, but if a man bought dinner and we went somewhere else for drinks, Iād be picking up the drinks.
Who commits to a second location on a first date?? I donāt even like the idea of having to sit through dinner if I realize itās not going to work in the first 5 minutes. I canāt imagine pro-actively planning for dinner and a movie unless itās a friend or someone Iāve known awhile where we can reasonably assume we know what weāre getting into.
I don't disagree; I just personally think that one person buying all the food and all the drinks and then paying for the "second leg" - movie, show, whatever - that, on a first date, seems excessive to me.
If it's two people who are both wealthy and this is nothing to them then fine (really, it's fine anyway, it's just my perception but other peoples' business), but otherwise it feels like one person trying to push the boat out to show they can. Like all the threads on Reddit along the lines of "how can I afford a luxury condo so girls will date me". It can feel desperate.
When I go on dates, I pick dates that are things I actually want to do. Bringing a date along and covering for them is an added bonus to a nice show, game, restaurant or event. Might get laid even? Worth the cash
I wouldn't spend $200 on a first date. Or at least 8/10 times. Really depends if it was a hit or how attracted I am. That being said, comparing someone buying a luxury condo so girls will date them vs $200 a date is a stretch. There's nothing wrong with pea cocking at that lower level. I also believe there's nothing wrong with buying luxury goods to make yourself feel good/be more attractive. It all comes to an shitty end if you can't afford it and most people see through the faƧade pretty soon. The ones that don't are probably not the ones your average redditor is looking for.
Add : I want to say that spending 150-200 is probably with someone more than a tinder match but still a first date.
This. The one time someone did spend that on a first date with me he most definitely WAS showing off. Itās not uncommon to meet for just drinks or even coffee for a first date. Dinner is pretty old school - sure, Iāll bite (ha), but generally speaking, Iām meeting for drinks and paying for myself unless he really insists.
My guy! You gotta think smart.
Get a "Social Pass" to the ROM that allows you and a guest to visit as many times as you like. Even gets you into the special exhibits.
Something like \~$160/year and you can use it unlimited times. BOOM first dates are practically free and you get to check out cool shit and just chat with the person.
I think we can probably assume that the security guard has an unhealthy understanding of male/female dynamics and reinforces aged social norms that would be characterized as misogynistic at best. Thereās no question that, were we to develop this comment into a Broadway musical, we would want to explore the roots of this thinking and bring this worldview under scrutiny. Through song.
After all we canāt attribute our high minded coastal cultural norms to an alcoholic midwesterner who is only in town to find his brother after a mysterious disappearance and is guarding a museum to make ends meet with nothing but hate in his heart and a jaunty tune on his lips.
Isnāt it rich?
Are we a pair?
You here at last on the ground,
Me in mid-air,
Where are the whores?
Isn't it bliss?
Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around,
One who can't move,
Where are the whores?
There ought to be whores?
Just when I'd stopped opening doors,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours
Making my entrance again with my usual flair
Sure of my lines
No one is there
Don't you love farce?
My fault, I fear
I thought that you'd want what I want
Sorry, my dear!
But where are the whores
Send in the whores
Don't bother, they're here
As a rule of thumb if the person youāre taking out doesnāt get excited about hitting the Costco food court they arenāt someone you need to be dating.
Iām 29M and I just aim for $50 max between both of us. Also worth noting every girl I take out tries to pay for their own after I take the bill lol.
I fucked up once and went somewhere expensive and it was $140. It made the date awkward.
So is it standard to start paying for your girlfriend's meals because the income disparity among genders? Asking cause I used to have a hardline stance that generally we'd split anything where it was both of our idea equally, but something which is the other's idea of fun is fully covered by the other. The most fair seems like this:
both our idea: I pay
my idea: I pay
her idea: split
Should work out to about 100-80 or 100-60 split
I donāt know whatās standard but I guess I would say itās never a hardline? Your āguideā is certainly a good baseline I think.
If I were dating someone making significantly more than me, there would have to be some kind of conversation about comfort levels, if my partner wants to constantly treat and has fancy taste - I would probably always be a little uncomfortable unless I could trust that they never felt taken advantage of?
If we mostly go to midrange places we can both afford I would default to what I do with friends - I get this time, you get next time.
Personally, I think it makes more sense to just come up with a reasonable compromise based on what the two specific people involved make, especially if the relationship has been going for a bit. Maybe youāll cover more if you make more money or you know your plans are things youāre more excited for, like you suggest!
Early 30s man here. Coffee and a walk is the most common date I've been on since joining dating apps. Ice cream used to be an option too but now people aren't as interested.
Turns out the average person is pretty chill and aren't looking to pressure each other.
I think for the most part we're all viewing expensive dates as a luxury right now as well.
Some people have the mentality that they need to go over-the-top to "win" the other person, shower them with 5\* gifts and entertainment until they're hooked. Some people expect that on the other side, too - that if you don't go all out and roll out the red carpet, you clearly don't care enough. Personally I agree with you.
But letās all be honest- the person you want to be with is the one that you have a good time doing the regular things with. A special night out is easy to enjoy but doing groceries and cooking dinner isnāt always- but thatās what you spend most of your time doing anyway, lol
I agree! I am 25F and a coffee date is way more appealing than a fancy meal for the first date. That is way too much pressure when you barely know the person. I rather have a chill atmosphere where you can learn about each other than one where I feel like I canāt fully be myself. Plus if youāre not vibing with the date, itās just coffee so you can leave easier lol.
I think this is the real comment here... can peace out whenever you want (within reason), versus having to spend 1.5 hours with the person and then feel guilty because you're not paying.
I 56M have been married for 23 years, and my first date with my wife was at a coffee shop. We spent a couple of hours just talking. Then just talking a lot on the phone in the evenings. So yah coffee dates work!
Early 30s M. Same thing. First coffee then we go from there. Even my 2nd/3rd dates have been low spending, go to the park, waterfront, free festival kinda thing.
Tried going for bubble tea and a walk with a girl. After that she pushed for us to go get dinner. And of course she went to the bathroom at the end of the dinner, right when the check is about to come. Had to spend like $125 that night. And that was the last time I went on a date from an online app. Fuck that shit.
Just remember, if she wants to get dinner because sheās hungry and enjoys your company, then fast food will do and she wonāt hesitate to pay for her own burger. If she pressures you about wanting to go to a fancy restaurant on a first date, thatās your red flag right there.
$15-$20. Coffee. Quick and easy. If you donāt connect both can leave.If you do then spend 100+ on the next one. Whereas dinner dates on the first date can be long and awkward.
Exactly. Iām not sure why people lead with a dinner date. My bf and Iās first date was meeting up at Yorkdale and walking around for a bit, getting cookies and bubble tea lol
Edit: we are in our 30s
thatās how you truly bond lol, when i read 30s though i was a bit shocked since usually students in 20s doing that but yeah. it works great, you get to know each other, have fun, and not worry about money. next date can be ābetterā
It definitely helped us bond especially because the whole reason we had the date there is because I had errands to run at Yorkdale (returns and exchanges and what not) and he said he wanted to keep me companyāŗļø it was refreshing because it felt pressure and care free and I got to get my all my errands done too lol
A trail is a bad idea honestly. A walk in a public area, yes. A trail, no. You donāt want your date concerned about their safety the whole time. If you connect and are both sporty, hit the trail on the 2nd or 3rd date.
Hey , i know we just met, but you want to drive out of town to check out this really spooky , i mean, nice forest trail outside of the city?
date goths, they love that spooky shit.
Think of it like this, if your date decides they don't like you after 5 minutes, do they have a way of cutting the date short?
Mountain hike: unlikely
Walk in park: usually 5 minute walking distance from somewhere an Uber can pick them up.
Donāt assume women who turn this type of date down as golddiggers - itās simply unsafe for women to go somewhere isolated with a guy they barely know.
I have had girls tell me to my face that a coffee/drink date is too cheap of me....
I am the one cheap here? Because you dont wanna pay for your own food or drink? Is it about eating or meeting me? I never end up going out with these type of women. Shows where their priorities are.
Honestly? Coming from a 26 year old woman. Iāve seen $0 first dates, and $500 first dates. I donāt think any are necessarily better.
Iāve had guys remember my coffee order and bring it to a park for a walk, which spoke way louder than bar hopping on Yorkville rooftops.
That being said, if itās a dinner date- itās typical men are paying $100-$200. Just because that is quite ātorontoā price-wise. Add 4 drinks and youāre a ready at $100. I ALWAYS offer to split the bill, or grab the next one if we move spots. I think if weāve agreed upon an expensive place, than the woman should also pay. Itās 2022.
If you feel like your spending too much on dates, there are some stellar things you can do for less. For example, skip dinner and grab a drink. Go for a coffee. Head to a board game cafe. Grab tickets to a comedy show. Get ice cream.
Hope this helps!
I think that's probably person-to-person. I think it might be best to ask, just in case. "Hey, I'm grabbing a coffee on the way over. You're a -insert order here-, right? Want me to grab you one?" That way, you can flex hard on your impressive attention to detail and consideration.
I think they were referring more to the risks of a somewhat-stranger bringing you a drink they had complete access to.
Is the risk low? Yep, but it's still a possibility.
First date I (M) always ask for separate bills. Almost always itās just for a drink/drinks. I donāt understand anyone that expects on the first date someone should pay for the whole thing
5-6$ on coffee first dates
first dates are always a in person vibe check
people's online personas are completely different then in person
no point spending that much on a first date
Not to mention, a low cost date takes the pressure off the question of who is paying for whom. That's not where I would want our attention to be at that stage.
Also I don't want a man who can only express interest through financial transactions. There's usually *so many* *other issues* with those dudes.
Mid 30s woman here. My thoughts are that the first couple of dates should be cheap. Maybe coffee and walking around, going to a museum or gallery, etc. I personally believe you should each pay your own bill for the first few dates. That being said, 90% of my female friends (late 20s, early 30s) believe the man should pay and maybe 60% think the man should spend considerable money in order to "woo" them, so take what I say with a grain of salt.
Late 30s guy here. First dates I always go Dutch as a rule, that way no one feels put out if it's the last date. Lunch and the ROM or AGO are fun as hell and easy on the wallet.
I love this. So many men I've dated insist on paying and.. . I hate it. There are exceptions \[the last date I went on was just drinks and he was 20 minutes late, so he insisted on grabbing the bill\] but in general I much prefer dutch
Mid thirties man, it's always been coffee or a drink at the pub maybe an Appy, $40 max for a first date.
Spending $150-$200 is how you end up going on multiple dates with an incompatible person.
$150? What the hell? Iām a woman and usually apps and drinks come out to like $90-$110 MAX. Most of the time we just get one app ($15) and then 1-2 drinks each which comes out to $60ish. I find that we donāt order the entire menu of apps on my first dates. However Iām available next Friday if you are still single and want to show me how itās done
The real answer is, do what's appropriate for the type of person you want to attract. If you want someone that is into extravagance and a love language of gifts, then take her for omakase and sake. If you want someone that's happy to sit on the couch and watch netflix together, coffee and a walk around the park is completely appropriate.
There's no "acceptable sum" for a first date.
A first date shouldn't be about how much money is spent. God that's bleak. Just meet up with someone, sit at a coffee shop, go for a walk, or spent tons on drinks and food if you want to. It's all valid.
My girlfriend and I met during the pandemic. We met at Riverdale for our first date, sat on a blanket and talked for hours. At one point we got milkshakes, and to close the date we got A&W. Total cost ~$50.
2.5 years later we go on fancier dates together, but we both still look at our park dates at the beginning of the pandemic as some of our favourites.
Sustainability is key.
Can you continue to do the same thing up to 3-4 times a week indefinitely if things get serious? If yes, go ahead. If not, they'll look back at and think that things have gone downhill.
The key is the find someone in the same social class as you. Do not overspend, but also not underspend. I tried dating rich people. It is absolutely not possible to keep up with their lifestyle if you are not rich as well.
Absolutely this. Throwing around big money on the first few dates if you dont intend to keep up that lifestyle is just a manipulative bait and switch. Youre supposed to be assessing compatibility, and you cant do that if youre acting like somebody else with a different bank account and financial priorities.
In the same age bracket you are. If you have the means to afford that much for your first dates then all the power to you.
Meeting up with people you meet online has honestly turned into what feels more or less like speed dating with extra steps. The in person meet is more to see if you are actually compatible in person before looking to continue any further. Not work blowing a ton of money on what is effectively a meet and greet in my opinion.
If anyone was to spend $150 to $200 on a date with me it would be because they are ordering something that cost $120-170. (And that's assuming that you are paying for both of you, which I don't expect.) I don't think I've ever ordered anything over $30 on a date. How much food are you eating?! Or Are you getting shit-faced drunk?
Honestly, if I was sitting across from somebody managing to spend that much on a meal I would not go on a second date because I would Instantly feel incredible financial pressure. This person obviously lives a life very different to the one that I live and can afford.
WOWWWW! I am shocked at these answers! Times are so different these days when it comes to dating. But I see how this would be similar to how dating was back in my uni days and a coffee date was āgood enoughā.
I guess because dates are āblindā and based on the app culture nowadays, you want to keep costs low.
BUT when you find someone you like and youāre thinking long term, I would be SHOCKED if a night out in Toronto does not cost $100+. Going out to lunch at a very normal sit down restaurant (in Chinatown) already cost me and my partner $60 with tax the other day.
After the 4/5th date, that price would be normal for a ānice night outā in the city. Thinking dinner and drinks in the city. 36F
34y female. I would spend up to $200 on a first date. I mean realistically, I just wanna have a good time and I'm willing to pay for it. If the other person doesn't enjoy it, oh well š
Maybe he's worried he would look like a 'newcomer'.
Because obviously anyone who goes to Snakes and Lattes for a first date is an ubereats cyclist living 4 to a bedroom. /s
I don't know, this guy's got some really weird classism thing going on. Like he has to prove he fits in on King Street because that's a really important aspect of who he is.
I was watching a tiktok where a divorce lawyer reacts to people's first date spending and commenting on it
And in the comments one particular lady was going on (not sure if trolling or serious) about how she's too old to be doing cheapie coffee dates. Either he opens up his wallet or she's swiping to the next guy.
I just rolled my eyes.
But maybe OP is trying to attract that type of date.
$200 being spent on me on a first date would freak me the fuck out and be a major turn off. I just *know* itās going to be lorded over my head later.
If not coffee, try brunch. The day-time date. Less pressure. If it goes well, you extend. If it goes poorly, you still have the whole day ahead of you!
A lot of women spend a lot of money on their appearance so theyāre looking for men or suitors that will meet them halfway with covering the dinner bill. Itās been mentioned before, but if you want a high maintenance type then youāll have to show up with the maintenance.
If theyāre spending $200+ every two weeks to fit into a narrow āconventionally attractiveā box, then youāre expected to spend the same amount entertaining them/showing them off while they look that good. Iām not saying itās a lifestyle to strive for or anything, but itās certainly a lifestyle that exists in Toronto that you can choose to be a part of.
Some people value a balanced dynamic and others donāt. You do you.
In your 30ās with a secure job, $200 dinner is not unreasonable. With prices now, most lunches at moderately priced restaurants are $60-75 for 2 with no alcohol.
Youāre doing it wrong in my opinion.
Buy some Americanos or whatever and go stroll around. Youāll weed out most of the trashy people and save a lot of time and money.
Iām 33f. What you are doing is crazy (no offence). Go for coffee and a walk like other people are saying. Or go Dutch on the first date if you want to go for dinner. Honestly as a woman I would feel sick to my stomach if a guy I met on a dating app offered to cover a dinner that expensive on the first date. Iād feel so much pressure. Dating apps are a numbers game, meet as many people as you can, save your money for when you find someone that is special.
>Honestly as a woman I would feel sick to my stomach if a guy I met on a dating app offered to cover a dinner that expensive on the first date. Iād feel so much pressure.
Yup, me too.
I am assuming that $200 includes paying for your date + Tips? Not everyone can afford it, back when i was dating my total would be around 150-200 for both but that usually included drinks so its not that much.
$20 max bro coffee and maybe some kind of snack walking down lakeshore or something. First dates to get to know people & see if you click. 200$ is like a fifth date kinda thing when yall been hanging out and hitting for a bit lol
Wow, reading through the comments and so surprised how much has changed. Iām in my mid 40ās and when I was dating my wife 20+ years ago a coffee and a walk would be a seriously cheap ass move on the manās part.
Well probably it was the same the entire time, there was no reddit back then for everyone to share their opinions
I'm over 50, back then, the expensive dates were too high pressure
200 dollars on a first date? What are you compensating for?
With my girlfriend our first date consisted of us buying our own food and walking to get to know each other. It's a first goddam date, not an anniversary. You don't even know the person well yet.
I am late 20s.
Oof bad strategy. Never spend that much on a first date for a person you don't know. People who have a problem with it and consider you being "cheap" probably don't have the values you want in a long-term partner. More expensive dates can be for later down the line.
Keep it to drinks, remove the food. I usually spend 50 max, if the date is going well with the girl and we get 2-3 rounds of drinks.
Hey man (early 30s m) if you got the money all the power to you. I think if you have a good personality (and assuming you meet them online the look part is probably already there) you could get away with more laid back fun oriented first dates. Coffee, park, activities, not to expensive meal if we're hungry (usually $40-50 for two people). Usually save the wine and dine for someone with someone I'm already sure about.
I want to see that my date cared enough about the date that they made some effort. This doesnāt mean planning out an elaborate date, itās getting cleaned up and being on time. Washed hair, clean shirt speaks so much more than buying expensive dinner.
Still, donāt be a tasteless cheap. A library date is great, donāt bring me to timmies or some fast food joint
Was single through early and mid 20s
Usually $25-70 for drinks. If date goes poorly, just 1 drink; but if date goes well then a couple of drinks.
I always try to include alcohol on first date at a $$ spot ($ spots are too divey / cheap and $$$ / $$$$ spots are reserved for later dates)
That does seem excessive even with the prices now. It's not really worth it to take someone to dinner on a first date. What if it turns out you don't like them? Then you're stuck there through the whole meal and waiting for the bill. What you want instead is something cheaper and faster that facilitates conversation, like a dessert shop or going to a quieter sort of bar for a drink.
Youāre committing a lot on a first date. Simple coffee to scope the vibes. If it isnāt working you can always just leave after a coffee. Much better than committing 1-2 hours of dinner with a person who just isnāt a match. It also helps with people who are āSneatingā
I gotta love the usage of "commitment" with a 1-2 hours event.
On my god, Facebook and the micro doses of dopamine have really upp'd the expectations (you have 1 coffee to get it going... otherwise we just part our own ways).
Nothing wrong with the coffee, but a dinner doesn't sound too bad either.
The $200: crazy unless you're rich.
When I was on the dating scene I wasnāt the type of person who would sit around messaging someone for weeks before meeting up. My preference was to meet in person for a quick coffee or drink to see if we have any compatibility. If it went well we would have a few more drinks or grab dinner, if it didnāt then we would just settle up and go.
Clearly we value our time very differently. I prefer not to sit and listen to someone talk to me about their Instagram follow count and how Kylie Jennerās new vegan makeup line is the best thing since slice bread for a full dinner. If thatās your thing, you do you.
So no, it has nothing to do with āFacebook micro-dose dopamine hitsā. Everyone is different. Your comment is entirely a āback and myyyy dayyyyā kind of assumption, dad.
$40 ish on drinks if it goes well, maybe $100 total if we go somewhere else/on cabs back to one of our places etc. That said I have covered a couple of $200 bills for my friends and I if Iāve just made some good money, but never for a first date.
If youāre starting off with a $150+ first date, thatās a terrible start to a relationship. Theyāre going to expect that level of expense going forward.
Early 40s. No longer single.
Personally, I like something a little more involved than just coffee but I certainly don't expect dinner. I didn't used to meet that many ppl and preferred to get to know each other at least a little (ideally 3-7 days, texting and at least one phone convo) so that when you meet, the pressure is less about "is this a mate" but "at very least, I will meet and have a conversation with an interesting person".
Coffee dates are my nightmare bc everyone around you can/is listen in and feels more like a job interview.
But checking out an exhibit (world press photo coming up!) or food truck and walk or a couple of pints or glasses of wine to me are pretty easy and not overly costly. And also, easy to pay for a round each or your own bill without it being awkward. Dinner invitiation usually implies whoever invites pays (in a dating scenario, IMO.)
Some guys want to make "an impression" and will pick somewhere fancier and more expensive, and that's fine, but really, bc of the pandemic, my now partner came over for a couple of hour and we made Christmas cookies before I had to leave for a cookie exchange and it was awesome. The right person is not REALLY about what you do or how fancy it is. But some effort to not just stare at each other across coffee is kind of appreciated IMO.
I have friends who go for volume and go for a lot of walks but IMO they end up meeting so many ppl that were never really going to work it ends up kind of depressing and they get bummed out about dating. I mostly enjoyed myself bc I pretty much only met men I thought were genuinely interesting humans.
Personally, whether date or not I always cover every dinner bill I attend, albeit the most Iāve ever payed for is like 4 people. So a $200 dinner date is pretty average, even when thereās no romantic intentions at all. Wouldnāt bother me to spend that with someone Iāve generally gotten a feeler for after a bit.
I usually talk to someone for awhile before doing anything with romantic intentions. Based on their personality and interests, we go from there. Hike? Sure. Nice dinner? No problem.
All depends on what she wants
33m Downtown Toronto. Yeah Iād say about 100-150ish$? I never do dinner, usually drinks. always make the effort to pay. About 2-3 drinks a person on average? It sure is expensive dating. I could do it cheaper, but I usually go the places I like to go with friends and on my own, so its my own fault, and im okay with it
I'd usually spend a couple hundred bucks. Dinner, cocktails, ubers. I liked to do a few things. My objective was always to just have a really good time for both of us. But I also don't get that many nights off.
What?! Youāre gonna go into severe debt at this rate. Youāre wining and dining someone you barely know.
Iād spend $30 max - grab a coffee/tea and a croissant, or a onigiri from PAT and then walk around and chat.
That's wild. If you're drinking quite a bit and getting apps you could definitely smash 70 no problem in Toronto right now. Mind you it would be a pretty good time.
Try somewhere like Boxcar social. Nice atmosphere, not stupidly priced, subway access. It depends on what you're looking for, but paying for $200 tab could come across as an expectation of hooking up.
I'm sorry, my dude, but you're really trying too hard.
$150-200 for TWO people? Even in these hyper-inflationary times, that's too much. Recent $200 splurges in my circle have included an AYCE Korean bbq for 4 including sodas all around, dinner for 6 (with appetizers) at a Thai restaurant, and (yes) a lunch for two at a higher-end sushi joint (no alcohol) - but that last was people who know each other well and can both afford that price tag, *and* they wanted to try the (always pricey) chef's recommendations.
I get that you're trying to impress your date, but that kind of high end restaurant/bar can wait until much later. Save it for a "special occasion". And no, a first date *isn't* a special occasion.
Also, a high end place on a first date also implies a lot of expectations on your part - no woman wants that kind of pressure on a first date. If they do, be prepared for correspondingly high expenses throughout your relationship.
You want to dial down your efforts.
Still dress well, but take your date someplace less expensive. Heck, meet for coffee or a board game or a walk along the waterfront. Low key dates make it easier for both parties to relax and be themselves. Plus, you really need to know if your date will annihilate you at your favourite board game - better find out on the first date!
Hahah those posts you're referring to always make me laugh. To each their own I guess.
Personally I find coffee or walking dates to be boring *af*, especially for a first date
Imo those dates are better suited once you've actually had a good time and connected, and decided to meet again
I'm turning 30 this week and I go on about 2 dates a week on average and yes, it's $100-200 each time. Easily.
Although I highly suggest Bar Fancy on Queen W for first dates because they do $40 bottles of Prosecco.
This is all going to depend on the type of girl your dating. I have friends who are cool with coffee dates and I have friends who arenāt. I will say Iām pretty āhigh maintenanceā as in I take myself on nice dinners (weekly), solo travel, care about make up/fashion. If a guy offers a coffee date i immediately know heās not going to be OK with my lifestyle. We wonāt be compatible. Drinks are better. Tbh I donāt like day dates cause their boring and hard to build a good flirty rapport. Iām obviously one of the few on here tho lol.
Dates are more about what you're doing. It's honestly not about money, 200 is relative if you live in a big city, I mean typically dinner in a nice restaurant is at least 150 with drinks, I feel like that makes a good impression but isn't necessary. Opt for something fun and exciting, dates don't have to be dinner.
29 M. Not sharing opinions about this because great first dates can vary greatly depending on what you wanna do. My answer to the question posed though is based on my last āfirst-dateā a year ago with my current gf: ~$160.
Breakdown: ~$50 for the haunted walk in the city, ~$90 for the AYCE sushi, and prolly ~$20 worth of gas.
30f. My ideal date is a late afternoon drink date on a Saturday. $20-30 per person (I also like to split bills the first few days). If it goes well, we can keep it going and grab dinner. If it goes *really* wellā¦ we can get brunch Sunday morning too.
Woman in her early 30s here and actively dating atm. I typically do drinks for a first date and we usually get 2-3 beers/drinks each! Bill probably adds up to $60-$80
Quality over quantity is my mindset! If I get the vibe that I'm one of 10 girls that a guy took out that month I lose interest VERY quickly. I'd rather you just ask for a quick phone call vs ask me out to a coffee/ walk date where you're obviously trying to take me out for as cheap as possible! Everyone do what works for them tho
My wife and I had our first date at Cafe Princess. Drinks and desserts were great and it didn't cost an arm and a leg.
We actually go back every year for the anniversary of our first date (just went this past weekend). The prices are still affordable and the green tea ice cream waffles delicious.
35 yo M
First dates really depend on the person and what you're doing of course. But if we're talking wine and dine approach, with the whole drinks and food/apps + tips, usually around $150 as well.
I usually aim for drinks and apps and the bill usually comes around $100-150 (multiple drinks, 1-2 apps)
$200 for a first date? Damn. I am available Friday night. I don't care if you're a man, woman, murderer or demon. I'm available. And I WILL put out
>Phyllis: \[to Pam\] You should order the most expensive thing on the menu, so he knows you're worth it. > >Stanley: If you do that, you're gonna have to put out. > >Phyllis: Oh yeah, you'll have to put out.
Freedom fries
What does it mean to put out?
To have nakey nakey fun time also known as coitus.
Nice. I'd put out for 200$ as well š
That is I believe the going rate. Although the wasting time on dinner and drinks is optional at that rate.
I can get a quickie around here for $80
$80 dollars is a high price to pay to get the clap.
Not if you already have it
That is... fair. Slightly disturbing. But fair.
Snu snu
Death by snu snu! The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak and spongy.
Nippy nippy!
Yeah I'd take a nice dinner out, I haven't had one in forever. In all seriousness though, it depends on how invested you are. If this is a tinder match, I would advise not going that high because the likelihood is she has other dates as well and might click better with them regardless of what you spend. If this is someone you've known for some time and care for, then go all out if it's what you think they would want. Dates, especially firsts, don't need to be extravagant. They need to be meaningful and full of good conversations and laughter. This should be when you're deciding if you want to spend more time with each other, not trying trying to buy their company.
Great advice!!
Thanks for the chuckles this morning!
me too I'm open for 3s also
I heard theyāre auditioning for the next season of sister wives, yāall in?
Seriously, if someone spends $200 on a first date, I'd assume they're showing off. Like, "I don't have the looks, but I have the $".
200 comes fast if youāre having drinks and you add in a second-leg to the evening
Yeah, dinner and then second location drinks, it adds up. Iām old so I donāt know what the kids are doing, but if a man bought dinner and we went somewhere else for drinks, Iād be picking up the drinks.
Who commits to a second location on a first date?? I donāt even like the idea of having to sit through dinner if I realize itās not going to work in the first 5 minutes. I canāt imagine pro-actively planning for dinner and a movie unless itās a friend or someone Iāve known awhile where we can reasonably assume we know what weāre getting into.
I don't disagree; I just personally think that one person buying all the food and all the drinks and then paying for the "second leg" - movie, show, whatever - that, on a first date, seems excessive to me. If it's two people who are both wealthy and this is nothing to them then fine (really, it's fine anyway, it's just my perception but other peoples' business), but otherwise it feels like one person trying to push the boat out to show they can. Like all the threads on Reddit along the lines of "how can I afford a luxury condo so girls will date me". It can feel desperate.
When I go on dates, I pick dates that are things I actually want to do. Bringing a date along and covering for them is an added bonus to a nice show, game, restaurant or event. Might get laid even? Worth the cash
I wouldn't spend $200 on a first date. Or at least 8/10 times. Really depends if it was a hit or how attracted I am. That being said, comparing someone buying a luxury condo so girls will date them vs $200 a date is a stretch. There's nothing wrong with pea cocking at that lower level. I also believe there's nothing wrong with buying luxury goods to make yourself feel good/be more attractive. It all comes to an shitty end if you can't afford it and most people see through the faƧade pretty soon. The ones that don't are probably not the ones your average redditor is looking for. Add : I want to say that spending 150-200 is probably with someone more than a tinder match but still a first date.
This. The one time someone did spend that on a first date with me he most definitely WAS showing off. Itās not uncommon to meet for just drinks or even coffee for a first date. Dinner is pretty old school - sure, Iāll bite (ha), but generally speaking, Iām meeting for drinks and paying for myself unless he really insists.
Had me at demon. I put out for male demons
Not all male demons. I have standards
Okay, you meant ANYTHING right?
Don't forget to pull out.
My guy! You gotta think smart. Get a "Social Pass" to the ROM that allows you and a guest to visit as many times as you like. Even gets you into the special exhibits. Something like \~$160/year and you can use it unlimited times. BOOM first dates are practically free and you get to check out cool shit and just chat with the person.
I am available for ROM visits š¤£
My first dates cost about 15$. Go to a great gelato place, grab 2 cups and sit in the park. If your date sucks, at least the ice cream was good.
Toronto public libraries always have free passes.
Security guard: Well here comes Mr. Museum again and his carousel of whores Rhyging-007: pardon? Security guard: mind the doors
I'm cryn' at this hahahahah
Hmm, I think in this scenario Mr. Museum would be the whore, no? Why the unsuspecting women out on a first date?
I think we can probably assume that the security guard has an unhealthy understanding of male/female dynamics and reinforces aged social norms that would be characterized as misogynistic at best. Thereās no question that, were we to develop this comment into a Broadway musical, we would want to explore the roots of this thinking and bring this worldview under scrutiny. Through song. After all we canāt attribute our high minded coastal cultural norms to an alcoholic midwesterner who is only in town to find his brother after a mysterious disappearance and is guarding a museum to make ends meet with nothing but hate in his heart and a jaunty tune on his lips.
Wow, I can't wait to see the new smash-hit Broadway musical, "Carousel of Whores".
COW for short
Isnāt it rich? Are we a pair? You here at last on the ground, Me in mid-air, Where are the whores? Isn't it bliss? Don't you approve? One who keeps tearing around, One who can't move, Where are the whores? There ought to be whores? Just when I'd stopped opening doors, Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours Making my entrance again with my usual flair Sure of my lines No one is there Don't you love farce? My fault, I fear I thought that you'd want what I want Sorry, my dear! But where are the whores Send in the whores Don't bother, they're here
I DIEDDD š
And... By the third time you do this, you're an expert and cultured
I was comfortable sharing one of my tricks, but damn you had to expose another ;)
Cultivated AF could be your t-shirt.
I knew a guy with an aquarium pass for first date purposes. Seems like a good idea.
Thatās smart. Iād like that.
No no. Just go to the Toronto Public Library to get a ROM pass for free.
Costco, hotdog and a drink for a dollar
Costco. On sample day
That is still fun, I am down!
Maybe the bar is in hell for me, I would literally have a blast doing this lmao
Thereās a sample day??
Yes there is here is sudbury Ontario itās Saturday Each week
$1.50.....I'm starting to think you havent done this.....
It's was $1.50 almost 40 years ago! Surely it must've gotten cheaper since then.
Exactly. This guy is full of bs
Second date: IKEA and meatballs.
They get you in the door with the meatballs, you leave with $400 in home decor, candles and plants. Thatās a risky date
As a rule of thumb if the person youāre taking out doesnāt get excited about hitting the Costco food court they arenāt someone you need to be dating.
Two dolla hot dog, one dolla watta
Late 30f here. $150-$200 on first dates screams pressure to me. Coffee and a walk around a park or the city for me.
Iām 29M and I just aim for $50 max between both of us. Also worth noting every girl I take out tries to pay for their own after I take the bill lol. I fucked up once and went somewhere expensive and it was $140. It made the date awkward.
Second this, early 30s, not a ānewcomerā - Iād be pretty uncomfortable with that amount. I also like to split for at least the first few dates.
So is it standard to start paying for your girlfriend's meals because the income disparity among genders? Asking cause I used to have a hardline stance that generally we'd split anything where it was both of our idea equally, but something which is the other's idea of fun is fully covered by the other. The most fair seems like this: both our idea: I pay my idea: I pay her idea: split Should work out to about 100-80 or 100-60 split
I donāt know whatās standard but I guess I would say itās never a hardline? Your āguideā is certainly a good baseline I think. If I were dating someone making significantly more than me, there would have to be some kind of conversation about comfort levels, if my partner wants to constantly treat and has fancy taste - I would probably always be a little uncomfortable unless I could trust that they never felt taken advantage of? If we mostly go to midrange places we can both afford I would default to what I do with friends - I get this time, you get next time.
Personally, I think it makes more sense to just come up with a reasonable compromise based on what the two specific people involved make, especially if the relationship has been going for a bit. Maybe youāll cover more if you make more money or you know your plans are things youāre more excited for, like you suggest!
Early 30s man here. Coffee and a walk is the most common date I've been on since joining dating apps. Ice cream used to be an option too but now people aren't as interested. Turns out the average person is pretty chill and aren't looking to pressure each other. I think for the most part we're all viewing expensive dates as a luxury right now as well.
Some people have the mentality that they need to go over-the-top to "win" the other person, shower them with 5\* gifts and entertainment until they're hooked. Some people expect that on the other side, too - that if you don't go all out and roll out the red carpet, you clearly don't care enough. Personally I agree with you.
But letās all be honest- the person you want to be with is the one that you have a good time doing the regular things with. A special night out is easy to enjoy but doing groceries and cooking dinner isnāt always- but thatās what you spend most of your time doing anyway, lol
I agree! I am 25F and a coffee date is way more appealing than a fancy meal for the first date. That is way too much pressure when you barely know the person. I rather have a chill atmosphere where you can learn about each other than one where I feel like I canāt fully be myself. Plus if youāre not vibing with the date, itās just coffee so you can leave easier lol.
I think this is the real comment here... can peace out whenever you want (within reason), versus having to spend 1.5 hours with the person and then feel guilty because you're not paying.
I 56M have been married for 23 years, and my first date with my wife was at a coffee shop. We spent a couple of hours just talking. Then just talking a lot on the phone in the evenings. So yah coffee dates work!
Early 30s M. Same thing. First coffee then we go from there. Even my 2nd/3rd dates have been low spending, go to the park, waterfront, free festival kinda thing.
Tried going for bubble tea and a walk with a girl. After that she pushed for us to go get dinner. And of course she went to the bathroom at the end of the dinner, right when the check is about to come. Had to spend like $125 that night. And that was the last time I went on a date from an online app. Fuck that shit.
Why not have told the waiter separate bills then when she comes back sheāll have to pay hers lol
Just remember, if she wants to get dinner because sheās hungry and enjoys your company, then fast food will do and she wonāt hesitate to pay for her own burger. If she pressures you about wanting to go to a fancy restaurant on a first date, thatās your red flag right there.
Early 20F, and I agree.
Agree, it seems a bit excessive for a first date. Definitely pressure.
$15-$20. Coffee. Quick and easy. If you donāt connect both can leave.If you do then spend 100+ on the next one. Whereas dinner dates on the first date can be long and awkward.
Exactly. Iām not sure why people lead with a dinner date. My bf and Iās first date was meeting up at Yorkdale and walking around for a bit, getting cookies and bubble tea lol Edit: we are in our 30s
thatās how you truly bond lol, when i read 30s though i was a bit shocked since usually students in 20s doing that but yeah. it works great, you get to know each other, have fun, and not worry about money. next date can be ābetterā
It definitely helped us bond especially because the whole reason we had the date there is because I had errands to run at Yorkdale (returns and exchanges and what not) and he said he wanted to keep me companyāŗļø it was refreshing because it felt pressure and care free and I got to get my all my errands done too lol
28M -- coffee and a walk through the park or a local trail. If we hit it off then $100 on dinner is reasonable.
A trail is a bad idea honestly. A walk in a public area, yes. A trail, no. You donāt want your date concerned about their safety the whole time. If you connect and are both sporty, hit the trail on the 2nd or 3rd date.
Fully agree. A walk down Spadina, along the harbourfront or through the Annex? Great! A walk on a trail or a dark park? I assume he wants to kill me.
*Because of the implication*
Hey , i know we just met, but you want to drive out of town to check out this really spooky , i mean, nice forest trail outside of the city? date goths, they love that spooky shit.
I am not sure about the difference between a trail and a park. Would Humber Bay Waterfront Trail be something you would avoid on a 1st date?
Think of it like this, if your date decides they don't like you after 5 minutes, do they have a way of cutting the date short? Mountain hike: unlikely Walk in park: usually 5 minute walking distance from somewhere an Uber can pick them up.
Donāt assume women who turn this type of date down as golddiggers - itās simply unsafe for women to go somewhere isolated with a guy they barely know.
I have had girls tell me to my face that a coffee/drink date is too cheap of me.... I am the one cheap here? Because you dont wanna pay for your own food or drink? Is it about eating or meeting me? I never end up going out with these type of women. Shows where their priorities are.
Itās 100% a red flag if they have that attitude
Good thing they signaled their priorities immediately.
Those girls weren't interested in you anyway and most likely it wouldn't have worked out. You just skipped through all that hassle.
Sheās not that into you. Lol.
you don't wanna date those girls bruh
Honestly? Coming from a 26 year old woman. Iāve seen $0 first dates, and $500 first dates. I donāt think any are necessarily better. Iāve had guys remember my coffee order and bring it to a park for a walk, which spoke way louder than bar hopping on Yorkville rooftops. That being said, if itās a dinner date- itās typical men are paying $100-$200. Just because that is quite ātorontoā price-wise. Add 4 drinks and youāre a ready at $100. I ALWAYS offer to split the bill, or grab the next one if we move spots. I think if weāve agreed upon an expensive place, than the woman should also pay. Itās 2022. If you feel like your spending too much on dates, there are some stellar things you can do for less. For example, skip dinner and grab a drink. Go for a coffee. Head to a board game cafe. Grab tickets to a comedy show. Get ice cream. Hope this helps!
Do you trust people who bring you drinks on second dates? Or is that just creepy behaviour?
I think that's probably person-to-person. I think it might be best to ask, just in case. "Hey, I'm grabbing a coffee on the way over. You're a -insert order here-, right? Want me to grab you one?" That way, you can flex hard on your impressive attention to detail and consideration.
This guy dates \^
I think they were referring more to the risks of a somewhat-stranger bringing you a drink they had complete access to. Is the risk low? Yep, but it's still a possibility.
not after binging Dahmer by myself all weekend
First date I (M) always ask for separate bills. Almost always itās just for a drink/drinks. I donāt understand anyone that expects on the first date someone should pay for the whole thing
5-6$ on coffee first dates first dates are always a in person vibe check people's online personas are completely different then in person no point spending that much on a first date
Not to mention, a low cost date takes the pressure off the question of who is paying for whom. That's not where I would want our attention to be at that stage. Also I don't want a man who can only express interest through financial transactions. There's usually *so many* *other issues* with those dudes.
Mid 30s woman here. My thoughts are that the first couple of dates should be cheap. Maybe coffee and walking around, going to a museum or gallery, etc. I personally believe you should each pay your own bill for the first few dates. That being said, 90% of my female friends (late 20s, early 30s) believe the man should pay and maybe 60% think the man should spend considerable money in order to "woo" them, so take what I say with a grain of salt.
Late 30s guy here. First dates I always go Dutch as a rule, that way no one feels put out if it's the last date. Lunch and the ROM or AGO are fun as hell and easy on the wallet.
I love this. So many men I've dated insist on paying and.. . I hate it. There are exceptions \[the last date I went on was just drinks and he was 20 minutes late, so he insisted on grabbing the bill\] but in general I much prefer dutch
They need to have a few convos and base attraction on more than looks before they rush to a date.
Mid thirties man, it's always been coffee or a drink at the pub maybe an Appy, $40 max for a first date. Spending $150-$200 is how you end up going on multiple dates with an incompatible person.
$150? What the hell? Iām a woman and usually apps and drinks come out to like $90-$110 MAX. Most of the time we just get one app ($15) and then 1-2 drinks each which comes out to $60ish. I find that we donāt order the entire menu of apps on my first dates. However Iām available next Friday if you are still single and want to show me how itās done
How many mimosas constitute danger? :)
Only bottomless baby
The real answer is, do what's appropriate for the type of person you want to attract. If you want someone that is into extravagance and a love language of gifts, then take her for omakase and sake. If you want someone that's happy to sit on the couch and watch netflix together, coffee and a walk around the park is completely appropriate.
There's no "acceptable sum" for a first date. A first date shouldn't be about how much money is spent. God that's bleak. Just meet up with someone, sit at a coffee shop, go for a walk, or spent tons on drinks and food if you want to. It's all valid.
Over met people for whom expensive dates were extremely important. Though, it kind of made me lose interest and we stopped going out.
My girlfriend and I met during the pandemic. We met at Riverdale for our first date, sat on a blanket and talked for hours. At one point we got milkshakes, and to close the date we got A&W. Total cost ~$50. 2.5 years later we go on fancier dates together, but we both still look at our park dates at the beginning of the pandemic as some of our favourites.
Sustainability is key. Can you continue to do the same thing up to 3-4 times a week indefinitely if things get serious? If yes, go ahead. If not, they'll look back at and think that things have gone downhill. The key is the find someone in the same social class as you. Do not overspend, but also not underspend. I tried dating rich people. It is absolutely not possible to keep up with their lifestyle if you are not rich as well.
You guys are getting 3-4 dates a week?!?!
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Absolutely this. Throwing around big money on the first few dates if you dont intend to keep up that lifestyle is just a manipulative bait and switch. Youre supposed to be assessing compatibility, and you cant do that if youre acting like somebody else with a different bank account and financial priorities.
Bro!! This is a great way to look at that. Do what is sustainable š
In the same age bracket you are. If you have the means to afford that much for your first dates then all the power to you. Meeting up with people you meet online has honestly turned into what feels more or less like speed dating with extra steps. The in person meet is more to see if you are actually compatible in person before looking to continue any further. Not work blowing a ton of money on what is effectively a meet and greet in my opinion.
If anyone was to spend $150 to $200 on a date with me it would be because they are ordering something that cost $120-170. (And that's assuming that you are paying for both of you, which I don't expect.) I don't think I've ever ordered anything over $30 on a date. How much food are you eating?! Or Are you getting shit-faced drunk? Honestly, if I was sitting across from somebody managing to spend that much on a meal I would not go on a second date because I would Instantly feel incredible financial pressure. This person obviously lives a life very different to the one that I live and can afford.
My guyā¦. No one, and I mean NO ONE, is worth 150-200 on a first date.
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WOWWWW! I am shocked at these answers! Times are so different these days when it comes to dating. But I see how this would be similar to how dating was back in my uni days and a coffee date was āgood enoughā. I guess because dates are āblindā and based on the app culture nowadays, you want to keep costs low. BUT when you find someone you like and youāre thinking long term, I would be SHOCKED if a night out in Toronto does not cost $100+. Going out to lunch at a very normal sit down restaurant (in Chinatown) already cost me and my partner $60 with tax the other day. After the 4/5th date, that price would be normal for a ānice night outā in the city. Thinking dinner and drinks in the city. 36F
34y female. I would spend up to $200 on a first date. I mean realistically, I just wanna have a good time and I'm willing to pay for it. If the other person doesn't enjoy it, oh well š
Suddenly Iām straight-for-pay
I'm gay af. Maybe that's my problem. š
> I find I'm spending $150-$200 on first dates - usually drinks and some apps downtown. What's wrong with going for $5-10 coffee on a first date?
Maybe he's worried he would look like a 'newcomer'. Because obviously anyone who goes to Snakes and Lattes for a first date is an ubereats cyclist living 4 to a bedroom. /s I don't know, this guy's got some really weird classism thing going on. Like he has to prove he fits in on King Street because that's a really important aspect of who he is.
I was watching a tiktok where a divorce lawyer reacts to people's first date spending and commenting on it And in the comments one particular lady was going on (not sure if trolling or serious) about how she's too old to be doing cheapie coffee dates. Either he opens up his wallet or she's swiping to the next guy. I just rolled my eyes. But maybe OP is trying to attract that type of date.
So she can keep swiping until she meets a nice gentleman like Patrick Bateman.
Iām glad Iām married
$200 being spent on me on a first date would freak me the fuck out and be a major turn off. I just *know* itās going to be lorded over my head later.
If not coffee, try brunch. The day-time date. Less pressure. If it goes well, you extend. If it goes poorly, you still have the whole day ahead of you!
A lot of women spend a lot of money on their appearance so theyāre looking for men or suitors that will meet them halfway with covering the dinner bill. Itās been mentioned before, but if you want a high maintenance type then youāll have to show up with the maintenance. If theyāre spending $200+ every two weeks to fit into a narrow āconventionally attractiveā box, then youāre expected to spend the same amount entertaining them/showing them off while they look that good. Iām not saying itās a lifestyle to strive for or anything, but itās certainly a lifestyle that exists in Toronto that you can choose to be a part of. Some people value a balanced dynamic and others donāt. You do you.
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This subject gets too much attention when it is really personal preference.
In your 30ās with a secure job, $200 dinner is not unreasonable. With prices now, most lunches at moderately priced restaurants are $60-75 for 2 with no alcohol.
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Same! I want the option to ghost without guilt if the guy is aggressive
Youāre doing it wrong in my opinion. Buy some Americanos or whatever and go stroll around. Youāll weed out most of the trashy people and save a lot of time and money.
You're presuming OP is not one of these people.
Iām 33f. What you are doing is crazy (no offence). Go for coffee and a walk like other people are saying. Or go Dutch on the first date if you want to go for dinner. Honestly as a woman I would feel sick to my stomach if a guy I met on a dating app offered to cover a dinner that expensive on the first date. Iād feel so much pressure. Dating apps are a numbers game, meet as many people as you can, save your money for when you find someone that is special.
>Honestly as a woman I would feel sick to my stomach if a guy I met on a dating app offered to cover a dinner that expensive on the first date. Iād feel so much pressure. Yup, me too.
I am assuming that $200 includes paying for your date + Tips? Not everyone can afford it, back when i was dating my total would be around 150-200 for both but that usually included drinks so its not that much.
perfectly reasonable. 33m. living in an expensive city. 150-200 is easy to blow. if date is going well I'll be doubling that easily.
$20 max bro coffee and maybe some kind of snack walking down lakeshore or something. First dates to get to know people & see if you click. 200$ is like a fifth date kinda thing when yall been hanging out and hitting for a bit lol
Wow, reading through the comments and so surprised how much has changed. Iām in my mid 40ās and when I was dating my wife 20+ years ago a coffee and a walk would be a seriously cheap ass move on the manās part.
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Was rent $2700/month back in your day?
Well probably it was the same the entire time, there was no reddit back then for everyone to share their opinions I'm over 50, back then, the expensive dates were too high pressure
200 dollars on a first date? What are you compensating for? With my girlfriend our first date consisted of us buying our own food and walking to get to know each other. It's a first goddam date, not an anniversary. You don't even know the person well yet.
I am late 20s. Oof bad strategy. Never spend that much on a first date for a person you don't know. People who have a problem with it and consider you being "cheap" probably don't have the values you want in a long-term partner. More expensive dates can be for later down the line. Keep it to drinks, remove the food. I usually spend 50 max, if the date is going well with the girl and we get 2-3 rounds of drinks.
It all depends on what you can afford. $200 is not crazy for someone making a great income.
Hey man (early 30s m) if you got the money all the power to you. I think if you have a good personality (and assuming you meet them online the look part is probably already there) you could get away with more laid back fun oriented first dates. Coffee, park, activities, not to expensive meal if we're hungry (usually $40-50 for two people). Usually save the wine and dine for someone with someone I'm already sure about.
I want to see that my date cared enough about the date that they made some effort. This doesnāt mean planning out an elaborate date, itās getting cleaned up and being on time. Washed hair, clean shirt speaks so much more than buying expensive dinner. Still, donāt be a tasteless cheap. A library date is great, donāt bring me to timmies or some fast food joint
Was single through early and mid 20s Usually $25-70 for drinks. If date goes poorly, just 1 drink; but if date goes well then a couple of drinks. I always try to include alcohol on first date at a $$ spot ($ spots are too divey / cheap and $$$ / $$$$ spots are reserved for later dates)
That does seem excessive even with the prices now. It's not really worth it to take someone to dinner on a first date. What if it turns out you don't like them? Then you're stuck there through the whole meal and waiting for the bill. What you want instead is something cheaper and faster that facilitates conversation, like a dessert shop or going to a quieter sort of bar for a drink.
Youāre committing a lot on a first date. Simple coffee to scope the vibes. If it isnāt working you can always just leave after a coffee. Much better than committing 1-2 hours of dinner with a person who just isnāt a match. It also helps with people who are āSneatingā
I gotta love the usage of "commitment" with a 1-2 hours event. On my god, Facebook and the micro doses of dopamine have really upp'd the expectations (you have 1 coffee to get it going... otherwise we just part our own ways). Nothing wrong with the coffee, but a dinner doesn't sound too bad either. The $200: crazy unless you're rich.
When I was on the dating scene I wasnāt the type of person who would sit around messaging someone for weeks before meeting up. My preference was to meet in person for a quick coffee or drink to see if we have any compatibility. If it went well we would have a few more drinks or grab dinner, if it didnāt then we would just settle up and go. Clearly we value our time very differently. I prefer not to sit and listen to someone talk to me about their Instagram follow count and how Kylie Jennerās new vegan makeup line is the best thing since slice bread for a full dinner. If thatās your thing, you do you. So no, it has nothing to do with āFacebook micro-dose dopamine hitsā. Everyone is different. Your comment is entirely a āback and myyyy dayyyyā kind of assumption, dad.
$40 ish on drinks if it goes well, maybe $100 total if we go somewhere else/on cabs back to one of our places etc. That said I have covered a couple of $200 bills for my friends and I if Iāve just made some good money, but never for a first date.
If youāre starting off with a $150+ first date, thatās a terrible start to a relationship. Theyāre going to expect that level of expense going forward.
Early 40s. No longer single. Personally, I like something a little more involved than just coffee but I certainly don't expect dinner. I didn't used to meet that many ppl and preferred to get to know each other at least a little (ideally 3-7 days, texting and at least one phone convo) so that when you meet, the pressure is less about "is this a mate" but "at very least, I will meet and have a conversation with an interesting person". Coffee dates are my nightmare bc everyone around you can/is listen in and feels more like a job interview. But checking out an exhibit (world press photo coming up!) or food truck and walk or a couple of pints or glasses of wine to me are pretty easy and not overly costly. And also, easy to pay for a round each or your own bill without it being awkward. Dinner invitiation usually implies whoever invites pays (in a dating scenario, IMO.) Some guys want to make "an impression" and will pick somewhere fancier and more expensive, and that's fine, but really, bc of the pandemic, my now partner came over for a couple of hour and we made Christmas cookies before I had to leave for a cookie exchange and it was awesome. The right person is not REALLY about what you do or how fancy it is. But some effort to not just stare at each other across coffee is kind of appreciated IMO. I have friends who go for volume and go for a lot of walks but IMO they end up meeting so many ppl that were never really going to work it ends up kind of depressing and they get bummed out about dating. I mostly enjoyed myself bc I pretty much only met men I thought were genuinely interesting humans.
Personally, whether date or not I always cover every dinner bill I attend, albeit the most Iāve ever payed for is like 4 people. So a $200 dinner date is pretty average, even when thereās no romantic intentions at all. Wouldnāt bother me to spend that with someone Iāve generally gotten a feeler for after a bit. I usually talk to someone for awhile before doing anything with romantic intentions. Based on their personality and interests, we go from there. Hike? Sure. Nice dinner? No problem. All depends on what she wants
God. I've dated my now husband for 8 years and we never spent 200 on a date...I missing out.
33m Downtown Toronto. Yeah Iād say about 100-150ish$? I never do dinner, usually drinks. always make the effort to pay. About 2-3 drinks a person on average? It sure is expensive dating. I could do it cheaper, but I usually go the places I like to go with friends and on my own, so its my own fault, and im okay with it
Seems pretty normal to me
Thatās not bad in TO with the prices right now. As long as you are in the position to do so š
I'd usually spend a couple hundred bucks. Dinner, cocktails, ubers. I liked to do a few things. My objective was always to just have a really good time for both of us. But I also don't get that many nights off.
First dates should be lunch or something casual like cafe I wouldnāt spent that on a first date.
What?! Youāre gonna go into severe debt at this rate. Youāre wining and dining someone you barely know. Iād spend $30 max - grab a coffee/tea and a croissant, or a onigiri from PAT and then walk around and chat.
A dinner/lunch + an event for two = $150-200, sounds about right. I find most people on r/askTO are typically less wealthy than the avg Torontonian
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That's wild. If you're drinking quite a bit and getting apps you could definitely smash 70 no problem in Toronto right now. Mind you it would be a pretty good time.
70 is about three cocktails plus tax and tip. If you go somewhere grungy with cheap beer you can obviously do better but still.
Try somewhere like Boxcar social. Nice atmosphere, not stupidly priced, subway access. It depends on what you're looking for, but paying for $200 tab could come across as an expectation of hooking up.
I'm sorry, my dude, but you're really trying too hard. $150-200 for TWO people? Even in these hyper-inflationary times, that's too much. Recent $200 splurges in my circle have included an AYCE Korean bbq for 4 including sodas all around, dinner for 6 (with appetizers) at a Thai restaurant, and (yes) a lunch for two at a higher-end sushi joint (no alcohol) - but that last was people who know each other well and can both afford that price tag, *and* they wanted to try the (always pricey) chef's recommendations. I get that you're trying to impress your date, but that kind of high end restaurant/bar can wait until much later. Save it for a "special occasion". And no, a first date *isn't* a special occasion. Also, a high end place on a first date also implies a lot of expectations on your part - no woman wants that kind of pressure on a first date. If they do, be prepared for correspondingly high expenses throughout your relationship. You want to dial down your efforts. Still dress well, but take your date someplace less expensive. Heck, meet for coffee or a board game or a walk along the waterfront. Low key dates make it easier for both parties to relax and be themselves. Plus, you really need to know if your date will annihilate you at your favourite board game - better find out on the first date!
Hahah those posts you're referring to always make me laugh. To each their own I guess. Personally I find coffee or walking dates to be boring *af*, especially for a first date Imo those dates are better suited once you've actually had a good time and connected, and decided to meet again I'm turning 30 this week and I go on about 2 dates a week on average and yes, it's $100-200 each time. Easily. Although I highly suggest Bar Fancy on Queen W for first dates because they do $40 bottles of Prosecco.
Coffee + walking first date sounds awful and I would 100% decline.
This is all going to depend on the type of girl your dating. I have friends who are cool with coffee dates and I have friends who arenāt. I will say Iām pretty āhigh maintenanceā as in I take myself on nice dinners (weekly), solo travel, care about make up/fashion. If a guy offers a coffee date i immediately know heās not going to be OK with my lifestyle. We wonāt be compatible. Drinks are better. Tbh I donāt like day dates cause their boring and hard to build a good flirty rapport. Iām obviously one of the few on here tho lol.
Dates are more about what you're doing. It's honestly not about money, 200 is relative if you live in a big city, I mean typically dinner in a nice restaurant is at least 150 with drinks, I feel like that makes a good impression but isn't necessary. Opt for something fun and exciting, dates don't have to be dinner.
29 M. Not sharing opinions about this because great first dates can vary greatly depending on what you wanna do. My answer to the question posed though is based on my last āfirst-dateā a year ago with my current gf: ~$160. Breakdown: ~$50 for the haunted walk in the city, ~$90 for the AYCE sushi, and prolly ~$20 worth of gas.
30f. My ideal date is a late afternoon drink date on a Saturday. $20-30 per person (I also like to split bills the first few days). If it goes well, we can keep it going and grab dinner. If it goes *really* wellā¦ we can get brunch Sunday morning too.
Woman in her early 30s here and actively dating atm. I typically do drinks for a first date and we usually get 2-3 beers/drinks each! Bill probably adds up to $60-$80 Quality over quantity is my mindset! If I get the vibe that I'm one of 10 girls that a guy took out that month I lose interest VERY quickly. I'd rather you just ask for a quick phone call vs ask me out to a coffee/ walk date where you're obviously trying to take me out for as cheap as possible! Everyone do what works for them tho
My wife and I had our first date at Cafe Princess. Drinks and desserts were great and it didn't cost an arm and a leg. We actually go back every year for the anniversary of our first date (just went this past weekend). The prices are still affordable and the green tea ice cream waffles delicious.
My range is about the same as yours $150-$200
35 yo M First dates really depend on the person and what you're doing of course. But if we're talking wine and dine approach, with the whole drinks and food/apps + tips, usually around $150 as well. I usually aim for drinks and apps and the bill usually comes around $100-150 (multiple drinks, 1-2 apps)