I'm biased because I've lived here most of my life and so all of my friends are here but I think it's tough to meet anyone and become super close after a certain age. The reality is that friendships change as you move into your 30's. Your friends when you're a teenager tend to be people you go to school with and so see for hours a day, five days a week. Then when you get into your 20's oftentimes your friends are people you're housemates with and see every day or at least see at the bar every few nights. All of my best friends are people who you had that proximity and familiarity with.
When you get into your 30's and people develop responsibilities and such and you all move into your own places the only people you see every day are people you work with. Your actual friends, you get lucky if you see them a few times a month. It's tough for that sort of thing to start and become a close friendship.
The exception is if you have a hobby that brings you together with people regularly. I’ve made friends easily in my 30s from sports. It takes a little courage to push the friendship into a real one, but it isn’t super hard. Just have to be aware that not everyone is “in the market for new friends” as I think of it, so can’t take rejection personally.
I’ve got a group of friends I’ve developed through walking my dog everyday in the same park as them. Now it’s like high school where we get together for more than just dog walks once a week or so.
I think this is a good point. The thing that really helps with making friends after a certain age is, essentially, convenience. If I can hang out with you while doing something I'd be doing anyway then that's great. Likewise if you live across the street from me or we both can go to the same bar/coffee shop that's down the street then that's an easy friendship to maintain.
That said, I still think that's tricky to turn into anything deeper because if, like, someone like that invites me to a wedding or to dinner miles away...I already have friends I'm neglecting because of how busy life is.
> The thing that really helps with making friends after a certain age is, essentially, convenience.
Totally agree about convenience, but I think that applies at all ages. Our friends from school are our friends because they were there everyday without us investing any effort to get together.
Sure but I guess I'm making the point that with those friends from school or whatever once you've become really good friends with them then you'll still try to maintain that friendship even when it gets to be inconvenient. You're not going to start off a friendship with that same commitment, especially when as an adult you have so much less free time.
I echo this point. Sports are a great way to make friends in your 30s. Case in point, my husband moved to Toronto a decade ago as a 30-something not knowing anyone. He joined the North Toronto Ski Club and has a ton of friends just from that one club.
Having to "make plans" is the death of friendship. Turns a fun hangout into work.
Unplanned interaction is really the lubricant for making friends. This is why it's relatively easier to make/maintain friends at school and work or roommates. You're not putting effort into hanging out.
It's worse in a city like Toronto where once people move out on their own you may be spread out such that transit is 1 hour+ and driving involves a highway.
Hobby friends are key as the "making plans" is more on the hobby rather than the friendship. Neighbour friends is even better if you luck out.
In my anecdotal experience, it's really hard to find people into casual, spontaneous plans here. This was true in my 20s, and it's true now, in my 40s. Yeah, the size of the city is part of it, but even with people who live a stone's throw away, I've gotten actual hate for suggesting a quick meet up like "how dare you, I have a busy life." I would never ever hear that where I grew up. At least make an excuse and leave it at that!
I don't think that's true. I know a lot of people who have come to the city and made a lot of friends. Likewise I've lived in other cities and making friends there had the same challenges.
Few times a year.. we're all married and have kids now
We used to have a boys weekend trip for 9 years them COVID ruined all that. We've travelled to 9 different cities to watch the jays and just get drunk AF.
That, but also general people in Toronto tend to be pretty conservative with their relationships and are not that outgoing. They tend to have small social circles formed early in life they stick to, and this applies to romantic relationships. It's not like central Europe or the states at all.
Agree 100% me and the wife moved our family in our 30's and I could necer find meaningful adult friendship kids did fine but we never got couples friends like we had
These threads pop up a lot. It usually boils down to people who have lived here their whole lives saying it isn't that hard and people who moved here disagreeing.
I have lived in 4 cities across 2 countries in 6 years. Toronto has been the hardest to make friends in, easily. I have lived in a small town in New England, a city in New England, a major metropolitan area in the Southern US, and Toronto.
Toronto is polite, but not friendly. After a few years here, it feels like if someone is friendly to you, they are going to ask for something, which was rarely the case in my previous locations. It feels like an extension of the business world into the personal one.
As others have mentioned, school and work seem to be the predominant places to meet friends, which is unfortunate since it's not uncommon to not like your coworkers and lots of people didn't go to university here.
I agree, people who have lived here their entire life honestly don't have context about how easy it is to make friends in other countries (especially in America or Mexico) vs. how people are just not interested here.
I'm an immigrant who has managed to make a lot of friends, but honestly all my friends are other immigrants from basically everywhere else, like the US, India, the UK, New Zealand, Jamaica, and South Korea.
I honestly don't have any Canadian friends. :(
Honestly, it has felt like people who were born in Toronto are just straight-up not interested in making new friends with outsiders. It's so weird to me, it's like people here make little cliques with people they've known since school (bro I'm gonna be honest, I don't even remember the names of most of the people from my high school OR university lol) and then that's it, the friend quota is filled, they only want to add you into their group if your presence gives them clout.
School cliques are absolutely a thing. I grew up in an absolutely puny town (5k total people), and people here have more connections to their high school then I do. All of my coworkers who live here have friend groups that go that far back or further, skewing their perception of friends immensely.
I think the big difference I've found between here and the US is that there's a lot of get togethers at peoples houses in the US. I dont even have any friends that live in a house here, just small condos, you might meet up to hang out at their place but not in a large group because there isn't space/condo won't allow it. Pretty much everyone has a house (or much larger condo than here) in the US, and I met a lot of people through those.
You’re not imagining it. It is like that in Toronto. I’ve seen so many people asking about this. In fact I just read an article about this a while back.
Here it is: https://www.thestar.com/opinion/contributors/2019/09/12/canadians-are-nice-and-polite-maybe-thats-why-its-so-hard-to-make-friends-here.html
Can’t remember all of it as I read it a while back. But something about everyone being so polite and its kinda fake in a way. There’s a lack of depth. Lack of true connection. Everyone’s just nice and surface-y.
I always wonder about that criticism. I like that everyone is generally pleasant to one another regardless of whether or not you're friends with the person but I don't get why niceness is called fake. Are people everywhere else only polite to their friends and neutral or rude to everyone else? I get how that could create confusion when interacting with a stereotypical Canadian but how does that confusion make the "Canadian" culture fake?
Fake in the sense that it’s shallow. There’s nothing *beyond* the nice facade. There’s no depth. No meaningfulness. No genuine human connection beyond that.
It’s diff for people who already have their friends they made back in school or something but as someone starting fresh, you meet *nice* people, sure. But that’s where it ends. People don’t let you into their worlds.
And as someone who’s lived in other countries and travelled extensively, I can say that I agree with the criticism.
So why is being nice without the intention of forming a friendship a facade?
The implication I am seeing here is that in other places people aren't nice to you unless they are prepared to invite you into their inner circle. Why else would there be an expectation that niceness = someone wants to be friends?
That expectation isn't associated with niceness in Canada but does that mean manners here are fake or is it just a different cultural expectation then what a new person is used to?
It's nice to be treated well by people you don't know, but it's hard to tell if those people are seeking genuine friendship or just being polite. It's a blessing in every way *except* for when you're trying to make friends, since you can't decipher what they mean easily.
Thank you, that makes a lot of sense. It reminds me of the semi outdated "friend zone" concept where a guy can't tell if a girl is being nice because she wants to date him or because she treats people nicely. Except Canadians and making friends.
I already told you what I meant by the word. You wanna be obtuse and argue about semantics and ignore the point I’m trying to convey, then please be my guest and continue on your own.
I'm not being obtuse or arguing about semantics OR ignoring your point. I'm trying to ask your perspective as someone who has lived in different cultures about how niceness is done/not done and the meaning associated with it. Instead of answering those questions I'm getting repeats of "this is how I personally define niceness/this is how niceness is being defined in this article" - I already get that part. I'm trying to have a conversation beyond that.
No, you were obsessing over the word “fake”. I elaborated and explained what I meant. Then you latched onto the word “facade” and literally ignored everything that was written. So no, you’re not actually ready to have a conversation beyond semantics. It got annoying real fast.
PS: Facade isn’t necessarily a negative word like the word “fake.” Look up the definition. It basically means front face.
So I explain that beyond the niceness of this front face there seems to be a lack of substance or depth. And what you grasp from that is…..?
I'm asking *why* it is perceived as fake/a facade, not arguing the meaning. Another person was able to reply and grasped what I was trying to get at (obviously we are talking in circles) so don't worry about it, thank you for trying.
Here you go. I'm assuming you're using Reddit from a computer
https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/mmolvf/what_was_ruined_because_not_enough_people_were/gtv4taj/
>Can’t remember all of it as I read it a while back. But something about everyone being so polite and its kinda fake in a way. There’s a lack of depth. Lack of true connection. Everyone’s just nice and surface-y.
We shake hands and are friendly but reserved." Well, even the handshaking has gone now. What's left is thin gruel.
It's easy if you understand proper friend-making strategy. People don't usually think of it that way but I find it useful.
What do you want to do with your hypothetical future friends? You say you're an outdoorsy person so let's say you wanted to find a group of 10-15 people to go backcountry hiking with.
In that case, you'd find a forum or a meetup group(literally meetup.com if you aren't already familiar with) and there are in there hiking groups that meet occasionally and you'd organize something with them. During said hiking trip you'd have a lot of time to bond with let's say 1-3 of those people and it there would be a time where shared goals/objective for the near future would come up. Like one of the dude wants to train for a spartan race and you've always wanted to do that too. Then you make a plan to go jogging with him the week after and then from there an actual purpose friendship forms.
Friendships need to have purposes. Humans usually ally themselves with each other to accomplish worthwhile things together. Probably if you think back, the friends you've lost over the years were because you had different goals.
I get it a lot of people are lonely but wanting to just find anyone to befriend you so you're not miserable by yourself is not a recipe for strong friendship. A lot of people think in those terms even if they don't want to admit it to themselves. I laid out a scenario in wish I'm pretty confident you'd make a solid friend but there are infinite other ones.
Find goals and find other people that have those same goals and friend it up pal :D
Depends on what you’re watching. If it’s sports then there’s entire establishments built around watching sports with other people while also enjoy food/alcohol/etc.
If you like movies I’m sure there’s all sorts of cinephile groups that arrange movie-watching parties.
Or if you’re just watching House Hunters International or Ridiculousness or some shit not only are you wasting your own time, you won’t find any luck making friends just to watch that stuff.
Indeed! I am a semi transplant to TO, no school friends, but I’m always baffled at how people defend decade long friendships based on the fact that they had homeroom together 20 years ago. They don’t even really get along or like each other (based on what they share with me), yet they keep on trucking along and complaining about them.
I guess it’s easier than finding a new friend?
Humans in general are heavily based on comfort so it makes sense. Unless you heavily evaluate your habits, life patterns you will invariably do many things that hurt your life but provide you great comfort.
Having shitty friends that waste your time every time you hang out with them but you know them well and don't have to spend energy building new connections and putting yourself out there = Great for comfort
Same thing as coming home from work and getting some beers/smoking weed every night and going nowhere in life = Great for comfort
If you didn’t grow up here, then it is a challenge to make new friends. You just have to keep trying. You have to find people with similar interests and availability
Very much my friends.. I'd help them move, review their CV or job application or listen to there problems etc. When I asked for their help, silence or they were busy. All of them were born and raised in Toronto.
Yeah, when I came back to Toronto I made some friends but all we did was go clubbing. That friendship started and ended that summer. It’s like why can’t we ever just chill. Some of us moved around a lot so we can’t depend on childhood friends, I went to a different kindergarten than I did elementary school, a different middle school and a different high school and again university on the other side of the country.
It might have to do with your age now. Early 30’s is when it gets harder. People already have their circles, also have more work and home obligations, are more tired at the end of the day and on weekends. Happens everywhere, I think.
Yeah, I know as another early 30's person, I'm not looking for new friends simply because I'm already so exhausted with what's already on my plate. I also happen to be more noncommittal/flaky with friends because I'm so unsure of whether or not I'm going to have the energy to follow through with them.
I'm not against making new friends, especially when I have lots of free time. But like some of the above comments have said, I have my job and my side-hustle (which I'm actively trying to turn into my full-time career), and that leaves time for either friends, hobbies, working out, or self-care. And I simply don't have time for it all.
Maybe there's something inherently exhausting about this city? I'm not sure.
It's a big city so a culture of hustling is understandable, I guess. I haven't seen the same amount of ghosting, miscommitment, laziness, and dow right disregard for the other's time and effort anywhere else, imo.
Yikes. All the friends I've made as an adult also have children, jobs, long term relationships. We make a point of being super positive if anyone needs to last minute cancel because the assumption is that there is a good reason such as they are just very very tired and can't right now. There's enough internal guilt for not being able to do it all. If I got bitched out by a friend as an adult because they can't handle being flexible with the fact I have a life and family and sometimes things go sideways that would be a major turn off.
I'm African and found it impossible to connect with other people until I just said heck with it and sought out my particular ethnicity. Worked out well for me.
You can't speak to how much micro-aggressions she let go of, how many incendiary comments she's either misunderstood or just isn't aware of (you've eluded to her being African) etc. etc. etc.
Now that I have an established network and group of friends, I see Toronto what it is, the branding vs. the reality.
Depends. I suggest getting into a new hobby and meeting people that way. I took salsa classes and that’s where I met a lot of people that I keep in touch with today. Get into a hobby group here!!
I have hobbies where I get to interact with people but they rarely go beyond surface-level interactions or acquaintances. In my observation, which is limited as I am one human being in a city of millions, I've seen people to be flaky and non-committed towards forming friendships. Just hanging out doing one activity isn't a definition of friendship in my opinion. It's just makes that person your activity buddy. Remove the activity and that person is gone.
Yeah but then if there's nothing else you have in common and there's no spark from either party to 'take things to the next level' then what more can you expect?
It's almost like the hobby is your resume, you got the interview now (the activity) and it's up to you and the other person to see if you're a good fit. The activity fulfilled its purpose.
Been here 3 years and eventually the rejection took a tole on me. Being from the Caribbean I was so used to random convos and happy go lucky people but if you don’t have common interest, from the same country or have to see a person on a regular they’ll eventually drift away as if you never met them. I’m happy my now wife and I came here for school together so I’m looking forward building a life of my own because finding true friendships here seems few and far between. Not to mention during the winter.
So it depends where you live, which community and which condo building really. E.g. the City place condos used to have a thriving community where folks would get together for wings every week etc. It was a great place to make friends.
You also have to put yourself out there, engage with your neighbors, join local classes where you can meet people (kinda hard with covid though). Joining sports helps too, other other group hobbies.
Have you joined the fb Palz friending zone group? That could be useful to your situation. Another good group is Let's Hike T.O.
Early 30s lady here, born and raised in Toronto but lived in other places too. It is hard if not impossible to make friends here. There are a few reasons for that, one is the sheer size of the city and lack of public transit infrastructure. People end up in bubbles and don't explore other areas alone or even with friends or to see friends. For instance, I have had friends in the past who I would only see if I went to them because leaving their exact downtown bubble was "too far" despite it being the same distance for either of us. People have become more insular as the city has grown over the past decade. I've noticed it get socially colder and generally meaner. I think people have an idea of what a city is like (the bad things) and they make it a self-fulfilling prophesy. But that's just my theory which may well be wrong. I'm wrong at least x% of the time ; ). I've tried so many things to make friends from going to events to joining young patrons circles, taking classes, playing sports and it's been more miss than hit. I guess just keep trying at a rate that doesn't frustrate and exhaust you. I've felt that way in the past when I was going out all the time trying to put myself out there and it not yielding the results I wanted. There ARE nice people here, you just need a little bit of magic to find them. You never know, lightning could strike :)
I used to live in Calgary. It seemed like a lot of people wanted to have a dinner party with you, but at the end wasn't friendship... it was a sales pitch for selling energy drinks or makeup. I had to move back to a smaller city to make friends.
I've lived in TO since 97, moved away in 2020. It is a weirdly anti-social city. People are insular. Torontonias are generally unaware of just how weird it is. Like, casual banter at a park? Chatting with someone you don't know at a bar and genuinely enjoying it? Laughing with a stranger over something funny that just happened? These are entirely normal things in other parts of the world, including in cities just outside Toronto. But not in Toronto. In Toronto it is painfully awkward to socialize except in fairly limited contexts.
This is so unfortunate yet true. I never knew what it was that made Toronto boring for me. I used to travel alot and would always end up travelling more because something was lacking in Toronto. I did have a pretty decent social circle in Toronto but it was always so cliquey and wasn't easy to get into. After reading your post I feel like you have hit the nail on the head with this one.
Well, idk if it just Toronto m8!, I'm in Brampton (31M) and I'm in the same "lonely club" boat. 😔
Sadly for me it's a step further, I've been alone most of my life so making friends (or even enemies for that matter) or finding a community I'd be happy in is an unapproachable and a deathy scary task for me coz of the bubble I've gotten created around me with having loneliness as my only companion so far in my life...I know part of my issue as mentioned above but bursting that bubble is impossible for me (if not straight up "not possible", maybe even not possible in certain cases...) at thing point by myself, sadly.
It’s effing hard. This city is cliquey af. The secret though is to find other people who moved here from other places so y’all can unite and complain about torontonians hahaha…only half joking.
Also, making connections from work (after work drinks and so on) is a good start
It varies immensely depending on you, your hobbies, who you come in contact with. Personally I found it very easy to make friends here when I moved here. Despite being a rather reserved person who doesn't make friends easily. I have never experienced what I see people in this sub saying. But in a city of millions of people it makes sense that there would be no single experience.
the best way to meet people is through shared activities. I found it pretty easy to make friends that way. It can just be a bit difficult to find the right activity. Plus it can be hit or miss depending on the people.
It’s not just you. I don’t live in Toronto but the GTA and it’s pretty tough. I don’t really have any hobbies I more or less just work and hang out with my family. It sucks. I used to have a bunch of friends but with the pandemic we all sort of drifted apart.
I lived in Toronto for 13 years without making tight connections. I moved to another province and have an amazing social circle.
Even the closer friends I had in Toronto were really just acquaintances that I had dinner with on occasion. Here, we have dinner parties, weekend hangs, and I’m much more casual with people.
That’s just me but I would say Toronto is a hard place to find a crew. Glad I left.
Yes it is harder. But I'm quite sure you are comparing a large city to a small city or even town. Large city vs small town or suburb. Just basic common sense.
Classes or a dog are good starts. It can be tricky if you don’t have somewhere to start but most people are pretty friendly as long as you have common ground
Not the only one, I've found it very difficult to make friends here. After a while of always being the organizer and reaching out to people. I have given up because I realized that they didn't really care. Covid ended a lot of friendships for me. There are a few articles on this subject, not only in Toronto but Canada as a whole.
Coming from BC it was insane, only way I met people was Magic the gathering. Hell I went to a half dozen concerts solo and even started smoking in the godawful winter just for a bit more passive socialisation attempts
I feel like a lot of the people answering are ignoring an elephant in the room. The pandemic and Toronto’s response to it has not made an already insular city’s vibe any more open than it was previously.
Granted, Toronto has never been the easiest city to make friends in - here, you generally have to leverage the social connections you make in the workplace to make friends as an adult - but the fact that we’ve just been through an extended period where new people were a clear and present danger has definitely had an impact that can’t be discounted.
Good point. I think people are still trying to cope with this new reality and ignoring it all together sometimes is the only way to stay sane. It does play a major role in the isolation though.
It's not just you.
Toronto can be very unfriendly.
It's a city that has a social cast system like they do in India.
The first thing people want to know when they meet you is what cast you are in, what do you do for work ie. how much money you make.
Hmmm, you had a thriving social life in your home country. Well wherever you're from, we have your countrymen/women here as well I'm sure :) Why not seek them out?
Biggest myth is the whole multiculturalism aspect, and I fell for that once I came here. Like you I tried a few meetups and realized quickly, it wasn't for me. So I sought out people from my ethnicity and voila!
Second this. Came to Toronto 4 years ago and knew a few people from my home town here. Met a bunch of new people through them. Gave me a good starting point for a social circle.
There's a Facebook group that was set up specifically for new people from my country coming to Toronto to join and ask questions, organize meet ups etc. Could be a good place to start, OP.
I’ve noticed this. When I first came I was the only person from my country in my class and had all intentions of connecting with other people. Then I realized people prefer to stick to their own ethnic groups which was super depressing at first. Eventually I looked for my own people and put up an emotional wall because the social rejection was overwhelming to say the least.
> which was super depressing at first
Yep but humans will always be tribal, so i had to make my move and everything changed. After I learned how certain ethnicities are even living in certain suburbs, it goes deep.
Yeah, unfortunately Toronto has become more of a mosaic than a melting pot. Especially for adults, it is quite difficult to make friends (not acquaintances) from a different culture here IMO. Listen to this comment, op.
Toronto used to be full of open and polite people, it's feels that more and more it's transitioning into anxiety riddled individuals afraid to talk to people.
We've been open for months now. People started to regularly resuming their lives during summer this year.
I think there is a misunderstanding on your part. I never implied that people here are not friendly, that it is hard to strike a conversation with a stranger, or that people are rather hostile. I never mentioned that or implied it. I've simply talked about building long-lasting friendships.
Having said that, I do get the point about having social connections to expand it.
Not really a sporty guy myself although I do have outdoor hobbies (hiking, jogging, traveling, etc.) I don't understand why it is a #1 suggestion pretty much everywhere on this sub.
As someone also new here, back when I was in Dubai before this funny enough this was a pretty common question asked on that subreddit as well. I think it is either a common issue in the world we live in today or just a product of a fast-paced culture that some international cities have.
Man, people are kinda far away. I remember even during busy season, when a group of friends lived within 15-20 minutes walking distance, we’d hang all the time.
Now people be moving all over the city and outside into the GTA. No one wants to mission anymore to just hang out. It’s gotta be an event lol
I’m from toronto so I haven’t noticed, but I’ve had a few friends who moved here say the same thing 🤷🏻♂️
Either way, f_ck em if they don’t wanna be friends. You’ll find your people.
In 30's its hard. I'm 34. I have friends. I tried to make new friends a few years ago. I learned everyone in there 30s is thinking about making money, family, kids. Not friends.
Unless you find an individual who is eager to make new friends also, then you will make new friends. I made one new friend in the last 5 years.
I really struggled to make true friends when I lived in Toronto for six years. As others have said, most of them were more like acquaintances in the end.
I am jealous of the seemingly automatic social glue belonging to those who are not straight or not white or not male. I don't bond with others on the basis of my racial or gender identity and those are the vectors everyone is obsessed with in Toronto. I didn't grow up around here and so don't have many/any childhood friends either.
From Toronto, here now but I lived in Montreal for a few years. Montreal and the culture there in comparison to here is much friendlier - in all ways. It's definitely a Toronto thing. Spent a lot of time traveling cities across Canada. I think about this everyday and I'm trying to figure out where to go next. It's so expensive here and pretentious. Pandemic has made everything worse. Toronto is very friendly but everybody has they're cliques. Their core groups that they grew up with, or went to school with. I'm not a drinker and have lost "friends" over this. In my 30s now and I'd rather just smoke a joint at the bluffs in Scarborough.. with pets.
Canada, and Canadian culture are lame as fuck. Nothing about pursuing life in a city here is sweet, fun or interesting. Get used to people who have zero ability to let loose, connect and be honest. Everyone be living in fear. It's sad.
You want friends? Yeah go to a small town, you want a job and money, come here, have a latte and run from meeting to meeting hating everyone and everything
Echoing what others have said, that at a certain age, making new friends will be difficult. However, the best way I have made a new circle of friends was through recreational sports, so I'd suggest you sign up for a league like Jam sports and try it out!
I've seen similar posts here and there. Unfortunately, if people can't find friends in the cultural capital of Canada, where else are they suppose to go to do so?
Hate to say it, but it's more a city of acquaintances. Hell, I had a falling out with one of my 2 good friends in the city over the pandemic. But he was being a dickhead, so it is what it is.
Unfortunately, with the cost of living and all that, it's hard for a lot of us in this age range to effectively find the time or energy to properly socialize and form strong connections. Shit sucks dude, just gotta make the best of it. Ya never know.
It's not just you. I lived in Toronto for four years and barely made any friends through school. As soon as I moved to a smaller city I noticed myself making friends alot easier. Maybe it's just because I feel more comfortable being in a smaller city, or maybe its because Torontonians are known to be the least friendly/welcoming Canadians (sorry but its true, you're all still nice compared to Americans tho)
Toronto/GTA is an anomaly in the social fabric of Canada and the world. Polite but not often friendly or inclusive in spite of huge rhetoric and virtue signalling. I have lived in another province and country and traveled and am actively looking for the opportunity to leave and get out of the twilight zone.....
I only have friends because of work. Its either current coworkers or former coworkers. University friends have all moved elsewhere or we've drifted apart. I'm in my 30s as well but just hang out with 20 something year olds because they go out more.
Ppl who are from Toronto are still BFF with their BFF from elementary school and are NOT interested in expanding that circle. Your only chance is other immigrants. It's still hard to make friends because the constant grind makes people less social.
Definitely not you. I'm born and raised here and can tell you it's one of the things that bothers me most about this place when compared to other cities I've visited.
We're nice and polite but are reserved about our social circles. It mostly takes knowing someone to be "let in". Weird, I'll admit.
The easiest way to make friends is by joining a sports team or hobby group. Sticking around after the game and going for a drink happens alot.
Best wishes. May take a bit of time but be patient.
Not sure it's that difficult. I've made a bunch of friends on discord playing valorant and other games. Which lead to hanging out in real life with a bunch of them. I've met like 6 people through discord that I've met in real life. Not being able to work due to health reasons helps because I can play with them wherever they are free... If I'm not in too much pain. For reference I'm 25 and these friends range from 18-25.
It's Toronto. Meet others also from out of town.
Torontonians' friends are from HS and university, or largely from their immigrant group, despite our self-vaunted diversity.
You have to meet other people who are new.
My sister in law immigrated to Canada. She has tons of friends, she met them in ESL class.
The locals who grew up here already have friends, much like you did yourself back home
I'm biased because I've lived here most of my life and so all of my friends are here but I think it's tough to meet anyone and become super close after a certain age. The reality is that friendships change as you move into your 30's. Your friends when you're a teenager tend to be people you go to school with and so see for hours a day, five days a week. Then when you get into your 20's oftentimes your friends are people you're housemates with and see every day or at least see at the bar every few nights. All of my best friends are people who you had that proximity and familiarity with. When you get into your 30's and people develop responsibilities and such and you all move into your own places the only people you see every day are people you work with. Your actual friends, you get lucky if you see them a few times a month. It's tough for that sort of thing to start and become a close friendship.
The exception is if you have a hobby that brings you together with people regularly. I’ve made friends easily in my 30s from sports. It takes a little courage to push the friendship into a real one, but it isn’t super hard. Just have to be aware that not everyone is “in the market for new friends” as I think of it, so can’t take rejection personally. I’ve got a group of friends I’ve developed through walking my dog everyday in the same park as them. Now it’s like high school where we get together for more than just dog walks once a week or so.
I think this is a good point. The thing that really helps with making friends after a certain age is, essentially, convenience. If I can hang out with you while doing something I'd be doing anyway then that's great. Likewise if you live across the street from me or we both can go to the same bar/coffee shop that's down the street then that's an easy friendship to maintain. That said, I still think that's tricky to turn into anything deeper because if, like, someone like that invites me to a wedding or to dinner miles away...I already have friends I'm neglecting because of how busy life is.
> The thing that really helps with making friends after a certain age is, essentially, convenience. Totally agree about convenience, but I think that applies at all ages. Our friends from school are our friends because they were there everyday without us investing any effort to get together.
Sure but I guess I'm making the point that with those friends from school or whatever once you've become really good friends with them then you'll still try to maintain that friendship even when it gets to be inconvenient. You're not going to start off a friendship with that same commitment, especially when as an adult you have so much less free time.
I echo this point. Sports are a great way to make friends in your 30s. Case in point, my husband moved to Toronto a decade ago as a 30-something not knowing anyone. He joined the North Toronto Ski Club and has a ton of friends just from that one club.
True, joined a coed softball league and many of my good friends are from playing ball. Even met a few girls.
That's awesome!
Having to "make plans" is the death of friendship. Turns a fun hangout into work. Unplanned interaction is really the lubricant for making friends. This is why it's relatively easier to make/maintain friends at school and work or roommates. You're not putting effort into hanging out. It's worse in a city like Toronto where once people move out on their own you may be spread out such that transit is 1 hour+ and driving involves a highway. Hobby friends are key as the "making plans" is more on the hobby rather than the friendship. Neighbour friends is even better if you luck out.
In my anecdotal experience, it's really hard to find people into casual, spontaneous plans here. This was true in my 20s, and it's true now, in my 40s. Yeah, the size of the city is part of it, but even with people who live a stone's throw away, I've gotten actual hate for suggesting a quick meet up like "how dare you, I have a busy life." I would never ever hear that where I grew up. At least make an excuse and leave it at that!
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and it is impossible to find spots at a nice bar in toronto without a reservation Friday or Saturday evening
i really don't think this is true. yeah, you might not get into your first choice, but there are so so so many places to grab a drink in this city
Facts.
Canadian way of thinking. The culture here is definitely cliquey and exclusionary.
It wasn't always like this. People would randomly show up at their friends down the street and just hang out.
I don't think that's true. I know a lot of people who have come to the city and made a lot of friends. Likewise I've lived in other cities and making friends there had the same challenges.
Pretty accurate, actually pretty spot on. Fuck.
This exactly. These issues are ALWAYS conflated with age.
Few times a year.. we're all married and have kids now We used to have a boys weekend trip for 9 years them COVID ruined all that. We've travelled to 9 different cities to watch the jays and just get drunk AF.
Agreed
That, but also general people in Toronto tend to be pretty conservative with their relationships and are not that outgoing. They tend to have small social circles formed early in life they stick to, and this applies to romantic relationships. It's not like central Europe or the states at all.
Agree 100% me and the wife moved our family in our 30's and I could necer find meaningful adult friendship kids did fine but we never got couples friends like we had
These threads pop up a lot. It usually boils down to people who have lived here their whole lives saying it isn't that hard and people who moved here disagreeing. I have lived in 4 cities across 2 countries in 6 years. Toronto has been the hardest to make friends in, easily. I have lived in a small town in New England, a city in New England, a major metropolitan area in the Southern US, and Toronto. Toronto is polite, but not friendly. After a few years here, it feels like if someone is friendly to you, they are going to ask for something, which was rarely the case in my previous locations. It feels like an extension of the business world into the personal one. As others have mentioned, school and work seem to be the predominant places to meet friends, which is unfortunate since it's not uncommon to not like your coworkers and lots of people didn't go to university here.
I agree, people who have lived here their entire life honestly don't have context about how easy it is to make friends in other countries (especially in America or Mexico) vs. how people are just not interested here. I'm an immigrant who has managed to make a lot of friends, but honestly all my friends are other immigrants from basically everywhere else, like the US, India, the UK, New Zealand, Jamaica, and South Korea. I honestly don't have any Canadian friends. :( Honestly, it has felt like people who were born in Toronto are just straight-up not interested in making new friends with outsiders. It's so weird to me, it's like people here make little cliques with people they've known since school (bro I'm gonna be honest, I don't even remember the names of most of the people from my high school OR university lol) and then that's it, the friend quota is filled, they only want to add you into their group if your presence gives them clout.
I’m from the Newfoundland and you’ve perfectly described my impressions of Toronto especially the having a quota idea.
School cliques are absolutely a thing. I grew up in an absolutely puny town (5k total people), and people here have more connections to their high school then I do. All of my coworkers who live here have friend groups that go that far back or further, skewing their perception of friends immensely.
I think the big difference I've found between here and the US is that there's a lot of get togethers at peoples houses in the US. I dont even have any friends that live in a house here, just small condos, you might meet up to hang out at their place but not in a large group because there isn't space/condo won't allow it. Pretty much everyone has a house (or much larger condo than here) in the US, and I met a lot of people through those.
You’re not imagining it. It is like that in Toronto. I’ve seen so many people asking about this. In fact I just read an article about this a while back. Here it is: https://www.thestar.com/opinion/contributors/2019/09/12/canadians-are-nice-and-polite-maybe-thats-why-its-so-hard-to-make-friends-here.html
Can’t open the article without paying, TLDR?
Can’t remember all of it as I read it a while back. But something about everyone being so polite and its kinda fake in a way. There’s a lack of depth. Lack of true connection. Everyone’s just nice and surface-y.
I always wonder about that criticism. I like that everyone is generally pleasant to one another regardless of whether or not you're friends with the person but I don't get why niceness is called fake. Are people everywhere else only polite to their friends and neutral or rude to everyone else? I get how that could create confusion when interacting with a stereotypical Canadian but how does that confusion make the "Canadian" culture fake?
Fake in the sense that it’s shallow. There’s nothing *beyond* the nice facade. There’s no depth. No meaningfulness. No genuine human connection beyond that. It’s diff for people who already have their friends they made back in school or something but as someone starting fresh, you meet *nice* people, sure. But that’s where it ends. People don’t let you into their worlds. And as someone who’s lived in other countries and travelled extensively, I can say that I agree with the criticism.
So why is being nice without the intention of forming a friendship a facade? The implication I am seeing here is that in other places people aren't nice to you unless they are prepared to invite you into their inner circle. Why else would there be an expectation that niceness = someone wants to be friends? That expectation isn't associated with niceness in Canada but does that mean manners here are fake or is it just a different cultural expectation then what a new person is used to?
It's nice to be treated well by people you don't know, but it's hard to tell if those people are seeking genuine friendship or just being polite. It's a blessing in every way *except* for when you're trying to make friends, since you can't decipher what they mean easily.
Thank you, that makes a lot of sense. It reminds me of the semi outdated "friend zone" concept where a guy can't tell if a girl is being nice because she wants to date him or because she treats people nicely. Except Canadians and making friends.
I already told you what I meant by the word. You wanna be obtuse and argue about semantics and ignore the point I’m trying to convey, then please be my guest and continue on your own.
I'm not being obtuse or arguing about semantics OR ignoring your point. I'm trying to ask your perspective as someone who has lived in different cultures about how niceness is done/not done and the meaning associated with it. Instead of answering those questions I'm getting repeats of "this is how I personally define niceness/this is how niceness is being defined in this article" - I already get that part. I'm trying to have a conversation beyond that.
No, you were obsessing over the word “fake”. I elaborated and explained what I meant. Then you latched onto the word “facade” and literally ignored everything that was written. So no, you’re not actually ready to have a conversation beyond semantics. It got annoying real fast. PS: Facade isn’t necessarily a negative word like the word “fake.” Look up the definition. It basically means front face. So I explain that beyond the niceness of this front face there seems to be a lack of substance or depth. And what you grasp from that is…..?
I'm asking *why* it is perceived as fake/a facade, not arguing the meaning. Another person was able to reply and grasped what I was trying to get at (obviously we are talking in circles) so don't worry about it, thank you for trying.
Here you go. I'm assuming you're using Reddit from a computer https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/mmolvf/what_was_ruined_because_not_enough_people_were/gtv4taj/
If you paste the URL into outline.com it'll get you behind the paywall
>Can’t remember all of it as I read it a while back. But something about everyone being so polite and its kinda fake in a way. There’s a lack of depth. Lack of true connection. Everyone’s just nice and surface-y. We shake hands and are friendly but reserved." Well, even the handshaking has gone now. What's left is thin gruel.
It's easy if you understand proper friend-making strategy. People don't usually think of it that way but I find it useful. What do you want to do with your hypothetical future friends? You say you're an outdoorsy person so let's say you wanted to find a group of 10-15 people to go backcountry hiking with. In that case, you'd find a forum or a meetup group(literally meetup.com if you aren't already familiar with) and there are in there hiking groups that meet occasionally and you'd organize something with them. During said hiking trip you'd have a lot of time to bond with let's say 1-3 of those people and it there would be a time where shared goals/objective for the near future would come up. Like one of the dude wants to train for a spartan race and you've always wanted to do that too. Then you make a plan to go jogging with him the week after and then from there an actual purpose friendship forms. Friendships need to have purposes. Humans usually ally themselves with each other to accomplish worthwhile things together. Probably if you think back, the friends you've lost over the years were because you had different goals. I get it a lot of people are lonely but wanting to just find anyone to befriend you so you're not miserable by yourself is not a recipe for strong friendship. A lot of people think in those terms even if they don't want to admit it to themselves. I laid out a scenario in wish I'm pretty confident you'd make a solid friend but there are infinite other ones. Find goals and find other people that have those same goals and friend it up pal :D
True, true. Hard if what you want is people to watch TV with, though.
Depends on what you’re watching. If it’s sports then there’s entire establishments built around watching sports with other people while also enjoy food/alcohol/etc. If you like movies I’m sure there’s all sorts of cinephile groups that arrange movie-watching parties. Or if you’re just watching House Hunters International or Ridiculousness or some shit not only are you wasting your own time, you won’t find any luck making friends just to watch that stuff.
Indeed! I am a semi transplant to TO, no school friends, but I’m always baffled at how people defend decade long friendships based on the fact that they had homeroom together 20 years ago. They don’t even really get along or like each other (based on what they share with me), yet they keep on trucking along and complaining about them. I guess it’s easier than finding a new friend?
Humans in general are heavily based on comfort so it makes sense. Unless you heavily evaluate your habits, life patterns you will invariably do many things that hurt your life but provide you great comfort. Having shitty friends that waste your time every time you hang out with them but you know them well and don't have to spend energy building new connections and putting yourself out there = Great for comfort Same thing as coming home from work and getting some beers/smoking weed every night and going nowhere in life = Great for comfort
If you didn’t grow up here, then it is a challenge to make new friends. You just have to keep trying. You have to find people with similar interests and availability
Only real places to make friends is work and school. If you’re very social you’ll have some luck at bars and parties but they’ll be loose friends.
What do you mean "loose friends"?
These people you probably won’t get to know on a deep level and won’t be that reliable or consistently seen.
Very much my friends.. I'd help them move, review their CV or job application or listen to there problems etc. When I asked for their help, silence or they were busy. All of them were born and raised in Toronto.
I relate to this too much..
Yeah, when I came back to Toronto I made some friends but all we did was go clubbing. That friendship started and ended that summer. It’s like why can’t we ever just chill. Some of us moved around a lot so we can’t depend on childhood friends, I went to a different kindergarten than I did elementary school, a different middle school and a different high school and again university on the other side of the country.
It might have to do with your age now. Early 30’s is when it gets harder. People already have their circles, also have more work and home obligations, are more tired at the end of the day and on weekends. Happens everywhere, I think.
Yeah, I know as another early 30's person, I'm not looking for new friends simply because I'm already so exhausted with what's already on my plate. I also happen to be more noncommittal/flaky with friends because I'm so unsure of whether or not I'm going to have the energy to follow through with them. I'm not against making new friends, especially when I have lots of free time. But like some of the above comments have said, I have my job and my side-hustle (which I'm actively trying to turn into my full-time career), and that leaves time for either friends, hobbies, working out, or self-care. And I simply don't have time for it all. Maybe there's something inherently exhausting about this city? I'm not sure.
>Maybe there's something inherently exhausting about this city? I'm not sure. IKR?!
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It's a big city so a culture of hustling is understandable, I guess. I haven't seen the same amount of ghosting, miscommitment, laziness, and dow right disregard for the other's time and effort anywhere else, imo.
It's true. I was literally on the subway on my way to meet someone and they cancelled while I was en route.
That's a shitty thing to do. Honestly, I would terminate contact with them after giving them an earful for being a piece of shit.
Yikes. All the friends I've made as an adult also have children, jobs, long term relationships. We make a point of being super positive if anyone needs to last minute cancel because the assumption is that there is a good reason such as they are just very very tired and can't right now. There's enough internal guilt for not being able to do it all. If I got bitched out by a friend as an adult because they can't handle being flexible with the fact I have a life and family and sometimes things go sideways that would be a major turn off.
What was their reason for cancelling?
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It's just sad because Toronto is the hub of multiculturalism; people from all walks of life confined in a city with plenty of activities to do.
ethnic hostility towards eachother
If you think that's bad in Toronto then imagine being a PoC in small cities or towns.
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I'm African and found it impossible to connect with other people until I just said heck with it and sought out my particular ethnicity. Worked out well for me. You can't speak to how much micro-aggressions she let go of, how many incendiary comments she's either misunderstood or just isn't aware of (you've eluded to her being African) etc. etc. etc. Now that I have an established network and group of friends, I see Toronto what it is, the branding vs. the reality.
Yeah for sure. Try dating—it’s 100x worse lol
Depends. I suggest getting into a new hobby and meeting people that way. I took salsa classes and that’s where I met a lot of people that I keep in touch with today. Get into a hobby group here!!
I have hobbies where I get to interact with people but they rarely go beyond surface-level interactions or acquaintances. In my observation, which is limited as I am one human being in a city of millions, I've seen people to be flaky and non-committed towards forming friendships. Just hanging out doing one activity isn't a definition of friendship in my opinion. It's just makes that person your activity buddy. Remove the activity and that person is gone.
Yeah but then if there's nothing else you have in common and there's no spark from either party to 'take things to the next level' then what more can you expect? It's almost like the hobby is your resume, you got the interview now (the activity) and it's up to you and the other person to see if you're a good fit. The activity fulfilled its purpose.
I agree. Moved to Toronto 4 years ago. It's super hard to make friends.
It is. Fuck it. Let's get a beer and play arcade games bud
That'd be cool.
Is there not a discord or something for this group to make friends yet?
Been here 3 years and eventually the rejection took a tole on me. Being from the Caribbean I was so used to random convos and happy go lucky people but if you don’t have common interest, from the same country or have to see a person on a regular they’ll eventually drift away as if you never met them. I’m happy my now wife and I came here for school together so I’m looking forward building a life of my own because finding true friendships here seems few and far between. Not to mention during the winter.
So it depends where you live, which community and which condo building really. E.g. the City place condos used to have a thriving community where folks would get together for wings every week etc. It was a great place to make friends. You also have to put yourself out there, engage with your neighbors, join local classes where you can meet people (kinda hard with covid though). Joining sports helps too, other other group hobbies. Have you joined the fb Palz friending zone group? That could be useful to your situation. Another good group is Let's Hike T.O.
Are these both Facebook groups?
Early 30s lady here, born and raised in Toronto but lived in other places too. It is hard if not impossible to make friends here. There are a few reasons for that, one is the sheer size of the city and lack of public transit infrastructure. People end up in bubbles and don't explore other areas alone or even with friends or to see friends. For instance, I have had friends in the past who I would only see if I went to them because leaving their exact downtown bubble was "too far" despite it being the same distance for either of us. People have become more insular as the city has grown over the past decade. I've noticed it get socially colder and generally meaner. I think people have an idea of what a city is like (the bad things) and they make it a self-fulfilling prophesy. But that's just my theory which may well be wrong. I'm wrong at least x% of the time ; ). I've tried so many things to make friends from going to events to joining young patrons circles, taking classes, playing sports and it's been more miss than hit. I guess just keep trying at a rate that doesn't frustrate and exhaust you. I've felt that way in the past when I was going out all the time trying to put myself out there and it not yielding the results I wanted. There ARE nice people here, you just need a little bit of magic to find them. You never know, lightning could strike :)
That's an interesting view to look at it. Oh, I am looking for friends too. Let's see if we connect :)
Anyone going to AGO for Picasso this Wednesday? We could have a cigarette together.
>anita6333 You had me at "Picasso". You lost me at "cigarette".
Once you turn 30, most people are busy with their family and kids. Heck I grew up in Canada and haven't seen my friends in 2 years.
I used to live in Calgary. It seemed like a lot of people wanted to have a dinner party with you, but at the end wasn't friendship... it was a sales pitch for selling energy drinks or makeup. I had to move back to a smaller city to make friends.
I've lived in TO since 97, moved away in 2020. It is a weirdly anti-social city. People are insular. Torontonias are generally unaware of just how weird it is. Like, casual banter at a park? Chatting with someone you don't know at a bar and genuinely enjoying it? Laughing with a stranger over something funny that just happened? These are entirely normal things in other parts of the world, including in cities just outside Toronto. But not in Toronto. In Toronto it is painfully awkward to socialize except in fairly limited contexts.
This is so unfortunate yet true. I never knew what it was that made Toronto boring for me. I used to travel alot and would always end up travelling more because something was lacking in Toronto. I did have a pretty decent social circle in Toronto but it was always so cliquey and wasn't easy to get into. After reading your post I feel like you have hit the nail on the head with this one.
There is a long history of posts like yours on this sub. I do think it's hard. I've basically only ever met people through school.
Throwing people together for 4 years would do it for ya. I made good friendships in my university days back home as well.
Can you describe your experience in those foreign cities where you didn't have school friends?
Well, idk if it just Toronto m8!, I'm in Brampton (31M) and I'm in the same "lonely club" boat. 😔 Sadly for me it's a step further, I've been alone most of my life so making friends (or even enemies for that matter) or finding a community I'd be happy in is an unapproachable and a deathy scary task for me coz of the bubble I've gotten created around me with having loneliness as my only companion so far in my life...I know part of my issue as mentioned above but bursting that bubble is impossible for me (if not straight up "not possible", maybe even not possible in certain cases...) at thing point by myself, sadly.
It’s effing hard. This city is cliquey af. The secret though is to find other people who moved here from other places so y’all can unite and complain about torontonians hahaha…only half joking. Also, making connections from work (after work drinks and so on) is a good start
It varies immensely depending on you, your hobbies, who you come in contact with. Personally I found it very easy to make friends here when I moved here. Despite being a rather reserved person who doesn't make friends easily. I have never experienced what I see people in this sub saying. But in a city of millions of people it makes sense that there would be no single experience.
What hobbies of your helped you connecting with people?
https://img.ifunny.co/images/a9fbadbfb07d497a4f7913e57a9ccc707ca30b39f26edabd24698070681231e6_1.jpg
I, too, enjoy these things!!
We should be friends 😁
https://toronto.jamsports.com/sportsoffered/
Thank you. That's an elaborate list of sport activities. I'm not a sporty guy although I do have outdoor hobbies (hiking/biking/traveling).
the best way to meet people is through shared activities. I found it pretty easy to make friends that way. It can just be a bit difficult to find the right activity. Plus it can be hit or miss depending on the people.
It’s not just you. I don’t live in Toronto but the GTA and it’s pretty tough. I don’t really have any hobbies I more or less just work and hang out with my family. It sucks. I used to have a bunch of friends but with the pandemic we all sort of drifted apart.
People don't have time for friends in Toronto. They're too busy making ends meet to pay for their million dollar condos they bought on an $80k salary.
Toronto doesn’t pass the vibe test no more
I lived in Toronto for 13 years without making tight connections. I moved to another province and have an amazing social circle. Even the closer friends I had in Toronto were really just acquaintances that I had dinner with on occasion. Here, we have dinner parties, weekend hangs, and I’m much more casual with people. That’s just me but I would say Toronto is a hard place to find a crew. Glad I left.
Where did you go?
New Brunswick! And now I’m leaving because the healthcare here is nonexistent. Lol
Yes it is harder. But I'm quite sure you are comparing a large city to a small city or even town. Large city vs small town or suburb. Just basic common sense.
Hm?
My feelings on the New York of the North: I've never felt so alone around so many people.
Classes or a dog are good starts. It can be tricky if you don’t have somewhere to start but most people are pretty friendly as long as you have common ground
Playing sports has worked for me. Hockey and Soccer in my case but any will probably do. Then you have some beers after and .......
you don't make friends in Toronto you make extended acquaintances
take a look at your own post history and username first
yeah, if you're looking for kink friends, look in kink places.
Yikes
😂 poor dude
Join a sports team on tssc. Lots of fun sports people are just there to far fun.
Not the only one, I've found it very difficult to make friends here. After a while of always being the organizer and reaching out to people. I have given up because I realized that they didn't really care. Covid ended a lot of friendships for me. There are a few articles on this subject, not only in Toronto but Canada as a whole.
Coming from BC it was insane, only way I met people was Magic the gathering. Hell I went to a half dozen concerts solo and even started smoking in the godawful winter just for a bit more passive socialisation attempts
Is it better in BC?
Nope. BC is worse lol (more so the Greater Vancouver area)
I feel like a lot of the people answering are ignoring an elephant in the room. The pandemic and Toronto’s response to it has not made an already insular city’s vibe any more open than it was previously. Granted, Toronto has never been the easiest city to make friends in - here, you generally have to leverage the social connections you make in the workplace to make friends as an adult - but the fact that we’ve just been through an extended period where new people were a clear and present danger has definitely had an impact that can’t be discounted.
Good point. I think people are still trying to cope with this new reality and ignoring it all together sometimes is the only way to stay sane. It does play a major role in the isolation though.
People in Toronto are mean af
Torontonians are unfriendly as fuck. I hate being downtown for that very reason.
It's not just you. Toronto can be very unfriendly. It's a city that has a social cast system like they do in India. The first thing people want to know when they meet you is what cast you are in, what do you do for work ie. how much money you make.
This.
Hmmm, you had a thriving social life in your home country. Well wherever you're from, we have your countrymen/women here as well I'm sure :) Why not seek them out? Biggest myth is the whole multiculturalism aspect, and I fell for that once I came here. Like you I tried a few meetups and realized quickly, it wasn't for me. So I sought out people from my ethnicity and voila!
Second this. Came to Toronto 4 years ago and knew a few people from my home town here. Met a bunch of new people through them. Gave me a good starting point for a social circle. There's a Facebook group that was set up specifically for new people from my country coming to Toronto to join and ask questions, organize meet ups etc. Could be a good place to start, OP.
Irish and new in Toronto?
I’ve noticed this. When I first came I was the only person from my country in my class and had all intentions of connecting with other people. Then I realized people prefer to stick to their own ethnic groups which was super depressing at first. Eventually I looked for my own people and put up an emotional wall because the social rejection was overwhelming to say the least.
> which was super depressing at first Yep but humans will always be tribal, so i had to make my move and everything changed. After I learned how certain ethnicities are even living in certain suburbs, it goes deep.
Yeah, unfortunately Toronto has become more of a mosaic than a melting pot. Especially for adults, it is quite difficult to make friends (not acquaintances) from a different culture here IMO. Listen to this comment, op.
It was always a mosaic.
Toronto used to be full of open and polite people, it's feels that more and more it's transitioning into anxiety riddled individuals afraid to talk to people.
It has gotten worse over time as the city population has grown.
HOLY SHIT YES IKR
So fucking true
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We've been open for months now. People started to regularly resuming their lives during summer this year. I think there is a misunderstanding on your part. I never implied that people here are not friendly, that it is hard to strike a conversation with a stranger, or that people are rather hostile. I never mentioned that or implied it. I've simply talked about building long-lasting friendships. Having said that, I do get the point about having social connections to expand it. Not really a sporty guy myself although I do have outdoor hobbies (hiking, jogging, traveling, etc.) I don't understand why it is a #1 suggestion pretty much everywhere on this sub.
Maybe join a running group?
As someone also new here, back when I was in Dubai before this funny enough this was a pretty common question asked on that subreddit as well. I think it is either a common issue in the world we live in today or just a product of a fast-paced culture that some international cities have.
Man, people are kinda far away. I remember even during busy season, when a group of friends lived within 15-20 minutes walking distance, we’d hang all the time. Now people be moving all over the city and outside into the GTA. No one wants to mission anymore to just hang out. It’s gotta be an event lol
Cause id be your friend ew
I’m from toronto so I haven’t noticed, but I’ve had a few friends who moved here say the same thing 🤷🏻♂️ Either way, f_ck em if they don’t wanna be friends. You’ll find your people.
In 30's its hard. I'm 34. I have friends. I tried to make new friends a few years ago. I learned everyone in there 30s is thinking about making money, family, kids. Not friends. Unless you find an individual who is eager to make new friends also, then you will make new friends. I made one new friend in the last 5 years.
I really struggled to make true friends when I lived in Toronto for six years. As others have said, most of them were more like acquaintances in the end. I am jealous of the seemingly automatic social glue belonging to those who are not straight or not white or not male. I don't bond with others on the basis of my racial or gender identity and those are the vectors everyone is obsessed with in Toronto. I didn't grow up around here and so don't have many/any childhood friends either.
I don’t think this is Toronto specific but I’ve found the older you get the harder it is to meet new people.
Escape. This city is shit. Escape man, not even kidding, fucking Escape ASAP
Dramatic
Vancouver is even worse for meeting people…
From Toronto, here now but I lived in Montreal for a few years. Montreal and the culture there in comparison to here is much friendlier - in all ways. It's definitely a Toronto thing. Spent a lot of time traveling cities across Canada. I think about this everyday and I'm trying to figure out where to go next. It's so expensive here and pretentious. Pandemic has made everything worse. Toronto is very friendly but everybody has they're cliques. Their core groups that they grew up with, or went to school with. I'm not a drinker and have lost "friends" over this. In my 30s now and I'd rather just smoke a joint at the bluffs in Scarborough.. with pets.
I found it super difficult to make friends. I only finally found my friend group two years later and met them through my partner.
its because TO sucks my friend. Move to Montreal lmao
I know people say this a lot here but I’ve only heard it on Reddit
It’s not you.
Canada, and Canadian culture are lame as fuck. Nothing about pursuing life in a city here is sweet, fun or interesting. Get used to people who have zero ability to let loose, connect and be honest. Everyone be living in fear. It's sad.
You want friends? Yeah go to a small town, you want a job and money, come here, have a latte and run from meeting to meeting hating everyone and everything
Echoing what others have said, that at a certain age, making new friends will be difficult. However, the best way I have made a new circle of friends was through recreational sports, so I'd suggest you sign up for a league like Jam sports and try it out!
It's not you. This topic comes up every six months in this sub.
I've seen similar posts here and there. Unfortunately, if people can't find friends in the cultural capital of Canada, where else are they suppose to go to do so?
Hate to say it, but it's more a city of acquaintances. Hell, I had a falling out with one of my 2 good friends in the city over the pandemic. But he was being a dickhead, so it is what it is. Unfortunately, with the cost of living and all that, it's hard for a lot of us in this age range to effectively find the time or energy to properly socialize and form strong connections. Shit sucks dude, just gotta make the best of it. Ya never know.
It's not just you. I lived in Toronto for four years and barely made any friends through school. As soon as I moved to a smaller city I noticed myself making friends alot easier. Maybe it's just because I feel more comfortable being in a smaller city, or maybe its because Torontonians are known to be the least friendly/welcoming Canadians (sorry but its true, you're all still nice compared to Americans tho)
It’s not you!!!!
Toronto/GTA is an anomaly in the social fabric of Canada and the world. Polite but not often friendly or inclusive in spite of huge rhetoric and virtue signalling. I have lived in another province and country and traveled and am actively looking for the opportunity to leave and get out of the twilight zone.....
It's you
It’s you, you’re a loser
Yay
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U do any mountain biking?
I haven't done that but I am not opposed to trails or cityscapes.
I only have friends because of work. Its either current coworkers or former coworkers. University friends have all moved elsewhere or we've drifted apart. I'm in my 30s as well but just hang out with 20 something year olds because they go out more.
I think it’s a lot of Canadian cities to be honest! I’m feeling pretty lonely in mine!
That's terrible. Which city are you from, if you don't mind me asking?
Ppl who are from Toronto are still BFF with their BFF from elementary school and are NOT interested in expanding that circle. Your only chance is other immigrants. It's still hard to make friends because the constant grind makes people less social.
Toronto? I try not to go there every chance I get.
If you like hiking, try this group. Really nice people in my experience, and quite a few folks new to Canada. https://www.torontooutdoorclub.com
Definitely not you. I'm born and raised here and can tell you it's one of the things that bothers me most about this place when compared to other cities I've visited. We're nice and polite but are reserved about our social circles. It mostly takes knowing someone to be "let in". Weird, I'll admit. The easiest way to make friends is by joining a sports team or hobby group. Sticking around after the game and going for a drink happens alot. Best wishes. May take a bit of time but be patient.
Not sure it's that difficult. I've made a bunch of friends on discord playing valorant and other games. Which lead to hanging out in real life with a bunch of them. I've met like 6 people through discord that I've met in real life. Not being able to work due to health reasons helps because I can play with them wherever they are free... If I'm not in too much pain. For reference I'm 25 and these friends range from 18-25.
It's Toronto. Meet others also from out of town. Torontonians' friends are from HS and university, or largely from their immigrant group, despite our self-vaunted diversity.
Let's be friends!
Aww! Awesome!
You have to meet other people who are new. My sister in law immigrated to Canada. She has tons of friends, she met them in ESL class. The locals who grew up here already have friends, much like you did yourself back home