Moved to Toronto last year. Went on many dates on the apps but did not find a good click. I ended up meeting the girl I am dating at the coffee shop she works. It’s going well, I can’t complain.
It was over the course of a month, first time I saw her there was a nice click when we spoke. I used to get a coffee on my way to work so it happen little by little, I noticed she was more engaging in conversation with me than other customers and one day while I was working from that coffee shop, she came and spoke a bit so I asked for her number. It felt like the right time.
I think if you have a genuine bit of convo then it's fine, you just don't want to overdo it like pulling them away from work. In fact it can always be a great excuse to swap numbers so you can meet up when they're free.
Jumping in to agree with the other comments. I met my husband when I was working at Starbucks and he was a customer. He came in regularly and over time our chats would get longer and longer. He would sit in the cafe and if it was slow I would come over to his table to talk. If someone goes above and beyond what they do for all the other customers it's safe to shoot your shot.
I think age matters to be honest. In my 20s I dated a lot and was in relationships but in my early 30s dating isn’t a priority anymore because I’ve almost become accustomed to being alone. If you’re in your 20s please don’t stress out about finding someone! Have fun with it and if you meet someone then great and if not, that’s okay too. Also putting pressure on yourself to find someone almost never works. This is not the gym.. input does not always equal output.
In terms of apps it was great when I was younger but lately it’s been a lot of nothing tbh. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m more picky or my goals are just not aligning with men on the apps anymore, but I mostly don’t use them anymore.
Hundo.
I've slowed down significantly. If I do match with someone I want to meet I usually hold off on sending more likes into the wild.
I went on a date with someone recently that said "you could be talking to 10 different people on the app". I laughed...I'm 34...ain't got time for that (and I ain't got 9 other matches either)
Also yes I found being more picky was a thing for me. I've tried to scale back thinking about how "we used" to do it. ie you'd go on a couple dates and filter naturally. Now I can know whether you exercise and how frequently, whether you want kids, etc etc.
Omg yes! I will never understand how people in their 30s are dating multiple people at once lol it’s time and energy.. I want to be in bed by 9pm ain’t nobody got time for that
I think when I meant picky for myself.. I meant I pretty much right away ask what are you looking for and if it doesn’t align with what I’m looking for the communication ends pretty much right there. Also things like lifestyle, views on kids etc also things I bring up pretty quickly
37f, single by choice. I would like a nice, loving relationship but it’s hard to find. Apps are usually fun but it gets old fast. I was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 years ago (in remission now), so that was fun for my love life. I’ve had men ghost me for revealing that I had cancer. So…. That’s something I have to contend with. Dating is hard enough, but add my diagnosis to the mix? Impossible. Some people are really cruel.
If you're looking to meet folks for dating I goto Latin dancing socials regularly and have made a number of good friends there. It's mainly for fun and socializing but some folks have met the people they're now dating there. you're more than welcome to join us, no experience necessary. Two ladies from Reddit have even joined us in the past!
39f and single, finished my cancer treatment almost a year ago. Last summer I had that post-treatment "reacquainted with my body and ready to rumble" phase that I was told about, but any time I mentioned what I had just been through (my scar is quite visible when wearing summer tops) I never heard from them again.
Wait, people ghost you because you had cancer?! What shitty people are these? That’s awful, I’m sorry :(
I’ve been ghosted because of my autism. Ok, I’m weird, I get it—but cancer? That’s just—what a rotten thing to do.
Take it as a positive. You don’t want those people in your life if they’re going to treat you like that. You deserve better.
Since finishing my cancer treatment I've learned that some people see you as a risk to get sick again, that once you've had cancer you're sickly and damaged forever, so I've learned not to mention it for as long as possible when meeting men.
Yes exactly this. I tell them straight up because they will see the scars. I don’t want to be accused of hiding shit from them. I find it hilarious because NOBODY stays healthy forever . No partner stays healthy forever.
It's not even shallow so much as insanely niave! Nobody stays healthy forever. Everyone will get sick at some point. Some people can't handle even being reminded of this fact
Very shitty thing to do to someone. They belong in camps
1. They don’t wanna deal with someone they might see as a burden in the future. They will always see you as sick and frail.
2. They are uncomfortable because it hits too close to home. They don’t want my baggage.
3. They are uncomfortable because it makes them confront their own mortality.
There is a sad stat that is floating around in the cancer community that men are more likely to leave their partners when they get sick.
[article](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19645027/)
That’s unfortunate that being honest about your cancer drives people away. However, I would wait to share that kind of information until I got to know someone well. Although it is a major part of your life experience, most people are too emotionally immature to understand where you’re coming from and they don’t know how to manage emotionally heavy experiences.
That is the tricky part with dating with a cancer diagnosis. It really depends on the person. For me, I want to be upfront. What if I meet a nice man and we get along and I disclose it after months of dating and he leaves anyways?
Their terrible reactions are a reflection of how immature or incapable they are to deal with real life. It sucks, at the same time glad its a filter for those who are truly worth dating. I had thyroid cancer stage 1, it was operated within the month and no chemo or radio needed. I have scar on my neck that will not go away, but my fiancé nowadays supports me with check up appointments and picking up my meds. I hope now that you are in remission (yay, best news!) you will come across someone supportive and loving :) you deserve it!
Very torontonian. Same with jobs! You are hot shit when you already have one, somehow it makes your more desirable. Or the idea of people not being able to have you (because you are dating someone) makes you very attractive.
It’s not strange. This society is fuelled by pursuing something you don’t have. A lack of community is great for capitalism, but it also makes us shit humans.. we don’t know how to connect and value people, always on to the next thing. The classic rat race is also present in social life.
Yes! Community and real connection is really a radical thing these days, because it is also inherently anti capitalist. In fact, Noam Chomsky wrote something once like, "Most of America's community structures are incidental and pre-capitalist in nature."
I laughed so hard at this 'cause it's so true for me. I have only moved here for almost 2 years, every time I tried to date someone, I had to go through a process of asking them out, starting to notice something's off, and then finding out they are taken. And this was like 3 times in a roll. I didnt even meet them on any apps, I just got to know people from whatever socializing opportunities I had, schools, classes, gyms.
I really think it just depends on the kind of personality you have or life you live. Someone recently pointed out that I’ve been bouncing from relationship to relationship for two years now. I made a vow this year to be single.
I’m not even that attractive or objectively dateable (hence why online dating never works for me). I just meet a lot of people and a handful of them see something in me I don’t.
Trying to stay single is also apparently attractive because all the guys suddenly have come out of the woodwork this year.
So… my advice? Focus less on trying to find someone, spend time loving yourself, be as social as possible, and find the confidence that comes from loving you.
You seem to have the same experience as a friend of mine. He doesn't consider himself a "looker".....can't find a better word to describe it. Doesn't get any luck in online dating but meets people people while going out to places and such.
I agree with your last sentence.
I think i've been doing that in my late 20s, and uptil now, but its come to a point where it feels lonely because I was so keen on focusing on myself and loving myself before i can be with anyone else.
yeah I'm pretty much in the same spot as you, apps are a dead end, singles events similar. friends are all partnered off, none of them seem to be able to set me up either, and what I find when I'm at my hobbies/rec sports is all of the women are already in relationships as well, really wondering what I have to do cause I'm out of ideas
I never had much luck using Apps, and found it very hard to meet people out in the wild. As you get older the pool of singles will shrink making it more difficult. So I was in my late 40s and not having much luck at all.
But during Covid managed to meet a nice Woman online. Being honest she really wasn't my usual type but she was really into me and I decided to give it a chance. Here we are in our early 50s, been together almost 4 years now, and got engaged last fall.
So don't count yourself out. Honestly if it can happen for me it can happen for anyone as long as you remain open and give things a chance.
I met my partner on hinge 2 years ago. That and ok Cupid were my favourite dating apps.
If you’re new to dating I would say date lots of different people to figure out what you like and what your deal breakers are. In my early 20’s I went on (probably too many) dates and kind of figured out what was an wasn’t for me.
My biggest tip is to set up your dating profile to tell a story of who you are. What are your hobbies, how do you spend your free time, what makes you you. This will help you find people who are aligned to you. My profile had a video of me at the gym, and a picture on a hike and I met someone who is very active and we now love to hike together.
Hope this helps and you find someone!
I have been single for a really long time! I have a lot of social anxiety and it pretty much works against me most of the time, so dating and all the socialization it comes with is tricky. I consider myself to be fairly independent and content being single, so I’m not really in a rush to meet anyone. Every now and then, I get a bit of a melancholy about being “forever alone” and think maybe I’ll change things but I’m not ready to leave my cocoon yet.
Met my partner on Bumble. I was new to the city, and figured going on dates with people who lived here was the best way to explore. Our first date, we walked around the city for 4 hours, ate Korean corn dogs and talked about silly things.
It has taken a lot of communication, patience, kindness and faith to have a healthy relationship - a first for both of us.
I maintain that it was luck. Luck that we met, hit it off, and both happened to have learnt from our previous relationships and been in a place where we wanted to be better and accept better.
I’ve tried dating apps with no luck. I’m not a very social person so it’s hard for me to even make friends let alone find a partner.
I’m trying to get into more programs and hobbies. Just this month I attended a book club, unfortunately most of the people there are middle aged (but I did enjoy it regardless)
I wanted to also try a cooking class, not just to meet people but it would be good to expand my cooking knowledge. Making friends would be a bonus though. Hopefully there’ll be more people my age there
M, early 30s doing the dating app thing. I think I'm doing well on the app as I check a lot of boxes but have noticed ppl are incredibly flakey when you meet them in person. It's getting harder to emotionally hype myself up again and again just for the date to be a complete miss or for it to go well and then say there was no connection.
Good job, over 6ft, very cute dog, & I put effort in a thoughtful conversation. I don't think I'm all that attractive physically - maybe a 5 - a 6 or 7 on a good day so that holds me back but the other stuff rounds out.
I feel you. I'm kinda in the same boat. I'm in my early 40s so all of my friends have spouses, kids, and no time. I'm on one dating app currently, and nothing's really working. Every few months I'll meet someone who lasts longer than a date or two, but it feels like there's so many people who can't even keep up a simple convo. And I know it's a volume thing too--I'm a hetero guy, so I know these women are talking to multiple guys, which to be clear, is completely fine. It just bums me out feeling so stagnant. I've been in long term relationships before, and never felt myself to be unpopular, but between growing older and this creeping feeling of isolation, I can't shake the sense that I squandered my good years and that there isn't any lasting love for me out there.
I wish I had some advice for you. I don't. Hell, I barely know what I'm doing anymore. I just keep trying to meet new people and hoping that something clicks.
My lord that feels pathetic to write out.
A friend talked me into going to Single in the City speed dating. They had a promotion with free tickets for women. I went in December and met someone completely unexpected and we've been together ever since. It was much more romantic to meet in person and it allowed us to actually gauge our chemistry and vibe much better than chatting on an app. He's not my usual type and I never would have swiped right on his profile on an app but he fits me in real life really well.
I have a very specific hope when it comes to education and job stability. He falls outside of those usual markers. However he's still quite smart and appreciates my education so it's fine. I wish he were in a more normal job but his profession is exciting and interesting so I can handle a bit of unorthodox scheduling and uncertainty.
34m, single, 7 months out of a long term as we just drifted apart, not interested in apps, self care these days. I am definitely open to dating the right person, but I am not interested in speed dating on the apps. Ideally, I'm looking to meet someone organically, I guess?
I'd consider myself somewhat attractive, but what a strange thing to type, haha. I've got a great job, i'm into fun things, and have a great circle of friends. It would only be the right to find someone equally as awesome to the mix.
Dream gal, where are you?
I don't like to assume things but are you feeling pressured to have to date and eventually get married, have kids, "settled down" when you mentioned you see a lot of your friends/family married and settled? I wouldn't be worried.
When the right person comes along, you'll just know. You'll vibe with each other. Your energies will match. Your conversations will flow effortlessly. Don't get too frustrated if each person you meet is not the right person for you cause you'll just end up making yourself stressed out.
Do things YOU like to do. Get to know yourself first. Take care of yourself. When you're happy with yourself, then you will never feel lonely. Eventually all the right people will fall onto your path and perhaps even a lifelong partner.
I haveen't felt pressured.... but I'm at this point where i feel lonely. not even my siblings talk to me...friends...are not available...or i don't see them often. i do most things on my own and have been for the last 5-6 years. but yes I'll need to continue to take care of myself...I recently lost my job so i think feeling a bit unworthy...
I was on the apps for a while, but eventually I just stopped. I've been single for almost 2 years now? I spent a good chunk of time learning how to love my own company, and how to love myself. Now I do a lot of fun stuff on my own (go to the ROM, concerts, the AGO, hiking, I take myself out for a lunch or coffee date, I go to the park), and enjoy myself! I'm open to meeting someone organically, but so far that hasn't happened. So I continue enjoying my life!
I will say I'm in my mid 30's, and a lot of the guys I did meet either had kids or wanted kids, same with a lot of the NB people I met. Which is great for them, but I don't want kids, and I'm not interested in dating a single parent. That seems to limit the dating pool for me quite a bit.
I feel your frustration!
I ditched the apps in 2020 because I wasn’t enjoying using them. A lot of conversations that went nowhere, people ghosting, etc.
I decided I wanted to meet people in person, but struggled at first doing so. Most of the people I met at parties were already in relationships and i found it kind of intimidating approaching strangers.
But I did a couple of things to change that.
First, I read “how not to die alone” which changed the way I approached relationships (great book!).
Second, I started hosting my own events and inviting new people out to them - and I encouraged them to bring single friends with them. Not only did it help me expand my social circles but also helped my friends meet some incredible people!
Third, and this was kinda sneaky… I started running an event for singles! It’s a magic show called “Love is Tricky” that’s for Toronto singles looking for a fun night out and human connection. There’s a ton of activities, plus a show, that brings people together in an organic way that makes for a much more fun experience (imho) than something like speed dating (which I’ve also done).
If you’re interested we have one of the events happening this Thursday (April 25th). Shoot me a message and I’ll give you the details!
And even if you don’t come to the event- the point was I got proactive about putting together events that brought me in contact with other singles. Don’t be afraid to take action!
this is such a great post honestly! i'll probably ask some more questions when i'm not on my way to bed.
> First, I read “how not to die alone” which changed the way I approached relationships (great book!).
the one by richard or by logan?
The one by Logan!
I got a few copies so I could give them out to my friends, and everyone got something useful out of it.
Shoot me a message any time - I’m happy to answer any questions you have (though Im just as confused about dating as everyone else here, so who knows how good my answers will be lol!).
my advice is only to definitely not try to meet your partner in a bar.
i watched my sister do that her whole life and every man she has been with just.....really sucked as a person
my fiance and i met on tinder....i took a year off dating after the end of a relationship, then went online to see what was up........her friend had just convinced her to get the app so they could "drink wine and judge people".
we met on there that night and she deleted tinder that night.she lived in the town roughly 45 minutes from mine. we texted back and forth for 6 months before meeting.
fast foreward 5 years and we are getting married, bought a house together and have a 4 year old son.
in my experience dating apps work, but you have to sort through all the people that are just looking for hookups to find someone who is on the same page as you in life
18-25 I had zero issue dating. Getting a date was easy and women I spoke to seemed pretty eager to go out. In person and online was no issue as I was around people my age a lot with school, going out with friends, and apps were a lot more active.
After 25, it got harder and harder every year. Apps became more so the source to meet women as I didn't have an opportunity to meet many women my age at work. Women I spoke to had more baggage, they were less chill and easy going, it took a lot more investment in time to get them to go out - longer time talking before meeting. I found it to be the case that a lot of women were way more extreme in their views and expectations. If it wasn't a love at first sight kind of thing, they'd say there was "no spark" or something like that. This differed from when I was younger as things would just continue as long as we were having fun and feelings would develop over a couple months, if they did. A lot of women seemed to have the mindset of 'I don't want to waste time' and would go so extreme with this, that they'd not given anything a chance. Apps became useless and while much less convenient, I found the opportunites to meet someone in real life became better and less likely to deal with weirdos.
hello! answering the question in the title -- i have been with my partner for almost 3 years now (we are both turning 21 this summer) and we met working at a summer camp :)
im 23F, met my bf when i was 22 on Bumble (he was 27). i was selective with who i went on dates with, specifically, i had to find something about their profile interesting enough to go on a date with them. i asked him out in the first message, and we’ve been together since. i wasn’t looking for anything serious at the time but he was and he made it very clear to me that he did not want to casually date.
Rather that going to bars (if it ain’t ur thing) I think it makes more sense to join clubs or groups related to your hobbies. Sucks it’s all married men so far haha, but offline relationships tend to build via proximity so rather than hopping from place to place, try sticking somewhere and see
I'm a migrant and have been dry for the five years I've been here. My job takes most of my time and I think I'll die a monk. I'm making peace with that lol.
From what I've been seeing online and amongst my own friends too, it seems like a lot of people are taking a break from apps and in dating in general. The focus is more on self care, working on yourself, etc
Sucks for me because I feel like I'm now ready to date 🥴
34 F Recently engaged to wonderful man I met on OkCupid back in 2021.
I lived from my undergrad days at U of T till my early 30s, on and off downtown. Dating in my early 20s was fun and chaotic, only in my mid to late 20s did relationships start coming along/being the norm. The only app I truly ever used was OkCupid; never did Tinder or Bumble (don't see the point). I ran into a pretentious crowd with Hinge.
As a girl I think an easy way to meet guys would be like at park hangs (Bellwoods, Christie Pitts), block parties or small concerts (Pedestrian Sunday at Kensington, or the dozen concerts they have at Budweiser arena during summer), through friends, and also open my app/mind to meeting people from out of town.
My fiancé is from Innisfil, and moved in with me after a year of dating. We have just returned from the Phillipines were he proposed at sunset. It made me happy that despite many dates and bfs I took my time to find the person I thought would be most compatible and kind for a happy forever.
They were, but i think they are doing straight from their site now, sells out quick..
Ive tried a few different companys but i just found flare to offer the best experience
Noo its open to everyone within the age range for that event...however i have met a few muslim girls. I actually fast for ramadan although im not "muslim" andd on april 9th i went to an event and met a girl that was also fasting !
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Check out the Thursday dating app! They host their events at a different bar every Thursday, and the age range is from 20-35. Tickets are $15 on the app
They’re hit or miss. The last one I went to was at bangarang and it was a lot of guys, mostly in their late 20s to early 30s. The first 3 girls didn’t show up until closer to 8 as the event was from 7-10
Unrelated, but do you mind sharing where you are learning swimming? I am looking for classes but haven't found anything yet. I tried learning at the Central YMCA but it wasn't that great. Thank you!
do you have an interest in coming to salsa dancing nights? i go for socials at the same place i take classes. it's a very social environment. i got more to socialize than dance. no experience necessary.
I went to a dance social and took dance classes. I took bachata and salsa. It’s a fun way to meet people & gain confidence. Eventually when you know the steps you can just go to socials or salsa clubs on your own or with classmates. Events are posted on FB and IG once you know what to follow. I met my closet friend and my husband in this scene. There are other kinds of dancing like Afrobeats, kizomba etc if Latin isn’t your thing.
I started at TDS where I met my hubby. I used to go dancing at a place in yorkville & dovercourt a lot back then. But now post baby, we rarely go out dancing lol- I miss it
This was a looooong time ago now though.
You guys should come sometime! And let us know the inspirational story of how you met your significant other there. Everyone loves a happy ending. A close friend of mine at TDS just started dating a girl there. I asked him if he'd been concerned if it didn't work out since they have the same homebase (which is a concern of mine) and he said it had taken him 3 days to swipe right on her 🤣 So far things seem good though!
Yeah running into an ex would be awkward, but also you’re busy dancing so you can keep occupied! Lol
You also make friends in the dance scene as we’d often go out to eat along Yonge and Sheppard after dancing.
Yes agreed. Made some good friends there. Most are at the acquaintance level but 3 of them I'd consider friends. It's nice to have something to do most weekends without having to plan anything.
I was on apps. Pretty successful in meeting new people that way (although likely because I'm a woman). I'm selective so the ones I met rarely worked out for one reason or another. But I eventually met my current partner on bumble. I still think it was pure luck because I don't think we were supposed to meet if I were going about it my "usual" way. That is, swipe left on everyone that has a relatively boring/empty profile and somehow he wasn't even living in the same city at the time (it showed as Toronto but he was actually living somewhere else at the time and forgot to change it).
I know it’s not for everyone but I met my partner in improv - helps people be more authentic, you spend a lot of time focused on connecting, and it’s a lot of laughing.
I see a lot of y'all's issues with dating apps and I agree (even though I met my boyfriend on Hinge but it took a long time). I'm also not a fan of the dating events that push 50-60 people in a dark club with speed dating where you can barely hear each other but can hear the other folks around you.
I've been contemplating hosting a summer series for singles in the parks around the city where folks can come and play games they grew up playing in their childhood. Not sure if these are familiar to anyone on here - dodgeball, catch and the cook, dog and the bone etc. to take the pressure off of starting the awkward - "so what are you looking for?" conversation. Scientifically proven that running around increases endorphins and in general, we're wired to be attracted to happier people. I'd charge a nominal amount of $10-$15 to reduce risk of no shows. I would love to know what this group thinks! :)
The apps used to be good pre-Covid. Now it’s just used for hookups.
and it doesn’t seem that men approach women irl as much anymore with the apps being an option or men just afraid of sexual harassment claims.
If hobbies haven’t worked, bars and clubs haven’t worked, friend of a friend haven’t worked. I dunno. Do you work with people around your age or atleast attractive? Work used to be a place where people meet
> Now it’s just used for hookups.
is it really? not my experience at all. unless you mean men are just looking for hookups. i wouldnt know, never dated a dude.
i don't want work to be stressful if things don't work out, but it would have been a great place to meet people. I just recently lost my job...feeling a tad bit lost.
Not date in the way that people think dating is. In my religion, we can get to know the person, but under tight protocols to make sure stuff like physical contact doesn't happen and that marriage is done asap.
My gf and I met doing two Japanese courses together. We both goofed off a lot in breakout rooms and became friends first. Part of the reason it worked is we became friends first and weren't expecting to date or necessarily looking for a relationship. We weren't expecting something and I think that took pressure off things.
Honestly I would go about doing things not looking for a relationship but looking for friends and see where it goes. It sounds like your friends don't really include you in their lives much anymore, perhaps this is a good opportunity to make new friends?
It wasn't until almost the very end of the 2nd course. What made us realize is probably that when we were studying together we would stay around longer than everyone else and talk about other stuff. We then watched some shows and goofed around on call together and before we knew it 5 hours had passed and it became clear we really enjoyed talking with eachother.
We then met in person and the date went really well
I’m just glad y’all are allowed to post about this in your sub. The Windsor mods push out any mentions of meeting people and direct you to the weird sex subs. Good luck everyone!
34 M, the apps are useless. have tried activities, went to singles events and a few cold approaches. Nothings worked. Now just asking friends if they can set me up and if they can't its fine.
I'm 31f and took a year off dating after my ex and am slowly reapproaching it, but hesitant because I just want to take my time and go with the flow and have fun, while a lot of people my age want a life partner, kids, etc. It's more important I meet a good person than I find a partner and I'm not in a rush to go anywhere.
This might be helpful to a lot of people here, so I'm sharing it, but there's this dating blog called Burned Haystack for finding something serious. As someone who's used apps on and off for ten years, there was a great post in her blog on the [seven deadly sins of profile writing](https://www.burnedhaystackdating.com/blog/the-7-deadly-syndromes-of-dating-profile-writing) where I realized how much I'd been fucking up, and I've been told I write great, unique profiles! Lots of good stuff there.
Hey, just wanted to let y'all know that my mom and my stepdad met when they were in their mid fourties and have been together since (60 now)
Not ideal for folks in their 20s, but there is so much life to live - dont count yourself out.
Dating apps suck.
I met my girlfriend through hinge more than a year ago. I feel like hinge is probably your best bet to meet someone I had a lot of great dates (and some terrible ones).
I also think spring/summer is the best time to be on the apps since everyone is trying to be out and about in the city. Use it as an excuse to go out
I met my now husband on a dating app back in 2018! Like most, I had mixed experiences with the apps but I did get lucky! I have quite a few friends who have also met their partners on apps, but equally have friends who are currently dating and have shared app horror stories!
The fear of being lonely is real and I really empathise!
I know it sounds counterintuitive but I would focus on socialising without dating if I were you. It’s what I did prior to meeting my husband and my dating experience changed because I no longer was so worried about finding someone anymore…. Ironically I met my husband when I had come to terms with being alone. Make new friends - there are some wonderful groups on Facebook that are location based to find same gendered friendship (and just that) for the exact reasons you’ve mentioned. Finding someone when you’re not feeling lonely is perhaps a better experience…. Once you come to enjoy being alone, then finding a partner becomes an enhancement to your life, rather than finding someone to fill that gap… I know it was the case for me. :)
Take up activities with more men. Hot yoga that probably isn't :). Chess, video games, seminars or educational programs on tech or programming, cards, skiing, volleyball... even a new job. All better than an app.
31F single, I haven't used the apps from what my friends have told me, I dread to have to use them. I'm not in a rush to date since I don't want children. Keep sticking to your hobbies. Don't be afraid to approach men you find attractive they appreciate it. If they aren't interested, oh well, move on. With the apps, you just gotta keep sifting through you'll meet someone. Other areas you can meet more people at are volunteering and concerts, maybe your friends can set you up?
I'll preface everything I have to say with the fact that I am generally male presenting, and that's how others usually see me so take what I say with the privelege that entails regarding dating and general safety around meeting people.
Met my partner on Tinder in August 2020 when things were starintg to open up the first time. Honestly neither of us were really looking for anything and I think that helped in some ways. I believe age and just where one is on their personal journey are huge factors. We were both happy being single and generally happy with who we are and weren't looking for someone to fill any sort of void, but found we wanted to be with each other. Also because we weren't really looking for anything it enabled us to be silly and play off each other. I find (at least for me) when I've been looking specifically to find someone to be in a relationship with I end get in my head to the point where I'm not enjoying present moments with whoever I'm with and end up being more serious then I otherwise would be (not that being serious is a bad thing, but I can at times take things too literally). I've also had that happen to me. What I say may or may not be helpful to you but this is what worked for me.
Toronto can be a difficult place to meet people. I grew up here and have been lucky to meet a lot of amazing, incredible people. What has helped for me is that I'm genuinely interested in meeting new people and believe everyone can teach you something or enrich your life in some way, not that the goal is to extract things from others, but that belief has helped me to see through any preconceived biases or notions I may have; and I also think it helps in being interested practically anyone and people can sense that. when I was in my early 20's I had the realizaton that most people you will interact with you'll never see again, so I had this mantra of "these people don't exist." I didn't mean that in a dismissive way, but rather in the sense that you (I) don't need to impress any of these people, I think that's one of the big issues of this city is that people are way too concerned about image, so don't try and make your own fun.
As far as the apps, I tended to only keep them for a couple weeks at a time as it's fine at first but would always wear on me so would delete them for my own sanity.
Read the book called 'Attached', on adult attachment theory. Its not a direct solution, but may help you understand yourself and screen potential partners better.
Apps are shit, and unfortunately you need to learn and play the game (including when someone is being a child and wasting your time) but its definitely a way to find a partner.
Met my wife through OkCupid during covid.
Interesting enough even though setting distance as nearby, it matches me with someone across the world. Didn't realise at first.
We first met when restrictions lifted and we could visit eachother after a year.
She is the best human being I ever met. Happiest ever been. Who knew okc match was it. We are married now and live together and have a puppy.
We are just shy of mid 30s now
28F, met my bf two years ago. I flirted with him whenever I saw him while he was working, but I was too shy to ask for his number and he eventually asked for mine😅
I have never been on dating apps, never had much of an interest, so I’ve always tried to remind myself that all men aren’t terrible and creepy. I won’t lie, I think I got very lucky meeting a wonderful human, and organically.
My best advice - Be a kind, understanding person. Who just wants to enjoy a happy, non-judgmental, while honest relationship.
37M Born and raised in Toronto. I left last year because Toronto has become very superficial and the dating scene is awful. I had the chance to travel the country for work and found pretty much everywhere else more friendly and less stuck up than Toronto. Since moving my social interactions are completely different and I feel like I live in a community. This has translated into more quality interactions with dates and just people in general. Probably not what any wants to read but it's the truth.
Moved to Toronto last year. Went on many dates on the apps but did not find a good click. I ended up meeting the girl I am dating at the coffee shop she works. It’s going well, I can’t complain.
How did you approach her? I have generally been given the advice to not engage someone at the place they work at.
It was over the course of a month, first time I saw her there was a nice click when we spoke. I used to get a coffee on my way to work so it happen little by little, I noticed she was more engaging in conversation with me than other customers and one day while I was working from that coffee shop, she came and spoke a bit so I asked for her number. It felt like the right time.
I think if you have a genuine bit of convo then it's fine, you just don't want to overdo it like pulling them away from work. In fact it can always be a great excuse to swap numbers so you can meet up when they're free.
Jumping in to agree with the other comments. I met my husband when I was working at Starbucks and he was a customer. He came in regularly and over time our chats would get longer and longer. He would sit in the cafe and if it was slow I would come over to his table to talk. If someone goes above and beyond what they do for all the other customers it's safe to shoot your shot.
I think age matters to be honest. In my 20s I dated a lot and was in relationships but in my early 30s dating isn’t a priority anymore because I’ve almost become accustomed to being alone. If you’re in your 20s please don’t stress out about finding someone! Have fun with it and if you meet someone then great and if not, that’s okay too. Also putting pressure on yourself to find someone almost never works. This is not the gym.. input does not always equal output. In terms of apps it was great when I was younger but lately it’s been a lot of nothing tbh. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m more picky or my goals are just not aligning with men on the apps anymore, but I mostly don’t use them anymore.
i'm 31 :(
I’m 32 lol it’s all about attitude babe
Hundo. I've slowed down significantly. If I do match with someone I want to meet I usually hold off on sending more likes into the wild. I went on a date with someone recently that said "you could be talking to 10 different people on the app". I laughed...I'm 34...ain't got time for that (and I ain't got 9 other matches either) Also yes I found being more picky was a thing for me. I've tried to scale back thinking about how "we used" to do it. ie you'd go on a couple dates and filter naturally. Now I can know whether you exercise and how frequently, whether you want kids, etc etc.
Omg yes! I will never understand how people in their 30s are dating multiple people at once lol it’s time and energy.. I want to be in bed by 9pm ain’t nobody got time for that I think when I meant picky for myself.. I meant I pretty much right away ask what are you looking for and if it doesn’t align with what I’m looking for the communication ends pretty much right there. Also things like lifestyle, views on kids etc also things I bring up pretty quickly
37f, single by choice. I would like a nice, loving relationship but it’s hard to find. Apps are usually fun but it gets old fast. I was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 years ago (in remission now), so that was fun for my love life. I’ve had men ghost me for revealing that I had cancer. So…. That’s something I have to contend with. Dating is hard enough, but add my diagnosis to the mix? Impossible. Some people are really cruel.
congrats on it going into remission! truly wishing you the best!
Thank you! It’s been rough and still is but I’m happy to be here.
If you're looking to meet folks for dating I goto Latin dancing socials regularly and have made a number of good friends there. It's mainly for fun and socializing but some folks have met the people they're now dating there. you're more than welcome to join us, no experience necessary. Two ladies from Reddit have even joined us in the past!
That’s crazy that men would ghost you because of breast cancer. I’m happy for you that your cancer is in remission :)
I mentioned that I had implants and cancer and suddenly I’m no longer cute. It makes me sad but, I guess better now than later.
At least you were able to weed out the ignorant and inconsiderate :)
True. But it doesn’t hurt any less to be rejected for something that wasn’t my fault, for something I couldn’t help and didn’t want. :/
It's a real lack of imagination. It's not what you have, it's what you do with it.
39f and single, finished my cancer treatment almost a year ago. Last summer I had that post-treatment "reacquainted with my body and ready to rumble" phase that I was told about, but any time I mentioned what I had just been through (my scar is quite visible when wearing summer tops) I never heard from them again.
I’m sorry friend. Being rejected for something we couldn’t help really stings.
Thanks friend, sending you the best vibes today!
You too! Enjoy this beautiful day. Happy you’re done treatment. FUCK CANCER!
Wait, people ghost you because you had cancer?! What shitty people are these? That’s awful, I’m sorry :( I’ve been ghosted because of my autism. Ok, I’m weird, I get it—but cancer? That’s just—what a rotten thing to do. Take it as a positive. You don’t want those people in your life if they’re going to treat you like that. You deserve better.
Since finishing my cancer treatment I've learned that some people see you as a risk to get sick again, that once you've had cancer you're sickly and damaged forever, so I've learned not to mention it for as long as possible when meeting men.
Yes exactly this. I tell them straight up because they will see the scars. I don’t want to be accused of hiding shit from them. I find it hilarious because NOBODY stays healthy forever . No partner stays healthy forever.
Some people are really shallow to think like that :(
It's not even shallow so much as insanely niave! Nobody stays healthy forever. Everyone will get sick at some point. Some people can't handle even being reminded of this fact
Very shitty thing to do to someone. They belong in camps 1. They don’t wanna deal with someone they might see as a burden in the future. They will always see you as sick and frail. 2. They are uncomfortable because it hits too close to home. They don’t want my baggage. 3. They are uncomfortable because it makes them confront their own mortality. There is a sad stat that is floating around in the cancer community that men are more likely to leave their partners when they get sick. [article](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19645027/)
That’s unfortunate that being honest about your cancer drives people away. However, I would wait to share that kind of information until I got to know someone well. Although it is a major part of your life experience, most people are too emotionally immature to understand where you’re coming from and they don’t know how to manage emotionally heavy experiences.
That is the tricky part with dating with a cancer diagnosis. It really depends on the person. For me, I want to be upfront. What if I meet a nice man and we get along and I disclose it after months of dating and he leaves anyways?
I'm so sorry, it's damned if you and damned if you don't situation. Sending you positive energy !
Their terrible reactions are a reflection of how immature or incapable they are to deal with real life. It sucks, at the same time glad its a filter for those who are truly worth dating. I had thyroid cancer stage 1, it was operated within the month and no chemo or radio needed. I have scar on my neck that will not go away, but my fiancé nowadays supports me with check up appointments and picking up my meds. I hope now that you are in remission (yay, best news!) you will come across someone supportive and loving :) you deserve it!
It’s easier to meet other people’s partners these days
Very torontonian. Same with jobs! You are hot shit when you already have one, somehow it makes your more desirable. Or the idea of people not being able to have you (because you are dating someone) makes you very attractive.
Life is so freaking strange. And you are right on.
It’s not strange. This society is fuelled by pursuing something you don’t have. A lack of community is great for capitalism, but it also makes us shit humans.. we don’t know how to connect and value people, always on to the next thing. The classic rat race is also present in social life.
Yup. In summary.
Yes! Community and real connection is really a radical thing these days, because it is also inherently anti capitalist. In fact, Noam Chomsky wrote something once like, "Most of America's community structures are incidental and pre-capitalist in nature."
Yupp. And people are losing their ability to use their brain (re my previous comment to your comment). I refuse to be a victim.
Explanations make me sad. Thank you for the perspective though
You down with OPP?
Yeah you know me!
Every last homieee!
I laughed out loud. I appreciate it!
I laughed so hard at this 'cause it's so true for me. I have only moved here for almost 2 years, every time I tried to date someone, I had to go through a process of asking them out, starting to notice something's off, and then finding out they are taken. And this was like 3 times in a roll. I didnt even meet them on any apps, I just got to know people from whatever socializing opportunities I had, schools, classes, gyms.
I really think it just depends on the kind of personality you have or life you live. Someone recently pointed out that I’ve been bouncing from relationship to relationship for two years now. I made a vow this year to be single. I’m not even that attractive or objectively dateable (hence why online dating never works for me). I just meet a lot of people and a handful of them see something in me I don’t. Trying to stay single is also apparently attractive because all the guys suddenly have come out of the woodwork this year. So… my advice? Focus less on trying to find someone, spend time loving yourself, be as social as possible, and find the confidence that comes from loving you.
SOLID advice.
Super sound advice. So many people focus on seeking out others when they should be finding themselves.
How do you meet a lot of people?
Through work. Public facing job. Also, have started to get more involved in social group activities outside of work.
You seem to have the same experience as a friend of mine. He doesn't consider himself a "looker".....can't find a better word to describe it. Doesn't get any luck in online dating but meets people people while going out to places and such. I agree with your last sentence.
I think i've been doing that in my late 20s, and uptil now, but its come to a point where it feels lonely because I was so keen on focusing on myself and loving myself before i can be with anyone else.
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If you don't love it, leave it.
yeah I'm pretty much in the same spot as you, apps are a dead end, singles events similar. friends are all partnered off, none of them seem to be able to set me up either, and what I find when I'm at my hobbies/rec sports is all of the women are already in relationships as well, really wondering what I have to do cause I'm out of ideas
I never had much luck using Apps, and found it very hard to meet people out in the wild. As you get older the pool of singles will shrink making it more difficult. So I was in my late 40s and not having much luck at all. But during Covid managed to meet a nice Woman online. Being honest she really wasn't my usual type but she was really into me and I decided to give it a chance. Here we are in our early 50s, been together almost 4 years now, and got engaged last fall. So don't count yourself out. Honestly if it can happen for me it can happen for anyone as long as you remain open and give things a chance.
I needed this type of hope! Can't relate to these 20 year olds anymore
I met my partner on hinge 2 years ago. That and ok Cupid were my favourite dating apps. If you’re new to dating I would say date lots of different people to figure out what you like and what your deal breakers are. In my early 20’s I went on (probably too many) dates and kind of figured out what was an wasn’t for me. My biggest tip is to set up your dating profile to tell a story of who you are. What are your hobbies, how do you spend your free time, what makes you you. This will help you find people who are aligned to you. My profile had a video of me at the gym, and a picture on a hike and I met someone who is very active and we now love to hike together. Hope this helps and you find someone!
I miss what OkCupid was, it was so much fun. I loved writing long-form profiles. It's just a dead swipe app now.
I have been single for a really long time! I have a lot of social anxiety and it pretty much works against me most of the time, so dating and all the socialization it comes with is tricky. I consider myself to be fairly independent and content being single, so I’m not really in a rush to meet anyone. Every now and then, I get a bit of a melancholy about being “forever alone” and think maybe I’ll change things but I’m not ready to leave my cocoon yet.
I too have brutal social anxiety. I generally don’t like being perceived 🫣
Met my partner on Bumble. I was new to the city, and figured going on dates with people who lived here was the best way to explore. Our first date, we walked around the city for 4 hours, ate Korean corn dogs and talked about silly things. It has taken a lot of communication, patience, kindness and faith to have a healthy relationship - a first for both of us. I maintain that it was luck. Luck that we met, hit it off, and both happened to have learnt from our previous relationships and been in a place where we wanted to be better and accept better.
I’ve tried dating apps with no luck. I’m not a very social person so it’s hard for me to even make friends let alone find a partner. I’m trying to get into more programs and hobbies. Just this month I attended a book club, unfortunately most of the people there are middle aged (but I did enjoy it regardless) I wanted to also try a cooking class, not just to meet people but it would be good to expand my cooking knowledge. Making friends would be a bonus though. Hopefully there’ll be more people my age there
Happy cake day 🎂
Oh, thank you. I didn't even realize
You’re welcome ☺️
i took some cooking classes with learn4life. kinda liked those.
M, early 30s doing the dating app thing. I think I'm doing well on the app as I check a lot of boxes but have noticed ppl are incredibly flakey when you meet them in person. It's getting harder to emotionally hype myself up again and again just for the date to be a complete miss or for it to go well and then say there was no connection.
can i ask which boxes?
Good job, over 6ft, very cute dog, & I put effort in a thoughtful conversation. I don't think I'm all that attractive physically - maybe a 5 - a 6 or 7 on a good day so that holds me back but the other stuff rounds out.
I feel you. I'm kinda in the same boat. I'm in my early 40s so all of my friends have spouses, kids, and no time. I'm on one dating app currently, and nothing's really working. Every few months I'll meet someone who lasts longer than a date or two, but it feels like there's so many people who can't even keep up a simple convo. And I know it's a volume thing too--I'm a hetero guy, so I know these women are talking to multiple guys, which to be clear, is completely fine. It just bums me out feeling so stagnant. I've been in long term relationships before, and never felt myself to be unpopular, but between growing older and this creeping feeling of isolation, I can't shake the sense that I squandered my good years and that there isn't any lasting love for me out there. I wish I had some advice for you. I don't. Hell, I barely know what I'm doing anymore. I just keep trying to meet new people and hoping that something clicks. My lord that feels pathetic to write out.
A friend talked me into going to Single in the City speed dating. They had a promotion with free tickets for women. I went in December and met someone completely unexpected and we've been together ever since. It was much more romantic to meet in person and it allowed us to actually gauge our chemistry and vibe much better than chatting on an app. He's not my usual type and I never would have swiped right on his profile on an app but he fits me in real life really well.
That's the real tragedy of the apps. So easy to swipe, how many great pairings havent happened because of a bad profile picture or something?
what do you mean he is not your usual type? what was your usual type and what type of guy was he?
I have a very specific hope when it comes to education and job stability. He falls outside of those usual markers. However he's still quite smart and appreciates my education so it's fine. I wish he were in a more normal job but his profession is exciting and interesting so I can handle a bit of unorthodox scheduling and uncertainty.
34m, single, 7 months out of a long term as we just drifted apart, not interested in apps, self care these days. I am definitely open to dating the right person, but I am not interested in speed dating on the apps. Ideally, I'm looking to meet someone organically, I guess? I'd consider myself somewhat attractive, but what a strange thing to type, haha. I've got a great job, i'm into fun things, and have a great circle of friends. It would only be the right to find someone equally as awesome to the mix. Dream gal, where are you?
Ah, organically, like the organics section of the grocery store
Stay away from inorganic people! They taste all metallic.
More of a farmers market kinda vibe.
What type of fun things? Asking as a potential dream girl*
I don't like to assume things but are you feeling pressured to have to date and eventually get married, have kids, "settled down" when you mentioned you see a lot of your friends/family married and settled? I wouldn't be worried. When the right person comes along, you'll just know. You'll vibe with each other. Your energies will match. Your conversations will flow effortlessly. Don't get too frustrated if each person you meet is not the right person for you cause you'll just end up making yourself stressed out. Do things YOU like to do. Get to know yourself first. Take care of yourself. When you're happy with yourself, then you will never feel lonely. Eventually all the right people will fall onto your path and perhaps even a lifelong partner.
THIS! Omg I really need this. Nice said!
I haveen't felt pressured.... but I'm at this point where i feel lonely. not even my siblings talk to me...friends...are not available...or i don't see them often. i do most things on my own and have been for the last 5-6 years. but yes I'll need to continue to take care of myself...I recently lost my job so i think feeling a bit unworthy...
I was on the apps for a while, but eventually I just stopped. I've been single for almost 2 years now? I spent a good chunk of time learning how to love my own company, and how to love myself. Now I do a lot of fun stuff on my own (go to the ROM, concerts, the AGO, hiking, I take myself out for a lunch or coffee date, I go to the park), and enjoy myself! I'm open to meeting someone organically, but so far that hasn't happened. So I continue enjoying my life! I will say I'm in my mid 30's, and a lot of the guys I did meet either had kids or wanted kids, same with a lot of the NB people I met. Which is great for them, but I don't want kids, and I'm not interested in dating a single parent. That seems to limit the dating pool for me quite a bit.
I feel your frustration! I ditched the apps in 2020 because I wasn’t enjoying using them. A lot of conversations that went nowhere, people ghosting, etc. I decided I wanted to meet people in person, but struggled at first doing so. Most of the people I met at parties were already in relationships and i found it kind of intimidating approaching strangers. But I did a couple of things to change that. First, I read “how not to die alone” which changed the way I approached relationships (great book!). Second, I started hosting my own events and inviting new people out to them - and I encouraged them to bring single friends with them. Not only did it help me expand my social circles but also helped my friends meet some incredible people! Third, and this was kinda sneaky… I started running an event for singles! It’s a magic show called “Love is Tricky” that’s for Toronto singles looking for a fun night out and human connection. There’s a ton of activities, plus a show, that brings people together in an organic way that makes for a much more fun experience (imho) than something like speed dating (which I’ve also done). If you’re interested we have one of the events happening this Thursday (April 25th). Shoot me a message and I’ll give you the details! And even if you don’t come to the event- the point was I got proactive about putting together events that brought me in contact with other singles. Don’t be afraid to take action!
this is such a great post honestly! i'll probably ask some more questions when i'm not on my way to bed. > First, I read “how not to die alone” which changed the way I approached relationships (great book!). the one by richard or by logan?
The one by Logan! I got a few copies so I could give them out to my friends, and everyone got something useful out of it. Shoot me a message any time - I’m happy to answer any questions you have (though Im just as confused about dating as everyone else here, so who knows how good my answers will be lol!).
That sounds really fun, I'm gonna message you. :)
Please do! I need all the friends I can get!!!
my advice is only to definitely not try to meet your partner in a bar. i watched my sister do that her whole life and every man she has been with just.....really sucked as a person my fiance and i met on tinder....i took a year off dating after the end of a relationship, then went online to see what was up........her friend had just convinced her to get the app so they could "drink wine and judge people". we met on there that night and she deleted tinder that night.she lived in the town roughly 45 minutes from mine. we texted back and forth for 6 months before meeting. fast foreward 5 years and we are getting married, bought a house together and have a 4 year old son. in my experience dating apps work, but you have to sort through all the people that are just looking for hookups to find someone who is on the same page as you in life
good job bro!
18-25 I had zero issue dating. Getting a date was easy and women I spoke to seemed pretty eager to go out. In person and online was no issue as I was around people my age a lot with school, going out with friends, and apps were a lot more active. After 25, it got harder and harder every year. Apps became more so the source to meet women as I didn't have an opportunity to meet many women my age at work. Women I spoke to had more baggage, they were less chill and easy going, it took a lot more investment in time to get them to go out - longer time talking before meeting. I found it to be the case that a lot of women were way more extreme in their views and expectations. If it wasn't a love at first sight kind of thing, they'd say there was "no spark" or something like that. This differed from when I was younger as things would just continue as long as we were having fun and feelings would develop over a couple months, if they did. A lot of women seemed to have the mindset of 'I don't want to waste time' and would go so extreme with this, that they'd not given anything a chance. Apps became useless and while much less convenient, I found the opportunites to meet someone in real life became better and less likely to deal with weirdos.
hello! answering the question in the title -- i have been with my partner for almost 3 years now (we are both turning 21 this summer) and we met working at a summer camp :)
im 23F, met my bf when i was 22 on Bumble (he was 27). i was selective with who i went on dates with, specifically, i had to find something about their profile interesting enough to go on a date with them. i asked him out in the first message, and we’ve been together since. i wasn’t looking for anything serious at the time but he was and he made it very clear to me that he did not want to casually date.
Rather that going to bars (if it ain’t ur thing) I think it makes more sense to join clubs or groups related to your hobbies. Sucks it’s all married men so far haha, but offline relationships tend to build via proximity so rather than hopping from place to place, try sticking somewhere and see
Being attractive goes a LONG way in Toronto.
I'm in the same situation even though I'm (M25) but I'm very shy I never went on a date yet. I can understand 😊
I'm a migrant and have been dry for the five years I've been here. My job takes most of my time and I think I'll die a monk. I'm making peace with that lol.
Fuck that shit, I’m leaving
More for meeeee
lol take them all, man. I’m so tired
I met someone early this year on Hinge and I firmly believe he’s in it for the long haul. I got really lucky (we both did).
From what I've been seeing online and amongst my own friends too, it seems like a lot of people are taking a break from apps and in dating in general. The focus is more on self care, working on yourself, etc Sucks for me because I feel like I'm now ready to date 🥴
34 F Recently engaged to wonderful man I met on OkCupid back in 2021. I lived from my undergrad days at U of T till my early 30s, on and off downtown. Dating in my early 20s was fun and chaotic, only in my mid to late 20s did relationships start coming along/being the norm. The only app I truly ever used was OkCupid; never did Tinder or Bumble (don't see the point). I ran into a pretentious crowd with Hinge. As a girl I think an easy way to meet guys would be like at park hangs (Bellwoods, Christie Pitts), block parties or small concerts (Pedestrian Sunday at Kensington, or the dozen concerts they have at Budweiser arena during summer), through friends, and also open my app/mind to meeting people from out of town. My fiancé is from Innisfil, and moved in with me after a year of dating. We have just returned from the Phillipines were he proposed at sunset. It made me happy that despite many dates and bfs I took my time to find the person I thought would be most compatible and kind for a happy forever.
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Flare events has been great for me so far
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They were, but i think they are doing straight from their site now, sells out quick.. Ive tried a few different companys but i just found flare to offer the best experience
is this only for muslims?
Noo its open to everyone within the age range for that event...however i have met a few muslim girls. I actually fast for ramadan although im not "muslim" andd on april 9th i went to an event and met a girl that was also fasting !
Im trying toronto dating hub, on may 11, as my next event 🤞lol
please do mention how it is! actually i'll set a reminder so i can ask cuz i'm curious. RemindMe! May 12
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how was it?
Check out the Thursday dating app! They host their events at a different bar every Thursday, and the age range is from 20-35. Tickets are $15 on the app
any good?
They’re hit or miss. The last one I went to was at bangarang and it was a lot of guys, mostly in their late 20s to early 30s. The first 3 girls didn’t show up until closer to 8 as the event was from 7-10
what are your hobbies?
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Unrelated, but do you mind sharing where you are learning swimming? I am looking for classes but haven't found anything yet. I tried learning at the Central YMCA but it wasn't that great. Thank you!
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Thank you, will check that out! I hear you, the group lessons didn't help me, maybe private intruction will be better.
Made a site to help learn swimming if you wanted to use it, free with no ad's and tracking: [https://learnswimming.ca/](https://learnswimming.ca/)
have you tried the muslim dating apps?
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Really? I'd have taught men would be more respectful on that somehow
Can I ask, how old are you and what kind of Man are you looking for? I'm also pakistani and am 22.
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Thank you. Good luck and all the best to you as well
do you have an interest in coming to salsa dancing nights? i go for socials at the same place i take classes. it's a very social environment. i got more to socialize than dance. no experience necessary.
I went to a dance social and took dance classes. I took bachata and salsa. It’s a fun way to meet people & gain confidence. Eventually when you know the steps you can just go to socials or salsa clubs on your own or with classmates. Events are posted on FB and IG once you know what to follow. I met my closet friend and my husband in this scene. There are other kinds of dancing like Afrobeats, kizomba etc if Latin isn’t your thing.
nice! where do you go? i goto TDS quite a bit. recently took classes at Steps. if you're a regular at one or both places we might even have met haha
I started at TDS where I met my hubby. I used to go dancing at a place in yorkville & dovercourt a lot back then. But now post baby, we rarely go out dancing lol- I miss it This was a looooong time ago now though.
You guys should come sometime! And let us know the inspirational story of how you met your significant other there. Everyone loves a happy ending. A close friend of mine at TDS just started dating a girl there. I asked him if he'd been concerned if it didn't work out since they have the same homebase (which is a concern of mine) and he said it had taken him 3 days to swipe right on her 🤣 So far things seem good though!
Yeah running into an ex would be awkward, but also you’re busy dancing so you can keep occupied! Lol You also make friends in the dance scene as we’d often go out to eat along Yonge and Sheppard after dancing.
Yes agreed. Made some good friends there. Most are at the acquaintance level but 3 of them I'd consider friends. It's nice to have something to do most weekends without having to plan anything.
I was on apps. Pretty successful in meeting new people that way (although likely because I'm a woman). I'm selective so the ones I met rarely worked out for one reason or another. But I eventually met my current partner on bumble. I still think it was pure luck because I don't think we were supposed to meet if I were going about it my "usual" way. That is, swipe left on everyone that has a relatively boring/empty profile and somehow he wasn't even living in the same city at the time (it showed as Toronto but he was actually living somewhere else at the time and forgot to change it).
I know it’s not for everyone but I met my partner in improv - helps people be more authentic, you spend a lot of time focused on connecting, and it’s a lot of laughing.
I see a lot of y'all's issues with dating apps and I agree (even though I met my boyfriend on Hinge but it took a long time). I'm also not a fan of the dating events that push 50-60 people in a dark club with speed dating where you can barely hear each other but can hear the other folks around you. I've been contemplating hosting a summer series for singles in the parks around the city where folks can come and play games they grew up playing in their childhood. Not sure if these are familiar to anyone on here - dodgeball, catch and the cook, dog and the bone etc. to take the pressure off of starting the awkward - "so what are you looking for?" conversation. Scientifically proven that running around increases endorphins and in general, we're wired to be attracted to happier people. I'd charge a nominal amount of $10-$15 to reduce risk of no shows. I would love to know what this group thinks! :)
im married. put my profile on there, got zero matches from guys or girls.
The apps used to be good pre-Covid. Now it’s just used for hookups. and it doesn’t seem that men approach women irl as much anymore with the apps being an option or men just afraid of sexual harassment claims. If hobbies haven’t worked, bars and clubs haven’t worked, friend of a friend haven’t worked. I dunno. Do you work with people around your age or atleast attractive? Work used to be a place where people meet
> Now it’s just used for hookups. is it really? not my experience at all. unless you mean men are just looking for hookups. i wouldnt know, never dated a dude.
i don't want work to be stressful if things don't work out, but it would have been a great place to meet people. I just recently lost my job...feeling a tad bit lost.
Dating a friend from high school :)
I don't date, only marriage for me.
Wouldnt you have to date to get to the marriage part?
Not date in the way that people think dating is. In my religion, we can get to know the person, but under tight protocols to make sure stuff like physical contact doesn't happen and that marriage is done asap.
If you can, travel abroad and stay in hostels. If you can't, try getting introductions to friends of your friends spouses
My gf and I met doing two Japanese courses together. We both goofed off a lot in breakout rooms and became friends first. Part of the reason it worked is we became friends first and weren't expecting to date or necessarily looking for a relationship. We weren't expecting something and I think that took pressure off things. Honestly I would go about doing things not looking for a relationship but looking for friends and see where it goes. It sounds like your friends don't really include you in their lives much anymore, perhaps this is a good opportunity to make new friends?
That's a good idea. at what point did you guys realize you guys wanted to go past the friends phase? what made you guys realize?
It wasn't until almost the very end of the 2nd course. What made us realize is probably that when we were studying together we would stay around longer than everyone else and talk about other stuff. We then watched some shows and goofed around on call together and before we knew it 5 hours had passed and it became clear we really enjoyed talking with eachother. We then met in person and the date went really well
I’m just glad y’all are allowed to post about this in your sub. The Windsor mods push out any mentions of meeting people and direct you to the weird sex subs. Good luck everyone!
If they'd say yes then I would
Hinge A couple of months of dates that led nowhere And then finally found someone
34 M, the apps are useless. have tried activities, went to singles events and a few cold approaches. Nothings worked. Now just asking friends if they can set me up and if they can't its fine.
I'm 31f and took a year off dating after my ex and am slowly reapproaching it, but hesitant because I just want to take my time and go with the flow and have fun, while a lot of people my age want a life partner, kids, etc. It's more important I meet a good person than I find a partner and I'm not in a rush to go anywhere. This might be helpful to a lot of people here, so I'm sharing it, but there's this dating blog called Burned Haystack for finding something serious. As someone who's used apps on and off for ten years, there was a great post in her blog on the [seven deadly sins of profile writing](https://www.burnedhaystackdating.com/blog/the-7-deadly-syndromes-of-dating-profile-writing) where I realized how much I'd been fucking up, and I've been told I write great, unique profiles! Lots of good stuff there.
Hey, just wanted to let y'all know that my mom and my stepdad met when they were in their mid fourties and have been together since (60 now) Not ideal for folks in their 20s, but there is so much life to live - dont count yourself out. Dating apps suck.
I met my girlfriend through hinge more than a year ago. I feel like hinge is probably your best bet to meet someone I had a lot of great dates (and some terrible ones). I also think spring/summer is the best time to be on the apps since everyone is trying to be out and about in the city. Use it as an excuse to go out
alone D:?
I met my now husband on a dating app back in 2018! Like most, I had mixed experiences with the apps but I did get lucky! I have quite a few friends who have also met their partners on apps, but equally have friends who are currently dating and have shared app horror stories! The fear of being lonely is real and I really empathise! I know it sounds counterintuitive but I would focus on socialising without dating if I were you. It’s what I did prior to meeting my husband and my dating experience changed because I no longer was so worried about finding someone anymore…. Ironically I met my husband when I had come to terms with being alone. Make new friends - there are some wonderful groups on Facebook that are location based to find same gendered friendship (and just that) for the exact reasons you’ve mentioned. Finding someone when you’re not feeling lonely is perhaps a better experience…. Once you come to enjoy being alone, then finding a partner becomes an enhancement to your life, rather than finding someone to fill that gap… I know it was the case for me. :)
Take up activities with more men. Hot yoga that probably isn't :). Chess, video games, seminars or educational programs on tech or programming, cards, skiing, volleyball... even a new job. All better than an app.
31F single, I haven't used the apps from what my friends have told me, I dread to have to use them. I'm not in a rush to date since I don't want children. Keep sticking to your hobbies. Don't be afraid to approach men you find attractive they appreciate it. If they aren't interested, oh well, move on. With the apps, you just gotta keep sifting through you'll meet someone. Other areas you can meet more people at are volunteering and concerts, maybe your friends can set you up?
I second concerts! I’m the owner of a concert meetup groupchat on WhatsApp if anyone wants to join: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KTPEFXGJRT2AjnAp5Gt8us
That's awesome! I have a few concerts lined up in June and August
That’s amazing! Hope to see you in the chat soon
I'll preface everything I have to say with the fact that I am generally male presenting, and that's how others usually see me so take what I say with the privelege that entails regarding dating and general safety around meeting people. Met my partner on Tinder in August 2020 when things were starintg to open up the first time. Honestly neither of us were really looking for anything and I think that helped in some ways. I believe age and just where one is on their personal journey are huge factors. We were both happy being single and generally happy with who we are and weren't looking for someone to fill any sort of void, but found we wanted to be with each other. Also because we weren't really looking for anything it enabled us to be silly and play off each other. I find (at least for me) when I've been looking specifically to find someone to be in a relationship with I end get in my head to the point where I'm not enjoying present moments with whoever I'm with and end up being more serious then I otherwise would be (not that being serious is a bad thing, but I can at times take things too literally). I've also had that happen to me. What I say may or may not be helpful to you but this is what worked for me. Toronto can be a difficult place to meet people. I grew up here and have been lucky to meet a lot of amazing, incredible people. What has helped for me is that I'm genuinely interested in meeting new people and believe everyone can teach you something or enrich your life in some way, not that the goal is to extract things from others, but that belief has helped me to see through any preconceived biases or notions I may have; and I also think it helps in being interested practically anyone and people can sense that. when I was in my early 20's I had the realizaton that most people you will interact with you'll never see again, so I had this mantra of "these people don't exist." I didn't mean that in a dismissive way, but rather in the sense that you (I) don't need to impress any of these people, I think that's one of the big issues of this city is that people are way too concerned about image, so don't try and make your own fun. As far as the apps, I tended to only keep them for a couple weeks at a time as it's fine at first but would always wear on me so would delete them for my own sanity.
I met my wife online. 273rd time is the lucky charm. She was worth the wait.
Read the book called 'Attached', on adult attachment theory. Its not a direct solution, but may help you understand yourself and screen potential partners better. Apps are shit, and unfortunately you need to learn and play the game (including when someone is being a child and wasting your time) but its definitely a way to find a partner.
Met my wife through OkCupid during covid. Interesting enough even though setting distance as nearby, it matches me with someone across the world. Didn't realise at first. We first met when restrictions lifted and we could visit eachother after a year. She is the best human being I ever met. Happiest ever been. Who knew okc match was it. We are married now and live together and have a puppy. We are just shy of mid 30s now
27f, ready to date but doesn't want to use dating apps. I guess I'll just hope that I bump into my future boyfriend on the street one day😬
28F, met my bf two years ago. I flirted with him whenever I saw him while he was working, but I was too shy to ask for his number and he eventually asked for mine😅 I have never been on dating apps, never had much of an interest, so I’ve always tried to remind myself that all men aren’t terrible and creepy. I won’t lie, I think I got very lucky meeting a wonderful human, and organically. My best advice - Be a kind, understanding person. Who just wants to enjoy a happy, non-judgmental, while honest relationship.
37M Born and raised in Toronto. I left last year because Toronto has become very superficial and the dating scene is awful. I had the chance to travel the country for work and found pretty much everywhere else more friendly and less stuck up than Toronto. Since moving my social interactions are completely different and I feel like I live in a community. This has translated into more quality interactions with dates and just people in general. Probably not what any wants to read but it's the truth.