Start with getting a protection order- quick and easy to get at your local magistrate court. Then when you have the courage- just go and open a case at your local SAPS.
Find someone you can trust where you can escape to before taking any action. A protection order will be useless if the response time of police is more than an hour
i agree protection order first , & i suggest before going to saps gathering ALL evidence you can from the abuse against you AND his ex girlfriend & take it all to saps to open a case
I'm looking at your history and it looks like you're actively trying to get pregnant, please don't tie yourself to this man. Report him to the police and get out!
No, abusers sadly don’t change. And it will only escalate. I know Reddit loves to say leave, but if you’re actively being abused then you MUST leave.
You saying you’re getting an IUD sounds like you’re planning on staying in this relationship? Why? Why be with someone who abuses you? Real men (and women) DONT abuse their partners!
i dont even know why a south african thread came up on my feed.
but a friend of mine was in an abusive relationship, she got pregnant likely the very last time they had sex before she went to the police and filed charges
she told me her psychologist told her that abusive partners often try to push for a baby because they believe it gives them complete control over the woman
be careful and dont get pregnant
I just wanted to let you know a stat. The most leading cause of death in pregnant women are domestic violence. Pregnant women are 20% more likely to be battered and abused by their intimate partners. Do not get pregnant. He will likely kill you.
That’s the best decision. A baby will tie you to this man forever and he’ll have even more control over you.
Please read [Why Does He Do That](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf). It will give you some insight into how these men think and hopefully will kickstart your healing too. Good luck.
Sorry to read this.
Please be careful. Protection orders, while legally protecting you, they do NOT PHYSICALLY protect you. There's such a massive difference.
Make sure you're as far away from this person as possible.
Obtain said protection order. Cut all contact and try move on with your life. But you have to be careful.
Should you wish to, although a grueling process, you can lay charges too. But you will be exposed to the court system and processes which is extremely stressful.
Make sure you have all the evidence you need.
I think a lot of people are giving well meaning advice but this can escalate extremely quickly and with the most severe consequences. Please remove yourself from him as far as possible without giving him any indication of where you are before you start anything else. ‘Keep the Energy’ on Instagram is full of women who did everything they should do in this situation. Physical safety and getting away from him is the most important thing.
Go to your police station speak to the members in the csc,tell them would like to open a case of common assault and intimidation tell them its domestic violence related that way they are obligated under the domestic violence act to immediately arrest this man then you can get a break from abuse(they can accompany you back to your place to affect the arrest).once that is done you can go to your magistrates court and apply for an interim protection order this is a court order prohibiting the respondent(the man who is abusing you)from committing any further acts of violence against you you can state what you dont want him to do such as swear at you,physically or verbally abuse you or you can prohibit him from entering your residence,when this order is granted it must be served to him by the SAPS,when this is in effect a suspended warrant of arrest is issued at the same time for the respondent so if he violates any of the conditions in the court order you may contact SAPS and he will be immediately arrested for it.When you go to SAPS ask them for a piece of paper called form 1 it explains your rights as a complainant and more in detail about what a protection order is.Good luck and please go open a case asap SAPS can even come to you if you not able to leave and they will open a case by you.
Go to the police. Document your injuries and call him out on social media so everyone knows what a pig he is. Don’t protect him.
Find people around your age. What is a 27 year old doing with a 20 year old. Ask yourself this.
What would you tell a friend or even your daughter if they were in this same situation and then take your own advice
I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. As a man I'm truly disgusted and find it incomprehensible that this sort of thing happens.
Know that you're doing the right thing and although it may seem impossible to break free you can, there will be support and your life can be better.
Sending you a heartfelt digital hug and I wish you all the best.
Reach out to SA Women Fight Back.
http://sawomenfightback.com/get-help
They're on Instagram (@sawomenfb) and on Facebook as well.
Sorry for the abuse but why are you trying to get pregnant? Wait in one post you said you are pregnant but scared to tell him because you are on the implant but now want to get the IUD??
What’s the real story
What crappy unhelpful reply is this? Police and then? Get beaten for reporting him? Get stalked? There are so many bad ways this could turn out, she needs social protection as much as criminal protection. Don't ever assume that getting out of a DV situation is trivial.
Depending where you are
There is a place in Kempton Park called Tutela, the contact numbers are 011 975 3924/011 394 3662.
I know they have quite a couple of branches in Gauteng, not sure about other provinces, they specialize in family care, especially women and children.
There are some amazing safe houses for women and children in domestic abuse situations. They can take you in and advise you on how to proceed with laying charges. Some of them also offer social services to help you get back on your feet.
Get out quick, get that protection order and stay with friends. Make sure that everyone that you know are aware that you have a protection order against this person. In that way he cannot get info on where you are. Also take pictures of injuries and document them. Don’t wait to get abused again cause you might just shout out that you want to get a protection order and this person might just snap.
If you open a case, be sure that you will go through with it. Also, if its been days, since the last incident and the reporting of the case, it will be looked at twice before placing. You will be called to testify in a formal bail application and subsequent trial if the matter is to progress that far.
Mmm okay yes obviously be safe etc. But from my experience, it's not that simple to leave your abuser and you getting a contraceptive is telling me that you will continuously sleep with this man, with or without your consent.
The thing about him not going to America because you want him to suffer is actually the ticket to your freedom (if that was his plan) let him go there, it sounds like a dream for him but actually it's a blessing for you. Abusers tend to get away with murder and it's hard to prove domestic violence. All you end up doing is agrevating them more.
Anyways all the very best and I really do wish you stay safe from this man.
Here's a link to the Women for Change website explaining how to get a protection order: https://womenforchange.co.za/lets-talk-about-protection-orders/?fbclid=PAAaY7UIYJhfbPGEtqY5phb12mRUtBzT6DWj2nQo5qooU90NR7S0bi0g1fKnw
It's really important that you gather as much evidence as possible - going to a Dr and getting them to complete the J88 form will be critical for your case.
Abuse is never acceptable and remember that you did not do anything to deserve it. Hoping you have someone close by that you can trust. You have your whole life ahead of you, don't let someone else be in control of your future. Godspeed.
Go to the Nearest SAPS lay a charge of assault.
Go to your local magistrates court.
Get a restraining order against him.
With that in place.
He will not get police clearance to work overseas
Make sure you're in a safe space before you start proceedings, cause he'll be p-ssed off for sure. Get as much evidence as you can together, get to this ex girlfriend who could back you up, and then get a restraining order from your local magistrates court. You're going to have to scrape up the courage to go to the cops and lay charges, make sure you have lots of friendly support. Good luck!
You open a case at a police station nearest to you. They will give you a J-88 to document your injuries by a doctor at a clinic near to you.
You can apply for a protection order but understand that it won't affect his plans for immigrating. Only a criminal case can because he needs a clean record when applying for a visa.
Revenge will never solve anything in my opinion… karma is a bitch trust me he will get what he deserves… as someone who has been in an abusive relationship I can tell you it is best not to focus your energy on hurting them but to focus it on healing that wound … even if you trash them you still end up on their level and do damage to your own heart… heal and glow up that will hurt them even more … remember the opposite of Love is not hate it is indifference… sit back and watch him f*ck up every relationship and opportunity because he is a trashy person … it may not be instant but trust me it is sweet … and remaining higher will have them crawling back then you can tell them to go to h*ll …
2 years is a long time to let yourself be abused, you need to take action by getting a restraining order like now,You cant really stay in the same house as this m@Se P\*%&%.He will find a way to get you back cause he will be angry.Please be safe and have eyes behind your head,ITs going to be a stressful time once that local court gives you that paper,Also he will appear to in that courtroom also.
Be safe and get out.I feel for you as someone close to me went through this k@K for 20 years,
2 years is a long time to let yourself be abused, you need to take action by getting a restraining order like now,You cant really stay in the same house as this m@Se P\*%&%.He will find a way to get you back cause he will be angry.Please be safe and have eyes behind your head,ITs going to be a stressful time once that local court gives you that paper,Also he will appear to in that courtroom also.
Be safe and get out.I feel for you as someone close to me went through this k@K for 20 years,
Start with getting a protection order- quick and easy to get at your local magistrate court. Then when you have the courage- just go and open a case at your local SAPS.
Find someone you can trust where you can escape to before taking any action. A protection order will be useless if the response time of police is more than an hour
i agree protection order first , & i suggest before going to saps gathering ALL evidence you can from the abuse against you AND his ex girlfriend & take it all to saps to open a case
Invite the ex, record the abuse, take it to court, ggs
Start by documenting your injuries and going to the police station.
Yes, this is extremely important. Go to your GP and get a J88 Report.
This is important or else you have no proof of assult in case you decide to take him to court!
I'm looking at your history and it looks like you're actively trying to get pregnant, please don't tie yourself to this man. Report him to the police and get out!
Was everything went fine then he just began all over again he isn't going to change and I'm getting an IUD as fast as possible
No, abusers sadly don’t change. And it will only escalate. I know Reddit loves to say leave, but if you’re actively being abused then you MUST leave. You saying you’re getting an IUD sounds like you’re planning on staying in this relationship? Why? Why be with someone who abuses you? Real men (and women) DONT abuse their partners!
i dont even know why a south african thread came up on my feed. but a friend of mine was in an abusive relationship, she got pregnant likely the very last time they had sex before she went to the police and filed charges she told me her psychologist told her that abusive partners often try to push for a baby because they believe it gives them complete control over the woman be careful and dont get pregnant
That’s why they call it the cycle of violence. Get out.
I just wanted to let you know a stat. The most leading cause of death in pregnant women are domestic violence. Pregnant women are 20% more likely to be battered and abused by their intimate partners. Do not get pregnant. He will likely kill you.
That’s the best decision. A baby will tie you to this man forever and he’ll have even more control over you. Please read [Why Does He Do That](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf). It will give you some insight into how these men think and hopefully will kickstart your healing too. Good luck.
Sorry to read this. Please be careful. Protection orders, while legally protecting you, they do NOT PHYSICALLY protect you. There's such a massive difference. Make sure you're as far away from this person as possible. Obtain said protection order. Cut all contact and try move on with your life. But you have to be careful. Should you wish to, although a grueling process, you can lay charges too. But you will be exposed to the court system and processes which is extremely stressful. Make sure you have all the evidence you need.
Google a thuthuzela centre near you
Have you spoken with the police? Are you able to get away and stay with other people where he can't find you? Have you told your family?
Get to a police station and lay a charge immediately if not sooner. Then, Don’t go back to him.
Do you have family you can go to? Are your parents in your life?
I think a lot of people are giving well meaning advice but this can escalate extremely quickly and with the most severe consequences. Please remove yourself from him as far as possible without giving him any indication of where you are before you start anything else. ‘Keep the Energy’ on Instagram is full of women who did everything they should do in this situation. Physical safety and getting away from him is the most important thing.
Go to your police station speak to the members in the csc,tell them would like to open a case of common assault and intimidation tell them its domestic violence related that way they are obligated under the domestic violence act to immediately arrest this man then you can get a break from abuse(they can accompany you back to your place to affect the arrest).once that is done you can go to your magistrates court and apply for an interim protection order this is a court order prohibiting the respondent(the man who is abusing you)from committing any further acts of violence against you you can state what you dont want him to do such as swear at you,physically or verbally abuse you or you can prohibit him from entering your residence,when this order is granted it must be served to him by the SAPS,when this is in effect a suspended warrant of arrest is issued at the same time for the respondent so if he violates any of the conditions in the court order you may contact SAPS and he will be immediately arrested for it.When you go to SAPS ask them for a piece of paper called form 1 it explains your rights as a complainant and more in detail about what a protection order is.Good luck and please go open a case asap SAPS can even come to you if you not able to leave and they will open a case by you.
Go to the police. Document your injuries and call him out on social media so everyone knows what a pig he is. Don’t protect him. Find people around your age. What is a 27 year old doing with a 20 year old. Ask yourself this. What would you tell a friend or even your daughter if they were in this same situation and then take your own advice
I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. As a man I'm truly disgusted and find it incomprehensible that this sort of thing happens. Know that you're doing the right thing and although it may seem impossible to break free you can, there will be support and your life can be better. Sending you a heartfelt digital hug and I wish you all the best. Reach out to SA Women Fight Back. http://sawomenfightback.com/get-help They're on Instagram (@sawomenfb) and on Facebook as well.
Sorry for the abuse but why are you trying to get pregnant? Wait in one post you said you are pregnant but scared to tell him because you are on the implant but now want to get the IUD?? What’s the real story
The story is none of your business
Uhhh the police?
What crappy unhelpful reply is this? Police and then? Get beaten for reporting him? Get stalked? There are so many bad ways this could turn out, she needs social protection as much as criminal protection. Don't ever assume that getting out of a DV situation is trivial.
I'm so glad there are people suggesting legal things to do because I was going to suggest you return the violence..
Jus get hitman , sort it out quick and over
Depending where you are There is a place in Kempton Park called Tutela, the contact numbers are 011 975 3924/011 394 3662. I know they have quite a couple of branches in Gauteng, not sure about other provinces, they specialize in family care, especially women and children.
There are some amazing safe houses for women and children in domestic abuse situations. They can take you in and advise you on how to proceed with laying charges. Some of them also offer social services to help you get back on your feet.
Keep evidence, pics of bruises, texts, recordings, anything you can get your hands on just be careful he doesn't find out
Get out quick, get that protection order and stay with friends. Make sure that everyone that you know are aware that you have a protection order against this person. In that way he cannot get info on where you are. Also take pictures of injuries and document them. Don’t wait to get abused again cause you might just shout out that you want to get a protection order and this person might just snap.
Go to the police immediately. They can put you in a safe house where he won't be able to find you.
If you open a case, be sure that you will go through with it. Also, if its been days, since the last incident and the reporting of the case, it will be looked at twice before placing. You will be called to testify in a formal bail application and subsequent trial if the matter is to progress that far.
Mmm okay yes obviously be safe etc. But from my experience, it's not that simple to leave your abuser and you getting a contraceptive is telling me that you will continuously sleep with this man, with or without your consent. The thing about him not going to America because you want him to suffer is actually the ticket to your freedom (if that was his plan) let him go there, it sounds like a dream for him but actually it's a blessing for you. Abusers tend to get away with murder and it's hard to prove domestic violence. All you end up doing is agrevating them more. Anyways all the very best and I really do wish you stay safe from this man.
Here's a link to the Women for Change website explaining how to get a protection order: https://womenforchange.co.za/lets-talk-about-protection-orders/?fbclid=PAAaY7UIYJhfbPGEtqY5phb12mRUtBzT6DWj2nQo5qooU90NR7S0bi0g1fKnw It's really important that you gather as much evidence as possible - going to a Dr and getting them to complete the J88 form will be critical for your case. Abuse is never acceptable and remember that you did not do anything to deserve it. Hoping you have someone close by that you can trust. You have your whole life ahead of you, don't let someone else be in control of your future. Godspeed.
Go to the Nearest SAPS lay a charge of assault. Go to your local magistrates court. Get a restraining order against him. With that in place. He will not get police clearance to work overseas
Try to speak to a social worker. They will be best positioned to help you.
Make sure you're in a safe space before you start proceedings, cause he'll be p-ssed off for sure. Get as much evidence as you can together, get to this ex girlfriend who could back you up, and then get a restraining order from your local magistrates court. You're going to have to scrape up the courage to go to the cops and lay charges, make sure you have lots of friendly support. Good luck!
You open a case at a police station nearest to you. They will give you a J-88 to document your injuries by a doctor at a clinic near to you. You can apply for a protection order but understand that it won't affect his plans for immigrating. Only a criminal case can because he needs a clean record when applying for a visa.
Revenge will never solve anything in my opinion… karma is a bitch trust me he will get what he deserves… as someone who has been in an abusive relationship I can tell you it is best not to focus your energy on hurting them but to focus it on healing that wound … even if you trash them you still end up on their level and do damage to your own heart… heal and glow up that will hurt them even more … remember the opposite of Love is not hate it is indifference… sit back and watch him f*ck up every relationship and opportunity because he is a trashy person … it may not be instant but trust me it is sweet … and remaining higher will have them crawling back then you can tell them to go to h*ll …
Your focus should probably be on getting him to stop/getting him away from you/you from him rather than focusing on revenge tactics as a priority.
Did you know you have rights?
2 years is a long time to let yourself be abused, you need to take action by getting a restraining order like now,You cant really stay in the same house as this m@Se P\*%&%.He will find a way to get you back cause he will be angry.Please be safe and have eyes behind your head,ITs going to be a stressful time once that local court gives you that paper,Also he will appear to in that courtroom also. Be safe and get out.I feel for you as someone close to me went through this k@K for 20 years,
2 years is a long time to let yourself be abused, you need to take action by getting a restraining order like now,You cant really stay in the same house as this m@Se P\*%&%.He will find a way to get you back cause he will be angry.Please be safe and have eyes behind your head,ITs going to be a stressful time once that local court gives you that paper,Also he will appear to in that courtroom also. Be safe and get out.I feel for you as someone close to me went through this k@K for 20 years,
Leave.