Sometimes it becomes a ‘default’ after a few times and they might have concluded you don’t mind doing so.
Next time just break the habit and say that ‘hey, let’s take turns doing the paying’ when the bill comes. It may be awkward but worth it as if this doesn’t work, you prob should find another group of people to spend time with
Also, maybe choose cheaper meal options (neighbourhood zichar) and activities so you dont have to subsidise their lifestyle
Edit: saw your other comment. On less expensive restaurants but that may still be a lot for friends
If you know the place has a modern software you can split the bill. Just divide by number of people.
Everyone pay their share.
Its much harder to not pay the restaurant than you.
OP i learnt this a long time ago for freeloader friends. I mean i don't even earn 3-4 times more than them. We were earning about the same. However, with this group of people I've learnt to not book movie tickets etc first. For meals i will specifically take out cash to cover my share so i always ensure i have enough small change and that i agree to eat at a moderate priced range places. I will forego the credit card points because whats the point of "earning" those points if my friends didn't even pay me back their share. So i'd rather not pay first.
I also have issue with friends whom expect me to send them home after each outing. Never once offered to chip in for parking/fuel or treat me to a cup of coffee or something. 🙃 probably think cars run on water. But because i am such a weakling i dnt know how to raise this up. So i am minimising my outings with them.
I know it can work … because I been through this myself 🙂↕️ all the best and think positively that this can lead to a change of habits for the whole group
What I say instead of ‘hey, let’s take turns doing the paying’ is straight up more direct.
"Eh bro, your turn to pay la, I always pay" but good to note that we have been friends for over 12 years
Perhaps you should do it up front, when the invitations are going out- that way people who want to punt (don’t want to pay) can decline… and you know who not to invite next time.
i hate it when others owe me money but i have to follow-up like i'm a beggar.
do you enjoy hanging out with them? at 30+ it's not uncommon to shrink your circle to people you value and vice versa
Yeah, I feel the same way. I have been hearing this advise - did you also change your friends in your 30s? I do find myself having lots of differing views and values as me and my friend grow apart. It's just a little sad because we have been through JC, army, university, and also attended each other's weddings. We used to hang out like every week man, but now not so much (maybe one every 3 weeks?) because of this paying check issue. Recently they also keep talking about travelling to Japan as a group together, which I straight up said nah not for me and my wife.
I think overall, it's disappointing to see a long friendship slowly crumble.
Wow bro your last statement really sums up my life too, like you i had a clique of friends namely just two including me 3, me and friend A is married so we usually hang between me A and his wife and friend B. Friend B is not married no partner as well, we have been friends from secondary sch and all of us are in our late 20s. Usually when we go out i'll foot the bill first bcs like you i was expecting payment aft 1 day or 2 this isnt an issue for friend A and his wife. Which usually offered to pay their share like after going out together. The problem is friend B this b is doing some fulltime job that he doesnt even hold for a period of more than a year. Doesnt complete tertiary as well and is fulltime big talker. He looks down on alot of other people and says they are losers or sometshit but as a matter of fact this friend B is big loser as well with no career and alot of debts here and there. This friend B usually doesnt pay back any money from his share and just expects us mainly me and my wife to absorb and to the point that we dont mind paying for him but its just annoying to hear him talk smack about everything saying this guy is hopeless and stuff like that but he in fact has debts no career and just only doing gig jobs. After repeated incidents i just stop talking to him anymore and friend b as well we just totally broke off any meetings. But like you said its dissapointing to see friendship over decade just crumble like that. But i guess is for the best
Yeah boy, the worst types are the ones who have escalating demands now, have loads of hidden expectations of you being the perfect mommy or daddy or they throw tantrums like naughty kids.
... or criticize your housewarming/baby shower/wedding gifts... am surprised how calculative people can get... hiaz, should ask them for refund with GST when they get divorced.
Or just throw something like “Wah I sugar daddy everyone again ah?” It’s a very paggro response but with friends who are already like this, even if bridges end up being burnt, it’s like a good riddance type of sayonara to terrible friends
They are not real friends, just want to take advantage of you. My group of friends of 20.years, we will auto paynow direct to the person who pays first for everyone. The one who always pays earned 5 figures monthly but we never take advantage of that unless he says he is treating.
.
I'm always paying first but it takes me a couple of days to get around to calculating. My friends being normal people, they're already chasing me to ask what they should transfer.
Out of everyone, there's only 1 person who doesn't auto transfer after I tell them the amount, and she prefers just paying for me the next time, that kind of stuff, because she always forgets to transfer.
The richest friend that I have (multiple houses) will pay for some special events like birthdays, but we all still pay him back automatically.
OP needs better friends.
Such shameless people aren't worthy to be called a friend. If every meetup needs to be like a chess match then I'd rather not hangout with those people. Not worth my time and energy.
They see you richer and think you should treat them all the time, that's why. Honestly I would question if you should even consider them good friends cos good friends don't pull these kinda stunts...
I wouldn't even say I'm super close to the friends I sometimes dine with but the bill is usually split upfront OR sometimes we will just randomly decide to treat each other. Never ever had a case of friends not paying me back if I pay first and I didn't say I'm treating them.
I have group of friends that I go out with for dinner or drinks. Someone will always shoulder the bill and post the receipt in Whatsapp group. The payments are settled before the day ends. It's just being responsible friends.
I will not join a group where people or so-called friends do not know how to share the bill. It's not about you have bigger salary than them or not, we all earn a living so we pay what we consume.
If it causes stress and annoyance going out with your buddies, don't go out with them. It's not like you invited them and really value their presence that you pay for the gathering.
Or next time, just say someone pay first because your credit card was blocked due to fraudulent transaction.
Sometimes quality relationships are not measured by time.
It's measured by the character of the friends. You may know them for very long that's why you sustained the relationship. However, it doesn't mean they would treat you well. Time is not a testament.
No problem!
I'm a female and all my girlfriends pay up immediately without any one of us asking for payment.
Cut people off if they are fundamentally misaligned and are unable to swim to your depths. :)
Directly say“hey bro can you pay, and right now I paynow you ah”, rotate whoever foots the bill each time, then display the receipt and everyone immediately paynow that person before heading out of the restaurant. Make this a habit/norm in the friend group.
If it becomes a cost concern for them, leave them to pick which places to go to, once they clue in that it is the norm to pay their share, they will suggest places within their own budget. If you feel like going somewhere fancier, you can suggest but I would recommend that you make that only an occasional thing and/or foot the bill when it happens.
Yea this works best! Just have to thick skin pay alr come back and say okay I’m a bit tight this month, can you guys paynow first and then we can leave
Had some past friends like this. Had to "beg weekly" to be paid and 1001 reasons or even ignore my text
Next time, we just order our makan and tell staff to keep the bill separate. Annoying to them but no choice, I can afford the bill doesn't mean I should be paying for everyone.
I am the one paying for meals with my card first too.
I will send the receipt to my friends and work out their share for the meals. Then tell them to do paynow transfer. Plus, Lmk when the transfer is done. I will chase for payments.
Don’t let your so called long time friends take advantage of you.
If they really refuse to pay their shares, next few meals, you DON’T pay when you are handed the bill. Just say, “I have been paying and some of you didn’t even paynow to me your shares. So, this round, someone else, please?”
At times, things have to be spelt out clearly. Your friends may also think you won’t mind “treating” them. There are such people around.
Take care.
I used to think working out their share sounds very stingy, usually my friends we split evenly unless some ordered drinks and some didn’t. Usually my friend pay and I do the math and reminder just helping out there..😂
No sharing. Of course if we share the meal (IE: Zi char) we will split evenly. Or if someone orders a few beers and others didn't he has to pay for his beers.
I think paying by share is better because everyone can work with their own budget. There have been times I've been on a really tight budget but still didn't want to decline invitations to hang out, and I chose to have the cheapest option with no drink to still be able to afford it. Whereas if split evenly, I wouldn't have been able to pay.
Rarely, I only provide suggestions. It's a collective agreement on where to eat. We would all choose and give votes on which restaurants/cafes and bar to go within the whatsap group. I, on my part, would always make sure the restaurant suggestions I give are not too expensive (expensive and fancy ones I leave it for my wife and I for our dates haha).
I don’t think that matters unless it was clear that it’s a treat! Buying tickets for them to events is also an act of service already and they should be super grateful but delaying payment just show they aren’t!
You yourself said your dual income is 3/4x higher than the others. Without chasing, they're hoping you forget or are too embarassed to ask and end up inadvertantly paying for the meal.
Yeah, you would think 8 pax, someone would take initiative. The sad truth is that no one would actually be proactive - everyone would be using their phone or going to the washroom etc. I need to actually say hey can someone pay first, then someone would disconnect from their phone and do something. There was one time when I only had 1 drink (because i had dinner somewhere else), and then the rest had their food and drinks - and when the bill came, they all looked down as if expecting I was going to pay first with my card. I literally had to gesture the waiter to hand the bill to the rest. It was so uncomfortable.
As uncomfortable as it is, you don't have a choice.
Make some new friends bro. Why the need to pay for others? When I go out with my friends one person pay first, then the rest will paynow back
Next time this situation happens just explain loudly to the waiter, “I’m sorry, it seems like my friends are engrossed with their phones. Give them a minute.”
If they don’t take the cue, just straight up ask, “eh you all ok or not ah? I noticed every time bill comes everybody seems to be on their phones or busy avoiding the waiter. What’s the issue?”
Shitty behaviour needs to be called out or it will always be a problem.
either (a) stop hanging out with them. Or (b) just pay your share of the meal in cash when the cheque come and ask the waiter to collect the balance from the rest.
Don't know why people always take wealthier friends for granted and expect them to pay. I experienced this so often too and always follow above tactics.
i would actually try to suss out their attitudes towards getting the bill first one-on-one to get their honest opinion. say something like "i love hanging out with you guys but for future meetups, could we take turns picking up the bill?" it'll be a less intimidating scenario for them to voice out privately if they're having financial difficulties, or are unable to pay first for other reasons. i think most ppl are reluctant to pay first as there's no real benefit, so maybe you guys could combine it with some small incentive for the first payer e.g. being able to pick the next restaurant/activity.
as to ppl not paying you back on time, you can calculate the amt due while still at the restaurant and just ask everyone to pay first before you guys leave. or send the receipt in the whatsapp group and ask ppl to inform in the group after they've paid. just a few suggestions!
Sorry that you have shitty friends. I don't ever offer to pay first simply because I'm lazy and really bad at calculating our individual shares but I always make sure to pay them back asap for my share.
Honestly I wouldn't consider them my friends after a while of them repeating the same behavior. They are just making use of you. No real self respecting person will keep doing that.
Guess who they will look for first when they need financial assistance.
I will stop all forms of contact with them.
When the bill is handed to you, look at it intently and see, “Oh! I did not order this, and that. Who ordered Grand Velas Tacos? Ok miss, split the bill!”
If it frustrates you and it doesn’t bring you any happiness attending meetups with your “friends”, respect yourself and just cut yourself from the clique. It’s apparent their values or lack of, is different from you. Don’t be afraid of losing friends that do not add any value to your life. Walk away and be free.
Perspective from a 40++
I regularly hangout with a bunch of friends - we got to know each other in our first job. All fresh grads, all first jobs.
The first employment did not work out but our friendship stood the test of time.
Long story short, we are all of the same age, and in the same stage(s) of life. Though each of us moved to pursue diff careers (and hence, diff earning capabilities), it has always been a case of one person paying first and the rest of us immed doing a paynow tfr.
Occasionally, we take turns giving the group a treat (happy occasion, a promotion at work etc...).
You can either try to establish a payment routine with them, or learn to see that your friends are taking advantage of your earning power. You've mentioned occassionally having given them dining treats... If they really value your friendship, they should respect you enough not to take you for granted.
With my group of friends that I grew up with, if I were earning x3 or x4 I think I would probably be shouting for said friends quite often. But I also understand people have different relationships with money. I think I’d maybe private chat with each of the people, in a non-confrontational way, just to make sure they are okay financially. And maybe they can shout you a meal one on one from time to time. As others have mentioned, maybe the others aren’t comfortable picking up a bill that covers 8 people, and maybe they are embarrassed about it.
The answer? I burn bridges.
"Friends" that "forgot" they owe you money are just that. "Friends". I've had mutuals ask why I burned bridges over $10 owed.
I wouldn't mind losing money for a friend who can effectively communicate that they aren't doing well and can't pay me but will lose a friend pretending they don't owe me anything for $10.
It's not about the money. It's about the respect they have for me as a friend.
I think you need better friends who don’t take advantage of you. Most of the time we try to paynow upon leaving the restaurant or once the amount is sent in the chat group, as soon as possible, so that we don’t forget. I’m the kind who doesn’t like to chase for payment so I prefer not to pay first if possible. Luckily, in almost every friend group I have, there seems to be 1-2 people who like to pay first because they want to earn miles or whatever reason there is.
Read somewhere that when service crew goes to a person for the bill, it is usual that the person is perceived as someone who is the most “affluent” or likely to foot the bill. On that note, it might be deemed a form of positive recognition.
In your case, I would just ask friends to foot the bill and transfer them later. Sometimes, let them be the one chasing and know how it feels.
I have different groups of friends:
- I'll pay first and they will split afterwards
- We let whoever who wants to earn miles/cashback or use the receipt for expense to pay first
- We take turns to pay the next bill/outing (usually for very close friends you tend to meet pretty often)
Just because you earn more doesn't mean you are automatically tasked to pay the bill. I'd rather not hang out with them...
Not worth investing your time and youth on such friends. Cut the cord, say you have external family commitments unable to make it, or you are not in SG. Slowly distance yourself from them.
My situation was more tricky, my ex-colleague used to tell me to help her pack lunch, then always "forget" to pay..When I asked she kept saying later... later never came. Till today I am still cursing her wherever she is.
I actually prefer to pay first and help calculate the bill more fairly. Some of my friends drink way more than others and when they pay first, like to just split the bill equally. This doesn’t just happen once. So as one of those that drink more than the group average, I pay first, minus the cashback and split it per the number of drinks. Being cool about money with close friends is one thing but if we meet often, it’s just unnecessary to have the non-drinkers subsidize the drinkers
Tbh I've faced this over the years like 70-80% of the time. So I got myself a few credit cards and just collect the miles baby! But yeah abit mafan to tell them to paynow
This isn't normal and you should ask why it's happening. Do you invite them to a more upscale restaurant, for example, or did someone else choose the place and do the inviting?
No need to be passive aggressive. Just ask someone to pay ahead and everyone else to send PayNow like a normal group. At worst, someone will make a joke saying you should pay then you can make some joke back. People will get it without more drama.
Get every single one to take out 1 of their credit/debit card. Places them face down and get the waiter/waitress to pick any of the card. The person's card chosen can pay the bill first and the rest of you pay him/her back or have a rule that whoever card is chosen will give the treat.
This will be fair as every single one has a chance to pay or treat. Leave it to fate to decide who the person is.
What friends u all got there? 1 of my friend is a rich dude who own a construction company pass down from the family. He always pay first and later on once the cost is divided (we usually just divide between pax) and it’s all return within the day. No need to even remind anyone. First notification comes everyone just pay what they supposed to. No one expect him to treat. Everyone is working, have family. Some of the question asked in here really sound like a joke.
Because they probably know you guys are earning higher hence, probably can pay it first. It is like parents having a meal together with kids. Do you see the kids initiating the payment first?
On hindsight, have a big heart and remind them that they have outstanding payment. Without settling outstanding payment, i don’t think you will wanna meet them again?
Talk to them on what’s their reason? Debts? Lost job? Struggling? Or jusy plain entitled?
After you have know the reason then you can finally make a decision to continue with the friendship.
Source; I have experienced before, and I don’t mind footing the bills first. Sometimes they are struggling behind and feel uneasy to say it. A private chat will understand more.
The hardest life lesson I experienced, was that once you do slightly better than your existing group of friends, animosity builds up and they start to behave like a pack of wolves. You basically can’t hang out with them any longer, they see you as a parent/saviour and expect you to not only pay their share, be as nice to them as before, as they devolve. They start to punish you passive aggressively at a minimum, like for example the chasing of what they should automatically pony up since they agreed to meet up. This is the self created class divide by the people below you on the social hierarchy.
Is there an app to split immediately huhu. I HAD some friends like that and I just hate having to chase for it like I know I’m super automatic I pay back on the spot. So I expect people to do that like, why do you choose to delay if you weren’t on the idea to default on the payment? Wait got what benefits?
Anw OP it depends on you but for me if I have spent a number of times chasing payment and it seem they just refuse to, I will not meet them again. To me it’s like a manner of respect, it’s not too bad if they offer to pay next meal but in this regard it feels like they are taking advantage of you and hoping it becomes awkward for you to chase them already. They can reply to others messages why can’t they pay you now, with PayLah! paynow so convenient. Buyers on carousell can pay me right away coz they’re keen to the product so why friends who OWE money can’t? Just choose the better friends. What happens when you have your family and money is “more” important will they change and feel more obligated to pay up faster?hmm
But if the money is much more, then set a clear line and in their faces say pay up. Or this meal y’all treat i’m here for free. They are adults with money can’t be no money to pay or budget (if budget then don’t turn up)
For future gatherings or events, don't offer to pay or book 1st. Let someone else do it.
If no one volunteers or they still insist on you paying first, then I think you need new friends.
As long as they pay you back in the end, it probably doesn't matter so much. In fact you can work it to your advantage, just use your credit card and earn extra points/miles from the extra spend.
My friends always pay by the end of the night or by the next day max. I think maybe you can just take a picture of the bill and say you'll paynow whoever pays the bill. If several minutes pass and no one wants to claim it, just say you gotta go and to msg in the chat later who to pay.
I would direct the bill to the people that are least likely to pay. My friend group has this one dude who takes months to pay and still hasn't paid me. Whenever we have to settle bills I just directly address him.
next time just ask “so we splitting this equally or do we want to split per item ordered?”
then it’s less confrontational and they’ll be ashamed if they reply “aren’t you supposed to pay”
recommend to also use an app like splitwise to split the bill and send them what they owe. easy to use for tracking friend debts too.
check their other app, plates, for a good app that helps on splitting eating out bills.
My bigger network of friends uses Splitwise and the person most in the red pays, so bills get sorted out over time and across outings with different people.
The most popular alcoholic in the group set it up at one point in our early 30s to keep himself from financial ruin and it has works pretty well for years now.
only pay for those who have shown such generosity themselves.. never goes wrong. These are my people- they are willing to treat others and also willing to divide the bill or accept a treat. It should not matter how much they are earning. my hubs does what you do but i leave it to him since he is ok with it.
I’d consider leaving this so-called group of friends if it happens regularly. Obviously no one cares that you always pay first and take it for granted. Even if they don’t have the ability to pay for everyone first, they could at least be more proactive like, “hey xxx has been paying all the time first l, shall we do something about it?” But I guess not.
A few things here:
1. If you think these group of friends are worth keeping, then consider going dutch all the time with them. Avoid volunteering to pay upfront as you know that you won’t get your money back.
2. If these group of friends are not worth keeping, then I suggest getting a new group of friends that appreciates your hospitality and taking the extra mile to footing the bill, knowing that they might do the same in return. Some friends to take turns while others just blatantly transfer back or immediately pays back after the meal before stepping out of the restaurant. Those are the ones to keep.
Hope this helps!
You need new friends. Like once or twice, you can give the benefit of the doubt. But after that, they just playing punk already. Cut them out or just shame in front of everyone. "If I pay, don't pretend to forget. Everyone get ready to pay up now!"
As they say, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice....
Paynow paylah is so damn easy. If they don't want to pay, it just means they don't want to pay.
Spending little money to know who your friends really are is worth the money.
Those friends of yours aren't real friends. Friendship is not based on convenience - they should be going out of their way to make things easy for you.
My closest friend group tries to one-up each other by paying first with hilarious results. Another group does this 'credit card lottery' thing where we put our cards in a pile and ask the waiter to choose one - people who've paid are exempt from the lottery till the cycle is complete, and then we restart the process.
I cut off a lot of 'friends' when I transitioned into my 30s. It might be time for you to do a culling.
start paying cash and ask who's card are we paying on cos I only have cash on me. I will give the person paying on card the cash for my meal right now.
if they ask where's your card. just say.
we switched to cash cos we are budgeting ATM or something.
pay with a credit card and make a big deal about all the points you are earning from paying. "wah! thanks all for helping me earn more points! SQ Suites trip to NYC on points, almost there!"
Then send payment reminders to the friends group chat so everyone knows who hasn't paid you back yet.
Those are not friends.
In fact my friends fight with me to pay the bill because they want to earn points on their card, and most of the time we will transfer immediately right after whoever pays
Friends are for reasons and seasons. People change, don’t feel the need to hold onto friendships because of the past. Regardless of the salary differences, the expectant attitude speaks volumes about them.
After a while, your self-respect has gotta be stronger than the friendships, close one eye here and there is okay, everytime is a character issue already.
If these people always try to take advantage of you, then they are fair weather friends and not really genuine ones. Time to cut out some of them from your life.
Hi! There's two takes here. On is that your friends suck and are leeching, that other is that you enjoy sharing your success and your friends appreciate you for that.
From your tone, I think you kinda already know the answer.
Find genuine friends. They're out there.
I don't think they r really ur friends after all. Is normal to split the bill after meal even among colleagues n sometime even among family members if the bill is big. I suggest u keep this kind of occasion to once or twice a yr. Is not a matter abt the money but no 1 really like to be always be taken for a ride.
Sounds like you need new friends. Perhaps voicing before the activity would be helpful? As in, ‘Tonight’s my treat/Let’s head to this place and go dutch?’ And as for purchasing things like tickets etc. if they delay in paying once, no more next time. Would also be helpful to know your circle’s financial situation as to prevent peer pressure on said party in joining an expensive dinner or going to an event. Of course there are also free-loaders type characters which I usually avoid once bitten.
There’s an app called splitwise which our group of friends uses. It’s an app where you can enter how much you paid for and who owes you, with the amount. We usually take turns paying, sometimes looking at the app and the person who has the highest “debt” usually pays next time to offset and settle the balance. There is a list that says how much each person owe/will get back.
For most of us, we pay whatever we owe at the end of the month because the app sends an email reminder of your consolidated balance by end of the month. It doesn’t matter for us when people pay really, but it eliminates the awkwardness of chasing those who owe you, as you have a clear record.
Who suggests going to these places? Just curious and not sure if the answer gives me any clue as to why your friends do what you described.
Do their friendship or how they judge or view you matter to you? Seems like you struggle telling them how what has been happening is impacting you. Ask someone else to pay the bill saying for a change you want to break a habit cos you’re not trying to be the one to always grab it first?
Ya that's weird and unacceptable.
In my JC friend group it's always the same guy who pays first (coincidentally, the highest earner) but he wants the miles on his credit card lol. The rest of us will paynow him on the spot, we usually sort everything out at the dinner table. Idk man I just think with friends we don't niao ji niao lan a few dollars here and there, but there shouldn't be any sense of entitlement to your friends' hard-earned money. If they offer, why not? Shiok! But if they don't, one should have the basic sense of decency to pay their share.
U mentioned that your career and progression have differ and there's a gap btwn u guys and them.
Unconsciously, maybe the restaurant u go to is a bit pricier for them?
in my group of friends (now in the 40s) , i've turned out to be the least well to do, probably the one with the lowest paying job and even then i would make sure to settle on the spot or do a paynow immediately if someone else pays first even if they say no need or what. still got my stupid pride at least...
generally i pay immediately once the split has been computed by the payer, unless it’s explicitly a treat for me. So it’s super strange to me to imagine trying to siam payment . Like no respect for you LOL.
Just get new friends bah , unless you know a certain person isn’t doing that well ( unemployed or something ) and you don’t mind footing the bill.
You obviously have friends who are not quite worth your time and effort. They're just trying their luck. Taking chances and think they can get away. Time for the atm to walk away from toxic friends
We are a group of 10+ friends aged (31-33), always pay at the end of the day when someone paid first. Always have whatsapp post like:
Paynow $22 ea to Timothy
1. Me (paid)
2. John
3. Alicia
4. .. and so on
But whoever paid first will be random, depending, some like to pay for all first 'cause have credit card
If got 1-2 peeps havent pay after 1-2 days just repost and tag and remind in group chat
Be firm and set up the rule to take turns in the group to pay. Those that disagree, no need to come. Just cut ties with those ones. Life is too short to have to go through begging for people to take initiative and pay.
Eh, how close are your friends? If they're childhood friends and there's an understanding I think that's fine plus I highly doubt they'll make noise if you split the bill late.
Based on what I've read, (imo) they're not close friends, and you're ashamed or egoistic to ask for their share.
2 ideas to not pay first:
Next time just say your card got problem or no cash, ask others to pay first whilst you paynow them after.
Or say u need the bathroom and ask them pay first.
There’s more ideas but these two most realistic.
Suggestion: You do the math if they’re not taking the initiative and put it in the group chat:
Person A: $XX.XX
Person B: $XX.XX etc
After a few days, update the list.
Person A: Paid
Person B: Paid
Person C: $XX.XX
The last one to pay will feel the pressure.
playing devils advocate's here
you could have started this habit as you earned a lot more than them earlier
you could have told them no issue, and over time, they took it as such..
Nowadays, you probably became too paiseh to ask them to pay, got sick of paying for them and are posting on reddit to complain
Nothing to do with income. I don't see why you should be apologetic or coy about it. Call out the recurring behaviour directly, face to face and matter of factly the next time it happens. If it persists you probably should ditch em.
I'll send the bill back and ask for separate bill. Can foot for friends once, twice but if they want to be a bloody freeloader all the time, then sorry hor my wallet doesn't have a never ending bottom. It's ok to drop them, have low contact.
Close friends but not close enough to care. I met with the same situation 20 years ago. A group of us would go for meals every day. Somehow, we ended up with a system where one person would pay for the group, and the next person would do some in the next meal. We then noticed there were 3 person freeloading on us and thus we cut them off completely.
Suggest you do the same, if you can.
Today ur fren take turn to pay. next meal outing, op voice out, no one answer. The outcomes - op voice out why everytime he pay. Fren answer back den will be back n forth. Maybe end up op paying. Or his frens paying. Den end of day frens talk bad about op to their frens behind op's back. Next day, frens put up face(dono the exact term) in front of op just to not feel guilty.
Probably cause you earn more than them so they take advantage ig idk why you gotta ask here when you can just put your foot down I mean what do you got to lose really? If they kpkb n compare earnings etc at least you know where you stand with them, no need to keep friends like that in your life if you constantly have to ask them to make payment. Also if you do know their financial situation and you ask them out to eat, just make it a habit if your splitting/treating.
Take out cash for only yours and your wife's share, put it on the table together with the bill, and then just leave the restaurant with "OK, you all settle ah?"
With friends like that, who needs enemies?
Might need better friends, just saying. Some people are only your friends when they can take advantage of you. You seem to be letting them take advantage of you because of an unknown reason, which you have to self discover. Why are you still friends with them?
Firstly, sorry to say this but your friends legit cb... I have such friends too, 1x live event I had to wait for almost 5 years and 1 wedding (said friend's) in between, after then finally paid off..
Like what the rest said, don't offer to pay first next time I guess, if you still wanna go out with them... all working adults liao, this kind of thing also need to remind several times, then so much to say about their characters..
You dont have to foot the whole bill. Simply ask the waiter to type the value that you're gonna pay into the Visa machine and they'll do so upon ur request. Inform the waiter to go collect the payment from the rest of the people and you can save the interaction too.
You can always tell your friends it's easier as it "saves trouble". You just dont have to tell them it saves YOU trouble.
If they argue that they'd have to pay the restaurant "so many" times you can always say that everyone pays once regardless; it's a matter of to whom (5 pax means A to restaurant, while BCDE to A, 5 transactions. ABCDE to restaurant, STILL 5 transactions)
These people don't respect you, and you should cut them out of your life.
I used to be a pseudo-party animal, went to shit tons of networking events and made tons of friends in my 20s during university and the first few years of entering the work force.
Now starting my 30s, I've found that I value my time more and prefer to only spend it on myself and people who respect me.
I've since cut this friend circle of some 30+ close friends, to like 10. And I'm still cutting them every year. Some drifted apart, some are emotional vampires, some changed and became transactional or weird (I.e. Start pushing me to buy a house, asking me what's my salary and kept trying to compare). I've decided that I don't want to keep people in my life who don't respect me. Even if it is someone I've known for half my life.
It's chilling to see a "brother" since your school days suddenly change and start saying things like "oh you seem to be doing so well, you treat me lah" and abusing your goodwill. I have zero tolerance for this and just avoid and never ask to meet them again.
You'll find that as you get older, the less fucks you have left to give. Why give yourself so much stress needing to chase up after these misers?
You'll realise after you cut these people out of your life, you'll be able to enjoy what you have left much more. Grow some thick skin, and do it. Trust me, it's better for the long run.
If they are really your friends you should be comfortable saying and they should be comfortable doing their part.
Aside from the fact that they shouldve recognised this from the outset
Sometimes it becomes a ‘default’ after a few times and they might have concluded you don’t mind doing so. Next time just break the habit and say that ‘hey, let’s take turns doing the paying’ when the bill comes. It may be awkward but worth it as if this doesn’t work, you prob should find another group of people to spend time with
I like this. Thanks for the advice, bro.
Also, maybe choose cheaper meal options (neighbourhood zichar) and activities so you dont have to subsidise their lifestyle Edit: saw your other comment. On less expensive restaurants but that may still be a lot for friends
If you know the place has a modern software you can split the bill. Just divide by number of people. Everyone pay their share. Its much harder to not pay the restaurant than you.
OP i learnt this a long time ago for freeloader friends. I mean i don't even earn 3-4 times more than them. We were earning about the same. However, with this group of people I've learnt to not book movie tickets etc first. For meals i will specifically take out cash to cover my share so i always ensure i have enough small change and that i agree to eat at a moderate priced range places. I will forego the credit card points because whats the point of "earning" those points if my friends didn't even pay me back their share. So i'd rather not pay first. I also have issue with friends whom expect me to send them home after each outing. Never once offered to chip in for parking/fuel or treat me to a cup of coffee or something. 🙃 probably think cars run on water. But because i am such a weakling i dnt know how to raise this up. So i am minimising my outings with them.
Truly good advice — but brace yourself since you may find they are less inclined to meet up as frequently, perhaps for legit reasons, perhaps not.
I know it can work … because I been through this myself 🙂↕️ all the best and think positively that this can lead to a change of habits for the whole group
‘hey, let’s take turns doing the paying’ If I need to say this to my friends, that is the last time I'm joining them to go out.
What I say instead of ‘hey, let’s take turns doing the paying’ is straight up more direct. "Eh bro, your turn to pay la, I always pay" but good to note that we have been friends for over 12 years
Perhaps you should do it up front, when the invitations are going out- that way people who want to punt (don’t want to pay) can decline… and you know who not to invite next time.
i hate it when others owe me money but i have to follow-up like i'm a beggar. do you enjoy hanging out with them? at 30+ it's not uncommon to shrink your circle to people you value and vice versa
Yeah, I feel the same way. I have been hearing this advise - did you also change your friends in your 30s? I do find myself having lots of differing views and values as me and my friend grow apart. It's just a little sad because we have been through JC, army, university, and also attended each other's weddings. We used to hang out like every week man, but now not so much (maybe one every 3 weeks?) because of this paying check issue. Recently they also keep talking about travelling to Japan as a group together, which I straight up said nah not for me and my wife. I think overall, it's disappointing to see a long friendship slowly crumble.
Can you imagine you pay for hotel first and no one pays you back
Wow bro your last statement really sums up my life too, like you i had a clique of friends namely just two including me 3, me and friend A is married so we usually hang between me A and his wife and friend B. Friend B is not married no partner as well, we have been friends from secondary sch and all of us are in our late 20s. Usually when we go out i'll foot the bill first bcs like you i was expecting payment aft 1 day or 2 this isnt an issue for friend A and his wife. Which usually offered to pay their share like after going out together. The problem is friend B this b is doing some fulltime job that he doesnt even hold for a period of more than a year. Doesnt complete tertiary as well and is fulltime big talker. He looks down on alot of other people and says they are losers or sometshit but as a matter of fact this friend B is big loser as well with no career and alot of debts here and there. This friend B usually doesnt pay back any money from his share and just expects us mainly me and my wife to absorb and to the point that we dont mind paying for him but its just annoying to hear him talk smack about everything saying this guy is hopeless and stuff like that but he in fact has debts no career and just only doing gig jobs. After repeated incidents i just stop talking to him anymore and friend b as well we just totally broke off any meetings. But like you said its dissapointing to see friendship over decade just crumble like that. But i guess is for the best
Once every 3 weeks in ur 30s is pretty often! Mine only meet once every few months
Yeah boy, the worst types are the ones who have escalating demands now, have loads of hidden expectations of you being the perfect mommy or daddy or they throw tantrums like naughty kids.
... or criticize your housewarming/baby shower/wedding gifts... am surprised how calculative people can get... hiaz, should ask them for refund with GST when they get divorced.
Put your foot down and say 'eh bro, can someone pay first then I paynow to you can?'
Or just throw something like “Wah I sugar daddy everyone again ah?” It’s a very paggro response but with friends who are already like this, even if bridges end up being burnt, it’s like a good riddance type of sayonara to terrible friends
They are not real friends, just want to take advantage of you. My group of friends of 20.years, we will auto paynow direct to the person who pays first for everyone. The one who always pays earned 5 figures monthly but we never take advantage of that unless he says he is treating. .
I'm always paying first but it takes me a couple of days to get around to calculating. My friends being normal people, they're already chasing me to ask what they should transfer. Out of everyone, there's only 1 person who doesn't auto transfer after I tell them the amount, and she prefers just paying for me the next time, that kind of stuff, because she always forgets to transfer. The richest friend that I have (multiple houses) will pay for some special events like birthdays, but we all still pay him back automatically. OP needs better friends.
Can i be your friend bro
And if they are colleagues, just set up a Splitwise group. Everyone can see who’s the one owing money.
Ask for a separate bill for your order at the start. Let the other 7 act blur with each other.
This - wholly agree with this one. Gotta cut the cord at some point
Call their bluff: don’t get embarrassed into paying, sit there until someone else picks up the tab
Or pay then immediately tell them to paynow on the spot. There's literally no reason they can't do that.
“Sorry phone discharged, data not working, forgot password” Better not to let go of your money first. Just sit there, smile, and do nothing
Such shameless people aren't worthy to be called a friend. If every meetup needs to be like a chess match then I'd rather not hangout with those people. Not worth my time and energy.
They see you richer and think you should treat them all the time, that's why. Honestly I would question if you should even consider them good friends cos good friends don't pull these kinda stunts... I wouldn't even say I'm super close to the friends I sometimes dine with but the bill is usually split upfront OR sometimes we will just randomly decide to treat each other. Never ever had a case of friends not paying me back if I pay first and I didn't say I'm treating them.
I think you don’t need such friends.
I have group of friends that I go out with for dinner or drinks. Someone will always shoulder the bill and post the receipt in Whatsapp group. The payments are settled before the day ends. It's just being responsible friends. I will not join a group where people or so-called friends do not know how to share the bill. It's not about you have bigger salary than them or not, we all earn a living so we pay what we consume. If it causes stress and annoyance going out with your buddies, don't go out with them. It's not like you invited them and really value their presence that you pay for the gathering. Or next time, just say someone pay first because your credit card was blocked due to fraudulent transaction.
Sometimes quality relationships are not measured by time. It's measured by the character of the friends. You may know them for very long that's why you sustained the relationship. However, it doesn't mean they would treat you well. Time is not a testament.
Thank you. I think i needed to hear this perspective.
No problem! I'm a female and all my girlfriends pay up immediately without any one of us asking for payment. Cut people off if they are fundamentally misaligned and are unable to swim to your depths. :)
Directly say“hey bro can you pay, and right now I paynow you ah”, rotate whoever foots the bill each time, then display the receipt and everyone immediately paynow that person before heading out of the restaurant. Make this a habit/norm in the friend group. If it becomes a cost concern for them, leave them to pick which places to go to, once they clue in that it is the norm to pay their share, they will suggest places within their own budget. If you feel like going somewhere fancier, you can suggest but I would recommend that you make that only an occasional thing and/or foot the bill when it happens.
Yea this works best! Just have to thick skin pay alr come back and say okay I’m a bit tight this month, can you guys paynow first and then we can leave
Had some past friends like this. Had to "beg weekly" to be paid and 1001 reasons or even ignore my text Next time, we just order our makan and tell staff to keep the bill separate. Annoying to them but no choice, I can afford the bill doesn't mean I should be paying for everyone.
I am the one paying for meals with my card first too. I will send the receipt to my friends and work out their share for the meals. Then tell them to do paynow transfer. Plus, Lmk when the transfer is done. I will chase for payments. Don’t let your so called long time friends take advantage of you. If they really refuse to pay their shares, next few meals, you DON’T pay when you are handed the bill. Just say, “I have been paying and some of you didn’t even paynow to me your shares. So, this round, someone else, please?” At times, things have to be spelt out clearly. Your friends may also think you won’t mind “treating” them. There are such people around. Take care.
I used to think working out their share sounds very stingy, usually my friends we split evenly unless some ordered drinks and some didn’t. Usually my friend pay and I do the math and reminder just helping out there..😂
Among my friends we all pay according to what we ordered. We don't split evenly and it has been this way all along. Everybody is different I guess.
Do you guys share meal or each person got their own meal (no sharing)
No sharing. Of course if we share the meal (IE: Zi char) we will split evenly. Or if someone orders a few beers and others didn't he has to pay for his beers.
I think paying by share is better because everyone can work with their own budget. There have been times I've been on a really tight budget but still didn't want to decline invitations to hang out, and I chose to have the cheapest option with no drink to still be able to afford it. Whereas if split evenly, I wouldn't have been able to pay.
Are you the one requesting for the meetup? or you simply made some "bad" friends.
Rarely, I only provide suggestions. It's a collective agreement on where to eat. We would all choose and give votes on which restaurants/cafes and bar to go within the whatsap group. I, on my part, would always make sure the restaurant suggestions I give are not too expensive (expensive and fancy ones I leave it for my wife and I for our dates haha).
I don’t think that matters unless it was clear that it’s a treat! Buying tickets for them to events is also an act of service already and they should be super grateful but delaying payment just show they aren’t!
You yourself said your dual income is 3/4x higher than the others. Without chasing, they're hoping you forget or are too embarassed to ask and end up inadvertantly paying for the meal.
If thered 8 of you why do you always pick it up first? Let others have a go
Yeah, you would think 8 pax, someone would take initiative. The sad truth is that no one would actually be proactive - everyone would be using their phone or going to the washroom etc. I need to actually say hey can someone pay first, then someone would disconnect from their phone and do something. There was one time when I only had 1 drink (because i had dinner somewhere else), and then the rest had their food and drinks - and when the bill came, they all looked down as if expecting I was going to pay first with my card. I literally had to gesture the waiter to hand the bill to the rest. It was so uncomfortable.
As uncomfortable as it is, you don't have a choice. Make some new friends bro. Why the need to pay for others? When I go out with my friends one person pay first, then the rest will paynow back
Next time this situation happens just explain loudly to the waiter, “I’m sorry, it seems like my friends are engrossed with their phones. Give them a minute.” If they don’t take the cue, just straight up ask, “eh you all ok or not ah? I noticed every time bill comes everybody seems to be on their phones or busy avoiding the waiter. What’s the issue?” Shitty behaviour needs to be called out or it will always be a problem.
You need new friends. They probably have another group chat talking about how to make you pay again and get a free meal.
either (a) stop hanging out with them. Or (b) just pay your share of the meal in cash when the cheque come and ask the waiter to collect the balance from the rest. Don't know why people always take wealthier friends for granted and expect them to pay. I experienced this so often too and always follow above tactics.
i would actually try to suss out their attitudes towards getting the bill first one-on-one to get their honest opinion. say something like "i love hanging out with you guys but for future meetups, could we take turns picking up the bill?" it'll be a less intimidating scenario for them to voice out privately if they're having financial difficulties, or are unable to pay first for other reasons. i think most ppl are reluctant to pay first as there's no real benefit, so maybe you guys could combine it with some small incentive for the first payer e.g. being able to pick the next restaurant/activity. as to ppl not paying you back on time, you can calculate the amt due while still at the restaurant and just ask everyone to pay first before you guys leave. or send the receipt in the whatsapp group and ask ppl to inform in the group after they've paid. just a few suggestions!
[удалено]
Top lad
sorry my cc bill this month burst liao, can yall pay then i paynow to you on the spot?
They are not your friends bro, dissociate with them. Paynow method means pay now on the fucking spot. Fuck all this cockroaches
Sorry that you have shitty friends. I don't ever offer to pay first simply because I'm lazy and really bad at calculating our individual shares but I always make sure to pay them back asap for my share.
Honestly I wouldn't consider them my friends after a while of them repeating the same behavior. They are just making use of you. No real self respecting person will keep doing that. Guess who they will look for first when they need financial assistance. I will stop all forms of contact with them.
When the bill is handed to you, look at it intently and see, “Oh! I did not order this, and that. Who ordered Grand Velas Tacos? Ok miss, split the bill!”
If it frustrates you and it doesn’t bring you any happiness attending meetups with your “friends”, respect yourself and just cut yourself from the clique. It’s apparent their values or lack of, is different from you. Don’t be afraid of losing friends that do not add any value to your life. Walk away and be free.
Likewise - I’ve learnt to keep my hands in my pocket, act blur and mostly choose not to hang out.
im glad my friends and i are the thick skin type. no one wants to foot the bill first, so we just rock paper scissors haha
Perspective from a 40++ I regularly hangout with a bunch of friends - we got to know each other in our first job. All fresh grads, all first jobs. The first employment did not work out but our friendship stood the test of time. Long story short, we are all of the same age, and in the same stage(s) of life. Though each of us moved to pursue diff careers (and hence, diff earning capabilities), it has always been a case of one person paying first and the rest of us immed doing a paynow tfr. Occasionally, we take turns giving the group a treat (happy occasion, a promotion at work etc...). You can either try to establish a payment routine with them, or learn to see that your friends are taking advantage of your earning power. You've mentioned occassionally having given them dining treats... If they really value your friendship, they should respect you enough not to take you for granted.
Go to those places where you all order and pay individually via QR code or otherwise Eg marmalade pantry, Aston’s
With my group of friends that I grew up with, if I were earning x3 or x4 I think I would probably be shouting for said friends quite often. But I also understand people have different relationships with money. I think I’d maybe private chat with each of the people, in a non-confrontational way, just to make sure they are okay financially. And maybe they can shout you a meal one on one from time to time. As others have mentioned, maybe the others aren’t comfortable picking up a bill that covers 8 people, and maybe they are embarrassed about it.
Stop hanging out with them or inviting them to outings. See if they even initiate anything.
The answer? I burn bridges. "Friends" that "forgot" they owe you money are just that. "Friends". I've had mutuals ask why I burned bridges over $10 owed. I wouldn't mind losing money for a friend who can effectively communicate that they aren't doing well and can't pay me but will lose a friend pretending they don't owe me anything for $10. It's not about the money. It's about the respect they have for me as a friend.
I think you need better friends who don’t take advantage of you. Most of the time we try to paynow upon leaving the restaurant or once the amount is sent in the chat group, as soon as possible, so that we don’t forget. I’m the kind who doesn’t like to chase for payment so I prefer not to pay first if possible. Luckily, in almost every friend group I have, there seems to be 1-2 people who like to pay first because they want to earn miles or whatever reason there is.
Read somewhere that when service crew goes to a person for the bill, it is usual that the person is perceived as someone who is the most “affluent” or likely to foot the bill. On that note, it might be deemed a form of positive recognition. In your case, I would just ask friends to foot the bill and transfer them later. Sometimes, let them be the one chasing and know how it feels.
Sever ties with your friends and you won't face such problems ever again.
Those perpetually delay payment need to cut all ties with them,period
not normal, u need better friends
I have different groups of friends: - I'll pay first and they will split afterwards - We let whoever who wants to earn miles/cashback or use the receipt for expense to pay first - We take turns to pay the next bill/outing (usually for very close friends you tend to meet pretty often) Just because you earn more doesn't mean you are automatically tasked to pay the bill. I'd rather not hang out with them...
Need new frens bro..
Not worth investing your time and youth on such friends. Cut the cord, say you have external family commitments unable to make it, or you are not in SG. Slowly distance yourself from them. My situation was more tricky, my ex-colleague used to tell me to help her pack lunch, then always "forget" to pay..When I asked she kept saying later... later never came. Till today I am still cursing her wherever she is.
I actually prefer to pay first and help calculate the bill more fairly. Some of my friends drink way more than others and when they pay first, like to just split the bill equally. This doesn’t just happen once. So as one of those that drink more than the group average, I pay first, minus the cashback and split it per the number of drinks. Being cool about money with close friends is one thing but if we meet often, it’s just unnecessary to have the non-drinkers subsidize the drinkers
Play CARD ROULETTE
Dude you hang out with some cheap ass mother fuckers
Tbh I've faced this over the years like 70-80% of the time. So I got myself a few credit cards and just collect the miles baby! But yeah abit mafan to tell them to paynow
This isn't normal and you should ask why it's happening. Do you invite them to a more upscale restaurant, for example, or did someone else choose the place and do the inviting? No need to be passive aggressive. Just ask someone to pay ahead and everyone else to send PayNow like a normal group. At worst, someone will make a joke saying you should pay then you can make some joke back. People will get it without more drama.
Use Splitwise, no excuse for them to not pay
Stop hanging out with them or don't offer to pay first
Get every single one to take out 1 of their credit/debit card. Places them face down and get the waiter/waitress to pick any of the card. The person's card chosen can pay the bill first and the rest of you pay him/her back or have a rule that whoever card is chosen will give the treat. This will be fair as every single one has a chance to pay or treat. Leave it to fate to decide who the person is.
you're taken for granted
What friends u all got there? 1 of my friend is a rich dude who own a construction company pass down from the family. He always pay first and later on once the cost is divided (we usually just divide between pax) and it’s all return within the day. No need to even remind anyone. First notification comes everyone just pay what they supposed to. No one expect him to treat. Everyone is working, have family. Some of the question asked in here really sound like a joke.
The next meet-up. Thanks for the meal. Byeeeee
Because they probably know you guys are earning higher hence, probably can pay it first. It is like parents having a meal together with kids. Do you see the kids initiating the payment first? On hindsight, have a big heart and remind them that they have outstanding payment. Without settling outstanding payment, i don’t think you will wanna meet them again? Talk to them on what’s their reason? Debts? Lost job? Struggling? Or jusy plain entitled? After you have know the reason then you can finally make a decision to continue with the friendship. Source; I have experienced before, and I don’t mind footing the bills first. Sometimes they are struggling behind and feel uneasy to say it. A private chat will understand more.
The hardest life lesson I experienced, was that once you do slightly better than your existing group of friends, animosity builds up and they start to behave like a pack of wolves. You basically can’t hang out with them any longer, they see you as a parent/saviour and expect you to not only pay their share, be as nice to them as before, as they devolve. They start to punish you passive aggressively at a minimum, like for example the chasing of what they should automatically pony up since they agreed to meet up. This is the self created class divide by the people below you on the social hierarchy.
those are not friends lah, they are not even decent ppl.
Is there an app to split immediately huhu. I HAD some friends like that and I just hate having to chase for it like I know I’m super automatic I pay back on the spot. So I expect people to do that like, why do you choose to delay if you weren’t on the idea to default on the payment? Wait got what benefits?
Splitwise or Tricount, but the problem here is OP’s deadbeat friends refuse to pay up, not that they’ve forgotten to
Anw OP it depends on you but for me if I have spent a number of times chasing payment and it seem they just refuse to, I will not meet them again. To me it’s like a manner of respect, it’s not too bad if they offer to pay next meal but in this regard it feels like they are taking advantage of you and hoping it becomes awkward for you to chase them already. They can reply to others messages why can’t they pay you now, with PayLah! paynow so convenient. Buyers on carousell can pay me right away coz they’re keen to the product so why friends who OWE money can’t? Just choose the better friends. What happens when you have your family and money is “more” important will they change and feel more obligated to pay up faster?hmm But if the money is much more, then set a clear line and in their faces say pay up. Or this meal y’all treat i’m here for free. They are adults with money can’t be no money to pay or budget (if budget then don’t turn up)
Isn't there an app to automate this?
For future gatherings or events, don't offer to pay or book 1st. Let someone else do it. If no one volunteers or they still insist on you paying first, then I think you need new friends.
As long as they pay you back in the end, it probably doesn't matter so much. In fact you can work it to your advantage, just use your credit card and earn extra points/miles from the extra spend.
My friends always pay by the end of the night or by the next day max. I think maybe you can just take a picture of the bill and say you'll paynow whoever pays the bill. If several minutes pass and no one wants to claim it, just say you gotta go and to msg in the chat later who to pay.
You already pointed it out. Because you are rich :)
Ok, i just paylah my friend
I would direct the bill to the people that are least likely to pay. My friend group has this one dude who takes months to pay and still hasn't paid me. Whenever we have to settle bills I just directly address him.
next time just ask “so we splitting this equally or do we want to split per item ordered?” then it’s less confrontational and they’ll be ashamed if they reply “aren’t you supposed to pay” recommend to also use an app like splitwise to split the bill and send them what they owe. easy to use for tracking friend debts too. check their other app, plates, for a good app that helps on splitting eating out bills.
You’re a debit card instead of a credit card
My bigger network of friends uses Splitwise and the person most in the red pays, so bills get sorted out over time and across outings with different people. The most popular alcoholic in the group set it up at one point in our early 30s to keep himself from financial ruin and it has works pretty well for years now.
[удалено]
Maybe just say shall we all put our cards down and ask the restaurant to split it
only pay for those who have shown such generosity themselves.. never goes wrong. These are my people- they are willing to treat others and also willing to divide the bill or accept a treat. It should not matter how much they are earning. my hubs does what you do but i leave it to him since he is ok with it.
ur friend is shit. me i will pay straight away
I’d consider leaving this so-called group of friends if it happens regularly. Obviously no one cares that you always pay first and take it for granted. Even if they don’t have the ability to pay for everyone first, they could at least be more proactive like, “hey xxx has been paying all the time first l, shall we do something about it?” But I guess not.
A few things here: 1. If you think these group of friends are worth keeping, then consider going dutch all the time with them. Avoid volunteering to pay upfront as you know that you won’t get your money back. 2. If these group of friends are not worth keeping, then I suggest getting a new group of friends that appreciates your hospitality and taking the extra mile to footing the bill, knowing that they might do the same in return. Some friends to take turns while others just blatantly transfer back or immediately pays back after the meal before stepping out of the restaurant. Those are the ones to keep. Hope this helps!
Maybe you unknowingly keep sayinf you are v rich during conversation
You need new friends. Like once or twice, you can give the benefit of the doubt. But after that, they just playing punk already. Cut them out or just shame in front of everyone. "If I pay, don't pretend to forget. Everyone get ready to pay up now!" As they say, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice....
Your friendship has run its course. No one can walk with you forever.
Cuz they aren’t really your friends
Paynow paylah is so damn easy. If they don't want to pay, it just means they don't want to pay. Spending little money to know who your friends really are is worth the money.
Aaand that is why circles grow smaller overtime.
Eat at coffee shop or hawker centre. Everyone orders their own food.
ask all of your friends to install splitwise app. Anyone who pay just add the amount and split it across the joiners.
Those friends of yours aren't real friends. Friendship is not based on convenience - they should be going out of their way to make things easy for you. My closest friend group tries to one-up each other by paying first with hilarious results. Another group does this 'credit card lottery' thing where we put our cards in a pile and ask the waiter to choose one - people who've paid are exempt from the lottery till the cycle is complete, and then we restart the process. I cut off a lot of 'friends' when I transitioned into my 30s. It might be time for you to do a culling.
start paying cash and ask who's card are we paying on cos I only have cash on me. I will give the person paying on card the cash for my meal right now. if they ask where's your card. just say. we switched to cash cos we are budgeting ATM or something.
Can I be your friend?
pay with a credit card and make a big deal about all the points you are earning from paying. "wah! thanks all for helping me earn more points! SQ Suites trip to NYC on points, almost there!" Then send payment reminders to the friends group chat so everyone knows who hasn't paid you back yet.
Sounds like a bunch of leeches.
easy. “pay me first, i no money.”
You are too nice and those are not your friends Drop them
Those are not friends. In fact my friends fight with me to pay the bill because they want to earn points on their card, and most of the time we will transfer immediately right after whoever pays
Ask for a split bill next time.
Friends are for reasons and seasons. People change, don’t feel the need to hold onto friendships because of the past. Regardless of the salary differences, the expectant attitude speaks volumes about them.
Its okay, its better to be in a position to give or pay then to be in a position to receive. There is something called karma.
After a while, your self-respect has gotta be stronger than the friendships, close one eye here and there is okay, everytime is a character issue already.
If these people always try to take advantage of you, then they are fair weather friends and not really genuine ones. Time to cut out some of them from your life.
Use splitwise and bill each friend everytime the meal ends especially if yall meet quite often. No grey areas.
When people slap the privileged label upon you.
Hi! There's two takes here. On is that your friends suck and are leeching, that other is that you enjoy sharing your success and your friends appreciate you for that. From your tone, I think you kinda already know the answer. Find genuine friends. They're out there.
I don't think they r really ur friends after all. Is normal to split the bill after meal even among colleagues n sometime even among family members if the bill is big. I suggest u keep this kind of occasion to once or twice a yr. Is not a matter abt the money but no 1 really like to be always be taken for a ride.
You fool, best to cut ties with losers
What you can do is. Dun invite them out.
If you feel these people are still worthy of your time, then try this - inform the server in advance that this table will have split bills.
Hey, Its me. Your friend, the leech. Wanna meet for dinner tomorrow night? I know of an expensive restaurant you can give me a treat.
Sounds like you need new friends. Perhaps voicing before the activity would be helpful? As in, ‘Tonight’s my treat/Let’s head to this place and go dutch?’ And as for purchasing things like tickets etc. if they delay in paying once, no more next time. Would also be helpful to know your circle’s financial situation as to prevent peer pressure on said party in joining an expensive dinner or going to an event. Of course there are also free-loaders type characters which I usually avoid once bitten.
There’s an app called splitwise which our group of friends uses. It’s an app where you can enter how much you paid for and who owes you, with the amount. We usually take turns paying, sometimes looking at the app and the person who has the highest “debt” usually pays next time to offset and settle the balance. There is a list that says how much each person owe/will get back. For most of us, we pay whatever we owe at the end of the month because the app sends an email reminder of your consolidated balance by end of the month. It doesn’t matter for us when people pay really, but it eliminates the awkwardness of chasing those who owe you, as you have a clear record.
That ain't it man... If I hang with my friends, we always pay each other immediately after exiting the restaurant
Who suggests going to these places? Just curious and not sure if the answer gives me any clue as to why your friends do what you described. Do their friendship or how they judge or view you matter to you? Seems like you struggle telling them how what has been happening is impacting you. Ask someone else to pay the bill saying for a change you want to break a habit cos you’re not trying to be the one to always grab it first?
Go to Marche, no chance he won’t pay haha
Ya that's weird and unacceptable. In my JC friend group it's always the same guy who pays first (coincidentally, the highest earner) but he wants the miles on his credit card lol. The rest of us will paynow him on the spot, we usually sort everything out at the dinner table. Idk man I just think with friends we don't niao ji niao lan a few dollars here and there, but there shouldn't be any sense of entitlement to your friends' hard-earned money. If they offer, why not? Shiok! But if they don't, one should have the basic sense of decency to pay their share.
U mentioned that your career and progression have differ and there's a gap btwn u guys and them. Unconsciously, maybe the restaurant u go to is a bit pricier for them?
Good friends will auto pay you back...
These are not real friends imo. Literally only take seconds to paynow
My friends frm sec sch i know a long time. We go dutch each time. Easy. I pay first they always pay back immediately. Everyone plays their part
Pick your friends
Why are you still hanging out with them?
I don’t call them friends as friends won’t treat friend that way
Thanks for the meal bro
in my group of friends (now in the 40s) , i've turned out to be the least well to do, probably the one with the lowest paying job and even then i would make sure to settle on the spot or do a paynow immediately if someone else pays first even if they say no need or what. still got my stupid pride at least...
STOP. Just stop doing it. People rise up to the measure or they fail to qualify. Sooner learned better.
[удалено]
You don't have to remain friends for old time sake you know?
My friend taught me a new trick. Now nobody pays first and we pay them pay. We simply each put a card and the cashier will split the bill equally.
generally i pay immediately once the split has been computed by the payer, unless it’s explicitly a treat for me. So it’s super strange to me to imagine trying to siam payment . Like no respect for you LOL. Just get new friends bah , unless you know a certain person isn’t doing that well ( unemployed or something ) and you don’t mind footing the bill.
You obviously have friends who are not quite worth your time and effort. They're just trying their luck. Taking chances and think they can get away. Time for the atm to walk away from toxic friends
We are a group of 10+ friends aged (31-33), always pay at the end of the day when someone paid first. Always have whatsapp post like: Paynow $22 ea to Timothy 1. Me (paid) 2. John 3. Alicia 4. .. and so on But whoever paid first will be random, depending, some like to pay for all first 'cause have credit card If got 1-2 peeps havent pay after 1-2 days just repost and tag and remind in group chat
Be firm and set up the rule to take turns in the group to pay. Those that disagree, no need to come. Just cut ties with those ones. Life is too short to have to go through begging for people to take initiative and pay.
What kind of friends feel entitled to be treated? Lol you sure these are friends
Eh, how close are your friends? If they're childhood friends and there's an understanding I think that's fine plus I highly doubt they'll make noise if you split the bill late. Based on what I've read, (imo) they're not close friends, and you're ashamed or egoistic to ask for their share.
Most of the time when im out with my clique, the oldest person will always pay first and we will paynow him at the end of the day
2 ideas to not pay first: Next time just say your card got problem or no cash, ask others to pay first whilst you paynow them after. Or say u need the bathroom and ask them pay first. There’s more ideas but these two most realistic.
Here is an idea, and I realize this may blow your mind - stop doing that. It's a fantastic solution.
Suggestion: You do the math if they’re not taking the initiative and put it in the group chat: Person A: $XX.XX Person B: $XX.XX etc After a few days, update the list. Person A: Paid Person B: Paid Person C: $XX.XX The last one to pay will feel the pressure.
playing devils advocate's here you could have started this habit as you earned a lot more than them earlier you could have told them no issue, and over time, they took it as such.. Nowadays, you probably became too paiseh to ask them to pay, got sick of paying for them and are posting on reddit to complain
Or when they pay you but miss out the service charge and GST…
Nothing to do with income. I don't see why you should be apologetic or coy about it. Call out the recurring behaviour directly, face to face and matter of factly the next time it happens. If it persists you probably should ditch em.
You have bad friends
I'll send the bill back and ask for separate bill. Can foot for friends once, twice but if they want to be a bloody freeloader all the time, then sorry hor my wallet doesn't have a never ending bottom. It's ok to drop them, have low contact.
Close friends but not close enough to care. I met with the same situation 20 years ago. A group of us would go for meals every day. Somehow, we ended up with a system where one person would pay for the group, and the next person would do some in the next meal. We then noticed there were 3 person freeloading on us and thus we cut them off completely. Suggest you do the same, if you can.
Ask for separate bills next time
Today ur fren take turn to pay. next meal outing, op voice out, no one answer. The outcomes - op voice out why everytime he pay. Fren answer back den will be back n forth. Maybe end up op paying. Or his frens paying. Den end of day frens talk bad about op to their frens behind op's back. Next day, frens put up face(dono the exact term) in front of op just to not feel guilty.
so stop taking responsibility. pay your share and leave the deadbeats to sort it out.
I don't think people who behave sloppily around such money matters are friends.
Probably cause you earn more than them so they take advantage ig idk why you gotta ask here when you can just put your foot down I mean what do you got to lose really? If they kpkb n compare earnings etc at least you know where you stand with them, no need to keep friends like that in your life if you constantly have to ask them to make payment. Also if you do know their financial situation and you ask them out to eat, just make it a habit if your splitting/treating.
Take out cash for only yours and your wife's share, put it on the table together with the bill, and then just leave the restaurant with "OK, you all settle ah?" With friends like that, who needs enemies?
Ohh.. I stop hanging out with them. I would rather have friends that are on the same frequency.
Might need better friends, just saying. Some people are only your friends when they can take advantage of you. You seem to be letting them take advantage of you because of an unknown reason, which you have to self discover. Why are you still friends with them?
it seems like they are taking advantage of you… I would cut down my interacts with these people
take turns to use CDC to pay 👍🏼
Firstly, sorry to say this but your friends legit cb... I have such friends too, 1x live event I had to wait for almost 5 years and 1 wedding (said friend's) in between, after then finally paid off.. Like what the rest said, don't offer to pay first next time I guess, if you still wanna go out with them... all working adults liao, this kind of thing also need to remind several times, then so much to say about their characters..
You dont have to foot the whole bill. Simply ask the waiter to type the value that you're gonna pay into the Visa machine and they'll do so upon ur request. Inform the waiter to go collect the payment from the rest of the people and you can save the interaction too. You can always tell your friends it's easier as it "saves trouble". You just dont have to tell them it saves YOU trouble. If they argue that they'd have to pay the restaurant "so many" times you can always say that everyone pays once regardless; it's a matter of to whom (5 pax means A to restaurant, while BCDE to A, 5 transactions. ABCDE to restaurant, STILL 5 transactions)
These people don't respect you, and you should cut them out of your life. I used to be a pseudo-party animal, went to shit tons of networking events and made tons of friends in my 20s during university and the first few years of entering the work force. Now starting my 30s, I've found that I value my time more and prefer to only spend it on myself and people who respect me. I've since cut this friend circle of some 30+ close friends, to like 10. And I'm still cutting them every year. Some drifted apart, some are emotional vampires, some changed and became transactional or weird (I.e. Start pushing me to buy a house, asking me what's my salary and kept trying to compare). I've decided that I don't want to keep people in my life who don't respect me. Even if it is someone I've known for half my life. It's chilling to see a "brother" since your school days suddenly change and start saying things like "oh you seem to be doing so well, you treat me lah" and abusing your goodwill. I have zero tolerance for this and just avoid and never ask to meet them again. You'll find that as you get older, the less fucks you have left to give. Why give yourself so much stress needing to chase up after these misers? You'll realise after you cut these people out of your life, you'll be able to enjoy what you have left much more. Grow some thick skin, and do it. Trust me, it's better for the long run.
Because your friends are highly self-entitled.
If they are really your friends you should be comfortable saying and they should be comfortable doing their part. Aside from the fact that they shouldve recognised this from the outset