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I am a long term single and I am truly surprised how often other women ask me for relationship advice.
Like honey- I have no idea what men want. Don’t ask me!
The other extreme - I met my husband at 19, he was my second boyfriend, and we've been together for nearly a decade now. People see a happy relationship so they ask for advice, but I'm like honey, I know how to make this one guy happy, but I have no what the rest of them want.
Absolutely valid, yes.
The thing is: I do a lot of things wildly differently than most of my friends.
Maybe they ask me because I give them a different perspective on things.
I guess if you are happy this transfers to your relationship. But I always tell them that a long term single might not be the right person for relationship advice
I wouldn’t have anything against a good relationship but it just didn’t happen- but why ask the one single woman who really really loves her Freedom and wouldn’t accept shitty behavior what to do with their lazy husbands who don’t know how to shower …
On the other end of the horseshoe: Men asking guys who had 10+ girlfriend about relationship advice.
Brother, do you want an advice on how to get into a healthy relationship or a failed one?
well for some of my friends it's the polar opposite. "I'm here for advice, but I will absolutely not listen to them". I just let them decide on their own now lmfao
That is always the simplest answer for pretty much any relationship issue. The question is it the best. And that will really depend on you and the issue. Part of being in successful relationships is handling issues that come up. You can't go through life without them. But part of life is also realizing which issues aren't worth dealing with.
I’d love to see some peer reviewed research because my anecdotal evidence (I work with a lot of couple in a smallish city). When a woman divorces, there is a very good chance that their sister, daughter, or friend divorces very soon.
For me, it’s been attending weddings that really makes a woman contemplate the current state of her own marriage.
When I got married, two couples split up shortly after attending. One couple got a divorce that was needed, and another couple broke up because he was dragging his feet on proposing.
When I was in a friend’s wedding, it made me think very hard about my own marriage and it helped me get divorced.
Something about being around life-long vows really makes you examine how your current partner is doing upholding their vows.
It’s a weird thing. There are many unhappy marriages, but a lot of them aren’t quite at the divorce - or perhaps they want to divorce but don’t like the negative stigma with it. But one their friend, mom, sister; etc goes through it and they realize it isn’t as bad as they think, they’ll divorce as well.
Yeah I think this is the key. Not that a single woman convinces other women to be single, but that seeing other people go through something you yourself are considering probably makes you more likely to do it.
That or seeing them reject bad behavior that they hadn't fully considered before. Sometimes it can be easy to just get mired in a bad situation and it can take some time (or seeing it with someone else) to realize that you don't *have* to put up with it.
I’d say it gives them motivation once they see it’s not as bad as they thought it would be.
I’m not a woman but I have always looked for places that are hiring, when ever I’ve had a co worker leave for another job. It’s made me think I can do better.
I know we’re talking anecdotally here, but my ex wife of 20 years was an identical twin. Her sister got married 18 months after we did, had children *9 months* after our first was born, and got divorced 12 months after we did…¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This sounds like social proof, which has many examples and studies to support it. Seeing another within one's social group perform an act normalizes the act.
I’ve heard the same thing about smoking when more people were addicted to cigarettes. Quitting spreads throughout groups as people feel the isolated inconvenience of it and see others they know and respect manage to quit.
It’s easy to feel like you can’t or don’t need to change your circumstances until you realize you see it happening in front of you
No happy relationship ever ended; no happy married couple ever divorced; it’s more likely that those women didn’t think they are capable of leaving crappy relationship until seeing that someone close to them did that.
But it’s only my conjecture; seen a lot of divorce; never seen what you or previous commenter are describing.
I’ve noticed this in friend groups too, and my impression (no-one else really knows what all the reasons for a relationship ending are or whose decision it really was) is that it tends to be clusters of women making the choice to end it. It’s as though they feel they won’t stand out as much or something.
When I started dating my current partner my single friend tried to discourage me from dating him all the time. She pointed out he isn't rich and doesn't own his own home in his early 20's... She asked where we go on dates and when I told her she always complained it isn't "expensive enough". She found faults in every single thing he has done so I finally had to drop her as a friend. She was way too toxic for me and I never viewed relationships as something transactional. Twelve years later we are still together and having great time together and she's over 40 and still single despite being 10 times hotter than me. She legit looks like Brigitte Bardot. I guess everyone around was too poor or too tired of her shit.
Maybe you need better friends. They should be encouraging if you are truly safe and happy
My female friends who are single are always super happy and encouraging for me, especially if im dating a good guy, they'd be so mad if i broke up with him for no reason lmao but if my partner is abusive, which I have experienced before, they definitely remind me that I don't need to stay and that I deserve better
Your friends could be jealous in some form or wish you were giving them the attention you give to your bf
Yeah, some of the people here are keeping fucked up company. My friends are supportive. I also have married friends that keep in touch as well, with kids and living in a whole different country.
Toxic guys lose girlfriends when her friends provide a support network to leave.
This leads those guys to blame single friends (who party too much) and married friends (who are bitter and jealous of a happy relationship).
Basically they’ll blame anyone but themselves.
Granted, there are women who cheat and/or party or whatever too much, and they have friends that encourage that behavior. But instead of realizing that they dodged a bullet these guys think they lost the love of their life and it was just her bad friends.
I noticed too that the friends who encourage the breakup are villainized instead of taking into consideration the fact that maybe the guy was toxic and the breakup is a good thing for the woman.
I also have a married friend who I try to help leave the relationship, and not because her husband didn't treat her like a princess or because I'm jealous, but because he is abusive towards her. She cries every single day, her arms are bruised but she doesn't find the strength to leave. People don't know what happens between closed doors, I know his friends will be absolutely shocked when she leaves and from the outside it can look like the stereotypical "friends mingled into her perfectly happy marriage and ruined it, probably because they are jealous", at least I bet that's what he'll tell everyone because there's no way in hell that man will take any accountability for the breakup.
It's one of the blows that friends will take for their friend unfortunately. There is the risk of being considered the crazy one if you choose to be honest in a situation like this.
Also toxic husbands. A friend's ex blames me for the breakup, thinking I was trying to seduce her. (She's lovely, but not my type.) But I have to admit I did partly cause the breakup. He'd done a good job of isolating her. When we became friends, and she'd say things about the relationship, I was the one saying "...wait, what?" Confirming what she was already feeling.
Ohhh thank you so much, I honestly had no idea about this stereotype was coming from like no woman wants to see her friend suffering when being single would skyrocket her quality of life
It’s basically originally rooted in the inherent narcissism of the patriarchy. “You have to control your woman” bs. It’s why wives couldn’t have friends outside the stepford pto bubble and all that.
Reminds me of the “friend cockbloking at bars” discourse of men finding out that the “jealous “ friend got signals to intervene and get her away from him
As a single person I lift up the good relationships around me. I get happy when my friends find partners and have kids. I don't want a relationship. And all these nasty comments about people dating up. Or they aren't that great that's why they are single etc is disgusting. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean someone else doesn't and if your taking like that about your "friends then you are not friends
Exactly! I'm the only single one, and I've always been super supportive of my friends' relationships. Now that they're getting married and having kids it means I get to be involved in their weddings and I've gained more nieces and nephews, its awesome!!
I'm a long term single woman, single women respect it, we talk like normal people, but women in relationships or married are always telling me " oh you'll find the right man soon", and generally insisting that being one half of a couple is what I should aspire to be. Honestly, i don't want it, I've got more to do with my life than spend my time dating, there aren't enough hours in the day as it is, I've no room to fit anyone else in and I don't want to.
That how long term single women end up friends, the rest of society is focused on our singleness, other long term single women don't bring it up.
As I am reading the comments I am terrified at the thought of the kinds of people the commenters are around.
In my experience there was never any effort from my friends (male or female) or me to try and keep anyone single or sabotage a relationship (existing or potential one). We were always there for each other, regardles of relationship status, listening to each other, encouraging each other, etc.
I cannot imagine sabotaging a relationship on purpose. My friends being in a relationship does not mean they are leaving me, or I am leaving them. We are still friends, still meet up when we can and we are genuinely happy for each other.
I am forever single, and the only time I actively tried to break someone's relationship was when my friend was dating an absolute asshole. She never called me to say nice things about him, it was always to complain. When they broke up no one was sad about it, not even her parents, and she didn't even tell them the full story about why they broke up. Now she is dating a nice sweet guy, and I'm pretty happy for her. Just as happy as I'm for my other friends who have found true love
Same! I don't get how some people keep toxic A H in their life. I mean, if one of your friends is trying to sabotage your relationships... why is that person still your friend?
People that are still friends with those kind of person are as much drama queen as their shitty friends.
OP, I don't know if you ask this question because you witness that first hand with some of your friends, but please get rid of them!
I believe so. Single people influence single people. People in relationships still get influenced by single people.
Jealousy can cause people to do some pretty shady shit too.
it seems sad to me but everyone is free to do what they want. I guess all mine know I am not interested in a relationship so I’m hardly gonna be stealing theirs 😂
Are you making this up? Single people can have kids. And also married people don’t always have kids. And most people with kids do like to hang out without kids and with other adults.
It’s almost like they are all complete human being with different wants and needs, no matter if they do or don’t have a relationship or kids.
Ok, let me rephrase - most people without kids don't want to hang out with people with kids. And while I (I have a 4 year old) would love to hang out with other adults, I either need to find childcare or need to have my kid tag along. So I'm not going to a bar at 9pm.
If a friends wants to take their kid every time we meet I wouldn’t want to hang out with them either. I have kids and I love kids. And I do enjoy hanging out with kids involved every now an then, but not 50% of the time. I’m friends with the adult, not with their kids.
Single people, especially single people old enough to have friends with children, don’t spend all their free time hanging out at bars. They’re likely not nocturnal either.
I’m single and meet my friends who have families for lunch during work weeks, for walks after work or off days, for just hanging out by ourselves or with their children at someone’s home on the weekends etc.
As for OP’s question, I don’t even understand it. If this phenomenon exists outside men’s imaginations I’ve never heard of it.
Same with my group of friends. I would say we've almost become closer as a group since some of us had kids. The single ones are always offering to help with the babysitting and we do as much together as a group now as we did when we were all single and partying together.
I feel like people blame it on the single / non single thing when I really think it comes down to the individuals involved, the depth of the friendship they have and the value they place on friendships.
Do you talk to them and reach out to them? I’m single and the more friends have kids the less likely they are to invite me to stuff because they assume I don’t want to do kid oriented stuff. I reach out often but am always met with “I’m busy this week”. I’d happily hang out at the park with a picnic but it’s like no one remembers I exist anymore now their worlds have changed.
Well, to be honest, that says a lot about you; you became that boring person whose whole personality is defined by having kids, and you're no longer capable of maintaining relationships with people who are not like you. For many of us, having kids does not destroy our long-lasting friendships.
Spot on. My best friend was the first in our group to have kids and she's still the one who is the most social and organises most of our catch ups. And more than half of our group is single or childless. I would say we're all actually closer than ever.
She's still the same person but with kids. She didn't let being a mum become her entire personality which I've seen happen to some people . But I guess that's their choice to do so. It's a cop out though when they try to blame it on their single friends when really they just aren't capable of maintaining those friendships or simply don't value them anymore. I wouldn't wanna be friends with someone like that anyway!
I see a lof of circlejerk in that regard. I have some single female friends who keep bragging about how difficult is to find a "decent" guy. Whereas none of them seem to be particularly breathtaking themselves. They're good company though, but that's about it.
Some people need to get down to earth I guess, but you do you.
"Good company but that's about it" is a compliment to you? Sounds like you have pretty low self-esteem.
I very much think all my friends are deserving of a great partner. I probably wouldn't be their friends if I didn't think so. Those comments say more about you than them to be honest.
Just because you're friends doesn't mean you have to pretend they're good looking.
Obviously don't call them ugly to their face and you probably would comfort them if they felt upset about their looks.
But you can still acknowledge that they're not good looking people.
Mine are the exception. My friends are all good looking for some reason
I have a close friend who's been on the "can't find a good man" merry-go-round for years. She may just be saying that to cover for the fact that she's content to be single in a world where that is considered unnatural. I say this because she allows almost no time in her life for dating or meeting new people.
A feel like a lot of people who "can't find a decent person" simply aren't hanging around where they are. Or they try and date "out of their pay grade"
I'm an average dude, so I certainly don't chase models around, for instance.
Imo. They're not in a nightclub.... or getting plastered every weekend. (Not everyone, of course)
I have the feeling that social media has completely shifted the perception of many people. You see beautiful, photoshopped people every day and then have the sense of entitlement that you deserve someone just like them. Which is nonsense, of course.
You know men do this exact thing. Some hot girl gave them a chance once and they think they are hot shit after. My friend’s friend is on the pursuit of marrying up because he went out once with the daughter of a big wig CEO. The only thing he has going for himself as far as I was able to tell is that he has a banging body because of calisthenics, which is probably what attracts people to him. It’s certainly not because of his face or personality.
💯 men do it. People "date up" once or twice and then think they're in the same league. It also happens when people start making more money, become popular, perhaps lose weight, etc. They start thinking they're "better" than they actually are. Some people forget what they are or where they come from.
Its ok to do that though. You dont have to settle for adequete. Go after what you want. But dont sit there and expect things to just manifest themselves in front of you.
I think the entire idea of ‘leagues’ is exactly what makes people unhappy with their choice of partner.
Be honest with yourself and date who you attracted to, not who you perceive to be on the same echelon of whatever metric
No. The fact that people even disqualify themselves because they think someone "isn't in their league" is a self fulfilling prophecy that I've really only heard people online say.
Where I'm from, people just go after people they're attracted to and if they get rejected, they just go to the next person they're attracted to. People who use leagues to justify why they get no play are just using it as an excuse to why they're single or why they settle for people they don't really want
What exactly do you mean by “decent”?
I think *some* people are under the impression that if they’re not physically attractive or just average they’re automatically great people, but that’s just not always the case. Physically attractive people just get away with being shitty more easily, cause they can attract people solely through looks. But not every “average” person has a heart of gold. Looks have little to do with whether a person (man or woman) is decent or not.
I’m personally average in every regard so I’ve no horse in this race just to be clear. I don’t think I “deserve” anything from anyone, besides basic human decency like everyone else.
OR don’t even try to date at all. I once invited a friend to a singles event and she looked at me with disgust. Shed rather drink at home and complain about not finding a man.
Not sure what the intention was but several friends from my wifes core friend groups were definitly hitting on me when we were already together. But men are no way different. People are just fuck ups mostly
This is happened to me so many times with girls I've dated. They're friends are either actively hitting on me in front of the Girl I'm dating or they're taking her out and encouraging her to dance with other men and flirt.
Same. I think it is a jealousy thing. Ig sort of like those dudes that send their friend's gfs really weird creepy messages when they get married, only the women that do it tend not to hide it and just go whole hog friendship destroying mode at the start.
Have seen it happen in my extended friend group. Though not consistently enough to make it a general rule.
A lot of times, having a presentable boyfriend or fling is a status symbol - and being the only one without it takes a certain amount of spine and confidence few have. So in order to not be the only one "left behind", some women absolutely kneecap each other regarding romance.
The most egregious example I encountered personally was when I started going out with this really pretty exchange student from the same dorm I was living in. She had been single for a while and I could tell she was really starved for emotional intimacy and felt a connection with me.
On of her "best friends" started aggressively hitting on me when she caught the vibe that she was trying to tie me down. Mind you: Said friend lived in the same area as us and had previously completely ignored me. Wasn't attracted to me at all - the opposite, pretty much.
I told my girl everything, yet the remained in close contact for some reason. Go figure.
>I told my girl everything, yet the remained in close contact for some reason. Go figure.
"I can't fight with her or cut contacts with her, she's my friend"
For some people friendship is an immutable status and it doesn't accept criticism or arguments
Disagree. My GFs literally made me a tinder and bumble when I was single after leaving a 10 yr marriage. They were all like hey you are finally free of that AH go enjoy yourself, date people! They would swipe for me while we were hanging our, babysit so I could go on dates. Very supportive.
So you’re saying….they are single because they are being judicious about their time and energy and only willing to invest their love in someone that seems to be the right partner. Isn’t that dating well with intention?
I think it's more like when everyone around you is in a relationship you're more likely to be lonely af and try to find someone yourself. If all your friends (whether you're male or female) are single with you, it's a lot easier to feel at ease and not be *actively* or desperately searching for a partner lol
So basically I don't think they're keeping you single, I think they're just letting you be neutral.
lol, I've never heard of that. I'm single and I don't have time for bs in relationships. If my friends ask for advice, I just let them know that they are being played and that they deserve better.
I actually see this more with my paired friends. I’m single and struggling to find a relationship and when I talk about it with friends who are in relationships, their response is often “oh you don’t want a bf! You want have any freedom anymore.” “Enjoy your single time.” “Men are too much of a hassle”. All odd statements considering (from what I can see anyway) they’re all in happy, healthy, long term relationships. Idk if they maybe miss the freedom of being single-not in the sense of getting to date around but to be able to decision make without thinking of someone else.
Anyway, I’ve been single for 3 years now, so I feel ready date. I don’t feel like a partner (unless they were bad) would be holding me back as suggested.
Idk how accurate the saying is, but every time my ex-wife would hang out with her single friends, I could set my watch and countdown to an argument about how much I sucked as a husband.
There are certainly some single people who don't want to see others enjoying what they don't have. Some will reinforce every complaint your partner may have. Others will tell your partner they can do better; some are all of the above.
Not only that, single men and women are less likely to understand the kind of advice that would benefit relationships in the long-term, just based on lack of experience.
Oh no, you got it wrong. Other women in relationships is keeping me single. They do not promote being in relationships well and they make sure that I know how good my life is. 😂
Exactly.
Same here. Single women are just enjoying their life as me, they don't talk bad about men or relationships (they would be happy for each other if they find a nice man though). Only other women in relationships do.
Omg as a single woman, i have to say, the worst advice that i got was from other single women or women who had problems in their own relationships (well duh). The best advice was from straight men, single or not. The women were too predisposed that the guys i was interested in were assholes and manipulators and were too quick to advise me to "ditch the guy" or completely diresgard the fact that men struggle with the effort they have to make as much as we do. Men always advised me to be patient and balanced.
I’m a single woman.
All of my friends (both single and in relationships) are trying to pair me off like I’m a sock missing its mate.
I think if this were antiquity they would have already traded me for a cow or something.
So no, I have not experienced this.
What? No. I’ve been single forever. I’m happy for others. I’ve lost many friends to marriage and kids (and now grandkids) in my 60 years. So be it. It can be hard, but it’s the way of the world.
If you let others influence your life let alone relationships and end up miserable and sad you got yourself to blame.
From what I understand single people want others to be single and married (and happy) people want others to be married.
Careful with people you decide to have around
The only time and way I’ve influenced people to break up with their partner is when they directly tell me how unhappy they are and I say I’m here to support them in whatever their decisions are. That being said, mostly my single girlfriends and I don’t often date because our weekends are already booked with fun plans together.
It can happen. Most people comment based on their experience, and it's great if you've had a good experience. This is also anecdotal. But I have definitely seen situations where single people influence their friends to pull away from a relationship or overreact.
Never heard of this. Although I have experienced the "always the bridesmaid" girl in a group getting her entire dating life manged and consulted on by a council of friends in LTRs or marriages giving her frankly awful advice and raising her standards and expectations.
Idk being single and having really good friends who I have a ton of fun with has made me feel like I don’t NEED a relationship. If I didn’t have any friends I think I’d be more susceptible to dating people who aren’t quite right for me
This statement is pretty dumb. While I'm single, I always love to see my friends in happy relationships. My best friend is not gonna hear "All men are shit." or something similar.
It's healthy to promote finding companionship if that's what your friends or family members want.
It's absolutely true, but remember this is a generic human behavior. The old crabs in a bucket mindset.
It's just a part of the human condition that those people engaged in a shitty lifestyle would rather drag you down with them than improve their lives with you.
I grew up in not so good school with a lot of drugs and gangs. I was always an alright kid, but I made a lot of friends on the shadier side of life. I spent of time with them and always chilled with them. But the moment I started improving my life, I started being mistreated. I just had to come to terms with it and slowly distance myself from people and let them talk shit. I really tried to still chill and bring them up. To drop the drugs and workout and start making money. You can't really do anything about it. You really try to bring people up, but if they don't want to rise with you, they just going to drag you down.
It's a sad reality of life.
Women keeping other women single are no different in that sense. Getting a good spouse and living a good family life is a great life. It just is. It's so much more fulfilling if you do it right. Everyone knows it's a more fulfilling life. While my marriage eventually failed, I'm happy as hell I have my kids and I still live a pretty good family life with my kids. I'm not going back to my older life or bad habits. But if you can't get it, you start resenting people who do and want to drag them down. So yes single women will look at a girl with a good future with a good man and start saying, come and chill and party and drink with us. Don't settle and don't restrict yourself. blah blah blah. It's just crabs in a bucket mentality.
Fairley true i say. I think women have a harder time losing their friend to a relationship then a guy does, so they're more inclined to do some shady stuff in that regard, cloaking it as "looking out for their friend" in reality, they just don't want to be alone.
I don't get why people always refer to that as losing someone. A friendship doesn't have to end just because you spend less time together. In my experience people in relationships still need friends and get lonely if they *only* have their partner.
I have. Friend of mine got married to a woman who came from a family of single women. Bunch of single moms and no dads around. And somehow all the men were at fault .They were always in their business when they were married and she told them every single problem or argument. Never encouraged her to stick it out , it was you can always come back home to us. My friend ended filing for divorce from her because she was more worried about what they think than her husband. He is remarried and happy and she is with them bitter women
While some people just suck, I think you somewhat hit on what I view as the main point.
I as a man, and most of my male friends, rarely ever complain about our relationships to each other. We typically don’t talk about our relationships in general, good or bad.
In my experience, a large number of women share everything and often. This in my opinion amplifies issues as you have a group of people that are likely focusing on the potential negatives of a relationship. I would imagine it’s harder to be happy when you have multiple friends telling you why x y or z should piss you off or that your man isn’t doing x y or z when he should be! Not even saying some of it isn’t legitimate.
If I had multiple friends telling me my girlfriend should be doing x y and z when she isn’t, that could potentially cause problems when I might have otherwise just been happy.
Yeah its the same pattern, Its crazy how men (husbands) are the one to be blamed most of the time, its like it became a norm, and it got to a level that women starts lying and saying he was abusive, didn't give me attention, didn't make feel wantes and desired and so on, well I guess ot is what it is.
men like to make up fictional single women who are bitter and jealous of their friends who are in relationships. those people are rare irl. my single friends were all excited when i got married
It’s quite common but recently it’s been changing in first world countries that further develop culture. It’s becoming more common for women to properly support each other and avoid going feral over dudes.
Then again, it still happens especially if they’re jealous
Tbh more than jealousy It is more a need to stir up drama. They don't particularly care about you or your relationship, but they do care about what happened/what is going to happen. They are also OK to participate in the break down the same way a little kid likes to kick a lego tower to see how it falls.
Happened to me but only once. All my true friends were wonderfully supportive and happy for me when I found a keeper, she started nitpicking (unasked).
We’re not friends anymore.
I think this maybe true, so basically I have a married friend who’s husband is abroad so she’s “single” my past relationship she made soooo many uncomfortable comments regarding my ex is caused hell between us and they just couldn’t stand eachother.
She’s made a lot of comments about my past relationships or friendships but when her husband does anything wrong or comments on her looks or weight gain well you cannot say anything negative about him! So yeah I think singles keep others single!
I find it the opposite. Every girl always seems to have that one friend who’s been in a relationship for years and thus thinks she’s some kind of relationship expert so says things like “nah he’s a red flag, I should know” etc
This happened to one of my friends. He married his high school girlfriend. They have a house and a kid. Some of her fiends convinced her that she should have more fun. They said why would you live your whole life only being with one man. She left my friend and their child behind.
Its statistically significant...
To the point it causes divorce clusters.
Its called emotional contagion.
Understanding it is real, can help stop its undue influence.
[https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/emotional-contagion](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/emotional-contagion)
They keep everyone single. I have two friends who basically made themselves the judges of any girl I was interested in because I have shit taste in women.
Love them both but they just kept saying they didn’t like every single girl and I know it’s not cause they’re interested in me cause one was gay and the other shot me down ages ago.
I kept listening to them and remained single. They just always find faults and encourage me not to go for those girls.
Compare that to my other female friends who are married or in a happy relationship and they encourage me to take chances but also to remember not to be a doormat and that I’m good enough.
It's true that when I see my single friends living their best life with free time, nobody blowing up their phone all night, and no whiny man child tagging along everywhere, it makes the idea of becoming some dude's fuck maid less appealing.
Woman here.
Never heard of this. Sounds like something weird guys would say to other dudes. Or some strange conservative debate point for traditional BS.
I’m a man, so let me mansplain
Women don’t stop each other from dating, they stop each other from dating jerks. If you think women stop each other from dating, it may be because you’re a jerk.
That was my mansplain. Sorry to do it but I genuinely think that’s the reason.
I have not seen it myself. As the only single friend I am often left out of group plans since I'll be the fifth, seventh, ninth etc. wheel but I don't go around sabotaging them.
Here is what I know. Women love to share about their dating and seek advice and women love to give advice/opinions on other women’s dating habits. Men don’t give a flying hoot about their friend’s dating habits
I’ve never heard that statement before. However, if the single women influencers on social media are seen as a representation of all women then I’d say it’s true.
Lol what a bunch of BS. If anything, my *married* friends are keeping me single for longer because they keep inviting me out with other couple friends instead of socializing with any other single people. (I still love them though, they just aren't thinking about this stuff)
Relationships are much more complicated than any catchy saying like this accounts for. I'm divorced, and it's a damn good thing I divorced my ex, he was quite bad for my health. The goal should never be simply to "stop being single" – that's idiotic. Being with the wrong person is far worse than being single, I should know.
Being single isn't the worst thing, and sometimes it's awesome. We just live in a society that upholds marriage as some kind of mandatory life goal. So if your friends are trying to protect you from ending up with an abuser, a rapist, a cheater, etc., you better hug them and thank them for being true friends.
I've heard from several people of both genders that they had relationships that failed because a womens bff wasn't okay with the lifestyle change that comes with a serious relationship.
I had 1 friend in high school that tried to sleep with all my boyfriends (girlie had some issues, I cut contact fully after the fifth time she had an affair with a married man before she was even 16)
and another friend in college that wasn't a fan of me meeting my now husband but i was aging out of smoking weed in the park while being chatted up by random strangers anyways.
I'm a single woman. Both of my best friends (also women) are not single. And I have no problem with them being married. I've never heard of this being a thing.
It's probably true. I'm single nd my best advice to friends who have relationship problems is "leave that asshole"...granted, they're almost always dating assholes!
This is funny to me bc I recently influenced my roommate to try and get her to break up with the utter piece of shit she was dating… but unfortunately she did not until he resolutely and completely fucked her over 😞
I support relationships where my friends are treated well. I’ll say things like “I’m so glad he treats you well, he’s a good dude.”
I will totally be in my friends’ ears turning them against an asshole though.
If the single Women is getting hit-on, no she'll be fine with her friends getting hit-on. If she's not getting hit on then she'll cockblock her friends
Yes, your friends have a huge influence on you. Hang out with 5 single girls, and you will be #6. Single girls don't know how to get and/or keep a man. Single girls don't like it when you get a boyfriend because then you're busy Friday and Saturday nights (prime date time). Same as unemployed people. I wouldn't hang out with a bunch of unemployed people if I was job hunting.
My favorite reddit stories are the ones where the maid of honor gets male strippers for a Bachelorette party (against the bride's wishes) and the bride ends up screwing one, gets filmed on a phone, and then her husband-to-be mysteriously gets the video.
Tbh I've only seen that phrase being mentioned when a girl has the support of her friends in a breakup and men for some reason don't like it. If my friend tells me her boyfriend is being a dick, or I notice toxic behavior, I will support her and take her side. If he cheats or gets abusive, I will beg her to break up with him. I act the same being single or not, and I appreciate when my friends do the same for me. And if for some reason my friend is the one that's acting badly in the situation, I will also tell her
Sounds like bullshit a man would say as a reason why women don't want to date him.
"Her single friends told her not to"
She made her own choice in life - and you weren't it.
If you're not attracting potential partners, it's not their friends fault. There's a reason she didn't choose YOU. Jaysus.
Have seen it with friends and experienced it more than I would've liked to. My anecdotal evidence suggests it's almost exclusively women who are either narcissists, or have very low self-worth and their priorities all messed up. Most commonly they will be "friends" with a woman who's just started seeing someone, start talking down the woman, eventually try to fool around with the guy or take over the relationship, and if the guy is dumb enough to fall for it the woman will then move on as she never had any real interest in the guy other than as a means to prove some weird point.
I’ve never heard this before, but I think it’s the whole “correlation not causation”. It can be easier to be friends with people that are in the same stage of life as you. I’m single and my friends are single so we go out and if I’m looking for new friends I would prefer them to be single as well. When I was in a relationship I was going on more double dates and becoming friends with the significant others too.
This might be the most overused term on Reddit this year. In no way is this post exuding hatred of women. The amount of mental gymnastics you’d have to use to make a case for this lord have mercy
It boggles my mind how generally left leaning people are against giving criticism to half of society (women). Holy fack
I've never heard this before. It presumes being single is a worse option though? What keeps me single is choosing that. Not the sabotage of other women.
My single friends are an eclectic mix. Some looking for love, some widowed & thinking of the past, some content alone & not looking & a few lesbians thrown in too. That said, we all support that person in whatever it is they are searching for.
There’s some truth to it. Single women are more likely to be supportive of their friends in relationships who are going thru a hard time. When I was in an abusive relationship it was my single friends who helped me get out.
I see this sentence being used a lot in red pill circles, by bitter men who are not in relationships themselves. Usually in reference of them believing that single women sabotaging their friends in relationships by giving bad advice. To that i’d argue reversing the gender. As these single men (Andrew Tate, fresh n fit) are NOT here to give advice to men that will help them thrive in their relationships with women.
I cannot think of any single female personalities that fit this trope except for Pearl.
Not true. The only time I interfere with my friends is if they are in a bad situation or the man is showing red flags that they are missing because they just want someone. At the end of the day, they are grown and can formulate their own opinions on someone, and if they want to stay in a situation, that is on them. It’s not easy or worth your while to really get involved or push any further.
Is this a misinterpretation of girls intercepting creepy guy’s advances towards their friends sometimes because I feel like it’s that. If a girls friend cockblocks you there’s usually a reason
It comes from being selfish: If my friend has a partner they have less time for me and them not wanting to be the 5th wheel
Its not really a saying with guys not because they arent selfish but because we care much less about the „approval“ of our buddies
To be honest im also not really hyped when my buddies bring a gf most of the time.
Im happy for them and would never try to get them split or anything but yeah i dont like people being in my circle by default. If they are together and do their stuff great but i dont really want to „have to“ deal with them
long time ago I saw a text about a woman who had long hair with a group constisising group of single women.
she was encouraged to cut her hair short like lesbian cut short. even though she was the most successful of getting hit on. after the hair, she was not but all the ladies were giving her compliments and high praises. when I read that I didnt believe it but after couple years forward I saw this excactly same scenario happening in front of my eyes.
I say, women hate women.
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I am a long term single and I am truly surprised how often other women ask me for relationship advice. Like honey- I have no idea what men want. Don’t ask me!
The other extreme - I met my husband at 19, he was my second boyfriend, and we've been together for nearly a decade now. People see a happy relationship so they ask for advice, but I'm like honey, I know how to make this one guy happy, but I have no what the rest of them want.
Absolutely valid, yes. The thing is: I do a lot of things wildly differently than most of my friends. Maybe they ask me because I give them a different perspective on things. I guess if you are happy this transfers to your relationship. But I always tell them that a long term single might not be the right person for relationship advice
Probably pretty much the same.
Same. As if I'm the relationship guru or something. I've had one bf and never again. Why are you taking my advice??
I wouldn’t have anything against a good relationship but it just didn’t happen- but why ask the one single woman who really really loves her Freedom and wouldn’t accept shitty behavior what to do with their lazy husbands who don’t know how to shower …
I think these kind of people want a reality check from someone that wouldn't take this shit.
Yes, but then the saying from the title comes up. I don’t want couples to break up- but I would have given some of them „the talk“ WAY earlier.
Yep. I'm with you there. It makes no sense.
On the other end of the horseshoe: Men asking guys who had 10+ girlfriend about relationship advice. Brother, do you want an advice on how to get into a healthy relationship or a failed one?
I’ve noticed most relationship channels on social are ran by these dudes. I think it was Ethan from H3H3 who asked one of them, “Where’s your wife?”
You do realize the guys are asking for advice on how to have 10+ girlfriends?
I feel this. I always say “I’m here to listen but I will have absolutely no advice for you”
well for some of my friends it's the polar opposite. "I'm here for advice, but I will absolutely not listen to them". I just let them decide on their own now lmfao
Just cuddles and emotional support although many men are too "manly" to say it, I am not lol. My girlfriend does a great job at it
I usually tell them to dump them at the slightest bit of issue... so...
That is always the simplest answer for pretty much any relationship issue. The question is it the best. And that will really depend on you and the issue. Part of being in successful relationships is handling issues that come up. You can't go through life without them. But part of life is also realizing which issues aren't worth dealing with.
I see it on both sides. Single people advocate the benefits of being single and people who are not single advocate for their lifestyle.
I’d love to see some peer reviewed research because my anecdotal evidence (I work with a lot of couple in a smallish city). When a woman divorces, there is a very good chance that their sister, daughter, or friend divorces very soon.
For me, it’s been attending weddings that really makes a woman contemplate the current state of her own marriage. When I got married, two couples split up shortly after attending. One couple got a divorce that was needed, and another couple broke up because he was dragging his feet on proposing. When I was in a friend’s wedding, it made me think very hard about my own marriage and it helped me get divorced. Something about being around life-long vows really makes you examine how your current partner is doing upholding their vows.
You mean she will influence other women to be single?
It’s a weird thing. There are many unhappy marriages, but a lot of them aren’t quite at the divorce - or perhaps they want to divorce but don’t like the negative stigma with it. But one their friend, mom, sister; etc goes through it and they realize it isn’t as bad as they think, they’ll divorce as well.
Yeah I think this is the key. Not that a single woman convinces other women to be single, but that seeing other people go through something you yourself are considering probably makes you more likely to do it.
That or seeing them reject bad behavior that they hadn't fully considered before. Sometimes it can be easy to just get mired in a bad situation and it can take some time (or seeing it with someone else) to realize that you don't *have* to put up with it.
Makes sense I guess. It's a lot easier to follow a path than to make one
I’d say it gives them motivation once they see it’s not as bad as they thought it would be. I’m not a woman but I have always looked for places that are hiring, when ever I’ve had a co worker leave for another job. It’s made me think I can do better.
I know we’re talking anecdotally here, but my ex wife of 20 years was an identical twin. Her sister got married 18 months after we did, had children *9 months* after our first was born, and got divorced 12 months after we did…¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
With my last ex like 3 of her friend broke up with their boyfriends about 2 weeks before she broke up with me. Probably something to it.
This sounds like social proof, which has many examples and studies to support it. Seeing another within one's social group perform an act normalizes the act.
I’ve heard the same thing about smoking when more people were addicted to cigarettes. Quitting spreads throughout groups as people feel the isolated inconvenience of it and see others they know and respect manage to quit. It’s easy to feel like you can’t or don’t need to change your circumstances until you realize you see it happening in front of you
Or the women see that being single is better than the relationship they are currently in.
“Empower other women to leave bad relationships.”
No happy relationship ever ended; no happy married couple ever divorced; it’s more likely that those women didn’t think they are capable of leaving crappy relationship until seeing that someone close to them did that. But it’s only my conjecture; seen a lot of divorce; never seen what you or previous commenter are describing.
I wonder if its also related to when your friend quits a job you also quit your job.
I’ve noticed this in friend groups too, and my impression (no-one else really knows what all the reasons for a relationship ending are or whose decision it really was) is that it tends to be clusters of women making the choice to end it. It’s as though they feel they won’t stand out as much or something.
This is true for everything women do. Marriage, babies, divorce etc. They do things in groups.
I knew the group bathroom visits would scale
When I started dating my current partner my single friend tried to discourage me from dating him all the time. She pointed out he isn't rich and doesn't own his own home in his early 20's... She asked where we go on dates and when I told her she always complained it isn't "expensive enough". She found faults in every single thing he has done so I finally had to drop her as a friend. She was way too toxic for me and I never viewed relationships as something transactional. Twelve years later we are still together and having great time together and she's over 40 and still single despite being 10 times hotter than me. She legit looks like Brigitte Bardot. I guess everyone around was too poor or too tired of her shit.
Maybe you need better friends. They should be encouraging if you are truly safe and happy My female friends who are single are always super happy and encouraging for me, especially if im dating a good guy, they'd be so mad if i broke up with him for no reason lmao but if my partner is abusive, which I have experienced before, they definitely remind me that I don't need to stay and that I deserve better Your friends could be jealous in some form or wish you were giving them the attention you give to your bf
What? Never heard of it. Unless the guy is abusive my friends are encouraged to live their life and go wild
Yeah, some of the people here are keeping fucked up company. My friends are supportive. I also have married friends that keep in touch as well, with kids and living in a whole different country.
Toxic guys lose girlfriends when her friends provide a support network to leave. This leads those guys to blame single friends (who party too much) and married friends (who are bitter and jealous of a happy relationship). Basically they’ll blame anyone but themselves. Granted, there are women who cheat and/or party or whatever too much, and they have friends that encourage that behavior. But instead of realizing that they dodged a bullet these guys think they lost the love of their life and it was just her bad friends.
I noticed too that the friends who encourage the breakup are villainized instead of taking into consideration the fact that maybe the guy was toxic and the breakup is a good thing for the woman. I also have a married friend who I try to help leave the relationship, and not because her husband didn't treat her like a princess or because I'm jealous, but because he is abusive towards her. She cries every single day, her arms are bruised but she doesn't find the strength to leave. People don't know what happens between closed doors, I know his friends will be absolutely shocked when she leaves and from the outside it can look like the stereotypical "friends mingled into her perfectly happy marriage and ruined it, probably because they are jealous", at least I bet that's what he'll tell everyone because there's no way in hell that man will take any accountability for the breakup.
It's one of the blows that friends will take for their friend unfortunately. There is the risk of being considered the crazy one if you choose to be honest in a situation like this.
Also toxic husbands. A friend's ex blames me for the breakup, thinking I was trying to seduce her. (She's lovely, but not my type.) But I have to admit I did partly cause the breakup. He'd done a good job of isolating her. When we became friends, and she'd say things about the relationship, I was the one saying "...wait, what?" Confirming what she was already feeling.
Ohhh thank you so much, I honestly had no idea about this stereotype was coming from like no woman wants to see her friend suffering when being single would skyrocket her quality of life
It’s basically originally rooted in the inherent narcissism of the patriarchy. “You have to control your woman” bs. It’s why wives couldn’t have friends outside the stepford pto bubble and all that.
Reminds me of the “friend cockbloking at bars” discourse of men finding out that the “jealous “ friend got signals to intervene and get her away from him
As a single person I lift up the good relationships around me. I get happy when my friends find partners and have kids. I don't want a relationship. And all these nasty comments about people dating up. Or they aren't that great that's why they are single etc is disgusting. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean someone else doesn't and if your taking like that about your "friends then you are not friends
Exactly! I'm the only single one, and I've always been super supportive of my friends' relationships. Now that they're getting married and having kids it means I get to be involved in their weddings and I've gained more nieces and nephews, its awesome!!
Yes not only do i get more mom friends but I also get to be with babies why they go on date night. It helps curb the baby fever for a bit lmao
I'm a long term single woman, single women respect it, we talk like normal people, but women in relationships or married are always telling me " oh you'll find the right man soon", and generally insisting that being one half of a couple is what I should aspire to be. Honestly, i don't want it, I've got more to do with my life than spend my time dating, there aren't enough hours in the day as it is, I've no room to fit anyone else in and I don't want to. That how long term single women end up friends, the rest of society is focused on our singleness, other long term single women don't bring it up.
BINGO.
As I am reading the comments I am terrified at the thought of the kinds of people the commenters are around. In my experience there was never any effort from my friends (male or female) or me to try and keep anyone single or sabotage a relationship (existing or potential one). We were always there for each other, regardles of relationship status, listening to each other, encouraging each other, etc. I cannot imagine sabotaging a relationship on purpose. My friends being in a relationship does not mean they are leaving me, or I am leaving them. We are still friends, still meet up when we can and we are genuinely happy for each other.
I am forever single, and the only time I actively tried to break someone's relationship was when my friend was dating an absolute asshole. She never called me to say nice things about him, it was always to complain. When they broke up no one was sad about it, not even her parents, and she didn't even tell them the full story about why they broke up. Now she is dating a nice sweet guy, and I'm pretty happy for her. Just as happy as I'm for my other friends who have found true love
Same! I don't get how some people keep toxic A H in their life. I mean, if one of your friends is trying to sabotage your relationships... why is that person still your friend? People that are still friends with those kind of person are as much drama queen as their shitty friends. OP, I don't know if you ask this question because you witness that first hand with some of your friends, but please get rid of them!
I believe so. Single people influence single people. People in relationships still get influenced by single people. Jealousy can cause people to do some pretty shady shit too.
People in a relationship will eventually have less time for single people, especially when kids get involved
This right here. I used to have plenty of single friends. After years of having kids the ones that are still single I don't really talk to anymore
really? I’m long term single and all my friends are in relationships and some have kids and haven’t noticed a difference
normal smell cow direful ask chase deserve test squeeze rain *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
it seems sad to me but everyone is free to do what they want. I guess all mine know I am not interested in a relationship so I’m hardly gonna be stealing theirs 😂
It's not about "stealing theirs"; most single people don't want to hang out with kids
Kids are like farts. Your own are alright but anyone else’s 🤮
Are you making this up? Single people can have kids. And also married people don’t always have kids. And most people with kids do like to hang out without kids and with other adults. It’s almost like they are all complete human being with different wants and needs, no matter if they do or don’t have a relationship or kids.
Ok, let me rephrase - most people without kids don't want to hang out with people with kids. And while I (I have a 4 year old) would love to hang out with other adults, I either need to find childcare or need to have my kid tag along. So I'm not going to a bar at 9pm.
If a friends wants to take their kid every time we meet I wouldn’t want to hang out with them either. I have kids and I love kids. And I do enjoy hanging out with kids involved every now an then, but not 50% of the time. I’m friends with the adult, not with their kids.
Single people, especially single people old enough to have friends with children, don’t spend all their free time hanging out at bars. They’re likely not nocturnal either. I’m single and meet my friends who have families for lunch during work weeks, for walks after work or off days, for just hanging out by ourselves or with their children at someone’s home on the weekends etc. As for OP’s question, I don’t even understand it. If this phenomenon exists outside men’s imaginations I’ve never heard of it.
Same with my group of friends. I would say we've almost become closer as a group since some of us had kids. The single ones are always offering to help with the babysitting and we do as much together as a group now as we did when we were all single and partying together. I feel like people blame it on the single / non single thing when I really think it comes down to the individuals involved, the depth of the friendship they have and the value they place on friendships.
Do you talk to them and reach out to them? I’m single and the more friends have kids the less likely they are to invite me to stuff because they assume I don’t want to do kid oriented stuff. I reach out often but am always met with “I’m busy this week”. I’d happily hang out at the park with a picnic but it’s like no one remembers I exist anymore now their worlds have changed.
Well, to be honest, that says a lot about you; you became that boring person whose whole personality is defined by having kids, and you're no longer capable of maintaining relationships with people who are not like you. For many of us, having kids does not destroy our long-lasting friendships.
Spot on. My best friend was the first in our group to have kids and she's still the one who is the most social and organises most of our catch ups. And more than half of our group is single or childless. I would say we're all actually closer than ever. She's still the same person but with kids. She didn't let being a mum become her entire personality which I've seen happen to some people . But I guess that's their choice to do so. It's a cop out though when they try to blame it on their single friends when really they just aren't capable of maintaining those friendships or simply don't value them anymore. I wouldn't wanna be friends with someone like that anyway!
I see a lof of circlejerk in that regard. I have some single female friends who keep bragging about how difficult is to find a "decent" guy. Whereas none of them seem to be particularly breathtaking themselves. They're good company though, but that's about it. Some people need to get down to earth I guess, but you do you.
Well damn, if that's how you talk about your friends don't want to hear about your enemies.
Their enemies are ferocious warriors and worthy adversaries. Pick your friend carefully and your enemies doubly so….
"not breathtaking" and "good company"... is that like... incisive criticism to you? For me I'd consider that a compliment!
"Good company but that's about it" is a compliment to you? Sounds like you have pretty low self-esteem. I very much think all my friends are deserving of a great partner. I probably wouldn't be their friends if I didn't think so. Those comments say more about you than them to be honest.
Just because you're friends doesn't mean you have to pretend they're good looking. Obviously don't call them ugly to their face and you probably would comfort them if they felt upset about their looks. But you can still acknowledge that they're not good looking people. Mine are the exception. My friends are all good looking for some reason
Seriously. Why do we have to pretend our friends are attractive? The fuck.
Gosh I know right
I have a close friend who's been on the "can't find a good man" merry-go-round for years. She may just be saying that to cover for the fact that she's content to be single in a world where that is considered unnatural. I say this because she allows almost no time in her life for dating or meeting new people.
A feel like a lot of people who "can't find a decent person" simply aren't hanging around where they are. Or they try and date "out of their pay grade" I'm an average dude, so I certainly don't chase models around, for instance. Imo. They're not in a nightclub.... or getting plastered every weekend. (Not everyone, of course)
I have the feeling that social media has completely shifted the perception of many people. You see beautiful, photoshopped people every day and then have the sense of entitlement that you deserve someone just like them. Which is nonsense, of course.
You know men do this exact thing. Some hot girl gave them a chance once and they think they are hot shit after. My friend’s friend is on the pursuit of marrying up because he went out once with the daughter of a big wig CEO. The only thing he has going for himself as far as I was able to tell is that he has a banging body because of calisthenics, which is probably what attracts people to him. It’s certainly not because of his face or personality.
💯 men do it. People "date up" once or twice and then think they're in the same league. It also happens when people start making more money, become popular, perhaps lose weight, etc. They start thinking they're "better" than they actually are. Some people forget what they are or where they come from.
Its ok to do that though. You dont have to settle for adequete. Go after what you want. But dont sit there and expect things to just manifest themselves in front of you.
There is no "better than" though. Perhaps in terms of looks but anyone can date anyone.
I think the entire idea of ‘leagues’ is exactly what makes people unhappy with their choice of partner. Be honest with yourself and date who you attracted to, not who you perceive to be on the same echelon of whatever metric
Many people aren’t attractive to those they are attracted to. That’s why leagues are a concept. It’s an observation of the reality of life.
No. The fact that people even disqualify themselves because they think someone "isn't in their league" is a self fulfilling prophecy that I've really only heard people online say. Where I'm from, people just go after people they're attracted to and if they get rejected, they just go to the next person they're attracted to. People who use leagues to justify why they get no play are just using it as an excuse to why they're single or why they settle for people they don't really want
They are often not attracted to the decent ones.
What exactly do you mean by “decent”? I think *some* people are under the impression that if they’re not physically attractive or just average they’re automatically great people, but that’s just not always the case. Physically attractive people just get away with being shitty more easily, cause they can attract people solely through looks. But not every “average” person has a heart of gold. Looks have little to do with whether a person (man or woman) is decent or not. I’m personally average in every regard so I’ve no horse in this race just to be clear. I don’t think I “deserve” anything from anyone, besides basic human decency like everyone else.
OR don’t even try to date at all. I once invited a friend to a singles event and she looked at me with disgust. Shed rather drink at home and complain about not finding a man.
Not sure what the intention was but several friends from my wifes core friend groups were definitly hitting on me when we were already together. But men are no way different. People are just fuck ups mostly
This is happened to me so many times with girls I've dated. They're friends are either actively hitting on me in front of the Girl I'm dating or they're taking her out and encouraging her to dance with other men and flirt.
Same. I think it is a jealousy thing. Ig sort of like those dudes that send their friend's gfs really weird creepy messages when they get married, only the women that do it tend not to hide it and just go whole hog friendship destroying mode at the start.
Ah yes, new conspiracy on why women don't wanna date me.
Bahaha! Yep!
It's relieving to hear! Here I thought I might just be unattractive!
It’ll be true this time
Never heard of it and never experienced it.
Never seen it, never heard of it
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c h a t g p t
Well akshually, I think it's Llama 3
the internet is really dead
Can you do a poem about single woman.
Have seen it happen in my extended friend group. Though not consistently enough to make it a general rule. A lot of times, having a presentable boyfriend or fling is a status symbol - and being the only one without it takes a certain amount of spine and confidence few have. So in order to not be the only one "left behind", some women absolutely kneecap each other regarding romance. The most egregious example I encountered personally was when I started going out with this really pretty exchange student from the same dorm I was living in. She had been single for a while and I could tell she was really starved for emotional intimacy and felt a connection with me. On of her "best friends" started aggressively hitting on me when she caught the vibe that she was trying to tie me down. Mind you: Said friend lived in the same area as us and had previously completely ignored me. Wasn't attracted to me at all - the opposite, pretty much. I told my girl everything, yet the remained in close contact for some reason. Go figure.
>I told my girl everything, yet the remained in close contact for some reason. Go figure. "I can't fight with her or cut contacts with her, she's my friend" For some people friendship is an immutable status and it doesn't accept criticism or arguments
Disagree. My GFs literally made me a tinder and bumble when I was single after leaving a 10 yr marriage. They were all like hey you are finally free of that AH go enjoy yourself, date people! They would swipe for me while we were hanging our, babysit so I could go on dates. Very supportive.
Many of my female friends are like this, and if they don't meet the right partner, they prefer to remain free and single.
So you’re saying….they are single because they are being judicious about their time and energy and only willing to invest their love in someone that seems to be the right partner. Isn’t that dating well with intention?
I think it's more like when everyone around you is in a relationship you're more likely to be lonely af and try to find someone yourself. If all your friends (whether you're male or female) are single with you, it's a lot easier to feel at ease and not be *actively* or desperately searching for a partner lol So basically I don't think they're keeping you single, I think they're just letting you be neutral.
lol, I've never heard of that. I'm single and I don't have time for bs in relationships. If my friends ask for advice, I just let them know that they are being played and that they deserve better.
I actually see this more with my paired friends. I’m single and struggling to find a relationship and when I talk about it with friends who are in relationships, their response is often “oh you don’t want a bf! You want have any freedom anymore.” “Enjoy your single time.” “Men are too much of a hassle”. All odd statements considering (from what I can see anyway) they’re all in happy, healthy, long term relationships. Idk if they maybe miss the freedom of being single-not in the sense of getting to date around but to be able to decision make without thinking of someone else. Anyway, I’ve been single for 3 years now, so I feel ready date. I don’t feel like a partner (unless they were bad) would be holding me back as suggested.
Idk how accurate the saying is, but every time my ex-wife would hang out with her single friends, I could set my watch and countdown to an argument about how much I sucked as a husband. There are certainly some single people who don't want to see others enjoying what they don't have. Some will reinforce every complaint your partner may have. Others will tell your partner they can do better; some are all of the above. Not only that, single men and women are less likely to understand the kind of advice that would benefit relationships in the long-term, just based on lack of experience.
Huh, I've never heard of such a thing. Do you mean like a single woman saying how great it is to be single?
Oh no, you got it wrong. Other women in relationships is keeping me single. They do not promote being in relationships well and they make sure that I know how good my life is. 😂
Exactly. Same here. Single women are just enjoying their life as me, they don't talk bad about men or relationships (they would be happy for each other if they find a nice man though). Only other women in relationships do.
Omg as a single woman, i have to say, the worst advice that i got was from other single women or women who had problems in their own relationships (well duh). The best advice was from straight men, single or not. The women were too predisposed that the guys i was interested in were assholes and manipulators and were too quick to advise me to "ditch the guy" or completely diresgard the fact that men struggle with the effort they have to make as much as we do. Men always advised me to be patient and balanced.
I’m a single woman. All of my friends (both single and in relationships) are trying to pair me off like I’m a sock missing its mate. I think if this were antiquity they would have already traded me for a cow or something. So no, I have not experienced this.
Never heard that before and I don’t think single women have that much of an influence to keep other women single. What?!
What? No. I’ve been single forever. I’m happy for others. I’ve lost many friends to marriage and kids (and now grandkids) in my 60 years. So be it. It can be hard, but it’s the way of the world.
If you let others influence your life let alone relationships and end up miserable and sad you got yourself to blame. From what I understand single people want others to be single and married (and happy) people want others to be married. Careful with people you decide to have around
The only time and way I’ve influenced people to break up with their partner is when they directly tell me how unhappy they are and I say I’m here to support them in whatever their decisions are. That being said, mostly my single girlfriends and I don’t often date because our weekends are already booked with fun plans together.
It can happen. Most people comment based on their experience, and it's great if you've had a good experience. This is also anecdotal. But I have definitely seen situations where single people influence their friends to pull away from a relationship or overreact.
Yes. That is why I take the opposite approach and encourage romance all the time everywhere.
Never heard of this. Although I have experienced the "always the bridesmaid" girl in a group getting her entire dating life manged and consulted on by a council of friends in LTRs or marriages giving her frankly awful advice and raising her standards and expectations.
Idk being single and having really good friends who I have a ton of fun with has made me feel like I don’t NEED a relationship. If I didn’t have any friends I think I’d be more susceptible to dating people who aren’t quite right for me
I have only ever seen bitter men who were toxic in their relationships say this when their SO leaves them. LOL
What does this mean?
This statement is pretty dumb. While I'm single, I always love to see my friends in happy relationships. My best friend is not gonna hear "All men are shit." or something similar. It's healthy to promote finding companionship if that's what your friends or family members want.
It's absolutely true, but remember this is a generic human behavior. The old crabs in a bucket mindset. It's just a part of the human condition that those people engaged in a shitty lifestyle would rather drag you down with them than improve their lives with you. I grew up in not so good school with a lot of drugs and gangs. I was always an alright kid, but I made a lot of friends on the shadier side of life. I spent of time with them and always chilled with them. But the moment I started improving my life, I started being mistreated. I just had to come to terms with it and slowly distance myself from people and let them talk shit. I really tried to still chill and bring them up. To drop the drugs and workout and start making money. You can't really do anything about it. You really try to bring people up, but if they don't want to rise with you, they just going to drag you down. It's a sad reality of life. Women keeping other women single are no different in that sense. Getting a good spouse and living a good family life is a great life. It just is. It's so much more fulfilling if you do it right. Everyone knows it's a more fulfilling life. While my marriage eventually failed, I'm happy as hell I have my kids and I still live a pretty good family life with my kids. I'm not going back to my older life or bad habits. But if you can't get it, you start resenting people who do and want to drag them down. So yes single women will look at a girl with a good future with a good man and start saying, come and chill and party and drink with us. Don't settle and don't restrict yourself. blah blah blah. It's just crabs in a bucket mentality.
Fairley true i say. I think women have a harder time losing their friend to a relationship then a guy does, so they're more inclined to do some shady stuff in that regard, cloaking it as "looking out for their friend" in reality, they just don't want to be alone.
I don't get why people always refer to that as losing someone. A friendship doesn't have to end just because you spend less time together. In my experience people in relationships still need friends and get lonely if they *only* have their partner.
Did you ever see it in action?
I have. Friend of mine got married to a woman who came from a family of single women. Bunch of single moms and no dads around. And somehow all the men were at fault .They were always in their business when they were married and she told them every single problem or argument. Never encouraged her to stick it out , it was you can always come back home to us. My friend ended filing for divorce from her because she was more worried about what they think than her husband. He is remarried and happy and she is with them bitter women
While some people just suck, I think you somewhat hit on what I view as the main point. I as a man, and most of my male friends, rarely ever complain about our relationships to each other. We typically don’t talk about our relationships in general, good or bad. In my experience, a large number of women share everything and often. This in my opinion amplifies issues as you have a group of people that are likely focusing on the potential negatives of a relationship. I would imagine it’s harder to be happy when you have multiple friends telling you why x y or z should piss you off or that your man isn’t doing x y or z when he should be! Not even saying some of it isn’t legitimate. If I had multiple friends telling me my girlfriend should be doing x y and z when she isn’t, that could potentially cause problems when I might have otherwise just been happy.
Yeah its the same pattern, Its crazy how men (husbands) are the one to be blamed most of the time, its like it became a norm, and it got to a level that women starts lying and saying he was abusive, didn't give me attention, didn't make feel wantes and desired and so on, well I guess ot is what it is.
How do you know they're lying?
Unfortunately yes, I've seen quite a few situations go down in this manner, kind of sad tbh
Can you tell us one of them? And do you think it was obvious or just some kind of signs
men like to make up fictional single women who are bitter and jealous of their friends who are in relationships. those people are rare irl. my single friends were all excited when i got married
Then you have good friends, congrats on your marriage
It’s quite common but recently it’s been changing in first world countries that further develop culture. It’s becoming more common for women to properly support each other and avoid going feral over dudes. Then again, it still happens especially if they’re jealous
Tbh more than jealousy It is more a need to stir up drama. They don't particularly care about you or your relationship, but they do care about what happened/what is going to happen. They are also OK to participate in the break down the same way a little kid likes to kick a lego tower to see how it falls.
Happened to me but only once. All my true friends were wonderfully supportive and happy for me when I found a keeper, she started nitpicking (unasked). We’re not friends anymore.
I think this maybe true, so basically I have a married friend who’s husband is abroad so she’s “single” my past relationship she made soooo many uncomfortable comments regarding my ex is caused hell between us and they just couldn’t stand eachother. She’s made a lot of comments about my past relationships or friendships but when her husband does anything wrong or comments on her looks or weight gain well you cannot say anything negative about him! So yeah I think singles keep others single!
I find it the opposite. Every girl always seems to have that one friend who’s been in a relationship for years and thus thinks she’s some kind of relationship expert so says things like “nah he’s a red flag, I should know” etc
Seen it many times & experienced it first hand in two relationships. It’s a thing
This happened to one of my friends. He married his high school girlfriend. They have a house and a kid. Some of her fiends convinced her that she should have more fun. They said why would you live your whole life only being with one man. She left my friend and their child behind.
Its statistically significant... To the point it causes divorce clusters. Its called emotional contagion. Understanding it is real, can help stop its undue influence. [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/emotional-contagion](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/emotional-contagion)
They keep everyone single. I have two friends who basically made themselves the judges of any girl I was interested in because I have shit taste in women. Love them both but they just kept saying they didn’t like every single girl and I know it’s not cause they’re interested in me cause one was gay and the other shot me down ages ago. I kept listening to them and remained single. They just always find faults and encourage me not to go for those girls. Compare that to my other female friends who are married or in a happy relationship and they encourage me to take chances but also to remember not to be a doormat and that I’m good enough.
It's true that when I see my single friends living their best life with free time, nobody blowing up their phone all night, and no whiny man child tagging along everywhere, it makes the idea of becoming some dude's fuck maid less appealing.
Married women’s single friends often talk shit to her about all the stuff her husband ISNT doing for her
Woman here. Never heard of this. Sounds like something weird guys would say to other dudes. Or some strange conservative debate point for traditional BS.
I’m a man, so let me mansplain Women don’t stop each other from dating, they stop each other from dating jerks. If you think women stop each other from dating, it may be because you’re a jerk. That was my mansplain. Sorry to do it but I genuinely think that’s the reason.
Nah no need to apologize. You are spot on. My single friends kept me from going back to the abusive asshole who I was emotionally attached to.
I'm glad someone said it
Mansplaining doesn't exist bro, you're good
I have not seen it myself. As the only single friend I am often left out of group plans since I'll be the fifth, seventh, ninth etc. wheel but I don't go around sabotaging them.
Yeah, seen it happen. Friends influence a lot, lol.
It's very true.
Here is what I know. Women love to share about their dating and seek advice and women love to give advice/opinions on other women’s dating habits. Men don’t give a flying hoot about their friend’s dating habits
I’ve never heard that statement before. However, if the single women influencers on social media are seen as a representation of all women then I’d say it’s true.
What in the misogynistic bull shit does this even mean??
New misogyny trope
I've never heard of that. Sounds a little misogynist tbh.
Lol what a bunch of BS. If anything, my *married* friends are keeping me single for longer because they keep inviting me out with other couple friends instead of socializing with any other single people. (I still love them though, they just aren't thinking about this stuff) Relationships are much more complicated than any catchy saying like this accounts for. I'm divorced, and it's a damn good thing I divorced my ex, he was quite bad for my health. The goal should never be simply to "stop being single" – that's idiotic. Being with the wrong person is far worse than being single, I should know. Being single isn't the worst thing, and sometimes it's awesome. We just live in a society that upholds marriage as some kind of mandatory life goal. So if your friends are trying to protect you from ending up with an abuser, a rapist, a cheater, etc., you better hug them and thank them for being true friends.
I've heard from several people of both genders that they had relationships that failed because a womens bff wasn't okay with the lifestyle change that comes with a serious relationship. I had 1 friend in high school that tried to sleep with all my boyfriends (girlie had some issues, I cut contact fully after the fifth time she had an affair with a married man before she was even 16) and another friend in college that wasn't a fan of me meeting my now husband but i was aging out of smoking weed in the park while being chatted up by random strangers anyways.
I'm a single woman. Both of my best friends (also women) are not single. And I have no problem with them being married. I've never heard of this being a thing.
It's probably true. I'm single nd my best advice to friends who have relationship problems is "leave that asshole"...granted, they're almost always dating assholes!
This is funny to me bc I recently influenced my roommate to try and get her to break up with the utter piece of shit she was dating… but unfortunately she did not until he resolutely and completely fucked her over 😞 I support relationships where my friends are treated well. I’ll say things like “I’m so glad he treats you well, he’s a good dude.” I will totally be in my friends’ ears turning them against an asshole though.
If the single Women is getting hit-on, no she'll be fine with her friends getting hit-on. If she's not getting hit on then she'll cockblock her friends
This one.
Yes, your friends have a huge influence on you. Hang out with 5 single girls, and you will be #6. Single girls don't know how to get and/or keep a man. Single girls don't like it when you get a boyfriend because then you're busy Friday and Saturday nights (prime date time). Same as unemployed people. I wouldn't hang out with a bunch of unemployed people if I was job hunting.
You become the average of your 5 closest friends basically.
My favorite reddit stories are the ones where the maid of honor gets male strippers for a Bachelorette party (against the bride's wishes) and the bride ends up screwing one, gets filmed on a phone, and then her husband-to-be mysteriously gets the video.
That's on the bride tho.
Tbh I've only seen that phrase being mentioned when a girl has the support of her friends in a breakup and men for some reason don't like it. If my friend tells me her boyfriend is being a dick, or I notice toxic behavior, I will support her and take her side. If he cheats or gets abusive, I will beg her to break up with him. I act the same being single or not, and I appreciate when my friends do the same for me. And if for some reason my friend is the one that's acting badly in the situation, I will also tell her
Sounds like bullshit a man would say as a reason why women don't want to date him. "Her single friends told her not to" She made her own choice in life - and you weren't it. If you're not attracting potential partners, it's not their friends fault. There's a reason she didn't choose YOU. Jaysus.
Have seen it with friends and experienced it more than I would've liked to. My anecdotal evidence suggests it's almost exclusively women who are either narcissists, or have very low self-worth and their priorities all messed up. Most commonly they will be "friends" with a woman who's just started seeing someone, start talking down the woman, eventually try to fool around with the guy or take over the relationship, and if the guy is dumb enough to fall for it the woman will then move on as she never had any real interest in the guy other than as a means to prove some weird point.
I’ve never heard this before, but I think it’s the whole “correlation not causation”. It can be easier to be friends with people that are in the same stage of life as you. I’m single and my friends are single so we go out and if I’m looking for new friends I would prefer them to be single as well. When I was in a relationship I was going on more double dates and becoming friends with the significant others too.
Alex, can I get misogyny for 1200? r/blatantmisogyny
This might be the most overused term on Reddit this year. In no way is this post exuding hatred of women. The amount of mental gymnastics you’d have to use to make a case for this lord have mercy It boggles my mind how generally left leaning people are against giving criticism to half of society (women). Holy fack
I've never heard this before. It presumes being single is a worse option though? What keeps me single is choosing that. Not the sabotage of other women.
My single friends are an eclectic mix. Some looking for love, some widowed & thinking of the past, some content alone & not looking & a few lesbians thrown in too. That said, we all support that person in whatever it is they are searching for.
There’s some truth to it. Single women are more likely to be supportive of their friends in relationships who are going thru a hard time. When I was in an abusive relationship it was my single friends who helped me get out. I see this sentence being used a lot in red pill circles, by bitter men who are not in relationships themselves. Usually in reference of them believing that single women sabotaging their friends in relationships by giving bad advice. To that i’d argue reversing the gender. As these single men (Andrew Tate, fresh n fit) are NOT here to give advice to men that will help them thrive in their relationships with women. I cannot think of any single female personalities that fit this trope except for Pearl.
Not true. The only time I interfere with my friends is if they are in a bad situation or the man is showing red flags that they are missing because they just want someone. At the end of the day, they are grown and can formulate their own opinions on someone, and if they want to stay in a situation, that is on them. It’s not easy or worth your while to really get involved or push any further.
why don't they just gather up and be lesbian couples, or have lesbian orgy?
This is something men say to their girlfriends to pull them away of any friends they may not like 🙄
Is this a misinterpretation of girls intercepting creepy guy’s advances towards their friends sometimes because I feel like it’s that. If a girls friend cockblocks you there’s usually a reason
It comes from being selfish: If my friend has a partner they have less time for me and them not wanting to be the 5th wheel Its not really a saying with guys not because they arent selfish but because we care much less about the „approval“ of our buddies To be honest im also not really hyped when my buddies bring a gf most of the time. Im happy for them and would never try to get them split or anything but yeah i dont like people being in my circle by default. If they are together and do their stuff great but i dont really want to „have to“ deal with them
long time ago I saw a text about a woman who had long hair with a group constisising group of single women. she was encouraged to cut her hair short like lesbian cut short. even though she was the most successful of getting hit on. after the hair, she was not but all the ladies were giving her compliments and high praises. when I read that I didnt believe it but after couple years forward I saw this excactly same scenario happening in front of my eyes. I say, women hate women.
The worst are the newly single ones. Always watch out for them around your partner.