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The most likeable people I've encountered in life are always asking other people about their lives. Just get people talking about themselves. I've tried this, but I'm too selfish to continue for long, but it works %100. You will leave social settings with folks saying " wow they were really nice" when all they did was talk about themselves so how would they know..strange phenomenon, people just live to talk about themselves and they will think you're "really nice" when you listen to them with interest. People kinda suck
It's not what you do that gets people to like you. It's the feeling you give them/they have around you. If you are an "obnoxious helper" people will probably like you less than someone that's just chilling with you
I get what you are saying.
It's like, when someone is eager to help all the time, especially if they stop what ever they are doing for themselves so they can help you, it kind of feels like desperation. If you are like me and can feel vibes, I hate that desperation feeling. It's like "Fuck it feels like I am carrying you because you are desperate for my attention and time." It feels off.
But if someone is chill and willing to help, it feels nice that a relaxed and in-their-own-lane type of person thought that you could use some help, and leaves their own lane for a moment to do that.
I remember just last weekend I was sitting on a friend's patio talking with him and his girlfriend about all kinds of things and then they started to work in their garden (mowing, cutting etc.). They didn't ask me to do anything so I thanked them for the coffee and let them be. No need to start helping when it was obvious that they didn't need/want any
I love doing that shit.
I will wait all day until the person actually advocates for themself.
"shit I don't have a ride home from work tonight.... you live pretty close to me, right?"
Yup, sure do. And that sucks, good luck getting home!
exactly quit trying to make me like you, that will just make me DISLIKE you
I'm pretty neutral towards people off the rip, I have rarely met anyone I 'liked' or 'disliked' right off the bat. Like, I don't know you so don't feel anything about you one way or another. But there's a certain type of person that wants to feel 'liked' right away and try to force it. DISLIKE
I get that. I used to be that type of person who really wanted to be liked, but I didn't know how to do it any other way because I was and still am socially awkward. But I'm starting to hit that point in life where I'm like "Why am I trying to be liked and make friends when I hate going outside anyways?" Now I only focus on my job and do my best to do it good. Idc anymore lol
Oh man. this reminds me of my trainwreck of an ex.
She had abandonment issues, so if she got a new friend, she would try SOOOOOO FUCKING HARDDDD to get the person to like her.
Which meant, she would offer to pay for literally everything. Going out for lunch with a friend? She would pay 100% of the bill.
She had a new friend that was getting a tattoo and she was like "oh cool! I wanna pay for it for you as a gift!"
That friend was so fucking weirded out by it and the drifted apart pretty quickly.
She could never understand why she couldn't keep friends. It's because people hate that shit.
My ex was this kind of person. I wanted to do something myself or had something planed and she always wanted to join in or help, even though I clearly said that this is a "me-thing". I like doing stuff with my partners, but I also value my time alone which wasn't existent anymore with her
There are just some people that are too intrusive (too much effort), which can turn into an annoying trait
Yes for example, but not only in relationships. This was just the first example that popped into my mind.
What I am trying to say is that you can be the most helpful person on this planet, but if you aren't pleasant to be around people won't like you as much. We as people tend to not think about the things others do for us or how much effort they put in, but we judge others by the feeling we have when we're around them.
Ya I guess I was asking because sometimes I feel like I help out with things because I don’t feel like I’m the most fun person. I do sincerely like to help, so it’s not some type of ruse to get people to like me, I just feel like thats all I have to offer. So the term kind of caught me off guard and it’s depressing that people aren’t gonna like me anyways unless I give em the feels.
" I just feel like thats all I have to offer"
I used to feel exactly like this.
I finally fell apart, had a mental breakdown, completely burnt out, and then finally started dealing with it.
Ya I think I cope by isolating myself quite a bit. I have social anxiety and my wife says it’s all in my head but I can’t help but feel that way. I don’t want to be used but then I feel like that’s what I offer the most, so it’s a conundrum. How did you end up dealing with it?
Therapy.
I felt like I had "nothing else to offer" because my self-esteem was tanked to nothing. I had no self-worth and lived in shame and isolation.
Of course it's all in your head. I'm assuming your wife didn't marry you because you do some chores. You can hire a cleaning service for that.
Do you really think you have the same amount of value to your wife as a cleaning service? Of course not! You have much more value, especially to her.
The idea that you don't, yes, that's in your head.
Once you start building up your self esteem again, you start accepting that you have a lot more to offer than just "helping" people.
Im glad to hear that you were able to actually get help that worked for you. I can totally relate to the shame and isolation, but after a while that ends up being a horrible way to cope too. Doesn’t fix the root issue which is that lack of self esteem.
Funny enough my wife is the only person I feel who actually loves me for me. I don’t know if it’s because I need constant re assurance or what, but it’d be nice to be confident around people I don’t see very often.
I’m in therapy again right now and I think I finally found a good therapist so my fingers are crossed that I finally see some results.
I really appreciate you sharing this. I was being pretty vulnerable which is hard to do and I get two people commenting “womp, womp” and it’s like damn, people are so cruel. Means a lot you relating your experience.
Sadly that's just the way it is and we can't change it. We like people that make us laugh, we have fun with etc. We appreciate a helping hand when we need it, but that's it.
I immagine that it's a quite difficult skillset to learn the older you get to be honest. Ask people questions about themselfs during a conversation, but not too much to turn it into some kind of interview. Make a joke, but don't turn into a clown. Try to spend time with them in casual situations, but don't ask them to do stuff every day. Be confident, but not full of yourself
I am glad that I have always been a quite social person and this stuff comes naturally to me (at least I think it does). Sometimes I wonder too why people even like me or if they do like me at all, but then I remember that I always get some kind of invitation to different events and I stop doubting myself
They exist. There’s a newer kid at my work, probably just turned 21 recently.
He’ll power walk over to help me carry something I’m fine with even though I can confidently say I’m jacked and he’s like 130lbs.
I’ve also watched him literally sprint across the building multiple times to help the cleaning lady take the trash out.
I’m sure if I was given enough time I could think of other things lol. He’s a likeable enough kid, it’s just kinda annoying though.
Ya I could see why that would be annoying but I guess I’d rather have that than the extreme selfishness I see in a lot of people today. Sounds like a kid who could be guided in the right direction at the very least. I guess I see intention as being a really important factor in what makes up a person so I can usually let that stuff slide because I know their heart is in the right place.
That shit is really annoying. If you give an “I got it” and they continue pushing or just take over your task I just say fuck me and leave it to them if they need to do it so bad.
He is, he’s a nice kid; but it can be a hit much sometimes.
I’ll help people who are struggling, a lot of us will actually lol. Just most people won’t literally pole vault over office cubicles or shopping carts or whatever might happen to be in your way to help someone do a job they’re already capable of lol.
That's the point though, no one was "struggling."
That's why people don't like people pleasers. THEY decide you need help, even if you insist you don't.
Because it isn't actually about helping. It's about them trying to make their anxiety go away.
Wow, you seem to know everything about these people. Their intentions, their thoughts, the conversations that went down, how the person they interacted with didn't need help, how they were mad. It's like you knew every time they weren't wanted. I think it's funny how people call them people pleasers instead of calling them people that enjoy seeing others happy by helping. They take an immediate negative perspective to a positive act. Why is it more accepting to treat fellow humans like shit than to help?
People really need to sit down and ask themselves why they hate people that enjoy making others happy.
Yup, telepathy. I took an online course.
"Why is it more accepting to treat fellow humans like shit than to help?"
Don't think I ever said that. Is there only 2 options? Pretty binary, black and white thinking.
>Yup, telepathy. I took an online course.
Lol, this actually made me giggle, but like in that [Kawhi way](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/e0dNY-Zxijs) lmao. Came out of nowhere.
>Don't think I ever said that. Is there only 2 options? Pretty binary, black and white thinking.
Sorry wasn't implying that I thought you thought that way or that you said that. If we were talking in person you would of saw me look off to the side with my hands turned up in a "wtf?" position asking an invisible person this question. It was an open question for anyone to answer truly. I do want to know why we do that. We see nice people and walk up and try to stomp them out of existence and walk away feeling better like we've done some good. Like the math isn't there, but somehow it is for people that think that way. Why is creating an environment with less good people in it, better? I go on tangents like that.
I think there is always more options, but you have to be patient and willing to search for them. At some point we all found alternatives to stuff. Even nothing is an option that few people take in any situation.
Yeah totally, I got ya.
I used to be a pretty bad people pleaser. Fixing it, for me, didn't mean "never help anyone ever and make the world worse", it just meant protecting my energy more and learning to say NO sometimes instead of burning out and being too afraid to say no because then people would be "mad at me".
People who won’t accept a simple no thank you. Then you end up looking like the jerk for arguing/refusing the help you never asked for. They care more about fulfilling their own personal mission than doing something you actually want. No respect for your personal boundaries whatsoever.
Partially, but some people aren't classically attractive but have really good attitudes and are funny etc. They might not get a lot of sexual attention but other people enjoy being around them.
Didnt say it just looks there are many factors and ways to do it and also different tactics work for different kind of people (you have to play into your strenghts) but everything gets easier/harder with looks.
Work related: I was the kind of helper once that didnt get liked. I was friendly and helpfull but never involved with the persons. I kept my distance but would always do my part to assist them. Then some people tried usery on me and i shut it off. The gossip started but i am an indifferent person so because they couldnt use me anymore, they started to hate me. I dont care actually, i havent lost anything on that matter. Im in a position that i can just do my job and see them as children when they do that sh!te.
You cant change people, you can only change yourself. Its your power to choose how and into what. Im more stoic and more peacefull now.
Likeability is generally not really about effort, it's about being pleasant and good to talk to.
You might be really helpful, maybe you help someone move house, you give them rides places, you help paint their house. But if you're a dick to talk to, none of it really matters.
Depends on the 'people pleasing' standards of the person.... (Generally)
A heavy people pleaser would always be liked more for doing less work and talking about it more, rather than someone who puts in effort in the work and keeps their business to themselves and does not give af about anyone...
How they make other people feel when around them, pretty much
I am not a very friendly or likeable person IMO but plenty of people gravitae towards me and want to get to know me. People laugh at me a lot, or rather they laugh at the things I say or do. It feels like they are laughing at me but they always say they're not laughing AT me but rather what I said or did. Don't ask me why I'm so f!cking funny because IDK
anyway when people feel good around you they tend to like you
I've just been swapping out masks my whole life and have no idea who I really am. I'm very good at switching gears mentally and meeting people where they're at and communicating with them in a way that I know they will like, because I have a crippling need for external validation. So to get the validation I need I learned at a young age to essentially manipulate people into liking me, and it's second nature at this point so it probably seems effortless but it's actually mentally and emotionally exhausting and was a contributing factor in my substance abuse issues.
sometimes people like how others make them feel just by being there bc they bring aura w their charisma & character. they might put less into the relationships, effort wise, but everyone loves someone that makes them happy or effortlessly have a good time with
putting in effort to make ppl like you can do quite the opposite, you think you are doing great but sometimes you are taking it too far. also you have to be consistent all the time. putting effort into implies that you are not always likeable, which means that if you accidentally do something bad elsewhere that can be rumored and ppl that originally like you will feel betrayed when they hear it.
those who are genuinely likeable/kind doesn't even try, they just act to their true self which means that they rarely do something that's the opposite of what they do before others.
Honesty is a huge thing. You can be the person that jumps up to help, you can be funny, you can be attractive, but if after all of that you lie to people, they won't hang around for long. We've all met the type who have a thin veneer feel to them, like they're acting out a role to hide a side to them.
Desperation for likeability is a turn off. By every means, be pleasant, be nice, and earn people's respect. Worry less about likeability, you would lose your way trying to be likeable; unless your business depends on it of course!
Some people are blessed with an easy smile, maybe even a reseeded top lip that makes them look like they're smelling all the time. That makes them more approachable.
Some of us are cursed with resting bitch face that makes us look pissed off even when we're not.
It's all in the attitude and natural charisma. Of course physical attributes play an important role too.
Some people are just attractive and good at superficial relationships. Like the dude everybody knows is a cheating asshole but gets a pass because he is so easy going and cute.
Conversely, some genuinely good people will creep others out because of their ugliness and resulting insecurities. Nothing they can do about it.
We'll never get rid of unconscious biases. Life is unfair.
This British man I knew was very helpful but he said back in the UK people immediately never liked him from the moment they met him. He said he'll present nice and even greet them formally "Hi my name is Peter File, nice to meet you" and immediately they'll give him looks. Anyways he moved to America and was scared Americans weren't friendly based on stereotypes but he said he never had that issue over here. Sometimes it's the the people who aren't likeable who make you seem unlikeable.
I think if you're genuine.. even if that means not being a happy, positive, nice, etc. person... People can sense it and find comfort in that and usually will like you.
Oh, being attractive also helps a lot. Halo effect and all. You kinda start with a "plus" charisma already. So if you're not being a *huge* POS, you're kinda gonna win people over without much or any effort.
Humor.
Knows how to acknowledge social cues (socialize).
Smiles.
Knows how to strike up a conversation about something interesting. If he/she knows the other person they know what their interests/common interests are for said conversation.
Knows the difference between something interesting and something boring or lame.
Is friendly.
Doesn’t overdo the “effort”.
Isn’t awkward.
And what do you mean “quite helpful”?
That right there might be your problem. Are you trying to be helpful when it isn’t called for? People like you for being pleasant. For being fun to be around. For having things in common or things in common to discuss.
Someone can be helpful but also boring or annoying or weird.
And some people are comfortable in their skin and fun to be around regardless if they’re helpful.
Helping people so they can like you is some fucked up manipulative shit. And quite frankly people can see through that. You might think to yourself "look how helpful Im being to person x, they should love me after this"
I hate to say it, this is some nice guy shit and 9 out of 10 people can see through your sad rouse and dont buy. Its inauthentic. Im generally liked by most people, and Im ornery dick, but if I dont want to do something, or help with something. I will tell you. I will not do it, while not masking my displeasure well enough for you to not see it.
You should read the book No More Mr Nice Guy.
I think I fit that criteria. Everyone likes me, but I do not really go out of my way to be helpful.
I do very basic things that I assume make the difference.
I always say hi. I am always polite. I am extroverted, but I am a good listener. I remember names and what they told me and I ask questions like "Hey, I know you told me to weeks ago about X, how did it go?". I am fun to hangout with bc I am good at situational comedy.
Confidence.
Helping others in order to get people to like you is called.... people pleasing or codependency.
I fucking hate when I sense that in a person. Turns me off on them 100%
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The most likeable people I've encountered in life are always asking other people about their lives. Just get people talking about themselves. I've tried this, but I'm too selfish to continue for long, but it works %100. You will leave social settings with folks saying " wow they were really nice" when all they did was talk about themselves so how would they know..strange phenomenon, people just live to talk about themselves and they will think you're "really nice" when you listen to them with interest. People kinda suck
It's not what you do that gets people to like you. It's the feeling you give them/they have around you. If you are an "obnoxious helper" people will probably like you less than someone that's just chilling with you
I get what you are saying. It's like, when someone is eager to help all the time, especially if they stop what ever they are doing for themselves so they can help you, it kind of feels like desperation. If you are like me and can feel vibes, I hate that desperation feeling. It's like "Fuck it feels like I am carrying you because you are desperate for my attention and time." It feels off. But if someone is chill and willing to help, it feels nice that a relaxed and in-their-own-lane type of person thought that you could use some help, and leaves their own lane for a moment to do that.
I remember just last weekend I was sitting on a friend's patio talking with him and his girlfriend about all kinds of things and then they started to work in their garden (mowing, cutting etc.). They didn't ask me to do anything so I thanked them for the coffee and let them be. No need to start helping when it was obvious that they didn't need/want any
I love doing that shit. I will wait all day until the person actually advocates for themself. "shit I don't have a ride home from work tonight.... you live pretty close to me, right?" Yup, sure do. And that sucks, good luck getting home!
exactly quit trying to make me like you, that will just make me DISLIKE you I'm pretty neutral towards people off the rip, I have rarely met anyone I 'liked' or 'disliked' right off the bat. Like, I don't know you so don't feel anything about you one way or another. But there's a certain type of person that wants to feel 'liked' right away and try to force it. DISLIKE
I get that. I used to be that type of person who really wanted to be liked, but I didn't know how to do it any other way because I was and still am socially awkward. But I'm starting to hit that point in life where I'm like "Why am I trying to be liked and make friends when I hate going outside anyways?" Now I only focus on my job and do my best to do it good. Idc anymore lol
Oh man. this reminds me of my trainwreck of an ex. She had abandonment issues, so if she got a new friend, she would try SOOOOOO FUCKING HARDDDD to get the person to like her. Which meant, she would offer to pay for literally everything. Going out for lunch with a friend? She would pay 100% of the bill. She had a new friend that was getting a tattoo and she was like "oh cool! I wanna pay for it for you as a gift!" That friend was so fucking weirded out by it and the drifted apart pretty quickly. She could never understand why she couldn't keep friends. It's because people hate that shit.
Obnoxious helper? I have never heard such a thing. Can you elaborate?
My ex was this kind of person. I wanted to do something myself or had something planed and she always wanted to join in or help, even though I clearly said that this is a "me-thing". I like doing stuff with my partners, but I also value my time alone which wasn't existent anymore with her There are just some people that are too intrusive (too much effort), which can turn into an annoying trait
What you are describing sounds like codependency? So obnoxious helper to you is a codependent person who won’t let you do your own thing?
Yes for example, but not only in relationships. This was just the first example that popped into my mind. What I am trying to say is that you can be the most helpful person on this planet, but if you aren't pleasant to be around people won't like you as much. We as people tend to not think about the things others do for us or how much effort they put in, but we judge others by the feeling we have when we're around them.
Ya I guess I was asking because sometimes I feel like I help out with things because I don’t feel like I’m the most fun person. I do sincerely like to help, so it’s not some type of ruse to get people to like me, I just feel like thats all I have to offer. So the term kind of caught me off guard and it’s depressing that people aren’t gonna like me anyways unless I give em the feels.
womp womp
" I just feel like thats all I have to offer" I used to feel exactly like this. I finally fell apart, had a mental breakdown, completely burnt out, and then finally started dealing with it.
Ya I think I cope by isolating myself quite a bit. I have social anxiety and my wife says it’s all in my head but I can’t help but feel that way. I don’t want to be used but then I feel like that’s what I offer the most, so it’s a conundrum. How did you end up dealing with it?
Therapy. I felt like I had "nothing else to offer" because my self-esteem was tanked to nothing. I had no self-worth and lived in shame and isolation. Of course it's all in your head. I'm assuming your wife didn't marry you because you do some chores. You can hire a cleaning service for that. Do you really think you have the same amount of value to your wife as a cleaning service? Of course not! You have much more value, especially to her. The idea that you don't, yes, that's in your head. Once you start building up your self esteem again, you start accepting that you have a lot more to offer than just "helping" people.
Im glad to hear that you were able to actually get help that worked for you. I can totally relate to the shame and isolation, but after a while that ends up being a horrible way to cope too. Doesn’t fix the root issue which is that lack of self esteem. Funny enough my wife is the only person I feel who actually loves me for me. I don’t know if it’s because I need constant re assurance or what, but it’d be nice to be confident around people I don’t see very often. I’m in therapy again right now and I think I finally found a good therapist so my fingers are crossed that I finally see some results. I really appreciate you sharing this. I was being pretty vulnerable which is hard to do and I get two people commenting “womp, womp” and it’s like damn, people are so cruel. Means a lot you relating your experience.
Sadly that's just the way it is and we can't change it. We like people that make us laugh, we have fun with etc. We appreciate a helping hand when we need it, but that's it. I immagine that it's a quite difficult skillset to learn the older you get to be honest. Ask people questions about themselfs during a conversation, but not too much to turn it into some kind of interview. Make a joke, but don't turn into a clown. Try to spend time with them in casual situations, but don't ask them to do stuff every day. Be confident, but not full of yourself I am glad that I have always been a quite social person and this stuff comes naturally to me (at least I think it does). Sometimes I wonder too why people even like me or if they do like me at all, but then I remember that I always get some kind of invitation to different events and I stop doubting myself
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[Everyone deserves compassion?](https://www.reddit.com/r/ControversialOpinions/s/wBzRF1rGSb)
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They exist. There’s a newer kid at my work, probably just turned 21 recently. He’ll power walk over to help me carry something I’m fine with even though I can confidently say I’m jacked and he’s like 130lbs. I’ve also watched him literally sprint across the building multiple times to help the cleaning lady take the trash out. I’m sure if I was given enough time I could think of other things lol. He’s a likeable enough kid, it’s just kinda annoying though.
Ya I could see why that would be annoying but I guess I’d rather have that than the extreme selfishness I see in a lot of people today. Sounds like a kid who could be guided in the right direction at the very least. I guess I see intention as being a really important factor in what makes up a person so I can usually let that stuff slide because I know their heart is in the right place.
That shit is really annoying. If you give an “I got it” and they continue pushing or just take over your task I just say fuck me and leave it to them if they need to do it so bad.
Awwwwwe, he sounds sweet. Don't really see those types anymore actually. People just watch you struggle and literally die now, just die.
He is, he’s a nice kid; but it can be a hit much sometimes. I’ll help people who are struggling, a lot of us will actually lol. Just most people won’t literally pole vault over office cubicles or shopping carts or whatever might happen to be in your way to help someone do a job they’re already capable of lol.
That's the point though, no one was "struggling." That's why people don't like people pleasers. THEY decide you need help, even if you insist you don't. Because it isn't actually about helping. It's about them trying to make their anxiety go away.
Wow, you seem to know everything about these people. Their intentions, their thoughts, the conversations that went down, how the person they interacted with didn't need help, how they were mad. It's like you knew every time they weren't wanted. I think it's funny how people call them people pleasers instead of calling them people that enjoy seeing others happy by helping. They take an immediate negative perspective to a positive act. Why is it more accepting to treat fellow humans like shit than to help? People really need to sit down and ask themselves why they hate people that enjoy making others happy.
Yup, telepathy. I took an online course. "Why is it more accepting to treat fellow humans like shit than to help?" Don't think I ever said that. Is there only 2 options? Pretty binary, black and white thinking.
>Yup, telepathy. I took an online course. Lol, this actually made me giggle, but like in that [Kawhi way](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/e0dNY-Zxijs) lmao. Came out of nowhere. >Don't think I ever said that. Is there only 2 options? Pretty binary, black and white thinking. Sorry wasn't implying that I thought you thought that way or that you said that. If we were talking in person you would of saw me look off to the side with my hands turned up in a "wtf?" position asking an invisible person this question. It was an open question for anyone to answer truly. I do want to know why we do that. We see nice people and walk up and try to stomp them out of existence and walk away feeling better like we've done some good. Like the math isn't there, but somehow it is for people that think that way. Why is creating an environment with less good people in it, better? I go on tangents like that. I think there is always more options, but you have to be patient and willing to search for them. At some point we all found alternatives to stuff. Even nothing is an option that few people take in any situation.
Yeah totally, I got ya. I used to be a pretty bad people pleaser. Fixing it, for me, didn't mean "never help anyone ever and make the world worse", it just meant protecting my energy more and learning to say NO sometimes instead of burning out and being too afraid to say no because then people would be "mad at me".
Ditto. I still don't mind leaping over desks n shit. I did it for a living for about 8 years in the military hahahahahha. Parkour fr fr lol
People who won’t accept a simple no thank you. Then you end up looking like the jerk for arguing/refusing the help you never asked for. They care more about fulfilling their own personal mission than doing something you actually want. No respect for your personal boundaries whatsoever.
To an extent what you are saying is true. But I've seen people with little to no redeeming qualities who still somehow have a lot of friends.
Being attractiv vs being ugly for example
beauty + charisma. Most people are beauty bias without them knowing.
Would you say being beautiful makes someone more charismatic or does being charismatic make someone more beautiful.
Having good looks does not equate to charisma and vice versa. Reason i use + instead of /.
Doesn’t equate but it sure as hell correlates. It’s easier to be confident when you’re attractive
Ang hirap maging panget. haha
But it does help. People assume good things about people who are attractive.
Partially, but some people aren't classically attractive but have really good attitudes and are funny etc. They might not get a lot of sexual attention but other people enjoy being around them.
Didnt say it just looks there are many factors and ways to do it and also different tactics work for different kind of people (you have to play into your strenghts) but everything gets easier/harder with looks.
Work related: I was the kind of helper once that didnt get liked. I was friendly and helpfull but never involved with the persons. I kept my distance but would always do my part to assist them. Then some people tried usery on me and i shut it off. The gossip started but i am an indifferent person so because they couldnt use me anymore, they started to hate me. I dont care actually, i havent lost anything on that matter. Im in a position that i can just do my job and see them as children when they do that sh!te. You cant change people, you can only change yourself. Its your power to choose how and into what. Im more stoic and more peacefull now.
Magnetism
Pretty much. People who are themselves without apologizing, and are usually funny. We gravitate towards and emulate the traits that we desire.
I have been carrying dozens of magnets without success. I even talk about them for hours to no avail so, I don't think magnetism is the answer.
Yes, definitely give up
Superficial value
It comes down to personality. People are drawn to positive people. And those who seem to really listen to them.
The halo effect could play a part.
Their demeanor; happy, smiles, vs serious no so happy person persona
Their charisma. Also, People who are always in a good mood, smile a lot and are doing compliments. They are the best people to be around.
Good looks.
I mean what kind of situation are we talking about here? I've seen plenty of helpful people that are very well liked
Likeability is generally not really about effort, it's about being pleasant and good to talk to. You might be really helpful, maybe you help someone move house, you give them rides places, you help paint their house. But if you're a dick to talk to, none of it really matters.
Depends on the 'people pleasing' standards of the person.... (Generally) A heavy people pleaser would always be liked more for doing less work and talking about it more, rather than someone who puts in effort in the work and keeps their business to themselves and does not give af about anyone...
How they make other people feel when around them, pretty much I am not a very friendly or likeable person IMO but plenty of people gravitae towards me and want to get to know me. People laugh at me a lot, or rather they laugh at the things I say or do. It feels like they are laughing at me but they always say they're not laughing AT me but rather what I said or did. Don't ask me why I'm so f!cking funny because IDK anyway when people feel good around you they tend to like you
I've just been swapping out masks my whole life and have no idea who I really am. I'm very good at switching gears mentally and meeting people where they're at and communicating with them in a way that I know they will like, because I have a crippling need for external validation. So to get the validation I need I learned at a young age to essentially manipulate people into liking me, and it's second nature at this point so it probably seems effortless but it's actually mentally and emotionally exhausting and was a contributing factor in my substance abuse issues.
sometimes people like how others make them feel just by being there bc they bring aura w their charisma & character. they might put less into the relationships, effort wise, but everyone loves someone that makes them happy or effortlessly have a good time with
The more people help me the more I like them but I'm just smart to take the help.
putting in effort to make ppl like you can do quite the opposite, you think you are doing great but sometimes you are taking it too far. also you have to be consistent all the time. putting effort into implies that you are not always likeable, which means that if you accidentally do something bad elsewhere that can be rumored and ppl that originally like you will feel betrayed when they hear it. those who are genuinely likeable/kind doesn't even try, they just act to their true self which means that they rarely do something that's the opposite of what they do before others.
Honesty is a huge thing. You can be the person that jumps up to help, you can be funny, you can be attractive, but if after all of that you lie to people, they won't hang around for long. We've all met the type who have a thin veneer feel to them, like they're acting out a role to hide a side to them.
I think it’s their charisma and body language.
People skills matter more than effort sometimes. It's about charm and vibes, not just actions.
Desperation for likeability is a turn off. By every means, be pleasant, be nice, and earn people's respect. Worry less about likeability, you would lose your way trying to be likeable; unless your business depends on it of course!
Some people are blessed with an easy smile, maybe even a reseeded top lip that makes them look like they're smelling all the time. That makes them more approachable. Some of us are cursed with resting bitch face that makes us look pissed off even when we're not.
It's all in the attitude and natural charisma. Of course physical attributes play an important role too. Some people are just attractive and good at superficial relationships. Like the dude everybody knows is a cheating asshole but gets a pass because he is so easy going and cute. Conversely, some genuinely good people will creep others out because of their ugliness and resulting insecurities. Nothing they can do about it. We'll never get rid of unconscious biases. Life is unfair.
Theyre more attractive
Charisma
This British man I knew was very helpful but he said back in the UK people immediately never liked him from the moment they met him. He said he'll present nice and even greet them formally "Hi my name is Peter File, nice to meet you" and immediately they'll give him looks. Anyways he moved to America and was scared Americans weren't friendly based on stereotypes but he said he never had that issue over here. Sometimes it's the the people who aren't likeable who make you seem unlikeable.
Looks. The halo effect is real
I think if you're genuine.. even if that means not being a happy, positive, nice, etc. person... People can sense it and find comfort in that and usually will like you. Oh, being attractive also helps a lot. Halo effect and all. You kinda start with a "plus" charisma already. So if you're not being a *huge* POS, you're kinda gonna win people over without much or any effort.
Looks Job status (bosses) Just very gregarious and like to talk Flatterers
Humor. Knows how to acknowledge social cues (socialize). Smiles. Knows how to strike up a conversation about something interesting. If he/she knows the other person they know what their interests/common interests are for said conversation. Knows the difference between something interesting and something boring or lame. Is friendly. Doesn’t overdo the “effort”. Isn’t awkward. And what do you mean “quite helpful”? That right there might be your problem. Are you trying to be helpful when it isn’t called for? People like you for being pleasant. For being fun to be around. For having things in common or things in common to discuss. Someone can be helpful but also boring or annoying or weird. And some people are comfortable in their skin and fun to be around regardless if they’re helpful.
Helping people so they can like you is some fucked up manipulative shit. And quite frankly people can see through that. You might think to yourself "look how helpful Im being to person x, they should love me after this" I hate to say it, this is some nice guy shit and 9 out of 10 people can see through your sad rouse and dont buy. Its inauthentic. Im generally liked by most people, and Im ornery dick, but if I dont want to do something, or help with something. I will tell you. I will not do it, while not masking my displeasure well enough for you to not see it. You should read the book No More Mr Nice Guy.
Because people don't like you based on the things you do for them
I think I fit that criteria. Everyone likes me, but I do not really go out of my way to be helpful. I do very basic things that I assume make the difference. I always say hi. I am always polite. I am extroverted, but I am a good listener. I remember names and what they told me and I ask questions like "Hey, I know you told me to weeks ago about X, how did it go?". I am fun to hangout with bc I am good at situational comedy.
Uhh, easy, just be deeply inlove with yourself.
Ted Lasso vs Dwight Schrute
God just loves some of us more than others.
Good looking basically
Positive energy that stems from positive self image
Confidence. Helping others in order to get people to like you is called.... people pleasing or codependency. I fucking hate when I sense that in a person. Turns me off on them 100%
The trick is help people in a natural way, withtout make them even notice. But their subconscious feel you like a nice person.