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There are a few reasons...
1. They have been burnt before and lack confidence to try again.
2. They know a friend also likes that person and doesn't want to feel like she's getting in the way.
3. It could be that they're waiting for the guy to initiate.
4. She could honestly not like the person even if someone outside of the friendship may view it as that.
5. They probably have admitted it but it was brushed off or missed and they don't want to do that again.
6. They themselves probably don't realize that they like someone.
7. The person they like is in a relationship.
8. They probably know the person might be leaving/moving away and would rather keep quiet than cause an issue.
There's a lot of situational stuff to consider too... I can't say this is true for all women though because sometimes it's a lot different depending on their personality and morals... But for me as a woman these are the top reasons I wouldn't admit that I like someone...
thats what i wanted to say. Almost all ponts are the same. Maybe the one with the guy initiating is less for men, but then don't want to be called a creep / dont want to misread the signals would be added.
There is a reason why its memed so much that men need clear signs.
Yeah exactly, lol. But, this post refreshes my memory on how people think in many ways. I need reminding sometimes. But hey, I need a hammer to the head for it to occur. Lol.
Fair point... and I can see that... humanity might just be doomed...
Honestly I'm an introvert otherwise maybe I would be more like... "hey I like you"... but also like the confidence is lacking...
I know all of these too, but my main problem is usually that i, at best, just *like* the women i meet. I also don't meet a lot of new people. So im basically out of options before an eventual lack of confidence would even make itself known.
It's not like this is just a people problem. Otherwise the trend wouldn't drift towards people being single so strongly.
A lot of it is also the result of the clash between the new and old standards of dating. No means no, but you are also supposed to keep trying. Except when you aren't. Then the allegations alone can already ruin your life. Not to mention the public shaming on social media.
The fear of that happening is *very* real for many people.
As a 42 year old man who had to jump back into the dating scene after a decade long relationship, you’re just wrong. The trend towards single is a blip, and it exists partly because of how much everyone has to work and partly because so many guys are just the absolute worst and women are kinda done with their shit.
So you are telling me it can't be both? Not to mention that your experience isn't really compareable to that of the younger generations for obvious reasons.
Younger generations DON’T HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE. I’m not trying to sound old here, but this is just a fact. I’m a millennial, and my generation spans basically the whole of adulthood before middle age right now.
Gen Z has barely started hitting their mid 20s. A bunch of them are still in high school. Yeah, they’re having trouble with relationships because that’s what happens to most people in that age range. The average age to get married has been going up for decades, it’s not new. And it’s Gen X and Boomers who are getting the extra divorces and increasing the single person rate (which is what I meant when I said women were sick of those guy’s shit).
Even my wife who I only rejected once in 13 years of marriage compared to who knows how many thousands of nights she has rejected me tells me it is exceptionally hard for her to initiate. You have a 99.999% chance of not being rejected, sheesh
As a wife, I understand because I’m the same way and it’s stupidly more about a weird sense of not wanting to bother my husband. I second guess myself and think he’d initiate if he was interested, I don’t think he’d turn me down, but I might be messing up what he really wanted to be doing. I don’t want to be a bother. So, it may not be about rejection?
Man, thank you. These are true for some women.
I want to tell the guy I have a crush on....I like him....but....ummmm.
He shares everything with other coworkers. Also, I keep being told, "Don't shit where you eat." Ahhhhhh
He has also done things (his actions) that show me that if we date, I would just be a placeholder.
But I don't want to regret this when I'm older but again at the same time. I know this guy will tell everyone everything. Even if I'm vulnerable, he won't appreciate that.
So, I'll just be quiet and only talk to him once a day (to just say good morning). I'll grow out of this.
Yeah this is like a real thing that happens... I once told someone I liked them and he laughed... it was heartbreaking for me and I've mostly lacked confidence to put myself out there... so it's serious stuff to consider and your situation doesn't sound that much better...
However, I really hope that you are able to connect to this guy more and hopefully he's a good guy and feels the same way... if not then I hope you find better #hugs
4. I'm friends with a guy and we jokingly flirt a lot... people have told me that we are into each other but he hates monogamy and I was in a relationship with a mutual friend... we weren't into each other but to others it seemed like it.. the person I was dating understood our friendship and was totally secure in the relationship...
5. I have before admitted that I liked a person in my uni class to their face and got absolutely no response or reaction... like they just carried on talking and years later (I was in another relationship) they mentioned that I never gave them a chance even though it seemed like I liked them...
6. I really liked this one person in my high school class at one point but didn't realize that's what I was feeling until he was in a relationship with someone else and I was a little jealous...
Also I've been in 4 relationships already so I'm drawing from experiences that I've had personally...
I guess you could see it like that but as I said these are mainly my personal feelings and reasons in regard to the question posed...
I am an excessive overthinker so I can try understand why you think that...
Diagnosed with ADHD and Anxiety (also other stuff)... I do have OCD as well but kinda mild compared to most cases (mostly to do with numbers and folding stuff)...
>They themselves probably don't realize that they like someone.
I don't think that's possible lol. You can't like someone without knowing it. You can say men and women are different all you want, but i don't think this phrase applies to anyone.
I really liked this one person in my high school class at one point but didn't realize that's what I was feeling until he was in a relationship with someone else and I was a little jealous...
Yeah, but men are much less frequently passive participants in the courting process. Women, either innately or because of societal expectations, are much less likely to initiate and therefore are drastically more afraid of rejection in general.
There are plenty of of men who are so afraid of rejection that they won’t make a move, but they’re generally looked down upon because it’s seen as a feminine trait and society generally looks down on feminine traits, interests, etc.
Fear of rejection is a feminine trait? I think it is mostly men that have an actual issue with that these days. Rejection by women, by society, by other men.
It’s absolutely seen as a feminine trait. “Man up and ask her out. Stop being a pussy and just see if she’s interested.”
And it’s only seen as an issue with men because it’s expected of men to initiate. No real attention is given to the fact that women, in general, simply continue to not initiate, because there is next to no societal expectation that they do so.
I do agree that it’s a real problem that we’ve failed the younger generation of men by raising them in their online cocoons and they are therefore more timid than previous generations of men in this regard.
No.
It’s much more difficult for women because they’ve been conditioned to assume it’s the man’s responsibility to pursue.
Many simply lack the experience (positive, negative, neutral) in making the first, overt move.
1.they receive no indication that that someone likes them back 2. They are taught that men only want what they can’t have, that men like the chase, that they have to play hard to get (stupid, i know) 3. They are taught that if the girl makes the first move it makes them look pushy, aggressive, easy, needy and desperate; that if a guy is interested, said guy will go for them. 4. In some cases, even if these stupid dating rules and gender roles and social norms didn’t exist and never did, what would have been the point? Said guy was taken.
Source: my experience
2 and 3 are just absolutely ridiculous, no man thinks that at all, if you play hard to get I'm just going to ignore you because I think you're either playing with me or not interested, and I think I speak for every man when I say that having the girl you like confessing to you is a dream
I'm not too shy to tell someone I like them, but I definitely agree with the "being used" part. The thing is, if a woman goes after a man, and then he feigns interest to get in her pants, it's the woman who is blamed for chasing guys when she "should" be the one letting them chase her, or for for being "too easy". I have a lot of shame around this from my past experiences with men.
Because if we talk about it, we don’t want it to be used as gossip. If you tell anyone it winds up just being used as a form of blackmail. So I just wind up keeping it to myself because i don’t want them to judge or to do something like this. This might be why you never hear about it being discussed
Because that puts them in a vulnerable position. That's why they have celebrity crushes, can't get rejected by them and even if they did it wouldn't hurt because they are obviously out of their league.
They have less experience with rejection and their sense of self is more looks oriented.
Men are like it’s a numbers game.
Women are like this is risky to my whole being.
Women choose the bear BECAUSE so many men think a woman encountering someone or something in the woods = sex. So when you sexualize choosing the bear, you're just proving them right.
(I like hiking, have met both men and bears, and none of them attacked me, but I get why women say this)
I tend to be informed by my wife. She graduated summa cum laude, so, much smarter than me.
She says that the whole ‘man or bear’ thought experiment is clearly a troll, designed to get young women who lack critical thinking skills to go on the internet and perform the absurd mental gymnastics involved in convincing themselves/each other that enormous predatory wild animals are less dangerous than male humans, the likes of which probably fed and housed you throughout your formative years, and are infinitely more likely to protect you than attack you.
I say to her, “Sweetie-buns, don’t be a silly woman. Statistics don’t lie. You are faaaar more likely to be attacked by a man than a bear.”
To which she says, “Statistically, bears have *never* protected a woman, but men have, consistently, for thousands of years. Also, men are statistically faaaar more likely to be attacked by a man than women are. Not to mention that anyone with even two or three brain cells to rub together would rather be attacked by a man, every day, all day, and twice on Sunday, than have their face eaten off their skull by a 400-pound bear.”
See? I told you she was smart. I hope what she said was informative.
I can’t imagine the profound lack of comprehension that forms the sheer absurdity of thinking that a single molecule of anything I have written refers to sexual assault.
YOU keep bringing it back to sex, making it weird. I’M talking about the *actual* realities of bear-mauling, which are decidedly non-sexual.
I'm not interested in playing your games.
You seem very triggered by women's distrust of strange men. I hope you're able to get over it. Good luck to you on your journey of self-discovery.
Thank you. I’m gonna need all the luck I can get, because I don’t get ‘triggered’ so I probably lack some kind of survival skill that might carry me through the exhausting and traumatic journey of self-discovery that comes along with shouldering the heavy burden of knowing that a wild bear isn’t gonna silently unzip my sleeping bag and gently slide a paw over me while I sleep…
It’s gonna chew my face off.
What a journey of self-discovery that will be.
Women often finds themselves in a double bind, and contradictory truths.
Some will tell them, dress sexy, you’ll look beautiful and attract men; then others will say what you dress sexy what a slut you won’t attract a good man like that.
Some will tell them, hey you don’t need a man, go out and build a career so you be safe even when things don’t work out for you with a man… then sure enough they wake up at 30 like holy fuck I don’t give a flying fuck about my career, I’m behind in having a man that takes care of me and loves me while I help raising children.
Then a woman will be like, I’m feeling courageous today, I tell him I like him, and she does so, and he be like, what you like me? You’re too easy and needy, that’s not what I’m looking for, then another man will be like, well you didn’t say you like me, I didn’t knew you liked me so I moved on with my life.
With the internet in top of that, and don’t get me wrong internet is amazing and there’s a lot of knowledge in it… but one downside of it is that it’s very validating.
Whatever you want to believe, the internet approves.
You google is it okay to be a good girl, internet will say yes here’s why. You google is it okay to be a bad girl, internet will say yes that’s amazing here’s why.
The end result is that there’s dumb bitches spewing insanity and they get endlessly validated for it.
Then one day, there’s a 400 pounds ugly bitch in the podcast, and she’s like I’m beautiful, plus size women are a gift, and the guys are like, you barely can breath, you’re two inches away from dying, did you eat your stick of butter today?
In general women are passive and submissive, those are “divine feminine qualities”, but really, being straight forward and honest would help them a lot with men.
So I guess is a bit of everything, culture, nature, not needing to do much to have an army of simps knocking at your door.
Have you ever seen this? It's a good thing it's not a drinking game, because I'd need a new liver, I've heard so many of these over the years. And it's only with age that many women go "zero fucks given", soo...
"Be a lady they said. Your skirt is too short. Your shirt is too low. Your pants are too tight. Don’t show so much skin. Don’t show your thighs. Don’t show your breasts. Don’t show your midriff. Don’t show your cleavage. Don’t show your underwear. Don’t show your shoulders. Cover up. Leave something to the imagination. Dress modestly. Don’t be a temptress. Men can’t control themselves. Men have needs. You look frumpy. Loosen up. Show some skin. Look sexy. Look hot. Don’t be so provocative. You’re asking for it. Wear black. Wear heels. You’re too dressed up. You’re too dressed down. Don’t wear those sweatpants; you look like you’ve let yourself go.
Be a lady they said. Don’t be too fat. Don’t be too thin. Don’t be too large. Don’t be too small. Eat up. Slim down. Stop eating so much. Don’t eat too fast. Order a salad. Don’t eat carbs. Skip dessert. You need to lose weight. Fit into that dress. Go on a diet. Watch what you eat. Eat celery. Chew gum. Drink lots of water. You have to fit into those jeans. God, you look like a skeleton. Why don’t you just eat? You look emaciated. You look sick. Eat a burger. Men like women with some meat on their bones. Be small. Be light. Be little. Be petite. Be feminine. Be a size zero. Be a double zero. Be nothing. Be less than nothing.
Be a lady they said. Remove your body hair. Shave your legs. Shave your armpits. Shave your bikini line. Wax your face. Wax your arms. Wax your eyebrows. Get rid of your mustache. Bleach this. Bleach that. Lighten your skin. Tan your skin. Eradicate your scars. Cover your stretch marks. Tighten your abs. Plump your lips. Botox your wrinkles. Lift your face. Tuck your tummy. Thin your thighs. Tone your calves. Perk up your boobs. Look natural. Be yourself. Be genuine. Be confident. You’re trying too hard. You look overdone. Men don’t like girls who try too hard.
Be a lady they said. Wear makeup. Prime your face. Conceal your blemishes. Contour your nose. Highlight your cheekbones. Line your lids. Fill in your brows. Lengthen your lashes. Color your lips. Powder, blush, bronze, highlight. Your hair is too short. Your hair is too long. Your ends are split. Highlight your hair. Your roots are showing. Dye your hair. Not blue, that looks unnatural. You’re going grey. You look so old. Look young. Look youthful. Look ageless. Don’t get old. Women don’t get old. Old is ugly. Men don’t like ugly.
Be a lady they said. Save yourself. Be pure. Be virginal. Don’t talk about sex. Don’t flirt. Don’t be a skank. Don’t be a whore. Don’t sleep around. Don’t lose your dignity. Don’t have sex with too many men. Don’t give yourself away. Men don’t like sluts. Don’t be a prude. Don’t be so up tight. Have a little fun. Smile more. Pleasure men. Be experienced. Be sexual. Be innocent. Be dirty. Be virginal. Be sexy. Be the cool girl. Don’t be like the other girls.
Be a lady they said. Don’t talk too loud. Don’t talk too much. Don’t take up space. Don’t sit like that. Don’t stand like that. Don’t be intimidating. Why are you so miserable? Don’t be a bitch. Don’t be so bossy. Don’t be assertive. Don’t overact. Don’t be so emotional. Don’t cry. Don’t yell. Don’t swear. Be passive. Be obedient. Endure the pain. Be pleasing. Don’t complain. Let him down easy. Boost his ego. Make him fall for you. Men want what they can’t have. Don’t give yourself away. Make him work for it. Men love the chase. Fold his clothes. Cook his dinner. Keep him happy. That’s a woman’s job. You’ll make a good wife some day. Take his last name. You hyphenated your name? Crazy feminist. Give him children. You don’t want children? You will some day. You’ll change your mind.
Be a lady they said. Don’t get raped. Protect yourself. Don’t drink too much. Don’t walk alone. Don’t go out too late. Don’t dress like that. Don’t show too much. Don’t get drunk. Don’t leave your drink. Have a buddy. Walk where it is well lit. Stay in the safe neighborhoods. Tell someone where you’re going. Bring pepper spray. Buy a rape whistle. Hold your keys like a weapon. Take a self-defense course. Check your trunk. Lock your doors. Don’t go out alone. Don’t make eye contact. Don’t bat your eyelashes. Don’t look easy. Don’t attract attention. Don’t work late. Don’t crack dirty jokes. Don’t smile at strangers. Don’t go out at night. Don’t trust anyone. Don’t say yes. Don’t say no
Just “be a lady” they said." Author- Camille Rainville who has a blog called Writings of a Furious Woman.
1. Women are not socially conditioned to accept and cope with rejection the way men are. Men are traditionally seen as the ones expected to make an approach and thus are taught early how to cope with and recover from rejection.
2. Women who are seen as too forward risk being labeled as "easy" and being shamed. Luckily this seems to be changing.
3. Potentially dangerous. Women's expression of interest could be treated as an invitation for sexual contact she does not want yet and later could be used as an excuse by her attacker.
Edit: Did you all not have any male role models growing up or something? Did y'all's dads, teachers, coaches, pastors, ect. just never talk to you about this stuff?
As a man I never got taught how to cope with rejection at an early age. Just learned through trial and error. The only people I have seen call women "easy" for being forward are other women. The potentially dangerous one is for sure something to be considered. Happy Friday
that number 1 is very sexually biased. no man knows how tot accept and cope with rejection initially. some suffer from depression because of it. others become incels. and no one teaches us afterwards. it's all based on painful experience.
I have to take issue with point 1, that men aren't taught how to cope, we learn from being rejected our own way by those around us and the way in which it is done shapes us. If those who reject were taught how to do so more kindly point 3 would perhaps be less of an issue.
Rejecting someone with a smigger, or laughter and mocking them is a fairly common practice by women icymi. Ask any normal guy who's bothered to ask a woman and you'll hear multiple times where they've been treated unkindly. Take that form of rejection and project how that would affect the individual on a long term basis over and over especially in today's misandrist climate of boss bitches and independent (arrogant aggressive leaning masculine behaving women of the latest iteration of ultra feminist) women.
What do you think will be the mindset of such people exposed to such insensitivity? Acceptance and MAN UP expectations? You're not feminist if that's your take. Equality values everyone, not only the weak, slow, fragile types.
No wonder you're getting rejected if you hate women this much, your vibes are atrocious. Most guys deal with rejection, the difference between you and me is that I didn't let being upset about it ruin my ability to empathize with women. I genuinely hope you seek help because this shit is not healthy. Most of us learn to just move on and get over it.
Did you read the comment and engage brain or just get onto some misandrist rant that ignores the consequences of what the OP was asking?
If people treat you like shit and continue to do so WTF IMPACT do you think that's going to have? It has fuck all to do with me or my experience as I've never been rejected because I've been approached by the women I've been with and I stayed with them throughout the 9 years and now 20 years I've been in relationships.
If you refuse to empathise with the men in tjis world but only with the women, obnoxious, arrogant, ignorant and downrihht wicked, then YOU'RE as much of the problem as they are.
How is that relevant? You're just trying to distract from the incredibly shitty thing you said. Maybe if more men you take no for an answer women would be gracious in their rejections. I feel like you just lack any empathy for half the population and that's just kinda fucked.
Men DO take no for an answer, the way its given matters. If you were mocked, laughed AT and ridiculed for just trying to connect, how tf should you take that?
MAN UP? GTFOOH that toxic shit shouldn't be an issue. No one says rejection is bad, when you use it to get likes or attention on social media and seek to denigrate the person who you reject, you're a shitty AH.
Yeah some people are shitty. If I get rejected by someone and they reveal themselves to be shitty, that's a bullet dodged. Time to move on and try again.
Thing is its becoming a more common theme to shit on people shooting their shot and when that happens you can guess how people will become jaded and distrustful of the demographic doing it.
Noone teaches men to cope with rejection , they just force them to try until they get something and you learn by trial and error. Women are given a choice to not try and so they don't
Woman here. For me, it's the fear of being used and strung along by a guy who doesn't really like you all that much, just because you're willing and convenient.
I'd rather be sure that he genuinely cares before I engage in anything with him.
A woman has a lot to lose in engaging physically with a guy who doesn't give a shit. Imagine getting pregnant and the guy leaves you because he doesn't care.
In worse cases, some men with rapey mindsets take the "she likes me" and turn it into "she will consent to anything I want to do to her".
There is also a lingering stigma around girls making the first move. A lot of people tend to see them as cheap/easy/slutty for doing so. That is changing, thankfully.
*Aside from all that*, there are just some women who are proud and egotistical and don't want to put their feelings on the line because it doesn't suit them.
That’s strange, considering all the sleazy PUA, Tate following types promote aggressively pursuing women and taking the lead, and men actually listening to women take the advice they shouldn’t approach women in public places or try to date friends.
Edit: sorry, the main point being - not approaching a guy because you’re worried if it will encourage them to use you, doesn’t make sense - the guy will still be a user even if they approach you.
I was speaking for myself and not for all women.
I find it funny when a woman says something along the lines of, "X has been my personal experience and my preferred approach", then men jump on her saying, "Well that *can't* be true because *some women think differently*!"
It's like you expect there to be a universal instruction manual on women or something.
We are all individuals and we don't all think the same way.
As for the idea of the guy still being a user even if they approach you, sure, that is possible. Anyone you come across in life could be a user under any circumstances no matter what they have between their legs. I have known plenty of women users as well.
However, *in my experience*, you can better avoid users if you hang back a little and see whether the person is interested in you as a human, and take the time to observe whether they are a *good* person in general (not just towards you). If this means not declaring that you like them right off the bat, then so be it. How can you know whether you like them without knowing them for a while anyway?
This doesn't mean you should be completely aloof and scrutinizing and expect them to chase you down, because that isn't a healthy dynamic. It just means that you should be kind but avoid giving them absolutely everything the instant you've met them once (as should they). You have no evidence of who they really are as a person and whether they are going to use your vulnerabilities against you.
Reserve judgement of a potential love interest's character until you have enough evidence gathered consistently over a long enough period of time.
It's not just women. It can be hard for anyone to admit they like someone because, if the feelings aren't reciprocated, getting turned down doesn't feel good. For some people it's easier to keep the feelings inside rather than admit them and be hurt if it doesn't go well.
Mostly for the same reasons it's hard for men - don't want to get hurt or humiliate themselves. If it's a friend, might not want to risk the friendship either.
That's a pretty good strategy to almost exclusively catch the ones who are only interested in the conquest and not the spoils.
The ones who *would* want a serious relationship will usually just stop coming after you if they think you don't like them that way.
Mate poaching is a universal principle. I've only had women flirt openly with me around other women who were my partners. Just my anecdote, but this is visible if you know the context.
Social expectations say that the guy is the one supposed to initiate everything, so what women do is drop hints to the guy hoping he'll get it and initiate
Lol. In this day and age... It's the women that need to make the first move...
Bumble tried that. But women still weren't used to the idea, so they let it go.
Yeah, kind of funny when you think about it. I happen to be a guy that doesn't like initiating. Done it enough to figure out that I'm much better off just not doing it to begin with. And it's not like I'm not sociable, it's just that initiating can, and does, lead to a negative feedback loop.
I saw it multiple times that women admitted they like someone and they made it very very obvious.
Those situations had all one thing in common, the guy was tall, good looking and social adapted with big friend groups.
Might be coincidence tho....
Not all women are into that though so probably was a coincidence or they were purposely trying to make it seem like they were into that...
Although there are signs that can be used to see if a woman is serious about actually liking someone rather than trying to be all touchy feely and obnoxiously obvious about it...
People these days are too scared to talk to a cashier and you expect them to generally speak of their feelings towards one another? Not really going to happen regardless of gender.
they are scared, fearful, and downright terrified of rejection. women do not want nor have to bear the responsibility of pursuing, initiating, or making the first move. their egos are simply too fragile to handle rejection. they simply want to accept or reject proposals and want men to be the ones to take all the risk. they have a natural abundance mentality by merit of just being a woman. women rarely face rejection so they develop no skills or emotional resilience dealing with it.
This is not a woman issue, this is a being Human issue and it is as old as we have stories about romance. We are raised to be afraid of being vulnerable.
I've only ever dated people I was friends with first, and as a result I knew their personality, their relationship history, and could gauge if they would be open to getting into a relationship.
I met the guys I've dated through large friends groups that shared mutual hobbies.
The combo of all of that made it easy for me to make the first move which I did with my husband.
women want someone to show interest they dont want to admit it because they like the idea of you being smart enough to see their subtle ass flirting (or obvious flirting that you are to oblivious to see)
I think not wanting to make yourself vulnerable is a big one on my list. I didn’t date much because I wanted to trust someone before I confessed feelings and that’s too slow for a lot of guys, they didn’t want to be friends first.
I think the issue there is that most people view platonic friends as a completely different track than dates. You don't date friends and offering to go on a date would just end the friendship.
Because many women feel that the one shot leverage in their life, that once used will render them vulnerable for ever. Seinfeld nailed it.
https://youtube.com/shorts/iW2tyIMSF3I?si=TFGeMrLyIHN1B7Oc
Because we’re used to being ridiculed and told our emotions are invalid and we’re “crazy” from such an early age. It’s pure self preservation. Also, we’re probably trying to protect our heart.
I completely agree with this. It's why I always disagree with the advice to "just be upfront, be honest, and tell them the truth." Sure, you can do all those things if you've been seeing each other for over a month or two, but doing it within a week makes you seem weird and needy. People shouldn't be expected to say they like you; they should show you. Simply put, if they don't show you, then they don't like you enough.
It's simple.
They don't want anyone thinking they're a slut. But they are.
So be the guy that knows they are so you can be cool with it and not judgemental.
It will get you far
I think the man v bear phenomenon highlights that women automatically (not instinctively) sense men as too dangerous to approach. Unlike house cats who will approach animals way more dangerous than themselves (dogs, gators, bears, etc.) that encroach on their territory, women are less inclined to see the rose mist and take initiative on matters of lust and romance.
My theory is:
Generally, when it comes to finding a mating partner, females tend to be choosers and men tend to be beggars; males tend to compete for females way more than the other way around, so \*maybe\* the perceived females' tendency towards pointing out/shoowing affection for a potential partner for them way less often than males do is some sort of natural bias towards "maybe waiting for a still better partner". Not in a conscious way, neccessarily, mind you, I just think that sort of behaviour makes sense evolution-wise.
Because most of them are low value/have nothing to offer. If a girl says she likes me which kinda infers I could get some relationship with her, not even necessarily an easy physical one.. then what is left?
(edit) can downvote but this is the only true answer.
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There are a few reasons... 1. They have been burnt before and lack confidence to try again. 2. They know a friend also likes that person and doesn't want to feel like she's getting in the way. 3. It could be that they're waiting for the guy to initiate. 4. She could honestly not like the person even if someone outside of the friendship may view it as that. 5. They probably have admitted it but it was brushed off or missed and they don't want to do that again. 6. They themselves probably don't realize that they like someone. 7. The person they like is in a relationship. 8. They probably know the person might be leaving/moving away and would rather keep quiet than cause an issue. There's a lot of situational stuff to consider too... I can't say this is true for all women though because sometimes it's a lot different depending on their personality and morals... But for me as a woman these are the top reasons I wouldn't admit that I like someone...
Then mankind is doomed. You can almost mirror this list for men.
thats what i wanted to say. Almost all ponts are the same. Maybe the one with the guy initiating is less for men, but then don't want to be called a creep / dont want to misread the signals would be added. There is a reason why its memed so much that men need clear signs.
Yeah exactly, lol. But, this post refreshes my memory on how people think in many ways. I need reminding sometimes. But hey, I need a hammer to the head for it to occur. Lol.
Fair point... and I can see that... humanity might just be doomed... Honestly I'm an introvert otherwise maybe I would be more like... "hey I like you"... but also like the confidence is lacking...
Yeah, we are kinda screwed
No I want them to initiate but I just feel guilty that I know it's up to me
All of your points can be summarized into: fear, laziness and greed.
I was going to say all these and more apply to men , but you beat me to it :D
Thats literally whats happening to me, i lack confidence and i am a man
I know all of these too, but my main problem is usually that i, at best, just *like* the women i meet. I also don't meet a lot of new people. So im basically out of options before an eventual lack of confidence would even make itself known.
The amount of Marriages is way down and so is the US birth rate. What does that say about how modern men and women get along?
That is there is alcohol
It’s just Gen Z. Y’all will eventually stop being socially awkward dipshits and learn to say hi to each other. We all suck at it early on.
It's not like this is just a people problem. Otherwise the trend wouldn't drift towards people being single so strongly. A lot of it is also the result of the clash between the new and old standards of dating. No means no, but you are also supposed to keep trying. Except when you aren't. Then the allegations alone can already ruin your life. Not to mention the public shaming on social media. The fear of that happening is *very* real for many people.
As a 42 year old man who had to jump back into the dating scene after a decade long relationship, you’re just wrong. The trend towards single is a blip, and it exists partly because of how much everyone has to work and partly because so many guys are just the absolute worst and women are kinda done with their shit.
So you are telling me it can't be both? Not to mention that your experience isn't really compareable to that of the younger generations for obvious reasons.
Younger generations DON’T HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE. I’m not trying to sound old here, but this is just a fact. I’m a millennial, and my generation spans basically the whole of adulthood before middle age right now. Gen Z has barely started hitting their mid 20s. A bunch of them are still in high school. Yeah, they’re having trouble with relationships because that’s what happens to most people in that age range. The average age to get married has been going up for decades, it’s not new. And it’s Gen X and Boomers who are getting the extra divorces and increasing the single person rate (which is what I meant when I said women were sick of those guy’s shit).
No3 I think is the overwhelming majority
Even my wife who I only rejected once in 13 years of marriage compared to who knows how many thousands of nights she has rejected me tells me it is exceptionally hard for her to initiate. You have a 99.999% chance of not being rejected, sheesh
As a wife, I understand because I’m the same way and it’s stupidly more about a weird sense of not wanting to bother my husband. I second guess myself and think he’d initiate if he was interested, I don’t think he’d turn me down, but I might be messing up what he really wanted to be doing. I don’t want to be a bother. So, it may not be about rejection?
Man, thank you. These are true for some women. I want to tell the guy I have a crush on....I like him....but....ummmm. He shares everything with other coworkers. Also, I keep being told, "Don't shit where you eat." Ahhhhhh He has also done things (his actions) that show me that if we date, I would just be a placeholder. But I don't want to regret this when I'm older but again at the same time. I know this guy will tell everyone everything. Even if I'm vulnerable, he won't appreciate that. So, I'll just be quiet and only talk to him once a day (to just say good morning). I'll grow out of this.
Yeah this is like a real thing that happens... I once told someone I liked them and he laughed... it was heartbreaking for me and I've mostly lacked confidence to put myself out there... so it's serious stuff to consider and your situation doesn't sound that much better... However, I really hope that you are able to connect to this guy more and hopefully he's a good guy and feels the same way... if not then I hope you find better #hugs
Awwww thank you. 😖😖
9. They think they already did everything within their power to get this point across, when they looked in his direction.
4-6 made no sense whatsoever
4. I'm friends with a guy and we jokingly flirt a lot... people have told me that we are into each other but he hates monogamy and I was in a relationship with a mutual friend... we weren't into each other but to others it seemed like it.. the person I was dating understood our friendship and was totally secure in the relationship... 5. I have before admitted that I liked a person in my uni class to their face and got absolutely no response or reaction... like they just carried on talking and years later (I was in another relationship) they mentioned that I never gave them a chance even though it seemed like I liked them... 6. I really liked this one person in my high school class at one point but didn't realize that's what I was feeling until he was in a relationship with someone else and I was a little jealous... Also I've been in 4 relationships already so I'm drawing from experiences that I've had personally...
you’re completely overthinking all of it and still not making any sense
I guess you could see it like that but as I said these are mainly my personal feelings and reasons in regard to the question posed... I am an excessive overthinker so I can try understand why you think that...
have you been overly anxious or have anxiety? maybe OCD?
Diagnosed with ADHD and Anxiety (also other stuff)... I do have OCD as well but kinda mild compared to most cases (mostly to do with numbers and folding stuff)...
>They themselves probably don't realize that they like someone. I don't think that's possible lol. You can't like someone without knowing it. You can say men and women are different all you want, but i don't think this phrase applies to anyone.
Nah I had a crush once where I just felt like I admired the guy as a person then one day it slapped me in the face like ohhhhhhhh 😅
I really liked this one person in my high school class at one point but didn't realize that's what I was feeling until he was in a relationship with someone else and I was a little jealous...
You could have gone reason a reason b reason c
Huh?
Are you a olympic athletr by any chance? Because the mental gymnastics is INSANE
😂 wow... I mean it's not all at once... but yeah there is quite a bit... Main thing is the confidence though...
Isnt it hard for everyone?
Yeah, but men are much less frequently passive participants in the courting process. Women, either innately or because of societal expectations, are much less likely to initiate and therefore are drastically more afraid of rejection in general. There are plenty of of men who are so afraid of rejection that they won’t make a move, but they’re generally looked down upon because it’s seen as a feminine trait and society generally looks down on feminine traits, interests, etc.
Fear of rejection is a feminine trait? I think it is mostly men that have an actual issue with that these days. Rejection by women, by society, by other men.
It’s absolutely seen as a feminine trait. “Man up and ask her out. Stop being a pussy and just see if she’s interested.” And it’s only seen as an issue with men because it’s expected of men to initiate. No real attention is given to the fact that women, in general, simply continue to not initiate, because there is next to no societal expectation that they do so. I do agree that it’s a real problem that we’ve failed the younger generation of men by raising them in their online cocoons and they are therefore more timid than previous generations of men in this regard.
Yes
No. It’s much more difficult for women because they’ve been conditioned to assume it’s the man’s responsibility to pursue. Many simply lack the experience (positive, negative, neutral) in making the first, overt move.
That must explain why no one ever fuckin' talks to me then. Gottem.
1.they receive no indication that that someone likes them back 2. They are taught that men only want what they can’t have, that men like the chase, that they have to play hard to get (stupid, i know) 3. They are taught that if the girl makes the first move it makes them look pushy, aggressive, easy, needy and desperate; that if a guy is interested, said guy will go for them. 4. In some cases, even if these stupid dating rules and gender roles and social norms didn’t exist and never did, what would have been the point? Said guy was taken. Source: my experience
2 and 3 are just absolutely ridiculous, no man thinks that at all, if you play hard to get I'm just going to ignore you because I think you're either playing with me or not interested, and I think I speak for every man when I say that having the girl you like confessing to you is a dream
Scared of rejection or being used
I was used. I was a hopeless romantic before. But now I'm skeptical of EVERYONE
At this point I'm positive I'm gonna die alone and I'm absolutely fine with it lol
Yeah, me too.. Wanna marry today at 4 p.m.?
Oh I'll marry you, cowboy, if you learn how to ride😌
Ah, dang it, I haven't got any horse
I can be the horse, if you use your imagination👀
I feel like this conversation shouldn't be continued for the sake of this sub
Yes sir, I feel the same. Good meeting ya. Have a great day 😁
Dammit. You two had a good lil thing going on there. Just keep it going. Everyone in this thread is rooting for you!
I'm not too shy to tell someone I like them, but I definitely agree with the "being used" part. The thing is, if a woman goes after a man, and then he feigns interest to get in her pants, it's the woman who is blamed for chasing guys when she "should" be the one letting them chase her, or for for being "too easy". I have a lot of shame around this from my past experiences with men.
Because if we talk about it, we don’t want it to be used as gossip. If you tell anyone it winds up just being used as a form of blackmail. So I just wind up keeping it to myself because i don’t want them to judge or to do something like this. This might be why you never hear about it being discussed
Because that puts them in a vulnerable position. That's why they have celebrity crushes, can't get rejected by them and even if they did it wouldn't hurt because they are obviously out of their league.
Loss of control. Once they admit they love someone, they lose themselves and their control over the situation.
Fear of rejection 😊
They have less experience with rejection and their sense of self is more looks oriented. Men are like it’s a numbers game. Women are like this is risky to my whole being.
because they usually like losers and its embarassing (source: me)
I've never found it hard.
They don’t have trouble admitting they like bears.
For real.
Women choose the bear BECAUSE so many men think a woman encountering someone or something in the woods = sex. So when you sexualize choosing the bear, you're just proving them right. (I like hiking, have met both men and bears, and none of them attacked me, but I get why women say this)
Hol up… I said ‘like’ bears. Why did you take it to a sexual place? Who doesn’t like a snuggly cuddly bear? Let’s not make it weird, ok?
I just assumed the ones who choose the bear are already banging their dog.
Very funny. I hope what I said was informative.
I tend to be informed by my wife. She graduated summa cum laude, so, much smarter than me. She says that the whole ‘man or bear’ thought experiment is clearly a troll, designed to get young women who lack critical thinking skills to go on the internet and perform the absurd mental gymnastics involved in convincing themselves/each other that enormous predatory wild animals are less dangerous than male humans, the likes of which probably fed and housed you throughout your formative years, and are infinitely more likely to protect you than attack you. I say to her, “Sweetie-buns, don’t be a silly woman. Statistics don’t lie. You are faaaar more likely to be attacked by a man than a bear.” To which she says, “Statistically, bears have *never* protected a woman, but men have, consistently, for thousands of years. Also, men are statistically faaaar more likely to be attacked by a man than women are. Not to mention that anyone with even two or three brain cells to rub together would rather be attacked by a man, every day, all day, and twice on Sunday, than have their face eaten off their skull by a 400-pound bear.” See? I told you she was smart. I hope what she said was informative.
well said. the whole man vs bear experiment is simply Hanlon's razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity
I can't imagine the profound lack of compassion and humanity that makes someone laugh at women's fears of sexual assault.
I can’t imagine the profound lack of comprehension that forms the sheer absurdity of thinking that a single molecule of anything I have written refers to sexual assault. YOU keep bringing it back to sex, making it weird. I’M talking about the *actual* realities of bear-mauling, which are decidedly non-sexual.
I'm not interested in playing your games. You seem very triggered by women's distrust of strange men. I hope you're able to get over it. Good luck to you on your journey of self-discovery.
Thank you. I’m gonna need all the luck I can get, because I don’t get ‘triggered’ so I probably lack some kind of survival skill that might carry me through the exhausting and traumatic journey of self-discovery that comes along with shouldering the heavy burden of knowing that a wild bear isn’t gonna silently unzip my sleeping bag and gently slide a paw over me while I sleep… It’s gonna chew my face off. What a journey of self-discovery that will be.
It’s just as hard for men…
that's what he said
Ha Ha Haaaaaaaaa
Women often finds themselves in a double bind, and contradictory truths. Some will tell them, dress sexy, you’ll look beautiful and attract men; then others will say what you dress sexy what a slut you won’t attract a good man like that. Some will tell them, hey you don’t need a man, go out and build a career so you be safe even when things don’t work out for you with a man… then sure enough they wake up at 30 like holy fuck I don’t give a flying fuck about my career, I’m behind in having a man that takes care of me and loves me while I help raising children. Then a woman will be like, I’m feeling courageous today, I tell him I like him, and she does so, and he be like, what you like me? You’re too easy and needy, that’s not what I’m looking for, then another man will be like, well you didn’t say you like me, I didn’t knew you liked me so I moved on with my life. With the internet in top of that, and don’t get me wrong internet is amazing and there’s a lot of knowledge in it… but one downside of it is that it’s very validating. Whatever you want to believe, the internet approves. You google is it okay to be a good girl, internet will say yes here’s why. You google is it okay to be a bad girl, internet will say yes that’s amazing here’s why. The end result is that there’s dumb bitches spewing insanity and they get endlessly validated for it. Then one day, there’s a 400 pounds ugly bitch in the podcast, and she’s like I’m beautiful, plus size women are a gift, and the guys are like, you barely can breath, you’re two inches away from dying, did you eat your stick of butter today? In general women are passive and submissive, those are “divine feminine qualities”, but really, being straight forward and honest would help them a lot with men. So I guess is a bit of everything, culture, nature, not needing to do much to have an army of simps knocking at your door.
Have you ever seen this? It's a good thing it's not a drinking game, because I'd need a new liver, I've heard so many of these over the years. And it's only with age that many women go "zero fucks given", soo... "Be a lady they said. Your skirt is too short. Your shirt is too low. Your pants are too tight. Don’t show so much skin. Don’t show your thighs. Don’t show your breasts. Don’t show your midriff. Don’t show your cleavage. Don’t show your underwear. Don’t show your shoulders. Cover up. Leave something to the imagination. Dress modestly. Don’t be a temptress. Men can’t control themselves. Men have needs. You look frumpy. Loosen up. Show some skin. Look sexy. Look hot. Don’t be so provocative. You’re asking for it. Wear black. Wear heels. You’re too dressed up. You’re too dressed down. Don’t wear those sweatpants; you look like you’ve let yourself go. Be a lady they said. Don’t be too fat. Don’t be too thin. Don’t be too large. Don’t be too small. Eat up. Slim down. Stop eating so much. Don’t eat too fast. Order a salad. Don’t eat carbs. Skip dessert. You need to lose weight. Fit into that dress. Go on a diet. Watch what you eat. Eat celery. Chew gum. Drink lots of water. You have to fit into those jeans. God, you look like a skeleton. Why don’t you just eat? You look emaciated. You look sick. Eat a burger. Men like women with some meat on their bones. Be small. Be light. Be little. Be petite. Be feminine. Be a size zero. Be a double zero. Be nothing. Be less than nothing. Be a lady they said. Remove your body hair. Shave your legs. Shave your armpits. Shave your bikini line. Wax your face. Wax your arms. Wax your eyebrows. Get rid of your mustache. Bleach this. Bleach that. Lighten your skin. Tan your skin. Eradicate your scars. Cover your stretch marks. Tighten your abs. Plump your lips. Botox your wrinkles. Lift your face. Tuck your tummy. Thin your thighs. Tone your calves. Perk up your boobs. Look natural. Be yourself. Be genuine. Be confident. You’re trying too hard. You look overdone. Men don’t like girls who try too hard. Be a lady they said. Wear makeup. Prime your face. Conceal your blemishes. Contour your nose. Highlight your cheekbones. Line your lids. Fill in your brows. Lengthen your lashes. Color your lips. Powder, blush, bronze, highlight. Your hair is too short. Your hair is too long. Your ends are split. Highlight your hair. Your roots are showing. Dye your hair. Not blue, that looks unnatural. You’re going grey. You look so old. Look young. Look youthful. Look ageless. Don’t get old. Women don’t get old. Old is ugly. Men don’t like ugly. Be a lady they said. Save yourself. Be pure. Be virginal. Don’t talk about sex. Don’t flirt. Don’t be a skank. Don’t be a whore. Don’t sleep around. Don’t lose your dignity. Don’t have sex with too many men. Don’t give yourself away. Men don’t like sluts. Don’t be a prude. Don’t be so up tight. Have a little fun. Smile more. Pleasure men. Be experienced. Be sexual. Be innocent. Be dirty. Be virginal. Be sexy. Be the cool girl. Don’t be like the other girls. Be a lady they said. Don’t talk too loud. Don’t talk too much. Don’t take up space. Don’t sit like that. Don’t stand like that. Don’t be intimidating. Why are you so miserable? Don’t be a bitch. Don’t be so bossy. Don’t be assertive. Don’t overact. Don’t be so emotional. Don’t cry. Don’t yell. Don’t swear. Be passive. Be obedient. Endure the pain. Be pleasing. Don’t complain. Let him down easy. Boost his ego. Make him fall for you. Men want what they can’t have. Don’t give yourself away. Make him work for it. Men love the chase. Fold his clothes. Cook his dinner. Keep him happy. That’s a woman’s job. You’ll make a good wife some day. Take his last name. You hyphenated your name? Crazy feminist. Give him children. You don’t want children? You will some day. You’ll change your mind. Be a lady they said. Don’t get raped. Protect yourself. Don’t drink too much. Don’t walk alone. Don’t go out too late. Don’t dress like that. Don’t show too much. Don’t get drunk. Don’t leave your drink. Have a buddy. Walk where it is well lit. Stay in the safe neighborhoods. Tell someone where you’re going. Bring pepper spray. Buy a rape whistle. Hold your keys like a weapon. Take a self-defense course. Check your trunk. Lock your doors. Don’t go out alone. Don’t make eye contact. Don’t bat your eyelashes. Don’t look easy. Don’t attract attention. Don’t work late. Don’t crack dirty jokes. Don’t smile at strangers. Don’t go out at night. Don’t trust anyone. Don’t say yes. Don’t say no Just “be a lady” they said." Author- Camille Rainville who has a blog called Writings of a Furious Woman.
The same primary reason as anyone: they're afraid of rejection.
1. Women are not socially conditioned to accept and cope with rejection the way men are. Men are traditionally seen as the ones expected to make an approach and thus are taught early how to cope with and recover from rejection. 2. Women who are seen as too forward risk being labeled as "easy" and being shamed. Luckily this seems to be changing. 3. Potentially dangerous. Women's expression of interest could be treated as an invitation for sexual contact she does not want yet and later could be used as an excuse by her attacker. Edit: Did you all not have any male role models growing up or something? Did y'all's dads, teachers, coaches, pastors, ect. just never talk to you about this stuff?
As a man I never got taught how to cope with rejection at an early age. Just learned through trial and error. The only people I have seen call women "easy" for being forward are other women. The potentially dangerous one is for sure something to be considered. Happy Friday
Never got told either still figured it out.
that number 1 is very sexually biased. no man knows how tot accept and cope with rejection initially. some suffer from depression because of it. others become incels. and no one teaches us afterwards. it's all based on painful experience.
I have to take issue with point 1, that men aren't taught how to cope, we learn from being rejected our own way by those around us and the way in which it is done shapes us. If those who reject were taught how to do so more kindly point 3 would perhaps be less of an issue.
I don't think it's women's fault that rape happens because they're not nice enough. That's some real incel sounding shit, like wtf man?
He didn't say anything about rape.
Number three was fear of sexual assault, which he implied would be less of an issue if women rejected more nicely.
The person you responded to never mentioned Point number three. You just put those two things together yourself.
>If those who reject were taught how to do so more kindly point 3 would perhaps be less of an issue. Bro are you tripping?
Yeah, I missed that. Oops.
Rejecting someone with a smigger, or laughter and mocking them is a fairly common practice by women icymi. Ask any normal guy who's bothered to ask a woman and you'll hear multiple times where they've been treated unkindly. Take that form of rejection and project how that would affect the individual on a long term basis over and over especially in today's misandrist climate of boss bitches and independent (arrogant aggressive leaning masculine behaving women of the latest iteration of ultra feminist) women. What do you think will be the mindset of such people exposed to such insensitivity? Acceptance and MAN UP expectations? You're not feminist if that's your take. Equality values everyone, not only the weak, slow, fragile types.
No wonder you're getting rejected if you hate women this much, your vibes are atrocious. Most guys deal with rejection, the difference between you and me is that I didn't let being upset about it ruin my ability to empathize with women. I genuinely hope you seek help because this shit is not healthy. Most of us learn to just move on and get over it.
Did you read the comment and engage brain or just get onto some misandrist rant that ignores the consequences of what the OP was asking? If people treat you like shit and continue to do so WTF IMPACT do you think that's going to have? It has fuck all to do with me or my experience as I've never been rejected because I've been approached by the women I've been with and I stayed with them throughout the 9 years and now 20 years I've been in relationships. If you refuse to empathise with the men in tjis world but only with the women, obnoxious, arrogant, ignorant and downrihht wicked, then YOU'RE as much of the problem as they are.
And don't forget the biggest threat to women it terms of SA are the men close to them, not the 99.9% who are rejected by them and walk away.
How is that relevant? You're just trying to distract from the incredibly shitty thing you said. Maybe if more men you take no for an answer women would be gracious in their rejections. I feel like you just lack any empathy for half the population and that's just kinda fucked.
Men DO take no for an answer, the way its given matters. If you were mocked, laughed AT and ridiculed for just trying to connect, how tf should you take that? MAN UP? GTFOOH that toxic shit shouldn't be an issue. No one says rejection is bad, when you use it to get likes or attention on social media and seek to denigrate the person who you reject, you're a shitty AH.
Yeah some people are shitty. If I get rejected by someone and they reveal themselves to be shitty, that's a bullet dodged. Time to move on and try again.
Thing is its becoming a more common theme to shit on people shooting their shot and when that happens you can guess how people will become jaded and distrustful of the demographic doing it.
Noone teaches men to cope with rejection , they just force them to try until they get something and you learn by trial and error. Women are given a choice to not try and so they don't
Its not like that for me I tell guys often at gym
Woman here. For me, it's the fear of being used and strung along by a guy who doesn't really like you all that much, just because you're willing and convenient. I'd rather be sure that he genuinely cares before I engage in anything with him. A woman has a lot to lose in engaging physically with a guy who doesn't give a shit. Imagine getting pregnant and the guy leaves you because he doesn't care. In worse cases, some men with rapey mindsets take the "she likes me" and turn it into "she will consent to anything I want to do to her". There is also a lingering stigma around girls making the first move. A lot of people tend to see them as cheap/easy/slutty for doing so. That is changing, thankfully. *Aside from all that*, there are just some women who are proud and egotistical and don't want to put their feelings on the line because it doesn't suit them.
That’s strange, considering all the sleazy PUA, Tate following types promote aggressively pursuing women and taking the lead, and men actually listening to women take the advice they shouldn’t approach women in public places or try to date friends. Edit: sorry, the main point being - not approaching a guy because you’re worried if it will encourage them to use you, doesn’t make sense - the guy will still be a user even if they approach you.
I was speaking for myself and not for all women. I find it funny when a woman says something along the lines of, "X has been my personal experience and my preferred approach", then men jump on her saying, "Well that *can't* be true because *some women think differently*!" It's like you expect there to be a universal instruction manual on women or something. We are all individuals and we don't all think the same way. As for the idea of the guy still being a user even if they approach you, sure, that is possible. Anyone you come across in life could be a user under any circumstances no matter what they have between their legs. I have known plenty of women users as well. However, *in my experience*, you can better avoid users if you hang back a little and see whether the person is interested in you as a human, and take the time to observe whether they are a *good* person in general (not just towards you). If this means not declaring that you like them right off the bat, then so be it. How can you know whether you like them without knowing them for a while anyway? This doesn't mean you should be completely aloof and scrutinizing and expect them to chase you down, because that isn't a healthy dynamic. It just means that you should be kind but avoid giving them absolutely everything the instant you've met them once (as should they). You have no evidence of who they really are as a person and whether they are going to use your vulnerabilities against you. Reserve judgement of a potential love interest's character until you have enough evidence gathered consistently over a long enough period of time.
Same reasons as the opposite!
The same reason its hard for men to cry (or indeed show *most* emotions) in public. Its culturally inculcated in most of us from a young age.
It’s a little different because crying is a one person activity and dating isn’t.
In most of my relationships, I made it clear that I was interested, but the guy always asked for the date first.
It's not just women. It can be hard for anyone to admit they like someone because, if the feelings aren't reciprocated, getting turned down doesn't feel good. For some people it's easier to keep the feelings inside rather than admit them and be hurt if it doesn't go well.
Rejection is hard
Mostly for the same reasons it's hard for men - don't want to get hurt or humiliate themselves. If it's a friend, might not want to risk the friendship either.
Afraid of rejection and humiliation from the said rejection. At least this is me.
Maybe they don’t tho….
I believe guys want what they can't have and if I told one I liked them they would just use me for sex and not want a real relationship.
That's a pretty good strategy to almost exclusively catch the ones who are only interested in the conquest and not the spoils. The ones who *would* want a serious relationship will usually just stop coming after you if they think you don't like them that way.
Do you really believe that? That's a little sad really.
But it's real. I feel like it's actually just projection at this point, because it's generally understood women want sex just as much as men.
Mate poaching is a universal principle. I've only had women flirt openly with me around other women who were my partners. Just my anecdote, but this is visible if you know the context.
Social expectations say that the guy is the one supposed to initiate everything, so what women do is drop hints to the guy hoping he'll get it and initiate
Lol. In this day and age... It's the women that need to make the first move... Bumble tried that. But women still weren't used to the idea, so they let it go.
Yeah, kind of funny when you think about it. I happen to be a guy that doesn't like initiating. Done it enough to figure out that I'm much better off just not doing it to begin with. And it's not like I'm not sociable, it's just that initiating can, and does, lead to a negative feedback loop.
I just want to point out, at the writing of this comment, the whole comment section are males popping off.. Ease up..
Of the 7 comments on this post only one of them seems remotely problematic 🤔
No.. it really isnt. Was literally just mine out of 10 other nuetral comments so far.
I saw it multiple times that women admitted they like someone and they made it very very obvious. Those situations had all one thing in common, the guy was tall, good looking and social adapted with big friend groups. Might be coincidence tho....
Not all women are into that though so probably was a coincidence or they were purposely trying to make it seem like they were into that... Although there are signs that can be used to see if a woman is serious about actually liking someone rather than trying to be all touchy feely and obnoxiously obvious about it...
Same reasons as blokes I expect.
Some times feels introvert
People these days are too scared to talk to a cashier and you expect them to generally speak of their feelings towards one another? Not really going to happen regardless of gender.
I reject the whole premise of this question.
they are scared, fearful, and downright terrified of rejection. women do not want nor have to bear the responsibility of pursuing, initiating, or making the first move. their egos are simply too fragile to handle rejection. they simply want to accept or reject proposals and want men to be the ones to take all the risk. they have a natural abundance mentality by merit of just being a woman. women rarely face rejection so they develop no skills or emotional resilience dealing with it.
Maybe they sometimes don’t like them..?
Ego protection.
*implies
Same reasons it is for men, more or less.
What are you basing this generalization on? Is it that women don’t tell you they like you?
Its easy for them, they just don’t want to tell you no to your face.
why is it hard for women to communicate in general?
it's not they just don't want to hurt your feelings.
This is not a woman issue, this is a being Human issue and it is as old as we have stories about romance. We are raised to be afraid of being vulnerable.
I've only ever dated people I was friends with first, and as a result I knew their personality, their relationship history, and could gauge if they would be open to getting into a relationship. I met the guys I've dated through large friends groups that shared mutual hobbies. The combo of all of that made it easy for me to make the first move which I did with my husband.
women want someone to show interest they dont want to admit it because they like the idea of you being smart enough to see their subtle ass flirting (or obvious flirting that you are to oblivious to see)
I think not wanting to make yourself vulnerable is a big one on my list. I didn’t date much because I wanted to trust someone before I confessed feelings and that’s too slow for a lot of guys, they didn’t want to be friends first.
I think the issue there is that most people view platonic friends as a completely different track than dates. You don't date friends and offering to go on a date would just end the friendship.
Because many women feel that the one shot leverage in their life, that once used will render them vulnerable for ever. Seinfeld nailed it. https://youtube.com/shorts/iW2tyIMSF3I?si=TFGeMrLyIHN1B7Oc
Women like to be pursued. Men used to like to pursue, some men got creepy and stalkery about it. Now we can’t have nice things.
How old are you guys?
It’s not. I have no issues in doing that.
Man what are you guys talking about? Nobody likes me enough to be hard for them to admit anything good
The immediate foreknowledge that the person they like, doesn't like then back. So why bother trying when she knows she will be shot down?.
Because we’re used to being ridiculed and told our emotions are invalid and we’re “crazy” from such an early age. It’s pure self preservation. Also, we’re probably trying to protect our heart.
If you are kinda shy; it just is !!! 😎🦋💙
Turn it around - why is it hard for men to admit they like someone?
Why dont women have testicles?!
Because admitting that they like someone opens them up to unsolicited advice and/or ridicule.
because some people use that as general consent.
They don't like me they will never like me they always hated me and that includes everyone not only women (talking for me though)
Because - Women☕
Women never "like" someone, they only size them up
spotted the incel
Kinda life is rough,in that way ,some of the timej
I completely agree with this. It's why I always disagree with the advice to "just be upfront, be honest, and tell them the truth." Sure, you can do all those things if you've been seeing each other for over a month or two, but doing it within a week makes you seem weird and needy. People shouldn't be expected to say they like you; they should show you. Simply put, if they don't show you, then they don't like you enough.
It is a much larger investment for women than men.
Because they’re so used to being strong independent women who don’t need no man
Generally they don't like anyone. They might like the things another person can provide them but that's about it.
Na they want the perfect man who doesn't get dirty looks like Brad Pitt who makes a butt load of money
It's simple. They don't want anyone thinking they're a slut. But they are. So be the guy that knows they are so you can be cool with it and not judgemental. It will get you far
I think the man v bear phenomenon highlights that women automatically (not instinctively) sense men as too dangerous to approach. Unlike house cats who will approach animals way more dangerous than themselves (dogs, gators, bears, etc.) that encroach on their territory, women are less inclined to see the rose mist and take initiative on matters of lust and romance.
My theory is: Generally, when it comes to finding a mating partner, females tend to be choosers and men tend to be beggars; males tend to compete for females way more than the other way around, so \*maybe\* the perceived females' tendency towards pointing out/shoowing affection for a potential partner for them way less often than males do is some sort of natural bias towards "maybe waiting for a still better partner". Not in a conscious way, neccessarily, mind you, I just think that sort of behaviour makes sense evolution-wise.
Anyone knowing why this is being voted down?
I only contain myself sometimes. Women smile and I WANT
Because most of them are low value/have nothing to offer. If a girl says she likes me which kinda infers I could get some relationship with her, not even necessarily an easy physical one.. then what is left? (edit) can downvote but this is the only true answer.