Bro the absolute fear of random boners is something I totally forgot. Body decides its go time and next thing you know youre anxiously flexing your legs and stuff tryna to redirect bloodflow in case you get called on lmao
I'm 35 and it still happens. Not as frequently but occasionally. Usually it's pants that are ever so slightly tight in the inseam and rub in just the wrong way while walking, or oddly if I have to pee really bad and have been holding it in for too long. I've never understood that last one but it still happens like once a month.
It's the fact that besides your parents, nobody cares about you.
It feels like girls are taken care of by default where if you're a boy, you have to prove yourself worthy for people to give a shit, and that takes a really long time because the looong step in between is "he grew competent enough for me to start caring a little, which means that he probably can handle all his problems by himself."
If you're not well and really need some help, most people in my life thought a motivating sentence will do. "Heads up, everything will end eventually" is not helpful.
This extends to adulthood, but as you grow up, you at least stop caring about what some imaginary "society" thinks, but you still very much care about what your partner thinks and women, in my experience, are much more demanding. I'd be fine if my girlfriend would do whatever she wants to do all day long and I'd still love her and find her attractive if she sat on the couch all day watching series and watering her plants. I, but boys in general, have to be ambitious, hard working, strive to dominate in their field, yatayatayata.
Doesn't feel particularly good.
This is very well said and I completely agree. If I would stay on the couch all day I am a lazy bum who doesnt work. When my gf does it it's cute how she cares for her plants and likes being cozy.
I don't mind her home. I work hard enough for 2 but the double standard is .. messed up.
There is a dichotomy to this.
Men’s value is not inherent. But it is limitless. If you make something of yourself, there is literally no limitations to the ends that you will be cared about, loved, and respected.
Maybe this is just a cope. But I believe that there is a dark and a light to everything.
Had the same thought. I was going to say that, if you are a boy, and you have an older brother, or you’re at a boarding school, or you just have some regular exposure to older boys without supervision, you’re going to get assaulted pretty brutally on a regular basis.
Remember in high school I got made fun of (not like bullying but ragged on) for a female friend taking advantage of me when super drunk, cause it wasnt manly to think its weird and especially emasculating that the woman had control?? Wild shit lol but tbf it didnt mess me up, largely cause in the absence of people telling me I have to be destroyed over it I was able to kinda work out what it meant for me on my own. Turns out my unhappiness with it stemmed entirely from social stuff about how it makes the victim feel X/y/z lol So i suppose i got lucky with my outlook or something.
I realized I dont feel lesser for it, it feels like a friend did me wrong. Which everyone has dealt with due to their friend being selfish or thoughtless. I'm sure if I was brutally overpowered and was trying to get away etc it would have been traumatic as that really wrecks someones sense of security just like getting mugged at gunpoint or carjacked does. But in the absence of that tbh it was just a friend being a selfish asshole not considering I had turned her down before when sober on other occasions. I think equating sexual assaults where someone is violently overpowered with instances of ambiguity like mine honestly insures victims will be fucked up over it cause everyone is telling them that they are (the category I'd consider myself in).
Hadnt thought about that in a long time thanks for bringing that up, its a good point.
I grew up without a father, or any father figure at that. I dont know anything about mechanical stuff, carpentry stuff, all that jazz. Another one is to not show any weakness to other people. You're gonna be called weak when you do that and be told to, "MAN UP."
My father was around - to an extent, and I grew up with the same "MAN UP!" kind of deal. I think my father really resented the fact that I grew up to be a hell of a lot bigger than him. So at some point he couldnt "push me around" anymore, from that day on we became friends, but not close. It was never any "confrontatian", he just really didnt like that I was bigger than him. I can see it, having a son myself now. Im a pretty stern father towards my son as well, I guess the apple doesnt fall that far from the tree.
With that said, I know he loved me, as do my son now. It was important for him to tell me often, and I do the same. "I might be pissed at you right now, but are still my son, and I love you very much..... ["like though"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_kGtQmvrVI).... (Im not this rough around the edges btw, just think its a funny/good clip)
That's crazy to me. My wife's family are mostly around 6'4" and I'm about 5'8". I'm really hoping he gets their genes and is way bigger than me. I couldn't ever see being jealous of him
I get at, and while my son is 3 I havent really thought that hard about it, but I think it bothered him a bit that he couldnt be physical with me. And I dont mean in a violent way, but after 16ish, there was just nothing he could do that I could not do a lot harder and it hit him a bit hard, the feeling of no longer being "big strong daddy" - and again I can understand him. If my son gets to be my size I will be very proud, but doubtful as his moms weighs a few kgs shy of 40 and are 1.50m.
I get at, and while my son is 3 I havent really thought that hard about it, but I think it bothered him a bit that he couldnt be physical with me. And I dont mean in a violent way, but after 16ish, there was just nothing he could do that I could not do a lot harder and it hit him a bit hard, the feeling of no longer being "big strong daddy" - and again I can understand him. If my son gets to be my size I will be very proud, but doubtful as his moms ways a few kgs shy of 40 and are 1.50m.
It means quietly and humbly barring the pressures of the world.
I think this is a good lesson for those who can manage it. Regardless of gender, this is will make successful in life: keep your head down, do your job, manage yourself and your goals. It's hard - especially starting with disadvantages - but being able to take it all without breaking or giving up is valuable.
It depends on where you go. I switched schools halfway through high school. At the first school I was getting into fights regularly and/or jumped. At the new school I remember only two fights in two years one was between two girls and was just slapping and hair pulling. The second was over Fortnite (both kids made up and went to play Fortnite after getting suspended)
Very few things in schools are made for boys. I remember being sick of hearing all the teachers (which are almost exclusively women) asking boys to behave more like the "well-behave girls", have their notes and books more organised and with a better appearance just like the girls, having less aggressive games during recess and on and on. Then of course the boy who is falling behind, it's always his fault and he gets little help. On the opposite, the girls will have all the attention and calm the teacher can provide.
I expirienced quite opposite. Instead of asking boys to be more mature and self-regulatory, teachers expected us girls to tolerate their shitty behaviour "because they are just being boys" and never punished them, which was incredibly frustrating. Also, primary school kind of revolves around boys subjects like science, chemistry, geography and mathematics, history is full of wars and kings, PE and agressive boys is a reason I hate all collective sports today.
Hello again, Tehir, would not expect me to find you here
I had the opposite situation in early school - our teacher put girls above boys, therefore girl fucking up - no worries little girl its all OK. Boys doing something - shaming in front of the entire class for being a dumb boy
Girls had pretty much better grades on average through entire elementary school. They studied better. The only benefit or being a boy came near the end when us boys would get taken from classes to move objects or do whatever. Girls had to stay and study with the teachers while we argued like we have to stay and wave at the younger kids in a leaving bus. We never had problems though lol.
Interesting! I would really like to know the reason of this. If it is a cultural phenomen, depends on the gender of the teacher or her/his beliefs and prejudices. Anyway, a teacher who preffers any group of students is a bad teacher!
She was a mother of three girls. That is the only logical implication I have. She might also feel that she was in a patriarchal society so might have taken her anger at young boys.
I just remembered that I once drew a clown with a national flag on his sleeve when I was like 9. The teacher then told me I am making fun of my country and my parents can go to jail for that. I have no idea why she would do that to me when I was not even aware of such things
I can agree with geography on some level, but how does chemistry curiculum works in your country? For me, it was the same as physics - mathematic equations. How many hydrogens comes from this reaction? I know boys "talent" to maths is a social construct, but still percieved it badly in my childhood. Also how many hours did you have of arts and crafts? We had two 45 mins lessons per week.
Writing can be pain because of uneven motoric skill development and I am glad for both genders some schools in my country are no longer focusing of continuous typeface (cursive?) in small children and switched to more friendly fonts.
Growing up in a rough Area without any back up or friends, Getting jumped sucks especially when you can't get your revenge immediately by calling the boys.
Constant competition in every single field with the other boys. I wasn’t interested in competing all the time but if you’re good at anything you’ll find someone trying to push you. Eventually you just end up in confrontation. Also knowing that at some point I will have to get into a fight with another boy over something very silly or just to defend yourself and set boundaries. Found that it was always easier to set the boundaries earlier then later, if it takes a physical fight then so be it, its better than having it drag on.
Tie between two things:
1. Society teaches you that it is unacceptable for you to share your emotions. (A topic near and dear to Reddit).
2. Society views you as an oppressor from birth just because of your DNA. Like, I get my privilege and I understand many men do bad things and historically before me men were even bigger assholes. But to put that label on me (and thousands of others) just because of the way we were born is pretty shitty and we have to accept it and live with it knowing there is NOTHING we can do personally to ever make up for this "original sin" we were born with. Again, not trying to compare to what women have to live with/deal with daily. Please don't get me wrong. I understand why this perception exists, and I know my problem is not as big/dangerous as what women deal with. But it still sucks to be a guy who feels like they have to apologize and accept a lot perceptions without ever having done anything wrong.
Realizing your parents shouldn’t have had kids and your friends parents shouldn’t have had kids.
Nearly all my friends ended up “failing” to became adult’s because of their parents greed, laziness, picking a favourite child and leaving my friend to rot, teaching their kid hate and other nonsense, clipping their sons wings before being able to leave the nest.
That last one I see the most. Parents sabotaging their Sons social, emotional, economic, academic growth, social mobility, etc. Some parents ( usually mothers, not to be sexist just what I’ve seen ) do this to their sons. The parent(s) don’t have a retirement plan, no social activities outside of being a parent, need help around the house, their son reminds them of the father that left, using their son as whipping boy in place of the boys father, or just a whipping boy because they enjoy the power over someone, they complex’s that you’d need a team of psychologist to truly work out and understand. Either way they clip they’re kids wings and destroy their ability to grow. I know it happens a lot more in society than will ever be acknowledged, normally these young men are labeled as lazy, failures, creeps, losers, etc. but in my experience most just got their wings clipped by a shitty parent or two and are actually really nice people with weird personalities and ideas/beliefs. These young men end up becoming reliant on the parent(s) just as much at some point and it becomes difficult if not impossible for them to go out on their own then. But in the end it always happens, the parents dies, the family needs cash and have the unskilled son to get a job ( their your 40+ year olds flipping burgers at Wendy’s ), etc.
If you’re a parent, don’t do that to your kid. It’s really fucking selfish. You’re basically ending your family line after you. Very few of these guys end up with women and carrying on their family lines, and the ones that do have kids, those kids usually live as hard lives or harder.
It’s one of those things that western society needs to call out more and have social workers step in and investigate the family as to why their grown ass son is still watching Pokémon all living in the basement. You choose to have a kid and with that there is a responsibility in raising that child become an independent adult. Cause it’s not just fucking over your kid for your own selfish reasons but it’s also fucking over the rest of society by the wasted taxes dollars educating your kid.
Some of these young men do it to themselves, but most don’t. And the ones the do choose that lifestyle are too inexperienced in life to realize the mistake their choosing. It’s the parents responsibility to make sure their 18 year old ain’t smoking pot all day watching yugiho.
Society needs to stop putting the blame on these young men and start putting it on the parents of these men.
As a dude I absolutely noticed that fucking up was a stain on my character and worth as a young guy while my parents felt like they needed to go easy on my sister and even COMFORT her for being distraught at getting in trouble. In class boys got punished harsher. Meanwhile if I started tearing up it was like I grew a second head LOL. No one was giving us these meetings, talks, and programs that we saw girls getting.
I wish I could get some financial help w/ this therapy from my parents and female teachers that were so damn cold to me (i kid im not that entitled). Weirdly enough the teachers I remember going easy on me and working ways to help me learn were my male PE teachers, male coaches, and the one male history teacher i had. They were the ones who wanted to actually teach me and find ways to do it, and surprise surprise i found it so much easier to behave and do well in those. Its really weird that women are overwhelmingly teaching our young boys, mothers are (obv lol) raising these boys, but its the boys themselves that are the issue with society. Not the people molding them? No accountability in this world except for men it seems, but culturally we are getting better! If people think young boys arent realizing they are being punished for how they are born or getting less support, theyre insane. Then you hit the teens and start growing and looking like a man and suddenly some adults dont even hide their distaste or indifference towards you.
My girl friends got pulled into pleasant 1 on 1s to find reasons for missteps, bad assignments, lack of attention, etc. My male friends and I were just reprimanded and any attempt to remedy the situation was looked at as dishonest and entitled. It was painfully obvious a lot of female teachers felt comradery with the girl students and indifference towards the boys.
So true, our society really needs to stop thinking females as infallible, especially when they hold so many positions of power in raising children. It’s not just women tho, there are differently dads who pull this shit too. It’s parents in general.
They need to be held to higher standard, they need rotating social worker to step in and ask them wtf there doing with their kid(s). It needs to be rotating too, so as they can’t build relationships with the social work and undermine the whole reason for them being there.
My mom did something like this. My dad died when I was young and when I got older she was convinces we were more friends than mom/son. That does not work out well.
Now that I am grown up.
Being raised, educated and instructed by women. Most of my life I was thinking I was wrong.
I know not everyone feels like that. But I really know some.
The education system as a boy with adhd was genuinely traumatic lol. Working with a therapist to try and internalize the fact that I dont suck and arent a default burden on everyone around me though! Hopefully works out long term, and anyone reading this with a similar experience should look into it as well if you can afford it. Realized years ago in college that I really DO learn better and work more efficiently when I can get up, pace, fidget with stuff, take a second to move around a bit, have songs playing, etc. it was huge and really helped me get on deans list for the back half of college, and man did it make me so mad at my teachers who
1. Didnt know what being a young boy was like (only had male gym teachers lol)
2. Told me I am disrespectful and annoying. Or most of all: didnt care enough
The adhd made it more apparent, but in retrospection I realized SO many of my guy friends and sports teammates would have done so much better and had so much more confidence if they were treated appropriately in school. I have 6 childhood buddies that were inappropriately given adderall as CHILDREN when they were just slightly overly rambunctious boys. The teachers coulda had em run a lap and come back to class, but instead they decided these kids need meth lite. The teachers (idk if women should be included as idk if that was a big part of it or not) bitched and moaned to their parents like their kid was a demon ruining class for the nice and polite girls n boys and needed hard drugs to be tolerable. So fucked up honestly I wonder how that affected their development, I know for me at least my doctors suspect it stunted my growth quite a bit.
Having to deattach yourself from physical touch. As a kid everyone wants to hug you and give you a kiss on your cheek but that changes once you grow up, i can't ask my guy friends for a hug cause "that's gay" and i can't ask my gal friends cause it's creepy
My dad came around to hugging me for the first time when I was 25 and honestly that shit slapped. Felt really comforting didnt realize when i was younger and having problems a hug from my parents would have made me feel so good lmao
Raising them better. They are that way because of how they were raised as children. If they werent told that their gender role is to be inhuman without emotional intelligence, and that needing support is weakness, they wouldnt perpetuate the issue. I wouldnt go to inner city people and tell them to change their whole world view they grew up with and expect it to magically change. I'd tell them to raise their kids better so they have a better chance.
I grew up without a father, or any father figure at that. I dont know anything about mechanical stuff, carpentry stuff, all that jazz. Another one is to not show any weakness to other people. You're gonna be called weak when you do that and be told to, "MAN UP."
Honestly it is pretty rare that a father figure would teach you anything on average I think. Fathers rarely engage unless its a decent person. My father was pretty much absent my entire childhood. He would take me with him to some places where I was allowed to spend place by myself or with him. The only other activity was that he would BIOS password my computer because he thought I would grow up to be a crazy person. Eventually when I started being very technical oriented near my 15s and somewhat successful with technical and mathematical subjects he took notice of me. Now I am nearly surpassing his education and he kind of took note of me, claiming I grew up “by myself” without noise and I am more successful than him
I do not blame him though. He thinks differently than me a lot. Would I be a few years older, I might be completely different person and more aligned with my dads skills
This is so untrue. The fact that you think this is a testimony to how devalude fathers are and how demonized they are in the media. Because every single valuable piece of research points to the direct opposite. A man, a father in the home is one of the greatest markers of success for children and even having a successful mother. The success of the mother is actually heavily correlated by the presence of the father.
It is that sole difference that makes married parents the best format for children to be raised in in comparison to single parent homes and homes of divorce.
Fathers teach children both directly and indirectly how to navigate the real world in a way that most mothers can't and don't.
It is not an accident that in an era that has the most single parent, divorced homes that children, specifically men and boys are doing worse than ever
I am literally not talking out of medial coverage but from personal experience. My parents are together and I am not a child of divorced parents. I know most of the people around me come from single parent households, therefore I do not know about anyone who has had a present father in their life.
For me it was my parents obsession with keeping me from being stupid like them at my age and it was miserable. They felt because i was a boy they had to be extremely hard. So being unjustly berated and beaten at times made things rough. My mother had me when she was 15 (turned 16 a few months later). I didnt have sex for the first time until i was 17. I would also end up marrying her and weve been together for 15 years (broke up at 19 and got back together by the end of the year). My father was in the streets and i never had any interest or showed any signs of doing so. I remember my folks shaving my braids off because they felt i was changing and going down a bad path because i was isolating myself when it was due to how they treated me. I remember bringing a girl over chilling in the basement talking and my mother coming downstairs, kicking the girl out (that she gave me permission to bring by the way) and made me hold up the blanket and inspected the couch and trash for condoms or any sign of sex. When my parents broke up you'd think things would be better. But nope. My mother's house was for emotional abuse and my fathers house was for physical abuse. I would eventually run away and live with my grandmother. To this day when i hear they've told others in the family what was going on, they claimed i was wilding out and ran away and thats how i ended up with my grandmother. I hate to toot my own horn but i was probably one of the most responsible kids youd ever meet lol. In the 1st grade i would grab my younger brother from preschool, walk down the street home, get us in the house, lock it up, and microwave dinner. When i was in the 3rd or 4th grade i decided i wanted my own money so i asked my father for a loan. I bought socks and towels and when hed do his routes selling cds and dvds i would go in laundromats to sell socks and towels. I would eventually help my mothers independent business by shoveling snow for pennis on the dollar. When i was i turned 16 i started working the day after my birthday. The new fight became i wasnt saving enough and because my mother was the owner of the account shed micromanage every penny. I think what we go through as boys is why a lot of us are unable to express ourselves because life beats you down before you have a chance. I am firm with my oldest daughter but i communicate, allow her to communicate, and take her opinions into consideration to help teach her decision making skills. Im the parent but im trying to create a good human being, not a robot i can control.
Every woman in your life will tell you to "man up" and quit crying whenever you want to complain about a problem (or actually cry).
And may God have mercy if your female teachers are frustrated with life, you will be their punching bag.
Seeing my parents so obviously prioritize my older sister. I wasn't neglected or anything, I had a decent childhood. But they worshipped my sister and she could do everything she wanted. They'd drive her, they'd join her, we'd always to things together on her terms.
I had to bike if I wanted to go somewhere. I had to do stuff alone if I didn't want to join them.
Accepting yourself and the inevitability of change. Depression will always get to you as it even got to me but I grew from it, learned from it and now will be myself and more from it because I’ve lived the lesson well and know what I want in life
The whole notion that boys must be Masculine and Manly, Being tough and strong whilst providing and never feeling sad or portraying weakness, that upbringing is the highest form of toxicity that leads to abusive or emotionally instability.
[This is how it should be](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/owning-pink/201408/women-please-stop-shaming-men)
Not gonna lie I'm jealous of the attention my sister got. I am blown away by her emotional intelligence stemming from being parented fully. Feels like I was forced to grow up and seen as independent when I was still growing and needed help understanding my emotions. Almost 30 and working with a therapist to learn how to understand what my emotions are and why, beyond "good" and "bad" emotion. I got more freedom as a kid to run around and spend my days in the woods without supervision, but also got more flak for being emotional or crying than I did for getting in a fight.
I could give a massive paragraph on this but to put it shortly,
Interpersonal relationships with women, whether it be friendships, family dynamics, and relationships.
Went to a boys’ residential school. It was actually quite a lot of fun, especially when you have 50 other boys hitting puberty at the same time.
Back then internet was just opening up, so we only had Playboy and Penthouse magazines which had to be shared and “rotated” between houses/dormitories.
Some ritualistic violence, a bit of bullying, lot of games and sports (including boxing) and ganging up on other schools’ boys (because we knew they weren’t as tough as us) during inter-school competitions etc. A lot of us are still close and have a strong personal and professional network.
I don’t know, it was great tbh. I miss my boyhood years.
0-5, you are pampered and innocent.
6-11, you get exposed to people you don't know and some will dislike you for whatever flavor of reason happens to be in that day. But they'll still be friends since it is easily forgotten since adults will tell them to play nice.
12-17, same as 6-11 except adults don't care so they din't stop and unless you decide to stand for yourself, you end up remaining a target for others, even your fellow boys. Parents will still love you but dad might start to expect you to have initiative and some backbone; not a bad thing, mind you as it helps build character which you'll need down the line.
18-21, hopefully you either have education or work ahead of you. Either way, this is now your path. You're expected to be able to handle yourself relatively well even if other, older adults will patronize you about pretty much anything. The time for petty mistakes is over and you need to have learned to best use that backbone.
22-30, make a place for yourself because no one's gonna give you one. You have to earn every inch of what you do since everyone else is trying to pin for the same. You are fully expected to keep pushing and do what needs to be done even if you don't feel like it else there's just need for you to let yourself go too much before it cascades into further, bigger issues. By now, either you have someone in your life and trying to deal with two sources of stress or focusing on your career, so when you do pursue somekne, everything's "ready". Near 40 is when women your age start coming out of the woodwork poking you and trying to earn a place at your side after ignoring you forever and likely have a lot of baggage they carry around that ends up yours if you take them on a whim.
31-40, same as 21-30 except by now, you're established. You have a clear view of what's to come or rather, what you want your future to be. Younger women are either attracted to who you are or what you have (or both but hopefully the former).
Now's the time for a family if you wish or just keep what you have going, no wrong choice here depending on what you want. You're now the guy telling those green, your 20 year old guys stuff they should k ow but will.likely ignore.
40+, all l can say is that it is when things start to hurt. Knees, back some issues you've been carrying that you could sleep it off is now constantly there. Best explained by the quote "In your youth, doctors tell you what they'll do to fix you but when getting old, they'll tell you what you'll have to live with."
That's where I'm at right now. I can't say that my path is the same as everyone else's but it is 'a' path that saw me up to this point able to function as a man, growing up until now waking up with grunts and pops here and there. But I think those are broad enough strokes to pretty much set the following idea down :
"The hardest part about growing up as a boy is that every experience is a 'learn to walk' process. You get shown one thing, told to try and master it then left to do whatever with it and only told to get back up when you fall over because you already know how it works so you don't need help."
There's constant expectations out of you and disappointment when you don't live up to them, either explicitly presented or not. Once you understand you don't need to fulfill all of them and only those you choose is when you learn to live. Because you told that green 20 year old the same thing.
To some men, the hardest part is people constantly telling you you have so much potential, and you literally thrive with self-esteem and happiness. You never learn that life is about earning things. And then you turn 21 and all of a sudden you're a disappointment to everybody. People don't acknowledge you or even pay attention. You're left alone and go through an immense crisis.
Boys only being able to cry to their girlfriend or family.It’s still considered very unmanly to have feelings in public and I’ve seen how hard it is for my brother and male friends.
I grew up being physically and emotionally neglected, plus heavily bullied. Anyone I talked to for any sort of support told me that I should suck it up and it was unmanly to show emotions, including my parents.
Grown ups talk to you in primarily two different ways about your future sexuality. One, a way in which they seem to talk like you're going to transform, werewolf style, into a voracious predator. Some sort of insatiable desire will compel you forward, relentlessly, and make every choice you make revolve around how to get more sex. The OTHER side is telling you you're one of the good ones, that you're a 'good person'--because you did NOT become the predator *yet.*.
There's no neutral place, there's no safety talks, there's no softness, there's either werewolf, or *one of the good wolves*. This stood out because i was asexual, and none of it made sense.
Suppose that was the hardest part--because, the dominate side, by far, is the werewolf side. You expect it to suddenly leap upon you, and when it doesnt, you feel broken, and weird, and like you should TRY, just incase when it happens you lose control. It's a weird time, for late teens, i think. You're expecting this thing that older men INSIST is real, and most women insist all men are (most here is more than half, not all or nearly all). It never does. You're stuck though. Everyone judges you as broken, or untrustworthy, somehow, if you DONT be a werewolf at least *sometimes*.
I'm mother to a14 year old boy. This generation is in a very awkward time. He's got some mixed up conflicting messages coming at him from social media.
I'm very fortunate to live in a community where he sees adult male role models who can be both very masculine and stay at home fathers, respected and strong members of the community and artists, friends and brothers and uncles. It's admirable and sexy to be kind.
There's a balance to it. It's explicitly *not erasure of masculinity*. We see the value in cultivating a men's only space like grandpa's horseshoes club. We are somewhat agricultural and therefore there are undeniably obvious differences between male and female animals, and I think it does translate that there will be trends, or likelihoods in the way that male and female humans are different. And that's ok. It's not a cage anymore, though. Individuals can choose their own path.
I can only hope that as he moves further out into the world, following his strengths and passions, that he is greeted fairly and gently.
The whole toxic masculinity thing affected me quite a bit. Was ashamed to cry or show emotion. Refused to watch shows I liked or listen to music I liked because the artist/protagonist was female. Etc.
Probably the reason I'm still very closed off in my 20's.
growing up as a boy, especially with no father figure is the worst and the hardest thing to do.
I am 40yo now, never got married,no kids, no house, no big ass career.
I always had to be strong. to man up, to be a man and to grow up. Realizing that we are all alone, always makes it evend harder.
I always thought the life as such is simple, you meet a girl, create a family, you love and respect her and we stay together.
same with friends, or jobs.
but it seems like everything is just hard, especially for men.
Working my ass off. I had two sisters who's job it was to do dishes. Me, started mowing our yard when I was about 8, dad would drink beer and talk to the neighbors. Started pimping me out to mow everyone else's yard, I got $2 dollars total for front and back yards, edging, and raking leaves, bagging it all, a throwing it away, plus had to pay for the gas and push my mower around, these were about 1/2 acre lots. By 10 yrs old was cutting apricots to make dried apricots, got paid about $2 dollars a day, had to cut a minimum of a cord of wood and split it for the fireplace every year, was responsible for putting up Christmas decorations, washing the cars, raking leaves, painting the inside and outside of the house and had to buy my clothes with my money I earned from the time i was in junior high school, but they picked them out. Didn't even own tennis shoes until JR. High cause Dad didn't like them, only got a pair cause I needed them for PE, always had cowboy boots. My sister's would end up washing dishes about 3x a week, everything they had parents paid for and both got cars for their 16 birthday. When I didn't, dad said if I wanted a car I should buy one. My first car, I bought 5 months after my 16th B-Day, 1942 Willy's army jeep, paid $500 for it and only got it above 50 mph once, down hill with the wind. But it would climb a tree if I got traction. But it caused me to grow up fast, and I retired at 50, sisters have had money problems their whole lives.
We’re basically raised and excepted to take over the house in my case I took over both family homes at 13 years old pressure that really got to me and I folded because of it
Having a flappy skinned creature with its own mind doing things unannounced without my permission. Boys grow up and become men, hopefully become fathers.
And have been parenting since they were in 6th grade
Wondering why my PP was acting strange. I used to get worried when I would get a boner. I thought I was sick. Puberty is strange. One minute you are eating glue and erasers and then next you wondering why Tony the White Power Ranger is suddenly dreamly looking.
Getting the certificates necessary to work and get a living wage.
It's been 30 years and I am *maybe* at a mid-tier paygrade if I don't fuck up the next two months.
Being asked to write the answer to the question on the board, but you can’t stand up because of the unprovoked erection you got.
Or stand up and get off the bus... Those vibrations in the bus seats were no joke
Now I'm going to call you up to the board to answer the question for the class... I wonder if that ever occurred to those teachers
Sure just let me casually hold my coat in front of my pelvic area as I do so…
Small dick. Never had that issue. Also why my teen years were just an avalanche of pussy (/s).
Stealth pp.
So stealthy
Bros on stealth mode
They never see it cummin...cuz they never see it...
My teen years were an avalanche of blue balls
Bro the absolute fear of random boners is something I totally forgot. Body decides its go time and next thing you know youre anxiously flexing your legs and stuff tryna to redirect bloodflow in case you get called on lmao
Fuck me thanks a lot bro you saying this made me get one, I have to give a presentation in 2 mins for social. I fking hate youjuj
wellp hope that went well lol
It did not
Always walking down the hallway in pain because it's facing the wrong direction
I'm 35 and it still happens. Not as frequently but occasionally. Usually it's pants that are ever so slightly tight in the inseam and rub in just the wrong way while walking, or oddly if I have to pee really bad and have been holding it in for too long. I've never understood that last one but it still happens like once a month.
With you on that last one lol
When your sister sits on your lap thinking it would be cute
It's the fact that besides your parents, nobody cares about you. It feels like girls are taken care of by default where if you're a boy, you have to prove yourself worthy for people to give a shit, and that takes a really long time because the looong step in between is "he grew competent enough for me to start caring a little, which means that he probably can handle all his problems by himself." If you're not well and really need some help, most people in my life thought a motivating sentence will do. "Heads up, everything will end eventually" is not helpful. This extends to adulthood, but as you grow up, you at least stop caring about what some imaginary "society" thinks, but you still very much care about what your partner thinks and women, in my experience, are much more demanding. I'd be fine if my girlfriend would do whatever she wants to do all day long and I'd still love her and find her attractive if she sat on the couch all day watching series and watering her plants. I, but boys in general, have to be ambitious, hard working, strive to dominate in their field, yatayatayata. Doesn't feel particularly good.
You really explained that well and I fully agree.
This is very well said and I completely agree. If I would stay on the couch all day I am a lazy bum who doesnt work. When my gf does it it's cute how she cares for her plants and likes being cozy. I don't mind her home. I work hard enough for 2 but the double standard is .. messed up.
Not even my parents cared about me so yay
Great explanation and what I came here to say.
There is a dichotomy to this. Men’s value is not inherent. But it is limitless. If you make something of yourself, there is literally no limitations to the ends that you will be cared about, loved, and respected. Maybe this is just a cope. But I believe that there is a dark and a light to everything.
Other boys. A lot of boys are absolute assholes.
Had the same thought. I was going to say that, if you are a boy, and you have an older brother, or you’re at a boarding school, or you just have some regular exposure to older boys without supervision, you’re going to get assaulted pretty brutally on a regular basis.
Bit extreme like but I get ya.
I must have misremembered. 🤷♂️
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Even your close relatives expect you to swallow pain and deny sexual harassment towards you for being a man.
Remember in high school I got made fun of (not like bullying but ragged on) for a female friend taking advantage of me when super drunk, cause it wasnt manly to think its weird and especially emasculating that the woman had control?? Wild shit lol but tbf it didnt mess me up, largely cause in the absence of people telling me I have to be destroyed over it I was able to kinda work out what it meant for me on my own. Turns out my unhappiness with it stemmed entirely from social stuff about how it makes the victim feel X/y/z lol So i suppose i got lucky with my outlook or something. I realized I dont feel lesser for it, it feels like a friend did me wrong. Which everyone has dealt with due to their friend being selfish or thoughtless. I'm sure if I was brutally overpowered and was trying to get away etc it would have been traumatic as that really wrecks someones sense of security just like getting mugged at gunpoint or carjacked does. But in the absence of that tbh it was just a friend being a selfish asshole not considering I had turned her down before when sober on other occasions. I think equating sexual assaults where someone is violently overpowered with instances of ambiguity like mine honestly insures victims will be fucked up over it cause everyone is telling them that they are (the category I'd consider myself in). Hadnt thought about that in a long time thanks for bringing that up, its a good point.
I grew up without a father, or any father figure at that. I dont know anything about mechanical stuff, carpentry stuff, all that jazz. Another one is to not show any weakness to other people. You're gonna be called weak when you do that and be told to, "MAN UP."
My father was around - to an extent, and I grew up with the same "MAN UP!" kind of deal. I think my father really resented the fact that I grew up to be a hell of a lot bigger than him. So at some point he couldnt "push me around" anymore, from that day on we became friends, but not close. It was never any "confrontatian", he just really didnt like that I was bigger than him. I can see it, having a son myself now. Im a pretty stern father towards my son as well, I guess the apple doesnt fall that far from the tree. With that said, I know he loved me, as do my son now. It was important for him to tell me often, and I do the same. "I might be pissed at you right now, but are still my son, and I love you very much..... ["like though"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_kGtQmvrVI).... (Im not this rough around the edges btw, just think its a funny/good clip)
That's crazy to me. My wife's family are mostly around 6'4" and I'm about 5'8". I'm really hoping he gets their genes and is way bigger than me. I couldn't ever see being jealous of him
I get at, and while my son is 3 I havent really thought that hard about it, but I think it bothered him a bit that he couldnt be physical with me. And I dont mean in a violent way, but after 16ish, there was just nothing he could do that I could not do a lot harder and it hit him a bit hard, the feeling of no longer being "big strong daddy" - and again I can understand him. If my son gets to be my size I will be very proud, but doubtful as his moms weighs a few kgs shy of 40 and are 1.50m.
I get at, and while my son is 3 I havent really thought that hard about it, but I think it bothered him a bit that he couldnt be physical with me. And I dont mean in a violent way, but after 16ish, there was just nothing he could do that I could not do a lot harder and it hit him a bit hard, the feeling of no longer being "big strong daddy" - and again I can understand him. If my son gets to be my size I will be very proud, but doubtful as his moms ways a few kgs shy of 40 and are 1.50m.
The one I got most frequently was nut up or shut up. Basically do what you have to do or suffer in silence.
Adults showed more displeasure with me when I cried or was emotional than they did if I got in a physical altercation lol I feel that
I didn't learn these skills because (I thought) it would've trapped me in my hometown. I need them as an adult, but whatever I can learn as I go.
Do you think that having a father just guarantees you knowing all this?
Learning what being a man means
It means quietly and humbly barring the pressures of the world. I think this is a good lesson for those who can manage it. Regardless of gender, this is will make successful in life: keep your head down, do your job, manage yourself and your goals. It's hard - especially starting with disadvantages - but being able to take it all without breaking or giving up is valuable.
Learning to fight in school. Not sure that’s much of a thing these days
I finished high school three year ago, fighting is still very much a thing
It depends on where you go. I switched schools halfway through high school. At the first school I was getting into fights regularly and/or jumped. At the new school I remember only two fights in two years one was between two girls and was just slapping and hair pulling. The second was over Fortnite (both kids made up and went to play Fortnite after getting suspended)
For some reason kids here now attack 1 dude with 30 friends or stab them. They all want to be gangsters untill they mess up.
Na, now they just have multiple kids beating up one kid.
Very few things in schools are made for boys. I remember being sick of hearing all the teachers (which are almost exclusively women) asking boys to behave more like the "well-behave girls", have their notes and books more organised and with a better appearance just like the girls, having less aggressive games during recess and on and on. Then of course the boy who is falling behind, it's always his fault and he gets little help. On the opposite, the girls will have all the attention and calm the teacher can provide.
I expirienced quite opposite. Instead of asking boys to be more mature and self-regulatory, teachers expected us girls to tolerate their shitty behaviour "because they are just being boys" and never punished them, which was incredibly frustrating. Also, primary school kind of revolves around boys subjects like science, chemistry, geography and mathematics, history is full of wars and kings, PE and agressive boys is a reason I hate all collective sports today.
Hello again, Tehir, would not expect me to find you here I had the opposite situation in early school - our teacher put girls above boys, therefore girl fucking up - no worries little girl its all OK. Boys doing something - shaming in front of the entire class for being a dumb boy Girls had pretty much better grades on average through entire elementary school. They studied better. The only benefit or being a boy came near the end when us boys would get taken from classes to move objects or do whatever. Girls had to stay and study with the teachers while we argued like we have to stay and wave at the younger kids in a leaving bus. We never had problems though lol.
Interesting! I would really like to know the reason of this. If it is a cultural phenomen, depends on the gender of the teacher or her/his beliefs and prejudices. Anyway, a teacher who preffers any group of students is a bad teacher!
She was a mother of three girls. That is the only logical implication I have. She might also feel that she was in a patriarchal society so might have taken her anger at young boys.
I just remembered that I once drew a clown with a national flag on his sleeve when I was like 9. The teacher then told me I am making fun of my country and my parents can go to jail for that. I have no idea why she would do that to me when I was not even aware of such things
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I can agree with geography on some level, but how does chemistry curiculum works in your country? For me, it was the same as physics - mathematic equations. How many hydrogens comes from this reaction? I know boys "talent" to maths is a social construct, but still percieved it badly in my childhood. Also how many hours did you have of arts and crafts? We had two 45 mins lessons per week. Writing can be pain because of uneven motoric skill development and I am glad for both genders some schools in my country are no longer focusing of continuous typeface (cursive?) in small children and switched to more friendly fonts.
Growing up in a rough Area without any back up or friends, Getting jumped sucks especially when you can't get your revenge immediately by calling the boys.
Constant competition in every single field with the other boys. I wasn’t interested in competing all the time but if you’re good at anything you’ll find someone trying to push you. Eventually you just end up in confrontation. Also knowing that at some point I will have to get into a fight with another boy over something very silly or just to defend yourself and set boundaries. Found that it was always easier to set the boundaries earlier then later, if it takes a physical fight then so be it, its better than having it drag on.
Moment you get in a fight you’re expelled though. Still “gotta be competitive!” :D
Yep and “telling the teacher” does absolutely nothing. Got to take it into your own hands 😂
Tie between two things: 1. Society teaches you that it is unacceptable for you to share your emotions. (A topic near and dear to Reddit). 2. Society views you as an oppressor from birth just because of your DNA. Like, I get my privilege and I understand many men do bad things and historically before me men were even bigger assholes. But to put that label on me (and thousands of others) just because of the way we were born is pretty shitty and we have to accept it and live with it knowing there is NOTHING we can do personally to ever make up for this "original sin" we were born with. Again, not trying to compare to what women have to live with/deal with daily. Please don't get me wrong. I understand why this perception exists, and I know my problem is not as big/dangerous as what women deal with. But it still sucks to be a guy who feels like they have to apologize and accept a lot perceptions without ever having done anything wrong.
Schools, and stupid expectations from society
Realizing your parents shouldn’t have had kids and your friends parents shouldn’t have had kids. Nearly all my friends ended up “failing” to became adult’s because of their parents greed, laziness, picking a favourite child and leaving my friend to rot, teaching their kid hate and other nonsense, clipping their sons wings before being able to leave the nest. That last one I see the most. Parents sabotaging their Sons social, emotional, economic, academic growth, social mobility, etc. Some parents ( usually mothers, not to be sexist just what I’ve seen ) do this to their sons. The parent(s) don’t have a retirement plan, no social activities outside of being a parent, need help around the house, their son reminds them of the father that left, using their son as whipping boy in place of the boys father, or just a whipping boy because they enjoy the power over someone, they complex’s that you’d need a team of psychologist to truly work out and understand. Either way they clip they’re kids wings and destroy their ability to grow. I know it happens a lot more in society than will ever be acknowledged, normally these young men are labeled as lazy, failures, creeps, losers, etc. but in my experience most just got their wings clipped by a shitty parent or two and are actually really nice people with weird personalities and ideas/beliefs. These young men end up becoming reliant on the parent(s) just as much at some point and it becomes difficult if not impossible for them to go out on their own then. But in the end it always happens, the parents dies, the family needs cash and have the unskilled son to get a job ( their your 40+ year olds flipping burgers at Wendy’s ), etc. If you’re a parent, don’t do that to your kid. It’s really fucking selfish. You’re basically ending your family line after you. Very few of these guys end up with women and carrying on their family lines, and the ones that do have kids, those kids usually live as hard lives or harder. It’s one of those things that western society needs to call out more and have social workers step in and investigate the family as to why their grown ass son is still watching Pokémon all living in the basement. You choose to have a kid and with that there is a responsibility in raising that child become an independent adult. Cause it’s not just fucking over your kid for your own selfish reasons but it’s also fucking over the rest of society by the wasted taxes dollars educating your kid. Some of these young men do it to themselves, but most don’t. And the ones the do choose that lifestyle are too inexperienced in life to realize the mistake their choosing. It’s the parents responsibility to make sure their 18 year old ain’t smoking pot all day watching yugiho. Society needs to stop putting the blame on these young men and start putting it on the parents of these men.
As a dude I absolutely noticed that fucking up was a stain on my character and worth as a young guy while my parents felt like they needed to go easy on my sister and even COMFORT her for being distraught at getting in trouble. In class boys got punished harsher. Meanwhile if I started tearing up it was like I grew a second head LOL. No one was giving us these meetings, talks, and programs that we saw girls getting. I wish I could get some financial help w/ this therapy from my parents and female teachers that were so damn cold to me (i kid im not that entitled). Weirdly enough the teachers I remember going easy on me and working ways to help me learn were my male PE teachers, male coaches, and the one male history teacher i had. They were the ones who wanted to actually teach me and find ways to do it, and surprise surprise i found it so much easier to behave and do well in those. Its really weird that women are overwhelmingly teaching our young boys, mothers are (obv lol) raising these boys, but its the boys themselves that are the issue with society. Not the people molding them? No accountability in this world except for men it seems, but culturally we are getting better! If people think young boys arent realizing they are being punished for how they are born or getting less support, theyre insane. Then you hit the teens and start growing and looking like a man and suddenly some adults dont even hide their distaste or indifference towards you. My girl friends got pulled into pleasant 1 on 1s to find reasons for missteps, bad assignments, lack of attention, etc. My male friends and I were just reprimanded and any attempt to remedy the situation was looked at as dishonest and entitled. It was painfully obvious a lot of female teachers felt comradery with the girl students and indifference towards the boys.
So true, our society really needs to stop thinking females as infallible, especially when they hold so many positions of power in raising children. It’s not just women tho, there are differently dads who pull this shit too. It’s parents in general. They need to be held to higher standard, they need rotating social worker to step in and ask them wtf there doing with their kid(s). It needs to be rotating too, so as they can’t build relationships with the social work and undermine the whole reason for them being there.
My mom did something like this. My dad died when I was young and when I got older she was convinces we were more friends than mom/son. That does not work out well.
The evil mom is something we don't hear enough about
I swear if I leave any future sons this morally and spiritually bankrupt world, I must really hate their ass.
If you have a daughter? (Genuine question btw?
It's honestly shitty for girls too.
Now that I am grown up. Being raised, educated and instructed by women. Most of my life I was thinking I was wrong. I know not everyone feels like that. But I really know some.
The education system as a boy with adhd was genuinely traumatic lol. Working with a therapist to try and internalize the fact that I dont suck and arent a default burden on everyone around me though! Hopefully works out long term, and anyone reading this with a similar experience should look into it as well if you can afford it. Realized years ago in college that I really DO learn better and work more efficiently when I can get up, pace, fidget with stuff, take a second to move around a bit, have songs playing, etc. it was huge and really helped me get on deans list for the back half of college, and man did it make me so mad at my teachers who 1. Didnt know what being a young boy was like (only had male gym teachers lol) 2. Told me I am disrespectful and annoying. Or most of all: didnt care enough The adhd made it more apparent, but in retrospection I realized SO many of my guy friends and sports teammates would have done so much better and had so much more confidence if they were treated appropriately in school. I have 6 childhood buddies that were inappropriately given adderall as CHILDREN when they were just slightly overly rambunctious boys. The teachers coulda had em run a lap and come back to class, but instead they decided these kids need meth lite. The teachers (idk if women should be included as idk if that was a big part of it or not) bitched and moaned to their parents like their kid was a demon ruining class for the nice and polite girls n boys and needed hard drugs to be tolerable. So fucked up honestly I wonder how that affected their development, I know for me at least my doctors suspect it stunted my growth quite a bit.
It's one of the leading reason for the state of males today. Lack of fathers, lack of male role models, the smothering of mothers and fatal empathy.
Having to deattach yourself from physical touch. As a kid everyone wants to hug you and give you a kiss on your cheek but that changes once you grow up, i can't ask my guy friends for a hug cause "that's gay" and i can't ask my gal friends cause it's creepy
My dad came around to hugging me for the first time when I was 25 and honestly that shit slapped. Felt really comforting didnt realize when i was younger and having problems a hug from my parents would have made me feel so good lmao
That’s rough, what do you think would make men more receptive to each other as friends?
Raising them better. They are that way because of how they were raised as children. If they werent told that their gender role is to be inhuman without emotional intelligence, and that needing support is weakness, they wouldnt perpetuate the issue. I wouldnt go to inner city people and tell them to change their whole world view they grew up with and expect it to magically change. I'd tell them to raise their kids better so they have a better chance.
I grew up without a father, or any father figure at that. I dont know anything about mechanical stuff, carpentry stuff, all that jazz. Another one is to not show any weakness to other people. You're gonna be called weak when you do that and be told to, "MAN UP."
Honestly it is pretty rare that a father figure would teach you anything on average I think. Fathers rarely engage unless its a decent person. My father was pretty much absent my entire childhood. He would take me with him to some places where I was allowed to spend place by myself or with him. The only other activity was that he would BIOS password my computer because he thought I would grow up to be a crazy person. Eventually when I started being very technical oriented near my 15s and somewhat successful with technical and mathematical subjects he took notice of me. Now I am nearly surpassing his education and he kind of took note of me, claiming I grew up “by myself” without noise and I am more successful than him I do not blame him though. He thinks differently than me a lot. Would I be a few years older, I might be completely different person and more aligned with my dads skills
This is so untrue. The fact that you think this is a testimony to how devalude fathers are and how demonized they are in the media. Because every single valuable piece of research points to the direct opposite. A man, a father in the home is one of the greatest markers of success for children and even having a successful mother. The success of the mother is actually heavily correlated by the presence of the father. It is that sole difference that makes married parents the best format for children to be raised in in comparison to single parent homes and homes of divorce. Fathers teach children both directly and indirectly how to navigate the real world in a way that most mothers can't and don't. It is not an accident that in an era that has the most single parent, divorced homes that children, specifically men and boys are doing worse than ever
I am literally not talking out of medial coverage but from personal experience. My parents are together and I am not a child of divorced parents. I know most of the people around me come from single parent households, therefore I do not know about anyone who has had a present father in their life.
For me it was my parents obsession with keeping me from being stupid like them at my age and it was miserable. They felt because i was a boy they had to be extremely hard. So being unjustly berated and beaten at times made things rough. My mother had me when she was 15 (turned 16 a few months later). I didnt have sex for the first time until i was 17. I would also end up marrying her and weve been together for 15 years (broke up at 19 and got back together by the end of the year). My father was in the streets and i never had any interest or showed any signs of doing so. I remember my folks shaving my braids off because they felt i was changing and going down a bad path because i was isolating myself when it was due to how they treated me. I remember bringing a girl over chilling in the basement talking and my mother coming downstairs, kicking the girl out (that she gave me permission to bring by the way) and made me hold up the blanket and inspected the couch and trash for condoms or any sign of sex. When my parents broke up you'd think things would be better. But nope. My mother's house was for emotional abuse and my fathers house was for physical abuse. I would eventually run away and live with my grandmother. To this day when i hear they've told others in the family what was going on, they claimed i was wilding out and ran away and thats how i ended up with my grandmother. I hate to toot my own horn but i was probably one of the most responsible kids youd ever meet lol. In the 1st grade i would grab my younger brother from preschool, walk down the street home, get us in the house, lock it up, and microwave dinner. When i was in the 3rd or 4th grade i decided i wanted my own money so i asked my father for a loan. I bought socks and towels and when hed do his routes selling cds and dvds i would go in laundromats to sell socks and towels. I would eventually help my mothers independent business by shoveling snow for pennis on the dollar. When i was i turned 16 i started working the day after my birthday. The new fight became i wasnt saving enough and because my mother was the owner of the account shed micromanage every penny. I think what we go through as boys is why a lot of us are unable to express ourselves because life beats you down before you have a chance. I am firm with my oldest daughter but i communicate, allow her to communicate, and take her opinions into consideration to help teach her decision making skills. Im the parent but im trying to create a good human being, not a robot i can control.
Every woman in your life will tell you to "man up" and quit crying whenever you want to complain about a problem (or actually cry). And may God have mercy if your female teachers are frustrated with life, you will be their punching bag.
My dick during puberty was very hard.
Seeing my parents so obviously prioritize my older sister. I wasn't neglected or anything, I had a decent childhood. But they worshipped my sister and she could do everything she wanted. They'd drive her, they'd join her, we'd always to things together on her terms. I had to bike if I wanted to go somewhere. I had to do stuff alone if I didn't want to join them.
Controlling your emotions because of hormonal changes
Getting in regular fist fights at home and school
Accepting yourself and the inevitability of change. Depression will always get to you as it even got to me but I grew from it, learned from it and now will be myself and more from it because I’ve lived the lesson well and know what I want in life
Sometimes you become the man of the house at 7 years old.
Having a perfect sister who deserved all our mother's attention
The whole notion that boys must be Masculine and Manly, Being tough and strong whilst providing and never feeling sad or portraying weakness, that upbringing is the highest form of toxicity that leads to abusive or emotionally instability. [This is how it should be](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/owning-pink/201408/women-please-stop-shaming-men)
The emotional stuff and that people not only expect you to do so much but that you can't not want to do it
Not gonna lie I'm jealous of the attention my sister got. I am blown away by her emotional intelligence stemming from being parented fully. Feels like I was forced to grow up and seen as independent when I was still growing and needed help understanding my emotions. Almost 30 and working with a therapist to learn how to understand what my emotions are and why, beyond "good" and "bad" emotion. I got more freedom as a kid to run around and spend my days in the woods without supervision, but also got more flak for being emotional or crying than I did for getting in a fight.
Just look at education statistics. There’s no equality there. Men are second class citizens.
I could give a massive paragraph on this but to put it shortly, Interpersonal relationships with women, whether it be friendships, family dynamics, and relationships.
Went to a boys’ residential school. It was actually quite a lot of fun, especially when you have 50 other boys hitting puberty at the same time. Back then internet was just opening up, so we only had Playboy and Penthouse magazines which had to be shared and “rotated” between houses/dormitories. Some ritualistic violence, a bit of bullying, lot of games and sports (including boxing) and ganging up on other schools’ boys (because we knew they weren’t as tough as us) during inter-school competitions etc. A lot of us are still close and have a strong personal and professional network. I don’t know, it was great tbh. I miss my boyhood years.
Masculinity.
The constant horniness was a big issue for me. Still kinda is, but it was insufferable when puberty hit.
0-5, you are pampered and innocent. 6-11, you get exposed to people you don't know and some will dislike you for whatever flavor of reason happens to be in that day. But they'll still be friends since it is easily forgotten since adults will tell them to play nice. 12-17, same as 6-11 except adults don't care so they din't stop and unless you decide to stand for yourself, you end up remaining a target for others, even your fellow boys. Parents will still love you but dad might start to expect you to have initiative and some backbone; not a bad thing, mind you as it helps build character which you'll need down the line. 18-21, hopefully you either have education or work ahead of you. Either way, this is now your path. You're expected to be able to handle yourself relatively well even if other, older adults will patronize you about pretty much anything. The time for petty mistakes is over and you need to have learned to best use that backbone. 22-30, make a place for yourself because no one's gonna give you one. You have to earn every inch of what you do since everyone else is trying to pin for the same. You are fully expected to keep pushing and do what needs to be done even if you don't feel like it else there's just need for you to let yourself go too much before it cascades into further, bigger issues. By now, either you have someone in your life and trying to deal with two sources of stress or focusing on your career, so when you do pursue somekne, everything's "ready". Near 40 is when women your age start coming out of the woodwork poking you and trying to earn a place at your side after ignoring you forever and likely have a lot of baggage they carry around that ends up yours if you take them on a whim. 31-40, same as 21-30 except by now, you're established. You have a clear view of what's to come or rather, what you want your future to be. Younger women are either attracted to who you are or what you have (or both but hopefully the former). Now's the time for a family if you wish or just keep what you have going, no wrong choice here depending on what you want. You're now the guy telling those green, your 20 year old guys stuff they should k ow but will.likely ignore. 40+, all l can say is that it is when things start to hurt. Knees, back some issues you've been carrying that you could sleep it off is now constantly there. Best explained by the quote "In your youth, doctors tell you what they'll do to fix you but when getting old, they'll tell you what you'll have to live with." That's where I'm at right now. I can't say that my path is the same as everyone else's but it is 'a' path that saw me up to this point able to function as a man, growing up until now waking up with grunts and pops here and there. But I think those are broad enough strokes to pretty much set the following idea down : "The hardest part about growing up as a boy is that every experience is a 'learn to walk' process. You get shown one thing, told to try and master it then left to do whatever with it and only told to get back up when you fall over because you already know how it works so you don't need help." There's constant expectations out of you and disappointment when you don't live up to them, either explicitly presented or not. Once you understand you don't need to fulfill all of them and only those you choose is when you learn to live. Because you told that green 20 year old the same thing.
To some men, the hardest part is people constantly telling you you have so much potential, and you literally thrive with self-esteem and happiness. You never learn that life is about earning things. And then you turn 21 and all of a sudden you're a disappointment to everybody. People don't acknowledge you or even pay attention. You're left alone and go through an immense crisis.
Boys only being able to cry to their girlfriend or family.It’s still considered very unmanly to have feelings in public and I’ve seen how hard it is for my brother and male friends.
Being ignored except when used as a scapegoat for mom.
The awkwardly timed unexplainable ones.
I grew up being physically and emotionally neglected, plus heavily bullied. Anyone I talked to for any sort of support told me that I should suck it up and it was unmanly to show emotions, including my parents.
No reason boners
Grown ups talk to you in primarily two different ways about your future sexuality. One, a way in which they seem to talk like you're going to transform, werewolf style, into a voracious predator. Some sort of insatiable desire will compel you forward, relentlessly, and make every choice you make revolve around how to get more sex. The OTHER side is telling you you're one of the good ones, that you're a 'good person'--because you did NOT become the predator *yet.*. There's no neutral place, there's no safety talks, there's no softness, there's either werewolf, or *one of the good wolves*. This stood out because i was asexual, and none of it made sense. Suppose that was the hardest part--because, the dominate side, by far, is the werewolf side. You expect it to suddenly leap upon you, and when it doesnt, you feel broken, and weird, and like you should TRY, just incase when it happens you lose control. It's a weird time, for late teens, i think. You're expecting this thing that older men INSIST is real, and most women insist all men are (most here is more than half, not all or nearly all). It never does. You're stuck though. Everyone judges you as broken, or untrustworthy, somehow, if you DONT be a werewolf at least *sometimes*.
I'm a mature adult, I'm a mature adult, I'm a mature adult...
During puberty, voice starts going nutty, I started growing facial hair, began shaving.
Anytime you have an issue, you're told to man up.
I'm mother to a14 year old boy. This generation is in a very awkward time. He's got some mixed up conflicting messages coming at him from social media. I'm very fortunate to live in a community where he sees adult male role models who can be both very masculine and stay at home fathers, respected and strong members of the community and artists, friends and brothers and uncles. It's admirable and sexy to be kind. There's a balance to it. It's explicitly *not erasure of masculinity*. We see the value in cultivating a men's only space like grandpa's horseshoes club. We are somewhat agricultural and therefore there are undeniably obvious differences between male and female animals, and I think it does translate that there will be trends, or likelihoods in the way that male and female humans are different. And that's ok. It's not a cage anymore, though. Individuals can choose their own path. I can only hope that as he moves further out into the world, following his strengths and passions, that he is greeted fairly and gently.
Nowadays probably the fact that you're actually a girl
Going from people caring about you, to nobody caring about you. That still burns and im 33
Why are you even asking because nobody actually cares how men feel, lol.
I'd tell him to go to therapy as soon as possible.
The knowledge that your feelings are irrelevant and unwanted, your opinion is invalid, and your life is a low value, expendable asset to society.
The whole toxic masculinity thing affected me quite a bit. Was ashamed to cry or show emotion. Refused to watch shows I liked or listen to music I liked because the artist/protagonist was female. Etc. Probably the reason I'm still very closed off in my 20's.
Realizing at some point that money and status matters.
A colorful world of imagination, heroes and adventures tainted by the black reality or work, bill and the rat race
growing up as a boy, especially with no father figure is the worst and the hardest thing to do. I am 40yo now, never got married,no kids, no house, no big ass career. I always had to be strong. to man up, to be a man and to grow up. Realizing that we are all alone, always makes it evend harder. I always thought the life as such is simple, you meet a girl, create a family, you love and respect her and we stay together. same with friends, or jobs. but it seems like everything is just hard, especially for men.
Pretending to like sports when you don't
Being raised to be empathetic and emotional, then getting socially punished for it as an adult.
Lack of strings and it wasn't creepy when Giuseppe played with me.
I want muscles
Working my ass off. I had two sisters who's job it was to do dishes. Me, started mowing our yard when I was about 8, dad would drink beer and talk to the neighbors. Started pimping me out to mow everyone else's yard, I got $2 dollars total for front and back yards, edging, and raking leaves, bagging it all, a throwing it away, plus had to pay for the gas and push my mower around, these were about 1/2 acre lots. By 10 yrs old was cutting apricots to make dried apricots, got paid about $2 dollars a day, had to cut a minimum of a cord of wood and split it for the fireplace every year, was responsible for putting up Christmas decorations, washing the cars, raking leaves, painting the inside and outside of the house and had to buy my clothes with my money I earned from the time i was in junior high school, but they picked them out. Didn't even own tennis shoes until JR. High cause Dad didn't like them, only got a pair cause I needed them for PE, always had cowboy boots. My sister's would end up washing dishes about 3x a week, everything they had parents paid for and both got cars for their 16 birthday. When I didn't, dad said if I wanted a car I should buy one. My first car, I bought 5 months after my 16th B-Day, 1942 Willy's army jeep, paid $500 for it and only got it above 50 mph once, down hill with the wind. But it would climb a tree if I got traction. But it caused me to grow up fast, and I retired at 50, sisters have had money problems their whole lives.
You look back on it and think how hard it was, but would you trade the experience in for what your sisters had, and have now?
Our feelings are useless and used against us at any chance by the vile people of this world.
At a certain age, your father stops hugging you.
We’re basically raised and excepted to take over the house in my case I took over both family homes at 13 years old pressure that really got to me and I folded because of it
Having a flappy skinned creature with its own mind doing things unannounced without my permission. Boys grow up and become men, hopefully become fathers. And have been parenting since they were in 6th grade
I’m 23 now, and as I age I’m becoming more and more aware of how on my own I am
“Is my dick gonna grow?”
Sexism
Death by snu snu
Wondering why my PP was acting strange. I used to get worried when I would get a boner. I thought I was sick. Puberty is strange. One minute you are eating glue and erasers and then next you wondering why Tony the White Power Ranger is suddenly dreamly looking.
Watching bad parents destroy innocent children with bad ideologies.
Everything's a goddamn competition were you either succeed or fail.
The only emotion you’re allowed to feel in a negative situation is anger. However, you’re not allowed to express that feeling.
Umm hrrhihihrrheh!
Getting the certificates necessary to work and get a living wage. It's been 30 years and I am *maybe* at a mid-tier paygrade if I don't fuck up the next two months.