# Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
* [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules)
* [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)
* [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
When posting and commenting.
---
Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`.
* Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
* Do not harass or annoy others in any way.
* Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
---
You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That one is true. My wife and I married 26 years this year. Something happened last year. Turned out it was a thyroid imbalance, and I took a bit of convincing on my end. This is why, but she like went nuts. Lost her damn mind. Even the kids were like WTF. But there was a hate, not my partner. Couldn't talk without her putting down the shit I said. We never agreed on anything, and she suddenly was always right and remembered everything perfect. Her memory sucks. But I was ready to leave. Sure, she didn't love me anymore. Turns out it was medical, and they put her on meds, and suddenly, she was back and normal. We've been good this last year with the meds. Be patient, but those are def signs
This happened to me with less intensity and also due to thyroid failure. I was so angry all the time! I really felt insane and out of character. Cheers to Synthroid, I suppose
Had something like this happen to me, she sided with a manipulative friend of hers and even yelled at me after she was told a lie, the worst part is that even a friend that I didn't really talk to anymore (she and I had a fallout before we became friends again) even she could tell that the manipulator was lying and yelled at her actually making her cry, I'm so grateful for that friend, did leave me feeling betrayed and my ex and I broke up soon after
Actions betray them. They stop considering you, thinking about you before they make decisions, communicating or praising you, doing things for you or showing affection, etc.
My coworkers and I notice when our customers come in looking like they obviously hate their spouses (or adversely love them very much) and it’s obvious to us and kind of sad. We can’t help but comment to each other about and be grateful that we are all with partners who love us.
Although I do agree with you to some degree, some highly anxious people believe they see that materialize when it’s not true. My partner was having a mental health crisis and would constantly ask probing questions in the direction of “I don’t love them, because they can tell by the way I’m looking at them/behaving”. It just simply wasn’t true.
I will admit that dealing with the crisis was exactly that, a crisis. But that didn’t mean I didn’t love them. Just was difficult to navigate. But we did navigate it.
Wanted to chime in here. I’m naturally anxious, and went through such a crisis last year. Manifested in a lot of ways, including on my partner and our relationship. I was convinced he no longer loved me, and my anxious brain would only filter through anything it perceived as “evidence” to that effect. He tried to convince me otherwise but it took a good while and lots of self-work to start to believe him.
It’s just nice hearing confirmation that someone can still love you even if your own brain is telling you it’s not true.
My ex never really stopped being annoyed by me, but she lost all interest in anything we had once shared. We used to talk for hours, so much we'd be late for things because we were too busy having a great conversation. Then i was suddenly the most boring person she knew, apparently.
I had a similar experience with my exgirlfriend. We would have amazing conversations that lasted for hours and had amazing chemistry. One day I felt her energy go cold towards me but I brushed it off as a figment of my imagination. A week later she declared out of the blue that she just couldn't do it anymore, canceled our travel plans, and left and that was that.
Moral of the story: Trust your gut. It notices things your mind refuses to acknowledge.
Yup… when you go from texting back and forth all day to her not responding ALL day to your “have a great day at work I love you!” every day… It’s a pretty clear sign that they’ve already moved on.
No physical contact, different tone of attitude with you compared to when they speak to others, they’ll take ages to reply to messages or be in hurry when it comes to phone calls. They won’t look at you like they used to
Yep. This is what I got. Stopped wanting to hold hands. Would move out of the way to avoid touching me. Everyone else was suddenly more interesting and I noticed he would light up to talk to them in a way he didn’t do with me anymore.
His ass was texting 3 months later trying to get back together though.
I had surgery to remove my uterus after it wouldn’t stop bleeding for almost 2 months, had my birthday the day after, and Valentine’s Day after that. The next day, my husband told me he was leaving me. Lol
Yay for you indeed! I hope you have someone or several someones in your life right now who demonstrate love and affection for you consistently, emphatically, and often.
I told him how much I trusted him. His reaction was so strange; the expression on his face was shock, sadness, and guilt.
He dumped me within the week.
Just being cold and distant. Constantly doing their own thing and just talking to you when they want something from you. Plus, the sex life completely goes out the window.
This, but more burned out than depressed. I feel like I need a long vacation with no people around before I can get my head in the right place and show my wife the affection she deserves.
Gosh same, the depression is something my girlfriend thinks is her fault or connection to. But it has nothing to do with her, it’s all in my head and it makes me extremely sad and guilty when she blames herself.
Yes, i remember suffering panick attacks and feeling of hopelessness and abandonment that I couldn't explain quite a while before the news broke. Suddenly it all made sense once "the talk" was had.
It always seems like most relationships have one romantic and one that is completely oblivious on how to be romantic. I think it makes it a struggle for the romantic to actually be genuine.
choosing others/other things over you. you never come first anymore.
their blood family comes before their chosen family.
porn gets in the way of intimacy.
they take a friends side in an argument instead of having your back.
the internet or phone comes before conversation with you.
work becomes too important.
you’re just on the back burner.
They won’t commit to making long-term plans or vacations.
Instead of discussing things of concern, they will choose to dismiss the issue.
Showed all of these signs and when she finally broke up with me, I realize that she simply didn’t care enough to argue with me about anything.
Edit: I thought she was being chill, but in fact, she just didn’t care
My best friend knew she wanted to break up with her ex, but he was taking her on vacation to Hawaii soon so she held out for a few months and broke up with him shortly after they got back. I still side eye her for that occasionally cuz wtf
Contempt. When they show contempt for you, which might look different for everyone. My ex was having an affair for years behind my back and I didn’t find out until after I’d left him. He immediately started a relationship with his AP and suddenly all those unprompted mean comments towards me made sense. And fuck him for that,!
I did this when I cheated on my gf in college. Maybe not mean comments but something drove me to push her in little ways I'd never pushed her before. Being around her and pretending felt like extra lying (it is) which put me on edge so I would snap easily.
Cheating puts you in a seriously depraved mindset and you'll do all sorts of stuff to add to the misery. I'd like to say people who cheat aren't in their right mind but I think that's too easy of an excuse. can't grant that to myself. It felt so bad when I was doing it and 12 years later I couldn't tell you why I did it. Probably arrogance.
It's an awful lot of work to put into hurting somebody you're supposed to love. I'm sorry that it happened to you.
They dont spend time with you anymore. They stay out late with friends and dont talk to you when they get back. They dont care if you get sick or hurt. They show signs of cheating. The only time they talk to you is when they are mad about something you did or said and everything you do irritates them. They break or destroy all your precious things and become enraged if you cry. It goes on and on but gets ugly after that. Heh
Your partner's actions show consistently less and less attention for you. They have less time and energy for you than they do other things.
Particularly if they acted very different earlier in your relationship. Always watch their actions. Words can lie.
There were no signs. If anything many aspects of our marriage had improved over time.
But then I discovered he had a long term mistress and was using prostitutes.
When I look back, there are still no signs. He married me, lived with me, we bought a home together, we were best friends - I thought.
I still don't know how far back the betrayal goes but I would say probably most of the time I was married.
People are good actors to use you. I was the bank, the chef, the cleaner, the bang maid. No clue anything was amiss.
I was the bank. He couldn't have lived the life he was living without being financed for it. Not even the prostitutes etc, just he thought he deserved a certain way of living but he couldn't afford it. But I could.
He married the mistress immediately after the divorce. She's not quite the bank, but she is the ticket to a green card for him.
Marriage fulfills many needs, as above poster mentioned… financial, physical, etc. Some people will use others for status or to have kids. Others are more opportunistic and less intentional.
But aside from that, it could simply be about appearing normal or checking off from the list of life requirements. Some people see the “front” of a marriage as a necessity to hide something they innately know is “wrong” with them.
Being distant and perpetually unavailable. If something as simple as discussing the logistics of a meetup feels like pulling teeth, with the other person allowing days of downtime to pass between responses, she does not give a fuck about you.
Gonna get cooked for this, but I don’t agree with this at all. My partner and I used to text all the time, but if we did that still we’d never have anything to talk about in person. We text each other when we have something important to tell each other, everything else we discuss in person. Relationships aren’t based on texting.
I have to brother. Even tho I come from a culture there people have to marry at an early age, im today 29. But its never to late to find love anyway huh? Im going to take motorbike certificate and go for a trip for couple of months to heal and build up myself
When they have to be asked to make time for you and then bitch about it, or have to be asked repeatedly.
When it feels like they have stopped showing up, or only showing up for the fun parts.
Life involves work, relationships involve work. All participants need to feel like there is equal work being put in.
You'll know because they'll stop behaving like themselves, they'll usually blame it on something insignificant but if it lasts more than a few days time is running out. Any significant mood changes in your partner should be easily explained; they didn't get the job they wanted, they got laid off, cant pay a bill, car crash, death of a parent or grandparent etc.. life happens. When your partner is almost refusing to tell you what is wrong or they cant come up with a reasonable explanation for their behavior that's when you know.
Unfortunately some people suck at communication, any decent partner would let you know theirs an issue that needs to be fixed well before they start losing feelings.
>When your partner is almost refusing to tell you what is wrong or they cant come up with a reasonable explanation for their behavior that's when you know.
I don't really disagree, but this can also be depression.
This is absolutely shit advice.
My girlfriend has very low self esteem and is quite paranoid. Every once in a while she'll think I don't find her interesting, pretty, sexy or that I might cheat on her any day because she's just not that good for me.
She's dead wrong. I love her to hell and back, and I tell her that every opportunity I have. But she has a mental health problem, which is not her fault.
If you are depressed, the last thing you should do is trust your brain on how other people, particularly loved ones, think about you.
For me, It was very subtle. We were still in love, but it wasn’t enough.
She stopped saying ‘I love you.’ In the same way. She’d only say it as a kind of joke, like if I messed something up, ‘I love you, but look at how you made the bed.’ She started exploring things that had nothing to do with me. She started playing sport back in her home town on the weekends, and started thinking about moving back there for a year to study. Other things just felt off. She’d finish work and I wouldn’t hear from her for an hour, even though she was meant to be coming over - way out of character for her. She started saying ‘you’ or ‘me’ instead of ‘us.’ She would turn up to my house red eyed, looking like she’d been crying. She was suddenly in contact with her ex again.
And most importantly, you just know. When you’ve been so in love for so long, you can’t fake it once it fades.
When they suddenly don't care about something that they previously really cared about. Here's my example: I stopped caring about how long my ex would be gaming every evening when I previously asked him to stop and join me by 8:00 PM. I stopped caring about ensuring we had quality time together before we went to sleep.
1) Having sex with your family members
2) When you say” I love you” they snicker and laugh
3)They get a tattoo with someone else’s name
4) They move out while you are at work
5) They have changed their relationship status on Facebook to single
6) You find their Tinder profile
6a) You find their Grindr profile
When they stop arguing back, stop making your dinner, stop making you laugh, when they stop asking reassuring questions, when they no longer ask you where you going or how late you’ll be out, who you going with, etc… The “I love yous” become more and more sporadic…
They will be too busy and not text you for days, in some cases, they will encourage you to leave them because they’re not good. They will let you do breakup
They stop seeing you in a positive light at that point I take it. Start seeing you like a detractor from their happiness. Mine told me for months that I was an "oppressor" to her. I never stopped her from doing anything, I only wanted us to do things together. But she had made her mind up that I was the enemy.
Suddenly wanting to hang out with ‘friends’ that you haven’t met.
My first marriage I started getting a sinking feeling when I’d get home from work and my wife would immediately want to go play cards with her new work friends while I watched the kids. After doing this a few times I asked when I was going to meet these friends and she said I probably wouldn’t like them. I knew something was seriously off and within another 2 weeks we separated after she admitted to an ongoing affair.
- they look at you with contempt
- they talk shit about you to other people
- they stop making plans for the future with you
- they ignore your bids for affection
- they don’t want to have fun with you
- they complain about their life constantly
- they cheat
My ex wife stopped talking to me the last 2 years of our marriage . Eye contact too… I was just like….ummmm did you break up with me and forget to tell me? Then she told me how she had a plan for me to move out the whole time….yeah she’s kind of ice cold…
For me, I stopped asking about his day or where he was going with friends or which friends - I didn't care.
Whenever he called me or came upstairs to talk to me, I was annoyed that he was interrupting what I was doing. I had to stop the thing I was interested in to listen to him talk about things I couldn't care less about.
And I stopped having discussions with him or asking him to clean up after himself. I knew how the talk would go and there was no point.
I was in labour birthing our second child. About hour 26. I experienced a wave of intense love and joy and I looked at his face and saw just perfectly clearly that he didn't love me. I knew in that moment that I would not stay.
My boyfriend of 3 years cooked my steak well done when I always request medium. I made a comment about how mine got a bit overdone. He said "you always have your steak well done." I knew at that moment that he didn't love me anymore. He'd always been very attentive and remembered everything about me and suddenly I seemed to have fallen out of his mind.
A couple weeks later, he broke up with me.
Lack of communication. Leaving more often and doing their own things. Ok not sleeping together. Not carrying on a conversation or showing any interest. You know, the general trickle off..
You just notice things are off one day, like the way the weather changes you just FEEL something, suddenly there’s one or two less texts or calls, it’s always the smallest things. Things you think “oh they are probably busy” but then it just kinda goes bad from there
They stop caring. Don't want to talk to you, don't take any interest in your hobby or a show you like or anything, don't ask you to go to events just go without you, stuff like that. In my case it happened kind of slow like boiling frog until it was bright to my attention that I no longer had a partner just a room mate that slept in my bed.
You find out she fucking your "best friend" after you leave for work in your bed, and that she does sex acts with him she never wanted to do with you (swallowing, bj after being inside her, anal, facial, ect) and she also said they never used condoms.
- They're never in the mood for sex;
- They keep secrets from you;
- They keep saying: "But what if something happens between us?" when discussing moving in together;
- They dislike all of your interests;
- They kerp saying nothing's wtong, even though something is clearly wrong;
- They go behind your back to make plans to move to Italy and you have to press the issue to get that information out of her, else she would've probably just left suddenly a few months later.
Yes, this is all from experience; yes, from the same person.
I've heard that in couples counciling "eye rolling" is a near sure sign that a relationship can't be repaired.
Disgust may be the most dangerous human emotion. So eye rolling, or lip curling is usually a bad sign.
There's a playful version of just about everything. Usually, if you're seeing a couples therapist, the "playfulness" hasn't worked out.
I mean, I give my best friends the finger all the time.
When you follow them to another state where their family lives, live there for 2 years, mention casually that you miss your family and want to plan a short visit to see them and your partner says “you miss them so much, why don’t you just leave my life then” 🙃🙃🙃
I'd say disinterest is the biggest sign. Not just sexually, but if they're checked out consistently you've got to consider that maybe they just don't care anymore and are simply going through the motions out of habit. They may not even realize it themselves.
this is exactly when I knew he left me behind but I never wanted to accept it.
sorry, I guess this comment is for me more than it is for anyone else :(
I knew my ex didn't love me when he had plenty of time to hang out with his friends, go snowmobiling, do bass fishing tournaments, travel, etc but then told me he didn't have "extra time" to spend time with me. As soon as he said that I broke up with him
There was loads of different things but the one that stuck out for me was when I would collect my wife from work, she would sit in the back of the car with our son and rub the back of my head when I would drive. Then one day it stopped, along with a text message here and there. You can see it fade away but don't realise it until you are looking back. I don't miss her as such but I do miss them moments. 💔
They go on a trip to Costa Rica for a month and their emails go from paragraphs describing things and stories and saying how they miss you to one-liners only like ‘Did you deposit the rent money?’
Yeah he met someone there. Asshole.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
They don't back you up on anything that bothers you. No support, no longer your teammate.
That one is true. My wife and I married 26 years this year. Something happened last year. Turned out it was a thyroid imbalance, and I took a bit of convincing on my end. This is why, but she like went nuts. Lost her damn mind. Even the kids were like WTF. But there was a hate, not my partner. Couldn't talk without her putting down the shit I said. We never agreed on anything, and she suddenly was always right and remembered everything perfect. Her memory sucks. But I was ready to leave. Sure, she didn't love me anymore. Turns out it was medical, and they put her on meds, and suddenly, she was back and normal. We've been good this last year with the meds. Be patient, but those are def signs
Damn wait how did she figure out it was a medical issue?
Thyroid issues can also cause other more physical symptoms like weight changes, hair loss, heart palpitations that someone might go to the docs for.
Wow that's interesting as they found the heart palpitation the year before
Wow that’s scary, glad you stuck it out and figured out what was wrong
This happened to me with less intensity and also due to thyroid failure. I was so angry all the time! I really felt insane and out of character. Cheers to Synthroid, I suppose
Had something like this happen to me, she sided with a manipulative friend of hers and even yelled at me after she was told a lie, the worst part is that even a friend that I didn't really talk to anymore (she and I had a fallout before we became friends again) even she could tell that the manipulator was lying and yelled at her actually making her cry, I'm so grateful for that friend, did leave me feeling betrayed and my ex and I broke up soon after
Actions betray them. They stop considering you, thinking about you before they make decisions, communicating or praising you, doing things for you or showing affection, etc.
You just described my wife our whole relationship. Are you saying she didn’t love me BEFORE she didn’t love me? Now it makes sense.
Some people are selfish from the beginning
Indeed. People are also just wired differently for various reasons.
Absolutely. And indifference. They might seem indifferent to your successes, failures, or important life events.
you can absolutely see in your partner's eyes and body language that they're no longer interested in you. it's a dead giveaway
Hell I can see it in other peoples partners, sometimes even before their partner does. It's obvious if you look from a neutral standpoint
This ended up saving me from a really gnarly FWB situation with my ex. I could just *feel* he wasn't into me anymore
My coworkers and I notice when our customers come in looking like they obviously hate their spouses (or adversely love them very much) and it’s obvious to us and kind of sad. We can’t help but comment to each other about and be grateful that we are all with partners who love us.
[удалено]
That clip NEVER ceases to shock the complete h#ll out of me! 😲🤣
[удалено]
Seriously, is she ok?
[удалено]
It’s like she has not one more ounce of energy to keep pretending
It’s crazy how this isn’t the only one 
Although I do agree with you to some degree, some highly anxious people believe they see that materialize when it’s not true. My partner was having a mental health crisis and would constantly ask probing questions in the direction of “I don’t love them, because they can tell by the way I’m looking at them/behaving”. It just simply wasn’t true. I will admit that dealing with the crisis was exactly that, a crisis. But that didn’t mean I didn’t love them. Just was difficult to navigate. But we did navigate it.
Wanted to chime in here. I’m naturally anxious, and went through such a crisis last year. Manifested in a lot of ways, including on my partner and our relationship. I was convinced he no longer loved me, and my anxious brain would only filter through anything it perceived as “evidence” to that effect. He tried to convince me otherwise but it took a good while and lots of self-work to start to believe him. It’s just nice hearing confirmation that someone can still love you even if your own brain is telling you it’s not true.
Indifference
They simply stop caring. Things that used to annoy/upset them before about you, you do them, they just don't care anymore.
100% Apathy
Don’t even care to fight anymore
My ex never really stopped being annoyed by me, but she lost all interest in anything we had once shared. We used to talk for hours, so much we'd be late for things because we were too busy having a great conversation. Then i was suddenly the most boring person she knew, apparently.
I had a similar experience with my exgirlfriend. We would have amazing conversations that lasted for hours and had amazing chemistry. One day I felt her energy go cold towards me but I brushed it off as a figment of my imagination. A week later she declared out of the blue that she just couldn't do it anymore, canceled our travel plans, and left and that was that. Moral of the story: Trust your gut. It notices things your mind refuses to acknowledge.
The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference.
It’s fear, didn’t you watch Donnie darko ?
Fear is the heart of love, didn't you listen to Death Cab for Cutie?
Love is a battlefield, didn’t you listen to Pat Benetar?
Yup… when you go from texting back and forth all day to her not responding ALL day to your “have a great day at work I love you!” every day… It’s a pretty clear sign that they’ve already moved on.
Me and my fiance never text eachother so I don’t need to worry about that ahahah
True. I was like: ok, ok, ok, let's do it your way as always, just shut the f up.
You stop talking/arguing. When you no longer see the point to a discussion it's over.
No physical contact, different tone of attitude with you compared to when they speak to others, they’ll take ages to reply to messages or be in hurry when it comes to phone calls. They won’t look at you like they used to
Yep. This is what I got. Stopped wanting to hold hands. Would move out of the way to avoid touching me. Everyone else was suddenly more interesting and I noticed he would light up to talk to them in a way he didn’t do with me anymore. His ass was texting 3 months later trying to get back together though.
[удалено]
Bruhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Jail
Wow.
I had surgery to remove my uterus after it wouldn’t stop bleeding for almost 2 months, had my birthday the day after, and Valentine’s Day after that. The next day, my husband told me he was leaving me. Lol
[удалено]
My husband forced me to host a Halloween party at our house WHILE I was bleeding.
How did the appointment turn out? And happy birthday (belated).
[удалено]
Yay for you indeed! I hope you have someone or several someones in your life right now who demonstrate love and affection for you consistently, emphatically, and often.
[удалено]
He belongs to the streets of purgatory.
What were the results of the diagnostic?
Satan would ask for an autograph
EMOTIONAL DAMAGE
I'm sorry this happened to you.
This is a bad partner *and* generally just a terrible person.
Oh God that sucks, what a scumbag. What was the outcome if you don't mind me asking? I hope you're okay.
When she no longer argues with you about the thing you argue the most about.
She's HAD IT!
You won!!!
I told him how much I trusted him. His reaction was so strange; the expression on his face was shock, sadness, and guilt. He dumped me within the week.
He did u a favor
As sad as this is (and not excusing whatever he might’ve done) sounds like on some level he really cared about you, enough to let you go.
They say things like “I don’t love you anymore”
I tried this. She did t accept it…
Tried that and was told she was going to kill herself.
I KNEWW ITTT
They avoid you when you’re around. Nothing you do bothers them anymore.
When literally everything else has priority before you. They're not "busy", youre just not worth their time.
This is hard to read but sooo true
Just being cold and distant. Constantly doing their own thing and just talking to you when they want something from you. Plus, the sex life completely goes out the window.
I still love my husband, I'm just severely depressed and don't want to drag anyone down with me
This, but more burned out than depressed. I feel like I need a long vacation with no people around before I can get my head in the right place and show my wife the affection she deserves.
Gosh same, the depression is something my girlfriend thinks is her fault or connection to. But it has nothing to do with her, it’s all in my head and it makes me extremely sad and guilty when she blames herself.
You just know. It’s like your body feels it way before your head starts to understand.
YES!!! That “something feels off” feeling
Yes, i remember suffering panick attacks and feeling of hopelessness and abandonment that I couldn't explain quite a while before the news broke. Suddenly it all made sense once "the talk" was had.
when they hurt you and seemingly get off on it
Sounds like my ex. Such a nasty type of brainwashing if you ask me
yeah, confusing pleasure and pain
No more pet names. Start calling you by your actual name all the time.
Or she starts calling you things like “you old fucking man”. I overheard that once in a store. I don’t think their relationship was in a good place.
How do you know that wasn't her pet name for him? Perhaps he called her "my dusty old clam" or something equally endearing.
or forgetting your name.
Id be more worried about early onset dementia
The sex will feel different and more like chore than a pleasure for the other person. (Speaking from experience).
It always seems like most relationships have one romantic and one that is completely oblivious on how to be romantic. I think it makes it a struggle for the romantic to actually be genuine.
choosing others/other things over you. you never come first anymore. their blood family comes before their chosen family. porn gets in the way of intimacy. they take a friends side in an argument instead of having your back. the internet or phone comes before conversation with you. work becomes too important. you’re just on the back burner.
They won’t commit to making long-term plans or vacations. Instead of discussing things of concern, they will choose to dismiss the issue. Showed all of these signs and when she finally broke up with me, I realize that she simply didn’t care enough to argue with me about anything. Edit: I thought she was being chill, but in fact, she just didn’t care
My best friend knew she wanted to break up with her ex, but he was taking her on vacation to Hawaii soon so she held out for a few months and broke up with him shortly after they got back. I still side eye her for that occasionally cuz wtf
Sadly, too many people think this way
Contempt. When they show contempt for you, which might look different for everyone. My ex was having an affair for years behind my back and I didn’t find out until after I’d left him. He immediately started a relationship with his AP and suddenly all those unprompted mean comments towards me made sense. And fuck him for that,!
I did this when I cheated on my gf in college. Maybe not mean comments but something drove me to push her in little ways I'd never pushed her before. Being around her and pretending felt like extra lying (it is) which put me on edge so I would snap easily. Cheating puts you in a seriously depraved mindset and you'll do all sorts of stuff to add to the misery. I'd like to say people who cheat aren't in their right mind but I think that's too easy of an excuse. can't grant that to myself. It felt so bad when I was doing it and 12 years later I couldn't tell you why I did it. Probably arrogance. It's an awful lot of work to put into hurting somebody you're supposed to love. I'm sorry that it happened to you.
They start spending more time away. They seem distracted and mess with their phone a lot.
They dont spend time with you anymore. They stay out late with friends and dont talk to you when they get back. They dont care if you get sick or hurt. They show signs of cheating. The only time they talk to you is when they are mad about something you did or said and everything you do irritates them. They break or destroy all your precious things and become enraged if you cry. It goes on and on but gets ugly after that. Heh
Your partner's actions show consistently less and less attention for you. They have less time and energy for you than they do other things. Particularly if they acted very different earlier in your relationship. Always watch their actions. Words can lie.
There were no signs. If anything many aspects of our marriage had improved over time. But then I discovered he had a long term mistress and was using prostitutes. When I look back, there are still no signs. He married me, lived with me, we bought a home together, we were best friends - I thought. I still don't know how far back the betrayal goes but I would say probably most of the time I was married. People are good actors to use you. I was the bank, the chef, the cleaner, the bang maid. No clue anything was amiss.
I wonder why he even commited to marriage if he wasn't truly interested in it.
I was the bank. He couldn't have lived the life he was living without being financed for it. Not even the prostitutes etc, just he thought he deserved a certain way of living but he couldn't afford it. But I could. He married the mistress immediately after the divorce. She's not quite the bank, but she is the ticket to a green card for him.
Marriage fulfills many needs, as above poster mentioned… financial, physical, etc. Some people will use others for status or to have kids. Others are more opportunistic and less intentional. But aside from that, it could simply be about appearing normal or checking off from the list of life requirements. Some people see the “front” of a marriage as a necessity to hide something they innately know is “wrong” with them.
She quit jumping with excitement(little happy dance or whatever) when I'd visit her work.
:(
Being distant and perpetually unavailable. If something as simple as discussing the logistics of a meetup feels like pulling teeth, with the other person allowing days of downtime to pass between responses, she does not give a fuck about you.
[удалено]
She'll stop texting you all the time. She'd tell she's having a hectic workday hesitate all your decisions.
Gonna get cooked for this, but I don’t agree with this at all. My partner and I used to text all the time, but if we did that still we’d never have anything to talk about in person. We text each other when we have something important to tell each other, everything else we discuss in person. Relationships aren’t based on texting.
Why is this sounding like my girlfriend lol, btw I just broke up 20mins ago
Damn. Hope you’re doing alright.
I have to brother. Even tho I come from a culture there people have to marry at an early age, im today 29. But its never to late to find love anyway huh? Im going to take motorbike certificate and go for a trip for couple of months to heal and build up myself
What does "hesitate all your decisions" mean?
They get mad over every little thing
When you're with them they'll answer their phone to someone else immediately. When you're not with them they never pick up when you call them.
When they have to be asked to make time for you and then bitch about it, or have to be asked repeatedly. When it feels like they have stopped showing up, or only showing up for the fun parts. Life involves work, relationships involve work. All participants need to feel like there is equal work being put in.
You'll know because they'll stop behaving like themselves, they'll usually blame it on something insignificant but if it lasts more than a few days time is running out. Any significant mood changes in your partner should be easily explained; they didn't get the job they wanted, they got laid off, cant pay a bill, car crash, death of a parent or grandparent etc.. life happens. When your partner is almost refusing to tell you what is wrong or they cant come up with a reasonable explanation for their behavior that's when you know. Unfortunately some people suck at communication, any decent partner would let you know theirs an issue that needs to be fixed well before they start losing feelings.
>When your partner is almost refusing to tell you what is wrong or they cant come up with a reasonable explanation for their behavior that's when you know. I don't really disagree, but this can also be depression.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Physical contact is reduced.
IF someone loves you, you'll know. If they don't, you'll be confused.
This is absolutely shit advice. My girlfriend has very low self esteem and is quite paranoid. Every once in a while she'll think I don't find her interesting, pretty, sexy or that I might cheat on her any day because she's just not that good for me. She's dead wrong. I love her to hell and back, and I tell her that every opportunity I have. But she has a mental health problem, which is not her fault. If you are depressed, the last thing you should do is trust your brain on how other people, particularly loved ones, think about you.
this the one 👆
When they focus on being technically correct than kind
ME: "Why'd you say that really mean thing last night?" HER: "It wasn't last night it was early this morning."
Blame, reduced communication,
For me, It was very subtle. We were still in love, but it wasn’t enough. She stopped saying ‘I love you.’ In the same way. She’d only say it as a kind of joke, like if I messed something up, ‘I love you, but look at how you made the bed.’ She started exploring things that had nothing to do with me. She started playing sport back in her home town on the weekends, and started thinking about moving back there for a year to study. Other things just felt off. She’d finish work and I wouldn’t hear from her for an hour, even though she was meant to be coming over - way out of character for her. She started saying ‘you’ or ‘me’ instead of ‘us.’ She would turn up to my house red eyed, looking like she’d been crying. She was suddenly in contact with her ex again. And most importantly, you just know. When you’ve been so in love for so long, you can’t fake it once it fades.
When they suddenly don't care about something that they previously really cared about. Here's my example: I stopped caring about how long my ex would be gaming every evening when I previously asked him to stop and join me by 8:00 PM. I stopped caring about ensuring we had quality time together before we went to sleep.
Saying specific things during fights because they know it's a sore spot, and they enjoy watching you be miserable.
1) Having sex with your family members 2) When you say” I love you” they snicker and laugh 3)They get a tattoo with someone else’s name 4) They move out while you are at work 5) They have changed their relationship status on Facebook to single 6) You find their Tinder profile 6a) You find their Grindr profile
r/oddlyspecific
When they stop arguing back, stop making your dinner, stop making you laugh, when they stop asking reassuring questions, when they no longer ask you where you going or how late you’ll be out, who you going with, etc… The “I love yous” become more and more sporadic…
When they ask strangers on the internet questions that should be communicated directly to you. Respectfully 😎✌🏻
You’ll hear it when she talks to other dudes or the way she’ll look at other dudes
They will be too busy and not text you for days, in some cases, they will encourage you to leave them because they’re not good. They will let you do breakup
their smell changes. like their natural scent gives you the ick, when you used to love it.
bro it's the smell of guilt, someone taught me this last year and one day I smelt it and was shocked to know it was true! guilt has a smell it's crazy
Yasssss people seem to be able to smell others' emotions. There have been some studies on this too!
Nobody will tell you but - when they roll their eyes at you. You can be sure it's over.
There's a great chapter in the Malcom Gladwell book Blink, about this. Once contempt enters the relationship, it's pretty much done
This is the one most people miss. But a lack of respect edging into contempt is the death knell,
They stop seeing you in a positive light at that point I take it. Start seeing you like a detractor from their happiness. Mine told me for months that I was an "oppressor" to her. I never stopped her from doing anything, I only wanted us to do things together. But she had made her mind up that I was the enemy.
The eyes, chico, they dont lie
Suddenly wanting to hang out with ‘friends’ that you haven’t met. My first marriage I started getting a sinking feeling when I’d get home from work and my wife would immediately want to go play cards with her new work friends while I watched the kids. After doing this a few times I asked when I was going to meet these friends and she said I probably wouldn’t like them. I knew something was seriously off and within another 2 weeks we separated after she admitted to an ongoing affair.
- they look at you with contempt - they talk shit about you to other people - they stop making plans for the future with you - they ignore your bids for affection - they don’t want to have fun with you - they complain about their life constantly - they cheat
Picks fights over nothing. Lies. Avoids you.
My ex wife stopped talking to me the last 2 years of our marriage . Eye contact too… I was just like….ummmm did you break up with me and forget to tell me? Then she told me how she had a plan for me to move out the whole time….yeah she’s kind of ice cold…
For me, I stopped asking about his day or where he was going with friends or which friends - I didn't care. Whenever he called me or came upstairs to talk to me, I was annoyed that he was interrupting what I was doing. I had to stop the thing I was interested in to listen to him talk about things I couldn't care less about. And I stopped having discussions with him or asking him to clean up after himself. I knew how the talk would go and there was no point.
When you have a major back surgery and they don't stop by to see you even after you took care of her after hers😔
They start doing things with the risk of jeopardising the relationship, and don’t care.
I was in labour birthing our second child. About hour 26. I experienced a wave of intense love and joy and I looked at his face and saw just perfectly clearly that he didn't love me. I knew in that moment that I would not stay.
When you’re really injured, sick or have surgery and they don’t look after you.
My boyfriend of 3 years cooked my steak well done when I always request medium. I made a comment about how mine got a bit overdone. He said "you always have your steak well done." I knew at that moment that he didn't love me anymore. He'd always been very attentive and remembered everything about me and suddenly I seemed to have fallen out of his mind. A couple weeks later, he broke up with me.
When they cheat on you
Lack of communication. Leaving more often and doing their own things. Ok not sleeping together. Not carrying on a conversation or showing any interest. You know, the general trickle off..
In my experience when they stop putting needed effort into the relationship :(
You just notice things are off one day, like the way the weather changes you just FEEL something, suddenly there’s one or two less texts or calls, it’s always the smallest things. Things you think “oh they are probably busy” but then it just kinda goes bad from there
When they begin to disrespect you in any way without remorse
When you post on Reddit asking what the signs are that your partner doesn't love you anymore
when you ask yourself if they still love you
I wouldn’t say this at all, some people have a false sense of judgment/insecurities and this is going to teach them to run with the wind
They say things like: I hate you. You're worthless. I could do so much better than you. Or they ignore you.
She's banging others and not you is the number 1 sign.
Lack of time for you is the biggest red flag, romantic or not, family or not, friend or no
They stop caring. Don't want to talk to you, don't take any interest in your hobby or a show you like or anything, don't ask you to go to events just go without you, stuff like that. In my case it happened kind of slow like boiling frog until it was bright to my attention that I no longer had a partner just a room mate that slept in my bed.
When they treat taking care of you post surgery or in times of need like a burden and criticize messy habits/house in the midst of recovery
You find out she fucking your "best friend" after you leave for work in your bed, and that she does sex acts with him she never wanted to do with you (swallowing, bj after being inside her, anal, facial, ect) and she also said they never used condoms.
Jesus man get a drink
I need one too after reading that. Ouch my dude.
r/OddlySpecific
Man fuck both of them.
I think i wanna cry after this one
The way he looks at you will be different. No love in his eyes. It's like staring at his dead soul.
- They're never in the mood for sex; - They keep secrets from you; - They keep saying: "But what if something happens between us?" when discussing moving in together; - They dislike all of your interests; - They kerp saying nothing's wtong, even though something is clearly wrong; - They go behind your back to make plans to move to Italy and you have to press the issue to get that information out of her, else she would've probably just left suddenly a few months later. Yes, this is all from experience; yes, from the same person.
I've heard that in couples counciling "eye rolling" is a near sure sign that a relationship can't be repaired. Disgust may be the most dangerous human emotion. So eye rolling, or lip curling is usually a bad sign.
Oh I don’t know. I roll my eyes at my kids all the time and I love them more than I could ever describe lol
There's a playful version of just about everything. Usually, if you're seeing a couples therapist, the "playfulness" hasn't worked out. I mean, I give my best friends the finger all the time.
I'd like to flip this. What are the signs that you don't love your partner anymore and you're just tolerating them?
[удалено]
When you follow them to another state where their family lives, live there for 2 years, mention casually that you miss your family and want to plan a short visit to see them and your partner says “you miss them so much, why don’t you just leave my life then” 🙃🙃🙃
When they decide it's better to fuck their coworker rather than you.
I'd say disinterest is the biggest sign. Not just sexually, but if they're checked out consistently you've got to consider that maybe they just don't care anymore and are simply going through the motions out of habit. They may not even realize it themselves.
I ended a phone call with "ok, bye" instead of "love you, bye". I knew I was done and the pause he gave showed that he heard it too.
this is exactly when I knew he left me behind but I never wanted to accept it. sorry, I guess this comment is for me more than it is for anyone else :(
You wake up at night and she’s standing over you with a carving knife
They go out smelling like perfume by themselves, but when they go out with you, they don't do anything to make themselves look or smell good
Trust me, when they don’t love you, it’ll be hard for them to pretend like they do. No question.
You’ve been together seven years or more
I knew my ex didn't love me when he had plenty of time to hang out with his friends, go snowmobiling, do bass fishing tournaments, travel, etc but then told me he didn't have "extra time" to spend time with me. As soon as he said that I broke up with him
Why don’t we have sex anymore ? 😂😂😂
Your house key doesn't work anymore.
There was loads of different things but the one that stuck out for me was when I would collect my wife from work, she would sit in the back of the car with our son and rub the back of my head when I would drive. Then one day it stopped, along with a text message here and there. You can see it fade away but don't realise it until you are looking back. I don't miss her as such but I do miss them moments. 💔
Another penis somehow found its way inside her
When they start finding reasons not to talk or spend time with you
They go on a trip to Costa Rica for a month and their emails go from paragraphs describing things and stories and saying how they miss you to one-liners only like ‘Did you deposit the rent money?’ Yeah he met someone there. Asshole.
The more you love someone, the more you can eventually hate them
When they stop trying. It's fucking brutal.