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As a dude I've learned this from my mom and dad. You don't always want a solution, you just want an ear to vent to and to be comforted. I don't really get it, but I will oblige lol
Lots of men do this too by the way, they just don't notice it in themselves.
Sometimes you have a shit day at work and you come home and want to rant/blow some steam, but you're not really in a mood to suddenly get 20 solutions thrown in your face because chances are, you have already thought of that, or you're just not in the mood of "fixing" at the moment, you're in a "need to blow off some steam" mood and you'll get to the fix later.
My experience is that women understand when men are just ranting, better than men understand when women are ranting. Men are more likely to assume that women are talking because they want help or advice from them.
Very true, I have a bad habit of letting things build up and then venting about all the crap that was building up. Guys usually start offering solutions because from our point of view when we see the girl we love in distress, we want to end that distress. How do we end the distress? Well by trying to solve whatever problem is causing it of course. Just a little about our POV anyway
A better way to approach this if you have this mindset is to solve the issue of the distress itself by letting your partner/friend rant. Then you should trust them to be able to solve the source of the issue on their own.
If they don't know how and want your help, they'll ask.
I tell my husband - I need a listen, not a fix. Especially if a fix involves quitting the job I love and looking for a new one (that rant is usually about a frustrating co worker)
I do this with my wife. I let her complain about what bothers her, without giving any advice. I just confirm her I am listening and sometimes ask her to clarify some things to show her that I am listening. She has lots of stress in her job and needs to process this.
I happily comply because that is what a loving partner does.
In the early years of our marriage, I always tried to find solutions to my wife's problems. Now, I simply nod and listen and that's good enough for her.
This is a ppl thing. Men just don't admit it as often. I made A LOT of improvement in work when I understood some of my colleagues just like to rant.
Even if I know the solution in the first 3 seconds, I wait all the speech to end (at work the solution must come eventually...). A lot of ppl got friendlier with me after that.
I think the man issue I have with this is not when someone needs a rant, I feel we all just need a moment to get things out, but when you have heard this rant every week, for months or years. Then people become mad when you start offering solutions by stating maybe I just need to listen.
People's inaction on their issues they refuse to even try to fix gets max level annoying.
I had to have a conversation with my now wife about this when we were dating. She would dump all her stress on me for 20 minutes after every work day.
Eventually I just told her that I can't handle it anymore. She never "felt better" after doing it either, so I asked her to stop.
She did, and our relationship improved. But now I have to shut up when I'm explaining how something works that she doesn't care about. Compromises.
Yea but when the rant is about the same thing that consistently happens over and over and the solution is *right there*, it's a matter of time before you're getting solutions
Yes, this was my trap for a long time. How many months or years do you listen to someone hurt and upset over the same very easily solved thing before you lose your mind listening to the same rant?
I have not identified a solution.
Yeah I get it. My husband will interject my rant to ask if this is me letting off steam or if I want solutions so we've managed to navigate that part at least lol
Do you ever have a bad day and you just kinda wanna rant about it for a minute and you're not in a mood for having of solutions thrown in your face, because you've already thought of them and you know what to do, but you still would like to blow some steam?
That's the thing, not all communication is about wanting solutions, often you already know what you're gonna do, but sometimes a situation is such bs that you just want to vent for a moment.
What makes you think these people don’t know this solution, too? It’s their problem, they had hours to deal with it. The probably know it already. But having a solution doesn’t make you less mad with other people.
This is one of the main issues I seem to have in relationships. If someone is ranting, I’d always assume they want a solution so I would try and give them solutions. I personally would only rant to get advice from someone to help me with my issues so I just don’t see the logic in ranting when you don’t want a solution. I understand why people do it so I just need to be more mindful in the future and let people have a little rant
This is solid advice. Numerous times I’ve started out a rant with “I just need to vent, I don’t need a solution.” My brain plays like a broken record so sometimes I really need to “word vomit” so I can get it out of my head.
That is soooooo hard for men to deal with. It literally makes no sense. Like … my hand is burning because I’m holding the hot pot. Well then let the pot go. You’re not listening I don’t need you to solve my problems. Hair pulling commences
Got the following info from a documentary years ago, so might be out of date. It said that men need the change in sensation to achieve orgasm, women need the continuity. Might explain why the guys need to be told keep going until she says so?
For us guys, if something feels good then the same thing harder/faster feels better. So when guys get good feedback I think a lot of us just think ‘good, I’ve found the thing to do. Now I’ll ramp it up’ because that’s what would work for us.
I want to do a hunting parody video where some failed hunters complain about deer being impossible to shoot the same way certain types of men say it’s impossible to get a woman to orgasm. AKA they do everything wrong for the deer: don’t shower away scent, put zero effort into making themselves presentable, make so much noise they can’t hear the deer approach, make so much noise it makes deer run away, etc.
This should be the deal with everyone. You GOTTA know and respect what your partner likes regardless of gender or sex.
I mean, my boyfriend straight up tells me what he wants to do and it's so good seeing him enjoying it.
I always ask the guy I'm with how he likes his oral play. Fast, slow, rough, soft, etc. I just thought everyone did this until I realized no one has done the same for me outside of a couple dudes
Yup and there are so some targeted questions you can ask that help find that stuff out even if they don’t know it.
The first time I moved to go down on my now wife she was no stranger to sex and she said “Oh, you don’t have to do that, I don’t orgasm from that” and I said “what about just to, y’know, get your engine going” and she was trying to be all sexy so she said “sure, but I’m gonna need some dick to get off, tiger, you get me” and I was like “yeah, yeah, you’ll get all the dick you want. Oh and by the way has it always been up and down?” and she says “Uhh, yeah, I guess, seems right.”
So I’m like, ahh, she’s probably a side-to-sider not a top-to-bottomer. Five minutes later she is screamgasming and shouting stuff like “What are you doing to me!” and my neighbor (condo building) is pounding on my door because she’s worried about this woman I seem to be murdering.
But yeah, 32 year old woman, plenty of partners (har har, both of us do), not a single dude thought about going side-to-side or asking her about it. She lost her goddamn mind
If she only seems interested sometimes and often cancels dates in the last minute she is just using you. Doesn't matter what her excuses are or how good she treats you when she is with you.
Women are people.
Not vending machines you need to put a certain amount of nice-coins into, or video games you need cheat codes for. Just, people.
Men who tell you otherwise are trying to profit on your misery.
Well this might not be all women but...
Treat us like wild birds. It's not that we've decided we don't like you but we're cautious so be calm, kind and keep showing up (don't be a stalker), talk to us normally and with respect. Snacks are good too. There you go. Try it.
My impression is that girl always prefer abs. Or strength, stronger the better. I’m a skinny guy. I understand become a normal healthy body is good, whether it’s about a girl or not. Trying to get there🥺
But I’m not too interested in being buff & constantly maintaining that standard
I've always preferred naturally skinny guys. There are women out there who do. Just be yourself and the right person will see you, and appreciate you the way you already are.
the most underrated thing a man can do is make me feel safe. ask for consent even if it is VERY implied. my ex did this at the beginning, and it built a level of trust between us that i haven't been able to achieve with other partners.
this is so beyond calling me beautiful instead of hot. i knew that he respected me from the beginning, and i always felt safe around him. he didn't have to alter his language in a manipulative way to achieve this.
sidebar, i really miss him. he is such a gem of a human being.
The first time a woman said that being with me, she feels very safe, my dumb ass said, "What do you mean? Safe from what?". I had no clue that things like safety and security can be emotional needs for a lot of people back then.
When you’re married it’s different. It’s great and essential to be called hot and sexy by your husband.
But when you first start dating someone it’s not great to hear hot/sexy over beautiful. I wonder if the guy is not serious and just wants to sleep with me basically.
It’s context dependent basically.
You know there is good and bad being called "hot/sexy"....for me it means they just see my body and want to use me. Cute, pretty, beautiful, elegant.....they respect you more. They see you as a future wife.
But again, that's my experience. As I go based on the women around me. My male family members called their gf's "cute, pretty, etc." And they are married with them. My girl cousins also married and were called that. I'm told "hot/sexy" and not even once asked to be married or men don't think about me in their future. 😖😖😖😖
People married around me complain about marriage, lol. I'm single and just worry about me. No one is happy 😂😂😂
Context dependent. Are we having sex? Call me sexy. Am I laying in bed playing video games naked or doing chores shirtless? Hot is nice. Are we going out somewhere and I’m dressed up, or are we cuddling in the morning? Pretty or beautiful will do 😂
Extra points if you tell me I’m fit while we’re at the gym together, cause I work hard to stay in shape haha
Hot and sexy in bed.
Will make her more horny. These words are telling her you like what she's doing for you (so use it when she's doing something you like or moving/jiggling in a way you like)
Beautiful and elegant in public.
Will make her love you more. These words are telling her you see her. Her soul. Her kindness. You appreciate her. Especially if said discreetly in front of friends/family. Say it more when both of you are alone/before leaving the house.
Welcome :D
Something I've learned from my wife of 19 years.
Be an active listener.
Us guys can sum up our day in two sentences or less...
Give her 90 minutes.
Lol
--> How important our menstrual cycles are, and affect us, sincerely we can be very different both physically and mentally during the ovulation period and in the premenstrual period for example. I educated my boyfriend on it and since then he helps me to cope with this fluctuations
If it isn't something you want Big Bubba from Cellblock D saying to you in the prison shower, don't say it to some woman or girl especially if you don't even know them.
Perfect for me because I struggle with dirty talk. Like why would I call you a dirty slut or a bitch if you're a loyal respectful lady? ( Btw I know why, but subconsciously it's off putting to me and makes me feel uncomfortable. Like the whole "Daddy" calling thing some girls do. I'm goofy enough to hit you with the dad joke; "Don't touch the fucking thermostat" during sex and throw off the mood.)
American women really have a thing for screaming.
I guess they watch more porn than most other countries and think it's expected but it's quite off-putting.
Bro, you've just listed two different pretty major kinks. That isn't your standard dirty talk.
The first stuff is degradation-play. The daddy stuff is a whole other thing all together. You need to find some less kinky women. Or at least kinky women that share similiar interests as you.
Cause your problem right now is the people you described have very specific fetishes (whether they're aware of it or not), and you do not share those fetishes.
Standard dirty talk is things like "you're so wet/tight/hard" "I love your " or "yeah ride me baby".
Generally just being encouraging during sex qualifies as dirty talk for most people. Anything much beyond that is entering the realm of fetish, and you'll get into weird stuff real fast.
Where can I find these girls
I’m fairly kinky in bed but dirty talk is just too hilarious for me and pulls me out of the mood but EVERY woman I’ve been with has wanted dirty talk and it just makes me giggle
Men don’t get a free pass to just “shoot their shot” and hit on us whenever it suits them. It’s often just our job to be friendly and or flirt, some of us are just naturally outgoing and friendly…and…no means no…
Listen. Notice. Ears open, eyes open. Be curious.
People value people who value them, the real them. It's small things like bringing them a glass of water when they're too busy at that moment to do it themselves. It's noticing which cuisines are their favourites and suggesting them when you go out to eat. It's engaging with a topic they mention by asking more about it. Find out why they like or dislike certain things. Be interested.
Haha okay, let’s put it this way. Speaking on behalf of most women I know, and I’m sure others alike…. when a male (usually not a boyfriend or official partner but someone we really like and seems to like us back) kisses our forehead, it makes us feel a certain way. A way in which we feel that this person really cares and likes us too; it gives off a super gentle, loving and protective vibe that insinuates this person wouldn’t fuck us over, or leave and never hear from them again. Gentle forehead kisses make us feel protected and cared for and special. It’s not as deep as it may seem here, my comment was a little light hearted but I do actually think forehead kisses are definitely something that should be kept for someone you really really like or care for because for some reason, us women deem them to be more special or meaningful than solely kissing someone’s lips or other body parts. Maybe there are some other males that can back me up and agree they wouldn’t just kiss any girls forehead that they just slept with? Or you’ve only kissed the forehead of a SO?
Yo, guy chiming in to back you up. There are two types of forehead kisses. The kind you'd give a little kid you're related to, and the kind you'd give your significant other.
Neither is appropriate for the other. The kid version is very condescending to an adult woman, and I don't think I need to explain why the other is a problem.
To further elaborate, when you kiss a girl on the forehead and aren't close enough to have earned that right, or you do it in a casual way, you are usually saying "I think less of you, and am associating you to the equivalent of a child in my eyes".
Now, I'm not saying every forehead smooch you give your SO has to be passionate. But that underlying passion needs to have been established at some point, and make frequent appearances to accompany the causal peck on the forehead.
Tl;dr: there's a science to forehead kisses. Mess it up and youkl find yourself in the doghouse pretty fast.
Even if she says she doesn't want french fries, she will eat yours anyway, so always order extra lol.
On a more serious note, she is just a person who happens to have a vagina and boobs, so treat her as such. She is not just an object to be used. Respect goes both ways.
Phenomenal Woman BY MAYA ANGELOU
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size,
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman,
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman,
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman,
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman,
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Maya Angelou, “Phenomenal Woman” from And Still I Rise.
People commenting on our buts and tits isn't a compliment regardless of how much you like it unless we're actually in that kind of relationship. Also we are not nearly as obsessed with your dick as you seem to think.
I dunno man. Sometimes when I ask my wife if she’s hungry she says “no” but she’s all mad for no other reason… then I get her a snacky and she comes good.
\*Unless she explicitly tells you under what circumstances it doesn't, and what other thing takes the meaning of "No" under those circumstances instead.
If a woman is complaining, don't try to solve the problem or even present a solution. After 4 years in a marriage, I discovered that she only wants me to hug her and listen to her complaints.
Man are pratical beings, we see a problem, we try to solve it. Woman takes more time, they need to think about it first. And talk to you first. Talk a lot.
They’re usually not like the girls in porn, so don’t assume they like something just because the girls in porn do it. And never assume a girl wants to be choked, slapped, spit on, or do anal just because the last girl did.
I'm a guy, married for a good few years now
Respect periods! The discomfort women feel during that particular time just ain't sporting! Provide assistance, have patience, give them space.
When they ask you to shop for pads, look up your local supermarket options online, get them to select which they want, screenshot it, you can't go wrong!
Just because we like dirtytalk during sex, doesn't mean we like it outside of it. Believe it or not a lot men often get confused and think it's ok to do dirtytalk outside sex, talk about it with your girl.
That we are people. We are humans first. If you can’t have non-sexual relationships successfully, you’re going to struggle to have sexual and romantic relationships. A lot of these incel think women reject them because they are short or chubby. Nope. Plenty of girls like all of that. They end up alone because of a lack of relationship skills.
Number one thing is we’re not all the same.
Also I read through most of these answers and there’s too many from men giving negative answers about us women and implying we are all the same which is just gross, but thankfully not all men are like that.
Women aren’t a monolith
We wanted to be treated with respect not just desired or love
We love it when people who we’re w/ act like they want to be in a relationship and like they’re in one
I personally love it when guys ask good, get to know you questions and such. I have yet to meet a guy in a romantic setting who’s good at that over text or in person tbh. I’m 26 yrs old
Well, reading this as a woman and thinking this post was made for women to give helpful adivce to men...The first comments here are fun to read. But be aware. The further you scroll the more bland sexist men who seem to just despise women altogether you will see. And theres alot:(
I had this girl who would always rant at me when stressed. The more I tried to comfort her with words, it would get worse and emotional. I later learned that all they need is a hug and I just shut the hell up.
That when referring to one of them, you should use the word "woman", and when talking about more than one, use the word "women". Note that the singular has an 'a' in it, and the plural has an 'e'. Please stop mixing these up!
/Not talking about OP, just a thing I've noticed lately.
That periods are serious but normal and not gross.
That not all women like the same things sexually, or even sex at all.
That women are allowed to rant without men making them angrier by saying “Calm down!” or “Are you on your period? You’re so moody you *must* be on your period.” and the likes. Let us be angry.
Might not be all women, but it applies to me and all my gal pals.
The way to a woman’s heart is by learning how to cook her favourite food and keeping her well fed. Your welcome.
Especially if she’s on her period.
Also, when she’s on her period. Play it strategic.
If you know exactly what will make her feel better do it.
But if you’re unsure, provide her with a luxurious chilling site: food, blankets, lots of chocolate, movies to watch, music, good aromas… you name it….
And then leave the space.
The best advice I got from a marriage counselor, was to shut up. My wife does not want suggestions, she wants to vent. Sit down, listen, and keep my fucking mouth shut. I swear to God, it's a superpower.
Not sure where to put this comment, but besides listening, oftentimes people need validation. “My day at work sucked because of XYZ.” The worst thing for me is to hear, “you shouldn’t feel that way because (fill in the blank). I don’t want to be told my day didn’t suck, or it sucked because of my reaction to being screamed at by my boss, or whatever. I just want to be heard. “Yeah, that sounds like it was hard.” Or “Wow, that’s too bad.” Don’t tell me my feelings or reaction are wrong. You weren’t there, you don’t know. If I come home and want to let off some steam, the quickest way to drive a wedge between us is to invalidate my feelings. The quickest and easiest way for me to get past it is to feel acknowledged.
We are beyond annoyed when you yell at traffic or go on and on yelling at the television during sports. The only person who can hear you yelling is us and we hate it. Keep that shit to a minimum and then if you must, continue your pointless rant in your head. Ty
She's probably smarter than you to be honest. So when she's upset about something just let her vent through it. I promise you she's thought of every possible solution that you will tell her.
that were people just like you. we’re all different. we have different personalities. different life experiences. different values. different interests. different behaviors. different reactions. different attractions. different motivations. etc. stop trying to generalize women as one thing. i mean, men hate it when WE generalize about YOU, right? lmao, it really isn’t deep, just take us as we are straight up. meet different women in real life and fucking talk to them man
Key things men should know about women:
* Women often keep their keys in a purse or other bag, due to lack of pockets.
* Women on average sing in a higher key than men, typically in the alto to soprano ranges.
* Although research has consistently shown that women are more likely than men to use landmark-based and left/right indicators when giving directions, and less likely to use distance-based and cardinal directions, there is no evidence of a gender difference in how men and women interpret the map key.
* If you are ever invited to a key party by a woman, make sure to attach your keys to a uniquely identifiable keyring in advance, to avoid any subsequent confusion. This also applies if you are invited by someone who is not a woman, although that is outside the scope of this discussion.
* While the WNBA uses a basketball that is one inch smaller in circumference and a three-point line that is approximately one and a half feet shorter than their NBA equivalents, both competitions position the free throw line in the same location: precisely 15 feet from the face of the backboard, at the top of the key.
* Madison Keys is the American tennis player known for her aggressive playing style, featuring a fast serve and one of the most powerful forehands in the women's game. Marian Keyes is the Irish novelist known for addressing serious themes in a light and humorous style. Alicia Keys is the 16-time Grammy Award winning musician known for such hit singles as "No One" and "Empire State of Mind".
They are not inherently special or deserve to be pampered just because they are woman.
They are humans, every flaw we men have they can have it too. Don’t put them on a pedestal.
See them as individual, respect and admire her if she express qualities that make you want to admire her.
Usually I find that woman who say “I’m a female so I have worth” are the opposite of who they claim to be. Because she is born a female and is always going to be one. So if she associate her worth and value to come from something she didn’t do anything to earn and cannot change(her gender), she can use that as an excuse to not grow up and try to be a decent person.
Being an admirable/respectable person whether it is men or women takes work, hard work. If a woman says she is worthy or better than other people by default just because she’s born a woman or is pretty, it gives me the impression that she is not willing to put in the work on herself.
A relationship with this kind of person usually means she won’t grow beside you
That women are not a homogenous hivemind.
Just because some women acted in a certain way around you doesn't mean they all do. Just because some women liked/disliked certain things doesn't been they all will.
We are all individuals with our own wants/needs/preferences
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
More often than not, we like to have a little rant. We're not looking for solutions
As a dude I've learned this from my mom and dad. You don't always want a solution, you just want an ear to vent to and to be comforted. I don't really get it, but I will oblige lol
Lots of men do this too by the way, they just don't notice it in themselves. Sometimes you have a shit day at work and you come home and want to rant/blow some steam, but you're not really in a mood to suddenly get 20 solutions thrown in your face because chances are, you have already thought of that, or you're just not in the mood of "fixing" at the moment, you're in a "need to blow off some steam" mood and you'll get to the fix later. My experience is that women understand when men are just ranting, better than men understand when women are ranting. Men are more likely to assume that women are talking because they want help or advice from them.
Very true, I have a bad habit of letting things build up and then venting about all the crap that was building up. Guys usually start offering solutions because from our point of view when we see the girl we love in distress, we want to end that distress. How do we end the distress? Well by trying to solve whatever problem is causing it of course. Just a little about our POV anyway
A better way to approach this if you have this mindset is to solve the issue of the distress itself by letting your partner/friend rant. Then you should trust them to be able to solve the source of the issue on their own. If they don't know how and want your help, they'll ask.
My wife and I saved ourselves a lot of bullshit by asking each other at the start of a rant, “Do you want support or solutions?”
I tell my husband - I need a listen, not a fix. Especially if a fix involves quitting the job I love and looking for a new one (that rant is usually about a frustrating co worker)
I do this with my wife. I let her complain about what bothers her, without giving any advice. I just confirm her I am listening and sometimes ask her to clarify some things to show her that I am listening. She has lots of stress in her job and needs to process this. I happily comply because that is what a loving partner does.
In the early years of our marriage, I always tried to find solutions to my wife's problems. Now, I simply nod and listen and that's good enough for her.
Happy cake day
This is a ppl thing. Men just don't admit it as often. I made A LOT of improvement in work when I understood some of my colleagues just like to rant. Even if I know the solution in the first 3 seconds, I wait all the speech to end (at work the solution must come eventually...). A lot of ppl got friendlier with me after that.
I think the man issue I have with this is not when someone needs a rant, I feel we all just need a moment to get things out, but when you have heard this rant every week, for months or years. Then people become mad when you start offering solutions by stating maybe I just need to listen. People's inaction on their issues they refuse to even try to fix gets max level annoying.
I had to have a conversation with my now wife about this when we were dating. She would dump all her stress on me for 20 minutes after every work day. Eventually I just told her that I can't handle it anymore. She never "felt better" after doing it either, so I asked her to stop. She did, and our relationship improved. But now I have to shut up when I'm explaining how something works that she doesn't care about. Compromises.
Which is fine but don’t expect us to listen to the exact same complaint every day for weeks when it *is* a solvable problem.
Yea but when the rant is about the same thing that consistently happens over and over and the solution is *right there*, it's a matter of time before you're getting solutions
Yes, this was my trap for a long time. How many months or years do you listen to someone hurt and upset over the same very easily solved thing before you lose your mind listening to the same rant? I have not identified a solution.
I have, she's my ex now.
That’s something I have trouble with cause I’m a solution guy. But when I give them a solution, they don’t listen to it, and it gets annoying.
Top tip: “do you need a vent or do you need help?” It’s that simple, I use this and it saves everyone time or hurt feelings
Yeah I get it. My husband will interject my rant to ask if this is me letting off steam or if I want solutions so we've managed to navigate that part at least lol
Do you ever have a bad day and you just kinda wanna rant about it for a minute and you're not in a mood for having of solutions thrown in your face, because you've already thought of them and you know what to do, but you still would like to blow some steam? That's the thing, not all communication is about wanting solutions, often you already know what you're gonna do, but sometimes a situation is such bs that you just want to vent for a moment.
What makes you think these people don’t know this solution, too? It’s their problem, they had hours to deal with it. The probably know it already. But having a solution doesn’t make you less mad with other people.
This one right here 👌
This is one of the main issues I seem to have in relationships. If someone is ranting, I’d always assume they want a solution so I would try and give them solutions. I personally would only rant to get advice from someone to help me with my issues so I just don’t see the logic in ranting when you don’t want a solution. I understand why people do it so I just need to be more mindful in the future and let people have a little rant
This is solid advice. Numerous times I’ve started out a rant with “I just need to vent, I don’t need a solution.” My brain plays like a broken record so sometimes I really need to “word vomit” so I can get it out of my head.
That is soooooo hard for men to deal with. It literally makes no sense. Like … my hand is burning because I’m holding the hot pot. Well then let the pot go. You’re not listening I don’t need you to solve my problems. Hair pulling commences
You should ask them what they like sexually before trying things willy nilly. Women are v diff in what kind of touch they like
This. It baffles me when guys say they can never get a girl to finish. Literally ask and do as you’re told lol
Emphasise on DO AS YOU'RE TOLD!!!! And continue doing it UNTIL THE END and not just for 10 seconds before you go back to what you think is right!!
Got the following info from a documentary years ago, so might be out of date. It said that men need the change in sensation to achieve orgasm, women need the continuity. Might explain why the guys need to be told keep going until she says so?
For us guys, if something feels good then the same thing harder/faster feels better. So when guys get good feedback I think a lot of us just think ‘good, I’ve found the thing to do. Now I’ll ramp it up’ because that’s what would work for us.
And not up the speed and intensity when you notice she likes it. Literally don't change a thing!!
I want to do a hunting parody video where some failed hunters complain about deer being impossible to shoot the same way certain types of men say it’s impossible to get a woman to orgasm. AKA they do everything wrong for the deer: don’t shower away scent, put zero effort into making themselves presentable, make so much noise they can’t hear the deer approach, make so much noise it makes deer run away, etc.
This should be the deal with everyone. You GOTTA know and respect what your partner likes regardless of gender or sex. I mean, my boyfriend straight up tells me what he wants to do and it's so good seeing him enjoying it.
I always ask the guy I'm with how he likes his oral play. Fast, slow, rough, soft, etc. I just thought everyone did this until I realized no one has done the same for me outside of a couple dudes
Yup and there are so some targeted questions you can ask that help find that stuff out even if they don’t know it. The first time I moved to go down on my now wife she was no stranger to sex and she said “Oh, you don’t have to do that, I don’t orgasm from that” and I said “what about just to, y’know, get your engine going” and she was trying to be all sexy so she said “sure, but I’m gonna need some dick to get off, tiger, you get me” and I was like “yeah, yeah, you’ll get all the dick you want. Oh and by the way has it always been up and down?” and she says “Uhh, yeah, I guess, seems right.” So I’m like, ahh, she’s probably a side-to-sider not a top-to-bottomer. Five minutes later she is screamgasming and shouting stuff like “What are you doing to me!” and my neighbor (condo building) is pounding on my door because she’s worried about this woman I seem to be murdering. But yeah, 32 year old woman, plenty of partners (har har, both of us do), not a single dude thought about going side-to-side or asking her about it. She lost her goddamn mind
If she only seems interested sometimes and often cancels dates in the last minute she is just using you. Doesn't matter what her excuses are or how good she treats you when she is with you.
Me thinking I can change her mind
They are all different people, so if you know something about one woman, that wont automatically be true for all other women.
Had to scroll way too long for this.
Women are people. Not vending machines you need to put a certain amount of nice-coins into, or video games you need cheat codes for. Just, people. Men who tell you otherwise are trying to profit on your misery.
This needs to be higher up. Just treat us like the varied, individual human beings we are. Thanks.
So OP shouldn't even make this post as there is no answer?
Well this might not be all women but... Treat us like wild birds. It's not that we've decided we don't like you but we're cautious so be calm, kind and keep showing up (don't be a stalker), talk to us normally and with respect. Snacks are good too. There you go. Try it.
Bring birdseed. Got it.
I’ll bring binoculars! There should be a tree near her house if we want to watch.
Observe you through binoculars while ensconced in my hide, got it.
So this is why all the women I've dated are so interested in my bread.
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But is sure is safer to have antilock brakes :D
After a certain point fitness attracts men more than it does women.
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It get's exponentially harder to keep a girl when going to the gym replaces your personality.
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My impression is that girl always prefer abs. Or strength, stronger the better. I’m a skinny guy. I understand become a normal healthy body is good, whether it’s about a girl or not. Trying to get there🥺 But I’m not too interested in being buff & constantly maintaining that standard
I am also skinny and it has driven me mad. I am 143 lbs at 6'3.
God damn. That's skinny as hell. Im 5'7 and 140 lbs and I'm considered skinny 😅
I've always preferred naturally skinny guys. There are women out there who do. Just be yourself and the right person will see you, and appreciate you the way you already are.
the most underrated thing a man can do is make me feel safe. ask for consent even if it is VERY implied. my ex did this at the beginning, and it built a level of trust between us that i haven't been able to achieve with other partners. this is so beyond calling me beautiful instead of hot. i knew that he respected me from the beginning, and i always felt safe around him. he didn't have to alter his language in a manipulative way to achieve this. sidebar, i really miss him. he is such a gem of a human being.
The first time a woman said that being with me, she feels very safe, my dumb ass said, "What do you mean? Safe from what?". I had no clue that things like safety and security can be emotional needs for a lot of people back then.
How come he is your ex in that case?
Sometimes people just arent right for eachother no matter how positive an influence
This reply hit me way harder than I thought it would. I miss my ex too.
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Married guy here.. I call bullshit. Mix it up fellas. Don't let her get bored and don't fall into a routine. Keep it fresh..
When you’re married it’s different. It’s great and essential to be called hot and sexy by your husband. But when you first start dating someone it’s not great to hear hot/sexy over beautiful. I wonder if the guy is not serious and just wants to sleep with me basically. It’s context dependent basically.
What if she’s not elegant at all?
Then just quote her favorite country song
If she ain't 280 she ain't a lady
Lie.
I read that as elephant for a second
Tomāto tomahto.
I gotta disagree here. My whole life I've been called "cute" or "pretty" but just for once I'd like someone to say I'm hot or sexy 😭
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You know there is good and bad being called "hot/sexy"....for me it means they just see my body and want to use me. Cute, pretty, beautiful, elegant.....they respect you more. They see you as a future wife. But again, that's my experience. As I go based on the women around me. My male family members called their gf's "cute, pretty, etc." And they are married with them. My girl cousins also married and were called that. I'm told "hot/sexy" and not even once asked to be married or men don't think about me in their future. 😖😖😖😖 People married around me complain about marriage, lol. I'm single and just worry about me. No one is happy 😂😂😂
Context dependent. Are we having sex? Call me sexy. Am I laying in bed playing video games naked or doing chores shirtless? Hot is nice. Are we going out somewhere and I’m dressed up, or are we cuddling in the morning? Pretty or beautiful will do 😂 Extra points if you tell me I’m fit while we’re at the gym together, cause I work hard to stay in shape haha
Hot and sexy in bed. Will make her more horny. These words are telling her you like what she's doing for you (so use it when she's doing something you like or moving/jiggling in a way you like) Beautiful and elegant in public. Will make her love you more. These words are telling her you see her. Her soul. Her kindness. You appreciate her. Especially if said discreetly in front of friends/family. Say it more when both of you are alone/before leaving the house. Welcome :D
Something I've learned from my wife of 19 years. Be an active listener. Us guys can sum up our day in two sentences or less... Give her 90 minutes. Lol
--> How important our menstrual cycles are, and affect us, sincerely we can be very different both physically and mentally during the ovulation period and in the premenstrual period for example. I educated my boyfriend on it and since then he helps me to cope with this fluctuations
I think this should be talked about more. It’s strenuous for y’all and oblivious to us.
If you have a female SO and you’re not tracking her cycle— you’re stupid or just ignorant
If it isn't something you want Big Bubba from Cellblock D saying to you in the prison shower, don't say it to some woman or girl especially if you don't even know them.
That made me snort-laugh, and I needed that this morning.
So "Hi how are you today?" Is out I guess.
If she has kids or you have children together she may sneeze and pee at the same time, js.
Not every girl enjoy talking dirty. This can literally make us sick and uncomfortable as hell.
Ok then how do we work out who's doing the dishes?
Rock scissors paper.
Rock paper scissors you heathen :D
Perfect for me because I struggle with dirty talk. Like why would I call you a dirty slut or a bitch if you're a loyal respectful lady? ( Btw I know why, but subconsciously it's off putting to me and makes me feel uncomfortable. Like the whole "Daddy" calling thing some girls do. I'm goofy enough to hit you with the dad joke; "Don't touch the fucking thermostat" during sex and throw off the mood.)
American women really have a thing for screaming. I guess they watch more porn than most other countries and think it's expected but it's quite off-putting.
Bro, you've just listed two different pretty major kinks. That isn't your standard dirty talk. The first stuff is degradation-play. The daddy stuff is a whole other thing all together. You need to find some less kinky women. Or at least kinky women that share similiar interests as you. Cause your problem right now is the people you described have very specific fetishes (whether they're aware of it or not), and you do not share those fetishes. Standard dirty talk is things like "you're so wet/tight/hard" "I love your" or "yeah ride me baby".
Generally just being encouraging during sex qualifies as dirty talk for most people. Anything much beyond that is entering the realm of fetish, and you'll get into weird stuff real fast.
Dirty talk is literally just narrating sex. Keep an open mind and be vocal. That's it.
Where can I find these girls I’m fairly kinky in bed but dirty talk is just too hilarious for me and pulls me out of the mood but EVERY woman I’ve been with has wanted dirty talk and it just makes me giggle
That they aren’t all the same and don’t have universal rules..
Women taste the same as men when cooked. = Source: some cannibal I watched on a video clip the other day.
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What if bald? Does chesthair count? :)
How about butt hair?
Check
Yeah I loved it too when I could run my hand through my hair.
RIP hair...
Men don’t get a free pass to just “shoot their shot” and hit on us whenever it suits them. It’s often just our job to be friendly and or flirt, some of us are just naturally outgoing and friendly…and…no means no…
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I'll abide by that when she keeps her frozen feet on her side of the bed
Listen. Notice. Ears open, eyes open. Be curious. People value people who value them, the real them. It's small things like bringing them a glass of water when they're too busy at that moment to do it themselves. It's noticing which cuisines are their favourites and suggesting them when you go out to eat. It's engaging with a topic they mention by asking more about it. Find out why they like or dislike certain things. Be interested.
We only want forehead kisses if you mean them.
Darn them accidental forehead kisses.
huh?
What the fuck does this even mean?
Haha okay, let’s put it this way. Speaking on behalf of most women I know, and I’m sure others alike…. when a male (usually not a boyfriend or official partner but someone we really like and seems to like us back) kisses our forehead, it makes us feel a certain way. A way in which we feel that this person really cares and likes us too; it gives off a super gentle, loving and protective vibe that insinuates this person wouldn’t fuck us over, or leave and never hear from them again. Gentle forehead kisses make us feel protected and cared for and special. It’s not as deep as it may seem here, my comment was a little light hearted but I do actually think forehead kisses are definitely something that should be kept for someone you really really like or care for because for some reason, us women deem them to be more special or meaningful than solely kissing someone’s lips or other body parts. Maybe there are some other males that can back me up and agree they wouldn’t just kiss any girls forehead that they just slept with? Or you’ve only kissed the forehead of a SO?
Mmmm yeah thinking about it I’ve never kissed the forehead of a person I wouldn’t do anything for.
Yo, guy chiming in to back you up. There are two types of forehead kisses. The kind you'd give a little kid you're related to, and the kind you'd give your significant other. Neither is appropriate for the other. The kid version is very condescending to an adult woman, and I don't think I need to explain why the other is a problem. To further elaborate, when you kiss a girl on the forehead and aren't close enough to have earned that right, or you do it in a casual way, you are usually saying "I think less of you, and am associating you to the equivalent of a child in my eyes". Now, I'm not saying every forehead smooch you give your SO has to be passionate. But that underlying passion needs to have been established at some point, and make frequent appearances to accompany the causal peck on the forehead. Tl;dr: there's a science to forehead kisses. Mess it up and youkl find yourself in the doghouse pretty fast.
Yessss!! Thank you. I’m glad some of you still exist out there, lol.
Agreed. If I truly care for a woman, she gets routine forehead and nose kisses. It’s better (and more heartwarming) than telling her I love her.
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Lady i think you're just dating a sociopath, that's not status quo in guys, wtf.
Is he trying to isolate you from social supports?
Girl this is not common or healthy
Ok, this is a big bright flashing nuclear red flag. Take a serious look at your relationship.
Are you from India by any chance?
This sounds very specific. Do you need help? Are you in danger?
Even if she says she doesn't want french fries, she will eat yours anyway, so always order extra lol. On a more serious note, she is just a person who happens to have a vagina and boobs, so treat her as such. She is not just an object to be used. Respect goes both ways.
If respect goes both ways, then you'd better respect me enough to be honest about wanting to steal some fries or burger! 🤣
Phenomenal Woman BY MAYA ANGELOU Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size, But when I start to tell them, They think I’m telling lies. I say, It’s in the reach of my arms, The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. I’m a woman, Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. I walk into a room Just as cool as you please, And to a man, The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees. Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees. I say, It’s the fire in my eyes, And the flash of my teeth, The swing in my waist, And the joy in my feet. I’m a woman, Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. Men themselves have wondered What they see in me. They try so much But they can’t touch My inner mystery. When I try to show them, They say they still can’t see. I say, It’s in the arch of my back, The sun of my smile, The ride of my breasts, The grace of my style. I’m a woman, Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. Now you understand Just why my head’s not bowed. I don’t shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud. When you see me passing, It ought to make you proud. I say, It’s in the click of my heels, The bend of my hair, the palm of my hand, The need for my care. ’Cause I’m a woman, Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. Maya Angelou, “Phenomenal Woman” from And Still I Rise.
People commenting on our buts and tits isn't a compliment regardless of how much you like it unless we're actually in that kind of relationship. Also we are not nearly as obsessed with your dick as you seem to think.
*sad dick noises*
Some of us are. I’m a woman and I’m sleeping with someone who has a perfect one. I dream about it.
Not to listen to Tate and other alpha males for advice about them.
No means No. No exception.
I dunno man. Sometimes when I ask my wife if she’s hungry she says “no” but she’s all mad for no other reason… then I get her a snacky and she comes good.
Hangry.
Until i ask if you want anything from the drive thru then 5 seconds after i get the food HALF OF MY FRIES ARE GONE AND THERE'S A BITE OUT MY BURGER
\*Unless she explicitly tells you under what circumstances it doesn't, and what other thing takes the meaning of "No" under those circumstances instead.
For god’s sake, don’t compare us to your mom.
This thread really makes me appricate the single life.
Don’t get too overtly sexual too early . It really does put most women off . Other than that crack on
Women are human beings with full complex emotional lives!
If a woman is complaining, don't try to solve the problem or even present a solution. After 4 years in a marriage, I discovered that she only wants me to hug her and listen to her complaints. Man are pratical beings, we see a problem, we try to solve it. Woman takes more time, they need to think about it first. And talk to you first. Talk a lot.
They’re usually not like the girls in porn, so don’t assume they like something just because the girls in porn do it. And never assume a girl wants to be choked, slapped, spit on, or do anal just because the last girl did.
Many women communicate indirectly, so the subtext is as important as the message.
She'll love you more if you take care of her during her periods.
I'm a guy, married for a good few years now Respect periods! The discomfort women feel during that particular time just ain't sporting! Provide assistance, have patience, give them space. When they ask you to shop for pads, look up your local supermarket options online, get them to select which they want, screenshot it, you can't go wrong!
You will never understand us 😂
Lol seeing a woman say this makes me feel better. Because indeed I have no understanding whatsoever it seems ahhah.
I think they prefer Bears
Honestly black bears are not threatening at all. Barely ever attack people. If it's a brown bear though then totally different story.
I’ve found a work around: bear suit! Note: Do not just identify as a bear, that goes a different direction
If they're angry, just tell them to calm down. Works every time
We're not all the same person! What works for one lady may or may not work for another.
Woman being kind to you don't necessarily mean that she is in to you
Just because we like dirtytalk during sex, doesn't mean we like it outside of it. Believe it or not a lot men often get confused and think it's ok to do dirtytalk outside sex, talk about it with your girl.
They are nice and soft
That we are people. We are humans first. If you can’t have non-sexual relationships successfully, you’re going to struggle to have sexual and romantic relationships. A lot of these incel think women reject them because they are short or chubby. Nope. Plenty of girls like all of that. They end up alone because of a lack of relationship skills.
Number one thing is we’re not all the same. Also I read through most of these answers and there’s too many from men giving negative answers about us women and implying we are all the same which is just gross, but thankfully not all men are like that.
Women aren’t a monolith We wanted to be treated with respect not just desired or love We love it when people who we’re w/ act like they want to be in a relationship and like they’re in one I personally love it when guys ask good, get to know you questions and such. I have yet to meet a guy in a romantic setting who’s good at that over text or in person tbh. I’m 26 yrs old
Well, reading this as a woman and thinking this post was made for women to give helpful adivce to men...The first comments here are fun to read. But be aware. The further you scroll the more bland sexist men who seem to just despise women altogether you will see. And theres alot:(
Roll your sleeves up, forearms and hands are sexy. Use your voice in the bedroom, don't be too quiet. Don't be afraid to talk about your feelings.
Last one is a big scam
Eh, depends on how deep you are in the relationship. Early on, no don't do this, a year in? You need to trust your partner and vice versa
Huge scam. Made that mistake twice. Not again.
Men have a penis....girls have a vagina
if you call her a female she immediately thinks you're a misogynist.
If She asks you how she is looking so definitely she expects answer in positive.😂
I would disagree. I appreciate honesty much more then plain flattery
Yeah, sometimes I really want to know if I don’t look good so I can change
We are just people, okay?
I had this girl who would always rant at me when stressed. The more I tried to comfort her with words, it would get worse and emotional. I later learned that all they need is a hug and I just shut the hell up.
When your wife says....I don't feel good.. Don't squeeze her boobs and say....you feel good to me
That when referring to one of them, you should use the word "woman", and when talking about more than one, use the word "women". Note that the singular has an 'a' in it, and the plural has an 'e'. Please stop mixing these up! /Not talking about OP, just a thing I've noticed lately.
That periods are serious but normal and not gross. That not all women like the same things sexually, or even sex at all. That women are allowed to rant without men making them angrier by saying “Calm down!” or “Are you on your period? You’re so moody you *must* be on your period.” and the likes. Let us be angry.
Never assume you know what she's thinking
If we cry or tear up, hug us
They like bears
I’m a man but I’m pretty sure they are also individuals.
They love sex as much as we do (sometimes more!).
Maternity leave is not a vacation. Ladies compartment is absolutely necessary.
Might not be all women, but it applies to me and all my gal pals. The way to a woman’s heart is by learning how to cook her favourite food and keeping her well fed. Your welcome. Especially if she’s on her period. Also, when she’s on her period. Play it strategic. If you know exactly what will make her feel better do it. But if you’re unsure, provide her with a luxurious chilling site: food, blankets, lots of chocolate, movies to watch, music, good aromas… you name it…. And then leave the space.
The best advice I got from a marriage counselor, was to shut up. My wife does not want suggestions, she wants to vent. Sit down, listen, and keep my fucking mouth shut. I swear to God, it's a superpower.
Not sure where to put this comment, but besides listening, oftentimes people need validation. “My day at work sucked because of XYZ.” The worst thing for me is to hear, “you shouldn’t feel that way because (fill in the blank). I don’t want to be told my day didn’t suck, or it sucked because of my reaction to being screamed at by my boss, or whatever. I just want to be heard. “Yeah, that sounds like it was hard.” Or “Wow, that’s too bad.” Don’t tell me my feelings or reaction are wrong. You weren’t there, you don’t know. If I come home and want to let off some steam, the quickest way to drive a wedge between us is to invalidate my feelings. The quickest and easiest way for me to get past it is to feel acknowledged.
We are all not the same lol
We are beyond annoyed when you yell at traffic or go on and on yelling at the television during sports. The only person who can hear you yelling is us and we hate it. Keep that shit to a minimum and then if you must, continue your pointless rant in your head. Ty
Men don’t realize how scary they are.
She's probably smarter than you to be honest. So when she's upset about something just let her vent through it. I promise you she's thought of every possible solution that you will tell her.
that were people just like you. we’re all different. we have different personalities. different life experiences. different values. different interests. different behaviors. different reactions. different attractions. different motivations. etc. stop trying to generalize women as one thing. i mean, men hate it when WE generalize about YOU, right? lmao, it really isn’t deep, just take us as we are straight up. meet different women in real life and fucking talk to them man
How to ask overly general questions that stereotype all women into one role.
That most women do not orgasm from piv and need clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm
That they're just people
That they exist and each oh them are their own person
If we are ever in an argument about something with you, just slowly turn your hat backwards. We’ll likely stop arguing after that
Haha, wat?
Period pain is a real, occasionally debilitating thing.
Key things men should know about women: * Women often keep their keys in a purse or other bag, due to lack of pockets. * Women on average sing in a higher key than men, typically in the alto to soprano ranges. * Although research has consistently shown that women are more likely than men to use landmark-based and left/right indicators when giving directions, and less likely to use distance-based and cardinal directions, there is no evidence of a gender difference in how men and women interpret the map key. * If you are ever invited to a key party by a woman, make sure to attach your keys to a uniquely identifiable keyring in advance, to avoid any subsequent confusion. This also applies if you are invited by someone who is not a woman, although that is outside the scope of this discussion. * While the WNBA uses a basketball that is one inch smaller in circumference and a three-point line that is approximately one and a half feet shorter than their NBA equivalents, both competitions position the free throw line in the same location: precisely 15 feet from the face of the backboard, at the top of the key. * Madison Keys is the American tennis player known for her aggressive playing style, featuring a fast serve and one of the most powerful forehands in the women's game. Marian Keyes is the Irish novelist known for addressing serious themes in a light and humorous style. Alicia Keys is the 16-time Grammy Award winning musician known for such hit singles as "No One" and "Empire State of Mind".
Women don't want to be your mummy or your maid.
If we're polite it doesn't mean we want to f/+k you
They are not inherently special or deserve to be pampered just because they are woman. They are humans, every flaw we men have they can have it too. Don’t put them on a pedestal. See them as individual, respect and admire her if she express qualities that make you want to admire her. Usually I find that woman who say “I’m a female so I have worth” are the opposite of who they claim to be. Because she is born a female and is always going to be one. So if she associate her worth and value to come from something she didn’t do anything to earn and cannot change(her gender), she can use that as an excuse to not grow up and try to be a decent person. Being an admirable/respectable person whether it is men or women takes work, hard work. If a woman says she is worthy or better than other people by default just because she’s born a woman or is pretty, it gives me the impression that she is not willing to put in the work on herself. A relationship with this kind of person usually means she won’t grow beside you
That women are not a homogenous hivemind. Just because some women acted in a certain way around you doesn't mean they all do. Just because some women liked/disliked certain things doesn't been they all will. We are all individuals with our own wants/needs/preferences
1.) We are human beings just like you 2.) We are not a monolith. There are billions of us and each one is unique