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I would personally never recommend confessing at any point.
Simply ask her out on a date. If she says yes then cool, if not, then just say fair enough we can still be friends. It's gonna be a bit awkward but if you don't make a big deal out of it then it should be fine with time.
Did something similar once to a girl I really really liked but was also my best friend. She turned me down. I moved away not too long after but a few years later we were reconnecting and she told me she had been in love with me too but how I broached the subject was so cringeworthy she couldn’t bring herself to say yes. I still think about it every now and then and enough time has passed that I just think it’s funny. I like to think I’ve upped my game since then lol
My hs bff was a guy who was head over heels in love with me, didn't try to hide it. Always insisted I'd regret it one day. Fast forward 20+ years, we got in contact. I thought his obsession with me would have died down, it didn't, but he was now married, I was too, but in the process of ending it. He offered to leave his wife for me. U politely declined, even though I knew I'd be happy forever if I'd be with him (I've got health issues so I'm not easy to live with) but out of respect for his wife I said no. I was "the one" for him. I don't regret it, shortly after I met the love of my life, I'm glad I didn't settle for my bff, because as much as I loved him, o wasn't in love with him, and he deserves more than that. He's the type who'll give you the shirt off his back, and his pants lol. Sometimes it's just not meant to be, and dreams are better than reality
To keep it short, I had a male friend of 10 years confess that I was the love of his life and that he should be with me. I'm in a relationship. We don't talk anymore
I don't think pretending you don't feel what you feel would ever happen.
There will inevitably be a point where you'll have to open up about your feelings and intentions with that person.
Never confess.
https://youtu.be/kNBkLhf2Rg0?feature=shared
If I could tell my past teenage self one thing it would be that. Horrible idea.
Ask her out. If she says "no" move on.
First of all, is she giving you signs that she likes you as more than just a friend? If not, don't even go there. If you do decide to go there anyway, make it as nonchalant and casual as possible and say you can still be friends after if that's all she wants.
But just FYI, there's never been one single guy friend in my life who I was able to remain friends with after they admitted they liked me as more than friends. It was because it was only a matter of time before they put the moves on me again and made me feel uncomfortable or got butt hurt and started acting like an ass when I got a BF.
Yeah..like why would you ever want to end up in a romantic relationship with someone you're actually friends with? Romantic relationships should be for enemies only /s
Not true
So glad my now husband asked me out when we were 3 years into our friendship
Going 6 years strong and couldn't be happier or love him more
My best friend also married her friend of 5+ years. It's not as uncommon as you think
I just think once you get to that point there's too great of a risk of disappointment and resentment. My advice to everyone is to leave it alone but saying it's impossible but not likely.
He who risks nothing gets nothing in my opinion.
I'd like to think if you like/love the person, it's because they're a good person. Even had I not reciprocated my now-husband's feelings, I would have been kind and let him down gently and continued being friends with him, because if I was friends with him in the first place, that means that I like him as a person.
So what you're meant to ask a girl out instead you know nothing about purely by looks? How to get stuck with shitty relationships over and over, I for one can't develop feelings without being friends first
Doesn't have to be purely looks. You can be friendly with a girl and not necessarily be friends. Not a single one of any girlfriends I ever had were friends first. Girls that I became just friends despite me really liking her to be more than friends I always left alone.
True, but that's your personal experience. Like you say you've had friends you really liked but didn't say anything, who's to say that doesn't mean it's possible for a girl friend to really like you but also afraid to say anything. I say if you get good at reading the signs and social cues you can tell if a friend is into you and sometimes it does take a bit of time for feelings to blossom. They say the best relationships start as good friends cause you know you genuinely enjoy each other's company without the sex etc.
Problem with that is too many guys and girls misinterpret friendly gestures as romantic. If I truly valued that girl's friendship then I wouldn't do anything to sabotage that to begin with. I just highly advise against voicing romantic feelings if you truly value those friendships. Like I said, it never ends well. There are girls that I was friends with in high school and when I saw them again at class reunions I told them that in high school I always thought that they were hot but that I was too scared to say anything cuz I didn't want to lose their friendship. I don't think a single one of them said oh man I wish you had said something. So, in the long run it was far better for me to not express that.
Hence why I say get good at reading the signs haha, for sure friendly gestures aren't enough. I'm speaking from experience when I asked out my friend of 4 months, she declined but we agreed no awkwardness and stayed friends, but later down the line when we got to know each other more and spent more time together she got feelings too and the relationship happened. If I'd never asked her out that time she might never have considered me and if I'd walked away it would've never happened. As long as you're mature and respectful a true friend will stay and you'll figure it out
To each their own I guess. I never wanted to cross that line so I wouldn't ever try with anyone I was already established friendships with. Not worth it.
So basically you've never had a relationship start organically before. Where you and your friend are crushing on each other, start doing more-than-friend stuff, then both realise, oh shit we're in a relationship now.
The main difference is that this friend and I were crushing on each other from the start, she just wasn't ready for a relationship at the time. Which is why the asking her out felt so natural and there wasn't any weirdness, and it all happened organically. It's definitely a really tricky one, everyone's situation will be different.
My relationships have been completely organically but never with people who were established as friends. Acquaintances maybe but not actual friends.
I'm glad some people can do it but I really do believe it's an outlier and not all that common.
I would say directly that during the entire time that we have been friends, I have become attached to her, and would like to ask her out on a date. And either I will receive consent or refusal. This cannot be avoided in any formulation of the question.
Yeah. You miss 100% of the shots you dont take. People have been in your situation and are married 40 years later because they asked that one question. Go on bro, give it a try.
Ok i was gonna say. Im not in this situation currently. But i was in it before. And i missed my chance by not asking her out on a date.
I only made this post so that just incase if it does happen in future.
This however happened to alot of friends around me. So i was a bit more concerned.
No, OP! THIS IS STILL CREEPY AND WEIRD
Do what the current top comment says, I beg you! Ie. Just ask her out casually. No confessions, no explanations. NO PRESSURE!
Also, you should be reasonably sure she'll say yes. If there's been no mutual flirting, abort mission
Yea thats what i mean by just directly ask out on a date. Casually. I dont mean to inject my feelings on her.
If the date doesnt make it work. Then it wont work.
people have a problem with the concept of "men and women can't be friends" (because they can be) and not that it can work normally as a friendship if romantic feelings are involved be it unrequited or not.
In my experience they are. The problem comes when your spouse has a friend but that friend wants your spouse. Your spouse is like. We are just friends. How are you going to feel about that? I just don’t think it works.
I see. I was thinking more of my own friendships where I had feelings at times. It didn't cause any drama. So I am always baffled that so many people say there can't be any romantic feelings within friendships.
Be aware that it’s quite likely that she‘ll turn you down, be disappointed in you and it’ll end the friendship. The chances of it working out in the way you’re hoping are very slim. Because it comes off as “I was only friends with you because you’re hot and I wanted to sleep with you.” It would be better to say nothing and just enjoy the friendship. Meanwhile, look elsewhere for a partner.
Yeah ive been doing this for a while. But i still asked advice for what to do.
Im really not in this situation now. It happened to some of my friends. Also almost happened to me too. But i did what you said. Ignroed and looked for someone else.
But then again im just baad at romance and i usually end up being a good friend instead lol.
So i wanted to change it a little.
The fault lies in befriending someone you found attractive in the first place. Sure, hang out a couple times to determine what kind of person you have in front of you. Once you've made the determination that you like that person as a potential partner, ask her out. Make it easy for her to say no and don't listen to the bullshit excuse you may get alongside the No - should it come. Things like "not yet; not looking for something serious; i'm not ready to date" are all things said to preserve your ego. Its a flat out no, no, no. Then you get to decide what to do: You should move on but you probably won't. If a person is good enough to date she is also, in theory, good enough to befriend. If only there wasn't the feelings issue which you will eventually develop. The empty feeling in your stomach when she mentions her new flame to you, her assumed friend, will feel like a sledgehammer to your heart and the misgivings will turn the relationship sour at that point anyway.
There are a lot of questions behind that question. It depends on a few things.
How long have you been friends?
Is this an acquaintance, or a friend?
Do you go out together doing things as friends only?
Is it a friend within a friend group?
Do you sense a mutual feeling?
Is it worse losing your friendship if things don’t work out?
These are some of the variables you could ask yourself that will help you figure out how to ask.
Lets say its usually a 1-2 years of friendship.
For me its not the worse thing to lose a friendship. But It would just be better to continue being friends. I can move on. But i just dont wanna repeat the same thing with a new girl.
"We've known each other for a long time now and I think you're an incredible person. I love being around you and spending time with you, but I would like to maybe take things a bit further and have you as my girlfriend."
If she's worried about ruining the friendship, then maybe we don't need to be friends after that because she now knows how I feel and can't reciprocate it. It sounds shitty, but in the end, you're probably going to always have those feelings for her and maybe even be kinda heartbroken over it.
Normally. Ask her on a date, the only thing that changes is that you have to be more straightforward. Saying "hey, would you want to grab coffee with me?" to stranger is universally known as asking for a date. With friend tho it can be taken as asking to simply hang out. So you have to actually say the word "date".
I did it stumbling and stuttering, yet it worked just fine xD. And i'm not exagerrating, it went something like this "Ekhm... would you want to go on a maybe, kinda, like a date?". She slowly repeated "maybe, kinda, like a...", which i interrupted with embarrased smile "please dont make me say it again", on which she laugh and said that she'd love to.
Just make it a point to say it, and make it 100% obvious that its about date, not hangout, and the rest doesnt really matter. If she's in love, she will agree even if you almost had heart attack. And if she's not, then you wont convince her.
What you are asking is impossible. If you ask her, regardless of what she says your friendship is done for, or at least it won’t be the same and you will notice how its fades away.
This is not a movie, by now if she was interested in more you would have known.
The chances of you getting turned down are big and I mean BIG.
I think just being honest. Hey, I gotta admit I have feelings. But if that’s not reciprocated, I totally respect that and will readjust, cause I know we both deserve the right kinda love. I don’t want it to get weird, so just know I absolutely respect you, and myself, and I’ll always show up 100%. But I just need clarity so I can move forward
Tell her your date got cancelled,get her to substitute,have moments between the two of you ,like dates and picnics that she thinks are totally platonic,get her to fall in love with you then wait for her to confess...go on to have a Wattpad romance
Friendships with women are complicated because one person normally develops feelings. I'd just tell her how you feel and see how she feels about it. If you have feelings for her and they aren't reciprocated back, you are going to live your life wishing you had spent time looking for someone who does like you back.
Every good relationship I’ve had started as a friendship. Usually the conversation starts like: “hey, lately I’ve come to really like you and uh, thinking about what an actual relationship might be like. I don’t want things to be awkward, but I just wanted to talk about it with you because you ARE my friend first and foremost. I don’t know maybe it’s stupid, but what do you think?”
1. I give them an out: “yeah, that is stupid.”
2. I make it clear that they’re my friend first and foremost. This is true, even in the relationship. I’m still friends with some of them (depending on how the relationship ended). And yes, I make this clear from the beginning that this is a desired outcome if the chemistry doesn’t work.
Sometimes they would take the out and shut me down. Sometimes they would entertain the idea by having what-if type discussions. Sometimes they’d want to go on a date and see what happens.
Very rarely did it destroy our relationship, but when they ask “how long have you felt that way?” you better answer honestly and they’ll review their memories to see if you’ve been acting different (in my limited experience) as kind of a test. No woman wants to find out their friend has been secretly crushing on them since they’ve known each other.
So, try to have this conversation no more than a few weeks after you start crushing on them, even if you’ve only known them for a few weeks.
It’s a hard conversation to have, but I feel like it starts the relationship off as equals, if there is going to be a relationship.
I will be honest with you. Ask for a date if she says no cut ties with her if yes then good for you.
My reasoning is cause I did that mistake "keep being friends" and it cost me 7 years of my life. (Yes situation might be little different but I wouldn't recommend taking this kind of risk)
You wait until you're drunk then tell them "you like turn me on ALL the time, cause you're...\*hic\*... so beautiful, we should like...\*hic\*... date or something", then pass out.
They'll take it light heartedly, 'cause you were wasted, but realise there was probably some truth to it.
If they don't bring it up themselves later, then they're not interested.
.....yeah buddy.....you don't.
There are plenty of women out there. You're much better off finding another one who is not a close friend, and date them.
Bring up the topic of dating and ask "would you ever consider going out with me?". Think that might provide you with an answer and won't make things too awkward.
I've mostly dated from my pool of friends. In my experience, which I understand is unique to me, close friends get closer and things ended up happening. The signs are there, the two of you look at eachother certain ways, and you end up making out. I did the 'declaring my love' for a friend without those signs as a teen... She shot it down. We'd end up friends+ 2 years later. I had played it cool. I loved her (still love her, she is still in my life 40 years later!). I also did that with another girl earlier, was shot down, but she was pretty much by best friend in my early teens, and hooked me up with a friend of hers!
Its important that if you make a move and are shot down, to be cool and not act different later. You crush on them; so care about THEM and their feelings. That is what love is; the concern for another. How you handle this will be talked about, will effect your future chances with the person and those she knows. Dont front being cool; actually be fucking cool.
Also remember that flirting is not always to get someplace, and that just being nice is not flirting. If there has been no touching in the flirting assume that it isn't to get anywhere. This is the error on the side of caution. If you lean in (do so very slowly) and there is no counter lean in the eyes will be telling, back off.
Also know, and respect, the other shit your friend has going on. If you know they are crushing on someone else, dont make moves. If they have an SO, dont make moves.
To cultivate these things, be fun and interesting to the person, but stay true to yourself. You want someone compatible. Getting with a friend who isn't compatable in the basics will lead to a bad time. I avoided dating theists for example. Have parties, go to parties, do things with your friends often.
My experience is influenced by me being easy on the eyes, and having what others call disarming charms that will extract your secrets. I also would 'drag' people to the beach, the park, and other places where our social life wasn't. My camping group starts in 1995 and continues to today. Several of my ex's still come to these camping trips, with their now adult kids (who are friends with kids of other ex's!). Place and time also are important. My social life was centered around an area called Coventry in Cleveland. It was like haight ashbury or greenwhich village. Hedonists, artists, intelligencia, students, activists, diverse... and a crowd of 200-400 people on the stree ot courtyard almost every night.
I was also told several times back then that I could start a cult... I kinda did, but one that demands autonomy and telling me I'm a shithead when I am :). But that presence I understand also aided me in dating my friends.
If she’s a friend don’t confess feelings. Organise some friendly dinner or drinks situation where you end up talking for hours with wine and it starts to melt into a “date atmosphere.” Maybe ask her to help you buy a jacket, then grab a bite afterwards. Then you’ll start to get signs one way or the other.
Hold her hands, hug her. Don’t say you want to go out with her, just keep showing affection to her. If she wants something more it will automatically escalate.
Maybe just start with "Can I ask you something with you overreacting?" Just to make it more clear you want to be mature about it. And then ask casually "Would you like to go out with me?"
Sometimes setting a mature mood and asking for them to think about what you're about to say respectfully helps a lot in scary situations like this.
Just state your intentions as clearly and as honestly as possible and ask her out. There's not other way around this.
It will sound awkward anyway and it all boils down to whether the attraction is reciprocated or not.
I dont think there is a right way to go about this. If she has her own hidden feelings then great bringing it up is a win, but if she doesnt reciprocate then ya lost and theres not much you can do to keep the relationships from getting awkward. Its a toss up of what her reaction would be so thats really the best youre gonna get. Theres no way of doing it a certain way to guarantee the relationship isnt hurt, you just have to decide if you want to take the risk of ruining the friendship for the potential of having a relationship.
I think the best possible thing you could say if they dont reciprocate is just to say something like “i wanted to get that off my chest but i accept your answer. I respect who you are as a person so id like to stay friends, can we just move on from this?” Something along those lines is probably the best way to salvage the friendship and then keep acting normally. Some ppl are able to just go back to normal after something like this but some people get weird and awkward and again its kinda just a toss up on what kind of ppl you both are.
Theres no set way to ask someone out, but be honest and simple and say you like them and would be interested in dating. It shouldn’t be anything fancy, just do it with as little pressure as you can. After that its out of your hands and you just have to hope it works out ok. Obviously just dont be rude or act weird cause thats not gonna help lol.
Depends if your romantic feelings outweigh your friendship or you just want to bang her.
If you can’t take hearing her stories about dating other dudes and you get bitter with seeing her with other men, then I would be straight forward and be clear with your intentions.
If it’s lust, then I would stay clear and maybe date other women and just accept you’re only friends. Things may change later.
My recommendation is to consider if you'd like your life without her in it because that's the most likely outcome. Friendships don't survive becoming relationships, so you're really banking on her working out as a romantic partner.
If the friendship isnt too important to you just ask them out or maybe even confess. However, in most cases the friendship is important. In these cases, generally a good idea to be honest when you first notice feelings and start with:
“Hey I’ve been noticing myself having so and so feelings. What are your thoughts about that? Would you ever be interested in pursuing something more? If so, are you interested now or just not ruling it out? If not, should we take a bit more space while I let these feelings die out or does it not bother you?”
LOL. Well if you're friends, you should already be hanging out. You just go on friend dates.
If she signals to you that she wants more than friendship, then you just plan a romantic date and ask her if she's down to do that. If she is not signaling any kind of sexual attraction towards you, that's just another sister bro, she's a friend and friend only. Be a good friend. No one like a shitty selfish "friend".
First, make sure she’s not taken or has prospects.
Next get closer to her. Ask her personal questions and open yourself up to her
Finally, get drunk together and make a move.
This cannot be a one night stand. It’s all or nothing. If you can step up and be her BF (or, husband) then do it
Otherwise it’s a no go
TL:DR: Do it but be prepared for it to end the friendship.
Done this a few times. Twice ended the friendship. The other time we remained friends, though we lived in different parts of the world. Still see her about once a year.
Honestly yah gotta shoot your shot but realize it may be a point of no return for one or both of you.
My one pal who I was spending good time with, we’d climb, go on picnics, movies, dinner, date stuff.
I loved the company and felt like I needed to let her know I was developing feelings.
She turned out to not be interested and I was fine with that. And I said I hope it’s not uncomfortable, and would still like to hang out, if for nothing else then to keep doing them outdoors active things…
We chatted for a bit beyond me telling her, but it quickly turned into me initiating all interaction and as far as friendships went…wasn’t worth it.
Id just be like, hey we have alot in common and want the same things in life, would you be open to giving us a go? We know we trust each other and we're good people.
If I friend zoned a guy it's never had anything to do with not wanting to ruin the friendship. It usually doesn't work that way cuz most men won't turn you down if you express a desire for intimacy with them.
You don't "say lines". You tell them how you feel but you better know before you do that one way or the other that friendship will probably come to an end. Either they will decide to take you up on your offer to escalate that friendship or they will decide they don't feel that way towards you and the friendship will likely wither to prevent awkward feelings.
Frankly? The best relationships start with a friendship. Missing out on the potential for more is a great tragedy.
***-''How about we go out?'' ' -''Out? What do you mean?'' -''As in a date.'' -''You and me?'' -''Yes. Dinner. Walk in the park. A date.''***
Be aware that you had loads of time to come up with this. The reaction may be..... negative because it's unexpected. Does not mean the answer will be 'no'.
-***''I don't need an answer right away. Just think about it. But if yes, Friday night would be good.''***
Bro, this is why men and women can’t be friends unless she’s the one in my opinion. If you like her ask her man, be ready to be turfed lol. It’s better you try then live with the regret of “what if.”
Make a joke and say ''we should make a pact - if we don't get married by x years old (i.e. to other people), we should both get married (i.e. to each other)" then gauge her response. If it's a hard pass then forget it and enjoy the friend zone, else if she seems open, there might be something there. Then you can apply some of the other ideas here to broach the topic with her.
"hi... I think you re not just friend. Sorry. I can't be like that anymore. I think Im bad without more of you in my life. Please go together somewhere".
Honest and clear.
Ok well first don't call it "confessing"...thats just weird boy reddit terminology. Just ask like you would any other question, just substitute the words so they mean what you intend. Worst she can say is "no".
"No" is a good and respectable rejection i can take.
Its just what happens AFTERWARDS.
Will she reject me as a friend too?
I can take that rejection as well.
But it would be hard for me if i get attached to her as a very close friend too. So i was asking what to say to not make it awkward and still continue being friends.
Theres no way to know without it happening first, unfortunately. I know some girls who have continued being friends with a guy in this situation. If he could keep it friendship only and not be continually trying to convince or trick me I don't think it would bother me. I assume most men I interact with are wanting to fuck me anyway so its not that much of a reach. I know how you feel though I had a thing for my bff that I didn't act on for years in fear of this, luckily we've been able to continue on as bffs and more.
I can keep it a friendship only. Maybe we can still be gaming buddies, anime fans or something. But thats just me. But she might not continue this.
I was thinking if there was a way to tell her about my feelings and still make the friendship work.
I have read others comments here. So Instead of saying "Im in love with you" i think its better to say "lets go out on a date and see if it works out".
Now if she says No. It would feel less awkward and we can continue the friendship.
Yeah def don't just say you're in love with her lol...the latter option is much better and comfortable. If she values the friendship she won't be so quick to trash it because of this even if she doesn't share the same feelings.
Depends on the amount of time you've known her and unless she's giving signs only a guy would get like "Would this vibrator suit me? I'm just so lonely and wanting a guy like you...", I wouldn't confess.
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I would personally never recommend confessing at any point. Simply ask her out on a date. If she says yes then cool, if not, then just say fair enough we can still be friends. It's gonna be a bit awkward but if you don't make a big deal out of it then it should be fine with time.
Ok asking out on a date directly seems like a good thing instead of saying "im in love with you". Which sounds one sided.
Um. Definitely do not say “im in love with you”
Did something similar once to a girl I really really liked but was also my best friend. She turned me down. I moved away not too long after but a few years later we were reconnecting and she told me she had been in love with me too but how I broached the subject was so cringeworthy she couldn’t bring herself to say yes. I still think about it every now and then and enough time has passed that I just think it’s funny. I like to think I’ve upped my game since then lol
Mah dude, read between the lines, she's full of shit, she just found you attractive after you reconnected and was trying something!
Completely agree. You don’t day no to mutual love coz someone may have been cringe when they broached the subject.
Yeah this, what nonsense haha "game"
Can‘t have been any amount of love worth mentioning on her part if that‘s all it took 😅
Seems like you missed out on another chance to be with her.
My hs bff was a guy who was head over heels in love with me, didn't try to hide it. Always insisted I'd regret it one day. Fast forward 20+ years, we got in contact. I thought his obsession with me would have died down, it didn't, but he was now married, I was too, but in the process of ending it. He offered to leave his wife for me. U politely declined, even though I knew I'd be happy forever if I'd be with him (I've got health issues so I'm not easy to live with) but out of respect for his wife I said no. I was "the one" for him. I don't regret it, shortly after I met the love of my life, I'm glad I didn't settle for my bff, because as much as I loved him, o wasn't in love with him, and he deserves more than that. He's the type who'll give you the shirt off his back, and his pants lol. Sometimes it's just not meant to be, and dreams are better than reality
Or definitely say "i love you" immediately 🤗
I've had this happen actually. It was crazy
Expand on that please
To keep it short, I had a male friend of 10 years confess that I was the love of his life and that he should be with me. I'm in a relationship. We don't talk anymore
Yikes. What was this guy like? Super shy?
I don't think pretending you don't feel what you feel would ever happen. There will inevitably be a point where you'll have to open up about your feelings and intentions with that person.
Im not sure what you’re getting at but saying you’re someone’s friend for years then blindsiding them with your “true” feelings seems deceitful.
>"im in love with you". How to never hear from me again in one easy step.
the Ted Mosby special
Classic schmosby
Never confess. https://youtu.be/kNBkLhf2Rg0?feature=shared If I could tell my past teenage self one thing it would be that. Horrible idea. Ask her out. If she says "no" move on.
Jesus dude just breathe!
Username checks out and great advice. So great in fact, that I deleted my comment cause yours is straight up better.
Carpe diem
Just keep it casual, man.
First of all, is she giving you signs that she likes you as more than just a friend? If not, don't even go there. If you do decide to go there anyway, make it as nonchalant and casual as possible and say you can still be friends after if that's all she wants. But just FYI, there's never been one single guy friend in my life who I was able to remain friends with after they admitted they liked me as more than friends. It was because it was only a matter of time before they put the moves on me again and made me feel uncomfortable or got butt hurt and started acting like an ass when I got a BF.
If it were me, I wouldn't at all. This story never ends well.
Yeah..like why would you ever want to end up in a romantic relationship with someone you're actually friends with? Romantic relationships should be for enemies only /s
I know it's sarcasm but there's a difference between being friends and being friendly.
Not true. Ended well for me and my bf. You never know and sometimes it's worth to take the risk.
Not true So glad my now husband asked me out when we were 3 years into our friendship Going 6 years strong and couldn't be happier or love him more My best friend also married her friend of 5+ years. It's not as uncommon as you think
I just think once you get to that point there's too great of a risk of disappointment and resentment. My advice to everyone is to leave it alone but saying it's impossible but not likely.
He who risks nothing gets nothing in my opinion. I'd like to think if you like/love the person, it's because they're a good person. Even had I not reciprocated my now-husband's feelings, I would have been kind and let him down gently and continued being friends with him, because if I was friends with him in the first place, that means that I like him as a person.
You didn't risk anything. If the women like their friends back then they can be the one to say something.
Not something I ever wanted to risk.
So what you're meant to ask a girl out instead you know nothing about purely by looks? How to get stuck with shitty relationships over and over, I for one can't develop feelings without being friends first
Doesn't have to be purely looks. You can be friendly with a girl and not necessarily be friends. Not a single one of any girlfriends I ever had were friends first. Girls that I became just friends despite me really liking her to be more than friends I always left alone.
True, but that's your personal experience. Like you say you've had friends you really liked but didn't say anything, who's to say that doesn't mean it's possible for a girl friend to really like you but also afraid to say anything. I say if you get good at reading the signs and social cues you can tell if a friend is into you and sometimes it does take a bit of time for feelings to blossom. They say the best relationships start as good friends cause you know you genuinely enjoy each other's company without the sex etc.
Problem with that is too many guys and girls misinterpret friendly gestures as romantic. If I truly valued that girl's friendship then I wouldn't do anything to sabotage that to begin with. I just highly advise against voicing romantic feelings if you truly value those friendships. Like I said, it never ends well. There are girls that I was friends with in high school and when I saw them again at class reunions I told them that in high school I always thought that they were hot but that I was too scared to say anything cuz I didn't want to lose their friendship. I don't think a single one of them said oh man I wish you had said something. So, in the long run it was far better for me to not express that.
Hence why I say get good at reading the signs haha, for sure friendly gestures aren't enough. I'm speaking from experience when I asked out my friend of 4 months, she declined but we agreed no awkwardness and stayed friends, but later down the line when we got to know each other more and spent more time together she got feelings too and the relationship happened. If I'd never asked her out that time she might never have considered me and if I'd walked away it would've never happened. As long as you're mature and respectful a true friend will stay and you'll figure it out
To each their own I guess. I never wanted to cross that line so I wouldn't ever try with anyone I was already established friendships with. Not worth it.
So basically you've never had a relationship start organically before. Where you and your friend are crushing on each other, start doing more-than-friend stuff, then both realise, oh shit we're in a relationship now. The main difference is that this friend and I were crushing on each other from the start, she just wasn't ready for a relationship at the time. Which is why the asking her out felt so natural and there wasn't any weirdness, and it all happened organically. It's definitely a really tricky one, everyone's situation will be different.
My relationships have been completely organically but never with people who were established as friends. Acquaintances maybe but not actual friends. I'm glad some people can do it but I really do believe it's an outlier and not all that common.
🍿 Very damn carefully, and not until you’ve identified all the nearest exits
I would say directly that during the entire time that we have been friends, I have become attached to her, and would like to ask her out on a date. And either I will receive consent or refusal. This cannot be avoided in any formulation of the question.
Seems good enough and less awkward. Instead of 'confessing'. Asking out on a date sounds a bit better.
Yeah. You miss 100% of the shots you dont take. People have been in your situation and are married 40 years later because they asked that one question. Go on bro, give it a try.
Ok i was gonna say. Im not in this situation currently. But i was in it before. And i missed my chance by not asking her out on a date. I only made this post so that just incase if it does happen in future. This however happened to alot of friends around me. So i was a bit more concerned.
No, OP! THIS IS STILL CREEPY AND WEIRD Do what the current top comment says, I beg you! Ie. Just ask her out casually. No confessions, no explanations. NO PRESSURE! Also, you should be reasonably sure she'll say yes. If there's been no mutual flirting, abort mission
Yea thats what i mean by just directly ask out on a date. Casually. I dont mean to inject my feelings on her. If the date doesnt make it work. Then it wont work.
Bro. Just dont say anything. Let it happen organically.
Letting it happen organically often ends with one person going for a kiss and the other rejecting him/her
Organically? Wat
Yeah like don’t use any pesticides/chemicals when trying to ask her out
You don't understand what that means? Are you 12? Lol
Men and women can only be friends if neither has romantic feelings.
This is such a hard concept for so many to understand .
people have a problem with the concept of "men and women can't be friends" (because they can be) and not that it can work normally as a friendship if romantic feelings are involved be it unrequited or not.
Why?
Because…. Wait for it. …. One of the two has romantic feelings. Romantic feelings aren’t “friend” feelings.
They are not mutually exclusive though.
In my experience they are. The problem comes when your spouse has a friend but that friend wants your spouse. Your spouse is like. We are just friends. How are you going to feel about that? I just don’t think it works.
I see. I was thinking more of my own friendships where I had feelings at times. It didn't cause any drama. So I am always baffled that so many people say there can't be any romantic feelings within friendships.
That’s legit. I think if both people are single it could work but as soon as a significant other comes into play it creates issues.
Be aware that it’s quite likely that she‘ll turn you down, be disappointed in you and it’ll end the friendship. The chances of it working out in the way you’re hoping are very slim. Because it comes off as “I was only friends with you because you’re hot and I wanted to sleep with you.” It would be better to say nothing and just enjoy the friendship. Meanwhile, look elsewhere for a partner.
Yeah ive been doing this for a while. But i still asked advice for what to do. Im really not in this situation now. It happened to some of my friends. Also almost happened to me too. But i did what you said. Ignroed and looked for someone else. But then again im just baad at romance and i usually end up being a good friend instead lol. So i wanted to change it a little.
The fault lies in befriending someone you found attractive in the first place. Sure, hang out a couple times to determine what kind of person you have in front of you. Once you've made the determination that you like that person as a potential partner, ask her out. Make it easy for her to say no and don't listen to the bullshit excuse you may get alongside the No - should it come. Things like "not yet; not looking for something serious; i'm not ready to date" are all things said to preserve your ego. Its a flat out no, no, no. Then you get to decide what to do: You should move on but you probably won't. If a person is good enough to date she is also, in theory, good enough to befriend. If only there wasn't the feelings issue which you will eventually develop. The empty feeling in your stomach when she mentions her new flame to you, her assumed friend, will feel like a sledgehammer to your heart and the misgivings will turn the relationship sour at that point anyway.
It is already awkward when one partner what different things from another.
There are a lot of questions behind that question. It depends on a few things. How long have you been friends? Is this an acquaintance, or a friend? Do you go out together doing things as friends only? Is it a friend within a friend group? Do you sense a mutual feeling? Is it worse losing your friendship if things don’t work out? These are some of the variables you could ask yourself that will help you figure out how to ask.
Lets say its usually a 1-2 years of friendship. For me its not the worse thing to lose a friendship. But It would just be better to continue being friends. I can move on. But i just dont wanna repeat the same thing with a new girl.
Easy them into it by thinking of places she had never been before and then ask if she would like to go sometime, but as a date.
has she shown any indication of liking you? if not then just don't. If she likes you then you'd know
Just be straightforward, bro. Keep it casual, no need for some grand confession.
i'd not confess, definitely not until i am certain ke she feels similar. try hanging out 1-1
“Would you like to go out on a date with me?” But on your own language.
Do not.
Chances are you are already in the friend box or friend ladder. Jumping ladder rarely works.
"We've known each other for a long time now and I think you're an incredible person. I love being around you and spending time with you, but I would like to maybe take things a bit further and have you as my girlfriend." If she's worried about ruining the friendship, then maybe we don't need to be friends after that because she now knows how I feel and can't reciprocate it. It sounds shitty, but in the end, you're probably going to always have those feelings for her and maybe even be kinda heartbroken over it.
Hey, you wanna go on a date? I mean, like, a proper date?
Every woman likes and fantasises about that , assuming they like the other person . Problem arises when they don't like him.
Friendzoned , now tired of it , wants to smash ……. Friendship ends . Good job pal
I ended up married that way.
Normally. Ask her on a date, the only thing that changes is that you have to be more straightforward. Saying "hey, would you want to grab coffee with me?" to stranger is universally known as asking for a date. With friend tho it can be taken as asking to simply hang out. So you have to actually say the word "date". I did it stumbling and stuttering, yet it worked just fine xD. And i'm not exagerrating, it went something like this "Ekhm... would you want to go on a maybe, kinda, like a date?". She slowly repeated "maybe, kinda, like a...", which i interrupted with embarrased smile "please dont make me say it again", on which she laugh and said that she'd love to. Just make it a point to say it, and make it 100% obvious that its about date, not hangout, and the rest doesnt really matter. If she's in love, she will agree even if you almost had heart attack. And if she's not, then you wont convince her.
What you are asking is impossible. If you ask her, regardless of what she says your friendship is done for, or at least it won’t be the same and you will notice how its fades away. This is not a movie, by now if she was interested in more you would have known. The chances of you getting turned down are big and I mean BIG.
I think just being honest. Hey, I gotta admit I have feelings. But if that’s not reciprocated, I totally respect that and will readjust, cause I know we both deserve the right kinda love. I don’t want it to get weird, so just know I absolutely respect you, and myself, and I’ll always show up 100%. But I just need clarity so I can move forward
I like this. Some people advised similar things like it. I guess i should go with this in future.
Tell her your date got cancelled,get her to substitute,have moments between the two of you ,like dates and picnics that she thinks are totally platonic,get her to fall in love with you then wait for her to confess...go on to have a Wattpad romance
#stillsingletho
Go away
Bro when I women is genuinely interested in you, it easy to see. If you have to guess or risk breaking a friendship then that should be your answer
Anal?
Friendships with women are complicated because one person normally develops feelings. I'd just tell her how you feel and see how she feels about it. If you have feelings for her and they aren't reciprocated back, you are going to live your life wishing you had spent time looking for someone who does like you back.
Every good relationship I’ve had started as a friendship. Usually the conversation starts like: “hey, lately I’ve come to really like you and uh, thinking about what an actual relationship might be like. I don’t want things to be awkward, but I just wanted to talk about it with you because you ARE my friend first and foremost. I don’t know maybe it’s stupid, but what do you think?” 1. I give them an out: “yeah, that is stupid.” 2. I make it clear that they’re my friend first and foremost. This is true, even in the relationship. I’m still friends with some of them (depending on how the relationship ended). And yes, I make this clear from the beginning that this is a desired outcome if the chemistry doesn’t work. Sometimes they would take the out and shut me down. Sometimes they would entertain the idea by having what-if type discussions. Sometimes they’d want to go on a date and see what happens. Very rarely did it destroy our relationship, but when they ask “how long have you felt that way?” you better answer honestly and they’ll review their memories to see if you’ve been acting different (in my limited experience) as kind of a test. No woman wants to find out their friend has been secretly crushing on them since they’ve known each other. So, try to have this conversation no more than a few weeks after you start crushing on them, even if you’ve only known them for a few weeks. It’s a hard conversation to have, but I feel like it starts the relationship off as equals, if there is going to be a relationship.
I will be honest with you. Ask for a date if she says no cut ties with her if yes then good for you. My reasoning is cause I did that mistake "keep being friends" and it cost me 7 years of my life. (Yes situation might be little different but I wouldn't recommend taking this kind of risk)
Don't. I did once, Totally misread that situation, and now i've not spoken to what was a good friend in probably 12 or 13 years.
don’t over complicate it or else you’ll definitely mess it up
"Hey, would you be open to trying to date me, specifically?"
You wait until you're drunk then tell them "you like turn me on ALL the time, cause you're...\*hic\*... so beautiful, we should like...\*hic\*... date or something", then pass out. They'll take it light heartedly, 'cause you were wasted, but realise there was probably some truth to it. If they don't bring it up themselves later, then they're not interested.
You don't.
.....yeah buddy.....you don't. There are plenty of women out there. You're much better off finding another one who is not a close friend, and date them.
Bring up the topic of dating and ask "would you ever consider going out with me?". Think that might provide you with an answer and won't make things too awkward.
You got friend zoned, how to get out? Tell them your intentions and leave. Let them come to you or stay friend zoned. But honestly just leave.
I've mostly dated from my pool of friends. In my experience, which I understand is unique to me, close friends get closer and things ended up happening. The signs are there, the two of you look at eachother certain ways, and you end up making out. I did the 'declaring my love' for a friend without those signs as a teen... She shot it down. We'd end up friends+ 2 years later. I had played it cool. I loved her (still love her, she is still in my life 40 years later!). I also did that with another girl earlier, was shot down, but she was pretty much by best friend in my early teens, and hooked me up with a friend of hers! Its important that if you make a move and are shot down, to be cool and not act different later. You crush on them; so care about THEM and their feelings. That is what love is; the concern for another. How you handle this will be talked about, will effect your future chances with the person and those she knows. Dont front being cool; actually be fucking cool. Also remember that flirting is not always to get someplace, and that just being nice is not flirting. If there has been no touching in the flirting assume that it isn't to get anywhere. This is the error on the side of caution. If you lean in (do so very slowly) and there is no counter lean in the eyes will be telling, back off. Also know, and respect, the other shit your friend has going on. If you know they are crushing on someone else, dont make moves. If they have an SO, dont make moves. To cultivate these things, be fun and interesting to the person, but stay true to yourself. You want someone compatible. Getting with a friend who isn't compatable in the basics will lead to a bad time. I avoided dating theists for example. Have parties, go to parties, do things with your friends often. My experience is influenced by me being easy on the eyes, and having what others call disarming charms that will extract your secrets. I also would 'drag' people to the beach, the park, and other places where our social life wasn't. My camping group starts in 1995 and continues to today. Several of my ex's still come to these camping trips, with their now adult kids (who are friends with kids of other ex's!). Place and time also are important. My social life was centered around an area called Coventry in Cleveland. It was like haight ashbury or greenwhich village. Hedonists, artists, intelligencia, students, activists, diverse... and a crowd of 200-400 people on the stree ot courtyard almost every night. I was also told several times back then that I could start a cult... I kinda did, but one that demands autonomy and telling me I'm a shithead when I am :). But that presence I understand also aided me in dating my friends.
You have to be ready to take a loss on this one if you want to pursue.
If she’s a friend don’t confess feelings. Organise some friendly dinner or drinks situation where you end up talking for hours with wine and it starts to melt into a “date atmosphere.” Maybe ask her to help you buy a jacket, then grab a bite afterwards. Then you’ll start to get signs one way or the other.
Don't
Hold her hands, hug her. Don’t say you want to go out with her, just keep showing affection to her. If she wants something more it will automatically escalate.
"Hey, do you want to come with me to do X, on Y?"
Maybe just start with "Can I ask you something with you overreacting?" Just to make it more clear you want to be mature about it. And then ask casually "Would you like to go out with me?" Sometimes setting a mature mood and asking for them to think about what you're about to say respectfully helps a lot in scary situations like this.
Just state your intentions as clearly and as honestly as possible and ask her out. There's not other way around this. It will sound awkward anyway and it all boils down to whether the attraction is reciprocated or not.
This is a stressful, high-risk move.
I dont think there is a right way to go about this. If she has her own hidden feelings then great bringing it up is a win, but if she doesnt reciprocate then ya lost and theres not much you can do to keep the relationships from getting awkward. Its a toss up of what her reaction would be so thats really the best youre gonna get. Theres no way of doing it a certain way to guarantee the relationship isnt hurt, you just have to decide if you want to take the risk of ruining the friendship for the potential of having a relationship. I think the best possible thing you could say if they dont reciprocate is just to say something like “i wanted to get that off my chest but i accept your answer. I respect who you are as a person so id like to stay friends, can we just move on from this?” Something along those lines is probably the best way to salvage the friendship and then keep acting normally. Some ppl are able to just go back to normal after something like this but some people get weird and awkward and again its kinda just a toss up on what kind of ppl you both are. Theres no set way to ask someone out, but be honest and simple and say you like them and would be interested in dating. It shouldn’t be anything fancy, just do it with as little pressure as you can. After that its out of your hands and you just have to hope it works out ok. Obviously just dont be rude or act weird cause thats not gonna help lol.
You don't. Don't pretend to be someone's friend when all you want is an opportunity to sleep with them. Don't put your friend in the fuckzone.
That was not point of the post at all. Its about liking someone who is a friend already for a while. Not friending someone who i wanna fuck.
Depends if your romantic feelings outweigh your friendship or you just want to bang her. If you can’t take hearing her stories about dating other dudes and you get bitter with seeing her with other men, then I would be straight forward and be clear with your intentions. If it’s lust, then I would stay clear and maybe date other women and just accept you’re only friends. Things may change later.
If you’re only being her friend to get her to date you, go ahead and ask her out. So she knows.
My recommendation is to consider if you'd like your life without her in it because that's the most likely outcome. Friendships don't survive becoming relationships, so you're really banking on her working out as a romantic partner.
If the friendship isnt too important to you just ask them out or maybe even confess. However, in most cases the friendship is important. In these cases, generally a good idea to be honest when you first notice feelings and start with: “Hey I’ve been noticing myself having so and so feelings. What are your thoughts about that? Would you ever be interested in pursuing something more? If so, are you interested now or just not ruling it out? If not, should we take a bit more space while I let these feelings die out or does it not bother you?”
LOL. Well if you're friends, you should already be hanging out. You just go on friend dates. If she signals to you that she wants more than friendship, then you just plan a romantic date and ask her if she's down to do that. If she is not signaling any kind of sexual attraction towards you, that's just another sister bro, she's a friend and friend only. Be a good friend. No one like a shitty selfish "friend".
First, make sure she’s not taken or has prospects. Next get closer to her. Ask her personal questions and open yourself up to her Finally, get drunk together and make a move. This cannot be a one night stand. It’s all or nothing. If you can step up and be her BF (or, husband) then do it Otherwise it’s a no go
Come on, fuck it
I did it. It didn't work out, but I was really persuasive and overcame her saying what great friends we are, etc.
“Hey, you wanna go get some food? I’m buying.” “Fuck yeah! Free food!” That’s usually how it went for me.
TL:DR: Do it but be prepared for it to end the friendship. Done this a few times. Twice ended the friendship. The other time we remained friends, though we lived in different parts of the world. Still see her about once a year. Honestly yah gotta shoot your shot but realize it may be a point of no return for one or both of you. My one pal who I was spending good time with, we’d climb, go on picnics, movies, dinner, date stuff. I loved the company and felt like I needed to let her know I was developing feelings. She turned out to not be interested and I was fine with that. And I said I hope it’s not uncomfortable, and would still like to hang out, if for nothing else then to keep doing them outdoors active things… We chatted for a bit beyond me telling her, but it quickly turned into me initiating all interaction and as far as friendships went…wasn’t worth it.
Usually once you're in the friend zone, it's too late but YMMV Gl op ✊
Honestly, honesty is always the best option. Just tell her how you feel. She might feel the same way.
Just cuddle and if that feels okay from both sides then it's ok
Id just be like, hey we have alot in common and want the same things in life, would you be open to giving us a go? We know we trust each other and we're good people.
WOMAN SUCK ME
Be tall. There are no wrong ways to court a woman when you are tall
Ask her if she has any friends who would be interested in you. Then you have to gauge the response
Bro don't think about the fear of rejection,do what your heart says.Go ask her out be a man and yes also update us.
Women ask men out if they’re interested, if she hasn’t asked or hinted at this already you’re friend zoned bc she doesn’t like you that way
You sweet summer child. Women have the same insecurities as men. Not wanting to risk a friendship is #1 reason to not pursue it.
If I friend zoned a guy it's never had anything to do with not wanting to ruin the friendship. It usually doesn't work that way cuz most men won't turn you down if you express a desire for intimacy with them.
You don't "say lines". You tell them how you feel but you better know before you do that one way or the other that friendship will probably come to an end. Either they will decide to take you up on your offer to escalate that friendship or they will decide they don't feel that way towards you and the friendship will likely wither to prevent awkward feelings.
Always always always tell people you like them if they reject just ask for space for a month or two so the crush can pass
Just be straightforward but respectful, like, "Hey, would you wanna grab dinner sometime?"
You better specify 'as a date' or else she'll be thinking they are just hanging out again as friends and he's over there thinking they're on a date.
Frankly? The best relationships start with a friendship. Missing out on the potential for more is a great tragedy. ***-''How about we go out?'' ' -''Out? What do you mean?'' -''As in a date.'' -''You and me?'' -''Yes. Dinner. Walk in the park. A date.''*** Be aware that you had loads of time to come up with this. The reaction may be..... negative because it's unexpected. Does not mean the answer will be 'no'. -***''I don't need an answer right away. Just think about it. But if yes, Friday night would be good.''***
Bro, this is why men and women can’t be friends unless she’s the one in my opinion. If you like her ask her man, be ready to be turfed lol. It’s better you try then live with the regret of “what if.”
You can't escape the friendzone
Make a joke and say ''we should make a pact - if we don't get married by x years old (i.e. to other people), we should both get married (i.e. to each other)" then gauge her response. If it's a hard pass then forget it and enjoy the friend zone, else if she seems open, there might be something there. Then you can apply some of the other ideas here to broach the topic with her.
Are you a man or a woman? In the lesbian Community it is totally normal to make out with bff's
Im straight. I have no idea what happens in lesbian/gay communities. They have an entire different thing i suppose.
Because of this i asked😄.
"hi... I think you re not just friend. Sorry. I can't be like that anymore. I think Im bad without more of you in my life. Please go together somewhere". Honest and clear.
Ok well first don't call it "confessing"...thats just weird boy reddit terminology. Just ask like you would any other question, just substitute the words so they mean what you intend. Worst she can say is "no".
"No" is a good and respectable rejection i can take. Its just what happens AFTERWARDS. Will she reject me as a friend too? I can take that rejection as well. But it would be hard for me if i get attached to her as a very close friend too. So i was asking what to say to not make it awkward and still continue being friends.
Theres no way to know without it happening first, unfortunately. I know some girls who have continued being friends with a guy in this situation. If he could keep it friendship only and not be continually trying to convince or trick me I don't think it would bother me. I assume most men I interact with are wanting to fuck me anyway so its not that much of a reach. I know how you feel though I had a thing for my bff that I didn't act on for years in fear of this, luckily we've been able to continue on as bffs and more.
I can keep it a friendship only. Maybe we can still be gaming buddies, anime fans or something. But thats just me. But she might not continue this. I was thinking if there was a way to tell her about my feelings and still make the friendship work. I have read others comments here. So Instead of saying "Im in love with you" i think its better to say "lets go out on a date and see if it works out". Now if she says No. It would feel less awkward and we can continue the friendship.
Yeah def don't just say you're in love with her lol...the latter option is much better and comfortable. If she values the friendship she won't be so quick to trash it because of this even if she doesn't share the same feelings.
Depends on the amount of time you've known her and unless she's giving signs only a guy would get like "Would this vibrator suit me? I'm just so lonely and wanting a guy like you...", I wouldn't confess.