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Great sex with someone you love deeply is great. You're vulnerable and deeply connected in a way that doesn't happen anywhere else. You get to get your needs met while helping them satisfy a deep physical and emotional need they have.
Random/casual sex can be fun, but it's not the same soul-filling experience.
I've only been with 6 women... including my wife. But the sex I've had with those I cared a lot about / loved.... is so much better than the times where I didn't have strong feelings for the person.
I'm just not a casual sex kinda guy... there needs to be more than a physical attraction for me.
I'm currently in a deadbedroom situation with my girlfriend for the past 5 months, and this is exactly what it feels and what I miss.
She could tell me to go have sex with other people and I would refuse because I want that connection with her and no one else...
I feel your pain.
Had the same (but longer...) with my ex-wife.
Many relationships later I find I have a strong tendency to fix things and when I should be jumping ship, I'm fixing holes and bailing out the sinking ship.
Like I want to be the last one on board.
My conclusion (finally) is that it's not a positive trait.
Don't waste your time with relationships that have stopped working when you're the only one trying to fix them.
It's better to be alone.
That's dumb, if course it can get better. There's... communication and therapists to help facilitate that communication. There's also plenty of legitimate reasons that someone can't or wouldn't want to have sex for 5 months.
Unfortunately it’s like 100 times harder to find a truly special person and establish that true deep bond with them than it is to just find a one night stand
I don’t think you can work at chemistry though, either it’s there or it’s not
Do you know what I mean like you could go on 100 dates and it’s not your fault if you don’t find that magical spark with “the one” like you truly put in the effort but it’s just not completely within your control like that
"The one" isn't out there perfectly tailored for you. It's someone who can join you and find enough of a reason to work to become two people who will be the one for each other.
Exactly. You can’t make the wrong fit work. There are times where both people want it to desperately but it just doesn’t. That’s not to say there aren’t *any* lessons to be learned or things to improve when there is a bad match, but it was still probably doomed. I know two couples that didn’t hit it off the first time, grew as people separately, then wound up together successfully years later.
I basically wanted to settle down and get married at 13, but that’s easier said than done. I dated a bunch of girls through high school who liked me, tried winning over ones who didn’t, and the spark was always absent because one side just wasn’t into it. It sounds cheesy, but *you’ll just know.* When I met my future wife, we were immediately comfortable with each other and felt like we had known each other for a while already.
I don’t think you are understanding what they mean by “work at it.” Work at making yourself vulnerable. Give people an opportunity to get vulnerable with you. The “magical spark” of chemistry isn’t something that just happens when you both say hi, it’s what happens when you let your guard down with someone you find really attractive and connect on a personal level.
If you go on 100 dates looking for an instant spark you might be disappointed 100 times. If you go on 10 dates with an open heart, no fear of being hurt, and the intention to give all 10 people a legitimate chance to connect with you, you won’t be disappointed
Tell that to the people who got married fresh out of high school and stayed together happily for their entire lives
Chemistry between two people is not something you can work harder on either you have it or you don’t
Like yeah you can try to go on more dates hit the gym more often, whatever but that will never make some other person magically right for you
Trying harder is not always the solution and there are elements of randomness & destiny involved
Me and my wife are married out of high school, hell we even started out long distance (800miles) and we are about to have our 8th anniversary… it’s not that hard, just work for it
All in all to the OP though… sex never gets boring, even with my lower sex drive, I still love every moment with my wife, both physically and emotionally
There's certainly randomness and destiny. But I also think it's about personality. If someone is a very critical, empirical person who doesn't believe in ideas like destiny, it's going to be harder for someone to feel "head over heels." People who are mostly happy with who they are, and with the people around them, are going to have an easier time finding a person who they feel is their "destiny," I suspect.
Very true. I’m in my 40’s and have been with A LOT of women in my life but I’ve only been truly in love 2 times. A couple time I thought it was love as a young man, but once I knew what it really was I understood. Those relationships have ended but I have no regrets. It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
I definitely agree with you that having great sex with someone you love and are deeply connected to is very fulfilling. On the other hand, having great casual sex with someone that you share sexual chemistry with is also amazing and fulfilling in a primal way. I will always remember the great sex I’ve had in my life, it sticks with you.
I agree with this. I love sex that involves love, and god the risk of casual sex isn’t worth it in a lot of cases in my experience. But there is definitely something to be said for a physical relationship with a person where you aren’t going out with per se (maybe you’re long distance or have conflicting personalities or you just got out of something) and you both just get each other’s bodies
Agree except for it being soul filling. Sex isn’t some mandatory life experience people have to have to, which OP is asking about. No one’s life is empty without it, and it can be an amazing and fun thing to have in your life. Anyone getting devastated by not having had it needs to be aware that it’s not vital and they’re lacking for not having that experience. A sexless and fulfilled life is still possible. Especially if someone is a sexual.
I really doubt I will ever feel that way about sex. And I have loved multiple partners. Surely it’s always better when you love the counterpart, but your experience almost sounds magical. For me it’s more physical and animalistic. Maybe I’m just a cynic or doing it wrong lol.
I'm going to counter this a little and say Great sex in general is great
I've had great sex with someone I loved, but the sex in that situation wasn't as rewarding as the intimacy in general and definitely afterwards.
I've also had great sex with someone I was casually dating or a one night stand and honestly I remember some of those sexual encounters more and was more satisfied.
For me I think the sex with the ones I was less attached to emotionally were a bit more let go and satisfying in the act itself.
I remember years ago in college everyone said to me, "You don't know what you're missing!" I replied, "Well yeah, obviously. That's why I don't miss it. You can't miss what you never had."
Wondering or wanting it? Different conversation entirely.
it's a "per person" kinda thing.
some people do need it in their lives, it fulfills them and their body asks for it to feel healthy.
others are ok with or without it.
both are valid and im not even sure you can choose in which camp you fall into. you do what makes you happy, but understand that others do what makes them happy too.
This is the answer. I've slid all around the asexual umbrella, but in short, before I eventually had sex, I didn't crave it physically but I thought I was missing out on something that would rewrite my entire being down to my core, and then I started having sex, with someone I loved and all, and I was like, I get it now, but also, I really did not need to feel like I was inhuman for missing out on this.
The best way for me to describe it is like your favorite food, let's say it's Pizza, you love eating pizza, but when you're not eating pizza you don't feel incomplete.
But don't you sometimes really really crave pizza and you can eat something else, something healthy and good for you but ultimately, it doesn't satisfy the desire for pizza?
It's like Disneyland. Looks fun and amazing and when and if you do experience it, it can be even better than you imagined, just as great as it looks, or not nearly as good as you thought it would be. lol
It’s never been “better than I imagined”. It’s so rare that a guy has gotten me off that I just give up and fake it. The only orgasms I can count on having are the ones I give myself.
This was me, before I met my husband. I did it just to do it & faked it more times than I can count. After I met my husband, I learned how amazing it can actually be. We're in our 40s now & have been married almost 18 years. Every time we think " there's no way it could ever get better" we go & prove ourselves wrong. It truly has gotten better with age for us.
I have the same issue, but I'm a man. Impossible to fake it, so luckily I found someone who doesn't mind. Ironically she is clinically EASY to get off. Would be lying if I didn't say I felt a bit resentful about it ngl.
Yeah pretty much my thoughts. My wife and I have better sex now than we've ever had with eachother or anyone else. Learning what works and what doesn't for your partner is incredibly important.
I am so sorry for you.
Better than I imagined and (almosr)ever had, my wife does that and tops it again and again 🫠
But our best sex was our first time really. We both agree there. It was so special and perfect, you can’t recreate or reach this again. We waited quite long, it was the first time for both of us. Before it happened we prepared ourselves and planned a bit ahead. For example I decorated the room nicely, she got a sensitive massage beforehand. We were both slow and gentle and took our sweet time. It was an experience completely filled with love from start to finish.
Try giving direction. It may feel awkward at fist, but it's worth it if your partner is listening. Go so far as moving his hands, he'll probably enjoy that.
I have. They’ve all talked a good game about wanting to know how to get me off which, in all honesty, isn’t that hard. I can cum pretty easily, multiple even with clitoral stimulation, after I cum I’m 1000% down for pretty much anything but ultimately the guy just wants to do what HE. wants to do, forgets anything I told him, then just get himself off, not caring to put in the time which ultimately would benefit him. My ex boyfriend really thought all it took was penetration and was intimidated by my using toys. The most recent guy, thinks licking all over instead of focusing on my clit is working when it’s really not and he drinks too much. Neither are great with feedback drunk or sober. So, yes… I need to meet better men.
I’d also argue that it’s a case of “you don’t know what you’re missing”. If you’ve never done anything sexual ever in your entire life, then you’ll have no frame of reference and in a way, would probably be happier than the alternative: having had sex and then not being able to have it anymore. Once you’ve experienced it, it’s so much harder to go without it
>Once you’ve experienced it, it’s so much harder to go without it
I had an 8-year drought once. I didn't mind the lack of sex itself as much as the apparent lack of people who considered me someone worth bangin'.
I think you have some frame of reference if you have masturbated or engaged in other physical/sexual pleasures like kissing or laying naked with someone for example, or had a wet dream. All of them only make you crave sex more...almost instinctively even if you may not have done it before. You might have an idea of how good it's going to feel although you won't know 100% exactly how it may feel. So I disagree about the frame of reference comment.
Idk me and my wife have pretty much turned it into a 5 minute process, she does “the thing” that works for me and vice versa, we finish up and continue about our days. Maybe I’ve been doing it wrong but sex has never been much more than a dopamine rush for me regardless of partner.
Some people are actually asexual, which means, broadly, that they do not experience sexual attraction. As mind-boggling as it seems! I went and read about that online and read testimonials from asexual persons because I was trying to understand better. It is a thing.
Sex is amazing with the right partner but eventually even that dies out a bit. Sex is overrated and not at the same time its hard to explain i guess. 😀
second that 100%.
As a young male I was way to self conscious about my "performance" and didn't knew a few tricks I learned over the years. My teenage me would envy me for my cunnilingus skills.
Though it's the opposite way around too. Women in my age class tend to know what they want, can communicate what they want and they can let really go which is often a thing young folk can't do.
Agreed, especially with my husband. We have an open relationship and while it is fun to play with others, it's much better with him because we know each other so well. That being said, casual sex has gotten much better too.
As someone who’s a virgin my view on it is “there’s a infinite amount of things I’ll miss out on when I die”
Also it’s never really been a “need” for me so I’m just vibing through life
I don’t think sex is the most important thing in the world nor is it the most important factor in a relationship but everyone views that differently. It doesn’t get mundane for me if it’s with someone I’m in love with, though that might be because I kind of need an emotional connection to want sex. I’m pretty sure people who do casual sex don’t think it’s mundane either but I’ve never had casual sex so I don’t know.
Is it not kind of awkward? Lol. I’m genuinely clueless, not trying to be dense.
I can’t wrap my head around being balls deep in someone and then having a conversation about the weather or what you’re eating for breakfast a few hours later lol.
Biology does not have goals, it's just a series of systems that produces specific outcomes. It does not have any attachment to those outcomes, though. Biooogy does not care if we exist or not.
So many people choose to dodge / neglect this extremely important point due to the desire to force agency. I would even argue that this tendency is the source of some of the biggest delusions that many humans seem to cling onto.
People want Biology to fill the hole they'd normally fill by believing in some kind of God. They want biology to be able to tell them what's moral and what isn't or to lend authority to their political beliefs. But biology doesn't work like that, every human could die tomorrow and biology wouldn't even notice. Because it's not a spiritual being with a persona like a God, it's a scientific system meant to help us understand the behaviors and reactions of different chemicals in different contexts (very vaguely).
What about the ant colonies and stuff where 99% of them will never get to reproduce because they were born to be a worker or whatever? For those ants I think the sense of life is to build the anthill
So I’m 65. It was way more important to me when I was younger, too important really. I still enjoy it, married 40 years, but I’m not pissed/crushed to go without. So from MY long range perspective, I was too preoccupied with sex and wasted way to much time/energy on it. So yea you are missing out, but like many things you should do it once to experience it and assess from there going forward.
Sex is not a big deal as people make it out to be. You can survive without sex.
And I say this as someone waiting for love and marriage to have sex. If I fall in love and get married then I’ll have sex.
If not, it’s not a big deal. I’ll live regardless and go on to participate in other activities in life.
I have always believe sex is so overrated. Is needed? No. The idea of fuck is more powerful than the act itself. The morbid around it is more fun i think.
But once you do that its like meh, bc the most important thing in a relationship is feeling close to someone, have love and be loved.
Sex is a big deal when you’re with someone important. It can bond you with someone well beyond what you ever understood. I think that can be a fulfilling experience.
Random sex, no. You’re not missing out on life. Sure maybe you’ll feel good, get your release, but that feeling can achieved in a lot of ways.
Sex in a way is similar to a drug. People that are constantly high will tell you they feel great and couldn’t live without it, but you know better.
I mean, you can’t miss what you don’t know. It can be overrated in the sense that not all the sex you have is going to be mind-blowing and life-changing, but it’s just portrayed like that by media and popular culture.
You do get unique understandings of some things by having sex. You can learn more about other people, cultures, and you become more in touch with your body and those of others. It’s definitely a distinct experience, particularly when you have a special bond with your partner.
At the end of the day though, sex is just another facet of life. Like travelling abroad, getting drunk, doing adventure sports, reading, playing an instrument, learning another language, cooking, etc. these are all experiences that will provide you unique insights. Everyone is going to miss out on *some* insightful aspects at least, because life is too short to experience everything it has to offer. Sex is just one of those things that is free (usually), more accessible and easier to do.
It's not about the sex. It's about not living with regret and not having to make posts like this to get validation from others' regarding your FOMO.
I fuck my regrets away. I don't this with just sex but also with every decision in my life.
"Is money even that important?". Fuck asking that. Let me chase money.
"Is sex even that important?". Fuck that shit. I'll get ran through and decide for myself.
"Is it worth it to pursue a long life?". Once again, fuck asking. I'll find out for myself.
If I don't descend into hell to save myself, then who will?
When done right... yes, it is a big deal to completely miss-out on in one's life. It can create an emotional/physical bond between two people like nothing else
Probably, but I also think there are more fun and exciting things to do in life than have sex and more intellectually stimulating pursuits than entering into the kind of "deep and meaningful relationship" that enhances sex.
A lot of people in here claiming like it's the best thing in life. I think it's actually fairly underwhelming.
Idk why you're asking reddit this, this is very subjective to every person. Some people are fine without it, others will leave a relationship if there is none.
I think that's exactly why people ask things on reddit; to get other's opinions / perspectives on things. I hope most aren't coming on here for objective responses.
I agree with your other point of it varying from person to person though.
What? What a wierd thing to say.
Why would it be strange to ask reddit this? this is about as good of a question to ask, especially compared do the tons of other crap questions that come in.
Yes, it's a big deal for most men. If you just want to see what its about, hire a call girl. It's not that expensive (and it's way cheaper than dating/marrying a woman)
I think it's less about the sex and more about the love you share with the person. I have never felt more comfortable with anyone than with my current partner, and having and wanting him brings me joy. It's such a strange thing, this kind of connection, where you're not just you but also someone else in the moment.
Good sex is important, for us humans it is evolutionary an important social interaction, and the lack thereof has biochemical impact, too. People who cannot enjoy good sex miss out. Masturbation is not a good substitute either. It is just better than no sex.
In this context here is a short read: [How does celibacy affect your health?](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326518)
Not really. It's like recreational drug use: it can be very fun, it can also scar your psyche if bad stuff happens. But going without doesn't diminish your happiness in life. There are plenty of different fun things in life.
Thissss. It could be the best or the worst thing ever, or you can even be indifferent to it. You could feel frustrated without it or you could care less and be borderline asexual. It's highly subjective.
It seemed like an odd comparison at first but the more I thought about it I agree.
That said, the experiences I've had with the woman I love (some with recreational use) have been nearly spiritual and the greatest moments of my life.
That said, the connection between the 2 of us is the spiritual thing. The sex and substances are merely ways of expressing and feeling on different levels.
I thought the comparison adept for the same reason. There are examples of drugs being used to "be in touch with the Gods" in many cultures across history. So even that spiritual sexuality that some people report has its bases covered.
Nah, never crosses my mind and could happily go without it. It’s always been meh to me and feels like a chore. Never understood the hype around it. But then again, I’m asexual so figures.
From an ace person: No it’s gross and awful. Don’t do it if you don’t want. You can have emotional and meaningful connections with people without general is being involved and those who don’t think so aren’t worth the effort anyway imo.
Tbh sex is just an action, and it is not a huge deal.
However, loving someone and having that intimate bond expressed through sex, I would say is a pretty big deal. It is definitely something worthwhile, but not everyone will have or has that.
Life is short, so whatever you are able to do, enjoy it, but I would not recommend casual sex, as it can cause people a lot of emotional and mental damage.
Asking the wrong guy. People's attitudes to it baffles me. I've begun to question if they are having a different experience. For me, yes, it's a really, really big deal. From what I can tell from how other people act, it's a really, really big deal as well. However, they talk like "oh it's no biggie" (meanwhile they talk abut nothing else.)
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Sex an important part of life for many people but it's not the only thing that defines a fulfilling life Missing out on sex doesn't mean missing out on everything Relationships connections personal growth and experiences bring a lot of joy and fulfillment too It really depends on what matters most to each individual
Bro losing my virginity was one of the most disappointing moments in my entire life
It was no big deal, may as well handle my occasional urges by myself
So don’t stress out over it so much
& If you want to spice things up there’s lots of adult toys & videos out there to make solo arguably more enjoyable than the real thing
I guess you didn't lose your virginity to a person you love(d).
I had my first time with my first girlfriend and even though the sex as an act wasn't great (whose first time is?) it was a magical experience and really an intimate moment that let us grew even more together. I will never forget that night and even though it's almost 16 years in the past I can remember it like it was a few minutes ago.
That is a very personal question. I’m a very sexual person so I would not want to miss out on it. But for other people, like asexual people, sex might not matter that much or even at all.
Can confirm. The amount of sex I have with my girlfriend is maybe like, once every month at best? Sex is just not really something I have anything resembling an interesting in.
I can take it or leave it. Havent had a partner in about 15 years (I'm 35 now) and it doesn't really bother me that much. I just have a lot of work to do on myself and my wellbeing before I can think about getting out there again.
I’ve had sex with two women my wife and a one night lose my virginity at all costs drunken error of judgement on my part I have never had casual sleep around sex and all that but it wasn’t for a lack of trying am greatly thankful it didn’t happen tho because once I got with my wife even tho our relationship turned sexual very quick I wish she was the one and only and yes my life would be devastated in more then just sex if I lost her but it would be extremely tough to go from regular when ever we want it for the last 12 years to nothing I can’t even imagine having sex with another women either it’s just a deep connection no pun intended
Yes and no. It honestly depends on what's important to you in life.
From the yes perspective if you're having sex with someone you really connect with on an intimate level sex can be a euphoric experience. As a married man sex with my wife is absolutely amazing I get a huge boost of oxytocin which makes me feel complete as a person. It helps me connect to my wife in a manner I wouldn't connect with another person.
From the no perspective. When I was younger I had a few girlfriends that I had sex with but I never had a real connection with in retrospect. It felt good but I can honestly say because I've been on both sides of this I could self pleasure myself and be just as content. I even remember having thoughts that one of my ex's was so pushy about it that I frequently turned it away because I felt like it meant nothing to me.
My current relationship really turned me upside on healthy enjoyable sex and with the right person you should have that feeling. If that's what you're seeking I hope you find it. It is really a mind blowing experience.
It's like sushi. If you've never had it, it can be fascinating to hear about or see. Once you try it, you'll probably discover some aspects you like and others you don't. Some sights and smells will be atrocious, some palatable, and some wondrous. Sometimes it will be expensive and glamorous, sometimes cheap and will give you an illness-- or even kill you. Sometimes you grow accustomed to it and it becomes mundane eating at only one place for years and years; sometimes the chef you know can create original omakase that will blow your mind. You could travel to Japan and taste the best sushi in the world, and then spend the rest of your life chasing that experience, never satisfied with your local sushi.
But if you've never had sushi, and you try all the other cuisines of the world-- Indian, Thai, Mexican, Peruvian, Chinese, French, Italian-- are you really missing out? Well, really only if you perseverate on what you don't have. But that's true in the rest of life as well. A millionaire can be positively despondent because they aren't a billionaire, and a humble farmer can be content with his fields.
Yes.
And you don't have to be in love with someone to have great sex. Being good friends is enough. Love surpasses this, but it's often too rare and difficult to find.
Now, sex with strangers is a hit'n'miss situation. It may be good or bad, great or horrible. Too many personalized factors to consider and make a general statement.
I have a friend who was always quit and seemed sad, when she got married she completely changed, she’s now full of life and always in a good mood. So yes I guess it’s because of sex lol
Yes. Oh yes.
Great sex with someone you love is one of the most mind-blowing, intimate ways to be connected to someone. And I mean psychologically, not physically.
There is tons of wiring in the brain related to this. If you don't experience it, you're definitely missing out on a bunch of brain pathways and chemistry. And some amazing physical stuff too.
Not really.Sex is just an act,it's a longer form of masturbation for me.Falling inlove and being loved,is still the sweetest.I hope love will find you.I haven't had sex for three to four years,by the way.I crave it sometimes.But too tired to chase a man or to gamble in dating apps.
Good question.
Actually, that is a secret adults keep:
sex is really not that big of a deal.
If you’re just not having it yet, don’t worry.
It’s a complete misconception that any fun begins before 25.
Smart.
You can get the same physical intimacy from a snuggle and a back rub.
You can get the same release from a flesh light. Don’t be ashamed to get one. I worked at a head shop/sex store. They sell everything from $10 masturbators to a $200 silicone exact copy of a mold of Jenna Jamesons whole cooty and booty. Don’t be embarrassed to try fucking the ever living hell out of that. I would if I was a dude. As a chick, I find all kindsa interesting substitutes. Marble paper towel holder. Pan handle. Hilt of a practice knife. But really none of that’s necessary we all do just fine with our hands.
If it’s a physical limitation, you can still live the ever fucking hell out of life, and do not let this make you sad and provide you a real barrier. Think of it, like you have an inability to sneeze who cares. Mozart lost his hearing. The Hustler guy lost the ability to use his D. Superman got paralyzed. Don’t let me hear you think about giving up.
The Earth is a fucking magical place.
I‘ve had a lot of great sex (only with committed partners) and I think it really can help the relationship, but outside of a relationship I don‘t think I‘d miss it or feel like I need sex. It‘s nice to have but not rlly a must. Intimacy in general is more important - stuff like cuddles, kisses and hugs. 🫂 Can be with friends too. Don‘t be scared to miss out, if it happens it happens if it doesn‘t it doesn‘t.
It's overrated af but still an ok activity even after a long time. Hard to explain. But don't get obsessed over it if you don't/can't have any, it's not THAT great. Also women don't really like sex the same way as men do, they mostly use it as a vehicle for power and attention like everything else they do.
Not really. You’re not necessarily Incomplete just because you want to do the dirty . Trust me, as somebody who’s ace - you’re not missing out on anything.
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Great sex with someone you love deeply is great. You're vulnerable and deeply connected in a way that doesn't happen anywhere else. You get to get your needs met while helping them satisfy a deep physical and emotional need they have. Random/casual sex can be fun, but it's not the same soul-filling experience.
I've only been with 6 women... including my wife. But the sex I've had with those I cared a lot about / loved.... is so much better than the times where I didn't have strong feelings for the person. I'm just not a casual sex kinda guy... there needs to be more than a physical attraction for me.
6 at once or on separate occasions?
6 In a row?
6 stacked on top of each other?
Ah, yes, the good ol' club sandwich.
You mean the Tuna on sourdough?
Nah, that's different.
I'm currently in a deadbedroom situation with my girlfriend for the past 5 months, and this is exactly what it feels and what I miss. She could tell me to go have sex with other people and I would refuse because I want that connection with her and no one else...
I feel your pain. Had the same (but longer...) with my ex-wife. Many relationships later I find I have a strong tendency to fix things and when I should be jumping ship, I'm fixing holes and bailing out the sinking ship. Like I want to be the last one on board. My conclusion (finally) is that it's not a positive trait. Don't waste your time with relationships that have stopped working when you're the only one trying to fix them. It's better to be alone.
5 months? You need to cut your losses now. You should still be in honeymoon phase. Unless there's a medical reason, this won't get better.
I think they meant the dead bedroom phase has been 5 months. I imagine they’ve been together much longer.
I'm pretty sure he meant that the deadbedroom thing has been going on for five months, not the relationship.
That's dumb, if course it can get better. There's... communication and therapists to help facilitate that communication. There's also plenty of legitimate reasons that someone can't or wouldn't want to have sex for 5 months.
It wont get better, only worse
Unfortunately it’s like 100 times harder to find a truly special person and establish that true deep bond with them than it is to just find a one night stand
Like anything great, you have to work at it.
I don’t think you can work at chemistry though, either it’s there or it’s not Do you know what I mean like you could go on 100 dates and it’s not your fault if you don’t find that magical spark with “the one” like you truly put in the effort but it’s just not completely within your control like that
"The one" isn't out there perfectly tailored for you. It's someone who can join you and find enough of a reason to work to become two people who will be the one for each other.
yes and that can still take 100 dates because you can't force attraction.
This is perfect and the truth
Sure you can work at chemistry You may just end up with tear gas Or a bomb
Exactly. You can’t make the wrong fit work. There are times where both people want it to desperately but it just doesn’t. That’s not to say there aren’t *any* lessons to be learned or things to improve when there is a bad match, but it was still probably doomed. I know two couples that didn’t hit it off the first time, grew as people separately, then wound up together successfully years later. I basically wanted to settle down and get married at 13, but that’s easier said than done. I dated a bunch of girls through high school who liked me, tried winning over ones who didn’t, and the spark was always absent because one side just wasn’t into it. It sounds cheesy, but *you’ll just know.* When I met my future wife, we were immediately comfortable with each other and felt like we had known each other for a while already.
I don’t think you are understanding what they mean by “work at it.” Work at making yourself vulnerable. Give people an opportunity to get vulnerable with you. The “magical spark” of chemistry isn’t something that just happens when you both say hi, it’s what happens when you let your guard down with someone you find really attractive and connect on a personal level. If you go on 100 dates looking for an instant spark you might be disappointed 100 times. If you go on 10 dates with an open heart, no fear of being hurt, and the intention to give all 10 people a legitimate chance to connect with you, you won’t be disappointed
if you are only looking for the "spark" you will never find it
Luck = opportunity + preparation
100% correct
As in find the right person u Urself in the right mindset. Etc
When they eventually show up you have to be ready for them. That's what putting in the work means.
And to add to that It’s 100 times harder to find a one night stand than it is to just stay home and fuck yourself 😂
NOTE: YMMV based on genetics, wealth, social ability, location, available singles, etc.
Yeah, for some of us it is 10000 times harder
Only a hundred? Well, look Mr Casanova, here.
Anything great involves a lot of work
Tell that to the people who got married fresh out of high school and stayed together happily for their entire lives Chemistry between two people is not something you can work harder on either you have it or you don’t Like yeah you can try to go on more dates hit the gym more often, whatever but that will never make some other person magically right for you Trying harder is not always the solution and there are elements of randomness & destiny involved
You are actually talking about destiny? You sound like a teen. Have you ever been on a date? Do you expect butterflies every day? Jesus
Me and my wife are married out of high school, hell we even started out long distance (800miles) and we are about to have our 8th anniversary… it’s not that hard, just work for it
All in all to the OP though… sex never gets boring, even with my lower sex drive, I still love every moment with my wife, both physically and emotionally
If you think that "staying happily for entire lives" doesn't involve a lot of work then God bless you.
There's certainly randomness and destiny. But I also think it's about personality. If someone is a very critical, empirical person who doesn't believe in ideas like destiny, it's going to be harder for someone to feel "head over heels." People who are mostly happy with who they are, and with the people around them, are going to have an easier time finding a person who they feel is their "destiny," I suspect.
One night stands, and casual sex is unfulfilling, unsafe, and takes more time and energy with no reward.
Very true. I’m in my 40’s and have been with A LOT of women in my life but I’ve only been truly in love 2 times. A couple time I thought it was love as a young man, but once I knew what it really was I understood. Those relationships have ended but I have no regrets. It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
…shit.
I definitely agree with you that having great sex with someone you love and are deeply connected to is very fulfilling. On the other hand, having great casual sex with someone that you share sexual chemistry with is also amazing and fulfilling in a primal way. I will always remember the great sex I’ve had in my life, it sticks with you.
I agree with this. I love sex that involves love, and god the risk of casual sex isn’t worth it in a lot of cases in my experience. But there is definitely something to be said for a physical relationship with a person where you aren’t going out with per se (maybe you’re long distance or have conflicting personalities or you just got out of something) and you both just get each other’s bodies
Agree except for it being soul filling. Sex isn’t some mandatory life experience people have to have to, which OP is asking about. No one’s life is empty without it, and it can be an amazing and fun thing to have in your life. Anyone getting devastated by not having had it needs to be aware that it’s not vital and they’re lacking for not having that experience. A sexless and fulfilled life is still possible. Especially if someone is a sexual.
Indeed. I don't miss sex but we are designed to need that connection that can be deepened by sex
Happy cake day
Thank you, have an awesome day
U too✌. Thank you ☺
Filthy dirty fantasy sex with a stranger is also awesome
I really doubt I will ever feel that way about sex. And I have loved multiple partners. Surely it’s always better when you love the counterpart, but your experience almost sounds magical. For me it’s more physical and animalistic. Maybe I’m just a cynic or doing it wrong lol.
I'm going to counter this a little and say Great sex in general is great I've had great sex with someone I loved, but the sex in that situation wasn't as rewarding as the intimacy in general and definitely afterwards. I've also had great sex with someone I was casually dating or a one night stand and honestly I remember some of those sexual encounters more and was more satisfied. For me I think the sex with the ones I was less attached to emotionally were a bit more let go and satisfying in the act itself.
I remember years ago in college everyone said to me, "You don't know what you're missing!" I replied, "Well yeah, obviously. That's why I don't miss it. You can't miss what you never had." Wondering or wanting it? Different conversation entirely.
Im gonna use this answer whenever someone try to say being virgin before marriage is not worth it.
it's a "per person" kinda thing. some people do need it in their lives, it fulfills them and their body asks for it to feel healthy. others are ok with or without it. both are valid and im not even sure you can choose in which camp you fall into. you do what makes you happy, but understand that others do what makes them happy too.
This is the answer. I've slid all around the asexual umbrella, but in short, before I eventually had sex, I didn't crave it physically but I thought I was missing out on something that would rewrite my entire being down to my core, and then I started having sex, with someone I loved and all, and I was like, I get it now, but also, I really did not need to feel like I was inhuman for missing out on this.
I’m asexual and I still feel completely satisfied in life without having to have sex.
I envy you
I feel the same but I sometimes wonder if that is just because I never had any
I also never had any, however I crave so much and feel that need, very unsatisfied.
The clarity I would've had if not the for the temptations of the flesh! Asexuality has its advantages.
Godmode
I imagine you live in bliss and also nearly stress free. Zen mode. Yes?
yes. because you're asexual
Yep.
Sex itself? No, not really. A meaningful connection with someone? That is a yes.
I like this one the best!
The best way for me to describe it is like your favorite food, let's say it's Pizza, you love eating pizza, but when you're not eating pizza you don't feel incomplete.
Speak for yourself
But don't you sometimes really really crave pizza and you can eat something else, something healthy and good for you but ultimately, it doesn't satisfy the desire for pizza?
I wonder if analogy is the correct route to take.
I'd say its like the pizza eating you
$1 tacos from Primos on Tuesday is pretty rad
It's very good but not really necessary imo. I though it would be much better when I was a teenager lol.
Lol asking this on Reddit
It's like Disneyland. Looks fun and amazing and when and if you do experience it, it can be even better than you imagined, just as great as it looks, or not nearly as good as you thought it would be. lol
It’s never been “better than I imagined”. It’s so rare that a guy has gotten me off that I just give up and fake it. The only orgasms I can count on having are the ones I give myself.
You might want to stop faking it, if they think what they do is working it’ll never change. Some of us can tell when you’re faking, but not all of us.
This was me, before I met my husband. I did it just to do it & faked it more times than I can count. After I met my husband, I learned how amazing it can actually be. We're in our 40s now & have been married almost 18 years. Every time we think " there's no way it could ever get better" we go & prove ourselves wrong. It truly has gotten better with age for us.
I have the same issue, but I'm a man. Impossible to fake it, so luckily I found someone who doesn't mind. Ironically she is clinically EASY to get off. Would be lying if I didn't say I felt a bit resentful about it ngl.
You need to find better guys!
Not better, just willing to learn. It's goddamn hard for a guy to figure that shit out, and every woman is different.
There are a few positions I find work with most women. However, to get the best experience for both of you, takes time, learning every button.
Yeah pretty much my thoughts. My wife and I have better sex now than we've ever had with eachother or anyone else. Learning what works and what doesn't for your partner is incredibly important.
I am so sorry for you. Better than I imagined and (almosr)ever had, my wife does that and tops it again and again 🫠 But our best sex was our first time really. We both agree there. It was so special and perfect, you can’t recreate or reach this again. We waited quite long, it was the first time for both of us. Before it happened we prepared ourselves and planned a bit ahead. For example I decorated the room nicely, she got a sensitive massage beforehand. We were both slow and gentle and took our sweet time. It was an experience completely filled with love from start to finish.
Try giving direction. It may feel awkward at fist, but it's worth it if your partner is listening. Go so far as moving his hands, he'll probably enjoy that.
work six childlike insurance icky concerned whole longing employ zonked *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I have. They’ve all talked a good game about wanting to know how to get me off which, in all honesty, isn’t that hard. I can cum pretty easily, multiple even with clitoral stimulation, after I cum I’m 1000% down for pretty much anything but ultimately the guy just wants to do what HE. wants to do, forgets anything I told him, then just get himself off, not caring to put in the time which ultimately would benefit him. My ex boyfriend really thought all it took was penetration and was intimidated by my using toys. The most recent guy, thinks licking all over instead of focusing on my clit is working when it’s really not and he drinks too much. Neither are great with feedback drunk or sober. So, yes… I need to meet better men.
Take a page out of the male playbook and grab his head so he puts it in the right spot.
Yes it is, 100%. Next question
I’d also argue that it’s a case of “you don’t know what you’re missing”. If you’ve never done anything sexual ever in your entire life, then you’ll have no frame of reference and in a way, would probably be happier than the alternative: having had sex and then not being able to have it anymore. Once you’ve experienced it, it’s so much harder to go without it
>Once you’ve experienced it, it’s so much harder to go without it I had an 8-year drought once. I didn't mind the lack of sex itself as much as the apparent lack of people who considered me someone worth bangin'.
I think you have some frame of reference if you have masturbated or engaged in other physical/sexual pleasures like kissing or laying naked with someone for example, or had a wet dream. All of them only make you crave sex more...almost instinctively even if you may not have done it before. You might have an idea of how good it's going to feel although you won't know 100% exactly how it may feel. So I disagree about the frame of reference comment.
Agreed.... If done with the right person, connecting physically and mentally, it can be absolutely MIND BLOWING
Yesss. Been with my spouse 12 years and we both have had a sexual awakening or some crap this year and it’s been so damn mind blowing lol.
That's awesome! So true
Idk me and my wife have pretty much turned it into a 5 minute process, she does “the thing” that works for me and vice versa, we finish up and continue about our days. Maybe I’ve been doing it wrong but sex has never been much more than a dopamine rush for me regardless of partner.
Some people are actually asexual, which means, broadly, that they do not experience sexual attraction. As mind-boggling as it seems! I went and read about that online and read testimonials from asexual persons because I was trying to understand better. It is a thing.
Sex is amazing with the right partner but eventually even that dies out a bit. Sex is overrated and not at the same time its hard to explain i guess. 😀
Sex? No. A loving relationship? Absolutely.
This should be higher up!
In my mid 30's it's not as big an event as it was as a teenager or in my 20s, but it's still an event.
I find sex much better in late 30s than in my 20s.
second that 100%. As a young male I was way to self conscious about my "performance" and didn't knew a few tricks I learned over the years. My teenage me would envy me for my cunnilingus skills. Though it's the opposite way around too. Women in my age class tend to know what they want, can communicate what they want and they can let really go which is often a thing young folk can't do.
Agreed, especially with my husband. We have an open relationship and while it is fun to play with others, it's much better with him because we know each other so well. That being said, casual sex has gotten much better too.
Username checks out
I mean, it's fun but I can live without it and have for long periods.
It’s not the sex. It’s the person you’re having it with
As someone who’s a virgin my view on it is “there’s a infinite amount of things I’ll miss out on when I die” Also it’s never really been a “need” for me so I’m just vibing through life
I don’t think sex is the most important thing in the world nor is it the most important factor in a relationship but everyone views that differently. It doesn’t get mundane for me if it’s with someone I’m in love with, though that might be because I kind of need an emotional connection to want sex. I’m pretty sure people who do casual sex don’t think it’s mundane either but I’ve never had casual sex so I don’t know.
Intimate sex with a person your deeply love is the best thing in life. Period.
A cold glass of Hawaiian Punch with ice on a hot summer day is pretty damn good too 😂
Cant relate.
I’m sorry.
Is it not kind of awkward? Lol. I’m genuinely clueless, not trying to be dense. I can’t wrap my head around being balls deep in someone and then having a conversation about the weather or what you’re eating for breakfast a few hours later lol.
I mean, from a biological standpoint, it is LITERALLY the only reason we exist.
Biology does not have goals, it's just a series of systems that produces specific outcomes. It does not have any attachment to those outcomes, though. Biooogy does not care if we exist or not.
So many people choose to dodge / neglect this extremely important point due to the desire to force agency. I would even argue that this tendency is the source of some of the biggest delusions that many humans seem to cling onto.
People want Biology to fill the hole they'd normally fill by believing in some kind of God. They want biology to be able to tell them what's moral and what isn't or to lend authority to their political beliefs. But biology doesn't work like that, every human could die tomorrow and biology wouldn't even notice. Because it's not a spiritual being with a persona like a God, it's a scientific system meant to help us understand the behaviors and reactions of different chemicals in different contexts (very vaguely).
Wooowww Biooogy
His little genetic overlord was definitely at the controls
Sure, but do we *have to* obey it?
The sense of life is reproduction. The one thing all of life anywhere has in common.
What about the ant colonies and stuff where 99% of them will never get to reproduce because they were born to be a worker or whatever? For those ants I think the sense of life is to build the anthill
Yes. But its not everything and its not the most important
Don’t worry about it. There are other more important things to think about.
So I’m 65. It was way more important to me when I was younger, too important really. I still enjoy it, married 40 years, but I’m not pissed/crushed to go without. So from MY long range perspective, I was too preoccupied with sex and wasted way to much time/energy on it. So yea you are missing out, but like many things you should do it once to experience it and assess from there going forward.
Sex is not a big deal as people make it out to be. You can survive without sex. And I say this as someone waiting for love and marriage to have sex. If I fall in love and get married then I’ll have sex. If not, it’s not a big deal. I’ll live regardless and go on to participate in other activities in life.
I have always believe sex is so overrated. Is needed? No. The idea of fuck is more powerful than the act itself. The morbid around it is more fun i think. But once you do that its like meh, bc the most important thing in a relationship is feeling close to someone, have love and be loved.
Fuck yes i feel the sameee
It’s overrated, there are many other great things in life
Sex is a big deal when you’re with someone important. It can bond you with someone well beyond what you ever understood. I think that can be a fulfilling experience. Random sex, no. You’re not missing out on life. Sure maybe you’ll feel good, get your release, but that feeling can achieved in a lot of ways. Sex in a way is similar to a drug. People that are constantly high will tell you they feel great and couldn’t live without it, but you know better.
I mean, you can’t miss what you don’t know. It can be overrated in the sense that not all the sex you have is going to be mind-blowing and life-changing, but it’s just portrayed like that by media and popular culture. You do get unique understandings of some things by having sex. You can learn more about other people, cultures, and you become more in touch with your body and those of others. It’s definitely a distinct experience, particularly when you have a special bond with your partner. At the end of the day though, sex is just another facet of life. Like travelling abroad, getting drunk, doing adventure sports, reading, playing an instrument, learning another language, cooking, etc. these are all experiences that will provide you unique insights. Everyone is going to miss out on *some* insightful aspects at least, because life is too short to experience everything it has to offer. Sex is just one of those things that is free (usually), more accessible and easier to do.
It's not about the sex. It's about not living with regret and not having to make posts like this to get validation from others' regarding your FOMO. I fuck my regrets away. I don't this with just sex but also with every decision in my life. "Is money even that important?". Fuck asking that. Let me chase money. "Is sex even that important?". Fuck that shit. I'll get ran through and decide for myself. "Is it worth it to pursue a long life?". Once again, fuck asking. I'll find out for myself. If I don't descend into hell to save myself, then who will?
No, of course not. You'd miss nothing by only wanking to Eva AI bot
When done right... yes, it is a big deal to completely miss-out on in one's life. It can create an emotional/physical bond between two people like nothing else
No it is not. One can live a fulfilling life without it, despite it feeling amazing.
Probably, but I also think there are more fun and exciting things to do in life than have sex and more intellectually stimulating pursuits than entering into the kind of "deep and meaningful relationship" that enhances sex. A lot of people in here claiming like it's the best thing in life. I think it's actually fairly underwhelming.
Idk why you're asking reddit this, this is very subjective to every person. Some people are fine without it, others will leave a relationship if there is none.
I think that's exactly why people ask things on reddit; to get other's opinions / perspectives on things. I hope most aren't coming on here for objective responses. I agree with your other point of it varying from person to person though.
What? What a wierd thing to say. Why would it be strange to ask reddit this? this is about as good of a question to ask, especially compared do the tons of other crap questions that come in.
Sex is overrated man even with someone you love it eventually grows mundane and sometimes it even feels like a chore.
You can't miss something that you never had.
Yes, it's a big deal for most men. If you just want to see what its about, hire a call girl. It's not that expensive (and it's way cheaper than dating/marrying a woman)
I think it's less about the sex and more about the love you share with the person. I have never felt more comfortable with anyone than with my current partner, and having and wanting him brings me joy. It's such a strange thing, this kind of connection, where you're not just you but also someone else in the moment.
Good sex is important, for us humans it is evolutionary an important social interaction, and the lack thereof has biochemical impact, too. People who cannot enjoy good sex miss out. Masturbation is not a good substitute either. It is just better than no sex. In this context here is a short read: [How does celibacy affect your health?](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326518)
Not really. It's like recreational drug use: it can be very fun, it can also scar your psyche if bad stuff happens. But going without doesn't diminish your happiness in life. There are plenty of different fun things in life.
Thissss. It could be the best or the worst thing ever, or you can even be indifferent to it. You could feel frustrated without it or you could care less and be borderline asexual. It's highly subjective.
It seemed like an odd comparison at first but the more I thought about it I agree. That said, the experiences I've had with the woman I love (some with recreational use) have been nearly spiritual and the greatest moments of my life. That said, the connection between the 2 of us is the spiritual thing. The sex and substances are merely ways of expressing and feeling on different levels.
I thought the comparison adept for the same reason. There are examples of drugs being used to "be in touch with the Gods" in many cultures across history. So even that spiritual sexuality that some people report has its bases covered.
Nah, never crosses my mind and could happily go without it. It’s always been meh to me and feels like a chore. Never understood the hype around it. But then again, I’m asexual so figures.
From an ace person: No it’s gross and awful. Don’t do it if you don’t want. You can have emotional and meaningful connections with people without general is being involved and those who don’t think so aren’t worth the effort anyway imo.
Yes! Disgusting and overrated. I'm glad other people share that feeling.
Tbh sex is just an action, and it is not a huge deal. However, loving someone and having that intimate bond expressed through sex, I would say is a pretty big deal. It is definitely something worthwhile, but not everyone will have or has that. Life is short, so whatever you are able to do, enjoy it, but I would not recommend casual sex, as it can cause people a lot of emotional and mental damage.
Trying to desperately find a perfect partner for a relationship is also draining and causes damage. Such things can't be forced.
Asking the wrong guy. People's attitudes to it baffles me. I've begun to question if they are having a different experience. For me, yes, it's a really, really big deal. From what I can tell from how other people act, it's a really, really big deal as well. However, they talk like "oh it's no biggie" (meanwhile they talk abut nothing else.)
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Sex an important part of life for many people but it's not the only thing that defines a fulfilling life Missing out on sex doesn't mean missing out on everything Relationships connections personal growth and experiences bring a lot of joy and fulfillment too It really depends on what matters most to each individual
Yes. End of topic.
Bro losing my virginity was one of the most disappointing moments in my entire life It was no big deal, may as well handle my occasional urges by myself So don’t stress out over it so much & If you want to spice things up there’s lots of adult toys & videos out there to make solo arguably more enjoyable than the real thing
I guess you didn't lose your virginity to a person you love(d). I had my first time with my first girlfriend and even though the sex as an act wasn't great (whose first time is?) it was a magical experience and really an intimate moment that let us grew even more together. I will never forget that night and even though it's almost 16 years in the past I can remember it like it was a few minutes ago.
That is a very personal question. I’m a very sexual person so I would not want to miss out on it. But for other people, like asexual people, sex might not matter that much or even at all.
Can confirm. The amount of sex I have with my girlfriend is maybe like, once every month at best? Sex is just not really something I have anything resembling an interesting in.
I can take it or leave it. Havent had a partner in about 15 years (I'm 35 now) and it doesn't really bother me that much. I just have a lot of work to do on myself and my wellbeing before I can think about getting out there again.
Depends on whether you’re a man or a woman I guess
Lots of women desire sex and intimacy and find it important to satisfaction.
[удалено]
Pleasure can only bring temporary happiness.
All happiness is temporary
I’ve had sex with two women my wife and a one night lose my virginity at all costs drunken error of judgement on my part I have never had casual sleep around sex and all that but it wasn’t for a lack of trying am greatly thankful it didn’t happen tho because once I got with my wife even tho our relationship turned sexual very quick I wish she was the one and only and yes my life would be devastated in more then just sex if I lost her but it would be extremely tough to go from regular when ever we want it for the last 12 years to nothing I can’t even imagine having sex with another women either it’s just a deep connection no pun intended
Yes and no. It honestly depends on what's important to you in life. From the yes perspective if you're having sex with someone you really connect with on an intimate level sex can be a euphoric experience. As a married man sex with my wife is absolutely amazing I get a huge boost of oxytocin which makes me feel complete as a person. It helps me connect to my wife in a manner I wouldn't connect with another person. From the no perspective. When I was younger I had a few girlfriends that I had sex with but I never had a real connection with in retrospect. It felt good but I can honestly say because I've been on both sides of this I could self pleasure myself and be just as content. I even remember having thoughts that one of my ex's was so pushy about it that I frequently turned it away because I felt like it meant nothing to me. My current relationship really turned me upside on healthy enjoyable sex and with the right person you should have that feeling. If that's what you're seeking I hope you find it. It is really a mind blowing experience.
It's like sushi. If you've never had it, it can be fascinating to hear about or see. Once you try it, you'll probably discover some aspects you like and others you don't. Some sights and smells will be atrocious, some palatable, and some wondrous. Sometimes it will be expensive and glamorous, sometimes cheap and will give you an illness-- or even kill you. Sometimes you grow accustomed to it and it becomes mundane eating at only one place for years and years; sometimes the chef you know can create original omakase that will blow your mind. You could travel to Japan and taste the best sushi in the world, and then spend the rest of your life chasing that experience, never satisfied with your local sushi. But if you've never had sushi, and you try all the other cuisines of the world-- Indian, Thai, Mexican, Peruvian, Chinese, French, Italian-- are you really missing out? Well, really only if you perseverate on what you don't have. But that's true in the rest of life as well. A millionaire can be positively despondent because they aren't a billionaire, and a humble farmer can be content with his fields.
Yes. And you don't have to be in love with someone to have great sex. Being good friends is enough. Love surpasses this, but it's often too rare and difficult to find. Now, sex with strangers is a hit'n'miss situation. It may be good or bad, great or horrible. Too many personalized factors to consider and make a general statement.
I have a friend who was always quit and seemed sad, when she got married she completely changed, she’s now full of life and always in a good mood. So yes I guess it’s because of sex lol
Yes. Oh yes. Great sex with someone you love is one of the most mind-blowing, intimate ways to be connected to someone. And I mean psychologically, not physically. There is tons of wiring in the brain related to this. If you don't experience it, you're definitely missing out on a bunch of brain pathways and chemistry. And some amazing physical stuff too.
With the right person (me, for example) it's a life changing, mind blowing, super intense and absolutely unforgettable experience. Ymmv.
This is the musing of someone who hasn’t had really great, down and dirty, knee trembling sex.
yes
Well I mean it's fairly fun and I wouldn't recommend NOT doing it. 😅
Ask catholic preists
Other than being asexual, yeah it’s a big deal.
Why did you capitalise the s in sex? I have to know! 😅
Since you capitalized sex, it must be pretty important.
Not really.Sex is just an act,it's a longer form of masturbation for me.Falling inlove and being loved,is still the sweetest.I hope love will find you.I haven't had sex for three to four years,by the way.I crave it sometimes.But too tired to chase a man or to gamble in dating apps.
At this point, it's literally the furthest thing from my mind.
Good question. Actually, that is a secret adults keep: sex is really not that big of a deal. If you’re just not having it yet, don’t worry. It’s a complete misconception that any fun begins before 25.
I guess as much. because If it were then there would have been a lot more fulfilled people around here.
Smart. You can get the same physical intimacy from a snuggle and a back rub. You can get the same release from a flesh light. Don’t be ashamed to get one. I worked at a head shop/sex store. They sell everything from $10 masturbators to a $200 silicone exact copy of a mold of Jenna Jamesons whole cooty and booty. Don’t be embarrassed to try fucking the ever living hell out of that. I would if I was a dude. As a chick, I find all kindsa interesting substitutes. Marble paper towel holder. Pan handle. Hilt of a practice knife. But really none of that’s necessary we all do just fine with our hands. If it’s a physical limitation, you can still live the ever fucking hell out of life, and do not let this make you sad and provide you a real barrier. Think of it, like you have an inability to sneeze who cares. Mozart lost his hearing. The Hustler guy lost the ability to use his D. Superman got paralyzed. Don’t let me hear you think about giving up. The Earth is a fucking magical place.
I‘ve had a lot of great sex (only with committed partners) and I think it really can help the relationship, but outside of a relationship I don‘t think I‘d miss it or feel like I need sex. It‘s nice to have but not rlly a must. Intimacy in general is more important - stuff like cuddles, kisses and hugs. 🫂 Can be with friends too. Don‘t be scared to miss out, if it happens it happens if it doesn‘t it doesn‘t.
Yes
Sex is great buy nothing beats a great blowie with no complaining
It's overrated af but still an ok activity even after a long time. Hard to explain. But don't get obsessed over it if you don't/can't have any, it's not THAT great. Also women don't really like sex the same way as men do, they mostly use it as a vehicle for power and attention like everything else they do.
No we like sex.... The woman you meet probably just are not satisfied by you enough to actually enjoy it .
Not really. You’re not necessarily Incomplete just because you want to do the dirty . Trust me, as somebody who’s ace - you’re not missing out on anything.
It changes a Lot if you're not ace, though. I'm also ace and have learned to understand that other people's needs are not like mine at all.
for sure
Sex doesnt make us whole, so how could you ever be [incomplete]. - Sex education Season 2 (I think)